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The Mel Robbins PodcastThe Mel Robbins Podcast

The Mind-Body Reset: The Truth About Stress Eating, Dieting, & How to Feel Better Now

If you feel like you have a complicated relationship with your body, food, and eating, you’re not the only one. Mel has gotten thousands of messages asking for an episode about stress eating and body image, which is why she invited a world-renowned expert to talk about this topic with you. Today, Dr. Rachel Goldman is here for you. Dr. Goldman is a nationally recognized clinical psychologist and NYU professor who has spent more than a decade working with thousands of people struggling with stress eating, obesity, disordered eating, and struggles with body image. She has an empowering perspective on body image, weight, wellness, and food, and today she's here to talk about body image and the way food can quietly turn into a coping mechanism. In this episode, you’ll learn how to: -Break the binge–restrict cycle -Interrupt stress-driven cravings -Understand the biology behind urges and overeating -Rebuild trust with your body -Create sustainable, supportive habits without punishment or shame For anyone who feels confused, stuck, exhausted, or unsure what “healthy” even means anymore, this conversation brings clarity, relief, and offers a new way forward, one rooted in understanding your body instead of fighting it. This conversation is grounded in science and offers you tools that actually work. Dr. Goldman will change the way you think about your body, your cravings, and your ability to feel good about yourself again. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page: https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-376/ Order Mel’s new product, Pure Genius Protein: http://puregeniusprotein.com/MP Follow The Mel Robbins Podcast on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themelrobbinspodcast I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode. In this episode: 00:00 Meet the Guest 01:58 The Best Breathing Technique You Should Be Doing 08:26 The Relationship Between Food and Emotion Explained 15:32 What Most People Get Wrong About Emotional Eating 19:18 Why Stress Causes People to Overeat 25:39 Emotional Eating Isn't About Willpower 27:32 The Difference Between Emotional Eating and Binge Eating 35:47 How to Communicate With Someone With Disordered Eating 37:50 Is Counting Macros Healthy? 40:07 How to Eat Mindfully Without Feeling Hungry 46:13 What to Cook for Someone with an Eating Disorder 51:54 What To Do When You're in a Binge–Restrict Cycle 01:03:14 The Healthiest Way To Use GLP-1 Weight Loss Drugs 01:10:12 How to Support a Loved One with an Eating Disorder 01:12:24 Why Eating Disorders are on the Rise — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com​ — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins​?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

Dr. Rachel GoldmanguestMel Robbinshost
Mar 9, 20261h 17mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:00 – 1:58

    Meet the Guest

    1. RG

      Thanks to diet culture and the society we live in, we have all been told messages telling us that we should be thin or we shouldn't be hungry or we shouldn't be eating this. And because of that, we have all internalized those messages and we have learned to tie our worth to our body shape, size, food behaviors, eating behaviors, et cetera.

    2. MR

      Today, you and I are sitting down with Dr. Rachel Goldman, a renowned clinical psychologist and professor at NYU who's worked with thousands of patients dealing with emotional eating, stress, obesity, and body image. It feels like the core issue is that our emotions are really driving our eating patterns and our health habits.

    3. RG

      Emotional eating, first of all, is so common. It is turning to food as a way to soothe yourself when you are having an emotion.

    4. MR

      Huh. I think a lot of us make the mistake of thinking it's about willpower.

    5. RG

      It's not at all.

    6. MR

      What is this about?

    7. RG

      It's about...

    8. MR

      What is your take on how to be body positive and not shame yourself and use the tools like GLP-1 for weight loss?

    9. RG

      This is a hot topic. So I think a lot of people think if you're body positive, you can't be doing something to, quote, "change your body." It's scary when we feel like we lost control, but we can hit the reset button right here, right now.

    10. MR

      Dr. Rachel Goldman, welcome to The Mel Robbins Podcast.

    11. RG

      Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here with you today.

    12. MR

      I am so excited to unpack all that you are going to teach us today, and I wanna start by asking you, how is my life going to change for the better if I take everything to heart that you are about to share with us and teach us and all the very tactical things you're going to give us as resources and we use it in our life? How is my life gonna change?

    13. RG

      So actually, I wanna

  2. 1:58 – 8:26

    The Best Breathing Technique You Should Be Doing

    1. RG

      give you kind of a glimpse of what that's gonna feel like.

    2. MR

      Ooh.

    3. RG

      So let's just take a moment and take a breath right here, right now. Just pausing is what many of us need. We just have to pause and tune in. So I always like to start by just taking a breath-

    4. MR

      Okay

    5. RG

      ... to, like, ground ourselves and reset.

    6. MR

      Okay.

    7. RG

      So can we do that together?

    8. MR

      Absolutely, 'cause I have a feeling that this is gonna come full circle by the end of this, and it has a huge connection to our relationship to our bodies and eating and our health-

    9. RG

      You're absolutely correct

    10. MR

      ... and resetting. Okay.

    11. RG

      Yeah.

    12. MR

      I'm in.

    13. RG

      Okay, let's do it.

    14. MR

      Okay. What do I do? [laughs]

    15. RG

      So let's take a breath in through our nose.

    16. MR

      Okay.

    17. RG

      And out through our mouth. Let's do another one. Breath in and out. Before I ask you how you feel, I want you now to repeat three things.

    18. MR

      Okay.

    19. RG

      I am in control.

    20. MR

      I am in control.

    21. RG

      I am confident.

    22. MR

      I am confident.

    23. RG

      I can do this.

    24. MR

      I can do this.

    25. RG

      And now how does that feel?

    26. MR

      I feel present in the moment. I felt my shoulders drop. I feel oddly calm.

    27. RG

      Amazing.

    28. MR

      It feels really good, and it makes... It feels so good, in fact, and I, I would imagine if you're driving your car or you're on a walk as you're with us right now and you did that... In fact, why don't you walk us through that one more time? Because if you just listened and you didn't do it, I wanna make sure you do it. And don't just listen. This is a doing podcast. Okay.

    29. RG

      Yes.

    30. MR

      So walk us through it again.

  3. 8:26 – 15:32

    The Relationship Between Food and Emotion Explained

    1. MR

      to this topic that I cannot wait to talk to you about, which is emotional eating.

    2. RG

      Yeah.

    3. MR

      Because it seems like that's what a lot of us are struggling with. It feels like the core issue is that our emotions are really driving our eating patterns and our health habits.

    4. RG

      Right.

    5. MR

      Can you-

    6. RG

      Our emotions drive a lot.

    7. MR

      So can you unpack that connection for us?

    8. RG

      Yeah. So first I wanna actually tie it back to the beginning for a moment-

    9. MR

      Okay

    10. RG

      ... about that breath. Because really what that breath was taking a pause. That pause is gonna allow us to respond and not react out of emotion. Just pausing-

    11. MR

      Okay

    12. RG

      ... is allowing us to respond. So when people participate in emotional eating, which I also wanna clarify, emotional eating first of all is so common.

    13. MR

      What is it?

    14. RG

      So it is simply eating out of any emotion, not just sadness, not just feeling down. It could be anything. It could be boredom. It could be happy. It could be sad, stressed, any emotion, anger. It is turning to food as a way to soothe yourself when you are having an emotion.

    15. MR

      Huh.

    16. RG

      So there's a difference between physiological hunger and emotional eating.

    17. MR

      So as a psychologist, what is the difference between hunger versus emotional eating?

    18. RG

      Yeah. So hunger is something we all have.

    19. MR

      Okay.

    20. RG

      We all need to eat to survive. The physiological hunger is, "It is time to eat. I need to nourish my body. I can't survive without food." Emotional eating is, "I'm feeling something. I become impulsive. I grab food and I eat it." It's serving a purpose. So food, like anything in life, serves a purpose, right? When we're hungry, it's serving the purpose of physiologically feeding us.

    21. MR

      Okay.

    22. RG

      When we're emotional, it's emotionally feeding us. It's filling something. In, in the moment it feels good.

    23. MR

      Yes.

    24. RG

      In a way it's a distraction, but not a solution.

    25. MR

      Can you give me some examples and give some examples for the person who's with us right now of what that means in terms of what are the sorts of th- of emotional needs you're filling with food.

    26. RG

      Yeah.

    27. MR

      Like when I grab the potato chips while I'm watching television.

    28. RG

      Right.

    29. MR

      When I'm s- mindlessly shoving the M&Ms in my mouth.

    30. RG

      Right.

  4. 15:32 – 19:18

    What Most People Get Wrong About Emotional Eating

    1. MR

      people have about emotional eating? What is it?

    2. RG

      I think one is that something's wrong with you-

    3. MR

      Mm

    4. RG

      ... if you participate in it, which again, so many people. Like, I would be shocked if there was somebody listening that was like, "I don't know anything she's talking about. Like, I've never done that." I've done it. We've all done it. So I think that's probably the number one is that something is wrong with you if you do this.

    5. MR

      Mm.

    6. RG

      Nothing is wrong with you. It's about identifying that if this is a problem to you, if it doesn't feel good, what's going on? Like, why did I turn to this food at this time? So something I often tell people is if you find yourself in the kitchen opening and closing cabinets, or opening and closing the refrigerator-

    7. MR

      You mean like every night after dinner?

    8. RG

      Yes. Well, it's telling us we're searching for something specific.

    9. MR

      Mm.

    10. RG

      So what I would tell people to do is pause and say, "What's going on right now?" And then I would ask, "Did I just eat? When is the last time I ate? What did I eat?" Sometimes you may have just had dinner, but it wasn't satisfying enough because you were restricting.

    11. MR

      Oh.

    12. RG

      So maybe you didn't add enough substance to your food to feel not just physiologically full, but like emotionally satisfied. And then you can also ask, if, if you're like, "No, I just ate. It was satisfying," this and that, "Okay, what's going on?" "Oh, did I... Oh, I had a really tough day at work." "Oh, I'm feeling stressed." "Oh, I had this stressful phone call." "I'm sad. I'm lonely." And then to kind of dig deeper and be curious about yourself and what you're feeling right now.

    13. MR

      I wanna make sure that, uh, you heard those three questions. So let me just repeat them back to you.

    14. RG

      Yeah.

    15. MR

      So you're in the kitchen, you're opening up the drawers, you're looking for something. The fir- you, you hit the pause.

    16. RG

      Which is hard.

    17. MR

      Which is hard.

    18. RG

      Yes.

    19. MR

      But this is, this is what you're teaching us. The first thing you ask yourself is, "When's the last time I ate?"

    20. RG

      Right.

    21. MR

      And then you ask yourself, "Was it satisfying?" And then the third thing that you ask yourself is, "What's going on right now?"

    22. RG

      Exactly.

    23. MR

      "And what am I actually looking for?"

    24. RG

      Right.

    25. MR

      And that makes you go a little deeper, because what is going on and what you're looking for is likely not in the fridge or the cabinets or the freezer.

    26. RG

      Exactly. And if you're physiologically hungry-

    27. MR

      Uh-huh

    28. RG

      ... you wouldn't be opening and closing. You would open the refrigerator, see the bowl of fruit, you eat the fruit.

    29. MR

      Okay, wait.

    30. RG

      Like if you're ph- right.

  5. 19:18 – 25:39

    Why Stress Causes People to Overeat

    1. MR

      how does stress affect how, when, and what you eat?

    2. RG

      Yeah. So back to the mind-body connection.

    3. MR

      Yeah.

    4. RG

      Right? Stress, if we think about stress, it's our body's natural way of responding to some kind of threat or something that seems threatening to us. So now, stress, though, I'm sure people have heard of the fight or flight response. That is the way that our body, what our body does in response to stress. So we can all, like, relate to it. You know, maybe sweaty palms, maybe our mind racing, our heart beating really fast. Again, mind-body connection. I think something is stressful. I'm interpreting it as stressful. My body is gonna automatically go into this auto drive and help me get through this really stressful time. Now, when that happens, the stress hormone cortisol, among other ones, is released. When we're really stressed in the moment, a lot of times our appetite is suppressed.

    5. MR

      Okay.

    6. RG

      For some people, it's the complete opposite, right? But like right when it happens, the appetite's suppressed and we're like, "Oh, I can get through the day. I don't need to eat. I'm forgetting to eat 'cause I'm so busy."

    7. MR

      Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

    8. RG

      "I'm stressed." But then when it kind of dies off and it starts, like, us returning to a homeostasis, back to our baseline, it could be like, "Oh my God, I'm so hungry," right? So that's why when people go through really stressful times, you hear people either say like, "Oh my God, I ate so much. I can't stop eating," emotional eating.

    9. MR

      Right.

    10. RG

      Or like, "Oh my God, I forgot to eat. I forgot to eat."

    11. MR

      That makes a lot of sense.

    12. RG

      It, it, it can go either way.

    13. MR

      So what are three ways to address emotions and stress when your default mode is to start emotional eating?

    14. RG

      So back to the pause.

    15. MR

      Okay.

    16. RG

      Right? So because of this conversation, hopefully people are a little bit more aware, and then we can say pause, and let's check in with ourself. What is going on right now?

    17. MR

      Mm-hmm.

    18. RG

      Let's also not forget to be kind to ourselves, right? Like, we all participate in this. We all get stress. Life happens. So let's just remind ourselves that this is okay. And then what can I do about it? And I always love talking about what I call your coping toolbox.

    19. MR

      Great.

    20. RG

      Like, let's pull from that coping toolbox.

    21. MR

      Give me a tool.

    22. RG

      Yes. One is something internal you don't need anybody else for, you don't need anything else for. That's like the breathing exercise. Could also be a different type of relaxation exercise, like imagery or meditation, things like that. Then at least two others. And the reason I want more than one is because if my go-to coping tool was to go on a run, for instance, I can't just leave right here and go running in the middle-

    23. MR

      Right

    24. RG

      ... of a stressful moment. So we need to have a few options because not only is not all of the coping tools always readily available to us-

    25. MR

      Right

    26. RG

      ... but they may also not work for every stressful situation.

    27. MR

      Okay, so the first tool is we have the breathing exercise.

    28. RG

      Yes.

    29. MR

      In through the nose, blow out through the straw, the belly breathing. We got that.

    30. RG

      Yes.

  6. 25:39 – 27:32

    Emotional Eating Isn't About Willpower

    1. MR

      when you struggle with it, I think a lot of us make the mistake of thinking it's about willpower.

    2. RG

      It's not at all.

    3. MR

      What is this about?

    4. RG

      It's about tuning inward and actually taking that pause.

    5. MR

      Mm.

    6. RG

      And emotional eating is... I like to actually relate it to children.

    7. MR

      How so?

    8. RG

      When a child has, has a tantrum, that's their impulsive reaction.

    9. MR

      Yep.

    10. RG

      They w- I mean, most of us might say we need a time out, right, for a kid. What's a time out really do?

    11. MR

      Pause.

    12. RG

      It's the pause. That's all it is. So we need an adult time out. Kids are reacting out of their emotion. We are also reacting out of our emotion-

    13. MR

      Mm

    14. RG

      ... but just in different ways.

    15. MR

      Hey, it's Mel. I hope you've been enjoying this unbelievable episode with Dr. Rachel Goldman. I know, I know, I'm in a different outfit. Well, it's because upon reviewing this episode, I was like, I wanna record a message from me to you because I know what Dr. Goldman and I are about to get into next. We're about to dive into a part of the episode that covers disordered eating, body dysmorphia, and other sensitive topics. You know you. If now isn't the time to listen to this or to watch this, hit pause, come back to it whenever you're ready. Dr. Goldman and I'll be waiting for you because there's zero pressure. I'm sure you're already putting so much pressure on yourself, so I wanna take the pressure off. But here's one more thing I wanna tell you. If there's someone in your life that's struggling, you can still share this with them because sometimes it's hard to help the people that you deeply care about. Maybe you've been trying to reach them and you haven't been able to. Dr. Goldman might just be the exact right person who can, and whenever you're ready to listen or watch, we'll be waiting for you. Okay. Thanks for listening. Now let's get back into it. I wanna

  7. 27:32 – 35:47

    The Difference Between Emotional Eating and Binge Eating

    1. MR

      pivot a little bit and now go a layer deeper, and let's talk about disordered eating. As a psychologist, how would you describe what is disordered eating, and how is it different than just emotional eating?

    2. RG

      Yeah. So there's disordered eating-

    3. MR

      Okay

    4. RG

      ... disordered eating behaviors, disordered eating thoughts-

    5. MR

      Okay

    6. RG

      ... and then there's eating disorders.

    7. MR

      What's the difference?

    8. RG

      Two different categories. Yeah. So eating disorders are things like anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder-

    9. MR

      Okay

    10. RG

      ... which are disorders in the DSM, which is the Diagnostic Statistical Manual, which is, we joke, it's our bible in psychology.

    11. MR

      Okay.

    12. RG

      So they have a specific set of criteria that you have to meet in order to be diagnosed with this disorder.

    13. MR

      Okay.

    14. RG

      Disordered eating I think is much more common, and I think most people struggle with some sort of disordered eating, disordered eating thoughts, disordered eating behaviors, or their relationship with food.

    15. MR

      Okay.

    16. RG

      That could be things like emotional eating. It's not in the DSM as a full diagnosed eating disorder.

    17. MR

      Okay.

    18. RG

      It could also be grazing, so grazing behaviors is, like, just picking on food all day. It's different than, like, three meals and two little snacks. That's very different. That's planned.

    19. MR

      Mm-hmm.

    20. RG

      Grazing is like, I'm gonna get up and have a little bit of this. Few minutes later, I get up, a little bit of that. That's a, that's a little disordered.

    21. MR

      Okay.

    22. RG

      It's not the way that we, quote, "should" be eating regularly throughout the day, right? Also, restrictive eating, not necessarily meeting criteria for anorexia, let's say, could be disordered. Right? Like, if somebody skips meals often, then that can become problematic because it might lead to overeating or binge eating later.

    23. MR

      Gotcha.

    24. RG

      Right?

    25. MR

      Okay.

    26. RG

      There's a lot of disordered eating around food, thoughts, behaviors that, again, I think is much more common than we think.

    27. MR

      What, um, are some examples of disordered thoughts about eating?

    28. RG

      So one of them would be labeling foods good and bad.

    29. MR

      Mm-hmm.

    30. RG

      Right? I actually really like to help people get away from that.

  8. 35:47 – 37:50

    How to Communicate With Someone With Disordered Eating

    1. MR

      when you are concerned about somebody in your life because you are seeing the restrictive behavior or you are seeing the thoughts that are disordered and very judgemental? What do you do if this is somebody you deeply care about?

    2. RG

      Yeah. So I think it depends on the relationship-

    3. MR

      Okay

    4. RG

      ... you have with them, but the first thing you could do is talk to them about it, but not- not about it.

    5. MR

      How do you do that?

    6. RG

      Like, like ask, like, "How have you been lately? I've noticed you're..." Maybe they have lower energy or maybe they're missing meetings or missing appointments or canceling on you. Like, find something like that and make it a, like, use I statements, though.

    7. MR

      Okay.

    8. RG

      Like, I'm concerned about you. I noticed. So taking that judgment away, taking the assumptions away. I noticed you've been missing meetings or you've been canceling on our dinner parties, whatever it is. Like, I'm concerned. Is everything okay? Open-ended questions and I statements.

    9. MR

      Okay.

    10. RG

      But if you're gonna ask a question, be prepared to listen.Most people listen but don't really hear.

    11. MR

      Hmm.

    12. RG

      Right? So, like, really genuinely listen to what they have to say and be open-minded.

    13. MR

      What if you get just, like, nothing?

    14. RG

      So you could then let it go for now-

    15. MR

      Uh-huh

    16. RG

      ... and you could try again-

    17. MR

      Okay

    18. RG

      ... at another time. But it also depends on the circumstance. So, like, you don't wanna bring up a sensitive topic like this when you're in a crowded place, when you or the other person are already emotional.

    19. MR

      Okay.

    20. RG

      Right? Like, you want a neutral place. Ideally, I would actually say, like, on a walk.

    21. MR

      Okay.

    22. RG

      Right? Like, as you're moving your bodies-

    23. MR

      Yep

    24. RG

      ... it's easier to come up and, like, share emotional things.

    25. MR

      Mm-hmm.

    26. RG

      But you could, again, just kind of check in on somebody. And if you needed to, you could be, you know, "I've noticed whenever we go out, you're just picking on your food, like, you know, is everything okay?" Right? You don't wanna assume. There could be a medical situation going on also, right? We don't wanna assume that what's going on is an eating disorder necessarily.

    27. MR

      As a psychologist,

  9. 37:50 – 40:07

    Is Counting Macros Healthy?

    1. MR

      what do you believe the line is between being health-conscious, whether it's, like, counting macros, exercising, avoiding processed food, ba-da-da-da-da-da-da, like, all that stuff, versus slipping into disordered behavior? What's the line there?

    2. RG

      So you know there's actually a term-

    3. MR

      Okay

    4. RG

      ... orthorexia, O-R-T-H-O-R-E-X-I-A.

    5. MR

      Okay.

    6. RG

      Orthorexia.

    7. MR

      Okay.

    8. RG

      It was actually first introduced in 1996.

    9. MR

      Okay.

    10. RG

      We've only started hearing about it in media in the past 10-ish, 15 years, and I think it has almost skyrocketed because of the things we're talking about.

    11. MR

      Okay.

    12. RG

      So what orthorexia is is when something healthy becomes an obsession-

    13. MR

      Hmm

    14. RG

      ... but related to food and eating and body shape, size. So with all the gluten sensitivities and the allergies or somebody wanting to go organic, sounds like, oh, that could be healthy for you, sure.

    15. MR

      Yes.

    16. RG

      You wanna be a little more health conscious? Sure. Go for it.

    17. MR

      Right.

    18. RG

      But now it becomes an obsession, and now it becomes this rigid thinking-

    19. MR

      Yes

    20. RG

      ... and rigid lifestyle, right?

    21. MR

      Yes.

    22. RG

      And I think the reason that we're seeing more of this is because of social media.

    23. MR

      1,000%.

    24. RG

      I've said that before, I will say it again. The comparison, the what I ate in a day. Like, really? Did you really just only eat that today, right? All of that. Or somebody decided to go gluten-free, and now you're looking at their body and you're looking at their skin and they're like, "Well, it must work. Like, it worked for them. It must work for me. I'll do it."

    25. MR

      Right.

    26. RG

      But nobody should be going gluten-free unless they have a legit gluten sensitivity and spoke to a doctor about it. Like, we-

    27. MR

      Why?

    28. RG

      We all... Well, we all need the same reason, like, we shouldn't be cutting carbs completely. We all need all of these nutrients and all of these food categories in order to have a balanced diet. Can you limit a little? Can you minimize a little? Sure. We all can. Should we have more protein than carbs? Of course we should. But e- in completely eliminating any one food group, I think is a sign that you have too rigid thinking related to your food.

    29. MR

      Unless you've had a doctor say that there's a sensitivity.

    30. RG

      Exactly.

  10. 40:07 – 46:13

    How to Eat Mindfully Without Feeling Hungry

    1. MR

      when you talk about orthorexia and how this disordered eating has skyrocketed-

    2. RG

      Right

    3. MR

      ... in the last decade, what is the line between very positive healthy changes, being conscientious, planning, you know, like, really being, uh, careful-

    4. RG

      Right

    5. MR

      ... about what you eat, but still allowing yourself to enjoy yourself, versus it slipping into something like orthorexia?

    6. RG

      Well, you just described it. Being able to enjoy yourself. It's about the mindset.

    7. MR

      Hmm.

    8. RG

      Am I nourishing my body and finding joy and it feels good, or am I rigid and restricting because I feel like I have to? Like, I can't eat this is very different than I don't wanna eat this because I'm choosing to not have a glass of wine with dinner because I really want the dessert later.

    9. MR

      Right.

    10. RG

      Like, that's a healthy balance, let's say, right?

    11. MR

      Yep. Yeah.

    12. RG

      Versus I can't have this because I ate it yesterday-

    13. MR

      Hmm

    14. RG

      ... or I can't have this because I'm gonna feel like I'm gaining weight or I feel a certain way afterwards, right?

    15. MR

      Mm-hmm.

    16. RG

      Again, the thought that follows the behavior, but what's the purpose? Am I eating because we're at lunch and we're enjoying food, or am I not eating because I'm restricting and have rigid thinking about food?

    17. MR

      Got it. Got it. So it does come back to the thing you've said at the very beginning, the thought, the emotion, the behavior.

    18. RG

      Absolutely.

    19. MR

      Because, you know, one of the things that I care deeply about is that people do feel better in their lives, that they do prioritize their health, and there's a lot of incredible content out there. I particularly love the stuff that is now educating women around, uh, resistance training-

    20. RG

      Yes

    21. MR

      ... and eating breakfast and getting protein. And for so long the message was the opposite, that you're gonna get big if you go to the gym. You're gonna get big if you eat three solid meals a day.

    22. RG

      Right.

    23. MR

      And what I'm also recognizing as we're talking is all of those harmful messages around restricting create real hunger, and it screws up your body in terms of your metabolism, and your body's designed to be fueled consistently and in a certain way. That's how it works.

    24. RG

      Exactly.

    25. MR

      And when you stop putting fuel in the tank, the car doesn't drive the way it's supposed to. And then when you fill it, overfill it, like, a- so it makes a lot of sense, but I think so many of us have been conditioned by the media, by examples around us, by culture, that we're supposed to look a certain way, and when we don't, we torture ourselves.

    26. RG

      Right. Right, like something's wrong with you.

    27. MR

      Yes.

    28. RG

      Or, like, you don't have willpower.

    29. MR

      Yes.

    30. RG

      Like, oh, oh my gosh, I had breakfast. What's wrong with me?Like, no, you need to eat. You need to have breakfast

  11. 46:13 – 51:54

    What to Cook for Someone with an Eating Disorder

    1. MR

      if you've got somebody in your family that has an issue?

    2. RG

      So it depends where they are on this.

    3. MR

      Okay.

    4. RG

      Like, is it an open-

    5. MR

      Let's take it-

    6. RG

      Right

    7. MR

      ... let's take it in, like, if it's, like, it's start, like, in the beginning.

    8. RG

      Like, you haven't spoken about it yet.

    9. MR

      Yeah. Well, talk to us through the three phases.

    10. RG

      Right. So you haven't spoken about it yet. It's not, like, a known thing that's an issue.

    11. MR

      Okay.

    12. RG

      But you think it might be an issue.

    13. MR

      Yes.

    14. RG

      You wanna model good, healthy eating behaviors-

    15. MR

      Okay

    16. RG

      ... and things around food and eating.

    17. MR

      Okay.

    18. RG

      So like, for instance, I would, if it was me, I'd be like, "Wow, this is so good," whatever it is I'm eating. "Wow, you wanna try it? You wanna, you wanna have some of mine? You wanna share?" So just kind of, like, encourage and open the door-

    19. MR

      Okay

    20. RG

      ... for, like, wow, this is good, or wow, I feel so good when I eat this. Oh, I was, you know, I, I really felt like I needed something to nourish my body. So make it a little bit about you, but they're listening.

    21. MR

      Okay.

    22. RG

      Right? Also, depending on the age of the child, 'cause it depends on that, too, you could offer more options, right? Like, oh, you don't wanna eat that? Can I make this for you? Right? So kind of offer more options. You can also include them in the kitchen.

    23. MR

      Hm.

    24. RG

      This is a fun way to get younger kids or any age a little bit more involved, right? Oh, you know what? You didn't like what I made for dinner last night. Let's go to the supermarket together. Let's find something that's gonna be really good for you, right? Or that's gonna make you feel good. I also think when kids are picky, 'cause we hear this a lot now, picky eaters-

    25. MR

      Yep

    26. RG

      ... if they're eating something, just go with it for now.

    27. MR

      Okay. What if, what if the person at the table is overeating, emotional eating?

    28. RG

      So it's funny 'cause I, I tend to look at all of this through a different lens now that I'm a mom.

    29. MR

      Yes.

    30. RG

      So-

  12. 51:54 – 1:03:14

    What To Do When You're in a Binge–Restrict Cycle

    1. MR

      the binge restricting cycle and how those things can be related because for a lot of our listeners, restriction can be the beginning, but it then escalates into what you've been talking about, which is binging and purging or just overeating and then getting mad at yourself and then restricting. So why don't you unpack that for us?

    2. RG

      Yeah.

    3. MR

      What causes the restrict then binge cycle, and how can you break it?

    4. RG

      Yeah. So it could have started for many different reasons, right? The restricting. It could be a comment that you heard. It could be you looking in the mirror that day and feel like you look a certain way-

    5. MR

      Sure

    6. RG

      ... and like, oh, now I can't eat. That misconception of let's just eat less, right? Not the answer. So it could start that way, and then you go hours without eating, and then you realize, wow, I'm hungry.

    7. MR

      Hmm.

    8. RG

      But now it's impulsive, it's reactive, it's emotional.

    9. MR

      Mm-hmm.

    10. RG

      You might overeat 'cause you're so hungry you can't get it in fast enough almost.

    11. MR

      Mm-hmm.

    12. RG

      And then like, oh my gosh, I just overate. Oh, I have to skip my meal or I'm gonna purge. So it becomes this vicious cycle, and we have to break the cycle somewhere. And it's hard.

    13. MR

      How do you do it?

    14. RG

      Yeah, it's hard. You actually have to eat.

    15. MR

      Wait.

    16. RG

      Right. So-

    17. MR

      If, if you're binging, you have to eat?

    18. RG

      Not then.

    19. MR

      Okay.

    20. RG

      But for instance, let's, let's give an example of somebody binged in the evening.

    21. MR

      Yeah.

    22. RG

      Right? This is common. People will participate in, like, night eating.

    23. MR

      Mm-hmm.

    24. RG

      Right? Which there's night eating syndrome or night eating disorder, which is the, you're consuming most of your calories, say, in the later evening hours after dinner.

    25. MR

      Oh.

    26. RG

      And/or you're waking up in the middle of the night and eating but aware of it.

    27. MR

      Okay.

    28. RG

      'Cause that's different from there's a sleep disorder that's also related to eating.

    29. MR

      Okay.

    30. RG

      So a lot of people that overeat or binge eat, it happens in the later evening.

  13. 1:03:14 – 1:10:12

    The Healthiest Way To Use GLP-1 Weight Loss Drugs

    1. MR

      specialized in is the treatment of obesity. And I would love to have you talk a little bit about the GLP-1s that are available now. And what is your take on how to be body positive and not shame yourself and use the tools like GLP-1 for weight loss?

    2. RG

      Yeah. This is a hot topic. So I think a lot of people think if you're body positive-

    3. MR

      Yep

    4. RG

      ... you can't be doing something to, quote, "change your body", right? And I say quote because we're not really changing our body. Our bodies are what they are.

    5. MR

      Mm-hmm.

    6. RG

      But GLP-1s are medications that are indicated for two diseases, diabetes and/or obesity. Those are medical conditions. They are diseases, and they are available to treat them. So you can be body positive and love your body and accept your body and know that you need a treatment to become healthier. It's about health.

    7. MR

      Yeah.

    8. RG

      We need to get away from this idea that it is a weight loss medication.

    9. MR

      Mm.

    10. RG

      Like, I don't like that term for it. GLP-1s are not weight loss medications. They are anti-obesity, anti-diabetes medications or treatments available for these conditions. And if we stop calling them weight loss medications, I think we're also able to start breaking that stigma and shame that some people have for going on them. But you can be on this journey. I like to think of it as a journey. We are all on a journey of body acceptance-

    11. MR

      Uh-huh

    12. RG

      ... because of the world we live in. We are on a journey of body acceptance. We can accept our body and know that there's things I can do that's gonna help me become healthier. One of them is, like, eating breakfast.

    13. MR

      Right.

    14. RG

      One of them can be taking or being on a GLP-1, right?

    15. MR

      Yeah.

    16. RG

      And there's nothing wrong with that.

    17. MR

      Are they a good tool for emotional eating or disordered eating? Like, how can they help somebody, or do they help somebody if you're not dealing with the disease of obesity-

    18. RG

      Right

    19. MR

      ... you're dealing with disordered eating, disordered thoughts, being in a cycle?

    20. RG

      Yeah. So I think it depends on each individual-

    21. MR

      Mm-hmm

    22. RG

      ... and their history with their relationship with eating, if they had an eating disorder, things like that. But GLP-1s work by limiting the amount of food that people eat. So they get full faster, but it also allows people, like... So this, this term food noise becomes quieter. So-

    23. MR

      What does the term food noise mean?

    24. RG

      Right. So food noise is the, like, the constant excessive, obsessive thoughts related to food and eating.

    25. MR

      Hmm.

    26. RG

      So kinda like what we were talking about before, right? It's this constant chatter all day of, "What am I eating? What am I eating? Did I eat enough? What, you know, when's my next meal?" Some people have that all the time.

    27. MR

      Wow, that would blow.

    28. RG

      It's, it's hard.

    29. MR

      Yeah.

    30. RG

      Yeah. When people are on GLP-1s, for the most part, most of my clients say the food noise, not completely gone, but it has quieted.

  14. 1:10:12 – 1:12:24

    How to Support a Loved One with an Eating Disorder

    1. RG

      Yeah

    2. MR

      ... if there's somebody in your life and you're worried about them, whether it's because they're carrying too much weight or you're starting to see some of the signs of disordered eating?

    3. RG

      Yeah. So similar to what we were talking about before with children-

    4. MR

      Mm-hmm

    5. RG

      ... we wanna be mindful and very sensitive to this.

    6. MR

      Okay.

    7. RG

      It is a sensitive topic. We can't judge, we can't assume. So like I said that I'm curious as a provider, we wanna be curious. We wanna ask open-ended questions. We wanna say, "I'm concerned," right? And try to gain that trust to open the door is the first thing.

    8. MR

      Okay.

    9. RG

      And validate their feelings. So many people gained weight during the pandemic, for instance. Let's normalize it. This is tough, and people gain weight during stressful times. So it's, it's about how we present it.

    10. MR

      Mm.

    11. RG

      So language is powerful.

    12. MR

      Mm-hmm.

    13. RG

      Not just the words we use, but also the way we present it, the tone. Are we being curious and mindful and compassionate, or are we accusing somebody of something? But I also wanna say don't be afraid to have the conversation if you're really concerned. Sometimes we have to have hard conversations, and that's okay. But again, be prepared for it. Actually listen. Maybe be ready with some advice, right? Or with some solutions to help provide solutions together. Don't come with the answers, though. For instance, what I would do, I would almost have, like some therapist's names and info in my pocket. Like, "Oh, actually I looked into this." Like, "Can I help you get a therapist? I heard about this doctor. Can I help connect you?" But they have to be ready.

    14. MR

      And I have a feeling that this conversation's gonna be one that a lot of people send to people in their life who they're concerned about.

    15. RG

      Yeah.

    16. MR

      And so could you speak directly to a person who's listening that has been struggling with either their weight or they've recognizing that their relationship to food or the disordered thoughts or the cycle of purging and binging and good and bad and just beating themselves up, can you talk to that person about what's possible?

    17. RG

      Yeah. So I wanna say

  15. 1:12:24 – 1:17:36

    Why Eating Disorders are on the Rise

    1. RG

      it's not your fault, and you're not alone. So many people struggle, and it's okay. This awareness, this aha moment, is going to make you pause and think, "What can I do differently?" And help is available. There are people out there, friends, supports, resources, doctors, that wanna help you, and it's not your fault.

    2. MR

      Is it really possible to rebuild trust in yourself and with your body after years or in a lot of cases decades-

    3. RG

      Right

    4. MR

      ... of shame and dieting and just feeling out of control?

    5. RG

      It is. It is possible. But the key is not to think it's gonna happen like a drastic change overnight. Nothing... Like, that's a diet, right? The big drastic change is a diet. It's the small steps. So I actually talk about this a lot in my book, that it's tweaks. I like to use the word tweak instead of change.

    6. MR

      Okay. I love that.

    7. RG

      Change is overwhelming.

    8. MR

      Mm-hmm.

    9. RG

      Nobody wants to change anything. [laughs] But we can all make a tweak.So if we t- make small tweaks and actually start doing them, they add up. Like, I love it when my clients say to me, like, "I feel like I didn't change anything, but wow, I'm sleeping better."

    10. MR

      Mm.

    11. RG

      "I have more energy." That's when we do it. If it is too hard, we aren't gonna do it. So if I told you, "I want you to start eating three meals a day today, two snacks, go to the gym, do this, do that."

    12. MR

      I already forgot the first one.

    13. RG

      I was just gonna say, I lo- you lost... Like, I already lost you. I know.

    14. MR

      So, so if the person makes one tweak today-

    15. RG

      Today

    16. MR

      ... out of everything that you have shared, what is the most important tweak that you want someone to make?

    17. RG

      I want you to pause and give yourself credit for where you are, and remind yourself that you aren't broken and nothing's wrong with you. Because if you're able to do that, you're then gonna be able to take the next step and be kind to yourself, and know that you deserve help if you need help, or you matter. So many people put themselves on the back burner. "I don't matter. It doesn't matter. It's fine. It's fine. I have kids," whatever. But no, if you are not taking care of yourself, we can't show up to be the best us. So that pause and that reminder that you matter is everything.

    18. MR

      Well, what's also great about the pause being the one tweak you take is that it's where you have to start. Because your entire book, what you do with patients and have been doing for decades, the thing you began our conversation with, is teaching yourself how to stop reacting emotionally to everything and to stop reacting to the destructive thoughts that you have.

    19. RG

      Right.

    20. MR

      And take a breath, in through the nose, out through the mouth. And that little boundary between you and your emotions and you and the world and you and your stress is where you will find a different response.

    21. RG

      Right. It all starts with that pause.

    22. MR

      Yeah. Dr. Rachel Goldman, what are your parting words?

    23. RG

      It's scary when we feel like we lost control, but we can hit the reset button right here, right now. We don't have to wait till Monday. We don't have to wait for the new year. Right now. There's no reason to wait. We can all make a small tweak. We can all pause right now.

    24. MR

      Well, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you for the work that you do. Thank you for being here with us in our Boston studios. Thank you for filling the toolbox with a lot of tools that we can reach for, and I know it's gonna make a huge difference, so thank you.

    25. RG

      Thank you. Thank you so much for everything, doing what you're doing, and for allowing me to be here with you to share all of this.

    26. MR

      Oh, well, of course.

    27. RG

      [laughs]

    28. MR

      I'm glad you came, and I'm glad you came, too. Thank you for making the time to listen to or watch this. And I know that this is gonna be an incredible resource for people that you care about, that you maybe haven't been able to talk to. You don't know how to bring it up. Let Dr. Goldman talk to them. That's what this conversation could be for you. So, thank you for listening. Thank you for learning. Thank you for sharing this with people that you care about. And as your friend, I want to be sure to tell you that I love you and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a better life. And if you just take that one tweak of the pause, that one small change and making that a habit is going to help you create a better life because you're gonna feel more in control of how you respond to it. Alrighty. I will see you in the very next episode. I'll be waiting to welcome you in the moment you hit play. I'll see you there. Alrighty. Thank you so much for being here with me and watching all the way to the end here on YouTube. If you're not already subscribed, it's the best way that you can support me, because I'm always showing up here with my team, supporting you. And I know you're looking for the next video that is gonna help you get ahead. I think you're gonna love this one. I'll welcome you in the moment you hit play.

Episode duration: 1:17:36

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