The Mel Robbins PodcastHow to Become a Better Human: Lessons on Kindness, Love, and Happiness (From a 10-Year-Old)
EVERY SPOKEN WORD
70 min read · 14,424 words- 0:00 – 3:30
Introduction
- ELElton
And we are on the Mel Robbins Podcast.
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs) So, Elton, how old are you?
- ELElton
10 years old.
- MRMel Robbins
What have you learned recently that you wish everyone would know?
- ELElton
If you have an up and then you have a down, you know that you can do ups, because, like, if you've done it before, you can do it again.
- MRMel Robbins
What do you think people should do in order to be happier?
- ELElton
Actively go to therapy. Maybe that therapist is, like, your mom. Maybe that therapist is, like, your aunt. Maybe it's your uncle. Maybe it's, like, your grandpa. But, like, you have to usually talk to somebody about your feelings to make you feel better. I was, like, getting a little picked on and, like, bullied.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm.
- ELElton
And I just decided to go to therapy, and it really helped in my mental state and really helped me be a better person.
- MRMel Robbins
Wow. Do you think adults sometimes forget the important things in life?
- ELElton
Oh, totally. Just because you have kids and just because, like, you need to take care of them all the time doesn't mean you can't have fun yourself. You've done so much for them. They gotta do something for you, or you gotta do something for yourself. Gotta have more fun, like, as an adult. Having, having fun is part of life.
- MRMel Robbins
What's the big mistake that you see parents make with kids that then kids complain to their friends about?
- ELElton
Uh, well...
- MRMel Robbins
Welcome. It's your friend Mel. I'm so happy you're here. Whether you've been listening for a while or someone that you love sent you this episode and you're brand new to the Mel Robbins Podcast family, welcome. You are going to absolutely love listening to this episode today, and I'm particularly excited because I know so many of you listen to the Mel Robbins Podcast while you've got your families around or you're driving in the car with kids. And this episode, in particular, is absolutely perfect for you to listen to with the kids in your life, whether they're in elementary school or middle school. And I cannot wait for you to meet our guest today. His name is Elton. He is one of my most favorite people on the planet, and the reason why I love him is because he just has this simple wisdom. You ask him his perspective about any situation or anything going on in the world, and it's like, boom, that was exactly what I needed to hear. And as I mentioned, this conversation has been over a year in the making because first, Elton had to finish the fourth grade, and second, I had to get him out here. And so he came out to visit his grandparents, and I was like, "Elton, let's make this a twofer." And so here he is. I have known Elton his entire life. I've been wanting him to be on the podcast. I cannot wait for you to hear the simple wisdom and the fact that he has all these little sayings that are actually tools, and you're gonna wanna steal them. The way he describes things in particular that kids struggle with, it's gonna help your kids, and it will definitely help you. So here's how this is gonna work. I'm gonna ask Elton a few questions, and as I ask Elton questions, I invite you and the people that you love who are listening along with you to answer these questions for yourself, too, because I guarantee you what pops into your mind is gonna surprise you. So without further ado, please help me welcome Elton to the Mel Robbins Podcast.
- 3:30 – 5:15
Meet Mel’s 10-year-old guest who’s wise beyond his years.
- MRMel Robbins
- ELElton
Thank you for inviting me. Like, I, I always wanted to be on a podcast. (laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
Okay, great. So how old are you?
- ELElton
10 years old.
- MRMel Robbins
And what grade are you going into?
- ELElton
Fifth.
- MRMel Robbins
And one of the reasons why I wanted to talk to you, Elton, is because you are one of my all-time favorite human beings.
- ELElton
Thank you. You're one of my at least top five.
- MRMel Robbins
Top five? (laughs)
- ELElton
Top five. You're, you're on my Mount Rushmore. (laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs) I've never thought of it that way, that if you have a top five, there's a Mount Rushmore of people.
- ELElton
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
What does that mean to you?
- ELElton
I mean, like, my mom and my dad and then, like, there's my friends and then there's people like you, who are just generally nice people.
- MRMel Robbins
So what do you enjoy doing in your free time? Before we kinda jump into the way you think about life and middle school-
- ELElton
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
... and some of the things going on that you wish adults would know, I would just love for everybody to get to know a little bit more about you. What do you like to do?
- ELElton
Uh, so I like to play some sports, but I'm also a video gamer. So, like, I play some Pokemon. I play some Super Mario. I play some, like, baseball, some soccer, and then in real life, I also play some baseball, some soccer, some football. Like, and, like, it's just really fun, at least what I think I'm doing, because, like, I, I'm a people person.
- MRMel Robbins
Do you think you were born that way, just always been that way?
- ELElton
Yeah, because I've always been, like, very interactive. Like, even since I was, like, five, I was, like, going up to strangers and, like, "I like your shoes."
- MRMel Robbins
Do you think it's important to compliment
- 5:15 – 7:00
The power of compliments, how small words lead to big rewards.
- MRMel Robbins
other people and be nice to other people?
- ELElton
Yeah, because, like, it's kinda like karma because, like-
- MRMel Robbins
It's kinda like what?
- ELElton
Karma.
- MRMel Robbins
Oh.
- ELElton
Like, if you don't share with someone, then they're not gonna share with you or they're not gonna be kind with you. Because, like, if I, if I, like, start, like, picking on a kid, uh, they're not gonna want to be friends with me because I'm picking on them. Like, if I was kind to that kid, then maybe they would want to be friends with me. But if I'm not, then they won't.
- MRMel Robbins
That's true. So kinda what energy you put out there comes back to you.
- ELElton
Yeah, usually.
- MRMel Robbins
Usually.
- ELElton
Yeah. Well, because at least all I know, we only get, like, one chance, and you gotta make it good because, like...If you just decide to be a jerk all your, all your life, then, like, what, what have you really accomplished? Because, like, you're not being kind to people. You're, you're not gonna have many friends, at least. And, like, we know how friends helps your mental state.
- MRMel Robbins
Yep.
- ELElton
Like, we, we know that. And so then you're gonna be depressed, and, like, that just doesn't feel good, does it? So, like, if someone doesn't be a jerk and they're super kind, and they're gonna have lots of friends. They're gonna be invited to a bunch of stuff. Rather, if you're a jerk, nobody wants to be friends with you. You're not gonna get invited to stuff because you're just gonna be, like, a party pooper. And, like, yeah, like, you're not gonna live life that- the way you probably want to.
- MRMel Robbins
Got it. And what do you think is the most important thing
- 7:00 – 7:55
Why kindness is the key to a meaningful life.
- MRMel Robbins
in life?
- ELElton
Kind.
- MRMel Robbins
Being kind?
- ELElton
Kindness. Yeah. Because, like that, that just, that determines it all usually. Because, like, if you're not kind, then people won't wanna be friends, and then that leads into a whole different story. And then you argue a lot, and then you're mad at people, and then you get mad at yourself, and then that leads to sadness. And, like, that's just not very fun. So... (laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
You're a real deep thinker.
- ELElton
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
What makes you truly happy, Elton?
- ELElton
Friends.
- MRMel Robbins
Friends?
- ELElton
My friends. Yeah. Like, they are the nicest people I've ever met. And, like, they are just super kind, super supportive. Like, they're into what I'm into, and, like, they're just so nice.
- MRMel Robbins
How do you handle the days
- 7:55 – 9:21
What 'safe keeps' are and how they can help you overcome sadness.
- MRMel Robbins
where you're feeling sad or a little lonely?
- ELElton
How do I... Um, I try to interact with, not kids, adults. Like, I, I try to, like, hang out with some adults. It's kinda like a safe place too.
- MRMel Robbins
I think that's a great idea. Do you tell people when you're sad and lonely?
- ELElton
Uh, I tell my mom and my dad. Not, like, just random strangers, or, like, like, I don't tell, like, my uncle or someone. I tell my mom and my dad. Those are, like, my safekeeps.
- MRMel Robbins
Gotcha.
- ELElton
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
That makes a lot of sense. What do you think an adult should do if they feel sad or lonely?
- ELElton
Um, honestly, I would hang out with, like, younger, younger kids, because they don't know much. And so, like, even, even, like, shaking, like, this cup would, like, make them laugh.
- MRMel Robbins
Gotcha.
- ELElton
That laugh brings you joy because laughs are, like, contagious.
- MRMel Robbins
It's true.
- ELElton
Like, happiness is contagious. If two people start laughing, then four people start laughing, then everybody starts laughing, even if you don't know what the joke is.
- MRMel Robbins
That's true. So maybe watch a funny movie or hang out with kids or volunteer or something like that?
- ELElton
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
What do you think people should do in order to be happier?
- 9:21 – 10:01
Want to be happier? Here's what Elton recommends.
- MRMel Robbins
- ELElton
Uh, well, I did this, um, and I do this. I go to therapy. Like, I, I, I, I actively go to therapy. And, like, that, that helps a lot with my mental state, and it helps a lot with being happier. And then one more thing to be happy is, I do do this, but not a lot, spend less time on your phone and scrolling and scrolling, because what is that gonna do for you? You're just scrolling and scrolling and scrolling when you could have time outside making new friends, playing, talking.
- MRMel Robbins
Tell me,
- 10:01 – 16:05
How therapy freed Elton from bottled-up emotions and why it can do the same for you.
- MRMel Robbins
are you comfortable sharing a little bit about, um, like, what you get out of therapy or why you went?
- ELElton
I just didn't feel happy because, like, I didn't have many friends. And, like, I was, like, getting a little picked on and, like, bullied.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- ELElton
And, like, so I w- I l- I, I just decided to go to therapy. And it really helped in my mental state, and it really helped me be a better person. I still go because I know it helps me be a better person.
- MRMel Robbins
Wow. I mean, I go to therapy. I love talking to my therapist.
- ELElton
Yes. Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
It's one of the reasons why I'm a better mom, and I'm a better friend, and I like myself more because I have-
- ELElton
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
... somebody that I can talk to.
- ELElton
Talk to about, like, everything, almost.
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- ELElton
Like, they, they're your safe person, like, that you can just, like, let it all dump out.
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah. And sometimes it's eas- I think it's easier for me, I don't know how you feel, but I, I think it's easier for me to just dump it all out with somebody that-
- ELElton
Yeah, that's the-
- MRMel Robbins
... I'm not related to, you know?
- ELElton
Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
Or that's not a friend.
- ELElton
Yeah. They, they don't know your friends. And therapists are really trustworthy.
- MRMel Robbins
Yep.
- ELElton
Therapists are kinda like, if you give somebody, like, a very dirty shirt, and after, like-
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- ELElton
... after, like, two weeks, which in therapy is, like, a year or something, that, that, that shirt is gonna be so clean.
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs) You're the best. You're the best. It's true, because if you keep it all inside, it just-
- ELElton
It, it, if you keep bottling it up, then you're gonna have so many bottles, and you're just gonna feel so sad because, like, you have all of this still in you.
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- ELElton
Rather just taking some of it out, and, like, I know you might still wanna bottle things up. And, like, you can bottle some stuff up, just not too much.
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- ELElton
Like, I, I have bottled things up, and that hasn't hurt me. But it, when I bottled too much stuff up, that hurt me.
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- ELElton
Yeah.
- 16:05 – 20:10
Elton’s personal experience with dysgraphia and dyslexia and how it shaped him
- MRMel Robbins
talking to somebody who's a therapist-
- ELElton
Uh.
- MRMel Robbins
... about yourself or ...
- ELElton
Well, I didn't talk to a therapist about this, but, uh, last year, I was diagnosed with dysgraphia.
- MRMel Robbins
Oh, yeah.
- ELElton
And I believe-
- MRMel Robbins
Oakley has it.
- ELElton
Yeah. That's what I was gonna say. Oakley has that.
- MRMel Robbins
It's a, it's, it's a f-
- ELElton
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
... language-based learning-
- ELElton
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
... difference.
- ELElton
So, like, I, I have to, like ... I can't really write as well.
- MRMel Robbins
Me either. (laughs)
- ELElton
(laughs) So, like, I get to type and, like, voice type, and it just really helped me because at the beginning of the year in fourth grade, I was, like, skipping class, not because I was a bad kid, because I didn't, like, I couldn't learn. Not because I didn't want to, because I couldn't. Like, I physically couldn't learn. So, like, my teachers just thought I was, like, a bad kid, and so, like, they misjudged me is what my mom said. Um, and they ... But then at the end of the year, I got diagnosed.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- ELElton
And they were like, "Oh, so that's what's wrong with that kid."
- MRMel Robbins
Well, it's not even what's wrong.
- ELElton
It's wrong. It's what's, like, the difference.
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- ELElton
Because there's a, there's a huge difference between "I can't learn" and "I don't wanna learn."
- MRMel Robbins
True.
- ELElton
Because if you can't learn, then, like, yes, you want to learn, but you, like, can't. There is no, like, "Oh, I'm just not gonna list- I'm trying to listen, but, like, I, I can't."
- MRMel Robbins
You know what I love about what you just said? I've never heard anybody say it that way, but you're right. I can't learn based on how you're trying to teach me.
- ELElton
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
But if you change the method of the teaching, it's easy to learn.
- ELElton
Y- yes.
- MRMel Robbins
And do you know that Oakley-
- ELElton
Went to a dysgraphic and dyslexia s- school, right?
- 20:10 – 23:05
The biggest childhood secret you’ve forgotten.
- MRMel Robbins
If you could give one piece of advice to adults, what would it be?
- ELElton
For a lot of my life, my parents have been super, super nice. But there's some moments where I, where I, they, I wish they did push me more, because I know I could do it.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm.
- ELElton
So, like, encouraging your children is, like, a huge part, but you really have to hit 'em with, like, the double whammy. Let's say they have a learning difference, and it's like, "Yes, you can do whatever you want, and yes, you are awesome, but some people will, like, pick on you because of this."
- MRMel Robbins
Got it. So, the double whammy, in your mind, is always, always hold out the bigger vision. Like, "You can do this. You can-"
- ELElton
But, so like, let's say a daughter. Like, "You can do everything that, like, your brother can do," let's say.
- MRMel Robbins
Yep.
- ELElton
"But people will talk to you a different way than they do to your brother. Like, that is just part of, like, life, and do not let that bring you down."
- MRMel Robbins
If somebody constantly beats themselves up, you know, like, they're hard on themselves, were you ever like that with yourself?
- ELElton
Yeah. I was.
- MRMel Robbins
What did you use to say to yourself?
- ELElton
"I'm not good enough." Like, "I need to try harder, even though this is the, this is the best I can do." Like, "I need to be better. I need to be more in shape. I need to, like..." Like, sure, yes, you do, but you don't need to do that all at once. Maybe you can focus on getting the ball far- farther now and get in shape later.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm.
- ELElton
Like, because if you do it all at once, you're not gonna be able to get any of it done, because you got so much... Like, my brother is watching... This is a terrible comparison. My brother is watching, like, six animes at once.
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- ELElton
He's not gonna be able to finish a single one, because he is watching s- like, six. So if you have six animes, and you're watching all of them at once, you're not gonna be able to finish them.
- MRMel Robbins
True. What one's most important to you of the things that you're working on and that you wanna change?
- ELElton
Um... Honestly, I have, like, I have lied a lot in the past.
- MRMel Robbins
Oh, me too.
- ELElton
Like, because I thought it made me cooler. It didn't. It didn't at all. So when I, I, like, I'm trying to tell people the truth more-
- MRMel Robbins
Mm.
- ELElton
... and stuff, and like, I'm trying to correct what I've done wrong in the past.
- MRMel Robbins
I think that is so brave and really inspiring.
- ELElton
Thank
- 23:05 – 24:01
How to embrace life’s ups and downs and let go of what you cannot control.
- ELElton
you.
- MRMel Robbins
What advice would you give, let's say, to Kendall, who's launching her singer-songwriter career? And she'll put out a song, and it does really well, and then she puts out a song, and it doesn't do as well. And then she puts out another song, and it does really well, and it's the ups and downs. Like, what would you say?
- ELElton
Uh, if you have an up and then you have a down, you know that you can do ups.
- MRMel Robbins
Oh.
- ELElton
Because, like, if you've done it before, you can do it again. Like, that, that's what I say to myself. Like, if, if, if I have thrown a, uh, a MacBook 60 yards, and I keep practicing-
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs) Yes.
- ELElton
... I might, I might get farther, but I will not go lower.
- MRMel Robbins
Gotcha. So you can do it again.
- ELElton
You can do it again.
- MRMel Robbins
Got it. I love that. Um,
- 24:01 – 27:09
Unfairness is inevitable; how you handle it determines everything.
- MRMel Robbins
what have you learned recently that you wish everyone would know?
- ELElton
Life isn't fair. I mean, because if life was fair, everyone, everybody would have the same birthday. Everybody would be the same age, would die at the same time. Everything would be the same.
- MRMel Robbins
That's right.
- ELElton
And, and that isn't fun, is it? Because, like, then if you walk up to a person and you say, "What do you like?" I mean, sure, they'll like all the same things that you, but you need differences to be friends. You... Because then, like, you need to draw in something new.
- MRMel Robbins
So, how do you deal with those moments? Because that's right, life isn't fair, and it's kind of a waste of your time-
- ELElton
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
... or anybody's time-
- ELElton
True.
- MRMel Robbins
... to spend any energy getting upset about how unfair life is.
- ELElton
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
So, how do you deal with those moments, though, when your brother gets something and you don't? Or when someone else seems to have it easier, and you struggle with dysgraphia? Or somebody has more money than you do, or they're better at baseball than you are? How do you deal with those things that are, like, unfair?
- ELElton
It's part of life, and, like, you can't do... I mean, yes, you can practice baseball, but I can't un-practice, like, dysgraphia. So, I have to, like, kinda just deal with it, and, like, practice and practice and practice. And, like, yes, that will be harder for me, and, like, like, I, I have to try almost, because, like, that's part of my l- lifestyle. I, I try my hardest, and sometimes I'm not good enough, and, like, that is fine. And, like, maybe if I keep trying, I will be better, and then if I keep trying and I'm not good enough, then that's just kinda like, "Oh well, I, I, I can't do this." I cannot make a three-point to save my life.
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- ELElton
Like, that is, that is just not me. (laughs) So, like-
- MRMel Robbins
Do you think if you kept practicing, eventually you'd be able to do it?
- ELElton
Yes. I've never wanted to be a three-point shooter. Like, people are like, "Oh, I wanna be like Steph Curry. Oh, I wa-" Like, I'm not aiming for the high, like the really high. I'm aiming for what's good enough. Because if people was gonna, like, go for the really high road, like, yes, you probably can do it. Yes, it will be a lot harder. But if that's a lot harder, you're more likely to give up.
- MRMel Robbins
Oh.
- ELElton
Because, like, if you keep doing it and it's so hard, then you're g- just gonna eventually, like, decide to just give up.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes. If I am listening and hearing you correctly, if what you wanna do is be Steph Curry, and you wanna just drop the three-pointers all day long, and you wanna spend 10,000 hours working on the three-point shot-
- ELElton
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
... and you wanna be the best in the world, if you never stop, eventually you'll-
- ELElton
You will do it.
- MRMel Robbins
You will do it. But for most of us, if we aim too high, we quit too soon.
- ELElton
Exactly.
- MRMel Robbins
And so your philosophy
- 27:09 – 29:34
The perspective shift you need that fuels dedication and commitment to what you love.
- MRMel Robbins
is to shoot for good enough, and to... And you said, "My lifestyle is to try." What does that mean?
- ELElton
Like, I, I n- I try never to not try.
- MRMel Robbins
Hmm.
- ELElton
Like, I, I, I always try to try. (laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
Why is trying?
- ELElton
Because some people are like, if they really don't wanna do something, they don't try. But even if I don't wanna do something, I s- I still try to do it, and see, "Oh, I'm actually good at this." And then maybe if I'm good at it, I'll like it.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- ELElton
But, like, if I really suck at basketball-
- MRMel Robbins
Yep.
- ELElton
... I, I don't... I wouldn't like it-
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- ELElton
... because I, I'm terrible at it.
- MRMel Robbins
Well, you know, I think that's an interesting thing that most adults don't realize about video games.
- ELElton
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
That a lot of kids and people play them-
- ELElton
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
You, Oakley, because you're good at them.
- ELElton
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
And we naturally like doing the things that we're good at.
- ELElton
We're good at. Yeah. There's usually a job for almost everything. Like, there's a job for video games. There is a job for coding. There's a job for this. There's a job for making these cups. There's a job for ironing. There is a job for almost everything. So, like, if you're really good at something, I would try, at least, est- try, like, if you want to do it, to pursue that. And if that doesn't work out, try to almost, like... If you're not the best at this thing but you can do it, take the thing that you're, like, lesser good at, and then keep doing that cycle. And, like, finally you get to something you're terrible at, keep trying and trying, and now you have the momentum to say, "I can do this."
- MRMel Robbins
You know what, Elton? You just described my career. I literally started my career as a lawyer. That's what I used to do. And then I changed, 'cause I didn't like that, and I went and I worked in the startup business. And then I didn't like that, and I went and did something else. And then I didn't like that, (laughs) and I went and did something else.
- ELElton
(laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
And, like, 19 job changes later, I combined them all, and now I host this podcast. And, you know, funny thing about dyslexia, I don't write my books, I dictate them, and then I edit on paper. I can't, like, write or type out my thoughts. I have to, like, speak
- 29:34 – 31:34
How to approach someone who's struggling.
- MRMel Robbins
them. This show is in 194 countries. And there's so many-
- ELElton
(laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
I know, that's a lot.
- ELElton
That's a lot of countries.
- MRMel Robbins
And there's so many people that listen to this show and then send episodes to people that they love.
- ELElton
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
First, I want you to talk to the adults, and what do you want them to know if they think that there is a kid in their life, whether it's a s- you know, a child or a niece or a nephew, or somebody that's in their class that just seems really sad, or seems like they're not themselves? What do you want adults to know, and what do you think adults should do if they're worried about someone? Because you've been in a situation where you were-
- ELElton
Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
... sad.
- ELElton
And I have a really good answer to that, I think. So-What didn't help me was talking to, like, a teacher saying, "Are you sad?" Like, you don't wanna admit that in front of the entire class, because like, how does that feel? Like, it doesn't, it doesn't-
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- ELElton
... feel good. Like, so like, maybe if like, you like help him out, and then you see him like crack a smile and if you keep doing that, then they're smiling again.
- MRMel Robbins
Okay.
- ELElton
But if that doesn't work, then like, you kinda like take him out of class for a second.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- ELElton
Then you say, not "Are you sad?" "Is everything all right?"
- MRMel Robbins
"Is everything all right?"
- ELElton
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
"You don't seem like yourself."
- ELElton
Yeah. Because like, if you know them as a sh- like, very happy kid-
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- ELElton
... and they're just feeling really sad-
- MRMel Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- ELElton
... you, you know something's wrong. So you don't say, "Are you sad?" Because you know they're sad, you know this. You ask, "Is everything all right?" Because you, you, you know something isn't right.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- 31:34 – 32:34
What really matters in life? Fun is more important than you think.
- MRMel Robbins
Do you think adults sometimes forget the important things in life?
- ELElton
Oh, totally. Like, just because you have kids and just because like, you need to take care of them all the time, doesn't mean you can't have fun yourself. Because like, I, I see all these parents like, spending all their time with their kids and like, like try maybe getting your kids, because th- you've done so much for them, they gotta do something for you or you gotta do something for yourself. Because otherwise you're just gonna be like, there with your kids, not happy, and then that's gonna make them not happy and like ... (sighs)
- MRMel Robbins
So you need to have more fun?
- ELElton
You gotta have more fun, like as an adult. Because like, I, you, I know you may think that's like a teenager or a kid thing. No it isn't. Having, having fun is part of life. Anything that you think is fun will help you.
- 32:34 – 34:02
Common mistakes parents make with their kids and how to avoid them.
- ELElton
- MRMel Robbins
What's the big mistake that you see parents make with kids that then kids complain to their friends about?
- ELElton
"My mom's always trying to control me. My dad's always trying to control me." Because like, they, they, they s- try to set you up for a path of su-success, and like yes, that is nice, but you should let them choose what their path to success is. You don't have to say, "Oh, you're gonna play basketball. Oh, you're gonna be a mathematician." Like they can choose, like what if they wanna be a dentist? Like that is not, that is not basketball, that is not math. That is dentist. Like, let them choose what they wanna do and then you can help them.
- MRMel Robbins
I agree, 'cause I believe the, the best form of success is being happy in your life.
- ELElton
Exactly. Like, because you, you, like who doesn't wanna be happy if you think about it? Like you don't want to be sad. Like especially at my camp, they don't say, "Treat others how you wanna be treated." Treat others how they wanna be treated.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm.
- ELElton
If you love to be tickled, like you, you don't-
- MRMel Robbins
I don't like to be tickled.
- ELElton
Exactly.
- MRMel Robbins
Do you like to be tickled?
- ELElton
No.
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs) Me either.
- ELElton
So like if, if, if my mom loves to be tickled, like she, she wouldn't tickle me because treat others how they wanna be treated.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm, I love that. That's true because we assume how we wanna be treated is how s-
- ELElton
Treated is how they wanna be t- but at my camp they say like, "No, that's bogus."
- MRMel Robbins
You also were talking
- 34:02 – 35:52
A simple technique to stop gossiping in its tracks.
- MRMel Robbins
last night at dinner with your mom about the pizza strateg- what is this? The pizza, what's it called?
- ELElton
The pizza strategy.
- MRMel Robbins
What is that?
- ELElton
Uh, so if let's say I'm in a group chat and somebody starts talking about like, Ashley. So like, they're talking about Ashley, they're saying mean things about Ashley. So the pizza strategy is like you, it's like training a baby. Like if, if, if they're like looking at something they shouldn't, you literally just go like, "Hey, look at that light." Or like, "Look at that," like but in this case, "Where are we going for pizza tomorrow?" Or like, and then they start talking about pizza, they s- they forget about Ashley, start talking about pizza. And so-
- MRMel Robbins
Got it.
- ELElton
... and like you can do that with anything, so like, yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
So the pizza strategy is a technique that you can use if you've got a bunch of people that are gossiping.
- ELElton
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
Or they're saying bad things about somebody.
- ELElton
Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
Or they're trashing somebody in like a group chat.
- ELElton
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
Instead of jumping in ...
- ELElton
And saying like, "No, that's not right," because nobody actually wants to do that.
- MRMel Robbins
Right.
- ELElton
Like it just doesn't feel good because like those are your, those are your like, your friends and like if you say that, you kinda like think that they're gonna like ditch you because like you're being like a goody two shoes or something.
- MRMel Robbins
Right, and it's true 'cause we all know that when people are gossiping about someone else that-
- ELElton
You should stand up for them.
- MRMel Robbins
... you should stand up for them.
- ELElton
But like s- if you-
- MRMel Robbins
But a lot of us don't.
- ELElton
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
And so the pizza strategy-
- ELElton
Strategy is basically doing it without actually doing it.
- MRMel Robbins
Ooh. So you, you change the topic.
- ELElton
You change the topic, yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
And then everybody just follows you 'cause you say, "Hey what, what are we doing this weekend?"
- ELElton
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
Or you, you just don't even respond to the comment about Ashley.
- ELElton
Yeah, you don't do this. Exactly, you just kinda like distract them.
- 35:52 – 38:28
How to make new friends and build community through shared interests.
- MRMel Robbins
love that. And how do you make new friends? Like I, you're gonna, you're about to go to summer camp and you're gonna be gone for three weeks and you're gonna have all these new people. Do you have like a particular strategy that you use for how you make friends?
- ELElton
Well, yes and kind of.
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- ELElton
So at least this worked in kindergarten.
- MRMel Robbins
Okay.
- ELElton
So what you did in kindergarten is you walked up to a kid, you said "Hey, you wanna be friends?" They said, "Sure," and you kinda just built off from there.
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs) Yeah.
- ELElton
Th- that is literally just what you did. Um-
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs) Okay.
- ELElton
But I think at camp, like, you're gonna, like, meet so many new people, and you will, like, meet someone through, like, a clinic, or meet someone through a team, or, like, a play-
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- ELElton
... or, like. Because, like, if that literally shows that you're interested in what I'm interested, can we be friends?
- MRMel Robbins
Mm.
- ELElton
Like, that is what that is.
- MRMel Robbins
So, you going and doing things like signing up to be part of the play.
- ELElton
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
All the kids that are part of the play are also interested in being-
- ELElton
In the play.
- MRMel Robbins
... in a play. Yes.
- ELElton
Because why would they sign up for the play if they're not interested for the play?
- MRMel Robbins
True. And so, you've got that first step, which is you sign up for things you're interested in, and then you know the people that are there are also interested, so you got that. But how do you determine then next, like, who you wanna spend more time with and who you're kinda like, "Hmm, maybe not my kind of person"?
- ELElton
You talk to a bunch of people. You kinda just float around. You don't just stick with one person.
- MRMel Robbins
Yep.
- ELElton
Because then if that one apple that you've been saving, aving, turns bad, and then you got nowhere else to turn. So, like-
- MRMel Robbins
Oh. So, you don't wanna put all...
- ELElton
You're saving is z- You don't wanna put all your money in this one bet.
- MRMel Robbins
Got it.
- ELElton
Once you kinda like know someone, then you can kinda like take it a step further and like be, like, put some more money on that bet.
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah, put some more time in there?
- ELElton
Yeah, and then you start hanging out with another one, but you bring your buddy with you, so then you have a bigger group of friends. And if you keep repeating that, then you're gonna have a lot of friends.
- 38:28 – 40:19
Stuck in a rut? This advice will get you moving.
- MRMel Robbins
have a question for you. One of the biggest questions I get from people around the world is they write in and say, "I'm really stuck in my life, and I actually don't know what I should do with my life."
- ELElton
So, what my dad has told me, at least, is I didn't find my passion till I was like 40. It is out there.
- MRMel Robbins
What do you mean by "It's out there"? 'Cause I think you're right.
- ELElton
Because, like-
- MRMel Robbins
Do you, do you believe everybody-
- ELElton
There is-
- MRMel Robbins
... has something?
- ELElton
... something that they can do. Everybody has something. Bees pollinate plants. Like, and lions eat, like, stuff.
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- ELElton
And, and that helps us from o- and that helps animals from overpopulating. Like, everything has their part.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- ELElton
And that is how just life works.
- MRMel Robbins
And so, what is one thing that you would want them to start doing if I take your philosophies, right?
- ELElton
Yep.
- MRMel Robbins
We've talked... You've, you've given us, you've shared so many cool things with us, Elton. If, if I take some of your philosophies, and I especially love the good enough and the trying, what would you recommend somebody do today to take one step forward toward figuring out what that thing that's their thing could be?
- ELElton
Listen to Mel Robbins' podcast.
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- ELElton
I'm just kidding. I'm, I'm just kidding. But, like, go outside and, like, meet some new people, because those people could be your people. They could introduce you to something that you love. They could introduce you to your future job, your future wife, your future husband. Like, it, it would be like, it could be like anything basically.
- MRMel Robbins
So basically, get out of your comfort zone?
- ELElton
Get, go out of your comfort zone to do something.
- MRMel Robbins
Shift the energy.
- 40:19 – 42:30
How simple acts of kindness can change everything.
- MRMel Robbins
What kind of world do you hope to help create, Elton?
- ELElton
I hope to create, like, a kinder world, because that, that... You can't just, like, be kind.
- MRMel Robbins
Hmm.
- ELElton
You, you have to, like, actually, like, feel kind.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm.
- ELElton
Like, I remember in Maine, I, I helped a grandma over, like, a little puddle-
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- ELElton
... by building a bridge of sand. Like, that, that made me feel kind.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm.
- ELElton
Like, if, if you just let the grandma, like, step in the puddle, like, what, what do you... Like-
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- ELElton
... you don't gain anything from that. That grandma now just has wet socks. Like, and nobody likes wet socks. So, like, ima- imagine you're that grandma too. Like, would y- would you want someone to be, like, right there, could've helped you but didn't? Exactly. It's like-
- MRMel Robbins
It's powerful.
- ELElton
Yeah. Kindness is so powerful.
- MRMel Robbins
Is there anything else you wanna share as your parting words?
- ELElton
Be kind and don't let anyone stop you. That's it. All y'all there, have a great day, have a great month, have a great year, and we love you.
- MRMel Robbins
That's right. In case no one else tells you, but somebody just did and his name is Elton, I wanted to tell you that I love you, and we believe in you.
- ELElton
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
And we believe in your ability to create a better life.
- ELElton
We do.
- MRMel Robbins
Now go do it. We'll talk to you in a few days.
- ELElton
Yep.
- MRMel Robbins
Well done, Elton. One more thing. I know you're thinking, "Oh my god, Mel, I wanna watch more." Um, do me a favor. First, hit subscribe, because that tells me you love this kind of content, and it also supports me in being able to bring you all of this inspiration and these research-backed strategies every single day. So, just hit subscribe. Please, please, please. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And also, I know you probably want some more inspiration, something beautiful to watch, so check out this video next. I picked it for you. I know you're gonna enjoy it.
Episode duration: 42:31
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