The BEST Advice From This Year! (You Need to Watch This Before 2026)

1. 0:00 – 1:20

   Intro

   1. JSJay Shetty0:00

      Hey, everyone. Welcome back to my podcast channel. Thank you so much for being here. If you haven't subscribed already, make sure you do so that you never miss an episode. Now, I wanna ask you, what moment changed you the most this year? Where in your life did you grow the most this year, even if it didn't look like growth at the time? What if the toughest moment of your year was actually the moment preparing you for what's next? The end of the year is always a time for reflection, a time to look back at our journeys, our lessons, and the growth we've experienced. Some moments challenged us, some inspire us, and some remind us of the power of presence, courage, and connection. In this special compilation, we revisit some of the year's most powerful conversations on On Purpose, deeply personal stories from guests whose honesty, insight, and lived experiences offer invaluable guidance as we move into 2026. The perspectives shared here are more than stories. They're practical roadmaps for how to grow, reset, and move intentionally into the year ahead. Let's get into it.

   2. SPSpeaker1:11

      The number one health and wellness podcast.

   3. SPSpeaker1:14

      Jay Shetty.

   4. SPSpeaker1:14

      Jay Shetty.

   5. SPSpeaker1:15

      The one, the only Jay Shetty.

   6. SPSpeaker1:18

      [laughs]

2. 1:20 – 4:48

   Selena X Benny: Love Story

   1. JSJay Shetty1:20

      Selena and Benny take us into the heart of their love story, sharing how vulnerability, patience, and humor have shaped their relationship. What started as a friendship between two young artists blossomed into love, reminding us that connection grows through presence, laughter, and small acts of care. I was, I was saying that watching both your Love Story, and I know you were saying, Selena, two seconds ago, you're like, "This is such a safe and cozy space to come to." I'm hoping that today we get to know your love story on a deeper level.

   2. SGSelena Gomez1:49

      Aw.

   3. JSJay Shetty1:49

      And we get to access really what's in your hearts and minds because I think there's so many interviews and so many things that kind of all touch on the surface level of stuff, but I hope we can go deeper. So what I want to start with is I want to actually rewind.

   4. SGSelena Gomez2:02

      Mm-hmm.

   5. JSJay Shetty2:03

      And I want to rewind to a place where we don't retell the story, but we get to relive your story with you.

   6. SGSelena Gomez2:08

      Right.

   7. JSJay Shetty2:09

      And I think there's a difference because when we tell a story, it's like, "This is what happened," but when we relive it, it's almost like going back to who we were when that happened. So I want to go back to the first time you ever met, and I want to hear about it.

   8. SGSelena Gomez2:20

      Well, the funny thing is, is we actually... It was so long ago that we don't remember. [laughs]

   9. SPSpeaker2:25

      We, we d- We know that her mother put us in a meeting together when... How old were you?

   10. SGSelena Gomez2:33

       16.

   11. SPSpeaker2:34

       So she was 16.

   12. JSJay Shetty2:35

       Wow, I didn't realize it was that long ago.

   13. SPSpeaker2:37

       And, and, and, well, I'm like four or five years older than you, so I was probably 20, 21. And her mom was trying to get her into music, and her mom is a... amazing, the way she g- goes from room to room, gets things to ha-

   14. JSJay Shetty2:49

       We've had her on the show, yeah.

   15. SPSpeaker2:50

       Yeah.

   16. JSJay Shetty2:50

       She's a powerhouse.

   17. SPSpeaker2:51

       Gets, gets things to happen and, you know. And somehow she got us a meeting together, and we don't remember that time. [laughs]

   18. JSJay Shetty3:00

       [laughs]

   19. SPSpeaker3:01

       And, you know, after we had done songs together, there was one time where, oh, it was probably 2016 or '17 or something. I remember when you were in a studio, like Interscope Studios, and I remember I came... She doesn't remember it, but I remember I came in and I had this talk with you, and I remember being like, "Whoa. Wow, like Selena's really, like, a complex person," like in a good way. And I was like, "Wow, she's, she's, she's so deep." A- and we had this conversation where I really... I was just really left by being like, "Oh, she's deep." And then we went and, and thought nothing more of it. And then when we did our song together, I remember leaving le- not, not feeling romantic at all. I just remember leaving and I was talking. You know, 'cause when you're a pop star like she is, and you're a huge entity, and, and, and you've done so many things in your life, before, like people set up all these walls before, so it's like you get... Like, like before I came in, they were like, "Well, you know, this thing's like this, and this is like this, and like she might not wanna do thi-," and like stuff. And they, they speak for people so much. And then I remember we were so... me and the director were so nervous. And then the first second, you, like, disarmed everybody.

   20. JSJay Shetty4:23

       [laughs]

   21. SPSpeaker4:23

       And I remember walking back, and Jake was like, he's like, the guy who directed it with me, he's like, "This is gonna be so easy. What?"

   22. JSJay Shetty4:30

       Mm-hmm.

   23. SPSpeaker4:30

       They, they made it seem like she was, this was gonna be this crazy thing.

   24. JSJay Shetty4:32

       Yeah.

   25. SPSpeaker4:32

       And the warmth-

   26. JSJay Shetty4:34

       Yeah

   27. SPSpeaker4:34

       ... I felt from her in that moment, I remember leaving being like, "Wow, Selena's such a cool girl. She's really-"

   28. JSJay Shetty4:39

       And Selena, you don't remember this at all?

   29. SPSpeaker4:41

       No, no, she remembers the... Oh, yes. Yeah.

   30. SGSelena Gomez4:42

       I remember the video part.
3. 4:48 – 10:35

   A Misunderstanding In The Studio

   1. SGSelena Gomez4:48

      a very good memory, but, uh, [laughs] I just remember the video shoot. I didn't see anything romantic nor really felt that, but I had a really good time, and that was probably the first time after years of doing music together and not together, that was the first time I really got to hang out with him.

   2. SPSpeaker5:07

      Yeah.

   3. SGSelena Gomez5:07

      And it was fun. I had a good time, and that was that. Um, and then how it kind of continued was I was always cautious because I always wanted to make sure that I did protect myself.

   4. JSJay Shetty5:22

      Mm.

   5. SGSelena Gomez5:22

      So to be honest, I didn't talk to him very often.

   6. SPSpeaker5:25

      I thought she hated me.

   7. SGSelena Gomez5:26

      [laughs]

   8. JSJay Shetty5:27

      Really?

   9. SPSpeaker5:28

      I really did.

   10. SGSelena Gomez5:28

       I knew that was coming. [laughs]

   11. SPSpeaker5:29

       I really did. I thought she didn't... Like, I would see her, and I, and I would be like, "Does she not like me?" Like, and I, like we weren't thinking about anything. I was like, "Wow, she really, like, didn't talk to me a lot." And I was like, "I thought I was being nice." And like, my friends would be like, "No, no." And then, like, there was another time I remember, and my friends were like, "Oh yeah, she was kind of weird to you." And I was like-

   12. SGSelena Gomez5:47

       I'm so sorry.

   13. SPSpeaker5:48

       And, and there was like a few times, and I, and I didn't know, and I was just like, you know. I was like, "That's okay." You know?

   14. SGSelena Gomez5:54

       I thought I was being, like, polite by not...

   15. SPSpeaker5:58

       She didn't really engage.

   16. SGSelena Gomez6:00

       Basically, we-I was working on some music, and we, we went through some of the demos that we had, and Single Soon came up, which is ironic because it was actually nowhere near where I was in my personal life. But Benny happened to do the song.

   17. SPSpeaker6:21

       No, no, I didn't even do the song. It was, like, one of my guys who did the song.

   18. SGSelena Gomez6:24

       Oh, and you came to fix it.

   19. SPSpeaker6:25

       Yeah, and I, like, came to help out because I was like, "Oh, I want their song to..." I was like, "I don't like the way this pro- Let me just at least help them." I said, I was like, "Well, I'm not sure if it'll be okay, 'cause I don't know if Selena likes me or something." And then John Janick, the, you know, the president of Interscope, he was like, "Well, why don't you just go into the session. Uh, she usually doesn't have people in, but just go in and, like, if there is something that you feel is weird, like, try to just smooth it over and talk to her and get in." And I said, "Okay, I'm gonna go smooth it over." So I went in. It was so funny. Right before I came, her engineer told me, like, later, that she was like, "Ugh, Benny's coming."

   20. SGSelena Gomez7:02

       [laughs]

   21. SPSpeaker7:02

       And she was like-

   22. SGSelena Gomez7:03

       And here's her reasoning. I'm gonna defend myself.

   23. SPSpeaker7:06

       Yeah, you should.

   24. SGSelena Gomez7:06

       I get very nervous around the producers watching me sing.

   25. SPSpeaker7:11

       Of course.

   26. SGSelena Gomez7:12

       It's just a very intimate thing for me. I feel like I need to sound a certain way or do whatever to make them happy. And when I get to record with just me and my engineer and maybe someone I trust, I get more out of the experience. So I just was thinking, "Okay, well maybe he'll stay for 10 minutes, and we'll just talk for a second." And 10 minutes turned into, like, 30. Then he went to the other room, and I finished recording, and he stayed there. And then, yeah. This is too long. [laughs]

   27. SPSpeaker7:45

       No, no, no. No, so, so, okay- I like it ... so here, so from my perspective, here's what happened. I get in there.

   28. SGSelena Gomez7:50

       I'm like, "Oh, my God"

   29. SPSpeaker7:51

       And I'm like, "I gotta smooth this over." I love this back and forth. It's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, "I don't have this with anyone." Like, I, I was like, "I want us to be chill." And obviously, 99% of it was in my head. And, uh, a- and I come in. We just started talking about life, and her, uh, A&R is there. One of my friends is there. And we're just, we're talking about life, and we start talking about dating. And I was like, "Yeah, you know, I went out on this date," blah, blah, blah. And then I, I was talking to her, and I said, "Oh my God, I have so many good single guy friends." I was like, "We have dinners at the house all the time. You should come over sometime." And I wasn't even thinking about anything. And we're, like, talking about, like, our ideal date and, like, this and that. And I wanted to make sure she did the line right, so I was like, "Oh, I'll stay there to, like, make sure it's good after." And then, um, so I did. We left. And then-

   30. SGSelena Gomez8:40

       You text me
4. 10:35 – 12:27

   Love Blossomed From Friendship

   1. SPSpeaker10:35

      I didn't know any of this.

   2. SGSelena Gomez10:36

      No.

   3. SPSpeaker10:36

      And then we decide, w- we're like, we're, I forget how it happens, but we're like, "Yeah, let's hang out." And then I was like, "Oh, my friend's having a, a, a birthday party tomorrow." I was like, "You just, just come along." And I was, like, just thinking friend stuff. And then so she comes to mine, and I guess she thought the party was gonna be at my house. But I was like, "Oh..." In my head, I was like, "Oh, she'll just come over, and, uh, and we can just, like, grab a drink first and then go there." Like, I, but, like, not thinking anything of it. I was like, we'll just, like, grab a drink at my friend's wine bar. It's on the way, and then we'll go there. You were there, and, and we were sitting together, and she said something like, "Well, you know, because it's a date, I wore blah, blah." And I was like, in, in... I was like-

   4. SGSelena Gomez11:17

      No. I said, "Uh, if, if this was a date, I definitely would have dressed, like, nicer."

   5. SPSpeaker11:24

      [laughs]

   6. SGSelena Gomez11:24

      And he just kinda looked at me, and I thought we were on a date.

   7. SPSpeaker11:28

      And I was like, "We're on a date?" And then, and then we went, and then we didn't really talk about it. So wait, you thought... Who thought it was a date? She thought it was. Oh. She thought it was a date. And then-

   8. SGSelena Gomez11:36

      I'm sorry. A nice man takes me out for a drink. I'm assuming it's a date.

   9. SPSpeaker11:40

      I didn't know. But no one had asked each other out yet? No, it was like- Yeah ... "Let's just hang out." Like- Yeah ... and then we go to my friend's. We go to this Thai restaurant. We go to Jitlada, and we're, like, hanging out, and there's a bunch of people there. And then she all of a sudden, like, leaves. And she was like, "I gotta go to, I have a video shoot really early in the morning." And I was like, "Okay." And I was likeBut I wasn't, like, 'cause it wasn't a date to me or anything, so I was like, "Okay, cool," and I stayed with my friends and stuff. And then she texts me after, and I remember you being like, "That was, like, one of the most fun times I've had in a really long time."

   10. JSJay Shetty12:09

       Selena, so you technically asked Benny out on the first official date.

   11. SPSpeaker12:12

       She did. She did, like, every- she

   12. JSJay Shetty12:14

       Walk us through, walk us through that confidence, that, that energy, because I think a lot of ladies listening-

   13. SGSelena Gomez12:19

       There wasn't any confidence. That's the scary part. I think that's when I recognized that I had some sort of feelings for him.

   14. JSJay Shetty12:26

       The key takeaway

5. 12:27 – 13:01

   The Little Things Matter

   1. JSJay Shetty12:27

      here is that love thrives in authenticity. Showing up even imperfectly allows deep connections to form. It's not about creating the perfect story, it's about cherishing the moments that truly matter. Emma shares how the smallest, most ordinary moments can become profound teachers, how paying attention to what's unfolding right in front of us can reveal who we're becoming, what we need, and what's ready to change. It's a reminder that growth doesn't just happen in big milestones, it happens in the quiet shifts and honest check-ins we allow ourselves.

6. 13:01 – 16:53

   Emma Watson: Day To Day Activities & Hobbies

   1. JSJay Shetty13:01

      Well, I was gonna ask you, actually, because I want everyone to get up to date with where you are now. Like, what does, what does your day-to-day life look like?

   2. EWEmma Watson13:06

      [laughs]

   3. JSJay Shetty13:06

      You just said, like-

   4. EWEmma Watson13:07

      Yeah

   5. JSJay Shetty13:07

      ... "I wake up and I shower and I go on a walk."

   6. EWEmma Watson13:08

      [laughs]

   7. JSJay Shetty13:08

      Like, what does your day-to-day life look like right now, and what, what makes... What's it made of, and what are the things that you love and look forward to?

   8. EWEmma Watson13:16

      I recently started riding a bicycle, and yes, I started riding a bicycle before my driving ban, but now it's particularly fortuitous that I also ride a bicycle, um, for that reason, but-

   9. JSJay Shetty13:29

      I love how that was mainstream news.

   10. EWEmma Watson13:31

       Yeah. Oh, my God.

   11. JSJay Shetty13:32

       [laughs]

   12. EWEmma Watson13:32

       I was getting phone calls, like, it's on the BBC, it's on international worldwide news. I was like, "My shame is, is everywhere." [laughs] This is... I mean, what did I say? It's... I don't know. I think in a funny way, what the sweetest result of it was getting so many messages from being, pe- people being like, "Happened to me, too. I feel you."

   13. JSJay Shetty13:53

       [laughs]

   14. EWEmma Watson13:53

       "This is awful. It sucks." Um, which was kind of nice in a way, but, um-

   15. JSJay Shetty13:58

       Do you want a lift?

   16. EWEmma Watson13:59

       Yeah, totally.

   17. JSJay Shetty14:00

       [laughs]

   18. EWEmma Watson14:00

       "Do you need a lift?"

   19. JSJay Shetty14:01

       Yeah.

   20. EWEmma Watson14:01

       I was like, "Actually, yes." But I think, again, it's funny, like, I, I went from, when you work on movies, I don't know if people know this, but, like, they literally will not insure you to drive yourself to work. I've asked-

   21. JSJay Shetty14:12

       Oh, interesting

   22. EWEmma Watson14:12

       ... so many times.

   23. JSJay Shetty14:13

       So you have to be driven.

   24. EWEmma Watson14:14

       You have to be driven. It's, like, not a choice, and especially because they need you there f- you know, down to the minute, basically, depending on what they have going on. And so I went from basically only driving myself on weekends or during holiday, to then when I became a student, driving myself all the time, and yeah, I did not have the experience or skills, uh, clearly, which I now will and, and, and do. But I think, again, this was one of these, like, awkward transitions I made from kind of living this, like, very, very structured life to living a life where I was like, "Okay, I guess I'm gonna get myself to this place," [laughs]

   25. JSJay Shetty14:51

       [laughs]

   26. EWEmma Watson14:51

       "And I'm gonna, like, do this thing that I've basically not done since I was 10 years old." So it's been a discovery and a journey that's been, um, yeah, I guess humbling, because on a movie set I'm able to do all of these, like, extremely complex things, stunt, sing, dance, like, do this thing, do that, whatever, and I'm like, "Yep, don't worry about it, guys. No worries. I've got you." And then I get home and I'm like, "Okay, Emma, you seem unable to remember keys."

   27. JSJay Shetty15:20

       [laughs]

   28. EWEmma Watson15:20

       "You seem unable to, like, keep yourself at 30 miles an hour in a, in a, in a 30 mile speed limit. Like, you, you don't seem able to do some pretty, like, basic life things." And it, it was definitely kind of, yeah, I had days where I just wanted to turn around to people and be like, "I used to be good at things, okay?"

   29. JSJay Shetty15:39

       [laughs]

   30. EWEmma Watson15:39

       "I used to be really good at things, and I know it doesn't look like that right now, but, um, I, I used to... I, I can do things normally." Um, so yeah, it's been, uh, it's been humbling, for sure. [laughs]
7. 16:53 – 18:04

   Honesty In Hardships

   1. EWEmma Watson16:53

      thing that is different between us is people's willingness to be honest about that.

   2. JSJay Shetty17:00

      Mm.

   3. EWEmma Watson17:00

      The degree to which they can admit to, "Actually, I'm just, like, scrabbling around trying to keep the pieces together," versus, um, "Oh, yeah, no, everything's amazing and everything's incredible, and I'm having the best day ever, and aren't you?"

   4. JSJay Shetty17:14

      [laughs]

   5. EWEmma Watson17:14

      And [laughs] you know? So I do love the people who, who are just willing to be like, "Yeah, it's, uh, [laughs] it's not going so well today." I'm like, "Great. Amazing. What a good starting point." Like, I don't know, failure as a starting point feels like, I feel like attempting things is so compelling.

   6. JSJay Shetty17:34

      Mm.

   7. EWEmma Watson17:34

      And of course success is wonderful, but I love to see people who are like, "I'm really bad at this, but I'm gonna try."

   8. JSJay Shetty17:42

      [laughs]

   9. EWEmma Watson17:42

      Like, I love you. [laughs] That's everything to me. Everything.

   10. JSJay Shetty17:45

       And that, that seems to be becoming harder and harder now.

   11. EWEmma Watson17:48

       Mm.

   12. JSJay Shetty17:48

       Like, that desire to attempt something that you-

   13. EWEmma Watson17:51

       Yes

   14. JSJay Shetty17:51

       ... might not be good at-

   15. EWEmma Watson17:52

       Yes

   16. JSJay Shetty17:52

       ... because it's exposed-

   17. EWEmma Watson17:53

       Yes

   18. JSJay Shetty17:53

       ... or because everyone will see it or because everyone will hear about it.

   19. EWEmma Watson17:56

       Yeah.

   20. JSJay Shetty17:57

       Talking about attempting things, I mean, you're currently studying-

   21. EWEmma Watson17:59

       Yes

   22. JSJay Shetty17:59

       ... right? You're learning.

   23. EWEmma Watson18:00

       Yes. Yes. Well, two things I want to say there is

8. 18:04 – 20:01

   Staying Authentic To Yourself

   1. EWEmma Watson18:04

      I think in a way I wasSort of, I mean, I'm someone who's always cared about vulnerability and authenticity, but I think I was also forced into it to a degree that, that maybe even I wasn't ready for, in that, like, I just started so young that, like, I had to learn in public. I had to make mistakes in public and say, "Oh, okay, now I've learned this," and I had to be willing to go back and be like, "Hmm," like, [laughs] "there were some gaps here, um, and here's what I know now." And I think people's-- I agree with you, I think it's becoming increasingly difficult to learn in public, and continuing to learn. I mean, I think that's one of the reasons why I, I have gone back to school and why I continue to do it, is because I want to make sure that I have things to say that are worth saying.

   2. JSJay Shetty18:55

      Mm.

   3. EWEmma Watson18:55

      And I think you can only do that if you take a minute sometimes and listen to some people who aren't you [both laugh] you know? And like, not just the sound of my own, my own wonderful voice. Um, so yeah, it's been, it's been great. And I think also I needed to-- I wanted to be inspired. I think being around-- My favorite piece has been being around young people who still believe that the world is malleable and things are changeable, and that, like, anything can be done-

   4. JSJay Shetty19:27

      Mm

   5. EWEmma Watson19:27

      ... is, um, such important energy. There's so much dystopian fiction at the moment, and dystopian-

   6. JSJay Shetty19:35

      So much

   7. EWEmma Watson19:35

      ... movies and-

   8. JSJay Shetty19:36

      It's all dark.

   9. EWEmma Watson19:37

      It's so dark. [both laugh] And I'm just like-

   10. JSJay Shetty19:39

       Yeah

   11. EWEmma Watson19:39

       ... what happened to thinking about the utopia? What happened to, like, planning for the best case scenario? Like, where, where did we lose, yeah, vision, excitement, imagination, possibility. So I think it's been, um, yeah, it's been wonderful to be around young people, and just to sit there and listen-

   12. JSJay Shetty20:00

       Yeah

9. 20:01 – 23:07

   Four Steps Forward, Four Steps Deep

   1. EWEmma Watson20:01

      ... frankly.

   2. JSJay Shetty20:01

      Yeah.

   3. EWEmma Watson20:01

      Do you ever-- I mean, you clearly read so much. Do you have to take yourself away to do it in order to be able to do it? Do you have to cordon off time? Like, how are you still managing to study and learn? 'Cause that seems like it's important to you.

   4. JSJay Shetty20:14

      Yeah. You, you reminded me, as you were talking, of one of my spiritual teachers, my monk teacher, who always said to me, "If you wanna move three steps forward, you have to go three steps deep first."

   5. EWEmma Watson20:23

      Whoa.

   6. JSJay Shetty20:24

      And what I've found often in my life is I'm trying to go four steps forward-

   7. EWEmma Watson20:28

      Mm-hmm

   8. JSJay Shetty20:28

      ... and I haven't yet gone four steps deep. And so it's almost like, I mean, this is probably a, a terrible analogy, but maybe, thinking of the movie The Substance. I don't know if you watched it.

   9. EWEmma Watson20:37

      [laughs] No, I didn't see it.

   10. JSJay Shetty20:38

       You watched-- Okay, fine. Okay, terrible. Let's, let's remove that one.

   11. EWEmma Watson20:41

       No, no, no. [laughs]

   12. JSJay Shetty20:41

       No, no, no. Let's forget about it.

   13. EWEmma Watson20:42

       Okay.

   14. JSJay Shetty20:42

       But, but it's that idea of, like, every extra step you take-

   15. EWEmma Watson20:46

       Mm

   16. JSJay Shetty20:46

       ... when you haven't learned and you haven't experimented and you haven't attempted, is taking away from your ability to move forward.

   17. EWEmma Watson20:54

       Wow.

   18. JSJay Shetty20:54

       And sometimes I think when we feel stuck or when we think things are not moving or they're not progressing-

   19. EWEmma Watson21:00

       Yes

   20. JSJay Shetty21:00

       ... it may be a sign to say, well, pause and go deeper for a second, or pause and go inward for a second.

   21. EWEmma Watson21:05

       Yes.

   22. JSJay Shetty21:05

       And so to me, hearing that from you, I, I find that, and, and I'm, I definitely fail at this all the time.

   23. EWEmma Watson21:13

       Mm.

   24. JSJay Shetty21:13

       There are so many times I'm trying to push more forward-

   25. EWEmma Watson21:15

       Mm

   26. JSJay Shetty21:15

       ... than I've gone deep. And so whenever I notice that in myself, and I notice that I'm just kind of trying everything and nothing is working, it's actually just the universe-

   27. EWEmma Watson21:25

       Yeah

   28. JSJay Shetty21:25

       ... and self saying to me, "Go read, go study." And so I've found that I've had to really carve out time to make time to do what I love, which is to read and study. But I've found that I'm someone who doesn't love 30 minutes a day. I'm not that kind of a reader.

   29. EWEmma Watson21:41

       Mm.

   30. JSJay Shetty21:41

       I'm someone who needs to-
10. 23:07 – 24:34

    Embracing Failure Creates Space For Resilience

    1. JSJay Shetty23:07

       The key takeaway here is that life's transitions, even the awkward or challenging ones, are opportunities to grow. Struggle doesn't diminish our past achievements, it humanizes us. Being honest about where we are and embracing failure as a starting point creates space for real learning, authenticity, and resilience. It brings me so much joy to share this with you and to give something back in the process. Juni is now available at Whole Foods Market nationwide, and I'd love for you to try it for free. Head to drinkjuni.com/jay and get a complimentary can of Juni on me at any Whole Foods Market. Radhi and I created Juni with a simple intention: to help you feel better from the inside out. It's a sparkling adaptogenic drink crafted with ashwagandha, lion's mane, and green tea to boost your mood, support your focus, and give you clean, natural energy that stays with you throughout the day. So go to drinkjuni.com/jay and run to your nearest Whole Foods Market for your free Juni. I can't wait for you to try it.Cheers. Cardi B opens up about the difficult chapters she has walked through in her life: career pressures, relationship struggles, and the loneliness that followed. If you've ever been in a season that felt heavy or impossible to move through, her story shows how accountability, reflection, and time can help you rebuild and grow. Talk to me

11. 24:34 – 28:53

    Depression, Vulnerability & Divorce

    1. JSJay Shetty24:34

       about that depression. For, for you, as confident as you are, as bold as you are, to be so vulnerable, and I'm so sorry you went through that, but to be so honest and open about the fact that a year ago you were in this dark depression, and it seems like the worst it had ever been.

    2. CBCardi B24:50

       Yeah.

    3. JSJay Shetty24:51

       What, what got you there? Why, w- why were you feeling so low?

    4. CBCardi B24:54

       It was just a lot of pressure from my career, and I also felt like my marriage, like, I felt the love dying. From my end, from, from, from my end, from his end. I was very lonely because I chose to be lonely. Chose to be lonely. I was saying like, "You know what? I can't go through this anymore. I have to put a stop to it" But when I said I was gonna put a stop to it, 'cause you could say you gonna put a, put a stop to it, and you could. You could go a month without being around somebody. It's not, it's not until you s- it's not un- when you say so, it's when your heart say so.

    5. JSJay Shetty25:40

       Mm-hmm.

    6. CBCardi B25:42

       I kept telling myself, "I will not contact this person for a month. I will not give in. I will not forgive this easy. I will not go back. I will not go to the pattern. I will not go through it" But I was crying every day. I was hurt every day. I was out here in LA in a mansion by myself. I was thinking about it every single day. And when your heart is not done, your heart is not done. Then I told myself, "I'm pregnant. I'm going to accept the... I'm gonna accept my flaws, the flaws that I bring in this marriage. I'm gonna apologize for it, and I'm gonna work on it" And when I take accountability, and you take advantage of me taking accountability, and you take that as a, "See, I know she be back" instead of me taking accountability, and you taking advantage of that, it really just killed everything. And while it was dying, I had a human growing in me, and I just ha- and I just kept thinking, like, it's like, "What's life going to be without this person? What life going to be without raising my last child without this person? What's life going to be with that person not being my friend anymore, without nothing?" When you have those type of thoughts, it will t- make you sad, it will get you depressed, it will have you lost. But I overcame that, and I am the, the strongest that, like, I have ever been. Like, I almost feel like... When was I ever my strongest? My m- the... I felt my strongest when I was 22, 23, 24. That's when I felt like my strongest, and I was, like, living in a power, and that's how I feel right now. Like, I feel like I live in a power. And it took months for the heart to say, "You're done" instead of my mouth and my brain. My heart had to be like, "You're done" 'Cause you could say it, and you could take actions, but even if you take actions, if you're not done, you're not done. Like, I kept asking, like, around that time I was working with Shakira, and I was like, "How the did you over- overcame this?" Like-

    7. JSJay Shetty28:15

       Mm.

    8. CBCardi B28:15

       "How did you overcame this?" And it's like, "It's going to happen" And it's like, it would never happen. And it happened. It took some crying. It took some thoughts, scary thoughts. It... But I'm here, honey.

    9. JSJay Shetty28:32

       Yeah.

    10. CBCardi B28:32

        I'm, I'm here, and I'm the strongest I've been, and I'm just...

    11. JSJay Shetty28:39

        I love hearing that.

    12. CBCardi B28:40

        Mm-hmm. But it was hard.

    13. JSJay Shetty28:43

        I can tell. I, I could tell. I could see it as I'm speaking to you. It's, it's not easy, and I think those moments in all of our lives are, are the most difficult moments. What did you

12. 28:53 – 33:48

    Time Heals All

    1. JSJay Shetty28:53

       do for your mental health at that time? What did, what did you do? What actions did you take? What did you have to do to keep yourself together and come back the strongest you are right now? I think there are so many people who are listening who have probably been through similar things, who feel broken, feel hurt, feel lost and confused. What worked for you that helped you come back the strongest you've ever been?

    2. CBCardi B29:15

       I don't know if it was just time, because I kinda did a little bit of everything. Like, I, I did do therapy. I did saw, I did saw a therapist. She's really good, by the way. It was, like, on Zoom, and it was like, I, I was telling myself, like, it's like, "I can't believe [laughs] I'm telling a whole stranger my feelings, my thoughts, my personal business for three hours straight"

    3. JSJay Shetty29:42

       [laughs]

    4. CBCardi B29:46

       I was just like, "What the am I doing?"

    5. JSJay Shetty29:49

       Yeah. [laughs]

    6. CBCardi B29:49

       That just feels so weird.

    7. JSJay Shetty29:50

       Yeah.

    8. CBCardi B29:51

       I was in ther- I did therapy for, I did a couple of sessions. They ain't gave me no nothing. [laughs]

    9. JSJay Shetty29:58

       [laughs]

    10. CBCardi B29:58

        Um, I was all spring, all summer recording. It just wasn't, like, enough. I just felt like I just had to let it die-

    11. JSJay Shetty30:09

        Mm

    12. CBCardi B30:09

        ... on its own. Let things die on its own. And the bad thing about it is that it's like not only am I dealing with that, that's, that's my personal life.I was also dealing with fans putting pressure on me 'cause they want, you know, they want a album, they want products from me. I had people that don't like me talking down on me, and then I had peers trying to start problems with me. And all of that while I was going through a mental f-ing breakdown at home. So it was just a lot. It was like I'm trying to work it, I'm trying to sleep it. After I gave birth to my daughter, my la- m- my baby girl, I was just like, "F- it. Take a break from work." And I was just going out every weekend with my friends. It was scary talking to somebody else and giving them a little piece of me. Not just m- out my heart, just a little piece of me. And, but I overcame that, and I just... That's why I feel like I just became a little bit more better, like just resetting.

    13. JSJay Shetty31:29

        Yeah. Yeah. It's a good, it's a good reminder that time is the ultimate reset.

    14. CBCardi B31:33

        Mm-hmm.

    15. JSJay Shetty31:33

        And time does have a healing power that-

    16. CBCardi B31:37

        Yeah

    17. JSJay Shetty31:37

        ... we, you know, the cliche of time heals all wounds. It-

    18. CBCardi B31:40

        But it's the truth.

    19. JSJay Shetty31:41

        But it's tru- yeah, it's a cliche because there's truth in it.

    20. CBCardi B31:44

        Yeah.

    21. JSJay Shetty31:44

        There's some reality in it that time and distance and, and being patient enough. I was, I was working with a client recently who was going through a breakup, and when we would speak in the first month, she would tell me every single day that she couldn't stop thinking about the guy she was breaking up with, that broke up with her. And then the second month, she'd tell me every other day. And then the third month, she'd tell me once a week.

    22. CBCardi B32:14

        Yeah.

    23. JSJay Shetty32:15

        And then the fourth month, she was just telling me once a month, and I was like, "You don't see it, but I see"-

    24. CBCardi B32:20

        Yeah

    25. JSJay Shetty32:20

        ... "that it's affecting you less and less and less as time goes on."

    26. CBCardi B32:23

        Yeah.

    27. JSJay Shetty32:23

        "But when it's you, you feel like you're just still stuck there." And so it's such a great reminder that time is the ultimate reset and time does heal.

    28. CBCardi B32:31

        Yeah. And, and just because time heal, like, in the meantime, don't, don't think that, like, you shouldn't, like, try to get help because it's like therapy didn't really h- help me like that.

    29. JSJay Shetty32:43

        Oh, it didn't work for you?

    30. CBCardi B32:44

        Not as much. Well, maybe because, maybe 'cause I didn't get to the part of where you get the help.
13. 33:48 – 36:45

    Handling Constant Criticism & Pressure

    1. JSJay Shetty33:48

       you said again last week, you were saying when you put new music out, it was kind of the lowest you'd felt in another year.

    2. CBCardi B33:54

       Mm-hmm.

    3. JSJay Shetty33:55

       What's the hardest part for you to take that criticism? Because like you said, you're quick with it. You've got responses. You've lived in a place where you had people coming at you. Why is it so hard to put out something you love? It seems like you really put your heart into your work.

    4. CBCardi B34:10

       Yeah.

    5. JSJay Shetty34:10

       And so when you put that out, is, is that why the criticism hurts the most, because you put so much heart and soul into your work?

    6. CBCardi B34:17

       Yes, because I put, like, a lot. I always... I don't know what... Like, I'm not a lazy person.

    7. JSJay Shetty34:24

       Mm-hmm.

    8. CBCardi B34:24

       And I do understand my flaws. Well, it's not really my flaws because a lot of people will say something about my accent, right? But it's funny because my accent to some people might be my flaw, but it's also my superpower and what makes me unique. Some people say that I have a Spanish, a Spanish accent, but I really don't really have a Spanish accent. I have a very unique accent. I talk very unique. When you try your best to, like, perfect your accent, perfect your flows, perfect everything. I always try to perfect e- everything that I'm doing at the time, I'm always trying to perfect it. Like, even when I was a stripper, like, it's like, "Okay, I'm a stripper, but I'ma be the best pole dancer in here, and I'ma f-ing bust my ass, bust my knees, g- [laughs] practice every day, and to, like, uh, be the best at it." That's the same with music. I'm gonna perfect it. That's the same with my, um, marketing. I'm gonna perfect it. That's the same with my business. I'm gonna perfect it. I like to perfect things. There, and, and if it's not the best things, if I, if I'm not the best at it, I could say that I tried to be.

    9. JSJay Shetty35:35

       Mm-hmm.

    10. CBCardi B35:35

        And I worked my ass off to be, and I didn't make it easy for myself. So when people just throw it in your face and then make other narratives on top of it with that, it's like, that is so mean. And, and it's also, like, different narratives of you. Like, it's like, wow, you, you don't even know me. You don't even know me, and you making all these stories, scenarios, all this this over one song.

    11. JSJay Shetty36:03

        The key takeaway here is that time is one of the greatest healers. Growth often comes through discomfort, and while therapy and external support absolutely help, the ultimate reset is patience, self-awareness, and persistence. Difficult chapters can lead to profound transformation.If we let them. Next up, Madonna discusses the role of spirituality in navigating life's ups and downs. Her spiritual practice has been a guiding force throughout her life, helping her stay driven, aware, and intentional. She emphasizes the importance of reflection and taking space for yourself, especially in a world increasingly dominated by work and digital distractions.

14. 36:45 – 42:24

    Madonna: 28 Years On A Spiritual Path

    1. JSJay Shetty36:45

       What's your intention for being here today? Why now? Why today?

    2. SPSpeaker36:48

       Well, in the past, I've usually done interviews to promote my work, whether that's music or a tour or a film. Um, but today, I would like to talk about my spiritual life and the spiritual path that I've been on for over twenty-eight years. This wisdom, uh, has helped me navigate the, the ups and downs of life, for lack of a better expression. People ask me a lot through the years, like, "What is the reason you're still sane? What is the reason you keep going? Why have you not fallen by the wayside like other people?" Um, definitely a lot of my peers who, who are no longer with us. Like, what would you say is the key? And I would say that is my spiritual life. I absolutely would not be where I am or who I am if I did not have that. It's helped me enormously, as I said, um, navigate the ups and downs of life, so I, I feel like I would like to share that with people, so that's really the point of-- I'm, I'm not here to promote a product or, um, I don't want anyone to buy anything. [laughs] I just, um, I wanna share something with, with people that has pretty much saved my life. That sounds dramatic, but it's true. [laughs]

    3. JSJay Shetty38:15

       Yeah, it seems like it's something that's extremely meaningful to you and a deep part of your life that often I feel you don't get to share in other spaces. So even though it's been a part of your life for nearly three decades, maybe you haven't shared parts of it before. What would your life look like if you didn't find it?

    4. SPSpeaker38:34

       I would believe that the physical world is all there is. I would believe all the illusions, and that would be my downfall, and that is most people's downfall.

    5. JSJay Shetty38:44

       What does spirituality mean to you? Because I think that word itself means so many things to so many people.

    6. SPSpeaker38:48

       Well, yes. I mean, a spiritual life or a spiritual path could, could s- could be, mean a lot of things. Um, I know that you have a spiritual path, and-

    7. JSJay Shetty38:57

       Mm-hmm

    8. SPSpeaker38:58

       ... and for me, it's not really about, like, whose is the best or, you know. It's whatever works for you. I've been studying Kabbalah for twenty-nine years, so since nineteen ninety-six.

    9. JSJay Shetty39:11

       Mm-hmm.

    10. SPSpeaker39:12

        Yeah. It's a long time.

    11. JSJay Shetty39:14

        It's a long time.

    12. SPSpeaker39:15

        And I'm not a frivolous person. I don't suffer fools gladly. I-- If something, if I think there's something false about it or corrupt or not authentic, I wouldn't have stuck around for so long. I, I've had the same teacher for all this time. I feel like, almost like it's my responsibility to share with people because I feel like, I feel like people need guidance. People need enlightenment. And for me, a spiritual life is having an internal life. Because you know this, I'm sure. You know, if we get s- caught up in the belief system that our value in the world is based on people loving us or p- other people's approval or how much money you have or how many fabulous outfits you have or how many followers you have on Instagram, those things don't make us happy. Those things don't bring us peace. So having an internal life and being able to look internally and having some kind of practice, whatever that might look like, your prayer, your meditations, that, those ti- the time you take out of every day to stop and take stock, like contemplate. We live in a very busy, chaotic world. Lots of noise, lots of distraction. I mean, how many times have you heard people say, "Oh, you know, social media," and like all the, you know. People can't walk down the street without listening to music. Everybody has to be visually stimulated all the time. Like, there is no peace. There is no quiet. We're, we're not comfortable being quiet with ourselves and looking inward and asking ourselves, "Why am I here?" or, "What am I doing?" or, "What is my intention in this s- specific choice I'm making right now?" Whether it's about my work or the way I'm raising my children, decisions that I make about everything, really.

    13. JSJay Shetty41:15

        Yeah.

    14. SPSpeaker41:15

        I have to ask myself. And if you don't have a spiritual life, you're never gonna stop and ask any questions. You're just gonna plow through life. And if you just-- And, and, and you're gonna see everything that happens to you as just a random event, and I don't believe that anything is random. I think everything that happens to us is meant to happen to us, um, to teach us some kind of a lesson. But, you know, the question is, are you aware enough? Are you awake enough? Are you interested enough to find out what that reason is? Like, why did this happen to me? What is my lesson? I don't wanna go through life seeing everything that happens to me as random, but I also don't wanna go through life as a victim. And I've had a pretty challenging life, and it's easy to fall into the trap of feeling sorry for yourself or, like, being a victim or, you know, "Why, why isn't this happening to other people? Why is it happening to me? Why don't I have what that person has?" I'm sure you know the expression, "Comparison is the killer of joy." So, you know, it's like to, you gotta, to get out of that game, you have to have a spiritual life. You just have to.

    15. JSJay Shetty42:23

        You're reminding

15. 42:24 – 44:16

    The Third Space Theory

    1. JSJay Shetty42:24

       me ofSomething beautiful that I came across called the Third Space Theory. Have you heard of it?

    2. SPSpeaker42:31

       Mm-mm.

    3. JSJay Shetty42:32

       It's this idea that as humans, around 50 years ago, we had three spaces. So we had work, we had home, and then you had a temple, a synagogue, a church, a community center, or a third space. And the point of that third space, it's kind of what you're saying, was a place that you could look back at work and home, and you could reflect on your life. You could take stock. You could introspect. But as time's gone on, what's happened is we lost that third space.

    4. SPSpeaker43:01

       Mm.

    5. JSJay Shetty43:02

       We stopped going to temple, church, community, whatever it may be.

    6. SPSpeaker43:05

       A place of self-reflection.

    7. JSJay Shetty43:06

       A place of self-reflection.

    8. SPSpeaker43:08

       Mm-hmm.

    9. JSJay Shetty43:08

       And we ended up with work and home, and then after the pandemic, we lost work. And so now we're in one space, and we don't have a different vantage point to where we are anymore, which is what I think you're saying.

    10. SPSpeaker43:21

        Go back an, even one more step that to me is like a prison. Get, if you get, if you remove the spiritual life, spiritual practice, you remove the workplace, then you, you're in the home, and then removed once more from home is you're looking at your phone.

    11. JSJay Shetty43:39

        Mm.

    12. SPSpeaker43:40

        Which is, even takes you out of home.

    13. JSJay Shetty43:42

        That's a great point, yeah.

    14. SPSpeaker43:44

        So-

    15. JSJay Shetty43:44

        Yeah

    16. SPSpeaker43:45

        ... like where are you?

    17. JSJay Shetty43:46

        Yeah.

    18. SPSpeaker43:46

        You're nowhere.

    19. JSJay Shetty43:46

        We're all living in the virtual world.

    20. SPSpeaker43:47

        Yeah.

    21. JSJay Shetty43:48

        Yeah. We're living in the virtual world, not even in the material world. We're just-

    22. SPSpeaker43:51

        Yes, but a virtual, and a virtual world is not a bad world, but if you don't have consciousness, there's really no point to living.

    23. JSJay Shetty43:58

        Yeah. It's, yeah, so it's, it's, it's interesting to think about that because I feel like everyone can relate to the idea that if we all had... We need physical spaces to sometimes make us do internal things.

    24. SPSpeaker44:11

        Yes. I mean, some kind of ritualistic behavior ha- has to happen.

    25. JSJay Shetty44:15

        What

16. 44:16 – 48:30

    Spiritual Practices To Keep You Going

    1. JSJay Shetty44:16

       have been your rituals? I'm intrigued. What, I'm curious. What are your spiritual practices and rituals that have been so supportive and emblematic of your journey that have kept you going at the times, as you said, there were so many times you could give up, or things could go wrong, or you kept pushing, and you ke- they kept you locked. What were they? What are they?

    2. SPSpeaker44:36

       Well, one really important thing is studying, making time every week to sit down and study. I mean, you can study the Bible. You can study the poetry of Kahlil Gibran, or you can study the Vedas, you, you know.

    3. JSJay Shetty44:56

       And you did that, right?

    4. SPSpeaker44:56

       Yes.

    5. JSJay Shetty44:56

       You actually studied different traditions on your-

    6. SPSpeaker44:58

       I mean, to be honest, before I discovered Kabbalah, I, I was looking for answers, and-

    7. JSJay Shetty45:05

       Why do you think that was? Why were you looking for answers?

    8. SPSpeaker45:07

       Uh, because I had everything that people would assume would give you happiness. I had a successful career. I had fame, fortune, monetary things, physical things, but I wasn't happy, and I naturally sought out... Well, when I was a dancer, I had a roommate. She was a Buddhist, and she would get up and chant every day. And so I was very intrigued by that. Like, nothing bothered her. You know what I mean? Everything bothers me. [laughs]

    9. JSJay Shetty45:43

       [laughs]

    10. SPSpeaker45:44

        Everything bothers me. I'm, you know, I'm a Leo. I'm, I'm Italian.

    11. JSJay Shetty45:49

        [laughs]

    12. SPSpeaker45:50

        I'm very dramatic. Um-

    13. JSJay Shetty45:51

        [laughs]

    14. SPSpeaker45:52

        I wouldn't say she was peaceful all the time, but I was just struck by her confidence-

    15. JSJay Shetty45:56

        Mm

    16. SPSpeaker45:57

        ... and her, um, knowingness that everything was happening for a reason.

    17. JSJay Shetty46:02

        Mm-hmm.

    18. SPSpeaker46:02

        She never got upset about things. And this is in the beginning of my career when I was living in New York, and I was broke, and a lot of crazy things happened to me, s- really scary, traumatic things. And I would always ask her, her name is Mariana, I would always say, "What, like, why are you, like, never upset?" So I attributed that to her spiritual life, but it didn't speak to me. And then later on, I started practicing yoga, Ashtanga yoga, and my teacher, Eddie, um, Stern, he still has a-

    19. JSJay Shetty46:31

        I know him. Love Eddie. He's great.

    20. SPSpeaker46:32

        You know Eddie?

    21. JSJay Shetty46:33

        Yeah, I do, yeah.

    22. SPSpeaker46:33

        Oh. Yeah, he's amazing. I got quite caught up in and competitive about, like, first series, second series, third series.

    23. JSJay Shetty46:40

        [laughs]

    24. SPSpeaker46:40

        But one thing I noticed is that a lot of people would come into his pra- his practice, his studio where he taught, and they wouldn't even do the poses. They would just go and sit in front of the statue of Ganesh or light candles or prayer. And I realized, and Eddie pointed it out to me, 'cause sometimes I would have injuries. I would, or I would be traveling, and I couldn't practice yoga, and he'd say, "Look, are you breathing?" And I'd say, "Yes." And he said, "You're practicing yoga." So I realized that I was too, still too caught up in the physical poses. And he's like, "No, you don't understand. You're missing the whole point. The poses are just something that you do to bre- to breathe through, to calm your nervous system down, and to bring you back to your center." And that really spoke to me. There was a big, um, no, it was a painting on the wall of the yoga studio. It says, "Desire and detachment."

    25. JSJay Shetty47:37

        Mm.

    26. SPSpeaker47:37

        And I, I said, "What does that mean?" And he said, "Well, of course, we want, we want all the beautiful things in life. We want all the pleasures. We want all the happiness. We want every, we want it all. There's nothing wrong with that, but you can't be attached to it. Because then if you're attached to it, and you don't have it, what's gonna happen to you?"

    27. JSJay Shetty47:55

        The key takeaway here is that cultivating an internal life through spirituality, reflection, or mindful practice anchors us amidst life's chaos. Understanding our experiences as lessons rather than random events allows growth, purpose, and resilience. Dr. Orna masterfully explores the dynamics of narcissism and relationships, showing how our interactions often reflect deeper patterns within ourselves. She reminds us to look beyond surface labels and understand the real drivers of our behavior and choices in relationships.

17. 48:30 – 50:15

    Have You Really Dated a Narcissist?

    1. JSJay Shetty48:30

       Everyone feels like they've dated a narcissist.

    2. SPSpeaker48:33

       Mm-hmm.

    3. JSJay Shetty48:34

       How accurate are they?

    4. SPSpeaker48:36

       100% accurate because we all have parts of ourselves that are narcissistically oriented, meaning they are to protect our sense of self. Some people move more to the extreme, and they're really, like, deeply wounded and, and have to spend a lot of energy protecting themselves and working around their ego. But most of us in certain situations, we're provoked to behave in more narcissistic ways. And when we're offered other conditions, we can be more open and interested in the world.

    5. JSJay Shetty49:12

       Mm.

    6. SPSpeaker49:13

       So it's usually the way it's used in pop language. It's usually just, like, a word that covers up a whole other world of things. I think when people talk about, "I've dated a narcissist," they're like, "That person didn't give me enough attention."

    7. JSJay Shetty49:31

       Mm.

    8. SPSpeaker49:32

       And what's that about? That there-

    9. JSJay Shetty49:34

       There you go

    10. SPSpeaker49:34

        ... there could be so much there. Like, what, what went on between the two of you? Why? What happened? Where were you in that? L- it's ... It doesn't tell you much.

    11. JSJay Shetty49:44

        Yeah. I'm so happy to hear that because I do think that the word is a relief.

    12. SPSpeaker49:49

        Mm-hmm.

    13. JSJay Shetty49:49

        And it's not that it's wrong. It's just that don't stop unpacking it there.

    14. SPSpeaker49:52

        Yeah.

    15. JSJay Shetty49:53

        So those words are really helpful for you to-

    16. SPSpeaker49:55

        Yeah

    17. JSJay Shetty49:55

        ... categorize, summarize your experience.

    18. SPSpeaker49:57

        Mm-hmm.

    19. JSJay Shetty49:58

        But don't feel that that's the end of the investigation.

    20. SPSpeaker50:02

        Right.

    21. JSJay Shetty50:02

        Like, there's so much more.

    22. SPSpeaker50:03

        Exactly.

    23. JSJay Shetty50:04

        And you're actually doing yourself a disservice.

    24. SPSpeaker50:06

        Yeah, and the moment you're thinking about, "I found a word that finds all the problem outside of me," you're deluding yourself.

18. 50:15 – 56:51

    Why Money Breaks Relationships

    1. JSJay Shetty50:15

       When you find couples come in with financial issues-

    2. SPSpeaker50:18

       Mm-hmm

    3. JSJay Shetty50:18

       ... is it really about money?

    4. SPSpeaker50:20

       Money's a big issue for people. Money's a big issue for people. You know, the question of money, one of the questions that people, that couples deal with when they're fighting or debating about money is the deep question of mine versus ours. What's mine, and what are we sharing? And the most concrete version of it is money, but it's everything. It's time. It's attention. It's air time. It's sex. It's ... So much is, like, mine versus ours. But money is, like, especially in our culture, money is, like, the most concrete way to talk about it and to fight about it. Like, if you're making more money than your spouse or than your partner, who pays for dinner? Like, what, what's, what's the vibe between the two of you? Is it shared money, or is it, "No, we're still going Dutch"? Right? Fights about money are, are, are about the concreteness of money, but they're also about, where do I begin and end, and what's us together? Then there's a whole other thing with money, which is money's also something to do with our relationship with reality, right? You, you ... I mean, back to the idea of someone hiding a suitcase with bills, unpaid bills under the bed. Like, how realistic is your relationship with reality, with what you have, with what you're making? Like, when people talk about money, they're talking about reality-

    5. JSJay Shetty51:55

       Mm

    6. SPSpeaker51:55

       ... in certain ways.

    7. JSJay Shetty51:56

       Mm.

    8. SPSpeaker51:57

       What I, I usually ask people, "How do you think money should play out between the two of you? If you're making more money than your partner, what is your ideology on this? What do you really think should happen? Does that give you more power? Does that mean you should be making more of the decisions? Does that mean your partner should be paying for less? W- how do you think about it, each of you? Just what, what's your basic ideology?" Which is hard for people to acknowledge, right? They, they wanna feel like, no, money doesn't matter. But it matters to everyone. In some way or another, they have an ideology. So are they willing to put it on the table, to be honest with how they think about it? And then once you compare these ideologies, then we can have a discussion. It's back to the idea of, like, the, the couple creating the, their political backdrop.

    9. JSJay Shetty52:51

       Mm.

    10. SPSpeaker52:51

        Like, what is the politics of this relationship? Are you, like, socialist, or are you capitalist? Are you ... What's your economic system?

    11. JSJay Shetty53:01

        And what if we disagree? What if we vote differently?

    12. SPSpeaker53:03

        You probably will disagree.

    13. JSJay Shetty53:04

        Yeah.

    14. SPSpeaker53:05

        On some level, you will. Somewhere you will disagree, and then it's gonna get interesting.

    15. JSJay Shetty53:08

        Yeah.

    16. SPSpeaker53:08

        It's gonna be like a Congress, like, right?

    17. JSJay Shetty53:12

        Yeah.

    18. SPSpeaker53:12

        Debating what's the right way to do it. But it's better to have that debate on the table rather than act it out in those, like ... What was that film? There was that... Oh my God, it's a film in which, um, the sh- there's a shipwreck. There's this couple that are sitting at the dinner table, and they're looking at each other like, who's gonna pull out the credit card?

    19. JSJay Shetty53:32

        Oh, I don't know it.

    20. SPSpeaker53:33

        Brilliant scene. Everything about their relationship was in that scene-

    21. JSJay Shetty53:39

        Oh, I don't know it. I'm gonna search

    22. SPSpeaker53:39

        ... with her kind of pretending she lost her card.

    23. JSJay Shetty53:43

        Oh, okay.

    24. SPSpeaker53:44

        And him re- reluctantly pulling out his credit card.

    25. JSJay Shetty53:48

        Oh.

    26. SPSpeaker53:48

        And then there was-

    27. JSJay Shetty53:50

        I, I was-

    28. SPSpeaker53:50

        It was just, like, perfect

    29. JSJay Shetty53:51

        ... I was thinking of a movie called Fair Play on Netflix.

    30. SPSpeaker53:53

        I didn't see that.
19. 56:51 – 1:00:37

    When Intimacy Needs Don’t Match

    1. JSJay Shetty56:51

       people want more intimacy or more sex?

    2. SPSpeaker56:54

       I think it depe- first of all, it's, it's a complicated thing to draw the line-

    3. JSJay Shetty57:00

       Yeah

    4. SPSpeaker57:00

       ... between intimacy and sex.

    5. JSJay Shetty57:02

       Oh, interesting. Okay.

    6. SPSpeaker57:03

       And I think it depends very much on the stage of the relationship. Early on, one of the things, I mean, we all know that one of the things that binds people, one of the strongest glues is sex, like passion and excitement about each other and like, you know, wanting to get into bed together. And then at some point people start coming to terms with, like, differences, differences in scripts, differences in appetite. I know that the, the, m- like the stereotype is that men are more focused on sex and want more sex and women want less or it's less important to them. I don't think that's actually true. I think, again, it's very hard to make generalizations and it changes between, like-

    7. JSJay Shetty57:51

       Yeah

    8. SPSpeaker57:52

       ... straight and queer couples. So it's, it's really not necessarily about the biology. But, um, but I think typically there, there are different focuses for men and women, and then later in the relationship things change because I think later in the relationship the, the, the line between sex and intimacy gets very blurry.

    9. JSJay Shetty58:18

       Mm-hmm.

    10. SPSpeaker58:19

        And I think generally everyone wants both intimacy and sex. Everyone wants it and everyone wishes it for themselves and, and wants it in large quantities. [laughs] Everyone needs it, but they focus on different things. Like-

    11. JSJay Shetty58:34

        And no one has energy for it.

    12. SPSpeaker58:35

        And no one has energy for it, and anyway, a lot of it is about wanting to feel desire of some sort.

    13. JSJay Shetty58:43

        That's what it is. Wow.

    14. SPSpeaker58:44

        That's really what it is. And not necessarily wanting, you know, oh, I need to, to have it three times a week, or I need this or I need that. It's, it's, it's a lot about the experience of desire and being desired that is really kind of the, the thing we all want. The, the, the, to be living in desire rather than living in a certain kind of deadness.

    15. JSJay Shetty59:09

        The key takeaway here is that self-awareness is essential. Relationships challenge us to explore our patterns, and understanding those dynamics allows us to set boundaries, make healthier choices, and build relationships that honor our values. We all want to feel better, to have more energy and more focus throughout the day. That's why I co-founded Juni, a sparkling adaptogenic drink made with powerful ingredients like ashwagandha and lion's mane. It's designed to boost your mood, support your focus, and give you natural energy, all without the crash. A new classic reimagined. We're so excited to officially launch our new lemonade iced tea flavor. When we created Juni, my goal was simple. I wanted to make drinks that help you feel balanced and energized without compromise. Our upgraded take on the classic Arnold Palmer is crisp, refreshing, and crafted with adaptogens to support energy, focus, and mood, all with zero sugar. Be among the first to try it. Available exclusively at drinkjuni.com, where you can use the code ONPURPOSE20 for 20% off your first order. Cheers to your daily mood boost. Codie Sanchez dives into financial literacy, debunking myths about credit, debt, and the resources needed to start a business. For anyone who's ever felt overwhelmed by money, even small actions like opening a credit card, this will help you feel more confident in your financial decisions.

20. 1:00:37 – 1:03:57

    Cody Sanchez: Using Credit Cards the Smart Way

    1. JSJay Shetty1:00:37

       Walk me through the myths about credit cardsAnd debit cards that people can solve right now. Is there a special credit card they should be getting?

    2. CSCodie Sanchez1:00:46

       Yeah.

    3. JSJay Shetty1:00:46

       Is there one that's better? What should they be looking out for? What does APR mean?

    4. CSCodie Sanchez1:00:51

       Yeah.

    5. JSJay Shetty1:00:51

       You know, walk me through the hidden things behind credit cards that we all feel stupid about when you see an ad, and you're like, "I have no idea what that means."

    6. CSCodie Sanchez1:00:58

       Yeah, it's so true. You know, I had an employee, actually, Christian, who's in... from the UK, too, and we were ridiculing him mercilessly actually because he only had a debit card to pay for things.

    7. JSJay Shetty1:01:08

       [laughs]

    8. CSCodie Sanchez1:01:08

       And I didn't even know that the UK was completely different.

    9. JSJay Shetty1:01:11

       No, there's-

    10. CSCodie Sanchez1:01:11

        He s-

    11. JSJay Shetty1:01:11

        There are credit cards, but it's not, it's not-

    12. CSCodie Sanchez1:01:13

        He, he said it's not normal.

    13. JSJay Shetty1:01:14

        Yeah.

    14. CSCodie Sanchez1:01:14

        I was like, "You're a 28-year-old man, and you don't have a credit card?" He was like, "You are... You need to travel more, Codie."

    15. JSJay Shetty1:01:18

        [laughs]

    16. CSCodie Sanchez1:01:18

        And I was like, "Sorry."

    17. JSJay Shetty1:01:20

        S-

    18. CSCodie Sanchez1:01:20

        But, um, then we got him a credit card so he could start establishing credit here. But moral of the story is, here's, I think, the couple first steps to financial freedom. You know, if you wanna set up your kid for success, you actually want them to get a credit card really early. Doesn't so much matter what type of credit card. I'm not like the points guy where I like to operationalize and optimize every aspect of a credit card. I think that is almost more work than trying to make more money. But I think if you go from any of the major banks, there are a lot of rules around credit cards, so they're really not allowed to mess with you so much on interest rates. There's a lot of protections for consumers, so don't stress too much about which one. Which one seems like it has some nice perks for you, and you can get the most amount of money that you need, cool. So that's step one. And if you can do that for your kids when they're in high school, they will actually have more access to the first pillar, I think, of wealth, which is resources. We all know what's, what's the saying? Takes money to make money, right? And so if you come from nothing, well, you can start actually building up your resource pile just from your credit, which you can start at a, a young age. You don't need to be rich to do that. And then after resources, you pile on knowledge, right? The rich pass on how to invest. We need to start doing that to our next generation. Then you pass on wealth accumulation. That's where you start to, to pile on your own money. And then finally, you pass on, you know, the ability to invest, to continue to move cyclically your money around and make it work for you. But that's where I would start. It's like you start with a credit card. You have a debit card really just because you wanna get cash out sometimes if you're going to the club and buying drinks or whatever people do these days that are cooler than me.

    19. JSJay Shetty1:02:48

        [laughs]

    20. CSCodie Sanchez1:02:48

        And that's where I would start. And then I would move to this next level of, okay, if I have some credit, now we need to focus on earning, so how do I make more money? And, uh, but I think most people skip that first step because credit is scary. And, like, listen, Charlie Munger, uh, Warren Buffett's partner, obviously a very famous dude, but he has a line I love, which is, um, "Men only go broke by three things, and it's whiskey, women, and leverage."

    21. JSJay Shetty1:03:15

        [laughs]

    22. CSCodie Sanchez1:03:16

        And leverage means debt, right? Warren Buffett gave him a little adage to it at the end, and he goes, "I think actually what my friend meant to say was it's really just the last one. It's really just leverage."

    23. JSJay Shetty1:03:26

        Mm.

    24. CSCodie Sanchez1:03:26

        And Warren Buffett, one of the richest guys in the world, said he doesn't like debt. But here's the problem, Jay. He's highly levered. He has a massive amount of debt. Why? Because he has debt on assets and other people's things, as opposed to personal guarantees on his own. He's not mortgaging his house to buy these companies. He is raising debt on a company in order for it to make more money. And so if you don't understand all that right now, that's where I want you to dive in-

    25. JSJay Shetty1:03:53

        Mm-hmm

    26. CSCodie Sanchez1:03:53

        ... a little bit more. Maybe you can start with a debit and a credit card.

    27. JSJay Shetty1:03:56

        Yeah, no, I,

21. 1:03:57 – 1:08:23

    Do You Really Need Money to Start?

    1. JSJay Shetty1:03:57

       I think it's so important to understand debt, and you see that when you see a celebrity buy a new home. And you realize they borrowed to buy that home. They didn't buy it in cash, even though they have the cash, and it's available to them, and I think that idea is so foreign. If someone's thinking about starting a business right now or wants to grow a business, and the number one thing you hear is, "Well, I don't have any money; I don't know how to fund it," how much do you actually need to start a business?

    2. CSCodie Sanchez1:04:22

       I think you never suffer from a lack of money. You suffer from a lack of knowledge on how to get money.

    3. JSJay Shetty1:04:27

       Mm.

    4. CSCodie Sanchez1:04:27

       The richest people in the world, they never use their own money entirely to buy things. And if you can, like, sit on that for a second and let that sit in, then I think you can really open up your eyes to the fact that all around you, there are deals right now. And there is money that is waiting for the actually rarest of things, which is a human who wants to work really hard and has a good idea where to put the money. And so you actually don't need money to start a business. I don't think you need it at all. What you need is some access to it. And so, you know, next week I'm going to the SBA, the Small Business Administration, and they just ran out all of these new programs for new business owners where they will, one, do grants where they give you money. A grant means you take this money. You don't have to give it back. The government is going to give it to you, maybe 'cause you're a minority or a woman or have a core needs business. They also do a ton of loans. You know, they'll loan you 90% of the purchase price of a business if you need one. And all around us are also people who want to invest. And so, like, there's a website called Percent, and on Percent, if you have a small business and you need some debt for a small business, you can actually get debt from your small business through, uh, you know, a website. But I think the most important part is not just tactically. It's like, can I change my belief to believe that money is all around me, and I do not need to have only my own money in order to get rich? And I want more people to think that way. It's hard. I get it.

    5. JSJay Shetty1:05:48

       Do you think everyone needs a side hustle right now?

    6. CSCodie Sanchez1:05:50

       I have two thoughts. One, I do not believe that you have to go all in on the thing that you wanna do in life. I think that is told to you by people who had survivorship bias. Like, it worked for me, so it's gonna work for you. And what do we know to be true? 90% of startups fail over any five-year period. And so I actually think that the way to never have risk in building a business, if you wanna do a startup and have no risk, I think you keep your job. You do really well at that job while you're doing it. You use your salary to fund your side hustle or your next venture. You keep moving forward on it until your side hustle matches the cost of living that you have, your cash flow, and then you leave your business or your job to go start your business once you have enough money from inflow of the business. And I think we've told too many people and idealized this idea of entrepreneurship, when in fact, you know, I had three or four businesses fail. If I had just left my job that paid me good money, I, I would've been sleeping on somebody's couch.

    7. JSJay Shetty1:06:49

       Mm-hmm.

    8. CSCodie Sanchez1:06:50

       And so you can have a side hustle, but please keep it on the side for a minute until you make sure it's not just a passion project. It is a profit.

    9. SPSpeaker1:06:57

       Project

    10. JSJay Shetty1:06:58

        Yes. Yeah, and, and I think that's the smartest, wisest advice. I'm in the same boat.

    11. SPSpeaker1:07:03

        Yeah.

    12. JSJay Shetty1:07:04

        When I started doing what I do today, I had a full-time job. It didn't pay great, but it paid enough to get by. It paid my bills. It means, it means I wasn't creating from a place of stress, and when you're creating something new from just stress, it can be quite debilitating. Now, sometimes stress can be the greatest motivator. It can propel you. It can be your launchpad, but you've gotta kind of get it right. Too much stress and you fall apart, too little stress and you stay in the golden handcuffs.

    13. SPSpeaker1:07:31

        That's right.

    14. JSJay Shetty1:07:32

        And I think that's where I see a lot of people stuck today is I meet a lot of people who I feel have tied on the golden handcuffs, but not using that as the investment. So it's like I wanna have a lifestyle with the money I make. I don't wanna use it to build a new life. The key takeaway here is that access and education, not just effort, create opportunity. Taking the time to understand resources and systems allows us to leverage them effectively and take control of our financial futures. Novak Djokovic reflects on the delicate balance of stress, motivation, and purpose. Even after reaching the pinnacle of tennis, he emphasizes that growth comes from passion, self-awareness, and the desire to inspire others. And if you've ever felt weighed down by pressure, his perspective shows how it can become a launchpad rather than a trap.

22. 1:08:23 – 1:17:28

    When Success Still Feels Like Not Enough

    1. JSJay Shetty1:08:23

       Do you feel like in your career you've achieved everything you set out to as a tennis player?

    2. SPSpeaker1:08:28

       Uh, yes, and more than that. And at the same time, I still wanna do more, and I know that that comes in a big part from a good place, meaning from a place of purpose, inspiration, motivation, love for the sport, passion for the sport, passion to make people happy when they watch me. If I'm doing that, and I, I have a feeling that I am by still actively being on the tennis tour and having my tennis career, active tennis career, I'm still spreading that light by playing tennis and inspiring younger generations. That's something that, that comes from a good heart- a good place. But what comes from maybe a l- uh, say, not necessarily a bad place, but less of a good place, I have identified that as well, is my feeling of not being enough. And that goes back to my very, very beginning of my life and my relationship particularly with my father, and not being, not doing enough, not being good enough, uh, et cetera, et cetera. So, so now that I'm talking about it, I, I kind of get emotional about it because it's still deep inside of me, and it's kind of the battle that I, that I also go through often. 'Cause a lot of people, like even closest people in my life, ask me, you know, "What more do you want?" You know, "You have achieved everything. [laughs] What do you want? What, why, why do you keep going?" And I tell them the, the good part that I told you, that I still really strongly feel it's inside of me and I, and I feel like as long as I have the capacity or ability to compete for the biggest titles in our- in my sport, I wanna keep going. And also partly the part that I didn't mention that inspires me to keep going is to test my limits mentally and physically 'cause when I was starting to break through into professional tennis, I remember when you reach your 30, you start counting your days to your retirement. Like after 30, you know, that's it pretty much. Even though there were some exceptions like Jimmy Connors, the legend of our game, he played, I think, semifinals or finals of, of US Open when he was 40 and w- you know, still, still, you know, dominating the tour. So there were very, but very few exceptions. Nowadays it's different. Why? Because I think the care for the body has improved so much. I mean, now not only top 10 or 15 guys or girls on the tour have, like, multiple people in their squad to take care of them, you have top 50 people that are taking care of them. It's due to the improvement, of course, of the conditions for the players and, you know, we earn more across the board, so it gives you, it allows you to hire more people that would take care of your body. And I think that it's also a k- a, a kind of a, a curiosity from my side. How, how far can I go, you know? I'm, I'm 38 this year, you know. How long can I push my own limits? And I don't feel like I do have limits, and I feel like the limits are normally constructs in our mind. I've seen the episode you did with, uh, Bryan Johnson-

    3. JSJay Shetty1:11:41

       Yeah

    4. SPSpeaker1:11:41

       ... the other day, and then he talked about, you know, he's, by a lot of people's opinion, very extreme, but, you know, he dedicated his own entire life to getting the data and understanding what are the best conditions for the longest living life that he can have for himself, which I think it's something that is admirable and, you know, I give him huge credit for that and it... I understand because as a professional athlete, you know, the care for your body and your mind and the devotion to the daily habits is so tough because when you wanna change a certain habit, science says it takes at least 21 days, right? For the brain to start growing, uh, you know, new neurons that are reprogramming. But if you don't have the right environment, that's going to be very, very challenging, so that was also one of the things that I wanted to reflect on in your question is the environment is the one that can be very stimulative to you.

    5. JSJay Shetty1:12:43

       Mm.

    6. SPSpeaker1:12:43

       It can be really supportive or it can be pulling you down. So it's super important even though we, we alwaysencourage ourselves to be independent in terms of what we do, what we eat, how we sleep, how, you know, how we lead our lives and what we do and how we can live the best version of our lives possible. But at the same time, we're social beings.

    7. JSJay Shetty1:13:06

       Mm-hmm.

    8. SPSpeaker1:13:07

       We are very tribal beings, and even if it's the smallest community, we still wanna belong to that community. We still want this community to support us, even if it's one person or two. But it's super important in the end of the day, because, you know, making tough choices, these are tough choices. 'Cause society, when you go out there, you know, super majority of the places where you go to eat or people that you see, it's a kind of a vicious cycle, and they lead their life in a certain way that maybe doesn't coincide or correspond to your choices that you wanna make, the new choices or maybe the new changes. So it's really hard, you know what I mean? Living in the, in the big city and deciding you wanna go through transformational journey on a daily basis-

    9. JSJay Shetty1:13:48

       Yeah

    10. SPSpeaker1:13:48

        ... we're being exposed to, to something that is contrary to what you're trying to achieve. I feel like it's, it's reinventing yourself constantly. You know, for me, I've had this kind of upbringing, had the great foundation, and you know, I've achieved incredible things. I was dreaming of becoming number one in the world and becoming a Wimbledon champion, and that was my dream. I achieved that dream within two days. I won Wimbledon, and at the same, same day, became number one in the world in 2011 in front of my family, in front of president of Serbia who was there. I mean, it was with the welcoming of hundreds of thousands of people on the way back. It's just, you know, once in a lifetime type of experience. And when you do something for the first time, obviously, that big, it's just like you're, [laughs] you're flying to the moon. I mean, you're not... Y- you, it's a kind of an out, out-of-body experience. But then I, I felt like I had to set new goals, and 'cause I was, you know, at the, at the time, 2011, I was 23 years old, 24. So okay, what do I do next? You know, I feel like I'm at, you know, peak of my powers, and I wanna... So, so then I wanna win multiple Slams. Then I wanna win all Slams at once. Then I wanna win gold medal for my country. Then I wanna make history and so forth, so forth. So I think goal-oriented mind, particularly in sports, but I, I, also in business or anything really, I think is super important. Because the clarity in- from my experience is something that is essential to have also peace of mind and to have a calm heart, that you know what you're doing and that you set your goals, your short-term goals, your long-term goals, and you know exactly the strategy that you need to implement to achieve them. And you surround yourself with the people who are supporting you, but also people who are telling you what you don't wanna hear, you know, giving you constructive criticism or maybe giving you non-constructive criticism, and then putting you very down, but that's also part of the journey. It's also learning how to get up-

    11. JSJay Shetty1:15:48

        Mm-hmm

    12. SPSpeaker1:15:48

        ... like a phoenix and rise and, and, and try to develop a thick skin, so to say. So it's, it's a constant process, really. I, I don't see myself fully satisfied, if, if that's maybe a shorter answer, because I have that part of me which is like, "Uh, you know, I, I think I can still do more." But I'm, uh, the other side of me is like, of course, I'm fully sa- I'm happy, and I'm proud, and in a way I can't wait one day for me to reflect on everything. But while I'm still in my active career, I don't have time. Tennis has the longest season of all sports. January, starts January, ends almost end of November. And of course, I earn my right in a way to be selective with tournaments where I play, so that's what I'm doing. I'm not playing as much. I'm focusing on the big ones. And I'm trying to incorporate all of these other things inside of my career and basically expand the platform and use my voice for other things than just the tennis court. And, uh, I'm, you know, super blessed to be in the position that I am, but as I said, it's a constant journey and process.

    13. JSJay Shetty1:16:56

        The key takeaway here is that purpose-driven effort transforms challenges into growth. Whether in sport or life, aligning motivation with passion and community allows us to turn pressure into performance and inspiration. Mel Robbins teaches us about the power of our attention, energy, and boundaries. By letting go of the need to control others' perceptions, we reclaim our own agency and how these small intentional choices in work, relationships, and self-expression create meaningful change.

23. 1:17:28 – 1:22:44

    Where Your Energy Is Really Going

    1. JSJay Shetty1:17:28

       It's so interesting how we think love is over-caring.

    2. SPSpeaker1:17:32

       Right.

    3. JSJay Shetty1:17:32

       But actually, over-caring is over-enabling that person and overwhelming that person.

    4. SPSpeaker1:17:37

       Yes, and it's control.

    5. JSJay Shetty1:17:39

       It's control.

    6. SPSpeaker1:17:40

       You're not... Like, if you think about what love really is, and for me, love is two things. It's consideration, right? It's having someone in mind. If you pour in oat milk instead of the cow milk because that's what they like, that's an act of love. It's also admiration, and admiration is the ability to see something in somebody that you deeply admire.

    7. JSJay Shetty1:18:06

       Mm.

    8. SPSpeaker1:18:06

       I wanna go back to something that you said, though-

    9. JSJay Shetty1:18:08

       Please

    10. SPSpeaker1:18:08

        ... because it was genius, and it had me think about the idea of the power of your time and energy. And you were talking about imagine if, like, your time and your energy had dollars associated with it.

    11. JSJay Shetty1:18:28

        Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

    12. SPSpeaker1:18:28

        Because I don't think we value it.

    13. JSJay Shetty1:18:30

        Mm-hmm.

    14. SPSpeaker1:18:31

        And I started to think about one of the biggest obstacles, because what's ultimately happening when you start to use let them and let me is you're gonna see that you've turned other people into a major problem, and you have turned them into a problem in four ways. First of all, you allow them to stress you out, but you're not gonna do that anymore 'cause you're gonna let them be. But the second way that you've made them a major problem in your life is that you give so much weight

    15. MRMel Robbins1:18:58

        To other people’s opinions. And in the example you were just talking about, what was happening is by asking you, "What do you think?" Roddy was doing what we all do, but most of us do it subconsciously, and we don't even realize it, which is before we even ask ourselves what feels right for us, we stop and consider what we think somebody's gonna think. And you have that, like, really brilliant thing that I've heard you say a bazillion times that I love.

    16. JSJay Shetty1:19:27

        [laughs]

    17. MRMel Robbins1:19:27

        It's not what you think you think you think, and I'm like, "Wait, wait, wait."

    18. JSJay Shetty1:19:29

        Yeah.

    19. MRMel Robbins1:19:29

        But, but so I wanna play this out because this is so important. It was a huge thing for me. If you open up your favorite social media platform, we've all had the experience where you go and you pick a photo, and you then put it up, and you're like, "Okay, should I put a filter on this?" And you start to then question, "Is this the right photo?" And then you go back to your photo roll, and then you start working on the caption. "Should I put an emoji? Is this too much? Should I do this?" And then you are worried. Why? Because you're actually thinking about what other people are going to think or do in response to what-

    20. JSJay Shetty1:20:05

        Yes

    21. MRMel Robbins1:20:05

        ... you're posting.

    22. JSJay Shetty1:20:06

        Yes.

    23. MRMel Robbins1:20:07

        Which means if you take the value of it, right, you just overvalued something that you will never be able to control ever. Ever, ever, ever, and yet you're doing it subconsciously. And what typically happens is if you notice, everybody's got hundreds of draft posts.

    24. JSJay Shetty1:20:25

        [laughs] Yeah.

    25. MRMel Robbins1:20:26

        You know what that is?

    26. JSJay Shetty1:20:27

        Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

    27. MRMel Robbins1:20:28

        That is a graveyard of energy you wasted-

    28. JSJay Shetty1:20:30

        Oh, so good

    29. MRMel Robbins1:20:30

        ... on something that you didn't... You'll never be able to control because the average person has 70,000 random thoughts a day. You can't even control half the crap that goes in your own mind.

    30. JSJay Shetty1:20:40

        Mm-hmm.
24. 1:22:44 – 1:28:09

    The Let Them Theory

    1. JSJay Shetty1:22:44

       no one's thinking about you for as long as you think.

    2. MRMel Robbins1:22:47

       It's true.

    3. JSJay Shetty1:22:47

       No one's thinking about f- you for as much as you think. No one's thinking about you as much as they even say they're thinking about you, and we just, like you said, we keep draining that energy consumed by it. You reminded me of the beautiful Charles Horton Cooley quote, and he wrote this in 1890. And he said, "The challenge today is I'm not what I think I am. I'm not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am."

    4. MRMel Robbins1:23:12

       Mm-hmm.

    5. JSJay Shetty1:23:13

       Which means we live in a perception of a perception of ourselves, so if I think Mel thinks I'm not smart, then I don't think I'm smart.

    6. MRMel Robbins1:23:23

       Right.

    7. JSJay Shetty1:23:23

       So I- it's not even reality. It's not even-

    8. MRMel Robbins1:23:25

       Right

    9. JSJay Shetty1:23:25

       ... factually proven or checked or tested.

    10. MRMel Robbins1:23:28

        Right.

    11. JSJay Shetty1:23:28

        By the way, everything in The Let Them Theory, this book is literally every thought. Those 70,000 thoughts, that's what you're addressing in this book. [laughs]

    12. MRMel Robbins1:23:35

        Yes.

    13. JSJay Shetty1:23:36

        Because these are-

    14. MRMel Robbins1:23:36

        And let them, two words-

    15. JSJay Shetty1:23:37

        Yeah

    16. MRMel Robbins1:23:37

        ... gets rid of this fear.

    17. JSJay Shetty1:23:38

        Yeah.

    18. MRMel Robbins1:23:38

        It literally does.

    19. JSJay Shetty1:23:39

        Because I was talking... I've talked to at least three friends this week, and all of them are concerned by either, "Hey, Jay, I'm thinking about posting a video on social media. I'm scared of what people will think." So that's for their professional-

    20. MRMel Robbins1:23:51

        Right

    21. JSJay Shetty1:23:51

        ... or their passion.

    22. MRMel Robbins1:23:52

        Right.

    23. JSJay Shetty1:23:53

        I've got another friend who's worried that a lot of our other friends are talking about him negatively-

    24. MRMel Robbins1:23:58

        Okay

    25. JSJay Shetty1:23:58

        ... because he's recently fallen out with them.

    26. MRMel Robbins1:24:00

        Okay.

    27. JSJay Shetty1:24:01

        And so he's worried, like, what are they saying?

    28. MRMel Robbins1:24:02

        Right.

    29. JSJay Shetty1:24:02

        They're all talking to each other. What, what rumors are they spreading about me? Like, maybe it's not true. And the thing that they're holding onto is they just can't let, they can't let them, and it's bec-

    30. MRMel Robbins1:24:13

        No, but they can.

Episode duration: 1:28:10