Huberman LabHow Relationships Shape Your Brain | Dr. Allan Schore
CHAPTERS
- 0:00 – 12:00
Introduction: Why Early Relationships Shape the Brain
Huberman introduces Dr. Allan Schore as a leading expert on how early attachment patterns sculpt the brain and influence all later relationships. They preview the focus on the first 24 months, right vs. left hemisphere specialization, and how this framework explains adult attachment styles and the possibility of later repair.
- •Dr. Allan Schore’s background as psychoanalyst and neuroscientist, author of Right Brain Psychotherapy.
- •The first 24 months are crucial for brain development and attachment.
- •Right and left hemispheres handle distinct functions in early development.
- •Adult attachment styles (secure, avoidant, anxious) trace back to early caregiver interactions.
- 12:00 – 29:00
Right Brain as Unconscious Mind and Early Lateralization
Schore equates the right brain with the unconscious mind and explains that it is constantly processing emotional information beneath awareness. He outlines evidence that the right hemisphere is dominant from late pregnancy through age two to three and describes how this shapes attachment and stress responses.
- •Right brain is always active, especially in emotional interactions; most motivations are unconscious.
- •Human brain growth spurt from last trimester to ~age 2–3 is right-hemisphere dominant.
- •Studies show right hemisphere accelerates growth in early months; left lags until end of second year.
- •Attachment formation and early stress regulation occur almost entirely via right-brain dynamics.
- 29:00 – 48:00
Attachment as Right-Brain-to-Right-Brain Affect Regulation
They redefine attachment as a psychobiological process in which the caregiver regulates the infant’s arousal and emotions through nonverbal cues. Schore explains how the mother’s right brain ‘reads’ the baby’s face, voice, and body, synchronizes with it, and then modulates both positive and negative states.
- •Attachment is not purely psychological; it’s psychobiological, involving limbic and autonomic circuits.
- •Face, prosody of voice, gesture, and touch are the main right-brain communication channels.
- •Secure caregiving involves recognizing, synchronizing with, and regulating the baby’s arousal.
- •The infant gradually internalizes these regulatory functions, especially in right orbital frontal cortex.
- •Two regulation modes emerge: auto-regulation (self) and interactive regulation (with others).
- 48:00 – 1:04:00
Secure vs. Insecure Attachment: Regulation Strategies and Repair
Schore details secure attachment and contrasts it with avoidant, anxious, and disorganized patterns. He emphasizes psychobiological attunement and, crucially, the repair of misattunements as the heart of secure bonds. Different insecure styles reflect over-reliance on either self- or other-regulation or breakdown of both.
- •Psychobiological attunement = caregiver tracking and matching infant’s physiological-emotional state.
- •Misattunements are inevitable; what matters is repair via re-synchronizing right-brain-to-right-brain.
- •Secure attachment: flexible use of both auto- and interactive regulation; good tolerance of closeness and separation.
- •Avoidant/dismissive: discomfort with closeness, deactivation of attachment system, chronic self-reliance.
- •Anxious: hyperactivation of attachment system, constant seeking of others for regulation, difficulty self-soothing.
- •Disorganized: failure of both systems; under stress, dissociation shuts down attachment altogether.
- 1:04:00 – 1:22:00
Attachment Circuits Across the Lifespan and Into Psychopathology
The conversation turns to how early right-brain attachment circuits are repurposed for adolescent and adult relationships and how they underlie various psychiatric and personality disorders. Schore introduces ‘regulation theory’ as a framework spanning development, psychopathogenesis, and repair.
- •Right/left dominance oscillates across life (e.g., adolescence shows another right, then left, growth spurt).
- •Same attachment circuitry used in infant-caregiver bonds is reused in adult romantic and other relationships.
- •Early attachment templates are stored as autobiographical, right-lateralized memory and reactivated under stress.
- •Insecure attachments contribute to depression, schizophrenia, narcissistic and borderline personality disorders.
- •Regulation theory: development of self, psychopathogenesis of self, and repair of self via affect regulation.
- 1:22:00 – 1:45:00
Psychotherapy as Right-Brain Synchrony and Surrender
Schore explains how effective therapy mirrors early attachment: the therapist must synchronize with the patient’s arousal and emotions and then co-regulate them. He distinguishes emotional vs. cognitive empathy and describes ‘surrender’ as the therapist’s callosal shift from analytic left-brain to receptive right-brain listening.
- •Patients arrive dysregulated; therapy’s first task is establishing safety, trust, and interactive regulation.
- •Therapist listens to content (left) and to underlying physiology and emotion (right).
- •Surrender = shifting out of left-brain control into right-brain wide attention; cannot be forced, must ‘let go.’
- •Emotional empathy (right) = feeling what the other feels; cognitive empathy (left) = understanding without change.
- •Neural changes occur in right orbital frontal cortex and its connections to cingulate, insula, and amygdala.
- •Key change events are brief, intense ‘heightened affective moments’ of shared emotion and synchrony.
- 1:45:00 – 2:03:00
Rewiring Attachment: Relationships, Self-Work, and Limits of DIY
Huberman asks whether people can repair attachment without therapy. Schore stresses that while self-growth is possible, deep right-brain change typically requires close relationships. He underscores the importance of interpersonal synchrony, vulnerability, and shared emotionally charged moments in reshaping regulatory circuits.
- •Right brain remains plastic; it can grow via new, emotionally resonant experiences across life.
- •Best drivers of change: intimate relationships that allow mutual vulnerability and co-regulation.
- •Interpersonal synchrony (same-time shared emotional states) is the basis of empathy and neural updating.
- •‘How to be with’ someone in dysregulated states matters more than what you say to them.
- •Purely cognitive or ‘DIY’ reparenting is limited because core defenses and templates are unconscious and relational.
- •Hyper-scanning studies: right temporal–parietal junctions synchronize between people in emotional exchange.
- 2:03:00 – 2:18:00
Primary Caregivers, Fathers, Single Parents, and MDMA Therapy
They explore who the ‘primary attachment figure’ is and the roles of mothers and fathers. Schore notes that whoever reliably regulates the infant’s stress becomes primary, and fathers later help structure autonomy and left-brain development. They briefly discuss MDMA-assisted therapy and the need to pair empathogenic states with right-brain-informed relational work.
- •Primary attachment figure = person who provides right-brain regulation under infant stress.
- •Often mother early on, but could be father or another caregiver with strong right-brain attunement.
- •Fathers often become primary figures later, emphasizing rough-and-tumble play and arousal tolerance.
- •Single parents may need to provide both right- and left-brain functions; extended family can help.
- •MDMA and empathogens could be helpful if integrated into a strong therapeutic relationship focused on right-brain processes.
- •Subcortical systems (amygdala, autonomic circuits) are foundational and need more attention than cortex alone.
- 2:18:00 – 2:28:00
In Utero Programming and Hormonal Impacts on the Right Brain
Schore points to emerging evidence that lateralization and right-amygdala memory begin in utero, and that maternal stress hormones affect fetal brain development. He emphasizes that chronic prenatal stress can distort early right-brain formation and predispose to later dysregulation.
- •Lateralization is detectable in fetuses; right amygdala stores early in utero memories.
- •Placental transfer of cortisol during maternal stress can dysregulate fetal limbic development.
- •Critical in utero development of right insula, right amygdala, and autonomic synchrony across placenta.
- •Neuromodulators like dopamine and noradrenaline form plastic circuits early; later therapy modulates these systems.
- •Prenatal stress sets the stage for later vulnerabilities in stress response and attachment.
- 2:28:00 – 2:41:00
Up States, Quiet Love, and the Full Range of Emotion
They revisit Schore’s description of mother–infant transitions between calm and excitement and extend the idea to adult relationships and therapy. Schore highlights Donald Winnicott’s notions of ‘quiet love’ and ‘excited love’ and argues that mental health requires integrating both positive and negative emotions, not avoiding one side.
- •Caregiver oscillates infant between calm (parasympathetic) and excited (sympathetic) states, wiring flexibility.
- •Positive emotion regulation (upregulating joy, enthusiasm) is as important as downregulating distress.
- •Quiet love = soothing, parasympathetic connection; excited love = passionate, high-arousal connection.
- •Secure attachment integrates both; narcissistic and borderline structures often cannot integrate positive and negative.
- •Splitting (all-good/all-bad views of self and others) reflects failure to integrate emotional polarities.
- •Negative emotions like shame and loss are adaptive when regulated; pathology is in dysregulation, not in the emotions themselves.
- 2:41:00 – 2:56:00
Borderline, Narcissism, Splitting, and Relational Dynamics
Schore dives deeper into borderline and narcissistic patterns, explaining splitting as a right-brain way of organizing the world when integration fails. He describes how these dynamics appear in therapy — idealization followed by devaluation, approach–withdrawal cycles, and defensive disengagement.
- •Splitting: seeing others (and self) as all good or all bad; can be external and internal.
- •Borderline dynamics: rapid switches between idealization and devaluation, often triggered by misattunements.
- •Narcissistic styles: vulnerable/anxious (needing constant praise) and grandiose/egotistical.
- •Attachment ruptures in early caregiving map onto adult cycles of closeness and sudden disengagement.
- •In therapy, these patterns play out in therapeutic relationship; strong alliance is crucial to prevent dropout.
- •Clinician must track subtle shifts in proximity/distance and voice prosody as indicators of attachment activation or deactivation.
- 2:56:00 – 3:15:00
Right-Brain Attention, Surrender, and Hyper-Logical Culture
They analyze attention styles: narrow, analytic left-brain focus versus wide-ranging, evenly suspended right-brain attention. Huberman shares his own experience of periodically ‘widening’ attention during conversation. Schore frames this as a rapid callosal shift and critiques modern overreliance on left-brain modes.
- •Left hemisphere = narrow, sequential attention; right hemisphere = wide-ranging, contextual, body-inclusive attention.
- •Callosal shifts between hemispheres occur in ~100 ms; you can’t fully inhabit both at once.
- •Therapists must oscillate between left (content, diagnosis) and right (emotion, bodily resonance).
- •Iain McGilchrist’s work: culture increasingly dominated by left-brain traits, neglecting right-brain depth.
- •Right brain is more connected to the body and unconscious will.
- •Overemphasis on linear thinking, text, and abstraction may impoverish relational and emotional life.
- 3:15:00 – 3:31:00
Music, Dogs, Smell, and Nonverbal Right-Brain Regulation
Huberman brings up music and pets as powerful regulators of state. Schore concurs, tying music to right-hemisphere processing and dogs to multisensory, affective regulation. They note how prosody, touch, and even smell play overlooked roles in intimate human and human–animal bonds.
- •Music predominantly activates right-hemisphere networks; it’s a potent tool for affect regulation.
- •Subjectively meaningful music functions as auto-regulation; live or shared music adds interactive regulation.
- •Pets (especially dogs) regulate owners’ states through touch, vocal tone, and smell; reunion after separation is attachment-like.
- •Human intimacy also involves smell, a neglected but powerful channel in attachment and sexual arousal.
- •Coming home to a dog can instantly shift from left-brain stress mode into right-brain connection.
- •Nonverbal channels often carry more emotional information than words alone.
- 3:31:00 – 3:50:00
Texting, Technology, and the Erosion of Real-Time Synchrony
They critique modern text-based communication as largely stripped of right-brain cues like prosody and facial expression. Huberman worries about younger generations raised on texting; Schore links this to broader cultural left-brain dominance and notes alternative right-brain-nourishing experiences like nature and travel.
- •Texting lacks prosody, facial expression, timing nuances; hard to build rich attachment via text alone.
- •Emoji and shorthand are poor substitutes for real-time emotional exchanges.
- •Some left-dominant personalities are very comfortable with text because it matches their cognitive style.
- •Right brain can be fed by in-person relationships, time in nature, travel, art, and embodied experiences.
- •Iain McGilchrist’s ‘The Master and His Emissary’ critiques culture’s left-hemisphere bias.
- •Overreliance on digital text may undermine the development of real-world right-brain relational skills.
- 3:50:00 – 4:11:00
Feeding the Right Brain: Curiosity, Novelty, and Exercise
The discussion turns practical: how to ‘drop into’ right-brain modes. Schore recommends curiosity-driven novelty, travel, nature, and exercise, and he shares his own process of using piano and visualization to cultivate right-brain capacities while doing intense self-study for a decade.
- •Right brain processes novelty; new places, people, and challenges stimulate right-hemisphere growth.
- •Curiosity, travel, and varied experiences support richer imagery and emotional depth.
- •Exercise and restorative sleep are fundamental for both physical and emotional healing (Naviaux’s work).
- •Schore deliberately returned to piano and to vivid mental imagery to know things ‘in his fingers’ and visually, not just logically.
- •He refused to memorize facts, preferring deep understanding and strong internal organization of knowledge.
- •Note-taking by hand and working from printed pages embedded information more deeply than screen reading.
- 4:11:00 – 4:30:00
Policy, Parental Leave, and the Cost of Ignoring Early Emotion
Schore finishes by confronting social policy: the U.S. severely underfunds and undervalues early caregiving relative to other rich nations. He argues that failure to support parents during the infant’s right-brain critical period leads to widespread emotional and relational problems later.
- •Other wealthy countries provide 3+ months paternal and 6+ months maternal leave; the U.S. often offers ~6 weeks.
- •Six weeks coincides with the onset of critical periods for autonomic and limbic development, before attachment is secure.
- •UNICEF ranked the U.S. last of 36 rich countries in childhood emotional wellbeing.
- •London School of Economics: best childhood predictors of adult satisfaction are emotional health, then conduct, with IQ last.
- •Cultural overemphasis on IQ and executive function ignores foundational right-brain emotional development.
- •Investment in early caregiving is the most efficient way to foster healthy personalities and social functioning.
- 4:30:00
Closing Reflections: Integrating Science, Clinical Practice, and Self-Exploration
Huberman concludes by praising Schore’s integration of neuroscience, psychoanalysis, and personal exploration. They emphasize that understanding and working with right-brain dynamics can transform self-understanding, relationships, and clinical practice, and hint at Schore’s forthcoming book on human nature.
- •Schore’s work braids neurobiology, attachment theory, and decades of clinical experience.
- •Right-brain focus reframes how we think about therapy, parenting, and self-development.
- •Listeners are encouraged to apply these ideas to their own relationships and parenting approaches.
- •Deep change requires engaging with the relational unconscious, not just cognitive information.
- •Future work will further explore right-brain foundations of human nature.
