Joe Rogan Experience #1560 - Mike Baker

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   (drumming music) Joe Rogan podcast,…

   1. NANarrator0:02

      (drumming music) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience.

   2. JRJoe Rogan0:06

      Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night. All day. (rock music) It's a walrus dick, fossilized walrus dick.

   3. MBMike Baker0:17

      I got you. (laughs)

   4. JRJoe Rogan0:18

      Somebody gave it to me. Wasn't my idea.

   5. MBMike Baker0:20

      Ah. I coulda, I coulda had that information before I picked it up.

   6. NANarrator0:24

      Mike. Oh, nevermind.

   7. MBMike Baker0:25

      I'm sorry.

   8. JRJoe Rogan0:26

      Check, check, check. There we go.

   9. MBMike Baker0:27

      That.

   10. JRJoe Rogan0:28

       There we go. Okay. Yeah, Steve Rinella was here yesterday, and, uh, I guess the technical term is bacula. I didn't know it was called a bacula, but that's what it is, so...

   11. MBMike Baker0:38

       (sighs)

   12. JRJoe Rogan0:38

       Dick bone.

   13. MBMike Baker0:40

       I've got one at home. Oddly enough, a friend of mine, who, uh, has been up in Alaska most of his life, he sent this, uh, this... It's very - it's not like this. It's, like, on this ornamental stand, and it's polished, and it looks like, you know, it looks like a piece of ivory almost. And I was like, "What the hell is this thing?" And, you know, but it was a great... It was very nice. You know, it was a gift he sent, and I, I never thought to ask him what the hell it was. (laughs)

   14. JRJoe Rogan0:59

       A dick bone.

   15. MBMike Baker0:59

       Yeah, until he came to visit one time.

   16. JRJoe Rogan1:01

       Are we rolling?

   17. NANarrator1:02

       Sure.

   18. JRJoe Rogan1:02

       Yeah, let's just keep it from here. (laughs)

   19. MBMike Baker1:05

       (laughs)

   20. JRJoe Rogan1:05

       Start it off with, "What, what type of animal was it?"

   21. MBMike Baker1:08

       A walrus bone.

   22. JRJoe Rogan1:09

       A walrus dick.

   23. MBMike Baker1:09

       Yeah, yeah, a walrus dick.

   24. JRJoe Rogan1:10

       Was it the same size as that?

   25. MBMike Baker1:12

       No, no. This one was not as well endowed. Um, but it's shinier, the one that I've got. (laughs)

   26. JRJoe Rogan1:16

       Oh.

   27. MBMike Baker1:17

       It's polished.

   28. JRJoe Rogan1:17

       Maybe it's older, more polished.

   29. MBMike Baker1:19

       Yeah, yeah.

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:19

       So, here we are, Mike Baker. It is Friday. The elections were Tuesday. We still don't know who the new president is, which I guess, um... I was having a conversation, I forget who told this to me, but the, uh, the Al Gore-Bush election took 45 days to resolve.
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   That's crazy. …

   1. MBMike Baker15:00

      uh, they were not able to get in as far as access goes as, you know, once the vou- voting started some they weren't able to go in for the pre-vote counting or the pre-, uh, the pre-voting day counting of these ballots. Um, and others they were able to go in and they were kept maybe 25 feet back instead of, uh, what ap-

   2. JRJoe Rogan15:19

      That's crazy.

   3. MBMike Baker15:20

      ...parently was like a six feet distance that it had been, I, I think. I'm not, don't quote me on this, but maybe a, a responsibly decided that you could be six feet away because of social distancing.

   4. JRJoe Rogan15:29

      H- how could you read it 25 feet away? That seems insane.

   5. MBMike Baker15:31

      Exactly. Some places had 'em watching on monitors, which again, is, is, is, is useless. But, uh, so and those, the, the problem there is that should never happen. You should be able to always agree, both sides, that you need, uh, campaign observers in there and they have that right to observe the counting of these things. And it all comes down to the same issue whether it's that or whether it's, um, you know, uh, counting ballots because, you know, the, or, or discarding ballots because a person's died (laughs) previous to the election. It all comes down to the perception of fraud. There may not be anything going on in this election in terms of fraud, fraudulent activity. When it, when, when all is said and done, all the investigations are done, but the damage is already done because people perceive it as, as, as, as possible. A lot of people perceive it as likely or as happening, and if you don't have a transparent system set up, right, that is easy to see, it... You've gotta be able to look at it, the, and not be told by politicians, not be told by, uh, you know, election officials or the media that it's, it's a, it's a good credible system. The, the, the voter has to be able to look at the process and say, "Yeah. Yeah, that's fair and transparent." It's like, um, it, you know, it's, it's like, uh, cover for action, right? If I'm doing a, if I'm doing surveillance on some target, right? Um, and I'm out in the middle of some, whether it's a shithole or whether it's, uh, you know, an, uh, urban center in a developed country, I have to have cover for action. I have to have a reason that is plainly obvious by passerbys or by local authorities or police that patrol the area, "Oh, I get it. That's why he's there," right? We did an op one time where, um, it was overseas. We were waiting for a target to, uh, to show up, um, and it was, uh, it was a port, right? And, uh, a lot busy, a lot of people coming and going, tourists, uh, workers, commercial workers, everybody coming and going from this busy port. And, you know, what you didn't have is you didn't have a lot of people just hanging out, right? There weren't a lot of opportunities just to hang out, so you had to, I had to have a reason, right? So what do you do? You set somebody down there with a couple of, uh, pieces of luggage and a, and a baby stroller and a baby. Um, don't ask me where we got the baby from. And you, uh-

   6. JRJoe Rogan17:50

      Just stole a baby. (laughs)

   7. MBMike Baker17:51

      (laughs) You know, hey-... it's for the good of the country. Um, and I- I- I- we requisitioned it. We got a- we have a- (laughs) we have a baby requisition department down in the basement of the agency. No, we don't. No! No! It was my own baby, actually.

   8. JRJoe Rogan18:04

      Really?

   9. MBMike Baker18:04

      It was my daughter when she was a little baby. And-

   10. JRJoe Rogan18:06

       You used your own daughter during a- a covert operation?

   11. MBMike Baker18:08

       Why? Is that wrong?

   12. JRJoe Rogan18:09

       I don't think so.

   13. MBMike Baker18:10

       No! I mean-

   14. JRJoe Rogan18:11

       I'm just curious.

   15. MBMike Baker18:12

       Yeah. And so it- and it- and it worked like a charm because they could sit there for hours, right, waiting theoretically for a boat, but obviously pulling surveillance, uh, from an observation post. And people walking by were like, "Yeah. There's a- there's, you know, some lady with a baby, you know, and suitcases." It's cover for action. Um, they did a- they- they- they- they whacked a- an industrialist in- in Germany one time where the, uh, the hit team, um ... It was very elaborate. But they, uh, they did what they always do. They surveil, they figure out the guy's routes, and as is usual, your- your choke points, you know, that's what they're looking for. Where does the- where ... You know, you get in the vehicle and you drive, you're gonna have choke points. Usually it's at the place of work or it's at your home, right? Uh, but it may be somewhere in between. Maybe there's a- there's a- an avenue that's always, you know, blocked up. Maybe there's a turn that they have to come to a complete stop. There's- you're- you're- you're looking for that choke point where you can, uh, lay out the attack, where you control the environment, right? There was a place in the Philippines, it still exists, uh, we used to call it Ambush Alley, right? Because you'd start at one end, you'd go to the other, and- and it was- it was a cut through. There weren't that very many of them, and sometimes it was the only one to get from one part of the- of the city to another. And once you got in there, you know, you'd (laughs) just- just hit the gas because you were hosed if you got caught up in there and there was an insurgency going on. And so, you know, uh, roadblocks and- and, uh, and local, uh, hit teams, they call them sparrow units, uh, were always a- a- a concern. And so that was- that was a choke point. Ambush Alley was a choke point. Anyway, long story short, they whacked this industrialist, but the hit team, uh, who- after they'd done their surveillance and they decided where that point was for the attack, they, uh, showed up one day in, uh, construction gear and construction uniforms and started digging a trench as a construction team, right? You can look that. You drive by and go, "Oh, they're building something," or, "They're digging a trench," right?

   16. JRJoe Rogan20:00

       Mm-hmm.

   17. MBMike Baker20:01

       It's cover for action. Um, and so it's the s- (laughs) I don't know how I'm making this analogy, but it's the same with the election. You got- voters gotta be able to look at it and go, "It's transparent. I see why it's transparent. I can move on."

   18. JRJoe Rogan20:13

       But you're talking about fuckery.

   19. MBMike Baker20:15

       Yeah.

   20. JRJoe Rogan20:16

       You're talking about them. They- they did a bad job of hiding corruption. That's what you're saying. You're saying cover for action-

   21. MBMike Baker20:25

       Well, yeah. Yeah.

   22. JRJoe Rogan20:25

       ... is- you're- it's deceptive. Like you're- what you're describing is deceptive.

   23. MBMike Baker20:29

       Well, what- what I'm- what I'm saying is they've- they- the system has to be clearly, um, uh, transparent and- and- and honest and credible by just- from the voter's perspective.

   24. JRJoe Rogan20:42

       Right.

   25. MBMike Baker20:42

       You can't- you can't do shit like adjust the rules about- just because we say, "Ah, pandemic, now we gotta change the rules," and, you know, "These states are gonna change them and these states won't, and this state has this." You know.

   26. JRJoe Rogan20:50

       Why did- how did you make the connection from that to cover for action?

   27. MBMike Baker20:54

       Um, you know, 'cause g- oh, I- I- I know. See-

   28. JRJoe Rogan20:57

       'Cause you think like an operative.

   29. MBMike Baker20:57

       Thank you for bringing me back in. Yeah. Yeah. Cover for action is because (laughs) because- sorry. I know. This is- uh, this is- yeah. Try being at my house and- and my h- try being part of my family and following me at the dinner table. Um, it's because y- with cover for action, just like with looking at the- the voting and saying, "Okay. I see why it's transparent. I see." Cover for action, you gotta look and go, "Okay, I get it. That's what they're there for," and you move on. You don't- you don't- you don't think about it. You don't have to be told. You know, you don't have to stop and go, "Excuse me. What are you doing here?"

   30. JRJoe Rogan21:22

       Mm-hmm.
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   Right. …

   1. JRJoe Rogan30:00

      the actual policies. Whether Trump's an asshole or not, the, the real problem with having an asshole for a president is it encourages other assholes-

   2. MBMike Baker30:07

      Right.

   3. JRJoe Rogan30:07

      ... to be assholes. And this is the first time there's ever been a president that actually encouraged ashl- asshole-ishness.Um, but the- but the-

   4. MBMike Baker30:14

      Yeah, I mean, he came out yet last night, this press conference, which, uh, you know, a lot of people were horrified by, and then, you know, a lot of people, again, on the right kind of cheered. Um, and I think his first sentence out of the gate, um, in the midst of all this sort of concern and chaos and the angst from everybody is, was, uh, "Look, if you just count the legal votes, I- I- I've won easily." Okay. All right. You know what? You, it's not necessary. You don't have to do that. You can say, you know, there, it, "This is still being contested."

   5. JRJoe Rogan30:43

      Yeah.

   6. MBMike Baker30:43

      "We're do- you know, we're-"

   7. JRJoe Rogan30:44

      That doesn't... Yeah.

   8. MBMike Baker30:45

      You know? Yeah, yeah.

   9. JRJoe Rogan30:45

      That doesn't help anybody.

   10. MBMike Baker30:46

       "We're concerned about some, uh, potential irregularities, but don't just start throwing shit at the wall, because it demeans the whole process." And that's... So, anyway. And that's where it all falls apart. People start losing that credibility or that, that belief in the system. And, but they get... then again, if you've spent four years attacking the credibility of the system by saying it was the Russians that put him in there, right? And then talking about all this other shit about, "Oh, he may never leave." And, and, you know, he's... And, and, and they were accusing him over the past couple of years. "I'll bet he's gonna try to steal the election." Right? And so now when the other side's like, "Ah, we, we're kind of concerned about some of the things we're seeing." They're like, "Oh, for fuck's sake. Don't be..."

   11. JRJoe Rogan31:23

       Yeah.

   12. MBMike Baker31:23

       "You know, let's... Can't we just all get along?"

   13. JRJoe Rogan31:24

       Is anybody accusing the Republicans of voter fraud in the states that Trump won?

   14. MBMike Baker31:30

       (laughs) Yeah. Uh, I... That's a good question. Um, I have not seen anything relating to that.

   15. JRJoe Rogan31:36

       I haven't seen-

   16. MBMike Baker31:36

       No.

   17. JRJoe Rogan31:36

       ... that either.

   18. MBMike Baker31:37

       No, nothing.

   19. JRJoe Rogan31:37

       How come?

   20. MBMike Baker31:37

       Yeah. Um, (sighs) you know, uh, probably because those states don't matter. I, I hate to say it that way, but, you know-

   21. JRJoe Rogan31:44

       How dare you?

   22. MBMike Baker31:45

       I know. But he comes... Yeah.

   23. JRJoe Rogan31:46

       You're talking about Texas.

   24. MBMike Baker31:47

       I... Well...

   25. JRJoe Rogan31:47

       You're in Texas, sir.

   26. MBMike Baker31:48

       No, Texas mattered. Are you kidding me?

   27. JRJoe Rogan31:50

       Right. But-

   28. MBMike Baker31:50

       Texas mattered, but-

   29. JRJoe Rogan31:51

       But Trump won Texas.

   30. MBMike Baker31:52

       Te- is there any talk of- But the expectation was, was that he would.
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   Yeah, I mean, I…

   1. JRJoe Rogan45:00

      we were gone, um, and Jaime probably got it the weekend I left and didn't feel bad until three or four days later. And then by the time we came in, it was like a good seven days, right? Something like that.

   2. NANarrator45:15

      Yeah, I mean, I didn't even feel sick when that day. I was like, I'm f-... I felt sick a couple days, but-

   3. JRJoe Rogan45:19

      When he tested positive?

   4. MBMike Baker45:20

      Temperature, temperature?

   5. NANarrator45:21

      I don't think so. I mean, it may be. It's hard to tell. It was hot as shit here.

   6. JRJoe Rogan45:24

      I was worried though that we were gonna have to shut-

   7. MBMike Baker45:26

      (laughs)

   8. JRJoe Rogan45:26

      That was true. It is hot as shit. Well, I was worried that we were gonna have to shut the show down, but the-

   9. MBMike Baker45:30

      Yeah.

   10. JRJoe Rogan45:30

       ... doctor informed me that since I never was really close to him, he, we s- made him sit in the corner like a dunce.

   11. MBMike Baker45:36

       (laughs)

   12. JRJoe Rogan45:36

       And, uh, after we found out that he had the cooties and we tested him again, he failed the second test, but-

   13. MBMike Baker45:42

       And uh, did you think about firing him at that point?

   14. JRJoe Rogan45:44

       No. No fucking way.

   15. NANarrator45:45

       Uh...

   16. MBMike Baker45:45

       That's it. You're done.

   17. JRJoe Rogan45:46

       No way.

   18. MBMike Baker45:47

       You're done.

   19. JRJoe Rogan45:47

       'Cause I could have caught it too. Listen.

   20. MBMike Baker45:48

       Mm-hmm. I was just in, uh, I was in DC. We were filming for a Discovery series called What On Earth, right? And these guys, they... The film crew for thi- this series is usually from England.

   21. JRJoe Rogan46:00

       Do they quarantine people?

   22. MBMike Baker46:01

       Oh, my God.

   23. JRJoe Rogan46:02

       Oh, yeah.

   24. MBMike Baker46:02

       Those guys go through the protocols, right?

   25. JRJoe Rogan46:04

       Yeah. I mean, listen.

   26. MBMike Baker46:05

       Yeah.

   27. JRJoe Rogan46:05

       I, I, I believe... I understand how they would do that for a film or production.

   28. MBMike Baker46:09

       Mm-hmm.

   29. JRJoe Rogan46:10

       But for a podcast, like it goes on all year.

   30. MBMike Baker46:12

       Yeah.
5. 1:00:00 – 1:06:17

   Yeah. …

   1. MBMike Baker1:00:00

      get a commission of, of, you know, the sp- the leading scientists and we're gonna look at how do we deliver these things on time and how do we..." Think about... Hold on a second, pal. Look, I mean, I, I don't doubt that he's a good person. I'm sure he is a good person. But y- you can't tell me that suddenly you're magically going to, you know, develop this, this level of efficiency that y- you know, wasn't displayed in the previous eight years of, of the Obama administration or prior to that when you were, you know, as a senator for all this time admittedly working within a system that sometimes is hard to move. But I think, you know, h- his answer to that commission, his answer to court packing, "Are you in favor of court packing?" He wouldn't answer that question.

   2. JRJoe Rogan1:00:34

      Yeah.

   3. MBMike Baker1:00:34

      You know? So he says, "I'm gonna form a commission to look at it because I think the Supreme Court's out of whack." What the fuck does that mean?

   4. JRJoe Rogan1:00:40

      Well, not only that-

   5. MBMike Baker1:00:41

      Yeah.

   6. JRJoe Rogan1:00:41

      ... he said, "The people don't deserve to know."

   7. MBMike Baker1:00:43

      Yeah. (laughs)

   8. JRJoe Rogan1:00:44

      You hear that part?

   9. MBMike Baker1:00:45

      I don't know.

   10. JRJoe Rogan1:00:45

       He says some wacky shit. And I'll tell you one thing, as a comic, God, I hope comedy clubs open up to full capacity soon-

   11. MBMike Baker1:00:53

       (laughs)

   12. JRJoe Rogan1:00:53

       ... 'cause there is so much gold in that man. There's gold in Trump, but the gold in Trump was almost hard to mine because, like, so many people were so polarized by him. It's like-

   13. MBMike Baker1:01:03

       Right. Right.

   14. JRJoe Rogan1:01:03

       And the jokes already wrote themselves. It's like people are like, "Jesus Christ, stop talking about Trump." Like, "Enough already." Like, I really didn't have much Trump material. I had Trump material on the way to the White House. I got a whole bit about him in 2016.

   15. MBMike Baker1:01:17

       But e- it... I may, I, I may be completely wrong about this, but also he was such a parody of himself, right?

   16. JRJoe Rogan1:01:21

       Yeah.

   17. MBMike Baker1:01:22

       In a sense that it's almost hard to-

   18. JRJoe Rogan1:01:24

       Yeah.

   19. MBMike Baker1:01:24

       ... go anywhere with it, right?

   20. JRJoe Rogan1:01:25

       He's so ridiculous it's hard to write stuff that's more ridiculous-

   21. MBMike Baker1:01:29

       Yeah.

   22. JRJoe Rogan1:01:29

       ... 'cause that's one of the things you do with comedy, is you make things more ridiculous than they actually are but with a grain of truth to it-

   23. MBMike Baker1:01:35

       Yeah.

   24. JRJoe Rogan1:01:35

       ... when you're, when you're mocking a person.

   25. MBMike Baker1:01:37

       Well, I'm w- I'm curious as to where Corn Pop's gonna end up in all of this.

   26. JRJoe Rogan1:01:40

       Oh, he's gonna be great.

   27. MBMike Baker1:01:41

       Yeah.

   28. JRJoe Rogan1:01:41

       Corn Pop is coming back.

   29. MBMike Baker1:01:42

       Yeah.

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:01:42

       Corn Pop's gonna say, "I'm here to tell you that story's true."

Episode duration: 3:05:40