EVERY SPOKEN WORD
150 min read · 29,505 words- 0:00 – 4:29
The Paradox of Success
- CWChris Williamson
When we first spoke, nearly five years ago now, I said that I might be your arch nemesis.
- GMGreg McKeown
(laughs)
- CWChris Williamson
And (laughs) in some ways, I've become worse, but in other ways, I've become much better since then. So, I can give you, up top, I can give you a, a thank you for at least adjusting my trajectory over the last five years in a, a positive direction.
- GMGreg McKeown
Well, one of the things that's interesting about that to me is just, e- in essentialism itself, there's this idea of the paradox of success, you know? So it's five sta- uh, four stages. You have clarity leads to success, leads to options and opportunities, all of that sounds like the right problem to have, and maybe it is, but it doesn't make them less problems, especially if it leads to the undisciplined pursuit of more. And so, I think that the more success somebody experiences, I think the more the case for essentialism, uh, i- e- exists in their life, because they go, "Yeah, e- e- this is the problem I thought I wanted." And maybe it still is, but now you still have to figure out how to be successful at success-
- CWChris Williamson
Mm.
- GMGreg McKeown
... and to not have it eat you alive, uh, and, and spit you out. You know, this is, this is sort of the path eventually, uh, and so the antidote, of course, is the disciplined pursuit of less but better.
- CWChris Williamson
Yeah.
- GMGreg McKeown
Uh, so anyway, there's no-
- CWChris Williamson
No, I, I think, uh, it's, it's so right as well that, um, I'm aware talking about success on the internet is one of the least popular things to do-
- GMGreg McKeown
(laughs)
- CWChris Williamson
... because the, the total addressable market is essentially zero compared with talking about grinding from the ground floor up.
- GMGreg McKeown
Mm-hmm.
- CWChris Williamson
But assuming, assuming that the people that are into personal development and work on themselves and, and read books like yours, they've been hugely formative for me, a- assuming that their goal is to achieve a level of success, you better fucking future-proof yourself. If the thing that you want to get is there and you know, like I can pro- and maybe it's one of those things that you just don't get to appreciate or believe until you actually arrive there and you're like, "No, no, no, that's bullshit. When I get to success, it's all gonna be fine." It's like, look, every single person I've spoken to, every single one of them, the problems don't stop, they get more complex the higher up the ladder you get.
- GMGreg McKeown
Yes, that's, that's what it is, and, and, and y- people struggle to believe it if they're in the first phases because those are really complex, challenging issues as well. But what happens is that the opportunities increase and the s- the, the scale of the impact of those choices increases and, and the, the number of people that are impacted by them and therefore the number of critics also increases and so, and, and on it can go. So you, you... The reward for getting to the top of the mountain is that there are other mountains, and in a way, that's a great part of life, that behind every mountain there's mountains, but it doesn't make it easier. And, and I think this is a, a very poorly understood area of success. People just assume, "If I get to the top of that mountain, all the problems disappear, life is just great." And it's like, no, you, nobody gets to escape, you know, the mortal experience. However it's designed, it's designed in such a way that you just can't do that, it's just never an option. And sometimes I think as people get higher in their level of success, it becomes much more lonely because there's fewer people to appreciate the new set of challenges. So anyway, I think it takes courage, I think every phase of life and every phase, if you wish to get to a higher point of contribution, you have to take your life into your hands, take responsibility (laughs) for it, and be courageous, which means that if you want to keep making progress, you're sort of living in a state of, I don't know, like, not comfort with discomfort, but you're certainly familiar with it all the time.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm.
- GMGreg McKeown
Uh, and, and the alternative is sort of slowly dying, so it's not like, you know, you, you're either, you're either on the edge of your ability and facing the fear and taking new risks so that you can have the great adventure continue or, or you're just slowly dying in whatever s- level of success a person happens to be at. So-
- CWChris Williamson
Mm.
- GMGreg McKeown
... yeah, it's like those are two tough choices.
- CWChris Williamson
What has
- 4:29 – 9:31
Has Essentialism Evolved in the Last Decade?
- CWChris Williamson
changed in your perspective on essentialism over the last 10 years? It's the tenth anniversary, tenth birthday party, um, for what for me is one of the five books that everybody needs to read, this 100 book reading list thing that I've been pushing for forever.
- GMGreg McKeown
Mm.
- CWChris Williamson
Um, yours, yours has sat in, uh, that top five, like, absolute, you have to get this done, and, um, but I mean, I'm, I'm interested, you're a decade hence now. What's, what's changed or what's evol- what's evolved?
- GMGreg McKeown
Uh, it's such a rich question, if I try to just answer it honestly. Um, I mean, it's l- it's obviously been completely life-changing for me, you know? It, it, it's enabled me to, to operate i- i- in a, in a certain kind of rarefied air, uh, you know, it, it, it... In a quite humbling way, it- it has become sort of a part of the zeitgeist, a part of Americana in, in a certain way. And so, you know, there are these, you know, so, so Steve Harvey gets a copy of it, it's his favorite book, and so we end up doing a bunch of interesting things together. And, uh, Maria Shriver, uh, former First Lady of California, you know, she, she was given a copy and she's giving them out at her famous Sunday luncheons. And, uh, Kanye was missing one time, and wherever he was, he had a copy of Essentialism-
- CWChris Williamson
(laughs)
- GMGreg McKeown
... because that's what, you know-
- CWChris Williamson
(laughs)
- GMGreg McKeown
... that's what he posted on social media. And then when he was on Rogan, he's like, uh, he's like, "Yeah, I'm an essentialist now." You know? And, and so, you know, th- these moments are a bit, you know, some of those are a bit strange, but it's also humbling because...... because the movement has just begun, and I can feel that. That every year, there are more people that essentialism reaches than the year before. There are more stories coming of people that really do feel like it's changed their life, which is always a- a, you know, that's- that's its own sort of strange experience. Uh, and so maybe to your question about what's changed, I- I mean, let me try and offer two things to that. One thing that's changed is I really believe now that people do need the tool set to go with the mindset, and I- I wasn't convinced of that 10 years ago. In fact, I was under contract to create, which you d- you know about this- this new- this new tool, the Essentialism Planner.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- GMGreg McKeown
I was under contract 10 years ago to create that, started working on it for a couple of months, and just was like, "No, I don't think this... Nobody needs this." (laughs) And there's so many planners and journals and this kind of thing out there, I don't want to create it just because, you know, okay, essentialism did well, so now we have to do this. So I uncommitted from the contract, went away from it, carried on in my own life like every single day doing some kind of written, in paper and pen, journaling and planning. And- and I don't think I've missed a day in the last... I mean, in the last 10 years, I don't think I've missed a day.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- GMGreg McKeown
And- and in the process found eventually a- this- this way of using a few minutes every day that I thought was so optimal and so supportive of essentialism, I- I was like, "Actually, maybe- maybe a planner would- could really help people." And so that's one of the shifts that's happened for me, is you need the mindset, but now I actually believe a toolset makes a big difference for people. Maybe it's for people that aren't thinking about essentialism as much as I am, which is like everybody, uh, you know, for them, they just want the tool. "Give me the tool, give me the best of what you've learned," and- and so that- that's, you know, that's one big change, I would say.
- CWChris Williamson
You said there was a second one.
- GMGreg McKeown
Yeah, I'm just trying to remember. Oh yeah, I know what I was gonna say about that. So, I think we've shifted eras. Okay, so if you say Agrarian Age, inf- uh, you know, Industrial Age, Information Age, I think in the 10 years since I published Essentialism, we've shifted to an Influencer Age, and that's a non-trivial shift. So if- if you say, okay, the- the- the lead characteristic of the Information Age was distraction, then the lead characteristic in this new age is disorientation. And while I think that those are sort of similar in some ways, I think that they are much more... Th- this new is much more foundationally challenging. And the word that I think would've been relevant 10 years ago but is different when I talk to people about it now is noise. Everybody's buried in noise. And so it's the ability to eliminate noise, it's the ability to not just eliminate, though, synthesize noise so that you can connect the dots through it like it's raw material-
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- GMGreg McKeown
... from which to create something meaningful.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- GMGreg McKeown
These skills now seem to me primary in a way that even 10 years ago I wouldn't have said that.
- CWChris Williamson
You must feel
- 9:31 – 13:14
Essentialism Has Become More Relevant
- CWChris Williamson
prophetic like a British Cassandra-
- GMGreg McKeown
(laughs)
- CWChris Williamson
... sort of seeing in advance.
- GMGreg McKeown
Well, my- my brother certainly would call me a Cassandra, so I don't know. I mean, maybe there's something to that.
- CWChris Williamson
Yeah.
- GMGreg McKeown
Go on, c- carry on.
- CWChris Williamson
You know what I mean. You know, you... Fuck, this book came out 10 years ago.
- GMGreg McKeown
Mm-hmm.
- CWChris Williamson
This book came out 10 years ago, and it's more... It's become more relevant over time. Uh-
- GMGreg McKeown
Yeah.
- CWChris Williamson
... you know, like a- like a- a weather reporter, like the Mayan calendar or something, and, uh-
- GMGreg McKeown
(laughs)
- CWChris Williamson
... yeah, it's just, you know, it's- it's-
- GMGreg McKeown
That's high praise. That's nice.
- CWChris Williamson
It- it's- it's true, and, um, whether it was you just catching a trend early that's then sort of ripped a hold and then- and then got further ahead, but I love that idea of going from distraction disorientation, and, um, th- that's not something I'd thought of before, but I think it's pretty accurate, because it's not just about our attention being pulled away and the optionality of that, it's the sheer volume. And, you know, th- I- I always talk about this. There was one day in 2010 or 2011 maybe, like earl- January 2011 or something, there was one day where humanity had the right balance of available information to information that we wanted.
- GMGreg McKeown
(laughs)
- CWChris Williamson
And then we immediately, you know, for- y- uh, fucking eons, millennia, we wanted more information than we had. And then there was one day around about 2011 when we had it, and we immediately fucking smashed through it, and w- and now we're out at just w- in the- the void, fucking whoo...
- GMGreg McKeown
(laughs)
- CWChris Williamson
Orbiting, orbiting ab- above the Earth, just surrounded by information.
- GMGreg McKeown
Right.
- CWChris Williamson
And it's a fundamental change that humans have had to go through from being scavengers of information to being discerners of information. You're no longer looking for things. You are choosing between things, and it's a- a fundamentally different skill. And I think that, you know, that sort of essentialist mindset becomes even more of a prophylactic against that sort of thing-
- GMGreg McKeown
Mm-hmm.
- CWChris Williamson
... uh, as you have to be more discerning, as you have to work out is this relevant or not. Not even how do I get it, not even can I focus on the thing that I want, but this barrage of different things, stimuli, information, potential goals, potential projects, am I gonna work from home, all of the stuff that happened from COVID, all of those, that's optionality that's been opened up. Hooray, that means that there's lots of different ways you can go.
- GMGreg McKeown
Mm-hmm.
- CWChris Williamson
But boo, who has to make the decision? You do.
- GMGreg McKeown
(laughs) Well, I think that... The way I think about it is that we are either in or approaching a l- truly limitless era, right? Like that's the good news. The bad news is that the obstacle to that is the noise. In some ways, it's both the- it's both the obstacle and the raw material.
- CWChris Williamson
The enabler, yeah.
- GMGreg McKeown
So it's like... It's- it's both.... but figuring out how to navigate that. And you know, we- we- we're using this disorientation word, and noise comes from the Latin nausea. And so when we say, "Yeah, we feel all this noise in our world," it's like, yes, we actually feel nauseous, you know, i- it's seasickness. And so when we go on social media, and we're absorbing so much information that way, including news, right? So it's not just, it's not just influences in- in the original sense of the word, "Oh, you should wear these clothes or live this way," it's not just that. It's all of the things, all of the information is getting put through that lens, that process to us.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- GMGreg McKeown
You know, when we get off social media, it's like, "Where are we?" We don't even know where we are. We don't know what's up, what's down.
- 13:14 – 19:35
Why is Being Reactive Bad?
- GMGreg McKeown
Yeah, go on.
- CWChris Williamson
Ye- yeah. Let's say, let's say that somebody isn't familiar with sort of the essentialist framework.
- GMGreg McKeown
Yeah, yeah.
- CWChris Williamson
Why... And we can do a little brief in a second, but-
- GMGreg McKeown
Yeah.
- CWChris Williamson
... just that reactivity point, what's- what's bad about being reactive? Why does that not fit into an essentialist's worldview?
- GMGreg McKeown
Well, I mean, let's- let's start with this, right? Like, I haven't named this law. You and I are gonna name this law maybe, and it's this, that the highest priority today is the least likely thing to happen.
- CWChris Williamson
Hmm.
- GMGreg McKeown
So that's the strangest thing, and I stand by that. I believe that's a law, at least, at least a law in this era. It might be that it's a natural law, and it's just a human bias that's, you know, just really challenging to overcome. But when I go through a planning process in the day, and I've identified the priority, when I look at it, I think, "There's no way that would have happened today." It doesn't even always happen after I've defined it. I might not even make any progress on it today, but I'm like, if I hadn't defined it, there's no way I would have made any progress. Like, we react to either complete trivia, right, the trivial many, or maybe to important things, or maybe to urgent things, but the essential, the most important thing, the most important relationship, (laughs) that is never the thing that happens first, unless you make it so. So that's one reason that I think r- r- living reactively i- is suboptimal.
- CWChris Williamson
Well, it'll... It completely puts you at the mercy of whatever next comes careening into consciousness, right? Whether it's a notification on your phone, whether it's a fear that you've had, whether it's memory of the fact that you don't have any bread in the- the cupboard.
- GMGreg McKeown
(laughs)
- CWChris Williamson
Uh, you know, that's the... It's the most salient thing, and you know, the- the Eisenhower matrix of sort of urgent versus important, the urgent will always all... I mean, when I think back to, you know, when I was really, really obsessive about this sort of working on productivity, when I think back to that, the amount of time, months, months that I would put off the important thing.
- GMGreg McKeown
Mm-hmm.
- CWChris Williamson
Months, I wouldn't do it for.
- GMGreg McKeown
Mm-hmm.
- CWChris Williamson
Like, the- the most important thing was evidently not that important. Well, no, it is. It's just somehow other stuff gets in the way. And, uh, you know, if you're not careful, and this is something I'm sort of realizing as I grow up and get a little bit older, you don't have an unlimited amount of time to do the important things in your life. You don't have an unlimited amount of time.
- GMGreg McKeown
No. No, no, no, and I- I'll say it further, and this would come close to another law, is that... I mean, I call it, in essentialism, I call it the 90% rule, and it is... I mean, bay- the 90% rule says focus only on those things that are 90% or above important. That is, if it's not a clear yes, it becomes a clear no. So it's a... That- that's like an extreme rule to try and help us escape the tendency to do just the good stuff or the middle stuff, is be more selective. But over the last 10 years, something I have come to observe and believe is that we have only enough time left to do the 90% and above.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- GMGreg McKeown
And that's- that's the tougher aha, because you say, "Oh, every time (laughs) I'm doing something that's just good or completely trivial, I am- I am making a trade-off I would probably not make if they were really placed in front of me as choices."
- CWChris Williamson
Yeah.
- GMGreg McKeown
You know, I mean, nobody on their deathbed says, "Oh, I just should have spent a bit more time scrolling on Instagram, you know, that's what I wish I'd done." Like, it's obvious. But the, but the... This is the nature, I think, of the noise and the deafening nature of it, is that we- we don't see the sign- we don't hear the signal in the noise. And so everything starts to seem equally important-
- CWChris Williamson
Yes.
- GMGreg McKeown
... where the reality is always, always that a very few things are... I mean, like, something like this, infinitesimally small things but infinitely important. And that that's... In every human system, in every set of data, in every set of tasks, there is something that is so much more important than everything else. But you have to really work to get to it. You know, it's a- it's a- it's a little like the, uh, th- you know, thinking that you... You know, a lot of the productivity, um, language and focus has been around how do you do more, how can you be more efficient, and so on and fine, okay. I don't think about what I do as like that, but... That's more like thinking you're in a coal mine your whole life and then waking up one morning and going, "Oh, I've never have been in a coal mine. It's always been a diamond mine."
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- GMGreg McKeown
Well, how would that shift all of your behavior? I have to operate differently now. I have to figure- get really good at finding the diamonds, pausing, thinking, reflecting, exploring, pushing everything aside that isn't the diamond. Well, that's just not... I'm not gonna focus on that.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- GMGreg McKeown
I need to find the thing that really matters.And, and I r- I, I don't know why it's the case, but I absolutely observe like it's a, a, (sighs) a reality in all human systems and all circumstances that you have... I think about it now like an, uh, uh, an onion of human systems. You have the noise and trivia at the s- at the edge. As you move in, you get towards a bit more important, it's a little more, um, so it's, it's a l- (sighs) you know, you have to be a little more careful around it because it's a, you know, a little more intimate. And then at the very c- center of it, you have things that are so vulnerable (laughs) and so disproportionately important, they're everything, that this, this is how I think it is. I think that's true in personal life, I think it's true in a relationship-
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- GMGreg McKeown
... I think it's true in a team, an organization, a country; at every level of a human system, this strange phenomenon seems to exist. And, uh, and so once you, once you discover that, once y- once you understand that, I think your life changes completely. Ir- irrevocably. At least that's what happened to me.
- 19:35 – 26:30
How to Better Work Out Your Priorities
- GMGreg McKeown
- CWChris Williamson
How can people better work out their priorities? It sounds all well and good if it's not above 90% important, but you've just admitted yourself that we're living in an age where everything feels important. Not only does everything feel important, but the most important things are often the least urgent. So there's a, uh, you have to get through the non-important, urgent shit first, then you need to get through the, like, non-important-
- GMGreg McKeown
(laughs) .
- CWChris Williamson
... non-urgent shit to find the important non-urgent shit that sits at the bottom. How, after all of this time, teaching people, doing courses, and all the rest of it, what's the best framework that people can use to work out what they need to work on?
- GMGreg McKeown
Yeah. I can teach people how to do it in six minutes, which is really cool, and, um, but, I mean, not, not to teach them in six minutes. I mean, they can learn to do it themselves every day in six minutes. And I, I learned it f- in some ways from an in- someone I interviewed on my podcast. And (sighs) what happened to her is that she, she'd started a new business and she woke up at like 3:00 in the morning hyperventilating, "Oh my goodness, what have I done? I've just quit this job. I'm not yet earning sufficient income," and she's just in that panic mode. And (sighs) quite spontaneously what she does is she grabs this huge sheet of paper that she plans to throw away, so it's just like, "Maybe if I just get all of the noise out of my head and just write, free write," and she's just, just messy, and it's crazy, and it's chaotic, and it's, you know, let's say she's swearing all the way through it and it's just like, you know, it's not for anyone, not even in a sense it wasn't even for her, she's just like pouring it out. And what she noticed happening, uh, and she's learned... Uh, I mean, even I think the first time she did it was like this six-minute process, it was like nothing, but then she has learned since then, it's like, uh, y- in six minutes what happens is she went from confusion... I don't know if this was her language, th- but this is my language now, right? She went from confusion, to clarity, to creation. At first she's just, confusion, noise, then she starts going, "Hmm, well, maybe what, what would I do about that? What, what could I do that would be healthy?" So it like, f- started to turn into questions that were relevant for her. And then, and then within just these few minutes, she's like looking like, "Okay, well, here are some plans, this is what I could do," and then she was able to go to back to bed at peace with the sense that, "Okay, I, uh, I still know what the problems are, but I h- I've worked through it. It's not just spinning in my head."
- CWChris Williamson
What is she writing?
- GMGreg McKeown
What was she writing?
- CWChris Williamson
Yes. What is she writing?
- GMGreg McKeown
Well, sh- i- the prompt was something like, "What's going on in your head? What is happening?" You know, "Wha-" so the prompt is quite a simple prompt. And she taught me this too. I have never heard anyone share this, and I love this, it's called instinctive elaboration. And what instinctive elaboration is, is that if you ask yourself a question or are asked a question, there is an involuntary mental process that takes place. You cannot not think about it, which is a pretty powerful phrase, and, and w- I think we've all experienced it. Somebody asks you an interesting question and it just like hijacks the way that you were thinking and what you were thinking about. And so you can use this to your benefit by having good prompts. So after this, I started the following process, "What? So what? Now what?" So every time I'm writing in my journal, I say, "Okay, what is going on?" And that's the free writing, that is just all the noise, it doesn't matter, no judging, maybe you plan on throwing it away, if that helps, I don't care, keeping it, I don't mind who reads it, I want the noise. "So what?" Now the, the prompt now is not, "What's going on?" But like, "Well, what does it mean?" You know, "Wha-" like let's just try and look at that noise as if, let's imagine, imagine (sighs) I was r- someone else showed me their writing, and I'm looking at it and going, "Oh, I wonder what that says? What does that mean?" And so you're just trying to now connect the dots a little bit. And then the, "Now what?" I have a really clear structure for this, uh, I call it the one, two, three method. The highest priority item for the day, that's the one, and you might spend two hours on that ideally. Uh, the two is two things that are urgent and essential, and the three are maintenance items, that's like the laundry of our life, if we don't do it, tomorrow gets a lot harder.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- GMGreg McKeown
And that together becomes what I think of now as my done-for-the-day list. And it doesn't mean that I won't do anything else, but if I get those one, two, three things done, I know I have done mo- the most important thing, some urgent things, and some maintenance items that will help my future self be thankful to me.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- GMGreg McKeown
Yeah. And, and I say, "Okay, well, if I just do those things every day, life is going to be better, and it's gonna help me orient my way through this noise." And that's what we need, because it seems to me that there are...... just two kinds of people in the world now. There are people who are lost, and there are people who know they are lost.
- CWChris Williamson
(laughs)
- GMGreg McKeown
(laughs) And if you can get in the second category, that's really helpful, because if you, if you're lost and you know you're lost, you're actually not lost anymore because you know what to do. You know? You can stop. "I don't know what I'm doing. Let's write this all out. This is where I'm at. This is so confusing. Okay, what does all that mean? Okay, what am I gonna do about it?" Like, the problem is when we don't realize we're lost and we just keep barreling ahead without pausing and reflecting and getting... You know, it's like a plane is off track 90% of the time, the key is to it getting where it's supposed to get to is that it has an automatic get back on track function.
- CWChris Williamson
Yes.
- GMGreg McKeown
And so in a disorienting world, what we need is a reorienting process. And that's why I think this daily process is such a helpful tool for living essentialism in a noisy world.
- CWChris Williamson
I had a conversation with a guy called Nick Pollard, the people displeaser, and, uh, he used a, a not too dissimilar analogy, uh-
- GMGreg McKeown
(laughs)
- CWChris Williamson
... which was a missile doesn't hit the target, the missile doesn't hit not the target. And that's the way that missiles work. This is not the target, avoid it. This is not the target, avoid it. And after you've not avoided all of the not the targets, you end up hitting the thing that you meant to hit.
- GMGreg McKeown
Right.
- CWChris Williamson
And, um, i- i- you know, again, so much of the, sort of the essentialist mindset is around the elimination, uh, it's around the not doing. Uh, I'm completely obsessed with the idea that success in life is at least probably 90% avoiding catastrophe as opposed to expediting success, because the catastrophes are the things that knock you out of the bottom, they're the things-
- GMGreg McKeown
(laughs)
- CWChris Williamson
... that can, that, that, that cause game over.
- GMGreg McKeown
Right.
- CWChris Williamson
You know, you spend, you spend-
- GMGreg McKeown
Right.
- CWChris Williamson
... your entire life caring about your health and eating organic and ensuring that you don't have seed oils, and then one day you drive your car without your seatbelt on. It's like, "Hey, guess what? Game over." Uh, so those are the things that really come in and, and make step changes to the quality of what you're doing. So just going a b-
- 26:30 – 35:51
Why Saying No is So Hard
- CWChris Williamson
actually speaking on, uh, Nick's work, uh, People Pleasing, uh, I think there's a lot of, um, parallels with what you do. Talk to me about why saying no to new, more things is so hard. Nick came at it from a, uh, an emotional health perspective, but I'm interested to hear it from a, a, a work/life/purpose/productivity perspective from yourself, basically why saying no is so hard and how people can learn to say no more effectively.
- GMGreg McKeown
Well, there's sort of one way you could go with that question, but I'm sort of wanting to answer it a different way because of how you set the question up. And, and it's like S- Socrates was described as, like, the wisest man in the world. And he said, "Well, I don't know if I am, but if I am, it's because I have this daemon with me." And he says, "This daemon..." So this sort of, I mean, it sort of... We don't really use that term now and it's not the same as a demon, but this sort of entity-
- CWChris Williamson
It's like a conscience.
- GMGreg McKeown
This c- Yes, I suppose conscience, but it felt very separate to him. But he said, he said, "My daemon never tells me what to do, what to do, but he always tells me what not to do." And I thought that that was such a, you know, consistent idea with what you were just sharing. And I remember when Storm Ida came through, I was stuck in the airport and, I mean, the storm is completely consuming the airport, there's water coming through the ceilings, people are already starting to lose their minds. And I've been in these situations enough in airports to know, like, like, you just don't want to be there through all of that. Like, if you can possibly just get somewhere else away from the storm, that's better. And I knew that there was a hotel about 10 minutes from the airport, I'd stayed in it before and I could physically see it, and I thought, "Look, if I just get there, it's just 10 minutes over there." And I try all these things and everything's not working out, you know, 'cause they've shut everything down because there's water pouring everywhere. And finally, I even tried to rent a car and they were like, "No, this is impossible." They said, "If you just walk straight down that road," and the water, the, the, the, it didn't look like it was too bad, uh, you know, it l- looked a little like it was, um, r- slowing down the rain. They said, "It's a 10-minute walk. Just go there and you'll be fine." And I took, like, a few paces and I, I heard, like, my own daemon, "Do not do this."
- CWChris Williamson
(laughs)
- GMGreg McKeown
That was exactly the words. And I carried on walking for about another four or five steps and it was louder, "Do not do this."
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- GMGreg McKeown
And that's it, that's sort of the end of the story. I went back, I tra- retraced all my steps, went back to the airport, stayed there for a while until things were calm enough that, uh, that I was able to get to the hotel and spent the night there. I don't know what would have happened if I had gone down that path. I- I'm glad I don't know. But I do think that there's something in this. You know, you could say, "Okay, what's the most essential thing in my life? What's the very best use of me?" I do think those are helpful questions, but they can be overwhelming. And so if you ask the opposite, it's like, "What don't you want? What is the thing, the number one thing you know you don't want?" Okay, well, now you basically know what it is you want, because it's just sort of the inverse of that.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm.
- GMGreg McKeown
You know? Wh-
- CWChris Williamson
Yeah. George, Geor- George, my friend, uh, asked this question on the first ever episode, even before you, he was before-
- GMGreg McKeown
Mm-hmm.
- CWChris Williamson
... B- BG, uh, he was before Greg.
- GMGreg McKeown
(laughs)
- CWChris Williamson
And, um, he, he asked this question, "How do you make, uh, a miserable person happy?" And you go, "No idea." He says, "How do you make a happy person miserable?" You go, "I've got a fucking million, million pieces of advice for you there."
- GMGreg McKeown
(laughs)
- CWChris Williamson
And you go, "Right, okay."
- GMGreg McKeown
I like that.
- CWChris Williamson
So inversion, inversion's a useful tool. And I can find out... At least I can avoid the pitfalls by making sure that I don't do the things that I know that are going to make me miserable. And, uh, you know, it- it's probably maybe a mark of where you've gotten to and, and, and the fact that I'm receptive to it and actually more receptive to it than you giving me a, a, a four-step matrix of how I'm supposed to identify the most important thing and all the rest of it-
- GMGreg McKeown
Mm.
- CWChris Williamson
... because... And this may be frustrating to people but fuck it, I don't care, as you get further along in the journey of working on yourself and of identifying how you work best...... experience comes along for the ride. So previously, everything was very effortful and it was System 2. You were-
- GMGreg McKeown
(laughs)
- CWChris Williamson
... y- y- y- you know, you've got your daily list of, of, of affirmations and, and, and morning routine and all the rest of the stuff. And th- there's still a place for all of that. But largely, what you're doing is you're f- you're forcing all of this water into an ice cube tray so that it sits nice, compartmentalized, because you have no idea what to do. It's messy. The world is messy and chaotic, and you need to wrangle it into some sense of order. Fantastic. What I've learned, that that, whatever it is, conscience, daemon, gut instinct, habit, whatever it is, that thing that goes off there, for the most part, is almost always right, and it gets more right the longer that you go on. And you say, "Well, that's whimsy, it's imprecision, it's wishful thinking. I- It doesn't... It's, it's untestable, it's unverifiable, it's unfalsifiable." I'm like, "Yep. I, I'm completely there with you." And yet, when I find myself following that thing, most stuff goes well. Most stuff goes well, and it goes better than it would have done had I have tried to reverse engineer my g- what, what do I want written on my gravestone, broken down into ten-year chunks, broken down into one-year sprints, broken down into daily action. Like, I... It's just, what do I want to do? And that, again, the reason that it's so cool is that it is a competitive advantage that compounds with experience, which means that-
- GMGreg McKeown
Mm-hmm.
- CWChris Williamson
... as opposed to it's one of the countervailing forces to things get more difficult the further along the ladder that you get, because this is one of the things that you can't speedrun.
- GMGreg McKeown
Mm-hmm.
- CWChris Williamson
There is no fucking growth hacking experience-
- GMGreg McKeown
(laughs)
- CWChris Williamson
... really. It's just, it comes along as a byproduct of time. This your first tour that you've done with the band? You have no idea how you should eat, how you should sleep, how you should train, when you need to go, uh, g- the bathroom, what, how you need to pack everything. After a while, maybe you've got a system in place, and then after a while, after that, you just do it by feel, and you're like, "Fuck, that's cool," and it's not replicable. It means that competition is... And, and it's more fun because it doesn't feel like it's this prescribed, uh, uh, top-down, dictatorial world. It's this sort of emergent, bottom-up, very uniquely you. And, um, yeah, uh, that... Uh, at least for me, managing that transition, uh, has been a difficult one to allow myself to be more free-flowing. Uh, but I really appreciate it. I appreciate, and I'm, I'm, you know, grateful to me for letting go of some of the more sort of rigorous and, and rigid and structured ways that I used to do things, to now allow me to sort of tap into that experience. So, maybe that resonates.
- GMGreg McKeown
Yeah, I... Well, well, look, it see-... I mean, one way to riff on that is to say, look, the, the daemon is playing an extremely complex game. And, m- you know, if we, if we, we use sort of Musk's idea, the, the, the, the simulation idea. Uh, okay, so, so, so i- in, in this simulation, we are trying to... L- l- let's say that part of the, the purpose, central purpose, is to maximize the growth of people, that people need to use their agency to make choices, including mistakes, so that they can gain that experience that they didn't have before, so that they can become wiser, become better, uh, and, and, and grow. Okay, so if that's the case, like as a parent, like I... It's what I want for my children too. I want them to make mistakes as soon as possible, uh, be in a high rapid learning process so there's no shame when they make mistakes. I'm never gonna shame them because that's what they're supposed to do, is make choices, and some will go right and some won't, and they'll learn about themselves and other people through the process. What we would want, optimally, is someone like Anna and I as parents to step there to be able to occasionally say, "No, that isn't gonna work well for you." But to use that very carefully. Otherwise, everything's a no all the time, and like then they don't get the optimal growth path and learning of life. And so I do think that this sort of, this daemon approach and paying attention to that, like, "Hey, if you're not feeling it, proceed. Let's keep going. But as soon as you do, you never do- never ignore that." You just avoid so many of the catastrophic things. And in some ways, (laughs) anything but catastrophic failure isn't failure. It's like, "Yeah, keep going, keep learning. Just avoid the catastrophic things." And I really do believe that if people are paying attention, if they're listening, they will always have a daemon warning. I, I, I... That's been true in my life, and I think it's true in all the people I've talked to as I listen to them and their complex life story and their narratives. And I've done quite a bit of that over the last 25 years, and, and, and as we've gone through literally nar- (laughs) literally creating a graphical representation of their life from birth to the moment we're having the conversation, in those big mistake moments, the huge things that have been really, really big, they, they had a moment of warning, and maybe they, they just were like, "Oh, I'm still doing it."
- 35:51 – 45:10
Having a Healthy Balance Between Easy & Hard
- CWChris Williamson
I wanted to talk about something else that I've been kind of conflicted by this year. So, a lot of the people listening to the show will know a good friend of mine, a guy called Alex Hormozi. Uh, he is very much, "Hard things are hard. That's why they're hard. Stop complaining about them being hard."
- GMGreg McKeown
(laughs)
- CWChris Williamson
And I think his messages is fantastic and it's resonated with me a lot and it's given me an awful lot of resilience in times when I've needed it. Uh, but I'm not convinced that it is a fuel that I need to rely on all the time.
- GMGreg McKeown
Mm-hmm.
- CWChris Williamson
And I'm interested in alchemizing something different, or maybe just having a couple of different fuel sources, you know, switching between fucking coal and nuclear or whatever.
- GMGreg McKeown
(laughs)
- CWChris Williamson
Uh, and I, I came across a really gorgeous quote from you that said, "Puritanism went beyond embracing the hard, it extended to also distrusting the easy."
- GMGreg McKeown
Right.
- CWChris Williamson
And I think...... for the people who take pride and pleasure, uh, and meaning and purpose from deploying the hard, from leaning into the hard, from dealing with it, and they say, "I can do things other people can't-
- GMGreg McKeown
Hmm.
- CWChris Williamson
...and I can put my nose to the grindstone, and I will keep going, and I'm going to carry the boats," and so on, that the distrust of the easy, uh, comes along for the ride. So I'm interested in-
- GMGreg McKeown
(laughs) .
- CWChris Williamson
... I'm interested in that arc, and how-
- GMGreg McKeown
Right.
- CWChris Williamson
... a, uh, you know, a micro David Goggins can, uh, learn to trust the easy and, and ha-have a little bit more comfort when, uh, things come along like that.
- GMGreg McKeown
Well look, all, all wisdom to me is sort of something like the center between two opposing truths. They're both true, but if you go too far in one direction, it will no longer be true and wise, and, and, and it, you know, so justice and mercy would be like that. But so would, so would s- I think, I, I think sort of hard and easy is like that. So if you, for example, if a person is an insecure overachiever, they will tend to operate out of a mindset where, "If it's not hard, I'm doing something wrong." And so, so they're always pushing but they can push too far because they've gained a sort of mindset, something like a bad 1980s motivational speaker/coach. You know, "You've got to do 150% and if you don't then you, that's not enough and you just got to push further." And that was one of the reasons that I wrote the book Effortless, was as an antidote to that. You can think about it like an insecure overachiever's guide to healthy productivity. What does that look like? Is there a way that is actually more optimal, get better results, but without (laughs) this endless assumption that burnout is the way? Now, you could take it too far, but that's not who I'm writing to, because I'm writing to those that only default one way. So there's a case study that blew my mind when I read it. The, the more I got into it, the more some of these ideas sort of elevated for me. So go back with me to the 19... to the 1850s and the, the, the great expedition of the time, like getting to Mars is ours today, getting to the moon was the 1960s, this was who's getting to the South Pole, and no one had ever done it in all of recorded history. You have Shackleton that tried and failed, that's sort of the most famous failed attempt at doing it. And then after Shackleton, there are two teams that set off on almost the same day, a Norwegian team, a British team. The British leader, the expedition leader, had as a mindset something like maximum effort equals maximum reward. And so he translates that like this, "Day one, we'll go 30, 40, even 50 miles if we can. We will maximize the distance because obviously if you maximize the distance each day, you'll get to the South Pole faster than the Norwegian team." So that's what he starts, day one, day two, day three is like that. Then they get really bad weather. They're so burned out physically that they have to stop, set up their tents, and sit in no progress. (laughs) So it affects them psychologically. We know this because they, they wrote in their journals, "Ugh. We have worse luck than anyone who's ever tried this. We have the worst weather conditions of anyone." And they're wrong about that. In fact, they have better weather conditions than th- the team they had based their own attempt on. But they felt like it was true, so now they are physiologically and psychologically exhausted. One entry, "We don't think anyone could make progress in weather like this." But one team could and that's the Norwegian team, who had a different mental model. Expedition leader, something like optimal effort equals maximum results. But he got it, curiously, from the indigenous people, uh, in Antarctica, who had taught him this, that making maximum progress in those conditions is about sweat management. That is, if you sweat too much, you will burn out the body too soon, you will be colder, you will freeze, and, and it will have all of this negative consequences. So he translates what they had taught to him into the rule 15 miles a day, one five. Day one we could go way further but we won't. Day two, day three, day four, they get their first bad weather day. Well, they have sufficient energy to be able to continue making the progress. So they just, they go maybe 13 miles, but it's somewhere within the range, you know, 13 to 15 miles even on those bad weather days. They avoid completely the boom and bust approach to execution that the British team has, but the plot thickens when they get within 45 miles of the South Pole, because now they have to choose, you know, what to do, because they have perfect weather conditions and perfect sledding conditions, so they could if they break the rule one time make it to the South Pole in a single day. And to make the decision harder, they don't know where the British team is, for all they know the British team is ahead of them. And so that's like a good moment to sort of pause and just reflect on our own mindset. What would we do? What does the insecure overachiever do? Do you push, do you pace? I've asked audiences this all over. 85% or above will admit, including me, to push. Why? Because that's the mindset, because we really genuinely believe maximum effort equals maximum results. Okay, well they don't. They pause, they pace it still, takes them three days, they get to the South Pole, they've beaten the British team by more than 20 days. That's not what should happen. Every insecurechiever, uh, overachiever knows that's not what should happen, that's not how the world works, and that, and yet it is.Eventually, the British team make it there as well, but they're so burned out, not one of them make it home alive to England. They all die on what would have been the journey home. Whereas in the Norwegian team, their approach allowed them (laughs) to make the non-trivial 16,000-mile journey home. And when I read the biography of this, The Race to the Poles, the biographer chooses to describe the progress being made by the Norwegian team with words that I find, even to this moment, outrageous. He said, "They made progress (laughs) with..." This is his words, "Without particular effort." I mean, what can you say? What can you say about that? It almost knocked me off my chair when I read the words. I mean, I'm in the middle of writing Effortless, so it supports the case I'm making, but it's still an outrageous moment. It's the most arduous physical challenge known to humanity. That's why it was so exciting. That's why people were trying to do it. And yet, their progress was defined, of course, not no effort, but that that wasn't the distinguishing quality of their advancement. And in that, I think there is something so real to challenge the thinking that has been absorbed, swallowed, almost through the pores of our skin if we're interested in success and achievement, that we have to be going beyond the max-
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm. Uh-huh.
- GMGreg McKeown
... when no one is admitting that when you go beyond the max, what's actually happening is that you're setting yourself up for the bust. No one's talking about the bust. I'm training right now for an Ironman, and there's literally a way that you can track your, your sort of actual power over time, and yeah, you wish it was higher than it is, and there are things you can do to push that number up over a long period of time, but it's what you have. And so, the reason you want to know this is that when you actually do the Ironman, you, you never want to be above your average in the entire race-
- CWChris Williamson
Mm.
- GMGreg McKeown
... because every time you think you're, "Oh, look, I'm making all this progress. See, look at me, I'm passing people and it's, this is what I need," it's like, no, what you're doing is making yourself slower later or increasing the probability that you can't get it.
- CWChris Williamson
You're drawing, you're drawing from a tank, yes.
- GMGreg McKeown
What's that? Yeah, you're drawing from the tank, right, exactly. And so this idea of finding what is your maximum, your op- and going back a little ways, like the 85% rule. Go 85% and you'll find you can go further, and faster-
- CWChris Williamson
Mm.
- GMGreg McKeown
... and for longer.
- CWChris Williamson
Yeah,
- 45:10 – 55:11
Knowing When & How to Slow Down
- CWChris Williamson
it's fascinating. I've been, uh, I, this has been something that's really captured me this year, the, I think most people probably need to hear David Goggins screaming in their face to go harder, as opposed to Greg McKeown whispering in their ear that they're already enough, on average. And-
- GMGreg McKeown
(laughs) .
- CWChris Williamson
... you know, reliably working harder will make pretty much all problems go away in one form or another. But they will make problems go away in the only way that problems can be judged, outwardly. It'll achieve more success, it'll get you more renown, it'll get you all of these things, but you might be totally fucking miserable and joyless when you're doing it. And what happens over a long enough timeline? What are the prices that you need to pay for that? What relationships blow up? What's the risk of burnout? Like how quickly do you manage to reach the stars, but then you explode upon reentry? You have no ability to do reentry because you, you, uh, never able to switch off. I'm going to, (laughs) I'm going to Jamaica for a Sakoku retreat, uh, early in the year. So I'm gonna do seven days, no phone, uh, no internet, no nothing. And, um, that, that to me, it sounds lovely in advance, but I get the sense that it's maybe going to be like a Navy SEAL hell week when I get there-
- GMGreg McKeown
(laughs) .
- CWChris Williamson
... like the, the, the most, the most opulent version of a Navy SEAL hell week, 'cause I'm in Jamaica. Um, but I- I- I'm really, really obsessed with this idea that not only the distrusting of the easy, not only the sort of inculcation of the hard, but that for the insecure overachiever, it's the precise opposite piece of advice. And on average, maybe more people need to hear it, maybe more people need to hear somebody telling, telling them that they're lazy and that they're sat on the couch and they need to get, you know, g- go to the gym and do the things. But for the sort of people that read your work and that listen to this podcast, I really-
- GMGreg McKeown
Exactly.
- CWChris Williamson
... I really, really want to be a redress to that kind of energy. Look, you, you, you need to be able to turn it on, and you need to be able to build your capacity to turn it on. That's what training is, right? That's what doing the wattage hours on the bike and sitting on there and all the rest of it. But you, more than being able to turn it on, you need to turn it off. And I'm a living example of this, man. Like, I'm, I'm somebody that has not stopped for seven years doing this project, and I'm now working harder to learn how to not work hard than I ever learned how to actually work hard. Because working hard came easily to me. Working not hard is a, a, it brings up all manner of problems, you know, all manner of challenges. Who am I? Am I falling behind? Does this matter anymore? What if people forget me? What if I forget me? My self-worth was wrapped up in how much I achieved this day-
- GMGreg McKeown
Mm-hmm.
- CWChris Williamson
... and I haven't achieved that much. Well, you meant to not achieve that much. Ah, yeah, I know, but maybe I can go harder. Is this a difference between me being a bitch or me actually taking some well-deserved time off? And then you go even deeper than that and you say, well, no, am I taking time off simply so I can come back harder? That doesn't seem like time off. That's not me actually enjoying joy, that's me using joy as an instrumental good toward another instrumental good. Like, I want an inherent good. I want to be able to go away and enjoy this thing for the sake of enjoying this thing, not because I think that it, Andrew Huberman said a seven-day fucking Sakoku retreat's gonna allow me to do... You know?
- GMGreg McKeown
(laughs) .
- CWChris Williamson
And, uh, these are the challenges. These are the challenges that happen as you get further down the sort of self-growth, self-development journey. And, uh, it's, yet they don't get easier. They just get more complex.
- GMGreg McKeown
Yeah. I mean, I think, I mean, one way to think about what you just said is, is, I, I call it the onion of human systems. And, and that's, I mean, it's consistent with some of what we talked about before, but in all, in any human system, right, so a person is a human system, right? That's one way to think about it. A relationship is a human system. It's all of the interaction, and it's, it's highly complex. I mean, take a single person...... and try to understand everything that's in their mind and how it's all connected. That is unbelievably complex. So the complexity, like, we live in a ridiculously complex world. And so human systems are ridiculously complex. The problem is, if we operate in a way that we only ever at the outer edges of the onion, then (sighs) we're dealing with the relatively safe and relatively trivial. And so, I mean, I think what you're describing in your journey this last year is, is I've been moving closer to the center in my own life. Circumstances are- are such that it's happening and some of it is just the success itself and going, "Okay, well, what does it mean? And if- if- if I don't have to work for the same reasons I used to have to work, then why do I do that?" And so it- it- it raises questions that are closer to the highest level of vulnerability and highest level of impact possible is at the center. I sometimes think about this as like the red button (laughs) at the center, and there's all sorts of, uh, protective measures that people employ to avoid going there. And- and I used to think that was sort of fundamentally, you know, pretty much just bad. But I understand it more now, because it's, like, you mess with that thing, you resetting, you know, that red button's like... There- there can be unbelievable resets, and so if you- (laughs) if you res- reset it stupidly or- or- or reactively or something like that, then yeah, you could... Yeah, I suppose you risk blowing up your life, but let me just describe what I think is down there, what I've found down there, is that- that at the center of the center, like the Holy of Holies of our mind and heart and life, it's, uh, a meaning frame. Of course it's not just one, but there are meaning frames. That is, well, what things mean to us, how we... Ho- when- when we're looking at a set of s- data or circumstances, how we interpret it, and we are... Whatever we are, we are mean- meaning machines. I mean, we are constantly sort of trying to make sense of, "Well, somebody said it that way, what does that mean?" You know? "Oh, they said it with a slightly different tone of voice. What does that mean?" You know? Like, we're constantly trying to map meaning in others and ourselves. Now, here's the thing. It's not just a meaning frame. It's what I've come to describe as a frozen meaning frame. And this is how it works. You have a true meaning frame. There's a meaning frame that's based in truth that has got locked like two magnets with something not true, and then because it's happening so deep in us and so subconsciously, we then just move forward in life with that- that being locked, and we don't even know that that's operating us. It's an- it's an operating system, and it's shaping 100 decisions, 1,000 decisions, and we don't even know why. And so then people at the surface are trying to say, "Well, that habit's not really the habit I want, and let me- let me read a book about habits and- and then I'll be able to change it, and I can move the food out and I can get rid of all the rubbish food and yet somehow I'm always eating food. You know, sometimes, uh, somehow even though I know all those stuff, I can't stop doing it." Why? Because they're operating at the surface. You have to get to the center. Let me give you a single illustration of this. I was working with a- a very intelligent PhD student, great husband, great father, great in his faith, but in his actual career work he just can't get any motivation, and he's doing really well. He's at one of the top universities so on the surface, again, it looks fine but he knows inside there's no meaning here and, "I can't seem to thrive in this environment," and he doesn't know why. So we go through this rapid listening process to be able to go from the surface down, down, down, always knowing, at least I know, there's something at the center. We don't know what it is yet. And we find what it is together in about an hour, so it was quite rapid. His sister had died when he was young, and when she died... His- his young version of making sense of this world he's in is, "The only things that matter in life are my family and my faith." Now, that makes perfect sense as a 10-year-old or something trying to make sense of his world and it's not that that's totally false, but it's a set of truth mapped like those magnets were something not true. He doesn't even know it's there, but here he is as a PhD student at a top university struggling. As soon as he worked it out, we were able to zoom in and begin a process of starting to look at it, untangle it, gently separate it, and enable him to operate at a completely different level. And- and- and (sighs) that's one illustration, but I have spent the last... I mean, I've... I don't even talk about it in either Essentialism or Effortless, not... Really not at all, but that's really been the story of the last 25 years of my life, have been unbelievable moments like that with people one-on-one, sometimes in bigger groups, where you are listening in a way that gets to the heart of the matter, uh, uh, uh, the- the- these vulnerable but valuable unlocks at the center. This is the process I think you're going through, and it will be feeling really messy and really vulnerable, partially because (laughs) the ver- closer you get, the higher stakes it is, but also because perhaps there hasn't been, like, a structured process to try and make sense of this journey.
- CWChris Williamson
Hmm.
- GMGreg McKeown
But I think if you think about it more in terms of this onion system...It will help you to go, "Okay. Of course, this feels vulnerable. Of course, this is weird." And you know what you're looking for. What are those meaning frames inside, way down, truths matched with untruths, that I can start to identify, unlock, and then be able to release a new way of living and operating?
- 55:11 – 1:09:33
Biggest Challenges of Maintaining Essentialism
- GMGreg McKeown
- CWChris Williamson
Let's just revisit that now, again, five years on. Everyone can go back and listen to the first, first episode we did, which is great on essentialism. Second episode we did, which is on effortless. And, um, you know, a lot of things have changed for me since the first time that we spoke.
- GMGreg McKeown
Mm-hmm.
- CWChris Williamson
And I'm interested to get your perspective, having also presumably watched people be introduced to the approach, and then grow over time and end up in different sorts of places. What are the challenges in remaining an essentialist as your career progresses? As everything gets more, as you get closer toward the outcomes that you want, maybe you surpass the outcomes that you want, take me through the things that people are going to encounter.
- GMGreg McKeown
Well, let's just, let's level set by saying this, that almost everything that has been written and published, both in the popular press and in academic circles and certainly online, are about, are advice for how to become successful and almost nothing has been written about what to do once you are. Now, that's a problem. And, and okay, you can say, well, well, most people are trying to make the journey from zero to one, so maybe the idea is, well, there's a smaller market for the, you know, the one to infinity market. Uh, but I've spent so much of my life working with people in that category, um, that, that I feel a lot of sympathy, uh, and, and even compassion I would... Yeah, I would say compassion better even than sympathy, because, because there's a, there's a lot of misjudgment, really a low, low-quality judgment of people that are successful. Because, because if you're trying to go from zero to one and somebody's up there and they're in three, four, five, ten, it's like, "Oh, yeah, they're all right. They're fine. They'll be okay." And it's like, that's because they actually don't understand what it is once you start to get there. So, what is someone going to experience? They're going to experience, what's that word where you're, you're, uh, standing on a high building and you're looking over at it, and-
- CWChris Williamson
Vertigo.
- GMGreg McKeown
Vertigo. You definitely... The success vertigo is definitely part of the problem. Um, it, it's just like, "Whoa. Why, where even am I now?" You know, I've just been trying to get up here, you know, and now I got up here, and now this just feels so strange, and the number of people up here. There's like... You know, down there on level one, there was like a million people. And then as I got up, as I carried on walking up and going up and up and up, you know, the numbers start siphoning out. And now up here it's like, there's like, there's three people up here and they're all really busy doing their thing and, and I don't know who to talk to or how to operate. And so, like, the loneliness of leadership and the loneliness of success is, is huge. And this is one of the reasons that you see the psychological discombobulation of people that achieve success, uh, uh, in a sense overnight, even though they almost have always been working for years to get there. But then suddenly it pops, they get into this movie. I had Matthew McConaughey on my podcast, and we've remained friends since, and he's like... (laughs) You know, the day after his, the big break happens and the movie comes out, he's like, he said, "I walked down the same road the day before and there was like two or three people that looked at me, and maybe they weren't even really looking at me." He says afterwards there was two or three people not looking at him, and they might have been looking at him. The difference was so different. And one of the things he ended up having to do, not immediately, but he like took a year or two out of it, just to go, "Okay, I, I don't want to... I, I don't even know where I am anymore. And, and I don't just want to be the rom-com guy." So I had to... He like took a sort of connect the dots year or two, and I thought that was pretty, pretty, um, prescient of him. Pretty... Showed a pretty strong degree of foresight to not just become a function of the machine. And that's, that's basically what I think it is, is that as you're moving up the levels, you're building a machine that's gonna produce the thing you want, to produce the success. And building that system, I think, is key to getting from zero to one and even beyond. But there's a certain point at which the machine is working so well, it's like who's serving who? Did I become the cog? You know, am I now the node in the system I built and I'm just answering to it, or am I still the creator? And the gravitational pull of success is so strong that it, it, it is harder to escape it. I mean, truly, success traps are harder to escape than failure traps. Failure traps, you're incentivized to change. Success traps, you're incentivized to carry on. And so it takes a greater self-awareness to be able to push apart and, and, and not be a, a cog in the system, but separate and look at the system. "Okay, what is happening here? What is the state of affairs? How's it all working? And do I want to enter that system again, or how would I now want to change it for the next 10 years of my life?" Or the next, in your case you're saying five years, that's sort of key metric, the last five years where you were, now for the next five years. So, I think it's that, it's the escape from it so that you can start to look at it. Not be in the system you've built, but to be able to observe the system. I think about it like the observer's advantage. Because (laughs) we can build really successful, complex prisons (laughs) if we're not careful.And so yeah, we built it and it did what we wanted. But then we get it, and you're like, "Maybe that isn't what I wanted but I'm still in it now. And everyone else seems to want it, so maybe I should want it." And so it's all this very confusing, sort of multi-mirrored, uh, experience that we're having. And so to be able to escape it, to be able to say, "Look, that is not me, that system, that success, that way of working, that way of operating, that is not the real me. The real me is the observer." And that, I really think is literally true, right? The observer... The fact that we can, for example, if we're having a panic attack, whether because of failure or success, 'cause they can both produce it, the fact that we... It is, th- that psychologically possible to actually observe yourself having a panic attack means that the observer isn't having a panic attack, and the observer is you. It's a great... It, it's a, it's such a discovery at any phase of success to s- discover, "Oh, I'm not my thoughts and I'm not my life. That's just where I am and what's happening right now, but I can observe it." I just think in some ways it's harder to do that as success becomes its own form of noise. It's so loud, and there's, there's money involved, and there's fame involved, and there's people involved, and there's criticism involved, and there's opportunity involved, and there's more involved. And all of those things are so loud. It's like, "How do I get myself to observe again? How do I not just get to the next party and the next moment and the next opportunity and the next flight and the next..." That's, that's the journey, I think, to help become successful at success.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- GMGreg McKeown
A- and if you think about the, sort of some of the horror stories of success in the past, and there's, there's a lot to pull from, y- you can see why success can become such a catalyst for failure-
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- GMGreg McKeown
... because it takes us away from the observer role where we can actually get clarity about our life. What's happening? So what? Now what? That, that question, uh, from a, the observer position seems to be the right process at all levels of success, but man, it's harder at the highest levels.
- CWChris Williamson
But the other element is you're learning to say no to things that previously you would have begged to have had the opportunity to say yes to.
- GMGreg McKeown
Yeah.
- CWChris Williamson
And for every-
- GMGreg McKeown
Yup.
- CWChris Williamson
... unit of effort that you put in now-
- GMGreg McKeown
(laughs)
- CWChris Williamson
... however many years hence, the impact-
- GMGreg McKeown
(laughs)
- CWChris Williamson
... that you have is a thousand times or a hundred times what it would have been in the beginning. So you're telling me that the pressure and the implications are greater than it's ever been, and the temptation, uh, for distraction is greater than it's ever been.
- GMGreg McKeown
Right.
- CWChris Williamson
And my resilience is going to be pulled on more, by more things than it's ever been.
- GMGreg McKeown
Right.
- CWChris Williamson
And I need to do, I need to do all of this. I need to spin this thing in a NutriBullet up to make something that's actually what I want. And, um, yeah, it's, it's a fascinating challenge. It's a really fascinating challenge. Uh, uh, Alex talks about, (laughs) um, you know that scene in The Matrix where, uh, the woman in the wed- red dress walks past them and-
- GMGreg McKeown
Mm-hmm.
- CWChris Williamson
... and Morpheus says, "Neo, are you looking at me or are you looking at the woman in the red dress? Turn around." And he says, "Yeah, you know, y- you have to learn on the come up to be able to ignore a hypothetical 10." And he says, "Yeah, but what about a hypothetical 1,000 or what about 1,000 hypothetical 1,000s?"
- GMGreg McKeown
Right.
- CWChris Williamson
And that's this ever... It's that reverse habituation, you know, you've got the sort of hedonic treadmill, this is like the hedonic no. You need to be able to ever, e- ever more sensitively say no to ever more attractive things that look ever more enticing, but you need to continue to be able to say no. And then, you know, you actually need to be able to pull the trigger and say, "Well, maybe this is such a step change, maybe this speaks to me so much, this is the opportunity that I've been looking for." And all of this needs to occur at once, and to put the icing on the top of the cake, you need to do all of it while no one gives you sympathy, while everybody says, "Well, that's a champagne problem. Oh my God, you d- too many options, how out of touch. You know, th- th- it's, it's so unrealistic. Do you not know that people are dying? Do you not know that people are in poverty?" And you go, "Dude, if you are the sort of person that wants to be successful, this is precisely the sort of problem that you are going to face. The only issue is that you're not facing it right now." So yeah, that altogether, the thousand hypothetical 1,000s, more impact than you've ever had before, more distraction than you've ever had before, more options than you've ever had be- before, playing at a level that you've never been at, and you still need to be able to say no. It's not easy.
- GMGreg McKeown
Well, y- y- um, it... One thought that comes to mind, or two thoughts, I guess. One is Elon Musk w- w- mentioned at one point that for every minute he spends on Tesla, that's worth a million dollars. That's what he estimates.
- CWChris Williamson
(laughs)
- 1:09:33 – 1:16:35
Discerning Which Advice We Should Listen to
- GMGreg McKeown
- CWChris Williamson
Just going back to, you know, what we were talking about before, this sort of arc from distraction to disorientation. Obviously-
- GMGreg McKeown
Mm-hmm.
- CWChris Williamson
... we're in a world where technology, social media gives us a lot of access to information. It's very easy to make comparisons about what you should be doing versus what others are doing, and it's, it's kind of like option anxiety in a way. How do you recommend sifting through the bullshit and determining what information and advice is actually good or bad for us? Should people just turn it all off? Basically, to what degree should we be seeking external influence to determine what's right for us to be putting our efforts into?
- GMGreg McKeown
(inhales) I think what you, you begin with is this assumption that y- y- that every single person watching this, right? And I suppose it's happening in this moment, right? They're watching or listening to this. This is, you know, two more people sharing thoughts and so on. It's like, if you're alive today, you are having more opinion inputs. It's not information overload anymore, right? It's opinion overload. You have more opinion inputs than anybody ever, and it's from people that know you less well than in any other previous era. So, the gap in possibility for, um, you know, for irrelevance is really high (laughs) . You know, like if, if, if, if my daughter comes home from school today and y- y- you know, and, and before I even listen to her, I just play a podcast for her, or I just, you know, I just read, I just read off of, of X, you know, some statement that someone made, you know, just read it to them. Like, what are the chances that what I'm gonna share is gonna be the, the most relevant thing that could be said to her in this moment, right? That's very, very low. And that's (laughs) sort of the problem. So, I think you begin by just assuming, oh, you could be below average in your consumption of opinions today and you'd still have an opinion overload problem. So, I think with that, I mean, maybe one, one thing I would recommend to your, to your question, what do you do, I think if you fast from social media, you know, for a certain period of time, you know, let's say even, even if you do it once a year, you say, "Okay, five days, no social media."
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- GMGreg McKeown
Cut out that noise. You don't have to go to Hawaii to do it, right? Like, you, you just go, "Okay, for one week, I'm, I'm just not going to do it," and notice the difference. Notice what happens to your thinking. Notice what you notice. Uh, uh, uh, you know, that, that, to me, is one good rule of thumb. I think a second thing that I would recommend is people, you know... Maybe, again, it's like a once-a-year spring cleaning, but go through everybody you're following and just start from zero. Like, like, right now, imagine you didn't, weren't following anyone, who would you select to follow? Who are the people now that you think are going to give you the most relevant insight for your life today? I think that that idea of starting from zero is, is a better, is a better mindset switch than, "Let's look at the whole list and remove one or two people." It's like, start the other way round. Go to zero and see what might be relevant. See who now is going to be helping you go forward. What have the impact (laughs) of these voices been on you over the last year? Did they help you? Did they just add more clutter to your life? Are the, are the things you really care about better? I had Brad Smith on th- the... on, on, on my podcast. He's the president of Microsoft. He is one of the only technologists who...... openly admits to the, the, wh- well, he wrote a book about it, and it's called Tools, um, Tools and Weapons. And just the, just the admission that all technology can be both, all of it. I got, I've, I've worked in Silicon Valley for 15 years now. It is so rare that anyone admits that, especially if they're being paid not to admit it. (laughs) You know? So, so you just always seeing only the upsides. Anyway, one of the things that he has said about this, he said, "For 100 years, all of the technology that we have has made it easier to connect with people who live, uh, far from us at the cost of the people who live closest to us." And so, you can take that and turn it into a sort of algorithm for life, because you can say, "Oh, right. They only make money if I'm not spending time listening to my wife or my daughter or my son." Like, that's the only time any technologist is making money is if I am not doing that communications work, that face-to-face work. And, and as soon as you see that, you're like, oh, well, that makes everything for... Well, he's saying 100 years, but let's just say the last 10 years. That makes the last 10 years make a lot of sense. You know, what's happened to the gen- you know, deep friendships have gone down in all, in every single category, male, female, and all age points. But over the last 10 years, the biggest drop off has been in, in, in men. Uh, I think sort of a- age 30 plus. Um, now, that doesn't mean that they have, th- that they're worse than anybody else, but the drop off has been higher over that period of time. It's like, well, why is that happening? Well, because simultaneously technology, gaming, uh, social media has had, you know, its heyday, you know, un- uncontrolled growth. So you're making a trade-off. And so, you know, the... I, I, I think that if you put sort of all of those together, like maybe give you one more rule, I think it's like technology off at a set time per day. I, I'm not always great at that to be honest, but we went through a period over this summer when I really was doing it, and immediately the quality of my life went up, immediately. Because what happened is it was like, okay, we're gonna, you know, let's get around and talk, and we'll just laugh, and maybe we'll go swim and we'll swim together and then we'll just make memories together. And it was the quality of life was immediately improved. And it's because we don't, we aren't properly aware of this trade-off that technology companies have made effortless for us. You know, whatever that device is in our pockets, it's not a phone, right? Like, that's not what it is. Jordan Peterson talks about that, like, whatever it is, it's not a phone. So I did some thinking after that, well, what is it? And I think about all my experience in Silicon Valley, and I'm like, oh right, okay. It's a $3 trillion military grade disorientation machine that makes certain people a lot of money at the cost of connection between humans that live together, uh, and, and are close together. That's what it is. And I'm not saying it's only that or all the time that, that's what I think it is right now.
- CWChris Williamson
What an apocalyptic way to end. I
- 1:16:35 – 1:18:25
Where to Find Greg
- CWChris Williamson
love it. Greg McKeown-
- GMGreg McKeown
(laughs)
- CWChris Williamson
... ladies and gentlemen. Dude, honestly, you've been a huge influence on me. It's so great to have you in my life. It's so great that you've put this stuff out, and I love the fact you've revisited it. Uh, you've got... What have you got? You've got new things, new books, new bits and pieces. What, w- what should people go and check out?
- GMGreg McKeown
Um, look, Essentialism 10-year anniversary. That's, uh, that's updated. Of course, The Essentialism Planner, uh, if people, uh, depending when this airs, if they go to essentialism.com, there's a whole set of, uh, of additional, uh, tools and, you know, uh, tools that couldn't make it into the planner that people can get and so on. Totally free, uh, and a really high quality course if you go to, uh, gregmckeown.com. In 10 seconds, you can sign up. It's called Less But Better, and it takes the best of Essentialism and Effortless into these, uh, 30-day course. There's 10 classes spread out over that time. And, uh, and it, it's just where do we begin. You know, here we are. We've talked about so many things. It's totally overwhelming.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm.
- GMGreg McKeown
Uh, but where do you begin? Start with this Less But Better course.
- CWChris Williamson
I think the, um-
- GMGreg McKeown
I think those are three things to go with.
- CWChris Williamson
Yeah, I think the, you know, going into the new year, uh, that planner is, is, is great timing. And, um, you know, I think a lot of people... Everyone should go back and listen to the first ever episode that I did with you. Uh, just search Greg McKeown, uh, Modern Wisdom and it'll come up. It'd be kind of funny to see, uh, how much both of us have changed. You haven't aged, but I don't, don't know whether either has aged, actually.
- GMGreg McKeown
(laughs)
- CWChris Williamson
But, um, uh, I think it's a good time. I think it's really, really good timing. New year, some structure. I'm a big fan of the planner. I've, I've used them a lot. And, uh, I've got your new one downstairs, so that'll be the first 90 days of next year will be used with that. Greg, until next time, mate. I'm really excited to see what you write next. And, uh, like I say, I'm genuinely so thankful that you're in my life. I'm so thankful for the work that you do.
- GMGreg McKeown
Yeah, likewise. Thank you, Chris. (instrumental music)
- CWChris Williamson
Thank you very much for tuning in. If you enjoyed that episode, there is something else you will absolutely love right here. Go on, give it a tap.
Episode duration: 1:18:25
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