"Evolution Played A Dirty Trick On Us" - Why Modern Life Feels So Empty - William von Hippel

Our psychology evolved for harsh, uncertain environments where food, safety, and social support were scarce; in today’s safe, abundant world, instincts like craving autonomy, fat, sugar, or safety overreact and no longer produce well-being, leading to what von Hippel calls miswanting and misfeeling.

Ancestrally, connection was non-negotiable for survival and autonomy was rare, so we evolved to grab autonomy whenever possible; now that autonomy is ubiquitous (career choice, city life, on-demand services), we keep choosing it at the expense of relationships, quietly degrading long-term happiness.

Competence, status, and individuality evolved to make us attractive coalition partners and mates; the point of becoming ‘special’ is to be chosen and included, but in pursuing competence we often sacrifice the very relationships competence was meant to secure.

Because highly competent people are often assumed to be colder and more self-focused, groups (including hunter-gatherers and even modern bands or teams) usually choose someone adequately skilled but warm and generous over a virtuoso who is unpleasant to be around.

Poorer people and rural communities are forced into dense mutual reliance—borrowing tools, sharing childcare, attending services—whereas wealthy urban dwellers can solve problems with money and delivery apps, so they need neighbors less, interact less, and end up lonelier and less happy despite better material conditions.