This Shocking Truth About Other People Will Change Your Life

1. 0:00 – 2:24

   Meet The Guest

   1. TRDr. Todd Rose0:00

      (instrumental music plays) I had a interesting upbringing, failed outta high school with a 0.9 GPA, on welfare, string of minimum wage jobs. I had like no self-esteem. Recognizing rock bottom, something had to change, um, and I happened upon a book.

   2. MRMel Robbins0:15

      Today's conversation about authenticity and the lies that you've been told is going to be life-changing. Dr. Todd Rose, expert researcher with a PhD from Harvard is here to teach you how to reconnect with your true self so you can live the life you deserve.

   3. TRDr. Todd Rose0:30

      Here's the important part about authenticity. It is a process. It's not a destination. There's no such thing as you could put all the work you want in right now, and you're like, "I'm done." It's- it's just not how it works. A flourishing life is one where you grow and change and discover. And once you realize how many people end up copying you, you'll see just how profoundly we're affected by what we believe other people believe and expect of us. The only truly bad decision is when you violate your own values and aspirations to conform to a group that didn't want that from you in the first place. Nobody wins. We're the first generation now, as a society, that has to deal with collective illusions at scale because of social media.

   4. MRMel Robbins1:12

      What is a collective illusion?

   5. TRDr. Todd Rose1:14

      Collective illusion is group think, but you're wrong about the group. Almost two-thirds of people are admitting that they are self-silencing right now. You cannot trust your brain to tell you what your group thinks anymore. It's about authenticity. Authenticity is the kryptonite of collective illusions. Probably the single most important study we've ever done that I think has the most implications for society and for individuals is...

   6. MRMel Robbins1:42

      Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. (instrumental music plays) Hey, it's Mel. Before we get into this incredible episode about living a more authentic life, my team was showing me, 57% of you who watch here on YouTube are not subscribed yet. Do me a quick favor, hit subscribe. That way you don't miss any of the episodes of the Mel Robbins Podcast that we post here on YouTube. And it also lets me know that you enjoy the guests and the content that we're bringing to you for free, because I wanna make sure you don't miss a thing. And boy, are you here for an incredible conversation today, so thanks for hitting subscribe. All right. You ready?

2. 2:24 – 11:54

   The Hidden Pressures to Be Someone You’re Not

   1. MRMel Robbins2:24

      Good. Let's dive in. Please help me welcome Dr. Todd Rose to the Mel Robbins Podcast.

   2. TRDr. Todd Rose2:29

      Thanks for having me.

   3. MRMel Robbins2:30

      I am so excited to talk to you.

   4. TRDr. Todd Rose2:32

      Me too.

   5. MRMel Robbins2:33

      I'm really excited for so many reasons, and here's where I wanna start. How is my life gonna be different?

   6. TRDr. Todd Rose2:39

      I- if you understand and internalize the ideas we're gonna talk about today, you're gonna be more confident, you're gonna live more authentically, which is gonna lead to greater life satisfaction, happiness, but more importantly, your relationships are gonna be better and you're gonna be- have a deeper sense of belonging to the groups that matter most to you.

   7. MRMel Robbins2:58

      That's a big promise. I'm really excited for that. I actually believe you.

   8. TRDr. Todd Rose3:02

      (laughs) That's great.

   9. MRMel Robbins3:03

      No, I do believe you. I believe you, and what I'm excited about is I- I have this sense that we are living in a world where we all feel so divided from one another, and yet I- I- I hold firmly to this belief that the vast majority of us are way more similar and believe way more of the same things and want a lot of the same things than we actually are led to believe-

   10. TRDr. Todd Rose3:25

       Mm-hmm.

   11. MRMel Robbins3:25

       ... in the world right now.

   12. TRDr. Todd Rose3:26

       And you're 100% correct. You know, what we do at my think tank Populace, we, uh, do what's called private opinion research. So we-

   13. MRMel Robbins3:33

       What is private opinion research?

   14. TRDr. Todd Rose3:35

       So it's... So polling, it's all public.

   15. MRMel Robbins3:36

       Oh.

   16. TRDr. Todd Rose3:37

       And it has all the social pressure, right?

   17. MRMel Robbins3:39

       Okay.

   18. TRDr. Todd Rose3:39

       You know there's a right answer, and so it turns out everybody's misrepresenting their views right now.

   19. MRMel Robbins3:44

       You feel like there's this big cost if you just don't go with the flow or you just don't agree or you just don't do what you think everybody else wants you to do-

   20. TRDr. Todd Rose3:53

       Mm-hmm.

   21. MRMel Robbins3:53

       ... whether it's your family or at work or with your friend group. And so where I wanna start is, you write a lot in your best-selling book, Collective Illusions, about the fact that we are fundamentally wired to conform. What does that mean, Todd?

   22. TRDr. Todd Rose4:08

       Yeah, this is really important to bring up because when we talk about conformity, it- it kinda has like a negative connotation, right?

   23. MRMel Robbins4:14

       Yes.

   24. TRDr. Todd Rose4:15

       Like nobody wants to admit they conform to something.

   25. MRMel Robbins4:17

       Yes.

   26. TRDr. Todd Rose4:18

       But here's what's important.

   27. MRMel Robbins4:19

       Mm-hmm.

   28. TRDr. Todd Rose4:19

       We are hardwired to belong to groups.

   29. MRMel Robbins4:22

       Okay.

   30. TRDr. Todd Rose4:22

       Evolutionarily, this is how we survive, and that belonging can lead to conformity when we feel like we have to distort who we are to get that belonging. And if you don't mind, let me give you an example.
3. 11:54 – 29:37

   The Lies We All Quietly Believe

   1. MRMel Robbins11:54

      get to and understand. One of the terms I'd love to have you talk a little bit about is this, uh, term collective illusions." It's the title of your best-selling book.

   2. TRDr. Todd Rose12:02

      Mm-hmm.

   3. MRMel Robbins12:03

      Can you define, in very plain terms-

   4. TRDr. Todd Rose12:05

      Yeah.

   5. MRMel Robbins12:05

      ... what is a collective illusion?

   6. TRDr. Todd Rose12:07

      Collective illusion is group think, but you're wrong about the group.So let me unpack that just a little bit.

   7. MRMel Robbins12:13

      Okay.

   8. TRDr. Todd Rose12:13

      It formally is a phenomenon where most people in a group go along with something they don't privately agree with, simply because they incorrectly think that most other people agree with it.

   9. MRMel Robbins12:25

      Okay. Give me an example.

   10. TRDr. Todd Rose12:26

       So one of the most sticky collective illusions of all that's been around for multiple decades that we've tracked is this, uh, binge drinking in college.

   11. MRMel Robbins12:35

       Okay.

   12. TRDr. Todd Rose12:35

       So kids leave home, they go to a new place. They're like, "What does it mean to be a college student here?"

   13. MRMel Robbins12:41

       Yep.

   14. TRDr. Todd Rose12:41

       And they all think that most kids binge drink. And so they go to a party and they end up binge drinking when in reality, in private, we know as a matter of fact, most college kids are deeply skeptical about binge drinking. They know it's bad, but it's what they feel like they need to do to belong, to be a part, to be a college student.

   15. MRMel Robbins13:00

       Wow.

   16. TRDr. Todd Rose13:01

       And it turns out, as what we can talk about later, no amount of trying to tell them how bad drinking is works. In fact, it, it propagates the illusion. It's like-

   17. MRMel Robbins13:10

       Oh, that it's a problem.

   18. TRDr. Todd Rose13:11

       Yeah. It's like, "Wait."

   19. MRMel Robbins13:11

       And that everybody's doing it.

   20. TRDr. Todd Rose13:12

       Yeah. Why would all the administration put all these posters up telling us about the dangers of binge drinking if people weren't binge drinking? And so it ends up fueling the illusion.

   21. MRMel Robbins13:21

       Yes.

   22. TRDr. Todd Rose13:21

       And so what, you know, what you need is to have social proof where you have popular kids, other people just being like, "I don't, I don't binge drink. Why would I binge drink?" You, you can't lecture or try to persuade. You have to just reveal. But this happens all the time. Y- what's crazy is the phenomenon of collective illusions, we've known about for about 100 years in research.

   23. MRMel Robbins13:42

       Uh-huh.

   24. TRDr. Todd Rose13:42

       Um, it goes back further obviously, because The Emperor's New Clothes-

   25. MRMel Robbins13:45

       Oh, yeah.

   26. TRDr. Todd Rose13:46

       ... r- is about collective illusions. Right? And-

   27. MRMel Robbins13:48

       Unpack that for the person that doesn't know what The En- Emperor's New Clothes is.

   28. TRDr. Todd Rose13:50

       So it's the, it's the story of the parable of like the emperor gets convinced by some huckster that they can spin the most beautiful clothing ever made, and it's so fine that it's invisible to everyone except for people who are worthy of their station in life. And the emperor's like, "Obviously, I'm worthy of it." So they make up this, it's y- and they fake like they're putting it on him and he's like, "Well, obviously I can see it, 'cause if I say I can't see it then I must not be worthy of being in charge of everything."

   29. MRMel Robbins14:19

       Yes. Yes.

   30. TRDr. Todd Rose14:21

       And then everybody around him wants power and wants to be close to it, so they don't want to say, "You're buck naked."
4. 29:37 – 36:25

   What We Get Wrong About Success

   1. TRDr. Todd Rose29:37

   2. MRMel Robbins29:37

      Yes.

   3. TRDr. Todd Rose29:37

      ... this is, these are my people.

   4. MRMel Robbins29:38

      Can, can you share the data on what people actually agree on and care about-

   5. TRDr. Todd Rose29:43

      Yeah.

   6. MRMel Robbins29:43

      ... so that as you're listening and watching... Like, this is an incredible episode to send to family members and to send to friends that you feel like you can't talk to anymore, because you believe the collective illusion-

   7. TRDr. Todd Rose29:57

      Yeah.

   8. MRMel Robbins29:57

      ... that they somehow don't agree with you on core things. So what does this data say about what people actually-

   9. TRDr. Todd Rose30:04

      For sure.

   10. MRMel Robbins30:04

       ... care about?

   11. TRDr. Todd Rose30:04

       So let's, let's take a few things, 'cause we can go all day on this, which is pretty incredible. So we studied the American Aspirations Index. So this was a US-focused one.

   12. MRMel Robbins30:13

       Okay.

   13. TRDr. Todd Rose30:14

       And we studied, what do you want for the country? And there were dozens and dozens and dozens of possibilities. And what was shocking to me, we found that-... in the top 10 aspirations for the country, we agreed on eight out of the 10. Individual rights-

   14. MRMel Robbins30:30

       Yep.

   15. TRDr. Todd Rose30:31

       ... uh, we still believe that... in free speech, uh, treating each other with respect, uh, having everyone have high-quality healthcare. Eh, so there's a basic, uh, kinda life we wanna live together, and we know that we owe each other certain things to make that life possible. And it turns out, we agree on that. Now, as you said earlier, back in the day, w- we might disagree on how we do it, right? Do you have Medicare for all? Do you have more like RomneyCare we'd had in Massachusetts? You know, there are different ways that we can debate how to get it done, but it turns out the ultimate aims, we're shockingly similar on.

   16. MRMel Robbins31:07

       Well, I find it extraordinarily encouraging to hear that underneath all the noise of the loudest voices and the division and the bots, that human beings agree on eight out of the 10 things that are the most important things.

   17. TRDr. Todd Rose31:24

       Yeah.

   18. MRMel Robbins31:24

       What did you find about our personal lives? Like, how do people want to live-

   19. TRDr. Todd Rose31:28

       This is-

   20. MRMel Robbins31:29

       ... and how do we... Like, break us... T- tell me the list on what we agree on-

   21. TRDr. Todd Rose31:33

       Yeah.

   22. MRMel Robbins31:33

       ... and then let's unpack that.

   23. TRDr. Todd Rose31:36

       So probably the single most important study we've ever done that I think has the most implications for society and for individuals is... it's called The Success Index.

   24. MRMel Robbins31:48

       The Success Index, okay.

   25. TRDr. Todd Rose31:49

       And we wanted to know what do you mean by a successful life for you? What kinda life do you wanna live? Nothing's more important than you feeling like you're living the kinda life that you wanna live even if no one else wants to live it, right? That's literally the American dream. That's literally, like, the key to flourishing. It's the key to social trust. It's the key to everything. Okay. So we (laughs) did this, I mean, massive private opinion study with the same kinda trade-offs, right? Because you can't have everything in life.

   26. MRMel Robbins32:18

       Right.

   27. TRDr. Todd Rose32:19

       We had 61 possible attributes for a good life.

   28. MRMel Robbins32:23

       Okay. So you can pick between 61.

   29. TRDr. Todd Rose32:24

       Everything from... everything from having a family to being the richest person you know and everything in-

   30. MRMel Robbins32:28

       Yep.
5. 36:25 – 50:55

   How to Live a More Authentic Life

   1. TRDr. Todd Rose36:25

   2. MRMel Robbins36:25

      Yes.

   3. TRDr. Todd Rose36:25

      ... right? We're social species.

   4. MRMel Robbins36:26

      Yes.

   5. TRDr. Todd Rose36:27

      We internalize the norms, the aspirations, w- what does it mean to succeed.... um, and they will internalize that as, "Well, that's what I believe." I mean, th- they genuinely believe it. They're not lying. The kids aren't lying. They'll learn the hard way again, just like we all have, that that's a really bad way to think about living a good life, but that's really sad. I mean, that it has to come to that. Um, and the, at the end of the day, like, what's so important about this, and we can talk about why, when it comes to collective illusions, it's about individuals. It's about authenticity. Authenticity is the kryptonite of collective illusions. Silence is never the answer, authenticity always is.

   6. MRMel Robbins37:06

      So, is the reason why so many people are miserable as they're chasing success is because they're chasing a version of success-

   7. TRDr. Todd Rose37:15

      Yeah.

   8. MRMel Robbins37:15

      ... that they believe other people have?

   9. TRDr. Todd Rose37:17

      Yeah. And let- let's be fair f- to all of us. We wanna be successful on our own terms, and we also would love to be recognized for that.

   10. MRMel Robbins37:25

       But for what?

   11. TRDr. Todd Rose37:26

       So, if I think being successful is finding fulfillment and doing something, like, literally most people's view of success is getting meaning in their life by contributing to the lives of other people.

   12. MRMel Robbins37:36

       Yes.

   13. TRDr. Todd Rose37:36

       That's literally a, if- if I could sum it up, right?

   14. MRMel Robbins37:38

       Yes.

   15. TRDr. Todd Rose37:39

       Well, I wanna do that, but I would also love that you recognize that I do that and it's valuable. Like, nothing wrong with wanting society to recognize my accomplishments, my aspirations, and validate them.

   16. MRMel Robbins37:50

       Yeah.

   17. TRDr. Todd Rose37:51

       The slippery slope is, I can, without thinking, just like with your drinking example, where you're like-

   18. MRMel Robbins37:56

       Yes.

   19. TRDr. Todd Rose37:56

       ... "I didn't even think about it," and suddenly I'm having a glass of wine.

   20. MRMel Robbins37:58

       Yes.

   21. TRDr. Todd Rose37:59

       Without thinking about it, we can easily slip into wanting their affirmation first, and corrupting what we choose to do as a result. And I'll give you th- why this matters. In our research, we linked achievement on that success index-

   22. MRMel Robbins38:15

       Yeah.

   23. TRDr. Todd Rose38:16

       ... to life satisfaction, like how- how happy you are with your life. Here's what was amazing. To the extent that you were achieving on your private priorities-

   24. MRMel Robbins38:24

       And just to make sure I'm tracking with you, people publicly say, "I want the fame, I want the house, I want the car, I want the followers."

   25. TRDr. Todd Rose38:32

       They want the fancy car, the biggest house.

   26. MRMel Robbins38:34

       But what secretly matters to you is your family, your friendships-

   27. TRDr. Todd Rose38:38

       My community.

   28. MRMel Robbins38:39

       ... my community.

   29. TRDr. Todd Rose38:40

       Being a good person. If you achieve on those, it directly increases life satisfaction. In fact, just-

   30. MRMel Robbins38:46

       If you directly achieve on the things-
6. 50:55 – 1:04:07

   The Difference Between Fitting in and Belonging

   1. TRDr. Todd Rose50:55

      fitting in.

   2. MRMel Robbins50:56

      What is the difference between belonging and fitting in?

   3. TRDr. Todd Rose51:01

      Belonging is when you are recognized, accepted, and even loved for who you are. So, you have to do that for yourself first. But... And 'cause no one's gonna do that for you, but when you're in groups... And we've all felt this, right? Like, me with my grandmother, I knew I was good enough, like, flaws and all. It didn't matter. Like, I didn't have to be somebody else, even in a small way, for her to love me. When you have that kind of relationship, there's nothing better in the world, okay? Fitting in is, "You accept me if. You accept me if. If I like the things you like, if I do the things you want me to do, if I decide to be a computer scientist instead of an artist." So many of our relationships are built on that kind of if. And, you know, just like, um, when you're not physically healthy, you forget what it feels like to be healthy.

   4. MRMel Robbins52:02

      Hmm.

   5. TRDr. Todd Rose52:04

      When we're used to fitting in, we forget what it feels like to truly belong. And I, and I'll say this, and I'll say this to anyone listening or viewing, you deserve to belong. You should not accept the status of just fitting in. It, it's not good enough, it doesn't lead to the place that you want it to lead to, and it causes a lot of harm to you and society.

   6. MRMel Robbins52:25

      What is the first step? Because I think, as you're listening, what you just said is both a wake-up call and it can be a little-

   7. TRDr. Todd Rose52:37

      Yeah.

   8. MRMel Robbins52:37

      ... crushing to your soul-

   9. TRDr. Todd Rose52:39

      Yeah, that's-

   10. MRMel Robbins52:39

       ... when you recognize your whole life, all you've tried to do is fit in.

   11. TRDr. Todd Rose52:43

       Yeah.

   12. MRMel Robbins52:43

       And I know that everybody wants to feel like their authentic self.

   13. TRDr. Todd Rose52:48

       Absolutely.

   14. MRMel Robbins52:48

       Everybody wants to be proud of themselves. Like, you wanna lay your head down on the pillow at night and know that you did the best that you could, you made the best decisions that you could, that you're proud of how you showed up, that you had good intentions. That is the gold standard that you, you know, it was a good day because you tried the best that you could to be a good person. And that starts with you being... making good decisions for yourself-

   15. TRDr. Todd Rose53:14

       Correct.

   16. MRMel Robbins53:14

       ... and not self-silencing to fit in.

   17. TRDr. Todd Rose53:16

       Here's the important part about authenticity. It is a process, it's not a destination. There's no such thing as, you could put all the work you want in right now and you're like, "I'm done." It's, it's, that's not how it works 'cause a flourishing life is one where you grow and change and discover and all that stuff. So, even if you were 100% right, right now, if you lock that in, you'd be inauthentic in the future. So, the things that people need to understand is, again, it's never too late. This is what's amazing, all the benefits of authenticity, the research shows, like, they accrue very quickly to you, no matter how old you are, no matter where you're starting from, um, it's, it's pretty amazing. You just have to get started, okay?

   18. MRMel Robbins53:58

       Okay.

   19. TRDr. Todd Rose53:58

       And here's the thing, there's, there's two things from my perspective. Um, the first is getting a handle on what you think you really believe.

   20. MRMel Robbins54:05

       How do you do that?

   21. TRDr. Todd Rose54:06

       So, so here's-

   22. MRMel Robbins54:06

       When you're, like, been-

   23. TRDr. Todd Rose54:07

       (clears throat)

   24. MRMel Robbins54:08

       ... gaslit by-

   25. TRDr. Todd Rose54:08

       Yeah. So-

   26. MRMel Robbins54:09

       ... all the noise?

   27. TRDr. Todd Rose54:10

       There's a very simple, uh, step that I've used and I've shared and people have used and it's worked. Ask yourself why on things you believe you believe, because when they're your honest beliefs that you've arrived at, you know why. I'll give you an example. I have a deep commitment, like probably most people, to human rights. It might be the most important concept to me of anything in the world, that every individual has moral worth and we are equal to one another, and we are never ever a means to someone else's ends. That's how I want to be viewed and treated, that's how I will view and treat other people. Human rights flows from dignity, okay? So, I know for sure I believe that.... but you'll be shocked at how many things you think you believe are just the norms of your society that you've never really questioned because you want to fit in. For me, um, didn't do very well in school and we can... eh, that, that's a understatement. I failed out of high school with a 0.9 GPA.

   28. MRMel Robbins55:11

       0.9?

   29. TRDr. Todd Rose55:12

       0.9.

   30. MRMel Robbins55:12

       That's possible?
7. 1:04:07 – 1:15:06

   The Quiet Cost of Conformity

   1. TRDr. Todd Rose1:04:07

      so what are we doing?

   2. MRMel Robbins1:04:08

      I- I- I just wanna say, I was kinda blown away, because when I first started using "let them" first, it was really to stop trying to control everybody so that I wasn't so stressed out all the time.

   3. TRDr. Todd Rose1:04:21

      Right.

   4. MRMel Robbins1:04:22

      But then it became very clear how my default was to fit in. My default was to seek approval. My default was to make everybody else happy. My default was to buy into the collective illusion and allow that to dictate what I do or don't do, like navigating your life based on everybody else. And you're telling us all of the things that you believe everybody else believes, they're largely wrong.

   5. TRDr. Todd Rose1:04:47

      Mm-hmm.

   6. MRMel Robbins1:04:48

      And we're all desperate for somebody to say, "Hey, it's time to just stand up and be authentic."

   7. TRDr. Todd Rose1:04:55

      Yeah.

   8. MRMel Robbins1:04:55

      "It's time for you to stop trying to fit in, and it's time for you to make decisions and live your life in a way that really aligns with you."

   9. TRDr. Todd Rose1:05:01

      And-

   10. MRMel Robbins1:05:01

       And I hadn't thought about the "let me" part truly as a tool for authenticity-

   11. TRDr. Todd Rose1:05:06

       Yeah.

   12. MRMel Robbins1:05:07

       ... and courage in that way.

   13. TRDr. Todd Rose1:05:07

       And that's what, that's- that's how it resonated with me, which, isn't that funny?

   14. MRMel Robbins1:05:10

       Yeah.

   15. TRDr. Todd Rose1:05:11

       Um, and if you read all of our research, and you realize, "Wait, so if I let them be their authentic self"-

   16. MRMel Robbins1:05:19

       Mm-hmm.

   17. TRDr. Todd Rose1:05:19

       ... and we did that at scale, what kind of society would we have? Well, let's-

   18. MRMel Robbins1:05:24

       Well, see, I worry-

   19. TRDr. Todd Rose1:05:25

       Mm-hmm.

   20. MRMel Robbins1:05:26

       ... that if we let people be their authentic self, that we would have a runaway train of people who are selfish and not conscientious-

   21. TRDr. Todd Rose1:05:35

       Yup.

   22. MRMel Robbins1:05:35

       ... and who are chasing fame and profit-

   23. TRDr. Todd Rose1:05:38

       Yup.

   24. MRMel Robbins1:05:38

       ... and trashing human beings for all the tech giants, and that bots would run the world. And what you're now teaching me is that my belief, that if I just let people run wild, the worst of humanity would rise to the top. And you're telling me, "Mel..."

   25. TRDr. Todd Rose1:05:55

       Not true.

   26. MRMel Robbins1:05:56

       What is true?

   27. TRDr. Todd Rose1:05:57

       Go- go back to the success index.

   28. MRMel Robbins1:05:59

       Okay.

   29. TRDr. Todd Rose1:05:59

       The private highest aspirations we have for the lives we wanna live ourselves, okay? Remember, top trade-off priority, "I wanna do work that has a positive impact on other people."

   30. MRMel Robbins1:06:12

       Hmm.
8. 1:15:06 – 1:20:10

   The First Step to Rebuilding Trust

   1. TRDr. Todd Rose1:15:06

      bigger example just once-

   2. MRMel Robbins1:15:07

      Please.

   3. TRDr. Todd Rose1:15:07

      ... but I think it's important. Um, when the problem is a collective illusion, and you pursue the right strategy, which is this authenticity strategy, right?

   4. MRMel Robbins1:15:16

      Mm-hmm.

   5. TRDr. Todd Rose1:15:16

      It's not about persuading, it's about revealing. It's showing people. The kind of social change that can happen at a... how fast it can happen, how big it can happen, the best example of this is the Velvet Revolution in Czechoslovakia. This has puzzled historians for a long time. It happened in 19... late, late '80s. Czechoslovakia had been under Communist rule for a long time, just brutal. Other countries had tried to revolt, Hungary, other things, like, bloody massacres as a result. The Velvet Revolution is famous because it's the only time that people have overthrown a communist regime, uh, without a single person dying, without a single shot being fired. Okay?

   6. MRMel Robbins1:15:59

      Wow.

   7. TRDr. Todd Rose1:15:59

      And people were like, "How does that happen?" It's an anomaly. Okay. The best part about it is who led it, and this is how you'll get to the secret of it, is a person named Václav Havel, okay? And I'm gonna say right now, for everyone listening or watching, if you go online, you can download for free, online, he wrote a manifesto about this called The Power of the Powerless, that is... will chill you to the bones. It will sound like he's writing about our time today, um, but he, he writes about how he discovered the real problem (mouse clicking) in their society (mouse clicking) was this collective illusion.

   8. MRMel Robbins1:16:34

      Mm-hmm.

   9. TRDr. Todd Rose1:16:35

      So, he's had no military experience, he wasn't a politician, he was a poet and a playwright, and he was anti-communist, but he, he decides... He writes this play called The Garden Party, and it was a satire about communism. It was so subtle that the censors didn't even know they were being made fun of, okay? So he puts it on, it becomes a runaway hit. It's like the Hamilton of the time there. It sold out every night, he attends every single, uh, play, and he doesn't watch the play, he watches the audience. And he said, "They laughed at all the right parts. They laughed at things that you would not find funny if you truly believed in communism." And he writes in The Power of the Powerless that he recognizes the fundamental problem was not that the people of Czechoslovakia believed in communism, it's that they believed that they believed.

   10. MRMel Robbins1:17:28

       Mm-hmm.

   11. TRDr. Todd Rose1:17:28

       It was a collective illusion. I mean, I don't know how he got there, but it's amazing he figured it out. The solution then was not weapons, it was not even political, it was authenticity. He called it authenticity and personal responsibility. And here's what he did. He said, "Well then the answer is we've got to create ways for people to start to be comfortable living in truth again, because we've become way too comfortable living in the lie." Okay? So he starts what he called the Small Works. How do we help people start to lean into their authentic selves in ways that weren't risky to begin with? Literally created a literary magazine so people could publish poetry. They did gardening, they did all these things. People mocked him. Mocked him. Like, even people who... his fellow revolutionaries were like, "This is so naive. You're g-" They have all the guns, "You're gonna defeat them with authenticity and personal responsibility?" But they did. A- and here's what's crazy. Nobody saw it coming. The CIA completely missed it, the KGB missed it entirely. Even Havel himself didn't appreciate how fast it could change when it was an illusion. Just a few months before the student protest that led... 12 days of protest, government falls, he's interviewed in an international magazine, and he's trying to rally the troops, and he's like, "Look, revolutions take time, um, you have to be committed." He's like, "Look, I probably won't even be alive to see the end of this, but I am in it." Right? Three months later, he was the first democratically elected president of a free Czechoslovakia. That's what I mean when I say... when, when the problem is an illusion, two things, only we can solve it.

   12. MRMel Robbins1:19:14

       Hmm.

   13. TRDr. Todd Rose1:19:14

       It didn't require somebody from on high telling us something. It was the everyday people learning to live in truth-... in small ways that start to build habit, that lead to a, "We believe, we believe this now," right? And I think about it, I think about that story all the time, because I think, look, if a poet can overthrow communism under a collective illusion, think what you can do in your own life, think what we can do together. I promise you, The Power of the Powerless, it's free. It's, like, 80 pages. It is unbelievable. It is... Never forget, like, this thing that you want more than anything, to be authentic. And you should want it. It's, like, almost magical in what it does for you and for us, is the thing that you should do for yourself, and again, it is the most important thing you could do to heal society.

Episode duration: 1:27:57