Sex Scientist: What Women Actually Need To Enjoy Sex

Sex Scientist: What Women Actually Need To Enjoy Sex

The Diary of a CEOApr 27, 20261h 59m

Steven Bartlett (host), Dr. Rena Malik (guest)

Why people are having less sex (attention, dating culture, scripts)Rise of rough sex and consent/misalignmentDopamine, distraction, and arousal/attention in the bedroomPerformance anxiety and sensate focus therapy principlesMediterranean diet, fiber, and cardio/resistance exercise for EDPelvic floor tension vs Kegels; relaxation and PTED as a cardiovascular “canary”; morning erections as a markerPorn: compulsion, guilt, habituation, couple mismatchFemale anatomy: clitoris structure, G-zone, orgasm pathwaysSex toys: novelty, vibration, dependency mythsSquirting: prevalence, physiology, misconceptionsTestosterone decline, TRT vs anabolic steroids, fertility risksPenis size anxiety, traction devices, dangers of jelqingGLP-1 drugs (Ozempic) and possible libido changesHow to talk about sex; fantasies and normalization

In this episode of The Diary of a CEO, featuring Steven Bartlett and Dr. Rena Malik, Sex Scientist: What Women Actually Need To Enjoy Sex explores sex scientist explains evidence-based habits for better sex and health Sex is framed as both a pleasure practice and a health “vital sign,” with erectile function and orgasm frequency correlating with broader cardiovascular and longevity markers (though not proving causation).

Sex scientist explains evidence-based habits for better sex and health

Sex is framed as both a pleasure practice and a health “vital sign,” with erectile function and orgasm frequency correlating with broader cardiovascular and longevity markers (though not proving causation).

Modern sexlessness is attributed to attention hijacking (phones, constant stimulation), weaker dating-to-connection pathways, porn-shaped scripts, and the normalization of unwanted “rough sex” behaviors like choking.

Malik’s four pillars of sexual health—fuel, strength (including pelvic floor), environment (stress/sleep/chemicals), and confidence (knowledge + curiosity + communication)—provide a practical roadmap to improve arousal, pleasure, and function.

Erectile dysfunction is positioned as a common, multifactorial issue that can signal early vascular disease, while morning erections/nocturnal erections are presented as useful indicators of underlying physiology.

The episode emphasizes anatomy-based pleasure (clitoral stimulation, techniques/positions, toys) and healthier sexual communication, while cautioning against unsafe enlargement hacks, anabolic steroid misuse, and simplistic testosterone “optimization.”

Key Takeaways

Treat sexual function as a health signal, not just bedroom performance.

Malik highlights ED as a potential early marker of vascular disease (“canary in a coal mine”), often preceding cardiac events by years, making sexual symptoms a prompt for broader health evaluation.

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Create “space” for arousal—attention is a core ingredient of good sex.

Chronic distraction and stress keep people out of the parasympathetic “rest-and-digest” state needed for erection/arousal, so intentionally slowing down and reducing cognitive load can improve intimacy.

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Break performance anxiety by removing penetration as the goal.

She recommends sensate focus: start with non-genital touch and exploration, progress gradually, and reintroduce penetration later—reducing pressure so arousal can return naturally.

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Lifestyle changes can rival medication for erectile function.

She cites evidence that ~150 minutes/week of moderate cardio can improve erectile function scores similarly to Viagra in some studies, with additional benefits from resistance training and metabolic health.

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Pelvic floor problems are often about tension, not weakness.

Tight, stress-reactive pelvic floor muscles can contribute to pain, urinary symptoms, ED, or orgasm difficulty; in these cases, Kegels may worsen symptoms and relaxation/breathing/PT may be more appropriate.

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Most women need clitoral stimulation for orgasm; penetration alone often isn’t enough.

The conversation focuses on understanding clitoral anatomy (mostly internal) and using positioning/techniques (e. ...

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Porn isn’t automatically harmful—mismatch, compulsion, and guilt are the bigger risks.

Malik distinguishes recreational fantasy use from compulsive coping or moral distress; relationship issues more often arise when partners differ sharply in porn attitudes/usage or when masturbation patterns don’t translate to partnered sex.

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Be cautious with testosterone and enlargement “solutions.”

TRT can improve quality of life when clinically low and symptomatic but is a serious, often long-term commitment that can impair fertility; anabolic steroid abuse dramatically increases cardiac risk, and unsafe enlargement practices (e. ...

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Notable Quotes

There’s four main pillars of sexual health: fuel, strength, environment, and confidence.

Dr. Rena Malik

You need to be in a parasympathetic nervous system state to get an erection—rest and digest.

Dr. Rena Malik

We call [erectile dysfunction] a canary in a coal mine.

Dr. Rena Malik

Take the pressure off penetration… explore each other’s body… and then the erection just comes.

Dr. Rena Malik

The way to figure out if your partner orgasmed is you ask her.

Dr. Rena Malik

Questions Answered in This Episode

On the “49% longer life” statistic: what are the strongest confounders, and what does the best research suggest about causation vs correlation?

Sex is framed as both a pleasure practice and a health “vital sign,” with erectile function and orgasm frequency correlating with broader cardiovascular and longevity markers (though not proving causation).

Get the full analysis with uListen AI

You cite choking as becoming “vanilla” among young adults—what consent frameworks and safety guidance do you think are missing from mainstream sex education?

Modern sexlessness is attributed to attention hijacking (phones, constant stimulation), weaker dating-to-connection pathways, porn-shaped scripts, and the normalization of unwanted “rough sex” behaviors like choking.

Get the full analysis with uListen AI

How can someone tell whether their ED is more psychogenic (anxiety/pressure) vs organic (vascular/hormonal), and what tests are most useful first?

Malik’s four pillars of sexual health—fuel, strength (including pelvic floor), environment (stress/sleep/chemicals), and confidence (knowledge + curiosity + communication)—provide a practical roadmap to improve arousal, pleasure, and function.

Get the full analysis with uListen AI

For pelvic floor dysfunction: what are the clearest signs that Kegels will make things worse, and what is a beginner-friendly pelvic floor relaxation routine?

Erectile dysfunction is positioned as a common, multifactorial issue that can signal early vascular disease, while morning erections/nocturnal erections are presented as useful indicators of underlying physiology.

Get the full analysis with uListen AI

What does a practical weekly plan look like that combines cardio, resistance training, and sleep optimization specifically for improving erections/libido?

The episode emphasizes anatomy-based pleasure (clitoral stimulation, techniques/positions, toys) and healthier sexual communication, while cautioning against unsafe enlargement hacks, anabolic steroid misuse, and simplistic testosterone “optimization.”

Get the full analysis with uListen AI

Transcript Preview

Steven Bartlett

Is there a way to enlarge the [beep] ?

Dr. Rena Malik

So you can put your penis in this device. They've actually done research on this, so thirty minutes twice a day, and it does show improvements in length, about two centimeters.

Steven Bartlett

Ta-da.

Dr. Rena Malik

And that's not all. So they actually did a study on pistachios where guys ate a hundred grams of pistachios every day, and they saw a decrease in erectile dysfunction. Because if you're not having erections, now you're no longer getting blood flow to your penis, and it will shrink over time. And the same goes for women with their clitoris because it's the same type of tissue. But also, when you look at people who have sex once a week, they live forty-nine percent longer than people who only have sex once a year.

Steven Bartlett

Forty-nine percent longer?

Dr. Rena Malik

Yeah. And for every hundred orgasms men had, they lived like thirteen percent longer.

Steven Bartlett

Be right back. [laughs] Dr Rena Malik has become the world's most watched urologist. After sharing everything you need to know about hormones, sexual health- And how to have better sex based on the data.

Dr. Rena Malik

So how can you have the best sex possible? So there's four main pillars of sexual health. So pillar one is fuel, so how you nourish your body. And it's a huge part of sexual activity. And then pillar two is strength. When people think about strength, they always think about going to the gym and lifting weights, but it's much more than that. So when you look at the data, any sort of cardiovascular exercise is going to improve sexual function. It's gonna improve blood flow to the penis and to the clitoris. And then also, if you do one hundred fifty minutes a week, it is the same amount of improvement as you would see when you take a medication like Viagra. And the other part of it is the pelvic floor. It's under-evaluated and under-discussed, and we'll get into that. But pillar three is environment, so things like stress, sleep, and endocrine-disrupting chemicals. For example, they looked at data on men sleeping five hours a night versus eight hours a night. Guys who sleep five hours a night, their testosterone drops by fifteen percent.

Steven Bartlett

Mad.

Dr. Rena Malik

And then the last of the four pillars that we don't talk about enough is, and that's so important.

Steven Bartlett

Rena, I wanna talk about morning erections, squirting, clitoral stimulation, and certain positions that are going to increase the probability that my partner has an orgasm.

Dr. Rena Malik

Let's talk about all of that. First of all-

Steven Bartlett

This is super interesting to me. My team give me this report to show me how many of you that watch this show subscribe, and some of you have told us, according to this, that you are unsubscribed from the channel randomly. So favor to ask all of you, please could you check right now if you've hit the subscribe button if you are a regular viewer of the show and you like what we do here. We're approaching quite a significant landmark on this show in terms of a subscriber number. So if there was one simple free thing that you could do to help us, my team, everyone here, to keep this show free, to keep it improving year over year and week over week, it is just to hit that subscribe button and to double-check if you've hit it. Only thing I'll ever ask of you. Do we have a deal? If you do it, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll make sure every single week, every single month, we fight harder and harder and harder and harder to bring you the guests and conversations that you wanna hear. I've stayed true to that promise since the very beginning of The Diary of a CEO, and I will not let you down. Please help us. Really appreciate it. Let's get on with the show. [upbeat music] Dr Rena Malik, if somebody was to come up to you in the street having watched your videos online, and they were a, a follower of the content you've produced over the last couple of years, if you had to guess the question they would ask you, because it's probably the most frequent popular question you get asked, what do you think they would say?

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