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Joe Rogan Experience #1088 - Bryan Callen

Bryan Callen is an actor and stand-up comedian, and together with Brendan Schaub he also hosts “The Fighter & The Kid” podcast.

Bryan CallenguestJoe Roganhost
Mar 7, 20183h 8mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:001:03

    Aging quirks: growing ears, nose hair, and vanity maintenance

    1. BC

      ... thin nose.

    2. JR

      Not any more.

    3. BC

      It behooved me.

    4. JR

      Yeah, have you ever looked at, like, Abe Vigoda's ears?

    5. BC

      Yeah, they were big.

    6. JR

      They-

    7. BC

      The ears and the nose grow.

    8. JR

      They keep growing.

    9. BC

      Yeah, age is a very annoying thing.

    10. JR

      Well, that's a weird one. It's almost like to let someone know, like, "Hey, look at this guy. His proportions are all fucked up. He's got bad juice."

    11. BC

      Yeah.

    12. JR

      You know what I mean?

    13. BC

      Yeah. So how do I reduce ... I wanted to get an ear reduction and a nose sharpening.

    14. JR

      And a nose reduction. I'm sure people have done that. I could only imagine. If girls are getting-

    15. BC

      Well, Bruce Jenner.

    16. JR

      (laughs) Well, girl ... That's a different one.

    17. BC

      (laughs)

    18. JR

      You know what I'm saying?

    19. BC

      (imitates laughing)

    20. JR

      Uh, look at the big ass crazy ears.

    21. BC

      Look at the, the hair on his ears. Abe.

    22. JR

      Hey, he's not 12.

    23. BC

      Shave those ears.

    24. JR

      Yeah, I've, I've got hair growing out of my ears. I have to, I have to put a trimmer, run a trimmer on it.

    25. BC

      Well, that, I'm vain. I pluck my ... Yeah.

    26. JR

      Hmm.

    27. BC

      If I see hair that doesn't belong somewhere, I, I have ... I'll take it out.

    28. JR

      Go wax it.

    29. BC

      My father, like, lets his nose hair grow, his eyebrows.

    30. JR

      Savage.

  2. 1:032:15

    Family health interventions: Bryan’s frustration with his dad’s diet and inactivity

    1. BC

      I get so mad at him 'cause the way he eats sometimes. Like, we were in Mexico and he, uh, he would just show up. You go to breakfast, he has this belly and he's got, like ... He's got four French toasts, and a waffle-

    2. JR

      Oof.

    3. BC

      ... and a banana. And I, and I'm just sitting there, and I g- I get so mad. And then I started texting him. I text him, I go, "Listen, man. You gotta start changing the way you eat." And, and I go ... And I'm angry as I'm texting this. I'm getting more angry, more angry. "So stop the bullshit and start eating n-" (laughs) I, I was so angry I had to tell him that I'm getting ... My heart was beating. I was furious. I couldn't have text faster. I go, "Get it together. Get it together and stop eating bullshit. And would it kill you to fucking move a little bit?" Bang! And I just sent that.

    4. JR

      Whoa.

    5. BC

      Yeah.

    6. JR

      Strong.

    7. BC

      I don't want him to die.

    8. JR

      Does he exercise at all?

    9. BC

      Fuck, no. And I'll tell you why.

    10. JR

      (laughs)

    11. BC

      When he was young, he was poor and he had to do manual labor.

    12. JR

      Mm.

    13. BC

      He had to work construction. He had to do everything with his hands. So now that he has money, it reminds him of when if he ... You ask him to do shit, if you ask him to help you with a table, it reminds him of when he was poor and how p- how awful it was.

  3. 2:154:32

    Manual labor as strength training: construction, farms, and jiu-jitsu ‘mason strength’

    1. JR

      I was reading a book once on powerlifting, and one of the things that they suggested is getting a manual labor job.

    2. BC

      That's a b- ... When you have to move furniture-

    3. JR

      Yeah.

    4. BC

      ... okay, when you gotta carry couches upstairs, yeah, yeah. That'll, that'll get to you.

    5. JR

      But I never saw that. I never saw anybody actually recommend that someone do that in order to get stronger.

    6. BC

      Well, when you, um ... My friend who y- we- wrestled and played football on a high level, they, they used to work the farm. And they would ch- th- there was a thing where you would take hay and you would ... You'd run after the truck. The truck stopped, you'd take the hay and you'd throw it off-

    7. JR

      Mm-hmm.

    8. BC

      ... and I guess you'd-

    9. JR

      Right.

    10. BC

      Just doing that-

    11. JR

      Oh, yeah.

    12. BC

      I mean, you know, you can-

    13. JR

      You'd get crazy strong.

    14. BC

      I worked construction one summer in, uh, in Washington DC, in the 95-degree heat. And I had to dig a foundation for a building, for a house. Just dig into the ground all day.

    15. JR

      Oh.

    16. BC

      And then we had to, we had to d- demolish a house and take that debris, put it into a truck, and then drive it to a landfill called Lawton, I think. And then we would un- we'd take it off the truck. So that movement of digging and then, like, de- demolition and digging, and piling it in a truck and then piling it off a truck, you're too exhausted do a- to do a goddamn thing. You're not working out after that. You know, your body is done.

    17. JR

      Yeah, if you do work out and you get used to it, though, I think that's the idea, is that your body becomes way more resilient.

    18. BC

      Yeah.

    19. JR

      That's what he was saying. If you could get a job, like, as a mason or some sort of manual labor on a construction site where you're carrying lumber-

    20. BC

      Yeah.

    21. JR

      ... and you'd just be lifting things up, carrying around all the time-

    22. BC

      Yeah.

    23. JR

      ... your body would just naturally get stronger.

    24. BC

      The strongest guy I've ever felt in my life in jujitsu was a, a, a Mexican guy who was a mason.

    25. JR

      Oh, yeah, man. Carrying bricks. Imagine.

    26. BC

      I, I couldn't move. I couldn't believe how, how his ... Nothing worked on him.

    27. JR

      Just imagine, like, picking up bricks all day long.

    28. BC

      Yeah.

    29. JR

      Just carrying bricks. Everything would just get stronger.

    30. BC

      Yeah.

  4. 4:326:36

    Comedy encounters and reputations: meeting Sinbad and why not to ‘name names’

    1. JR

      Speaking of big, jolly Black men with one name, uh, I met Sinbad the other day. I never met Sinbad before.

    2. BC

      Good guy, right?

    3. JR

      Met him in a parking lot. Our cars were right next to each other. Fully random.

    4. BC

      Hm.

    5. JR

      Just fully random. I'm like, "What's up, man?"

    6. BC

      Was he wearing, was he wearing a, a dangly earring?

    7. JR

      I didn't check. I was-

    8. BC

      Was he, was he dressed in a colorful manner, or-

    9. JR

      No, he was very understated.

    10. BC

      Yeah.

    11. JR

      He seemed, uh, completely normal.

    12. BC

      Mm-hmm.

    13. JR

      Like, he mi- ... I don't remember what he was wearing. He might be wearing what you're wearing right now, exactly.

    14. BC

      He always struck me as a nice dude.

    15. JR

      Very, very nice guy.

    16. BC

      Yeah.

    17. JR

      Very nice guy. Sweetheart.

    18. BC

      And what's he, what's he doing now?

    19. JR

      Doing standup still. Touring.

    20. BC

      Yeah.

    21. JR

      You know?

    22. BC

      Still got an audience.

    23. JR

      Oh, yeah.

    24. BC

      Yeah.

    25. JR

      He's a funny dude, man. Apparently he was really funny on Kill Tony. They did a Kill Tony episode and Sinbad sat in as one of the, um, the guest, uh, judges.

    26. BC

      Yeah.

    27. JR

      You know, they have a new guest judge every week. And, uh, they said he was killer.

    28. BC

      Yeah, du- dudes who've been doing it for that long-

    29. JR

      Yeah.

    30. BC

      ... they've got some tricks up their sleeve. Don't be surprised.

  5. 6:368:41

    Identity, belonging, and extremes: transracial debates, face tattoos, and ‘being seen’

    1. JR

      Isn't it funny too that we quantify certain things that are just dumb? Like, there's certain things you just never... You're just not gonna bounce back from the Rachel Dolezal thing, when she pretended she was Black, but she really isn't Black.

    2. BC

      (laughs) Yeah, that's a little too much.

    3. JR

      Like, you know what I'm saying? But there's, like, those things-

    4. BC

      Yeah.

    5. JR

      ... where it becomes a nationwide thing. And I, I bet she's a lovely lady. I don't know.

    6. BC

      Mm-hmm.

    7. JR

      I have no i- I have no idea.

    8. BC

      That might be empathy gone wild, or that might be sort of this, this, uh... I think a lot of times everybody wants to be an individual. They want... That, that's always been a problem with the human condition, right?

    9. JR

      Right.

    10. BC

      You wanna, you wanna be, you wanna be unique. We, we all do, right?

    11. JR

      Right. Yeah.

    12. BC

      Uh, even though we all believe in equality, we all wanna be not equal. We wanna be a little better than the next guy, or at least unique.

    13. JR

      Yeah.

    14. BC

      And, uh, that's maybe where competition comes from and stuff. But I think sometimes people negotiate that issue and that problem with, uh, with a very clumsy apparatus.

    15. JR

      Yeah.

    16. BC

      With a really weird way of doing it. "I'm gonna be transracial, or I'm gonna, I'm gonna wear dishes in my ears and, and, and literally cover my whole face with tattoos." That's fine.

    17. JR

      It's super common now.

    18. BC

      There might... Yeah, there might be a better way to negotiate that, that problem you're having, because it's a... It's still pretty surface.

    19. JR

      You ever look at the hashtag face tattoo on Instagram?

    20. BC

      No.

    21. JR

      Holy shit.

    22. BC

      It's crazy, though.

    23. JR

      There's a lot of people getting their face tattooed.

    24. BC

      Yeah.

    25. JR

      Like, it's like, "What? Slow down."

    26. BC

      Yeah. Yeah.

    27. JR

      Slow down.

    28. BC

      It goes back to wanting to be seen.

    29. JR

      Well, I think what you're saying makes a lot of sense in terms of, like, people wanting to belong to a group that seems cool. And, like, Black people seem like overall a cool group, right? Like, you have good music behind it, they have a funny way of talking, they have all these amazing pro athletes. They have a totally different kind of culture, and you identify with that culture, but you can't get in 'cause you're a white girl. You're like, "Shit, what do I do?"

    30. BC

      It's also something, it's also something... I think also there's a romance to-

  6. 8:4125:59

    Race, sports, and genetics vs. environment: elite athletes and the diversity of Africa

    1. JR

      I mean, think about it. Some of the very best standup comedians, some of the very best musicians.

    2. BC

      Jazz, too.

    3. JR

      Yeah. And you think of the percentage of the population that's Black.

    4. BC

      12%, man.

    5. JR

      And the percentage that become elite professional athletes.

    6. BC

      Mm-hmm.

    7. JR

      I mean, what is the percentage of NBA players that are Black? It's, it's something crazy.

    8. BC

      A lot of it's also just-

    9. JR

      What is, what is it, you think?

    10. BC

      I don't know, but it's, it's pretty high.

    11. JR

      Take a guess.

    12. BC

      I mean, there's-

    13. JR

      69%?

    14. BC

      Probably. Probably something like that.

    15. JR

      Don't know why I said that number. Jamie, when you were-

    16. BC

      A lot, a lot of it might be just also that there are two, there are two avenues open to you in a lot of Black communities. At least it's changing, but, you know, it was sports and, and music, right?

    17. JR

      Yeah, for sure that's, that probably plays a part in it. No doubt about it. But it's also... There's an extra- extraordinary number of professional athletes, like elite athletes-

    18. BC

      Yeah.

    19. JR

      ... that just happen to be Black.

    20. BC

      Mm-hmm.

    21. JR

      And what is that, though? Is it genetic? Is it, is it, uh, the environment they're coming from? I mean, it's, it's a fascinating thing to be explored, because for all this talk of racism, if you just wanna be really honest, there's a lot of African-Americans that have some pretty phenomenal genetic traits.

    22. BC

      Mm-hmm.

    23. JR

      Like fit, like Carl... Like, think of, like, who's like... Jamie, who's, like, the biggest freak all time, uh, athlete basketball player would it be?

    24. BC

      Probably LeBron James.

    25. JR

      LeBron James. Probably, right?

    26. BC

      Yeah, yeah, sure.

    27. JR

      And then you have, like, Michael Jordan is another freak athlete, right?

    28. BC

      Yeah.

    29. JR

      I mean, how many of those white-

    30. BC

      Vince Carter.

  7. 25:5933:03

    Tribalism and ‘single-variable’ thinking: why labeling people breaks discourse

    1. BC

      It, it's just way more complicated. People are way less, uh, uh, easy to pigeonhole. There ... Just because you supported Trump doesn't necessarily mean you're a right-winger across the board. Doesn't mean you're, you know, about the patriarchy and stuff. And I, I find that a lot of young people, and I find a lot of people on, who are trying to be woke and stuff, and we do this as Americans. It's not just the left, it's also the right. We do this as Americans. We wanna find a bad guy and we wanna put a label on that bad guy. We want a single variable answer. We want a single variable solution.

    2. JR

      Hmm.

    3. BC

      Right? So in other words, "You are a racist. You are a sexist. You are a homophobe, so you gotta be sanctioned and we gotta get rid of you. And if we can get rid of racism ..." As if racism has anything to do with it actually. It's about tribalism, 'cause people don't need a difference in skin color to hate each other. Have you heard of the Middle East or Africa or even this country? It's not about the melanin in your skin. It's just we're tribal. But, but w- we tend to wanna find that one label, "You're a racist, you're a homophobe. By the way, you're an homo-"

    4. JR

      Well, there's no ... M- most certainly racist, right?

    5. BC

      Of course there are.

    6. JR

      Yeah.

    7. BC

      Of course there are.

    8. JR

      D- We don't think racism is the problem that we're facing? You think it's more of a tribalism issue?

    9. BC

      Oh, I, I think that if everybody was the same color, we'd have no problem b- uh, joining groups and hating each other. No problem. Again-

    10. JR

      Well, that's true for sure.

    11. BC

      Please see the Middle East.

    12. JR

      That's f- for sure, yeah.

    13. BC

      Look, look, in, in Yuval Harari's amazing book-

    14. JR

      So racism is just a symptom of that.

    15. BC

      Fucking-

    16. JR

      Yeah.

    17. BC

      Yuval Harari's great book, uh, Sapiens. Everybody should read it.

    18. JR

      Read it.

    19. BC

      Thank you.

    20. JR

      On your recommendation.

    21. BC

      Uh, hi- the Dinka. The Dinka and the Nua in the Sudan. Let's just take them. They look exactly the same. Just Google it. They look exactly the same.

    22. JR

      Maybe you're just racist.

    23. BC

      Right. They, they are-

    24. JR

      I mean, that's like, like saying all Black people look exactly the same.

    25. BC

      Well, well, they-

    26. JR

      Is that what it is?

    27. BC

      They look, they do look, they, they, they are basically ... (laughs) They are, they are ... They ... The only way to tell them d- d- the difference is the tribal markings. But for the most part, they're, they look exactly the same, very similar cultures, a herding culture. Uh, Dinka, in the Dinka language means people. Nua in the Nua language means original people.

    28. JR

      Whoa.

    29. BC

      And they're sworn enemies. They fucking hate each other. Talk to Justin Renn about-

    30. JR

      Whoa.

  8. 33:0337:45

    Politics as team sport: guns, policing, risk perception, and media ‘negativity bias’

    1. BC

      Well, you can... Yeah, it's like, it's like if you're, if you're in favor, if you believe that global warming is caused by human beings, right?

    2. JR

      You've gotta be on the right.

    3. BC

      Y- Y- Y- You know where you stand on gay marriage, on everything else. Like, that, that's unfortunate. You can't be sort of responsive to evidence, right? So instead of being affiliated with a party or a candidate, be, be, be affiliated to the, with the problem. What's the problem? We all agree we don't like sp- shooters, right? That sucks.

    4. JR

      Yes.

    5. BC

      So there's gotta be a way, if we could put our ideas together, create a little idea sect, there's gotta be a way, right? There's gotta be a way to-

    6. JR

      To deal with this problem.

    7. BC

      ... tal- Well, can we talk about the fact that we all agree that the problem sucks? Now, you're saying we need more guns and this other side's saying we need less guns. Is there, is there something, is there something we can c- Can we at least start talking instead... 'Cause, you know, Brendan on the podcast said, "Can we agree there's a gun problem?" The fucking number of hate emails we got.

    8. JR

      Dudes do not wanna give up those guns.

    9. BC

      And, and, and, uh, yeah, and, and Jim Jefferies was so funny 'cause he goes, uh, in his pod, did you hear that stand up he did? He goes, "Here's the argument. 'Cause I like them, so fuck off." And it's like, that's, that's good enough.

    10. JR

      Yeah.

    11. BC

      The, the Constitution says that guns, you, we have a right to bear arms so we can protect ourselves against tyrannical government, right?

    12. JR

      Yes.

    13. BC

      I mean, that's, that's what the Second Amendment... Well, you know, he, he's like, "The government has drones," right? "They got tanks. They got cruise missiles. Your AR-15 ain't doing shit."

    14. JR

      Here's another problem.

    15. BC

      So-

    16. JR

      These people need to understand this. The government is us. Okay?

    17. BC

      (laughs)

    18. JR

      Everybody that you just described is someone who works in the military. Everyone you just described is someone who's a soldier.

    19. BC

      Yeah.

    20. JR

      Those soldiers are civilians. They're the same people. They're people.

    21. BC

      Mm-hmm.

    22. JR

      They're us. We're not talking about some global elite that's gonna take over. They're not taking over with us.

    23. BC

      Right. (laughs)

    24. JR

      We are not gonna take over ourselves.

    25. BC

      Yeah.

    26. JR

      We're not, this is not a stupid fucking country. Like, the idea that somehow or another the military will start taking over. What we have to be careful is people that have extreme power and shit judgment, like that cop that shot that kid in the hallway in Arizona in that, that horrible video.

    27. BC

      Yeah. Yeah, that was bad.

    28. JR

      White guy shooting a white guy too, by the way. I don't even know if that has anything to do with racism, with a lot of what cops are doing. I think some of it most certainly does, but I think a lot of it has to do with people who are just incompetent and they're police officers and they shouldn't be police officers.

    29. BC

      Yeah.

    30. JR

      And on top of that, I think the stress of the job just breaks people's brains.

  9. 37:4558:28

    Health, flu lessons, and the medication spiral: ADHD, SSRIs, and kids’ movement needs

    1. JR

      Like, dude, I know two people who have lost loved ones to the flu this year.

    2. BC

      Phew. Really?

    3. JR

      Yeah. Yep. One of them was a 14-year-old girl.

    4. BC

      Oh my God.

    5. JR

      Yeah. The flu killed her.

    6. BC

      Jesus.

    7. JR

      Yeah. Dude, this flu is no fucking joke.

    8. BC

      I was down for two weeks. Did you get it?

    9. JR

      Dude, it's no joke. I got it. I was gone, down for a couple days because I caught it really early on. I knew it was happening, and I did nothing. I stayed home, and I ate real good, and I just slept all day.

    10. BC

      See, I, I, I didn't sleep-

    11. JR

      And I let my body catch up.

    12. BC

      ... and I worked out like an asshole.

    13. JR

      You can't ... Those ... The working out ones are the worst.

    14. BC

      Killed me.

    15. JR

      I've had that happen before where I was thinking I was a little bit sick-

    16. BC

      (exhales)

    17. JR

      ... and then I worked out, and it just gripped me.

    18. BC

      Got me.

    19. JR

      Yeah. I didn't do-

    20. BC

      Two weeks.

    21. JR

      I just-

    22. BC

      I've never been sick like that. I haven't been sick like that since college. I was down-

    23. JR

      I was real proud of myself when I recognized it. I was like, "Something's going on here." Like, I, I'm pretty in tune with when I'm feeling like a pussy where I'm just lazy-

    24. BC

      Mm-hmm.

    25. JR

      ... and when, like, my body just feels off. And I'm like, "My body feels off." And then I was like, "Oh my God." And then I was sweating.

    26. BC

      Yeah.

    27. JR

      And I'd be sitting there. It was chilly, and then I'd be sweating. And I was like, "Okay, I am just gonna get under the covers and Netflix the fuck out of these couple of days."

    28. BC

      (laughs)

    29. JR

      And that's all I did.

    30. BC

      That's so good-

  10. 58:281:06:41

    Free speech conflicts and campus activism: Christina Hoff Sommers, Peterson protests, and power

    1. JR

      Yeah, but that's the pa- only part of the problem. The real problem is a control/power problem. The con- there's control and power problems 'cause these are 18-year-old kids, and they've just gotten away from home for the first time, and they wanna exercise their power.

    2. BC

      Yeah.

    3. JR

      They wanna change the world, and they're fucking babies.

    4. BC

      Yeah, it's true.

    5. JR

      They have half-baked brains-

    6. BC

      They're young. (laughs)

    7. JR

      ... and they wanna yell shit out, and they think that they're doing the right thing. They really do. And they were yelling outside, "You can't have ... We h- we won't have fascists in our school." Did you see Jordan Peterson was doing a speech, and they were literally at the windows? They climbed the walls and got to the windows and were banging on the windows from the outside-

    8. BC

      Wow.

    9. JR

      ... while the speech went on.

    10. BC

      Wow.

    11. JR

      Dude, it's disturbing.

    12. BC

      Yeah.

    13. JR

      And everyone inside is super calm, and there's people that k- keep an eye on the window 'cause you hear it cracking. Like, they're just smashing this fucking window, just banging up against it the entire time he's talking. You just hear bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. And they're yelling shit outside about fascism or ... It's like-

    14. BC

      Wow.

    15. JR

      They don't even know what the fuck that means.

    16. BC

      No, they don't.

    17. JR

      Like, they literally are just saying it for anybody who disagrees with them.

    18. BC

      Yeah.

    19. JR

      When a real fascist comes along, they're gonna be so duped.

    20. BC

      Well, and they'll be, they'll be shot.

    21. JR

      Oh, for sure.

    22. BC

      They'll be lined up against a wall and shot.

    23. JR

      Well-

    24. BC

      That's what, that's what fascists do, real fascists.

    25. JR

      But they seem to think that disagreeing, uh, with, uh, people who are out of their fucking mind-

    26. BC

      They don't have any confidence.

    27. JR

      ... equates fascism.

    28. BC

      They, but they, they have no confidence, right? So, so if, if you're having-

    29. JR

      Why do you say that?

    30. BC

      Well, 'cause if you're having an argument with somebody and you end up hitting them 'cause they're saying things you don't like, it means you don't have the ideas to compete with their ideas. You don't have a rebuttal.

Episode duration: 3:08:29

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