Skip to content
Jay Shetty PodcastJay Shetty Podcast

The #1 Mindset Shift to Turn Unexpected Change Into the Biggest UPGRADE of Your Life

We often think change will make sense once we get to the other side, but what if the real work of change is learning how to stay present in the uncertainty itself? Today, Jay sits down with cognitive scientist and author Dr. Maya Shankar to explore why unexpected change feels so threatening, and why losing what we thought our life would look like can feel like losing ourselves. From a career-ending injury early in her life to deeply personal losses later on, Maya reflects on how life’s unexpected turns can quietly reshape how we see ourselves, our worth, and our place in the world. Maya explains that one of the biggest mistakes we make during change is tying our self-worth to roles, titles, or outcomes. When those fall away, it can feel deeply destabilizing. Instead, she invites us to root our identity in something more stable: our “why.” The deeper reasons behind what we love—connection, service, growth, creativity. When we stay connected to those, we can move through change without losing ourselves. Jay reflects on how often we seek external validation and why redefining success during loss is essential for resilience. In this interview, you'll learn: How to Handle Change You Didn’t Choose How to Anchor Your Self-Worth Beyond External Success How to Find Your “Why” When Life Falls Apart How to Rebuild Yourself After a Dream Ends How to Grow into the Person Change Is Shaping You To Be If you’re going through a season of change right now, remember this: you’re not broken for struggling with it. Change is meant to shake us, to slow us down, and to make us question who we are beyond our titles, plans, and expectations. A quietly powerful read about resilience and reinvention by Maya Shankar, The Other Side of Change invites you to meet yourself again when life takes an unexpected turn - https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/729180/the-other-side-of-change-by-maya-shankar/ With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty JAY’S DAILY WISDOM DELIVERED STRAIGHT TO YOUR INBOX Join 900,000+ readers discovering how small daily shifts create big life change with my free newsletter. Subscribe here. Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 01:52 How Change Has Shaped Your Life 04:33 Why Does Change Feel So Scary? 11:27 Why We Tie Our Identity to What We Do 16:07 What Awaits on the Other Side of Change 24:37 Using Self-Affirmation to Stay Grounded 30:32 Finding Gratitude in Who You Become 39:13 Maya on Final Five Episode Resources: Maya Shankar | https://mayashankar.com/ Maya Shankar | https://www.instagram.com/drmayashankar Maya Shankar | https://x.com/slightchangepod A Slight Change of Plans | https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-slight-change-of-plans/id1561860622 https://www.instagram.com/jayshetty https://www.facebook.com/jayshetty/ https://x.com/jayshetty https://www.linkedin.com/in/shettyjay/ https://www.youtube.com/@JayShettyPodcast http://jayshetty.me

Jay ShettyhostDr. Maya Shankarguest
Feb 10, 202647mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Reframe change by anchoring identity to your deeper why values

  1. Unexpected change feels terrifying largely because uncertainty stresses the brain more than certainty and because disruption threatens our sense of control.
  2. Major life changes often feel like identity loss because we tie self-worth to roles, labels, and outcomes (the “what”) rather than core motives and values (the “why”).
  3. A practical way to stay grounded during upheaval is self-affirmation—naming sources of meaning not threatened by the current crisis—to reduce anxiety and improve coping.
  4. Resilience grows through perspective shifts, including recognizing the “end of history illusion” and trusting you will become a different, more capable person on the other side of change.
  5. Rather than forcing gratitude for painful events, the healthier stance is gratitude for what remains and for who you become after the change, using discomfort-by-choice to build adaptability.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Uncertainty can feel worse than a guaranteed bad outcome.

Shankar cites research showing people are more stressed by a 50% chance of shock than a 100% chance, explaining why anticipatory anxiety makes unexpected change uniquely destabilizing.

Change hurts most when it threatens identity, not just circumstances.

Losing her violin career didn’t only remove an activity; it challenged her self-worth and belonging, illustrating how tightly many of us fuse “who I am” with “what I do.”

Anchor identity to your “why,” not your “what,” to make change survivable.

By identifying the underlying motive (e.g., emotional connection) you can express it through new channels even if a role, job, or goal disappears—creating a “soft landing” during transitions.

Self-affirmation restores wholeness during crisis without denying pain.

Listing meaningful life domains unaffected by the change (relationships, community, creativity, spirituality, etc.) reduces threat response and rumination, making it easier to accept reality and cope.

You’re not the final version of yourself—especially during upheaval.

The “end of history illusion” makes us underestimate future growth; remembering you will evolve through change can replace “I can’t handle this” with “I will become someone who can.”

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

One of the biggest reasons why change is so scary is that it can threaten our self-identity.

— Dr. Maya Shankar

One way to have a more secure self-identity is to anchor yourself not simply to what you do, but to why you do that thing.

— Dr. Maya Shankar

When a big change happens to us, it also leads to lasting change within us.

— Dr. Maya Shankar

You don't have to be grateful for what happens to you. You have to be grateful for what you have after what happens to you.

— Jay Shetty

I'm allergic to two things: soy and platitudes.

— Dr. Maya Shankar

Chosen change vs change that chooses youUncertainty and anticipatory anxietyIdentity tied to roles/labels (what) vs purpose (why)Internal locus of control and its limitsEnd of history illusion and affective forecasting errorsSelf-affirmation and gratitude practicesChange as revelation: revisiting inherited beliefsTraining adaptability through discomfort (improv, new skills)

High quality AI-generated summary created from speaker-labeled transcript.

Get more out of YouTube videos.

High quality summaries for YouTube videos. Accurate transcripts to search & find moments. Powered by ChatGPT & Claude AI.

Add to Chrome