ADHD Chatter PodcastHeartbreaking š¢
Alex Partridge on autistic ADHD shame: feeling like a burden to loved ones.
In this episode of ADHD Chatter Podcast, featuring Alex Partridge, Heartbreaking š¢ explores autistic ADHD shame: feeling like a burden to loved ones Alex Partridge describes a deep, recurring feeling among autistic people of being a burden to friends and family.
At a glance
WHAT ITāS REALLY ABOUT
Autistic ADHD shame: feeling like a burden to loved ones
- Alex Partridge describes a deep, recurring feeling among autistic people of being a burden to friends and family.
- He cites reportedly harmful NHS documentation that frames autistic people as burdensome, reinforcing stigma and self-blame.
- The transcript highlights how internalized stigma can create a sense of being ābrokenā and unable to contribute positively to relationships.
- Alex emphasizes this isnāt just self-pity but a widely shared neurodivergent experience of feeling bothersome and emotionally costly to others.
IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING
5 ideasāBurdenā narratives can become internalized as identity.
When people repeatedly encounter messagesāsocially or institutionallyāthat they cause harm or stress, it can shift from a situational worry into a core belief: āI am inherently negative to be around.ā
Institutional wording can amplify stigma and self-loathing.
Alexās mention of NHS paperwork illustrates how official language can legitimize dehumanizing framings, making it harder for neurodivergent people to challenge the belief that theyāre a problem rather than a person with needs.
Feeling ābrokenā often reflects unmet support needs, not personal failure.
The transcript shows how distress is interpreted as moral or personal deficiency (āI donāt bring anything goodā), which can mask the more accurate issue: insufficient understanding, accommodations, and compassionate support.
The ānet negativeā belief persists even with prosocial effort.
Alex notes that trying to be kind or helpful doesnāt necessarily dislodge the fear that others are still worse off, suggesting the belief is emotionally entrenched rather than evidence-based.
Shared recognition can reduce isolation and shame.
By explicitly stating āIām probably not alone,ā the conversation reframes the experience as common among autistic/ADHD people, which can be a first step toward self-compassion and seeking better support.
WORDS WORTH SAVING
5 quotesāThe feeling of being a burden, God, that's a big one that I think a lot of autistic people will probably relate to.ā
ā Alex Partridge
āActually written in some paperwork about how autistic people are a burden.ā
ā Alex Partridge
āWe feel broken.ā
ā Alex Partridge
āI don't bring anything good to anyone's life, that all I ever bring is more stressāā
ā Alex Partridge
āUltimately the net gain is purely negative.ā
ā Alex Partridge
QUESTIONS ANSWERED IN THIS EPISODE
5 questionsWhat specific NHS documents or phrasing are you referring to, and how common is that language today?
Alex Partridge describes a deep, recurring feeling among autistic people of being a burden to friends and family.
How can someone tell the difference between realistic relationship strain and internalized āIām a burdenā shame?
He cites reportedly harmful NHS documentation that frames autistic people as burdensome, reinforcing stigma and self-blame.
What kinds of accommodations or communication strategies have most reduced this ānet negativeā feeling for autistic/ADHD people?
The transcript highlights how internalized stigma can create a sense of being ābrokenā and unable to contribute positively to relationships.
How should friends/family respond when a neurodivergent person says, āI only bring stress,ā without dismissing their feelings?
Alex emphasizes this isnāt just self-pity but a widely shared neurodivergent experience of feeling bothersome and emotionally costly to others.
Could this belief be linked to masking or people-pleasing patternsātrying hard to be āeasyā but burning out anyway?
Chapter Breakdown
Feeling like a burden as a common autistic experience
Alex opens by describing the deep, recurring feeling of being a burdenāsomething he believes many autistic people strongly relate to. He frames it as a widespread emotional experience rather than an isolated personal insecurity.
Harmful framing in official documentation (NHS)
He notes that the idea of autistic people being a burden appears in NHS documentation, and not in a supportive or empathetic way. He reacts strongly to this as stigmatizing and damaging.
Internalizing stigma: feeling broken
Alex explains how this messaging can be internalized, leading to a core belief of being broken. He suggests autistic and ADHD people may share this deep self-perception.
Belief that he brings only stress to others
He shares a painful conviction that he doesnāt add anything positive to othersā lives and instead creates stress. The emphasis is on the perceived imbalanceāeffort to be good still feeling like it results in harm.
Fear of wearing people down and being ābothersomeā
Alex lists specific fears: making others tired, stressed, and fed up with him. He acknowledges it may sound like self-pity, but stresses heās voicing it because he thinks many neurodivergent people feel similarly.
EVERY SPOKEN WORD
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