Jay Shetty PodcastHILARY DUFF Opens Up About Family, Disney, Divorce & Finding Love Again
EVERY SPOKEN WORD
75 min read · 15,155 words- 0:00 – 2:06
Intro
- HDHilary Duff
I had, like, a great time being a child actor. I had a great time turning into a pop star. But it is not easy behind the scenes, and there's so much that goes on in ways that you feel out of control. This time around, I get to pick how much crazy I can tolerate.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- HDHilary Duff
Everybody has their reasons, and relationships are difficult, especially with your family.
- JSJay Shetty
Especially.
- HDHilary Duff
As painful as it feels to share, when I decided to make this record, I could only talk about the things that I've gone through.
- JSJay Shetty
Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to become happier, healthier, and more healed. Today's guest is someone that we have been excited for such a long time. The energy in the studio has been electric for her arrival, and I'm not being hyperbolic or over-hyping it. I really, really mean it. I'm speaking today to the one and only Hilary Duff, actress, singer, author, and entrepreneur whose career has grown up alongside an entire generation that I seem to have in my office. Uh, first-
- HDHilary Duff
[laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
... known to many as Lizzie McGuire, she's continued to evolve as an artist and storyteller, balancing creativity, family, and reinvention. Hilary is now entering a new chapter with her sixth studio album, Luck or Something, her first full-length release in over a decade, out February 20th 2026. And you can see her on her Lucky Me Tour world tour kicking off this June. Do not miss out. We'll put the link to the tickets, uh, in the bio. Thank you so much, Hilary Duff. Welcome to On Purpose.
- HDHilary Duff
I'm so excited to be here. Thank you.
- JSJay Shetty
We are very excited.
- HDHilary Duff
[laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
I, I cannot tell you. I, I, I want to tell you because it's so important. I woke up this morning and everyone's like, "You know this is our Super Bowl, right?" And I was like, "What?" Like, I was trying to figure out when did it... And they're like-
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... "Hilary Duff is coming to..." Like, that was the reaction.
- HDHilary Duff
[laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
Like, people were like, "This is our Super Bowl. Forget this weekend."
- HDHilary Duff
[laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
"No one cares."
- HDHilary Duff
Come on. That's so sweet.
- JSJay Shetty
Like, the excitement in the house, and everyone, everyone wants pictures. Everyone has asked my permission.
- HDHilary Duff
[laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
I was like, "I will ask Hilary."
- HDHilary Duff
[laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
I usually don't allow... You know, it's just, but the energy around the excitement that you bring to people-
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah
- 2:06 – 3:20
The Joy of Being Celebrated
- JSJay Shetty
... I mean, how does that feel? Because you've done it for so long, but you still bring this, like, really electric energy to everyone who's a fan of yours and has been for so long.
- HDHilary Duff
I swear to God I'm not trying to do an album plug right now, but I just feel lucky. I feel like whatever reason my purpose is to be here is, like, to connect with people, and I've had the joy of being able to do it for 20-plus years, and some of that's felt high and some of that's felt low. But I genuinely feel like people are excited to, like, meet me and say hi and, like, have a quick moment, and it just feels like... It feels normal. Like, it feels really, like, genuine always, and, and I'm always met with that, and it's a really... You know, I'm not saying it's not a big responsibility sometimes. But, you know, being, being met with, like, excitement and, and someone being like, "You've meant so much to me," it's-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm
- HDHilary Duff
... it's a lovely feeling.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm. Yeah, no, it's definitely there. I've got... People have got stories of coming to your tours at 13 years old and-
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... saying ridiculous things to you, like in my team.
- HDHilary Duff
[laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
Uh, and, and meeting you for a few moments and just having the best experiences. But I was thinking, yeah, you've, you've meant this for 25 years. You've had... You've been so many things to so many people through the characters you've played, the music.
- HDHilary Duff
Mm-hmm.
- JSJay Shetty
Of course, now your new album.
- 3:20 – 5:40
Choosing Truth Over Politeness
- JSJay Shetty
What's the version of Hilary Duff that you want people to meet now at this point in your life?
- HDHilary Duff
Part of the reason this, you know, return to music is feeling so good to me is just that it's, like, feels completely, like, rooted in my truth-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm
- HDHilary Duff
... and who I am and what I live with, and, you know, introducing people to my past 10 years and knowing that we are gonna connect on many levels of experiences and feelings and disappointments and celebrations and, like, everything in between. So that, that's kind of what I want them to know about me now and who I want them to, to meet. Like, they have known me my whole life. I have, you know, played a character that never grew up on TV.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- HDHilary Duff
You know, she stayed that same age, and-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah
- HDHilary Duff
... not that I feel that that's, like, the public consensus around me anymore. I think people are pretty familiarized with me and who I am. But I care a lot less, and I feel like truth is more important than, like, politeness-
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- HDHilary Duff
... and all of, all of that. So that's what the record feels like to me, and that's kind of just how I feel comfortable moving through the world, you know? I don't know if that's just with age or being a mom of four or being in a settled relationship or being in the industry for as long as I have with many ups and downs.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. It's, uh, I feel like people are getting to meet a, uh, mature-
- HDHilary Duff
Mm
- JSJay Shetty
... uh, real version of you-
- HDHilary Duff
Mm
- JSJay Shetty
... and one that is very accepting and embracing of this amazing journey you have had, which is so beautiful. I think as humans we tend to have this perspective of like, "Well, now I am who I am, and I've, like, given up everything." And I feel like you have this beautiful way of being like, "I love those experiences, and they mean so much to me, and now everyone gets to come on the journey with me."
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
At least what I'm hearing.
- HDHilary Duff
I think that's true. I think that's absolutely true, and I get to, like, keep the pieces that still work for me and, you know, obviously continue to grow, but I, like, move with, like, a confidence and, like, a knowing that just occurred, you know?
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- HDHilary Duff
Also, also compiled with, like, a messy [laughs] insecurity-
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- HDHilary Duff
... and all of those things are just, like, what makes up the feeling accepting of all the, the things that come our way and that, like, we discovered on, on our path,
- 5:40 – 7:30
What’s a Childhood Memory That Keeps You Grounded?
- HDHilary Duff
you know?
- JSJay Shetty
I'm always fascinated by, especially for people who've been in the public eye for so long, like, the experiences that they had that we were less aware of, and I wanted to ask you, what's a childhood experience you have that you feel defines who you are today?
- HDHilary Duff
This is so random-
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- HDHilary Duff
... but, like, just, like, a huge standout memory for me in my childhood is, like, catching tadpoles in Tic Tac boxes in New Braunfels in Texas, and it was something that we did after school, like, almost every day. It's a huge part of meFeeling like I have my feet on the ground constantly, even in this, you know, kind of out of body experience of a career that I've had and like navigated through. I think like being from Texas and being so normal and kinda grubby and dirty like is a part of my personality that has helped me just be that and not be kind of what can happen, you know, with 25 years in the industry.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. Yeah. That's almost what's helped you stay grounded.
- HDHilary Duff
I think some of those like early childhood memories of having like a lot of like freedom and I really never thought that I would raise my kids in LA, and we're having a great time, but, you know, I grew up very different than this, and I'm happy to have those roots.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. Yeah. That's amazing. I- I'm gonna come to you for all the tips.
- HDHilary Duff
[laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
Uh, I, I have some- I-
- HDHilary Duff
I'm still figuring it out.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- HDHilary Duff
But I do know a lot.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. I, I will say that I have some of my favorite people who grew up here, like I have a peop- couple of people on my team who... Obviously, I'm born and raised in London, and I-
- HDHilary Duff
Mm
- JSJay Shetty
... only moved to LA eight years ago. But I have a couple of members of my team that were like born and raised in LA and like went to all the school, and they're just like phenomenal human beings and-
- HDHilary Duff
People, yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... yeah, just like the sweetest, salt of the earth humans, and it's, it, it's such a wonderful thing to kind of redefine what it means-
- HDHilary Duff
To be like an LA person?
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. Well, like-
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... in the, like you said, of somebody who's been in the industry for 25 years and-
- HDHilary Duff
Right
- JSJay Shetty
... have you, did you ever think
- 7:30 – 12:13
The Truth About Growing Up in the Public Eye
- JSJay Shetty
about that along the way, like on the journey of like what am I holding onto and what am I losing or what am I keeping? Did you have to think about those things?
- HDHilary Duff
You lose anonymity.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- HDHilary Duff
You know? Like I've completely lost that. I've lived, you know, pretty much in the public eye since I was 10, and probably around 15 was when I feel like the world started getting very like interested in what I was wearing, who I was dating, what I was eating, w- where I was. Like, that was an interesting kind of thing to navigate where I feel like I lost some serious innocence, you know?
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- HDHilary Duff
Where you're just like, "Oh my God." And then you get a lot of people constantly talking about your life and seeing it on the cover of magazines and all of that stuff. Like, that was a really strange period to also be like forming as a person privately, and some of those like lines get blurred where you're like, "I'm, I am this, but I am this," and I-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah
- HDHilary Duff
... you know. I think I've lost a lot, and I think I've gained a lot. Like, I wouldn't change it, but I've become very tough. Like, it's, it's not a, it's not a easy, it's not a easy industry.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- HDHilary Duff
And I think it's not very easy for other people to deal with you in this industry.
- JSJay Shetty
What do you mean by that part?
- HDHilary Duff
I think it looks very like shiny, and for other people to cope with how it looks is a tricky thing to navigate.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. Was there a time when everything felt like it was a dream from the outside, like you're saying shiny, but for you, you were having to really grapple with some stuff behind the scenes?
- HDHilary Duff
Through all of it-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah
- HDHilary Duff
... you know?
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah, yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
Navigating people is like tricky, and that's not em- it, it wasn't like all negative. I think I had like a great time being a child actor. I had a great time like turning into a pop star.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- HDHilary Duff
Like, but it is not easy behind the scenes, and there's so much that goes on and, and ways that you feel out of control. And, and now, you know, I have my own life and my family and my family that I've created, and, uh, it's really nice to have that pillar.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
Because all the other stuff, now this is like fun. This... I mean, no, it is hard work.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- HDHilary Duff
And to be honest, my friend, one of my, my friends is, is Meghan Trainor, and she-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah
- HDHilary Duff
... she texted me the other day and she's like, "I just want you to know, you have made this look seamless."
- JSJay Shetty
Nice.
- HDHilary Duff
"And I'm so impressed, but I know that it's hard as hell."
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- HDHilary Duff
I honestly was like, "Thank you so much for saying that." I've had the stomach flu. I like flew all my kids out 'cause I miss my family so much, but like they all have like coughs and stuffy noses, and I have to like sing on stage at night, and we got trapped because of weather, and then all my gear and my crew and my... Like, it's just all so crazy. But I think that this time around I get to pick how much crazy I can tolerate.
- 12:13 – 14:56
Learning to Feel at Home in Your Own Skin
- JSJay Shetty
like for you to get comfortableBeing comfortable in your own skin. Like, like what did that take? Like, today you're saying like, you know, "It's not easy. It's still hard work, but I'm kind of in control. I'm in charge. Like, I feel better." But-
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... talk to me about some of the stops on that journey and what that looks like for so many people who may not grow up in the public eye but also deal with the same challenges.
- HDHilary Duff
I feel like I've actually always had quite a bit of, like, self-confidence-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm
- HDHilary Duff
... and a good... This is such, such a lame term, but like a good head on my shoulders.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. No, no.
- HDHilary Duff
But I, I, I have. I, you know, I... In my friend groups when I was a teenager, I was like pretty confident, but like also mixed with the insecurities of, like, your teenhood and your, your 20s or-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm
- HDHilary Duff
... your early 20s. Like, of course those normal things came up, and then on top of it I was dealing with, like, yes, people commenting on my body at a young age and starting to get photographed and people, like, asking you how many times you weigh yourself or comparing you to people that were thinner than you or other girls, you know, in your, like, line of work. And I definitely struggled for a little while there just trying to fit a certain mold and have control over something in my life. Thankfully, that was, like, pretty short-lived, um, but definitely toyed with it during a time of, like, I'm on tour, I'm filming a movie, I'm do- you know, a, like, a lot of moving parts to my life and just trying to also, like, form as a, as a person.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- HDHilary Duff
Honestly, I think it took just time-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm
- HDHilary Duff
... and bigger things happening in my life that, like having children, that took the spot of the other things that didn't mean as much to worry about. And luckily, those things felt easy to me to replace.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- HDHilary Duff
I think having success at such a young age makes making, like, work choices a little harder 'cause there's, like, a pressure of a level of success. And I think once I did have kids and, you know, my phone wasn't ringing as much and I wasn't able to show up to work as much and say yes as often, I ended up just saying no a whole bunch-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm
- HDHilary Duff
... and not being worried about, like, sitting still, and a lot of great things came from that decision.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- HDHilary Duff
And a lot of confidence came from that decision. A lot of my steadiness has come from being in such a great, stable relationship. That's helped me a whole bunch-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm
- HDHilary Duff
... get through some pretty heavy themes in my life.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. I'm excited to hear about that more, especially after what you told me earlier, but [laughs] where, where, yeah, when we walk in.
- 14:56 – 19:50
Where Real Confidence Comes From
- JSJay Shetty
Where did that early confidence come from, that good head on your shoulders? And I, and I love that, and I think so many... And the reason I ask it is there are so many young people who listen to our show, or young parents-
- HDHilary Duff
Mm-hmm
- JSJay Shetty
... with young kids who want their kids to have that good head on their shoulders and have that confidence. Where did that come from for you, and how were you able to hold on to it?
- HDHilary Duff
I think a part of it is who you are.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- HDHilary Duff
Um, and then I think a whole bunch of it is your influence around you, you know? And I, I had a mom who was very supportive of a dream, you know, and she made me take it seriously because it was a big change for our life to, like, leave Texas and come to LA, but she also didn't... Our, like, livelihood wasn't weighted on whether or not I booked a job or not.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- HDHilary Duff
You know?
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- HDHilary Duff
And I think that I found confidence in work and working, you know, but I think it was a little more weighted. But, like, when I see my son play a really good soccer game, I see his confidence building.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- HDHilary Duff
And when I see, you know, he is the captain of his football team at his school, uh, sorry, f- soccer team at his school, and he's-
- JSJay Shetty
No, it's football. You can say that here. [laughs]
- HDHilary Duff
[laughs] You're like, "You had to write the first time."
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. I was like, "Yeah, we don't need to edit it." Sorry.
- HDHilary Duff
Um-
- JSJay Shetty
I had to. I'm sorry.
- HDHilary Duff
He- I see his confidence build.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- HDHilary Duff
When I... You know? So I, I think it was just that. Like-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm
- HDHilary Duff
... mine happened to be acting, but those things were confidence builders. At times they were confidence strippers.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- HDHilary Duff
I had a lovely support-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm
- HDHilary Duff
... system, and I also got to be a kid. Like, I, that wasn't all taken away. I had, like, normal friends.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- HDHilary Duff
And I felt the highs and lows of friendship and being confident and not confident and dating and all of that stuff. I don't know. I think some, some of it you're born with and some of it is, like, what is, what you're surrounded by and what you, what's modeled for you.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. We, we were talking about this a bit earlier off camera, but I was saying that, like, I feel like a lot of confidence I g- g- when I was a kid came from the fact that I always knew my mom would catch me if I was to fall. So it didn't come from feeling like I would never fall-
- HDHilary Duff
Mm-hmm
- 19:50 – 24:38
Opening Your Heart to Love Again
- JSJay Shetty
What is it that creates a foundation of strength and peace in a relationship for you from your experience?
- HDHilary Duff
[sighs] Could talk about this for hours.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs] That's a good thing, right?
- HDHilary Duff
I think it is time and just getting to the place where you can be in the trenches with someone, and they can know everything and accept-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm
- HDHilary Duff
... everything and help you move through things in the best way. I mean, for me, I think Matt and I's ... I always loved hanging out with him. I loved... He'd made me laugh like crazy. Like, he was such a s- he just kept showing up for me over and over again. And, um, I think coming out of, you know, being divorced and being a young mom and having a lot of stuff happen in my family life, I think I was just, like, not ready for super health [laughs] yet.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- HDHilary Duff
And someone who was, like, totally nice to me-
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- HDHilary Duff
... and wanted to, like, have, like, a healthy relationship and, and, and just, like, keep showing up, I guess. And so it took us a little while to... Well, it took me a little while to just, like, I think, accept something good.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- HDHilary Duff
And it wasn't until we had Banks, which is our seven-year-old, that I feel like I really, like, could settle in to the relationship when I realized, like, the kind of parents we were and how we were doing as parents together. I really remember, like, just feeling like my shoulders could be like [sighs] and it was really, like, really a nice weight off. Um, and then, like, our relationship from there continued to just be, like, emotional shelter, [laughs] you know, instead of dramatic. Like, craving those younger dramatic highs and lows and just feeling better in the, like, steady.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- HDHilary Duff
Which also comes with challenges, and I talk about those challenges a lot on Luck or Something.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- HDHilary Duff
It's nice to be where we are right now and know that some of those highs and lows feel like a snapshot of a timeframe instead of a continual struggle.
- JSJay Shetty
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- 24:38 – 28:13
Understanding the Weight of Marriage
- JSJay Shetty
I love what you said about that feeling that I think we all go through when you find your person. I've been with my wife for 13 years now, married for 10.
- HDHilary Duff
Congrats.
- JSJay Shetty
Uh, thank you. And yeah, it's our 10th wedding anniversary this year, and so-
- HDHilary Duff
Amazing
- JSJay Shetty
... it's really exciting to celebrate. But, like, when, when I think about it that way, it's like, it's... I love what you said about this point that when you first meet someone who actually loves you and is kind to you, and-
- HDHilary Duff
It's really hard to accept
- JSJay Shetty
... it's really hard to accept.
- HDHilary Duff
Mm.
- JSJay Shetty
Both based on how others have treated us and how we've treated ourselves.
- HDHilary Duff
Right.
- JSJay Shetty
Feel like it's a mix of both of those experiences.
- HDHilary Duff
I agree with that.
- JSJay Shetty
Right? Like, 'cause-
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... it's almost like you're wrestling with it. I don't know. Is that how I've felt before in the past? Is that how you'd describe it? How would you describe it?
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah. And you wanna, like, poke holes in it-
- JSJay Shetty
Hmm
- HDHilary Duff
... to make sure it's, like, steady enough.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- HDHilary Duff
You know?
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
That's what I felt like I was doing. I think it added an extra pressure that I had a child already, and, like, I didn't wanna expose him to something that wasn't, like, for sure going to stick and work out for me. Yeah, I mean, I'm just feel so settled in a good way. Like-
- JSJay Shetty
Hmm
- HDHilary Duff
... so happy that I- I'm like, "God, your intuition works, and it's good" [laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- HDHilary Duff
Because it is really, it is... To commit your life to someone is a very big choice.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. It's only after you do it, and you spend a few years together, you realize how big it is.
- HDHilary Duff
Right.
- JSJay Shetty
Like, I was like, when I made that commitment, I actually don't think I had a clue what that commitment meant.
- HDHilary Duff
Right.
- 28:13 – 29:31
Deciding to Fully Commit
- JSJay Shetty
and-
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... what, what would you say you, the biggest lessons you took away from your first marriage that really have helped you in that healing transition?
- HDHilary Duff
I don't love to talk about this too much-
- JSJay Shetty
Sure
- HDHilary Duff
... um, because, you know, I felt like in that time of my life, I was so ready to get married. I was in something-
- JSJay Shetty
Hmm
- HDHilary Duff
... that I really adored. I was ready to have a baby. I was ready to have something of my own, you know, that I could just, like, focus on and it be mine, and, like, my life felt out of my hands a little bit at that moment, and I just wanted to, like, shrink it.
- JSJay Shetty
Hmm.
- HDHilary Duff
I've been pretty open about, you know, being a divorced person and what that's like and being a single mom and being, you know, kind of like, choosing to, like, end a family is a huge, horrible choice to make.
- JSJay Shetty
Hmm.
- HDHilary Duff
But I also co-parent that, with, with that person, and we do a great job mostly. Sometimes there's bumps-
- JSJay Shetty
Hmm
- HDHilary Duff
... and frustrations, but again, ebbs and flows, right? But, like, we adore this person that we created, and we do a great job. This is, like, before, you know, conscious uncoupling was, like, a coined a term.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- HDHilary Duff
And we really tried to do that. I really tried to do that. Like, you just grow.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- 29:31 – 32:24
Trusting Your Intuition
- HDHilary Duff
And I think I did.
- JSJay Shetty
You, you strike me as someone who, like, follows your intuition. You even said it earlier when you were talking about-
- HDHilary Duff
Mm-hmm
- JSJay Shetty
... your current relationship. You're like, "I'm so glad my intuition was right."
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
And then I was like, and the album's called Luck or Something, and so I wanted to ask you, what's, what's the relationship between intuition and luck, and has your career and journey and even this inspiration behind this album, how much of it has been luck and how much of it's been intuition?
- HDHilary Duff
I think a lot of it has been intuition.
- JSJay Shetty
Hmm.
- HDHilary Duff
And I think that's, falls under the category of the or something-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm
- HDHilary Duff
... part of it, where I'm like, "Actually, I deserve some credit here."
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- HDHilary Duff
I feel incredibly lucky. I don't know why me, but I do know that I've also worked really hard, and I know that I've had toGo Through a Lot. The title is pretty loaded and can mean a whole, and does mean a whole bunch of different things to me, like what I just said. But also it's a coy way of like responding to a question I'm constantly asked, which is like, "How are you so normal? How did you-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- HDHilary Duff
" ... get through this?" And I'm like, "Luck or something."
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs] Got it. Yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
But I think the l- the or something is the real weighted portion.
- JSJay Shetty
It's good when you think you're lucky and e- everyone else realizes it was hard work.
- HDHilary Duff
Mm-hmm.
- JSJay Shetty
It's kind of what I think is like the accurate assessment. Anyone that I know that I believe has achieved something amazing, and when I say achieved something amazing, I think it's, it could be being grounded in a difficult industry, it could be-
- HDHilary Duff
Mm-hmm
- JSJay Shetty
... something athletically successful. Like, whatever you define as greatness or success or winning, it's... The problem becomes when everyone else views it as lucky and, you know, you view it as hard work.
- HDHilary Duff
Right.
- JSJay Shetty
And it's, like, beautiful when, like you said, I see myself as lucky. Like, I, I, I don't know why me. Like, that's beautiful. And then if, if we can- But it's always the other way around. It's almost like, yeah, people like to think... I got asked that the other day. I was asked, someone was asking me in an interview like, "Why do you think people listen to you and why do they connect with you?" And I was like, "To be honest, I always struggle with that question because-
- HDHilary Duff
Mm-hmm
- JSJay Shetty
... I feel really grateful and fortunate that anyone even cares to listen to me." I remember speaking to rooms of, like, three people, and so I feel, uh, completely humbled by where it's gone. And then I was like at, at the same time, like, I think it's because I've been doing this for a long time. I've done it for longer offline than I have online.
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah. Like, honestly, when I zoom out, and, like, it would be hard for you to answer this way, but I'm like, probably because you're smart. You know what I mean? Probably 'cause you're smart. Probably because I think that you have a gift and you can connect with people. I feel like I have a similar gift like that. Like some, for some reason, I resonate with people in a certain way and... But like, you have to take credit for what you build.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- HDHilary Duff
And you also can feel lucky, and you also can feel immense gratitude and-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm
- 32:24 – 33:48
Owning the Work Behind Your Success
- JSJay Shetty
from you. But I, I like what you're saying about the idea of all these things can coexist.
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
And that's why I like the luck or something.
- HDHilary Duff
Mm.
- JSJay Shetty
I think you're so right. Like, we're allowed to feel all of these emotions. Like, there's pride, there's gratitude-
- HDHilary Duff
Mm-hmm
- JSJay Shetty
... there's luck, there's intuition, there's, there's all... and confusion even still and-
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... and, and all the-
- HDHilary Duff
Insecurities [laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
... insecurities and, and everything, and it's almost like when we're forced to be like, "Well, tell me the one thing that changed your life." And you're like, "Ugh, luck or something."
- HDHilary Duff
I can't.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah, it's like-
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah, yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... yeah, it's like luck or something is the new, new answer now. Like-
- HDHilary Duff
[laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
... that's what I'm gonna use every time I'm asked that.
- HDHilary Duff
You can have it.
- JSJay Shetty
I'm gonna... Yeah. If I-
- HDHilary Duff
[laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
I'm gonna use it now. I'm gonna encourage lots of people to use it because yeah... And, and I, honestly, I, I, we've only met briefly, but, like, the, the impact you've had on people proves that there's so much hard work, so much talent, such a gift, like so mu- you know, because you, you can't have that. People grow up watching a lot of people. It doesn't mean that you carry that same impact, so same back at you and, uh-
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... it's, um, yeah, it's, it's something that's very visceral in, in anyone that's followed you for a long time. I wanted to jump into your album because I've been getting to listen to it, which I've really enjoyed, which has been so-
- HDHilary Duff
Okay
- JSJay Shetty
... wonderful for me, and I'm, I'm very deep into... Because I love words and I love spoken word, I love poetry, I love... I, I took out some lyrics that really I felt were beautiful and powerful.
- HDHilary Duff
[laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
So I may read your own lyrics back to you.
- HDHilary Duff
Sure.
- JSJay Shetty
I can't, I can't sing them back to you 'cause I can't sing to save my life.
- HDHilary Duff
[laughs]
- 33:48 – 38:16
The Burden of Being the Family Peacemaker
- JSJay Shetty
this one. So you say in your song Weather for Tennis, you write or you sing, "I'm a seasoned apologist for the people who I love. I'm an amateur psychologist, the key to everyone's handcuffs. Keep the peace 'cause I'm a kid of divorce, and you're the starter of wars and there's no winning in yours."
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
Where does that show up in your life today? Like, where, where did that come from and where does it show up?
- HDHilary Duff
I think it's talking about being the person who smooths over and makes everything right and extends themselves and continues to show up and, um, try to make things easy for everyone. And you're talking about being in a relationship that is gonna p- keep playing a game and, you know, towards the end of the song you finally realize, like, "I'm going to put an end to this."
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- HDHilary Duff
The message behind it is a feeling that a lot of people can relate to of just it's exhausting to, to keep up always being the one to make things right or to-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm
- HDHilary Duff
... carry the burden or to make the call or to stay the bigger person, and keeping the peace 'cause you're a kid of divorce is obviously very relatable. People don't need too much explaining on that one. I think it's definitely a role that I play in, in my life and, um, Matt had this amazing idea for the song. We, we started playing tennis together and I think that it was definitely inspired by just, like, the game of tennis and-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm
- HDHilary Duff
... kind of applying it to a relationship, a romantic relationship that's probably not gonna work out.
- JSJay Shetty
Expand on that further with the tennis analogy for me.
- HDHilary Duff
The chorus is, "If it ain't the weather for tennis, then I guess we can argue until dinner time."
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- HDHilary Duff
So it's just kind of about a game-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm
- HDHilary Duff
... being played.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- HDHilary Duff
And a cycle that is constantly, like, repeating.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
Right before we started writing the record together, maybe a year before, uh, I was like, "If we're gonna last the long haul, we need sport. We need to, like, learn how to play a sport together."
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- HDHilary Duff
And so we picked up tennis and I also forced him to learn how to ski, which is like one of his favorite things to do now.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- HDHilary Duff
And we love to ski. But, um, I think that, I think the chorus was inspired for him because we had started playing the game of tennis.
- JSJay Shetty
I think you're spot on. I think so many kids can feel like they were the peacemaker in their family.
- HDHilary Duff
Mm-hmm.
- JSJay Shetty
I know plenty of people who've gone to therapy or talked about that with me and this idea of just-They were the one trying to, like, calm everyone down. The, and, and people have different versions of this, right? Like, you meet comedians who did it through making everyone laugh, and then-
- HDHilary Duff
Yes
- JSJay Shetty
... that, that becomes their journey, and that's a very on-the-nose example. But all of us have played some sort of role of being mediators. I, I often feel as though I do what I do today because I mediated my parents' marriage growing up.
- HDHilary Duff
Mm.
- 38:16 – 40:33
Navigating Divorce with Intention
- JSJay Shetty
ever get answers to your whys and your questions, or was that something that you kinda found on your own?
- HDHilary Duff
I think it was really hard for them to, like, be honest with each other, and there was a lot of, like, fighting, and-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm
- HDHilary Duff
... it was not like they could hang out and be in the same room. And so when it came for me getting divorced, I was like, "I'm not gonna have that."
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
We're gonna b- like, do holidays together as much as we can, and not that it was always easy, but it felt way easier than the alternative.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
You know?
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah, yeah. For sure.
- HDHilary Duff
So yeah. I don't, I don't-- my dad and I don't really have much of a relationship, and we don't speak very often. It's hard because I think there's not a whole bunch of answers, and it's, you kind of hear one side and then try to take from it what you believe and then, you know, the same on the other. And I, I, it's really, it's really hard. I think if a family breaks apart very dramatically, it's hard to find your way back, uh, sometimes. And some people want to, and some people don't.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. It's, uh, I feel like as the older you get, you realize you've gotta answer the questions yourself and find... You've gotta kind of find the full stop by yourself, kinda like the point that you're making-
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... in this lyric of just, "I've decided I'm not taking on this responsibility in whatever f- in whatever way you played it."
- HDHilary Duff
Mm.
- JSJay Shetty
Do, do you feel sometimes, do you feel free of it, or is it, is it always, like, something that-
- HDHilary Duff
No, I don't
- JSJay Shetty
... once you played that role, you're always kind of conditioned to play that role?
- HDHilary Duff
I do. I think it's a little bit like muscle memory, where-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm
- HDHilary Duff
... you lean on it, and then you have to remember some of the, through therapy or wherever you find your solace, like, you have to keep pushing those good habits or good things to say to yourself to cope and make different choices.
- JSJay Shetty
It's almost like that conditioning pulls you back.
- HDHilary Duff
Mm-hmm.
- JSJay Shetty
And then you've gotta find this new thought process, almost like learning new lines as an actor and going, "Well-
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... this is the new life that I wanna build." And even what you just said about how you knew that when you went through it, you didn't want to mirror some of those behaviors, and you're like, "No, we're gonna do, we're gonna do holidays together, and we're gonna change things," because that is that mus- that is tearing away that muscle memory and going, "I'm gonna change it."
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. There's another, um, amazing lyric that I love that I took apart here. Um, so this one. Okay.
- HDHilary Duff
Don't tell me what song
- 40:33 – 46:27
Sharing Your Story on Your Terms
- HDHilary Duff
it's from.
- JSJay Shetty
Okay.
- HDHilary Duff
I like to play a game.
- JSJay Shetty
Oh, okay.
- HDHilary Duff
[laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
Oh, I didn't know we... Okay, fine. All right. If you wanna play a game, we, we're gonna play some games later here.
- HDHilary Duff
Okay. [laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
So we, we get... Okay. But you can... We... I won't tell you what song it's from. Okay. So the first question will be, "What song is it from?" after I read it.
- HDHilary Duff
Okay.
- JSJay Shetty
Okay, I like this. This is good. I shoulda done it like that.
- HDHilary Duff
[laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
"We come from the same home, the same blood, a different explanation of the same thought. People ask if I've seen you, and honestly, I hate it. 'Cause the truth is that I need to, but there's no way to relay it. Not if we don't talk."
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah. So that's from We Don't Talk. Um, and this is a hard one for me. This is a really tough one. Um, my sister and I don't speak. And I think in my adulthood, I've come across more and more people that are having this experience. And as painful as it feels to share, when I decided to make this record, I could only talk about the things that I've gone through. Like, there would be no purpose to make a record after 10 years than to be, than to face, you know, what it's been like. Um, so that's my truth, and I really worked hard toLyrically make sure that I'm just speaking about my experience, you know?
- JSJay Shetty
Hmm.
- HDHilary Duff
It's very hard to be, to be, you know, a person who's, like, had their life exposed in the industry for twenty-five years, and we were talking about, [sniffs] you know, that earlier, tiptoeing around kind of what the outcome has been for some of it. [sniffs] Um, but yeah, that is-- it's a very vulnerable song, and it's a very raw part of my existence. Um, and I hope it's not forever, but it's for right now. Sorry. [laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
Don't be sorry. There's a tissue there as well if you need it, yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
Thank you. You guys come locked and loaded 'cause this happens. [laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
Thank you for being so vulnerable and open with me because it's-- can't imagine how hard it is.
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
And so sorry that you and her are going through that. I'm sure it's hard on you both in different ways.
- HDHilary Duff
Totally. I agree with that.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
It's definitely a raw nerve. Everybody has their reasons, and there's, um... Relationships are difficult, even with your family, especially with your family.
- JSJay Shetty
Especially, yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah. I think it's, it's easier when you aren't connected that way.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah, and it seems like you yearn for that relationship back because you say, "I need to." Like, it's not, it's not something that you're kind of throwing away or giving up. As you said, there's you-- there's a part of you that seems to hope it changes.
- HDHilary Duff
That's the person I grew up with, the only one.
- JSJay Shetty
I really hope she, I really hope she hears the song. And I-
- HDHilary Duff
You do?
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. I hope she hears it, and I hope it's at least the beginning of some way back to whatever it is that's good for both of you and that you both desire because-
- 46:27 – 48:32
Holding Joy and Hardship at the Same Time
- JSJay Shetty
the lyric goes, "I wish I could sleep on planes and that my father would really love me. He'd show up on my wedding day and tell my family they're all so lucky. He'd tell me how he wished he stayed and that he never meant to disappoint me. But till then I'll exist as the optimist."
- HDHilary Duff
I think more just being very vulnerable and open about what it's like to be in a family that, you know, your parents aren't together, and you don't have, you know, relationships with both of your parents. Um, it's devastating, and it feels... I don't th- I think it doesn't matter what age you are, you want your parents to feel like they care about you.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- HDHilary Duff
And big portion of my existence hasn't felt like that. I don't know if that's the truth, but that's how it feels.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- HDHilary Duff
And so that's just what I'm sharing in that song, "The Optimist." Um, I love that song so much. I think I live in this world that, like, I'm really happy. I'm really, like, goofy. I'm really silly. A lot of hard things have happened to me, and I think that with the album, I wanted to share that emotional depth and that, some of that heaviness, but, like, disguised with, you know, a very joyful track, and I think that's, like, very much how I like to exist in the world.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- HDHilary Duff
Is, like, this balance of these two things can exist at the same time, and, you know, the record is a pop record. It feels-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm
- HDHilary Duff
... like you wanna blast it in your car. At least I do. That's when I knew it was done, you know? Um, but they're, like, life topics.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- HDHilary Duff
And life is really challenging, really hard, really tricky to make the right calls and the wrong calls, all of-- it's all just a process and, like, a very beautiful and messy one. And, and I feel like the record has just so much of that in it, you know?
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- HDHilary Duff
It's like a, feels like a capture of ten years of different things flying at you. [laughs]
- 48:32 – 53:39
Healing and Connecting Through Music
- JSJay Shetty
I know you have this other song that we all love. I'm not reading out any more lyrics. [laughs]
- HDHilary Duff
[laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
I, I, uh, I, I know you have this other song that we all love called Mature.
- HDHilary Duff
Uh-huh.
- JSJay Shetty
I was just thinking as you were saying that, that i- there's so much maturity in being able to be like, "Hey, I'm fun and goofy," and at the same time there's all this stuff going on, and like-
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... and, and I think that's everyone who's growing up with you and is experiencing all of that too, and I feel like only knowing one side, especially through someone that people have followed and continue to follow for so many years, it's-
- HDHilary Duff
Mm-hmm
- JSJay Shetty
... you feel less alone.
- HDHilary Duff
Mm.
- JSJay Shetty
I feel like people are gonna feel less alone when they listen to this album, but in a good way, not just, like, in their feels, but like you said-
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... blasting it out. It's a pop record. Like, I love that juxtaposition of making people feel less alone, but also making them have fun, which-
- HDHilary Duff
I, I love that juxtaposition too, and I love that word because playing the, the, the few little shows that, that I played before I go out this summer was such a cool feeling of, like, the audience one is, like, my age, so they're all adults now, and we've grown up together. And it was like I'm playing these old songs that feel so good to people and hold such a sweet, like, innocent part of their being.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- HDHilary Duff
You know? Some, like, that meant something to them at a very, like, pivotal a- coming of age. And, um, to get to hold that memory for people is such a, like, badge for me.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- HDHilary Duff
But then also to meet them with, like, the new songs and kind of experiences that life has provided was a really cool experience, to have them sing, like, these songs that they, that ha- that they have from the record. You know, to sing them and us be adults and be connecting on that level is, like, real- really powerful. So it's like this really cool, floaty feeling of, like, this thing that feels really good that we get to lean on and, like, celebrate from our past, but, you know, be like, "Me too," [laughs] you know, in the now.
- JSJay Shetty
Like, that says so much about you, because I think that you saying that, "I want people to have that experience that meant so much to them," even though you have transformed, you have grown, you have changed, you have gone through all of this, that just speaks, like, volumes of your character, honestly. Because it's, it's, it's so easy for people to wanna, like, be like, "That was me then. I'm gonna leave that behind. This is the new me now," and that's generally what we do as humans. We're like, "Yeah, that was then, and it was cool," and-
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... and it's like for you to be like, "No, I just love doing it because it brings people so much joy-
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... and I get to share this part of them," like, that juxtaposition truly is... Yeah, I just wanna thank you for that, because I think it, it shows just how much you have in your heart of wanting to make people happy and wanting to, wanting them to have these moments and-
- HDHilary Duff
I think it, you know, I don't know if it would've been possible for me to do 10 years ago. I don't know why now all of a sudden-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm
- HDHilary Duff
... I really don't know how to answer, like, what shifted and what made me find such peace-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm
- HDHilary Duff
... with my past, you know? Like, but I'm really proud of it now.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
And I get to go and celebrate it, and it feels like I get to be a part of it with everybody instead of trying to, like, shy away for it, from it and be like, "I'm an adult," or, "I'm changed," or, "I'm different," or, "That's not me anymore." Like, that is a part of me, and it will always be, like, a part of me, and it feels really fun to celebrate that with people, that it meant something to.
- 53:39 – 57:00
The Hilary Duff Renaissance
- JSJay Shetty
making music and writing been your therapy? Has that been your outlet? Has that... What, how would you describe making this album? Is it, is it therapy? Is it transformative? Is it, is it celebration? Like, what, what is it for you, and what does it give you?
- HDHilary Duff
I think that what really triggered me wanting to make an album was having my fourth child and being like, I love motherhood. I'm obsessed with my kids. Obviously, I wouldn't have four kids if I wasn't, like, deeply, utterly obsessed with, like, the way they run through the house, the way they breathe, the way we, like, like, just the everything about the smallest things to the biggest things, like, obsessed with them. But I was like, "I can't stay here and just be, like, in this."
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- HDHilary Duff
"Because I know so much else about myself that has to be, like-Stretched.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- HDHilary Duff
So I think I got really jealous actually of Matt after I had towns and I was like still nursing and, you know, busy with the other kids and like our, running our household and all of that. All of that responsibility, which I actually genuinely love, but I can't-- that can't be like it for me. So he was like going, he has an amazing studio. He was like going to the studio every day and just like getting to have alone time, and getting to like sit with things that like bump around his head, in, in his head and like make him tick and like purge, you know, his like creativity and create. And I was just like, "I want that too." [laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs] Yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
And he was like, "Cool."
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
Like, "Are you serious?" Like, it's not like for 10 years I've been writing songs. I've been like deep in motherhood. It's been way easier to like film a TV show, which I also love doing. But like motherhood is a place where you just can completely focus on and throw all of your energy to, and then like forget yourself.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- HDHilary Duff
So being able to know that he has like the front row seat to my whole entire life, and then sitting and like figuring out what this is gonna sound like and what I'm gonna talk about felt so safe-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- HDHilary Duff
-and so natural. We have such a busy life. It wasn't like there was just endless sessions where I'm like, we're writing for eight hours. Like-
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- HDHilary Duff
... a lot of it was like a text and I'd be like, "I'm going to get the kids from school, but what if we, what if it's this line?"
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- HDHilary Duff
"What if it's, what if this happens instead of that?" You know?
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah, yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
Like it's just like quick phone calls and a conversation in the kitchen while making plates for the kids. Like it ju- it just happened really naturally and like a way that it would happen like this with like the way that we live together.
- JSJay Shetty
That sounds crazy, chaotic, and beautiful. As in it's a-
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... that's what a way to make an album together and, and what a way to, you know, experience, have the experience that you are having and then going off and creating.
- HDHilary Duff
Mm-hmm.
- JSJay Shetty
When you, when you speak about motherhood, it's, it's so real and at the same time it's just like so wonderful to hear about it from you. Like it's, uh, and, and I know we were speaking about it a bit earlier when you walked in and just how like you're like dropping the kids off at sports and like picking them up and even today, I think when you arrived you were like, "Yeah, I'm gonna go get, pick up the kids after this," or whatever.
- HDHilary Duff
[laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
You know, and I'm like it- it's so wonderful and obviously you just said like you wouldn't have four kids if you, if you didn't... What
- 57:00 – 1:02:40
Staying Attuned to Your Children’s Needs
- JSJay Shetty
is, what would you say is your favorite way of showing love to the kids?
- HDHilary Duff
One thing that my mom was with me, and my dad as a young child, really playful.
- JSJay Shetty
Hmm.
- HDHilary Duff
Extremely silly and playful, and I have that from them.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm. I love that.
- HDHilary Duff
And I love to play tricks on my kids. I love to like be silly and get down on their level and just be really playful with them, and I think that's a huge important part of like the parent-child relationship. And then time, time spent, talks. Deciding to make an album and go on tour, I'm going to miss so much that I've really tried to be there for, and it could make me cry again thinking about, you know-
- JSJay Shetty
Hmm
- HDHilary Duff
... Maymay, my four-year-old, has, um, her school tea party this Friday, and I'm not gonna be there. And like for Banks, I threw the tea party with like three other moms and was there. Like, and so you're like, this feels off balance.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
This isn't fair. But I will make it fair. I'll find a way to make it fair. And so I think just showing up for your kids and giving them the time, even if it's... Yesterday I had a really busy day, and I flew up the canyon for like 40 minutes with Maymay of, with Towns, my youngest. And I drove to Luca's soccer practice to go do an hour-long interview and then take him to his next soccer practice, and by the time I got home it was like 9:00 PM. But Matt and I drove him together 'cause we were both at the studio, and then we like walked the track and watched him play soccer. So like we got our time. Not all the kids got their time, but two of them did, and you just try to like find the balance and be like, "Okay. I'm not choosing Towns this day. I'm choosing Maymay. I'm gonna go watch her a dance," or, "I'm gonna..." You know, you just, you just find a way to make it work and try to be in tune with what your kids need and keep conversations open, and that's that.
- JSJay Shetty
Do you think about sometimes like, when they get older I'm gonna talk to them about how like I wasn't at this party, but we did this thing, or do, do you think about it that way or not really? Is that... Am I completely missing the point?
- HDHilary Duff
The things that kids stick, that stick with them-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah
- HDHilary Duff
... is so devastating.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- HDHilary Duff
My son-
- JSJay Shetty
That's so painful.
- HDHilary Duff
It's so painful. Like my son-
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs] Please, I need to know now.
- HDHilary Duff
Okay. We were at Disney, Disneyland. This is, okay, he's 13 now, so he must have been like eight or nine, and Disneyland's a big deal.
- JSJay Shetty
100%.
- HDHilary Duff
We happen to go like every year, but it's a big deal, and he would not get on this rollercoaster. And I was like, "Everyone's going on it. Like you can't know until you try." Like I ended up pushing it too hard, making him cry, and it like, he wrote like a, a thing about it at school.
- JSJay Shetty
No. [laughs]
- HDHilary Duff
I was like, what about all the times that I'm amazing? [laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
Oh, no. [laughs]
- HDHilary Duff
And all the time now N- now we can joke and he loves to ride rollercoasters and I'm like, "I told you. I told you-"
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
"... you had to just listen to me, that you would know. And we could've been having more fun since this age instead of this age, and blah, blah." You know, like we obviously like razz each other a ton, but um, he's always like, "Remember that time you made me cry 'cause I wouldn't get on the rollercoaster?"
- JSJay Shetty
Oh my gosh.
- HDHilary Duff
And I'm like-
- 1:02:40 – 1:04:06
Building Confidence as a Parent
- JSJay Shetty
And, and I guess that's what's so hard with children is, like, you, you think you're doing things right, and then-
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... you know, you never know. And that's why I think that overriding love is just so valuable, right? Because you can't, you can't predict how they're gonna react to one of these experiences, I guess.
- HDHilary Duff
Right. You also just don't know that you're always doing things right, and I think that's okay. I have a lot of confidence in being a parent, just because, you know, the more times you do something-
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- HDHilary Duff
... you're like, "Oh, I know what this looks like. Oh, I, I know how to do this thing." But I've never been a parent of a, a 14-year-old, and I've never been the parent of a-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah
- HDHilary Duff
... eight-year-old girl. Like, all of these things are just, it's just a constant checking in, updating. One thing that works for this kid doesn't work for this kid. And so it is chaotic, but it's so fun, and you, like, learn so much, and the love is so big. And we laugh a lot.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- HDHilary Duff
And I'm so grateful for that. My favorite, we, we have these big doors that open in the, in the back of our house. And we just will, like, open up all the door- We have to put... We have cats now, so we have to put the cats away. But we just, like, open all the doors up, and it's just, like, kids running in and out, and soccer in the backyard.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
And everybody playing and jumping on the trampoline or swimming. And I just am so appreciative of them and Matt and what we've built. It's such a, such a haven.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- 1:04:06 – 1:06:05
How Did You Name Your Kids?
- JSJay Shetty
How did they end up with all these cool names?
- HDHilary Duff
[laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
Like Towns and Banks and Mae Mae. Like, what? Yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
Towns and Banks and Mae Mae.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
Gosh, how did they end up with their names? Matt-
- JSJay Shetty
They're so unique. They're, they're beautiful.
- HDHilary Duff
I know.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
I know. Well, Mae, that was... We thought she was a boy. She was the only kid that we didn't find out what we were having 'cause we had her in the pandemic, and think we were all looking for ways to entertain ourselves and surprise ourselves. [laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs] Yeah, for sure.
- HDHilary Duff
So, um, we, she was a... Sh- her, like, gender was a surprise, and we thought for sure she was going to be a boy, and she was a girl. And both of our moms were born in May, so we named her Mae Mae. Or Mae. We call her Mae Mae. She just came to the realization that her nickname is longer than her real name-
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- HDHilary Duff
... and she's, like, really confused by why we would do that.
- JSJay Shetty
That, that makes a lot of sense.
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah, and she-
- JSJay Shetty
She's smart
- HDHilary Duff
... yeah. And she introduces herself as Mae Mae.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
But she's like, "Why is Banks not, like, Banks Banks?"
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- HDHilary Duff
And like, "What is going on here?"
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
They're very funny. Um, yeah. I don't, I don't think we wanted, like, traditional names.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
But we also didn't want, like, names that, you know, they didn't feel comfortable with as adults.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. Yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
So we hope we nailed it. But they also have-
- JSJay Shetty
I think you did
- HDHilary Duff
... more normal middle names.
- 1:06:05 – 1:10:20
Disney-Era “Would You Rather”
- JSJay Shetty
there's two games. The first one is called Would You Rather, and it's the Disney era edition.
- HDHilary Duff
Oh, yes.
- JSJay Shetty
So-
- HDHilary Duff
Usually-
- JSJay Shetty
Okay
- HDHilary Duff
... we play with, like, disgusting food or, like, horrible things.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
But let's go.
- JSJay Shetty
This, this is a lot easier.
- HDHilary Duff
[laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
So would you rather have to say, "Hi, I'm Hilary Duff, and you're watching Disney Channel," every time you introduce yourself, or have the Lizzie McGuire animated character in your head at all times?
- HDHilary Duff
Oh, she lives in there rent-free, baby.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- HDHilary Duff
[laughs] I think, I think I would have her living... I mean, I've accepted her in my head, so I'm choosing the latter.
- JSJay Shetty
Okay. Got it. That makes sense. That's good.
- HDHilary Duff
[laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
All right. We can't see it. You have to do it. So okay, second one: walk every red carpet now in low-rise jeans or a scarf worn as a top?
- HDHilary Duff
No. No. So my option is low-rise jeans on the red carpet or a scarf as a top-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. Yeah
- HDHilary Duff
... or dress, skirt as a top?
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
Oh my gosh. That is so impossible.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- HDHilary Duff
This is forever? This is for eternity?
- JSJay Shetty
This is, yeah, yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
Ugh.
- JSJay Shetty
It's would you rather. Let's, let's say for the next 12 months. Let's say for the next 12 months. Like-
- HDHilary Duff
That works for me
- JSJay Shetty
... yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
I'm going low-rise jeans.
- 1:10:20 – 1:13:33
Hilary on Final Five
- JSJay Shetty
Hilary, we end every episode of On Purpose with a final five. These questions have to be answered in one sentence maximum.
- HDHilary Duff
Okay.
- JSJay Shetty
Um, so Hilary Duff, these are your final five. The first question is, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received?
- HDHilary Duff
Do you because everyone else is taken.
- JSJay Shetty
Great advice. Uh, second question, what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received?
- HDHilary Duff
Never grow up.
- JSJay Shetty
Third question, your favorite thing about Matt that you don't say to him enough.
- HDHilary Duff
He's really handsome.
- JSJay Shetty
There you go, Matt.
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
You can play this as many times as you want.
- HDHilary Duff
I know.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- HDHilary Duff
He's really... I, I mean, I just, I love looking at him, and I think that he's such a funny guy that it's easy to just be like, yeah, he's so funny. He's, like, the best. It's easy to-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- HDHilary Duff
He keeps us laughing. Like, he's just-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah
- HDHilary Duff
... like, really a fun, funny, like, goof, but he's so handsome.
- JSJay Shetty
I love it. Uh, fourth question, uh, will we ever get a Lizzie McGuire reboot?
- HDHilary Duff
I can't answer this in one sentence, but I can say that right now it's not in the cards. I have a world tour to go on, [laughs] and that's gonna take me a few years I think. But when I think about Lizzie, you know, I was really excited thinking about her at 30 and going through 30-year-old things, and now I can't really see her at 40. Maybe I could start to see her around, like, 55, 60.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- HDHilary Duff
And I think that's interesting.
- JSJay Shetty
That is interesting.
- HDHilary Duff
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
We'd love to see that. I love it.
- HDHilary Duff
[laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
All right. Very, very good answer. Fifth and final question, we ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show, if you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
- HDHilary Duff
I wanted to say, like, love, like, loving each other, but-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm
- HDHilary Duff
... you don't have to love everyone you come into-
Episode duration: 1:13:33
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