Reinvent Yourself: Let Go of Past Mistakes & Create a New Version of You With Charlamagne tha God

Charlamagne tha God 0:00 (instrumental music plays) I want people to hear this conversation today and immediately walk away and say, "You know what? I need to go be of service." I always say my dad raised me out of fear and not love.

Mel Robbins 0:12 What does that mean?

Charlamagne tha God 0:13 You know, he didn't want me to make a... make the same choices that he made. And he would always tell me that if I didn't change my lifestyle, especially when I started, you know, really getting in trouble in the street, that I was gonna end up in jail, dead, or broke sitting under a tree. I worked at Taco Bell. I worked at a clothing store in the mall called Demo. I did telemarketing. I was the guy that would call your house and try to sell you 20 CDs for a penny just to avoid being in the street. You gotta love every version of yourself. Like, you know, every-

Mel Robbins 0:39 How the hell do you do that? 'Cause every single one of us can look back at a moment in time.

Charlamagne tha God 0:43 Yes.

Mel Robbins 0:44 And just, you just cringe. You wanna erase that person. We beat ourselves up over it.

Charlamagne tha God 0:50 Yes.

Mel Robbins 0:50 How the hell did you get to a point where you could love every version of yourself?

Charlamagne tha God 0:54 You gotta give yourself grace because you just did not know what it is that you know now. So, why would you ever beat yourself up for what you did not know?

Mel Robbins 1:03 Mm-hmm.

Charlamagne tha God 1:04 There's no redo on this thing called life. Like, this day that you're living right now, you're never getting back. So you're going to have to start making changes in your life right now to get to where it is that you need to be. (clock ticks)

Mel Robbins 1:20 Hey, it's your friend Mel. Welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am ecstatic that you are here with me right now. You know, it's always such an honor to spend time with you and to be together. But today, today, you are in for something truly special. And if you're a new listener, I also just wanna take a moment and personally welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. I am so thrilled that you're here. And because you made the time to listen to this particular episode, here's what I know about you. I know that you're the type of person who not only values your time, but you also want to use the time that you have in this life to create a life that is driven by purpose. And if you're listening to this conversation today because somebody sent this episode to you, that is so cool because you have people in your life that care about you. And they not only care about you, they see a bigger possibility for your life, which is why they recommended that you listen to this episode. So, thank you for trusting them because it shows that you see bigger possibilities for your life too. And so does the person that you're about to meet, Charlamagne Tha God. Charlamagne hopped on a plane this morning after co-hosting one of the biggest radio shows on the planet. It's called the Breakfast Club. And just to understand how influential his perspective and his voice is, four million people listen every single week to the Breakfast Club. To put this, like, in a visual sense, four million people, that's 50 Super Bowl stadiums where every single seat is full and everyone is tuned in listening every single week. And that's just the people listening to the radio. There's another six million more people that follow the show on YouTube. And that's not all that Charlamagne does. He's been inducted into the Radio Hall of Fame. He's a three-time New York Times best-selling author, an Emmy award-winning executive producer. He's also the co-founder of the Black Affect Podcast Network, one of the most successful podcast networks in the world, where he has produced 47 shows that have won all the biggest awards that are available to shows in podcasting. He's also the founder of a publishing imprint, Black Privilege Publishing, in partnership with Simon & Schuster, which has released 12 books and already released bestsellers, including his latest, Get Honest or Die Lying. He's hosted several award-winning television programs, and he is also the founder of the Mental Wealth Alliance, which focuses on advocating for mental health. And to top it all off, he's also an ambassador for the Food Bank in New York City. But his life wasn't always this way. And you're about to hear the extraordinary story, the twists, the turns, the lessons learned, the regrets, and the mistakes that he's made. And look, you can always learn from your own mistakes. But today, you have the honor of getting to learn from his. So, Charlamagne, welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am so thrilled that you are here.

Charlamagne tha God 4:15 Thank you for having me, Mel.

Mel Robbins 4:17 I am a huge fan of yours.

Charlamagne tha God 4:18 I appreciate that. I... And, and the feeling is definitely mutual.

Mel Robbins 4:21 Oh.

Charlamagne tha God 4:21 You know, I brought my, uh, my, my, my Let 'Em Theory book in here, and it's so funny. Last week, my wife comes to me, and my wife goes, "I ordered you a book. You need to read it immediately 'cause I've been complaining about some things," right? Just c- re- really, I was complaining about people.

Mel Robbins 4:35 Yup.

Charlamagne tha God 4:35 And she was like, "You need to read this book immediately." And it came, and it was the Let 'Em Theory. And I was like, "Oh, yeah, I'm doing Mel's podcast on Wednesday." And she was like, "Really?" And then today she sent me, uh, tickets 'cause you're gonna be in New York at Beacon Theater. (laughs)

Mel Robbins 4:49 Yes, yes, yes.

Charlamagne tha God 4:49 She's like, "I wanna go to this."

Mel Robbins 4:50 Yes, well, you are my guest.

Charlamagne tha God 4:50 So, that's just all God. I was like, "Wow, I'm, I'm literally doing her show on Wednesday."

Mel Robbins 4:54 Well, we are-

Charlamagne tha God 4:55 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 4:55 ... destined to be together today-

Charlamagne tha God 4:56 Absolutely.

Mel Robbins 4:56 ... together. And I'm gonna come see you in April, uh, on your show. And so-

Charlamagne tha God 5:01 Yup.

Mel Robbins 5:01 ... this is the beginning of a lot of amazing things that we're gonna do. And here's how I'd like to start. Could you tell the person who is listening right now, that's spending time together with us, what they might expect to be different about their life or the life of somebody that they care about? Based on everything that you're about to share with us today about your life, lessons learned, the incredible things that you sell and your best... you talk about in your best-selling books-

Charlamagne tha God 5:24 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 5:24 ... what, what could change about their life?

Charlamagne tha God 5:25 We'll see. And the reason I say we'll see is because, you know, you never know where a great conversation is gonna take you, you know? Like, we're all on different spiritual journeys. I feel like right now sitting here on the Mel Robbins Podcast, this is part of a spiritual journey that I feel like I've been going on my-

Mel Robbins 5:41 Mm-hmm.

Charlamagne tha God 5:41 ... whole life. So let's see what comes up.

Mel Robbins 5:45 Well, I'm gonna tell you something. I am a huge fan of yours. I have devoured your books. I-

Charlamagne tha God 5:50 Thank you.

Mel Robbins 5:51 ... listen to you.

Charlamagne tha God 5:51 Thank you.

Mel Robbins 5:52 There is not a doubt in my mind that by the time our conversation is done-And you so generously share mistakes made, lessons learned, the tools that you use in order to transform your mind to build this extraordinary career, the things that you've learned as a parent about forgiveness, about regret, about peace.

Charlamagne tha God 6:17 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 6:18 You cannot listen to this conversation, I'm going to predict, and not feel completely transformed. I would not have invited you to be here-

Charlamagne tha God 6:24 Thank you.

Mel Robbins 6:24 ... if I did not think that you were of service to a bigger mission, and that listening to you is one of the most worthy things that somebody could do with their time.

Charlamagne tha God 6:36 Ooh, so maybe that's what it is. I mean, you know, yeah, maybe that's what it is. I want people to hear this conversation today and immediately walk away and say, "You know what? I need to go be of service. I need to answer that call that's going on in my spirit right now that's telling me to go out there and just go do something, do something for myself, but more importantly, go do something for somebody else." Go be of service, that's what I want people to learn from this conversation, that- to be- how to be of service.

Mel Robbins 7:06 Well, now it feels like we're in church, Charlamagne. And I could not be more thrilled to be here with you. But all of this wisdom that you're about to pour into us, it actually didn't come from all the success. It came from all the struggle. And

Mel Robbins 7:20 even though you are one of the most influential voices in the world today, but the person who's listening may be meeting you for the first time. So what would you like them to know about you?

Charlamagne tha God 7:30 Yeah, I mean, you know, right now, I'm a multimedia personality from, you know, radio to television, the books to podcasts, like you said, but I come from extreme humble beginnings. Mounts Corner, South Carolina, raised on a dirt road, grew up in a single-wide trailer. You know, uh, Mom was a school teacher, an English teacher, who kept the book in my face. My dad, you know, did construction, but, you know, he had his own issues with mental health, and, you know, the run-ins with the law, and, you know, drug addiction and substance abuse. But, you know, the one thing that we always had was love, and they always, especially my dad... I- I always say my dad raised me out of fear and not love. And I-

Mel Robbins 8:09 What does that mean?

Charlamagne tha God 8:11 He didn't want me to end up making the same mistakes that he made.

Mel Robbins 8:13 Hmm.

Charlamagne tha God 8:14 You know, he didn't want me to make up... make the same choices that he made. And he would always tell me that if I didn't change my lifestyle, especially when I started, you know, really getting in trouble in the street, that I was gonna end up in jail, dead, or broke sitting under a tree. So that was literally his mentality. He didn't want his oldest son to end up in jail, dead, or broke sitting under a tree. So he really used to be on me, but he would discipline me for things he didn't necessarily teach me.

Mel Robbins 8:38 Hmm.

Charlamagne tha God 8:39 And I-

Mel Robbins 8:39 What does that mean?

Charlamagne tha God 8:41 I remember being, uh, I remember being in therapy. The first real breakthrough I had in therapy is- is- is- is realizing that... Like, I'll give you an example, right? Like, I remember one time, um, I had just got my license. And so I'm- I'm- h- I'm following him. He was like, "Yo, follow me as I'm driving in the car. Just follow me, all right?" So I'm following him. Mind you, I'm a 16-year-old kid.

Mel Robbins 9:00 (laughs)

Charlamagne tha God 9:00 I'm following him. He's driving. So he's driving down, uh, Gilyard Road in Mounts Corner, South Carolina. I'm following him. When you're driving down Gilyard Road, you veer off into a highway called Highway 52. So there's a stop sign. He doesn't stop at the stop sign. He just goes through on the highway. So what do you think I do? I just go through on the highway. So then he pulls over. So I pull over behind him. He gets out the car, roll the window down. He smacks the shit out of me, tells me to pay attention. I didn't see that sto- see that stop sign? And I'm like, "You didn't see the stop sign?" I didn't say that to him-

Mel Robbins 9:29 (laughs) Of course not.

Charlamagne tha God 9:30 ... because I'm like, "You- you didn't see the stop sign?"

Mel Robbins 9:31 You're gonna get hit again?

Charlamagne tha God 9:32 But- but that- but- but that's my point. He would discipline me-

Mel Robbins 9:34 Got it.

Charlamagne tha God 9:34 ... for things that he never, he never taught me.

Mel Robbins 9:37 Gotcha.

Charlamagne tha God 9:37 And, um, so yeah, uh, he- he- he raised me very hard, and I always said it was out of fear and not love, just it was the fear that I would end up, you know, making a lot of the same mistakes that he made.

Mel Robbins 9:49 So you-

Charlamagne tha God 9:50 But- but one... But I will say, one thing you do-

Mel Robbins 9:51 Please.

Charlamagne tha God 9:51 ... got to learn about your kids is that your kids are gonna live their life regardless. No matter how much you try to hold on to them, no matter how, you know, much you try to discipline them, they're going to still live their life regardless. And guess what? You gotta let them. (laughs)

Mel Robbins 10:05 (laughs)

Charlamagne tha God 10:05 You gotta let them.

Mel Robbins 10:07 Well played.

Charlamagne tha God 10:07 That's right.

Mel Robbins 10:08 Well played. Talk to me about the name Charlamagne Tha God.

Charlamagne tha God 10:12 Yeah. When I was in night school, um, 'cause I got kicked out of two high schools, so I was in night school.

Mel Robbins 10:17 So how old we talking?

Charlamagne tha God 10:19 Uh, probably the same age, like 17, maybe 17.

Mel Robbins 10:22 Okay.

Charlamagne tha God 10:22 Maybe 18. I'm not sure. So I graduated from night school in 1998. I'm sitting in night school, and, um, at the time, I used to call myself Charlie Chronic because... And- and this... and, you know, it sounds so stupid now when I'm old, but it's like, you know, t- but we- we used to have a crew called the Infamous Buddha Heads, so all of us took names of, uh, s- s- uh, marijuana.

Mel Robbins 10:41 Okay.

Charlamagne tha God 10:41 So you had, like, Mikey Marijuana-

Mel Robbins 10:43 Yeah.

Charlamagne tha God 10:43 ... Ichabodism.

Mel Robbins 10:44 Yeah.

Charlamagne tha God 10:44 And I was Charlie Chronic, right?

Mel Robbins 10:45 Uh-huh.

Charlamagne tha God 10:45 Bobby Buddha.

Mel Robbins 10:46 Yeah.

Charlamagne tha God 10:46 Like, that was our names. And, um, I used to always say my name was Charles 'cause when I used to sell crack, you know, I would wear a hoodie, give this alias because I didn't want the guys and women who were buying crack from me to go back and tell my parents.

Mel Robbins 10:58 Of course.

Charlamagne tha God 10:58 I'm from a small town.

Mel Robbins 10:58 Well, of course.

Charlamagne tha God 10:59 So, you know, everybody's judgmental. Even though you're buying it from me, you'd still go tell my parents on me.

Mel Robbins 11:02 Of course.

Charlamagne tha God 11:03 And so I'm reading in a history book about Charlemagne, and Charlemagne, it said, "Charlemagne is French for Charles the Great," and he was a, a Roman emperor who went around spreading religion and education. And I literally was like, "That's a cool name. I'm gonna start calling myself Charlemagne." And, you know, "Tha God" comes from the Five Percent teachings.

Mel Robbins 11:21 Mm-hmm.

Charlamagne tha God 11:21 And in the Five Percent teachings, they say "God" is a Greek word derived from the Aramaic words ƒኩያ አስደባህ, which means wisdom, strength, and beauty. So I'm like, "I'm gonna start calling myself Charlamagne Tha God," which really didn't make no sense 'cause Charlemagne is French for Charles the Great. So it's like Charles the Great Tha God, but guess what? I was 19 years old smoking a lot of weed, so it didn't really have to make sense. It just looked cool. And I always said, "That's gonna look really good on a marquee one day."

Mel Robbins 11:42 You're a good marketer.

Charlamagne tha God 11:43 (laughs) I said, "That's gonna look really good on the cover of a book one day."

Mel Robbins 11:46 But it also means, I've read in your work, that God is within you.

Charlamagne tha God 11:52 Absolutely.

Mel Robbins 11:53 And talk to me more about that.

Charlamagne tha God 11:54 Mm-hmm. I feel like, you know, you can either submit your will to the God in you or you can submit your will to the devil in you. And, you know, God is in each and every one of us, you know. Uh, it says, uh, in Genesis 1:26, it says, "God created man in his image."... according to His likeness. And I feel like, you know, if you keep that mindset, it'll at least give you something to constantly strive to. It'll give you k- ... it'll give you something to constantly look towards and know that you have that, you know, that inner being within you. Like, knowing that you're really a spiritual being living a human existence. And I mean, that's ... I've always literally tried to move like that. Like, you know, I'm, I'm one of those people that actually believed my grandma and my mom when they told me God was always watching. You know? Even though I d- I didn't always make the right decisions, I still, you know, strived to move like, you know, God was always watching, because God is within. He's always ... He's, he ... I am an extension of my Creator.

Mel Robbins 12:48 So, I want you to talk to the person and speak to that, like, moment in your life where you are dealing drugs, you are using an alias because you don't want your parents to find out, which is, you know, smart thinking.

Charlamagne tha God 13:04 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 13:05 You know and believe as a spiritual person that God is always watching, and so you have this sense, because you've already talked about choice, there must be this tension of you feeling like, "This isn't what I'm meant to do, but I'm making a choice to do this."

Charlamagne tha God 13:19 Absolutely.

Mel Robbins 13:19 Like, what do you want to say to the person? 'Cause I think that's a very relatable thing in life, where you have this sense of a greater purpose, but you are trapped i- ... where you are now, and you even see yourself ... I think about moments in my life, whether it was drinking too much or drugs or it was cheating on people that I was with, or stealing or whatever the hell it may have been, things that I knew in the moment were choices that I was making, and I felt like I had no other choice, but I still f- ... D- Do you know what I mean?

Charlamagne tha God 13:48 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 13:48 But I still felt like there was something better for me, but I didn't know how to bridge it. Like, what would you say to the person that's listening that actually feels that right now in their life?

Charlamagne tha God 13:58 Man, number one, uh, whatever you're doing that's negative, you can't escape from it. There, th- th- ... there's a million, tens of millions of people who have done the exact same thing that you're currently doing, and you know how that movie is going to end. And it's going to end the same way for you if you continue, um, down that path. And what I would tell folks is, you don't have to know what it is you want to do. You just know that you want to do something, so why not put positive energy, you know, into whatever it is you're trying to do. Or just put positive energy into your life, period. Like, you know, an acronym that I love is, uh, positive energy activates constant elevation.

Mel Robbins 14:38 Positive energy activates constant elevation.

Charlamagne tha God 14:41 And that's PEACE.

Mel Robbins 14:42 Oh, it is?

Charlamagne tha God 14:43 Yeah. Positive energy activates constant elevation, right? So for me, it was, I know that if I constantly keep doing this, like my dad said, I'm gonna end up in jail, dead, or broke sitting under the tree. And when you start seeing that actually happen, whether it's to you or other people around you, if you continue down that path, once again, you made the choice, so you gotta deal with it. But for me, I decided to say, "Yo, I'm gonna do whatever I gotta do to not do this."

Mel Robbins 15:06 Okay.

Charlamagne tha God 15:06 So I, I worked at, I worked at Taco Bell, I worked at a clothing store in the mall called Demo, I did telemarketing. I was the guy that would call your house and try to sell you 20 CDs for a penny. Like, I did-

Mel Robbins 15:18 (laughs) I remember that

Narrator 15:19 (laughs)

Charlamagne tha God 15:19 I, I, I did so many ... I did so many fucking odd jobs, like, just, just to avoid being in the street. And I just felt like, you know-

Mel Robbins 15:27 Was there a moment though? Because, you know, I used to ... I was a public defender for Legal Aid in, in New York City, and I do feel like when you are in that loop of making really bad choices and you feel like you have no options and you're also surrounded by people that are doing the same thing, it takes a level of courage-

Charlamagne tha God 15:47 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 15:47 ... to wake up and go, "Uh, I'm not doing this anymore."

Charlamagne tha God 15:49 Man, that's so true.

Mel Robbins 15:50 Do you remember, like, was there a moment where you-

Charlamagne tha God 15:53 Absolutely. (laughs)

Mel Robbins 15:53 What ... So what was the moment where you're like, "I'm not going down like this"?

Charlamagne tha God 15:56 When ... Uh, well, the f- ... the first time I got arrested, I was sitting in the back seat of a car, and, uh, one of my homeboys, uh, shot at somebody. So, you know, we all ended up going to jail, and literally they came and got me out of the high school, the second high school I had gone ... had, had went to because I got kicked out of the first high school.

Mel Robbins 16:10 Mm-hmm.

Charlamagne tha God 16:10 And my mom was teaching at this high school, Strafford High School, and they thought I would behave more because my mom was there. So I ended up getting caught up in that situation, and I think I did 45 days in the county jail. My dad ultimately ended up bailing me out, and, you know, I, I was ... I tried to be on the straight and narrow a little bit. But to your point, the allure of the streets, right?

Mel Robbins 16:29 Yeah.

Charlamagne tha God 16:29 Like, you know, a lot of the, the people that I was hanging around and being with, they were in the streets heavy, so I was like-

Mel Robbins 16:34 Well, it's your community, it's your friends, it's what's around you-

Charlamagne tha God 16:37 Abs- ... Absolutely. Ab- Absolutely.

Mel Robbins 16:37 ... and then you start to tell yourself this story, "I got no other options," and-

Charlamagne tha God 16:40 Absolutely. And so it goes from acting up in school to now, all of us are getting a little bit older, but we're getting introduced to things like the drug game, and I'm watching people make a little bit of money-

Mel Robbins 16:50 Mm-hmm.

Charlamagne tha God 16:50 ... so I want to make a little bit of money too. And I remember, uh, I, I was involved in a drug bust. You know, the house that we used to- ... to- to- ... to sell dope out of got busted, and I remember just being in those handcuffs and all of us ... it's literally, like, 11 or 12 of us in a holding cell in Moncks Corner, South Carolina in the Berkeley County Detention Center. And I was just like, "Yo, I'm back in jail again." And I remember looking at the steel toilet in the holding cell with all of these people in it and just throwing up. And I was like, "This is it for me." Like, literally, "I'm, I'm going to figure out my life in a real way. I am going to un-" ... uh, 'cause kee- ... another thing that I always thought about, when my dad would tell me that people end up in jail, dead, or broke sitting under the tree-

Mel Robbins 17:32 Mm-hmm.

Charlamagne tha God 17:32 ... I had a lot of people that I used to look up to who didn't make the best choices, and I saw that happening to them. And I was sta- ... something just started clicking to me like, "Yo, there's no redo on this thing called life." Like, this day that you're living right now, you're never getting back. So you're going to have to start making changes in your life right now to get to where it is that you need to be. Because, you know, one day you gonna wake up and you, you gonna be 30, and Biggie Smalls had this great lyric. Biggie Smalls said, "Being broke at 30 give a brother the chills." And that's where my mind was at, and I was still broke at 30, but-

Mel Robbins 18:06 (laughs)

Charlamagne tha God 18:06 ... I was on my way. (laughs)

Mel Robbins 18:07 (laughs)

Charlamagne tha God 18:07 I was on my way because I was already in the radio business at that point.

Mel Robbins 18:10 Well,

Mel Robbins 18:11 I want to highlight something-

Charlamagne tha God 18:12 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 18:12 ... because I believe that the only thing that it takes to turn your life around is the decision...... that the way you're doing life isn't working anymore.

Charlamagne tha God 18:21 That's right.

Mel Robbins 18:22 And that's what you just described. And I think so many people, I've come to believe, and I, I'd be curious to hear what you think about this. I've bec- I've come to believe that the single biggest obstacle that actually stands in people's way, and yes, there are big factors around poverty and money and racism and bias and all this stuff. But the biggest obstacle is actually discouragement and despair. The sense that there's nothing you can do.

Charlamagne tha God 18:46 That's right.

Mel Robbins 18:46 And I love your story and I love what you stand for because you, uh, time and time and time again have made a decision, "How I'm doing things no longer works for me and I don't give a shit what other people are gonna think about it. I'm gonna figure this out. And I don't even have to know how I'm gonna change my life or what it's gonna look like. I just know I'm not doing it like this-"

Charlamagne tha God 19:08 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 19:08 "... anymore." And so you make the decision, you work a bazillion jobs. How the heck do you get into radio? Because I think the other thing that happens for people, and it's probably, the, I, I can feel so many people sending this episode to their adult kids.

Charlamagne tha God 19:22 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 19:23 "Listen to this man."

Charlamagne tha God 19:24 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 19:25 How did you go from no experience, a bazillion odd jobs, having, you know, been arrested to actually making a break in radio and in the business?

Charlamagne tha God 19:36 You, you s- you s- you said a lot of things that, you know, just make me really think about the, that, that journey, right? Like, you used the word just now, you said dis- discouragement, right?

Mel Robbins 19:45 Uh-huh.

Charlamagne tha God 19:46 I had a lot of encouragement early on.

Mel Robbins 19:48 Yeah.

Charlamagne tha God 19:48 Even though my dad wasn't always doing the right things and even though he was hard on me, he was always encouraging me to do the right thing. Same thing with my mom, she was an English teacher, always encouraging me to do the right thing. So even when I was, you know, getting in trouble, I knew that what I was doing wasn't what I was supposed to be doing. So to answer the question, the positive energy that activates constant elevation. I used to want to rap like most people who come from communities like I come from. When you Black and, you know, you, you growing up in a certain environment, the people you see who look like you are usually in entertainment or athletics.

Mel Robbins 20:21 Mm-hmm.

Charlamagne tha God 20:21 I'm only 5'6".

Mel Robbins 20:22 (laughs)

Charlamagne tha God 20:22 So there wasn't gonna be no NBA for me, right? But as far as-

Mel Robbins 20:25 You could be a jockey.

Charlamagne tha God 20:26 Maybe.

Mel Robbins 20:27 (laughs)

Charlamagne tha God 20:27 But, but ... ) And then I was always, my grades was always so bad, I could never play football.

Mel Robbins 20:30 Yeah.

Charlamagne tha God 20:30 And so for me, I always wanted to rap 'cause I used to always love storytelling. Always loved storytelling. You know, my mom, like I said, my mom was an English teacher. I grew up on the Book-It program, reading four books a week, you know, to get a free pizza. You know, my, my mom would always tell me to read things that don't, uh, necessarily pertain to me. So I grew up reading Mad Judy Blume and Beverly Cleary. So I was always in love with storytelling.

Mel Robbins 20:51 Mm-hmm.

Charlamagne tha God 20:51 So I'm in a recording studio, right? Because if you want to be a rapper, you gotta be where people are rapping. So I was in this recording studio, um, uh, two of them actually. One of them was called TNT Studios and the other was called Neva Sow Deep Records. And, well, the guy who owned Neva Sow Deep Records is a great mentor to me to this day named Dr. Robert Evans. But at the studio, I met a radio personality named Willie Will. And he worked at Z93 Jamz in Charleston, South Carolina. And I'm a curious person. If I see you doing something positive or doing something that looks cool, I, I'm gonna ask you. And I just asked him, like, "Yo, how did you get into radio?" And he said, "I got an internship." And I said, "What do I gotta do to get in- get an internship?" He said, "Go down to the radio station and ask for an internship."

Mel Robbins 21:28 (laughs)

Charlamagne tha God 21:28 And I'm like, "It's that easy?" I said, "I'm not in school or nothing." He was like, "So?" Mind you, this is 1998 Charleston, South Carolina.

Mel Robbins 21:34 Got it.

Charlamagne tha God 21:35 Like, things were totally different. And that's what I did. I went down to the radio station and I filled out my internship papers and I started as an intern. Like, literally, I was the guy that would drive the radio station vehicle to the concerts or to the different remotes and help them, you know, set up their posters and things like that. And then that eventually turned into me getting a, a gig, uh, in the promotions department, which is just being a paid intern. So I was making, what, $5 an hour or something like that. And then I would always be in the studio with Willie Will. And Willie Will would bring me on the mic sometime and, you know, we'd be talking. And I remember one day, my man, Ron White, who was the music director, still a good friend of mine to this day, he comes to me and he goes, "Yo, you ever thought about being on the radio?" And I'm like, "No, but I am now."

Mel Robbins 22:15 (laughs)

Charlamagne tha God 22:16 And so he started putting me on Sunday mornings, 11:00 AM to 3:00 PM and they used to do something called voice tracking where you would record your voice and they would air it.

Mel Robbins 22:24 Mm-hmm.

Charlamagne tha God 22:25 And, you know, I, I was too much for Sunday mornings. So they started putting me on Saturday nights. 7:00 to min- 7:00 to 10:00 it was voice tracked, 10:00 to midnight it was live. And that's where the bug bit me. And I was like, "This is what I want to do for the rest of my life."

Mel Robbins 22:38 Well, you not only got the bug, you dominate, um, on radio. And I want to read to you some of your words from your book, Shook One, which is an incredible book. And there was one passage in particular that I wanted to read to you-

Charlamagne tha God 22:50 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 22:50 ...

Mel Robbins 22:51 because we were kind of, like, talking about this theme of the power of making one decision. Like, "My life is not working the way that I want it to work. It doesn't feel the way I want it to feel." And you had this second huge epiphany because you had become known as, like, this shock jock.

Charlamagne tha God 23:08 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 23:09 And you were, like, saying all kinds of crazy stuff about people and that was kind of the way that people knew you. And you had this epiphany that this is not who you want to be anymore. And so I want to read to you, this is from page 245 of your, uh, best-selling book, Shook One. "For many years, I was edgy and risky with my words on my mic. I pushed the envelope on topics like sex. People would listen to me and say, 'Man, Charlamagne is wild.' There's a reason Rolling Stone called me the hip-hop Howard Stern. Today, I have a much different mind state. While I'm always going to be authentic with my life's experiences, I'm embarrassed by things that I've said in the past. There are moments when I just want it all wiped from the internet. I cringe thinking about my daughter watching some of my old clips, but I can't surrender to those fears. I've come to accept that I can't be a prisoner of my past because the truth is, largely with the help of therapy, I've evolved a great deal over the past few years. I'm not the same thoughtless instigator I used to be." I'd love to have you share about the decision to make a huge risk in your career because you gained so much fame and influence by going about things a certain way-

Charlamagne tha God 24:24 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 24:24 ... and then you made a decision, "I don't want to do this anymore."

Charlamagne tha God 24:27 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 24:27 What happened and how have you changed?

Charlamagne tha God 24:30 Same way that when I was sitting in Moncks Corner, South Carolina-And, you know, my father would tell me if I don't change my lifestyle, I'm gonna end up in jail, dead or broke, sitting under the tree and, you know, watching, you know, people who I, I loved, you know, who made poor choices, end up in those circumstances. It's the same thing now. It's like, you know, I lo- I love hip-hop, you know? I love being a hip-hop radio personality, but a lot of the hip-hop radio personalities that I grew up admiring, there was a glass ceiling and they didn't realize it.

Mel Robbins 24:59 Mm-hmm. Oh.

Charlamagne tha God 24:59 And so they thought that they was growing, but they kept hitting their head, kept hitting their head, kept hitting their head. And I'm looking at them now and I'm like, "Yo. These people are washed." Like, I don't want that to be, you know, my life in the future. And that was from a professional level. And just from a personal level, it's like, yo. They're... My daughters know their daddy. They know their daddy is silly. They know their daddy is a very unserious person. But there's just some things that, you know, I don't wanna have to explain-

Mel Robbins 25:26 (laughs)

Charlamagne tha God 25:26 ... because when I said these things, I was on drugs. I was drunk. Like, it was... I was wilding. Like, I wasn't in the right mind space.

Mel Robbins 25:33 Right.

Charlamagne tha God 25:33 But, you know, what I have learned, Mel, is that you gotta love every version of yourself. Like, you know, every-

Mel Robbins 25:38 How the hell do you do that? I mean, come on now.

Charlamagne tha God 25:39 You, you, you have to.

Mel Robbins 25:39 'Cause it, we, you, if you... But how do you do... 'Cause there... 'Cause every single one of us, the person that is listening right now, can look back at a moment in time.

Charlamagne tha God 25:47 Yes.

Mel Robbins 25:48 And just, you just cringe. You wanna erase that person. You, you just, uh, we beat ourselves up over it.

Charlamagne tha God 25:56 Yes.

Mel Robbins 25:56 How the hell did you get to a point where you could love every version of yourself?

Charlamagne tha God 25:59 Because I'm 46 years old this year. I was born in 1978, so I'll be 47, right? I'll be 47 this year. I know 20-year-old me did not know what 46-year-old me knows. I know 15-year-old me didn't know what 30-year-old me knew. So it's just like, yo. I... You gotta give yourself grace because you just did not know what it is that you know now. So why would you ever beat yourself up for what you did not know?

Mel Robbins 26:24 Mm-hmm.

Charlamagne tha God 26:25 And like I said earlier, uh, to me, life is just a process. I don't believe in good or bad. I just believe in everything is just one long process and there's things that happen for you along the way. Not to you. There's things that happen for you along the way. And I accept it all. I accept the good with the bad. And, you know, one thing, one of my, one of my, one of my therapists said to me is that, um, you know, you can't have any of your success without having any of your problems, right? So any problems that I had, you know, growing up, any problems that I had when I was young, that all led me to this point where I'm at now! And I go back and I think in my mind, I go hug the eight-year-old version of myself. I hug the 16-year-old version of myself. I hug the 20-year-old version of myself. I have conversations with those other versions of myself all the time, just to-

Mel Robbins 27:16 You do? Like, get... Like, tell me what's the... Or like, how do you do that?

Charlamagne tha God 27:19 Can you believe we got... Can you believe we're here?

Mel Robbins 27:22 Oh, yeah.

Charlamagne tha God 27:22 Can you believe we got here? Yo, man. I'm glad when... I'm glad 25-year-old you decided to go this way. I'm glad 19-year-old you decided to get into radio. I'm glad, you know, you read all of those books when you... Your eight-year-old you, nine-year-old you, 10-year-old you read all of those books when you was younger. Like, you know, I know you and your pops had some issues, man. But he did give you The Autobiography of Malcolm X when you was very, very young and it taught you all about growth and evolution. And, you know, knowing that somebody like Malcolm Little can become this great individual like Malcolm X and introduce you to, you know, the Nation of Islam, where they took the worst of us and made them the best of us. So, you know, you gotta give every single version of yourself grace. Like, Marty McFly didn't go back into the future, uh, go back to the past and curse his parents out. He tried to help his parents! Help his parents get on the correct path. We have to do the same thing, you know, with ourselves. You gotta give every version of yourself that ever existed grace.

Mel Robbins 28:15 One of the most beautiful things that you have said so far, and you've said a lot of things that are very beautiful and empowering and important, but I really wanna make sure that the person listening takes this and applies it. You, you literally just said, "You gotta give yourself grace."

Charlamagne tha God 28:33 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 28:33 Why on earth would you punish yourself now for things you didn't know back then?

Charlamagne tha God 28:40 Absolutely.

Mel Robbins 28:41 What a beautiful gift you can give to yourself. And I, and I also love how... I'm, I'm starting to kind of read between the lines, that you're also extending it to other people in your life.

Charlamagne tha God 28:50 Absolutely.

Mel Robbins 28:51 That we need to be able to extend that grace to people in our lives and stop punishing them now for the things that they didn't know back then. You know, I'm curious, as you've stirred up, like, h- have this, like, transformation in your mind that is both business, "I see that there's a ceiling to this shtick."

Charlamagne tha God 29:06 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 29:07 "And also, as a person, I just don't wanna operate like this anymore." When you started to transform yourself on air, did you have any anxiety at all about how the dedicated, huge hip-hop audience fan base that you had built would be receiving you?

Charlamagne tha God 29:22 Um, not really, 'cause I know that our... I know that we're, uh, we're, we're, we're a v- a smart community, you know?

Mel Robbins 29:28 Mm-hmm.

Charlamagne tha God 29:28 Like, you know, I grew up listening to Public Enemy. I grew up listening to Wu-Tang Clan, you know? I grew up listening to k- Scarface and Killer Mike, and, like, all of those brothers, you know, always had things in their music of socially redeeming value. So I know, I know who we are. I just think that sometimes, um, there's, there's people in, in our community that gotta have the courage to grow up, you know? I always say that the two greatest hip-hop albums... Well, the two most important hip-hop albums in the future, people are gonna look back and they're gonna say Jay-Z 4:44 and Kendrick Lamar, Mr. Morale & the Big Stepper. Because if you listen to the content of those records, Jay-Z is talking about the maturation of a man. He's talking about not cheating on his wife anymore. He's talking about issues with his father. He's talking about going to therapy on that album. I remember hearing that album on my thir... It came out the day after my 39th born day. Like, literally, I was on a roof in New York, just turned 39. Midnight hit. Me and my wife were leaving and I put it on in the car, and it was like he was talking to me in that moment. That was the soundtrack for my life right then and there. Where I was in my life-... therapy, dealing with issues with my pops, being faithful to my wife. Like, uh, being apologetic, you know, to, for, for the, the things I've done to my wife, like the cheating on my wife. Like, that was mind-blowing to me, and I was like, "Oh, okay, God, I see exactly what you're doing." Kendrick Lamar, you listen to his album, Mr. Morale & the Big Stepper, he's talking about, yo, his wife is on there saying, "Yo, you really need to go seek some therapy." He's got, he's got this song on there called, uh, called Father Time, where he talks about his issues with his dad. Men don't talk about that. You know, it's always when it comes to daddy issues, you think women. But, no, the daddy issues that you have as a man are, are real too. So it's like I knew we were beyond ready for these conversations because these conversations were already happening in our community. They were just being done in secret. When I put out that book Shook One, it came out, uh, in 2018, and I remember it was the week of Thanksgiving-

Mel Robbins 31:25 Mm-hmm.

Charlamagne tha God 31:26 ... 2018. I'm home in Moncks Corner, South Carolina, and my dad calls me. And my dad is like, "Yo, man, I just, um, I just finished reading your book Shook One." And he goes, uh, "You know, you know your cousin, you know, just committed suicide." My cousin's 25 years old, a young man, tried to commit suicide four times. And he was like... He used to do a lot of odd jobs with my father, and my father was like, "Yeah, man, between that and your book, I just wanted to tell you, man, um, you know, I- I- I was going to therapy two and three times a week, and I tried to commit suicide 30-plus years ago, and, you know, um, I was on 10 to 12 different medications, you know, for my, for my mental health." And I'm like, "I never knew any of this." And so I remember asking my mom, like, "Mom, did you know dad was dealing with all of this?" And my mom was like, "I thought he was just playing crazy to get a check," right? (laughs) But he really was dealing with his own issues, and he never told me this. But imagine if he would've told me this when I was young, I would've knew what those panic attacks were. I would've knew what those bouts of depression were. But he never, ever told me, you know, any of those things. So I think our community has always been ready for these conversations, hip hop community, the Black community. It just takes somebody to have the courage to, to, to, to speak 'em.

Mel Robbins 32:36 Well, you wrote about that-

Charlamagne tha God 32:38 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 32:38 ... realization in, uh, your latest book.

Charlamagne tha God 32:41 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 32:42 And I want to go back though to what you said, 'cause you were talking about how it was 2018. People talk openly now about anxiety and depression.

Charlamagne tha God 32:49 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 32:50 And you have done extraordinary work in terms of destigmatizing those topics. And one of the things, though, that I'm curious about is how the hell did you even know that you were having anxiety or struggling with depression? Because you're right, it was not talked about openly.

Charlamagne tha God 33:07 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 33:07 Like, you wouldn't be caught dead walking into a self-help aisle, and most people didn't even understand the signs of anxiety or depression. So how the hell, like, in 2007, 2016 did you realize that this is something you were dealing with?

Charlamagne tha God 33:21 Conversations with other people. You know, talking to other people, and, you know, uh, I always credit, you know, folks like, uh, you know, Neal Brennan, my, my, my young guy, Pete Davidson, you know-

Mel Robbins 33:31 Mm-hmm.

Charlamagne tha God 33:32 ... who's been going to therapy for a long time. You know, women in my life like Devi Brown, who is just an amazing spiritual, you know, leader, has been a longtime friend of mine for almost 20 years. Um, these were people who I always heard having these conversations, and when I was still dealing with the anxiety and still dealing with the depression, even though I was supposed to be at the greatest point in my life, 'cause I was making more money, uh, than I've ever had in my life, and-

Mel Robbins 33:54 Yep.

Charlamagne tha God 33:54 ... I was having more success than ever. But the panic attacks were increasing, and, you know, the bouts of depression were still increasing. Plus, I knew I wasn't really living the life I was supposed to be living. I was out here being the, you know, hip hop rock star, right? So I wasn't doing right by my wife. All of these things were, you know, coming down on me, and I remember just, you know, saying to myself, like, "I'm gonna try therapy. I'm just going to try it," you know? And me and my wife had a conversation, she was like, "Go." And so I just started going, and then that's when I started to get the language to understand, you know, what I was dealing with in regards to anxiety and in regards to depression. But, yeah, anybody who's first started therapy knows you go for one or two things, and you start peeling back layers and, you know, unearthing traumas that you didn't even know existed.

Mel Robbins 34:39 You know, in your mega bestseller, Get Honest or Die Lying, you actually say, "I've been called a fake mental health advocate," or, "Critics will say that I use discussions of mental health as a shield to distract folks from all the wild shit I used to say and talk about on the radio way back when. So for the record, I started to work on my mental health because I knew that if I didn't deal with my trauma, my trauma would ultimately deal with me." I love that last sentence: "If I didn't deal with my trauma, my trauma would ultimately deal with me." What does that mean? I think a lot of people don't understand-

Charlamagne tha God 35:20 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 35:21 ... what trauma is and how widespread it is-

Charlamagne tha God 35:24 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 35:24 ... in people's lived experiences.

Charlamagne tha God 35:26 Trauma is, uh, you know, things, things that have happened... Well, uh, to me, things that have happened to you, and when those things happen to you, you just let it fester. You don't actually try to get any healing for it.

Mel Robbins 35:39 Mm-hmm.

Charlamagne tha God 35:39 And what we don't realize is trauma hurts you, and hurt people hurt people, right? So it's just, like, you know, when you are dealing with your... When you go out there and you deal with your actual issues, you start projecting that level of healing onto people. You can only meet people where they are, so if you meet me when I'm a hurt person, you know, who's upset because I got, you know, molested when I was eight, or upset because, you know, of how my father used to discipline me, like, or upset because I got beat up when I was 18 years old, 19 years old for running my mouth too much, which I deserved, by the way. But still, it's like you project that onto other people, and what you also realize when you get older is that 99.9% of everything you're dealing with as an adult is a direct reflection or connection to something that happened to you as a child.It's like I'm literally just talking to my inner child every day telling him to calm down. "Calm down. We know why that is causing you to act that way."

Mel Robbins 36:44 Mm-hmm.

Charlamagne tha God 36:44 And so, like, you gotta go deal with your trauma 'cause if not, I've seen, I've seen a lot of people self-sabotage. I've seen a lot of people self-destruct, turn to drugs, turn to alcohol, or they're just mean, nasty, rude people. And, you know, that might be kinda worse than the drugs and alcohol 'cause then, you know, people leave you on a island unto yourself.

Mel Robbins 37:03 You know, you write about that, too. You write in your book, Get Honest or Die Lying, "When I see folks who are willing to say anything and attack anyone for attention, I just shake my head because I remember that feeling."

Charlamagne tha God 37:14 Absolutely.

Mel Robbins 37:15 "I know that behavior is eating them alive on the inside."

Charlamagne tha God 37:19 Absolutely.

Mel Robbins 37:20 Can you talk a little bit about that? Because I think it is so incredible that you have gotten to the point where you can actually see that kind of behavior in other people with grace and kinda understand what it is. What, what, what are you talking about in that section of the book?

Charlamagne tha God 37:34 It, it goes right back to what I just said, hurt people hurt people. I can listen to, I can listen to people say certain things and I'm like, "Oh, that person's miserable." Because you would never say that about somebody else if you weren't miserable. I mean, you know, I used to always say, oh, uh, Michelle Obama say, "When they go low, we go high," but sometimes you gotta take it, take it to hell with 'em, right?

Mel Robbins 37:54 (laughs) Exactly. (laughs)

Charlamagne tha God 37:55 But (laughs) but, but, but sometimes if you're willing to take it all the way to hell, what does that say about you? I'll, I'll tell you something that I, I, I, I'm saying this and I haven't shared this with anybody, you know. Um, I, I came up under Wendy Williams, right? Wendy Williams was a great mentor of mine, you know, still a friend of mine. Everybody sees the situation that she's in right now. Um, she's able to move around a little bit. And we were out to dinner just... What's today? This, this... Monday. Monday. Literally just past Monday. And she said something at dinner and that was profound, and she was just like... We were just talking about just her and the radio and, you know, just the way she used to be on the radio and what her future's gonna look like, and-

Mel Robbins 38:41 Mm-hmm.

Charlamagne tha God 38:41 ... you know, would she come back and be that same individual? Of course she couldn't be 'cause she's not that person any- I mean, she's 60 years old now, right?

Mel Robbins 38:48 Right.

Charlamagne tha God 38:48 But she said something. She said, "You know, I think I might be in this situation because of how, how I used to talk about people." (laughs) That's what she said. You know, she's, you know, she's trapped in the conservative ship.

Mel Robbins 38:57 Yeah.

Charlamagne tha God 38:57 And I was like, "Really?" Sh- I was like, "Wha-" I said, "What do you mean? Like karma?" She said, "Yeah, you know, just like God." I've, I've never heard Wendy talk like that in my life, but it was just confirmation for me that I made the right choices, made confirmation for me that I had the right understanding of the power of my words and the energy that I was putting out there, you know? And I don't, I don't necessarily believe that she's in that situation because of that, but that was what she said.

Mel Robbins 39:26 Mm.

Charlamagne tha God 39:27 So, I just, you know, I wanna... I tell everybody, all of the podcasters and the YouTubers, you know, the radio personalities, "This microphone has a lot of power, and you can cause a lot of hurt, or you can cause a lot of healing, you know, with the things that are coming out of your mouth." I would tell you to choose, uh, choose the healing.

Mel Robbins 39:44 So, I think every single human being has said things that they regret. Since you've done all this work on yourself, and especially in light of what you just shared that Wendy shared with you, have you reflected at all on how your actions in the past, or the things that you used to say on the mic have hurt other people?

Charlamagne tha God 40:02 Oh, yeah.

Mel Robbins 40:03 And-

Charlamagne tha God 40:03 Absolutely.

Mel Robbins 40:03 ... how do you process that for yourself?

Charlamagne tha God 40:07 You gotta give yourself grace, you know? Like, I, I, I, I did what I did. I said what I said. Um, I know the mind state that I was in, but I think sometimes we don't think about the mind state other people may be in.

Mel Robbins 40:18 Mm.

Charlamagne tha God 40:18 And you don't know how fragile somebody may be, and you know, how something you said could have really caused them, you know, t- lifelong trauma or, or trauma that they're trying to, trying to work through. And you, and you get that through conversation. Like, sometimes people will come up to you and tell you, like, "Yo, you know, you really hurt my feelings when you said such and such." Yeah, and what really, really... What really started to change a lot of it for me was when, like, a lot of the young artists started coming on the show.

Mel Robbins 40:44 Mm.

Charlamagne tha God 40:45 And, like, the young artists who... Like, like, I remember, you know, somebody like a Young Thug. I remember Young Thug was saying like, "Man, you know, I used to hate when you used to say crazy stuff about me and, you know, and that's just... Y- you used to really fuck with me. It used to really bother me." I'm like, "Why?" Like, you... And he's like, "Because you're Charlamagne. You know, my, my mama and them listen to you, and you know, aunts and everybody listen to you." And you, you don't think about that, right? Like, you, when you're on the microphone, you don't know these people but you... They're humans too. So, the same way you might go online and see something somebody says about you that you don't like or you'll be like, "Oh, that ain't true," like, it's the same thing with, with other humans. So yeah, I, I do think about that a lot. But once again, I gotta give myself grace 'cause I was in survival mode. I, I, I tend to forgive people for what they did when they was in survival mode. You tend to do a lot of wild things when you're in survival mode, and for me, when I got on Breakfast Club in 2010, I had been fired from radio four different times. That was the seventh radio station I worked at. I had a, a, a daughter that was two, three years old. I wasn't going back to Moncks Corner, South Carolina. It was, it was by any means necessary. Like, I, I didn't care what I had to say or who I had to say it to. And it was the same thing when I used to work with Wendy. I was literally just Wendy's attack dog. Wendy brought me there 'cause Wendy knew she was gonna make the transition to television and she didn't want to be the same personality she used to be.

Mel Robbins 42:05 Mm-hmm.

Charlamagne tha God 42:06 So, she sh- had me there to literally be an attack dog. Like, literally, "Get her. Get him. Get him." Like, like, literally. And so, it's just like, "Nah, that's not, that's not what I wanted for myself."

Mel Robbins 42:16 You also write in Get Honest or Die Lying, "About any chance I get, I walk out into my backyard, I put my hands on a tree, I lean my head against it, and start to meditate. That's tree hugging. It's a valuable practice I was taught by my sacred purpose coach, Yadi. Here's how I first learned it."Can you tell us a little bit about-

Charlamagne tha God 42:36 (laughs)

Mel Robbins 42:36 ... like, what, what, what is, what, what are you doing when you're doing that? Like, I c- I'm trying to imagine you walking out in your sweatsuit with your bare feet, and you walk right up to that tree and you wrap your arms around that tree.

Charlamagne tha God 42:46 Man, salute to Yadi, Yadi Alba. Yadi is a, a, a sacred purpose coach. Yadi, man, it's funny, me and Yadi, it was all th- it s- it started with face down, ass up.

Mel Robbins 42:55 Face down, ass up?

Charlamagne tha God 42:56 Face down, ass up.

Mel Robbins 42:57 In the grass?

Charlamagne tha God 42:57 Yes. I know you're thinking about 2 Live Crew-

Mel Robbins 42:59 (laughs)

Charlamagne tha God 42:59 ... but that was the running joke. The running joke was like, "Yo, go outside, take your shoes off, do some grounding, lay in your backyard." I'm like, "Lay in my backyard?" Like, "Lay down, put your belly on the ground, put your face to the ground, face down, ass up." I know it, it, it sounds f- crazy, but literally that's what I would go do, and you would be surprised the healing energy that comes-

Mel Robbins 43:20 What do you feel?

Charlamagne tha God 43:21 ... when you do that.

Mel Robbins 43:21 Talk, wha- put me there.

Charlamagne tha God 43:23 Peace.

Mel Robbins 43:23 Peace?

Charlamagne tha God 43:24 Peace. Ta-

Mel Robbins 43:24 Do you feel energy come up-

Charlamagne tha God 43:25 You can feel it from the-

Mel Robbins 43:26 ... like, through the earth?

Charlamagne tha God 43:26 E- yes, you can literally, um, that, yo, you can literally feel it from the earth. I know when people, like, "Oh, he's a tree hugger," yeah. I, and you would be too if you could just take your shoes off, walk on the ground, put your forehead up against a tree, lean your back against a tree-

Mel Robbins 43:41 Yeah.

Charlamagne tha God 43:41 ... lay down on your belly. If you wanna just lay, if you wanna lay on your back, lay on your back on the ground, just take a few deep breaths, look up at the sun, look up at the sky. Just pray, just talk to God, and I guarantee you, if you allow yourself no phone, no distractions, I guarantee you, you will feel some type of release.

Mel Robbins 43:59 Well, you know what's amazing about that? Is you're reminding us all of what we know to be true, because if you think about any experience where you've gone on vacation-

Charlamagne tha God 44:07 Oh, yeah.

Mel Robbins 44:07 ... when you've actually had a chance to lay on a beach-

Charlamagne tha God 44:09 Yes.

Mel Robbins 44:10 ... or to sit down on a trail or to lay down in a park-

Charlamagne tha God 44:12 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 44:12 ... while your kids are swinging and you just take a moment, you feel at peace.

Charlamagne tha God 44:16 Man, and my favorite thing to do is to be in the water. I feel like the direct connection to God is in the water looking at the sun. So when I'm in the water, I'm looking up at the sun, even, you, you, you know, squinting, praying, talking to God, telling God what it is that I want, what I'm thankful for, a lot of gratitude. Sometimes it's not e- I don't even ask for nothing, I just go out there and just say, "Thank you, God. Thank you." Like, gratitude is a lost art, you know? Everybody has this sense of entitlement nowadays, everybody feels like, you know, you know, they, that, that, that the world is just supposed to open up and give you things. It's like, y'all, I'm grateful for every opportunity. I, even sitting here on Mel Robbins' show, I'm just like, "Man, thank you, God. This is a g- a great opportunity." Like, I'm grateful for everything, and when you in that water looking up at that sun just expressing gratitude, the peace you feel.

Mel Robbins 44:59 If the person that's listening is just at a point in their life where they've got, like, the metal toilet moment and things just feel like it's just gone to hell-

Charlamagne tha God 45:10 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 45:11 ... made so many mistakes, they don't have the grace yet that you're talking about, the fact that you need to extend to yourself, do you have any suggestions or advice for how you begin that practice of gratitude when you feel like you're just screwed up?

Charlamagne tha God 45:28 Well, you should say, "Thank you," because whatever you're going through, things could probably always be worse, and if you don't believe me, just turn the news on. Turn the news on. There's somebody going through something right now that you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy-

Mel Robbins 45:44 Mm-hmm.

Charlamagne tha God 45:44 ... but that person is actually, you know, going through it. So for me, when I find myself in those metal toilet moments, you know, uh, it's, it's just like, "I'm here. What am I supposed to learn from this moment? Thank you, God, for the experience of going through it." Like, I'm really big on that. I'm really big on thanking God when things are not necessarily going my way 'cause they're probably going my way. You under, you see, you understand what I'm saying? That guy, that guy-

Mel Robbins 46:07 Uh, I, well, I have this thing where I, I feel like you can stand in this moment and you can look backwards and time travel-

Charlamagne tha God 46:12 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 46:13 ... and go, "Okay, I may not like what I see."

Charlamagne tha God 46:16 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 46:16 "I may not have deserved that, it may have been very painful, but I can actually in this moment look backwards and see how everything led me uniquely here."

Charlamagne tha God 46:27 Absolutely.

Mel Robbins 46:28 I think it's a incredible skill, and what you're accessing when you are practicing gratitude in the way that you're recommending is you're actually teaching people how to stand in this moment.

Charlamagne tha God 46:36 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 46:37 And in the gratitude of thank you, even though I don't know where this is leading, you're actually practicing faith because you're saying, "I'm grateful because I know it's leading me somewhere that I can't yet see-"

Charlamagne tha God 46:49 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 46:50 "... that is meant for me, and I won't get there without this."

Charlamagne tha God 46:53 That's right, and I, like, I'm, I'm 46 years old. I've lived enough life to know God has not led me in the wrong direction yet.

Mel Robbins 47:00 Hmm.

Charlamagne tha God 47:01 So whatever moment I'm standing in, I'm supposed to be standing in in that moment and I need to deal with it, you know? I've been, I g- I, you know, that, that's why my wife bought me the elective theory is because, you know, one of the things that I've been j- just dealing with is just wondering about other people.

Mel Robbins 47:17 Hmm.

Charlamagne tha God 47:18 Meaning, like-

Mel Robbins 47:18 Wh- what about other people?

Charlamagne tha God 47:20 Uh, I've, I've, I've had different experiences in my life where sometimes people resent me for what I'm actually doing for them.

Mel Robbins 47:27 Hmm.

Charlamagne tha God 47:27 Meaning, like, you can be actually doing good things for a person or have done really good things for a person or, you know, provided opportunities for a person and that person will grow to resent you.

Mel Robbins 47:37 Yes.

Charlamagne tha God 47:37 Like, I've literally had, I've had a friend say to me one time, "Oh, I don't, I don't wanna do this deal with you because if I do it people are gonna, you know, continue the narrative I only get things because of you," and I'm like, "That's strange." Like (laughs) oh, you know what I mean? Like, 'cause I would, I would love to have a me, and I've had a l- I've had a lot of people in my life-

Mel Robbins 48:00 Right.

Charlamagne tha God 48:00 ... provide me opportunity. I've had a lot of people in my life get me on the right path or, you know, uh, uh, allow me access to things that have gotten me opportunities, so why would you ever feel like... I, I, I don't care if I'm with one person that's provided me 10 different opportunities, like, why would that be a thing? And I've had just friends in my life who regardless of w- how much I've done, you know, for them-

Mel Robbins 48:24 Uh-huh.

Charlamagne tha God 48:25 ... they act like nothing ha- i- d- I did nothing. And I'm not even that, I'm not the type to present and be like, "Remember I did this for you, I did that for you?" I just do things, I don't even care. Like, I just feel like that's what you're supposed to do-

Mel Robbins 48:34 Right.

Charlamagne tha God 48:35 ... when you're in a certain position. You share, you know, the wealth.

Mel Robbins 48:37 Of course.

Charlamagne tha God 48:37 You share-

Mel Robbins 48:38 Yeah.

Charlamagne tha God 48:38 ... the opportunity.

Mel Robbins 48:39 Yeah.

Charlamagne tha God 48:39 So to find out that that person is like, "Oh-"He, he don't do nothing for me. And you're like, "What?" Now you gotta, now you gotta run down the list in your mind. Now I gotta go in my mind and be like, "Was I bugging when I did this, this, and, and, and, and..." And to me, that feels cheap to have to do that. But sometimes you got to do that to remind yourself, "It's not me. It's this person."

Mel Robbins 49:02 And, and, and that is data about who this person is and where they are.

Charlamagne tha God 49:06 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 49:06 And so I can see that clearly when I say let them say these things.

Charlamagne tha God 49:10 Yes.

Mel Robbins 49:10 Let them be ungrateful. Let them be so insecure about their own power and success and capability that they're actually threatened by my generosity.

Charlamagne tha God 49:20 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 49:20 Let them be so concerned about what everybody else thinks of them that they need to distance themselves from me because they are clearly insecure about their own power and skill, and so they're trying to manage what other people think.

Charlamagne tha God 49:32 Can you expound on the threatened by your own generosity? Uh, it-

Mel Robbins 49:34 Yeah. Of course.

Charlamagne tha God 49:35 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 49:35 Like, so, so when somebody... I used to be this person. Like, I used to be a person who believed that there was a limited amount of success to go around.

Charlamagne tha God 49:45 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 49:45 I used to believe that if Charlamagne were just dominating on radio, there was no room for me because you've already done it. And so if you would extend a hand, at first I would be grateful because I would feel seen by somebody that I really respect and I would feel supported. But as I start to build something, I would then have to confront the fact that I'm only in a certain place, and now I make a mistake. And instead of seeing you, Charlamagne, as somebody who's leading the way, somebody who's there as inspiration, somebody that provides a formula, somebody that provides celebration and support and cheerleading and advocacy for you, I make a major mistake because I have a very small mind. And I think there's only so much to go around.

Charlamagne tha God 50:27 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 50:28 So now I start to see you, the very person that led the way and that cheered for me and that supported me, as a person that I'm now against because I now want what you have.

Charlamagne tha God 50:40 Oof.

Mel Robbins 50:41 And I don't actually see that the world is abundant when it comes to success and money and friendship and love and all, and peace and healing. These things are in limitless supply.

Charlamagne tha God 50:52 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 50:52 And the only thing that c- the only person that can take something that's meant for you is you.

Charlamagne tha God 50:57 That's it.

Mel Robbins 50:58 Like, you, like, it, it's so sad that when people look at the game of life, right? What happens is everybody is dealt a hand. And some hands suck and some hands are better. That's just how life is. It's not fair. But you don't win the game of cards by staring at the hand that somebody else is holding.

Charlamagne tha God 51:17 That's right.

Mel Robbins 51:18 You win the game of cards by staring at your own hand and figuring out how to play them and how to be a better player. And how do you do that in life? You learn from other people.

Charlamagne tha God 51:26 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 51:27 'Cause you and I, and you and your friends, you're never playing against each other. You're only always playing with them. And if you are dealing with people in your life that reveal to you, after you have supported them, after you have shown up for them, that they are actually just transactional, that's because of their insecurity.

Charlamagne tha God 51:46 Absolutely.

Mel Robbins 51:47 That's why. And it hurts because you see the potential in other people and so you give and give and give 'cause that's one of your core values-

Charlamagne tha God 51:56 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 51:56 ... to be of service. But then when somebody starts to turn against you or just all of a sudden is antagonistic toward you-

Charlamagne tha God 52:05 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 52:05 ... it just feels weird.

Charlamagne tha God 52:06 Absolutely.

Mel Robbins 52:07 I'm basically saying, let them be on their own journey. Let them be very scarce in their mindset.

Charlamagne tha God 52:14 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 52:14 Let them not understand the way that the world works.

Charlamagne tha God 52:17 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 52:18 Let them not understand me and let me give this a little space so that I can give them the grace and dignity of their own experience, but I'm not wasting time and energy managing this person anymore.

Charlamagne tha God 52:28 That's right. But that, that shouldn't stop you from being who you are. Like, I, I got like-

Mel Robbins 52:32 No.

Charlamagne tha God 52:32 ... my, my niece, salute to my niece, Nyla Simone. And she says this, and it's very genderless when she says this. She was like, "You like to save hoes. Stop trying to save these hoes." Right? And I can't stop being me, meaning that God's not gon-

Mel Robbins 52:45 Well, you can as- you can save hoes all you want, just don't expect them to become a church lady.

Charlamagne tha God 52:49 Th- that's right. And, and I'm, and, and-

Mel Robbins 52:51 They may become one.

Charlamagne tha God 52:52 Y- yes (laughs) . They might be.

Mel Robbins 52:53 But they may.

Charlamagne tha God 52:54 That's like, so b- but I'm saying like God, God's not gonna judge me based off how people treat me. He's gonna judge me based off how I treat people.

Mel Robbins 52:59 Right. And here, this is where the power comes 'cause I want to give you this.

Charlamagne tha God 53:02 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 53:02 So the let them theory, the first part is let them, because that's where you actually recognize you can't control what another person is going to do with the support that you give.

Charlamagne tha God 53:12 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 53:12 You cannot control that.

Charlamagne tha God 53:14 Yes.

Mel Robbins 53:14 Right? Your control is never in what other people are doing. And we waste all our time and energy worrying about what people think and say and do and how they act, and we have expectations, and we have to learn to just let other adults be who they are and be who they're not. And what these people in your life are showing you is they are not abundant people.

Charlamagne tha God 53:33 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 53:34 They are not secure. And so when you lift somebody up, and you've already talked about this, if they have not done the internal work, you can lift them up on the outside-

Charlamagne tha God 53:43 That's right.

Mel Robbins 53:43 ... but you're still dragging up the devil inside them, right?

Charlamagne tha God 53:45 That's right.

Mel Robbins 53:46 And so we tend to attack the very thing that could actually help us. And as you're lifting up somebody to a different level and they have not done the internal work to be at that level, they will literally turn against the person that lifted them up.

Charlamagne tha God 54:01 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 54:02 It's because of insecurity. And so you've got to let them reveal what they're, who they are at their core and how they're going to react to your generosity. Then you go to the let me part. Let me remind myself I actually always have control because I get to choose how much time and energy I put into this relationship moving forward.

Charlamagne tha God 54:21 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 54:21 And your power is in your values. You give because you're a generous person. You give because you believe in lifting people up. You give because you believe God is in all things and you are grateful for all things, so that is how you show up.

Charlamagne tha God 54:38 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 54:38 That will never change. But people will reveal that they are not in that same energy space as you. And then that's just data, let them-So you can better protect your time and energy. But don't stop giving.

Charlamagne tha God 54:51 That is a fact.

Mel Robbins 54:51 Just not to them.

Charlamagne tha God 54:52 Absolutely.

Mel Robbins 54:53 Is that helpful?

Charlamagne tha God 54:53 That is beyond helpful.

Mel Robbins 54:55 Yeah.

Charlamagne tha God 54:55 Beyond helpful. 'Cause, yeah, like I'm, I'm the, I'm the type of person, I feel like if anything you build only benefits you, it's not big enough. So I'm never gonna stop, you know, being of service to people. But what you said is absolutely true. Once you get that data and you know who a person is, you know whether to pull away or how much to give or not to give at all anymore.

Mel Robbins 55:15 Yeah.

Charlamagne tha God 55:15 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 55:15 Exactly, exactly.

Charlamagne tha God 55:16 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 55:16 That's all that it is. It's, it's actually, you know how you talk about gratitude? Thank you.

Charlamagne tha God 55:20 Thank you.

Mel Robbins 55:20 Thank you for, thank you for revealing-

Charlamagne tha God 55:22 Thank you.

Mel Robbins 55:23 ... how you actually feel. 'Cause now I can, I can protect my time

Mel Robbins 55:26 and energy. But, so in your book, Get Honest or Die Lying, um, you know, you talk about how much you hate small talk. Why do you hate small talk?

Charlamagne tha God 55:34 'Cause it's bullshit.

Mel Robbins 55:35 (laughs)

Charlamagne tha God 55:35 'Cause then you, you-

Mel Robbins 55:35 What do you mean, it's bullshit?

Charlamagne tha God 55:37 'Cause you're not real, you, you just, you're, you, you know. Two things happen with small talk. And, and Mel, I know you know this. People will come up to you, like, "You know, I really like the frame of your glasses, Mel." Like, you know that's not what they want to talk about. They got something, they got something else they want to ask you-

Mel Robbins 55:50 Right.

Charlamagne tha God 55:50 ... so they just beating around the bush to, to ask about it. I'd rather you just come to me with whatever it is.

Mel Robbins 55:56 Yeah.

Charlamagne tha God 55:56 I don't want the appetizer. I didn't order appetizers. I want the straight entrée.

Mel Robbins 55:59 (laughs)

Charlamagne tha God 55:59 When you, when it comes to conversation, give me the entrée. I don't need to be warmed up. If, especially when you know what it is you actually want. You know what the request is, you know what it is you want to talk about. Don't try to warm me up to the conversation, because it's just bullshit and we know it.

Mel Robbins 56:16 Waste of time.

Charlamagne tha God 56:17 Waste of time.

Mel Robbins 56:18 You know, you write in Get Honest or Die Lying, this is chapter 28, True Intentions, "One of the best ways to avoid making small talk on any level is to focus on your IG." No, not your Instagram. The IG I'm discussing stands for intention and goals. Can you break that down for me? What is intention and goals?

Charlamagne tha God 56:36 Intention and goals. Like, you know what the intention of your conversation is and you know what the goal you're trying to reach in the conversation is. So just get to it. Like, you know what it is. That's all, that's, that's literally what the opposite of small talk is. The opposite of small talk is, I have an intention, I have a goal, I'm gonna go up to this person and I'm gonna have the conversation. I, I remember being a young guy, uh, doing radio in Columbia, South Carolina. First time I ever met Wendy Williams, she's down there doing, uh, her, her nationally syndicated show from one of the stations in Columbia. I walk in the studio. I got mixtapes and I got parody songs I want her to hear. And I'm like, "Yo, I got these mixtapes. I got this parody song I want to hear." I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I give it to the board. I'm like, "Yo, put this in."

Mel Robbins 57:20 (laughs)

Charlamagne tha God 57:20 Wendy goes, "Yo. Take that mixtape shit to my motherfucking husband." Literally, just like that. Verbatim. Like, no small talk, no beating around the bush. I wasn't offended. I go, "Well, where's your husband?" She was like, "Somewhere in there." So I went looking for her husband. And he was in the conference room. Guess what? He was just sitting in there. He had time to listen. Right? (laughs) But that was me not having no small talk.

Mel Robbins 57:43 Right.

Charlamagne tha God 57:43 "Hey, this is what I'm here for. I'm, I'm a radio personality. I got these parody songs, these mixtapes I want you to have." She didn't have no time for small talk 'cause she's trying to do her show. And that got me on the right path, that forged the relationship, you know. I mean, I mean, I don't have a relationship with her husband anymore. But we forged a relationship that ultimately led me to New York.

Mel Robbins 58:01 How on earth do you deal with the criticism that you get on social media?

Charlamagne tha God 58:06 I don't care. I really, I really don't. I don't pay it no attention. That's something I stress to everybody around me. Stay off social media. We are all in verbally abusive relationships with our smartphones. Why? Why would you allow somebody to talk to you like that? You wouldn't allow somebody to talk to you like that in real life. So why do you go online seeking it? Why would you go look at comments in a YouTube channel or comments in a, you know, uh, on, on, on Twit- I ain't been on Twitter since 2019. I, like, everybody running now 'cause of Elon Musk. I'm, f- forget Elon Musk. I ran 'cause of my mental health. I need to protect my peace.

Mel Robbins 58:40 (laughs)

Charlamagne tha God 58:41 I, I used to get on Twitter every morning and say, "Thank you, God, for blessing me with another day of life." Guaranteed, like clockwork, it would be somebody saying, "I was praying you died." (laughs) You know what I mean? So it's like, why would I put myself up to that? I don't need to go on Twitter to thank God. Like, you know, like I can, I thank God every day of my life. So for me, it's like, just don't read it. Like, literally, turn your phone off. Like, I remember, my man, Trick Trick, he's a rapper out of Detroit. I remember one time I saw him say, "Man, soon as I do this," and he turned his phone off and put it down, "I don't even know what the hell y'all talking about." And listen, ignor-

Mel Robbins 59:17 It's so true.

Charlamagne tha God 59:18 ... ignorance is bliss. Uh, you, you ask anybody that works. I mean, I've come into radio stations sometimes, "Did you see such and such?" "Nope, I didn't." "What happened?" Like, I love being clueless. Because literally, why would I care about what another person's opinion of me is? And the other thing I tell the folks, if they're supposed to talk about you. If they're not talking about you, then you're probably not doing what it is that you're supposed to be doing. You're not making no impact whatsoever. So whether or not they talking good about you or whether or not, not, not they talking bad about you, they're talking, and the algorithm doesn't know the difference.

Mel Robbins 59:51 (laughs) Oh God. You're a genius.

Charlamagne tha God 59:54 No, I'm not.

Mel Robbins 59:55 Yes, you are.

Charlamagne tha God 59:56 That's just, that's just a little common sense. 'Cause e- you know, I, I write about it in, in the second book about-

Mel Robbins 1:00:00 Yes.

Charlamagne tha God 1:00:00 ... about the tsunami of, you know, social media. Because what we r- what we don't realize is, sometimes we spend so much money, I mean, spend so much energy on people we don't like.

Mel Robbins 1:00:10 Mm.

Charlamagne tha God 1:00:11 Right? So you're constantly talking about that person, talking about that person, or that person says something, so everybody's coming at that person. But then that person's actual supporters, they start coming too. They start commenting. So now everybody's arguing in the comments about you and, but the algorithm don't know. All they know is, Mel's been mentioned 10,000 times in the last hour. So who cares? Have, have fun. Enjoy yourself.

Mel Robbins 1:00:35 Talk to me about your morning routine. Because you seem to have really locked in the things that you do in order to keep your mental health and your focus intact, keep yourself in peace, to keep you connected to God and gratitude.

Charlamagne tha God 1:00:51 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 1:00:51 How do you start your day? Will you walk me through it?

Charlamagne tha God 1:00:53 4:15, the alarm clock goes off. I immediately hit the snooze button.... eight minutes, the, the snooze button goes off again. So then I get up, I say my prayers, I go take a shower, get out the shower. I try to sit and meditate for at least, at least five minutes 'cause, you know, I'm, I'm cutting it close. Like, in the morning-

Mel Robbins 1:01:11 Mm-hmm.

Charlamagne tha God 1:01:12 ... to do morning radio is a game of inches, so I try to do at least five minutes. But I read out of two affirmation books every day. I read out of, uh, Ryan Holiday's The Daily Stoic, and I read out of, um, uh, Robert Greene's, uh, The Da- Daily Laws, I think it's called. And then I read what, uh, what those affirmations are. I kiss my wife while she sleep. I blow kisses to all my daughters' rooms. Then I get in my car, go downstairs, and I'm either listening to, you know, a p- to- a podcast like yours or Jay Shetty or Debbie Brown, or I'm listening to... I love, I love the Jon Stewart's, The Weekly Show, whenever he does his episodes 'cause I think that he just does some of the greatest political conversations right now. But that's usually what it is. I just try to, like, listen to something I know is gonna get my energy where it, where it needs to be.

Mel Robbins 1:02:00 Mm-hmm.

Charlamagne tha God 1:02:00 And my intention every day is the same, my intention every day is to serve. So I just wake up every day, and I say, you know, "God, I'm, I'm grateful for another day of life. I'm thankful for another day of life." And, you know, whatever the day brings today, 'cause I know it's gonna be a new adventure every single time. I know it's never a dull moment. I'm, I'm ready for it.

Mel Robbins 1:02:18 Oh my

Mel Robbins 1:02:19 God. How has having daughters changed you?

Charlamagne tha God 1:02:21 Pshh... Man. (laughs) In, in, in ways that I can't even imagine because I'm nowhere near the type of disciplinarian my father was. Like, I, I'm not putting any type of hands on my daughters in any way, shape, or form. Uh, I, I apologize to them a lot. You know, one of the, one of, once something my s- my oldest daughter, she's 16, you know, I, I'm, I snapped at her about something. We going back and forth about something. I had to check myself and realize, like, "Oh, this don't got nothing to do with her."

Mel Robbins 1:02:57 Mm-hmm.

Charlamagne tha God 1:02:57 'Cause, you know, it's something I'm pr- I'm projecting onto her. I'm projecting my fears onto her the same way I said my father raised me out of fear and not love. So when you apologize, I remember apologizing to my 16-year-old daughter, and she said to me, "It's okay. You've never done this before." Meaning this is your first time as a father. This is your first time raising a 16-year-old girl, which is very true. Like, (laughs) so I'm not gonna always get it right. And you think about how, man, you long for, like, just apologies from your parents. 'Cause I know a lot of the things that they might have done to us when we were younger, they didn't know any better. They w- th- they were just doing the best they could with the knowledge and the information and the wisdom they had at the time. So, it's the same thing now. So, when you ask me how my daughters changed me, I really don't know yet. I just know I am being changed. Like, I know that, like, this, there's just something that's changing me as just a human because the one thing I'm really fighting now is realizing that you gotta relinquish control 'cause you cannot control anything that happens to these four little beautiful souls. You can't nothing. Like, you know, the only thing you could do is love them, encourage them. You know, I try to give my daughters the best experiences that they possibly can, can have, and just teach them to be really great people. I, I, the, the things that my mother and father and my grandmother instilled in me that really stuck with me my whole life, I try to give to them. Like, when I tell them, you know, "Manners will take you where money won't."

Mel Robbins 1:04:28 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Charlamagne tha God 1:04:28 You know, uh, when I tell them, "When you walk into a room, make sure you make eye contact with everybody. You speak to everybody. Like, just, you know, just, just say hello, like, you know, 'cause everybody is a human being worthy of that, that level of respect. Treat the custodian the way you treat the CEO." Like, you know, that's, I'm big on that, especially with my nine-year-old, 'cause if there's any one of my daughters who is, um, a hell-raiser like I was when I was a kid, it's, it's, it's my nine-year-old. But, you know, my only thing with her is, "You need to have that same smoke for the teachers at school. Don't come to the parents and the people that love you (laughs) and be crazy 'cause I was crazy everywhere when I was your age." I don't tell her that, but that's my mindset. You know? But I do tell her, you know, "You come home, and I know you, you, you act with us the way that you don't act with... at school. I don't ever hear about this type of behavior with you at school. At school, you see the, the, the, oh, she's a pleaser, and she's great and all that. But at home, you, you know, wh-"

Mel Robbins 1:05:20 Do you know what that means?

Charlamagne tha God 1:05:21 No, what does that mean?

Mel Robbins 1:05:21 'Cause it's, 'cause some- 'cause I used to complain about my kids this way too.

Charlamagne tha God 1:05:24 Okay.

Mel Robbins 1:05:25 S- uh, uh, uh, a parenting expert therapist told me that that actually is a sign-

Charlamagne tha God 1:05:30 Oh, they feel safe.

Mel Robbins 1:05:31 ... that they feel safe with you-

Charlamagne tha God 1:05:32 Yes, yes. Yes.

Mel Robbins 1:05:32 ... 'cause they've been holding it together at school.

Charlamagne tha God 1:05:34 Yes.

Mel Robbins 1:05:34 And, you know, I really wanna acknowledge you and your wife for something. And, like, it just, I think it's so beautiful.

Charlamagne tha God 1:05:41 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 1:05:42 You know, you started by talking about choices, and we've talked a lot about the power of a decision, right? And you talked in the very beginning of this about how your dad parented out of fear. The choice that you have made to do work on your inner self and to learn how to extend yourself the grace that we all deserve and to also learn how to show up and do better, in that simple story of your daughter reflecting back to you the things that you have shared with us today... Dad, this is your first time doing this too. She is actually evidence that all of the healing that you have done and all of the work that you and your wife have done have actually broken that pattern of parenting out of fear and have broken the way that trauma gets passed through families.

Charlamagne tha God 1:06:42 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 1:06:43 And I just really wanted to acknowledge that because that is incredible.

Charlamagne tha God 1:06:48 Man, you know, I remember during COVID, 'cause my daughter is 16. I think when she might have been, like, 13, 14, she, we s- started putting her in therapy, not for any reason other than why not?You know, it's like, it's like, she- she's a- she's a athlete, she's working out all the time, right, for cheer, so it's the same thing. It's just like, why not go learn what you might be dealing with early? And I remember during COVID, she came to us and she goes... She was crying, "I'm overwhelmed." She was like, "I'm overwhelmed." She said that, she was like, "I'm overwhelmed right now." And I was like, "Do you think me or your mom would be upset that your grades are slipping during this unprecedented time?" None of us have ever had to experience anything like this. I can only imagine being in eighth grade and you're sitting there trying to do clay projects on the floor and you're, you know, trying to get through-

Mel Robbins 1:07:38 Right.

Charlamagne tha God 1:07:39 ... class during the day on your computer. Like, I can only imagine. But the fact that she had the language to come to us and tell us she's overwhelmed. My nine-year-old and six-year-old same way. I talk to them about going to therapy, I tell them about, you know, dealing with anxiety, dealing with depression. Now you got movies like, um-

Mel Robbins 1:07:58 Oh, Inside Out?

Charlamagne tha God 1:07:58 ... I- In- Inside Out.

Mel Robbins 1:07:59 Yeah.

Charlamagne tha God 1:07:59 You know, you got movies like Inside Out that are showing them their emotions and their feelings, Inside Out part one and part two. So these kids have the language, and that's all I really want. I don't know how possible it is, but I've always said all I want to do is raise trauma-free babies, man. That's it. I mean, I know that they gonna go through their own experiences in life and they're gonna have their own things that they gotta deal with, but I wanna at least raise... Ha- have them have a trauma-free childhood as- as- as much as possible.

Mel Robbins 1:08:26 Well, it's very clear you and your wife are giving them the tools to actually respond to anything that's happening.

Charlamagne tha God 1:08:33 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 1:08:33 Which is extraordinary. And I just wanna make sure that you... Can you hear the acknowledgment in the work that you've done and the impact that it's having on the daughters that you're raising?

Charlamagne tha God 1:08:45 Yeah, I receive it from you. You know, um, for me, I'm just tr- trying to be a good father. Trying to