The Mel Robbins PodcastStay-At-Home Mom “With No Experience” Built A $255M Empire: Blowouts, Divorces, & The Messy Truth
EVERY SPOKEN WORD
120 min read · 23,836 words- 0:00 – 4:28
Intro
- AWAlli Webb
I really believe everything I did in my life uniquely prepared me to sit at the helm of a blow dry empire.
- MRMel Robbins
A blow dry empire?
- AWAlli Webb
It's what Drybar is.
- MRMel Robbins
You got it (beep) nailed in business.
- AWAlli Webb
Literally.
- MRMel Robbins
Put me at the scene.
- AWAlli Webb
I was like, "What do you think people would pay if I came to their house? Maybe 35 or 40 bucks? Two 20s, easy-peasy." So, I posted on Peachhead, "I'm a longtime hairstylist. I'm thinking of starting a mobile blowout business where I'll come to your house while your baby is sleeping and blow out your hair." Sure enough, I started getting inundated with emails like, "Can you come over tomorrow? When can you come over?" And I was like, "Goddamn, I'll be there."
- MRMel Robbins
Let's talk about the messy part.
- AWAlli Webb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
Because all this came at a very big cost.
- AWAlli Webb
(sighs) Well, you know, gosh, where to start?
- MRMel Robbins
Your marriage. A couple months ago, I got a text from you.
- AWAlli Webb
Oh, gosh.
- MRMel Robbins
'Cause it was just a short... You probably don't even remember sending this to me 'cause you were in a-
- AWAlli Webb
Oh, no. We may have to cut this out.
- MRMel Robbins
Dude, you are a successful-
- AWAlli Webb
Uh-
- MRMel Robbins
... badass-
- AWAlli Webb
(laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
... businesswoman who does not need a (beep) guy.
- AWAlli Webb
I'm like, "Thanks." The relationship got very fast-tracked, which would, you know, ultimately cause the demise of that marriage.
- MRMel Robbins
So, this is the first time you're talking publicly about divorcing-
- AWAlli Webb
First time, yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
... your second husband?
- AWAlli Webb
Yeah. I jumped into this marriage that had some things in it that weren't right for me. Oh, my God.
- MRMel Robbins
Was it worth it? Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I'm really excited that you tuned in today because I know you are going to love this episode. How can I say that? Well, let me tell you how I can say it. Because you have been asking, "Mel, can we please get more advice on how you start a business? Can you please give us more advice on how you lean into your ideas? And can you please bring us more stories about how a normal person with no prior experience can create a $100 million business?" Well, today, I am delivering exactly what you asked for. I have another remarkable person here for you to meet. Her name is Alley Webb. She founded a little business here in the US called Drybar. It's a blow dry bar where you go and you get a blowout in your hair. And she changed the beauty industry, and when she started this idea, she was a 32-year-old stay-at-home mom of two kids who had an itch to get out of the house. She was not looking to disrupt the beauty industry. She was not looking to create a $100 million brand. In her words, you know what she says? "I had no business being in business." Well, let me tell you something. She's wrong, and you're wrong. If you're telling yourself you have no business being in business, if you're telling yourself you don't have a good idea, you don't know what to do, I'm calling BS, and I'm introducing you to Alley Webb, the founder of Drybar. That's not the only company that she has started. She has gone on to start multiple very successful companies. She has written her first-ever book, The Messy Truth, where she tells you the whole story of growing this $100 million business from scratch, the cost of it, the messy things behind, and most importantly, the very simple, actionable takeaways that are gonna inspire you and get you started on whatever itch it is you need to scratch, whatever idea it is that you've been putting off. Today is the day we stop thinking, we get messy, and we tell you the truth about why you, yes, you, have a $100 million idea in you, too. So, please help me welcome Alley Webb to the Mel Robbins Podcast.
- AWAlli Webb
I mean, it's just such an honor to be here. I can't believe it. (laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
Well, let me, let me just start by saying one thing. "I had no business being in business."
- AWAlli Webb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
That's why I wanted to talk to you.
- 4:28 – 7:42
Ever felt lost in life and just trying to figure it out? Alli was there, too!
- MRMel Robbins
I want you to unpack the whole journey of how you went from a hairdresser that didn't go to college-
- AWAlli Webb
(laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
... with three young kids, who had no-
- AWAlli Webb
Two.
- MRMel Robbins
... two young kids that have-
- AWAlli Webb
(laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
... no business being in business-
- AWAlli Webb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
... uh, building a $100 million company.
- AWAlli Webb
Yeah, but then there's also the, the like behind-the-scenes stuff, and like raising a family and going through a divorce and your kid going to rehab and like the real messy stuff that happens because we don't... we can't separate it all. And it's, it's bananas. But I grew up in, you know, God bless my parents. My mom, my mom passed away about eight years ago, but it was like, "We hope you marry well."
- MRMel Robbins
So, let... I want you to put us at the scene.
- AWAlli Webb
(laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
So, where were you in life-
- AWAlli Webb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
... when your life took a turn toward this small idea? What were you doing? How old were you?
- AWAlli Webb
Yeah. Well, I, I moved to New York City when I was about 18. I, I went to college like for a second, and I was, I was so lost, I was so lost, and I was like... And, and the thing that kept coming back to me was like hair. It was right in front of me. I mean, I loved hair. I always loved hair. I would spend hours in the bathroom when I was in high school trying to figure it out. I was just fascinated by it, and I didn't even pay attention to that until so many years later when I was like, "I think I wanna go to beauty school." My brother was the first person I told.I said, "I think I wanna go to beauty school." And he was like, "I think you should." He's like, "You're really good with people and you love (laughs) hair." And I was like, "I know. I should just do that." And I me- when I told my mom and dad, it was a very different conversation. They were like, "Really?" You know? And, but I knew... To your point, it's like I just knew that was the thing.
- MRMel Robbins
Right.
- AWAlli Webb
That was the thing that I loved and I think that we sometimes feel like it's not cool or it's not this or it's not that, so we don't wanna do it. It's like we wanna take this path that everybody, like, thinks we should take.
- MRMel Robbins
Right.
- AWAlli Webb
It's like, "Screw that."
- MRMel Robbins
Well, there's this whole, uh, body of research, uh, around the fact that if you lean into something you already love, whether it's video games or it's music-
- AWAlli Webb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
... that you will be more successful more because you will naturally want to spend more time working at it-
- AWAlli Webb
And-
- MRMel Robbins
... because you enjoy doing it.
- AWAlli Webb
Yeah, it's like, you know, it's like that cliché, which I know it's so cliché, but it's like if you, you know, if you love what you do, it doesn't feel like work. Like, that is actually true.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- AWAlli Webb
You know? I moved to New York City. I thought I wanted to do something in fashion and I ended up getting into hair and I met my now ex-husband, Cameron, when we lived in New York. We got married. I'm very, like, driven when I want something.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- AWAlli Webb
And I wanted babies.
- 7:42 – 10:31
When you get that itch that your life is meant for something more.
- AWAlli Webb
and four, I started to get the itch to do something for myself.
- MRMel Robbins
Yup.
- AWAlli Webb
And I was like... When I was in LA, I was a stay-at-home mom and I was just starting to get the itch to do something for myself and I was, I was probably around, like, I don't know, 33-ish at the time. And (sighs) because I had so much experience doing hair and blowouts and I was like, "I don't wanna go back to the salon and cut hair and do all that." And I was like, "Maybe I should start..." I had just moved to LA and I was like, "Maybe I should start a mobile blowout business." I knew it was expensive to get a blowout in hair salons and it was, like, variable pricing, which drove me crazy 'cause it's like, oh, for you, it'll be $50 and for your friend with the long, thick hair, it'll be $120. You're like... Like, you can't do that.
- MRMel Robbins
Why?
- AWAlli Webb
It's such a bait and switch 'cause it says on the window, it's like $45 for a haircut or blowout and then you go in and it's actually, like, another 80 bucks. You're like... And then you're sitting in the chair and you have to look like the, the idiot who's like, "I don't wanna... I can't pay another $40." I just hated that whole s- the, the whole-
- MRMel Robbins
Gotcha.
- AWAlli Webb
... uncomfortableness. A-
- MRMel Robbins
So, so there's a couple things I wanna, I wanna just tease out to make sure-
- AWAlli Webb
Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
... that you got because Alli has already dropped major wisdom as you've been listening to her, and I want you to notice that when she was talking about working in a salon, that the blowout came and somebody came alive.
- AWAlli Webb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
When you talked about it, something in you lit up.
- AWAlli Webb
Mmm.
- MRMel Robbins
You spoke faster, you were-
- AWAlli Webb
(laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
... impassioned, you were energized, and that's an important thing to highlight because for so many of you that listen that are looking for that idea or wanting to do something more-
- AWAlli Webb
That's right.
- MRMel Robbins
... one of the big things that you write out i- or you write about in this book is that it's typically right in front of you.
- AWAlli Webb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
That the things that you are energized by, that you would do all day long that make you come alive, as dumb as it may sound or as much as your family might pooh-pooh it, like, "What? You're gonna go to beauty school? What?"
- AWAlli Webb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
That's really an important piece of data-
- AWAlli Webb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
... when it comes to finding an idea or finding your calling.
- AWAlli Webb
Yeah. I, I, I love that you pointed that out. I mean, I felt like when we started Drybar, you know, again, I was like I was itching to do something, I was, like, excited to get out of the house (laughs) and like, do something for myself. But when we, like, opened the door... I mean, even when we were in the planning phase, like, I loved it. Like-
- MRMel Robbins
But it didn't start-
- AWAlli Webb
I couldn't work enough.
- MRMel Robbins
But hold on a second. It did not start with a retail location, so I-
- AWAlli Webb
It did.
- MRMel Robbins
I, I want, I wanna slow down real quick, though.
- 10:31 – 14:05
Do you have a ton of ideas about what you should do?
- MRMel Robbins
no, no, no." So you don't do it. Then you think, "I love... But I love hair and, and maybe I'll do something with hair." And they're like, "No, no, no. That's not enough. Let's write this."
- AWAlli Webb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
And so the ideas are all around you. What I want you to pay attention to as you listen to Alli tell this story, is how one decision at a time-
- AWAlli Webb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
Instead of arguing against what she wanted, she simply was like, "Fuck it."
- AWAlli Webb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
"Uh, okay, why not try it?"
- AWAlli Webb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
And so you're sitting there, you're in your 30s, you have two young kids. You are thinking, "Maybe I'll just start a mobile blow drying business."
- AWAlli Webb
(laughs) Yeah. It literally was like one day dawned on me. I was like, "I think I should do this." I was actually... I should back up a little bit.
- MRMel Robbins
Put me at the scene. Like where did you get the-
- AWAlli Webb
S-
- MRMel Robbins
... bah-ha?
- AWAlli Webb
So-
- MRMel Robbins
Like, I'm gonna get in my car and drive to people's houses and blow dry their hair for cash.
- AWAlli Webb
Well, (laughs) that's exactly what happened. But, but I was, I was... I had just moved to LA, you know, a few years before and I met my, my best friend who's still my very best friend today. When our now 18-year-old sons w- were babies, we met in a breastfeeding support group, you know, and we were inseparable and we had these babies and we were stay-at-home moms and like we were having the best time and we both started to get the itch at the same time, so... She just had a knack for like planning parties and things and so she wanted to get into like the party planning business. At the time, I was like, "Oh, that sounds fun. I'll help you with that." And then we started to do that. I did not l- really enjoy that and I was like, "No." And we were fighting and I was like, "No, this isn't it." And, and I remember, like, we were sitting in my (laughs) Santa Monica tiny apartment and Paige and I were sitting on, on the floor with our babies crawling around us and I was like, "You know, I, I love you and I, and I wanna... I love that we were starting this business together, but I don't think it's the thing for, for me. I think I wanna start a mobile blowout business." And by the way, she had curly hair too and used to always ask me to blow out her hair.
- MRMel Robbins
Okay.
- AWAlli Webb
So she, she knew because we were so close. And so she's like, "I think that's a great idea."
- MRMel Robbins
What year is this?
- AWAlli Webb
This is, um, 2000 and-I guess the boys were like three, so. And so, I was like, "I think..." We were like, "Wh- what do you think people would pay if I came to their house?" I wanna make this like people are actually gonna call me, so. 'Cause I, nobody knew me. I was brand new to LA. And so, I w- we were like, "Maybe 35 or 40 bucks?" And Paige was like, "Yeah, two 20s, easy-peasy." I was like, "Two 20s, easy!" You know, it was gonna be a cash business. So I posted on Peachad and I said, "I'm a stay-at-home mom, I have two little boys. I'm a longtime hairstylist. I'm thinking of starting a mobile blo- blowout business where I'll come to your house while your baby is sleeping and blow out your hair. And I'm gonna only charge..." I literally said, "I'm gonna only charge 35 or 40 bucks." Not a very sophisticated business plan. And sure enough, I started getting inundated with emails like, "Can you come over tomorrow? When can you come over?" And I was like, "God damn, I'll be there!" You know? And so, I-
- MRMel Robbins
What did you do with the kids?
- AWAlli Webb
Well, I had to fi- I mean, that's, I didn't actually make any money because between gas and like...
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- AWAlli Webb
I didn't make any money. But who cares? Because it led to Drybar, right? But at the time, I was so happy still because then I got like a big duffle bag together. I threw like all of my hair shit in a bag and I was like, "Okay, I'll be over." And so, I would, I, you, I think one of my sons was in preschool then. A total wash, money-wise.
- MRMel Robbins
Yep, yep.
- AWAlli Webb
But I didn't care. And I was really just wanting the freedom to get out of the house for a little while and do something for myself and talk to adults and whatever, and I love doing hair. And so it was like a win-win-win for me, minus the money. So, I start going to do women's ho- do women's hair. And another big key insight that I didn't realize I was learning while I was learning it was that I would usually go to these women's homes and be in like their living room or kitchens, rarely in someone's personal bathroom. You know, it's like they didn't know me. It wasn't like my, I was their friend.
- MRMel Robbins
Right.
- AWAlli Webb
They, I was just coming over to do... But I was a mom, so there was like a level of trust. But I would usually do their hair like in the living room, so not in front of a mirror. And that's the thing about Drybar,
- 14:05 – 17:12
Why Drybar never had mirrors.
- AWAlli Webb
which of course you know now, is like Dry- there's not mirrors in front of the stations at Drybar, which was such a massive learning for me from the mobile business because I would go to a woman's house, she'd be sitting like at her like, you know, like this, like at her bar, at her kitchen. And I'd blow dry her hair so she wasn't micromanaging me, which as a hairstylist, was awesome. 'Cause I was like, "L- when I'm ready for you to see your hair, I'll tell you and you can get up and go look in a mirror." And that would happen and then there would be this really amazing moment where she'd be like, "Oh my God, I love it!" And then you'd hear the squeal. She'd be so happy. She felt so good. All this confidence like, you know, erupted. And I was like, man, this is so great because not only, eh, do I like it as a hairstylist and I can just do my thing-
- MRMel Robbins
Right, right.
- AWAlli Webb
-and work it out and make sure it looks good. And she doesn't have the pressure of stare... Who wants to stare at themselves in a mirror for 45 minutes? It's like, as women, as humans really, it's like you start dissecting yourself. Like, "I look tired. Like, I don't like the way my nose looks like. What's up with it? Why am I wearing this?" Like all this shit-
- MRMel Robbins
And why are they doing this with my hair right now?
- AWAlli Webb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
What's happening? Yes.
- AWAlli Webb
I mean, all the shit that we do, we just nitpick because we're staring at ourselves, you know? And I was like, "Okay." And when we started concepting Drybar, so many learnings from my mobile business came out, and that was a huge one. Um...
- MRMel Robbins
How long did you do the mobile business-
- AWAlli Webb
(smacks lips)
- MRMel Robbins
-before you're like, "There's something here."?
- AWAlli Webb
Yeah. For about a, a little, a little less than a year. Uh, because I got so busy and I was like, "Shit, I'm saying no more than..." I'm starting to say no, no more than I'm saying yes because, back to the kids, I could really only be out of the house for like four hours.
- MRMel Robbins
Right.
- AWAlli Webb
So I had, I could only do like maybe three or four blowouts in that time if the, if it worked out, like... 'Cause I was like in the Palisades and Brentwood and Santa Monica, and so I was like running around and I couldn't do that many and I was like, "Man, I'm s- I'm saying no more." I'm like, "That's not good." And then I was like, "Do I bring on more stylists, like mobily and send them out? But then I, but then they're gonna turn into their clients." And so I was like, "That doesn't seem right either," and I couldn't control the experience. And that's when I went to my brother and I was like, "I feel like I should turn my mobile business into a brick and mortar." My brother's also bald and like a dude.
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- AWAlli Webb
And he was like, "What? Why can't women blow out their own hair?" And I'm like, "No, I, I..." I'm like, "Didn't you remember growing up with me and like the crazy..." Whatever.
- MRMel Robbins
Yep.
- AWAlli Webb
S- but I got him on board with it and I said, "I, I wanna, I wanna basically instead of me going to them, them come to me. Like I wanna open one little shop." And he, he was like, "Uh, okay." He knew I was having success in my mobile business and I was getting really busy and I was like, "Mike, I think if the price is right, and the space is beautiful and really well run..." And I'd worked in hair salons. It's like I knew enough to make it great, I felt. And he knew that I knew that too. S- so when I went to Michael and I said, "I wanna do this," and he was like, "Hmm." And it was so cool because it was such a level set of skills 'cause Michael was always like really good student, just naturally really s- book smart and whatever, and I wasn't. But now, here I'm coming with this like, "I know this business and you don't, so you need to learn this part from me, and I need to learn that part from you."
- MRMel Robbins
Right.
- AWAlli Webb
And so there was this beautiful merge of, of us coming together and, and I was like, "I, I know I need help running this business, but I also know I know how to run a salon." 'Cause I'd worked at, at many salons as like the assistant to owner, so I saw all of it, like the good, the bad and the ugly, everything that happens in hair salons.
- MRMel Robbins
And I wanna pause right there, and let me tell you why. Because we also discount the fact
- 17:12 – 22:24
Remember this when you tell yourself the job you’re in now doesn’t matter.
- MRMel Robbins
that everything that you've done along the way-
- AWAlli Webb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
... is also filling your brain with-
- AWAlli Webb
100%.
- MRMel Robbins
... experiences and ways that you wouldn't do things, and it doesn't even have to be in the category that you started this business in.
- AWAlli Webb
Right, right.
- MRMel Robbins
Because you're always-
- AWAlli Webb
It wasn't.
- MRMel Robbins
... learning and experiencing things-
- AWAlli Webb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
... and saying, "I wouldn't do it this way, or I would do it this way, or I wanted to do it this way, or I want to..." And so-
- AWAlli Webb
(clears throat)
- MRMel Robbins
... these are all such profound and important nuggets.
- AWAlli Webb
I really believe everything I did in my life uniquely prepared me to sit at the helm of a blow dry empire. Un- un- uh, unequivocally. I mean-
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- AWAlli Webb
... the-
- MRMel Robbins
That is a hilarious sentence. Can, can, can, can I just say that? A blow dry empire.
- AWAlli Webb
It's what Drybar is.
- MRMel Robbins
A blow dry empire.
- AWAlli Webb
Is it not?
- MRMel Robbins
That is incredible. Like I, 'cause I don't think anybody would wake up and go-
- AWAlli Webb
(laughs) I know.
- MRMel Robbins
... "You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna create a blow dry empire."
- AWAlli Webb
I know. Uh, me either. But I'm just, you know, it was like working in PR, working at hair salons, and I really did see s- I, there was so much I loved about hair salons and there was a lot that I didn't.
- MRMel Robbins
Yep.
- AWAlli Webb
I didn't like the cutthroateness of it. I didn't like, it was like the eat what you kill environment. I didn't like the like, "I'm not gonna, I don't wanna wash your hair." Like, there was a lot I didn't like about it and I was like, "I don't, I don't want that. That's not what Drybar is gonna be about." Like, I want this happy, we all are in this together, Kumbaya, which was not what hair, what, you just don't see that in hair salons. And we had so many stylists, I mean, gosh, at-At, at the height of Drybar, I mean, probably even today, there's over 5,000 stylists that work for Drybar. And, you know, there was always this sense of ... I, I can't tell you how many stories I'd hear from stylists who would come in and be like, "Ugh, my boss is, like, doing drugs in the back and nobody's nice to me and I hate it there." But I mean, story after story after story, like, there's just this weird ... Not, not all, and I wanna be, like, cognizant to not say not all hair salons are like that, and there's a lot of really great ones, but there is a lot of stories. I means, not stuff that I actually experienced myself, but just stories that I heard from stylists about how they were treated and how, you know, the, you know, the way that they were paid and all the things and-
- MRMel Robbins
It's a hard business.
- AWAlli Webb
It's a hard business. And, you know, for us, we wanted to make it not like that. We wanted it to be like, you know, the way the Drybar structure w- was set up was that we were paying people ... Like, they were, they were paid hourly and then they would get their tip. So, it wasn't like a r- a, like a chair rental, the way it typically is. And w- and I ... That was an intentional decision, because I wanted people to feel like they were part of something. That it wasn't like you're just coming in to see, you know, Hairstylist Mel. You're coming into Drybar to get a great blowout and, and the, the, the big, like, reason this thing would work is because you could sit in anybody's chair, potentially, and get a great blowout. It might not be the exact way that Mel does it that you love, but you'll sit in Allie's chair and you'll be like, "Oh, this isn't like what I would've got, but I kinda like it." You know? 'Cause I always feel like, again, I, I take this hairstyling stuff obviously very seriously.
- MRMel Robbins
I love this.
- AWAlli Webb
But I feel like, you know, people don't always know what they want until you show them. You know? Far be it from me to compare us to, like, the iPhone. You know, but we didn't know we needed iPhones, you know? And then we got them and we were like, "Of course we needed iPhones." And it's like, uh, again, uh, it's lofty. But I think that, like, you, you know, a woman comes in and she always gets her hair blown this way.
- 22:24 – 26:12
Not sure what your passion is? Here’s the question I would ask.
- MRMel Robbins
person listening, on passion.
- AWAlli Webb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
And there's a couple things I wanna point out here, and it's this. First and foremost, passion I have always defined as just energy. Anything that energizes you.
- AWAlli Webb
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
And there is no doubt-
- AWAlli Webb
(laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
... that blowouts and hair and happiness-
- AWAlli Webb
(laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
... that that brings so much passion and energy into your life, you can feel it. It, like, vibrates off you as you talk.
- AWAlli Webb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
And here's the other thing I wanna say about that. Passion is so personal, 'cause I don't give a shit about blowouts, honestly. Like, I, I literally ... I ... There is no way I could've built this business. I can't manufacture passion into it.
- AWAlli Webb
Of course, of course.
- MRMel Robbins
And so, I say that-
- AWAlli Webb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
... because I think we're always looking for some big idea or for that person that's listening-
- AWAlli Webb
But you can't manufacture it.
- MRMel Robbins
... that's like-
- AWAlli Webb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
... "I, I, I have the itch. I know what she's talking about. I have this itch to do something bigger, but I don't know what bigger is." I wanna keep pointing you back to the example that Allie is giving us. What do you talk about all the time?
- AWAlli Webb
Mm-hmm. That you love.
- MRMel Robbins
What would you do that, that if you could just do this and your bills were taken care of, you would do this all the time? And don't tell me you'd lay on your ass on a beach and drink margaritas.
- AWAlli Webb
Yeah, no way.
- MRMel Robbins
Because that would be fun for about a week-
- AWAlli Webb
No. No.
- MRMel Robbins
... and then you'd be like, "Okay, gotta scratch the itch because this is not doing anything." But so, you open this first location. Your bald brother becomes your partner.
- AWAlli Webb
(laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
And-
- AWAlli Webb
I've milked that joke for many years.
- MRMel Robbins
I ... No, I like that. I no- I noticed it too. And so-
- AWAlli Webb
(laughs)
- 26:12 – 32:54
The crazy decision Alli made early on in her business.
- AWAlli Webb
inside the shops. We... In the first day, the first week, the sh- the phones were ringing off the hook, which was amazing. I mean, great problem to have. The shop was crazy busy. And we had the phone up at the front desk, but it's loud. The music's loud, which is part of the ambiance. There's, you know, there's flat screen TVs playing, like, Devil Wears Prada. There's blow dryers going and there's women talking. Look, you can't hear shit, but it's fun. It's like a party. It's a club, basically, which, you know, is like a controlled chaos, but it was so fun. The energy was so good. But then the phone's ringing and I'm, like, you know, trying to answer the phone and- and the way it was situated was, like, the front desk and the phones or a woman who's coming in to check in or a woman who's leaving, and then there's a person on the phone. Like, that's a trifecta that doesn't work and I was like, "Uh, I don't wanna be that business 'cause customer service is so big for me." And I was like, "I don't wanna be like, 'Excuse me,' like the f- the finger up, like, 'Give me a second.'"
- MRMel Robbins
Right.
- AWAlli Webb
Like, ugh. I hated that. I was like, "We're not doing that." So- but the phone's ringing, which is good 'cause people are trying to n- make appointments and I was like, "Stop answering the phone. We'll let it go to voicemail and we'll call them back." Which is a kinda crazy decision to make when you've just opened a business. We're like, "Oh, we're not gonna answer our fucking phones." But I was like, "We can't answer our phones because what is most important here is- is the women who are in the shop-
- MRMel Robbins
Right.
- AWAlli Webb
... having the experience, giving us their money."
- MRMel Robbins
And wanting to come back.
- AWAlli Webb
And wanting to come back. So I was like, w- uh, "Let it go to voicemail and when... At the end of the night, we will call everybody back." Which was, like, a disaster and such a pain, but was... What was the alternative? So then we realized we had to pull the phones out of the shop and basically started hiring people to answer the phones outside the shops. Like, in the- in the quietness of their living room. And we were like, "Now, we're in, like, we're- we're dealing with this company that h- we have to get the phone business." Like, "We're in the f- call center business now." Which was like, "What are we doing here?" But we had to have people answer the phones outside the shops and then it... As we grew, and there's 150 locations now, it's like, now it became... Now it was like a real call center. So we had hundreds of people on the phone because mind you also, you can book on an app and you can book, like, on your computer, but 50% of the clientele, which is over millions, like, want to call on the phone. Which is like, to me-
- MRMel Robbins
I wanna call.
- AWAlli Webb
I-
- MRMel Robbins
I'm a caller.
- AWAlli Webb
You see, I'm not. I-
- MRMel Robbins
I'm a caller.
- AWAlli Webb
You're not my favorite kind of person in that regard because-
- MRMel Robbins
That's okay.
- AWAlli Webb
... I-
- MRMel Robbins
I'm willing to not be your favorite person.
- AWAlli Webb
I was like, "Please just- just go online."
- MRMel Robbins
I don't want to. It's complicated.
- AWAlli Webb
I know! 'Cause they're like, "I wanna talk and I wanna find out." But- but it was annoying and it was like a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation 'cause you're like, "Hi, I wanna call. And I had that girl last time." And blah, blah, blah. But the girl on the phone doesn't totally know that, which wasn't great, but it was like, again, the alternative. And so anyways, I mean, it was just, like, thing after thing after thing, like, that co- that you just deal with when you're running a business. I mean, we had, like, the first, like, month of Drybar, we were- we were underneath a restaurant and, like, we're doing blowouts, it's super busy, it's popping and I started to see, like, this, like, black goop come through our very white, beautiful tiles.
- MRMel Robbins
Wha- black goop?
- AWAlli Webb
Goop.
- MRMel Robbins
Like, soothing through the thing?
- AWAlli Webb
I didn't know what it was. And I was like, "Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What is that? What is that?" I'm watching it and all of a sudden, Mel, I swear to God, it was like, it started dripping- dripping and then it breaks through the ceiling and it's like this... I don't know what it is!
- MRMel Robbins
Ew!
- AWAlli Webb
It wasn't, it wasn't like that. It was, like, some sort of sewage and, like, some sort of, like, from the-
- MRMel Robbins
Oh, some sort of sewage? That sounds-
- AWAlli Webb
Not sewage. Not s-
- MRMel Robbins
... pretty disgusting and abhorrent.
- AWAlli Webb
Not sewage. It was, like, something from, like, the restaurant. It was, like, food.
- MRMel Robbins
Oh.
- 32:54 – 38:45
Alli’s intuition about her marriage told her it was over.
- AWAlli Webb
like the passion I needed to have in a marriage, but I was like, "I made this decision. I'm gonna stick with it. I, I decided to marry this man. I'm gonna stay in this marriage." And then I think as we started like getting closer to seeing the finish line of Drybar, and like knew we were gonna have a little bit of like time and money to go travel and see the world together, I was like, "I don't think, uh, this is... Mm." You know? And I was, and I also was like, I mean this is very TMI, but I was like, "Uh, maybe I just don't like sex." Like, we just didn't have that kinda relationship, and I knew it wasn't right. I knew it wasn't right deep down and I just couldn't bring myself to do anything about it really until like I did, and I, you know, all of a sudden found myself. And I re- I really go into it in pretty great detail in the book, but I found myself being like, you know, starting to inch towards the path of like having an emotional affair, and I was like, "I don't wanna be that person. I don't wanna do that." And so, you know, w- we, we... The writing was on the wall. Like Cam and I, Cam even like would joke around like, "Once the kids leave, you know, maybe we'll, we'll break up then." And I was like, "Well, I don't know wha- if that's the plan, like let's just do it now," you know? And so...
- MRMel Robbins
How long was it like that for you guys? Because, you know, when my husband and I worked together when my business first started, it nearly was the death of our marriage.
- AWAlli Webb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
No question. Like we, it, all we talked about was either the kids or the business.
- AWAlli Webb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
There was no marriage.
- AWAlli Webb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
And we are very, very good at doing things, and getting through a to-do list.
- AWAlli Webb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
And there was literally no marriage-
- AWAlli Webb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
... in terms of he and I having our own emotional connection.
- AWAlli Webb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
And so we tried it, and it was disastrous.
- AWAlli Webb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
And so I am just curious, like, what was it like for you guys? And how long was it sort of just you guys were business partners and you both knew that that was the one thing, other than your two children, that was keeping this together?
- AWAlli Webb
I mean, we knew the whole time, truly. I don't think it was the business. I can see, makes sense what you're saying. But even, I mean, Cam tried to call the wedding off a month before the wedding.
- MRMel Robbins
Really?
- AWAlli Webb
Mm-hmm. I know.
- MRMel Robbins
What was that like?
- AWAlli Webb
Well, I was like, "Absolutely not. We are getting married. This is, you know, the venue's booked. My parents ............................" Like, it was like, I was like... And, and like I can't, and now the person that I am is like, "Oh my God, of course he was right. We shouldn't have gotten married." I mean, thank God we did. You know, we, we, these, I mean, my boys are just the greatest humans ever, and I, I can't... I mean, gosh, you know? It's like you can't imagine they're your children. And then we built this amazing business, and I, I don't, I really don't regret it, but like we shouldn't have gotten married. I think I was like, "I don't wanna (sighs) I don't wanna like go back to the drawing board. I don't wanna start dating again. I don't wanna be alone again. Like, let's just go." You know? It was like so crazy of me. But I know, I knew we shouldn't have gotten married either, but we were... I really liked him. I loved him. Like we were best friends, and I was like, I think I just thought... You know, again, uh, all my relationships are very personal, but all of my relationships up to that point, after like six months or so, all the, you know, the kind of passion I thought wore off anyways. So I was like-
- MRMel Robbins
So wait, you guys were together, you got married, and after six months you never had sex again?
- AWAlli Webb
We didn't never have sex, but not often.
- MRMel Robbins
Define not often.
- AWAlli Webb
I mean, just...
- MRMel Robbins
Like once a year?
- AWAlli Webb
Not once a year. We did, it just...
- MRMel Robbins
Well, can... I'm just looking for-
- AWAlli Webb
But, well, here's the thing.
- MRMel Robbins
... a baseline for myself, I mean, what?
- 38:45 – 40:56
It’s not unusual for women to feel shame after a divorce.
- AWAlli Webb
lives where we would talk about Marriage Mondays and we would have this thing Fight For Love and it was like... (sighs) I don't know. It's not that I don't believe that it's, was true, and I do, we were, I do really think we were in love. There was just things that made it... And that, that I won't talk about, that are, that were, made it just not possible. The marriage wasn't gonna work. And I jumped into it again. You know? I jumped into this marriage that had some things in it that weren't right for me and had things in it that weren't right for him. But we were, you know, we were just in love and there was so much passion and excitement and for me, which I can obviously only talk about my side of it, is like I was like, "Oh my God. (laughs) I want to have sex with this man all the time. (laughs) This must be love!" You know? And so that was like my guiding light. I didn't pay attention to all the other things that weren't right and didn't line up because I was like, "Oh, this just must be it." And these other things that don't really work, meh, they'll work themselves out. Now I realize like I got, you know, really sideswiped by the, by this like passion and love. It, we just, everything was like amplified, you know? And we got, we rushed into, you know, marriage and... Blending a family is like not easy. I mean, it's rough. (laughs) You know? It just, it comes with a lot of complications of like, you know, navigating a lot. You know, and trying to like, you know, love somebody else's children, have them love yours, and like how does it all fit together and, um... It's funny now in retrospect, like when I think back on it and I think about things I wish I had done differently and things I had, wish I had noticed. And, and him too. I think he would say that like we didn't, we should've paid more attention, closer attention to like what wasn't right for both of us-
- MRMel Robbins
Mm.
- AWAlli Webb
... which we didn't.
- MRMel Robbins
What did you learn from this? Or what do you wish you had done differently that you feel comfortable talking about?
- AWAlli Webb
I wish I had like, uh, what's the word? Um... I was gonna say like, not stood up for myself. Like I- I wish I had more agency. I got so swept away and I think I do this in relationships. Like I get very en- enmeshed.
- 40:56 – 43:13
Have you ever ignored the warning signs in a relationship?
- AWAlli Webb
You know, you know The Runaway Bride, the movie?
- MRMel Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- AWAlli Webb
And you know how like that there's like kind of a famous scene where she's like, "I don't know how I like my eggs. Like I like my eggs the way he likes his eggs." You know? It's like you become so enmeshed in the men that you're with and then you lose yourself. And I'm like, "I really do that." You know? And I n- and now I feel like I, at least I know that and there's like this awareness that next time, next relationship like I'm gonna go in with like, "These are the things that are important to me. These are like the non-negotiables for me." And if they aren't there, historically I'd be like, "It's okay. It'll be okay. We'll figure it out." Like 'cause I'm such a like back to business, I'm such a like jump and then go figure it out. Like I, you know, uh, you- you figure it out as you go. You don't have to have all the answers, which is very true of business. You don't. You know? And I- and I'm not saying you have to have all the answers in a relationship, but you do have to have like the same angles. (laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
Well here, here's the thing I- I would point out. 'Cause first of all, I think it's pretty awesome that you're willing to talk very openly about something that is just unfolding, and that you're willing to reflect on your part in this.
- AWAlli Webb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
And I think the- the- the interesting thing about this is that the difference between a business is that you can jump full force-
- AWAlli Webb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
... into a business and let it be your identity.
- AWAlli Webb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
When you do that in a relationship, it's really hard-
- AWAlli Webb
With humans.
- MRMel Robbins
... to find yourself again.
- AWAlli Webb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
And your okay-ness with exactly who you are and who you're not-
- AWAlli Webb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
... and what you've done and what you haven't and what you've been extraordinary at and what you've really fucked up-
- AWAlli Webb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
... and being okay with all of it.
- AWAlli Webb
Yeah. (laughs) I mean, you know, I've- I've been on the floor the last few months, you know? And it's like, it was such a... Oh my God. Like oh my God.
- MRMel Robbins
Was it worth it?
- AWAlli Webb
Yes.Oh, my gosh. Yes. You know, there's still grief in it, still hurts and-
- MRMel Robbins
Oh, I'm sure. You're not even done with the divorce yet.
- AWAlli Webb
Y- yeah. (laughs) So, but, but I already can feel this like sense of like I'm on, getting to the other side.
- MRMel Robbins
Um. If you had one piece of advice, because a lot of people jump from a relationship or a marriage right into another one.
- AWAlli Webb
Mm-hmm.
- 43:13 – 45:04
Alli’s advice for someone moving toward marriage.
- AWAlli Webb
(laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
Having crashed and burned-
- AWAlli Webb
(laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
... if you had one piece of advice that you learned the hard way, to anyone jumping into a relationship, particularly where the new partner has kids-
- AWAlli Webb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
... what's one piece of advice that you learned that you would do totally differently? Or you'd caution somebody, "Don't ever do this."
- AWAlli Webb
(sighs) I, I think it's like take a step back and, and this is like advice I'm giving myself, is like don't be in, don't be so afraid to be alone that you're gonna just end up in a relationship that isn't quite the right relationship for you, and don't rush into it. I mean, I've rushed into every, I've rushed into every single thing ever in my life, you know? And I think, you know, I know this won't sound like much to you, but having been like single for almost five months now is a long time for me. Like I have not been single for that long in a, since I was like 26 years old really.
- MRMel Robbins
Does single mean like alone or single mean just like not dating?
- AWAlli Webb
Like not dating. You know? And, and I'm inching towards that, because I, uh, you know, and, but I'm doing it really cautiously now, where I'm like I'm gonna move slow.
- MRMel Robbins
Why do you need to be in a relationship?
- AWAlli Webb
I think-
- MRMel Robbins
I mean, you are, you are months out of and not even done with the divorce. You have gajillions of dollars.
- AWAlli Webb
(laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
You have a propensity to jump into something because it's passionate. There is nothing more addictive than hot sex with a new person.
- AWAlli Webb
(laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
Uh-huh.
- AWAlli Webb
(laughs) But, I mean-
- MRMel Robbins
If I, if I were your therapist, which I am not, I, if I, if I could wave a magic wand, I'd be like, "Allie Webb shall never get married again."
- AWAlli Webb
Well, that's probably true. I don't think I'll ever get married again.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes. And I'm like, "Why the fuck do you need a boyfriend right now?
- 45:04 – 48:24
My tough love girlfriend advice for Alli.
- MRMel Robbins
Get a vibrator-"
- AWAlli Webb
(laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
"... and get your shit together."
- AWAlli Webb
I mean, listen-
- MRMel Robbins
Like literally, dude, you are a successful-
- AWAlli Webb
Uh.
- MRMel Robbins
... badass-
- AWAlli Webb
(laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
... businesswoman who does not need a fucking guy.
- AWAlli Webb
I'm not saying. I'm not saying I need a boyfriend right now.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes, you do. Yes, you do. It, this tells me if you are starting to inch toward, and I'm getting h- heated, because I, I, uh, you should not be dating people. You cannot trust yourself. And you do not need to be in a relationship. And now I'm talking to you like a girlfriend-
- AWAlli Webb
(laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
... who literally keeps doing the same shit over and over again.
- AWAlli Webb
I hear you. And I, you know, and I don't know. I mean, listen, I hear you. I don't know-
- MRMel Robbins
Don't be fucking calling me when you are like, "I did it again."
- AWAlli Webb
(laughs) I, I, trust me, I am not jumping back into a relationship. I'm just-
- MRMel Robbins
I don't believe you.
- AWAlli Webb
I, I'm, I'm not. There's no relationship on the table. There's nothing to speak of right now, true.
- MRMel Robbins
But you're having sex with people?
- AWAlli Webb
No, I haven't had sex with anybody.
- MRMel Robbins
Okay.
- AWAlli Webb
Swear to God.
- MRMel Robbins
Okay. Okay. I'm, I'm only looking out for-
- AWAlli Webb
I haven't even, I haven't even gone on a date with anybody.
- MRMel Robbins
Okay, good. You said you were inching toward it.
- AWAlli Webb
I was starting to talk to people.
- MRMel Robbins
Don't talk to people. You're not ready.
- AWAlli Webb
I, well-
- MRMel Robbins
You're not on the market.
- AWAlli Webb
(laughs)
- 48:24 – 50:56
I want to applaud Alli for having the courage to show up today.
- AWAlli Webb
- MRMel Robbins
And I thought it was... a very brave thing to do-
- AWAlli Webb
Hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
... to reach out in a moment like that to somebody that you hadn't met and that doesn't know the story or anything, and just ask for advice.
- AWAlli Webb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
And I just was curious about that moment for you.
- AWAlli Webb
(sighs) I had watched a lot of your stuff and I...I felt like, um, I don't know. You know? I- I get these, like, hits of, like, intuition, I guess-
- MRMel Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- AWAlli Webb
... where I'm like, "I think..." I just have a feeling based on a lot of the things that I've seen that you post, that you talk about, like I feel like Mel would have some really... And you did, you had such fucking good advice. You know, it was like a drawbridge reference that you-
- MRMel Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- AWAlli Webb
... you and I, and it stuck with me. And I just n- I just instinctively knew, I had a feeling you would just, you would respond because you were really kind online and you just seem really kind in real life. If you didn't respond, like, okay, no problem. And you, you were really gracious and responded to me and- and had, you know, became a friend and really helpful and... And by the way, that is a big piece of advice I give to people in the, in the business realm of like, it, y- the worst they can say is no or they don't respond.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- AWAlli Webb
No one's gonna die. You know? And so, that's kind of I think how I approached that, of like, "Let me just see. I bet, I bet she's got some really great advice." And you did.
- MRMel Robbins
Well, I think sometimes it's easier to talk to people who aren't involved.
- AWAlli Webb
That's true.
- MRMel Robbins
You know?
- AWAlli Webb
That's- that's true.
- MRMel Robbins
'Cause you don't feel the judgment-
- AWAlli Webb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
... and you don't feel like you have to manage how I'm gonna feel about it.
- AWAlli Webb
That's true.
- MRMel Robbins
Well, I like the fact that you showed up here.
- AWAlli Webb
(laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
That you were willing to talk about the messy stuff.
- AWAlli Webb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
And it's also a cautionary tale about how it's easy to lose yourself.
- AWAlli Webb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
And I'm really, really proud of you-
- AWAlli Webb
Thank you.
- MRMel Robbins
... for the work that you're doing.
- 50:56 – 52:33
And here’s why I want to applaud you.
- MRMel Robbins
was willing to talk about something that she's actually processing right now, and this was the first place that she was talking about it publicly because she trusts me and she trusts you. And so, a huge shout-out to Allie Webb for going there for us, and a huge shout-out for you. And I'm always here to remind you twice a week that I love you and I believe in you and I believe in your ability to find something that really lights you up, to lean into it, and go make it happen. (instrumental music plays) Alrighty, I'll talk to you in a few days. (beep) Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. So, at the very... Okay, that's our shitty first draft. Here we go. (laughs) Remember you gotta (groans) , okay. (beep) In order to get started on some big idea that you may have or some itch that you're looking to scratch. All right, let me start all over. Here we go again. Um... (beep) Uh, whatever that itch is, scratch it. Whatever that idea is, don't pooh-pooh it, lean toward it. And m- don't... Are you laughing at my pooh-pooh? (laughs) (beep) Lots of farts today. Scratching, itching, pooping. Somebody get the Preparation H. (beep) Well, it's someone's life story where... Oh, no. I, I had it really good. It was like... What did I say? (beep) All right, let me do one more to see if I can get it tighter. (beep) (farts) Okay, good enough. (instrumental music plays) YouTube, thanks for being here, and if you love this, which I know you did, you wanna check out the Jamie Kern Lima interview that we did, How to Find Your Purpose and Pursue Your Dreams. Boom.
Episode duration: 52:33
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