The Diary of a CEOJessie J: I Quit Music, Deleted An Album, Then Changed My Mind | E139
Steven Bartlett and Jessie J on jessie J On Losing Everything, Finding Purpose, And Rewriting Her Future.
In this episode of The Diary of a CEO, featuring Steven Bartlett and Jessie J, Jessie J: I Quit Music, Deleted An Album, Then Changed My Mind | E139 explores jessie J On Losing Everything, Finding Purpose, And Rewriting Her Future Jessie J sits down with Steven Bartlett to unpack the most pivotal and painful chapters of her life: chronic childhood illness, a teenage stroke, infertility and miscarriage, the deaths of close friends and her bodyguard, and the mental toll of global fame.
At a glance
WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT
Jessie J On Losing Everything, Finding Purpose, And Rewriting Her Future
- Jessie J sits down with Steven Bartlett to unpack the most pivotal and painful chapters of her life: chronic childhood illness, a teenage stroke, infertility and miscarriage, the deaths of close friends and her bodyguard, and the mental toll of global fame.
- She explains how her upbringing, with emotionally open parents and a social-worker father, shaped her empathy and her ability to balance deep pain with humor on and off stage.
- The conversation explores how fame eroded her sense of safety and self, why she nearly quit music and even asked to be dropped by her label, and how grief has clarified what she wants from her career, her team, and her personal life.
- Emerging from loss, she’s deleting an entire finished album, rebuilding from instinct, and designing a new chapter centered on truth, emotional alignment, a one‑woman show, and becoming a mother with the right partner by her side.
IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING
5 ideasEarly adversity can seed lifelong empathy and perspective if you refuse to be defined by it.
As a child, Jessie spent long stretches in hospital with a serious heart condition, heavy medication, seizures, and later a stroke at 17. Her parents refused to treat her as “the sick kid,” which stopped illness becoming her identity. Instead of focusing on her own pain, she remembers watching other patients, worrying if they’d eaten or needed company. That outsider focus and her father’s mental‑health background forged the empathic lens she now uses in her music and on stage.
Your body will often force the breaks you refuse to take with your mind.
Jessie reframes her recurring health crises—heart issues, stroke, Meniere’s disease, going deaf in one ear, throat damage, reproductive problems—not as curses but as a protective feedback loop. Every time her career spiked and life sped up, her body “shut down” and forced her to pause. She now treats every health flare as a signal to ask, “What am I not listening to?” and adjusts diet, pace, and choices instead of only chasing medical fixes or powering through for the show.
Unchecked fame without emotional tools can create a prison of hyper‑vigilance and anxiety.
At the height of her fame (around 2014–2016), Jessie describes feeling constantly watched, criticized, and misrepresented, to the point she struggled to do basic tasks like filling her car with petrol. She became paranoid about being filmed eating, going to the beach, or saying no to photos. Without peers to normalize it, she spiraled into isolation, stayed in hotel rooms, bought hats to hide, and even briefly leaned into the “diva” caricature the press projected because fighting it felt exhausting.
Creative integrity sometimes means walking away from success, even after the work is done.
After a hectic third album where she wrote only two deeply personal tracks and felt misaligned with big pop hits she didn’t write, Jessie nearly quit music in 2016 and asked her label to drop her. Later, during the pandemic, she wrote a full album she’s now shelving because she doesn’t “see the audience” for it and hears other artists in those songs instead of her unique voice. Despite years of work, she’d rather restart from instinct than release something that doesn’t feel undeniably her.
Grief can clarify non‑negotiables: who you keep, what you make, and where you sit.
The miscarriage, followed closely by the death of her close friend Jamal Edwards and earlier the death of her long‑time bodyguard Dave, ripped open layers of unprocessed grief. She realized Jamal embodied courage and self‑belief for her, while Dave embodied safety—two qualities that now feel missing. Their loss pushed her to stop sitting at “tables where you’re not being fed,” demand more from her career, and find those qualities within herself instead of outsourcing them to others.
WORDS WORTH SAVING
5 quotesI felt like I'd been given everything I've ever wanted and then someone had gone, 'But you can't have it.' I've never felt so lonely in my life.
— Jessie J
You grow in moments of sadness and pain. My body has always kept my feet on the ground, even when it was shutting down.
— Jessie J
I just felt like I had no one I could talk to that had experienced it to guide me, to go, 'You're okay. You're safe.'
— Jessie J
Life is too short to sit anywhere other than where you're supposed to be. If you're sitting at a table where you don't feel like you're being fed, even if you're bringing a plate of food, you politely just leave.
— Jessie J
The only thing in life that is important is to act on your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s because it’s not.
— Jessie J
QUESTIONS ANSWERED IN THIS EPISODE
5 questionsYou described your body as ‘protecting’ you by shutting down at key career moments; what specific changes did you make the last time that happened, and what would you do differently if it happened again?
Jessie J sits down with Steven Bartlett to unpack the most pivotal and painful chapters of her life: chronic childhood illness, a teenage stroke, infertility and miscarriage, the deaths of close friends and her bodyguard, and the mental toll of global fame.
When you listen back to the unreleased pandemic album, can you point to a particular song or lyric that perfectly illustrates why it doesn’t feel like ‘only you’ could sing it?
She explains how her upbringing, with emotionally open parents and a social-worker father, shaped her empathy and her ability to balance deep pain with humor on and off stage.
You said most of your best decisions came from acting on instinct even when everyone around you disagreed—can you walk through one instance where following that instinct cost you something big in the short term but paid off later?
The conversation explores how fame eroded her sense of safety and self, why she nearly quit music and even asked to be dropped by her label, and how grief has clarified what she wants from her career, her team, and her personal life.
If you were designing an ideal mental‑health and support framework for a 19‑year‑old artist about to explode in the way you did, what concrete safeguards, people, and rules would you put around them based on your own experience?
Emerging from loss, she’s deleting an entire finished album, rebuilding from instinct, and designing a new chapter centered on truth, emotional alignment, a one‑woman show, and becoming a mother with the right partner by her side.
You’ve realized you were outsourcing ‘safety’ to Dave and ‘self‑belief’ to Jamal; what are the daily or practical ways you’re now trying to cultivate those two qualities within yourself so they’re not dependent on anyone else?
Chapter Breakdown
Roots, Family Energy, And Learning To Feel
Jessie describes her modest but emotionally rich upbringing, with parents who created experiences from very little and refused to define her by illness. Her father’s work in mental health and his ability to balance tears with laughter shaped how she processes pain publicly and uses humor as a connective, healing tool.
Childhood Illness, Stroke At 17, And The Birth Of An Empath
She recounts collapsing in Epping Forest, being diagnosed with a serious heart rhythm issue, and enduring heavy medication and operations. A powerful encounter with a dying boy in the hospital inspired her first song, 'Big White Room', and ongoing health scares—including a stroke at 17—taught her to see pain as a teacher rather than an identity.
Health As Warning System And Career Disruptions
Jessie traces how major career milestones repeatedly collided with health crises—broken foot just as she was about to break America, losing her singing voice before an album, going deaf in one ear. She’s reinterpreted these as protective interventions from her body, prompting her to question what she’s ignoring each time and to reconsider projects, including an entire unreleased album.
Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, And Redefining Womanhood
She details years of misdiagnosed agony dismissed as IBS before finally learning she had endometriosis and adenomyosis. Faced with the choice of a hysterectomy at 26 or lifelong pain management, she chose to keep her uterus, overhaul her lifestyle, and accept uncertainty around fertility, which later framed her miscarriage experience.
Fame, Anxiety, And Losing The Ability To Live Unconsciously
At the height of her visibility in the UK and Australia, Jessie developed debilitating anxiety tied to being constantly watched and critiqued. She describes feeling trapped in hotels, paranoid about cameras at petrol stations or the beach, absorbing hurtful comments about her appearance and mannerisms, and briefly becoming the ‘diva’ the media portrayed her as out of exhaustion.
Brand vs. Self, Stepping Off The Hamster Wheel, And Management Struggles
Jessie explains how the Jessie J persona swallowed Jessica: catsuits at family barbecues, full glam for casual dinners, and no sense of who she was off stage. Although her label has often supported her creatively, she has repeatedly struggled to find management that matches her passion and breadth, leading to six manager changes and a renewed resolve to demand better alignment.
Quitting Music, Rediscovering Writing, And The Rose Album
Burnt out after a third album that didn’t represent her, multiple losses, and a major breakup, Jessie told her label she wanted out of music. A makeup campaign unexpectedly led her back into the studio, where a chance beat rekindled her songwriting instinct and birthed 'Think About That' and The Rose album, a body of work she considers her most authentic despite limited commercial push.
Pandemic Reflection, Shelving An Album, And Letting Grief Live
The pandemic forced Jessie to mellow, drop some perfectionist rituals, cook, and write an album that now doesn’t feel right to release. Recent grief—miscarriage and Jamal Edwards’ death—has made her acutely aware of unresolved sorrow, which now surfaces freely in tears and art and is reshaping what kind of music she wants to make.
Jamal Edwards, Dave, And The Weight Of Compounded Loss
Jessie talks through the deaths of entrepreneur Jamal Edwards and her longtime security guard, Dave, both of whom embodied vital emotional roles for her: self‑belief and safety. She explores how uniquely intimate shared experiences with them make grieving isolating, and how their absence forces her to internalize the qualities they once provided.
Miscarriage, Radical Openness, And The Loneliness Of Private Pain
Jessie gives a raw, detailed account of discovering her baby’s heartbeat was weak, then gone within hours, while alone in Los Angeles. Pressured to decide about a show the next day, she posted about the loss publicly partly because she had no one physically to break on. The hardest moment was returning home after the show to an empty house, grieving the imagined life as much as the baby itself.
Love, Privacy, And Navigating Relationships Under The Spotlight
Reflecting on past public and semi‑public relationships, Jessie explains why she now fiercely guards her romantic life. Fame can prematurely define and distort relationships that are still forming, and media narratives often force her to post simply to regain control. Despite that, she admits she’s been “properly in love” once—recently—and is learning to balance openness with protection.
The Next Chapter: Instinct‑Led Career, One‑Woman Show, And Motherhood
Closing the conversation, Jessie articulates a clear vision for her future: music and performance that are emotionally aligned, a passionate and diverse team around her, and equal investment in her personal life. She’s developing a one‑woman show that fuses therapy‑like honesty, comedy, and her full vocal ability, and she is consciously preparing her body and life to try for motherhood again with support.
EVERY SPOKEN WORD
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