8 Habits That Will Change Your Life: The Expert Advice You Need This Year

1. 0:00 – 4:03

   Introduction

   1. MRMel Robbins0:00

      This year, we had 43 amazing experts that appeared on the Mel Robbins podcast, and some of them were so incredible, they actually appeared a couple times. And I started to wonder, who were the favorites for you and your fellow listeners around the world? I mean, I'm talking the best of the best. So I decided to figure it out. What episodes did you share the most? What did you comment on? What specific moments did you watch over and over again on YouTube? Well, I've crunched the data, I've reviewed hundreds of hours of our podcasts from this year, and today, I am so thrilled because I have the best of the best of the best from this past year on the Mel Robbins podcast. All right. Let's do this. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. I am so fired up that you're here today. I mean, it's always an honor to be able to spend time together, but today especially. You want to know why? Because I'm gonna hand the mic over to you. This episode today, it's all about your favorite moments and your fellow listeners' favorite moments from the Mel Robbins podcast from over the past year. And if you're brand new, I wanna welcome you to the Mel Robbins podcast family. This is the perfect episode for you to listen to as your very first episode, because you're gonna get a sampling of the kind of experts that we talk to on this podcast every single week, and you're gonna love it. And the fact is, I get hundreds of messages and emails and comments from you about episodes that hit home all year long, the ones that made you stop in your tracks, the ones that made you replay a clip over and over, the ones that you kept sending to someone that you love. And so first of all, it was so fun to just dig in and crunch the data and compile this episode. In fact, if you're watching on, on YouTube, I'm gonna hold up this, like th- this piece of paper. I'm gonna describe it to you. My team assembled... You know when you were in high school and they did the end of the year superlatives where it's like, "the best this" and "the best that", "the best the other thing" or "the worst this"? I won teacher's pet, by the way. That was my superlative, which means I guess I'm a suck-up. Well, we actually, my team gathered this amazing collage of all of the experts that are featured today, so I kind of feel like it's the Mel Robbins yearbook that we're gonna be covering today, and we've spent hours reviewing these standout moments. We've looked at YouTube, these moments that you just would pause, go back, rewatch. We've looked at the episodes that you shared, that you commented on, that you wrote in about. We noticed which experts you were like, "Could you have them come back?" And here's what I wanna say. You and I, we are in for such a treat, and I'm excited because I know what you're about to hear, and even just compiling this, I was reminded of the experts that really changed a lot about our approach to relationships. There were episodes that helped you conquer your fears, stories that made you laugh, cry, or just feel like you're not alone. And so today, we have compiled it all for you, and we're diving into the greatest moments, the moments that left the biggest impression on this extraordinary global community. And whether you've been riding with me since the beginning of this podcast two years ago or you are tuning in for the first time, oh my gosh, did you pick a winner, because you're about to hear the moments that you said made the biggest impact in your life and in the lives of the people that you love. And one more thing I wanna say before we jump in, 'cause we got a lot to cover today, you and I, is that like every single episode that we do, if you look at the notes of the episode, you're gonna find links to every single one of the podcasts that we are discussing today. So you're not gonna miss a thing. And in fact, if you're brand new, this is like a playlist that is the best of the best, so it's the perfect place for you to start, and you can find all those links in the show notes.

2. 4:03 – 8:29

   The connection between chronic stress and weight gain

   1. MRMel Robbins4:03

      All righty. So, I wanted to start with one of the most viral clips of the entire year. What does that mean? It means this is one of the moments from the podcast this year that you shared more than any other moment. And the jury has decided, case is closed, you loved Dr. Tara Swart. She is an incredible MD, PhD, and neuroscientist. She's a professor at MIT, and she flew all the way from London to be in our Boston studios to be with you. You loved absolutely everything that she shared in this episode about how to apply neuroscience and the scientific findings in her research around the brain functioning to your life. But holy cow, did you love everything that she shared about stress, and she shared so much with us that I'm gonna break this down step by step so you really get it. I mean, this was a moment that went so viral that when you watched the podcast on YouTube, you would literally stop and go backward and play it over and over, and you shared this episode over and over. And so the first thing that you're gonna hear is something I had never heard before, and that is the impact that stress has, get this, on your belly fat. And so what you're about to hear is you're about to hear Dr. Tara talk about stress and the evolutionary background of the function of stress, and then we're gonna get into this shocking finding that the more stressed out you are, the more that your body creates belly fat. Check this out.

   2. GUGuest5:35

      So cortisol is known as the stress hormone, and it absolutely correlates with emotions such as fear, anger, disgust, shame, and sadness. Cortisol isn't all bad. You know, we need it to wake up in the morning. We need it to have an adaptive stress response to, you know, a car driving too fast on the street-

   3. MRMel Robbins5:52

      Mm-hmm.

   4. GUGuest5:52

      ... that we're trying to cross. Um, so as long as it stays within that range, that's fine. But when something super stressful happens, like the saber-toothed tiger, you know, that we spoke about earlier, the cortisol level will spike.And that enables us to run away, to warn our tribe. And it should go back to normal levels, you know, quite quickly. In the modern day, as I mentioned earlier, we're so overwhelmed with information. There are so many psychological threats to our safety that it's... (sighs) Most people, unfortunately, the levels are high-

   5. MRMel Robbins6:29

      Hmm.

   6. GUGuest6:29

      ... and they're either at the higher end or higher, and that's pretty constant, whereas they should be, you know, kind of undulating thr- j- between that range. When that happens, because cortisol is carried in the blood supply around the body and it crosses the blood-brain barrier, there are receptors in the brain that monitor the levels of cortisol in a way to sense threat in our environment. When those levels are high, most of the time or all the time, or higher than the, the, you know, higher end of the threshold, the brain immediately thinks, "I'm about to die. What is the biggest threat to my survival?" And in some ways, because it's from so long ago, we're wired in such a, you know, cave person way, the first threat that the brain will consider is starvation. Even though that's, for most of us, thank goodness, not the biggest threat to our survival.

   7. MRMel Robbins7:25

      Yeah.

   8. GUGuest7:25

      In fact, quite the opposite. So, to try to protect us from dying of starvation, one of the things that cortisol does is lay down extra fat in the abdominal fat cells so that if we are u- unable to hunt or gather for some time, we can digest that fat and stay alive until a food source becomes available.

   9. MRMel Robbins7:46

      Wait, so are you saying that stress is causing belly fat?

   10. GUGuest7:51

       Yeah. It's not just causing fat. It's specifically causing belly fat. So, you may not have changed your shape in the rest of your body, but if you're noticing that your belt has become tighter-

   11. MRMel Robbins8:01

       Mm-hmm.

   12. GUGuest8:02

       ... that's a sign that you could have chronic cortisol. And the other thing is that it's fat that's particularly stubborn. So, if you do notice that the belt is tighter and you think, "Okay, I definitely need to move a bit more or eat a bit less," and you actually start doing one or both of those things, but the belly fat doesn't change because the cortisol is driving the fat there regardless-

   13. MRMel Robbins8:25

       Huh.

   14. GUGuest8:25

       ... of your behavior, um, in the physical world.

3. 8:29 – 16:07

   Stress is contagious, here’s how to stop others from stressing you out

   1. GUGuest8:29

   2. MRMel Robbins8:29

      Did you hear that? I, I, I mean, that was the first time I had ever heard the connection between stress and belly fat. But it makes so much sense, doesn't it? And so, the next thing I was curious about is I asked her, "Okay, well how do high levels of stress impact the functioning of the brain?" And check out what she had to say.

   3. GUGuest8:50

      I'm gonna do brain and body, if that's okay.

   4. MRMel Robbins8:52

      Yeah.

   5. GUGuest8:52

      So, so this, think of this cortisol as a corrosive agent that's literally flowing through your entire brain and body. So, in the body, it starts to erode your immunity. So, you might notice more colds and flus more often or ones that last for weeks and weeks. I mean, I certainly remember during the financial crisis when I worked with a lot of banks and hedge funds people saying, you know, "I've had this cold for four, six, eight weeks, but s- but everybody has it."

   6. MRMel Robbins9:19

      Hmm.

   7. GUGuest9:20

      And, and I had to say to them, "Do, do you hear what you're saying? That, that it's not normal to have a cold for six weeks? Um, and this is cortisol." And at the extreme end of that, people were dropping dead of heart attacks on trading floors. So, you know, lowering your immunity and corroding your body that much can cause everything from colds and flus to heart attacks and cancers. In the brain, what happens is what I call low power mode, like on your phone. So, once those receptors know there's an imminent threat to our survival, think of the highest functions of the brain, thinking creatively, thinking flexibly, solving complex problems, overriding our biases, uh, regulating our emotions. What, what... Okay. How are those gonna serve us now that we're just, just trying to survive physically? We don't need those things. Don't send any blood supply to those higher functions. Bring it right down to get up in the morning, go and sit at your desk, look like you're doing your job even if you actually can't really do it. This is the reason that presenteeism costs businesses more than double what absenteeism does. In that low power mode, it would be better to stay at home for two days and recover, and then come back to work and actually function and, you know, work with your team. Um-

   8. MRMel Robbins10:43

      Because stress impairs the higher functioning of the brain.

   9. GUGuest10:45

      It just moves the blood supply away from it because you're not gonna give up your precious resources for functions like that. And, and just to, um, put that into context for you, Mel, the brain is a tiny organ. It's, you know, it's a tiny percentage of your whole body, like maybe 2 or 3%, but it's, it uses up 20 to 30% of the breakdown products of what you eat.

   10. MRMel Robbins11:09

       Wow.

   11. GUGuest11:10

       Yeah.

   12. MRMel Robbins11:10

       That's how hard it's working.

   13. GUGuest11:12

       It's using up 20% of what you ate that day when you're asleep. It's using up 25% of what you eat when you're working, managing, leading, running your family, you know, just thinking. Like, right now, we're probably both using 25%. But if you're stressed, it's using 30%.

   14. MRMel Robbins11:32

       It's so fascinating, isn't it? And one of the things that I read about in her work is that she has found that stress is contagious. And this is a really important concept to understand so you can protect yourself from other people's stress and you don't catch it because now we know the impact of it. And what you're gonna hear her talk about is some research regarding what happens among silverback gorillas, how stress travels in and among silverback gorillas and how the exact same thing is happening to you and me. Check this out.

   15. GUGuest12:05

       The silverback gorillas' stress levels affect the other gorillas more than gorillas of the same status. And so it happens in business, and so it happens in the home.... the leader, in quote marks, of the entity, their stress levels will impact other people more than the other way around or people of equal status. So, you know, the highly stressed boss, as an example. The- the highly stressed parent.

   16. MRMel Robbins12:35

       Hmm. Interesting.

   17. GUGuest12:37

       Yeah.

   18. MRMel Robbins12:37

       Well, it makes sense because if you think about it, whether it's in the example of the silverback or you take a family system or you take a work system-

   19. GUGuest12:45

       Mm-hmm.

   20. MRMel Robbins12:46

       ... that if the person in charge of your paycheck is stressed out-

   21. GUGuest12:49

       Mm-hmm.

   22. MRMel Robbins12:50

       ... that that, their stress is a direct threat to your financial survival.

   23. GUGuest12:54

       Mm-hmm.

   24. MRMel Robbins12:55

       And that's why it triggers you like that.

   25. GUGuest12:57

       Mm-hmm.

   26. MRMel Robbins12:57

       And so that makes a lot of sense, that stress would be contagious and affect everybody around you. So if stress is contagious, how do you protect yourself from other people's stuff?

   27. GUGuest13:10

       Um, well, I- I think the answer to that is both how do you reduce your own stress if you're the stressed person and how do you protect yourself from other people's stress? It's mostly through mindfulness activities. So activities that connect the brain and the body, because like I said, the- the glands in the brain are com- talking to the adrenal glands and creating this stress situation. So the way to decrease our activity is through activities like meditation, yoga, time in nature, um, journaling, gratitude, all of those things that reduce levels of cortisol, move your autonomic nervous system, which is the nervous system in your body rather than in your brain, from sympathetic, which is fight, flight, fight, to parasympathetic, which is rest and recover. Um, and, you know, lower your heartbeat, lower your blood pressure.

   28. MRMel Robbins14:08

       So simply lowering your own stress insulates you from other people's stress?

   29. GUGuest14:13

       Yes, but with both versions of it, whether it's your own or others, addressing the root cause is important, 'cause what you don't want to be doing is just continually shielding yourself from something that's not changing.

   30. MRMel Robbins14:25

       This is so important, and I don't know about you, I just love the way she explains things. When I hear adrenal glands and I hear the functioning of the brain, it makes me feel more motivated to wanna put up that personal almost, like, uh, a force field. Like, that's what you're doing, because you don't wanna catch your boss' stress. You don't want your spouse or your kids or your roommate's stress to impact you, and it shouldn't. And you wanna know another thing that I, is super effective? At least it has been for me, is saying let them. The let them theory is another force field that you can create because you can see that somebody else's stress, your boss', let's just take that situation, or maybe your professor, and they're gonna grade your exams, their stress, it feels threatening, but it doesn't have to. And Dr. Tara taught you that it's contagious, and you have to protect yourself from it. So just say, "Let them. Let them be stressed, and I'm gonna put the force field up." And one other reason why I love this is because she's not just giving you an explanation. She's also handing you a solution. And when you not only understand what's going on inside your body or inside someone else's, you can see it coming. And it amplifies the reason why simple things like meditation or taking a walk outside or simply taking a deep breath (breathes deeply) or reminding yourself, "Let them. Their stress is theirs, doesn't have to be mine." That's why this is such a game changer. And that's why I think you loved that moment on the podcast as much as I did, because it not only made you smarter. It equipped you with what you needed to do, and I love that. And

4. 16:07 – 20:38

   The biggest productivity myth that’s damaging your brain health

   1. MRMel Robbins16:07

      while we're on the topic of stress, that brings me to our next allstar from this past year, and that is Dr. Aditi Nerurkar. Now, you loved her, I love her. I feel like she's one of those people that you just wanna listen to because you feel like she really gets it. Now, she's been on the show twice this past year. I am definitely gonna have her back in 2025 because I can't get enough. And let me share some of her background with you. Dr. Aditi is a Harvard-trained medical doctor and a renowned authority in stress management and public health. She's a lecturer at Harvard Medical School, and previously she was the director of an integrative medicine program at Beth Israel Deaconess Hospital that specialized in evidence-based stress management techniques and was one of the largest stress management clinics in the world. Now, every time you listen to Dr. Aditi, you're gonna feel like you got both a warm hug and a brain upgrade. Now, on her first appearance this year, she brought the goods. I mean, I'm talking groundbreaking research, simple exercises you could use, mind-blowing realizations that made you really rethink how you handle stress. And in this next clip that you're about to hear, she tees up and destroys one of the biggest myths around how you should live your life and be successful right out of the gate, so let's take a listen.

   2. GUGuest17:31

      One of the biggest myths is that you are meant to be functioning at a high capacity without any need for rest or recovery, that productivity is linear. The more you do, the more you can accomplish, and then the more you do, the more you can accomplish. It's just supposed to be this, like, thing that, this feedback loop that's supposed to continue on and on and on. That's a myth. A break is not just a nice-to-have luxury. Your brain and your body need a break. It is a biological necessity for your brain and body to rest and recover. Human productivity is not linear. It functions on a curve. Think of a bell-shaped curve.

   3. MRMel Robbins18:10

      Hmm. Mm-hmm.

   4. GUGuest18:10

      The left of the curve, when you don't have a lot of stress, you're not very motivated, you're not very productive.Think about the right side of the curve. So much stress, you are keyed up. Many of us are living on this right side of the curve, right? There is a sweet spot of human productivity right in the middle. It's just right stress. I call it the Goldilocks principle, and it's this idea of we all are to that right of that bell-shaped curve. We are anxious. We have so much stress. We're not productive. We can't focus. It's hard to get things done. So the science suggests that moving back, how do you get to that center spot, the sweet spot of human productivity, is to scale back. But you can't scale back, that's not realistic, because we have real constraints.

   5. MRMel Robbins18:58

      Mm-hmm.

   6. GUGuest18:58

      We have constraints on our time. We have obligations with work and parenting. Instead, you have to honor your breaks. How do you scale back? How do you apply this science to your everyday life? You honor your breaks.

   7. MRMel Robbins19:10

      How do you do that?

   8. GUGuest19:12

      When you are taking a break during the day, what do most of us do? We mindlessly scroll. We've already talked about what happens with scrolling. This isn't a benign thing that you are doing. You are actively influencing your brain and your body for more stress.

   9. MRMel Robbins19:25

      I wanna make sure that you heard the last line that she said, because this is super important. I mean, I'm guilty of scrolling. You're guilty of scrolling when you just wanna zone out. But what Dr. Addidi just said is that when you and I are scrolling, you're actively influencing your brain and body for more stress, which means by scrolling, you're creating more stress for yourself. It's like you're priming your brain and your body to feel more stress. And when she said that, I know you had the same reaction, which is, "Why would I want to create more stress for myself?" And the reason why this is important is because if you understand the implications of picking up your phone, 'cause we mindlessly do it, maybe you're gonna feel more motivated to not do it. And so I asked Dr. Addidi, "Okay, if mindlessly scrolling on your phone creates more stress, and it's priming my body and brain to feel more stressed, what the heck should I be doing instead of scrolling?" And I want you to take a listen very closely, because Dr. Addidi is about to walk you through an extraordinarily simple technique that she created, and she's gonna explain how she created it as a very stressed out medical school resident, but this is the

5. 20:38 – 25:03

   A leading doctor’s secret to resetting your body and mind

   1. MRMel Robbins20:38

      exact same technique she prescribes when she is working with patients in her clinical practice. And again, this is one of the most renowned and respected doctors in stress on the planet, and this is the method she's using with her patients.

   2. GUGuest20:55

      Try some heart-centered breathing.

   3. MRMel Robbins20:57

      Mm.

   4. GUGuest20:57

      Take a little walk outside. Do some stretches. Touch your toes, stand up, twist. Do something where you're connecting your breath to your movement. Tap into your mind/body connection. Practice Stop, Breathe, Be. It's a three-second exercise, and it can help.

   5. MRMel Robbins21:11

      What is that?

   6. GUGuest21:12

      The Stop, Breathe, Be method, it's... The instructions are in the name. It's a three-second exercise. So you stop, you breathe, and you be. So you ground your feet on the floor. I learned the Stop, Breathe, Be method, it was the first technique I learned to reset my mind/body connection when I was in the throes of stress as a stressed medical resident. I was working 80 hours a week. I was seeing 30 to 40 patients a day. And I brought the Stop, Breathe, Be method into my life when I would knock on the door of the patient room before I would enter. It was my doorknob moment. So as I turned the doorknob, I would say to myself, often under my breath, in a crowded place, "Stop, breathe, be." And then I would enter. And I would do that incrementally over and over and over again, 30, 40 times a day. Over time, I could just do it anywhere. In fact, before we started speaking, I was so excited because I was having a total fangirl moment, still am.

   7. MRMel Robbins22:09

      (laughs)

   8. GUGuest22:10

      It's been a long time, of my amygdala going off, but no, just kidding. I was having a fangirl moment. I'm not kidding about that. And I did Stop, Breathe, Be. In fact, the entire time that we've been speaking, I've been very aware of my feet on the floor, my posture in the chair, and how I am breathing, because that is important to manage and modulate your stress response.

   9. MRMel Robbins22:29

      Mm.

   10. GUGuest22:29

       You can practice Stop, Breathe, Be during mundane, everyday moments of your life. So I did it with the doorknob. You can do it, you know, between Zoom meetings. Stop, Breathe, Be.

   11. MRMel Robbins22:38

       It's a little mini reset.

   12. GUGuest22:40

       A small, micro reset, three seconds. You can practice it when you're brushing your teeth. I- I have practiced it in the morning when you're getting lunches ready for school, getting everything ready. I do it always at the doorknob before I'm about to go into the garage to do school bus stop drop-off. Stop, Breathe, Be. And I think, "Oh, my God, we forgot the project. Did you bring your hat? Oh, we need to get this, we need to get that." It's just the reset that you need. And it... The reason the Stop, Breathe, Be method works so well is because anxiety and anxious thoughts are a future-focused emotion.

   13. MRMel Robbins23:11

       Wow.

   14. GUGuest23:11

       It is about what if. What if this happens? What if that happens? What if I fail? What if I can't do well? What if, what if, what if? And Stop, Breathe, Be gets you out of what if thinking-

   15. MRMel Robbins23:23

       Mm.

   16. GUGuest23:23

       ... and gets you back into what is.

   17. MRMel Robbins23:26

       Amazing. Stop, Breathe, Be. I mean, what could be more simple? But it really is powerful, and I'm gonna tell you, ever since Dr. Addidi taught you and me that, I've been using it. And you can use it any time you want. You just feel yourself start spiraling. You feel the stress kick in. You feel yourself getting nervous. I always just put my hand on my heart. It's almost like I signal myself, "Okay, we're gonna do this," and I stop. I take a breath in (inhales) (exhales) and I just be there in the moment. Now, I have used this when I'm driving the car. I've used this before I grab my wallet to pay for something if I feel myself getting nervous about something. I use it as I grab the handle of the fridge 'cause oftentimes I'm, like, going to the fridge 'cause I'm kinda stressed out. Stop, Breathe, Be.You can be at your laptop. You can have just finished a z- a video conference call or a Zoom meeting and it was a little stressful, and now you're like, "Oh my God." So before you close the laptop, just stop, breathe, be. You can do it anywhere. And what I love about this technique from Dr. Aditi, and I said this earlier, this is the exact same technique that she is giving and teaching to her patients. She prescribes this as a Harvard Medical doctor running one of the largest stress management clinics in the world, and it works because it creates a micro moment of peace in your life, a moment where you can take control, where you can hit that reset. Now,

6. 25:03 – 31:45

   This advice made the most popular Mel Robbins Podcast episode ever.

   1. MRMel Robbins25:03

      if you had asked me, "Mel, what do you think the most popular topic of the year is gonna be of the entire Mel Robbins podcast?" I probably would have said something like, "I don't know, motivation? Relationships?" I would not have thought it was menopause, and here's why. The listeners of the Mel Robbins podcast are all ages, all over the world. And so I wouldn't have thought that it would have been a topic that impacts women of a certain age. But the fact is, you have a mom, you have older sisters, you have people in your life that are going through this, maybe it's your wife, and so this became our most popular episode not only because the topic is relevant to people in your life, but because the expert was absolutely extraordinary. Who am I talking about? I'm talking about the one and only Dr. Mary Claire Haver. Now, Dr. Haver is a board certified OB-GYN and a menopause expert. She's also a two-time New York Times bestselling author, she specializes in women's health, and is a certified menopause practitioner. She's also the bestselling author of the brand new book, The New Menopause, which is packed with all these accessible insights into navigating this journey. Every single day, 6,000 women in the United States alone enter menopause, and menopause for a lot of us is a phase that you dread. And Dr. Haver, she helps you move from dreading it to feeling empowered. And let me tell you something, after this conversation, I'm sure either you or the people that you forwarded this to felt the exact same thing. "Holy cow, why didn't anybody ever tell me this? I found the off switch for my hot flashes. I unlocked the door to better sleep. I started feeling like I loved my body again." Why? Because of all the things that Dr. Haver explained in plain English. She's saying, "No, no, no, no, this is not a time where you're put out to pasture. This is a time where you gotta kick it up into high gear because you can thrive." Her groundbreaking approach insists that no one should be suffering through this phase of your life because you're gonna spend a third of your life in menopause. This episode sparked not just a movement for women navigating menopause, but also for people who love and support them. There were so many important moments in this conversation that this would be a very good one to listen to the whole thing if you hadn't heard it, and certainly send the link to everybody that you love that is approaching menopause or in menopause. But I selected this moment because it's the most comprehensive tactical advice, which is what we all wanna hear, right? And what you're gonna hear Dr. Haver cover is she's gonna cover the top three things that she recommends to her patients that they need to be eating. She's gonna talk to you about the specific type of exercise that you need to be doing if you're in menopause, she's gonna give you tips about getting a better night's sleep, and she's got a very, very important warning about your phone and about alcohol, which is something you need to hear. And she's gonna kick all of this information off by talking about the three things she recommends that every woman in menopause needs to be eating. Check this out.

   2. GUGuest28:10

      I have my, like, top three things I would recommend to everyone.

   3. MRMel Robbins28:12

      Yes.

   4. GUGuest28:12

      Fiber. Track your fiber for a couple weeks. Get a nutrition tracker, see where you're at. Fiber does so much in our bodies. Number one, it feeds the gut microbiome.

   5. MRMel Robbins28:21

      Okay.

   6. GUGuest28:21

      That's its food.

   7. MRMel Robbins28:22

      Okay.

   8. GUGuest28:22

      So that's the prebiotic.

   9. MRMel Robbins28:24

      Give me example of what, like, fiber is.

   10. GUGuest28:26

       Legumes.

   11. MRMel Robbins28:27

       Who?

   12. GUGuest28:27

       Berry... Legumes, so, uh, n- um, (laughs) beans.

   13. MRMel Robbins28:32

       Okay.

   14. GUGuest28:32

       Beans. So it's a class of, of beans, peanuts are actually legumes as well, typically really high in fiber.

   15. MRMel Robbins28:38

       Okay.

   16. GUGuest28:39

       Um, berries, really high in fiber. Seeds and nuts, really high in fiber. Those are kinda, avocado, or you know, that's my go-to to make sure I'm, like, getting my fiber goal every day.

   17. MRMel Robbins28:48

       Okay.

   18. GUGuest28:49

       Also has healthy fats and other vitamins and minerals and nutrients. Mag, magnesium.

   19. MRMel Robbins28:53

       And this confuses me, 'cause I'm not quite sure what type of magnesium to take?

   20. GUGuest28:58

       Oh, great question. Your glycinates, your tarates, your citrates, um, and L-threonates are good 'cause they're readily absorbed into the bloodstream. So now we have nice magnesium levels in our blood. There's also benefit, some of them are better than others about crossing that blood-brain barrier. So the brain protects itself. There's a membrane around the brain that it doesn't have this 100% free flow of nutrients back and forth. It's really selective about what it lets in.

   21. MRMel Robbins29:27

       Mm.

   22. GUGuest29:27

       So mag L-threonate, which Magtein or Neuromag are the brand names, has been studied in, like, SSRI-resistant depression. So antidepressant-de- you know, -resistant depression in patients, they've added in this, it seemed to be helpful at... And my patients, you know, followers, it's so helpful for sleep, anxiety. So I'm often recommending that one at night.

   23. MRMel Robbins29:47

       And what one was that one?

   24. GUGuest29:48

       Magnesium L-threonate.

   25. MRMel Robbins29:50

       Okay, so you're saying fiber's number one, magnesium is number two.

   26. GUGuest29:55

       Mm-hmm.

   27. MRMel Robbins29:55

       How do you get magnesium naturally?

   28. GUGuest29:56

       So pumpkin seeds, um, spinach, you know, green, leafy greens are rich-

   29. MRMel Robbins30:01

       Mm-hmm.

   30. GUGuest30:02

       ... in mag generally. I have a lot of lists on my website where we list all this stuff.
7. 31:45 – 45:03

   What you need to know about alcohol, sleep, and exercise during menopause

   1. GUGuest31:45

   2. MRMel Robbins31:45

      So what kind-

   3. GUGuest31:46

      So I'm a-

   4. MRMel Robbins31:46

      ... of exercise is critical?

   5. GUGuest31:47

      I grew up in the '80s, and I was the cardio queen.

   6. MRMel Robbins31:51

      (laughs)

   7. GUGuest31:51

      I did so many step aerobics classes, I taught them. It would make your head spin. I did not-

   8. MRMel Robbins31:55

      I can actually see that.

   9. GUGuest31:56

      I did not-

   10. MRMel Robbins31:56

       I could... I would take a step aerobics class with you.

   11. GUGuest31:58

       It... I di-... All of my exercise was to be thin-

   12. MRMel Robbins32:02

       Yep.

   13. GUGuest32:03

       ... and to maintain a certain body shape. That was part of my social currency.

   14. MRMel Robbins32:06

       Mm-hmm.

   15. GUGuest32:07

       And if I could go back and talk to my... What I tell my children all the time, "We need to w- move our bodies to be strong, not skinny," and that we are chipping away this constant caloric restriction, and all this cardio is chipping away at our bone and muscle strength, wh- which we are going to desperately need as we age, especially if you're built like me.

   16. MRMel Robbins32:26

       Yeah.

   17. GUGuest32:27

       And I didn't pick up weights until I was well into my 40s. And there's never too late. Anybody listening at any age can start weight training, and you should. So I think that getting people to let go of this notion that thin is the way to be and that you're way better off having a little more curves and a lot more muscle is going to serve you in these menopausal years so much better than just being skinny.

   18. MRMel Robbins32:53

       And if you're having a hard time sleeping, what do you recommend?

   19. GUGuest32:57

       Right. So we have to look at why you're having a hard time.

   20. MRMel Robbins33:00

       Hmm.

   21. GUGuest33:01

       Um, progesterone goes a long way to helping us sleep. And so estrogen leads to hot flashes and night sweats, which are completely s- sleep disruptive. I mean, even with hormone therapy, I still have a thermometer leg that I have to throw out occasionally.

   22. MRMel Robbins33:18

       A thermometer leg. Oh, my.

   23. GUGuest33:19

       So-

   24. MRMel Robbins33:19

       I was just talking to a friend this morning. She's like, "Oh, well, I just stick my leg out, and the fan hits it, and that's how I cool myself down."

   25. GUGuest33:26

       Yeah.

   26. MRMel Robbins33:26

       And then-

   27. GUGuest33:27

       Just throw it back in, throw it out-

   28. MRMel Robbins33:28

       Yeah.

   29. GUGuest33:29

       ... throw it back in. So I'm like, "Okay, let's get you on some estrogen."

   30. MRMel Robbins33:32

       Okay.
8. 45:03 – 51:15

   How the Brain Energy Protocol can heal your mind and body

   1. MRMel Robbins45:03

      and the person that you're about to meet next is somebody that is revolutionizing the way that we're treating mental health issues. His name is Dr. Chris Palmer. I waited to get him on the Mel Robbins Podcast for months, because I knew he would make you look at the way you need to think about mental health in an entirely new way. And his research and what he's been doing at McLean Hospital, which is Harvard's hospital dedicated to mental health, where he's been practicing for 30 years, is shaking up the mental health community around the globe. And he has this incredible down-to-earth way to explain this unbelievable research, and you shared this over and over. You re-watched this episode on YouTube over and over, and you wrote to us about how the simple things that Dr. Palmer shared with you have actually helped people that you love who are struggling with depression, schizophrenia, all kinds of mental health issues. Based on Dr. Palmer's extensive clinical experience, he's on a mission to change the way that mental health is understood, discussed, and treated. Dr. Palmer has created something called The Brain Energy Theory, and he's revolutionizing the way that medical professionals think about mental illness, what it is, what causes it, and more importantly, how to treat it. If you haven't heard the entire episode, I encourage you to check this episode out and share it with anybody in your life who is struggling with mental health issues. Dr. Palmer's wait list is three years long to be able to get in to see him, and this is like having a private appointment. In short, Dr. Palmer says that mental health issues like anxiety and depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, they happen when your brain's energy system, which is your metabolism, isn't working right. Just like your heart can have problems if you eat badly, your brain can have issues too. I mean, it makes sense, doesn't it? Of course it does. And the good news? Dr. Palmer says that you can use modifications to your diet, to your exercise routine, to your lifestyle to significantly improve your mental health. What does that mean? Well, it means the exact same things that help your heart and other organs in your body help you fix the problems in your brain too, which will help you improve your brain's energy and improve your overall mental health. And that brings me to one of your most favorite moments of the entire year, the one that you shared more than just about anything else with friends and family, that you watched over and over on YouTube, and that is Dr. Palmer's specific protocol for treating someone who is dealing with any kind of mental health issue or any mental illness. I find his theory fascinating and his work revolutionary, and so during our conversation, I asked him, "Dr. Palmer, I realize you're not treating me or anybody that's listening, but is it possible for you to just give us a broad-stroke recommendation that any single person could follow for 21 days if they're struggling with mental health issues or a mental illness?" And this is what he had to say.

   2. GUGuest48:28

      For people who are suffering from mild to moderate disorders, their safety is not in danger, they have not been suicidal, they haven't tried to hurt any, themselves or anyone else, they're not hallucinating or delusional...If I had to give generic advice, what's the highest bang for the buck? I would say try a ketogenic diet for, uh, three months, and then we'll see how it goes. We actually have a tremendous amount of science on the ketogenic diet. Most people know the keto diet as a fad diet, a weight-loss diet, a dangerous diet. So, unbeknownst to most people, the ketogenic diet was developed over 100 years ago by a physician for one and only one purpose. It was not weight loss. It was to actually stop seizures. The ketogenic diet is an- now an evidence-based treatment. We have lots of randomized controlled trials. We have gold standard meta-analyses in the medical literature proving that this is effective, it is reputable, it is legitimate. The ketogenic diet is an evidence-based treatment for treatment-resistant epilepsy. And what that means is that if somebody has seizures and medications don't stop their seizures, or even brain surgery doesn't stop their seizures, the ketogenic diet can often work in a way that medications and even brain surgery may not have worked for those people. So we have decades of research looking at the ketogenic diet, trying to figure out how on earth does this diet (laughs) stop seizures when our great pills didn't? Like, what is going on here? And so we know that the ketogenic diet is changing... is having profound effects on the brain function. It's changing neurotransmitters. It changes gene expression. It decreases brain inflammation and body inflammation as well. It, um... Central to my thesis, it actually improves mitochondrial function, which in a nutshell means it's improving metabolism and, in particular, brain metabolism. And so one of the great things about the ketogenic diet, like when it's used for epilepsy-

   3. MRMel Robbins50:59

      Mm-hmm.

   4. GUGuest51:00

      ... is that people don't have to do it for life. Most often, people only need to do it for, like, two to five years. That actually, quote unquote-

   5. MRMel Robbins51:09

      That sounds like a long time, honestly.

   6. GUGuest51:11

      It is. (laughs)

   7. MRMel Robbins51:12

      (laughs) 2 to 5 years of a part- but what is it? Like I...

9. 51:15 – 1:01:41

   The ketogenic diet - what it is and how it could transform your health forever

   1. MRMel Robbins51:15

      'cause you guys say keto this, keto that, keto ketosis, or whatever the hell the words are. What is the keto- like, what am I eating? Walk me through a day of being on the keto diet.

   2. GUGuest51:26

      So the keto diet, in a nutshell, is very low in carbohydrates, moderate in protein, and high in fat. So I would recommend getting some information on a well-formulated ketogenic diet. So you wanna do it right. So what you would eat if you-

   3. MRMel Robbins51:42

      Yeah.

   4. GUGuest51:42

      ... were doing a ketogenic diet, b- again, there- there- I wanna even set the stage. There are vegan versions of a ketogenic diet.

   5. MRMel Robbins51:52

      Okay.

   6. GUGuest51:52

      Vegetarian versions, omnivore versions where you're eating both animal-sourced and plant-sourced foods-

   7. MRMel Robbins51:59

      Okay.

   8. GUGuest51:59

      ... and even, uh, kind- carnivore versions of this diet, where all you're eating is meat and eggs and stuff like that.

   9. MRMel Robbins52:05

      Okay. So this is very inclusive, everybody.

   10. GUGuest52:07

       So i-

   11. MRMel Robbins52:07

       But let's just say you and I are going to breakfast, lunch, and dinner today. What are we ordering?

   12. GUGuest52:11

       So what I might eat if I were eating a ketogenic diet, I am an omnivore. I eat both animal-sourced and plant-sourced foods. I would wake up, and I might have eggs and bacon or sausage or some kind of meat.

   13. MRMel Robbins52:24

       Let's go.

   14. GUGuest52:25

       I might-

   15. MRMel Robbins52:25

       Sounds like Sunday brunch, Dr. Palmer.

   16. GUGuest52:28

       (clears throat) I might add extra butter.

   17. MRMel Robbins52:30

       Mm-hmm.

   18. GUGuest52:31

       If I need more fat, I might add extra butter to the eggs. So some people might look at me making my eggs thinking, "Why are you putting all that butter in your scrambled eggs?" And I would say, "Because I need the extra fat." For lunch, I would probably, and for lunch and dinner, similar meals, I would probably have a protein source. So that could be steak, chicken, salmon, poultry.

   19. MRMel Robbins52:58

       Yep.

   20. GUGuest52:59

       Um, and I would have low-carb vegetables.

   21. MRMel Robbins53:03

       Okay.

   22. GUGuest53:04

       So that could include broccoli, spinach, any kind of lettuces, um, cauliflower, c- uh, cucumbers, pickles, things like that.

   23. MRMel Robbins53:15

       Great. Okay.

   24. GUGuest53:16

       I would take my pick. When I prepared those vegetables, I would put extra sources of fat on those vegetables. So I would put olive oil and plain vinegar. So that might be my-

   25. MRMel Robbins53:30

       Mm-hmm.

   26. GUGuest53:30

       ... kind of serving. I might emphasize nuts and avocados because those are very high in fat, um, and typically thought of as healthy sources of fat.

   27. MRMel Robbins53:41

       So how long would you suggest that somebody, if they're gonna start with the ketogenic diet, how long should you try it? And what would you look out for, Dr. Palmer, to know that it's actually impacting you in a positive way?

   28. GUGuest53:57

       So I would recommend getting some information on a well-formulated ketogenic diet. You wanna include enough healthy types of foods. Um, y- uh, people sometimes need extra electrolytes like sodium, potassium, magnesium when they get started-

   29. MRMel Robbins54:15

       Mm-hmm.

   30. GUGuest54:15

       ... on the diet. And nonetheless, there's this thing called the keto adaptation phase, or keto flu. So the first week or two, in particular, can be very rough. I'm just gonna let people know. It... People can feel weak, hungry, hangry, dizzy, irritable, other things.
10. 1:01:41 – 1:07:26

    How to forgive yourself from past mistakes and move forward with life

    1. MRMel Robbins1:01:41

       And that brings me to another of our remarkable all-stars from this past year, and that is Sarah Jakes Roberts. She's a pastor, a philanthropist, an international best-selling author. Her latest book was an instant New York Times best-seller. She's like, I don't know, she's like a messenger for your soul. And I have not stopped thinking about the time that I have spent with her. Her words just rang over, and over, and over again, in your mind, in my mind. And what Sarah's about to say is something that will shift the way that you or that someone that you love thinks about who you are, about your past, about what's possible. She's talking about embracing every single part of who you are, the wins, the mistakes, the moments that you wish you could erase, learning to love yourself because of them, not in spite of them. Because if you've ever felt trapped by a single moment in your life, if you've ever felt like you've been labeled or cast aside, or you've beaten yourself up for a mistake that you've made, this moment is for you. Because Sarah is gonna show you how to stop punishing yourself, and instead step boldly into the fullness of who you are. And you better believe me, this is the kind of message that stays with you for a lifetime.

    2. GUGuest1:03:06

       Instead of seeking a sense of belonging, a sense of okay-ness from other people, maybe I can just embrace myself. If I could find a way to be okay with myself, then I can wrap my arms around who I am. And for me, I had to sit with myself until I no longer cringed. I had to sit with myself until I no longer felt shame. I had to sit with myself until I could experience compassion where I once felt guilt. And from that place of compassion, I learned to- to love who I am. And like, yes, this is my story. And no, it may not be perfect, but I'm gonna stick beside me.

    3. MRMel Robbins1:03:51

       Every single one of us has stuff that we've done in the past, things that we have done to ourselves or other people, mistakes that we think that we've made. How do you begin the process of sitting with yourself? How do you learn how to forgive yourself?

    4. GUGuest1:04:12

       Mm. It starts with intention. I sat with myself, I will say, those 10 years, I was sitting with myself, but I was sitting- sitting with myself punishing myself. "How could you be so stupid? You made the biggest mistake. No one's ever gonna want you." Sometimes we are sitting with ourselves, but how we are sitting with ourselves is why we can't heal. You can't want to heal and punish yourself at the same time. To repeat the words that other people have spoken over you that were negative, having it replay in your mind over and over again while you sit with yourself will never bring you to a place of healing. Sitting with yourself with the pursuit of compassion, with the pursuit of love and acceptance, that is when we start sitting with ourself and experience some discomfort and some, you know, dysregulation. Because sitting with myself and trying to be compassionate requires me to stretch, to love myself in a way that I don't think is possible. And as long as you don't think it's possible to sit with yourself and love yourself, every facet of who you are, it doesn't matter who you love, it doesn't matter what you achieve. Until you can really sit with yourself, none of those things are gonna make you feel better either. But it is the greatest, absolute greatest gift that you can give yourself, to allow love to flood the place where you once felt an emptiness.

    5. MRMel Robbins1:05:35

       You know, I really wanna highlight a particular sentence that she said that I think is one of the most important sentences that I heard the entire year. "You cannot heal while you're still punishing yourself." I mean, is that not just one of the most profound truths you've ever heard? And how often do you sit with yourself, just replaying the same harsh, critical thoughts? You know, you think you're just reflecting, but the reality is, you're just repeating the pain over, and over, and over again. And what Sarah's reminding you of is that true healing, it doesn't come from self-punishment. It comes from self-acceptance, from self-compassion. Learning how to sit with yourself, as uncomfortable as it may be, I mean, it not only takes courage, but it's an act of love. Choosing to say, "Yes, I've made some mistakes. Yes, I have flaws, but I'm gonna sit here and I'm gonna love myself anyway." And here's the real magic. When you embrace who you are, imperfections and all, and you stop seeking validation from other people, you'll realize you don't need the validation, because you've actually learned how to give it to yourself. I mean, that's the gift that Sarah Jakes just gave you. It's not just healing, it's freedom.And so take a moment today to sit with yourself, and if you were inspired by that, get down to the notes and spend an hour with me and Sarah Jakes Roberts because she will lift you up and you deserve that. And if there's someone in your life that is really just beating themselves up and they can't see the gifts that they have to offer, then share that episode with them too because Sarah was just getting started with that clip. There's a lot more that she had to say, so take

11. 1:07:26 – 1:10:56

    What do you want to define you? It might not be what you expect

    1. MRMel Robbins1:07:26

       a listen.

    2. GUGuest1:07:27

       And we don't do ourselves any favors by committing to punishing ourselves over and over again for what we did, for what we allowed to happen. This is what we say though, we say to ourselves, "I'm gonna keep this from happening again by constantly living with it right in front of me. And if I can live with it right in front of me, if I can beat myself up, if I can punish myself, then I will keep this from happening again. I will prepare myself for further rejection from other people if I constantly remember how unworthy I am, how little value I possess." And so in many ways we think this is me protecting myself by constantly keeping it in front of my face, but if we're honest, we do long for an existence where we wanna believe that I am not just this one moment, but we will never be more than that one moment if we constantly replay that moment in our head. And so to invite into our atmosphere what other moments do I wanna have, what other things do I want to define me? I spent so long not wanting to be defined as a teen mom instead of saying, "I will be defined as being a teen mom, but also I'm gonna be an incredible person, but also I'm gonna love myself, but also I'm gonna dream and I'm gonna be an author and a teen mom." I'm not trying to disconnect from who I was; I'm trying to bring all of who I am into the fullness of where I am. I'm this and that. I'm, l- like, I am all of these things and I thought that because I was this one thing I had no permission to be anything else. So yeah, the truth is yeah, I'm a teen mom. Yes, I've gone through divorce. I've got a laundry list of things that I never wanted to be that I've had to step boldly in, and in addition to that, I'm on the Mel Robbins Podcast. (laughs)

    3. MRMel Robbins1:09:23

       (laughs) And in addition to that...

    4. GUGuest1:09:25

       You know what I mean?

    5. MRMel Robbins1:09:26

       ... millions of people tune into you every single week for five hours.

    6. GUGuest1:09:28

       That ha- All of those things are true. All of these things are true, and I don't wanna be all of my achievements. Gosh, can you imagine what that would be? The pressure and the arrogance connected to that? I wanna be this beautiful mixture, this beautiful tapestry of a girl on a journey and a woman owning her power, and I can live in all of that. (laughs) I can do all of that.

    7. MRMel Robbins1:09:52

       Oh my God, I just love her so much. I love how she looks at life. I love how she looks at herself and just the journey that we're all on. I mean, it's such a powerful reminder, right? You're not defined by a single moment or a single mistake or your achievements. And you do that, don't you? You think if you can just keep your failures front and center you can protect yourself and you won't let it happen again, but the truth is by doing that, you trap yourself in that moment. What Sarah gave you is a gift. She gave you the freedom to say, "But also." Yeah, you've made mistakes, but also you're growing. Yeah, you've been through tough times, but also you're stepping into your power. You're not just one chapter of your life; you're the whole book, and that's what makes this so beautiful. It's permission to embrace all of who you are, the wins, the losses, the messiness, the magic because you are so much more than that one moment. And the year we've spent together on the Mel Robbins Podcast learning from all these experts was more than one moment too, but

12. 1:10:56 – 1:17:43

    The 2 biggest regrets people have at the end of their lives

    1. MRMel Robbins1:10:56

       that brings me to the last two experts and moments on the podcast that you picked. And you wanna know what they're about? They're about regrets, and I think you loved them because they were really poignant, and that's what made them among the highest ranking episodes. It's what made them the things that you kept sharing with people that you loved, that you wrote in about. You even talked about these in the reviews that you left. I mean, it was overwhelming how moved you were by what these two experts had to say to you about what's actually important in life and what's not. They gave you perspective in an instant, and the first one comes from the extraordinary Dr. Robert Waldinger. Now, when he came onto the show, I have to say that it may be one of the most important conversations that you could listen to because everything that he shared is so incredibly true. Dr. Waldinger is a psychiatrist. He's a Zen Buddhist. He is also a professor at Harvard Medical School, and he happens to be the director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development. Now, the Harvard Study of Adult Development is an 86-year-long study that is the single longest study that's ever been done on happiness, relationships, and the human experience. And Dr. Waldinger came to our studios in Boston to talk about all the findings from this study and what research says it means to live a good life. Now, he covered so much information and there was so much amazing life-changing advice that you absolutely loved, but there was one moment in particular that you listened to over and over again, and it's this. I asked Dr. Waldinger, "If you look at all the research from this 86-year-long study, what did the participants in the study say at the end of their life?"... when they reflected back, what were their biggest regrets and what were the biggest lessons? And listen to what Dr. Waldinger shared.

    2. GUGuest1:13:08

       The biggest regrets, two categories. One was, "I wish I hadn't spent so much time at work. I wish I had spent more time with people I cared about." Almost the number one regret. And then the other regret, and this came more from women than from men, was, "I wish I hadn't worried so much about what other people thought." And that, so those are the two big regrets. The things that people were proudest of were not their achievements, and many people had achieved a lot. It was people, it was, "I was a good mentor. I was a good partner. I was a good parent. Um, I, uh, was a good boss." You know? It was always about the relationships. Even among people who had won huge prizes or gotten big accolades, that's not what they named when they were looking back on their life.

    3. MRMel Robbins1:14:10

       You know, when you hear them say it, you know it's true. And you and I need these reminders, 'cause it's so easy to get sucked up in work and all of the stressful things going on that you forget that at the end of the day, it's about the people in your life. That's what actually matters. I know after hearing this research and hearing Dr. Waldinger explain it just so matter-of-factly, it certainly made me prioritize my relationships both with my adult kids and my parents, and the friends that I need to make more of an effort to see, and I know it did the same for you because you shared this moment over and over and over again. And you know, I was curious, particularly about that point that he said, that women felt that they wasted too much of their lives worrying about what other people think, that that's one of the biggest regrets. And so I asked him, "Well, do you have advice for how to stop doing that?" And this is what Dr. Waldinger had to say.

    4. GUGuest1:15:05

       Well, it's realizing that first of all, most of that's not gonna matter when we're dead. (laughs) Right? But, what will matter, am I treating people well? That will matter, and people will remember it even after we're gone. It's not what people think, but it's what I do. So one of the sayings I like a lot is, "20 years from now, the only people who will remember whether you worked late are your children." And so if you think about it, so much of what we worry about, like, "Is my boss gonna like me? Are people gonna think I'm a good this or that?" It's not gonna matter down the road. But whether I was a good, ethical person, that's gonna matter a lot. We matter, and our behavior matters, but it's not necessarily other people's opinions about whether my curtains were the right shade of blue on the windows.

    5. MRMel Robbins1:16:06

       You know, he has such a kind way of calling us out, doesn't he? You know? (laughs) Like when he said that line about the only person that's gonna remember that you worked late is your kids, like that was like a, oof. He's right. You know, you're losing sleep over whether or not people are impressed by what you're wearing or you've got enough followers or your home looks like an Instagram before and after post. Nobody cares. The truth is, none of that stuff is gonna matter when you're gone. What's gonna matter? The way you treat people, the kind of person you are, whether or not you showed up when it mattered for the people who love you. And 20 years from now, your coworkers aren't gonna remember the emails you sent at midnight, but your kids? Well, they'll remember. They'll remember that you were always stressed out or they'll remember that you were there for them. So, the big wake-up call there, stop putting so much weight on what other people think. One other thing that is gonna help you, the let them theory. Let them think whatever they want. Let them think whatever they want about your curtains or your outfit or what you're doing for a living or the fact that you can't work this weekend 'cause you're spending the time with your kids. Just focus on what matters to you, your character, your kindness, how you make other people feel, because what I've found in life is that when you are proud of who you are, you don't actually care what other people think. And that's what's gonna last, is how you show up. That's what people are gonna carry with them long after you're gone, who you were for them. And that's something that you can take control of right now.

13. 1:17:43 – 1:23:57

    The most important step in creating a better life is this

    1. MRMel Robbins1:17:43

       And that leads us to our next moment with Dr. Zach Bush. So, Dr. Bush is a triple board certified physician in internal medicine, endocrinology, and hospice care. From his groundbreaking work in gut health, to his advocacy in farming, to his profound experiences guiding people through the end of their lives, Dr. Zach brings wisdom that can help you live a more meaningful and authentic life. And on the episode that you just absolutely loved and shared with everybody that you know, Dr. Zach was here to teach you all of these lessons that he's learned from being with people as they were experiencing the final moments of their life. And so these are lessons that he learned as a hospice doctor that you can use right now to stop performing and to start embracing who you are and to truly allow yourself to live your life. And so I asked Dr. Zach, after all the work that you've done in hospice and being with people as they leave this lifetime, what are the things that you see people regret that can help you and me live a better life? And this is what he had to say.

    2. GUGuest1:18:59

       Yeah, the number one regret is, I was performing the whole time.

    3. MRMel Robbins1:19:03

       Mm.

    4. GUGuest1:19:03

       I never was actually being me, and I was afraid to be me, but I didn't even know what it would feel like to be me. But right now, as I'm dying, as I- as that veil thins, I feel myself and I'm a beautiful being. I am whole. And so really, the- the regret is, wow, if I'd just known I was whole the whole time and- and hadn't had to do all the performance. Every being is whole and there's no need for a performance. Whatever happened in your life, if it looked like a good life, looked like a bad life, that's the beauty of near-death experiences. You suddenly realize, it was all perfect. Like, the whole thing was perfect, it was exactly what I needed to learn the things I learned, to become the one I became, and ultimately, to realize I was whole the entire time. Any perception of incompleteness was incorrect. And so I hope that one of you falls deeply in love with your state as a being that is whole at every step of life. You are the most beautiful thing. You are the entire divine expression of your soul. And that's where the near-death experience is a gift, is if you can actually feel what it feels like to be whole. It's not something to be achieved. You've always been whole. You were whole at the beginning, you will still be whole at the end of your life journey. Th- there's only a perception that you are incomplete right now. You are the most beautiful thing.

    5. MRMel Robbins1:20:15

       Just take a moment and let his words soak in. You know, particularly these last two experts and these moments where Dr. Zach Bush and Dr. Waldinger are sharing these profound lessons that they've learned from being with people who are at the end of their lives. And here's what I'm taking away from all this advice, that you gotta stop waiting for the right time, or the perfect moment, or for work to slow down, or for someone else's approval to fully live your life. You have everything that you need right now. Drop the act. Embrace who you are. Drink the cup of coffee and allow yourself to enjoy it. Heck, sit down and drink it instead of racing to the next thing. Stop, breathe, be. Laugh with your kids. Call your friends. Spend time with your parents while you can. Treat every day like the gift that it is, because as every one of your favorite experts have told you today, when you strip away all the noise, when you stop allowing everyone to stress you out, when you truly just embrace yourself for everything that you are, the flaws, the amazing things, you just show more compassion, what's left when you strip it all away, that's what really matters. Being fully alive and fully yourself. I wanna thank you for being here with me, whether you've been here all year or you're just listening for the first time. These moments really impacted me, and I know they impacted you. So thank you for sharing these episodes. Thank you for replaying these moments. Thank you for writing in and telling me how much you got out of these conversations, and so many more. And we're just getting started. This year's been incredible. Next year, gonna be even better. And in case no one else tells you, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a better life. And everything that you heard in the episode today is the exact formula to do that. From your brain, to your mental health, to your overall physical health, to truly the things that matter, stop being so hard on yourself and embrace who you are and allow yourself to live your life, and truly enjoy it. Alrighty, I'll be waiting for you in the very next episode. And for you on YouTube, thank you for being here all year, and thank you for helping us select the most memorable moments. It's the moments that you are going back and rewatching and sharing, and so thank you for being a huge part of the pieces that we selected today. And thanks for sharing this with your friends and family. And one more thing, would you hit subscribe? That would be my favorite moment of the year, because it's my goal to make sure that 50% of the people that watch this channel are subscribers. It's free, it really helps our team, it tells us that you're enjoying what you're watching, and it supports us in bringing you new videos every single day. And speaking of new videos, I'm sure you're thinking, "Okay, this was amazing, so what can I watch next?" Well, you can always click on all of the episodes, because we've linked them below in the description, but if you wanna see a great one, I've picked out this one for you, and I'm gonna be waiting for you in it the moment you hit play.

Episode duration: 1:23:57