The Diary of a CEODr. Jill Bolte Taylor: Why your left brain runs your life
How a Harvard neuroanatomist mapped four brain characters during her own stroke; why we overuse the left hemisphere and what trauma needs to integrate.
EVERY SPOKEN WORD
85 min read · 17,269 words- 0:00 – 2:18
Intro
- SBSteven Bartlett
You've bought a present for me in this box, and I feel nervous and excited.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
(laughs) So this is a human brain with a spinal cord. Such a masterpiece. But what people don't know is that we have four different structured parts of our brain that automatically shape how we think, feel, and behave. But what if it's not unconscious? What if we could pick and choose who and how we wanna be in any moment on purpose, like we can manifest our own mental health?
- SBSteven Bartlett
And by the end of this conversation today, you're gonna teach me how to do that?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Absolutely. You're gonna so get it.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Harvard neuroscientist, Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor- ... has transformed how we understand the brain through her research and own traumatic experience. She's teaching the world how to unlock every part of their brain to regain control of their thoughts, emotions, and behavior.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
We have a problem. We are skewed as a society to the two parts of the left brain which focuses on me, the individual. How do I fit myself into a society? And trauma's living in there, as is cravings and addiction. And we need this, it protects us, but we get in trouble when this is the only portion of our brain that we value, because look at the world we currently live in.
- SBSteven Bartlett
So, is there a strategy for making sure that you don't act upon it?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Well, so many people are trying to get rid of their emotional reactivity, but the way to heal it is not to get rid of it. I mean, we're wired for this. Why do I wanna just put myself in a little box and say, "I don't wanna have pain. I don't wanna be mad. I don't wanna be a robot." I don't wanna be a robot. I wanna be a whole human with a whole brain. Like, this is life, it'll last this long, and then it's gone. And it took me losing the left side of my brain for eight years to realize just how, how precious this thing is.
- SBSteven Bartlett
So how do I control and protect my brain at all costs?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Well, there's a lot. So you ready? Bum, bum, bum. I want some hot stuff.
- SBSteven Bartlett
I see messages all the time in the comments section that some of you didn't realize you didn't subscribe, so if you could do me a favor and double-check if you're a subscriber to this channel, that would be tremendously appreciated. It's the simple, it's the free thing that anybody that watches this show frequently can do to help us here to keep everything going and this show in the trajectory it's on. So, please do double-check if you've subscribed, and, uh, thank you so much, because in a strange way, you are, you're part of our history, and you're on this journey with us, and I appreciate you for that. So yeah, thank you.
- 2:18 – 5:10
Understanding Your Brain Will Help Improve Your Life
- SBSteven Bartlett
Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, what have you spent your professional career endeavoring to understand, and why does it matter?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
I am fascinated with how does our brain create our perception of reality? And based on that information, what a wonder it is any two of us can communicate at all. I think... I am fascinated by what we are as biological creatures.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Mm-hmm.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
And most of us are so consumed with everything outside of ourselves that we have missed the wonder of what we are as this biological conglomeration of cells. I think we're absolutely beautiful. You know, none of us came into this world with a roadmap about how to get it all right. And the roadmap is the brain cells. And when we understand the brain cells and what they do and how to work with them and how to keep them well, then we can manifest our own mental health.
- SBSteven Bartlett
And do you think the average person understands the brain? Did you understand the brain before you started studying it?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Well, I understood it because I had a brother who was diagnosed, would be diagnosed with a brain disorder, schizophrenia. So, I became fascinated by five or six about, what are we, and why is he the way he is? We are so different from one another. Our interpretation of our experiences are so different from one another. What's, what are we? I just, I just became a philosopher very young, and fascinated with the biology and the anatomy of what we are.
- SBSteven Bartlett
What do you think an understanding of the brain, the understanding that you're gonna communicate to myself and my audience-
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yeah.
- SBSteven Bartlett
... today, how do you think that can help me improve my life?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Oh, my goodness. If I understand what part of me interacts with the external world and is smart and is good with details and is well-organized, then I know how to use that part. And that's, n- that's... We are skewed as a society to that left thinking portion of our brain. In fact, as far as traditional medicine is concerned, that thinking portion of our brain is the only portion that is actually conscious. So, then we live our lives literally with our left emotional tissue, our left, our right emotional tissue, and our right thinking tissue all as part of our s- unconscious brain. But what if it's not unconscious? What if we actually know what those groups of cells also do, so that when I'm experiencing my pain from the past, I can actually call on the portion of my brain that knows how to self-soothe me, so that I can lift myself out of my pain, learn from those experiences, and then live a more fulfilled life? It's the power to choose who and how we wanna be in the world when we understand what our choices are.
- SBSteven Bartlett
So
- 5:10 – 9:10
Can You Choose What Part of Your Brain to Use?
- SBSteven Bartlett
is it possible to choose which part of your brain to use in a certain moment once you're-
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
You do it all the time, you're just probably not aware of it. Let's say you're gonna have a business call, and, uh, you got your stats and you got your data and you pick up the phone and you say, "Yes, this is Steve," and blah, blah, blah, and you work into your details. And then let's say, uh, someone peeks in to, to... Let's say a little dog comes running in, okay? Well, you're gonna have a couple of responses, potentially responses. One, you're gonna smile, right?
- SBSteven Bartlett
Mm-hmm.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
You just smiled. You just moved into, "Oh, hi.... little fuzzy. And yeah, okay now, you know, now you're a little gentler because now you've shifted into a different portion of your brain that is open to the present moment, and now you just got uplifted. So we have these four different anatomically, neuroanatomically structured parts of our brain, and we can pick and choose who and how we wanna be in any moment when we know what our choices are. But we don't know what our choices are as our society because we are functioning skewed to that left thinking portion of our brain, and everything else is running on automatic.
- SBSteven Bartlett
And the left thinking portion of the brain is the, what, more logical...?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Logical, rational, analytical, likes to control people, places, things. There's a me, uh, definition, ego center of "I exist. I am Jill Bolte Taylor. This is my phone number, this is where I live. I know that this is where I begin and end, where my skin meets air, because a group of cells tells me where I begin and end." But you've probably had flow moments where you were doing your sports, or you were making love, or you were whatever you were doing and, and you didn't begin and end here. You were vast, and open, and you were this big energy ball that you are. But the left hemisphere focuses on that little group of cells and those skill sets, and the right and the wrong, and the good and bad. And that, that portion of the brain defines the social norm, and we all have to fit ourselves in the social norm. But it's only a quarter of our brain.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Is it making us unhappy, the way that we use our brain currently?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Well, we're out of balance. We're completely out of balance because we're at the balance of the value of that left brain. What's going on in the right brain? The right brain is right here, right now. We spend so much of our time... So, fundamental differences between the right hemisphere and the left hemisphere. And I know this only because I lost my left hemisphere, and that's all I had. For eight years I had to use what I had currently going on in my right hemisphere after I lost those cells of the left hemisphere in order to rebuild the skill sets of the left brain so that I could become completely functional again. Are we unhappy? Well, that's not a happy part of the brain. When you're being analytical and organized and structured, you probably got that f- that burr, that f- frown right there, you know? You're... And, and it's a different expression than as soon as I said, "A little puppy comes in," and then all of a sudden your face happens. Well, what happens is you're shifting into a different part of your brain. And that's what we do. We're running it on automatic. So if we are running our brain on automatic, imagine how much better we might do if we were actually picking and choosing who and how we wanted to be on purpose.
- SBSteven Bartlett
And you're telling me that's possible?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Absolutely.
- SBSteven Bartlett
And by the end of this conversation today, you're gonna teach me how to do that?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Absolutely.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Okay.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
You're gonna so get it, and it will... And once you see you, you will no longer ever not see you. And then you're gonna see these four characters inside of yourself, and now you're gonna be looking at your partner, who you speak about often, and you're gonna be going, "I am recognize all four parts of her too." But what that means is that any relationship that we have, there's eight of us. There's eight of us. Eight very specific personalities in every relationship. So, I have four very predictable character profiles, as do you. It's the way the anatomy of the brain is built.
- SBSteven Bartlett
You've
- 9:10 – 15:41
A Real Brain with a Spinal Cord
- SBSteven Bartlett
brought a present for me in this box.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
I did.
- SBSteven Bartlett
What is in that box?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
This is a very special brain with a spinal cord.
- SBSteven Bartlett
This is a real brain with-
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
This is a real brain with a spinal cord.
- SBSteven Bartlett
A real spinal cord?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
A... (laughs)
- SBSteven Bartlett
And do you own this brain?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
This, I did this dissection. And, uh, yes, this brain was specifically donated to me for educational purposes.
- SBSteven Bartlett
How old was the person? What was-
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
In their 40s.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Do you know how they passed away?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Brain cancer.
- SBSteven Bartlett
And can you see the brain cancer?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
You cannot. Not until I cut this open, and I've had this brain for over a decade and I haven't cut it open. It is very rare to have in a dissection which is actually brain and spinal cord. Usually you dissect the brain and we learn about the brain. But I wanted to have the brain and spinal cord, because that's the central nervous system. And it's a spectacular dissection.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Um, I feel nervous and excited.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Excited's good.
- SBSteven Bartlett
I'm excited.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
'Cause you're right here, right now going, "Oh my gosh, something new."
- SBSteven Bartlett
Yeah.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
It's exciting. Right here, right now is an exciting time. Are you ready?
- SBSteven Bartlett
I am ready.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Okay.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Should I put my gloves on?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
I encourage you to do so. Okay, so this is a real human brain. And right now it is, um, hydrated in rubbing alcohol. So, that's what this is. So you don't have to be afraid of that. So, this is a real human brain. And spinal cord. And I think what I'll do is I'll just move this over here-
- SBSteven Bartlett
Yeah.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
... out of the way. Okay, so this is a human brain...
- SBSteven Bartlett
What's that skin on the top of it?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
... with a spinal cord.
- 15:41 – 18:51
The Central Nervous System
- SBSteven Bartlett
So this is the computer-
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Mm-hmm.
- SBSteven Bartlett
... and then this is the wires that control the rest of the body?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Well, it's part of the system, because, um, this, this, what you're holding, is the central nervous system. And then the central... all of it, and then the central nervous system sends, uh, between each of the vertebrae... Here you have different vertebrae. Between different vertebrae, you will have different nerves coming out and then going around the body, and then you're also going to have vagus nerves coming off of the brain stem area and going down into the abdomen, taking care of the viscera.
- SBSteven Bartlett
The first time you saw a brain like this-
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Mm-hmm.
- SBSteven Bartlett
... how did it change your perspective of life?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
I love it. I love it. I was, I was very blessed to have an aunt who was a debutante back in the years where debutantes did not get jobs, and she wanted to be an emergency room, uh, doctor, but there was no way that she was going to do that. So she would actually encourage me to pick up roadkill, and we would take it home and dissect it. It's beautiful. See that look? We have two responses. The left brain says, "Oh my gosh, this is disgusting. This is the worst thing I ever had," and that's a part of your brain that's designed to kind of critically judge and say, "No, it's not safe. It's not cool. Push it away." But the right hemisphere comes online with curiosity. So people see these things and they go, "Oh, no, mm, not my thing," or they go, "Oh my gosh, that is like so cool."
- SBSteven Bartlett
I feel both at the same time.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yeah.
- SBSteven Bartlett
I feel, I feel, um... I have like f- almost a respect for the person-
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yes.
- SBSteven Bartlett
... who grew the brain, whose brain that belongs to.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yes.
- SBSteven Bartlett
And then the other part of me-
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
(laughs) .
- SBSteven Bartlett
... is just like totally fascinated.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yeah.
- SBSteven Bartlett
And it almost... You know, when you look at it, you go... Y- y- You still don't realize that you have one of those in your head.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yes.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Like I still don't.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Now, now, so you're, you're still looking at that as that's a one thing. I don't look at it like that at all. This is a brain, but what's important about this brain is...Our brain health, our brain abilities is 100 dependent on the cells that make up that brain. So most people, many neuroscientists talk about the brain and w- how the brain does in the external world and the behavior and the neurotransmitter systems and all of that. I go down to the raw data of the cells. So I am a cellular neuroanatomist, and so I care about the cells making up the nervous system and how do we, how do we interact with them? How do we relate to them? How do we care for them? How do we feed them? How do we provide for them so that they can be healthy so that I can live a whole brain life in a healthy way?
- SBSteven Bartlett
For context, where did you do your PhD? You did your PhD in neuroana- neuroanatomy at Indiana State U- University?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Indiana State, and my research was at the IU School of Medicine, Indiana University School of Medicine. So that's where I focused on neuro.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Yeah.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
And, uh, then from there I went to Harvard Medical School.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Yeah.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
And, uh, did two post-docs, one in neurobiology, and then one in psychiatry.
- 18:51 – 21:51
The Event That Changed Your Brain Forever
- SBSteven Bartlett
And when I say the 10th of December-
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yes.
- SBSteven Bartlett
... 1996-
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yes.
- SBSteven Bartlett
... which was four years after I was born, roughly.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Mm-hmm.
- SBSteven Bartlett
You were 37 years old.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yes.
- SBSteven Bartlett
What happened on that day? Can you give me a play-by-play?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yes. Well, the day before that, I was teaching and performing research at Harvard Medical School, and I'm a gross anatomist, which means cadaver, entire body, as well as histology, which is tissue, as well as neuro. So I am all about anatomy. So I was teaching and, and performing research at Harvard Medical School, and, uh, I woke up the next day and I was experiencing a major hemorrhage in the left half of my brain. So I woke up, I sat up, and I immediately had a pulsing pound behind my left eye. And, uh, generally I didn't have that, and it was pretty severe, and it got all of my attention. And I have, my before and after is before and after that morning.
- SBSteven Bartlett
What happens next? So you've got a pulsing pain bi- behind your left eye.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yes.
- SBSteven Bartlett
What'd you do then?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Well, I thought, "Wow, that's weird." And it's the caustic pain that you get when you bite into ice cream. It's like that freeze burn.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Mm-hmm.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Uh, and I thought, uh, "Okay." And I felt, uh, I felt suddenly weak. And, um, and I thought, "Okay." So I got up and light was, um, kind of burning on my eyes. It was, I didn't want light in the morning that day, so I closed the curtains and I thought, "Well, let's get my blood flowing. Maybe I'll feel a little better." So I jumped onto my KardiaGlider, which was a whole body full exercise machine, but I'm looking at my hands and realizing that my hands look like primitive claws grasping onto the bar. And I look at my body and I'm thinking, "Whoa, I'm a weird-looking thing." And my perception of reality shifted away from my perception of being the one on the machine having my normal morning experience to, wow, I was witnessing myself having this experience, and I'd never had that happen before. And I thought, "Okay, so this isn't helping." So I get off the machine and I, uh, head across my living room table, and I'm realizing every movement is very rigid and very precise, and I'm actually kind of directing. I felt very robotic getting into the bathroom. So I remember pulling on the water, and when the water came out, it smashed into the tub and the volume just reverberated in my brain. It was so loud. The sound was amplified, and it pushed me against the wall. But when the volume hit, I'm a neuroanatomist, so what that means is that I'm teaching students about all of the anatomy here and which fibers are coming
- 21:51 – 25:15
When I Realised It Was Life or Death
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
in and going where and what is the tracks of everything. And so sound comes into the ears and it goes right down to the pons region of our brain, down here, and this is where life and death is. This is where those cells, if you're gonna, mm, inspire, you need your pons and, and your, your medulla in order to have those cells functioning. So when mine went o- were being disturbed, that was the moment I realized, "I've got a problem. This is a grave problem. Uh, this could kill me." So I got out of the shower. I dressed mechanically, just dressed, I'm still going to work. And then my right arm went totally paralyzed by my side. And, and it's really strange when a limb goes paralyzed. It doesn't just, like, drop down. It goes bomb. I mean, it's a heavy entity. And I thought, "Oh my gosh, paralysis. Oh my gosh, I'm having a stroke." And then I'm thinking, okay, you know, oh my gosh, how many brain scientists have the opportunity to study their own brain from the inside out? And I literally thought, "Okay, I'll do this stroke thing for a week or two, and then I'll get back to my job, right?" So then it was a matter of, "I have to get help. I have to communicate with the external world." And the problem was that the hemorrhage was happening inside of the left thinking portion of my brain, which is where language is. So I was drifting for four hours. I was drifting in and out of the consciousness of the present moment. And the present moment... The present, in the present moment, I don't know who I am. I don't know what I am. All I know is what's in the present moment.
- SBSteven Bartlett
So explain that for me.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yeah.
- SBSteven Bartlett
So the left side of your brain-
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Mm-hmm.
- SBSteven Bartlett
... was where the stroke was happening?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yes, it was.
- SBSteven Bartlett
So you were in the right side of your brain.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
I was waffling back and forth, because it was growing. It started small. So I had what we call an arteriovenous malformation, where an artery, which is a high pressure system, it's bringing blood into the system. And then I have a vein, and the vein is a no pressure, low pressure system. And then we have these little capillary networks in between.... yeah. This is an ischemic stroke. I had the es- the, uh, the hemorrhagic stroke. So when you think about stroke, most people think, "Oh, blood clot."
- SBSteven Bartlett
Mm-hmm.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
And the blood clot blocks a... So the thing about, um, arteries is they taper, taper, taper, taper, taper until they get down to the capillary level, which is where the blood, uh, the red blood cells kinda line up in single file and pass through that. And it's a very low pressure system. And then it absorbs back up into the vein. Well, what I had was the hemorrhagic stroke and a blood vessel exploded. And when it exploded, then the blood goes out into the extracellular matrix, which is extracellular between the cells, and the cells cannot function. Blood is essentially poison to cellular communication, so it's no good. And whatever blood, wherever it goes, those cells start going offline. And then as that, uh, hemorrhage grows inside of the brain across time, more and more cells are becoming incapacitated.
- SBSteven Bartlett
So you were, in that moment, unable to remember how to speak properly, unable to-
- 25:15 – 26:37
Damage to the Left Side of My Brain: I Couldn't Speak or Remember Anything
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Nothing. I had nothing. I didn't even have me. I had no Jill Bolte Taylor, because she was over in the left hemisphere, and eventually that whole hemisphere ended up swimming in a pool of blood and was nonfunctional. But it took four hours to get there, so I was waffling into the present moment, blissful euphoria. I didn't exist. I ha- I know who I am and that I exist at all because I have a tiny little group of cells inside of my left hemisphere that tells me who I am. Have you ever awakened in a hotel somewhere 'cause you've traveled so much and you're going, "Where am I?"
- SBSteven Bartlett
Yeah. Yeah.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
There's this blank, right?
- SBSteven Bartlett
Mm-hmm.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
And it's like, "I don't know, but the bed's comfy. You know, what a nice room." You know, and all of a sudden you're just right here, right now, and you're not about the past and you're not about the future, and you're just in the present moment. And joy lives in the present moment. Love lives in the present moment. Laughter lives in the present moment. The present moment is a fantastic place, and we are wired to that by literally half our brain. So why wouldn't we spend more time over here? Or at least balance it out. That's all I ever ask for. I am not here to, uh, uh, you know, uh, as, uh, waving the flag of the r- of the right hemisphere. I want whole brain living. I want people to understand the different parts of their brain, what they do, so that it says, okay, so let's say...
- 26:37 – 32:11
The Importance of Having Fun and Being Present
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Do you meditate?
- SBSteven Bartlett
Sometimes.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Okay. Sometimes. What's it like for you?
- SBSteven Bartlett
Difficult.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Okay. Why?
- SBSteven Bartlett
Because the... you start thinking about stuff.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Okay. 'Cause this part of your brain won't be quiet.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Left... Is that the le- that's the left-
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Left thinking brain.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Yeah.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Where language is. It won't be quiet. Or, uh, you just had a little argument with your, with your sweetheart, and so down here now, you're in your emotional system, and you're not really feeling peaceful, and you got on that airplane and things weren't like perfectly smooth, so now you're kind of r- m- m- you know, ruminating about, you know, "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh." You know, and whatever. And that takes you away from the present moment. But the present moment i- i- is, it's not about me, the individual. I think about the s- the, the... So I look at the brain, it's divided in four categories, very specific anatomically. Each one of those result in a constellation of skillsets. And then that constellation of skillsets actually manifests in our lives as personalities. And we all have all four. Now, do we all practice all four? No. Some of us do. We usually have a dominant. You seem to like your left thinking brain a lot. When do you have fun? What does Steve do for fun?
- SBSteven Bartlett
This.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
This?
- SBSteven Bartlett
No, also, I watch, I watch Manchester United play and I...
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
You lift weights?
- SBSteven Bartlett
Yeah.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
W- what's that like for you? Is it work or is it refreshing-
- SBSteven Bartlett
Both.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
... to be in your body?
- SBSteven Bartlett
Oh, when I'm at the gym, it's, yeah, it's, I'm just in my body, which is, yeah.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Okay.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Yeah.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
But no, not just but. When you're at the gym, you're in your body. Now, can you go back in your own mind and have that feeling?
- SBSteven Bartlett
Can I?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yes.
- SBSteven Bartlett
How?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Well, go there, in your mind.
- SBSteven Bartlett
I actually imagined myself on the treadmill at my favorite gym and how that felt. And I had a brief moment of that feeling emerge in my mind.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
And what did it feel like?
- SBSteven Bartlett
Present.
- 32:11 – 37:35
Reaching for Help During the Stroke
- SBSteven Bartlett
And so when you withstood there, you'd put your clothes on, the left side of your brain was offline, so you were very much in this sort of blissful, euphoric present moment state.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Mm-hmm.
- SBSteven Bartlett
What did you do next?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
I, I go through all the details of trying to get myself help, and that meant, to me, the one plan I could get between b- shifting black out- back out into the euphoria of my right hemisphere, where I'm just in bliss, bl- I'm just happy, I'm just there and I don't have a plan.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Why didn't you call 911?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Because it was just f- floating in a pool of blood. It wasn't there for me.
- SBSteven Bartlett
What do you mean?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Well, when you look at where my hemorrhage happened, it happened... So, so language, the creation of sound and language, dog, dog is a sound, it's gonna come out of, uh, Broca's area, and then Wernicke's area back here is gonna place meaning on that sound. And my hemorrhage was impacting this whole area and in there, with language, is numbers. 911 didn't exist for me, was not an option.
- SBSteven Bartlett
You couldn't remember 911?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Didn't exist for me. It'd be kinda like I say to you, um, uh, "What's 8,322 times 4,000,000?" It doesn't exist for you until you figure it out.
- SBSteven Bartlett
164,000,374... I'm joking. I'm joking.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
(laughs)
- SBSteven Bartlett
I'm kidding.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Exactly. So I... 911 didn't exist for me, so I had to, when I would come back into the left hemisphere consciousness, then I would, I got to my phone and I put, have a phone pad here, and I spent 45 minutes waffling in and out, right hemisphere, left hemisphere. And finally, I found my business card that had my phone number at work, and I had to set the pad of, the phone pad up against, right next to the business card and match the shapes, the squiggles, in order to figure out how to call my office, because I had no idea what numbers were.
- SBSteven Bartlett
And what did you say when the person answered on the other end?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
I said, "This is Jill. I need help." And what came out of my mouth was, "Ru-ru-ru-ru-rur." And then I thought, "Oh my god, I sound like a golden retriever." And then he spoke to me and I thought, "Oh my god, he sounds like a golden retriever." I had had a golden retriever and they're very verbal. "Ru-ru-ru-ru-rur." So I knew at that point... I did not know, 'cause I could still hear myself, my language inside of my brain. Language is very complex in this, because different cells do different things. And in this, this left thinking portion, we can read, we can write. Those are completely different circuitries. We can speak, we can un- comprehend when others speak. I mean, it's complex. So this is a busy, busy, busy place, but as long as this is the only portion of our brain that we value, then we live based on the values of that portion of the brain. And what that brain values is me and mine, and I want more. And that's the world we're living in.
- SBSteven Bartlett
It's selfish.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Well, it certainly is.
- SBSteven Bartlett
'Cause people talk about there being a spiritual crisis in society at the moment with many of the things you're describing, the individualism-
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yeah.
- SBSteven Bartlett
... the narcissism, sociopathism, the lea- leaders of the world being very-
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yeah.
- SBSteven Bartlett
... uh, zero sum in how they approach-
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yeah.
- SBSteven Bartlett
... economies and how they treat others.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yeah.
- SBSteven Bartlett
You're saying that's because we're so...
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Right there. Over here is-
- SBSteven Bartlett
On the, on the right side?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
On the right side. It's right here, right now. And in the right here, right now, what do I care about? I care about connection, because I'm not individualized. Here, I'm a part of the whole. I am, we are all standing around this beautiful planet, and I, man, is equal to all the other creatures and all the other life and to the life of the planet. We are one construct here, and we either figure out how to nurture and support and be one thing... We are one human family. In our right hemisphere, you are my brother. I love you. I can support you, I can nurture you, I can encourage you, because you're a part of me. And then the left hemisphere comes online and says, "Oh, Jill, that is so inappropriate for you to say."... and he has his body space, and I have my body space, and we need to be formal, and we need a right and wrong and good and bad, and we need to establish how the construct of the social norm is that we are now going to take the mass of all that we are and fit ourselves in that so that we can communicate with one another and run a world.
- 37:35 – 43:40
What Did the Scan Show?
- SBSteven Bartlett
And what did that scan show? It showed a, a-
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Major hemorrhage in the left half of the brain. Yeah, about that size. Actually, it was a little bigger than that on that m- on that day. Uh, but by the two and a half weeks later when they removed... That's why we have a golf ball. A golf ball-sized blood clot from the left half of my brain two and a half weeks later, December 27. And then I woke up and I had this huge hemorrhage. I, I mean, I had this huge scar, but my mother comes rushing in and she says, "Speak to me! Speak to me!" Because this is my language. If my language cells are gone, I will have no language and I will struggle the rest of my life for language. And I, I whispered to her, "I'm better. I'm better." And what I meant by "I'm better" was that I felt bright again. I felt bright. I felt like whatever life was gonna give me at that point in time, I had brightness. I was still alive. I did not die that day. And when, you know, so many people have said, "How, what motivated you to get better?" Or, or, "How can you, could you have been so happy?" And it was like, "I did not die that day." And that meant no matter how disabled I was, I could not walk, talk, read, write, recall any of my life. I became an infant in a woman's body at the age of 37. I completely fell off the Harvard ladder, and none of that mattered. All that mattered was I was alive. And what that meant was I had the potential to grow and heal and become whatever I would become. And it didn't matter, and it still doesn't matter. What matters is I'm alive. It's the gift of life. And that's, for me, the wonder of what we are as living beings. And we ha- you know, we are at a time where we are in a mental health crisis and our mental health is 100% dependent on the health and wellbeing of the brain. And the health and wellbeing of the brain is 100% dependent on the health and the wellbeing of the brain cells. So, how do we nurture those cells and love those cells so that we can live the life we wanna live and we can live in joy, we can live in present, we can live feeling connected to something that is, is magnificent as a life force power of the universe? And have this magnificent left brain that allows me to have language, allows me to be a part of society in an effective way, and allows me to have pain from my past so I can learn and grow from experiences that have happened to me that I would rather not repeat?
- SBSteven Bartlett
What is the complex range of emotions you're experiencing as you recount this story?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Awe. Awe. I feel such awe for life. Life. This is life. This is, there is life and there is death, and we have life. And life is the miracle construction of the universe. Argue about it all you want, have a million conversations about it, analyze it to death, but the fact of the matter is, you are alive in this moment. You are alive. You can say you have eyes that can see and ears that can hear, and you have a digestive tract that can bring in nutrition, and you have manual dexterity, and you have mobility. You have legs that can run around the planet, and you have this magnificent mind so that you can do what you wanna do. You are a miracle, and we have forgotten that. And for me, it took me... This whole stroke experience took me straight back to the part of my brain, that right thinking part, that connects me in that transformation or that trans- transcendence experience of being so much more than just a little human being running around the planet. Oh my gosh. Life is this miracle. (sighs) And it makes me feel awe and wonder. It excites me so much. And if everybody had that and recognized that and could grasp that and hold that, imagine the different world we'd be living in.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Eight years.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Eight years.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Of recovery.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yes. Every day, every breath, every everything, I thought of nothing else other than, "What can I do? And what's in the way of me being able to do what I wanna do next?" And rebuilding using what I had in the right hemisphere to rebuild the circuits. I knew I had language. I knew I could speak. I knew I had vocabulary. I knew I had ideas. I knew somewhere in there I had numbers. It took eight- it took four years for me to even understand what's a one. I mean, wow. Wow. I did not die that day. I did not die that day. And so I have all the possibility of what will be.... and it was wide open. I wasn't gonna be a neuroscientist again, because that left hemisphere, I never held myself to returning to whom I had been before the stroke. That girl died that day as far as I was concerned. But the phenomenon was that as... I'm a gross anatomist, so I taught cadet- cadaver lab. And when you are teaching, you have a whole body there, and you're teaching medical students about what's inside of there, you get your hands in there and you say, "I want you to slip in behind the stomach, and I want you to slip this hand in here. And I want you to know the relationship between the stomach and the duodenum and the liver and, and the splenic nerve and the kidney. I want you to feel it because I want you to have a three-dimensional image of that inside of your mind so that you can use that information." Very right-brained. So when we learn, we learn facts and details with the left brain, but we learn context and big picture with the right brain. So we have these two very different ways of working it out.
- 43:40 – 44:43
Ads
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
(page turns)
- SBSteven Bartlett
I've had so many founders speak to me and say, "Why didn't this particular ad that I ran on this platform work for me?" Maybe the copy wasn't good, the creative wasn't strong. But usually the problem is they're not having the right conversation, because that ad never reached the right person. And if you're in B2B marketing, that is much of the game, and this is where LinkedIn Ads solves that problem for you. Their targeting is ridiculously specific. You can target by job title, seniority, company size, industry, and even someone's skill set. And their network includes over a billion professionals. About 130 million of them are decision-makers. So when you use LinkedIn Ads, you're putting your brand in front of the right people. And LinkedIn Ads also drive the highest B2B return on ad spend across all ad networks in my experience. If you want to give them a try, head over to linkedin.com/diary, and when you spend $250 on your first LinkedIn Ads campaign, you'll get an extra $250 credit from me for the next one. That's linkedin.com/diary. Terms and conditions apply. (page turns)
- 44:43 – 47:46
Where Do These 4 Personalities Exist in the Brain?
- SBSteven Bartlett
So you said there's four personalities in everybody's brain.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Mm-hmm.
- SBSteven Bartlett
What are those four personalities?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
As we're looking at the brain, just from an anatomical perspective, the way evolution happens for the mammalian brain is that there are creatures who have a spinal cord and they have, uh, and then... and there are creatures like that, like worms. And then a little brain, a little medulla will form at the top of that tissue. And then now that brain controls and streamlines information processing to the rest of the system. And then we add a pons.
- SBSteven Bartlett
What's that?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
It's just a structure of cells. So this is the medulla.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Yeah.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
We would have spinal cord there, and this is the pons.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Oh, it's like a-
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
We call that the pons. It's a group of cells.
- SBSteven Bartlett
A small brain.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yeah, it's a smaller brain. And in relationship to that pons is the cerebellum. And the cerebellum has this gorgeous cell in it called the Purkinje cell. And they're, they're like a hand, they're like, you know, two-dimensional, and they all line up like this. And then fibers run through those. And it's part of the mechanism of timing so that you have fluidity of movement because of the way those cells are aligned. So not all cells are created equal and not all cells look alike. Cells have the right shape for the right job. So as then we, we grow and now we have the mammalian brain, we're going to have the hippocampus, you've heard of that, for learning and memory. The amygdala, you've heard that for "Am I safe?"
- SBSteven Bartlett
Am I safe?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Are you safe?
- SBSteven Bartlett
Oh, okay.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
The amygdala... Yeah, the, there's a group of cells right there that is scanning constantly, "Am I safe? Am I safe?"
- SBSteven Bartlett
Okay.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
"Am I safe?" And you're fine until you're not safe.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Okay. So like threat detection.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yes, that's exactly what it is.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Okay.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
You have emo- two emotional systems.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Mm-hmm.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
One in your left hemisphere and one in your right hemisphere. And the right hemisphere is gonna be right here, right now. Am I safe in the right here, right now? So let's say all of a sudden a snake grow, went by and we would jump, we would startle, because it's your right amygdala saying, "Oh my gosh, am I safe?" And then the left hemisphere is going, "Oh my gosh, it's a snake. No, I'm not safe. Push it away."
- SBSteven Bartlett
Mm-hmm.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
And when we're calm, that's when the hippocampi, 'cause we have two amygdala, one in each hemisphere, two hippocampi, one in each hemisphere. And when the amygdala are calm and you feel safe, now you can learn and focus. Focus with the anterior, with the cingulate gyrus, and learn new things. So, so, you know, these groups of cells... Now, if you wipe out an amygdala, you're not gonna feel any fear. You wipe out a language center, you're not gonna have any language. You wipe out motor skills to your index finger, and you can't, you're paralyzed. So every ability you have is because we have these brain cells that perform that function.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Mm-hmm.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
So, uh, for the four parts of us, so we have an emotional system in each hemisphere. The emotional system of the right hemisphere, this is a right here, right now machine. Right here, right now, that's all it has. Doesn't have the past, doesn't have the future, doesn't know who you are.
- 47:46 – 49:25
Where Addiction Lives
- SBSteven Bartlett
Doesn't have anxiety, depression?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Well, it has anxiety, but most of that is gonna be based in the left hemisphere, because this machine, the left hemisphere has linearity across time. So this emotional system is remembering every traumatic event that ever happened to you that you don't wanna have happen again.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Is that where trauma lives in the brain?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Trauma's living in there as is addiction. Addiction, there's a group of cells in here called the insular cortex, and that's where craving is, and that's part of the limbic system of the left hemisphere. And if you wipe out craving, do you still have an addiction? So this is... So, so it... Let me just keep going. So we have these two emotional systems, and then we have these two thinking systems. And the thinking system is what distinguish us as humans from all other mammals.... okay? So our mammals, our dogs love us, there isn't any question about that. Our dogs can punish us when we're not very, you know, we, we don't show up and we've sent them to doggy care, uh, if they're not happy about that. So mammals have other forms, but we have this higher executive functioning. And in the right hemisphere, it's right here, right now, and in the left hemisphere, it's all about me, because in there, in that thinking is my ego center, in that prefrontal region, I, me, I exist. H- back here, orientation association area, I begin and I end here. This is the package of me, the individual. I have a language. I can create language, I can understand language. I can read, I can write. I have mathematics in there, and this motor system controls the opposite side of my body. So that's a personality.
- 49:25 – 54:59
What Are the 4 Personality Types?
- SBSteven Bartlett
So what are the f- to summarize them, what are the four types on, going down?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Okay. So I, when I look at a brain, and this is totally randomly named, um, and I did that because I had to communicate about it somewhere, so I call left-thinking character one, and I actually give that part of my brain a name. I call her Helen. Hell on wheels, she gets it done. You're talking to Helen right now. She is giving you facts and details. She is all about what is right and wrong and good and bad. How do I fit myself into a society? How do I use my words in order to communicate? So this is the part of us that goes to work. It's our A-type personality. Character one, left-thinking.
- SBSteven Bartlett
A- and that's, so that's on this side here?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yeah. Well, it's all, it's, it's this outer... This outer layer of cells is called the cerebral cortex, and the cerebral cortex is actually, in human, made up of mostly six layers of cells. It's very complex. In some areas, especially where you have, uh, sensory systems, it's just gonna be four layers, but this is a complex portion of the organ that separates us from other animals.
- SBSteven Bartlett
What about character two?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
So character two is going to be the left emotion. Now, the difference between the, the, w- the things you can say predictably about the left hemisphere is that it has linearity across time, and it has me, the individual. And my emotional system then has my past pain and it wants... and, and it's kind of always looking for a reason to knee-jerk react and have emotional reactivity. So, so many people are trying to fix or heal or get rid of their emotional reactivity when re- this is a portion of our brain which is running constantly in the background to protect us fro- in the present moment when new information comes in. So we wanna work with that and we wanna appreciate it and we wanna love on it and we wanna be kind to it because it's generally not very happy, because it is storing all of our pain from the past.
- SBSteven Bartlett
And what do you call that?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Character two. I call mine Abby. We could spend a whole semester talking about character two, because character two is our pain from the past, and in our society, everything's about our pain from the past, and our professional self. Character three is going to be the emotional content of the right hemisphere. Well, this is right here, right now. What am I experiencing emotionally? Experiential. This is where, what's the temperature of the air? What does it feel like to have clothing on? What does that feel like on your body? Uh-
- SBSteven Bartlett
When you, when you meditate, they ask you to be- become aware of your environment, right?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
And focus on your breath. Exactly. Because, because they want you to expand yourself, one, out of the thinking consciousness, and right and wrong and good and bad structure, the box that we think in, of the left-thinking, and they want you to stop m- you know, thinking about your girlfriend, and boy, we didn't really end it very well. Or, boy, I had a great morning this morning. Okay. So, so this is playful. So character three, it's young. We have two little people inside of ourselves, and that's the emotional. They're immature. We are feeling creatures. As biological creatures, we are feeling creatures who think. So a lot of character threes actually, w- we have character three moments that land us in jail, because it's not thinking about consequences of behavior. It's just thinking, oh yeah, the neighbor's pool. It's three o'clock in the morning. They won't notice. Let's go jump in their pool. And then the next thing we know, you know, we've been arrested. So then character four is the thinking portion of our brain. This is our wi- this is our wisdom. We, we go and we have experiences, and we learn, because neuroplasticity is real. And every, we have to have neuroplasticity. These, and this is all about the cells. Neurons, in real time, reaching out, making new connections constantly, but their cell bodies are in position. But in order for me to make an association between you and something else, then I actually grow to you and I grow to the something else and then I learn about that. So our capacity to learn is what ne- is, the underlying feature is neuroplasticity. I would not be sitting here talking to you today if neuroplasticity didn't turn on fire when I needed it for eight years. And it took eight years for me to use what I had in this brain to rebuild the skill sets of this brain. But the thinking portion, the character four portion of our brain, is the wisdom that we gain from the knowledge that we have had and we have associated it and we can relate to it. And this part, all it cares about is that emotion that I felt that morning, which was awe. Awe that I'm allowed, uh, alive at all, and when we can connect to that... people, people, you know, it's billion-dollar industry of meditation to quiet what's going on in the left hemisphere so that we can open up the possibility to what's going on in the right hemisphere, and, and it's, it's our peace. We are wired at the core of our being, of our right-thinking tissue, to feel peace. And we do not exist in a world that is peaceful. So if we are functioning on an extreme left brain, left thinking, and we are emotionally volatile when people insult us, and we're all about the me, me, me, and we have forgotten about the we, look at the world we currently live in. And right now, we are so skewed to me, the individual, and I want more, and I'm against you because you're not a part of my tribe-And we balance that by knowing that I'm alive.
- 54:59 – 1:04:58
The Odds of a Single Human Being Born
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
It is this incredibly precious gift. The odds that I had to beat just to be here? Have you ever stopped to think about the odds you had to beat just to be here? Think about this. Now, first of all, think about this: the little egg cell that would evolve into you eventually, it took form, it's about the size of, of, uh, you know, it's an egg cell, it's tiny, but it took form during your mother's fifth week of gestation. So your mother, your, your grandmother's pregnant, right? And that little egg cell that would be your mother has now made it into the womb, and during the fifth week of being there, the little egg cell that would grow into you took form and differentiated into the ovum. And so you, the little egg cell, witnessed the next eight months of your mother's gestation, your mother's birth, your mother's screaming, your mother's toddler years, your mother's learning to sing and laugh and play and learn geography and mathematics, all the way through her puberty. And then so she's born with some 400,000 egg cells in her two ovaries. And out of those 400,000 egg cells, approximately 500 of those egg cells are going to be the next follicular eruption, month by month by month with her period. And your little egg cell, imagine you're hanging out in your little ovarian follicle, and it's your turn and you're getting all prepped by the hormones of the body and you're going, "Oh my God, it's my ride," right? And you're this little egg cell, and then the hormones swoop by your little egg cell, and it beams you out and the fimbriae of the fallopian tubes gather you up and you begin your promenade, your fallopian promenade on the way, road to your mother's sacred womb. And in that moment, your father was there for you, and you were one of the lucky ones, and you beat the odds of all those egg cells. You beat the odds, and how can that not be something that we celebrate the wonder of? The odds you had to beat just to be here. And then for the next nine months, that little egg cell is going to multiply its DNA, repackage that DNA. One cell becomes two, becomes four, becomes eight, becomes 16, becomes 50 trillion cells over the course of nine months, and you're multiplying egg cells as a, at a rate of 250,000 new cells per second. Per second. Not per minute, per second. You're this explosion and literally the energy of the universe is what is fueling all of this from happening. You are nothing other than mass and energy working together. And then there's you. And it's like, how on earth can I have mental health problems and not acknowledge and have awe for what we are? Oh my gosh. And that's what, that was the gift that stroke gave to my life, and you can see I get a little excited about it.
- SBSteven Bartlett
A little, yeah.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
We are so beautiful. We are so beautiful. We are perfect and whole and beautiful just the way we are, and it's like, if we would become balanced as a society, we would, I truly believe, truly believe with every essence of my being that our number one job is to love one another. When we love one another and we support one another and we encourage one another, we all grow and we will benefit as humanity. And when that happens, we will really recognize we have fragile resources on this planet and we need to nurture the planet as a part of us because we have a symbiotic relationship with this planet. Chokes me up.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Why?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Because it's, you know, lots of conversations about are we gonna make it or are we not gonna make it? What is the future of humanity? Where do we go? How do we... How, what happens? We, we live in a threat every day of our exis- of our, uh, you know, existence being completely blown apart. Okay.
- SBSteven Bartlett
What are these?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
I would like for you to put those on.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Okay.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Now, okay. And I just want you to sit in that for, like, oh, just, uh, you know, 30 seconds, 20 seconds. Actually, it's a pretty good look on you there.
- SBSteven Bartlett
It's like Men in Black.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yeah, it's M- (laughs) exactly.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Okay.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Now, I would like for you to pull your right one, the little... Do you see how it's got a little, little edge? Yeah. Uh, yeah, flip it up. It'll flip up. Yeah, and flip it all the way up. Now, what you're doing right now is you are bringing light in from the lateral portion of your visual field.
- SBSteven Bartlett
What does that mean?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Of that eye. So close one eye and open, leave one eye open. Okay.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Yeah.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
That's a ball, okay? Down the middle is an artificial line.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Yeah.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
T- outside, the outside portion, that is called lateral, and the inside side is called medial.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Okay.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
And so the lateral light is now coming in and that hits the m- the medial side of your retina.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Okay.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
And the retina is the back of the eyeball.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Okay, so the light's coming in from the, the-
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Ou- from-
- SBSteven Bartlett
... the outside of my eye.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yes.
- SBSteven Bartlett
And it's hitting the inside of my eye.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
It's hitting the in... It's coming out from the outside of your visual field, it's hitting the, uh, medial internal side of your retina, and then those fibers are boom, crossing over to the opposite hemisphere.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Okay. I'll put-
- 1:04:58 – 1:10:07
How to Shift Between the 4 Characters
- SBSteven Bartlett
If I want to be able to actively switch between these different parts, these four personalities in my brain so I can-
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yeah.
- SBSteven Bartlett
... be most effective in a given situation-
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yeah.
- SBSteven Bartlett
... is there a practice where I-
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yes.
- SBSteven Bartlett
... where I can control m- my brain in that way?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Absolutely. In your life, this is a practice. You don't just learn it and then go do it. This is a practice. You've got to say to yourself, first step, step number one, recognize, in this moment, am I using my left thinking judgment listening to this conversation and what is my judgment? Is my judgment, yes, this makes sense, this is interesting, I want more? Or is this, oh, this is just crap, I just can't go there, I gotta turn it off? Or... Okay. I'll give you an example. Uh, once you know who your four characters are, once you have really thought about them, studied about them, paid attention to what your... when they come out in you, what they feel like inside of your body, I can s- I can jump between all four in an instant-
- SBSteven Bartlett
How-
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
... because I know them so well.
- SBSteven Bartlett
But would you... Is there a practice? Do you have to say, "He- Becki, come in."
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
So this is what I do. So this is what I do. Well, once you know the four of them-
- SBSteven Bartlett
Yeah.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
... and the only way to know them is to practice with them, get to know them. When do you get really unhappy? Who unhappies you? When do you wanna growl at people?
- SBSteven Bartlett
I won't name a name.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Don't name a name. But, you know, see? You went straight into that character two part of you. That's the only part of you that holds grudges. Your right thinking doesn't care about that. It doesn't even know about that, because that's in the past. So when... So, so here's the key. Step number one, observe yourself. When am I being a character one? When am I at work? When am I speaking and organizing and making a to-do list? And when do I like to be the boss? And when do I like to control people, places, things, and time, and all of that? When am I doing that? Well, you know that part of yourself very well. He's probably called Stephen. The part of you that is not very happy, you know, your parents probably know this part of you. Your girlfriend definitely knows this part of you.... right?
- SBSteven Bartlett
Yes.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Okay. When are you playful? What does it feel like? It feels completely different than when you're at work or when you're not happy. When are you at play? And if you're not at play much, then you might want to give yourself a little bit more play. So I was working with a group of physicians, because th- these physicians are very busy people. And right now, the physician is a very high level of suicide. So, I care passionately about this population because they're not finding any peace. Because society expects them to be left-thinking all the time. They're supposed to be the authority and they can't have any mental health issues, because they're the ones we go to for mental health issues. So, all they can do, they don't have time, they are busy, busy, busy, and they're not very happy about it. And our system is a mess. So, they're having to deal with that. So, I was working with a group and I said, "Okay, I want you to take a pair of chalk outside of the ER room, and I want you to draw a hopscotch." And what happened was all these doctors in and out, and these medical professionals were hopscotching in and hopscotching out. And that, just that helped them bring their glee back just for a moment, just for an instant. So, this is the glee, and it's exciting, and it's fun. And it's like, figure out what brings you joy and do that. And know ... And, and this is why it really helps to know this, because if you're gonna say, "Okay, I'm gonna go, uh, I'm gonna go play basketball." I come from Indiana, everybody plays basketball. "I'm gonna go play basketball. And I'm gonna go do it for 20 minutes." And my character one is over here saying, "We don't have time for you to go shoot some hoops, girl. We got business to take care of, we're on a deadline." And little character three comes in and says, "I will refresh you. I will be your pause. I will refuel your spirit." I take the stress away from that subject. I release ... I h- I have all kinds of endorphins and excitement stuff going on. And then I go back and I do such a more creative and open job, because I made space instead of just the drive, drive, drive, drive, do, do, do, linear, linear, linear. The beauty of being a human is you have all four parts of this brain. This is our design. But we are functioning with only one online as conscious. Imagine, imagine if you could say, "In this instant, I want to, um, I wanna, I want to feel as though ... Just feel as though ..." Whatever your spiritual beliefs or your beliefs about a higher power, whatever, just call it the universe, 'cause we know there's a bunch of rocks spinning around in space and we're on one of them, hanging on for life, just being human, right? So that's all happening. So, oh my gosh, I can say thank you to all those rocks for being in the positions they're in so that we're still here. And I can feel this deep sense of gratitude. And as soon as I feel that gratitude and that, "Oh, oh my God, I exist at all and it could be over like that," and then it's over. But right now it's a party. Life can be play.
- 1:10:07 – 1:12:11
Ads
- SBSteven Bartlett
Did I ever tell you about the, uh, data breach that we had at my previous company? Yeah, I remember hearing about that. Which, which, um, was a total nightmare, so I'm glad that we now use 1Password.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
What actually is it, Steve?
- SBSteven Bartlett
It's called, um, 1Password, and they're the sponsor of the podcast now. And they have this feature called Enterprise Password Manager, which means that if any of our passwords across the team are compromised or leaked, then it notifies us. And obviously if that were to be the case, we're at huge risk across the entire team. Through 1Password EPM you can also store all of your sensitive information. And it's helping us to move closer towards passkeys, which means eventually everybody will be able to log in to pretty much everything without ever having to put a password in.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Sounds like a good addition.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Yeah, I think it's like the single most impactful security addition you can make to your team, especially if your team has tons of passwords that are all, like, hidden in Excel files and stuff. To my listeners, if you want to secure your business, head to 1password.com/doac. 1Password is a game changer. It's the future that I always wished would be the case, as someone that has, you know, 20, 30 different passwords for 20, 30 different applications. In my second book, The Diary of a CEO: 33 Laws of Business and Life, one of the laws I talk about is always prioritizing your first foundation. And by that, I mean your health. After speaking to hundreds of scientists and doctors and thinkers, I'm convinced we can all change the trajectory of our long-term health through the daily actions that we take. So for me, partnering with our new sponsor, Function Health, made complete sense. Their membership includes over 100 advanced lab tests covering hormones, toxins, inflammation, heart health, stress, and more. And when you sign up, you schedule your test, complete them, then you're sent a personalized summary with insights backed by doctors and thousands of hours of research. And if anything critical shows up, you'll get a call from a doctor. These are the insights most people never get, but you can get them now. So if you want to learn more, head to functionhealth.com/doac where you can sign up right now. And for the first 1,000 of my listeners, you can get $100 credit towards your membership when you use the code DOAC100, but do not tell anybody. That's DOAC100.
- 1:12:11 – 1:21:45
Emotions Only Last for 90 Seconds
- SBSteven Bartlett
How long do you think emotions are supposed to last?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
90 seconds. From the moment you think a thought, we're only doing three things inside of our brain at any moment in time: we think thoughts, we feel emotions, and we run physiological loops to what we're thinking and feeling. So, let's say I'm gonna think a thought, like you did. I said, "Uh, think of somebody you're not happy with." And you went and you thought about it, and then you felt it, and we could see it in your body. So you thought the thought, "Oh, that's the person, I'm mad at them." And then it's like, "Oh, I'm really mad at them." You can see, you feel that, really mad at them. And then you either act on it or you don't act on it. But if you simply observe it, it will loop right through, just like a, a muscle reflex. It's an, a emotional reflex. Less than 90 seconds. Which means ... And everybody's saying, "Oh, I can stay mad for a whole lot longer than 90 seconds." But what you're doing then is you're rethinking the thoughts, that's restimulating the emotional loop, restimulating the physiological response. And, and it just goes on forever.
- SBSteven Bartlett
When you feel that emotion, is there a way to ... Is there a strategy for making sure that you don't act upon it or you don't re-loop?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Well, I enjoy it-
- SBSteven Bartlett
... you enjoy the emotion-
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
I enjoy it.
- SBSteven Bartlett
... even if you're angry?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Even if I'm angry. Thank God I'm capable of that. I am wired to be mad. I am wired to be angry. I'm wired to push things away and say, "That is not okay." I get big, I get ugly, I get... I make myself heard because that's a healthy boundary I'm going to establish. So I celebrate the fact that I'm capable of anger. I g- I love that I can be sad. I'm glad that I can grieve. Oh my God, grief is this powerful emotion that can consume us, totally envelop us, take us to our knees, and it's like, it's like I have a friend right now who's about ready to pass away. Beautiful, beautiful person. She's been great, wonderful friend in my life. I love her and I will celebrate every time the wave of emotion hits me because that's how much I loved her. That's how much I loved her. I celebrate that I'm capable of being taken to the floor in that kind of pain and just weep my whole soul. I mean, I'm wired for this. This is life. Why do I wanna just put myself in a little box and say, "I don't wanna have grief. I don't wanna have pain. I don't wanna be mad. I don't wanna do this. I wanna be, I wanna be a robot." I don't wanna be a robot. I wanna be a whole human with a whole brain, and all of it. It's delicious. Oh my gosh. And it lasts this long, and then it's gone. (yawns) Thank you. And I'm guessing your headache feels a little better.
- SBSteven Bartlett
(laughs) Why did you say thank you?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Because it's so rare that people will really connect with another human being for anything more than like three seconds, and then I'm uncomfortable and I can't do that anymore. But we're here to love one another. You're the gift of my life. People on this planet are the gift of my life. We are the gift of your life. And if we are constantly judging each other negatively and pushing each other away and killing each other, we are violent against each other, then it's like, oh my gosh, we are so off track of what we could be as whole brain living. I truly believe the next step for our evolution is waking up the whole brain. And if we wake up our whole brain, the game is changed. And that becomes no, it's not okay for us to create war. It is not okay for us to create hate. It is not okay for us to make that division anymore. That is not what we're- we respect, and that is not what we want as humanity. We want to be whole. We want to be the next level. We wanna feel safe with each other.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Are you hopeful?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Oh, completely, 100%. That doesn't mean it, we couldn't be gone in an instant, but absolutely. That's the beauty of the right hemisphere is it is hope. It's possibility. And that's why when you talk to me about AI, yes, I think a lot about AI. AI is, uh, wow. I listen to your podcast. There's a whole lot of err, wow, and I don't have that. And this is why-
- SBSteven Bartlett
What was that sound, sorry?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Err, you know. It's hard. It's hard. You've had some really difficult conversations about, you know, the reality of, of the potential dangers. But here's why that doesn't bother me, because I have a whole brain. And my whole brain says, "Yes, that is that, and that is going on, and that is scary." And I think about it through the, the perspective of a neuroanatomist, so I see the internet as like this higher level of consciousness that we're feeding ourselves into and everybody's plugged in, and now we're creating robots and consciousnesses that will think independent of us, so we're essentially creating an other that we cannot control. Well, I can't control who's got those nuclear codes. So from my perspective, I'm just glad I wake up every day and it's like, oh, I get another great day, and it's like, ooh, possibilities. So...
- SBSteven Bartlett
Have you always been like this?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
(laughs) No, this is, this really came with the stroke. This so much came with the stroke, because I lost all of the box. I lost the box.
- SBSteven Bartlett
The box?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
The box of thinking. This is right, this is wrong. This is the way we're gonna do it. Uh, I value money. I was climbing the Harvard ladder. Uh, you know, I was a little girl from Indiana. I was climbing the Harvard ladder. I mean, that was a pretty big deal to a little girl and her family, and, uh... So, so I was climbing the Harvard ladder and then bam, that was all gone. And when that was all gone, what I gained was, ah, connection, heart, time, possibility. I... My business perspective has shifted in that I don't reach out to people. I don't solicit. I don't hustle. I don't need to, because if I'm working, great. I love to work. I love my work. It's yummy. I mean, it's like how can I not? But I love to paddleboard. I live half of a life, half my time on a boat out in a beautiful cove, pretty much in isolation, with the bear and the deer and the fish and the bobcat. I live in nature. I live the life I want to live, and then I get off the boat and I come and visit people, and we talk. Or I go and I do whatever it is I'm doing.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Had you not had the stroke, how different do you think your life would look?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Oh, I'd be probably a professor of neuroanatomy at Harvard Medical School, teaching and performing research, doing th- that thing. That was my dream.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Do you think you'd be happier or less happy?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Oh, no, I'm so glad I had that stroke. I am so glad I had the stroke. It set me free.... it set me free. Having the stroke set me free from having to live a life based on other people's expectations about what my life should be.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Because it changed something in your brain?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Because that went totally offline and it wasn't gonna be a choice anymore.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Is it still offline?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
No.
- SBSteven Bartlett
So it went offline, which m- allowed you to focus on other things.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Think about the brain as... Think about your consciousness, and think about you have four parts of you, and all four parts are always running and they're kind of vying for the microphone. Who's gonna talk in this moment, right? Who's gonna think what? Who's gonna perform what? Who's gonna do what? So we have these, these whole brains, and, um, and then imagine that you lose your business sense. You lose that guy.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Character one.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Character one-
- 1:21:45 – 1:25:44
How to Heal Trauma from the Past
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Same thing.
- SBSteven Bartlett
So how, how do we do that? How do we heal o- our trauma from the past from a neurological perspective?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Well, I think what we do is we recognize... First of all, um, the question, everybody wants to heal it, so the way to heal it is not to get rid of it. I cannot get rid of my trauma from the past. My pain from the past is real, and it is mine, and it is expansive, and it is mine, and everybody has their pain from the past, their trauma. We all have trauma. So what do I do with that trauma? Do I let that trauma just fester in that character two part of my brain? And then I just look at everyone else who's not like me now and say, "Well, you didn't have any trauma." You know, "You're better off than I am." Da-na-da-na-na-na-na. You know, I start making a negative hostile judgment about, well, this is my trauma and I wanna protect it. The purpose of trauma is to say to you, you're a biological creature. You're in the present moment. You're a real human being. You have a life. My life... Part of my life is my trauma, and I will bounce from trauma to trauma to trauma to trauma, and if I look at the trauma and say, "This is a horrible thing," well, maybe it was a horrible thing, and maybe that was 30 years ago and that was a horrible thing, and you're keep- the more you think about it and you root into it, and the more often we run a circuit, the more are... that circuit's stronger that gets and begins to run on automatic. And so now I'm always worrying about, oh my God, am I gonna have more trauma? And I put all my energy into that trauma. Well, what am I doing? It's just the same as if I'm just a workaholic and doing nothing but character one. And, and so the power of whole brain living is to know that I, I have four parts of me, and that trauma is important information. And let's say I, I, I was attacked or I was raped or I was... I had a horrible experience with a person, and now in the future whenever I see a person that looks remotely like that, I knee-jerk away from that because I perceive myself from my trauma that that's not safe. So I push it away. That is an appropriate response. But then I say, "Oh, but this is actually a different person," and I can open up my right hemisphere and with curiosity look at this new person and say, "Well, you might look like somebody who hurt me many years ago, but you're not that person. Who are you?" And make a connection in the present. So the trauma is supposed to be information. We get in trouble when we turn it into a lifestyle. So how do I heal that? I acknowledge it. I value it. I say thank you to it. I acknowledge its, its purpose, and I pull my energy into the r- other parts of my brain. My character four, Queen Toad, can come in and self-soothe me and hold me.
- SBSteven Bartlett
And what would character four say to the trauma?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
"You're loved. You're okay. Thank you. Thank you for this information. Thank you." And hold it. Well, trauma needs to be heard. It needs to be held and it needs to be heard. And, and then it can, like, transform itself into, into the next level of, oh, okay, I'm okay even though I had that trauma. Even though I, I had this stroke that all but killed me, I'm not resentful. Why would I be resentful? It's my life. This happened to be the life story of me. We all have a life story. So the question is, how much energy am I gonna put into that and hold myself back when I have all these other incredible possibilities? And if I was hurt or I was raped, then I can actually... if I wanna take that anger because I am madder than hell about it, then I can d- I can advocate for other people to help women get self-defense courses so that we can actually protect ourselves. I mean, I can turn it into something else. I can make lemonade out of lemons. We all can. We're wired for that.
- 1:25:44 – 1:35:55
Lifestyle Choices for a Healthy Brain
- SBSteven Bartlett
You've talked a lot about how you think about the brain from a cellular perspective and how we keep it healthy from a cellular perspective. So I wanted to get some of your advice on-... lifestyle choices that I should be making to have an optimally healthy brain at the cellular level?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Number one, sleep. Sleep is everything. Sleep, sleep, sleep. These are billions, 800 billion cells that are eating and creating waste for you to have a consciousness in every instant. Imagine the number of cells it takes for you to just look at me and have a relationship in this moment with me. I mean, your brain is working hard. So it's eating, it's creating waste. Go to sleep. Sleep should be a priority. And if you sleep, then the microglia can come out and, uh, then all the garbage and waste can get cleaned up, the waste gets pushed away, and you wake up crisp and fresh the next day because your brain cells have been taken care of. What are you feeding them? If you are feeding them preservatives, you are preserving them. Oh my gosh, pay attention to what you're consuming. Fresh fruits, fresh vegetables. Try to do it at, you know... I, I know we exist in a world where not everybody can eat organic, but boy, pesticides are poison. So paying attention to what we are consuming. How much sugar are we eating? Sugar, sugar is just not a healthy choice. No matter what. Now, I love chocolate and I'm gonna eat chocolate. It's my, you know, vice. I'm gonna do it anyway. Dark chocolate, it's a bean, it's a vegetable. (laughs) Somebody said that to me once and I believed them. Okay, so, um, what are you eating? Movement. You have to move your body. You are an organism. So many of us think that, especially if we're in that character one left thinking brain, "My body is designed to, like, move my left, my brain around." No, you are an organism. So finding ways to get yourself into the different characters is great for you. If you can't get into your body, name for me a song, if you would, that as soon as you start in on it, your body goes. What gets your beat going? Gimme one.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Why did I think of Giggs walking the artist? Um, um...
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Then do it.
- SBSteven Bartlett
No, I can't, I can't do it.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yes, you can do it.
- SBSteven Bartlett
It was... No, it was... I was thinking of, 'cause it was playing outside before we started recording-
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Uh-huh.
- SBSteven Bartlett
... I was thinking of Olivia Dean's new song, Man I Need, but I can't sit here and sing Man I Need and then-
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Uh-huh.
- SBSteven Bartlett
... do the little-
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Well, then don't sing it, just get... So-
- SBSteven Bartlett
Thing she does, she's like-
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
So for me-
- SBSteven Bartlett
(sings) Look out for me, could do-
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Exactly.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Yeah, yeah.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yeah. But that was forced.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Yeah.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Now can you do it like you mean it? (laughs) We ought to put the glasses back on you and see what happens. Okay, for me, uh, I'm disco era. (sings) I want some hot stuff, baby. This... I cannot not do this. I become my body, all of me. It's like dance like nobody's watching. That's what character three is all about.
- SBSteven Bartlett
So why is that important for a healthy brain at a cellular level?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Oh my gosh, it's the break, it's the pause, it's the fun, it's the joy. It's the present moment connection. What is my life going to be like if I don't have any of those things I just listed?
- SBSteven Bartlett
So exercise, quality sleep, nutrition.
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Hydration.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Hydration?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Hydration.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Why is that so important?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Oh my god. Your body is nothing but cells connected to one another, and cells are filled with water, and the space between them is filled with water, and it's a delicate balance of what, what atoms and molecules are inside the cells versus outside the cells. But you're just a big liquid ball.
- SBSteven Bartlett
Excuse me?
- JTDr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Yes, you are. I said it and I meant it. That's what you are. You are f- a fleshy ball of... You... That's it, water. You need to be hydrated. Now, you can't over-hydrate. If we over-hydrate, then we're, we're distilling, uh, what's going on in those populations of, in the cell or extracellular matrix. So don't just, you know, drink your weight in water every day, but you have to stay hydrated.
Episode duration: 1:35:55
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