ADHD Chatter Podcast12 RSD Hacks That ACTUALLY Work
Alex Partridge on practical strategies to calm ADHD-related RSD and stop spirals fast.
In this episode of ADHD Chatter Podcast, featuring Alex Partridge, 12 RSD Hacks That ACTUALLY Work explores practical strategies to calm ADHD-related RSD and stop spirals fast RSD is framed as intense, disproportionate emotional pain rooted in years of accumulated micro-rejections, especially common for people with ADHD.
At a glance
WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT
Practical strategies to calm ADHD-related RSD and stop spirals fast
- RSD is framed as intense, disproportionate emotional pain rooted in years of accumulated micro-rejections, especially common for people with ADHD.
- The core coping approach is creating distance from the RSD reaction—naming it, pausing before responding, and separating a criticized “part” from your whole identity.
- Several tactics emphasize building or retrieving evidence (strength lists, “rejection collection,” alternative explanations) to counteract RSD’s tendency to treat feelings as facts.
- Regulation tools (breathing, cold water, grounding, leaving the situation) aim to slow the nervous system response so logic can return before damage is done.
- Lifestyle “basics” (sleep, limiting alcohol, exercise) are presented as foundational body armor that lowers RSD vulnerability and boosts self-esteem.
IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING
5 ideasName your RSD to separate it from your identity.
By personifying RSD (e.g., “Dave the Dragon”), you can treat the reaction as a real experience but not a reliable interpretation of reality, reducing shame and escalation.
Keep a “contradicting evidence” list ready on your phone.
RSD makes emotion feel like fact; reading a saved list of strengths and wins (or having a trusted person remind you) can interrupt the spiral with concrete counter-data.
Create a pause by physically removing yourself before you respond.
Leaving the room/bathroom break prevents impulsive, disproportionate reactions that can escalate conflicts at work or in relationships and leave lasting damage after you calm down.
Regulate the nervous system first; don’t problem-solve while flooded.
Breathing (4 seconds in, 6 out), cold water, grounding (noticing senses), or brief stimming/exertion helps your body exit “lion attack” mode so rational thinking can return.
Interrogate the story you instantly formed.
Ask what evidence you truly have and what contextual explanations exist (e.g., you weren’t invited because it’s a different department), widening perspective without “gaslighting” yourself.
WORDS WORTH SAVING
5 quotesChildren with ADHD hear 20,000 more micro-rejections than a neurotypical child.
— Alex Partridge
RSD makes emotion feel like fact.
— Alex Partridge
Remove yourself from the situation before you respond. Put a pause between the event that's triggered you and your response to it.
— Alex Partridge
Rationale is the enemy… of RSD. RSD is the emotional tsunami which shuts down the logical side of the brain.
— Alex Partridge
RSD doesn't always need a productivity plan. It just needs safety.
— Alex Partridge
QUESTIONS ANSWERED IN THIS EPISODE
5 questionsHow do you distinguish between a genuine interpersonal threat and an RSD-driven perceived threat without dismissing your intuition?
RSD is framed as intense, disproportionate emotional pain rooted in years of accumulated micro-rejections, especially common for people with ADHD.
What’s a concrete template for a “strengths and wins” evidence list that works when you’re emotionally flooded?
The core coping approach is creating distance from the RSD reaction—naming it, pausing before responding, and separating a criticized “part” from your whole identity.
When you ‘remove yourself’ at work, how do you explain it professionally without oversharing or risking stigma?
Several tactics emphasize building or retrieving evidence (strength lists, “rejection collection,” alternative explanations) to counteract RSD’s tendency to treat feelings as facts.
Can you give more examples of ‘clarity’ phrases that don’t sound accusatory or needy in relationships?
Regulation tools (breathing, cold water, grounding, leaving the situation) aim to slow the nervous system response so logic can return before damage is done.
What should a weekly couple check-in about RSD look like (prompts, structure, length) to avoid it turning into a fight?
Lifestyle “basics” (sleep, limiting alcohol, exercise) are presented as foundational body armor that lowers RSD vulnerability and boosts self-esteem.
Chapter Breakdown
Why RSD awareness isn’t enough: shifting to practical relief
The hosts set up the episode as a step beyond simply recognizing RSD—focusing on what actually reduces the pain day-to-day. They frame the discussion around actionable “hacks” drawn from Alex’s broader set of strategies.
RSD explained: what it feels like and where it comes from
Alex defines RSD through a vivid description and an excerpt from his book, linking it to a lifetime of accumulated “micro-rejections.” The chapter connects RSD to people-pleasing, perfectionism, avoidance, shame spirals, and nervous-system overwhelm.
Hack: “Give it a name” to create distance from the feeling
Alex recommends personifying RSD (his is “Dave the Dragon”) to externalize the experience. By mentally holding RSD “in front of you,” you reduce shame and regain perspective without invalidating the intensity.
Hack: Build an evidence list because “RSD hates evidence”
RSD makes emotions feel like facts, so the antidote is a ready-to-use list of strengths, wins, and positive feedback. They also suggest recruiting trusted people to remind you of the list when the spiral is too intense.
Hack: Remove yourself before responding (protect relationships and jobs)
They emphasize inserting a pause between trigger and reaction to prevent disproportionate responses. Leaving briefly can stop the escalation cycle where conflict triggers more RSD and leads to regrettable ultimatums or impulsive decisions.
Hack: Slow the emotional response with nervous-system regulation
Practical grounding and regulation techniques are shared for rapid de-escalation—often using the bathroom as a temporary “safe space.” The focus is not suppressing feelings, but stabilizing enough to think clearly before re-engaging.
Hack: Question the story your brain writes during a trigger
Through an example about not being invited to a colleague’s party, they show how RSD collapses nuance and invents a rejection narrative. The practice is to interrogate the evidence and widen the lens without “gaslighting yourself.”
Sponsor break: Tiimo planning app (neurodivergent-friendly)
A brief ad read for Tiimo highlights planning support designed for neurodivergent users, including an AI planning assistant and voice transcription features. Then the episode returns to RSD strategies.
Hack: Create alternative stories (write 3 non-rejection explanations)
They recommend deliberately generating multiple interpretations of ambiguous events to counter the default-to-rejection reflex. Writing down alternatives helps break personalization and reinforces that others’ behavior often reflects their own stressors.
Hack: Build a “rejection collection” to prove RSD was wrong before
This strategy involves collecting past moments that felt like rejection but turned out benign or even positive. Reviewing these entries provides concrete counterexamples and helps form new neural pathways away from catastrophizing.
Hack: Manage the basics—sleep, alcohol, exercise as RSD armor
They argue RSD intensity is strongly affected by foundational lifestyle factors. Better sleep, minimizing alcohol, and regular exercise increase resilience, self-esteem, and the ability to think clearly under emotional threat.
Hack: Separate “a part of me” from “all of me” when criticized
Alex explains how RSD turns small feedback into a total identity indictment. The key skill is distinguishing a specific correction (“this paragraph”) from global self-condemnation (“I’m a failure”).
Hack: Use clarity to prevent spirals—ask for context and agendas
They recommend proactively requesting clarity when ambiguity invites catastrophizing, especially at work and in relationships. Communication strategies include asking for meeting context, naming the discomfort, and normalizing RSD as a “third presence” in the relationship.
Hack: Pre-rejection preparation—mantras and plans for high-risk situations
The final strategy is preparing for environments where rejection is likely by pre-writing internal scripts and reminders. This gives the logical brain “ammunition” to slow escalation and keep you grounded during triggers.
Wrap-up: everyday trigger examples and the priority of safety over fixing
They share relatable micro-trigger stories (e.g., someone moving seats; email signature changes; celebrity autographs) to show how small cues can activate RSD. The closing message emphasizes self-compassion and regulation—seeking safety first, not productivity or immediate solutions.
EVERY SPOKEN WORD
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