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Elevate Yourself & Reach Your Potential | Robert Glazer | Modern Wisdom Podcast 236

Robert Glazer is a CEO and an author. Closing the gap between where we are and where we could be is one of the most important pursuits in life. Today, expect to learn Robert's best advice for elevating your spiritual, physical, intellectual and emotional capacities, why looking for a cerebral answer to every problem can be a poor strategy, the most powerful changes you can make to impact your growth and much more... Sponsor: Check out everything I use from The Protein Works at https://www.theproteinworks.com/modernwisdom/ (35% off everything with the code MODERN35) Extra Stuff: Buy Friday Forward - https://amzn.to/2FOFam7 Follow Robert on Twitter - https://twitter.com/robert_glazer Get my free Ultimate Life Hacks List to 10x your daily productivity → https://chriswillx.com/lifehacks/ To support me on Patreon (thank you): https://www.patreon.com/modernwisdom #growth #selfdevelopment #chriswilliamson - Listen to all episodes online. Search "Modern Wisdom" on any Podcast App or click here: iTunes: https://apple.co/2MNqIgw Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2LSimPn Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/modern-wisdom - Get in touch in the comments below or head to... Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx Email: modernwisdompodcast@gmail.com

Robert GlazerguestChris Williamsonhost
Oct 24, 202056mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:00 – 0:44

    Your response creates your “truth”: reframing setbacks

    1. RG

      You and I get into a car accident, you know, this morning. You are enlightened, and so you're like, "Oh, I've got insurance. That could have been worse." You walk away. You go, you go do three podcast interviews, you have a great day, you meet a bunch of friends, all that stuff. You know, I'm, like, swearing, "Ah, damn freaking Chris, and one more thing in the world, and what could go wrong this year?" And I, I get into a fight with my brother. I don't do the goal thing that I said I wanted to. Like, we both experienced the same thing, right? How we chose to respond and react to that, we tell ourselves different truth. We tell ourself the truth that my day got ruined by a car accident. Well, that's not, that's not really the whole truth. The truth is, you had a car accident and that wasn't your fault, but you control what comes after that. (wind blowing)

  2. 0:44 – 1:38

    What “elevate” means: success aligned to your potential (not others’ standards)

    1. CW

      What does the word elevate mean to you?

    2. RG

      Yeah, I mean, I, to me, elevate just means taking it to another level, and I think the important part of that an- and- and the way I look at it differently than, than maybe some others, I think when you talk about success versus achievement, but to me it's, like, really, like, w- to your potential, not other people's definition, not what other people think you should be doing, but how, how do you, within you, you know, raise your game to another level from, from the potential that lies within?

    3. CW

      And you've looked at a framework to go around that. Obviously, you're a business owner-

    4. RG

      Yeah.

    5. CW

      ... multi, multinational, international business for multiple years now, into the, uh, into the twilight of running a business, I think as, as many people would-

    6. RG

      Yeah.

    7. CW

      ... was, would have said by this time. Not many people have survived as long as you.

    8. RG

      Or at least, or at least the teenage/adolescent years. Um, so...

    9. CW

      (laughs) Yeah.

  3. 1:38 – 2:38

    From internal email to mass movement: the origin of Friday Forward

    1. RG

      Yeah, I, I, I sort of fell into this framework, um, by accident. So, uh, I had actually started a note to my team about five years ago, every Friday. It came out of, actually, a personal leadership, uh, event that I went to for a week that was hugely impactful, very focused on improving your morning, uh, things you can do in the morning, kind of think, reflect, read something positive, write. The reading positive stuff that I wrote was just way too rainbow and unicorny for me. Like, it didn't, it didn't do it for me, like... So, I, I had some stories and some quotes and some stuff that I saved, and I just started writing this note to my team every Friday at 4:00 PM. And it wa- it was something about, we were rem- all remote, and it was about getting better or improvement, and it sort of fell into a formula. And I wasn't sure if people were reading it, but I liked writing it. It was a good habit. And eventually, I heard from back, back from people that they were, they were reading it. They were sharing it inside the company. I told some other people around it. Eventually, I opened it up so people outside the company could join it, and there were a couple hundred thousand people within a few years signed up for it. So,

  4. 2:38 – 3:58

    The “story behind the stories”: discovering the four capacity pillars

    1. RG

      what, what happened was, I, when I went to write a book, uh, our company had really grown. We had sort of tripled during that time period. Um, I was meeting a lot of interesting high achievers from all around the world, and I just d- this pattern analysis sort of came up, which was... I, I tried to write a compilation book called Friday Forward, ironically, which is the book I had just released, but no one would buy it. They wa- they said, "Look, you're not... No one knows you, and you can't write a compilation, and these stories are online." But the agent challenged me to, like, "What's the story behind the story?" And so, so when I actually started looking at how had I fundamentally changed my life in the last three years, what, how, what, how had we grown as a company? We always said we invested in people holistically. Why were these little notes having an impact on strangers I had never met? And what was common about all these high achievers that I would run into? Like, these four things, just... I mean, I had lists and cr- and then just, you know, g- you know, Punnett squares, and it just always came back to these four principles of, of... and this notion of they, people build capacity faster than others, and it was spiritual, intellectual, physical, and emotional. I just saw that pattern. And actually, from our company's standpoint, that's h- how, how we had been training our employees. Not, not... I mean, yes, there's direct training to what they're related to, but we had tried t- we were training them to become better overall, and we were getting the business benefit of that, and they were getting the benefit outside of work.

  5. 3:58 – 7:22

    Spiritual capacity without religion: core values as your life’s rudder

    1. CW

      It's of- odd to hear someone in the business sphere use the word spiritual. I don't-

    2. RG

      Yeah, and I, and I... Look, I, I struggle with that word. I am not very religious. I, I tried to find 100 different words that might work for it, because... So, spiritual capacity is not religious, in my definition. It is, it is who you are and what you want most. For most people, I think it is being able to identify their personal core values, because I think that ties to their success everywhere. It ties to their success with their selves, with their family, with their business. And, and, like, we work with leaders in our organization to identify their personal core values, so, so that they can understand themselves as a, as a leader. I think most people, that is just the missing, like, rudder in their life, in terms of getting the boat going in the right... They might have a really nice boat, might be going really fast and look pretty, but it is like going to Antarctica and they want to be in Hawaii.

    3. CW

      Everyone-

    4. RG

      And it's not till they get to Antarctica that they realize that really doesn't make them happy, landing in America.

    5. CW

      Shit, I didn't mean to be here. I've got two, two threads open in my mind. First one was Greg McKeown, author of Essentialism.

    6. RG

      Yeah.

    7. CW

      On this show, he told us a story about an executive he worked with who'd got to the top of a particular industry, a very well-known industry. Uh, 25 years he'd been working there, and found that when he'd made it... He was VC of Suning International Corp., um, multi, multi limited.

    8. RG

      Yeah. I think I know this story, yeah.

    9. CW

      Yeah, and, uh, he found out that he, he didn't have a, he couldn't talk to his son. Him and his son had a very estranged relationship. His son was 18 or 20 or something, and his son wouldn't speak to him. Literally, the, the relationship had just devolved into nothingness. And he got to this peak that he thought he was going to, this destination, this Antarctica, and then, in Greg's words, he realized that he'd won the wrong game.

    10. RG

      Yeah.

    11. CW

      And that avoidance of going incredibly fast in precisely the opposite direction, and that is the other part which is a mental model called direction over speed.... that if you're going in precisely the right direction, even very, very slowly-

    12. RG

      Yeah.

    13. CW

      ... every day, you're making progress. Conversely, you can go incredibly fast. (laughs)

    14. RG

      You're up by two, two degrees and you're going-

    15. CW

      Yeah. (laughs)

    16. RG

      And this is what we learned with the parallel lines and, yeah. I, there's a slide I show in one of my presentations on capacity building, and it has this beautiful house on a lake, right? And this is a similar thing. And I say to people, "You gotta be... If, if, if, if this house is your goal, you gotta be very honest with yourself about the why." Is the house to show yourself and the world you made it, right? 'Cause, 'cause then that might have one level of satisfaction. But if you say that it's this house that you have to have on a lake for your families and generations, and in getting the house, you lose your kids and get divorced-

    17. CW

      (laughs)

    18. RG

      ... uh, you, you are not likely to reach your goals. I just don't think a lot of us, if it was really about family, if family was the why, then you should not sacrifice family in the pursuit of that house. You should actually vacation with the family and pick the land together and work on the drawings together. You should not go isolate from yourself from your family and make money. So, so I think that's... I, I, I came to understand at some point that, that long-term, the connection between spiritual and intellectual capacity, so intellectual capacity is like your operating system. How do you learn, plan, goal set, execute with discipline in service of, of what you want? Your long-term goals need to fulfill one or more core values in order for it to work, right? You have to be working towards something that actually fulfills a core, uh, purpose, or else it, I feel like you get to that hollow, that hollow ending.

  6. 7:22 – 14:48

    Finding your why: values first, then purpose (often rooted in childhood pain)

    1. CW

      Very much so. How do people find their why, then? Is that where we start? Is that the beginning of the, the MOT that we're, we're going through? The service that we're going through?

    2. RG

      Yeah. The, the, the, uh... Look, a lot of people now, this is a great time to think about it. The why is a whole more complicated process. I, I consider the why similar to the sort of core purpose. Uh, I think it's the topic sentence. I think that's deep and requires a lot of work. If you figure out your core values first, to me, those are the pillars. Like, if you can identify, these are my full co- these are the core principles I am, I've always been, I'm impacted by, sometimes the why starts to become clearer because it, it is literally like the, the roof or the topic sentence that sits across these pillars of values. I always say for a, for a company, the why is easier 'cause it's always usually why they started, right? Like, we started to eradicate blindness, and then they figure out the values as they get team. For a person, I think you, you more want to be clear on the values. Um, and then the, the why is, is hard work. And it ties to Friday Forward I wrote this week. I mean, I will say 90... Not 90. 70% of the time, I think people's why is connected to a deep point of pain or something early from their childhood or an experience they had from which b- in, in a, in a positive way becomes the driving force for why they do what they do. I think it's very obvious for some people. I think for other people, it's sitting right there, but it's amazing how they haven't made the con- Like, a couple times, 'cause I've spent a lot of time paying attention to this, I've asked people a question or pointed it together, and, you know, it, and, and they look, like, suddenly very shocked and vulnerable, versus some people are aware. I was at one of these dinners, uh, a while back, and there was one of these, you know, sketch artists who, you know, does the whole thing in real time. And, uh, you know, because I'm around this a lot, I was like, "This is an amazing skill. Like, how did you learn this?" And she said, "My purpose is to help people see and be heard." That was her answer. And I was like... You know, I'm like, you hear that out of 1% of, 0.1% of live people. I said, "Can I ask you a question? Uh, and you don't have to answer it." And I always preface it with, "You don't want to." "Does that come from a very personal place for you? I, I'd just love to know." And she looked at me and she's like, "I had a significant stutter until I was 15 years old." So to me, that was just like, that is, that's a case study, and I think for that type of person, it's clear. For a lot of us, there's this mental firewall in between w- the experience and, and, and, and, and that. And, uh, you know, I think some people don't want to be as a victim. To me, it's just your story. It's your truth. You know, the example I think I used in the book is, like, let's say you had a single parent who did their best for you and worked three jobs and got you into college and made you successful, but you were alone a lot after school because of that. You might go on to form this award-winning after-school education program. Like, it's not... It, it, it's just your truth. Your parent, you're not upset about your parent, they did their best, but there was something in that, that, that, you know, you wanted to fix for other people. And in fact, I actually think that severe drive come- is what, is what's created from that experience.

    3. CW

      It's so interesting what our childhood experiences and the predispositions and the presumptions that we have about the world and ourselves and how we connect with others, it's, it carries through and then it keeps on rearing its head. You know, like when you see-

    4. RG

      Yeah. (laughs)

    5. CW

      ... uh, dolphins jumping out of the ocean, you're like, "It's flat." And then every so often, it just jumps out and you're, "Oh, there's that thing again." Um, Steven Pressfield was on the show a couple of weeks ago, and he talks about shadow careers. Have you heard him talk about this?

    6. RG

      No.

    7. CW

      Okay, so it, it sounds like it might tie into what you're talking about there, that a shadow career a lot of the time is analogous to what someone feels their true calling is, but it's far enough away that it protects them from failing at the thing they love.

    8. RG

      Yeah, right, super interesting. Yeah.

    9. CW

      So the examples that he gave were, um, people who always wanted to be actors that go and become entertainment lawyers.

    10. RG

      Right, yeah.

    11. CW

      So they are close to the actor-

    12. RG

      I thought you were going to say they become, like, play coaches or something like that, but yeah.

    13. CW

      (laughs) Maybe.

    14. RG

      That's interesting.

    15. CW

      I guess, maybe the, maybe the director as well, perhaps-

    16. RG

      Yeah.

    17. CW

      ... that they get to, they get to do it, but they don't... Um, yeah, and they, they get to look after, they do to, to sort the deals. It's analogous. They're kind of there, but it's a shadow career. It's just a, it's the lesser version of, of what they genuinely wanted to be. Someone wanted to be a, a singer on stage and then became a teacher teaching music, and you're like, well, it, you, you're almost there-

    18. RG

      Yeah.

    19. CW

      ... but without the pressure, and I think that kind of relates back to what you're saying there.

    20. RG

      And what's interesting, and, and, and I think what we'll see coming out of COVID, I mean, how many people, you know... Like, people get comfortable, and, you know, in that comfort, they are not willing to leave okay for better, right? So I think, you know, if they get laid off and that shadow career becomes the primary career. Oftentimes, it takes that. I think COVID-19 will be a huge career transition for a lot of people to say, "Look, you finally took away from me what I wasn't willing to kill-"

    21. CW

      (laughs)

    22. RG

      "... to sort of comfortable, and, and, and now I'm gonna... You know, in the midst of this without good options, I'm gonna lean into that," right?

    23. CW

      Yeah.

    24. RG

      And, uh, it, it's interesting how that, how that happens.

    25. CW

      Do you think that we're going to see the-... reversal of the polarity of this stuff, because I was talking to Daniel Sloss, Netflix Special comedian, this week. And he said-

    26. RG

      Yeah.

    27. CW

      ... he thinks we've lost a whole generation of creatives and artists in all forms. Live musicians that have realized they can't perform live, comedians that haven't been able to keep their comedy going, artists that can't go and sell their work to anyone because no one's going to art exhibitions, et cetera, et cetera.

    28. RG

      Yeah.

    29. CW

      I wonder whether the people who had, um, embraced their proper calling, their full calling-

    30. RG

      Yeah.

  7. 14:48 – 18:04

    How to identify core values: pattern-finding, eulogy exercise, and decision alignment

    1. CW

      If core values are going to inform purpose, where do we start finding our core values? Be some people listening perhaps for whom they are really questioning their current life direction at the moment. They think... Come on, Robert, give me the, give me the red pill on core values.

    2. RG

      Yeah. It's, it's, it's, it's not that easy to do. I've actually... I'm just finishing up a course on it, 'cause the thing I get asked about it the most, I, I, I put a couple, um, resources in Elevate on this and questions you could ask. But it's a process, um, that you go through. And it, it, it takes 6 to 12 months, but you start it. And I think you start with some questions, and there are some examples on there on, you know, thinking about the types of scenarios with you've been really ha- I, I, I'm gonna paraphrase a complicated process into simplicity, sort of how it's done, 'cause I've done this with now a bunch of different leaders, and it, and it works. Um, but you ask a bunch of different questions that, uh, uh... And you answer them for yourselves, that produce, uh, responses. Like, they're kind of best and worst. And, and you, you ask them a bunch of different ways, you create a bunch of different lists, and then you start looking across the list for the themes, because where was I successful? Where was I not? What are the characteristics of people I struggle with? Where do I not? You know, one of the, one of the... And you start thinking about those questions. You will start to notice patterns that will illuminate your core values. You know, one of the questions that, that I always say that that's the 101, the sort of 303. I don't know if you guys use that numbering in college classes, university classes, the advanced class-

    3. CW

      (laughs) I have no idea what you're talking about.

    4. RG

      Sorry, yeah. So, 101 is what we call entry-level university courses, uh, here. So the, the advanced version is if you want to sit down right now, write what, what someone... you would want someone to say at your funeral for your eulogy about you and the impact that you had on their life. I did that exercise long before I did the actual core value work, and a lot of the terminology was in there. Because when you get that raw about what... how do you want to be remembered? What do you want people to think of you? It, it gets to your values and the impact that you want to make. Um, but, you know, I, I always say like, it... The analogy that I give with core values, I think we know our core value when it's crossed, right? And, and that's a lot of us. So, picture you're driving a really nice car through a tunnel. The lights are off. You hit the right-side wall. It goes kck, you know, all the stuff. So you pull the car off the wall, and, and, and you get in the lane, and then you hit the other wall, right? This is kind of how we make decisions when we don't know what our... It's like, once we feel the... it's crossed, we move away from it. But if that's a nice car, you'd really want the lights to be on, and the things to be painted, and saying, "I shouldn't get near that wall." And that wall is that job, that person, that relationship, because, because these are opposite values to myself. I, I talk about the big three. I think when you think about, you know, where you choose to live, who you choose to partner, your vocation or work. It... If you make those decisions not align with your core values, it's very unlikely to work. You can marry someone or be partner with someone who's different, different hobbies, interests, whatever. But when you get to the hard stuff, if your values aren't aligned, I think that's the... I don't think you're... It's not a clone. It's clearly the opposites attract. My wife and I are very different in respects. But when we get to the really hard, difficult stuff, we are philosophically, um, aligned on it. So that's the... That, that, that, that's the basics. I think you can have decisions in front of you and you should say, "I should do that. I should not do that."

  8. 18:04 – 20:56

    Glazer’s personal core values—and using values to shape behavior

    1. CW

      I've heard you say that physical fitness, physical well-being is one of your core values. What are the rest of them?

    2. RG

      Yeah. So, so it's, it's... I'll just run through them quickly. The... Oh, oh, one of my core values?

    3. CW

      Yeah, yours.

    4. RG

      Versus-

    5. CW

      What are yours?

    6. RG

      My, my, my -- so, my core values are health and vitality, so that includes physical fitness. So, uh, find a better way and share it, which explains a lot of what I do. Self-reliance. Uh, one that I came up with that really is fitting, but it took me a while to get the right word, which is respectful authenticity. And then the last is long-term orientation. So, if I pick some activity that is aligned to all of those, or if I pick a parental activity, like, I am so happy and I'm doing well. If I do something that is- crosses a lot of those, then, uh, not so well. So, when you think about those first two, like find a better way and health and vitality, right? Every year I pick a fitness challenge or something new for me to do because I haven't done it, it- it's better way. And then it forces me to train and, you know, be healthy, and- and that's important. And so when we talk to our-

    7. CW

      What was this- what was this year's?

    8. RG

      This year's is a half marathon, which I'm- is- I'm gonna have to do virtually.

    9. CW

      Socially distanced.

    10. RG

      Yes. (laughs) But I'm working up towards that distance. Um, I've biked from London to Paris two years ago with a group. I've, uh, done Olympic triathlon. I've just- bunch of different, uh, stuff. But, um, it- it's interesting. Like, when we talk to our kids around, you know, we have family core values too. And when we talk to them around, like, not having a third cookie, you know, it is under the value of, because we talk about being healthy and that's not healthy. It's not a rule, it's a- it aligns to a value.

    11. CW

      Are you familiar with Ben Bergeron from the-

    12. RG

      No.

    13. CW

      ... CrossFit world? You would really, really enjoy his work, so-

    14. RG

      Oh, may- yeah, maybe I- yeah.

    15. CW

      He's an ex-coach of Matt Frazier, fittest man on the planet. Uh, he has a podcast called Chasing Excellence, which is named after his book. And, um, I would highly- you and him sing very much from the same hymn sheet, especially with regards to the family values thing.

    16. RG

      Yeah.

    17. CW

      Everything that he does is driven from his values. Uh, I- I think that's great. I- I spent a lot of time this year working on my core values, and it's really informed a lot of my direction. Um, it's helped me to lean into discomfort in projects because I know that it is truly aligned with the things that I do.

    18. RG

      Yeah.

    19. CW

      As opposed to previously... Especially if you suffer with imposter syndrome, which we all do.

    20. RG

      Which all successful people do. You know, people who have gotten there for the wrong reasons don't seem to have it.

    21. CW

      Yeah. We also- we realize-

    22. RG

      People who are lucky never have imposter syndrome. It's interesting. People who work hard never

    23. CW

      (laughs) Well, I'll- I'll take that as a compliment in that case. Um, yeah, so i- it's really, really helped. So, everyone that's listening, if you haven't gone away and done that, um, get yourself a copy of Elevate. Otherwise, Chris Sparks, he has a Experiment Without Limits. Um, there's some great work- worksheets in that. Taylor Pearson also has some great worksheets. Um, some good ways to do it. So we've- we've spoken about the spiritual. Should we go into the intellectual next?

    24. RG

      Yeah.

    25. CW

      Are those two kind of follow on from each other?

  9. 20:56 – 26:53

    The full Elevate framework: spiritual → intellectual → physical → emotional (race car analogy)

    1. RG

      Yeah, they- they actually go in a particular order, uh, for me. So let- let- uh, let me just- let me set the framework and then we can dive into each one just to make... I'll recast. So spiritual is your core values, kind of, you know, who you are and what you won't want. Intellectual capacity, as I- as I always say, it's about how you improve your ability to think, learn, plan, execute with discipline. So this is kind of growth mindset, being proactive, long-term goals, short-term goals, routine habits, accountability. It's kind of once you know what you want, how do you get it? Your operating system. How do you make your operating system better? Then physical capacity, kind of what it sounds. You know, health, well-being, physical performance, resilience, kind of embracing competition, really now I know- now I know what I want, I know I want to get it, and now I'm motivated to, you know, keep myself in good shape, uh, to get there. And then emotional is the last one. It's interesting, the hardest one for a lot of people. This is the world around you. So it's how do you react to challenging situations, your emotional mindset, and the quality of your relationships. So my analogy is that if- if spiritual capacity was designing the race car, uh, you know, intellectual capacity was building it, physical was sort of testing it on test track. Emotional is like, how do you do in that car when it's out on the road with the rain and sun and lots of other cars, right? Some cars will do better than their spec and some will do a lot worse. So emotional capacity is really interaction with- with the world around us and the things that we don't control.

    2. CW

      Based on your time coaching and also working within your business-

    3. RG

      Yeah.

    4. CW

      ... which of those four areas do you find people falling short or tripping over the most?

    5. RG

      Uh, most... So it's interesting. Like, for me, I- I fall in and out of, uh, them. You know, physical- and physical can be a real gateway. If you get tired and cranky, think about it. You- you lose sight of your goals. You don't interplay well with other people, you know, it- you kind of give up your learning and your thinking, a lot of that stuff. I- I- for most people, I think they haven't even touched the spiritual capacity part. And- and- and so the most important thing that they can do is start the work there. That's the one for me that once you get it 90% right, you're pretty good. It doesn't require daily maintenance as much because the other ones align you to it, right? You say, "Oh, I know my values, so I need- this is what I need to go and learn and do." Um, but I- so I- I would say that I think that that's the one that people haven't touched. I think a lot of people struggle the most with emotional capacity, particularly right now, uh, in terms of when they know what they want, they're- still haven't moved away from people who aren't aligned to that, or they really mix things that they control and that they don't control, right? So perfect example, you and I get into a car accident, you know, this morning. Um, I- you know, you- you, uh, are- are enlightened and so you're like, "Oh, I've got insurance, that could have been worse." You walk away, you go- you go do three podcast interviews, you have a great day, you meet a bunch of friends, all that stuff. You know, I'm like swearing all day, "Fricking Chris, and one more thing in the world, and what could go wrong this year?" And I- I get into a fight with my brother, I don't do the goal thing that I said I want to do. Like, we both experienced the same thing, right? How we chose to respond and react to that, we tell ourselves different truth. We tell ourselves the truth that my day got ruined by a car accident. Well, that's not- that's not really the whole truth. The truth is you had a car accident and that wasn't your fault, but you control what comes after that.

    6. CW

      It's interesting that you haven't mentioned there, or at least I said what some of the hurdles people overcome...... you mentioned that a lot of the time, we vacillate between many of them.

    7. RG

      Yeah.

    8. CW

      But intellectual wasn't one of the ones at least that came to the forefront of your mind. I think I've got a potential hypothesis about why that might be the case.

    9. RG

      (laughs)

    10. CW

      I think that increasingly, solutions to problems in a postmodern, enlightenment, nonreligious world are very cerebral. We have this huge proliferation of personal development, self-development, and, and-

    11. RG

      Yeah.

    12. CW

      ... rightly so. You know, I'm contributing to it now. We put three, four, five hours of personal development content out every single week.

    13. RG

      Yeah.

    14. CW

      I think a lot of the time, that causes people to, to look for a very cerebral, very cognitive, um, very transactional solution.

    15. RG

      Right.

    16. CW

      "Okay, I have a problem with my this thing. Like, which page in Atomic Habits is it that I need to turn to to, like, find the particular habit that I'm doing-"

    17. RG

      Right.

    18. CW

      "... to do the whatever thing?" Or, like, what is... You know, you know what I mean? It's, that's how I think that a lot of people are looking to get the solution, whereas what you've identified there is it's all of the ancillary stuff that actually feeds into our ability to get that engine to be bigger, to get the fuel efficiency to be faster, to get the, uh, steering to be tighter.

    19. RG

      Right. And, and, and it's an, it's an interesting point you make because I think that a lot of people in that realm are like, are, again, they're looking for that hack or that quick fix. That's not what it's meant to mean. It meant to mean that once, once I know what my most important contribution is, I'm going to do everything I can to learn and, and focus and be disciplined about going in that direction. It is, it is the glue that sort of holds you to that. It's not the, it's not the quick fix, right? I am not... I, I, I think there's a misunderstood line between the 80/20 rule and hacks. You know, I, I think that, I, I, I think there's always an 80/20 rule. There was just some study I saw yesterday, someone sent me 'cause they know I love the 80/20 rule, that, like, 20% of super spreaders, or 19.8% of super spreaders in Singapore had created 80% of the cases.

    20. CW

      (laughs)

    21. RG

      Like, it was just really, it was really interesting.

    22. CW

      Do you want me to give you another one to add to your collection?

    23. RG

      Yeah.

    24. CW

      So-

    25. RG

      Go for it.

    26. CW

      The bottom 80% of men on Tinder are competing for the bottom 20% of women-

    27. RG

      (laughs)

    28. CW

      ... and the top 80% of women on Tinder are competing for the top 20% of men.

    29. RG

      Sounds about right.

    30. CW

      That's from Datonomics. So, there you go. Facts don't care about your feelings, Karen. I'm very sorry about that. Um, intellectual. How can we talk about-

  10. 26:53 – 33:52

    Intellectual capacity: reverse-engineered goals, accountability, and upgrading the “processor”

    1. RG

      Yeah, so, so to... A lot of it's goal-setting and I think understanding. I was not... I didn't understand this. You know, I would set a lot of one-year goals, and I would meet them, and I'd feel great, but they weren't connected. So, to me, it's now a reverse engineering process. What are the long-term goals? Do the long-term goals fulfill the values? And therefore, short-term goals are actually down payments on the long-term goals, or else we go for the short stuff versus, like, I need to make deposits. When you have two things and one of them is put the envelope in the mail or the other is climb the mountain, like, we just put the envelope in the mail, we put the envelope in the mail. And the mountain stays pretty far, rather than take a step, take a step, take a step. So, I, I think it's... I think it... I'll g- I'll answer this. I'm giving you examples at both ends of the spectrum. So, really setting what we want, why we want it, and then committing to the pieces to get there. Again, back to that house. Like, I want this house in 10... Well, I need to save the money for it. My tem- family and I need to go to towns, find out where we want it to be. We need to pick a... It's about, like, those are all things I could do over time, rather than just, you know, deciding get there. And then, the other, fully through the whole spectrum, on the other side of routine, all that stuff, I think is just accountability, right? Great people and leaders, they want accountability. Other people do not. You know, I was hearing someone reinforce that. Like World... Todd Herman, world-class performance coach, and he was saying, like, Michael Jordan, like, they love accountability. They love being yelled at, told they're not doing something. You know, average people do not want accountability. They want to excuse their way out of it. So, there's multiple levels of that. You know, there's self-accountability, which is, can be journal writing. It's really annoying to write you're gonna do something for five days in a row and read it, you know (laughs) , and then do it. There's, there's peer accountability, where even me sending you what I said I was gonna do that week every Friday at 10:00 AM, you know, ups it up, and that's where a lot of mastermind groups come in. And then there's public accountability, where people just put their thing out at the beginning of the year. "Dear World, this is how much I'm gonna weigh at the end of the year. This is what I'm gonna do." A- a- anyone who does all three is, is probably in a unique, rarefied field.

    2. CW

      I like it. Where else in intellectual do people have holes that can quite easily be filled?

    3. RG

      I... Yeah, I, I think there is confusion between... And intellectual capacity is not doing more, right? It is actually... Think about upgrading the processor. When you upgrade the processor, it should crunch more data with less energy, right? So, I think a lot of times, like, let's say I... A lot of people, this crosses into emotional. I struggle with difficult conversations at work. Like, I really struggle with them. Performance conversation. So, the night before, I sweat, I don't sleep, I get all... But I... Or I just sit down for a day, and I read three books. You know, I, I listen to Patty McCord's podcast, who's... Or Kim Scott, or, like, the world leaders on difficult conversations, and I now have upgraded my operating system with the tools and tactics, where actually doing this now is less work and less energy. That, to me, is a huge mistake. I am not advocating anyone run the hamster wheel faster. I am saying upgrade the processor so the task requires less work and less energy.

    4. CW

      I love that. I think action is the antidote to anxiety comes in quite well there.

    5. RG

      Yeah.

    6. CW

      Much of the time when we have anxiety about anything which is approaching us-

    7. RG

      Don't know how to do it.

    8. CW

      ... in the future, it's because of a fear of a lack-

    9. RG

      (laughs)

    10. CW

      ... of capacity in order to be able to deal with it. Yeah.

    11. RG

      Yeah.

    12. CW

      And then that's where procrastination comes. You think, "Oh, I, I'm really gonna struggle with that thing, that project, that conversation I'm gonna have." And then the deadline arrives. "I'll put it off. I'll find an excuse. I'll do it tomorrow. I'll-"

    13. RG

      Right.

    14. CW

      "... delegate it to someone else." Whatever it might be. Whereas, as you've identified there-If you're moving towards that-

    15. RG

      People-

    16. CW

      ... that goal-

    17. RG

      Right.

    18. CW

      ... you're in, you're in control of it.

    19. RG

      Peop- people have solved these problems. I, I mean, I interviewed Patty McCord from Netflix, who's, you know, really kind of thought leader on the great culture but direct with people. And when she- we talked about, like, letting people go and something they really struggled with, you know, she, she would coach her mentees when they had to have one of these conversations, they haven't done it, she's like, "Call your voicemail-"

    20. CW

      (laughs)

    21. RG

      "... have the conversation with your voicemail five times before you do it and listen to it," right? It wa- there was not a secret, it wasn't a hack, it was actually practicing it, doing it, like, knowing the framework how to do it, and it was very pragmatic advice on like, yeah, of course you're not going to be good at this if you've never had this conversation. That's why you need to practice having this conversation.

    22. CW

      I wonder again whether this links back to the cerebral overly cognitive argument that I made a little bit earlier, that we presume because we see wonderful leaders that we guess are just bestowed with this magnetism, and they just flow in a room and everyone loves them, it almost makes us forget that it's a skill the same as anything else.

    23. RG

      It's a great... It- i- i- it's a great lie we tell ourselves. A lot of the stories in Friday Forward demystify... If you've ever listened to How I Built This podcast, you know my favorite part is all these super successful company and people, their worst dark moment where, like, they were almost out of business and, and they go on for a long time, you know, for a lot of people. We love to be like, "Oh, that company was an overnight success," right? Because that ascribes it to timing or luck. Or I don't think professional athletes get enough credit, you know, in cases where you say, "Oh, he's just so gifted," like, practices 10 hours a day. Like, if you want to be a professional speaker and you practice speaking 10 hours a day, you'd probably be a good speaker. I mean, most of these athletes, look, it's what they love to do, but they... The amount of work that they put in to practice things before they do them far exceeds anyone in the business world.

    24. CW

      100%. I've been hugely on this flex recently, that so few people, even if you're fully aligned, your goals, your dreams, what you know you need to do, you've broken it down into the individual steps and you're committing yourself fully, being as present as you can. But think about how far from an athlete's level of preparation everybody else is, except for the, the total freaks within their industry, the Elon Musks of this world, probably a couple of guys at Google and Facebook, you know?

    25. RG

      Yeah.

    26. CW

      You think, an athlete's optimizing his food, his rest, he's thinking about-

    27. RG

      He has three coa- he has three coaches and he has the best in the world, right? Yeah.

    28. CW

      And he's surrounded by a team of people who are all on the same journey as him.

    29. RG

      Yeah.

    30. CW

      He's sleeping thinking about what he's going to do tomorrow. He's waking up in the morning at the time that's prescribed, all of that stuff. So thinking like an athlete, no matter what your industry is, I, I'm, I've taken a lot of inspiration from that this year-

  11. 33:52 – 41:54

    Physical capacity: sleep, stress physiology, resilience—and letting off the “fight-or-flight” steam

    1. CW

      Physical. How do we expand our physical capacity?

    2. RG

      Well, it's interesting, you know, physical, uh, taking physical as an analogy to the other capacities, we understand it more. We tend to think that we have these things or we don't have these things, right? Versus you wouldn't say, "Oh, I can lift a thou- pound weight five times or I can't." You'd say, "If I did it for 90 days each day, then it would be, it would be easier." So, um, you know, it's the health, well-being, physical performance. Uh, I think we've moved past the, uh... Greg McKeown talks about this a lot, but I think we've actually fortunately moved past celebrating leaders and executives who get no sleep. And, and, and I think actually people are now-

    3. CW

      Hustle point.

    4. RG

      Yeah. They're now going the other way, saying, "I sleep nine hours a night." We're not, we're not celebrating that anymore. Um, I think there's managing stress and, and this is again where, where, where we build resilience. I think sometimes... I'm actually... I believe... I think resilience is this emotional and physical flywheel. So I think we, we do something, and I, and I had a couple conversations with performance experts around this because I was like, "What's the chicken and what's the egg?" And, uh, and the consensus, not by a 80/20 but by a 60/40 was that i- I think you do something hard that you don't think that you can do. Upon doing that, you gain, uh, emotional confidence that lets you be willing to set a next benchmark, but it's actually that effort. I don't think you can will yourself to resilience, like thin- you actually have to get through that race, take that extra step, do it, and then you're like, "Oh, what other lies have I been telling myself-"

    5. CW

      (laughs)

    6. RG

      "... where I, I can't do." A- a- and, you know, the, the thing that people are pointing out is that... There's a mentor of mine, he's a great speaker, he always offers in a speech $10,000 to anyone who goes back and brings a can of Stress into the meeting. Um, he goes, "Go, go, go find me a can of Stress and, and I will pay you," and his point is that stress is not an external thing. It is actually an internal response that we do to ourselves. And you could be stressed about, you know, the deal you're about to close for signing your company for a billion dollars. You could be stressed about, you know, not having enough food this day at your job. It actually has the same physical response on your body. We are using a very outdated flight-or-fight-or-flight mechanism, like, all the time, which was meant to save our life and it does biological stuff to our body that's, like, pretty unhealthy. So if, if, if we sit in that state, we a- we are res- releasing tons of cortisol. Like, if we don't... But it, but it is what... We are the only ones that can get us out of that state, right? I mean, it is... The world does things that, that cause stress to us. But as we said before, that is a different threshold point for everyone. It's a different subject matter for everyone, but it, it shows up physiologically the same.

    7. CW

      So, you've got, something's occurred. You've had a phone call. Something really stressful's about to happen.

    8. RG

      Yeah.

    9. CW

      The partnership that you thought was about to go through tomorrow, the merger is on the rocks. What would you prescribe to someone who has had that call to get themselves out of that stress response and to allow them to have that clarity of thought again?

    10. RG

      Uh, I mean, th- the basic thing is probably to get outside. You know, I, you actually have built up that cortisol, which was... Some, I was just talking to someone about this who understands the science of it more. So, you've actually built up the fight or flight thing, and so you need to fight or flight (laughs) , right? So, if you actually-

    11. CW

      Like a let-off, uh, steam let-off fight.

    12. RG

      Yeah. If you got into a big fight, you would probably let it off.

    13. CW

      Okay. Okay, so go push someone in the street.

    14. RG

      But if, if you didn't, you should probably go for a run or a interval training or something to actually like... I am very cognizant, I don't like running, but I love how I feel after I run. So, I listen to podcasts or I do whatever I can because I know that it just puts me physically in a state that, that I need to be in. But yeah, you actually need to go blow off that steam, I think literally or figuratively.

    15. CW

      Yes.

    16. RG

      (laughs)

    17. CW

      Breathing as well, I'm gonna guess?

    18. RG

      Yeah.

    19. CW

      Focusing on deeper breathing, activating the parasympathetic nervous system?

    20. RG

      S- yeah. Look, th- if you, look, there's a whole range of things. I think, uh, if, if, if, if, if, if you do, you know, a meditation, if you do these things and you're comfortable and you know how to do it, these are all things that you could do. It just, I guess, it goes to the level of where the person is. It's a good time to turn on your Calm or Headspace app. I actually think some people though, in that immediate thing, aren't able to transition right into that. Like, in fact, I'd say like, let's say this was at 10:00 AM, uh, you probably wanna blow off some steam, literally. But, you know, I, what I found on those days is actually the meditation or something else would be really important in the afternoon to make sure that my night's sleep was good later on, right? That I'm not, it's not replaying. But it is, it is hard to move. Uh, i- it takes probably, you know, a Dalai Lama (laughs) type person to move from severe stress straight to meditation, unless they have deep practice in that.

    21. CW

      Anyone who's tried to do that, all that you do is sit in the same lovely meditation pose-

    22. RG

      And get pissed at the thoughts. (laughs)

    23. CW

      Yeah. And then you just ruminate about the thing that you're worried about, and you're like, "This is just-"

    24. RG

      And then you get mad at yourself that you can't make the clouds disappear.

    25. CW

      "... wasting your time."

    26. RG

      Yeah. So, a- again, I'm not a scientist about anything. But I, but I, I do think you need some sort of, you know, walking, breathing relief valve from that. Um, but look, if you have it out with the person, you might, you might have actually already had that. I think it's more of you go away stewing that... Yeah.

    27. CW

      I get it. Where else in physical? We've said sleep and stress, two key areas. What else?

    28. RG

      Um, yeah. I think, I think, you know, exercise, eating. I, I am, I am not a, a, a dietician. I am not, you know, so I, but I've, I've read... What I try to do is read from everyone that's smarter and, and take all the intersecting things, and what do I think is the, is the principle? So, o- one thing is that I, I think there's a lot of science now that, that there's a lot of brain and body connection, right, uh, between what we eat and that it crosses the gut level and then it affects how we feel or, or otherwise. I think the also dangerous thing out there is that there's a lot of people saying that whatever their diet is, whether it's gluten or paleo or this, is the thing that everyone should do. And the really smart people who know this will tell you that it's completely the opposite. You know, one, one man's poison is another man's, uh, um... Now I'm forgeting, now I'm blowing the outhouse.

    29. CW

      Tonic.

    30. RG

      Is, is... Uh, yeah. We'll go with the British, is tonic. So, um, I think, you know, there are definitely different things that, that affect each of our health and make us feel. And I think you need to figure out what works for you. But in general, you know, less sugar, less processed food, less alcohol, less caffeine. Like, I think those are probably all general principles. Many of us are on a, you know, upper in the morning, downer on the (laughs) , in the evening plan. And I, and I, what I, what I understand from, again, the people who understand this, I'm, I'm very honest that this is secondhand, is that you're, you know, you're not allowing your body to go through those processes organically if you're always creating them ar- ar- artificially, right? So, if you, to the example before, if you only can calm down by having a drink, you've now trained, and you can only get yourself awake by having a coffee, you are now training your body to, to do that.

  12. 41:54 – 56:10

    Emotional capacity: controllables vs uncontrollables, relationships, vulnerability, and self-limiting beliefs

    1. RG

      Yeah. This is a tricky one. So, I, you know, a big, there's two big things of emotional. There's a bunch of different things, but they're buckets. How you react to the things that you don't control, um, so that's the first one. And then relationships, both the quality of your relationships and who you choose to spend time with. In the first one, I think it's interesting. Like, I, I, I have some family members that spend a lot of time on weather apps, and it always frustrates me. I'm like-

    2. CW

      What? (laughs)

    3. RG

      To me, the weather, the weather is the perfect emotional capacity. Like, the weather is going to be the weather, right? You are not gonna change it. But if you're constantly, "Oh, it's gonna rain tomorrow," or do you look and it's gonna rain tomorrow and like, "Oh, I'm gonna go to the movies and get an umbrella," or do you actually, like, get stressed about what the weather is or get frustrated that it's not lining up to what you wanted, right? That is a kind of a microcosm of emotional capacity. You don't control it.... how do you react to it? And the second is relationships. I think, you know, we spend a lot of time with people who I would use a term called energy vampires. Like, where you actually feel worse after spending time with them. Uh, probably not as much time. Like, you and I might not s- might see each other once a year, but we have this awesome, uplifting conversation. It's forward moving, whatever. But then I'm spending a lot of that time with a friend that I just don't have the, you know, courage to... That I, I literally feel worse every time, um, you know, I spend with them. And I, I, I actually think we need to reallocate. You know, Jim Rohn said, "You are the average of the people you spend the f- the five people you spend the most time with." I, I, I think we need to even make a list of who, who do we need and want to spend more time with, and how, without breaking up or blowing up with those people, do we remove energy from those relationships? And an example someone gave me is like, don't say stuff you don't mean, like, "We should have lunch again next week." Like, after you just got... Like, you don't- you just got through lunch and you're... It was terrible, and this person complained about that thing over with. Like, "We should do that again soon." You don't have to say that (laughs) . You don't, you don't have to call someone and have the same conversation, you know, with that relative every four days. You could call them every six days. Um, so this thing about energy vampires, really. Like, if they... If, if y- you... People you feel worse with after spending time with, you need to figure out a way to spend less time with those people. They are not moving you towards your spiritual and intellectual capacity in any way.

    4. CW

      The British equivalent of a energy vampire is a mood hoover.

    5. RG

      (laughs) Yeah.

    6. CW

      (laughs)

    7. RG

      You guys are so passive-aggressive that you-

    8. CW

      Oh, it's so funny.

    9. RG

      You'll have a hard time. You'll be like, "No, let's definitely get lunch next week."

    10. CW

      (laughs)

    11. RG

      And like... And then afterwards, like, "Oh my God, that person is the worst." Like... (laughs)

    12. CW

      Yeah, I think there's certain things that both Americans and British could take from each other.

    13. RG

      Yeah.

    14. CW

      And you, you are correct. The, um, the passive-aggressiveness, the quiet behind to the back. Sulking. Very sulky. Very sulky nation, we are.

    15. RG

      I, I was at a conference with someone in our industry with a bunch of competitors, and they walked up and hugged all of them and, uh, you know, walked away. I was like, "That is so nice. We wouldn't do that in the U.S. You guys all get along?" Like, "We all hate each other." (laughs) I just... I thought it was so, it was so stereotypical.

    16. CW

      Okay, so we've looked at the relationship side of emotional.

    17. RG

      Yeah.

    18. CW

      What's left?

    19. RG

      Uh, yeah, I think it's the things that we control. So, so circumstances, uh, and then, and then, and then people. And, and I think there's also a piece that... Again, to resilience. There is that emotional side of resilience. Like, how do I... You know, how do I plan for the next thing I'm gonna do that I didn't think that I could physically do? Because what, what, what I think keeps people moving forward in that is, is being vulnerable, is getting out of their comfort zone. You know, I think that greatly increases their emotional capacity. People want to share. People want to be vulnerable. Th- th- they're just scared to. And when they do, the depth of their relationship... You know, two people have been having this superficial conversation for five years, aren't talking about the real thing that they want to talk about that would actually create the bond that they're seeking.

    20. CW

      Massively. A huge problem amongst young guys, I think.

    21. RG

      Yeah.

    22. CW

      Especially ones that are professionals, type As, trying to be overachievers. They, and I did for a very long time, I presumed that strength and confidence and bravado and courage and all of these things went along with not showing vulnerability.

    23. RG

      Yeah.

    24. CW

      Whereas quite the opposite is true. That the people with whom I have the deepest relationships are the ones that I've been the most vulnerable with.

    25. RG

      Absolutely.

    26. CW

      And it becomes so fulfilling. When you tell someone something which, in the wrong hands, could be quite catastrophic to you-

    27. RG

      Yeah.

    28. CW

      ... that's really where you make a connection. And I think... There's a, a book that's up on the big shelf up there, The Lonely Century-

    29. RG

      (laughs)

    30. CW

      ... by Noreena Hertz-

  13. 56:10 – 56:44

    Wrap-up: where to find Glazer’s work (newsletter, books, podcast)

    1. CW

      I like it. Robert, man, I really enjoyed today. Where can people go if they want to sign up to your newsletter? Where else do you wanna send them?

    2. RG

      Uh, yeah. So, everything's really integrated now at robertglazer.com, G-L-A-Z-E-R .com. Uh, the book's there, books are there. Elevate podcast is there, and they can sign up for the Friday Forward newsletter as well.

    3. CW

      Awesome, man. Thank you so much for today.

    4. RG

      All right. (...) love this. Get away, get off this.

Episode duration: 56:45

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