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Unlock The Secrets Of Your Mind, Boost Productivity & Reduce Stress! - Yung Pueblo | E255

In this new episode Steven sits down with the poet and philosopher Diego Perez, also known as Yung Pueblo. 0:00 Intro 02:02 What mission are you on? 04:30 Your own healing journey 06:55 Your first step in healing 12:51 We need to ask ourselves how we feel more 16:44 Mediation 19:04 How do we get people ok with change? 28:25 What does mediation look like for you? 30:26 How often do you meditate? 32:43 How to meditate 38:19 Why should we be meditating? 42:50 How to understand suffering 47:21 Why do you keep going? 57:18 What do you look for in a partner? 59:55 The route cause of challenges in you relationship 01:05:36 The current world of dating 01:14:56 We’re all addicted to distraction, here’s how to get out of it 01:18:33 The importance of moving more slowly 01:20:02 Why you need to develop self love 01:22:28 A closing message to the world 01:23:33 how do you manage your time 01:28:56 The last guest’s question You can purchase Diego’s newest book ‘Lighter’, here: https://amzn.to/3NgXOD7 Follow Diego: Instagram: https://bit.ly/42wAGVx Twitter: https://twitter.com/YungPueblo My new book! 'The 33 Laws Of Business & Life' per order link: https://smarturl.it/DOACbook Join this channel to get access to perks: https://bit.ly/3Dpmgx5 Follow me: Instagram: http://bit.ly/3nIkGAZ Twitter: http://bit.ly/3ztHuHm Linkedin: https://bit.ly/41Fl95Q Telegram: http://bit.ly/3nJYxST Sponsors: Whoop http://bit.ly/3MbapaY Huel: https://g2ul0.app.link/G4RjcdKNKsb Blue jeans: https://g2ul0.app.link/NCgpGjVNKsb

Yung Pueblo (Diego Perez)guestSteven Bartletthost
Jun 12, 20231h 33mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:00 – 2:02

    Intro

    1. YP

      People don't understand their capacity. You don't need to hit rock bottom to be the best version of yourself. What you just have to do is-

    2. SB

      I love that.

    3. NA

      Yung Pueblo, the expert in unlocking your true potential. He's a meditator and best-selling author whose work has impacted the lives of millions.

    4. YP

      The world is incredibly challenging. The demands are intense. And whether you've experienced serious trauma or not, hard moments get accumulated into the mind. We're trapped in this tight little bubble by our past. It keeps us in a loop. You react very intensely with anger, with sadness, you feel anxiety, stress, but healing and letting go are possible.

    5. SB

      How?

    6. YP

      The best tool that we don't access is meditation.

    7. SB

      If there's someone listening to this now and they go, "I don't meditate. I've tried it, didn't work," what is the pitch you'd make to them?

    8. YP

      Steve Jobs and Sam Altman, high-performing people cultivate their minds and meditate. They stay cool under pressure, make more creative decisions. I can do more with less stress. It's essential for your mental health. When I grew up, I didn't want to admit to myself that I didn't feel good. Constantly trying to cope myself in pleasure by drinking as much as possible, doing tons of drugs where I almost lost my life. Everything was going terrible. But when I started meditating, everything changed. Requires this application of self-awareness to really unlock your happiness. You gotta see what you're doing to yourself. Meditating has been the biggest investment that I've made in my life.

    9. SB

      In a specific way, how does your meditation look?

    10. YP

      There's two main things. One is...

    11. SB

      Before this episode starts, I have a small favor to ask from you. Two months ago, 74% of people that watch this channel didn't subscribe. We're now down to 69%. My goal is 50%. So if you've ever liked any of the videos we've posted, if you like this channel, can you do me a quick favor and hit the subscribe button? It helps this channel more than you know. And the bigger the channel gets, as you've seen, the bigger the guests get. Thank you and enjoy this episode.

  2. 2:02 – 4:30

    What mission are you on?

    1. SB

      Yung Pueblo, Diego Perez, when you look at the body of work you've produced, and you look specifically at the, the writing, the content that you've put out into the world, what mission are you on? What is it you're trying to do? What effect are you trying to have on society at large?

    2. YP

      I think the mission is really hoping to raise self-awareness around the fact that healing and letting go are possible. So, I got into this world really early on. I think, uh, it was 2011 when I started realizing that healing was even possible, and this was before wellness was even a giant sort of this giant world that it is today. And, um, to me, it was a shock. You know, when I grew up, I thought that if you were sick physically or mentally in some manner, you just had to deal with that for the rest of your life. You couldn't really fix that in any way, and when I started changing my habits, when I started changing what I was eating, when I started reassessing my friend group, and then eventually when I started meditating, the changes were so massive that I was so shocked by them that I wanted to really check in with myself and see that, is this real? And it was real. So, that just kind of pushed me into writing where I felt this sort of creative pull to- to share the little bit of that I- that I know, you know? And it- it was interesting because I know that I don't know everything. I'm not fully healed, I'm not fully wise. I have a long way to go. But hopefully some of the things that I'm reflecting on could inspire other people to do this serious work as well.

    3. SB

      And- and why? Why does it matter that we heal? Why does it matter?

    4. YP

      I think it's because it's pretty necessary to live a better life. Like I- I think, uh, whether you've experienced serious trauma or not, you've definitely had hard moments in your life, and those hard moments get accumulated into the mind. They literally, you know, the times when you react very intensely with anger, with sadness, with whatever emotion it is, that reaction gets accumulated in your mind and predisposes you to feeling that same thing again. And oftentimes, we don't quite realize that we're sort of like trapped in this tight little bubble by our past, and we're thinking the same things, saying the same things, making the same actions, and it keeps us in a loop. But if you start healing, you can basically get access to your freedom.

    5. SB

      So-

  3. 4:30 – 6:55

    Your own healing journey

    1. SB

      so thinking about what you said there about your own healing journey where you couldn't believe the results were real and true.

    2. YP

      Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

    3. SB

      What did you heal from?

    4. YP

      I think a lot of it was anxiety and stress and, um, this sort of scarcity mindset. So, I was born in Ecuador in this city called Guayaquil. Uh, I came to the United States when I was about four years old with my parents. When we got to the United States, it was incredibly difficult, like we were stuck in the classic American poverty trap. Uh, my mom, she worked cleaning houses. My dad, he worked, um, at a supermarket. So, there was no upward mobility for us. Um, they didn't know English. You know, we were, uh, we went through a really difficult time. So, as I was growing up, I didn't notice how that was affecting me until I got to college where, you know, I had so much anxiety and stress about, you know, I would see my parents fight constantly about how they were going to pay the rent, how they were gonna get more groceries. I experienced multiple times where I was, you know, eight year old child and I'm so hungry 'cause there wasn't enough food in the fridge. And this all got accumulated over time and never really properly processed, you know, like, I didn't have access to a therapist back then, no meditating back then, it was sort of just, um, you know, coping mechanisms. And when I got to university, I hit this breaking point where I didn't want to admit to myself that I didn't feel good. I was...... constantly trying to cope myself in pleasure by drinking as much as possible, smoking as much as possible, um, always with friends, never alone. And I ended up just, like, building all these bad habits where I was partying constantly, doing tons of drugs, and, um, eventually hit that breaking point in the summer of 2011 where I almost lost my life. Um, I talked to a doctor afterwards and described to them what happened, and, and they were like, "Oh, yeah, it sounds like a mild heart attack." Where I had just taken way too many drugs one night, was on the floor crying basically, you know, praying, begging for my life, um, 'cause I didn't, I didn't wanna go out like that. And going through that experience and then basically taking a different route into the life that I have now, I think, um, I'm really grateful that I had that strength and I want other people to know that they have that strength too.

  4. 6:55 – 12:51

    Your first step in healing

    1. YP

    2. SB

      Zooming in on that moment then when you, you go off to college you, you know, find yourself in addictive cycles with drugs and alcohol and cocaine, I believe.

    3. YP

      Yeah.

    4. SB

      Um, you have that min- miniature heart attack.

    5. YP

      Yeah.

    6. SB

      And then at that point, you make a decision that you're not gonna let this thing kill you.

    7. YP

      Yeah.

    8. SB

      What is the next step in your journey towards healing?

    9. YP

      (laughs) Walking.

    10. SB

      Walking?

    11. YP

      Uh, walking. Something s- I mean, I was incredibly unhealthy, right? I was de- definitely overweight at the time, but, um, but internally, right, I hadn't exercised probably in, like, four years, four or five years. And, um, so I knew... I took the drugs, threw them away, um, I c- you know, I'm home and I'm like, "Okay, how do I, like, revamp my life?" And I remember seeing some YouTube video or StumbleUpon or... I saw something back then where, um, it was talking about how important it is to have more nutrition, so I ended up buying a, like, huge tub of barley grass. You know, back... Barley grass used to be, like, really hip back then and, um, I needed some type of super food 'cause I knew, I'm, you know, every day I'm just eating, you know, rice and meat, rice and meat, just, like, a very, like, South American diet. And I was like, "Okay, let me get some nutrition, let me get this barley grass stuff, I can put it in my orange juice and just knock it back." And I was like, "I gotta do something, like, I have to go outside," and I just started walking. And I remember I was so unhealthy, started walking, lightly jogging, that I got the worst shin splints. Like, I literally... My legs hurt so bad that I was having trouble going up the stairs, but I kept going and I kept going. And, like, you know, even this morning, this morning I, I ran four miles no problem, and thinking about that time, it's... Yeah, I've come, come a long way.

    12. SB

      I was, I was thinking as you were speaking about-

    13. YP

      Yeah.

    14. SB

      ... the catalyst of change in people's lives.

    15. YP

      Mm-hmm.

    16. SB

      Like that moment where they hit rock bottom and they say-

    17. YP

      Yeah.

    18. SB

      ... enough is enough, and what it takes for, for them to make a meaningful sustained change in any element of their life, whether it's their relationships and leaving and going finding a better-

    19. YP

      Yeah.

    20. SB

      ... situation or a job or just life in general, like you're, you're describing where you realize you're on the wrong track and you make the decision to, to pos- to, to go in a new direction. Two questions there. What do you think it is that, from your experience, that starts that journey of change for people? And the second thing is, when we often speak to people who've changed, the process seems to be really linear and quick. Like, "I made the decision to change, then I changed."

    21. YP

      I think people doubt their power. Honestly, man. I've seen that happen time and time again where people don't quite understand their capacity, and especially when the situation gets severe. And of course, like, you know, not everybody makes it. Some people get destroyed by the process of hitting rock bottom, but other people stand up. It's almost like a phoenix. I remember writing a poem f- called Phoenix in my first book, Inward, and, um, I think that, you know, it's pretty personalized. Like, I really don't think everybody has to hit rock bottom. And I think, um, I like having that point of view 'cause I think people want to, like, go to extremes often and kinda dramatize things, but you don't need to hit rock bottom to be the best version of yourself. I think that's, that's kinda the situation that I was personally in, um, but for me, man, I remember when I was on the floor and I kept thinking about... I was like, "Man, I f- I feel my life, like, y- you know, it's, it's running out." Like, I felt it running out. And I kept thinking about my parents and I was like, "They worked so hard, like, you know, they..." I, I wasn't even mad at them that they didn't have time for me because I knew their struggle. Like, I understood, like, I got it. You... They rolled the dice by coming to the United States because e- everybody doesn't win here. The other major, major, major thing, like when I... You know, the few days after where I almost lost my life, I remember sitting in my room, um, at my mom and dad's house and this was, you know, I had just graduated from college, it was 2011, the economy was, was pretty bad, it was hard to get a job at the time, and I remember sitting in the room and I was like, "Okay." I was like, "What's the problem here? Like why, like, how did this almost happen?" And it hit me, I was like, "Oh, is it because you didn't want to admit that you didn't feel good? Now if that's what got you here, what can get you out of this?" And it's, oh, it's telling yourself the truth. And this was, you know, b- before I had learned how to meditate or anything, but I would just sit in my bed and I would challenge myself to stay with the feelings that I used to run away from. So, like, I like to call it radical honesty with yourself, like, it's not, it's not really about other people but it's between you and yourself, and when those heavy emotions would come up, normally I would just roll a joint, smoke, and just, you know, it'd help cover whatever was there, but when the anxiety would arise, when the stress would arise, when those feelings of worthlessness would arise, I would just sit with them and, you know, at first it was a few minutes, then 10 minutes, 15 minutes, and I was like, "Okay." Like, and I learned a lot, you know, I learned that...... these little storms that come up, like, they don't need to blow you over. They don't need to totally overwhelm you. They don't even need to govern your actions. If you just sit there and feel them, you realize they're totally temporary and it's gonna be okay. You know, and, and I, I didn't know that before until I started challenging myself to just be with that and I don't really know where that came from. You know, like I had hadn't really... I hadn't really read self-improvement books or seen these things online or anything like that. But I think instinctually, I was like, "Okay. If, if you were lying to yourself before, now tell yourself the truth." And what does that look like? A lot of the time, it looks like feeling your emotions and not running from them.

    22. SB

      We don't do that,

  5. 12:51 – 16:44

    We need to ask ourselves how we feel more

    1. SB

      do we?

    2. YP

      (laughs)

    3. SB

      We, um, we distract ourselves.

    4. YP

      Constantly. Constantly, yeah.

    5. SB

      It's, it's... I was just thinking then, how many, how many of us really know how we're feeling? Like, how many of us really know how we, ourselves, are feeling? Truly, like, when was the last time... I think for most people listening to this, have you really sat there on the end of your bed or wherever and asked yourself how you're actually feeling, all things considered? What's out of balance?

    6. YP

      It's rare, but I think it's becoming more popular. I'm pretty inspired by what's happening now. I've, um, I've been watching this whole wellness world brew and grow and develop, and obviously, it's ha- it has its downs. It has a lot of consumerism around it. But there are a lot of positives, and there are just millions and millions of people who are seeing therapists now. There's millions and millions of people who are meditating, and there are millions and millions more journaling, reflecting, building self-awareness, building language around these, you know, newer ideas. Um, I mean, actually old ideas, but that have, you know, come back around. Um-

    7. SB

      Is that also slightly concerning?

    8. YP

      What do you mean?

    9. SB

      Because it- it's, it's a sign that there is a increasing demand, potentially, for... (laughs) You know what I mean? If it's, if p- if there's more fire extinguishers being sold-

    10. YP

      Right.

    11. SB

      (laughs)

    12. YP

      Right, right, right.

    13. SB

      ...and there's more fires-

    14. YP

      Oh, it's totally concerning. I'm, I think, um, it's concerning, but I think to me, it gives, it gives us, gives me hope, honestly. Because, of course, the world is incredibly challenging. M- you know, the advent of technology, especially with social media, the increases in loneliness, like, we know. We know. Like, the cause and effect are very clear, right? But these tools have been around for, like, you know, the Western tools of therapy, what, a 100, 150 years? The Eastern tools of different forms of meditation, indigenous healing practices, these things have been around for millennia. And now that the world is globalized, people in major cities especially have access to them. Like, you can type in, like, "What c- what, what can I do to deal with my anxiety?" And you have, like, you know, things from, from psychiatrists, like, you know, you can go to your, like, local meditation center. There are tons of things that you can do now, and what you just have to do is find something that meets you where you're at. So, you do see these two things rise together, where the demand for your attention is through the roof now from the media, from tech, from everything that's happening around you, family and friends. But at the same time, here are a bunch of tools for you to get your mind right so that you can not be overwhelmed by these demands.

    15. SB

      I am certainly guilty of using screens and other means to distract myself from how I'm feeling. In fact, you know, when I'm feeling tired or s- you know, bothered in some way or a little bit agitated and whatever it, way it might be, my way of dealing with that is to pick up a screen.

    16. YP

      Yeah.

    17. SB

      I'm just gonna be honest. Pick up a screen and either watch something on YouTube, distract myself from the feeling, maybe watch some football-

    18. YP

      Mm-hmm.

    19. SB

      ... um, or, uh, something else, you know? Something else that's probably not so good for me. Um, and I think that, you know, scrolling on my phone, for example, I think that represents the, the majority of people. We use distraction as a way to avoid confronting how we're feeling, because confronting how we're feeling is... can be uncomfortable.

    20. YP

      Absolutely. I mean, confronting how you're feeling, for a lot of us, that's the gateway to growth, right? So if you're gonna s- be there and stand with your emotions, you either see so much that you wanna keep running or you're like, "Okay. I'm gonna accept this challenge, and let's see how I should grow next." So it is quite difficult.

    21. SB

      Is it

  6. 16:44 – 19:04

    Mediation

    1. SB

      called Vipassana? Vipassana?

    2. YP

      Vipassana.

    3. SB

      Vipassana.

    4. YP

      Vipashna, Vipassana, there's a bunch of ways to say it.

    5. SB

      What is that?

    6. YP

      Yeah. It's a meditation, uh, that's been around, uh, that originated from the Buddhist teaching, so 2,600 years, where you basically, uh, do your best to see reality as it really is. And it's very different from how we normally see reality, right? You and I are hanging out. We're talking. We're having this conversation. It feels like it's two individuals speaking. But let's ask ourselves what's happening at the ultimate level where, well, Diego and Steven are basically just these, like, bundles of atoms that are changing so incredibly rapidly trillions of times, and at the same time, it's just mental and physical phenomena interlocking at incredibly high speeds that makes the illusion that we're here. Um, but in reality, are we real? No, not really.

    7. SB

      Why is that an important or valuable exercise?

    8. YP

      It's quite valuable. I think the sense of self, um, when it becomes overgrown or when it becomes highly traumatized, um, it creates a barrier to happiness. So what I found through Vipassana meditation was that... As I was observing the truth of impermanence literally within the framework of the body, you know, when you start learning that everything that arises ultimately passes away and you start understanding that change is... It exists within the fabric of every single thing in this universe-... you start loosening up your identity. It's not as rigid as it was before. It's not like Diego always reads science fiction and he always loves blueberries. Actually, it's not true. Sometimes I love watermelon, sometimes I love, you know, like reading fiction, some- you know, so it allows this, uh, understanding of change to help you loosen up and really evolve. Um, and I've, uh, have found that quite beneficial to my personal joy and happiness, and definitely in my relationships, because if you embrace change, you're not gonna be as attached. It's not gonna be like, "I want you to do this this way all the time." In fact, you're gonna understand, oh, no, different conditions create different situations. So yes, I can have goals, but if they don't come about, I'm not gonna be crying on the floor. I'm just gonna try again.

    9. SB

      How do you think our earliest experiences

  7. 19:04 – 28:25

    How do we get people ok with change?

    1. SB

      impact the relationship we have with change? Because change, it's funny, 'cause there's this almost duality of being a human, where we seem to like things staying the same.

    2. YP

      Totally.

    3. SB

      There's a certain security and comfort.

    4. YP

      Yeah.

    5. SB

      Even the idea of self- uh, identity-

    6. YP

      Yeah.

    7. SB

      ... that's almost like an, uh, resistance to change. It allows me to be understood. If I, if I give you my-

    8. YP

      Totally.

    9. SB

      ... bio on my business card, it will say, "CEO of marketing company-"

    10. YP

      Mm-hmm.

    11. SB

      ... then you get me.

    12. YP

      Mm-hmm.

    13. SB

      You know where I fit. I feel like I'm, I fit somewhere and there's, there's a tribe somewhere. But at the same time, the human experience yearns for progress.

    14. YP

      Totally. And we're not trying to have people get rid of their identities, right? What we're trying to do is create, um, a sense of flexibility within that identity, where we don't often see that human beings, we tend to side on the extreme of the apparent reality. That's what I was mentioning before. Like, I am here, you are there, we're speaking to each other. That's apparently happening, but we totally forget the ultimate reality. We totally forget that everything is constantly changing. Even this hard table, it's changing so fast, so fast that you can't even witness it. You can't even see it, unless you profoundly calm down the mind and start developing your awareness, your equanimity, and you do this within the framework of the body, because when you understand what's happening within the body, you actually understand universal law. You understand what's happening, you know, throughout the universe. And missing that undercurrent of change, missing that understanding that your ego is not this permanent thing, it helps you tremendously, so that you're not as attached as you're moving through the world, because we're constantly trying to control everything. Control ourselves, control the people around us, control whatever situation we can get our hands on, and what happens when you're just trying to constantly control things? Misery. So much misery, so much struggle, so much mental tension. And I think that's why embracing change, like your original question, you know, what is our relationship with change? It's a combative one. It's, uh, it's a situation where, you know, we grow up as children and we, you know, all we're focusing on is building our identity, right? When you're becoming little, you're learning the culture, you're sort of taking it all in, and you develop your sense of self. But when you become older, you know, when you're grounded and you have a, you know, a good sense of identity, you also need to develop an understanding of what's ultimately happening around here. And I think when you get a real taste of ultimate truth, it helps you tremendously, because I, I think if, if I didn't have, if I didn't switch around my relationship with change, um, like, I would have no access to peace.

    15. SB

      It's interesting, 'cause you're, you're totally right. When I was younger, I grew up hoovering infor- information that allowed me to survive, and I built my identity around the character that was required to survive in that context.

    16. YP

      Right.

    17. SB

      Not the character that would make me happiest in my life or f- most fulfilled or best in relationships. So, what was formed by the age of 18 was this, like, insecure, shame-ridden kid who would run from relationships 'cause he thought those were prison.

    18. YP

      Mm-hmm.

    19. SB

      Um, and that stood in the way of all of my, so many of my goals. It certainly stood in the way of me being really happy, but it also stood in the way of me finding romantic love.

    20. YP

      Right.

    21. SB

      And it was unpacking that identity, un- becoming aware of it, its existence-

    22. YP

      Mm-hmm.

    23. SB

      ... and then unpacking it and trying to unlearn it, that allowed me to pursue the things that now make me f- fulfilled and happy.

    24. YP

      Yeah.

    25. SB

      I'm still not there yet.

    26. YP

      (laughs)

    27. SB

      I haven't really met anybody that is. Um, but I find that really interesting, that, like, we build that identity around survival, and then as an adult, at some point, we need to, like, review it.

    28. YP

      You hit it on the dot. So, I think when we, it makes sense evolutionarily. Like, you, evolution wants you to be able to survive. It does not care about your happiness. It does not care about your sense of thriving. But as you come to fruition and you come into being and you're, like, you're here, you have your sense of identity, you realize that there's so much misery wrapped in this sense of self, uh, wrapped in, wrapped in your attachments, and to be able to really thrive and to be happy, it requires letting go. I mean, how much stress have you caused yourself, right? There's, like we-

    29. SB

      (laughs)

    30. YP

      ... have to ask ourselves this. Like, of course, you know, sometimes people get offended by this question, but y- you have to realize that, uh, there have definitely been people in your life who've caused you harm, people who've done terrible things. But it's you and yourself in that mind of yours, right? It's, it's just you. And o- and we don't quite understand how many times we replay the past over and over, and then those same feelings of tension come up again and again, and we have no way to really process that unless we try to actively find some sort of tool that will help us let go. Uh, and I think it's really important to just, you know, you gotta see what you're doing to yourself.

  8. 28:25 – 30:26

    What does mediation look like for you?

    1. SB

      no. You talked about what meditation being critical for you there to kinda slow down-

    2. YP

      Mm-hmm.

    3. SB

      ... and have that space to reflect on how you're responding and- and so on. In a- in a specific way, wha- how does your meditation look? Does it... Is it once a day for five minutes? Is it, you know, you go off to a retreat?

    4. YP

      Yeah, so, um, you learn Vipassana. It's- and this is in the S.N. Goenka tradition, same tradition that Yuval Noah Harari also meditates in. Um, we... You learn the technique by going away to one silent 10-day course. Um, so it's a big commitment. It's hard. It's not easy. You know, the first one that I did was incredibly difficult. Like, I just thought about running away for the first seven days. Um, but you learn a technique that, you know, the first three days you learn how to observe your respiration, and you're given this tool called Anapana where, you know, you're literally observing the natural breath. And then that helps calm down the mind enough where you can start feeling a lot more in your body than what's usual. Um, you know, for some meditators, they can feel, like, the crispness of the pain that they're- that they might feel from sitting long hours a day, where they can, like, feel it to just, like, this hyper HD detail, and it's not as overwhelming, right, because they're there with it. Um, and- or on the other end, you know, some meditators will be able to feel this, like, flow of, you know, rapid energy moving through the body, and it's almost like- like an atomic river that you're sort of fine-tune your mind to be able to feel, and you can feel how like, "Yeah, this is my bicep, but it's actually it feels like tens of thousands of, like, changing vibrations that are moving incredibly rapidly." And-

    5. SB

      You sit there in silence for 10 days?

    6. YP

      Total silence for 10 days. You can talk to the teacher. You can ask questions. Um, but you are, like, you're there totally by yourself. Um, you're there with a group of people, but you're, like, in an environment where it's basically by

  9. 30:26 – 32:43

    How often do you meditate?

    1. YP

      yourself.

    2. SB

      You're not allowed to speak to those other people?

    3. YP

      No. No eye contact. No speaking. You are, like, basically living like a monk.

    4. SB

      And what about on a day-to-day basis? What is your, like, daily...

    5. YP

      On a day-to-day basis, I meditate two hours a day. And then-

    6. SB

      Two hours a day?

    7. YP

      That's right.

    8. SB

      Every day?

    9. YP

      Every day. I've been doing that for, I think, about eight years now. Um, and I meditate one hour in the morning, one hour in the evening, or, like, you know, late afternoon or something like that.

    10. SB

      What does that look like, just sitting on your own or... ?

    11. YP

      Yeah. I mean, this morning, it looked like, you know, came to New York City just to come hang out with you, woke up this morning, um, and just, like, sat up on the bed, and put my timer for one hour and started meditating. Yeah. But we also, you know, meditate at home. We have our little meditation room where my wife and I meditate, and, um, and it's honestly, it's amazing. It's- I know to a lot of people, like, two hours a day, "Wow, so much time." But I think about it to myself, like, "How much time do I waste?" Like, I waste tons of time. Like, I get a lot done, but I'm also constantly wasting time every day. And what I've understood is that these two hours a day that I've been meditating for the past eight years, they've been the biggest investment that I've made in my life, like by far. 'Cause it's one thing, you know, you go away to these retreats, um, and it's incredibly valuable. You know, you can come out totally transformed. But to keep the process going at home, it just adds a deeper element to it that helps you continue evolving, continue evolving. And I think because I've spent that time, my relationship with my wife has flourished because it was rough. Like, before we started meditating, there was a six-year period where we were together and, before we started meditating, and our relationship was chaos. It was, it was like living in a hurricane, constantly fighting e- fighting each other, constantly blaming each other. You know, my relationship with my parents was very shallow. My relationships with my brother and sister were even more shallow. You know, same thing with friends, like work life, everything was going terrible. But when I started meditating, everything changed, everything opened up. I didn't even know that I w- that I should write, you know? Like, all of this came from cleaning up my mind and then, like, my intuition started waking up, and it was like, "Oh, you know, try writing." You know, you know, you know that you don't know everything, but

  10. 32:43 – 38:19

    How to meditate

    1. YP

      share, share the process.

    2. SB

      If you were to give me instructions then on the meditation you did this morning, what instructions would you give me to replicate what you did?

    3. YP

      I think... So this is the thing. It's like this style of meditation, um, you can't pay for it. You can't, um, like, get it off of a YouTube video. Like you, you have to go to a 10-day course because it's not... I can tell you the instructions, but do you have enough of the cultivated qualities to be able to actually deeply feel the body? Like, that's why it's a step by step. That 10 days is literally like one giant guided meditation. Incredibly simple instructions, but you won't be able to do them unless your mind is, like, calm enough, unless it's... You know, it's like going to the gym. It's like, if you were to ask me to go run a marathon right now, like, I wouldn't be able to do it, you know? I'd have to train for it.

    4. SB

      Okay, so I'm not gonna be able to do it just based on your instructions. I get that.

    5. YP

      Yeah.

    6. SB

      But I'm, I'm curious as to the specific, like... yeah, the specific instructions, okay?

    7. YP

      Yeah, yeah, yeah.

    8. SB

      Could you just say-

    9. YP

      So, so the two, the two basics are, um, you know, like what I was describing to you, the first three days, you're observing the breath.

    10. SB

      I mean this morning.

    11. YP

      And this morning, same thing. Well, this morning, um, I was basically observing my body-

    12. SB

      Right.

    13. YP

      ... you know, bringing my attention to my body, you know? Start at the top of the head and keep feeling my body as I'm moving down. And, you know, it sounds really simple, but when you put time into it, when you, like, keep going to courses, the amount that you feel, um, it- it expands pretty, pretty incredibly. Yeah.

    14. SB

      Do you think the most important answers that we're searching for are within us?

    15. YP

      Totally, totally. If you spend your whole life looking outside, you could read every book in the world and still be absolutely miserable. I think y- it requires this application of self-awareness to really unlock your happiness. Like, you have to develop what you're missing, like develop... Like compassion is in your mind, but it's undeveloped. Like self-awareness, it's- it's a capacity you have, totally undeveloped. Like that's, that's what was shocking to me when I went to go meditate was, like, my mind could do these things, but my awareness was so meek when I first started because it was like a muscle. Like when I go to these meditation courses, you know, I've gone to courses that are 20, 30, 45 days long, and I come out of them, and I'm like, "I just spent my whole time at the gym." Like it was just a mental gym. I was like literally developing my ability to be aware, my ability to be equanimous, and my ability to have love for myself and all beings.

    16. SB

      That's my favorite ever, um, quote that I've ever shared on Instagram is what you've just said, which is, "There's no self-development without self-awareness. You can read as many books as you like, but if you can't read yourself-"

    17. YP

      (laughs)

    18. SB

      "... you'll never learn a thing."

    19. YP

      Well, this, this is why... So like, uh, people listening now, like this is why I became so interested in you-

    20. SB

      Right.

    21. YP

      ... was when I first came around your work and the algorithm started... you know, started popping it up. This was like two, two and a half, maybe even three years ago.

    22. SB

      Mm-hmm.

    23. YP

      And I was like, I was like, "Dude, we're on the same wave."

    24. SB

      Yeah. (laughs)

    25. YP

      Like, you know, we're not doing the same thing. We live totally different lives, but there's something there that's like, um... Yeah, it's the same wave.

    26. SB

      It's a, it's an e- it's a curiosity. It's a curiosity-

    27. YP

      Mm-hmm.

    28. SB

      ... that I see, um, in your work and in you. And it's funny because the subject matter-

    29. YP

      Mm-hmm.

    30. SB

      ... is not subject matter that is for everybody. And you'll know this from doing the work you do.

  11. 38:19 – 42:50

    Why should we be meditating?

    1. SB

      this, when I started the Diary of a CEO, the, the, the base sort of premise of it was me sharing my diary in, with complete honesty, so I feel, I feel compelled to do that. I've, for a long time, viewed meditation as a waste of time.

    2. YP

      Mm-hmm.

    3. SB

      Like, I think that was my ... the thought of sitting there and just ... 'Cause it, you know, what it appears to be on the surface is sitting there and just not thinking about anything.

    4. YP

      Yeah. Yeah.

    5. SB

      But then, as you say, all of these incredible people who are obsessed with productivity and efficiency and time and are very, very, very busy, Chamath as well, um, from, from the All In podcast.

    6. YP

      Mm-hmm.

    7. SB

      So many people that I follow and watch and listen to, they all ... And so many of the guests that have come here and that are wildly successful, they all talk about the benefits of meditation.

    8. YP

      Right.

    9. SB

      If there's someone listening to this now and they go, "I don't meditate and I ..." In any way, whatever technique, you know, they might, might use. "I think, I've always thought it's a waste of time. I've tried it, didn't work." What is the pitch you'd make to them about why they should persevere m- and persist?

    10. YP

      Well, uh, there's two main things. One is, you tried it, it didn't work. Of course, of course it didn't work. Like, y- you, no one starts out being good at meditation. Like, what the mind knows is distraction. It's literally jumping from one thing to another, flying from the past to the future, from the past to the future, just swimming in imagination. So that moment when you ask your mind to stay in one place for a few seconds, it'll poom, be gone, totally gone. So, of course you're bad at it, right? But that's why you try again. You keep trying. You calmly, you know, without getting upset with yourself, you put time into it the same way where you would, you know, used to build your muscles or educate yourself on, you know, if you wanna learn Spanish, you're not just gonna know Spanish. You need to study. You need to sp- You're not gonna know, you know zero Spanish when you begin.

    11. SB

      (laughs)

    12. YP

      And you put four, five, six years of serious work into it, and you get really good at Spanish. It's the same thing with meditation. So, one thing is accept that it's gonna be extremely hard in the beginning, and it will humble you, 'cause you're like, "Damn, I suck at this." Good, then you keep going. And the second part of it is, it's an investment. You're making a huge time investment that produces incredible results inside of you, in the way that you see the world, in the way that you talk to people, in the way that you create whatever it is that you wanna give to the world. I think you, but you have to give it time. You have to give it time to really be able to see the results.

    13. SB

      Maybe the very crux of this, I was thinking as you were speaking then, people do what they want to do, and most of the things they want, they do, because they wanna do them, are ... because they are clear on the reward of doing it.

    14. YP

      Totally.

    15. SB

      Think about human behavior. Like, I went to the toilet. I was clear on the results of going to the toilet and also not going to the toilet, so I went to the toilet, okay?

    16. YP

      Yeah. (laughs)

    17. SB

      The results of not going for a wee before you came here was I would urinate in my pants, so I didn't.

    18. YP

      Yeah.

    19. SB

      I ate breakfast this morning because I was clear on the upside of that, and also I had the, the urge to do it. Um, when we think about meditation, I think ... When I think about the equation of why people do things, the bit that I think a lot of people aren't clear on is that first part, which is like, what is the upside?

    20. YP

      Yeah.

    21. SB

      I can take your word for it.

    22. YP

      Yeah.

    23. SB

      Um, I can take a lot of very credible people's word for it. But I think that's the, that's the issue.

    24. YP

      It's the issue. It's like, y- you have to experience it for yourself, and I think a lot of people go into meditation for like its initial goals, you know, for liberation, for you to be free from suffering, which is the most important goal. Like, that's why I do it. Like, I don't, I don't meditate to be a better writer, right? I don't meditate to like, for anything else other than to take small steps forward on the path of liberation, to truly try to cease the mechanism in my mind that's causing me suffering. And that outs- sorta, sort of the externality of that, right, is that you become incredibly creative. Like, you don't need to be, you know, in film or writing or whatever. You can be in whatever field that it is. You can be an engineer, you can be a doctor, a dentist. But you become so much more creative, 'cause your mind isn't as stressed as it used to be, and it's able to make connections a lot more quickly, 'cause your mind is sharper. And understanding that creativity and understanding how it impacts your relationships, that makes them so much more deeper than before-I think it gives you an access to new beauty in life, and why not? You know, why not spend that time on yourself?

    25. SB

      So, you meditate

  12. 42:50 – 47:21

    How to understand suffering

    1. SB

      to avoid suffering.

    2. YP

      Not avoid. To be able to understand reality so well that I don't cause myself suffering.

    3. SB

      What are the main causes of suffering, as far as you're concerned?

    4. YP

      It's craving.

    5. SB

      Craving?

    6. YP

      Craving. Yeah, totally, and it's not the same as wanting. I think that there was a big issue when, um, especially when the Buddhist teaching came over to the West, where it was translated as, "Desire, um, is the cause of suffering." And you could look at it that way to some extent, but what seems much more approachable to me, and makes more sense is, craving. Like, craving is not the same thing as, as wanting something, right? As having a goal. 'Cause there's a difference between having a goal and having a craving. You can have a goal and put your mind to it, put a lot of work in, but then the moment that you don't get what you want and you're like, "Okay. It's okay. You know, let me go back to the drawing board. Let me restrategize. Let me figure out how to do this better than before," and you do all that without crying, without being super upset, without punching the wall, you just, you keep diligently working and moving forward, that's possible. The other side of that is craving, is doing everything with craving, when your energy's all knotted up, when your mind is super tense, because craving is basically the combination of wanting and tension. Like, you're really craving something bad, and you're, you're sort of, um, the mind is rippled with stress in the moment of craving something and in the moment of, like, even worse when you don't get it, when you don't get what you were really striving for. So, I don't wanna live, like, with a mind that's craving. Like, I'm a householder, right? I'm not a monk. Like, I, I have a, I have a wife, you know? Someday we're gonna have kids. Like, I have a mother and father that I need to help take care of. Like, I have to have goals, right? When I, when I write a new book or when I start a new venture or do something, like, yeah, I wanna do my best. Uh, but I try to do that as calmly and as balanced as possible without stressing myself out that much in the process. I'm not perfect at it, but to me, it seems like a much more effective way to live than just, like, making myself stress all the time.

    7. SB

      How do I know if I'm craving a goal that I have in my life, or if I just, you know, it's just a goal?

    8. YP

      It's the moment when you don't get it. It's the moment that, you know, if you don't get what you were craving and you're super stressed out and it just makes you so upset, then you're, like, crying and, you know... You were craving.

    9. SB

      Do you th-

    10. YP

      You can even feel that tension in your mind. You're like, you're wanting that ice cream so bad.

    11. SB

      Do you think people that crave achieve more, professionally?

    12. YP

      Um ... I don't, you know, that's a really good question. I think definitely. There have been some, like, incredible, high-achieving people who are totally driven by craving, dominated, but were they happy? Like, were they okay inside? Like, what, you know, what is their karmic situation? Like, I have no, you know, like, Genghis Khan, like people who conquered the world, like, it's totally possible to conquer the world with no morality.

    13. SB

      Mm.

    14. YP

      But I wouldn't wanna live like that. Like, to me, it's like I- I'd rather be super intentional and aware of how I'm moving about in the world so that I don't cause myself harm or other people harm. Like, that's my thing now is, like, compassion's really powerful. Like, you can create businesses in a compassionate manner and still be super successful. Like, you can do the work that you wanna do in a compassionate manner and be a high achiever.

    15. SB

      That intentionality around your goals, it's something I've, I think I've struggled with for, for the last 10 years, is being clear with myself and why I have certain things as goals.

    16. YP

      Yeah.

    17. SB

      You know, 'cause I think in the first chapter of my life when I was very shame-ridden, my goals were driven by meeting, really, like, d- trying to dissolve the shame that I experienced as a kid and, like, get the things that I thought would make me love myself-

    18. YP

      Yeah.

    19. SB

      ... or feel like I was enough. I didn't know that though, so I was pursuing these material things-

    20. YP

      Yeah.

    21. SB

      ... or these, these, like, superficial things, thinking that they were my, my ambitions. Upon getting there, the anti-climax, the, yeah, the underwhelm signaled that I was aiming at the wrong things, and that was a big piece of work actually. That's why it resonates so much about what you write about in chapter one of your book about self-love. That was a big piece of work for me to figure out that none of this stuff was ever gonna make me worth more-

    22. YP

      Yeah.

    23. SB

      ... inside.

    24. YP

      Yeah.

    25. SB

      And that the place for me to, to actually build my ambitions from was that place of feeling enough-ness. Um-

    26. YP

      Can I ask you something?

  13. 47:21 – 57:18

    Why do you keep going?

    1. YP

    2. SB

      Sure.

    3. YP

      I'm quite curious. Um, now, like, I've seen your success, you know, and I really commend you. I think it's, it's quite beautiful, and I think you're inspiring so many people. But knowing your background, knowing this shame, know- like, coming from a place of not having everything, like, now that you do have so much, so much success, all the material things, you can just, you know-

    4. SB

      Mm-hmm.

    5. YP

      ... buy whatever you want, why do you keep going?

    6. SB

      It's a great question. So, it's something I've mulled over because there's still a part of me-

    7. YP

      Yeah.

    8. SB

      ... that wants to accumulate wealth.

    9. YP

      Yeah.

    10. SB

      And I keep asking myself, "Why?"

    11. YP

      Yeah.

    12. SB

      You know, because I also, I spoke to someone earlier and I said, "I'm, at a conscious level, aware that there's nothing more that I could buy that would have an impact on my happiness."

    13. YP

      No.

    14. SB

      In fact- (laughs)

    15. YP

      Yeah. (laughs)

    16. SB

      ... it's probably the opposite, to some degree.

    17. YP

      Yeah.

    18. SB

      You know, if I, if things were a bit more simple, maybe, maybe I'd be more happier. Um, why do I keep going? So, I- I'm gonna throw out my hypothesis, and please then interrogate it, because I'd love to chew it over with you.

    19. YP

      Oh, please. I'm so curious.

    20. SB

      I believe that for me to be happy, I believe st- chaos is my stability, and I think it is for most people. I feel like there's a certain type of chaos which is my stability, and that my stability is chaos. So, what I mean by that is when everything in my life is achieved and accomplished and I have nothing else to strive for, you see this a lot in Olympians or anyone that achieves their goals-

    21. YP

      Totally.

    22. SB

      ... they then fall into chaos.

    23. YP

      Mm-hmm.

    24. SB

      So, we all need to live in a certain, um...... state of m- worthwhile, meaningful, voluntary chaos, which means like having uncompleted goals. I, I sometimes ponder whether that's hardwired into the human condition, whether the reason why we're in a skyscraper now in the middle of Manhattan-

    25. YP

      Mm-hmm.

    26. SB

      ... is because our ancestors had that hardwired into them. They, they had it hardwired that they would build and progress and move forward. I did some research f- i- in preparation for my book, and they asked people in work, "What's the most enjoyable day of your professional career?"

    27. YP

      Yeah.

    28. SB

      And everyone points out a day when there was some sense of progress. I think that's hardwired into us. So if I, I almost feel like if I stopped, I would become disorientated.

    29. YP

      Mm-hmm.

    30. SB

      Um, professionally, I'm looking for five things. I'm looking to pursue goals that are meaningful and worthwhile. I'm looking to have a high degree of autonomy. I'm looking to have a s- a rec- sufficient s- amount of challenge. Again, if something's too easy, people lose motivation for some reason. If something's too difficult, they l- become intimidated and lose motivation. I'm looking for a sense of forward motion. And lastly, to work with people that I love.

  14. 57:18 – 59:55

    What do you look for in a partner?

    1. SB

      What do you think makes a good partner broadly? I, I sat here with Simon Sinek, and I-

    2. YP

      Mm.

    3. SB

      ... threw out the idea that, um... 'Cause I think when I was younger and maybe a bit more immature, I had this kind of, like, superficial list.

    4. YP

      Yeah.

    5. SB

      Brunette, this-

    6. YP

      (laughs)

    7. SB

      ... this size, whatever.

    8. YP

      Yeah.

    9. SB

      And as I matured a little bit, I tried to con- consolidate that list into, like-

    10. YP

      Yeah.

    11. SB

      ... the n- the non-negotiables.

    12. YP

      Yeah.

    13. SB

      I, I landed on intellectually stimulating-

    14. YP

      Mm-hmm.

    15. SB

      ... which I think is kind of what you've described there-

    16. YP

      Yeah.

    17. SB

      ... where you can have that kind of intellectual conversation-

    18. YP

      Totally.

    19. SB

      ... and build and grow intellectually together. This one's a bit of an interesting one: they make me better at my... what I do, my mission.

    20. YP

      Yeah.

    21. SB

      They support that in whatever way.

    22. YP

      Totally.

    23. SB

      And I have to say, that's something that you have to be willing to reciprocate. And then the third one is sexual attraction.

    24. YP

      Yeah. Yeah.

    25. SB

      I didn't say physical attraction. I was very specific about having-

    26. YP

      Mm.

    27. SB

      ... to have sexual attraction. Simon Sinek added one. He said it's three plus one. He said that th- the one you need on top of that is timing.

    28. YP

      Hmm.

    29. SB

      So he calls it... We-

    30. YP

      Hmm.

  15. 59:55 – 1:05:36

    The route cause of challenges in you relationship

    1. YP

    2. SB

      When you encountered challenges in your relationship, what was the root cause of that? Or what was missing?

    3. YP

      (sighs) Um, I mean, between the two of us, if you were to add up how much emotional maturity there was, it would be zero, like during that time. Like zero self-awareness, zero emotional maturity. Like if one of us got upset about whatever, you know, whatever it could be, it would immediately be finger-pointing like, "This is your fault." You know? Like, and, "This is why you need to change, and if you change, then I'll be happy." But when we started meditating, we started realizing. It was like, "Oh, wait, this isn't about you at all. This is between me and myself, and I'm actually just taking these dense emotions and allowing narratives to be built around them that somehow just take the blame away from me and so that I take no accountability." And it was rough, man. Like when we were... when we first got together, like the connection was there, but there was no... there was no willingness to grow, there was no emotional maturity to really hold it, so we were like constantly fighting. We'd break up, get back together, break up, get back together, and it was... we were always... it always felt like we were at square one. Like we were never really like flowering and blossoming together. And when we started meditating, we started noticing like...... our fights got a little calmer, right? The screams got a little lower, and we started... And the- the switch was very slow, where when the fight would happen, it wasn't like, "You did this, you did that." It became, "How do you feel?" Like, "What's happening?" Like, "Why- you know, what are you seeing?" And then I explain what I'm seeing, and it's like we're trying to understand each other's perspectives as oppose- as opposed to making each other say sorry and, like, winning the argument, you know? It went from fighting as a thing for victory to, like, fighting as a moment that we can develop understanding. Like, "What's happening with you? Let me tell you what's happening with me."

    4. SB

      You and her against the problem-

    5. YP

      Yeah, yeah.

    6. SB

      ... versus you versus her.

    7. YP

      Totally, totally.

    8. SB

      That's really rare. That's so rare.

    9. YP

      Yeah, no, and we're- yeah, and same thing, like, we're not perfect. You know, we still argue, have conflict, um, but it's way less dramatic than it used to be.

    10. SB

      The first chapter in your book is about sel- self-love, your new book, your newest book, Lighter, is about self-love. The subtitle here is Let Go of the Past, Connect with the Present, Expand the Future. Self-love, what does that actually mean? That- that just means loving myself, right?

    11. YP

      No, there's a lot more to that. Come on, Steven. (laughs)

    12. SB

      (laughs) Don't try and play devil's advocate here.

    13. YP

      Yeah, no, I think, um, when I started asking myself the same question that the whole internet was asking itself back in, uh, 2015, 2016, when self-love just burst onto the scene, like, I don't know if you remember that time-

    14. SB

      Mm-hmm.

    15. YP

      ... but on Instagram, like, everybody was trying to explore, like, what does self-love really mean? And I asked myself the same question back then, and to me, the way I learned to define it was that it's doing what you need to do to heal and free yourself. Um, and I think of it as an energy, like, it's the energy that you use to evolve. And I wanted to sort of put that definition out there because I'm like, "That's how I'm enacting self-love in my life." And it's very different from what I was learning from, you know, the materialistic sort of consumer side of self-love was just, like, buy yourself whatever you want, take a bubble bath, like all these external things that I personally think don't, they don't, you know... Definitely treat yourself well, but, like, th- that's not gonna add up to that much. Like, the problem is, like, in, you know, in your own mind, in your own heart.

    16. SB

      A lot of, a lot of that's still distraction, isn't it?

    17. YP

      It's totally distraction. It's just, you're just sugarcoating the situation, but you're not really going to the depth, going to the root problem. So, I think self-love is, um, you know, using that energy to heal and free yourself, to really go deep within yourself and basically discover. Like, you know, you go, you walk through your own inner forest. Like, there's so much, like, when you turn that lens inward and you start examining, like, "What have I gone through?" Like, "What have I overcome?" Like, "Where do I struggle? Where are my blocks?" And you learn to learn, you know, you- you learn from that, and you accept it simultaneously. It's- it's beautiful the way, you know, the evolution can really flourish from there.

    18. SB

      You describe it as going through that forest.

    19. YP

      Yeah.

    20. SB

      For a lot of people, it's not quite a forest. It's like a big dark canyon that there might be lions and tigers inside.

    21. YP

      Yeah.

    22. SB

      So, who wants to go into the canyon? You know, I've got... I think so much about-

    23. YP

      Yeah.

    24. SB

      ... certain people in my life, where they are seeing their behavior doesn't correlate or isn't aligned with who they wanna be and how they wanna behave.

    25. YP

      Yeah.

    26. SB

      But the thought of going into the canyon or the forest or however you wanna describe it is also scary. It's also really scary.

    27. YP

      Absolutely, absolutely, but you're not going to have victory without challenge. Like, these two things go hand in hand. Like, you're not just gonna be given peace. Like, no one's gonna be like, "Oh, you're free now." You know, like, you have to put in the work, and sometimes the work is, like, pretty scary. You know, to really go in there, to like sit there with yourself while all this anxiety or, like, you know, panic attack energy or, like, whatever it is, you know, like this, like this deep stuff starts coming up, and you're with yourself, and you're calm, and you're patient, and you're loving yourself through it. Like, I think there's- there's- there's really no other way, especially if you're trying to, like, you know, just build a new structure in your mind and come out with, you know, peace at the center of it.

    28. SB

      What's your view

  16. 1:05:36 – 1:14:56

    The current world of dating

    1. SB

      broadly on the- the current state of, um, we talked about your wife a second ago, but cu- the current state of, like, relationships and dating, and what are people-

    2. YP

      Mm-hmm.

    3. SB

      ... getting wrong? Uh, I think a lot about this because again, um, I'm at that age now. I'm 30 years old. I'm lucky enough to be in a relationship, but I- I see a lot of people that are struggling because I almost th- feel like there's a generation trapped between the technological r- revolution, where there's this one generation that are kind of accustomed to social media and dating-

    4. YP

      Yeah.

    5. SB

      ... dating apps, and then there's this other generation that kind of got trapped, and they're now in their, like, early 30s.

    6. YP

      Right.

    7. SB

      And, um, they don't quite resonate with the- the culture of dating apps or social media, but when you look at the data, that more than 50% of meeting are now m- more than 50% of people are now meeting online.

    8. YP

      Mm-hmm.

    9. SB

      So, they're struggling.

    10. YP

      Yeah.

    11. SB

      What's your overview, what's your sort of opinion on dating and where we are in culture?

    12. YP

      I think there's two main problems, perfection and craving. Um, oftentimes, we want the person that we're gonna be with to be so incredible, there's never a problem with them, always good times, you know, they know how to support us perfectly when there's a moment of struggle, and it's just not gonna be like that. You know, to be able to develop a good rhythm with each other means that your flaws are gonna come up, that, you know, you're gonna be such clear mirrors for each other that you're gonna see parts of yourself that you have to face and do something about. So, being able to throw out this idea of perfection, especially when, like, you know, date one, date two, date three, and then the first disagreement happens, it's like blank, you cut it-

    13. SB

      Mm-hmm.

    14. YP

      ... you know? The second part of it...... is craving, where I've seen, you know, with a number of friends, and just kind of like what's happening out there is, like, you'll have a relationship for an X number of months, but then there's the craving. It's like, "Oh, there might be something better out there for me." You know? But, like, it's always gonna be like that. So how many fantastic relationships have been ruined by this idea that, "Oh, there might be something else out there that's better for me"? And then you just throw away a fantastic thing.

    15. SB

      I've got a question to ask you.

    16. YP

      Yeah.

    17. SB

      I've got a friend, um, who has been single for a while, and she's been on hundreds and hundreds of dates.

    18. YP

      Yeah.

    19. SB

      Hundreds and hundreds of dates. And she asked me for advice the other day, and I didn't actually know what to say to her, because she's going on the dates. Um, I would assume that in hundreds and hundreds, I literally mean-

    20. YP

      Yeah.

    21. SB

      ... three to four a week, I would assume-

    22. YP

      Wow.

    23. SB

      ... that she'd met someone, yeah.

    24. YP

      Yeah.

    25. SB

      And, you know, I wasn't necessarily sure what to say to her. I almost look at, think about, about it like a marketing funnel, where I think there's different... In marketing, you have, at the top of the funnel, you have awareness.

    26. YP

      Mm-hmm.

    27. SB

      And then as the th- funnel gets thinner, so you might meet... Awareness might be just, like, impressions on social media, so-

    28. YP

      Mm-hmm.

    29. SB

      You might get a million impressions, a million guys or women that you see, in- interact with, come across. Then we have the con- maybe in the marketing context, then we have the date. Then the date might convert into a relationship, and the-

    30. YP

      Yeah.

  17. 1:14:56 – 1:18:33

    We’re all addicted to distraction, here’s how to get out of it

    1. SB

      is- has really made me, um, realize how much I need to create spaces for myself.

    2. YP

      Mm.

    3. SB

      I think that's one of the- the big, big takeaways, just I'm definitely addicted to distraction.

    4. YP

      Mm.

    5. SB

      I think most of us are, especially in the modern world where technology has been designed to, um, to take advantage of our brains-

    6. YP

      Yeah.

    7. SB

      ... in a way that will... You know, I was-

    8. YP

      Yeah.

    9. SB

      ... chatting to some of my friends this week and we had our stag do, so my six best friends came together, and halfway through the stag do I looked around and saw that we were... a lot of us were on our phones. So I said, "Let's compare screen time."

    10. YP

      Yeah.

    11. SB

      And we all whipped out our phones, and my one friend who I won't name, you know who you are-

    12. YP

      (laughs)

    13. SB

      ... um, had 14 hours a day screen time. He was the- the record holder.

    14. YP

      No.

    15. SB

      14 hours a day. And there was this really interesting moment where we're... we never... we don't see each other much, 'cause we all live in different parts of the world.

Episode duration: 1:33:01

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