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Evolution's Secrets To Understanding Relationships - Dr Andrew Thomas

Dr Andrew Thomas is a senior lecturer of psychology at Swansea University whose research focuses on sex differences and relationship preferences from an evolutionary perspective. Evolution explains a large portion of why we like the things we like. Who we're attracted to, why we fall into and out of love, how our mental state affects our mating strategies. Therefore, if you are a human who ever intends on being in a relationship, this might be useful. Expect to learn the 5 evolutionary theories which explain much of human mating, whether ChatGPT can correctly predict what traits men and women like most in each other, how many previous sexual partners people say they want their current partner to have had, how open men & women in the West are to polyamorous relationships, how sexual arousal can ruin a faithful relationship and much more... Sponsors: Get 20% discount & free shipping on your Lawnmower 4.0 at https://manscaped.com/modernwisdom (use code MODERNWISDOM) Get over 37% discount on all products site-wide from MyProtein at https://bit.ly/proteinwisdom (use code: MODERNWISDOM) Get 83% discount & 3 months free from Surfshark VPN at https://surfshark.deals/MODERNWISDOM (use code MODERNWISDOM) Extra Stuff: Follow Andrew on Twitter - https://twitter.com/DrThomasAG Get my free Reading List of 100 books to read before you die → https://chriswillx.com/books/ To support me on Patreon (thank you): https://www.patreon.com/modernwisdom #evolution #dating #psychology - 00:00 Intro 01:20 Evolutionary Mismatch 10:18 Evolving Towards Making Small Errors Instead of Big Ones 17:33 Are Men as Picky as Women? 21:55 Is Promiscuity Heritable? 27:32 Humans Engage in Multiple Types of Sexual Strategies 36:49 The Different Levels of Sexual Harassment 46:55 Is Sexlessness in Young Men Caused by Poor Social Skills? 52:56 Attitudes in the West to Having Multiple Sexual Partners 1:04:21 How Many Previous Sexual Partners is Too Much? 1:14:52 What ChatGPT Gets Wrong About Mate Preferences 1:34:31 Where to Find Dr Thomas - Get access to every episode 10 hours before YouTube by subscribing for free on Spotify - https://spoti.fi/2LSimPn or Apple Podcasts - https://apple.co/2MNqIgw Get my free Reading List of 100 life-changing books here - https://chriswillx.com/books/ - Get in touch in the comments below or head to... Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx Email: https://chriswillx.com/contact/

Dr Andrew ThomasguestChris Williamsonhost
Mar 12, 20231h 35mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Evolutionary Psychology Reveals Hidden Forces Driving Modern Relationships And Dating

  1. Dr. Andrew Thomas explains five core evolutionary theories—evolutionary mismatch, error management, parental investment, sexual strategies, and strategic pluralism—to illuminate why modern dating and relationships often feel confusing or painful.
  2. He shows how ancestral mating psychology collides with online dating, porn, abundance of choice, and shifting social norms, producing phenomena like height filters, ghosting, misread signals, and sexlessness among young men.
  3. The conversation also covers sociosexuality, promiscuity, infidelity, polygyny, sexual harassment, token resistance and ‘playing hard to get,’ plus what actually predicts long‑term relationship success.
  4. Thomas contrasts internet myths (e.g., body count double standards, women loving polygyny, AI dating advice) with empirical data, and offers practical suggestions: choose contexts wisely, lean on friends/family introductions, and value traits like kindness and a pleasing disposition.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Modern dating overloads Stone Age brains, pushing people into crude filters.

Ancestrally, you might have had a handful of potential partners; online you see thousands, so people default to one‑dimensional criteria (height, race, profession) or swipe based on a single photo, which distorts mate choice.

Men and women evolved to make different ‘safer’ errors in courtship.

Error management theory predicts men often over‑perceive sexual interest (better to risk rejection than miss a chance), while women underestimate male commitment (better to be too skeptical than be abandoned with a child).

Short‑term and long‑term mating are distinct strategies triggered by context.

People aren’t fixed as ‘casual’ or ‘committed’—ecology, danger, welfare systems, and arousal can temporarily shift them toward short‑term hookups or long‑term pair‑bonding, even within the same person.

Sociosexuality strongly predicts both harassment risk and infidelity motives.

High sociosexual desire (comfort with casual sex) is one of the strongest predictors of sexually pushy behavior and cheating; for women, infidelity is more often tied to seeking a better long‑term partner, while men’s affairs can be purely for sexual novelty.

Key relationship traits are kindness and ‘pleasing disposition,’ not just looks or money.

Decades of ranking studies show people consistently put dependable character, kindness, and being easy to live with above physical attractiveness and income when forced to prioritize for long‑term partners.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

For most modern problems, we're approaching them with a Stone Age brain.

— Dr. Andrew Thomas

Short‑term relationships are about sex… you strip away the courting process, the commitment, the getting to know a person.

— Dr. Andrew Thomas

A pleasing disposition—someone who's just nice to be around—is like the most important thing in the whole world ten years into a relationship.

— Dr. Andrew Thomas

A lot of suffering in the dating world comes from conflating short‑term and long‑term mating desires.

— Dr. Andrew Thomas

If you want a long‑term relationship, go to places where people aren’t going there for a short‑term relationship.

— Dr. Andrew Thomas

Evolutionary mismatch between Stone Age mating psychology and modern dating environmentsError management theory, sexual over‑perception, and commitment skepticism in men and womenParental investment, sex differences, and short‑term vs long‑term sexual strategiesSociosexuality, promiscuity, mate switching, and heritability of sexual behaviorSex ratios, strategic pluralism, and how ecology shifts mating strategiesSexual harassment, token resistance, ‘playing hard to get,’ and miscommunicationBody count norms, polygyny vs polyandry, and what traits truly predict relationship success

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