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Male Inequality & The Fall of Men - Richard Reeves

Richard Reeves is a writer, researcher and the Founder of the American Institute for Boys & Men. Men have been struggling for a long time. What exactly is going on? What resources can genuinely help modern men, and how can we better understand the dynamics that are driving this decline in male wellbeing. Expect to learn why Obama endorsed Richard’s book, the scary trends about male suicide, why it's important for humans to feel needed, whether the Harris-Walz campaign has even considered men's existence, if this upcoming election will be decided by masculinity, Richard’s thoughts on therapy for men and much more…. 00:00 How the Conversation Around Men’s Issues Has Changed 09:46 Why People Have to Add Caveats So Frequently Today 20:54 Allowing for an Accuracy Budget 36:24 Advice for Handling Inflammatory Topics 41:50 Why is Advocating for Men So Difficult? 48:18 The American Institute for Boys & Men 1:02:09 What is Causing More Men to Commit Suicide? 1:06:04 How Men & Women Experience Neededness Differently 1:22:09 The Huge Increase of Unnatural Male Deaths 1:32:51 When Women Don’t Feel Needed 1:45:31 Do Women Attempt Suicide More Than Men? 1:50:39 The Target Audiences of the Harris/Walz Campaign 1:59:02 Why the Democratic Party Has Neglected Men 2:15:35 Is Therapy Effective for Men? 2:21:31 Having Positive Male Mentors 2:37:58 What Richard Has Learned About Working-Class Men 2:54:42 Where to Find Richard - Get 50% off your first Factor Meals box at https://factormeals.com/MW50 (automatically applied at checkout) Get expert bloodwork analysis and bypass Function’s 300,000-person waitlist at https://functionhealth.com/modernwisdom (automatically applied at checkout) Get a 20% discount on your first order from Maui Nui Venison by going to https://mauinuivenison.com/modernwisdom (use code MODERNWISDOM) Get a 20% discount on the best supplements from Momentous at https://livemomentous.com/modernwisdom (automatically applied at checkout) - Get access to every episode 10 hours before YouTube by subscribing for free on Spotify - https://spoti.fi/2LSimPn or Apple Podcasts - https://apple.co/2MNqIgw Get my free Reading List of 100 life-changing books here - https://chriswillx.com/books/ Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic here - https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom - Get in touch in the comments below or head to... Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx Email: https://chriswillx.com/contact/

Chris WilliamsonhostRichard Reevesguest
Oct 24, 20242h 56mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:009:46

    How the Conversation Around Men’s Issues Has Changed

    1. CW

      Obama endorsed your book.

    2. RR

      Yeah, that was a- a bit of a surprise. I mean, first of all, it was also a year late. I don't wanna criticize, I don't come out the gate criticizing, but the book came out in 2022. And so when his 2023 list came out, everybody who'd written a book in the previous year or so was like, "Would I make it? Would I make it?"

    3. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    4. RR

      I didn't make it. I wasn't surprised. But then 2024 comes around. Ta-da, there it is.

    5. CW

      Has that been the growth of this discussion about boys and men? Has it been one of those little compoundy things that didn't spike super hard, but has been building?

    6. RR

      I think so, yeah. What- My sense of this is that, I mean, even si- even since we spoke, when did we speak? Couple of years? A year and a bit?

    7. CW

      Uh, about- about maybe 18 months, a little bit more, between 18 months and two years ago, I think.

    8. RR

      I think even since then, the permission space around this conversation has widened.

    9. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    10. RR

      So, you know, just to- to be very autobiographical about it, when I tried to find a publisher for my book in 2020, I couldn't. I was turned down by every publishing house. Uh, at the time, it was just seen as, like, too controversial a topic to- to engage in, and then you fast-forward, and then you're on Bara- Barack Obama's reading list. And-

    11. CW

      Wow.

    12. RR

      ... whatever you might think about Barack Obama, he's not a reactionary. He's not seen as a kind of, like, men's rights reactionary type.

    13. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    14. RR

      And so, that's obviously, as an author, that's a great accolade, because I do think his- his lists tend to be quite thoughtful.

    15. CW

      Broadening the conversation to an audience that-

    16. RR

      But it's- It's more that. Yeah. It's- It's okay. And it very- it really helps me if I'm having a conversation with people who still sometimes understandably think this is a bit men's rightsy.

    17. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    18. RR

      Really, the skepticism that people bring to the debate, which I not only understand, I actually have a lot of time for.

    19. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    20. RR

      I think if you're not a bit skeptical to start with, then you're probably not thinking that hard about it.

    21. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    22. RR

      But then to say, "Well, Barack Obama's thinks the book's w- worthy of reading."

    23. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    24. RR

      It just helps to sort of take a little bit of the heat out of it. But I would just say that's one of the perhaps most prominent examples of a just general sense that the temperature around this conversation has gone down, even just in the few years I've been talking about it.

    25. CW

      Well, we'll see what we can do today to turn that temperature up-

    26. RR

      (laughs) Yeah.

    27. CW

      ... a little bit.

    28. RR

      I knew I could rely on you.

    29. CW

      Yeah, I'm here.

    30. RR

      I'll see you again.

  2. 9:4620:54

    Why People Have to Add Caveats So Frequently Today

    1. RR

    2. CW

      ... I'm unsure about how I feel about this sort of like, uh, how would you say, um, cultural reparations or like sort of, uh, linguistic reparations that need to be done in that there's this sort of debt that was owed for a while, and now it can be repaid, and it's kind of carrying over. But you've-

    3. RR

      Right.

    4. CW

      ... reminded me of a concept that I wrote myself only a year and a half ago, which is the soft signal of effectiveness. Triggering a tribal response is antithetical to having effective behavior and belief-changing messages. It's nowhere near as sexy to caveat heavily, but when it comes to important subjects, the most compelling arguments are sometimes the gentler ones. If you care about changing behavior, you'll dial back the aggression of your argument. I think that's exactly what you're talking about, soft signal of effectiveness. You even used the word effective, right?

    5. RR

      Yes.

    6. CW

      Partway through.

    7. RR

      Yeah.

    8. CW

      You're 100% right. I think what my point here is that I'm not sure that the bar that these conversations often need to jump over in order to be seen as being sufficiently soft is... I, I feel like that is sometimes quite high that we're like, there is a, a, a long period of a, "And we're not saying this, we're not saying that," and the caveats to me become exhausting.

    9. RR

      Yeah.

    10. CW

      I incl- I'm again so, like, lib-cooked apparently, uh, despite the fact Ben Shapiro was on the show last week. Uh, I'm so lib-cooked that I'm, uh, uh, you know, a, a blue-pilled-

    11. RR

      Yeah.

    12. CW

      ... like idiot that works for The Guardian or something by most people on the right side of the manosphere. Um, so I'm like, o- okay, I'm not, I'm not sufficiently aggressive for those guys, but I'm like ... So anyway.

    13. RR

      Yeah, you can't, in that sense, if you, if you were to win, you'd have lost.

    14. CW

      Correct.

    15. RR

      Uh-

    16. CW

      The only way to have done it would have been to have ruined it all. So-

    17. RR

      You'd have been ruined, ruined it all. Yeah.

    18. CW

      So the, uh, the po- the other point that I have a, I guess, a, a unique challenge with or slightly unique challenge is the way that I present. So I look like the sort of guy that would absolutely come in screaming and wouldn't really be thinking about mental health, talking about emotions, talking about vulnerability-

    19. RR

      Yeah.

    20. CW

      ... uh, going to therapy twice a week for the last year, doing meditate-

    21. RR

      Right.

    22. CW

      Like that's not typically... So again, I get pattern-matched as budget Andrew Tate.

    23. RR

      Yeah.

    24. CW

      Um, so there's a, an even additional layer of like, "And I'm not saying that such and such, and I'm not saying that such and such." It just-

    25. RR

      Yeah, you're saying, "I know I look like this, but, but, but trust me."

    26. CW

      "Give me a fucking break." Yeah, exactly.

    27. RR

      Yeah. And I, uh, I, I do think it's a real challenge. Uh, the, you said something earlier that I wanted to pick up on-

    28. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    29. RR

      ... which is this sense that you say...... one thing, uh, and it can kinda g- get picked up. And I will say that like, um, when I talk to people in more progressive spaces, just about particularly the more male-dominated kind of podcast space, and kind of including you-

    30. CW

      Well-

  3. 20:5436:24

    Allowing for an Accuracy Budget

    1. CW

      I- dude, I- I had this conversation. Ryan Long, a Canadian comedian, was sat there yesterday, and we were talking about this, this tension, uh, between, uh, positioning and optics, uh, and, uh, transparency and honesty. And this tension that you have between the two, like, what is actually going on and what- what do I need to do to put my best foot forward? He used this great, uh, example of, you know, you can be honest with your girlfriend and her family, but you don't need to tell them about the time you did drugs when you were in university on your first date.

    2. RR

      Yeah.

    3. CW

      So, you know, there are better ways to put your foot forward and not. And obviously, people get sort of slippery and slimy with that, and then it ends up being totally contrived, and it isn't- it isn't sort of honest or truthful at all. But there's a- a second element of what you were talking about, which is this, um, purity spiral that is sort of, uh, very much them and just tribal thinking. Eric Weinstein's got this concept called an accuracy budget. What he basically talks about is that if you're playing with ideas in public, you should be allowed to play with them imprecisely-

    4. RR

      That's so interesting.

    5. CW

      ... at times.

    6. RR

      Yeah.

    7. CW

      And there's a second element of it too.

    8. RR

      Huh.

    9. CW

      So accuracy budget is one that here is an idea, and look, I'm just ... I have to ca- I say I'm brosciencing here. This is just my bro theory or whatever. That's my, like, "I'm not an academic." Rogan's-

    10. RR

      That's your caveat.

    11. CW

      Exactly. That's Rogan's "I'm just a comedian," like, "Get out of jail free" card. So there's an accuracy budget, which is, "I have no idea if this is true, but I'm gonna have a crack at this as an idea." But there's also a precision budget, I think, which is when you're trying to communicate a thing, whether it's within the accuracy budget or not, your ability to get thought from brain out of mouth is also going to be imprecise.

    12. RR

      Mm-hmm.

    13. CW

      So, not only are you playing with ideas, practicing in public, learning out loud, doing this for the first time. You haven't ... Me and you didn't do this yesterday-

    14. RR

      Mm.

    15. CW

      ... and say, "Right, and when you say that, I'm gonna say this and do it ag-" It's like, no, this is just happening. This isn't a comedy set. So you'll make natural errors when you're just coming up with ideas, but you'll also make even more natural errors when you're just trying to communicate them.

    16. RR

      Yeah.

    17. CW

      But there is no-

    18. RR

      Mm-hmm.

    19. CW

      There is no part of anybody who slips up, and this is both left and right. There is no part of anybody that slips up where it is not seen as complicity. It's- it's never seen as accident.

    20. RR

      Mm-hmm. Yeah.

    21. CW

      It's always seen as, ah, that dude.

    22. RR

      It's the real you.

    23. CW

      Yeah, yeah. Homophobe bigot. He's a misogynist.

    24. RR

      The veil dropped.

    25. CW

      Yeah, exactly.

    26. RR

      Yeah.

    27. CW

      As opposed to, how many times have you spoken imprecisely?

    28. RR

      Yeah.

    29. CW

      How many times have you got this thing slightly wrong? And I think really the issue isn't that you have a- a different opinion or an impro- imprecise opinion. It's that you have a different opinion to the person who's saying it. It's like, "I don't like him. I think- I think he might be talking about something else that's here." And if I can throw a bit of shade at him, that's gonna be hard slime to wipe off.

    30. RR

      Yeah.

  4. 36:2441:50

    Advice for Handling Inflammatory Topics

    1. CW

      that you've been talking about a very inflammatory, very, in some ways, unpopular topic for quite a while and trying to do it, what's your advice to people to both send and receive information that is maybe a little bit, uh, inflammatory?

    2. RR

      Well, the first thing is to add the caveat. So we've already talked about that. So in the case of gender, as I've said, I think that when I genuinely think there is still an issue facing women and girls, or there has been, I don't make them up. Like I genuinely believe in them, right? So I've argued very strongly that we should be doing more to get women, more women into politics in the US, for example, right? I think that's, I think that's a problem. I wouldn't say if it wasn't. So I'm not... It's not ersatz. Um, so I think that's-

    3. CW

      What's ersatz?

    4. RR

      Made up. Uh, so fake.

    5. CW

      Right.

    6. RR

      Um, but the other thing is trying to be as fact-based as possible, right? So it's not like you can get all the facts correct, but just start empirically. So just start with, here are some facts. Whe- whatever the issue that's on, but in my case, I'll be talking... So, so I'll lay out the education data, I'll lay out the mental health data, I'll lay out the employment data, I'll lay out the stagnant earnings. So here's some charts, here are some facts. In fact, one of the mottos for my new institute is keep it boring. And my son said, "Well, you are the man for that job, Dad."

    7. CW

      Ah, very good.

    8. RR

      Very good.

    9. CW

      Spoken like a true British son.

    10. RR

      Yes.

    11. CW

      (laughs)

    12. RR

      I was very proud of him. Yeah. You're the man for that job, Dad. Like, good. That's good.

    13. CW

      Could have been a wreckage of baseline.

    14. RR

      That's funny, right?

    15. CW

      Yeah, yeah, yeah.

    16. RR

      Um, but I do think there's something about try to be as fact-based as possible. It's not that everyone has to become the... It's not an experts only thing.

    17. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    18. RR

      But it is to try and be as truthful as possible about it. Try and say, well, this is what, here are the facts as I see them. Don't be zero sum. So don't say, in order to do X, we have to kind of not do Y, and try to be solutions-focused. One of the things that I think really helps is if you, if you persuaded people to come along, then you wanna say, "So that's why I think we might wanna try X," or, "I'm really inspired by that program over here," rather than just like, "So that's terrible, isn't it?" Right? And the kind of competition for the who can conjure the greatest dystopia is kind, kind of boring at a certain point. So although I think there are some deep problems here, I'm also pretty hopeful that we could find solutions to them, and I try to lead on that and say... And that's why I think, for example, we should do something to encourage more men into teaching, which is what one of my, my own sons has just done.

    19. CW

      Yeah.

    20. RR

      Right? So rather than just lament how badly boys are doing in school, what about some more male teachers? What about some more technical high schools? What about some more hands-on play? Actually, what, what-

    21. CW

      What about redshirting? What-

    22. RR

      What about giving them an extra... What... We're doing some work right now on like sport, the decline in sports participation among boys especially. Like what about that? What about paying coaches more so that actually we have more coaches in our schools, et cetera? What about, what about, what about? And I think that changes it too, because the, the intellectual glamour of being negative about stuff all the time wears pretty thin after a while. And people, people I think are quite hungry for a more positive conversation.

    23. CW

      I think so too. The, there's something called the cynical genius illusion.

    24. RR

      Hmm.

    25. CW

      You might be familiar with.

    26. RR

      No, I haven't heard of that.

    27. CW

      Uh, so a lot of the time people think that cynics are smarter.

    28. RR

      Oh, yes.

    29. CW

      Uh-

    30. RR

      I hadn't heard it put that way. Yeah.

  5. 41:5048:18

    Why is Advocating for Men So Difficult?

    1. CW

      really zooming out. Why is advocating for men so unpopular? Why is it, why is it so difficult just from your experience?

    2. RR

      Yeah. Well, it's a, it's a... I think in some cases it's a classic example of vicious circle, which is where if the only people who feel comfortable advocating for men are the ones who are more likely, everything else equal, to have a more reactionary view of women, then that means that people won't want to enter that space. And so right now-

    3. CW

      Discourages reasonable conversation.

    4. RR

      Yeah. It's hard, it's hard, it's hard given that people's prior views...... about this to enter that space without immediately ra- uh, arousing suspicion. And this is why, again, why I'm not- I'm not as troubled as some other people are by the caveats, and by the kind of warm up, because what-

    5. CW

      I fear you're slowly changing my mind about it as well.

    6. RR

      Well, what- here's what I th- here's the way I think about this now, and I- I've- actually, I will say this. I would say that the amount of caveating that I have to do is going down.

    7. CW

      Okay, that's-

    8. RR

      Quite significantly.

    9. CW

      Yeah.

    10. RR

      Which-

    11. CW

      We could get a ChatGPT to probably do an assessment.

    12. RR

      It's like a good... I, I just, I'm just thinking about it now, like, when I give talks about the work I'm doing, or I'm on podcasts, or I'm fig- I feel like I used to sp- have to spend more time doing that than I do now. If people are like, "Yeah, we all know that boys and men are struggling. Tell us how," right? I feel like as we win the argument, as it becomes more of a mainstream thing, the need to do that will get lesser. So in some ways, my success will be measured by the realization-

    13. CW

      How direct you can be.

    14. RR

      ... I'm not having to do it anymore, you know?

    15. CW

      How much do you think, how much do you think is, uh, progress that you're making, uh, culturally around the conversation, and how much is bravery, uh, personally as well? Bifurcating those may be a little bit difficult. But you're going like, "I've, I've kind of pushed..." Maybe you could've done this earlier, but you're sort of treading on th- uh, thin ice and you're going, "Am I, can it hold my weight? That was okay. Can it hold my weight here? Yeah, that's okay. Can it hold my weight here?" And maybe the ice is changing in thickness, or maybe you're just becoming a little bit less risk-averse, too.

    16. RR

      Uh, I think the ice is getting thicker.

    17. CW

      Right.

    18. RR

      Because I'm thin- I, I'm tr- I, my risk aversion is, I think, I'm ho- trying to hold it constant, because that's what the mission requires.

    19. CW

      Right.

    20. RR

      I actually can't run a significant risk because my reputation, the reputation of my, of the institute, and to some extent-

    21. CW

      The downstream movement.

    22. RR

      ... yeah, I d- I- it would be affected by it. So, and actually I do... There's this, uh, uh, book from a friend of mine, Yuval Levin, who's at American Enterprise Institute, had a big impact on me. And what he talks about is, what does the role you're currently doing require of you? And so it's like, how do you think about... What is someone in... What i- how is someone in my position supposed to behave, right? So-

    23. CW

      Very good.

    24. RR

      And he talks about the difference between institutions that are platforming and those that are forming. And his view is that institutions form- should form you, right? They should shape you. So to become a member of Congress, you go in, and it, and it shapes you. And you're like, "Okay, I'm a member of Congress now, and so here are the rules and here's how I'm supposed to behave, and here's the kind of decorum, and here's what people are gonna expect of me in this role," rather than a platform, which is just like, "I go on there, and yay, I'm on the TV all the time now, and this is great for my career," et cetera.

    25. CW

      Mm-Hmm.

    26. RR

      And so this question that he says you should always ask is, what does my current role require of me? And my current role, as the director of a think tank on boys and men and someone talking about this, requires something different from me than if I was in a different role.

    27. CW

      A podcaster.

    28. RR

      And, and what I also, what I also find as important about this is to recognize that division and recognize that everyone can, people can have different roles to play.

    29. CW

      Yeah.

    30. RR

      Right? And to honor those roles, but to be clear what your role is in that conversation at any particular point in time.

  6. 48:181:02:09

    The American Institute for Boys & Men

    1. CW

      Uh, you mentioned the institute. I don't think you'd launched it...

    2. RR

      No.

    3. CW

      ... the last time that you were on. What have you learned since launching the American...... Institute for Boys and Men. Fuckin'-

    4. RR

      Yes!

    5. CW

      Yes, you got it.

    6. RR

      AIBM. Thank you.

    7. CW

      It's catchy.

    8. RR

      Not many people get it, actually, so that's great. Um, what I've learned, that it takes the IRS a long time to give you 501 (c) (3) (laughs) status.

    9. CW

      What's that?

    10. RR

      So, uh, we're a 501 (c) (3) , which is charity, basically. It ta-

    11. CW

      Okay. Is that the same as a nonprofit or no?

    12. RR

      Yeah. But it's-

    13. CW

      All right.

    14. RR

      ... it's as legal s- it's a legal status for the organization. And so, um, I apologize to any of them from the IRS that's listening, that was n- I love the IRS.

    15. CW

      Yeah. I also love the, uh, immigration-

    16. RR

      Oh, yeah.

    17. CW

      ... the immigration s- what is it? NCIS or whatever it is.

    18. RR

      Ah, yeah. Um, well, first of all, uh, because of the conversations I was having, like, with you and with others, it became clear to me that this was an institutional problem, not just an intellectual problem.

    19. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    20. RR

      And by that what I mean is, that you actually do need to be producing research. You do need to get the numbers out there. You do need, like, to be in that space. Because there's a lot of organizations that do a really good job on behalf of women doing that. And- and drawing attention to an issue, in COVID or whatever it is, with research which then, uh, gets media attention. And because there just weren't any (laughs) institutions doing that for men, boys and men-

    21. CW

      Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

    22. RR

      ... those issues weren't getting the same attention. And so, at some point, I felt like I need to institutionalize this. So, that's- that's the insight that led me to decide to form a whole new organization. Because, you know, obviously we need more think tanks, Chris. That's really what the world needs, is another thing, uh, thing-

    23. CW

      Said the guy that used to live in Washington, DC.

    24. RR

      Yeah. And I-

    25. CW

      (laughs)

    26. RR

      ... have to say that, like, in this case, I did feel like it was justified in terms of just this gap, this vacuum that's- that's around boys and men.

    27. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    28. RR

      The other thing I learned was, it's hard to recruit women to come and work for an institute for boys and men. Uh-

    29. CW

      That's interesting.

    30. RR

      ... the associate director of our, uh, institute, Alana Williams, uh, is currently the only woman, uh, in our team. We're only six. Um, uh, again, the same would be true the other way round.

  7. 1:02:091:06:04

    What is Causing More Men to Commit Suicide?

    1. CW

      or what are you attributing this increase in young male suicide to?

    2. RR

      You've talked about the sedation.

    3. CW

      Male sedation hypothesis, yeah.

    4. RR

      Yeah, which I find very interesting, which is around, obviously around... It's about drugs, but it's also about pornography and video games. And I think it's consistent with this idea of a retreat, uh, and a- and a kind of pulling away from the difficulties and challenges of modern society. I think that's number one. And it's very interesting if you look at drug poisonings, which is separate from suicide, one of the reasons that's risen so much among men, and perhaps we can talk a bit about that, um, is because, uh, the sorts of drugs that the men are taking, they are very often taking them on their own. So there's no one there to revive them. This is not... These are not party drugs. These are not the drugs that the kids were taking when you were doing y- your job as a bouncer, right?

    5. CW

      (laughs)

    6. RR

      This is not, "Let's take this and go out and have a, you know, have a good laugh." This is... These are drugs of re- retreat. And my sense is that among many young men that they don't feel that sure about the extent to which they are needed and valued. And in the end, that seems to be the best predictor in the end that some will take their own lives is that they have come to believe that the world will be better off without them or that they're kind of not needed. I think one of the best protectors against losing a life to suicide is a real clarity that the world needs you. Right? That your absence from the world will be bad. And increasingly, I think particularly young men without much economic power, perhaps not quite sure where to go, what to do, do end up being unconvinced that the world is actually better off with them than without them. I- I- I think that the state of feeling unneeded is literally fatal, uh, through drugs, through suicide, et cetera. And also just, like any society where we f- where anybody ends up feeling like, "We're not sure we need you," that you might be a bit surplus to requirements (laughs) is just... That's- that's the society that's morally failing, and that's the sense that quite a lot of young men have now, uh, which is just this uncertainty. So these... This would not be particularly kind of young men, but I think it speaks to the issue about neededness, which is that the suicide rate among, um, men is four times higher than among women at every age group. But if any of you look at the specific cohort of divorced men and women, it's eight times higher among divorced men than divorced women. It doesn't really go up among divorced women, but it really goes up among divorced men. And a plausible explanation for that, I think, is just the sense of like, "Well, I... Am I needed? Am I connected? Do I have a sort of sense of responsibility and obligation? Am I tied in to some s- to some relationships that kind of make it clear?"

    7. CW

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  8. 1:06:041:22:09

    How Men & Women Experience Neededness Differently

    1. CW

      Well, one of the problems that divorced men have is that their ability to hold onto their social networks, especially when they get married, uh, degrades. Guys just suck at-

    2. RR

      Huge.

    3. CW

      Th- They- They suck at keeping their friends.

    4. RR

      They do.

    5. CW

      Uh-

    6. RR

      Wife- Wifeless men tend to be a bit of a mess-

    7. CW

      But the- The-

    8. RR

      ... on average.

    9. CW

      W- When men get married, they let their male friends drop or their- their, uh, previous single male friends drop. They then absorb the wife's friend groups. "We're going round to such and such a-"

    10. RR

      Yeah.

    11. CW

      "... person's house."

    12. RR

      Yeah.

    13. CW

      You kind of become friends with the husband.

    14. RR

      Yeah.

    15. CW

      But-

    16. RR

      And then you realize when you get divorced that they were her friends all along.

    17. CW

      Correct. Yes. Yeah.

    18. RR

      Yeah.

    19. CW

      Everybody was linked-

    20. RR

      Yeah.

    21. CW

      ... through the wife, not through the husband.

    22. RR

      Yeah.

    23. CW

      So I think, uh, this conversation around neededness, uh, like the...... you need to be needed-

    24. RR

      Yeah.

    25. CW

      ... uh, was something I really, really wanted to get into. I think, um, very few times maybe ever in human history, but certainly in the modern world, has anybody asked the question, what does it mean to be a woman in the modern world?

    26. RR

      Yeah.

    27. CW

      What does it mean to be a woman? Sort of the role is kind of, in many ways, for women, both the, uh, mothering side or the career focus side, sort of, I guess, the two main skews that women have in terms of life direction now. Um, recent opportunities socioeconomically to be independent financially, to achieve qualifications, to do all of those things, this is a sort of a big novel, shiny new opportunity-

    28. RR

      Yeah.

    29. CW

      ... that lots of women have got. That's evident. Like, "I'm kind of, uh, liberated, I'm independent, I'm doing it on my own. I'm sort of chasing after these things." Like, that's you, you're kind of breaking new ground. It's revolutionary in a way. It's sort of frontiering, pioneering type stuff.

    30. RR

      Mm-hmm.

Episode duration: 2:56:23

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