Being Calm is EASY! (Do THIS Micro-Ritual..)

1. 0:00 – 1:09

   Intro

   1. JSJay Shetty0:00

      You ever feel like you're just getting through the day, like you're checking things off, but not really feeling anything? I have definitely been there. I've been traveling, I've been working, and it can feel, like, kinda numbing, right? You realize you're so busy being productive, you're not actually present. And I had this moment, sitting alone at a restaurant after a long day, and for the first time in weeks, I slowed down, tasted the food, watched the people, took a breath, and I thought, "Why don't I do this more often? And why do I have to wait for a moment like this to do it?" So today's solo is all about that, how to reconnect with your day, your people, even your plate, because you're not too busy to feel connected, you're just out of practice. We all are. So let's talk about the little shifts that bring you back to yourself. The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty.

   2. SPSpeaker0:54

      Jay Shetty.

   3. JSJay Shetty0:55

      The one, the only Jay Shetty. [laughing] Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose. It's Jay Shetty. Make sure you've subscribed to this channel if you haven't already, so that you never miss an episode.

2. 1:09 – 3:25

   How to Reconnect with Your Day and Move with Intention

   1. JSJay Shetty1:10

      Today's conversation is all about how to reconnect with your day and how slowing down actually makes life speed up, how slowing down actually makes life more effective, and how slowing down allows you to move as fast as you want. I think for a long time we've told people, "Hey, if you have a busy, hectic, crazy life, that's just the way it is," and then we hope for a vacation where things slow and calm down. But the reality is, if we can move slow to move fast, it can change the way we think and live. And here are seven science-backed steps for a hectic day and the habits that transform it for us. The reality is, we live in chaos. The average person checks their phone 58 times a day, spends one hour five minutes on social media, and receives around 46 notifications daily. Now, if you're like me, times every one of those stats by four. 47% of us can't focus on a task longer than two hours. No wonder we feel frantic, distracted, and emotionally depleted even before lunch. But what if you could reclaim calm, not by changing your schedule, but by reclaiming your mind? That's what I wanna help you do today with my seven-step guide to being more present right now. No retreats, just real life, practical actions rooted in psychology. I think for so many of us, we think, "Yeah, presence is something that I can't even attain anymore. It's gone out the window. I have to wait to go on a retreat. I have to wait to be in meditation. I have to wait to be in yoga." And I think that's partly the challenge. We've drawn this narrative that your life is busy and you can't be present in it. Your life is crazy, and that's just the way it is. And I've done that to myself sometimes as well. But I've also found a way of changing that narrative and shifting my reality, and I wanna share that with you today. Here's

3. 3:25 – 6:45

   Step #1 Take 5 Minute Tech Breaks to Recharge Focus

   1. JSJay Shetty3:25

      step one: take five tech breaks. Now, when I say five, I mean take five, five minutes, right? And maybe you can do these five times throughout the day, or if not more. Dr. Ravita Singh from Ohio State University found that taking five to ten-minute tech breaks every hour boosts focus and reduces stress. So here's what you want to do. Set hourly reminders. After 55 minutes of screen time, spend five minutes off devices. You can walk, you can stretch, you can breathe. Suddenly, your attention becomes sharper instead of splintered. I think this is one of the issues with the way we think about meetings. Meetings are 30 minutes or 60 minutes in our calendar. Why can't they be 25 minutes or 55 minutes? What are we achieving in five minutes in a meeting that we would lose if we spent that five minutes walking, getting hydrated with water, or looking out of the window? These are the three habits you want to develop in those five minutes between meetings. You're gonna stand up and walk, you're gonna walk and get some water, and you're gonna get some water and go look out of a window. Now, why? When you're moving every hour, it's gonna be great for your metabolism, it's gonna be great for your body. You're gonna get steps in without even trying. We all know the benefits of water. We need to be more hydrated. So many of us are missing out on the amount of water that we need to be having. The window part's the most interesting. When you look into the distance, it actually allows your mind to feel relieved. Today, everything's up in our face, our laptops, our phone screens, everything. We've actually lost the ability to look off into the distance, to give our mind some space. If you look into the distance, find a cloud, find the tip of a tree, whatever it may be, it allows your mind to feel open. I want you to try and practice setting meetings for 25 minutes or 55 minutes instead of 30 minutes to 60 minutes. We all live in this world as if the next task is life or death, that these five minutes are gonna change the history of humanity. The reality is, maybe you'll spend five minutes all staring at your own laptops in between a meeting. Maybe that five minutes on Zoom is making sure that people are still knowing when they're on mute and when they're not. Like, we're not solving anything that's changing our lives in those five minutes, yet we make it feel, the stress, the hecticness makes us feelThat we're solving some rare disease. Now, if you are, that's incredible. But for the majority of us, those five minutes back invested into our mental health and wellbeing could transform the rest of our day. So from tomorrow, start setting twenty-five and fifty-five minute meetings, and when someone asks you why, tell them what you do in that five minutes. It will actually start to inspire others. It will actually tr- start to shift the culture. That's what we're really talking about here. How do we shift the culture when the culture has made it so that we feel we're productive and effective when

4. 6:45 – 10:47

   Step #2 Pause Emotionally to Regain Clarity

   1. JSJay Shetty6:45

      every second of the day is fully maximized and fully accounted for? Now, I believe in living an intentional life, but therefore, I also believe in intentional breaks. Getting five minutes every thirty minutes or five minutes every hour is realistic for each and every one of us. Studies show even brief mindfulness pauses reduce emotional reactivity and improve focus. So here's what I want you to do. At any stoplight or right before a meeting, take three deep breaths and refocus on your senses. You're no longer carried by the day, you actually pilot it. This is something that I've practiced when I'm in the back of an Uber, before I go into a meeting, before or after I send an email. If you just pause at any of these beginnings and ends that naturally happen throughout the day, before a phone call, after a phone call, before a Zoom call, after a Zoom call, you use these micro moments to just take in three deep breaths. Let's do it together right now. [inhaling and exhaling] In through your nose and out through your mouth. [inhaling and exhaling] That's your reset. Notice how your body feels a little more relaxed, your mind feels a little more at ease, and you don't have to carve out specific time to do this. You can actually do this anywhere you are, wherever you are, at your desk, in your home, while you're commuting. It's a beautiful practice that allows you to slow down. The way I like to describe it is almost like when you're watching slow motion footage of something incredible. You realize that that person felt like they had so much more time than you thought they did. If you ever watched a basketball player in slow motion, if you've ever watched an athlete in slow motion, a musician in slow motion, it feels like they have so much time. And even if you've played sport, when you realize you have more time than you think, you're actually able to do more with it. But when you're rushed, when you feel you don't have time, don't we all just make mistakes? When you feel you don't have time, aren't you more likely to trip over? Aren't you more likely to forget your wallet at home? Aren't you more likely to send the wrong email, not change the subject line? That's what happens when we're rushing. But when you think you have a little more time, you actually get to get it right. So I want you to trick yourself. When you slow down your breath, when you're breathing deeper, when you're breathing longer, right? When your breath is less shallow and less fast, you're literally slowing things down. And what happens when you slow down? You see things more clearly. Why is there a speed limit on the road? Why is there a different speed limit on the road? I remember learning that when you have a thirty miles per hour speed limit, the truth is because if you hit a child or someone on the road at thirty-three, the difference in those three miles per hour could be catastrophic for that person. In three miles, and there's a reason why it's there. Those three miles could make all the difference. So I'm not asking you to slow down from thirty-three miles to fifteen miles per hour. I'm saying, what if three breaths just slow you down by three miles per hour? All of a sudden, you're not leading to a tragic event, to burnout, to exhaustion. You've actually saved yourself. So think about that and think about

5. 10:47 – 12:47

   Step #3 Simplify Your Choices to Avoid Overwhelm

   1. JSJay Shetty10:47

      how you can just slow down just a tiny bit. I think we think about being slow as being stopped, right? We think about it as like, "Oh, yeah, I just need to stop. I need everything to stop." It's not real. It'll be great if you can achieve it, but in reality, we're not gonna get there every day or every week, but these micro moments could change it for us. Number three, chunk your choices. The human working memory says that we can just about deal with seven items at once, and otherwise, the overload drops our decision quality. Here's what I want you to do. If you're staring at a long to-do list, probably over seven things, before your day starts, choose only three tasks that matter most and block them in your calendar. One of the reasons why our day feels fast is we're trying to do a lot with little time, not realizing that if we tried to do less with a bit more time, not only would we complete tasks, we would actually have the ability to move on to the next. You can create clarity amid the noise and win the morning before it starts. You wanna get seven done. At the end of the day, you realize you only got four done, and that too with bad quality because you were rushing. But what if you just got three done really well?So well that you won't have to waste time on them in the future. When you got four out of seven done or five out of seven done, they were all done at like 60% effort, 70% effort. So you got more done, but actually you got less done because in the long term it was less effective because you'll have to go backwards and solve the problem you created. But if you got three things done today at 90%, all of a sudden you're cruising, and you can do the same thing tomorrow. Doing less can actually achieve more. Doing less can actually be more effective than doing more. Doing less can be more productive

6. 12:47 – 16:01

   Step #4 Are You Working on Too Many Things at a Time?

   1. JSJay Shetty12:47

      than doing more in the long term. But we all get trapped by this short-term thinking, thinking that if I do more today, if I get more done, then that will help me in the future, not realizing that, well, if I don't get quality done, the quantity doesn't matter. Step four is all about single-tasking. Science shows that multitasking reduces efficiency and increases stress. So here's what I want you to do. When you're working, silence your notifications, close your extra tabs, set up a twenty-five minute timer, and work with full focus. I see this often with someone who's got their laptop, and their phone, and maybe you even have an iPad. You have all these devices, they're all connected up to personal and professional notifications, and you're trying to do some deep work. You're working on a report, you're working on a deck, you're editing something, and every thirty seconds you have a distraction. One is from your mom, who wants to check in with you and find out what you ate. The other one is from a friend who wants a picture that you took at the weekend. The other is from a colleague who wants you to reply to the email right now, and the other is from your friend from three months ago who's upset with you for not coming to their birthday, and you're trying to write a report. How's that ever gonna happen? How are you going to respond effectively to any of those people? The friend from three months ago who's upset you didn't go to their birthday, you need to connect with them with some depth and some clarity because they're upset. You're managing their emotions. The friend who wants the picture, you're gonna have to go through your camera roll this weekend of sixty-seven pictures you took of the same exact pose, but find the one that they like. You're gonna send them three, and they're gonna be like, "No, there was one with the, the ocean in the background in this color. There was one where I was posing this way." All right, now you've lost a bunch of time looking for that image. Now you've got the person who wants you to email back right now, but you don't even have context of what's happening at work. We invite distractions when we're trying to do deep work. If you are truly, honestly trying to do deep work, you have to leave your phone out of the room. You have to turn your notifications off, and you have to be locked in. And the problem with us is we think we'll achieve more or get more done if we're always connected. It's the opposite. You'll get more done if you're completely disconnected. You'll get the task done in less time with more quality, with more efficiency if you're not distracted. All of us are multitasking. Now, here's the interesting thing. Only 2% of the world's population can effectively multitask. You know what the funny thing is? When you hear that, everyone thinks they're in that 2%. But the truth is, most of us are in the 98% who can't multitask to save our lives. And even if you can multitask, you're placing so much stress on your brain and mind to stretch that far, that often. How can you reduce distractions? How can you reduce everything when you're

7. 16:01 – 20:40

   Step #5 Reset Your Posture to Shift Your Mindset

   1. JSJay Shetty16:01

      focused on a task? When I'm writing my book, when I'm preparing for these scripts, when I'm factoring this time in for the podcast, I can't write if I'm distracted by seven different tabs. Limit it. Limit it. You will achieve so much more in your life, I promise you. Give it a go. Step five, posture reset, mind reset. We've been talking a lot about how the mind affects the body. We've forgotten how the body affects the mind. Upright posture raises alertness, positivity, and slouching actually reduces energy. So every hour, stand tall for thirty seconds, feel your feet, and breathe. I actually do this before I go on stage. Before I'm going on stage, I've noticed that I can be nervous. I still get nervous. We all still get nervous because I care. But if I slouch, if I close up my body, I actually get more nervous. I get more stressed. But when I stand in Superman pose, put my hands on my hips, pump out my chest, all of a sudden I'm feeling that confidence. I'm breathing better. It's not some mental trick, it's physicality. If you're closing up your shoulders, if you're making your chest smaller, if you're going inward, you're actually making it harder for yourself to breathe. Making it harder for yourself to breathe means less oxygen, means less energy, so naturally it works that way. Change your posture. All of us are sitting around all day. I'm sitting right now. If you're sitting in a chair right now, push back your shoulders, right? Even feel your arms wrap around the back of the chair so you can really push out, even if it's artificial, and even take your fingers behind your chair and stretch. Push your shoulders up right now. Notice if the back of your head is aligned with your spine, or if the back of your head is actually forward. Doing that for a few seconds, all of a sudden you feel your body shifting, you feel your energy shifting. These are micro moments to become more present. These are micro moments to become more conscious, to become in touch with our body. Sometimes we're so lost in our mind, we don't even know what our body is feeling. How many times have you had it where a week later you go, "Wait a minute, why is my ankle hurting?"Don't even know what happened. Well, why have I got that backache? W-what, what happened? And then all of a sudden you realize seven days ago you knocked it on something or something like that, but you ignored it because we're so disconnected from our bodies and our minds. We have to learn to reconnect our body and our mind. You will win at life when your body and mind are in the same place. You will lose at life when your body and mind are in different places. Because here's what happens, when you're at work, you're thinking about vacation, and therefore, when you're on vacation, you're thinking about work. Inattention bleeds. You can't turn it on and off. You can't say, "I don't wanna be present at work," and then be present on vacation, because you've trained your mind to be absent. You can't be absent at work and present on vacation, and you can't be present on vacation and absent at work. If you're present at work, you'll be present on vacation, and if you're absent at work, you'll be absent on vacation. That's how the mind works. It only knows how to be where your feet are or not based on how you've trained it. Always check in. When you walk into a new space, practice five, four, three, two, one. What are five things you can see? The shades, the colors, the shapes. What are four things you can touch? What you're wearing, the temperatures, the textures. What are three things you can hear? Distant chatter, white noise, the sound of your own voice. Two things you can smell, a fragrance or a flower, and one thing you can taste, maybe lunch or a mint or whatever it may have been. All of a sudden, your body and mind are in the same place. Most of us, we walk into a room, our mind is still in the last meeting, our body's in this meeting. We finish that meeting, and your mind goes, "Oh gosh, I wasn't even present in that meeting." Now we're absent in the next meeting, and our body's in the next meeting, right? We're constantly messing around with this absence and presence. Our mind is absent, our body is present. Our body is absent, our mind is present. When they're both present, you actually have a better experience of life. Haven't you seen that? I'm sure some of you who have children, who love spending time with your kids or love spending time with a family member, love spending time with your friends, after it finishes, sometimes you think, "I don't even know where I was. Where did the time go? Is it over already?" That's because our mind and body weren't in the same place. When your mind and body are in the same place, you

8. 20:40 – 24:08

   Step #6 Time Can Be Your Anchor—Not Your Stressor

   1. JSJay Shetty20:40

      can absorb that moment, really feel it, and then let it go comfortably. That's the beauty of it. When you're present, you'll actually let go happily because you've absorbed the whole moment. But when you haven't absorbed the whole moment, you're still trying to hold on to it and go, "I don't want this to end," because you actually haven't been there the whole time. Number six, use time anchoring to calm your mind. When we mentally fast forward beyond a stressful moment, we reduce anxiety and emotional reactivity. So when you're overwhelmed, ask, "Will this matter in a week? Will this matter in a month?" When you zoom out, it recenters your brain and regulates emotional overreactions. Now, why did this work? You shift from reactive mode to reflective mode, and you reclaim control over your perspective. I'll tell you why I believe this really does work. It's because when you're dealing with stress, you've now totally zoomed in. Have you ever had that when you go for a stressful moment in your life, you totally zoom in, even if it's the smallest thing, and now you turn that tiny thing into a huge thing? Asking a question like, "Will this matter in a week? Will this matter in a year?" It allows you to zoom out and actually find balance, so you're not avoiding it. I'm not telling you to forget about it. I'm not telling you it's not important. You want to see things as important as they are. I encourage people to have what I call a stress scale in their life. Zero is not stressful at all, ten is the most stressful you'll ever be. Actually think of an event that is the most stressful event ever. Your family's unwell. Maybe someone passes away. Maybe you are losing your job and you have no money left. Like that's ten on a stress scale, right? I've lost all my money, I'm broke, I have nothing. What's zero for you based on that being the most extreme? What's zero for you? Maybe zero is, uh, when I'm hanging out on the weekend and I've got nothing to think about. Now, when you stub your toe, is it really a nine or is it actually a two? Now, when you have a difficult conversation at work, is it really a nine or an eight, or is it actually more like a four? Does that make sense? When you look at your stress scale and you know what the worst thing that could ever happen is and what the best thing that could ever happen is, you now look at things in perspective. The biggest challenge for us is when we don't zoom out and look at life that way, everything feels like a ten. Everything feels like a ten all day. You missed the bus, it's a ten. You missed the train, it's a ten. You had a falling out with a friend, it's a ten. Everything in our life will feel like a ten if we don't have this stress scale, and we've realized what a ten actually is. Losing my job or losing someone I love, having no money, being broke. That's a ten. That's worth my stress. But actually, everything up until then is probably a five or a six. All of a sudden, I can deal with it for what it's worth. I'm not telling you your stress isn't valid. I'm not telling you that you don't have real stress in your life. What I'm saying is you wanna deal with it for what it's worth, right? A doctor would never treat a stubbed toe in the same way as they treat a broken foot. You just don't treat them in the same way. But we, in our

9. 24:08 – 27:56

   Step #7 Create a Reset Ritual Before Your Next Task

   1. JSJay Shetty24:08

      mind, make a stubbed toe feel like a broken foot, and that's where our stress comes fromThat's what creates more anxiety, more tension, and more pressure because everything feels like a 10. If you take one thing away from this episode, I want it to be that. Do not forget that stress scale. Make sure you're really clear on it. Number seven, switch tasks with a ritual, not a rush. The brain takes up to 25 minutes to fully refocus and switch tasks. So if you're gonna refocus, you're not gonna be able to do it immediately. If you wanna go from a numbers meeting to a creative meeting, your brain's gonna take 25 minutes to figure that out. If you wanna go from a tactical meeting and a strategic meeting to a free-flowing brainstorm, it's gonna take 20 minutes to figure out. Rituals help the brain reset faster, and this is research from Harvard Business. Before switching tasks, especially from work to personal as well, even coming home, create a micro-ritual. Maybe you light a candle, maybe you stretch, maybe you put on some music. Think about that even when you come home, it can take you 25 minutes for your brain to switch from work to personal. That's why sometimes the commute is healthy. I think one of the challenges that working from home brought around is that we actually don't get that 25 minutes. The commute in the morning allowed you to switch from being at home to being at work, and the commute home from work allowed you to switch from being at work to being at home. Today, you walk up or down the stairs, you walk in and out of a room, and you're meant to be at home. So all of a sudden when your partner says to you, "Hey, w- what are we doing this weekend?" You're, you're still thinking about the meeting. Your partner says to you, "Wait, you didn't do this for the kids yet. You gotta take them out." You're still thinking about the meeting. You walk into work and someone says to you, "Hey, have, have you got the report on my desk yet?" And you're thinking, "Wait a minute, I just put my k- kids' clothes on and, like, gave them a shout." Like, you know, where are we at now, right? So our brain doesn't even have the time to get to where we are. So now we need rituals to signal to your nervous system that it's safe to switch gears. So what you need to do is allow yourself to have a ritual. That could be a word you say. Maybe it's a scent from a candle, and this is how I like to think about it. Rituals are sight, things you can see; scent, things you can smell; and sound, things you can hear. You walk into your workplace, and you have music that feels like work. You walk into your kitchen, and you have music that feels like home. You walk into your workplace, and you have a scent that reminds you of work. You walk into your home, and you have a scent that reminds you of personal, casual life. And a sight, you walk into your office, you see a quote on the wall that inspires you. You walk into your home area, you see a picture of a family that relaxes you. You can use sight, scent, and sound to act as rituals for transitioning between things. Number eight, narrate what you're doing out loud in your head. Naming your present actions grounds you in the moment and interrupts autopilot behavior. Try this while washing dishes, brushing your teeth, or even walking. "I'm brushing my teeth. I feel the water. I'm noticing the mint. I'm right here." You pull your attention out of spiraling thoughts and anchor it in your senses, instantly increasing presence. Become a narrator of your life. Talking things out loud actually gets them off your chest and out of your mind where we feel so much stress. Have you ever had that?

10. 27:56 – 28:54

    Step #8 Narrate Your Actions Out Loud to Stay Present

    1. JSJay Shetty27:56

       Stress makes you feel tight-chested. It makes you feel heavy-headed. When you talk it out, you get it out of yourself. Remember, you don't need to escape your life to find presence. You just need to choose it minute by minute, moment by moment. Pause, slow down, and discover how much calmer, clearer, and stronger you can feel even on your craziest day. Thank you so much for listening. I'm so glad you joined me. Pass this on to someone who lives a busy, hectic life, and I hope I'll see you here again soon. Take care. If you love this podcast, you'll love my episode with Lewis Hamilton. Lewis and I talk about why you should stop chasing society's definition of success and how to be more intentional with your goals. You don't wanna miss it.

    2. SPSpeaker28:44

       Like, it's not about being perfect, it's about just every day, one step at a time, trying to be better, trying to do more. I'm learning a lot about myself. I have to break myself down in order to be able to be better

Episode duration: 28:54