Jay Shetty PodcastChris Appleton EXCLUSIVE: Breaking His Silence on His Divorce & Coming Out to His Wife and Kids
Jay Shetty and Chris Appleton on chris Appleton on identity, shame, resilience, and rebuilding after collapse.
In this episode of Jay Shetty Podcast, featuring Chris Appleton and Jay Shetty, Chris Appleton EXCLUSIVE: Breaking His Silence on His Divorce & Coming Out to His Wife and Kids explores chris Appleton on identity, shame, resilience, and rebuilding after collapse Appleton describes growing up working-class in the UK, feeling different early, and learning to mask himself due to bullying, which later triggered an identity crisis around sexuality and belonging.
At a glance
WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT
Chris Appleton on identity, shame, resilience, and rebuilding after collapse
- Appleton describes growing up working-class in the UK, feeling different early, and learning to mask himself due to bullying, which later triggered an identity crisis around sexuality and belonging.
- He explains how shame and fear—especially around protecting his children from stigma—culminated in a suicide attempt that became a turning point toward surrendering to his truth and choosing to live authentically.
- He outlines what it took to become an elite hairstylist: obsessive craft mastery, constant learning, resilience through rejection, and consistency rather than a single “big break.”
- He recounts moving to LA with minimal resources, nearly failing early on, and seizing a pivotal opportunity (Christina Aguilera on The Voice) by trusting his instincts and experience under pressure.
- Appleton discusses navigating public scrutiny during a highly visible relationship and divorce, emphasizing that endings can still be meaningful, and that inner peace, boundaries, and alignment matter more than public explanations.
IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING
5 ideasMasking to survive can become self-abandonment.
Appleton learned to police his voice, mannerisms, and interests to avoid bullying, and later had to “unpick” which parts of him were authentic versus constructed for others.
Shame thrives in silence and can turn lethal.
He describes believing his children would be better off with a dead dad than a gay dad, illustrating how internalized stigma can distort judgment and intensify risk.
Coming out affects a whole system, not just one person.
Appleton emphasizes letting loved ones process their own grief—partner, children, family—rather than trying to control their emotions or rush their acceptance.
A turning point isn’t a finish line; it starts the work.
After the hospital, he still faced cycles of good and bad days, grief for his former identity, and ongoing rebuilding through therapy and daily processing.
Being “the best” is built through consistent micro-moves.
He credits relentless practice, learning every hair domain (salon, editorial, fashion), analyzing failures, and bouncing back from “nos,” not a single lucky break.
WORDS WORTH SAVING
5 quotesI felt like it would be better for them to have a dad that was dead than a dad that was gay.
— Chris Appleton
The brain is such a powerful tool, and shame is such a powerful tool.
— Chris Appleton
Because from the age of eight to the age of twenty-seven, I'd held my breath, and I could finally exhale.
— Chris Appleton
Just because it's not forever doesn't mean it didn't mean something.
— Chris Appleton
I would rather love and fall than to never feel anything at all.
— Chris Appleton
QUESTIONS ANSWERED IN THIS EPISODE
5 questionsIn the years you were “holding your breath,” what were the earliest internal signals that your body/mind was suppressing your sexuality, and how might listeners recognize those signals sooner?
Appleton describes growing up working-class in the UK, feeling different early, and learning to mask himself due to bullying, which later triggered an identity crisis around sexuality and belonging.
When you told your kids and couldn’t say “I’m gay,” what language or steps would you recommend to parents who need to come out while minimizing confusion and fear for their children?
He explains how shame and fear—especially around protecting his children from stigma—culminated in a suicide attempt that became a turning point toward surrendering to his truth and choosing to live authentically.
You describe grieving “the man you created”—what specific practices helped you separate identity, role (husband/father/provider), and self-worth during that grief?
He outlines what it took to become an elite hairstylist: obsessive craft mastery, constant learning, resilience through rejection, and consistency rather than a single “big break.”
What did your therapy actually look like during rebuilding (frequency, modalities, homework, coping tools), and what would you suggest for someone who can’t access long-term therapy?
He recounts moving to LA with minimal resources, nearly failing early on, and seizing a pivotal opportunity (Christina Aguilera on The Voice) by trusting his instincts and experience under pressure.
Your HIV/AIDS fears were shaped by childhood misinformation—how did you later educate yourself, and what’s your advice for undoing deeply embedded cultural myths without shame?
Appleton discusses navigating public scrutiny during a highly visible relationship and divorce, emphasizing that endings can still be meaningful, and that inner peace, boundaries, and alignment matter more than public explanations.
Chapter Breakdown
Chris’s childhood in working-class England and the ‘window’ moment of not belonging
Chris recalls growing up in a large working-class family in the UK and a vivid memory of feeling different and alone as a child. He explains how that early sense of not fitting in became the start of abandoning parts of himself to meet others’ expectations—an idea that anchors his book’s message.
Discovering hair as a ‘superpower’: dyslexia, bullying, and finding competence
Chris shares how dyslexia and being misunderstood at school shaped his need to prove himself. Hair became the first place he felt capable, and he loved the immediate transformation it created in others’ confidence—fueling his drive to master the craft.
Hiding identity to feel safe: masculinity performance and learning to mask
He describes how homophobic bullying taught him to monitor his mannerisms, voice, and behavior to appear “more masculine.” Chris explains that as a gay child he learned to hide authenticity, and as an adult he had to unpick what was genuinely him versus what he created for survival.
What it takes to become the best: resilience, repetition, and refusing the box
Chris breaks down the unglamorous path to excellence—years of small “leapfrog” moments, failures, rejection, and relentless consistency. He emphasizes learning every facet of hair (salon, editorial, fashion) and resisting industry gatekeeping that tries to keep people in one lane.
Realizing he’s gay later than people assume: shame, suppression, and fear narratives
Chris explains he didn’t fully “know” until his mid-20s because shame and fear shut the topic down internally. He recounts cultural messaging about AIDS and an early friendship with someone HIV-positive that amplified fear, showing how misinformation and stigma can delay self-acceptance.
Life built with his children’s mother—and the identity collapse when he couldn’t ‘hold his breath’
He reflects on the meaningful nine-year partnership with Kate and the family life he believed proved he was “normal.” Chris describes the breaking point as an inability to keep suppressing himself—finally exhaling after years of holding his breath, even as guilt about hurting loved ones intensified.
Coming out to family—and the hardest part: telling his children
Chris shares the painful reality of coming out as a parent, including the fear his kids would be bullied and carry his shame. He describes the confusion in the room, how hard it was to say the words, and the crushing belief that he’d failed at protecting them.
Suicide attempt and surrender: the darkest night that became a turning point
In a deeply vulnerable segment, Chris recounts driving away, checking into a hotel, and attempting to end his life—believing his children would be better off without him. Waking in the hospital, he describes a quiet but profound shift: surrendering to being gay and choosing to live.
Rebuilding after collapse: therapy, grief, and learning to live without the old self
Chris rejects the idea of an overnight transformation, emphasizing the slow, cyclical work of healing. He frames the period as grief for the “old man” he constructed and the life attached to it, and credits therapy—alongside support for his kids and ex-partner—as a key stabilizer.
Forgiveness and letting go: a brother’s apology and moving through pain instead of avoiding it
Chris describes a later reconciliation with his older brother, who apologized for how he treated him. He explains his approach to healing: fully feeling the pain, understanding others’ contexts, and choosing forgiveness as a path to freedom rather than avoidance.
A new environment and the Hollywood leap: moving to LA, early social media, and the ‘J.Lo’ email
Chris explains how moving to LA helped reduce shame by removing the small-town scrutiny and giving him a fresh start. He recounts commuting work, early social media branding, and receiving surprising outreach from major artists—before taking the risk to move with minimal followers and no guarantees.
The Christina Aguilera ‘wig’ moment: trusting craft under pressure and career ignition
He tells the high-stakes story of being called to do Christina Aguilera’s hair on The Voice with almost no time, triggering imposter syndrome. By trusting his expertise—especially wig skills learned from working with cancer patients—he delivers a successful look that catalyzes his celebrity career.
Authentic relationships in a public industry—and why you don’t owe explanations
Chris discusses how intimacy and trust shape long-term client relationships, including friendships with high-profile figures like Kim Kardashian. He emphasizes that public perception rarely matches private reality and that headlines don’t obligate personal explanations—especially when protecting family.
Divorce, inner alignment, and protecting peace in ‘a loud world’
Chris addresses his recent, highly public divorce and the private pain behind public speculation. He frames the decision through “alignment,” arguing that endings can still be meaningful, and shares how therapy and internal grounding help him withstand scrutiny and move forward with openness.
Mirror work, fatherhood, and the letters from his kids
Chris returns to the metaphor of the mirror—most people see a reflection without truly looking—and connects it to patterns, behavior change, and self-respect. The chapter culminates in emotional letters from his children, affirming his impact as a father and reframing his greatest achievement as being ‘Dad’ with pride.
Final Five: core life principles and favorite iconic looks
In the rapid-fire closing questions, Chris distills his values into simple rules: live and let live, reject boxing yourself in, and routinely check if your life is aligned. He also shares standout hair moments for Kim and J.Lo and reiterates that change is possible at any age.
EVERY SPOKEN WORD
Install uListen for AI-powered chat & search across the full episode — Get Full Transcript
Get more out of YouTube videos.
High quality summaries for YouTube videos. Accurate transcripts to search & find moments. Powered by ChatGPT & Claude AI.
Add to Chrome