The Hidden Reason You Feel Empty & Lost — And How To Finally Find Meaning | Alain de Botton

1. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee0:00

   Last night, I came across one of your TED Talks. This one was from, I think, fifteen years ago.

2. ABAlain de Botton0:06

   Mm.

3. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee0:07

   Um, and in it, you said, "It's easier now to make a good living, but harder than ever before to stay calm and be free from career anxiety."

4. ABAlain de Botton0:18

   Mm.

5. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee0:20

   I, I, I found that really an interesting phrase. You said that fifteen years ago on the TED stage.

6. ABAlain de Botton0:27

   Mm.

7. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee0:27

   Do you still stand by that today?

8. ABAlain de Botton0:30

   I, I mean, perhaps even more so. You know, it's, it's... I mean, I, I was calling it in those days, I mean, I wrote a book on this called Status Anxiety, which is really an, an in... It's, it's a feature of what we call the modern world, which the modern world's existed for two hundred years in the West, you know. What we call the modern world, which is, you know, a world where people are defined primarily by their activities, uh, by their jobs, you know. Nowadays, if you meet somebody for the first time, y-y-you say to them, "What do you do?"

9. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee0:53

   Mm-hmm.

10. ABAlain de Botton0:54

    And according to how you answer that question, um, people will either be really pleased to see you, or they'll kind of leave your side and think of you as, you know, that quintessential punitive modern word, a loser. And the thing about the modern world is that, um, it, it accords status according to a, a race, a professional race, which by definition, not everybody can win. I mean, that's the whole point. You know, it's, it's, it's a race, and there can only be a selective number of, of winners. This is an incredibly punitive system. Furthermore, we insist, uh, particularly find this in America, but really all over the world, um, on the idea that everybody has an equal chance-

11. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee1:34

    Mm

12. ABAlain de Botton1:34

    ... to get to the top.

13. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee1:35

    Yeah.

14. ABAlain de Botton1:36

    And you know, if you listen to politicians, right, left, all sides of the political spectrum, they're always trying to build a world which is meritocratic. In other words, where those who get to the top deserve their success. But there's a nasty sting in the tail of that argument, because if you really believe that those who are at the top g- deserve their success, you have to believe that those who are at the bottom deserve their failure. So in other words, the modern world adds to poverty and low status, a, a condemnation, an implicit condemnation that you have failed, uh, because of your own deficiencies rather than, you know, because of the system. I mean, you know, in, in the Middle Ages, let's say, in Britain, um, a, a poor person, the poorest were known as unfortunates, right?

15. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee2:21

    Mm.

16. ABAlain de Botton2:21

    Now, that's a really fascinating word, unfortunate. You unpack that word unfortunate. It literally, there's the word fortune in there. In other words, these people have not been blessed by fortune. And, and Fortune was originally a Roman goddess.

17. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee2:32

    Mm.

18. ABAlain de Botton2:32

    Um, and she was de- she was believed to determine people's careers. So if you ended up with a really high-flying position in the Roman world, at least y-you acknowledged that at least half of your success was down to fortune.

19. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee2:45

    Mm.

20. ABAlain de Botton2:45

    Nowadays, it's a very odd concept. You know, if, if I said to you, "Oh, I've been doing really well lately, you know, great business," et cetera. But I said, "Oh, it's not, it's not me. It's just I've been blessed by fortune." You'd go, "That's odd, odd guy. Is it oddly modest? Is he, is he arrogantly modest?" It'd be odd. Similarly, if I said to you, "Well, things are really actually not going so well for me. I've been sacked and my, you know, my, my, my income's dropped," et cetera. "But it's not my fault. It's fortune turned against me." You'd think, "No, you're not. You're making an excuse here."

21. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee3:10

    Mm.

22. ABAlain de Botton3:10

    We hold people incredibly tightly to their own biographies. Which is why, at its most tragic, and this is, you know, this is a feature of the modern world which we have a hard time with, rates of suicide increase as a society gets more modern. Um, as, as communal structures dissipate and as religious explanations for people's destinies fade, what you find is that people are held so responsible for what happens-

23. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee3:37

    Yeah

24. ABAlain de Botton3:37

    ... to them that it becomes unbearable. You know, it, you know, we were talking about one of your patients a while ago. It is not Allah's will that I lost my job. It's my fault.

25. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee3:45

    Mm.

26. ABAlain de Botton3:45

    And if it's only your fault, at some point, you know, people will, will break. And that's why we've moved from that term unfortunate now to that much more punitive term loser. You know, if, if, if you think somebody's failed or, you know, lo-lost in their jobs, you might call them, especially in America, a loser.

27. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee4:01

    Yeah.

28. ABAlain de Botton4:01

    And why is that word particularly used in the United States? Because the United States is the most meritocratic society which believes that people's destinies are in their hands. Now-

29. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee4:09

    And there's upsides to that as well, though.

30. ABAlain de Botton4:11

    Hundred percent, but there's also serious downsides.

Episode duration: 25:52