How to Control Your Mind & Redirect Your Energy to Self Transformation

1. 0:00 – 0:27

   Welcome

   1. MRMel Robbins0:00

      What do you do when it feels like your mind has actually turned against you? And there's two reasons why I want to talk to you about this today. First of all, it feels awful when you talk to yourself in a way that just brings you down. And second, your brain is a super computer. Your brain can help you get what you want if you know how to use it correctly, and nobody teaches you this stuff, at least nobody taught me, so that's why you and I are going to talk about

2. 0:27 – 13:12

   5 Simple Things to Change Your Mindset

   1. MRMel Robbins0:27

      this today. I'm going to teach you the five simple things that helped me and that are going to help you let go of the negative thoughts, five simple things that create a more positive way of looking at yourself, and, by the way, these are also the exact same five things that will train your brain to help you get what you want in life. So, whether you're excited to learn this because you're just so sick and tired of beating yourself up and dragging yourself down, or maybe you've got big goals and you're like, "Mel, tell me how to get my mind to work for me so that I can get what I want," well, I'm gonna, 'cause that's exactly what we're talking about today, five simple things that will redirect all your mental energy toward happiness, success, and self-transformation. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I love what we're gonna talk about today. I am so excited that you're here. It's always such an honor to spend time with you and to be together, and if you're a new listener, I just want to take a moment and personally welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. I am so glad that you're here, and I also want to point out something. If you're listening to this particular episode because someone shared this with you, that's really cool. It means you have people in your life that care about you, and I just want to take a moment and point that out. And I know that so many of you are going to be sharing this episode with people that you care about, so I also want to thank you for taking the time to listen to something that's not only gonna help you create a more positive mindset and it's gonna teach you five simple things that you can do to let go of the negative thoughts and train your mind to work for you. I'm so excited that you're listening to that for yourself and also that you're gonna be able to share this resource with people that you care about, because I know you're the type of person who values your time and you made the time to listen to this. And so, if you're sick of beating yourself up, if you're sick of living in a negative place, or if you're just curious, like, "How do I use simple, research-backed methods to actually make my mind work for me?" holy cow are you in the right place, because that's exactly what we're gonna talk about today: five simple things that you can do to take control of your mind, let go of negative thoughts, and redirect all your mental energy toward happiness, success, and self-transformation. And so, you know, I always am very intentional about why I want to talk to you about certain things, and what inspired this conversation today is the conversation I had with my daughters. I mean, we always get on FaceTime, the three of us do, typically when one of us is getting ready or we're waking up in the morning, and we were on FaceTime the other day, and, as I shared earlier, one of our daughters is 24, the other one is 25. One lives in New York, one lives in LA. I live in southern Vermont, and so, just like you do with the people you care about, we get on FaceTime all the time and we're yapping away, and all of a sudden one of my daughters is like, "I'm just in this negative place right now. It's like nothing I do is enough. Everything that I put on my body doesn't look good. No matter how hard I'm working, I just am constantly trashing myself." And then my other daughter chimed in, and I was horrified to hear that they were both kind of in this place where they're focused on the negative, where their thoughts are kind of turned back against them, and as we're having this conversation it reminded me of a story that I've shared on this podcast and I've shared in some interviews that I've done, you know, I've been talking about The Let Them Theory book, and so you may have heard this story but it's such an important and compelling story that it bears repeating. And so here's what happened. My 25-year-old daughter Sawyer and I wrote The Let Them Theory book together, and on the press tour a ton of people have asked me, "What was it like to work on a project of that magnitude, writing and researching a book with one of your kids?" And it was incredible. I mean, it was absolutely incredible for a number of reasons, to not only get to know her in a completely different way because I'm her mother and she's my daughter and so we have the mother-daughter dynamic, and we're very close but we've always kind of had this friction. But having this project that we could both focus on and organize ourselves around was super cool because I got to experience her in a completely different way. And here's what happened. So when we first started working together, I asked her if she would simply just do this research project about The Let Them Theory because we had done a podcast episode on it and there were all of these comments, it had gone crazy viral and really resonated with people around the world, so I was like, "Hey, Sawyer, would you just dig into the comments on this podcast episode and the things that you're seeing that people are saying online about the things that I've been sharing, and then come back to me in a couple of weeks with an analysis of what, you know, you're seeing?" And I expected this to take, like, two weeks. Now, mind you, I'm very different than my daughter Sawyer. I mean, I've got, like, this crazy, artistic ADHD brain and Sawyer thinks in Excel spreadsheets. Before working for me and working with me, she worked at a huge cyber security firm that is in 44 countries and was in, like, the digital marketing and marketing tech side of that business. And so here she is taking on this research project for me on the side.And I'm expecting this thing to take two or three weeks. I'm expecting the result to be, like, a briefing that is gonna be a couple pages long. She hands me, f- 36 hours later, a 27 page, like, I don't even know how to describe the way this thing was organized. It was, like, columns with color-coded tabs and links to the source material, and she had a two-page synopsis of her analysis of all of the sentiment online, and she had identified all these things that needed further re- I mean, it was jaw-dropping. My brain just doesn't work like that. My brain is like letting a box full of mice loose in your kitchen. Everything scatters in different directions. This was a level of organization and mental horsepower that I actually didn't know she had. I just didn't understand that this was how her brain worked. And when I saw this work product from her, generated in 36 hours, I was not only dumbfounded at just how intelligent she is and how differently her brain works, I had this heartbreaking realization. As I looked at the 27 pages, I thought to myself, "Oh my God, I now know why she's so hard on herself." Because if she doesn't have a project to aim this supercomputer at, she aims it at herself. And I just want that to sit in with you for a minute, that if you have this supercomputer, and you do, you have a supercomputer between your ears. It is designed to solve problems. It is designed to spot patterns. It is designed to learn new things. It is designed to keep you safe. It is designed to analyze things. It is designed to create and to connect and to constantly be growing. That's what your brain is doing. It's doing an incredible job, 'cause if you're listening to this and you're able to hear these words and absorb this information or you're watching me on YouTube right now, your supercomputer is engaged. It is processing information. It is filing it away in your brain. There are neural pathways connecting and firing and wiring together. Like, it is doing its thing. It's keeping you breathing. It's keeping you, your body temperature in a certain place, all while you're doing this. And that's just, like, a, a, a scratch of the surface of what that supercomputer is doing. But I want you to really stop and consider what I'm saying. If you have this massive horsepower between your ears, which you do, and you're not aiming it at something, like a big project or something that's important or something that's positive, it's true, isn't it, that your brain aims itself back at you? And when this happened with my daughter and I had this realization, it was as if I was meeting her for the first time. I finally understood her at a level that I had never understood her as her mother. And it even revealed a little bit about why I'm hard on myself. I mean, I just described, my brain is working like taking a box of mice and letting it loose in your kitchen and everything scatters everywhere, but I have absolutely had those moments, and I know you have too, where you are so focused on something that you're enjoying, like it might be something like gardening, it might be that you're a great video gamer and so you get lost in the moment. It might be when you've played sports or you're playing a instrument or it might be when you're out on a hike and you're just so hyper-present. Why? You can get lost in the flow of focus because you're in the present moment because your supercomputer in your mind is aimed at something outside of you. But isn't it true that in those moments where you feel consumed with negativity or you're beating yourself up or you're constantly telling yourself it's never enough or you're seeing nothing but the negative when you look in the mirror, you've just taken all that horsepower that is designed to create and laugh and grow and solve problems and you just aimed it right at you? And so it got me thinking, if you have a brain that is designed to do all these incredible things, solve problems, grow, learn, laugh, create, be present, build, like, all these amazing things, how is it that you and I can take that truth, because I think you're with me, I can kind of feel you with me, like, "Oh my God, I've never thought about it that way. It's true, Mel. Like, if I'm engaged in something, I'm not beating myself up. If I'm working on a project that I'm truly focused on, I don't have time to trash my appearance. Huh. Never thought about it that way, that this supercomputer can be used for good, and if I'm not using it for good, holy cow, it feels kind of bad 'cause it just aims it right back at me." And just in case, before I move on to these five simple things, 'cause what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna teach you today, took me far too long to learn this, I wish they taught this in schools, I wish they taught this in elementary school. That's how simple I'm gonna make the science today. There are five simple things that you can do, and you can start doing them as I'm explaining them to you. You can do these things as soon as this episode is over. These are so simple that you can make them part of your day-to-day life. These are ways for you to take control of your mind, that supercomputer in your brain. These are ways for you to let go of the negative thoughts, which is really what happens when your brain directs itself back at you, right? And third, we're gonna talk about, how do you redirect...... that power of your mind and aim it at something that energizes you? How do you take all that mental energy and instead of aiming it at yourself, you actually aim it at something that creates happiness, and success, and more positivity, and self-transformation? That's what's available to you. And I didn't understand any of this until several years ago. And so, the second I'm done recording this, I'm sharing this with my two daughters. And before we jump into the first skill, okay? And I've already, kind of, alluded to it, but before we jump into the first skill, I want to bring in one more visual example, because I personally find that whenever you talk about the mind, or thinking, or mindset, it so quickly becomes fuzzy, and too intellectual, and, like, too conceptual that I lose interest and I don't know what the hell people are talking about. So, I like things that are visual because it helps my brain, the little mice that are running around, to just anchor on something.

3. 13:12 – 25:19

   Skill #1: Why Your Brain Needs a Project

   1. MRMel Robbins13:12

      So, we've already talked about the supercomputer and the fact that you've got this brain between your ears that is designed to learn patterns, it's designed to grow, it's designed to fire and wire information together and program it in your mind. It's designed to filter the world. It's actually designed to help you get more of what you want, and we're gonna talk more about that in a little bit. And that's a cool thing. Have you ever, in your life, had the chance to spend time with, like, a Golden Retriever or a Labrador? You know, one of these dogs that from the moment they come into this world as a puppy, there is something hardwired in their DNA to just fetch. You throw a ball and you don't even have to train a Labrador or a Golden Retriever or some of these other, kind of, hunting breeds, I guess they call them. They will just, whoosh, go right after that ball that you throw, whoosh, bring it right back. You throw it again, they bring it right back. It's like they are programmed to chase down a ball that you throw. They are programmed to chase it down and to retrieve. Guess what? Your brain is designed to do the exact same thing. I'm gonna say that again. Your brain is like a Labrador Retriever or a Golden Retriever. It is hardwired to actually chase down something that you direct it at. And so, I love this visual because the first thing that I'm going to talk about today, of the five things that I'm going to teach you, is one of the things that helps you get out of that negative rut where your brain is aimed at you and you start trashing yourself down, right, is to actually give your brain something to chase down and focus on. Think about it like you need a project or think about, like, the project as the ball. So, with a dog that loves to chase a ball, you take that ball, you throw it in whatever direction, that dog forgets that you exist. That dog is maniacally focused on that ball. That dog will literally run over a child in order to get the ball, get the ball, get the ball, because it's hardwired to focus on that and then it brings it back. Your brain does the same thing. Your brain is just sitting around like a bored Labrador, waiting for you to pick up a ball and put it in motion, waiting for you to throw something out into the future and say, "Go get it." Your brain loves projects. You know this. It wants something to gnaw on. It is bored. Like, have you ever noticed too, like, if you got a dog that needs a job, if it doesn't have a job, what does it do? It chews your slippers, it starts gnawing on the corners of your cabinets. Next thing you know, it's naughty and it's peeing in the corner. Why? Because it's got all this mental energy and this desire to have a project and to chase down a ball, and you're not feeding that desire. Your brain's the same way. It needs a job. And that brings me to skill number one. One of the best things that you can do is understand that giving yourself a project, or a goal, or some sort of ball that you can put in play in your life, it is one of the best ways to direct your brain at something other than you. It's one of the best ways to start to leverage the natural capacity that your mind has to solve problems and to actually chase something down. And this isn't just my suggestion. This comes from not only research that I'm gonna walk you through, but it comes from something that world-renowned PhD, New York Times best-selling author Martha Beck has been talking about, and you may have seen her talking about this. It's the basis of her new book, and there's so much research that I'm also gonna share with you after you hear this clip, but you're gonna hear Martha Beck talking about the fact that, you know, when you're in an anxious state or you're ruminating, we now know in the way that you and I are talking about this, the supercomputer is now aimed at you, you're up in your head. Instead of, like, being focused on the world and solving problems, you're now tearing yourself down. You've made yourself a problem, right? The other way you can think about this is that Labrador Retriever is chewing on the slipper and being self-destructive because he's got nothing to do. She had this thesis in this book, well, if you're in that state, being anxious and negative, it shuts down your ability to problem solve. We know this based on the research. We also know it based on common sense. It shuts down your ability to be creative. Well, she thought, "Well, wait a minute. Does creativity and problem solving actually shut down anxiety, and rumination, and being negative?" Turns out it does. And so here's Martha Beck sharing this idea on The Today Show, and the idea is so exciting and it's also so simple and obvious to understand that you're gonna hear Martha talking first and then you're gonna hear The Today Show anchors jump in because they totally get it, and then what we're gonna do after you listen to this is you and I are gonna unpack what she said so that you can apply this first skill. Take a listen.

   2. GUGuest18:17

      And when, we've known forever that anxiety shuts down creativity. So I started thinking, "What if it works the other way too?" Oh. Create- creativity shuts down anxiety. What if creativity shuts down anxiety? Oh, that's interesting. So if you, like if I take a client and I do something very simple, like plan a meal for tomorrow. Right. So e- say you're having- Yeah. Mm-hmm. ... a dinner party. Start planning the- Right. ... right now. Let your brain start to think- Yeah. O- other... Yeah, yeah. ... "I'm going to do steak on the Traeger Grill, and I'm going to serve it with this, and what would go good with that?" Exactly. Now I'm thinking in a different pattern. You're, and you're connecting things. That's interesting. And anxiety is quiet. And it does shut down. Did that work just now? Yes it do- it does work. It works like that. Yeah. Same thing with knitting or with your hands or where you're figuring something out. Absolutely. And the re- So it's anything creative that you, you should be a- you should start doing? Yeah. And people say, "Oh, I'm not creative. I can't do art." I'm not creative. Right. That's still in the anxiety part. Yeah. Just make something you love. Try using your hands, your senses. Cook, garden. If you like to draw or paint or- Do that, right. ... do whatever.

   3. MRMel Robbins19:09

      Just stop and consider what she's saying. It's true, isn't it, that when you're idle, your thoughts turn negative. When you've got nothing that you're focused on, the super computer focuses on you, and because it's a problem-solving machine, it typically is looking for (laughs) problems, and then it turns you into one. And so I love what Martha Beck is saying, because she's basically saying any time you're worried, any time you're negative, it's a sign that your mind is now turning you into a problem, and we can change this by picking up a ball and, in her language, by doing something creative with your hands. She talked about how, like just start planning the meal for tonight. Open up a cookbook and start flipping through it and now what are you doing? You've thrown a ball. Your mind is now focused on solving the problem. The problem is no longer you. The problem is, "What are we going to create for dinner?" It's a simple idea that has so much research in it. In fact, I want you to hear this research, because it's not just about creativity. It's about the power of having a project that you can aim your mind at. This is this revelation that I had about my daughter that, oh my God, like she's got so much horsepower upstairs and so do you, that if you're not aiming it at something, it's going to come back at you. And I want to share some of this research with you, because it's actually very exciting, about simply having a project. And it could be a project like I've got a project this weekend that I know that I'm going to get lost in, and that is now that my husband and I are empty nesters, it's time for me to go through the closets in the bedroom upstairs and donate what is just being used as long-term storage by our adult children, right, and just kind of reclaim the space. That's a project. That will keep my mind occupied, which will keep me from turning it against myself and ruminating, and the research bears this out. Check this out. Simply having a project, according to research done at the University of Exeter, turns down negative self-talk. What's so interesting about this is that they found in this research study that when you have a project and you start chipping away at it, I walk upstairs, I open up the closet, I start sorting through what's in there, that the small steps literally rewire your brain away from rumination. It makes so much sense when you realize, "Well, that's because I am focusing my brain on something. I'm putting a ball in play instead of having it aimed at me." And when you don't have a project, you feel like you're not making progress towards anything, which means you have more negative emotions. So it works in the positive and the negative, and I think you can kind of see that. When you're not really working on anything, you got an idle mind, and that's not going to come to a lot of good. Here's another research study from the University of Michigan and the University of Oxford. This one was published in a journal called Neuron. Having a project also boosts happiness, because having something to focus on actually increases dopamine, which we know is kind of this neurochemical that gets released in your mind that is all about drive and it helps you focus. And your brain is going to release dopamine not when you clean out the closet, not when you finish writing the song, not when you finish paying your bills, not when dinner is finished cooking, but rather as you're working toward it. How cool is that? And it kind of makes sense, because if you take as fact that your brain's a super computer that wants to solve problems, that wants to engage in something, that wants to build and design and create and have a project to focus on, when you provide that to the super computer between your ears, your super computer's a little happier, because it's able to chase a ball. It's able to do what it's designed to do. Here's another study from Pennsylvania University, that having a project to focus your brain power on strengthens your overall mental health. Goals give you direction and purpose. Goals help you navigate challenges because it actually gives your mind something to focus on, which helps you build resilience against stress and emotional struggles. And you know what's interesting about that is that I know based on what I'm seeing in the inbox as your fellow listeners are writing in from around the world that you're experiencing just unprecedented levels of stress, and we know that based on the medical experts that we talk to on this show all the time, that the levels of chronic stress that people are experiencing are at unprecedented levels. And it would've never occurred to me that one of the ways for you to not allow the stress to put you in an even more negative state would be to have a project...... something like a painting to do, or a closet to clean out, or, like some sort of something that you're working on, because that means that even in a stressed out state, you have something that you can aim your brain at so that your tired, stressed out brain doesn't start turning you into an even bigger problem. I just love this research. So, number one, what you're learning is that in order to take control of your mind, in order to let go of negative thoughts, in order to redirect your energy toward happiness, success and self-transformation, skill number one is put a ball in play. Find a project, and if you can make it creative, if you can use your hands, even better. Because when you focus that super computer in your brain on something outside of you, it is happy, and it's excited, and it's now engaged, and that's gonna leave you with space that is gonna feel better for you. So, that's

4. 25:19 – 33:12

   Skill #2: The Science of Spotting Opportunities

   1. MRMel Robbins25:19

      skill number one. Skill number two is something that you may have heard me talk about before. This is a habit of mine, I use it every single day in my life, I am not kidding. It is a habit that has helped me wire my brain for success, because it is a way that I train my mind to see what I want to see, and seeing what you want to see in the world, it's not some woo-woo, stupid, like, nonsense. This is hard science. I actually wrote about this in my New York Times best-selling book, The High 5 Habit. And so you may have heard about this before, but even so, it's a fabulous reminder. So, what is skill number two? Skill number two, my daily habit is look for hearts. I know what you're thinking: "What does that mean, Mel?" Look for hearts is a very simple game that you're going to play that helps you train your brain, and it's very simple. Today, as you're going about your life, I want you to look for a naturally occurring heart shape somewhere around you. That's it. You are going to tell your brain, as stupid as it sounds, "Brain, today, somewhere in the world, I want you to show me a shape of a heart." It could be a leaf on a tree. It could be a stain on a sidewalk. It could be the shape of the foam on your coffee today. It might be a spot on a dog at the dog park. In fact, you can do it right now, as long as you're not driving a car. I want you to just look around the environment that you're in. I mean, I am so trained to do this now that I see them everywhere, and I want you to just kind of scan the environment and see if somewhere around you, I've already spotted two where I am right now, I'm gonna describe them in just a second. See if you can see a heart shape. Is there a shadow on the wall? Is there some discoloration in the brick? Like, right now as I'm looking straight around the room that I am in, above the garage here in Southern Vermont, I can see that on the whiteboard, over on the other side of the room, we have a series of, uh, magnets, and they're all clustered at the bottom of the whiteboard, and a bunch of the magnets are together, and they're actually in the shape of a heart. Uh, I'm looking down on the carpet and I see that there's a stain on the carpet, a little, like, I don't know what, or maybe that's cat hair. I can't quite tell what that is, but it's also in the shape of a heart. Every time I go on a walk in the woods, I see rocks, I see tree stumps, I see them everywhere. So, you're probably thinking, "Why on Earth is this important?" Well, let me explain the science. In order to explain the science, I want to teach you about a part of your brain, the super computer between your ears, that has a specific name, and that part of your brain is called the reticular activating system. Okay? Reticular activating system. I like to call it the RAS for short, because reticular activating system is a mouthful, and you don't need to know that. You just need to know that there is this filter in your brain, I think about it almost like there's a hairnet that's over my brain, it's like the bouncer for your brain, and what is this reticular activating system doing? Well, it is deciding, all day long, what information gets into your conscious mind and what information is being filtered out of your conscious mind. That is what it is doing, and there's a reason why you need this filter. So, we had a amazing neuroscientist and neurosurgeon from Stanford that appeared on the Mel Robbins Podcast by the name of Dr. Jim Doty. So, he is not only somebody who is a neuroscientist, he is a neurosurgeon, meaning he actually operates on people's brain, and he is a world-renowned expert in the neuroscience of manifestation. And he told me, when I was talking to him about the science, check this out: Do you know that there are six to 10 million bits of information coming at your mind, body, and spirit every single second? Six to 10 million. Your brain can't handle that, neither can your body. Dr. Doty says that your conscious brain can only handle between 50 and 100 bits, and 99% of that that it can handle is all stuff that's about how your body operates. So, we're talking teeny amounts of information is actually getting to your conscious brain. What's super interesting about this is that means that a massive amount, a bazillion amounts of bits of information are bombarding you, you're just not aware of it. And the reason why you're not aware of it is because of this hairnet on your brain, the bouncer, the reticular activating system. Its job is to decide, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, of the six to 10 million bits coming at me a million miles an hour, what's actually important?" Now, here's where this gets interesting.What's important is what you tell your reticular activating system is important. This is so cool. This is a treasure trove. This is how you take control of your mind. If you're interested in achieving your goals and making more money and having a positive mindset, understanding that your brain is trying to help you, and if you're not helping your brain by telling your brain what's important to it, it's gonna filter out things that could be helping you. And that brings me back to this daily habit that I have. Anytime I'm on a walk, I'm looking for hearts, because it's a way for me to prove to myself that the filter's actually working, and you're gonna be startled when you see this. You are literally gonna go out for a walk today or you're gonna be out and about in your life, and maybe you've already seen something. Maybe you've already seen a heart as you've been listening to me or watching on YouTube right now, that you've seen this heart, and the reason why you saw it is because you and I are talking about it. It's sort of like, you know, another example I can give you about how this works is, you know how social media is dynamically filtering things based on what it either watches you watching on social or it hears you talking to somebody about something, and you know, you're talking about maybe bird feeders, and next thing you know, there's fricking ads for bird feeders all over your social media? Well, that's because social media has a filter and it's dynamic. Your brain has the same thing. And so this is a habit, looking for hearts, that you can do all day every day to strengthen this filter. Every time you see a heart, here's what I want you to do. I want you to stop and just take it in. I want you for a minute, in a very calm way, to see this heart that you see as a sign from the universe or God or goddesses or whatever you believe in, that the world is actually trying to help you, that there are signs all around you, and you, just like I used to, you're just so up in your head and your computer is aimed against you that you're not programming it correctly to see the positive signs that are around you. If you can tell your brain to look for a heart, you can actually learn to use this habit to look for other things too. I mean, one of the reasons why I'm so successful in business and why it appears from the outside that I'm a super lucky person is because I understand all of the things I'm teaching you today.

5. 33:12 – 36:20

   Reprogramming Your Brain for Positivity

   1. MRMel Robbins33:12

      I have learned how to take that supercomputer between my head and stop aiming it at myself and aim it out and to program it to help me spot coincidences and to help me spot things that are going my way, because when you start to spot things that are going your way, you start to spot more things that are going your way. Just like you're gonna notice that, "Oh my gosh, Mel, now that I saw one heart, I see them everywhere." Same here. Why? Because I've told my brain to. You know, I, if you've read The High 5 Habit, chapter seven of the book is about this programming, and one of the things that I love since introducing the world to The High 5 Habit in writing this book is that every day on social media, people post hearts that they find. This is on page 91 of the book. It's just plastered with hearts that people have found, and it's evidence that your mind can be trained. Now, here's something I wanna read to you, okay? Because you may be thinking, "Look, I got huge problems, Mel. The negativity is justified because there's a lot of things going on in my life," and so I wanna say something right now. Looking for hearts is not gonna make your problems go away. Not at all. What looking for hearts does is it actually leverages the power of your mind to problem solve and to start to work for you, and I gotta start with baby steps here. Like if you can't find a heart as you're taking a walk outside tomorrow, you're not going to believe that your brain and the filter in it is there for you to use to your advantage. You know, as I write in this book, you know, the point of this exercise is to train your mind to spot things you currently block out and prove to yourself that you can make your brain work for you by telling it what is important to you, and if you wanna make a lot of money, you better train your mind to see opportunities and deals that other people walk right by, just like the stupid heart rock on the ground, because if you miss the heart rock because you're not looking for it, then you're gonna miss the opportunities and deals that are right there that you currently aren't seeing because you're not looking for it either. And the only reason why you're not looking for it is because you haven't made this a project, and the way you can start doing this is by looking for hearts. It's my way to prove to you that this filter is there and it is waiting for you to program it, and it's a simple thing. You can do this with your kids. You can do it anywhere that you live in the world. You can do this as a way to start to understand that, "Wow, my mind is very flexible. Wow, there are things that I see now that I've never seen." Nothing changed in the outside world. What changed is the filter on the supercomputer because you programmed it, and you can train yourself in how you program it by simply looking for hearts. How fricking cool is that?And

6. 36:20 – 38:39

   Skill #3: Rewire Your Mind with This Daily Habit

   1. MRMel Robbins36:20

      that brings me to tool number three, and tool number three is all about manifesting. And again, just like looking for hearts, this is not fairy dust and woo-woo, this is hard science. And I mentioned a Stanford neurosurgeon and neuroscientist by the name of Dr. Jim Doty. Well, I'm gonna bring Dr. Jim Doty into this part of our brain training session, because as I said earlier, he's not only a professor, a New York Times best-selling author, he's a world renowned expert on the neuroscience of manifestation, he also is a neurosurgeon who operates on the brain. I mean, this guy understands the science and he has this extraordinary way of explaining what manifestation is. And manifestation, in the words of Dr. Doty, is just, quote, "The ability to take an intention and embed it into your subconscious in a manner such that it has the greatest likelihood to occur." In other words, Dr. Doty teaches people around the world, and he's about to teach you this, that you can, through intentional actions, fire and wire your neuropathways together to make your supercomputer in your brain help you. That's what this is. Manifesting isn't magic and woo-woo and fairy dust, manifesting is programming your brain so that it helps you get what you want in life. And there is so much amazing hard science here, and I'm gonna bring Dr. Doty into the conversation, because Dr. Doty is not only going to explain this at a scientific level for you, and he's gonna talk about the parts of the brain that you use when you want to intentionally program your brain to work for you, but he is also gonna walk you through the five simple steps that he uses. I'm talking Stanford's neuroscientist and neurosurgeon, the guy who wrote the book on the science of manifesting is gonna walk you through the five things he does every morning in his manifesting practice so that you can learn how to do this too. And the way that he describes it, it just makes so

7. 38:39 – 52:12

   The Neuroscience of Manifestation

   1. MRMel Robbins38:39

      much sense. So it is my absolute honor to be able to introduce you to Dr. Jim Doty and have you spend a little bit of time learning from him. Check this out.

   2. JDDr. James (Jim) Doty38:51

      If you have an intention, you take a pencil, you write it down. You're actually doing something physical, tactile. Then you read it silently, then you read it aloud, then you visualize that, and you do that over and over and over again. What that will do is then embed that into your subconscious, and then these different cognitive brain networks get activated.

   3. MRMel Robbins39:20

      Now can we unpack that just a minute?

   4. JDDr. James (Jim) Doty39:21

      Sure.

   5. MRMel Robbins39:22

      'Cause everyone that listens to this loves to make sure that they just got the instructions from you, Dr. Doty, 'cause I'm like hanging on every word. And so there were a couple steps to that because you had the physical pencil, you had the act of writing, you had this moment where, if you're watching on YouTube you saw it, but if you're listening let me describe it. He- he sat back in his chair. He put his hands kind of in prayer at his chest, closed his eyes, and he started talking about repeating the thought. Is that the chain of events in- that you do to encode it in your mind?

   6. JDDr. James (Jim) Doty39:59

      Yes, absolutely.

   7. MRMel Robbins40:00

      So we- w- so what is- will you walk us through it one more time?

   8. JDDr. James (Jim) Doty40:04

      Yeah, so again, what you wanna do is to use all of your sensory organs as much as possible to embed that intention. So by writing it down, by reading it aloud, by visualizing it, that creates the process where this gets embedded, uh, into your subconscious. And what happens is once you get this embedded, it activates different parts of your brain, and without getting too technical, one is something called the default mode network.

   9. MRMel Robbins40:34

      Is that the same thing as the reticular activating system?

   10. JDDr. James (Jim) Doty40:37

       No.

   11. MRMel Robbins40:38

       Okay.

   12. JDDr. James (Jim) Doty40:38

       But they're related. (laughs)

   13. MRMel Robbins40:39

       Okay. So the default mode network...

   14. JDDr. James (Jim) Doty40:41

       Yes, so this is what happens when your mind wanders, uh, or you're daydreaming, and it's self-referential because it's internally focused, but it's where you create the narrative of who you are or what you want.

   15. MRMel Robbins40:58

       So if you have negative self-talk, if you ruminate, if you are like, "I'm never good enough. Uh, nothing works out for me. Things like that don't happen to a person like me. I can never get it right," that is in-

   16. JDDr. James (Jim) Doty41:12

       That is w-

   17. MRMel Robbins41:12

       ... the default mode network?

   18. JDDr. James (Jim) Doty41:12

       Oh, absolutely.

   19. MRMel Robbins41:13

       Okay.

   20. JDDr. James (Jim) Doty41:13

       And that gets really activated and results in rumination for some people.

   21. MRMel Robbins41:17

       Can I ask you another question? Because one of the things that you said at the very, very beginning is you painted this gorgeous picture of the ability to leverage the remarkable power of your brain to help you get what you truly desire in life, to help you live in heart mode, and you said it's just about believing it. And part of the reason why we have trouble believing it is because of the default mode network and all of these stories you've repeated over and over and over again. Is that-

   22. JDDr. James (Jim) Doty42:00

       Yeah.

   23. MRMel Robbins42:00

       ... is that fair to say?

   24. JDDr. James (Jim) Doty42:01

       No, that's, uh, exactly, uh, correct and- and-

   25. MRMel Robbins42:03

       And can- we can reprogram or we can lay down a new track?

   26. JDDr. James (Jim) Doty42:07

       Oh, absolutely. And it's available, uh, 24/7 and it doesn't matter what's happened to you before. You know, so many people get fixated, "Well I don't deserve this because of..." We all deserve it.So, once this gets embedded and you create the narrative of who you want to be or how you see yourself, what you're doing is you're creating salience, okay?

   27. MRMel Robbins42:32

       What's that word mean?

   28. JDDr. James (Jim) Doty42:33

       It means making it important.

   29. MRMel Robbins42:35

       Mm.

   30. JDDr. James (Jim) Doty42:35

       Okay? Once something is important, this activates what we call our task positive network, and the task positive network has three parts. It has the salience network, it has the attention network, and then it has the executive control network. And once something is salient, what you're basically saying is, "This deserves my attention."
8. 52:12 – 57:18

   Skill #4: How to Start & End Your Day with Positivity

   1. MRMel Robbins52:12

      work for you. Fourth, let's jump into this one because this is a simple suggestion for how you can put it all together and this suggestion is called how you direct your thinking with one sentence. And what I love about this skill is this comes from another world-renowned medical doctor and one of the world's leading experts on the brain itself. I'm talking about none other than Dr. Daniel Amen. He has scanned 225,000 brains including mine. He has scanned brains of patients from 155 countries. Not only that, but he's written 12 New York Times best-selling books on the brain and brain health. He is a psychiatrist for 40 years. He is the founder and chief executive officer of the Amen Brain Clinics and he's also the founder of Change Your Brain Foundation, Brain MD, and the Amen University. This is a busy guy which means he knows not only about brain health. He knows how to leverage the power of your brain. And so I wanted you to get to learn from him. This is something that he shared with me when he was on the Mel Robbins podcast and it's the fourth skill I want you to start practicing. It is one sentence that you can say in the morning and one sentence that you can say at night that leverages everything that you have just learned from Dr. Jim Doherty to embed a positive mindset. So let's take a listen and learn together from Dr. Daniel Amen. Check this out.

   2. GUGuest53:48

      So I start every day with, "Today is going to be a great day." Because once you get the physical functioning of your brain healthy, you then have to program it. And so I knew I was going to talk to you. It's the first thing that came up in my mind. So I start every day, and if you have children, it's really good to do this at breakfast, which is if you have breakfast, is, "So why is today going to be a great day for you?" Directing your mind which, for many people because of evolution, um, they wake up in a negative state.... it puts your brain in a positive state.

   3. MRMel Robbins54:31

      Mm.

   4. GUGuest54:33

      And then my favorite of all the habits I do is when I go to bed at night, I say a prayer and then I go, "What went well today?" And I go on a treasure hunt. And I actually start from the very moment I woke up looking for what was right about the day. And I've done this now seven or eight years. And even the night my dad died, about two and a half years ago, and it was an awful, awful day. Um, I did it because it was my habit, right? The brain is lazy. It does what you nudge it to do. And so it really helped me even in a really hard time. But it's almost my favorite time of the day because, like you, I'm busy and great things will happen and I'll just not really focus on it.

   5. MRMel Robbins55:31

      Mm.

   6. GUGuest55:31

      But it's that treasure hunt that is, is just so good.

   7. MRMel Robbins55:38

      Here's what I love about what Dr. Daniel Amen just shared with us. This is so simple. I'm just gonna repeat it. Every morning, I gotta look ahead at the day, I gotta activate the bloodhound, and I gotta look for things that are gonna make it a great day. And guess what happens with your brain? Your brain is so smart that it'll find whatever you're asking for. And so when you give it that project to look ahead and you unleash the bloodhound and the golden retriever, it's gonna find reasons that today is gonna be a great day. And then at night as you lay your head down on the pillow and you say to your brain, "Well, what went well today?" You just did the same thing again. And what I love about this simple sentence in the morning and at night is that it's not only a way to program your subconscious to reflect on the positive, it's a way to train your brain, to direct it, to activate that task network that Dr. Doughty was talking about, that bloodhound and the golden retriever in there to go find it. And the more that you prompt yourself to see what went well or what's gonna go great, the more you're going to see the good things that are happening that you currently don't. And I have found that this works beautifully in my life, 'cause there's a ton of great things that happen, and they're small things, but we don't look for them. And when you don't look for them, you don't see them. And when you don't see them, you miss what's actually happening in your life. And there's a lot of good even when things are terrible. There's a lot of good that's happening in your life if you ask your brain to help you see it. And that's a simple way that you can

9. 57:18 – 1:01:15

   Skill #5: Unlock a Calmer Mind in Just Minutes

   1. MRMel Robbins57:18

      do it. All right. That brings us to the final fifth thing, and this fifth thing is literally just quieting your mind. You know, I think one of my biggest problems is at the end of the day my brain has been so busy working or just running or thinking that if you really stop and think about it, how do you shut your brain down? Well, if you're a normal person, you probably either start watching TV or you pick up and you doom scroll with your phone, or next thing you know, you might be pouring a drink to try to turn your brain off. I've certainly done that in the past. But what if there was a different option? What if you could just use something like the let them theory and understand that your thoughts kind of come and go, they rise and they fall, and what if you could just let the thoughts rise and not grip onto 'em? What if part of your wind down routine at the end of the day before your head hits the pillow and you say, "What went well today?" is you just let your mind slowly quiet. Like, I just want you to really take this in for me, 'cause there's a lot of research around how mindfulness, which is not quieting of the mind, but it's really just kind of observing your thoughts without attaching yourself to 'em. "Oh, interesting, I'm still thinking about work. Oh, interesting. That news headline just popped in my mind. Oh, interesting, now I'm thinking about picking up my phone." You just let the thoughts rise without giving them any weight. You know, one of my favorite meditations, I don't know who told me this so I don't know who to credit, and it's, it involves littering so now I'm, of course, gonna make myself wrong for doing this, but this is just visual, we're not actually doing this, is thinking about your thoughts as they rise up, especially negative ones. Something rises up, "Oh, I wish I would've said that. Oh, that went well. That went bad." Whatever. As if you are casting them on a piece of paper into a raging river, and you just watch them float downstream. And I find that to be super effective because I'm just letting the thoughts rise without giving them weight and I'm watching them float away. And what's interesting is there's a brand new study about how effective this is. Mindfulness, just being mindful of the thoughts as they rise without attaching yourself to it. And this study was just published in The Journal of Mindfulness. It's research that comes out of Lawrence University and Goucher College that basically found that being present and practicing techniques where you just let your thoughts rise and fall, they help you steer clear of negative thought loops, and that leads to a brighter and more positive outlook. They've actually found that, you know, if you're somebody that ruminates a lot, which is where you dwell on negative feelings and you dwell on what's going wrong, it can worsen symptoms of depression and you can stay stuck there. It's almost like when the dog, you know, goes number two, don't step in it.... notice it, and walk past it. You can do the same things with your thoughts, and I find that the let them theory is super helpful. When I just say to myself, "Just let the thoughts come. Don't attach," and then let me remind myself, "I'm not my thoughts." And now you've got another let me part because you now understand that super computer in your brain. You understand that you also have the ability to give yourself a project, especially something creative. If you just occupy your hands and you occupy your mind with something that is creative or a project or some ball that you can chase down, as we've been discussing over and over, that's

10. 1:01:15 – 1:04:55

    Train Your Brain to Work for You

    1. MRMel Robbins1:01:15

       gonna help. Another thing that you can do is you can remind yourself to look for HEARTS, which activates that filter in your brain and reminds you that your mind is trying to help you see the things that are important to you. You have to remind your mind what's important to you. How do you do that? Remember the third skill, manifesting. Dr. Jim Doty walked us through how it works and how you can do it through repetition, just write it down, read it, say it out loud, repeat it. That's the process. You also learned about this trick from Dr. Daniel Amen, one sentence in the morning, why is today gonna be a great day? Your mind is like a bloodhound or a golden retriever, if you direct it, like throwing a ball, "Why is today going to be a great day?" your mind will chase down an answer for you. It's pretty cool when you start to really embrace what I'm telling you. And finally, let the thoughts rise, let the thoughts fall, because you have more power than you believe. It has been so liberating and empowering and exciting when I finally took all these tools and started to use them in my life, and I'm so excited to see what happens to you when you embrace these five simple skills and you start using them in your day-to-day life. And I am certain here's what you're gonna find, and here's what the people that you share this episode are gonna find, that this is how you can take control of your mind. This is also how you let go of negative thoughts and you program in more positive default thoughts, and this is also how you redirect all of your mental energy to happiness, positivity, success, and self-transformation. And one more thing, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you and I believe in you, and I am so excited for you because absolutely everything that you learned today, it works, it's simple to understand, it's simple to use, and I think you're gonna start feeling different and seeing the world and yourself differently really quickly. Like, your brain is a super cool thing because it has the ability to change and you now know simple ways you can program it every single day to work for you, and I can't wait to see what happens in your life when you do. Alrighty, I'll be waiting for you in the very next episode. In fact, I'm gonna be waiting to welcome you into it the moment you hit play. I'll see you there. And I wanna thank you for being here with me on YouTube, for watching all the way to the end. I think it's so cool that you're spending time watching something that can help you live a better life, help you have a better mindset, help you be a more positive person, and to learn how to make your brain work for you. And so, thank you for investing in yourself, and thank you for being here, and thank you for sharing this and being generous with this information with the people that you care about. And one more thing, because I know that you support people who support you, one of my goals is that 50% of the people that watch this channel are subscribers. It is free to subscribe, and it really supports me and my team, and when you subscribe it tells me, "Oh my God, I love this kind of content, Mel. Bring me more of it," and that helps us bring you new videos every single day and access to world-renowned experts for free. How cool is that? So thanks for doing that. And I know you're thinking, "Okay, this was amazing. What do I want to watch next?" Well, you're gonna want to check out this video. You're gonna love it, and I'm gonna be waiting to welcome you into it the moment you hit play. I'll see you there.

Episode duration: 1:04:55