Julia Fox: "I Was Begging God to Send Me a Sugar Daddy" (The Truth NOBODY Will See Coming!)

Speaker 0:00 To see me, who would go to jail, get arrested, get into fights, steal stuff, break stuff, trespass, overdose a hundred times, just a mess, and then to see me be successful, and I'd probably hate me too. Julia Fox is known for many things, a fashion designer, actress, author ... you know from films such as Uncut Gems and No Sudden Move, as well as the host of OMG Fashion on E!. Julia Fox.

Jay Shetty 0:27 What's a childhood experience that you feel left a defining mark on your life?

Speaker 0:32 My parents always fighting, like horrible, horrible fights. I would just like go into the bathroom, and I would just turn on the hair dryer, and I'd just lay on the floor for like six hours.

Jay Shetty 0:43 At seventeen, you decided to become a sex worker.

Speaker 0:46 I could really disassociate and detach. I think that's why it was so easy for me to enter an industry like that, and I actually found the whole experience really empowering. For the first time in my life, I actually kinda gained some self-worth.

Jay Shetty 1:00 Where did you get addicted to heroin in that journey?

Speaker 1:02 It's akin to like what being in your mother's womb would feel like. Heroin kind of became a replacement mommy.

Jay Shetty 1:10 You say in the book that motherhood saved you.

Speaker 1:14 If there's one thing I'm determined to do is to not give him a [beep] childhood.

Jay Shetty 1:20 What was that journey for you to actually get clean?

Speaker 1:23 I had to do all that messy stuff and be that girl to end up in this chair today.

Jay Shetty 1:31 The number one health and wellness podcast.

Speaker 1:34 Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The one, the only Jay Shetty. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:40 I'm so excited to finally share the live interviews from my very first podcast tour, presented by Chase Sapphire Reserve. The first episode features an unforgettable conversation with none other than Julia Fox, recorded live at the iconic theater at Madison Square Garden in New York City. Special thanks to

Jay Shetty 2:01 MSG Entertainment and the Theater at Madison Square Garden. I wanna start by saying this. Me and Julia were talking about this on the way down from the green room. We're talking about how you wouldn't expect to see me and Julia on the same stage together, and we're from very different worlds, very different backgrounds. But over the last few days, I've been listening to her audiobook, Down the Drain, her book, her memoir. I listened to it, and I can honestly say that her story was so powerful. It was empowering. It was fascinating. And if I'm completely honest, the reason I built On Purpose was to have conversations like this, where you might be surprised, find it unexpected, but to find the common tissue that we all look for as humans. And so I'm so grateful you said yes, and thank you so much.

Speaker 2:47 Thank you. [cheering] Um, that's actually something I wanna say is like a lot of times we're more alike than we are different, you know? And you kind of have to make the effort sometimes to, to fi- and ask questions and be interested and, 'cause a lot of times we're all go- kinda going through the same stuff, you know? And I feel like we're so programmed to see the differences and especially, you know, we're getting so much influence

Speaker 3:15 telling us that these people are bad and that, you know, and we're just constantly being divided. But really, we, we all have very similar feelings, you know?

Jay Shetty 3:26 Yeah. We're going through so many of the same emotions, the same ups and downs, the same challenges, and I wanna dive into some of those with you, but I wanted to start off with something funny that I thought you said that I love. You once said, "I've always been the main character in my head." And I wanted to ask, seeing as we're in New York, how do you channel main character energy?

Speaker 3:49 I mean, I think everyone living in New York feels that way.

Jay Shetty 3:52 [laughs]

Speaker 3:54 [cheering] You know? It's like, "Why me?"

Jay Shetty 3:57 Do you feel that way, New York?

Speaker 3:58 [cheering] I think we ki- you kind of have to be that way, you know? And also, we are that way just naturally, you know? Uh, just some people admit it, and some people don't, you know?

Jay Shetty 4:10 [laughs]

Speaker 4:11 [laughs] But totally, you know, especially here in New York where, like, you know, no two days are alike, and some days it feels like everything is going wrong. Like, I remember I would have this game that I would play with myself where, like, if I went... 'Cause I'd go to school, I'd take the subway, and if, like, I was getting down to the subway, and the

Speaker 4:29 door would stop right in front of me, then I knew it was gonna be a good day.

Jay Shetty 4:32 [laughs]

Speaker 4:33 [laughs] You know? And it really, like, it did set kind of a precedent for the rest of the day, but...

Jay Shetty 4:40 [laughs]

Speaker 4:41 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 4:41 Well, Julia, before, before we dive into the, the, the deeper work here, I wanted to, I have to ask you this question, seeing as you have been a lot of people's muse, who's your muse?

Speaker 4:52 My muse is me.

Jay Shetty 4:58 [laughs]

Speaker 4:58 [laughs] [applauding] No, but, like,

Speaker 5:04 in, in all seriousness, it, it changes, you know? I'm, I'm just really inspired by the life experience, you know, just the everyday things that we overlook. I think life is just one big gray area, you know? And I think for a long time I really thought in black and white, but now I realize that there is no truth. Everybody's truth is equally valid for the most part. [laughs] But, like, there's, you know, we- we're just all experiencing in our perceptions. You know, everyone's valid in some way, or the reason that they think that way is valid in some way. I just try to really keep an open mind and especially open eyes and open heart, and I just get inspiration from everywhere. I really love people. I'm definitely, like, a p- avid people watcher.

Jay Shetty 5:55 People watching in New York sounds fun.

Speaker 5:57 It's amazing.

Jay Shetty 5:58 Tell me, tell me about your latest venture.

Speaker 6:00 I mean, even just, like, going outTo the grocery store or like going to a party. Like sometimes I'll just like sit back and wa-- I mean, it's kinda hard 'cause I get a lot of people talking to me all the time. But I prefer to just kind of be like a fly on the wall. I can definitely be the life of the party too, but sometimes I just wanna like watch all the little micro things happening all around. It's just like fascinating to me.

Jay Shetty 6:30 You've lived an extremely fascinating life, as I was saying when I was listening to your audiobook. I want to dive into that. And I want to start, as I often do on On Purpose, talking about childhood. Because I learned very early on when I was researching and studying just how those years are so formative when we look at the psychology of what we pursue, what we chase, what we fear, what we worry about. And it's something we all go through. We ca- we all have a reference point to that time in our life. I wanted to ask you, what's a childhood experience that you feel left a defining mark on your life, especially when it comes to your relationship with your parents?

Speaker 7:10 You know, there were m-many experiences, but I think the overall thread throughout all of them was really feeling, like, unimportant. And I still carry that with me very much today, of feeling like I'm not, like, worth it, you know? And, and that is so hard because I could get so much validation and so much affirmation and, you know, but I still have that little voice in the back of my head that's like, "You're nothing. You're not important. You're not worth it." So I just wanna say, like, yes, you know, being in the public eye and it looks like fun and whatever, but it's like, no, we're, we're still just people and, you know, I, I still definitely have days where, like, I don't wanna get out of bed and I feel like just n-not, not worth it. Like, life's not worth it and I'm not worth it, and if it weren't for my child, I probably wouldn't get out of bed, like, most days, actually. So I still definitely carry a lot of that trauma, I guess, if you wanna call it. I definitely carry that with me today, and people

Speaker 8:15 are like, "Go to therapy," like, "Do something about it." [audience laughing] But it's like, I'm not worth it, you know? It's that, like, same cycle. It's a cycle, you know? But it's not all the time, but I definitely, you know, like even when something good happens to me, I'm like, "Yeah, but I don't deserve it," you know?

Jay Shetty 8:33 Yeah, that's, that's what's fascinating about that thought cycle is that when something negative happens, it affirms your belief that you're not worth it, and then when something good happens, it's almost a feeling of, "Well, I didn't, I don't deserve it. I'm still not good enough for it."

Speaker 8:47 It's a fluke. It's a fluke.

Jay Shetty 8:48 It's a fluke, yeah.

Speaker 8:49 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 8:49 I got lucky.

Speaker 8:50 I, I always say that. I just got lucky, guys, you know? But then I know that if I really were to like, you know, look at all the hard work and sacrifice that I, I do deserve it, you know? And, and my logical mind can identify that, but my emotional m-mind is still very much like n-no.

Jay Shetty 9:12 Yeah, and those two minds, I mean, how many of you can relate to that, right? Everyone can relate, right? [audience applauding] It's, it's something that, that cycle of when something good happens to us as humans, we're so good at being like, "Yeah, I got lucky this time. Oh, when is it gonna go?" Right? That's another thought.

Speaker 9:26 Yeah. When is it gonna get taken away from me? When are they gonna realize I'm a fraud? When are, you know, like, it's crazy.

Jay Shetty 9:33 Yeah. When are people gonna f-find out I'm an imposter? When are people gonna find out that I, I don't belong at this table?

Speaker 9:40 That I suck. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 9:40 Yeah. It's, it's such a thing. What

Jay Shetty 9:42 was it in your childhood that, that you think did that? Like, what, what do you think of when you think of that? Where, where is that?

Speaker 9:48 You know, I think my parents were dealing with a lot with each other, and they couldn't really... You know, it's like boomer parents. They were just very caught up in their own stuff and always, always fighting, like horrible, horrible fights. And I remember I would just like go into the bathroom 'cause it was the only room in the house that had a lock on the door, and I would just turn on the hairdryer, and I'd just lay on the floor for like six hours until it was like quiet, and then I could go back and like reintegrate into the household. But it was just a very kind of isolating, oppressive childhood. I mean, there were moments like that were great. I had a great relationship with my grandparents. I feel like I would not be here without them. My grandma encouraged me as an artist. Like, she saw that I had a talent, so we would always be, you know, making art together, going to museums, going to galleries, going to plays, ballets, you know, all the things I didn't do with my parents. And then my, my grandpa on my mom's side, he just made me feel really loved and kind of-- that was more of an emotional bond. Um, so if I didn't have that, I don't think I would be alive today.

Jay Shetty 11:07 It's so fascinating. As I'm listening to you, I can relate to that. So I grew up in a home where me and my sister would wake up to my parents going, um-

Speaker 11:15 And it's crazy how much parents fighting affects kids.

Jay Shetty 11:18 Totally.

Speaker 11:18 Sorry, not to... It's crazy.

Jay Shetty 11:21 It was, I grew up in an emotionally, physically abusive household, and often when people meet me, they just think I had the most perfect childhood, and it's why I do what I do today. And I often explain it's the opposite.

Speaker 11:33 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 11:33 I spent my whole childhood mediating my parents' marriage. And so the work I do today comes from having years, meaning since I was like seven years old, of listening to challenges, carrying pain, listening to emotions, and thankfully it made me stronger. And through the work I've done, it didn't create a lack of, it allowed me to create self-dependence.

Speaker 11:55 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 11:56 And that took a lot of work. It didn't just happen. But it's so fascinating when I see how did that affect someone else I love, whether it's another family member. And to your point, one thing that stood out, which I recommend to anyone who's a parent in this room or wants to be a parent, it's what you just said about the relationship you had with a grandparent.My mom's love was like a shield. Like, my mom's love was like this shield where, like, she just gave me so much love that I would never have to question whether I was worthy of love or lovable because that's how powerful a mom's love is.

Speaker 12:27 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 12:28 And, and when I think about as, as we're sitting here and finding these similarities and commonalities in our life, I wanted to ask you, your life in your teens took a very different turn, and as I heard, at seventeen you decided to become a sex worker or became one. And I wanna understand just what that journey looks like, because for you to go from feeling not enough to feeling unloved to feeling not worthy, talk to me about how that connects to that decision and how you walk that path.

Speaker 13:03 Well, I think from a really young age I just really learned to compartmentalize. So I could take something I didn't like, put it in a little box, and put it in a shelf all the way in the back of my brain, and I could really disassociate and detach and just be on autopilot. And I think that's why it was so easy for me to enter an industry like that because I could just shut down like that. It was my superpower, actually. And I actually found the whole experience really empowering, especially becoming a dominatrix where I could really channel a lot of aggression and a lot of anger that I had toward men or toward me or toward any, you know, anything that was going on. I could really kind of find, um, an outlet for it, and I actually, you know, for the first time in my life I actually kinda gained some self-worth weirdly. I always say obviously there's different pockets of the sex industry. I found one that worked for my specific issues, and it was very therapeutic. And when people ask me, like, "H- when did you get into acting?" I always tell them, "Well, first of all, I've been acting my whole life." You know, acting like you're okay when you're not. You know, acting like the class clown to, like, make people laugh because you feel like such a piece of shit. And then in the dominatrix

Speaker 14:21 dungeon where I play a nurse, a teacher, a mom, a nun, you know, six times a day different characters, I just became really good at, like, improv and, and, you know, doing that. So, you know, back to what you were saying how you had this kinda tough childhood, but you were able to then use all those skills that you inadvertently learned to now do this and help so many people. It's like you have to sometimes take those, like, bad things that happen to you in life and, um, you know, find your purpose in it in a weird way because it's the only way that it'll make you feel better for the things that happen, or it'll, like, make it not as bad or something that you can actually be grateful for. You know, there are times today where I'm like, "You know what? I'm grateful that I went through all those things 'cause I have the wisdom and the experience, and I can now pass it on and give other girls hope," you know? And I feel like that's the difference between the people that make it and the people that don't. You know? There are some people that just can never really find a way to make it, like, their purpose or their calling or... And, and then it just kind of never finds an outlet from their soul, and it just eats them up alive, or then they become the abuser and perpetuate that cycle.

Jay Shetty 15:41 Absolutely. [clapping] Just like as I'm listening to you, I'm, I'm actually just... How, how do you even discover the industry? Like, how does someone-

Speaker 15:51 Craigslist, baby.

Speaker 15:53 [laughing]

Speaker 15:54 Craigslist.

Jay Shetty 15:55 No, seriously?

Speaker 15:55 Yeah, yeah.

Jay Shetty 15:57 Really?

Speaker 15:57 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 15:58 Oh, you're not joking at all.

Speaker 15:59 No.

Speaker 16:00 [laughing]

Speaker 16:01 No.

Jay Shetty 16:01 But, like, how did you even... How does-

Speaker 16:03 So I knew about it-

Jay Shetty 16:05 Yeah

Speaker 16:05 ... because in the seventh grade I had this m- a c- one of my many codependent besties, and I would live at her house, and it was three sisters and an alcoholic mom, and the older sister was a dominatrix, and the only full-length mirror was in my bestie's room. So she would get dressed, she'd buy all this stuff from, like, the sex stores and come in and put them on, and it was the black platforms and the thigh-highs and the fishnets and, and then, uh, that's when I was informed, "Oh, she's a dominatrix," and, you know, at that point, like, I figured it out or something. So I always kinda knew that it was an option, that I could always, like, just do what she did, and she looked so hot and cool, and it just seemed like, just seemed fun and exciting. And listen, at the time I'd already, you know, worked in the service industry. I had so many jobs: waitress, pastry shop, ice cream shop, shoe store. You know? And listen, you're never gonna be able to support yourself on seven dollars and fifteen cents an hour. It's ridiculous. Like, raise the minimum wage, goddammit. Um-

Speaker 17:09 [clapping]

Speaker 17:10 And, and I had to move out. Something happened at home, and I literally had to move out with the clothes on my back. And, you know, I could only really, like, stay at friends' houses for so long. I, I had to contribute in some way, so that's what I did.

Jay Shetty 17:29 So it was a fully survival thing at the time.

Speaker 17:31 Yes.

Jay Shetty 17:31 Yeah.

Speaker 17:31 Definitely survival.

Jay Shetty 17:33 Fighting back against the world.

Speaker 17:33 I don't think I would've just chosen to do it, um, but I am glad that I did. Yeah, I feel like I really kinda learned a l- it was like a crash course in the male psyche.

Speaker 17:43 [laughing]

Jay Shetty 17:44 Tell us.

Speaker 17:45 Men, men are weird.

Jay Shetty 17:45 I think there's a, there's a lot of people who are intrigued.

Speaker 17:47 Men are weird.

Jay Shetty 17:48 Tell us, tell us about the male psyche.

Speaker 17:51 I mean, it's just, like, all the different fetishes and stuff. Like, I [laughs] there are just so many.

Jay Shetty 17:58 This is not a conversation I imagined having.

Speaker 17:58 [laughs] And they're so weird. Like, belly buttons, blue jeans, hair, like, on your head, not even down there. Like, they just-

Speaker 18:08 [laughing]

Speaker 18:08 ... men get so infatuated with the, like, weird, random things that women possess on them. And I also found, actually, interestingly enough, that the more

Speaker 18:21 powerful a man wasIn his career, in his life, the more submissive he would be with me. Like it was almost like this, these scales were tipped. And, and in order for him to find that balance, he'd have to come to me to degrade him and tell him what a piece of shit he was and tell him that his employees hate him and his wife hates him and, you know, and just beat the shit out of him. [audience laughing] And, and it, [laughs] and it really got me thinking like humans really need balance. And I learned that really. [audience laughing]

Jay Shetty 18:54 Yeah, that's what you took away.

Speaker 18:58 But I saw that. I was able to see that firsthand, you know, and I thought that was really interesting, you know, how he can go out there and be this tough guy and then here he's like crawling on all fours and l- drinking, drinking my pee out of a dog bowl. [audience laughing] And it, it was just really interesting, you know?

Jay Shetty 19:20 I, I love that balance is what you took away from that. [audience laughing] Like it's just amazing. It's amazing. Uh, [laughs] we, uh, I, I was, I was gonna say that, um,

Jay Shetty 19:36 I learned about balance, but at the monastery, it was, uh, it was completely opposite. [audience laughing] Uh, we came to the same conclusion though, uh.

Speaker 19:45 Once I lose ten pounds, then I'll be happy. Once I get this promotion, I'll be happy. Once I get this car, then I'll be happy, or this watch, or this bag. But really, life is all the little things, and you have to get those things in order because, yeah, you'll get that big thing, but then it'll be okay, what's next? You know? Because it'll never fill the void. It's really hard to accept things that we can't change, you know? The control freak in us wants to, like, change it and fix it and make it okay. But i- you need the other person to also put in the effort too. Live your truth. Like, even if you're messy or wild or cringe, like, like, don't hide that because you never know who's watching.

Jay Shetty 20:25 What do you think are the misconceptions about sex workers? Or what, what did you learn by actually being in the industry that you think is relevant for people who are not connected, may not understand, may not know, whatever it may be? What would you say those are?

Speaker 20:38 I mean, I would just say to anyone thinking about it, obviously now today with OnlyFans, and there's so many ways to be in the sex industry without ever touching a man, which is like amazing. [audience laughing] But back in my day, that was not the case. Um, I would just say like set a firm boundary in your head going into it and don't cross it. And the moment you cross it, just stop because then it'll just keep happening, and I, I made that mistake, and it, it kind of does like wear on you a little bit, you know. It-- and then it's like, well, nobody will ever know, but you will know, you know. And, and that you will never escape. You know, it's almost easier to have other, someone else know and not you. But your clients, they will take and take and take and take, so you just have to be really firm in, in what line you're not gonna cross.

Jay Shetty 21:33 It's quite remarkable you learned so many lessons. You've learned balance, boundaries, uh, you know, acting like you were just saying, like role play. Like why and when did that end? Like why did that period of your life come to a close, and then where did you pivot to and-

Speaker 21:48 I'll tell you another thing that I learned then was manifestation through prayer. So I would pray every single night. I'm not kidding. [audience cheering] I would pray for a sugar daddy. [audience laughing] Like pray. [laughs] Like long prayers. Long, long pray-prayers. A lot of bargaining. A lot of bargaining and begging God to please send me a sugar daddy, and he did. [audience cheering] He did. He did. Um, the best one ever also. I got really, really lucky. Um, we're still friends. I love him to death. Um, and that's, that's kind of how I got out of that.

Jay Shetty 22:33 Was that always your get out, like, get out card? Like, was that your thought in your head when you were praying?

Speaker 22:38 When you're in that kind of lifestyle, you're not really thinking long term. You know? I feel like having the ability to plan and do all these things, like that's something for like well-adjusted people. [audience laughing] When you're living like I was, it was very much like survive the day, get through the day, um, and maybe something good will happen. You know? So I was really just kind of looking for like a means to an end and, and it was really only kinda after my situation with my sugar daddy broke up that I actually started to like live for me, you know, and, and try to make it on my own

Speaker 23:13 and, and like all my blessings and everything I've been able to achieve only happened once I got out of that, funny enough, so...

Jay Shetty 23:21 And was your faith in God something you always had? You said-

Speaker 23:24 Always. Yeah.

Jay Shetty 23:25 Where did that come from?

Speaker 23:26 You know, I'm not really sure. I know, you know, I'm, I'm Italian. I, I lived in Italy for some of my childhood with my grandpa and, and he was very faith-based, and we prayed every night, and I always kinda knew that, that God was there or something was there, a presence was there. And it's like you can only have two, like so many coincidences before you're like, "Okay, there's something cosmic here," you know? And also, I feel like when you're kind of in desperation and, and not feeling so great, I find that those are usually the times or the people that really turn to God, and I was very much like unwell for a long time, so I, I needed to believe that God was real.

Jay Shetty 24:10 It's incredible to hear you talk about it from both sides. Like I know a second ago we're more like belly laughing and then at the same time there's like this real survival, desperation, stress, trying to get through every day as you just said, like just trying to make it through till the end of the day and the reality of just notHow would you feel at the end of a day? Like, what would be going through your mind? Would it just be-

Speaker 24:33 I didn't feel. No. Like, I did so many drugs, like every single drug under the sun. I was smoking pot all the time, like, before, like literally wake up first thing, like digging a roach out of an ashtray to, you know, like, just that level of numbness at all times, so.

Jay Shetty 24:53 Because that's the only way-

Speaker 24:54 Like feeling is still kind of fairly, like, a, a newer thing for me, and I still have a lot of trouble articulating how I'm feeling. Like, I just kind of shut down.

Jay Shetty 25:03 Because that was the only way to get through it, was to just be numb.

Speaker 25:07 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 25:07 And to just not feel, because if you were to, it would've-

Speaker 25:10 It would just open a floodgate, and who knows what could happen, you know? 'Cause usually when I would be emotional, it'd be kind of like a meltdown, and then I'd end up in like a hospital or something. So it was just better to not even go there at all.

Jay Shetty 25:29 Yeah. That, that's

Jay Shetty 25:30 so fascinating to hear that. I think so many of us feel that in different ways, where we find a numbing agent, whatever that may be for us. For some of us, it's TV, sugar, alcohol, drugs, whatever it may be-

Speaker 25:42 Yeah

Jay Shetty 25:42 ... there's some sort of way of just kind of not self-regulating, but externally regulating our emotions and feelings because we just don't wanna feel that. For you, as you were doing that, where, where did you get addicted to heroin in that journey? Because that became quite a big part of-

Speaker 26:01 Yeah. That was when I found heroin. It was like, it... I would say that it's akin to, like, what being in your mother's womb would feel like. Like the warmth and that everything is gonna be okay, and, you know, I think I probably liked it so much because of the disconnect I had with my own mother. So heroin kind of became a replacement mommy or something, you know? And yeah, I discovered heroin in high school, and I took it all the way into my mid-twenties, you know, on and

Speaker 26:34 off, on and off. I sometimes I'd be off for years, and then, then I'd always go back. So, you know, it only really took my best friend, the love of my life, overdosing in twenty nineteen for me to, which is fairly recently, for me to really be done 'cause that really shook me to my core. And I felt like her dying had to, had to at least do one good thing, you know? And, and if that could just be me not getting high anymore, I know that she would approve of that. I know that she... It would make... I don't know. It's not that it would make it less hor-horrible, but I just had to find some kind of silver lining or something to attach myself to. So now I, you know, don't do that anymore in, in honor of her. [clapping]

Jay Shetty 27:26 So, so sorry to hear that. How, how long did you both know each other, and how were you-

Speaker 27:30 We actually met in AA, and it was a funny story. Um, I-- we were sitting next to each other, and my, like, horrible ex-boyfriend was also there. And we hadn't seen each other in a long time, and he was there with this girl who had, like, cyberbullied me on Instagram. And I just stood up, and I said, "A, this room is unsafe for me. There are abusers in here." [laughing] And I just made such a scene, which is, like, fairly uncommon and, and it does-doesn't really happen. So, but I did it, and she loved it. [laughing] Like, she was like, "Yeah, yeah. Tell 'em. Tell 'em." And, and then I just sat back down, and, and it was, that was it. We were together every single day after that. Like, it was like we really found each other. [laughs] But, you know, with every kind of relationship like that, it was only a matter of time before we both left to go get high together, you know? So it's pretty cliché, but it's still a beautiful love story nonetheless.

Speaker 28:31 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 28:31 What was that journey for you to actually get clean from heroin? Like, what was that journey like for you? I, I can't imagine it's easy, and like you said, you used the loss of her as, as fuel, as inspiration, as a guiding light during a really, really tough time. But what did it actually take from you to now be able to sit here and say, "Well, that's not something I do anymore"?

Speaker 28:53 Well, well, she died, and then I got pregnant six months later and had my son. And if there's one thing I'm determined to do is to not give him a shitty childhood, and in order for me to do that, I have to be sober. [clapping] So yeah. So it all happened pretty quick, and, and honestly, I don't think I would have even had my son if she hadn't passed away. But at that moment, it was like anything to fill that void and that heartbreak, you know? It was, I just wanted to feel better. And actually, funny story, when I was about, I can't remember now. I put the, the, I put it in my book, but, like, a couple weeks into my pregnancy, I had a dream. She came to me in a dream, and I told her, "I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. I'm having, um, I, I, I want you to come back as, as my baby. I want you to be reincarnated as my baby." And she said, 'cause she was always really funny, she was like, "Ugh, I don't wanna come back as a boy." [laughing] And that's how I found out I was having a boy. [awwing] I went to the doctor, and I told him, "I think I'm having a boy. My dead best friend came to me in a dream." [laughing] And he was like, "You're psychotic." Um, but then we did the test, and, and I was having a boy. So, so she was right. So I, I still feel like, like she's with me in, in, in everything I do.

Jay Shetty 30:13 Yeah. You say in the book that motherhood saved you.

Speaker 30:16 Mm-hmm, 'cause I just don't have time to do anything else. [laughing] Like, it really is like three full-time jobs, so. But it did, it did, it did save me, yeah.

Jay Shetty 30:29 When you finally found the sugar daddy and you got out of, you know, sex work from your prayersWhere did that pivot happen from that getting you out of there and then moving into acting? Like how, how did that happen?

Speaker 30:44 You know, people knew who I was. Like I was like a hood celebrity, you know? And, and these directors heard about me and wanted to meet me. And they were writing a part for this young girl who has kind of a sugar daddy situation. And that movie would go on to become Uncut Gems. So I, you know, I auditioned like everyone else, unfortunately, even though they had written it for me, the studios were like, we don't know her. Like what,

Speaker 31:12 like they wanted like Scarlett Johansson and, you know, all these other women, beautiful women and established actresses. And, and at the time I didn't even know if I could like actually act, act, you know, but I had a hunch. Um, and so, you know, it, I, I did a screen test with Adam Sandler and it went really well. And they were able to convince the studios to let me do it.

Jay Shetty 31:38 Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 31:40 But that's why I always tell people like, like live your truth. Like even if you're messy or wild or cringe, like, like don't hide that because you never know who's watching. You know, like I was so embarrassing, like, like truly so embarrassing, but it-

Jay Shetty 31:57 Don't tell us

Speaker 31:58 ... it caught these people's eyes, you know? [laughing]

Jay Shetty 32:01 What was embarrassing? What were you doing those days?

Speaker 32:02 Well, you know, everyone knew that I was living off my sugar daddy's money and every-- there you go. It was like everybody knew it. It was, you know, but they, it was like frowned upon, you know, like people would talk shit about me or didn't want to be my friend or it was just like, I was always kind of looked at it like as this spectacle, you know, and I was known to like cause a scene or just be loud and sometimes violent and-

Jay Shetty 32:28 Violent?

Speaker 32:29 Yeah, definitely.

Jay Shetty 32:31 Tell us about the violent.

Speaker 32:33 [laughing] Well, I grew up in a violent home, so that's kind of how I learned to like problem solve. Like if I want an ish problem to go away, you, you know. So I, you know, I've definitely been known to throw hands, but you know, now I'm like, ugh, it's so embarrassing, you know, but at like, it, I, I had to do all that messy stuff and be that girl to end up in this chair today speaking with all of you. So just always be yourselves. [laughing]

Jay Shetty 33:09 It's so fascinating for me seeing that in my home made me never want to be angry, never want to be violent, never want to raise my voice and never kind of create that atmosphere again. And, and it's so interesting just how as humans we make those choices at, at different stages in our life and, and where they go from there. I-- one thing

Jay Shetty 33:30 that really stood out to me in your, in your book, uh, Down the Drain, that is when you mentioned when you were young, you said to your mom you wanted to be a rock star and she laughed. And then when you booked Uncut Gems, she laughed-

Speaker 33:45 Yeah

Jay Shetty 33:45 ... again.

Speaker 33:46 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 33:47 Talk to me about those two moments and why you remember them so vividly and what they meant.

Speaker 33:51 Because it's like you'd expect your parent to be so like happy and so supportive, but she could just never do it. She could never do it. And you know, I think like now that I'm also a mom, I can see her as a human and I see a woman who came from nothing and did everything she was supposed to do. She went to college, went to university. She worked as a nurse. She did all the things to become a doctor and was just always a good girl. And then to see me, who literally did the opposite, would go to jail, get arrested, get into fights, steal stuff, break stuff, trespass, you know, just overdose a hundred times, you know, just a mess. And then to see me be successful, I'm sure is a mind [censored] . Yeah. Like I'd probably hate me too.

Speaker 34:51 [laughing] Like I'm sure there's like a human, you know, jealousy is very real, even between mothers and daughters. I see it all the time. Like I couldn't fathom it because I see my loved ones as an extension of myself. But with my mom and I, it was always very clear that we were on two opposite ends for some reason, and we could never bridge that gap. I don't know if we ever will, to be honest, but I know that I have to protect my peace and not keep trying just to be disappointed all the time. You know? I just can't do it anymore.

Jay Shetty 35:27 As I'm looking at you, it feels like you've tried a lot.

Speaker 35:29 Not that much, but [laughing] not that much. Um, but there have been a few times. Yeah.

Jay Shetty 35:36 What have you tried and when did you try and-

Speaker 35:38 Just trying to mimic what a mother-daughter relationship is supposed to look like and playing that part, playing that role, acting that part only to be met with not her playing that part back, you know? And, and I realize that, you know, we can't just like turn it on and

Speaker 35:59 be mother and daughter and there needs to be some unpacking. But every time I try to talk about things, it's complete denial. It's almost like she lived a completely-- like she lived in a different house. Well, she really did live in a different house. She lived in Italy my whole life, so I only saw her twice a year. So that also played a big part. But, um, but there were obviously prolonged periods as well that we would be together. But even then it just always felt like she was just very uninterested. Yeah. And, and I could see that it wasn't like that with my brothers, that she had way more of a connection and she put the effort and had more of a genuine interest.For them. So, and I picked that up very, very young.

Jay Shetty 36:48 How have you reconciled that now? I'm sure there's lots of people in the room who

Jay Shetty 36:53 have challenges with parents, potentially even challenges with kids. Like, how have you reconciled that? What have you-- how have you come to as close to peace or a boundary that you've been able to set with that?

Speaker 37:03 You know, I, I wouldn't say it's forgiveness because how do you forgive a betrayal like that? But there is an acceptance, which I think is the closest thing to forgiveness, and it's so hard to accept because it's really hard to accept things that we can't change. You know? We, we-- the control freak in us wants to, like, change it and fix it and make it okay, but y-you need the other person to also put in the effort too. So, you know, I think really for me, I'm at a, a place of acceptance that this is just the way it's gonna be, and if, if I keep trying to fight it or change it, I'm really only hurting myself. And, you know, I have a child I have to show up for. I have to be happy and positive. So like, why am I gonna let her have that too? You know? Like, I'm not gonna... I'm just not gonna do that.

Jay Shetty 37:57 It takes a lot to draw those boundaries with the people that we love, and sadly-

Speaker 38:02 Especially your parents.

Jay Shetty 38:04 Especially your parents, yeah.

Speaker 38:04 Like, now that I'm a parent and I have parents, it's like you can have more than one kid. You could have ten kids, but you can only have one mom and one dad, like, in that way. Like, you know, obviously there's people, there's blended families, but it's a really, really, really important relationship and, and I take it to the highest level of importance. To me, it's sacred. Nothing comes before my child, so I mean, I just don't understand how [audience applauding] for her it's not the same.

Jay Shetty 38:39 Did she ever go to therapy?

Speaker 38:41 She's a psychologist. [audience laughing]

Jay Shetty 38:43 Wow.

Speaker 38:45 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 38:45 Wow.

Speaker 38:45 That's why I don't trust them, and I don't wanna go. [audience laughing]

Jay Shetty 38:47 Wow. That's fascinating.

Speaker 38:50 I know.

Jay Shetty 38:51 When you were addicted to drugs or even when you were a sex worker, did you ever have any near-death experiences, dangerous experiences?

Speaker 38:59 Yes, many, and actually my, my best friend Brianna once called my mom in Italy and was like, "Your daughter's dying. Come get her."

Jay Shetty 39:07 What happened?

Speaker 39:07 She hung up the phone.

Jay Shetty 39:08 What happened to you?

Speaker 39:10 I lived. [laughing]

Jay Shetty 39:11 No, no, no. [audience laughing] I mean...

Speaker 39:13 Oh, you're kidding.

Jay Shetty 39:13 I mean that, that day that she, that she had to make that call to your mom.

Speaker 39:16 I honestly don't even remember. I think I probably just, like, OD'd on heroin or something.

Jay Shetty 39:21 Was that a regular occurrence or?

Speaker 39:23 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 39:24 But that was the only time that they called your, uh... she called your mom?

Speaker 39:26 Yeah. I think it was, like, the, the first time it ever happened. Yeah, and

Speaker 39:31 my friend just got so scared. I was living at her house at the time and, and she just, like, found me like that and freaked out and just didn't know what to do. But her mom stepped in as my kind of surrogate mother and helped me a lot.

Jay Shetty 39:46 Oh, her mom?

Speaker 39:47 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 39:47 Oh, wow.

Speaker 39:48 Yeah. The beauty of having that kind of void is that I really attracted so many amazing women with that kind of instinct or that ability to kind of sniff out, like, oh, this child needs mothering. So I've had so many kind of, you know, pseudo maternal figures in my life and, and I feel like when I think of my mom, I, I think of all of them. You know? My, my advisor in high school who, like, saved my life, and a lot of them were my, my friends' parents and, and they really took me in, and moms are just amazing. [audience applauding] Like, having a horrible experience of mine doesn't take away that I can identify that moms really are amazing. You know? I understand that my mom's, like, an exception. [audience applauding] Yeah. [laughing]

Jay Shetty 40:36 You, you have one of the most fascinating minds and lives of anyone I've ever interviewed, honestly.

Speaker 40:41 Oh my God.

Jay Shetty 40:42 I, I find it so incredible that despite the challenges and trials and tribulations that you were going through in your life, you were able to, at the same time, identify goodness and pray,

Jay Shetty 40:56 look for ways out, see sacredness in your friends and other people and-

Speaker 41:00 It's a survival instinct. It's like you don't even realize you're doing it. It's that will to live that we all innately have. Like, I didn't, I didn't set out to do any of that stuff. I didn't realize I was doing it until after, but I really... I think a part of me, as much as I wanted to die, I also really wanted to live and I had to find love and goodness wherever I could 'cause I think as people, that's really all we want. You know? We wanna be seen, and we wanna be loved.

Jay Shetty 41:29 Did you have any dangerous encounters as a sex worker or w-were you the one inflicting the-

Speaker 41:35 I was the one. [audience laughing] They were in danger. Yeah. Yeah.

Jay Shetty 41:40 [laughing]

Speaker 41:40 Yeah. No, and, and obviously I understand that my experience is very unique. You know? Obviously I had some clients that were better than others, but for the most part, I, I always had very good, uh, instincts. If I felt like something was weird, I would just leave. You know? I'd, I'd leave the room and, and go get someone else.

Speaker 42:00 You know, also S&M is a very, you know... It's, it's really the only place in the world where, like, the women rule. Like, I'd never seen that before. I'd always kinda seen the opposite of that, so I think being able to, to be in that so young really kinda shaped how I see the world today 'cause I see so many discrepancies and disparities and, and how unfair this world is for women. But in the S&M world, we were the, the people in charge calling the shots and, and, you know, and men were just there to drink pee out of a dog bowl. [audience laughing] You know? I mean, it was amazing. It was heaven. It was paradise.

Jay Shetty 42:46 [laughing] It's, um- [laughs] We'll just let that sit for a second.Uh, there's this recurring pattern that I could hear about when I was listening to your book, this idea of proving yourself, proving yourself to your mom, proving yourself to men you were dating, proving yourself to the industry, proving yourself constantly-

Speaker 43:10 And I still am all the time, but that's never ending, you know? I think it's so hard for a woman to show up in a room and just be given the benefit of the doubt, you know? Whereas men walk in, and they're just given the benefit of the doubt until they prove otherwise, you know? Whereas women, it's always the opposite. We kind of have to, to work a little bit harder. So, you know, especially if you're, like, an unconventional woman or a weird woman or a neurodivergent woman or a loud woman, it's like, oh my God, the odds are so stacked against you. But, you know, that's not gonna stop me from being who I am. [audience applauding] [laughs] Thank you.

Jay Shetty 43:56 A big part of what we've been talking about here this evening before you came out was this idea of how we feel judged when we walk into a room or how we think others think of us and how we worry about that. I'm sure when you're walking into rooms to audition, act, meeting directors, producers, I'm sure that there's so many things you think people think of you.

Speaker 44:19 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 44:20 How have you found coping mechanisms

Jay Shetty 44:23 to that anxiety, stress, nervousness that naturally exist, and people shared earlier so vulnerably and beautifully in front of five thousand people. We had people standing up and really opening their heart. What goes through your mind, and what techniques, abilities, practices have you developed in order to allow yourself to walk into a room and not feel that anxiety and stress?

Speaker 44:44 Well, first of all, I think everyone's feeling that way, you know? I think people are so just worried about themselves all the time anyway. Like, they're probably thinking the same thing about you. And, and another thing is also, like, it's really not that deep. We have the attention span of a goldfish. People will forget.

Jay Shetty 45:04 [laughs]

Speaker 45:04 Like, nothing is serious. Like, just don't take it so seriously, you know? And also, if you walk into a room and they don't like you, it's probably 'cause they're whack. Like-

Jay Shetty 45:12 [laughs]

Speaker 45:14 You know, I've come to find, honestly, like, people that don't like me are kind of people I wouldn't even really want to like me anyway.

Jay Shetty 45:21 [laughs]

Speaker 45:21 You know? Like, they're just not cool.

Jay Shetty 45:23 [laughs]

Speaker 45:24 So I think just lead with that mindset.

Jay Shetty 45:28 Yeah, I remember seeing this, uh, this meme. I d- I don't know who wrote it or where it came from, but it, it says, "Confidence isn't everyone will like me.

Jay Shetty 45:37 Confidence is I'll be okay even if they don't."

Speaker 45:39 Don't like you, yeah.

Jay Shetty 45:40 And, and it's that idea of just we think confidence means everyone likes me, everyone notices me when I walk in the room, and that I can control the crowd, and it's like, well, that's not confidence because-

Speaker 45:50 No, and also if you try to please everyone, you just end up pleasing no one. So it's just better to just be genuine because at least... Like, I always tell people, like, take the mask off, be yourself, so then you can attract people that are like-minded, and then once you have your tribe and your people, you're invincible, you know? [audience applauding] It doesn't matter what happens to you because you'll have your fam that understand you and agree with you and know that you're the bomb.

Jay Shetty 46:18 [laughs] You, you've said that you don't, you're not afraid of being alone, but you've been afraid of being truly seen, which I find to be really interesting because I think a lot of us are scared to be truly seen in all of who we are. And how, where are you on that journey?

Speaker 46:38 I mean, I feel like even being here tonight and, you know, going so deep and talking about things that are, you know, kind of things I usually just put in a compartment in the back of my brain and just pretend like they don't exist, like, this is a big part of it. Also, I find that when you share a secret or share something that's been weighing you down, you share it with somebody, you're also sharing that, the weight with someone else. Now we can c- all carry this together, and it's less of a, a burden for you. So I think just, like, don't hold it in. It'll eat you up. Like, just if you're feeling something, tell somebody. Otherwise, you're just gonna... It, it's gonna eat you up, and, and you're gonna feel so isolated and so alone, and it's just no, no way, no way to live.

Jay Shetty 47:26 Well said. [audience applauding] I fully agree. It's one of the reasons I've been encouraging everyone tonight to, to share their heart, and so many brave, brave souls have. I, I love that you were saying that recently feeling's been a new phenomena for you. How recent is that, and what have been some of the joyful, positive, healthy feelings that you've been experiencing?

Speaker 47:49 Probably when I quit smoking weed two years ago, so very, very recent. [laughs] But, you know, that's not to say that I didn't feel things before. I obviously did, but I would just feel something and then pick up the pipe. Now, I just do that. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 48:10 [laughs]

Speaker 48:10 I always say, like, I'm strapping my seatbelt on, and I'm gonna s- and I'm gonna move through it. It's gonna move through me. I'm not gonna go over it. I'm not gonna go around it. I'm just gonna let it do its thing, and it's gonna pass. It's gonna pass. [audience applauding]

Jay Shetty 48:26 Wow.

Speaker 48:27 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 48:28 It's, it's pretty remarkable to have gone from that extreme to this, and like you just said, you're not on drugs anymore, not smoking weed, and I believe you're celibate now too.

Speaker 48:37 Yes.

Jay Shetty 48:37 So we're... I, I was celibate as a monk for three years. So we-

Speaker 48:41 I'm monk three years too.

Jay Shetty 48:42 You're on three years?

Speaker 48:43 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 48:43 Wow.

Speaker 48:44 Yeah. [audience applauding]

Jay Shetty 48:44 All right. So you're gonna, you're gonna beat my record.

Speaker 48:46 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 48:47 Uh-

Speaker 48:47 I think so, unfortunately. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 48:49 What made you make that... Sorry, what did you say? [laughs]

Speaker 48:52 I said unfortunately. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 48:55 What made you make-- Was it always a commitment long term? Was it a-

Speaker 48:58 No, no. I didn't even realize that I was doing it until I was doing it. You know? For, I was like, "Oh my God, it's been six months," and then it was, like, a year. Oh my God, three. You know, it just, the time goes so fast. But I've honestly found that that was another toxic relationship that I had with sex and with men. I don't think right now that I'm able to have a healthy emotional or romantic relationship with anyone, to be honest, you know? I think I'm still really coming to terms with who I am and learning every day. Like, sometimes, I, you know, even though I was so precocious, in a lot of ways I feel like I was a late bloomer, you know, because I just wasn't really living authentically and, and I was self-medicating, and I was just in survival mode for so long. So now that I can, like, you know, sit back, I'm okay, I have a roof over my head, I have my, my family and everything, but it still feels, like, fairly new. So I think right now I just need to, like, be okay being with me, and, and that's okay.

Jay Shetty 50:09 Yeah. [applauding] What have, what have you learned from cutting out so many of these things you were dependent on or had unhealthy toxic relationships with in the past? Like, what has it felt like to almost stop, you know, drugs, weed, practicing celibacy? Like, what has, what has that done for you? Like, what are you experiencing from the detox?

Speaker 50:31 I mean, like, I can go grocery shopping, and I can go to sleep when I'm supposed to and wake up when I'm supposed to, and I can show up for people, and I can be reliable and responsible and dependable and, you know, I can be someone that somebody can count on, and, you know, I'm... I, I think I'm a great mom. You know, I can just build a home, like, a healthy, happy home with lots of snacks in the kitchen, and, and it's warm and nice and, you know, just the, just, like, all the basic things that all of you guys do. For so long I just wasn't participating, you know? So, like, as people, we're always kind of focusing on, like, the big things. Like, "Once I lose ten pounds, then I'll be happy. Once I get this promotion, I'll be happy. Once I get this car, then I'll be happy, or this watch or this bag." But really, life is all the little things, and you have to get those things in order because yeah, you'll get that big thing, but then it'll be, "Okay, what's next?" You know? Because it'll never fill the void, you know? You have to get all the little things together, and that's as little as eating healthy, sleeping enough, meditating, just spending time alone recharging your batteries and, um, seeing your friends and laughing. You know, like, those, those are the things that happiness is built upon, so, you know, that's where I'm live, trying to live now because I was very much like, "Well, o-once I'll get a nose job, I'll be pretty, and then I'll be happy." You know? And it was just always this cycle of trying to find the thing that'll make me happy without realizing that it was right in front of me, but I just needed to, like, water the damn seeds. So that's what I'm doing now. [applauding]

Jay Shetty 52:21 Uh, Julia, for our tour, we created a segment that we wanted to do with guests called Past, Present, Future, and it starts with a series of cards, just so that everyone knows, that are marked past, present, and future, and Julia has no idea what these questions are. So Julia, what I'm gonna ask you to do is I'm gonna ask you to pick.

Speaker 52:42 Okay.

Jay Shetty 52:42 And these questions will ask you either some-- I'll come closer to you. They'll ask you something either about your past, present, or future. They're marked. So we'll see which one you pick. So do you want a past card-

Speaker 52:51 Okay

Jay Shetty 52:51 ... a present card, or a future card?

Speaker 52:53 Do I pick at random or just-

Jay Shetty 52:55 Oh, no, it's up-

Speaker 52:56 Oh, okay.

Jay Shetty 52:56 Yeah, it's totally up to you.

Speaker 52:56 We'll do-

Jay Shetty 52:56 You can see which one. Okay, you chose a present card. What does it say?

Speaker 53:02 What's the last photo in your photo roll? I didn't bring my phone out here with me.

Jay Shetty 53:07 [laughing]

Speaker 53:07 Damn.

Jay Shetty 53:07 We kept it away. Well, you'll have to t- you'll have to post it later.

Speaker 53:11 Okay. Okay, I'll post it later.

Jay Shetty 53:12 Will you do that for us?

Speaker 53:12 I'll post it later.

Jay Shetty 53:12 Yeah, you'll have to post it after the show so people will go-

Speaker 53:15 Okay, okay. I'm trying to think

Jay Shetty 53:15 ... follow Julia and figure out what she posted.

Speaker 53:17 What was it? Okay.

Jay Shetty 53:17 As long as you can post it. Uh, all right. [laughing]

Speaker 53:22 [laughing] Okay, future.

Jay Shetty 53:25 Okay, a future card.

Speaker 53:26 What niche hobby will you take way too seriously when you're older? Knitting.

Jay Shetty 53:32 [laughing]

Speaker 53:33 For sure. I cannot wait to be at the nursing home.

Jay Shetty 53:36 [laughing]

Speaker 53:36 Leave me the hell alone. I just wanna knit in peace.

Jay Shetty 53:40 [laughing] What's the first thing you're gonna knit yourself?

Speaker 53:42 A blanket.

Jay Shetty 53:43 [laughing]

Speaker 53:44 So I can, like, put it on me as I knit.

Jay Shetty 53:46 [laughing]

Speaker 53:46 I just wanna knit myself into a cocoon and be left alone for all eternity.

Jay Shetty 53:51 [laughing]

Speaker 53:52 Doesn't that sound amazing? [laughing]

Jay Shetty 53:56 All right, I want you to pick one of the past cards.

Speaker 53:58 Okay. Where was your first kiss? Okay, guys, I have a confession.

Jay Shetty 54:07 [laughing]

Speaker 54:08 I don't remember my first kiss.

Jay Shetty 54:10 [laughing]

Speaker 54:11 I know. That's part of, like, being, you know, in the trauma. I don't remember a lot of stuff. Like, I genuinely have no idea who it could be. Could be, like, a hundred different people. [laughing]

Jay Shetty 54:24 To, to end our past, present, future segment, uh, I wanna show you a picture if we can get the first one up behind you in a second. Do you, do you remember this moment?

Speaker 54:35 She was always hustling. [laughing]

Jay Shetty 54:37 Do you know, do you know where you were? Do you know what-

Speaker 54:40 Yeah, I was in front of my, my dad's building, and I used to sell lemonade all summer long and just stack paper.

Jay Shetty 54:48 [laughing]

Speaker 54:48 I made so much money. [laughing]

Jay Shetty 54:51 What... How old were you? Do you remember that?

Speaker 54:52 I'm probably, like, eight or nine here.

Jay Shetty 54:55 What, uh, what advice would you give to your younger self that you look at in that picture?

Speaker 55:00 Keep stacking paper, girl.

Jay Shetty 55:02 [laughs]

Speaker 55:03 No, I'm kidding. Um, to just, like, everything is gonna make sense, you know? Just hang in there.

Jay Shetty 55:12 [audience cheering] [audience applauding] Ah, second one, please. This is your present. What do you need to hear right now? What's the words that you need to hear right now in your life?

Speaker 55:26 You are worthy.

Jay Shetty 55:29 [audience applauding] Do you feel that's, like, a daily reminder right now?

Speaker 55:35 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 55:37 And, uh-

Speaker 55:38 Oh, God.

Jay Shetty 55:39 [laughs] [audience laughing] We have a fut-- thanks to AI-

Speaker 55:43 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 55:44 ... we have a future version behind me.

Speaker 55:47 Ah.

Jay Shetty 55:48 [laughs]

Speaker 55:49 [gasps] Okay, not so bad.

Jay Shetty 55:51 [laughs]

Speaker 55:51 Okay.

Jay Shetty 55:52 I think you look amazing.

Speaker 55:53 Okay. Yeah.

Jay Shetty 55:54 Yeah. All right. Uh, what do you hope and intend that you'll think of yourself and the people who really know you will say about you at that age? What do you think the people who deeply knew you in life, that really got to know you beneath the surface, will say about you at that age?

Speaker 56:16 That I'm a boss. I'm a boss-ass bitch.

Jay Shetty 56:20 [laughs]

Speaker 56:21 Yeah. [audience applauding] [laughs]

Jay Shetty 56:27 Oh. Julia, you've been, you've been so, uh, brave, vulnerable, thoughtful, hilarious, inspiring to, to come here today, and it was so funny. We were walking up, when, when Julia and I were walking up, and she said to me, she goes, "I'm pretty sure we don't have a lot of crossover in our audience," [laughs] uh, "and our community." And I'm hoping that this has been a positive experience for you.

Speaker 56:55 It has.

Jay Shetty 56:56 Uh, my, my greatest joy is in all of us learning so much about each other that we're able to see each other's humanity, despite how we look, how we present

Jay Shetty 57:10 ourselves, how we dress, what country we came from, what background we have, what walks of life and paths that we've been down because, to me, that's what the world really needs, is the ability to look at someone's heart and soul. And you've allowed me to try and give that opportunity to myself and, and everyone else who trusts me to do that today. And just wanna say a big, big thank you, and I, I hope this is gonna be, uh- [laughs]

Speaker 57:35 Thank you. Thank you guys so much. [audience applauding] [audience cheering] And thank you too, Jay. Thanks for having me.

Jay Shetty 57:44 I, I hope this is gonna be, um, the most surprising friendship of twenty twenty-five.

Speaker 57:49 Yeah. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 57:49 And, uh, I, I actually wanted to ask you one last question because you've talked so beautifully about your son and being a mother, and the audience has, you know, really felt that and responded to that tonight. And you actually went through a miscarriage too, right?

Speaker 58:00 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 58:01 And was that before or after?

Speaker 58:04 I was seventeen, and it happened in a bar. I'm pretty happy I had that miscarriage. [laughs] I don't even know who, what, who the... yeah.

Jay Shetty 58:12 How did that experience affect you at that time?

Speaker 58:15 Like, I even remember that I was once, um, at a pregame when I got a call that my grandpa had died, and I literally, like, shut up the phone and went back to the pregame because, like, there was just no way that I was gonna deal with that. And I still have, like, m- breakdowns,

Speaker 58:37 like, violent breakdowns about it. I'm just-- I was just very good. I was trained to just shut it off, you know? Like, shut it off, it didn't happen. Nobody knows. It's okay. Move on. But, you know, like I said, it's like you know, you know? So, you know, even though that particular miscarriage was probably God looking out for me because I was in no way ready to take on such a sacred role, it still does kind of feel like a little piece of you is, [tongue click] you know, chipped away at.

Jay Shetty 59:16 Yeah, whether it's, like you said, being protection or whether it happens sadly and tragically, it's, it's still a part of you that was-

Speaker 59:23 Yeah

Jay Shetty 59:24 ... was connected to it, and it's-

Speaker 59:25 Totally

Jay Shetty 59:26 ... and, and hearing about it from that perspective and how you've been able to just, this, this recurring theme in your life of just revisiting. And tonight I feel like you've-- and in your incredible book, you know, Down the Drain, your memoir, you've revisited some of these moments that I can't imagine rethinking, reliving, re-breathing.

Speaker 59:47 It was actually so cathartic. It was probably the closest I'd ever gotten to actually-- 'cause I've had a hundred therapists, but then I stopped going, you know? But having to sit down every day and write that book, I mean, there were so many times that I was like, "I'll just call a ghostwriter. Like, it's fine. Everybody does it. Like, it's okay." And I would just, just force myself to, like, sit there and sit with the pain. And, and I remember, like, I'd be flushed. Like, my cheeks would be red. I'd be sweating 'cause I'm like, "Oh my God, I can't believe I'm, like, actually writing this." And it was like I could have not written it, you know? But, but a part of me felt like, like I needed to, you know? Like, I needed to talk about it or release it in some way. And actually, ever since writing the book, I do feel, like, lighter weirdly. Like, I'm not carrying all that baggage alone. And, and also the, the response that I've gotten from it and, you know, every time a young girl comes up to me and she tells me that she broke up with her boyfriend 'cause she read my book, I'm like, "Ugh, you know, doing God's work out here."

Jay Shetty 1:00:52 [laughs]

Speaker 1:00:53 I just-- It doesn't get better than that, guys. Um, but you know what I mean. It's, it's like that's really what it's all about, you know? I think the, the most times I've ever felt close to happiness or joy, like real pure joy-Was when I was able to help somebody without getting anything back. Like, that's really when, when I feel so at peace, you know, and so happy and, and joyful. So, you know, I think that's just, it- that's what it's about. And, and also

Speaker 1:01:26 I have this thing where it's like I don't wanna burden anyone. I don't wanna be annoying. I don't wanna ask. I don't wanna be a, a problem. But it's like, no, people like it. People like it when you ask for help or ask for stuff. Like, I... That's something I really also would tell my present Julia. Like, ask for help. Like, like, people like to be of service and people like to help. You're doing them a favor, too, you know? So, 'cause I always think, like, I'll do it myself. I'll do it my- that's my whole thing, I did it myself. But, like, it's not sustainable.

Jay Shetty 1:01:55 I wanna thank you so much.

Speaker 1:01:57 Thank you.

Jay Shetty 1:01:57 Is there anything you wanna share? Any last words? Any-

Speaker 1:01:59 I actually do wanna say one thing-

Jay Shetty 1:02:01 Please

Speaker 1:02:01 ... because y- you were mentioning meditation as I was walking out, and, um, in the third grade, my teachers and social workers told, told my dad that I, um, was probably ADHD and needed to get medication. And, and my dad actually, um, put me in transcendental meditation classes.

Jay Shetty 1:02:18 Oh, wow.

Speaker 1:02:19 And in that same year, I was failing all my classes. I was, I, I was, like, a complete 180. I started getting As and sitting at the front of my class and raising my hand. And if only I had stuck with it [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:02:32 [laughs]

Speaker 1:02:32 That's all I'm gonna say. But it really works. Meditation really works.

Jay Shetty 1:02:37 Are you back to it now?

Speaker 1:02:38 I... Oh, it's always on my to-do list-

Jay Shetty 1:02:40 [laughs]

Speaker 1:02:40 ... and I never do it. But now, because I've told all of you, and I hope you guys hold me accountable and write in my comments all day, "I hope you're meditating today, Julia" -

Jay Shetty 1:02:49 [laughs]

Speaker 1:02:49 If you guys could do that for me-

Jay Shetty 1:02:51 [laughs]

Speaker 1:02:51 You have no idea how much I need it

Jay Shetty 1:02:53 [laughs] [clapping]

Speaker 1:02:54 Um, I will definitely pick, pick back up.

Jay Shetty 1:02:58 All right. That's, that's the first thing we're gonna do together is meditate tomorrow.

Speaker 1:03:00 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:03:01 Love your show.

Speaker 1:03:02 [cheering] [clapping]

Jay Shetty 1:03:02 Julia, as, as our On Purpose audience knows, we end every episode with a Final Five. These have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum.

Speaker 1:03:11 Okay.

Jay Shetty 1:03:11 So Julia Fox, these are your Final Five. The first question is, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received?

Speaker 1:03:18 The best advice I've ever heard or received is actually from my mom, who said, "Be nice to everyone 'cause you'll never know when you need a favor."

Jay Shetty 1:03:29 Question number two: what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received?

Speaker 1:03:33 To, like, stop doing so much. Yeah. To not be, uh, so extra, and I think that's horrible advice.

Jay Shetty 1:03:42 [laughs]

Speaker 1:03:42 You know? That's like asking someone to, like, dim their light, you know? It's just cr- a wild ask. I think you, you have to be extra, and you have to be cringe, and you have to be yourself. It's the only way you can really live authentically.

Jay Shetty 1:03:57 Okay. Went over the word count on that one.

Speaker 1:03:59 Mm-hmm. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:04:00 I'll give it to you.

Speaker 1:04:01 Oh my God, I forgot the one word.

Jay Shetty 1:04:03 Uh, uh, question number three: what's something that you used to value that you no longer value?

Speaker 1:04:09 Drugs.

Jay Shetty 1:04:10 [laughs]

Speaker 1:04:10 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:04:11 Great answer.

Speaker 1:04:12 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:04:12 I love it. Uh, question number four: what's the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night?

Speaker 1:04:17 TikTok.

Jay Shetty 1:04:18 [laughs]

Speaker 1:04:20 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:04:20 Honest answer. Uh, and question number five, we ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show: if you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?

Speaker 1:04:31 Be nice to women.

Speaker 1:04:33 [cheering] [clapping]

Jay Shetty 1:04:34 Julia Fox, everyone. Give it up. If you loved this episode, you'll love my interview with Will Smith on owning your truth and unlocking the power of manifestation.

Julia Fox 1:04:46 Anybody who hasn't spoken to their parents or their brother, call them right now. Don't think you're gonna have a chance to call them tomorrow or next week. That opportunity with my father changed every relationship in my life