The #1 Neuroscientist: After Listening to This, Your Brain Will Not Be the Same

Mel Robbins 0:00 Through manifesting, you're about to teach us how to rewire our brain and train it toward abundance?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 0:06 Things like manifestation, visualization, affirmations, these are all things that prime the brain more towards thriving than just surviving. Let me put it like this, if you and I both wanted to learn Spanish-

Mel Robbins 0:19 Yes.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 0:20 ... and you wanted to learn it because you were planning a vacation to Mexico-

Mel Robbins 0:24 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 0:24 ... but I wanted to learn it because I had a Spanish boyfriend, who do you think is likely to learn it more or better?

Mel Robbins 0:31 You.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 0:32 Yeah. Our listeners' brains are actually going to be different at the end of this podcast than they are right now.

Mel Robbins 0:41 I am so fired up that you're here with me. This conversation is so exciting because by the time you're done listening and learning from our guest today, your brain is not gonna be the same. You're gonna learn today how to use science to rewire your brain so that it can help you get what you want. This is so fricking cool. And before I introduce you to today's remarkable expert and we jump into the conversation, I have something really exciting that I wanna share with you. As a thank you to you for helping make this podcast one of the most popular podcasts in the entire world, I created something incredible for you, and I cannot wait for you to get your hands on this thing that I've created. It's a free gift, you can access it in less than one minute. All you gotta do is go to melrobbins.com/makeithappen. What is it? Oh, you're gonna love it. It is a two-part video training. It's almost two hours long. It's brand new, it's backed by research, I created it, and I teach it. And check this out, this two-part video training, it comes with a free 25-page workbook. I'm holding this sucker right now. If you could see me on YouTube, you would see this gorgeous green workbook, 25 pages, based in science. The training is called Make It Happen, and you can access it at melrobbins.com/makeithappen. Now, this free two-part training teaches you how to take confident, consistent, and inspired action. And that's important because when you start taking confident, consistent, and inspired action, you tap into the power that is inside you to create a better life. And I know you learn a lot listening to this podcast every Monday and every Thursday, and I love that, and I love how it inspires and empowers you. And I wanna remind you though, I don't want you to just listen, I want you to apply what you're learning. I want you to act, because nothing in your life is gonna change unless you start doing something different. And it would be a real honor to spend almost two hours teaching you how to master execution. Just consider this zero cost training my thank you. Thank you for spending time with me, thank you for spending time investing in yourself by listening to this podcast, and thank you for supporting the work that I'm doing. Just go to melrobbins.com/makeithappen, super easy to get your access to this, and it's gonna help you go even deeper into everything that you're gonna learn today on the podcast. So let's talk about the conversation we're gonna have today, because world-renowned Dr. Tara Swart Bieber is in the house. Dr. Tara is a medical doctor, neuroscientist, psychiatrist, and senior lecturer at MIT Sloan School of Management, and she runs the Neuroscience for Business online program for MIT. She's also a best-selling author of the book The Source and the host of the podcast Reinvent Yourself with Dr. Tara. I love her because she's a scientist who used to be a skeptic when it comes to things like intuition and manifestation, but today, she's here to teach you that, yes, you can change your brain. You can become the person that you wanna become, you can train your brain to help you spot opportunities, you can learn how to make your thinking more positive, you can learn how to lead a company, you can become more agile and happy and successful in life. And Dr. Tara is here to give you the very tactical things that you can start doing immediately based on the best research in the world. We're gonna cover how to change your brain in three different ways, you'll learn the real science behind manifestation and the neuroscience that explains intuition. Are you ready? I know I am. Please help me welcome Dr. Tara Swart Bieber to The Mel Robbins Podcast.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 4:30 Oh, Mel, it's so amazing to finally be here in person with you. I've been looking forward to this for so long.

Mel Robbins 4:35 Well, thank you so much for jumping on a plane-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 4:39 (laughs) .

Mel Robbins 4:39 ... and flying all the way from London and spending time with us in person. I am so excited. And I, I guess I wanna start by having you speak directly to the person who is listening-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 4:50 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 4:51 ... to us right now. Could you share with them how their brain or their life might change based on what you are about to teach them today?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 5:01 Yeah. So one of the things we're going to be speaking about is neuroplasticity, which is the fact that the brain can grow and change throughout life, unlike the fact that we used to think that by the time you physically stop growing around the age of 18 that your brain is fixed, that your personality is fixed, your IQ is fixed. We now know that those things are very fluid, um, depending on what you do. But I want to bring that down to the here and now just to make it feel really real, which is that by the end of our conversation, because the brain is being molded and shaped constantly by what you're listening to, who you're meeting, what you're recalling in your memory, the emotions that you're feeling, our listeners' brains are actually going to be different at the end of this podcast than they are right now.

Mel Robbins 5:47 How does that happen?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 5:49 Well, so neuroplasticity means that the brain is taking in information through the five senses, so everything we see, hear, smell, taste, touch, and kind of in real time thinking, "How do I need to be to, like, survive in this world?"

Mel Robbins 6:04 Mm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 6:04 It usually comes down to survival. And what I think I'd love to do today is help people move from...... the brain reacting for basic survival to what else can you make your brain do to thrive in this world.

Mel Robbins 6:17 I know we're gonna go deep on

Mel Robbins 6:18 this, but can you just, at a high level, tick off a couple things that you can train your brain to do that you might not know that you can train your brain to do?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 6:28 Yeah. So things like manifestation, visualization, looking at vision boards, which I actually call action boards, but we'll come to that, um, affirmations, these are all things that prime the brain more towards thriving than just surviving. Because if you leave your brain to its own devices, all it wants you to do is live long enough to r- reproduce. So, what's it gonna do to make that happen? Make sure you put food on the table. That means pretty much that you need to turn up to your job daily and not get fired. So you need to keep a good relationship with your boss. You need to keep a good relationship with the person that you'll potentially reproduce with. That's not enough for most people. We want more than that out of life. So, if your brain's taking care of that anyway, what do you want to put front of mind to make your brain look out for opportunities for the things that you dream of, that you really, really want with what I call magnetic desire?

Mel Robbins 7:21 Magnetic desire?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 7:24 (laughs)

Mel Robbins 7:24 How do you define magnetic desire?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 7:27 Well, the way that neuroplasticity

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 7:28 works in the brain is through repetition and emotional intensity.

Mel Robbins 7:32 Hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 7:33 So, let me take it back to the survival things we were just speaking about. If you think, you know, "I want to get married and have a family 'cause that's what all my friends are doing," there may not be a huge emotional intensity behind that. That may be more to do with societal, parental, peer group expectation. If when you were a kid, you dreamt of being an actor-

Mel Robbins 7:55 Yep.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 7:56 ... then if you actually try to start doing that, even if it's hard, that was your dream. That was what you feel you were put on this Earth to do. You will endure barriers and obstacles and refusals and difficulty and keep going. Whereas for other things, you might not. You know, we all, we know the idea of giving up just before you dig up the gold, right? If you've got magnetic desire, you won't give up. That's where the motivation piece comes in. And all of these are the science behind what contributes to manifesting what you want.

Mel Robbins 8:32 So, let's talk about manifesting. Have you always believed in manifesting?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 8:38 So looking back, I actually think I did it as a kid naturally. And it's so chicken and egg for me whether I got drawn to neuroscience and manifestation because that was innate in me from a child, or whether I now live my life in that way because I've done so much research on it. I, I honestly don't know the answer to that. The more I do the research, the more I consciously bring these things into my life. I look back and think, "That's what I was like as a kid. That's what I was interested in as a kid." But I would say that once I studied the sciences in high school and then went to medical school, you know, it works slightly differently in the UK, um, and did my PhD in neuroscience, and certainly by the time I got my faculty position at MIT, I was a complete skeptic about manifestation. Those two things could not exist in the same world as far as I was concerned. And that's partly down to how I had to live my ch- life as a child, because my parents were first generation immigrants from India to the UK. And I went to school in London, and I just wanted to be like all my friends and do the same things as them. But I would come home, my mother would be in a headstand and there would be incense in the house.

Mel Robbins 9:49 (laughs)

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 9:50 (laughs) Um, and you know, there was meditation and chanting and things like that. So I thought, "Okay, that happens at home, this happens at school." And I learnt very well to separate those things. So then I became a medical doctor specializing in psychiatry. And you know, you were diagnosing people with magical thinking and delusions and hallucinations. So you couldn't really say, "Oh, but I believe in manifestation." You know? Um, so again, I had to keep those things really separate. And it wasn't really until I started doing my research to write The Source that I realized how together these things could be.

Mel Robbins 10:25 Was there a moment

Mel Robbins 10:27 where you remember going, "Oh my gosh, this is real"?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 10:33 Yeah. There were a few, 'cause I think these things sort of build up, don't they? So, um, I was, in 2017, I was the world's first neuroscientist in residence at a five star hotel in London. So I was already doing quirky things with my career.

Mel Robbins 10:48 (laughs)

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 10:49 (laughs) And, um, because it was unusual, there was a lot of press, and I was approached by Penguin Random House to write a book. And they said, "We've had really amazing books on, you know, one on meditation, one on diet, one on sleep, one on exercise, and we think as a neuroscientist, you could bring all of those together." And without thinking, I said, "I could do that, but I've got an idea about the cognitive science behind manifestation and vision boards." Um, and they just said yes straight away. So, I think their response made me think that could be a thing, but I wasn't convinced myself. So, before I started writing, I went on a summer vacation with my laptop, which is unusual for me, and I just started looking into the laws of attraction and trying to figure out, is there a cognitive science that can explain these things?

Mel Robbins 11:39 And for somebody listening who does not know what the law of attraction or manifestation is, could you give us your definition?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 11:45 Mm-hmm. They're basically all about the fact that if there's something that you really want in life, then if you think positively about it, or you believe in certain vibrations of attraction in the universe, then you can bring that thing into your life. And manifestation is bringing into reality something that you want.... but until I started looking into the cognitive science behind it, all the explanations so far had been to do with quantum physics. And for me, as an empirical scientist, that wasn't enough for me to believe in those things and equally, I- I felt very disempowered by the fact that it was happening because of something outside of me.

Mel Robbins 12:33 Hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 12:34 I wanted to feel like it was happening because of my brain power and that I had some autonomy over it.

Mel Robbins 12:38 And do you believe, based on the research that you've done, that you attract things into your life because of your brain power?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 12:45 I believe it 100%. When the book came out, people that I knew personally who were not scientists at all said, "I've always been interested in this, but I've never actually acted upon it because I couldn't understand how it worked. But now that you've explained the science, I'm actually doing the steps that, you know, I've heard of before actually, but that you've repeated in your book." So, the writing process did bring it together for me quite a lot, but it was actually the r- the response from other people. So, it started with people I knew and then it started on social media just being thousands of people that I will probably never meet in my life, saying, "Because you've put the science to it, it's completely changed my view of- of these topics."

Mel Robbins 13:29 So, what are the steps to manifesting based on the research, so you attract what you want in life?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 13:35 So, it starts with abundance. Now, in the brain, we have... The strongest gearing that we have in our brain is called loss aversion or loss avoidance, and that was the survival mechanism from when we lived in the cave, which was that if you saw, you know, a juicy apple on a tree and you really wanted it, but you ignored the fact that there was a saber-toothed tiger standing next to you, you would die. So, we had to want to avoid loss more than we wanted to get reward.

Mel Robbins 14:06 Hmm. So you've got to avoid the tiger more than wanting the apple.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 14:09 Exactly.

Mel Robbins 14:10 A- And so we're wired toward, as you mentioned earlier, survival.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 14:15 Absolutely.

Mel Robbins 14:15 And through manifesting, you're about to teach us how to rewire our brain and train it toward abundance?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 14:23 Yeah. So-

Mel Robbins 14:23 And thriving?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 14:23 (laughs) We- I- I'm not going to completely wire it the other way-

Mel Robbins 14:27 Okay.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 14:27 ... because th- we still need to be safe.

Mel Robbins 14:29 Yes.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 14:29 Even in the modern world where the threats aren't so much physical predators, there are psychological threats to our safety, like job loss, relationship loss-

Mel Robbins 14:37 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 14:37 ... etc. Um, but it doesn't serve us to be that strongly geared to loss avoidance. So, what we want to do is balance that out a bit more, or in a safe situation, understand that we absolutely can take healthy risks and, you know, believe that there's enough for everyone and- and not kind of live from that scarcity mindset. So, that's the- the first piece. The second piece is magnetic desire, which we've already somewhat discussed, but once you're feeling abundant, then if you can be really aligned in your head, your heart, and your gut about what it is that you want, um, then that, you know, that desire, that motivation will keep you going and, you know, help you get the things that you want that you might have given up on. Um, so there is an element of patience required because this process of neuroplasticity involves neurons wiring together to form new strong pathways that are stronger than the pathways that you had before. And so that means that it feels like a lot of hard work is going on, psychological work is physical work going on in the, you know, pathways in your brain, but that nothing's changing in the real world. And there's a real tipping point where there's enough neurons in a pathway that certain new habits and behaviors or, you know, being patient becomes easier, and it kinda feels like nothing, nothing, nothing, and then suddenly, oh, you know, things are happening, things are changing, I'm getting the things that I want. Um, so, if you put those three behind manifestation, then that is about priming your brain to notice and grasp opportunities in the real world that can bring you closer to the things that you want. It's exactly the same process as if you buy a new car, you suddenly notice that car all over... You know? It's the same. So it's- it's a brain priming process.

Mel Robbins 16:28 Oh, well, that makes sense. It's why you suddenly see Jeeps everywhere when you are looking at buying a Jeep. Can you explain the kind of n- neuroscientific, I don't even know what the right word is-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 16:40 Hmm.

Mel Robbins 16:40 What is the scientific explanation for why you see cars when you're interested in buying a car?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 16:47 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 16:47 Or how the new neuropathways are changing your brain in real time?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 16:51 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 16:51 What is actually happening when you tap into magnetic desire?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 16:56 So basically, we're overloaded with information constantly.

Mel Robbins 16:59 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 17:00 And the brain has a natural filtering mechanism called selective filtering. And this relates back to what I was saying about if you leave your brain to its job of just, you know, making sure you survive, it will filter out all those other things that you actually really want, but th- they're not essential to your survival. So, that's why you have to make a list, or make the vision board, or, you know, remind yourself every day of what it is that you truly, you know, magnetically desire, to put that to the top of the list for your brain. Because after selective filtering, it does selective attention, and that is noticing the red car, or the Tesla, or whatever it is that, you know, you're noticing. Um, so once you've filtered out the things that you don't want to notice, then you, you know, you narrow it down to the things that you do want to notice, and then the third part is called value tagging, which is the brain actually tags those things in order of importance.

Mel Robbins 17:55 Hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 17:55 And it does that in two lists. So it does it in a logical list, and it does it in an emotional list, and that's where the magnetic desire is important. That's where you say, "No, brain, I don't want it in that logical order. I want it in this order. This is what is really important to me. This is what makes me feel alive. This is what makes me..."... like, understand that I have a purpose for my life. And it's not just put food on the table, stay in your job, stay in your relationship. It's so much more than that. So, a classic example is, I really want to find a partner and settle down and get pregnant.

Mel Robbins 18:29 Yes. How could you go through the steps of manifestation to help you achieve that?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 18:35 I would explain the process of manifestation that's underpinned by neuroplasticity, which is a four-step process. Raise your awareness-

Mel Robbins 18:45 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 18:45 ... focus your attention, do deliberate practice, and hold yourself accountable. And it starts with raised awareness. I always say that's 50% of the battle 'cause sometimes we don't really know why we're not doing the things we know we should be doing, or why we're, potentially we're self-sabotaging those behaviors.

Mel Robbins 19:05 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 19:05 But instead of taking the supplements that would set my body up for good fertility, I'm going out partying 'cause that's the way I think I'll meet a new partner. Um, so, the awareness piece comes very much from journaling, or s- not so much speaking with friends sometimes (laughs) because if they're on, you know, in the same place, or everyone has an agenda for, you know, your single friends might want you to stay single, that kind of thing. Um, but you know, maybe talking to a therapist or a coach, um, or doing some proper soul-searching and trying to understand why you- you're not doing the things that y- you could be doing, why some of the things that, you know, you're doing really easily, why are they so easy, how do they fit into your lifestyle so well? And, and really what it is that you actually want. Do you actually want to settle down and have a family or... Fine, you know, i- if you actually wanna be out partying, fine, just say that, and do it, you know, and be aligned, and, and don't kind of do the thing that you want but pretend that you want something else. So it's all about that.

Mel Robbins 20:05 So, so that's step one. So step one, and let's just stay with your example-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 20:08 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 20:08 ... somebody who is single-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 20:09 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 20:10 ... who really wants to meet a life partner-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 20:11 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 20:12 ... and be in a committed relationship and start a family.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 20:15 Mm-hmm. Mm.

Mel Robbins 20:16 That the first step is for you to take the time to get very clear with yourself-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 20:22 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 20:22 ... about what you want and why.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 20:24 And a wonderful exercise for that is to place your hands on your forehead-

Mel Robbins 20:29 'Kay.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 20:29 ... and ask yourself logically, "Is this what I really want and why?"

Mel Robbins 20:33 'Kay.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 20:33 And then write that down. And then take five deep breaths, and put your hands on your heart, and ask yourself emotionally, "Why do I really want this?" And then write down the answers. Another five deep breaths and then hands on your belly. Intuitively, "Do I really want this?" And again, write the answers down. And, you know, if they're all aligned, happy days (laughs) . And if they're not, we might have a little bit of rethinking to do. When I've done this with clients, one of the things that's come up is, "I really, really want a baby, but actually, I don't really need a partner to get there."

Mel Robbins 21:08 Hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 21:09 So, you know, that could, that could change the, "I need to meet someone and be in a loving relationship and have a baby-"

Mel Robbins 21:15 Yeah.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 21:15 "... could just be, 'Actually what I've always really wanted as a child, I'm getting to a certain age where waiting to have a partner be part of that might mean that I don't end up with what I really want.'"

Mel Robbins 21:26 Got it.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 21:26 So, you know, a- that's the most important step.

Mel Robbins 21:29 Okay, so let's say you've gone through step one, and your, your mind, your heart, and your kind of gut-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 21:36 Hmm.

Mel Robbins 21:36 ... your soul, your intuition is all aligned.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 21:38 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 21:39 "Yes, I want this."

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 21:40 The second step is focused attention. So that is at least a month of just noticing what you're doing, what you're not doing, in regards to moving in that direction.

Mel Robbins 21:50 What are you noticing?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 21:52 Um, you know, depending on what your goal is. It might be yourself, it might be your interaction with others, it might be feedback from others. But it's kind of a data collection period because what we, what won't work very well in, in, uh, manifestation underpinned by neuroplasticity is just jumping into doing without being first.

Mel Robbins 22:11 Mm. 'Kay.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 22:12 So, you know, raising that awareness might have brought up things that you've never n- consciously known in the past, so you can't suddenly then say, "Okay, I'm like on all the dating apps." You need to look b- you know, sit back and, and see, "What is it, are there patterns of behavior that I'm doing that are leading to a bad

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 22:28 result? Um, is there something that's holding me back from taking the first step that I really need to take?" So, taking, you know, and longer than a month if you need to get to the point where you feel like, "I have enough data about myself that when I act now, I'll be able to give myself really good feedback." So the third part is deliberate practice, and that is doing the things that you know you need to do to bring the goal into your life. So whether that's taking certain supplements, whether that's going to sleep earlier than you usually do, whether it's being more socially active than you used to be, and then practicing. A- and that's an experimental phase, you might still make mistakes in that phase, but course-correcting as you go on.

Mel Robbins 23:11 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 23:11 Because at this third stage, this is where people could give up.

Mel Robbins 23:14 Yes.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 23:15 And so the fourth s- part isn't really a stage, it's something, uh, like a theme or an umbrella over all of this, which is accountability. So how are you going to hold yourself accountable that you will actually see this through? Now, the easiest way to do that is with an external party like a, a coach or a therapist. But ways to do that yourself are, um, by recording it in your journal and reading back over your journal, and you know, continually reinforcing, "Why I did this, why I didn't do it, what happened when it went wrong." I use an app called HabitShare, 'cause what I learnt for myself, and this won't be for everyone but, um, it's quite a good one for a lot of people, is that it's easier to build up micro-habits than to start the year, or, you know, your birthday or whatever it is, with one big, "This year I am gonna meet the person that I'm gonna get married to," and like (laughs) you know, um... So I set out 12 micro-habits at the beginning of the year, and I pick three to focus on for the first quarter of the year.

Mel Robbins 24:13 Okay.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 24:14 And I track them on this app-... until they become, like, so habitual that I don't need them on the app anymore, and then I move to the next three. When I've done that, instead of si- instead of setting big goals at the start of the year, I've come to the end of the year and found that I have 10 habits that I- I'm no longer even conscious of that I'm doing all the time, that are leading me towards that bigger goal or those bigger goals that I really want.

Mel Robbins 24:39 Why are there only 10 if you start with 12?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 24:42 Well, they don't all stick. You know, I find that kind of along the way, I just didn't actually make one or two of them into a habit. It's still a bit of a struggle. And I either decide that I'm gonna drop it or I'll- I'll carry it on into next year.

Mel Robbins 24:55 How would you recommend you kind of like make microHabits or where would you start? 'Cause I know we're gonna get flooded with questions about this.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 25:02 So I'm gonna talk really directly to you like I would as if you were my client.

Mel Robbins 25:06 Great.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 25:06 Which is that the habit that you're working on is not the other person in the relationship, it's yourself. So, if the goal is a partnership with someone else, the habits are all around your self-worth, your deserving-ness, what you have to offer in a relationship, what boundaries you will have about somebody treating you in a certain way, um, and I'm sure a lot more, but those are the first ones, you know, that come to mind. So, for example, a lot of people cast a list of what they want in a partner.

Mel Robbins 25:41 Mm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 25:42 And there's two things around that. One is, make a list of what you have to offer in a relationship, compare it to the list of what you want in a partner, and where all the gaps are, make those your microHabits.

Mel Robbins 25:57 Okay. We gotta stop right here and highlight, because (laughs) we've all been in that situation where we have a friend and we keep seeing this person that we love dating people that we do not believe are up to their level.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 26:13 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 26:13 And you do make the list of what you want in somebody else. I've never made a list of what I have to offer.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 26:21 No, no, neither had I till someone told me about that (laughs) .

Mel Robbins 26:25 And it doesn't even occur to me-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 26:27 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 26:27 ... that I would make a list about-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 26:29 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 26:29 ... what I have to offer.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 26:30 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 26:30 How does just making the list of what you have to offer change the way you view yourself?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 26:36 Mm-hmm. So, so, there's two things. One is it might highlight gaps between what you think, you know, what you want. But if you're not there, why would that person want you? So if you've got self-work to do, let's start with that. You know, that's why I said I will speak to you really directly-

Mel Robbins 26:52 Yes.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 26:52 ... like I would to a client, which is that we need to start here if you wanna- if you want to get there. The other one is that the focus can be so outward and external that you actually are, you know, not always aware of how much you have to offer. And that's why when, unfortunately, in this day and age, the sort of behaviors that I'm hearing about on the dating apps, you could succumb to those.

Mel Robbins 27:16 Mm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 27:17 But if you have a very strong idea of what you have to offer, you're more likely to say no to bad behavior, right?

Mel Robbins 27:24 Yes. It's true.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 27:25 Mm.

Mel Robbins 27:26 I- I- I just think about this from my own life, that in periods of my life where I was, uh, in distress, or disassociated, or in peak toxic Mel mode in the past-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 27:39 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 27:39 ... college and law school come to mind.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 27:40 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 27:41 Um, I had no clue what I had to offer.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 27:44 Mm.

Mel Robbins 27:45 Which is why I kept finding myself engaged in toxic behavior patterns-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 27:51 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 27:51 ... and with people that I was perpetuating them with. And so, it makes a lot of sense that if you're not even aware of what your value is-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 28:00 Mm.

Mel Robbins 28:01 ... w- how could you possibly attract something that's of a higher value?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 28:05 Or equal value.

Mel Robbins 28:06 Or equal value.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 28:07 You know, one of the things you- you speak about, Mel, is, um, the fact that we love our friends and family and children and pets more than we, you know, show that same care to ourselves. And so, you know, if a habit that you have with your partner is writing them a little Post-it note of ten things I love about you-

Mel Robbins 28:28 Mm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 28:28 ... well, obviously, i- if you're in partnership and they're doing back- that back to you, that's great. But if you're single, write down ten things that you love about yourself, or say to a friend, "I'm gonna send you a list of ten things I love about you. Could you please send me a list so I can see how I'm viewed, you know, by another person that I know cares for me?" Um, so obviously there are affirmations, but you can also bring your tribe into, you know, saying, "Don't forget, this is what you have to offer. This is how lucky someone's going to be to get you." And I don't think we do that enough either.

Mel Robbins 28:59 I- I'm just stopping to think about this, 'cause it's kinda sad-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 29:04 Mm.

Mel Robbins 29:04 ... that we don't do this. And how common is it that you're working with somebody in your practice and you ask them to make the list of ten things and they can't do it?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 29:13 I feel like we all have some kind of like angel inside us, and if you start, you'll be surprised that things will come out, and that is such a good feeling. Um, and they, you know, they can be really tiny things. Um, and they can be

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 29:28 physical attributes or they can be like your kindness and your creativity, but they can also be like your vulnerability, or, um, you know, the fact that you maybe like didn't used to be good at asking for help but that's something that you've learned to do. You know, there's so many things it can be. Um, so yeah. I would- I would love to think that people would go and do it, and I would love to think that people would be pleasantly surprised. And if not, then reach out to your tribe, because I'm sure, you know, you'll get inundated with- with things that people could say about you.

Mel Robbins 30:01 So, whether you're gonna use manifesting to look for a job, or look for a committed partnership-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 30:08 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 30:09 ... or to, I guess I shouldn't even say look for. Whether you're gonna use manifesting-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 30:13 To manifest (laughs) .

Mel Robbins 30:14 ... to land a job-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 30:14 Yeah (laughs) .

Mel Robbins 30:14 ... or to land funding-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 30:16 Love that.

Mel Robbins 30:16 ... or to, uh, fall in love and be in a committed partnership, or to achieve a health goal.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 30:23 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 30:23 Step one is the...... self-awareness that comes from you doing the work to get very clear about what you want, and you gave us that beautiful meditation of going from your head to your heart to your-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 30:37 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 30:37 ... gut-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 30:38 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 30:38 ... and asking yourself if you really want this.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 30:40 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 30:41 And you say we should saturate ourselves in the self-awareness of it, right?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 30:46 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 30:46 By journaling and talking to a therapist or a coach or a friend that you trust about it.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 30:51 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 30:52 And then the second one was noticing yourself.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 30:55 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 30:56 Are you acting consistently? What is happening? What's appearing around you? The third one is take actions that are consistent with somebody.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 31:03 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 31:04 Who is landing their dream job-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 31:06 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 31:06 ... or who is attracting a committed relationship-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 31:09 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 31:09 ... or a, becoming a parent. And then the fourth is patience. Is that... Did I get it?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 31:16 The fourth is accountability.

Mel Robbins 31:17 Accountability, that's right.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 31:18 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 31:18 I don't want that one. That's why I forgot it.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 31:20 (laughs)

Mel Robbins 31:21 (laughs) I wanted to just have it like magic. So accountability meaning what?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 31:26 Accountability meaning that you don't give up, that you are still doing the cons- consistent behaviors that you need to bring the thing you want into your life. Um, and that either, you know, you find a way of doing that yourself with technology or you're journaling or an external party you know that they'll be asking you in a month's time, "Did you go on the number of dates that you said you would or did you, like, send your resume out, you know, to as many places as you said you would?" And, and you know with... I- in my work I always say, "If not, why not?" Tha- if, if you didn't, there's a learning opportunity there, but if you did, great, what else can we do in the next month kind of thing.

Mel Robbins 32:03 I love this topic so much. Dr. Tara, I could just keep on going on and on and on, but I wanna take a quick pause, hear a word from our sponsors. We have so much more to cover, don't you dare go anywhere because when we come back, we're digging deeper into manifestation, and of course, you're gonna learn the mistake that you're making. It has to do with vision boards and using glue. All of that and so much more coming up when we return. Stay with us. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and you know I've been thinking, it's time that you and I take our relationship to the next level, that we get off social media and do something a little bit more serious together. I have this gift that I've been wanting to get you, maybe a little forward, but whatever, I'm gonna shoot my shot. I have created a brand new free two-part training called Make It Happen just for you. It is a video training, it's got two different lectures in it, it is so freaking cool. I made this for you because I want you to stop wasting so much time on social media. I want you to stop thinking about what you wanna do, and I wanna support you in taking action and making something amazing happen. The next six months of your life could be extraordinary, but it's not gonna happen by accident. It'll happen because you decide to make it happen. And because I wanna take our relationship to the next level, I thought I'd invite you to jump in this training. Just go to melrobbins.com/makeithappen to get this free gift from me, and let's take our relationship and your life to the next level. Welcome back. I'm Mel Robbins. I'm thrilled that you're here today. We're learning all about the science of manifestation and intuition and how to wire your brain to thrive and be more successful with neuroscientist Dr. Tara Swart Bieber. So what are the three ways that this changes your brain or you can change your brain?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 33:45 So the three mechanisms for neuroplasticity are myelination, synaptic connection, and neurogenesis. Now myelination, people who do sort of like repeated weight training will be quite familiar with that. It's... Myelin is a fatty substance that coats some neural pathways, making them fast conducting pathways. And there's a reason that we have fast conducting pathways and slow conducting pathways. So f- for instance, if there was a fire on the table here between us and you put your hand into the fire, your reflex to physically snatch your hand out of the fire is a fast pathway-

Mel Robbins 34:22 Mm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 34:22 ... for obvious reasons so you don't burn, but your pain pathways are slow pathways because if you became so incapacitated by the pain of the fire that you couldn't move, you wouldn't

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 34:34 survive.

Mel Robbins 34:35 Oh.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 34:35 And that works for many different types of pathways as well.

Mel Robbins 34:38 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 34:38 So... But to make a pathway more efficient, we want it to be myelinated. So if we're working on a manifestation, obviously we want the pathways for the behavior that will lead us to that goal to be more efficient. So just basically repetitive practice leads to more myelination of pathways.

Mel Robbins 34:56 Okay.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 34:57 So that's relatively easy to do. The middle one in terms of difficulty is synaptic connection. So that's where neurons that we already have in our brain but they aren't necessarily connected to each other, at the end of every neuron, there's a bulb called a synapse, and neurons communicate with each other because chemicals flow in the gap between those bulbs and form new pathways. So making new synaptic connections is a step up in terms of difficulty. My favorite analogy for this is learning a language. So I think when we talk about manifestation or other, you know, psychological behaviors, it feels very intangible but the process is exactly the same as learning a language. So you go from not being able to speak this language at all, to picking up the basics, to becoming semi-fluent, to potentially becoming, you know, completely fluent in a language. And everything that we have spoken about so far, it's exactly the same process in the brain. So the myelination is when you start listening and you pick up, you know, the alphabet or a basic, you know, very basic vocabulary like my name is. And then the synaptic connection is when you can say some sentences that's maybe enough, you need to travel to that country on vacation and, you know, at least make an effort.

Mel Robbins 36:16 Yeah.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 36:18 Um, and then the hardest one in the adult brain is neurogenesis, and that's because genesis means growth. So this is growth of baby nerve cells into fully formed nerve cells that then have to make synaptic connection with other nerve cells-And potentially those pathways get myelinated. So you can see h- how it's a building up process-

Mel Robbins 36:39 Yes.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 36:40 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 36:40 Yes. And you had said magnetic energy.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 36:43 Magnetic desire.

Mel Robbins 36:44 Magnetic desire is one of the fastest ways to change the brain, or it's a required way. Talk to me about how that stimulates one of these, these processes happening.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 36:57 Yeah. Okay, let me put it like this. If you and I both wanted to learn Spanish-

Mel Robbins 37:02 Yes.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 37:03 ... and you wanted to learn it because you were planning a vacation to Mexico-

Mel Robbins 37:07 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 37:08 ... but I wanted to learn it because I had a Spanish boyfriend, who do you think is likely to learn it more or better?

Mel Robbins 37:17 You.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 37:18 Yeah. Magnetic desire. A real, you know, deep reason for wanting to be able to speak that language.

Mel Robbins 37:24 What I love about this example is that I now understand why manifestation works.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 37:31 Good.

Mel Robbins 37:31 So magnetic desire, which you are helping us tap into by asking ourselves, by putting our hands on our head and our heart and our gut, "What do I really want?"

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 37:42 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 37:43 You're tapping into the deep seated magnetic desire-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 37:46 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 37:46 ... behind any change that you want.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 37:48 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 37:48 With that-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 37:49 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 37:49 ... you are fueling-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 37:51 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 37:51 ... the change in your brain to help you both see more opportunities around you-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 37:58 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 37:58 ... and also to help you stay motivated-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 38:02 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 38:02 ... to do the actions.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 38:03 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 38:03 So it's like training for your brain-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 38:06 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 38:06 ... to be doing the work to make something happen in the future, and to help you do it.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 38:12 All of that, and I would just add, even when if you feel like giving up, even when it feels like it's not gonna happen. That's the difference between someone that will manifest and someone that will continually take it this far but never actually manifest.

Mel Robbins 38:27 Is there a trick that you, uh, teach people that are, uh, very negative or resigned or have a, you know, difficult background where they just have a very hard time believing things are gonna work out? Is there something that, added that you would suggest to somebody who's like, "Well that's never gonna work

Mel Robbins 38:47 for me. I've tried." That, you know-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 38:48 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 38:48 ... that your resignation stands in your way?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 38:50 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 38:50 Of the patience?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 38:53 Yeah, you know, I actually always struggled with that because I felt like it was such a privilege and a luxury to be manifesting in your life. Um, the first time I was challenged on that, it was when I had my friend Chanel Haynes on season one of my podcast. She played Tina Turner in London's West End. I asked her the same question, and she said, "Manifestation isn't a luxury. It's an essential." And you know, she came from parts of New Orleans that people would be scared to go to, and she built herself up through manifestation to having the career that she had and being the oldest person that ever played Tina Turner in London. Um, so I think finding success stories like that, there's another piece of science that says if you are trying to achieve something that you've never achieved before-

Mel Robbins 39:41 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 39:42 ... find an example of a person that you resonate with who's achieved the thing that you're trying to achieve. So you know, ev- anything from playing Tina Turner in the West End all the way down to, um, where you were saying, somebody who's got a lot of adversity, who's had difficulty in their life, breaking out of that. Like f- there are examples of that in the world.

Mel Robbins 40:00 Of course.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 40:01 Um, and, and interestingly 'cause you've already mentioned this, the third part of that is changing your negative self-talk.

Mel Robbins 40:07 How do you do that when that is part of the wiring in your brain?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 40:11 You cannot undo wiring that's already in the brain. Before we understood about neuroplasticity, say, that once your brain was in adulthood and certain pathways were set up as they were, like things about low self-esteem or, you know, things never working out for you, that, that, it was impossible to change it because like it's impossible to change your height once you've stopped growing, right? But we know that's not true in the brain anymore. So we know that there's an opportunity for rewiring, but it's not through undoing wiring that's already in the brain. It's through overwriting it, which means repeating a new thought or behavior so many times with such emotional intensity that it becomes an more energy efficient pathway for your brain than the one that you've had until now.

Mel Robbins 41:01 How do you do that?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 41:03 So one of the ways of doing it is through positive affirmations. So it can't just be w- a random one that you make up. Uh, it's-

Mel Robbins 41:09 Okay.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 41:09 So the way that I help people to find their affirmation is if you have a recurring negative thought-

Mel Robbins 41:16 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 41:17 ... it's not your thought that is wired into your neural pathways. It's the belief that underlies that thought.

Mel Robbins 41:25 Can you give us an example?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 41:26 That's never gonna happen for me. That's a classic one.

Mel Robbins 41:28 Yes. Okay.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 41:28 Things like that don't happen to people like me. So and the answer to this will be

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 41:33 different for different people. It could be different for you and I and, you know, anyone who's listening. But you need to, either through therapy or, you know, by sitting down and really meditating on it, say, "What is the evidence that things like this do not happen to people like me?" And keep asking yourself that question until you come up with the answer. And if the answer is because I'm a woman, or because I come from a lower socioeconomic background, or because I'm a person of color, or because it's never happened to anyone in my family before... Let's say going to college.

Mel Robbins 42:09 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 42:10 No one in my family's ever been to college before, so what are the chances that I'm gonna go? Um, so once you've understood that it's because it's never happened to anyone in my family, then what you need to do is m- is create a mantra or an affirmation that says, "I could be the first." S- that's just one that came into my mind, but-... into my heart, actually. I really felt it there. But, you know, it'll be dif- very different for different people. That emotional intensity is important, and that's why I can't give the answer to you, 'cause it has to be your answer.

Mel Robbins 42:49 When you said, "Could," I deeply felt that.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 42:53 Hmm.

Mel Robbins 42:54 Because for me, it allowed the possibility that it might not.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 42:58 Hmm.

Mel Robbins 42:59 But there is something about the possibility of, "I could be the first to-"

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 43:03 Hmm.

Mel Robbins 43:04 ... that opens the door to then wanting to try.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 43:07 Or trying, yeah, yeah.

Mel Robbins 43:08 Yes.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 43:08 Wanting to try and then trying, yeah.

Mel Robbins 43:09 And then if you keep saying something-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 43:12 Hmm.

Mel Robbins 43:13 ... that has that magnetic desire-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 43:15 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 43:16 ... that's how you start to re-, what did you call it? Reprogram?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 43:22 S- re- rewire or just, you know, overwrite-

Mel Robbins 43:24 Overwrite.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 43:25 ... the wiring, yeah.

Mel Robbins 43:26 I love this affirmation, "I could be the first," because it makes me believe-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 43:38 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 43:39 ... that it's possible, because it's cou- of course, it's possible. Of course, it's possible. And I'll, I'll just share quickly, like, I, I delayed starting this podcast for so long because I just felt like there were already so many out there. If I had had this affirmation, but, "I could be the first-"

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 43:56 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 43:56 "... or, 'I could be successful'"-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 43:58 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 43:58 "... even though there's already all these podcasts," if I had had that, I probably would've started this sooner. So, what do you do once you create this affirmation for yourself?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 44:11 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 44:11 And let's just run with this one, "I could be," and then fill in the blank. What's the steps?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 44:15 Well, I have one for you that just really-

Mel Robbins 44:17 Tell me.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 44:17 ... like, came up in my mind, that you could have had, which was, "I could create a unique niche."

Mel Robbins 44:23 Hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 44:23 'Cause even though there were so many out there, I think your affirmation would've been, "I could create something that's not out there yet." You know, I think f- for a woman, you're just such an icon in this space. So, anyway, regardless of what it is, y-

Mel Robbins 44:37 I love that because I also do think, my husband right now is finishing a master's and working on his first book, and what he battles every day is, "This has already been written. This has already been written."

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 44:45 Hmm.

Mel Robbins 44:46 And so many of you listening have something that you wanna do and you're like, "But there's already a bakery."

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 44:50 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 44:50 "But there's so many real estate agents."

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 44:52 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 44:52 "But, but, but, there's YouTube, there's this," that if you start to take this one, "I could do something unique. I could-"

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 45:00 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 45:00 "... fill a gap."

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 45:01 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 45:01 "I could do something different."

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 45:03 Hmm.

Mel Robbins 45:03 Uh, you know, like, I love this. So how do y- what do we do once we have something that feels like, "Ooh, yeah, that's it. I could be"?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 45:11 So, remember we based this on an underlying belief that, you know, sort of, to do with sort of lack of deserving-ness. Every time you have the thought that that belief underlies, so, um, "I shouldn't bother applying for that job," or, "That's not gonna happen for me," or, "That's already been done," every time you have a thought like that, you replace it with your affirmation.

Mel Robbins 45:32 And you just say it to yourself?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 45:34 You can say it in your head, you can say it out loud, you can write it out and have it on your bathroom mirror. The p- the one time I remember it got, like, quite, I was glad I'd been practicing it, was someone openly verbally challenged me. And I actually burst into tears, but then I said, "I think I can."

Mel Robbins 45:53 Wow. That makes a lot of sense. And I want that for everybody. Like, I wa- I want you listening to us to believe that you could be the first whatever, or that you could do whatever.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 46:05 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 46:06 And so, I think it is really important that you tap into and find the right sentence that kinda has that door open for you when you say it.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 46:14 So for season two of my podcast, Reinvent Yourself with Dr. Tara, I've actually focused on the new science of ancient wisdom.

Mel Robbins 46:22 Yes.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 46:22 So what's interesting to me about this one is that Buddhists have known forever, replace every negative thought with a positive thought. That is part of Buddhism. Now, fast forward tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of years, neuroscience says you can overwrite a negative-

Mel Robbins 46:38 (laughs)

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 46:38 ... you know, (laughs) thought or belief with a positive affirmation. I mean, hello?

Mel Robbins 46:42 As long as you have magnetic desire-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 46:45 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 46:45 ... attached to it.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 46:46 Yeah, yeah.

Mel Robbins 46:47 And I think that's the piece that is really important here, that there is this charge in the feeling-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 46:52 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 46:53 ... around it that is really important for you to do the work to figure out for yourself. You just have this way of explaining very dense things in a really inspiring and accessible way, and I just love that about you, Dr. Tara. I wanna take a quick pause, hear a word from our sponsors who are bringing you this information at zero cost. Stay with us. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and I'm so excited because I can finally tell you about a free gift that I've been working on just

Mel Robbins 47:20 for you. It is a two-part video training called Make it Happen with Mel Robbins. It teaches you how you go from thinking about what you want to actually doing it and making it happen. I'm doing this because I wanna thank you. Thank you for being here with me on social media. Thank you for being a fan of the Mel Robbins podcast. You made us the fifth most followed podcast in the world last year. Wow. So I poured my heart and soul into this free two-part video training just for you as a thank you. I wanna teach you how to apply everything that you're learning to make real results happen in your life. How do you jump in? Great question. Go to melrobbins.com/makeithappen. Last year when I did a training, more than half a million of you took advantage of it. This year's training is even better. Again, go to melrobbins.com/makeithappen. Welcome back. I am so glad that you're still here with us. I'm Mel Robbins. We're learning all about the science of intuition with the amazing neuroscientist and senior lecturer at MIT, Dr. Tara Swart Bieber. So as a PhD MD, what's the first thing you do when you wake up?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 48:29 So, I, I literally do live my life in, in the way of everything that we've been discussing, so I'm just gonna tell you the truth.

Mel Robbins 48:34 Please.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 48:35 As soon as I am aware that I'm awake, I snuggle my face against my silk pillowcase and I say, "I love my silk pillowcase."And then I say, "And I love my side sleeping pillow. And I love my wool mattress topper. And I love my... I've created a bit of a haven in my bedroom."

Mel Robbins 48:57 I, I, I love this. I- I'm like, I'm right there with you.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 48:59 I'm like-

Mel Robbins 48:59 So what else do you love? Let's keep going.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 49:01 I'm so grateful for

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 49:02 my silk duvet. I'm gra- grateful for my mattress. I'm grateful for my bedding. Um, you know, usually that's the minimum. I might do the temperature in the room or how quiet it is. Um...

Mel Robbins 49:14 Do you say it out loud or do you just say it to yourself?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 49:15 I say it in my mind.

Mel Robbins 49:16 Okay.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 49:17 Um, then I just do some deep breathing, you know, in kind of every direction of, of my chest, like it's a barrel, and just have a feel for if there's any areas of tension. Um, then to actually get out of bed, I start thinking about how much I'm going to savor my cup of tea. (laughs) Um, and then I go downstairs and I take my probiotic and then h- 'cause I have to wait 10 minutes until I have my cup of tea. I do my oil pulling, and then I make my cup of English breakfast tea or matcha, like a complete ritual and sit and really savor it and enjoy it. Um, and then I pick up my phone and look at my messages.

Mel Robbins 49:57 How does this help you and how does this help your brain?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 50:00 So I think the thing about this gratitude practice that's to do with the tangible things that are around me is that it stops... What usually happens to people is that you start thinking, "What do I have to do today? What time is it? You know, w- what kind of, what am I gonna wear today?" And because I, obviously I don't keep my phone in my bedroom, I can't reach for that and start, like, getting bombarded by the outside world before I've had a chance to, to set myself up how I want to. There's a lot of scientific evidence for the benefits on your mental health and your health and your longevity of gratitude. Um, so basically I'm not letting my s- my brain kick in. I'm just doing, I'm, I'm going straight to the gratitude. So I can't even think about anything else. And of course then that makes me feel good already.

Mel Robbins 50:46 What are other key habits that you have as a neuroscientist throughout the day that continue to help your brain to thrive like this?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 50:55 I'm gonna be really honest with you and say I'd prefer to start by going to the end of the day because those are the real key anchors for me. And, and I just wanna keep it really real and say that there are days where I don't do anything else consciously in the rest of the day and I just, like, live, like, you know, just do my day.

Mel Robbins 51:11 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 51:11 Um, but I, I will come back to... There are some things, so I will come back to them, but I would say second in importance is the fact that I have my vision board next to my bed. So it's the last thing I look at at night.

Mel Robbins 51:22 Let's talk about the vision board.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 51:23 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 51:23 'Cause you called it an action board.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 51:25 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 51:25 Why, why does a vis- does a vi- vision board work?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 51:30 I've been doing

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 51:31 them 15 years and I've manifested a lot of things through my vision board. So-

Mel Robbins 51:34 Like what? What have you manifested through a vision board?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 51:37 I'm saying-

Mel Robbins 51:37 Doctor Tara. (laughs)

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 51:39 Um, so I started when I quit my job as a medical doctor and I started my coaching practice. So I literally had no money, no clients, um, got to the point where I wouldn't be able to pay my rent and my bills. So at that stage I did include an actual amount of money that I needed to earn. And so for the first three years of running my business, I doubled that figure, um, each year. And then after that I just put symbols of abun- abundance 'cause I didn't, like, need it to be a specific amount. I've manifested a lot of travel, but sometimes spooky. So I saw a picture of a tanned girl snorkeling and I love snorkeling. So I put her on my vision board just to have, like, a, a vacation that was that kind of vacation.

Mel Robbins 52:34 Yes.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 52:34 And, um, at this point I was single and I used to go on, like, Christmas vacation or holi- the holidays with my best friend who lived in Australia. And we would often choose where to go because I would see how many air miles I had and say, "Oh, I can get a flight to this place." So, so the year that we decided we would meet in Rio de, de Janeiro, I, it was because that was the only flight that I could get with my points and I suddenly had this inkling that I hadn't been aware of and I went and looked at my vision board, and in tiny writing under the snorkeling girl it said, "Rio de Janeiro."

Mel Robbins 53:09 (laughs)

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 53:12 I have so many more examples of things like that as well. Um...

Mel Robbins 53:15 What, what I also love about this is that you take it a step further and you don't say, "What a cool accident." You say, "I manifested that."

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 53:25 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 53:26 And how does a vision board, which you call an action board-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 53:31 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 53:33 ... program your brain for thriving?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 53:36 So, um, it i- it is a vision board in the sense that most people will know what a vision board is but the difference is, like I said, about kind of, you know, quantum physics before I wrote it through Cognitive Science, did give an idea that you should create this vision either in your mind or on a board. Often it was quite fantastical compared to what the person's life was actually like-

Mel Robbins 54:00 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 54:00 ... and I do believe it's got to be somewhat realistic.

Mel Robbins 54:02 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 54:03 Um, and then sit at home on the couch and wait for it to come th- true. Wait for the check to come in the post. Wait for, you know, the dream partner to bang your door down. I just don't believe that that's possible. I believe that you have to be out there doing things to move yourself towards those goals. So that the board is simply a reminder to s- do the selective filtering, selective attention, and value tagging to your brain to keep those things at the front of your mind and not let life get in the way 'cause it's so easy to, you know, just get busy with kids and work and, um, forget, you know, not every day remember what's, what's, the, what are the things that you want. But if you're seeing the board every day, then it does just help to bring it back to the front of your mind. And also some people can't do visualization.So, especially for them, actually having the visual images, like, ready to look at, allows you to get into that next step, which is visualize it being true. So, close your eyes after looking at the board, and immerse yourself in the feeling of those things actually being true. Like, you're in Rio de Janeiro, or you're with your loving partner, you're doing really well at work. Like, feel that through your five senses, and then give gratitude for the fact, for that feeling of like, "Wow, you know, with my eyes closed I can feel that I'm holding my partner's hand, and our feet are in the sand in Rio, and we could afford this vacation because we're both doing really well at work."

Mel Robbins 55:28 'Cause what you're really summoning is that magnetic energy-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 55:30 Yeah. Yeah.

Mel Robbins 55:30 ...that you talked about. Like, what's actually happening in your body and in your mind when you go through this process of creating a vision board.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 55:39 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 55:39 And then visualizing it and allowing the wave of gratitude-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 55:44 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 55:45 ...associated with that happening-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 55:46 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 55:47 ...to fill your body. What happens in your brain?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 55:49 So, when you visualize something really strongly and you integrate your senses, your brain can hardly tell the difference between that being true and that being a created feeling by you.

Mel Robbins 56:03 Hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 56:05 And because anything new is the biggest threat to the brain, uncertainty and novelty are the biggest threats to the brain, the more you visualize and embody the thing that you want, the more likely you are to take healthy risks to get it when it appears around you in the real world. So, when you're

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 56:24 feeling fear, or shame, or sadness, your blood is circulating a lot more of the stress hormone cortisol. When you're feeling love and trust and gratitude, you're circulating a lot more of the bonding hormone oxytocin.

Mel Robbins 56:39 Hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 56:40 And those hormones are kind of on a seesaw. So, if you're giving gratitude, then you're, um, improving the release of oxytocin, and that's relatively reducing the stress hormone. So basically, love or gratitude, trust, those sorts of things can't coexist with fear and shame and sadness. So, the more you push your brain into those emotions which correlate with that hormone, the less you're living in that state of fright, flight, and scarcity.

Mel Robbins 57:10 So, simply visualizing and feeling that wave of emotion that comes from being grateful for the visualization of something that hasn't happened yet coming true changes the chemical balance in your body?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 57:25 When you are immersed in that feeling, you know, and, and, and think of a couple of the things that you'd like to happen right now and how-

Mel Robbins 57:30 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 57:30 ...good it would feel if they were true-

Mel Robbins 57:32 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 57:32 ...you'll release dopamine, the reward chemical. So that's very, that has a, you know, really strong impact on your body. Then when you move it into, "And now I'm giving gratitude for that," then you're also releasing oxytocin. Um, so you've got this cocktail of, like, really feel-good hormones.

Mel Robbins 57:50 What is one mistake that people make when they are making a vision board?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 57:55 I have now learnt to leave a lot of space on my board because I don't believe that my brain is capable of knowing how much I could manifest in this world. So, I love to leave a bit of room for magic. In the book, where I do the chapter on actually how to make the board, I say, you know, "Get the board, lay the images onto it, um, really ask yourself, 'Do I want everything that's an image on there?' And if there's something that you thought you wanted but it doesn't resonate, remove it. Have another flick through the magazines, and if there's an image that isn't something that you thought you wanted but it really speaks to you, try fitting that in. Leave it overnight," and I specifically said, "In a windproof, child-proof, pet-proof place." (laughs) Um, "And then come back the next day after having slept on it, and if you're sure that it's correct, then glue it into place." And then I start speaking to people who say to me, "Yeah, I've done all that, but I just haven't glued it yet." And I, and so I said, "Oh, you know, did you do it yesterday?" "No, months ago, and I just can't bring myself to glue it down. I don't understand why." And I had, you know, having been an experienced coach now for 15 years, I just had a, the answer to that just came into my mind through my gut, and it was, "You don't want to glue it down

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 59:11 because you don't really believe that you deserve it." And the tears just came, you know? And it was, it was the truth. So, it was, "These are the things that I want, but if I glue them down I'm saying that I actually think I should get them, and deep down I don't believe that, and that's why-

Mel Robbins 59:25 Hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 59:25 ...I haven't glued them down." So, you might be listening now and think, "Oh yeah, I've done that too, but I didn't really know why," so hopefully it will help.

Mel Robbins 59:32 What does the act of gluing signal to your brain in terms about what you want? And would you do that gratitude wash as you're doing it as a way to tap into magnetic energy? Because that's probably very thick, old wiring.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 59:50 Hmm.

Mel Robbins 59:51 I actually said that to somebody recently where I was like, "I don't even wanna tell you that because I'm, I feel like I'm, like, scared to say I want that thing."

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 59:58 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I, I feel like if you're gluing it down, you really mean it, right? Um, and so if there's hesitation, that could be hard. I have never thought of this before, but your idea is brilliant. If you do it whilst giving gratitude, it'll probably make it feel much easier. It's a bit more like, "I'll just be so grateful if this comes true."

Mel Robbins 1:00:16 Hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:00:16 "Um, and I'm, you know, I'm happy to partially put it out there and partially make the effort to do it." When I had my first one, you know, when I was really broke, um, it was in, I was living in a studio apartment, and it was in the bathroom. Which meant that anyone that came to my studio would see it, and it had a specific amount of money on it, and it's very un-British to talk about money. And (laughs) it really-

Mel Robbins 1:00:40 How much money was on it?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:00:42 35,000 pounds.

Mel Robbins 1:00:43 Okay.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:00:43 So, really not very much. Um, and, so I thought, "Okay, this is a bit embarrassing." But then I thought, "Well, anyone that I actually invite into my, you know, apartment who, who then uses my bathroom has gotta be a close friend." So...... so that just has to be okay. And I got so much positive feedback from people saying, "Oh, yeah, I looked at your vision board and, you know, um, I can help you with that thing that I saw." And it's- it was so sweet.

Mel Robbins 1:01:09 I- I can hear everybody now moving their vision boards from their bedside table to the bathroom.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:01:12 (laughs)

Mel Robbins 1:01:12 "Okay, we're gonna put this right in the bathroom." What are some of the other habits that you have every day that keep you resilient, that keep your brain wired for thriving?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:01:21 Okay. So, I would say my next one, which is sort of like a ritual too but also very good for your stress levels,

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:01:28 is that I bathe in magnesium flakes.

Mel Robbins 1:01:32 Huh. Why is that good for stress?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:01:34 Because when you're stressed, your body leaches itself of magnesium. So magnesium helps you deal with stress, but it also gets used up in stress. And the best way to take magnesium is through your skin rather than through a- a capsule or a tablet.

Mel Robbins 1:01:49 Oh, really?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:01:50 And so I find the easiest way, you know, i- with English weather, is to bathe. Um, there are also gels and sprays and lotions that you can use, but I- I like the r- uh, ritual of bathing.

Mel Robbins 1:02:01 Mm. Mm-hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:02:01 Um, so a little bit like when you're training for a marathon and you would eat more protein, when you're stressed you need more magnesium. And the best way to check if you need more magnesium is if you ever get that twitchy eyelid.

Mel Robbins 1:02:14 (gasps) Th- Yes. I've had that.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:02:17 Yeah. Or some people get tiny twitches in their fingers or their toes as well, but the eyelid is quite a good sign that you probably need to top up with magnesium.

Mel Robbins 1:02:26 Because it's a sign that you're stressed?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:02:28 Well, the e- the twitching is an actual sign of magnesium deficiency, but the reason you would be deficient is probably stress.

Mel Robbins 1:02:36 Wow. Nobody's ever told me that before.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:02:38 Oh.

Mel Robbins 1:02:39 And it happens quite a lot. It's-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:02:41 Well, try- try the b- you can do a foot bath if you don't like a bath.

Mel Robbins 1:02:44 Oh, I l- I take a bath every night.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:02:45 Okay. Yeah, so-

Mel Robbins 1:02:46 I love a bath, but I've never done the magnesium flakes. I am doing it. So you take a bath with magnesium.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:02:50 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 1:02:51 What's something else that you do?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:02:52 Um, so- so- so by this time, it's getting close to the time that I would eat, 'cause I do time-restricted eating.

Mel Robbins 1:03:00 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:03:00 So I only eat between 12 noon and 8:00 PM. Um, so, you know, I would obviously deal with any work admin or home admin that I have to, but then I would- I would cook.

Mel Robbins 1:03:11 While we're on the topic of food, what are the four foods that you eat for better brain health?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:03:16 S- yeah, so the first thing I would say is that I make all of my dietary choices based on brain health. Um, and if you think about it, people choose what they might eat based on, you know, "It's delicious," or, "I'm trying to lose weight," or, "I'm trying to build muscle." But I feel quite strongly that if you make your choices based on brain health, then it's actually

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:03:37 good for your skin, your hair, your gut, the rest of your body. So, um, on that, I would say the dark-skinned foods I've already mentioned, hydrating foods, because you actually keep in more hydration from food than you do from drinking water, so, you know, your leafy greens and your salads kind of thing, um, and maybe, like, fruits like melon, and then the good fats, this is the- probably the largest part of my dietary intake, so, um, oily fish, eggs, avocado, nuts, seeds.

Mel Robbins 1:04:11 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:04:11 And the fourth category is fermented foods like kimchi, sauerkraut, kefir, and kombucha.

Mel Robbins 1:04:18 What I love is that at the very beginning of our conversation you talked about the fact that our brain really was wired for survival-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:04:25 Mm.

Mel Robbins 1:04:25 ... and mating. And that you are teaching us strategies based on cognitive science, based on neuroscience, based on all of this research about how to program your mind for thriving, for longevity-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:04:41 Mm.

Mel Robbins 1:04:41 ... for happiness. And every one of these examples, whether you're talking about the ways in which you can use this magnetic energy and these deliberate practices-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:04:53 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 1:04:53 ... to wire your mind for thriving and attracting and spotting what you want-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:04:58 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 1:04:59 ... or whether you're now talking about the deliberate things you say to yourself-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:05:04 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 1:05:04 ... and the deliberate practices and actions that you are creating in the morning-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:05:10 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 1:05:10 ... you are showing us exactly what you're doing to make your brain function in a way that helps you thrive.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:05:20 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 1:05:21 I would love to talk to you about intuition. I mean, you teach a course at MIT called the Science of Intuition. What do we need to know about intuition?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:05:29 So, it's so interesting, 'cause I've been teaching at MIT Sloan for 10 years now, and 10 years ago people would stand up in the class and say, "Okay, this is really interesting, but I'm obviously not gonna make an important decision like fire or hire based on intuition." And what I did see was that the older people would say, "Well, actually, I- that's exactly how I would make that decision." And I've seen that change over time, which is so nice, which is now that more people get it, and it's just because I've just explained the simple, simple science. So, um, there's a process in the brain called Hebbian learning. It's named after the neuroscientist Donald Hebb, and it's basically neurons that fire together wire together. And so the things that we need, what we call our working memory, to live every day are kind of, like, held at the top of our mind. The things that have become, um, like habits and behavior patterns, they've been pushed deeper into the sort of the limbic system

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:06:27 of the brain, which is the size of your fist and it's in the center surrounded by the cortex. But also, apart from formal learning, you pick up life lessons, you've picked them up throughout your whole life, right? Wisdom. But you can't remember everything that you've experienced in your whole life, but that learning has been pushed deeper into your brain stem, your spinal cord, and your gut neurons. And there is a massive connection between your gut neurons and your limbic system, which is where your intuition, um, and your wisdom, you know, arises from in the brain.And so that's basically how intuition works.

Mel Robbins 1:07:06 So you're tapping into your lifetime of wisdom-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:07:10 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 1:07:10 ... and knowledge that has been pushed down from your conscious mind all the way through your brain, down through the neurons that kick- connect the brain and the gut-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:07:18 Hmm.

Mel Robbins 1:07:19 ... into your gut.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:07:19 Hmm.

Mel Robbins 1:07:20 So it's basically like tapping the iCloud-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:07:22 (laughs)

Mel Robbins 1:07:23 ... of your body and your history.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:07:25 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 1:07:26 How does somebody learn how to trust their gut?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:07:31 For me, journaling was the absolute key to that, so journaling and reading back over your entries. So you know, every time you make a decision, whether you made it th- by logic or intuition, whether they aligned or not, rec- recording that, but then also seeing the patterns over the last three months, the last six months. So that's how- how I honed my intuition, but I think people remember this more. When you're stressed, when you're bloated, when you've got, like, indigestion symptoms, isn't it

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:08:02 true that you find it harder to access your intuition? That's how connected the brain and the gut are.

Mel Robbins 1:08:07 Can you talk about how high levels of stress impact the functioning of your body and your brain?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:08:13 So cortisol is known as the stress hormone, and it absolutely correlates with emotions such as fear, anger, disgust, shame, and sadness. Cortisol isn't all bad. You know, we need it to wake up in the morning. We need it to have an adaptive stress response to, you know, a car driving too fast on the street-

Mel Robbins 1:08:30 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:08:30 ... that we're trying to cross. Um, so as long as it stays within that range, that's fine. But when something super stressful happens, like the saber-toothed tiger, you know, that we spoke about earlier, the cortisol level will spike, and that enables us to run away, to warn our tribe, and it should go back to normal levels, you know, quite quickly. In the modern day, as I mentioned earlier, we're so overwhelmed with information. There are so many psychological threats to our safety that it's... Most people, unfortunately, the levels are high-

Mel Robbins 1:09:07 Hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:09:07 ... and they're either at the higher end or higher, and that's pretty constant, whereas they should be, you know, kind of undulating thr- d- j- b- between that range. When that happens, because cortisol is carried in the blood supply around the body and it crosses the blood-brain barrier, there are receptors in the brain that monitor the levels of cortisol in a way to sense threat in our environment. When those levels are high, most of the time or all the time, or higher than the- the, you know, higher end of the threshold, the brain immediately thinks, "I'm about to die. What is the biggest threat to my survival?" And in some ways, because it's from so long ago, we're wired in such a, you know, cave person way, the first threat that the brain will consider is starvation. Even though that's, for most of us, thank goodness, not the biggest threat to our survival-

Mel Robbins 1:10:03 Yeah.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:10:03 ... in fact, quite the opposite. So to try to protect us from dying of starvation, one of the things that cortisol does is lay down extra fat in the abdominal fat cells so that if we are u- unable to hunt or gather for some time, we can digest that fat and stay alive until a food source becomes available.

Mel Robbins 1:10:24 Wait, so are you saying that stress is causing belly fat?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:10:29 Yeah. It's not just causing fat. It's specifically causing belly fat. So you may not have changed your shape in the rest of your body, but if you're noticing that your belt has become tighter-

Mel Robbins 1:10:39 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:10:40 ... that's a sign that you could have chronic cortisol. And the other thing is that it's fat that's particularly stubborn. So if you do notice that the belt is tighter and you think, "Okay, I definitely need to move a bit more or eat a bit less," and you actually start doing one or both of those things, but the belly fat doesn't change because the cortisol is driving the fat there regardless-

Mel Robbins 1:11:03 Huh.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:11:03 ... of your behavior, um, in the physical world.

Mel Robbins 1:11:07 And that's all initiated in the brain because the brain is picking up on higher levels of cortisol?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:11:12 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 1:11:13 How does high levels of stress impact the functioning of your brain?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:11:17 Mm-hmm. So I'm gonna do brain and body, if that's okay.

Mel Robbins 1:11:21 Yeah.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:11:21 So- so this, think of this cortisol as a corrosive agent

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:11:25 that's literally flowing through your entire brain and body. So in the body, it starts to erode your immunity. So you might notice more colds and flus more often, or ones that last for weeks and weeks. I mean, I certainly remember during the financial crisis when I worked with a lot of banks and hedge funds people saying, you know, "I've had this cold for four, six, eight weeks, but s- but everybody has it."

Mel Robbins 1:11:48 Hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:11:48 And I- and I had to say to them, "Do- do you hear what you're saying? That- that, it's not normal to have a cold for six weeks. Um, and this is cortisol." And at the extreme end of that, people were dropping dead of heart attacks on trading floors. So you know, lowering your immunity and corroding your body that much can cause everything from colds and flus to heart attacks and cancers. In the brain, what happens is what I call low power mode, like on your phone. So once those receptors know there's an imminent threat to our survival, think of the highest functions of the brain, thinking creatively, thinking flexibly, solving complex problems, overriding our biases, uh, regulating our emotions. What- what, like how are those gonna serve us now that we're just- just trying to survive physically? We don't need those things. Don't send any blood supply to those higher functions. Bring it right down to get up in the morning, go and sit at your desk, look like you're doing your job even if you actually can't really do it. This is the reason that presenteeism costs businesses more than double what absenteeism does. In that low power mode, it would be better to stay at home for two days and recover and then come back to work and actually function and, you know, work with your team.... um-

Mel Robbins 1:13:11 Because stress impairs the higher functioning of the brain?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:13:14 It just moves the blood supply away from it, because you're not gonna give up your precious resources for functions like that. And- and just to, um, put that into context for you, Mel, the brain is a tiny organ. It's, you know, it's a tiny percentage of your whole body, like maybe 2 or 3%, but it's- it uses up 20 to 30% of the breakdown products of what you eat.

Mel Robbins 1:13:38 Wow.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:13:38 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 1:13:39 That's how hard it's working.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:13:40 It's using up 20% of what you ate that day when you're asleep. It's using up 25% of what you eat when you're working, managing, leading, running your family, um, you know, just thinking. Like, right now, we're probably both using 25%. But if you're stressed, it's using 30%.

Mel Robbins 1:14:01 What, uh, Dr. Tara, is stress contagion?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:14:05 So, let's take this back to a couple of evolutionary mechanisms.

Mel Robbins 1:14:11 Okay.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:14:12 So when we lived in the cave, we lived in tribes and we were either qu- really quite nomadic, or at least the men would go off to hunt for a few days and then, you know, return to the cave. But at the more extreme end of being nomadic, if the men went off hunting and they went so far that they came to another cave of the same tribe, they would actually just stay there and never return to the original cave. Um, so, think back to what I mentioned about survival and reproduction.

Mel Robbins 1:14:45 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:14:45 In those days, that was it, that was the only important, you know, they were the- the only important things. So before leaving a cave, the alpha male had to make sure that his genes would survive in that cave in case he never came back. And in those days, with predators and hyperthermia and, you know, obviously like miscarriage and stillbirth and stuff like that, he really had to impregnate five women to make sure that at least one of the babies would survive. So to be able to make sure that five women would get pregnant at the same time, they had to be fertile at the same time. And that's why we had menstrual synchronization. And obviously we don't need that-

Mel Robbins 1:15:23 There's an evolutionary reason for syncing up your menstrual cycle?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:15:27 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 1:15:28 Wow.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:15:29 Let's just start with how we synchronize first.

Mel Robbins 1:15:31 Okay.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:15:32 So that is because steroid hormones, such as the sex steroid hormones estrogen and progesterone-

Mel Robbins 1:15:38 Okay.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:15:39 ... leak out of your skin through your sweat.

Mel Robbins 1:15:42 Wait, what? Estrogen leaks out of your skin through your sweat?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:15:48 Yeah. The way that it works is through physical proximity. So obviously in the cave, we slept in a huddle.

Mel Robbins 1:15:54 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:15:54 So if you live with your daughters or you work in a f- you know, office with a lot of other women and you're in close proximity with each other, then- then because your s- you know, sweat leaks out around you about this far around your body, then as-

Mel Robbins 1:16:07 Well, hold on a second. For people on YouTube, they saw about a foot.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:16:09 Oh. Yeah.

Mel Robbins 1:16:10 Sweat leaks out a foot from your body?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:16:13 Well, okay, try not wearing antiperspirant and smelling how far you can smell your sweat.

Mel Robbins 1:16:18 Oh, I guess that's right-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:16:19 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 1:16:19 ... because I'm not thinking about the fact that the odor is actually you emitting something.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:16:24 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 1:16:25 Oh. Does that happen with stress too?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:16:27 Okay, so yeah. So-

Mel Robbins 1:16:28 Oh wait, let's say cycle syncing. I'm sorry, I'm so fascinated by this.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:16:31 I think we've kind of done that. We've said that we recognize it as a phenomenon, I've given you the evolutionary reason.

Mel Robbins 1:16:37 Yes.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:16:38 We've talked about the physiological mechanism of it. So what I want to do now is bring that same physiological

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:16:43 mechanism to regardless of gender, cortisol is also a steroid hormone.

Mel Robbins 1:16:49 Oh.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:16:50 And, but there's, so there's no gender issue here, but there is a hierarchical issue. So, the silverback gorillas' stress levels affect the other gorillas more than gorillas of the same status. And so it happens in business, and so it happens in the home. The "leader," in quote marks, of the entity, their stress levels will impact other people more than the other way around or people of equal status. So, you know, the highly stressed boss is an example. The- the highly stressed parent.

Mel Robbins 1:17:27 Hmm. Interesting.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:17:28 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 1:17:28 Well, it makes sense because if you think about it, whether it's in the example of the silverback or you take a family system or you take a work system-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:17:36 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 1:17:37 ... that if the person in charge of your paycheck is stressed out-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:17:40 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 1:17:41 ... that that, their stress is a direct threat to your financial survival.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:17:45 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 1:17:46 And that's why it triggers you like that.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:17:49 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 1:17:49 And so that makes a lot of sense, that stress would be contagious and affect everybody around you. So if stress is contagious, how do you protect yourself from other people's stuff?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:18:01 Um, well, I- I think the answer to that is both how do you reduce your own stress if you're the stressed person and how do you protect yourself from other people's stress is mostly through mindfulness activities. So, activities that connect the brain and the body because like I said, the- the glands in the brain are com- talking to the adrenal glands and creating this stress situation. So the way to decrease their activity is through activities like meditation, yoga, time in nature, um, journaling, gratitude, all of those things that reduce levels of cortisol, move your autonomic nervous system, which is the nervous system in your body rather than your brain, from sympathetic, which is flight- flight- fight, to parasympathetic, which is rest and recover. Um, and you know, lower your heartbeat, lower your blood pressure.

Mel Robbins 1:18:59 So simply lowering your own stress insulates you from other people's stress?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:19:06 Yes, but with both versions of it, whether it's your own or others, addressing the root cause is important 'cause what you don't want to be doing is just continually shielding yourself from something that's not changing.

Mel Robbins 1:19:18 And the reason why this is important, if we bring it back to the brain and your ability to keep your brain in a mode for thriving and helping you attract what you want, is because when stress levels are crazy high, it impairs your brain's ability to do the higher functioning 'cause the blood goes somewhere else.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:19:34 Yeah.

Mel Robbins 1:19:35 So interesting. What impact do your friends have on your brain?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:19:39 So, have you heard that phrase, "You're the sum of the five people you spend most time with"?

Mel Robbins 1:19:44 Yes.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:19:45 So, we do believe from a neuroscience perspective that you have a tribe that influences your behaviors. So for instance, if your, you know, immediate friend group is overweight, then you're more likely to be overweight. And this is not because it's contagious in the sense of what we've discussed before, but because of what becomes socially acceptable. So again, like if most of your friends are really into exercise and healthy eating, then it's more likely that you're going to be like that as well. But there are some stats on social contagion, um, that, for example, things like if someone in your social circle gets divorced, you're more likely to get divorced. Now again, it's not because it's contagious, but it's because if your relationship was already struggling but everybody else in your group was married and it felt shameful to be, you know, the one to break that, then if someone else does, it's almost like you then have a choice of either staying in a, a relationship that's not working or deciding that actually it's okay to, to end it.

Mel Robbins 1:20:52 Mm-hmm. Hmm. Um, does it work in the positive? Meaning-

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:20:57 Oh, yeah. Yeah. Absolutely so.

Mel Robbins 1:20:58 'Cause, 'cause I tend to hear the, the examples of the negative, right? That if you are around smokers you'll smoke. If you're around drinkers, you drink.

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:21:05 Mm-hmm.

Mel Robbins 1:21:05 But it works in the positive ways too. As a neuroscientist MD-PhD, is there anything that we can do to motivate or change other people? Is absolutely anyone capable of changing?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:21:22 Yes. Any age, any stage, any mindset. Um, and I get a lot of questions from people who are neurodivergent, and neuroplasticity literally is hope for people.

Mel Robbins 1:21:35 And what is the biggest barrier to somebody changing?

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber 1:21:40 Not wanting to.

Mel Robbins 1:21:45 So when people are