Born to Lie: How Humans Deceive Ourselves & Others - Lionel Page

Go see Chris live in America - https://chriswilliamson.live Lionel Page is a professor at the University of Queensland and an author. Why is human communication so complicated? For something we rely on every day, you’d think it would be simple, but language, tone, and context make it one of the most complex skills we have. So what makes communication so difficult, and what are some practical ways to get better at it? Expect to learn just how much of our lives are filled with strategic games, what most people do not understand when they think about human reasoning, why human communication is so complex, why we rely so heavily on ambiguity and innuendo, if coalitions and social connection are so important why do some people feel tension socially, if democracy is better understood as a coalition game than a truth-seeking exercise, and much more… - 0:00 What Do We Use Reason For? 5:13 Why Do We Deceive Ourselves? 15:10 Lionel’s View Lying Damaging Our Reputation 24:33 Why Social Games are Hard to Navigate 34:05 The Sydney Sweeney Controversy 39:37 How Venting Masks Judgement 46:41 Communicating is More Complicated Than a Chess Game 01:01:33 Why We Feel the Need to Belong 01:13:49 Using Coalition Psychology to Understand Politics 01:26:39 Are We Aware We’re Playing Psychological Games? - Get access to every episode 10 hours before YouTube by subscribing for free on Spotify - https://spoti.fi/2LSimPn or Apple Podcasts - https://apple.co/2MNqIgw Get my free Reading List of 100 life-changing books here - https://chriswillx.com/books/ Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic here - https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom - Get in touch in the comments below or head to... Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx Email: https://chriswillx.com/contact/

Chris WilliamsonhostLionel Pageguest

Sep 17, 20251h 40mWatch on YouTube ↗

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Why We’re Born To Lie: Reason, Self-Deception, and Coalitions

Lionel Page argues that human reasoning evolved less as a truth-finding tool and more as a social weapon for persuasion, coalition-building, and bargaining. We think and talk like lawyers, not scientists, selectively using information to win arguments and improve our standing with others. Self-deception emerges as an adaptive strategy: by believing our own flattering narratives, we become more convincing and reduce the reputational risks of overt lying. These dynamics scale from intimate relationships and gossip through seduction and office politics, all the way up to democracy and political polarization, which Page frames as coalitional bargaining over social rules rather than collective truth-seeking.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Human reason is optimized for winning social arguments, not discovering objective truth.

Most day-to-day reasoning is used to convince others and defend our positions—more like a lawyer than a scientist—so biases like confirmation bias are features of persuasion, not bugs of irrationality.

Self-deception makes us more convincing and reduces the cost of lying.

By genuinely believing our own inflated self-views or just-so stories, we leak fewer cues of dishonesty, maintain plausible deniability, and protect our reputations while still gaining social advantage.

Communication is built around relevance and recursive mind-reading, which makes it incredibly complex.

We constantly tailor what we say to give others the most useful belief-changing information at the lowest processing cost, while implicitly modeling what they know, what they think we know, and so on—something computers only recently began approximating.

Ambiguity, innuendo, and paltering are strategic tools in social and romantic negotiation.

Indirect speech (“come up for a drink”), moralized criticism, and technically-true but misleading replies (“thank you” for a store-bought cake) allow us to test boundaries, signal intent, and manage conflict while preserving plausible deniability.

Coalitions and reputation are central to human survival and anxiety.

We are wired to track group membership and our standing within hierarchies because, historically, being excluded or low-ranked could be lethal; modern shows like Survivor dramatize this ever-present fear of being the one voted out.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

Maybe we’re not actually designed to be scientists; we’re designed to be lawyers.

— Lionel Page

It’s not a lie if you believe it.

— Lionel Page (citing Seinfeld)

We really see the world with rose‑tinted glasses—and that’s by design.

— Lionel Page

There is no single common good; there are bargaining problems over how to split the gains from cooperation.

— Lionel Page

Humans are better at playing games when they don’t know that they’re games.

— Lionel Page

Reason as persuasion and its evolutionary functionSelf-deception, overconfidence, and plausible deniabilityComplexity of human communication: relevance, ambiguity, and indirect speechCoalitional psychology, social status, and the need to belongIntrasexual competition, gossip, venting, and moral condemnationDemocracy and political ideology as coalition and bargaining gamesCommitment, love, loyalty signals, and why games are invisible to us

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