The Diary of a CEOSecret Buddhist Practice To Stop Self Hate & Overthinking!
Steven Bartlett and Gelong Thubten on buddhist Monk Reveals Meditation Method To End Self-Hate And Fear.
In this episode of The Diary of a CEO, featuring Gelong Thubten and Steven Bartlett, Secret Buddhist Practice To Stop Self Hate & Overthinking! explores buddhist Monk Reveals Meditation Method To End Self-Hate And Fear Buddhist monk Gelong Thubten shares how extreme suffering, burnout, and unresolved childhood trauma led him to monastic life and a four‑year meditation retreat where he nearly broke down, then learned to transform self‑hatred into deep self‑compassion.
At a glance
WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT
Buddhist Monk Reveals Meditation Method To End Self-Hate And Fear
- Buddhist monk Gelong Thubten shares how extreme suffering, burnout, and unresolved childhood trauma led him to monastic life and a four‑year meditation retreat where he nearly broke down, then learned to transform self‑hatred into deep self‑compassion.
- He explains why modern life’s speed, technology, and consumerism have created unprecedented material comfort but emotional emptiness, driving anxiety, addiction, purposelessness, and rising suicide rates.
- Thubten reframes meditation as a practical ‘mind gym’ and deep medicine: not clearing thoughts, but changing our relationship to them, learning to become the ‘sky’ rather than the ‘clouds’ of emotion, and to generate happiness and freedom from within.
- He offers specific techniques for daily practice, micro‑moments of mindfulness, working with pain, grief, and forgiveness, and shows how this inner work can make people more effective, compassionate, and fearless in a fear‑driven world.
IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING
5 ideasMeditation is not about emptying your mind; it’s about changing your relationship with thoughts.
Thubten dismantles the common misconception that success in meditation means having no thoughts. Real practice is a three‑step loop: focusing on the breath, noticing the mind has wandered, and gently returning. The ‘return’ is the workout; each return is you reclaiming your attention from mental addiction and training the ability to choose your focus instead of being hijacked by thoughts.
Happiness largely comes from freedom from wanting, not from getting what you want.
He explains how consumer culture trains us to believe happiness is always in the next achievement or purchase. Dopamine peaks in pursuit and drops just before attainment, so chasing becomes a habit that fuels more lack. The pleasure after getting something is actually the brief absence of wanting. Meditation balances this by cultivating inner freedom so career, wealth, and goals can matter, but aren’t your only source of satisfaction.
Pain, trauma, and grief can become objects of meditation rather than enemies to escape.
In his four‑year retreat, Thubten was overwhelmed by depression, panic, and old trauma until he hit rock bottom and literally tried to run away. The shift came when he stopped analyzing the past and instead meditated directly on the raw sensation of pain (e.g., a ‘knife in the heart’), feeling it in the body without story, and sending compassion into it. This ‘moving towards’ pain with love gradually dissolved the sharpness, turning suffering into strength.
Self‑compassion is a skill: learn to treat your inner pain like a frightened animal you’re caring for.
He uses the image of holding a terrified rabbit or a bird with a broken wing: instead of hating or rejecting the wounded part of you, you learn to cradle it with tenderness. Practically, you locate the physical feeling of distress, rest your attention there, and intentionally relate to it kindly. Over time, this replaces a lifelong ‘devil voice’ of self‑disgust with a fundamentally friendlier inner stance.
Micro‑moments of mindfulness in daily life rewire your responses to stress and fear.
Beyond formal 10‑minute sits, he recommends tiny practices in queues, traffic, or airports: feel your feet on the ground, notice your shoulders dropping, attend to your breathing for a few seconds. Doing this repeatedly in ‘stuck’ situations retrains your nervous system: instead of automatically reacting with impatience and anxiety, you build the habit of responding with presence and calm, making you more resilient and less fear‑driven.
WORDS WORTH SAVING
5 quotesWe are materially more comfortable than ever, and yet emotionally more uncomfortable, so something hasn’t added up.
— Gelong Thubten
The deepest addiction we all have is the addiction to our own thoughts.
— Gelong Thubten
If I am observing myself being unhappy, is the observer unhappy?
— Gelong Thubten
You can run to the end of the earth, and that thing that has been tormenting you is part of you, and until you learn to integrate that, it will always trip you up.
— Gelong Thubten
I’m still a mess, but I’m okay with being a mess. That is a huge difference.
— Gelong Thubten
QUESTIONS ANSWERED IN THIS EPISODE
5 questionsWhen you decided to ‘make the pain the meditation’ during your four‑year retreat, what were the very first sessions like—did anything specific happen in your body or mind that signaled you were on a different path?
Buddhist monk Gelong Thubten shares how extreme suffering, burnout, and unresolved childhood trauma led him to monastic life and a four‑year meditation retreat where he nearly broke down, then learned to transform self‑hatred into deep self‑compassion.
For someone with complex trauma who finds it overwhelming to feel into the body, how would you adapt your ‘sending love into the pain’ practice so it doesn’t retraumatize them?
He explains why modern life’s speed, technology, and consumerism have created unprecedented material comfort but emotional emptiness, driving anxiety, addiction, purposelessness, and rising suicide rates.
You argue that our natural state is compassion, not fight‑or‑flight—what evidence or specific experiences in your teaching work have most convinced you of that, especially when working with people who’ve committed serious harm?
Thubten reframes meditation as a practical ‘mind gym’ and deep medicine: not clearing thoughts, but changing our relationship to them, learning to become the ‘sky’ rather than the ‘clouds’ of emotion, and to generate happiness and freedom from within.
Can you walk through a real‑world example where a CEO or high‑pressure leader used meditation in the exact moment of a crisis to choose a different response than they normally would have?
He offers specific techniques for daily practice, micro‑moments of mindfulness, working with pain, grief, and forgiveness, and shows how this inner work can make people more effective, compassionate, and fearless in a fear‑driven world.
Buddhism teaches that self, objects, and even trauma are ‘not as solid as they seem.’ How do you stop that insight from sliding into nihilism or dismissing genuine injustice—for example in cases of systemic abuse or violence?
Chapter Breakdown
Modern Mind, Consumer Culture, and the Illusion of External Happiness
Thubten opens by describing how modern life—especially technology and constant information—keeps us feeling not good enough and always lacking something. He links this to rising unhappiness and suicide rates despite historical levels of material comfort, and explains how consumer culture exploits our craving for the 'next thing.'
Purpose, Desire, Dopamine, and the Buddhist View of Fulfillment
They explore the obsession with ‘finding purpose’ in a post‑religious culture and how it often reinforces external wanting. Thubten explains the chemistry of pursuit, how dopamine peaks during the chase, and why we feel empty even after hitting our goals.
Burnout, Trauma, and the Road to the Monastery
Thubten recounts his early life: gifted musician, young jazz pianist in adult environments, sexual abuse, family shock, and academic collapse at Oxford. He describes his 21‑year‑old burnout in New York and how a heart scare and self‑loathing monologue pushed him toward a Tibetan monastery in Scotland.
Becoming a Monk: Vows, Celibacy, Desire, and Addictions
He explains monastic vows—no intoxicants, celibacy, and ethical commitments—not as grim sacrifice but as relief from the habits that made him ill. They explore desire, sexuality, non‑attachment, and why simply abstaining (from sex, masturbation, or drugs) isn’t enough without working on the addicted mind.
What Buddhism Is (and Isn’t): A Science of Awareness
The conversation zooms out into Buddhist philosophy. Thubten positions Buddhism less as a religion to be believed and more as a ‘science of awareness’ or ‘medicine’ for the mind, focusing on awakening rather than worship or a creator deity.
Hating Meditation, Then Redefining It: From Suppression to Skillful Attention
Thubten admits he initially hated meditation because he tried to ‘clear his mind,’ which only amplified his negative thoughts. He then lays out a practical, de‑mystified model of meditation as a loop of attention and a way to become the ‘CEO of your own mind.’
The Four‑Year Retreat, Rock Bottom, and Turning Pain Into Practice
Thubten describes entering a four‑year retreat after 12 years as a monk and being crushed by depression, anxiety, and traumatic memories. He literally fled over the wall in panic, then chose to return and radically shift his approach: stop chasing the story and start meditating directly on the raw feeling of suffering.
Compassion Practice: Sending Love Into Pain, Grief, and Self‑Hatred
Building on his retreat breakthrough, Thubten explains how to work with inner pain and grief by locating sensations in the body and flooding them with compassion. He recounts using this method after his teacher was murdered, and how it enabled both grieving and forgiveness.
Forgiveness, Victimhood, and Seeing Others’ Suffering
They explore victimhood, identity, and forgiveness—both for extreme harms and everyday hurts. Thubten argues that clinging to grievance is like clutching a hot coal: you think you’re punishing the other, but you’re really burning yourself.
Fear, Technology, and Becoming Fearless in a Frightened World
The discussion turns to societal fear: how digital media, politics, and marketing routinely trigger fear to capture attention and drive behavior. Thubten suggests meditation as mental armor, enabling you to live in the world without being ruled by its fear signals.
A Practical Meditation Plan: 10 Minutes a Day and Micro‑Moments
Thubten designs a simple, realistic plan for Stephen: 10 minutes every morning plus brief mindfulness injections throughout the day. He emphasizes stripping away spiritual ‘tat’ and focusing on the core mechanics of practice—intention, body awareness, breath, and non‑judgment.
Results of Practice: From Self‑Disgust to Peace With Being a ‘Mess’
In closing, Thubten reflects on his own ‘before and after’ and situates meditation as an ongoing, never‑finished process. He outlines how his relationship to illness, self‑talk, and life purpose have shifted, and why the real missing link for most people is not knowledge but actually doing the practice.
EVERY SPOKEN WORD
Install uListen for AI-powered chat & search across the full episode — Get Full Transcript
Get more out of YouTube videos.
High quality summaries for YouTube videos. Accurate transcripts to search & find moments. Powered by ChatGPT & Claude AI.
Add to Chrome