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Hate Your Job? Laid Off? Reimagine Your Future & Take the Next Right Step | The Mel Robbins Podcast

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. — In this episode, I’m on a mission to open your eyes to new possibilities. What do you really want from your life? And how can you reimagine your next #career move to help you fulfill it? If you’re feeling stuck in a #job you hate, were just laid off or #fired, just graduated, or you have no idea what you want to do with your life, this episode is my gift to you. I’ve arranged for you to meet with one of the best experts on the planet for a zero cost masterclass and coaching session on getting clear on your next career move - @AmyPorterfield. Her new book, Two Weeks Notice, is the playbook for how you build a successful side hustle or business with zero prior experience. Amy’s taught more than 50,000 people just like you how to go from dreading their job to designing the life and work they’ve dreamed about. Today Amy is coaching you, and when you’re done listening to our conversation, you’ll think differently about what you’re capable of, and you’ll get a taste of what COULD be. Xo Mel In this episode, you'll learn: 00:00 Intro 06:29 Laid off or in a job you hate? Here’s what you need to know right now 08:40 Sounds crazy, but I had this profound insight over Pad Thai. 11:22 Amy explains her “Pad Thai” moment while working for Tony Robbins. 16:09 No you don’t need all the answers before you start changing your life. 17:14 Jealousy is a good thing when it does this for you. 19:04 This is all you need to start pivoting your life in a new direction. 20:55 Don’t know what to do next? Start with the Sweet Spot Formula. 21:52 Think you need to know everything before you start? Think again. 24:14 What if you’re unemployed or just graduated? Got you covered. 26:23 Adopt this mentality and you’ll start leveling up in all areas of your life. 30:05 Wish I’d known this when I was fired from my job. 32:29 Truth is you’re never going to shine if you’re always looking for this. 33:06 If you want to be your own boss, start with this big question. 38:19 Where should you go for advice? 41:40 Here’s what separates those who do and those who don’t. 43:38 My #1 pro tip to get a free education. (Check the resources at melrobbins.com/podcast for more ideas.) 48:10 Here’s what happens to you once you take action. 52:15 Think you’re too old to be your own boss? Listen to this story. 55:10 Stop telling yourself everyone else is already doing what you want to do. 1:00:42 My top two tips when it comes to feeling more confident. To check out Two Weeks Notice and to get Amy's book bonuses, go to: https://twoweeksnoticebook.com/ — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com​ — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins​?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

Mel RobbinshostAmy Porterfieldguest
Feb 23, 20231h 18mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:00 – 6:29

    Intro

    1. MR

      Almost every single human being in the past three years has had some kind of reset button hit, where you've gotten very clear that maybe the way that you've been doing life, it's not really what you want anymore. And so we're gonna focus today on your ability to be your own boss. My guest today is a dear friend of mine. Her name is Amy Porterfield. I wanted to give you a zero-cost masterclass, how to think totally differently about what's possible for you, and that's the invitation of this episode. (upbeat music) Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to an eye-opening and incredibly empowering episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast. I am so excited for the conversation today because we're gonna be talking about big themes, themes like freedom, taking control of your life, and most importantly, it is my mission today to drop literally, like, a grenade in your head and blow open your thinking about what's possible for you. And I've been wanting to do this show for a while because I see in the news all these people getting laid off. I myself have someone graduating from college who does not currently have a job, and the anxiety is starting to ramp up. And I also know that almost every single human being in the past three years has had some kind of reset button hit, where you've gotten very clear that maybe the way that you've been doing life, it's not really what you want anymore. You have values that aren't aligned with the kinda work that you're doing or the way that you spend your time. And so I am on a mission to open your eyes to a whole different reality because whatever move you're gonna make next when it comes to your career, your finances, and your life, I want it to be the greatest move of your life, and I believe that you have the ability to do that. And so we're gonna focus today on, um, your ability to truly be your own boss, and you might not have ever thought about that because of how old you are or how young you are or the fact that you have a really crappy mindset and you're constantly beating yourself down. I am here to tell you, I am living proof that absolutely anybody can take control of their life. You can design it how you want and you can do the work to, yes, you, control your destiny and launch your own business, and has nothing to do with your skillset. It has nothing to do with your qualifications. It has nothing to do with your age. It has to do with your willingness to lean into what you deserve, and what you deserve is freedom. You deserve to be able to be at home at night with your family for dinner. You deserve to be able to have savings so that you can sleep at night. You deserve to be able to do work that's meaningful for you, and I wanna wake you up today and make you realize that you are one decision away from having that happen. And so if you're new, my name is Mel Robbins. I'm a New York Times bestselling author. I am also one of the world's leading experts on motivation, behavior change, habits, and I am kinda startled when I sit here and think about this, but I only started making money online five years ago as a 49-year-old woman. So if I can figure this out, you can figure this out, and I wanted to give you a zero-cost masterclass with a woman who has taught more than 50,000 people how to pivot, from as young as 19 to as old as somebody in her late 60s, how to think totally differently about what's possible for you, and that's the invitation of this episode, that by the end of this episode, you're gonna think very differently about what your next move might be in your career. You're gonna think very differently about what you're capable of, and you're going to have a small taste of what freedom could be and the next right steps to take to start walking toward it. So my guest today is a dear friend of mine. Her name is Amy Porterfield. She is an entrepreneur who is one of the world's leading experts in launching an online business. She has taught this to literally millions of people, more than 50,000 paying students. What you're gonna learn today, I mean, normally to take one of her classes or to have one of her coaches coach you, we're talking more than $10,000. You're gonna get this at zero cost thanks to our sponsors and thanks to Amy's generosity today. She is here, she has a brand-new book called, uh, Two Weeks Notice, but the book is really about the step-by-step blueprint for making a major pivot and creating freedom in your life. I'm so excited that you're here, Amy. Thank you so much for being here.

    2. AP

      I am so thrilled to be here. Thanks for having me.

    3. MR

      You're welcome. And so here's where I wanna start. So Amy, you and I have reinvented ourselves.

    4. AP

      Yes.

    5. MR

      And in the past 14 years, we have both gone from working for somebody else to figuring out how to launch our own business, and I'm gonna get to your story in a minute, but I wanna put something into context for everybody. Guys, I first started making money online five years ago.

    6. AP

      Five years ago. That was like yesterday.

    7. MR

      And I was 49 years old, Amy.

    8. AP

      Okay, I love to hear this.

    9. MR

      If this old dog can figure out-

    10. AP

      (laughs)

    11. MR

      ... how this internet thing works and how to, like, march toward my curiosity about it and how to learn this stuff-

    12. AP

      Yes.

    13. MR

      ... I mean, there are people, everybody, out there who are way stupider y- than you-

    14. AP

      (laughs)

    15. MR

      ... making way more money than you because they stopped and they paid attention to what we're about to tell you today. You can do this, and Amy is living proof. She has taught 50,000 students, more than 50,000-... students how to take even, like, you even start with people who are like, "I have no idea what I want to do."

    16. AP

      Absolutely no idea, yes, and-

    17. MR

      That's crazy to me.

    18. AP

      ... they figure it out and create incredible businesses. They blow their own minds.

    19. MR

      Without any business experience?

    20. AP

      Absolutely.

    21. MR

      And what is the... Why did you, why did you want to help people do this, and what do you want the person listening right now as they're driving to a job that they hate, or they're taking a walk in a neighborhood that they wish they didn't live in, or they are unemployed,

  2. 6:29 – 8:40

    Laid off or in a job you hate? Here’s what you need to know right now

    1. MR

      they've been laid off, they're beating themselves up, what do you want to tell them they are going to get out of this conversation today?

    2. AP

      I want them to know that there's an entirely new world waiting for them. They don't even know what's possible yet for their future, and it's not inside a cubicle or commuting to a 9:00 to 5:00 job. There's a whole other world out there that you can take as your own, and the reason I know that is because that is my own story 14 years ago. So because it was a new world to me and I ran with it, now I help other people do the same.

    3. MR

      Okay, so you've got a world-class expert here that has held the hands of 50,000 people, and these 50,000-plus students that she has taught everybody, they are no more smarter than you. They are no more qualified than you. They simply were in the position that you're in right now where they bumped into this conversation, and it had them experience a whole different possibility for their life.

    4. AP

      Yes.

    5. MR

      And that's my mission. My mission is to wake your ass up. My mission is to have you flush that stupid shit you're telling yourself that it... "You're too young. Oh, I'm just great. I don't have anything to offer anybody. How could I make money online?" Bullshit, you're actually tech native. Of course, you could do this if you change your mindset. "Oh, but Mel, I'm not 49. I'm 60. How am I gonna do this?"

    6. AP

      (laughs)

    7. MR

      You're gonna do this by stopping that bullshit that's spewing out of your mouth and getting serious about listening to two women. She has made $85 million in the past 14 years teaching people how to do this, and you want to know why I'm saying that number? Because I'm damn proud of her, and I also think if you put your head down and you listen to what some expert like Amy is about to tell you and you pick up her book and you read the blueprint, you can figure this out too. This is about teaching yourself something new. It's about telling yourself something different, and that's what we're gonna do, and I want to tell you a quick story about how perspective-changing things can be, and then we're going to hear your story, Amy. So I remember when I was in law school, right?

    8. AP

      Yeah.

    9. MR

      I grew up in a teeny tiny town in Michigan, and then I go to college in a teeny tiny town in New Hampshire.

    10. AP

      Okay.

    11. MR

      And I was sort of like your meat-and-potatoes

  3. 8:40 – 11:22

    Sounds crazy, but I had this profound insight over Pad Thai.

    1. MR

      kind of gal.

    2. AP

      (laughs)

    3. MR

      I was not the biggest experimental eater, uh, like I am now, and I remember one of my really good friends, shout out to Sydney, uh, she was a super cool lady, and she grew up in Providence, Rhode Island, and she, uh, was multicultural family, like super cool, and I remember she invited me to leave the campus, the law school campus-

    4. AP

      (laughs)

    5. MR

      ... and go into Boston-

    6. AP

      Okay.

    7. MR

      ... to this restaurant called Jay's, and her boyfriend, who was older, was going to take the two, uh, you know, col- or law school students with no money out, and it was a Thai restaurant, and I had never been in a Thai restaurant before, and so we sit down. I had no idea what to order, and so they just order the pad Thai. When this thing arrived in front of my, you know-

    8. AP

      (laughs)

    9. MR

      ... plate there, when, when, when this plate with-

    10. AP

      What do you think when you saw that pad Thai that you'd never seen before? (laughs)

    11. MR

      I was like, "What the hell is the eggs and chicken and shrimp and these noodles?"

    12. AP

      (laughs)

    13. MR

      And it's like pasty, tacky, weird texture and peanuts and bean sprouts. So I just shoveled a fork in, and I just took a bite. It was like a unicorn in my mouth.

    14. AP

      (laughs)

    15. MR

      It was the, the most delicious thing I had ever... And I had this thought, "There is an entire world I have been missing out on," because I just didn't know. I just didn't know.

    16. AP

      Yes.

    17. MR

      And that is what this conversation's about. It's like a pad Thai for your career. There is a whole-

    18. AP

      (laughs)

    19. MR

      ... world that you have not considered as seriously as I want you to because you just didn't know. I- I- I didn't know you could make money online. You know, Amy's the kind of person that knows how to tap into that confidence that is inside you to make a pivot, and I know that reinvention is a hot topic. Our project on Audible, Reinvent Your Life with Mel Robbins, is number one on Audible. Everybody is feeling this need to change something about their lives, and when you take your career and your ability to make money into an entirely different level, it's extraordinary how that impacts your life. And Amy has been able to not only teach herself how to do that, but to teach so many other people how to do that, how to find financial freedom, how to get control of your time, how to create a life where you get to work when and where and with whomever you want to work, and i- and do not tune this out. This is possible for you. I don't care what your life li- looks like right now. This is possible for you, and that's why I wanted Amy to sit here and give you a zero-cost masterclass in thinking differently and taking control of your fricking life starting today. So Amy, what was your pad Thai moment in your career?

    20. AP

      My

  4. 11:22 – 16:09

    Amy explains her “Pad Thai” moment while working for Tony Robbins.

    1. AP

      pad Thai moment was 14 years ago. I was working for peak performance coach Tony Robbins, and I had an ma- an amazing job. I was the director of content, traveling the world, working on the content that he did on stage. However, I didn't realize in that moment that I had never been free, and here's what happened. Tony brought in a bunch of business owners to the San Diego office. They happened to be all men, and they were making money online, and so he brought them into this office. It was this big oak table, and I was called in to take notes. So... (laughs)

    2. MR

      Now, now, okay, so first of all-

    3. AP

      Yes.

    4. MR

      Were you annoyed by that?

    5. AP

      Uh, uh, well, it was kind of common for the content department to take notes, but yeah, there's a little bit of me like, "I want to be in the action. I want to be doing the things." But yeah, I was on the side table.

    6. MR

      Oh, so you were not even at-

    7. AP

      I w- No.

    8. MR

      ... the big table-

    9. AP

      I was... No.

    10. MR

      ... with the boys. You were on the side-

    11. AP

      I was on the side.

    12. MR

      ... taking the notes.

    13. AP

      Yes.

    14. MR

      Okay.

    15. AP

      So here I came into this meeting, but thank God I did because here's what happened. I started to take notes and these guys started to talk about their businesses, what they do, what life looks like, what their lifestyle is, what their family life looks like. Like, they were really talking about their whole experience as business owners. And all of a sudden I realized, wait a second, they're working when they want, where they want, how they want. They're creating these amazing products. They're being as creative as they want to be. They're on their own time and on their own dime. And I realized, I have never been free. I have never been my own boss. I will always hit a glass ceiling. I will always have to ask for a raise, always has to, have to ask if I could take vacation. I was not the boss of my own life or my business. And in that moment, a light bulb went off and I thought, "I want it." I have no idea what they're doing. I don't know how to do any of it, but I want it. And so that was the moment for me, but the next thing that happened was this flood of doubt. And I looked at my friend who was in the meeting with me and I said, "I have no skill where I could be my own boss. I, I know nothing that I could being my own boss."

    16. MR

      I want to stop right there, because I think this moment where you're sitting in a meeting, and you experience something.

    17. AP

      Yeah.

    18. MR

      This like wake-up call happens in your body, and I've had a moment like that. It's way bigger than a pad Thai moment.

    19. AP

      Yeah.

    20. MR

      I was sitting in an audience and I was at an Oprah Winfrey, like kind of one of these Live Your Best Life tours. This would have been a decade ago.

    21. AP

      Okay.

    22. MR

      Decades ago, actually. Probably two decades ago at this point. And I was there because I was networking to try to get clients for my life coaching business.

    23. AP

      (laughs)

    24. MR

      I had just started this on the side. I was working full-time, uh, doing business development for a advertising agency in the big tech, uh, kind of bubble that happened in the early 2000 timeframe. And on the side, I was trying to build a business as a life coach, full of doubt. So I go to this Oprah Winfrey concert. Concert.

    25. AP

      (laughs)

    26. MR

      It was actually a, like, meet- It was like a event that she held, a one-

    27. AP

      Yes.

    28. MR

      ... day summit to, like, live your best life. And so I'm sitting in the big audience and Oprah's on stage, and then she introduces this woman that I have n- I'd never heard of. Her name was Martha Beck. And Martha Beck walks out. And I don't even remember what the hell she said. I had never heard of her. I had no clue what she ad- what she did. But she started talking and there was something inside of me that was like, "I want that." And it was the same thing you're talking about, which is this taste of, of... I, I'd never thought about the word free, because there I was, I was actually... I had lied to my employer.

    29. AP

      Mm-hmm.

    30. MR

      I had taken the day and I had told them I was somewhere else and I had gone to this thing for myself.

  5. 16:09 – 17:14

    No you don’t need all the answers before you start changing your life.

    1. MR

      to you, because I need you to start to pay attention to those moments. You don't have to have the answers to change your life. You have to have that moment where you go, "I want something more for myself." And what I wanted is, I wanted to be able to go to an event without lying to my boss. Well, I could have just not lied, but you know what I mean.

    2. AP

      Yes.

    3. MR

      I wanted to be able to go to an event because I was going to go to an event. I wanted to be able to work when I wanted to work, but I did not know how the hell do you go from that moment to knowing what the hell the right next step is? Because you're right. What happens next is, "Well, you're dumb. You got nothing to offer. You're this, you're that." Like, how did you go from, "Okay, there's all these dudes sitting around the table. I'm basically the secretary, no offense to secretaries, in the corner."

    4. AP

      (laughs) Right.

    5. MR

      "And I am sitting here being exposed to something that I'm not part of this club."

    6. AP

      Yes. So the first thing I... All those doubts came rushing in, and then I learned something a long time ago that if you're watching someone do something

  6. 17:14 – 19:04

    Jealousy is a good thing when it does this for you.

    1. AP

      and you feel a little bit jealous, like-

    2. MR

      Yeah.

    3. AP

      ... "Look what they have," or angst around it, which I had. Like, I wanted what they had even though I didn't totally get it. Whenever you have a feeling of jealousy or angst or you want it, ask yourself, what do they have that you want? Like, get really clear. What is it about their life that you think is so attractive or you'd like to go through it? Because I had to get clear about what I wanted, and in that moment, I thought, "They get to be their own boss. Like, that's what they have that I have never had." So I think clarity, uh, in terms of what you want is the first big step. You talk about that a lot. What do you want? And so once I got clear on, "I don't want a job anymore. I want to call the shots," then I had to start thinking, "What would I do?" Because I had no clue. So for the next few months, I kind of went through this process that now I teach called the sweet spot, which is figuring out, what might you want to do?

    4. MR

      Wow. Okay. I am so excited to go through this with you. I cannot wait to send this to approximately 100 people-

    5. AP

      (laughs)

    6. MR

      ... because I feel like I have those kind of epiphanies probably once a week.

    7. AP

      Yes.

    8. MR

      Even if you look at me, or you look at Amy, and you're like, "They got it all figured out," I still have these wake-up calls all the time.

    9. AP

      Oh, yeah.

    10. MR

      Like we just had one yesterday-

    11. AP

      We did.

    12. MR

      ... where we were talking about wouldn't it be nice to be able to support other female entrepreneurs-

    13. AP

      Yeah.

    14. MR

      ... with investment money. Like, maybe we should step into, like, starting an investment fund, and we both looked-

    15. AP

      Yeah.

    16. MR

      ... at each other, and we're like, "Well, I don't know how to do that. I don't either."

    17. AP

      (laughs)

    18. MR

      "But we kinda feel interested." So that's sort of the moment we're talking about, and I-

    19. AP

      Yes.

    20. MR

      ... want to give, I want to give the audience a real range-

    21. AP

      Okay.

    22. MR

      ... okay, of scenarios where you could have this wake-up call, because I feel like for those of you that are in your 20s and 30s that listen to this podcast, you're probably

  7. 19:04 – 20:55

    This is all you need to start pivoting your life in a new direction.

    1. MR

      part of the demographic that looks at everybody that is an influencer or a YouTuber, or they are travel bloggers, or they are, uh, now starting their line of supplements, or they are doing exercise videos. And you're now streaming exercise videos from somebody who's largely your age, and you have this thing where you're like, "Wow, I'd really like to do that." What Amy and I are here to tell you is that is the power moment. That is the eye-opening moment. That's it. That awakening is the only thing you need in order to pivot your life in a new direction, because we are lucky enough, and Amy's gonna talk about this, to live in a world where if you want to create an online exercise studio, if you want to take your catering business or your grandmother's tomato sauce-

    2. AP

      Yep.

    3. MR

      ... that everybody compliments and start selling it, you can figure out how to do it, but you have to honor the wake-up call.

    4. AP

      Yes.

    5. MR

      You have to honor this thing inside you, because Amy's right. How many times have you seen somebody you're jealous of, or you've had this moment of inspiration, and you've been like, "Nope, not gonna happen for me"? And so I want you to know that that's takeaway number one, that takeaway number one is that wake-up call is going to change your life if you're willing to look for it and if you're willing to hit the pause button when it happens. Now, for those of you that are like, "Yeah, okay, so I don't want my, what my life currently looks like," that's enough.

    6. AP

      Yes.

    7. MR

      So talk to me about this thing that you walk people through.

  8. 20:55 – 21:52

    Don’t know what to do next? Start with the Sweet Spot Formula.

    1. MR

    2. AP

      Yes. So it's called the sweet spot formula.

    3. MR

      Okay.

    4. AP

      And I developed it because it's essentially what I did w- to leave my last 9:00 to 5:00 job and start this business, and it has four quadrants. We'll walk them through the four quadrants, okay? This first quadrant of the sweet spot is, what are you good at? What do people always say? Like, "How do you do that? That comes so easy to you." Because what comes easy to you does not come easy to everybody else. Where have you gotten results? What do you... Where have you gotten results in your personal life or your business life? So maybe you're an accountant, and you do really good in your job. So you have all these skills that could absolutely translate into your own business, but maybe you don't want to be an accountant, but at home, you're really good at getting your picky eater, your toddler-

    5. MR

      Ooh.

    6. AP

      ... to eat everything. And other moms are like, "How do you get your kids to eat all these vegetables? What are you doing?" And you have all these little secret things you do. That could be a business. So start looking around. But here's the

  9. 21:52 – 24:14

    Think you need to know everything before you start? Think again.

    1. AP

      beauty. You only need a 10% edge. When people start to think about, "What might I do in a business? Oh, I need more education. I need certification. I need more time," you don't need any of that. You already have the business in you. 10% edge. You need to be 10% ahead of those that you want to help and serve.

    2. MR

      It's so funny. I just talked-

    3. AP

      Yeah.

    4. MR

      ... to my husband about this.

    5. AP

      Yeah?

    6. MR

      So Chris is, uh, you know, the founder of this men's retreat, Soul Degree, and he's starting this online huddle-

    7. AP

      Yes.

    8. MR

      ... a nine-month-long program, and he's like, "I don't think I'm ready. ƒ€%$@#€%. I don't have it all figured out." I said, "Dude, you need to be one training ahead of everybody else."

    9. AP

      Exactly.

    10. MR

      "That's all that you need to be," and I think that that's kind of one of those things that gets us in the way. I want to back up a minute though. Can you tell the story of how you went from taking notes in the corner-

    11. AP

      Yeah.

    12. MR

      ... to figuring out what to do?

    13. AP

      Yes.

    14. MR

      How did-

    15. AP

      Okay.

    16. MR

      ... you do that?

    17. AP

      So for me, what it looked like was I started to think, "Okay, what, what am I doing right now in my business that could maybe translate?" And I was doing marketing and some social media and little bit of, like, online education kind of stuff. So I started to look at that, and I liked what I did. I didn't like the fact that I wasn't free, but I liked the work that I did. So I started to think maybe I could teach social media online. It wasn't my end-all be-all. You just need a starter idea. I just needed something to get me going.

    18. MR

      Okay, let's stop there.

    19. AP

      Yeah.

    20. MR

      You just need a starter idea, everybody.

    21. AP

      Yes.

    22. MR

      I'm literally gonna baby step everybody-

    23. AP

      Good.

    24. MR

      ... because every single thing that Amy's gonna talk about in her own journey is one of those obstacles that you're gonna have to remove, because, you know, if you think about what you currently do for somebody else, whether it's project management or what you studied in school, maybe you were a marketing major, and you spend your life on social media 'cause you don't have a job yet. Guess what? You probably understand a lot about social media.

    25. AP

      Yep.

    26. MR

      You seem to like it a lot. Like, there are things that you do naturally. Maybe your house is super insanely clean, and everybody constantly-

    27. AP

      Yes.

    28. MR

      ... remarks about how clean it is and how good it smells. Maybe that's what you just do naturally.

    29. AP

      Yep.

    30. MR

      Maybe it's something you used to do a long time ago, but, you know, starting with, well, what are you good at, what other people say that you like, and so that was your process.

  10. 24:14 – 26:23

    What if you’re unemployed or just graduated? Got you covered.

    1. MR

      or they're a student about to graduate-Like, what are you suggesting? Do you suggest they do this process while they're unemployed or while they're looking for a different job?

    2. AP

      Absolutely.

    3. MR

      Okay.

    4. AP

      This is something that no matter where you are in your journey, if you have that desire, that calling, that there's gotta be something better for me, something different, this is what you do. You start to think about, "What am I good at? What could be a starter idea?" And then what I did is I started to look online on social media and started to go for, like, total immersion around what kind of business I'd want to create. So I wanted to teach social media or do social media. That's how I wanted to start, so I started to follow all these accounts on social media that were doing what I wanted to do, these other women and men that w- had the businesses I wanted. So I, the first step I did, I call it this process of unbossing, which is learning or believing that you could lead yourself and you don't need someone else to lead you. So I thought, "I've got to unboss myself," which is, "I have to think like a boss."

    5. MR

      Okay, now, everybody stop because I want to make sure that you have this, 'cause this is another tool.

    6. AP

      Yes.

    7. MR

      I don't care if you're trying to get ahead in your career or if you wanna figure out what to do next in your career or you truly do want to start something and grow it into a business. Unbossing yourself is a tool that you can use to change the way that you think-

    8. AP

      Yes.

    9. MR

      ...because most of us grow up in households where we see our caregivers going to work for somebody else. So you already have a mindset where you think safety comes from being somebody's employee. You already have a mindset where you believe that, oh, those benefits, oh, that salary, oh, that, you know, kind of savings account, all that stuff that I saw my parents chip away and try to do, you think that that is the way-

    10. AP

      Yes.

    11. MR

      ...to financial freedom, and what I'm here to open your eyes to

  11. 26:23 – 30:05

    Adopt this mentality and you’ll start leveling up in all areas of your life.

    1. MR

      is this idea, what if you had a different mindset? What if you started to think like somebody who has their own business? And what I will tell you, being somebody that has my own business and that has a great team, it's that our team are people who think like bosses-

    2. AP

      Yes.

    3. MR

      ...because a boss means you take responsibility for what you're doing. A boss means you figure shit out instead of sitting around and licking your wounds and feeling sorry for yourself, that this unbossing is a process that you have to go through in order to get yourself to think differently about how you're showing up. And so what are the components of unbossing your mindset-

    4. AP

      Yes.

    5. MR

      ...and your actions?

    6. AP

      I love what you said about no matter if you plan on staying for your, in your nine-to-five job or looking for another job if you get laid off or starting your own business. If you adopt the mentality of unbossing yourself and you actually start thinking like a business owner, you're gonna show up so much better in every area of your life, because someone who is unbossed, they're not looking for everyone's approval. They're not asking everyone how to make a decision. They're not coming to the table and saying, "I'm stuck. What do I do?" They might come to the table and say, "I'm stuck. What do I do? I've got these two options. What do you think is best?" That kind of thing. So it's changing your mindset and h- and really stepping into more confidence that, "I've got this. I'll figure this out. Watch me," kind of mentality.

    7. MR

      So I want to take a question real quick from one of our listeners-

    8. AP

      Okay.

    9. MR

      ...because I think particularly for those of you that are in the situation where you've been laid off or you know somebody who has been fired or laid off, um, that's a real kick in the teeth. And so it can be very hard to muster up the confidence, and so I want to take a quick question from a listener named Jimena.

    10. NA

      Hi, Mel. I'm Jimena from Spain. I'm being laid off some weeks ago. How do you overcome feeling disposable? And also, I feel shame about telling people that I'm being laid off. How can I overcome this feeling? Thank you so much. Love you.

    11. MR

      Okay, Jimena, first of all, I, I want you to understand something. Um, it is normal to feel punched in the face when you get laid off. It, it is. Even if you hated the job, it's normal because it's a rejection.

    12. AP

      Yeah.

    13. MR

      And I can tell you a million things about how it's for the best, and it is for the best, but I will also tell you, I've been fired twice. Not laid off, fired. I have been told that, "You are not a fit for this job," and the first time was, uh, the job right before I decided to start a life coaching business.

    14. AP

      Oh, wow.

    15. MR

      Yeah.

    16. AP

      Okay.

    17. MR

      I was working in a, in a tech startup, and I basically talked my way into the job. I'm sure none of you can, can imagine that happening, but I had talked myself into the head of, like, like, the director of content, you know, what you used to be. And I had no fucking clue what I was doing.

    18. AP

      (laughs)

    19. MR

      I mean, I just was desperate. I had talked my way into that job, and within, I don't know, it was clear within six weeks, but the gig was up within six months.

    20. AP

      (laughs)

    21. MR

      And they called me in, and I knew... I would literally sit at that job all day and pretend that I was working 'cause I did not know what-

    22. AP

      (laughs)

    23. MR

      ...I was doing. I had no understanding of engineering. I had no idea how all the tech worked. I just bullshitted my way in. I know that I'm painting a wonderful picture of myself, and they fired me, and they should have fired me. And the... it's a hard

  12. 30:05 – 32:29

    Wish I’d known this when I was fired from my job.

    1. MR

      thing to grasp that it actually isn't personal. It's always a business decision. You're not a fit for where the business is going. You're not a fit for where the business needs to go. You're not a fit in terms of your skill set. That's it. That's all that it is, and it always is a, a really positive thing.... when you look back, because if it's not a fit for your employer, it's not a fit for you either. But I want to say something quickly, because I know that you have so many women as students, and that is that based on the research, everyone, women in particular take getting laid off so personally that we typically see a decrease in our salaries of 24% after we've been laid off. Men typically bounce back stronger. They typically earn an average of 1.3% more when they get-

    2. AP

      Wow.

    3. MR

      ... the new job. And I'll tell you why. Because of what you're talking about. We think we did something wrong.

    4. AP

      Right.

    5. MR

      We think it's our fault. And the truth is, it's just not a match, and I need you to understand that it's normal to feel this way, Jimena, but it's why I want you to listen to this episode, because you're not meant to be in a job where it's not a match for your skills. You're not meant to be in a job where you feel trapped, and you're not meant to be in a job that you know deep in your heart, 'cause we all know deep in our heart that it's not a fit. You can feel it's off, you can f- And it doesn't matter how good of a person you are. We've had to, um, you know, lay off people that we love because the company's headed in a new direction and the skills are not a fit.

    6. AP

      Absolutely. One of my students recently got laid off after 20 years of being in the job that she was in.

    7. MR

      So tell me the story.

    8. AP

      And so she was, she's now in her 50s and working at this job for 20 years, doing a great job, wakes up one morning and they lay her off, and she was totally surprised by it, never thought it would happen to her. And in that moment, she felt the shame and the embarrassment and, "What did I do?" But then the very next thought, and this is what's so powerful, she thought, "I didn't even like this job anyway. I've been staying in a job that I don't even like because it pays the bills. It is secure." And I always remind people-

    9. MR

      I'm scared.

    10. AP

      ... there's no growth in security. That is not where you're going

  13. 32:29 – 33:06

    Truth is you’re never going to shine if you’re always looking for this.

    1. AP

      to shine, when you're just always safe and secure. You got to get out of that in order to shake things up. And she realized, "I need to shake things up." And her next thought wasn't, "Let me dust off my resume," and a lot of people that are going to get laid off this year or something's going to happen, they think, "I got to go look for my next job."

    2. MR

      No.

    3. AP

      But if they just took a beat, "What do you really want?" And that's the part, that's where I want to grab people right there and say, "Wait a second. What do you really want? Is it really to go back to a 9:00 to 5:00 job, or have you been dreaming about doing your own thing but you're just too scared to take the leap?"

    4. MR

      Wow. What do you really want?

  14. 33:06 – 38:19

    If you want to be your own boss, start with this big question.

    1. MR

      That's a huge question.

    2. AP

      It is.

    3. MR

      And I want you to contemplate that. What do you really want?

    4. AP

      And here's the secret: you start with the life you want. So when I teach people how to go out and get their own, build their own business, I always say, "First of all, let's talk about what lifestyle you want." Because when I was in my 9:00 to 5:00 job, one night I was rushing home to make dinner on time. I wanted to be home with my family to sit at the table and have dinner, and I was running late. I stayed in a meeting late. I had some things to get done. It was now like 6:30. I knew it was going to be too late, but I was bound and determined to get home, so I was racing to get home and got pulled over.

    5. MR

      Okay.

    6. AP

      And this female cop came up to my car, and already I felt flush in the face. Like, I was just so upset, now I'm getting pulled over, and she says, uh, "Ma'am, why are you driving so fast?" And I looked at her and I said, "I'm trying to get home to dinner with my family 'cause I haven't been home all week and I don't want to miss another chance to be with my family." And she said, "Go. Just go." And it's like she understood that when you are in a 9:00 to 5:00 job that you no longer want, everything else seems to fall by the wayside.

    7. MR

      Hmm.

    8. AP

      Like, you're not living the life that you want. So that was just one moment, like, I wanted to be home with my family. I wanted to actually make more money so I could invest in things that I wanted to invest in. There was so much that I didn't have that I wanted that I kind of just started there. So you got to just ask yourself what kind of lifestyle you want and then build your career around that.

    9. MR

      Well, I think a lot of people got a huge wake-up call these past three years.

    10. AP

      Yes.

    11. MR

      If, if the pandemic did nothing else, it certainly made you reflect on your values. It made you reflect on where you wanted to live. It made you reflect on what was important to you. And this mindless chasing of more, more, more-

    12. AP

      Mm-hmm.

    13. MR

      ... it became very clear for a lot of us that that is not the lifestyle-

    14. AP

      Yes.

    15. MR

      ... we want. You had a huge move. I had a huge move, all beginning with the question, "What do I actually want my life to look like?"

    16. AP

      Yes.

    17. MR

      All right, well, I want you to pause right there, 'cause we're going to take a word from our sponsors. But when we come back, we're going to take a few more questions from listeners, and we're going to continue to hold your hand and walk you step-by-step through this process of starting to embrace the wake-up call, ask these big questions, and get fricking serious about your ability of making it happen. Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins. I am here with Amy Porterfield, and we're asking the big questions today of you. What do you want your life to look like? How nice would it be if you had freedom, you were free to work when you wanted, where you wanted, that you took the time to design your life to work for you? And for those of you that have never thought about this before, you always thought, "Okay, I just got to get a job. I got to get a job," we're unpacking a concept called unbossing yourself, because I personally believe this is all mindset.

    18. AP

      Oh, yeah.

    19. MR

      It's all mindset. And you've got two strategies to unboss yourself. But before we get to those, I want to go back to the story, because you had this wake-up call. You're like, "Whatever these dudes are doing to make money online, I'm figuring this out."

    20. AP

      Yeah.

    21. MR

      "Because I am not free if I work for somebody else."...and I really see and have a taste of what they have, and now I wanna figure it out. And so takeaway number one, everybody, pay attention to the wake-up call. Takeaway number two, yes, you can sort this stuff out. And takeaway number three is, what did you do next?

    22. AP

      So that's when I started to think, "What could I possibly do? How do I need to unboss myself? How do I need to think in order to step into what I want?"

    23. MR

      Got it.

    24. AP

      So I really did start with my mindset. So this concept of unbossing, really understanding that you could lead yourself and you do not need anybody else to tell you what to do, make the decisions for you, or lead you. So once you start to think, "Okay, how can I lead myself?" I had to det- I had to take some steps to get me there. The first thing was, again, I talked about, "What do I want?" And I went on social media and started following a bunch of people that had the kind of businesses that I wanted, total immersion. I wanted... You know, you did an episode a while ago that you talked about when you, let's say, got a new car-

    25. MR

      Yes.

    26. AP

      ...and you started to see that car everywhere.

    27. MR

      Yes, yes.

    28. AP

      It's the same concept. When I decided I wanted to start my own business, I started to see bosses everywhere, doing what I wanted. But I was intentional about it, and I cleaned up my social media.

    29. MR

      Okay, so takeaway number one-

    30. AP

      Yeah.

  15. 38:19 – 41:40

    Where should you go for advice?

    1. AP

      the people who are doing what you want and find out how they did it. And I actually have a great story about this-

    2. MR

      Okay.

    3. AP

      ...okay? So when I was still at Tony Robbins, I knew I wanted to create courses and help people do their marketing and build businesses down the road. I wasn't ready for it yet, but I knew I wanted that kind of business. So I went online and I found a bunch of people doing what I wanted, and there was this one woman who absolutely had the kind of business I wanted. I did not know her at all, but I watched her online and I thought, "That's the kind of business I want." So I went to her contact page on her website, wrote her a little email and said, "Listen, I know you don't offer this, but can I pay you for an hour of your time? I just wanna ask you all about how you built your business. I'm new to all of this. I, I don't even know where to start. Will you share some insight with me if I pay you?" And she said yes.

    4. MR

      Wow.

    5. AP

      Yup. So do you... You gotta ask.

    6. MR

      You gotta ask. And here's another way you can do it 'cause you're probably sitting there, notice, you have a employee mindset.

    7. AP

      Yes.

    8. MR

      Where you're like, "But I don't have any money to pay. Amy's got money 'cause she works for Tony Robbins." No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That is not the mindset. You are not a loser. You're a winner. Uh, all of these people that you follow have likely done a podcast interview or a YouTube video, or they've written a blog post-

    9. AP

      Yes.

    10. MR

      ...and all the advice is in there. And another way that you can get people to respond to you is you can present them with some challenge that you're facing and say, "Could you, could you give me," like, "I, I need some help making a decision. I'm facing this challenge. Here are two or three things that I'm thinking about doing. Which would you advise?" Because then you've done the work. You've thought like a boss. You haven't called on somebody to solve your problems. So that's another way that even if you're working for somebody else, unbossing yourself is a mentality. Don't expect your boss to solve your problems. It's s- it's not their job to solve your problems. It's your job to come up with the solutions to recommend for the problems that you're facing in whatever your role is. And so that's a way that you can take this philosophy into your current job while you figure out what you wanna do.

    11. AP

      Yes.

    12. MR

      So you stuck with this job, and you chipped away at the job while you changed social media-

    13. AP

      Yes.

    14. MR

      ...and you started asking people for advice. You started chipping away at learning things. What else did you do in order to kind of step-by-step march toward building something you had no fricking skill or experience to do?

    15. AP

      Yes. I had to get unreasonable. And by the word unreasonable, I mean I had to start thinking in ways that I had never done before. And so, like with the call with that woman that said yes, like, I was still at my office. I had to crawl under my desk 'cause the walls were thin. I didn't want anyone to hear me at my lunch hour. I'm whispering to her on the phone like, "How did you build your business? What did you do?" And she's whispering back to me and I'm sure she thinks that's weird that we're whispering, but I needed to make it happen. So I had to start putting myself in places that I was way out of my element because I wanted something bigger than my life at the moment.

    16. MR

      Now, how do you keep that present? Because I think this is what separates people in life.

    17. AP

      Yes.

    18. MR

      We all want it. Who doesn't want to make a million dollars? Who doesn't want freedom? Who doesn't

  16. 41:40 – 43:38

    Here’s what separates those who do and those who don’t.

    1. MR

      want, you know, to, to, to figure out how to make money online and, and check their balances while they're, they're sitting on the toilet? I mean, who doesn't wanna make money-

    2. AP

      Right.

    3. MR

      ...while they're sleeping? But what separates those of us who do and anybody who doesn't is literally the action-That's it.

    4. AP

      Exactly.

    5. MR

      That is it. Like, if you're willing to go one step further than the person that just quit, you, my friend, have the secret formula. There, there is no fucking secret formula.

    6. AP

      Yes.

    7. MR

      You have to stop listening to the bullshit that is stopping you from taking action. I mean, this woman is sitting under her desk-

    8. AP

      (laughs)

    9. MR

      ...I'm literally at an event I'm not supposed to be at, because we wanted something more for ourselves. What did you do to keep that freedom, which is this big-ass word, what did you do to keep that front and center, other than having your social media feeds reminding you-

    10. AP

      Yes.

    11. MR

      ...that this is the world you wanted to step into? It's sort of like a kid who decides, "Okay, I'm going to go to a coll-, I'm gonna go to this college," and they're really into, the first one that popped into mind is Michigan. I'm from Michigan. Everybody loves either Michigan State or Big Blue. And so kids would, would, would wear the sweatshirts, and they'd look at the school, and they'd follow people-

    12. AP

      Yes.

    13. MR

      ...and they'd buy the swag, and they've been wearing it all over, and so they're like immersing themselves in this world before they're there. How the hell do you do this for yourself-

    14. AP

      Yes.

    15. MR

      ...when it's about a side hustle, or who you want to become? Because you're talking like recreate your whole damn life, like stop, stop getting a job and get serious about what you want your life to look like.

    16. AP

      So, I started to change my identity. I'm going to be a business owner. I'm going to be a boss. What do bosses do? They listen to podcasts about building businesses, they buy the books about how to change your mindset, how to start a business, how to get things going. They buy the digital courses. I'd never bought a digital course in my life. I bought my first digital course while I was still at my nine-to-five job, it was all about how to do video marketing. I had no idea how to make a video.

    17. MR

      Oh, can I give everybody a pro tip?

  17. 43:38 – 48:10

    My #1 pro tip to get a free education. (Check the resources at melrobbins.com/podcast for more ideas.)

    1. MR

    2. AP

      Yes.

    3. MR

      A lot of companies, as a perk, give a login to MasterClass-

    4. AP

      (laughs) There you go.

    5. MR

      ...and some of these other places-

    6. AP

      Yes.

    7. MR

      ...and so you can be-

    8. AP

      Use it.

    9. MR

      Yeah, there, there is so much free education, you're hearing Amy go, "Buy, buy, buy."

    10. AP

      Yes.

    11. MR

      Khan Academy, YouTube, all this stuff is free, everybody.

    12. AP

      That's so true.

    13. MR

      You got to be willing to look for it. If you've gotten laid off, the Harvard Extension School has free resume templates if you're willing to freaking Google it. So, you know, we have to get out of this mode of stuff's being done to you and, you know, "Damn that job" and, "I'm embarrassed." Bullshit. That job was not a fit, and you want to why, you want to know why it wasn't a fit? 'Cause you got fired-

    14. AP

      Right.

    15. MR

      ...'cause you got laid off. And yes, it sucks, but you get to decide now what it means. Are you going to pivot and are you going to take this as a wake-up call, or are you going to sit there and feel sorry for yourself?

    16. AP

      It's so true. So yes, get resourceful. You don't have to pay for any of this, there's tons of free resources out there, even more so now than there were when I even left. But I started to, again, total immersion, fuel my mind with the right things. But here's another thing I did. I started a side hustle, and I think this is an important conversation for people right now. If you're afraid of getting fired, laid off, or you're just not making enough money, a lot of people listening, they think they're staying in their nine-to-five job but they know they're not getting paid enough. They know they're undervalued. So, the best next thing you can do is start your own thing in the mornings, nights, weekends, to bring in a little extra money. Let me tell you about a student of mine who did this.

    17. MR

      Yeah, give me some, give me some examples.

    18. AP

      Okay. So, one of my students, her name was Rachel, she was a pharmacist. And she did this job as a pharmacist 'cause her parents wanted her to have that job. It looked good, it sounded good, and here she is as a pharmacist during COVID and-

    19. MR

      Ugh.

    20. AP

      ...hates every minute of it. Like, her life was miserable what she went through. And so on the side, she decided, "I'm gonna learn how to buy real estate." She didn't have a lot of money, but she said, "I'm going to learn how to just buy a little bit of real estate and turn it into an Airbnb and see if I can make a little extra money doing that." So she researched, she started saving, she started, she bought her first piece of real estate and it did really well. And she told her husband, "One day I want this to be my full-time thing," and he laughed at her like, "The, no, you're a pharmacist, you're not going to do that." But she kept at it and she kept at it. She made $300,000 last year when she figured out how to get this real estate and get the money to invest and all of that, quit her pharmacy job, and never has looked back.

    21. MR

      So, is this somebody with a trust fund?

    22. AP

      No, not at all. Like, this woman was scrappy. Let me tell you another story of someone who didn't have a lot of money, okay?

    23. MR

      Okay.

    24. AP

      Because I know some people-

    25. MR

      'Cause most people don't have a lot of money.

    26. AP

      Right.

    27. MR

      Like, most people are paycheck to paycheck, most people are like, "That sounds great but I've got no money for a course. I, you know, I'm definitely gonna pick up the book, Two Weeks Notice, that you just wrote, Amy, for the step-by-step guide, but I don't, like-

    28. AP

      I don't have a lot-

    29. MR

      ...buy real estate? What are you talking about?

    30. AP

      Yeah. Okay, let me give you a better one. So, this one is from my student Tara, and she was an accountant for 15 years in a very small town. And she's a single mom, and she said, "I need a raise. I'm not making enough money." She went to the company and said, "I'd like a raise," and they looked at her with blank stares like, "That's not even in your future at all." And she realized, "I've got to do something." So, she was really good at making wreaths. She made these beautiful wreaths-

  18. 48:10 – 52:15

    Here’s what happens to you once you take action.

    1. MR

      Why not, instead of flopping down in front of Netflix tonight because I'm, my soul is sucked dry from my job search or my job that I go to or worrying about what, why not invest that same time that I procrastinate at night into creating a little bit of a side hustle, tasting a little bit of freedom-

    2. AP

      Yes.

    3. MR

      ... saying yes in a little way? Why not?

    4. AP

      Just a starter idea.

    5. MR

      Just a s-

    6. AP

      She just needs a starter-

    7. MR

      That's all she had.

    8. AP

      She just-

    9. MR

      That's all she had.

    10. AP

      Yes. So she wasn't saying, "I'm gonna quit my job tomorrow 'cause I'm making wreaths." She just thought, "I gotta bring in some extra money. I better get scrappy."

    11. MR

      Yes.

    12. AP

      So she started making these wreaths, selling 'em on Etsy, and she was doing really well, bringing in, like, $1,000 a month extra, so-

    13. MR

      That's pretty good.

    14. AP

      Right? So-

    15. MR

      That's, like, take-the-kids-to-Disney money.

    16. AP

      Exactly.

    17. MR

      That's pay-the-bills money.

    18. AP

      So she's, like, feeling a little bit... That's another thing. You start to feel a little confident when you start to take some action and get some clarity, like, "This is actually working." So what happened was her friends started seeing her make money on Etsy, and they were making crafts, and they weren't making any money on Etsy, and they said, "Teach us how you're doing that. That's what I want to know." And that's where it started to click for her. Her starter idea was not going to pay the bills. However, she took action, got some clarity, started to listen to what people were saying, and they said, "Teach us how you're doing that." So she created a little mini course teaching other people how to put their crafts online and make money with Etsy. $100,000 later, this woman never in-

    19. MR

      What?

    20. AP

      ... a million years thought she'd make $100,000 teaching other women how to put their crafts on Etsy and then make money.

    21. MR

      So how long of a period of time from the idea of, "Oh, I could..." 'Cause first it becomes... I want everybody to pay attention, because I'm trying to open your eyes to the fact that your whole life can change because of one wake-up moment and the willingness to lean into something that you naturally do well or you're naturally interested in. I'm going to put an example into this in just a minute, but this willingness to lean into what you're naturally good at and other people compliment you on, "I've never thought about it this way," not so that it, it, it pays your mortgage, but so that it gives you a taste of freedom, and it taps into this power and resour- resourcefulness and moxie that is inside you.

    22. AP

      Yes.

    23. MR

      Because when you start feeling that, you'll start thinking even bigger. And so, you know, I, I'm thinking about this because... And I'm gonna offer up an example, because it literally could be anything. I think about my daughter, Sawyer, who constantly is complimented for her interior decorating style-

    24. AP

      Yes.

    25. MR

      ... and skills. No training. And I keep thinking to myself, "Boy, she could do a whole Instagram strategy of designing on a budget. She could, uh, do a whole thing about how you design a killer dorm room for X number of dollars or how you design your first apartment." I'm thinking about another kid. I have a, I have a neighbor whose son, senior year of high school, no joke, made almost $30,000. You want to know how?

    26. AP

      How?

    27. MR

      I'll tell you how. He saw one video, one video. He googled "how to make money online," one video of this business where you advertise a service of picking up people's stuff, like couches they don't want, and then you list it for sale on Facebook Marketplace, and you deliver it to somebody else.

    28. AP

      Brilliant.

    29. MR

      Brilliant!

    30. AP

      And scrappy. I like scrappy ideas.

  19. 52:15 – 55:10

    Think you’re too old to be your own boss? Listen to this story.

    1. MR

      young that did this?

    2. AP

      Yes, I have a great story. One of my favorite students, her name is Anne, and Anne worked in corporate at Gap and Old Navy. She was in her 50s at the time, and she got laid off, which is, tends to be a theme we're hearing a lot. So she's laid off, and she thinks, "Okay, well, let- I've been in this business for a while. I'm going to dust off my resume, get it back out there." So she did. Months and months and months, couldn't even get an interview.

    3. MR

      Oh.

    4. AP

      And I hate to say this, but I think it was her age.

    5. MR

      Probably.

    6. AP

      Right? People are hiring younger, so they're not e- they're just looking over her and all of her experience that she had. And so one day, her husband said, "You've got all of these different crafts up in our attic. You love to do these. Why don't you just play around there for a while, see if it sparks anything?" And so she didn't have any other option at the time, so she started to kind of get in there, and she does this one thing really well, surface pattern design. You know-

    7. MR

      What the hell is that?

    8. AP

      Right? I'm not crafty at all, so I, I really had to kind of dig in to understand it. Basically, it's this idea of drawing your own doodles and different graphics on, let's say, through a software, and turning those drawings of yours into wallpaper, into wrapping paper-

    9. MR

      What?

    10. AP

      ... into mugs-

    11. MR

      This is a business?

    12. AP

      ... into journals. Yes.

    13. MR

      Okay.

    14. AP

      And so she did this really well, and yet again, people started to say, "How are you doing that?" That's why when you think of the sweet spot formula, the first thing you do is pay attention to what people think you're good at, because it's just a natural thing. They're interested. And so she did it well. Other people wanted to know how she did it, so she started to teach them how she did it. Now, this woman went from literally not getting anyone that wanted to hire her, not even getting interviews-

    15. MR

      Wow.

    16. AP

      ... to doing launches of this q- this new program she created, $100,000 launches over and over again. But I want to point out, she's in her 60s.

    17. MR

      Wait. Okay.

    18. AP

      Yes.

    19. MR

      You buried the lede, Amy.

    20. AP

      Yes. She's in her 60s. Didn't know how to run a business, didn't know how to do technology, didn't know how to put up a website, didn't know how to do a webinar. She knew none of it. But what she did know is she wanted a different kind of life, and she got honest with herself, "I don't want to be begging for a job. They think I'm too old? Watch me."

    21. MR

      Ooh, I love that, "Watch me."

    22. AP

      And that's what I want, yeah.

    23. MR

      "Watch me. Watch me do this damn thing." I- I- I cannot wait to send this episode to my kids. Can you tell me about someone on the younger side-

    24. AP

      Yes.

    25. MR

      ... that, um, went from nothing, telling themselves, "No skills, too young, I can't do this, missed the boat, there's already too many people doing fitness online," or whatever the hell it is that you want to do, "Too many interior designers, no room for me"? Tell me about somebody on the- on the younger end of the scale.

    26. AP

      I will. And I want to say, if you're looking around and you think, "I want to do this," and you see so many other people doing it-

    27. MR

      Yes.

    28. AP

      ... and they're doing it well-

    29. MR

      Like podcasts with me.

    30. AP

      Yes. The first thought

  20. 55:10 – 1:00:42

    Stop telling yourself everyone else is already doing what you want to do.

    1. AP

      is, "There's no room for me."

    2. MR

      Yes.

    3. AP

      "I can't do that, it's already been being done."

    4. MR

      Yes.

    5. AP

      First of all, there's over eight billion people in this world, there's definitely an audience you can reach. But the second thing is, if it's being done and it's being done well, that means there's money to be made there.

    6. MR

      Ooh.

    7. AP

      Right? It's a validation. Look at it and think, "Oh, great, Mel's a great example that I can make money doing this. Let me try it as well."

    8. MR

      Okay. Did you hear that, everybody?

    9. AP

      It's important.

    10. MR

      It's really important, because somebody else doing this is a validation that there is a business and money, and more importantly, people want this.

    11. AP

      Yes.

    12. MR

      They want this in their lives. And so I want to also say something. Um, there are eight billion people, Amy. And oftentimes, the expert that my kids like, like let's just take online exercise classes.

    13. AP

      Yes.

    14. MR

      I feel demoralized when I'm looking at a 28-year-old's rear end as she's doing, like, the donkey kicks-

    15. AP

      Amen, sister.

    16. MR

      ... and the Hydrant thing. And I'm like, "She, like, hasn't had kids yet, I- I'm in menopause. I- I'm feeling like the stomach hanging down, this is not great." I want a different expert.

    17. AP

      Yes.

    18. MR

      I want what my daughters have in that market, but I want somebody that I feel represents me.

    19. AP

      Yes.

    20. MR

      And so you have a unique take on things. The 60-year-old woman that you talked about that launched her first online course, do you know how empowering it is to see somebody teach you when you're in your 40s or 50s and they're older than you? Do you know how empowering it is when you see somebody that has your background, your religion, your skin color, your body type, your experience? You are most qualified to help the person you used to be-

    21. AP

      Yes.

    22. MR

      ... and you will most inspire the person who sees themselves in you and your story. And so there are people out there... Like, when I think about the podcast market, and I saw there are five million podcasts on Spotify, five million alone, I'm like, "It's already taken. What more... What could I possibly contribute?"

    23. AP

      Yes.

    24. MR

      I know that's what everybody's thinking right now, "It's already been done." Bullshit. You want to know why? It hasn't been done by you.

    25. AP

      Amen. That's it. It hasn't been done by you. You have lived experiences that nobody else has, and you have stories and insights that you share that nobody else will. And you only need a sliver of the internet to pay attention. That's the wild thing here. You don't need 100,000 customers to make money. A sliver of the internet, you get 10 customers... Let's say this, Mel. When I teach people how to create side hustles, let's say you have a $100 program and just 10 people buy that, you've just made $1,000 that you did not have. 10 people, that's all you need. So when you start to think, "This is too big, I'm too overwhelmed, I don't know where to start," you start with your starter idea and you just get into action.

    26. MR

      You know, I want to give a huge shout-out to my kids' guitar instructor, Dave Wade. So Dave Wade, he has made a huge difference in our life, and, um, he... You know, I was always barking about how he should do something more. He was, is a session musician, classical guitarist, uh, plays on all these major stages, and he started a music school in Boston in the basement of a church, and it's slowly grown. And, you know, by just paying attention to that wake-up call inside him, "There's something more I could be doing, I could be reaching more kids," he figured out how to create an online course.

    27. AP

      Yes.

    28. MR

      And he launched it before COVID. So all of a sudden COVID hits, and he's done this thing simply as a side hustle to an existing business, a way to take something you're doing in real life and take that and put it online. And he was positioned for COVID, and now he does nothing but virtual lessons with students all over the world, like, and in person in Boston, but-

    29. AP

      Yes.

    30. MR

      I mean, it just changed his life. Why? It's not because he's smarter than you. It's not because he has more skills than you. It's because he did one thing you're not doing. He's saying, "What if it works out?"

  21. 1:00:42 – 1:16:39

    My top two tips when it comes to feeling more confident.

    1. AP

      You have to tap into courage first, and this is a mindset shift right here.

    2. MR

      Okay, stop. You don't tap into confidence, everybody.

    3. AP

      No.

    4. MR

      You're not gonna feel confident is what you're saying.

    5. AP

      It's never gonna show up in the beginning.

    6. MR

      Okay, so you gotta tap into courage. So please explain what that means-

    7. AP

      Okay.

    8. MR

      ... to Lou or anybody listening who's like, "Okay, I got my idea. I got the wreaths, I got the streaming online, I got the coaching business. Now I'm doubting myself."

    9. AP

      Yes. "I'm looking for confidence everywhere." Confidence comes from a proven track record of something you want to do. You look and think, "Oh, I've done this, so I can keep going." You've never done this. She doesn't want to do what she did in her 9:00 to 5:00 job, she wants to start something new. That's uncharted territory.

    10. MR

      Yes.

    11. AP

      There's no confidence in that. So what she needs to do is first say, "I'm going to find the courage to do this." Courage is taking the leap of faith-

    12. MR

      Hmm.

    13. AP

      ... knowing everything I've done in my life, I've literally gotten to this point. I've overcome all of my obstacles, I'm alive, I'm here. She has a proven track record of being resilient, of showing up, doing the work. Uh, she said, "I have the experience. I'm qualified." So we're gonna tap into courage, saying, "Well, then I'm gonna create something new based on the fact that my track record is I can figure this out."

    14. MR

      You know what I love about this? It's a way to basically just whack self-doubt away.

    15. AP

      Whack it.

    16. MR

      'Cause what you're saying is, "All right, I don't know how to do this. I've never done this before. Not feeling that confident. Imposter syndrome is kinda coming up. I have the courage to try."

    17. AP

      Yes.

    18. MR

      "I have the courage to keep going. I can tap into this thing inside me to say, 'I know I'm nervous, I know I'm this, but I'm gonna fucking do it.'"

    19. AP

      "I'm gonna do it," yeah.

    20. MR

      "I'm gonna do it."

    21. AP

      Exactly. And so, that part is so important. We're not gonna chase confidence anymore. The other thing is, when I left my 9:00 to 5:00 job, I got home my first day on the job, I'm in my kitchen at my kitchen table kind of typing away, and freaked out thinking, "What did I do?" And I started to make videos. And I would make these videos about marketing and funnels and all this stuff, and publish them nowhere. And my husband would say, "I see you making these videos, but you're doing nothing with them. Why not?" And I said, "I'm so afraid what my old coworkers are gonna think about me doing this. They're gonna see these videos where I'm not good on video yet, so I look like a mess, and they're gonna think, 'Who is she? She looks like-"

    22. MR

      Who does she think she is?

    23. AP

      "... a fool. Who does she think she is? She doesn't know what she's doing.'" So, I didn't move forward in this dream I had because I was afraid of what they were thinking. And here's the truth. One, they're not even paying that close of attention. People are, are into their own lives, they're doing their own thing, and any opinion they'd have of me making videos is a direct reflection of their opinion if they could do it as well. They didn't leave their job yet, they're not going after it, so they're gonna tell me all the reasons why I shouldn't or I am not going to make this work.

    24. MR

      Here's two pieces that I would add to that, okay? Um, Lou, if you wouldn't trade your life with them-

    25. AP

      Yes.

    26. MR

      ... why the fuck would you listen to their advice?

    27. AP

      Yes.

    28. MR

      That's number one. Uh, because people who have not done what you want to do have no clue what it takes to get there. So stop looking in the rearview mirror, you're not heading in that direction. Second thing I want to say, the second that you decide that you're going to pivot your life, your social media's not for your friends.

    29. AP

      Hmm, yes, that's good.

    30. MR

      If you could get this concept into your head, your social media is not for your friends. Your social media is for you and your dreams and your self-expression, and it's meant to put something out in the world intentionally so that people who are looking for you and who need you can find you. That is what social media is for. If you want to share photos of your kids with your friends, text them to them. But when you get serious about making a pivot in your life, the inbound of social media is your board of directors, it's your board of advisors, it's the way that you do total immersion, as Amy just said, into who you're becoming. Your outbound, what you post, is meant to be something like a beacon that draws in the kind of people that are interested in this. And when you can get clear, it's not for your fucking ex-coworkers, it's not for your relatives, it's not for your family, it is not for your friends. I think most of my long-term friends do not follow me because I post three times a day and it would choke their feed and, you know, if they want to catch up with me, they'll text me.

Episode duration: 1:18:03

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