The Diary of a CEOOrgasm Queen: Do This For 20 Minutes Before Having Sex & Your Sex Will Feel Brand New!
Steven Bartlett and Susan Bratton on transform Your Sex Life: Slow Down, Communicate, Explore Twenty-Plus Orgasms.
In this episode of The Diary of a CEO, featuring Susan Bratton and Steven Bartlett, Orgasm Queen: Do This For 20 Minutes Before Having Sex & Your Sex Will Feel Brand New! explores transform Your Sex Life: Slow Down, Communicate, Explore Twenty-Plus Orgasms Sex expert Susan Bratton explains how most people’s sex lives suffer from lack of knowledge, rushed intercourse, shame, and poor communication, not from being ‘broken’.
At a glance
WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT
Transform Your Sex Life: Slow Down, Communicate, Explore Twenty-Plus Orgasms
- Sex expert Susan Bratton explains how most people’s sex lives suffer from lack of knowledge, rushed intercourse, shame, and poor communication, not from being ‘broken’.
- Drawing on her own journey from a sexless, trauma-laced marriage to a multi-decade open relationship, she lays out practical frameworks: heart-connected lovemaking, the ‘sex life bucket list’, erotic playdates, and techniques that enable 20+ kinds of orgasms and expanded, hour-long pleasure.
- She emphasizes key differences in male vs female arousal timelines, the importance of slow yoni massage and full-body engorgement, and the role of safety plus novelty in sustaining desire long-term.
- Throughout, she offers concrete scripts and practices for couples who feel like ‘ships passing in the night’, are stuck in sexual routine, or grappling with performance anxiety, body image, porn, or non-monogamy.
IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING
5 ideasSlow Down: Female Arousal Needs 20+ Minutes of Warm-Up
Bratton explains that men can become erect in 1–2 minutes because of straight ‘blood chutes’ in the penis, but women have the same amount of erectile tissue distributed around the vulva and vagina (clitoral bulbs, legs, shaft, sponges). That tissue needs 15–30 minutes of touch and arousal to fully engorge. Rushed ‘grab a boob and stick it in’ intercourse leaves her effectively flaccid; prioritizing long, loving yoni massage, kissing, and body-stroking before penetration dramatically increases her ability to have orgasms from intercourse and enjoy sex.
Redefine Sex Beyond “Foreplay” and Intercourse
The foreplay/sex split comes from a procreation-only, religious model where only penetration ‘counts’. Bratton urges couples to treat everything as sex: making out, words of appreciation, cuddling, oral, sex toys, filming yourselves, new locations, breast play, mutual masturbation. Removing the pressure that sex must equal penetration lowers anxiety, increases willingness to engage, and ironically leads to more—and better—intercourse because the focus shifts to shared pleasure and connection, not hitting a performance target.
Use Communication Pacts and ‘Small Offers’ to Rebuild Intimacy
For couples like Eliza and her husband who feel like ships passing in the night, Bratton recommends starting with holding each other, not with sex. Her ‘Sexual Soulmate Pact’ is an agreement that either partner can say anything about what they want or need, and it will be received as helpful guidance, not criticism. Men, especially, can ‘run a menu of small offers’ (e.g., “Can I just hold you?” “Would you like a back rub?” “No pressure for intercourse tonight, let me just take care of you”) to gently re-open intimacy without triggering guilt or performance anxiety.
Safety + Novelty = Sustained Desire
Bratton frames good sex as an equation: half safety and security (trust, STI safety, emotional safety, reliability), half variety and novelty (new positions, locations, toys, fantasies, partners if consensually non-monogamous). If you only have safety, sex becomes boring; if you only have novelty, it can feel unsafe and destabilizing. Tools like a ‘sex life bucket list’ (48 erotic ideas ranked A/B/C), erotic playdates (trying one new thing without pressure), and toys (vibrating rings, lay-on clitoral toys, warming and inflating vibrators) give structured, low-stakes ways to introduce novelty.
Healing Trauma and Dissociation Unlocks Deeper Connection
Bratton describes how childhood sexual trauma led her to dissociate during sex—‘checking out’ emotionally while going through the motions physically. Healing involved both talk therapy (including fully recounting every sexual injustice to an empathetic witness) and somatic release. Many people carry repression, shame, or abuse that blunt libido and presence. She stresses that trauma can become a source of wisdom, but you must actively choose to address it; once she did, learning skills (tantra, orgasmic meditation, workshops) rapidly transformed her marriage.
WORDS WORTH SAVING
5 quotesIf something isn’t good, you just haven’t had it good yet.
— Susan Bratton
Sex is an equation: half safety and security, half variety and novelty.
— Susan Bratton
We were the blind leading the blind. Everybody’s the blind leading the blind.
— Susan Bratton
Foreplay and sex is a myth. Sex is everything—kissing, touching, talking, toys, all of it.
— Susan Bratton
That’s why sex is repressed—because if you felt God in your lovemaking, why would you need to go to God in a church?
— Susan Bratton
QUESTIONS ANSWERED IN THIS EPISODE
5 questionsYou describe expanded orgasms as a pathway to ‘touching source’—what concrete, step-by-step practice would you recommend a couple try this week to begin moving from single orgasms to extended and then expanded states?
Sex expert Susan Bratton explains how most people’s sex lives suffer from lack of knowledge, rushed intercourse, shame, and poor communication, not from being ‘broken’.
For someone in a long-term monogamous relationship who is curious about ethical non-monogamy but whose partner is resistant, what exact language and sequencing of conversations would you suggest so that curiosity doesn’t feel like a rejection of the current bond?
Drawing on her own journey from a sexless, trauma-laced marriage to a multi-decade open relationship, she lays out practical frameworks: heart-connected lovemaking, the ‘sex life bucket list’, erotic playdates, and techniques that enable 20+ kinds of orgasms and expanded, hour-long pleasure.
In situations like Ethan’s, where a partner insists on the same position, time, and conditions every week, how do you distinguish between healthy respect for their nervous system and enabling an increasingly rigid, fear-based sexual pattern?
She emphasizes key differences in male vs female arousal timelines, the importance of slow yoni massage and full-body engorgement, and the role of safety plus novelty in sustaining desire long-term.
You argue that porn often models degrading, friction-only sex; if a couple wants to use visual erotica as part of their sex life, what specific criteria or examples would you give them for selecting content that reinforces the heart-connected, passionate lovemaking you advocate?
Throughout, she offers concrete scripts and practices for couples who feel like ‘ships passing in the night’, are stuck in sexual routine, or grappling with performance anxiety, body image, porn, or non-monogamy.
Many men feel that suggesting toys or new techniques implies their partner is ‘not enough’ or that they themselves are inadequate—what are three scripts men (and women) can use to introduce toys or your sex life bucket list in a way that frames it as a shared adventure rather than a critique?
Chapter Breakdown
Trailer: The ‘Queen of Orgasms’ and a New Kind of Sex Talk
The episode opens with a provocative teaser: Bratton demos different orgasm sound ‘types’ and promises over 20 distinct orgasms, specific techniques, and never-before-seen toys. The host frames her as a world-renowned sex specialist whose work has helped millions, then invites viewers to subscribe before the deep dive begins.
From Sexless Marriage to Sexpert: Susan’s Origin Story
Bratton recounts entering her 40s with a successful Silicon Valley life but a platonic marriage and no orgasms from intercourse. She describes childhood sexual trauma, dissociation during sex, and how therapy plus sex workshops ignited her and Tim’s sexual rebirth and inspired their online education business.
What Clients Really Struggle With: Libidos, Penises, Shame, and ‘Brokenness’
Bratton outlines the most common questions she gets: women fearing low libido or feeling ‘broken’, and men concerned about erectile issues, penis size, or wanting enhancement and biohacks. She stresses she’s not a therapist but a techniques-and-communication educator, and reframes most ‘problems’ as skill gaps rather than personal defects.
Trauma, Dissociation, and the Turning Point in Susan & Tim’s Marriage
The conversation deepens into Bratton’s personal trauma history, the pattern of checking out emotionally during sex, and the revelation that Tim had started seeing another woman. A near-divorce moment, punctuated by their daughter’s heartbreak, catalyzed their decision to do therapy, adopt radical honesty, and ultimately rebuild their sex life.
Exploring Ethical Non-Monogamy and ‘Relationship Anarchy’
After re-establishing strong monogamous sex, Susan and Tim chose to open their relationship, mentored by older polyamorous couples. She maps the tree of consensual non-monogamy (swinging, open relationships, relationship anarchy) and frames her experiences as data and learning, not a prescription for everyone.
Radical Honesty and the Power (and Kindness) of Hard Truths
Bratton details how she and Tim implemented radical honesty—removing sugarcoating and withholding, but delivering truth with love. The host probes whether honesty can be offensive, and they role-play how to express concerns (e.g., about a partner’s health or fitness) in ways that express care rather than criticism.
Audience Story: Eliza’s Disconnection, Body Image, and Ships in the Night
The show introduces pre-recorded audience case studies, starting with Eliza, a 40-something mother who misses ‘real conversations’ with her husband and feels alienated from her changed postpartum body. Bratton normalizes this developmental stage, explains hormonal impacts on self-judgment, and prescribes mindful reconnection starting with non-sexual physical closeness.
Step One Back to Intimacy: Holding, Oxytocin, and the Soulmate Pact
To help couples like Eliza’s, Bratton outlines simple, low-pressure interventions: cuddling to build oxytocin, the Sexual Soulmate Pact to normalize feedback, and ‘kitty cat vs lioness’ language to tune into a woman’s moment-to-moment needs. She also describes how men can create stress-free ‘nests’ and evenings focused purely on care, not intercourse.
Breaking the Awkward Silence: Communication, ‘Shoulds’, and Erotic Playdates
The host shares his experience of sex becoming an awkward, unspoken ‘elephant in the room’ and how honest conversation plus removing pressure changed that. Bratton attacks the corrosive power of ‘should’ (social comparison) and introduces erotic playdates—structured, playful experiments—to reclaim fun and curiosity in the bedroom.
The Sex Life Bucket List and Handling a Partner’s ‘No’
Bratton introduces her 48-item sex life bucket list as a practical tool for couples to identify and negotiate desires. The host recalls a past partner dismissing toys as ‘for 50-year-olds’, and Susan walks through how to respond compassionately, uncover fears, and pivot to other kinds of novelty when a fantasy is rejected.
Sex Languages, Erotic Blueprints, and the Need for Cross-Training
The discussion turns to whether partners can have opposing ‘sex languages’ (e.g., safety-focused vs kink-focused). Bratton references Jaiya’s Erotic Blueprints and the love languages model, arguing that while we each have comfort zones, growth means expanding into new roles (e.g., dominant learning to surrender, passive partner learning to take charge).
Desire Management: Safety, Distance, and the ‘Candle and Oxygen’ Analogy
The host shares his metaphor of desire as a candle that needs the right amount of oxygen—too little (smothering closeness) or too much (excessive distance) both extinguish the flame. Bratton endorses this view and anchors it to her formula of safety plus variety, highlighting that different couples will find different optimal balances.
Male Performance Worries: Premature Ejaculation, Multi-Orgasmic Men, and Oral Skills
Audience questions from young men surface concerns about lasting only a few minutes, partner pleasure, and not knowing what to do with nipples or oral. Bratton normalizes these anxieties, explains ejaculatory choice training, and encourages curiosity and practice with oral sex and breast play, positioning masturbation as a learning lab rather than shameful habit.
Tools of Pleasure: Yoni Massage, Toys, and the FORIA Pleasure Protocol
Bratton brings out a spread of toys and products, explaining yoni massage and how lay-on clitoral toys, vibrating rings, and warming/inflating vibrators can support full engorgement and partner play. She also details a three-part FORIA ‘Pleasure Protocol’ involving internal melts, arousal oil, and breast oil, and shares her discovery of nipplegasms.
The 20+ Orgasms: From One-and-Done to Quantum Expanded States
Bratton categorizes orgasms by locations (clitoral, vaginal, anal, nipple, throat, etc.), techniques (female ejaculation, expanded orgasm), and objects of desire (e.g., impact tools). She distinguishes single ‘one-and-done’ orgasms from multiple, extended, and fully expanded orgasms—describing how, with practice, a partner can ride continuous waves for 10–60 minutes and even experience spiritual ‘source’ states.
Routine Sex, Limited Positions, and Introducing Variety Safely
An audience member, Ethan, complains that sex with his girlfriend is confined to one or two positions, in the dark, the same night every week. Bratton interprets this as a woman clinging to a single reliable orgasm pathway and recommends using yoni massage sessions without intercourse to activate more tissue, adding new sensations gradually, and gently expanding her comfort zone.
Porn, Masturbation, and Tech-Enhanced Solo Pleasure
The host revisits a prior episode on porn, noting female porn addiction responses. Bratton doesn’t demonize porn but criticizes mainstream content as friction-focused and degrading to women. She advocates for fantasy-based masturbation, mentions app-connected toys that sync to audio or music, and reiterates that she prefers to teach people to create their own erotic experiences.
STI Testing, Sexual Biohacking, and Menopause Misconceptions
Bratton briefly shares her role with an at-home STI testing startup and stresses pre-penetrative testing as a must for ethical non-monogamy and new partners. They also touch on menopause, libido, and the distinction between libido (health), desire (self-view and psychology), and arousal (body’s physiological ramp-up, especially different timelines in men vs women).
When Is It Time to Leave—and Why Therapy First Matters
The host asks how to know when to walk away from a sexual mismatch, especially if one partner refuses therapy. Bratton strongly encourages sex therapy before separation, noting that many men are reluctant to speak about sex even in safe spaces. The host shares his ongoing positive experience with couples therapy and how his partner’s sensitivity to unmet needs ultimately benefits him too.
Recap, Life Advice to 20-Year-Old Self, and Closing Reflections
In closing, Bratton recaps core lessons: bodies can learn many orgasms, skills matter more than inborn talent, and sex can keep getting better for life. Answering the traditional final question, she tells her 20-year-old self to ‘play full fucking out’ and never shrink to keep others comfortable. The host reflects on what he’ll do differently and thanks her for saying the quiet, sexual truths out loud for millions.
EVERY SPOKEN WORD
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