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Mel Robbins: How to Get Ahead in 2026 When Everything Feels Uncertain

📌 Protect user privacy on your website and get 15% off Cookiebot (from $8/mo): 👉https://usercentrics.sjv.io/svg15 Mel Robbins, bestselling author and host of The Mel Robbins Podcast (nominated for a Golden Globe), shares how she went from $800K in debt to building a global media empire—all in her 50s. In this episode of Silicon Valley Girl, Marina Mogilko sits down with Mel to break down practical tools for dealing with anxiety, figuring out what you actually want, and building a life you're proud of—from stopping nighttime anxiety and using the friction exercise to turning jealousy into a roadmap for your goals. A grounded conversation for anyone feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or like they're running out of time. Check out Mel Robbins' bestselling book "The Let Them Theory" here: https://www.melrobbins.com/book/the-let-them-theory/ Mel's podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@UCk2U-Oqn7RXf-ydPqfSxG5g Mel's Instagram: instagram.com/melrobbins Timecodes: 00:00 — Teaser: How to shift anxiety into clarity and control 01:10 — How to stop anxiety at night. Mel’s 3-level framework 07:04 — Practical tools to calm anxiety and stop overthinking 10:09 — Using AI as a personal coach (the right way) 13:49 — “I’m not where I’m supposed to be in life” — what that really means 16:30 — Should you quit your job to start something new? 17:59 — The friction exercise that reveals what you really want 21:15 — Second exercise: how jealousy reveals your true desires 24:06 — Turning jealousy into a roadmap for your future 27:03 — FOMO, social media, and protecting your attention 31:05 — How to decide which opportunities are worth your time 34:03 — Money, self-worth, and productivity anxiety 39:30 — Feedback vs. noise - who you should (and shouldn’t) listen to 41:22 — When criticism comes from family and close friends 44:35 — Why desperation can be a powerful motivator 47:20 — Productive guilt vs. destructive guilt 50:00 — Boundaries, burnout, and saying no as you grow 53:44 — Mel’s Rules for boundaries, focus, and productivity 55:10 — Why saying NO changes everything 58:45 — “Let them” and “Let me” - What is actually in your control 01:00:33 — Mel’s new product: protein shots 01:02:20 — Why everyone needs more protein 01:06:00 — Giving yourself permission and trusting yourself Links: 📩 Follow my Newsletter: https://siliconvalleygirl.beehiiv.com/ 🔗 My Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/siliconvalleygirl/ 📌 My Companies & Products: https://Marinamogilko.co 📹 Video brainstorming, research, and project planning - all in one place - https://partner.spotterstudio.com/ideas-with-marina 💻 Resources that helps my team and me grow the business: - Email & SMS Marketing Automation - https://your.omnisend.com/marina - AI app to work with docs and PDFs - https://www.chatpdf.com/?via=marina 📱Develop your YouTube with AI apps: - AI tool to edit videos in a minutes https://get.descript.com/fa2pjk0ylj0d - Boost your view and subscribers on YouTube - https://vidiq.com/marina - #1 AI video clipping tool - https://www.opus.pro/?via=7925d2 💰 Investment Apps: - Top credit cards for free flights, hotels, and cash-back - https://www.cardonomics.com/i/marina - Intuitive platform for stocks, options, and ETFs - https://a.webull.com/Tfjov8wp37ijU849f8 ⭐ Download my English language workbook - https://bit.ly/3hH7xFm I use affiliate links whenever possible (if you purchase items listed above using my affiliate links, I will get a bonus). #melrobbins #siliconvalleygirl #podcast

Mel RobbinsguestMarina Mogilkohost
Jan 5, 20261h 7mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:00 – 1:10

    Teaser: How to shift anxiety into clarity and control

    1. MR

      You're lying there in bed at night, you're staring at the ceiling, and you're running through scenarios. What if this? What if that? What if I lose my job? What if I can't pay my bills? What if AI takes over the world?

    2. MM

      But how do you stop?

    3. MR

      I wanna attack it on three different levels.

    4. MM

      This is Mel Robbins, whose simple, practical advice has changed millions of lives, but it didn't start that way.

    5. MR

      I'm 57. I screwed things up for a long time. I did not achieve the success in my life that you see until my 50s. There were periods of my career that were driven by desperation and need. I had liens on my house. We were $800,000 in debt, and I was the sole breadwinner. The truth is, desperation is an incredible motivator.

    6. MM

      Now, she's a bestselling author. Her book, Let Them, is on track to become the fastest-selling nonfiction book in history. She's a businesswoman running a global media company, and her podcast has been nominated for a Golden Globe.

    7. MR

      And if you have that sense right now, that you're like, "I'm not where I wanna be," great! You just woke the hell up, and what you're bumping into is your ambition. Lean into that.

    8. MM

      How do you realize that moment when you need to stop doing whatever you're doing and just shift towards something new? Thank you

  2. 1:10 – 7:04

    How to stop anxiety at night. Mel’s 3-level framework

    1. MM

      so much, Mel, for being here.

    2. MR

      Well, thank you!

    3. MM

      Yeah, it's just- it's fascinating to talk to you because I know you inspired a lot of people who surround me. And, uh, we're in a weird age where a lot of people wake up in the middle of the night worried that AI is taking away their job-

    4. MR

      Mm-hmm

    5. MM

      ... that the world is changing faster-

    6. MR

      Mm-hmm

    7. MM

      ... than they can understand the change. When something like this hits in the middle of the night, what should people be doing to stop this anxiety?

    8. MR

      Well, it's an excellent question, and I wanna attack it on three different levels. First of all, I wanna acknowledge that being nervous about something that is out of your control is a normal and healthy [chuckles] reaction to a moment in history when there is so much that is changing. And I once heard somebody say at a big corporate conference that right now is the single slowest moment of change you will experience for the rest of your life.

    9. MM

      Um, [laughing] -

    10. MR

      Which, of course, spiked everybody's anxiety levels-

    11. MM

      Yeah, exactly

    12. MR

      ... in the audience. Um, but so I want you to understand that's a normal response to an unprecedented amount of change, so there's nothing wrong with you. That's number one. Number two is, I struggled with anxiety for decades, and I fundamentally did not understand what it was, and so I'm gonna offer up a kind of larger way to think about anxiety, and then we're gonna talk about two tools that you can use, okay? So I always thought about anxiety as this big thing that I was gonna feel forever because I had it chronically, and I made a lot of mistakes that, uh, medical doctors and my psychotherapist and lots of people that specialize in anxiety have now taught me to be very helpful. So one big course correction I want you to make is I want you to stop saying, "I have anxiety," and I want you to say, "I feel anxious because..." And the reason why is we're gonna teach you today, and these are tools that have been extremely effective for me. They have been effective for all three of my adult children. These are tools that are backed by research, not my research, research from medical doctors, research from people at Harvard Medical School that specialize in anxiety. And understanding that you can have a anxious feeling, and you can feel this alarm going off in your body. That's what Dr. Russell Kennedy says anxiety is. You can feel this alarm, and you can learn how to slowly separate yourself from the alarm that you're feeling, because that's what you're feeling if you're laying awake at 3:00 at night, and you're worrying about AI, and you're worrying about your bills, and you're worrying about the state of the world, and you're worrying about your kids, and you're worrying about your parents that are getting older, and you... All of these things are important things to worry about, but let's help you put it all in a bigger context so that you cope with it better, okay?

    13. MM

      Mm-hmm.

    14. MR

      So anxiety is an alarm in your body that goes off whenever there is something in the future that you feel uncertain about, which means you don't know how it's gonna turn out, and you feel like you can't control it.

    15. MM

      Yeah.

    16. MR

      Okay? If you understand that it's an alarm, Dr. Russell Kennedy also says that all anxiety is separation anxiety. Now, when he first said that, I was like, "What the hell are you talk- separate? I, I- no, it is not... I'm not separate from it." And he's like, "No, no, no. You are separating from your capacity to handle whatever's gonna happen."

    17. MM

      Yeah.

    18. MR

      Because if you really think about it, you're lying there in bed at night, you're awake, you're staring at the ceiling, and you're running through scenarios. What if this? What if that? What if I lose my job? What if I can't pay my bills? What if AI takes over the world, and robots are blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, like, all that? So you've just gone up into your head, and now you're in a what-if loop, and all the thinking makes the alarm worse. And what I want you to know is that you're gonna feel these moments for the rest of your life because there's so much that's out of your control. There is a lot of uncertainty, but here's what I want you to be certain of. What you can be certain of is that you are capable of figuring it out. You are capable, through your attitude, through your actions, over time, you are capable of navigating the challenges in your life. And I want you to start to understand that all moments of anxiety are a moment where you doubt your capacity to handle it. That's what it is.

    19. MM

      But how do you tell yourself, like, how do you prove to yourself that you're able to go through challenges? Because sometimes when I think about, like-

    20. MR

      Yes

    21. MM

      ... my path and my journey, I'm like, "Oh, I got lucky here. I got very lucky here-

    22. MR

      Yeah

    23. MM

      ... and I also got lucky here."

    24. MR

      Yes.

    25. MM

      What if I'm not lucky [chuckles] the next time?

    26. MR

      Well, you might not be. But even if you're not lucky, even if life isn't fair, even if a lot of unlucky things happen, even if horrible things that you don't deserve happen to you-... you're capable of figuring it out. You're capable of surviving it. You are capable of navigating the challenges that life throws at you. You do not have to have it all figured out. If you can stand in this moment and say, "I trust in my ability to be okay. I trust in my ability to learn and grow through this. I trust in my ability to figure it out as life comes at me." And so it's important to understand that what Dr. Russell Kennedy meant when he said it's separation anxiety, is you're separating from the truth, and the truth is you can figure it out. It may not be easy, it may be challenging, but you can double down on the belief that no matter what, you are capable of navigating life's challenges. Not by avoiding them, but by having your own back as they come to you and at you. So understanding the larger context is really important. Now, let's talk about some tools that you can use. So

  3. 7:04 – 10:09

    Practical tools to calm anxiety and stop overthinking

    1. MR

      there's some really interesting research that you should do before bedtime, and this is so fascinating. We just covered this on The Mel Robbins Podcast. They did this research where... That was about ruminating, where you lay in bed at night, and you worry about all the stuff that is coming, and that you didn't do-

    2. MM

      Yep

    3. MR

      ... and the texts that you didn't respond to-

    4. MM

      Oh, yeah [chuckles]

    5. MR

      ... What, what happened today at today's meeting. W- a lot of people, like, do a gratitude practice, that's wonderful, at night, but I want you to keep a little piece of paper next to your bed and write down a to-do list of all the things that you're worried about, it sounds crazy, and all of the things you didn't do today.

    6. MM

      Mm-hmm.

    7. MR

      And here's what they found in research: it's as effective as a prescription sleep aid, that you'll fall asleep between-

    8. MM

      Mm

    9. MR

      ... eight to 10 minutes faster if you do this, and here's why, based on the research. Again, not my research, this is super cool research. Your brain runs on these open loops, and it really wants to remind you of things that it thinks are important, and if you've been worrying about stuff, whether it's out in the future or all the things you didn't get to, it keeps the open loops open and the tabs open. When you write it down on a list, you're basically signaling to your mind, "Okay, it's right here. You can stop. You can close all the tabs."

    10. MM

      Yeah, it's kinda done.

    11. MR

      Yes, w-

    12. MM

      Not done, but it's done. [chuckles]

    13. MR

      Yes, but then... And if you're somebody that's, like, type A or you worry a lot, you don't need to worry also because you got the list-

    14. MM

      Yeah

    15. MR

      ... when you wake up.

    16. MM

      And it's gonna remind you-

    17. MR

      Yes

    18. MM

      ... in the morning.

    19. MR

      So that's a-

    20. MM

      That's genius. [chuckles]

    21. MR

      ... tactic-

    22. MM

      Yeah

    23. MR

      ... to help you. And you can use this in the middle of the night if you really can't let go. In the moment, also, in the middle of the night, what I do in those times where life is terrifying, like, maybe you have somebody that's waiting on a diagnosis, maybe you know layoffs are coming next week, maybe you have to break up with somebody, and you've been avoiding it and avoiding it and avoiding it, and it's something that you think about a lot when you wake up at 3:00 o'clock in the morning. I just want you to put your hand on your chest. I want you to just take a deep breath, [exhales] and just say, "I'm okay, and I'm capable of figuring this out. This isn't gonna be easy, but I know that I will be okay." And sometimes in life, things aren't supposed to be easy. It shouldn't be easy to break up with somebody, because you care about them. It shouldn't be easy to navigate health challenges. It shouldn't be easy to face a job where you might get a layoff. These are very difficult things.

    24. MM

      Yeah.

    25. MR

      And so it is a very healthy response to life's challenges to feel the weight of them, but that doesn't mean you're not capable of handling it.

    26. MM

      I love that. So basically, talking to yourself-

    27. MR

      Yes

    28. MM

      ... about being able to-

    29. MR

      And, and-

    30. MM

      to go through this

  4. 10:09 – 13:49

    Using AI as a personal coach (the right way)

    1. MM

      would start, "Marina, you're amazing."

    2. MR

      Yes.

    3. MM

      "You're doing everything right."

    4. MR

      Yes.

    5. MM

      "It's just this, this, and this." [chuckles]

    6. MR

      Yes.

    7. MM

      Yeah.

    8. MR

      And, you know, that's an interesting way to use AI, is to basically have it talk to you that way. "It- I'm going through X, Y, and Z. Please validate how difficult this is, and encourage and remind me that I am capable of figuring this out, and please tell me, based on research, three things that are within my ability, that I can focus on, that I'm capable on, that will help me navigate this."

    9. MM

      I love this. Yeah, this is how I started using AI a lot, and the magical thing is then when you have a typical query, like, "Oh, I'm planning this trip," or, "I wanna book this hotel," it actually knows what you're going through-

    10. MR

      Mm, mm-hmm

    11. MM

      ... so it will give advice based on that.

    12. MR

      Yes.

    13. MM

      So it's no longer just a recommendation. It's basically a coach that's trying to-

    14. MR

      Yeah

    15. MM

      ... um, navigate your life with you.

    16. MR

      Yes. And, you know, I think for, for somebody... Like, if you're watching or you're listening, and you're going through something very difficult, like, maybe you're a caregiver, whether it's of little kids, and... or it's of aging parents, or you are navigating a period in your life where maybe all your friends have met somebody, and you have just gone through a breakup, and you're the only single one in your friend group, and you feel very lonely about it, one of the things that I think can be very helpful is helping you figure out how to have an assistant [chuckles] that's helping you navigate these things-

    17. MM

      Yeah

    18. MR

      ... in a positive way.

    19. MM

      Yeah, absolutely. I'm gonna pause here for a second, because while I was preparing for this conversation with Mel, something clicked for me. We're all using so many digital tools right now. Our photos, our documents, our screens, even our voice go into these systems, and when you're juggling dozens of these tools every day, it starts to feel like you're not really in control anymore, and I think that's the real issue. It's not about technology being bad. I love technology. It's that people genuinely don't understand what's happening with their data behind the scenes, and that lack of clarity, that's exactly why trust in tech is at an all-time low right now. Usercentrics did some research, and it turns out many people feel the same way. According-... according to their data, 62% of consumers feel like they've become the product. 77% don't understand how their data is handled, and 92% of Americans are concerned about their privacy when using the internet. This isn't just statistics. This is real consumer behavior that affects the future of your product. If you run a website or online business, you might not even realize you're unknowingly breaking privacy laws. Most of us aren't lawyers, and the cost of getting it wrong can be devastating. That's where Cookiebot CMP comes in. It's an automated consent management solution that scans your website, identifies every cookie and tracker, and manages user consent at scale. It's Google certified and automatically updates when regulations change, covering CPRA, CCPA, ePrivacy, and more. Cookiebot integrates easily with WordPress, Shopify, Wix, and other popular platforms. Plans start at just $8 a month, and it's even free for small websites. If you're building something you want people to trust and use, check out Cookiebot by Usercentrics. I've got a special link in the description where you can get 15% off for six months. Thanks again, Usercentrics, for supporting this conversation. Now, let's get back to our conversation with Mel and talk about taking control and building a future you actually feel good about. So we talked a lot about anxiety, but for a lot of people, especially like me, who are, like, middle-aged women with kids, a lot of anxiety comes from a feeling that, you know, I'm not where I'm

  5. 13:49 – 16:30

    “I’m not where I’m supposed to be in life” — what that really means

    1. MM

      supposed to be in my life. I think I was meant for more.

    2. MR

      Mm-hmm.

    3. MM

      How do you realize that moment when you need to stop doing whatever you're doing and just shift towards something new? How do you do that?

    4. MR

      So one of the things I wanna validate is that if you're having a feeling that you're not where you thought you would be, I want to have you first ask, "Based on what?"

    5. MM

      Like, your childhood dreams. I don't know.

    6. MR

      Okay.

    7. MM

      Make sure you pay it for yourself.

    8. MR

      Well, well, you need to be very clear. Is it based on what you want, or is it based on everybody else's timelines?

    9. MM

      Mm.

    10. MR

      Because there's a big difference between feeling like you're not where you personally wanted to be based on your personal goals versus comparing your timeline to everybody else's.

    11. MM

      Yeah.

    12. MR

      And everybody, especially when you graduate from university or high school, you know, you've been in this kind of lockstep with everybody moving through life, especially university, right? And then you get to your 20s, and I call this the great scattering. Everybody moves in completely different directions. They follow different careers, and so one of the dangerous things that I think happen to people in their 20s and their 30s is you start to look around, and you see people achieving things that you really want, but they're achieving them on a timeline that's completely different than the timeline that's meant for you.

    13. MM

      Yeah.

    14. MR

      And so there's a difference, and you've got to separate that from what is it that you actually want in life deeply versus when is it happening? Because there are very few things, one of them for women, obviously, is whether or not you're going to have children naturally. There is a very real timeline for that. But for everything else, I mean, for God's sakes, like I... I'm 57. I did not achieve the success in my life that you see until my 50s, which is extraordinary. Did I want it in my 30s? You better believe I did. But... And did I get jealous of people that were achieving things that I wanted then? Yes, absolutely. But what that is, if you extract the timeline, is there's a difference between when something happens and what is happening. And if you have that sense right now that you're like, "I'm not where I wanna be," great! You just woke the hell up. And what you're bumping into is your ambition. There are things that you want.

    15. MM

      Yeah.

    16. MR

      And lean into that. If you're dissatisfied with some aspect of your life, that is incredible data. I think the points of friction in your life tell you more about what you want than the things that are going well.

    17. MM

      Yeah. Well, love it,

  6. 16:30 – 17:59

    Should you quit your job to start something new?

    1. MM

      but how do you stop? Like-

    2. MR

      What do you mean, how do you stop?

    3. MM

      Yeah, you're... I don't know. You're in a job-

    4. MR

      Uh-huh

    5. MM

      ... that kind of pays the bills, right?

    6. MR

      Yep.

    7. MM

      And if you quit, it stops paying the bills.

    8. MR

      Yes.

    9. MM

      And you're onto this-

    10. MR

      Who said you should quit?

    11. MM

      But how do you start a new venture if you have kids in the evening and a job [chuckles] during the day?

    12. MR

      Well, I guarantee you, you have time. You're wasting it on stupid things. Like, look how much time you spend online. Is that advancing the things that you want? Look at how you waste time on the weekends. Look at how much time you spend watching everybody else's life versus investing that same time in building something toward the future. I don't think you should quit your job. I think you should use your job as a way to pay your bills and then get very serious with yourself. What is it that I actually want? And one of the coolest things about life right now is, you know, when I was your age, we didn't have the internet. I didn't have social- I didn't have AI. I couldn't do research. I... People were not writing memoirs or writing blogs or sharing information the way that you do. Everything was kind of this giant mystery as to how people got successful or how b- people built things. And so you live in a moment of time where if you get serious about protecting your time, if you get clear about what you want... See, I think the reason why a lot of people are unhappy is they don't even know what they want. They just know they are not happy where they are.

  7. 17:59 – 21:15

    The friction exercise that reveals what you really want

    1. MM

      How do you know what you want?

    2. MR

      You know, I think most people don't have what they want because they haven't even stopped to define what they want. And if you're somebody who is like, "Well, I don't know what I want," here's a couple pieces of advice. You can do this exercise, and this is really good for business, too. Take out a blank piece of paper, draw a line down the center, and on the left-hand side of the page, you're gonna write down absolutely everything where you feel friction in your body, everything where there is tension.... What is not working about your life? And you will be surprised, because you know what's not working. You know that you feel terrible 'cause you have not seen the inside of a gym in a year. You know that you hate going to your job because you feel like you're s- dying a slow death right now, and you don't know what you wanna do, you just know you don't wanna do this.

    3. MM

      Yeah.

    4. MR

      You know that you're feeling uninspired around the folks that you're hanging out with, and it's probably largely 'cause you're not that inspiring right now or inspired by your life. You know that you're sick of wasting three to six hours every day online. You know it, and you have a lot of internal friction about it. Same thing's true about your business. Every part of your business that you hate, that drives you crazy, that makes you frustrated, that's a point of friction. Put it down. Now, on the right side, put down the things that are going well, and you may have a period of your life right now where nothing is. And if you can't even think about what's going well, then you can ask yourself, "Okay, when was I the happiest? When, when, when did I feel like myself?" It might've been high school. And then ask yourself, "Well, what, what was it... What did my day-to-day life look like?" And you'll see this pattern emerge, and the pattern is always the same. When life is going well and you don't have friction, you're getting up, you're going somewhere, you are surrounded by your friends, you have something to do afterwards, whether it's sports or it's a project that you're interested in, you have something in the future that you're looking forward to, and you're taking care of your body. It is so standard to everybody. It's universal, and yet it feels deeply personal when you're the one stuck. And so look at the friction. Those are the things you need to change. Look at things that are going well, or remember a period in your life where you really enjoyed your life. Your life holds the data. Find it, and then do the things that you used to be doing that made you feel good when you felt good in your life. And you will realize, "My God, I have not prioritized friendship. Wow, I've been so busy watching fitness influencer videos, I don't actually do anything with my body. I beat myself up because all I do is watch people that have four a- 40 hours to do meal prep, but then I eat like crap because I'm so stressed out, and now I'm in this cycle with myself." So the friction side are all the things you need to think about: How could I make small gains and improve that area? The positive side are things you need to add in or continue doing. So that's one way you can attack this. Second way you can attack

  8. 21:15 – 24:06

    Second exercise: how jealousy reveals your true desires

    1. MR

      this is notice who you're jealous of. Jealousy is a very powerful emotion, because jealousy, one, is very personal. It is impossible for you to be jealous of something you don't want. Like, I'm not jealous of somebody who drives a purple Lamborghini. I don't want one. I really don't. I see... I don't even think it's an interesting-looking car. It has no relevance to my life. But if I see someone who is, um... Like right now, a person that I'm, I'm jealous of, it's almost the wrong word, but I really admire Steven Bartlett, Diary of a CEO.

    2. MM

      Same here. [chuckles]

    3. MR

      Very, very close friend of mine. I love him. He is one of the most generous people in the world, and love seeing him win. He is world-class when it comes to video production, and every time I see his work, there's a part of me that's like, "Oh, it's so good!"

    4. MM

      Yeah.

    5. MR

      "I wanna be that good." You know what I mean? And so it's this mix of like, "Ah!" and "Oh!" And so anybody that you're jealous of, there's something about the way they're moving through life. There's something about how they take care of themselves. There's something about their energy. There's something about their relationship. There's something about the way they do business that you're drawn toward. And the reason why it comes across as jealousy instead of inspiration is because deep down, you know you want this thing, but you are, through your self-doubt and anxiety, blocking yourself from moving toward it. See, jealousy is blocked ambition. Jealousy is blocked desire. And the interesting thing is, is the second you start working toward the thing that you want, you don't feel jealous of people anymore, because you're giving yourself permission to pursue something that you really want. All the influencers that people are jealous of, all of the people online that you see making money that you're jealous of, you roll your eyes, you're annoyed by them, I guarantee you, you wish you've learned to take... You've learned how to make money online. That's why you feel that way.

    6. MM

      Yeah.

    7. MR

      And so pay attention to jealousy. It is a roadmap toward the things that you're interested in, and so that's another way that you can start to identify and find the courage to say, "Actually, I really do want to do this thing, and nobody is gonna come and do this for me. It's up to me." Like, it's not about finding a partner who's gonna pay for your life. It's about you recognizing what are your ambitions and what are the things that you want, because you have, through your brain and through your actions, the ability, over time, to create incredible things. But you will not create them if you sit there and, and, "I don't know what I want." Bullshit, you know exactly what you want if you take the time to really be honest with yourself. You get one life. Like, why waste it watching everybody else do the things that you've always wanted to do? You can figure stuff out.

  9. 24:06 – 27:03

    Turning jealousy into a roadmap for your future

    1. MR

      You can.

    2. MM

      I'm really glad you brought up Steven, and I'm really glad-

    3. MR

      Welcome

    4. MM

      ... how you're, how you're talking about this, 'cause when I look at him-

    5. MR

      Yeah

    6. MM

      ... and I absolutely love what he's doing, but then I look at his lifestyle. Like, he's constantly on the go.

    7. MR

      Mm-hmm.

    8. MM

      My kids are six and four.

    9. MR

      Yeah.

    10. MM

      They will not forgive [chuckles] me if I do this to them-

    11. MR

      Yeah

    12. MM

      ... like constantly being on the flight.

    13. MR

      Okay, this is great. This is great, 'cause here's what you're gonna do. You use these things, these tools that I'm giving you, to remove the biggest obstacle that you have.... which is you're the biggest "no" when it comes to the things that you want. Your job is not to say no to yourself. Your job is to be the loudest, "Yes, I can figure that out." So when you start to notice, okay, jealousy gives you a beacon. It's like something out in the future that helps you pivot a couple degrees and start prioritizing something that helps you move in a different direction. You will then pull it back to yourself, and you have to then go, "Okay, well, what do I value? I have two young kids. I am mar- I do not wanna be on a plane." And so I can move toward that, but I've gotta do it in a way that's me. I gotta do it in a way that works for my timeline. Because one of my core values is I'm not a single dude that is just, like, gunning and ambitious-

    14. MM

      Mm

    15. MR

      ... and just wanting to work, work, work, work, work. I want to make room for being a mom. And so that's how you make it personal. 'Cause one of the other things that, that really got in my way for a long time, and I know gets in the way of so many pe- "Oh, I don't wanna copy anybody. It's already been done." You cannot copy anybody else. Because first of all, everybody is copying everybody else, because we are drawing inspiration from other people.

    16. MM

      Absolutely.

    17. MR

      And you won't ever copy them, because it's impossible to do exactly what somebody else is doing. You will always put your own spin on it. You will always do it on your own timeline. You will always, always, always do it in a way that is unique to you, because you have different values. You have a different singular purpose here, and other people are not blocking you from doing it. Other people are helping you lead yourself in a particular direction, and that's what jealousy helps you identify. It helps you flip jealousy into inspiration. It helps you see other people as not competitors, but people that can lead you toward things, that can teach you things. And also, you have to be awake enough and clear enough that if you want kids, if you want a family life, if there are things that are more important to you or as important to you as your ambition and as making money and launching something that's your own, then you will have to figure out a way to have all of it be part of one big p- pie that you call life. That's why you're never gonna copy anybody else, 'cause you can't. You get inspir- inspiration. You can even hire somebody's exact team, and it will never be the same-

    18. MM

      Absolutely

    19. MR

      ... as what somebody else is doing.

    20. MM

      But then the, the timeline is super

  10. 27:03 – 31:05

    FOMO, social media, and protecting your attention

    1. MM

      helpful, because if you're comparing yourself to Steve, like, "Oh, how old is he? [chuckles] Oh, him already."

    2. MR

      Yeah.

    3. MM

      And but then you're like, "I have a different timeline."

    4. MR

      He's on a different path.

    5. MM

      Yeah.

    6. MR

      You have a different timeline.

    7. MM

      I love that.

    8. MR

      I am so grateful that everything happened to me late in life, and in my 30s and my 40s, you know, I was like, "When is it gonna happen? Like, why can't I be successful? You know, I'm happy for my girlfriends and my male friends that are, like, getting career advances and buying bigger houses, and woe is me. When is it gonna be my turn?" And I have come to believe, I, I, I really believe this: If you are a good person, if you have character, if you're clear about what you want, and if you can throw your timeline out the window, I refuse to believe you will not be successful. I refuse. I am convinced that success is about not quitting and that there is something meant for you in the future, and if you just keep putting your head down, and you keep defining what you want, and you keep inching yourself forward, and you really work on being a good person, too, that it will work out for you. It will.

    9. MM

      Yeah.

    10. MR

      It's a matter of not quitting, not saying no to yourself, and understanding that there is a moment for you in the future when all of this hard work pays off, and you will never be able to predict how magical, how different it's going to be than you thought it was when you got started or when you're in the trenches or when your first business fails or when the 17th investment person says, "No, I'm not gonna invest in your thing," or when kids come, and now you have to slow down, and the timeline has to expand because there's more important priorities.

    11. MM

      100%.

    12. MR

      And that's the cool thing about life.

    13. MM

      Yeah. That's awesome. So when you realize, "Okay, I want this. This is... Like, I'm not gonna push myself," how do you deal with FOMO? 'Cause when you look at someone you admire or you're jealous of-

    14. MR

      Right

    15. MM

      ... they're doing this, this, and that, and you're like, "Oh, did I have to be there, too? How many things should I fit in my calendar?" How do you deal with this?

    16. MR

      How do I deal with this?

    17. MM

      With FOMO, yeah.

    18. MR

      Well, I don't, I don't experience it that much.

    19. MM

      How?

    20. MR

      What do you mean, how?

    21. MM

      I, I don't know, 'cause with social media, like, we're flooded by all the opportunities and, like, seeing people do this and that.

    22. MR

      Yeah, but here's what I want you to understand. See, social media is for you. Social media, you are either using it as a tool or you become the tool, and I'm not saying that in a positive way. Social media is the most extraordinary tool in the world to do research, to market yourself, to get your message out, to, uh, connect with like-minded people, and if you are maniacal about using it as a tool to achieve something, you will be wildly successful, and you will manage your time and your attention. If you don't do it that way... 'Cause think about your social media accounts. They're for you. They're not for your high school and college friends. They're not for your family. They're for you and your self-expression and your business. So there is the output on social media, but then the thing that most of us don't pay attention to is the value of your attention and what are you allowing as input? And the more time you spend on that, the more money everybody else makes, and you have to be really, really careful, because what you allow in-... is what programs your mind, is what changes your energy. And if you are currently experiencing FOMO, it's because you don't use social media correctly, in my opinion. It's very normal to feel FOMO, but the second you start feeling like you're going down that, that tunnel, you have to develop habits to be able to go, "This is not helping me right now."

    23. MM

      How do you

  11. 31:05 – 34:03

    How to decide which opportunities are worth your time

    1. MM

      decide when it's not something for you? How do you say no?

    2. MR

      What do you mean? Give me an example.

    3. MM

      Do you have, like, criteria?

    4. MR

      Yes.

    5. MM

      For example, okay, uh, I, I've heard... I think Tim Ferriss mentioned it, how he, uh, makes decisions these days. Uh, is the person that's suggesting this, i- is he gonna uplift me? Like, does he have skills that I wanna learn? Second, is this project, like, taking me towards the goal? Do you have, like, a, uh, a list of questions you ask yourself to determine whether the opportunity is for you or not?

    6. MR

      Well, it's a great question. I think that every opportunity that you get, you have to ask yourself, "Is this advancing something that's important to me? What am I- how will I measure that this opportunity was a successful use of my time?" See, I'm the kind of person that reverse engineers everything. So let's say that you get a invitation to attend some sort of business thing, right? Ask yourself, "What would have to happen in order for this to have been a good use of my time?" Because if you don't know the answer to that, then you don't value your time.

    7. MM

      Mm-hmm.

    8. MR

      You're just like a fish swimming around, hoping somebody catches you.

    9. MM

      Yeah.

    10. MR

      Your mind... See, if everything's important, nothing is. And the single most important commodity that you have is your time, and the second one is your attention, and the third is your energy. And so what is the value of your time? And there are going to be plenty of events or meetings or whatever, where it is important and worth your time to go to the meeting simply so that a person that you are gonna meet with will talk about you in rooms you won't be in, in a very positive way. There are certain moments where it's important to go to an event that you have no desire to go to, simply so you can get a photo at the event that then you can use on your website that helps build the perception that you're doing something. So do you see how-

    11. MM

      Yeah

    12. MR

      ... you know going in what you wanna get out of it?

    13. MM

      Yeah. That's important.

    14. MR

      That's how you actually value your time.

    15. MM

      Yeah.

    16. MR

      You anchor it to an outcome that's worthy of your time.

    17. MM

      Yeah, that's important for you, right.

    18. MR

      Uh-huh.

    19. MM

      I like that.

    20. MR

      Because too many, too many people show up at things going, "Oh, I'm just supposed to be at this thing."

    21. MM

      Yeah. What if I meet this person-

    22. MR

      [clears throat]

    23. MM

      ... or what if-

    24. MR

      And you might.

    25. MM

      Yeah.

    26. MR

      But what if you were to go to the next networking event and say, "I'm going, and I'm not allowed to leave until I get seven people's contact information"? Do you see how different that is?

    27. MM

      Yeah.

    28. MR

      And so now you're going with a purpose. Now you're going in because you value your time. You could do a little research and go, "Oh, I think so-and-so's gonna be there. I'm not allowed to leave until I walk up and introduce myself, and I ask this question." That's the purpose-

    29. MM

      Yeah

    30. MR

      ... of going.

  12. 34:03 – 39:30

    Money, self-worth, and productivity anxiety

    1. MM

      money and anxiety.

    2. MR

      Okay.

    3. MM

      Uh, and this is a personal question. For me, like, I don't know where it's coming from, I feel like the immigrant mindset, but basically, my self-worth is really dependent on my productivity and how much money I'm making.

    4. MR

      Okay.

    5. MM

      What is wrong with this, and how do you work with this? [chuckles]

    6. MR

      Well, I don't know that there's anything wrong with it. Like, se- see, for me, I can't climb up into your brain and tell you what's right or wrong for you. I can just tell you, based on the research and based on things that I've tried for myself-

    7. MM

      Yeah

    8. MR

      ... what's been helpful to me. And-

    9. MM

      Have you ever had this problem?

    10. MR

      The problem of...

    11. MM

      Like, the views define your worth or, like, the achievements-

    12. MR

      Of course

    13. MM

      ... define your worth, money.

    14. MR

      Of course. So here's the thing to ask yourself, because, you know, I am really focused on what's in my control and what's not in my control, and you are never in control of the views on your videos or the downloads on your podcast or how many people-

    15. MM

      You kind of are. No? [chuckles]

    16. MR

      No, I'm not. No, I'm not. A- absolutely not.

    17. MM

      Why not?

    18. MR

      Like-

    19. MM

      'Cause you can-

    20. MR

      Why not?

    21. MM

      Yeah. Hire a strategist who is understanding this better.

    22. MR

      I, I'll tell you why not.

    23. MM

      Mm-hmm.

    24. MR

      Because I don't control whether or not another human being is going to wake up tomorrow and make time to hit play on something that I do. Don't ever take that for granted. Like, I have to wake up every day and, and say, "How do I make the next episode worthy of someone's time?" So you can't guarantee the result. The only thing you can control is the process, the mission, and the intention, and the systems that create the desired result.

    25. MM

      Mm-hmm.

    26. MR

      And too many people focus on the result-

    27. MM

      Yeah

    28. MR

      ... instead of focusing on the systems that create the result. So, you know, I... James Clear, who wrote the Atomic Habits, has this great thing where he does, I think, the four things that people make wrong about goals. People who win and people who lose have the exact same goals. The best team in the NBA and the worst team all have the goal to win the championship. Think about the difference between a person who is in business, who says, "I want to build a business that has a..." Whatever, right? "I wanna build a business that does a million dollars in revenues this year." That's a goal.

    29. MM

      Yeah.

    30. MR

      Do you focus on the million dollars, or do you focus day to day on the systems and the process and the habits-

  13. 39:30 – 41:22

    Feedback vs. noise - who you should (and shouldn’t) listen to

    1. MR

      for failure.

    2. MM

      So when you stumble upon a negative comment about yourself, what goes on in your brain?

    3. MR

      I don't, and I'll tell you why. Why would I take advice, or why would I give a shit about what some stranger on the internet is doing?

    4. MM

      Because for me, like, as an entrepreneur, I see them as consumers of my product, and they're like-

    5. MR

      They're not consuming your product if they're spending time saying negative things about you.

    6. MM

      Hmm. I'll do away... Yeah.

    7. MR

      I only take criticism from people that are doing what I'm doing or people who I respect.

    8. MM

      Mm-hmm.

    9. MR

      And somebody who's wasting time spreading negativity online is not somebody I respect. So I do not give it a single ounce of thought, period. And by the way, a quarter of the interactions you have online are with bots, and so do not discount the unbelievable barrage of negative bullshit that is coming from bots-

    10. MM

      Yeah

    11. MR

      ... aimed at anybody that is putting themselves out there in a way that attracts attention.

    12. MM

      Yeah.

    13. MR

      And so value your time, and ask yourself, like, why would you care? Like, there's a difference between negative, constructive criticism that has the intention of providing feedback that is meant to have you do better. Do you see that?

    14. MM

      Yeah.

    15. MR

      Versus the mindless stupidity, and I think violence, that we've allowed to happen online.

    16. MM

      Yeah.

    17. MR

      Do not even... Let them. Let these idiots say whatever the hell they want. Who cares?

    18. MM

      I love this theory of yours.

    19. MR

      Well, I'm serious.

    20. MM

      The Let Them Theory.

    21. MR

      Like, let me remind myself, I know what my goals are. I know the kind of person I am. I know my intention in putting this out. So let them, let them, let them, let them misunderstand, let them take out their anxiety and their, you know, desire to blame the world for the way their life is. Let them, let them, let them.

  14. 41:22 – 44:35

    When criticism comes from family and close friends

    1. MM

      How do you apply this theory when someone is very close to you-

    2. MR

      Uh-huh

    3. MM

      ... and saying negative things about things you want to start doing or you are doing?

    4. MR

      Stop looking at your family and your friends for the support you need when it comes to business and change.

    5. MM

      Hmm.

    6. MR

      Your family and your friends have not done the thing you want to do. It is a normal reaction for people who know you as you are to question and misunderstand your dreams and goals, because your dreams and goals are not meant for them. That's why they don't understand them, and they will always and forever be concerned about whether or not you're gonna be okay and whether or not it's gonna work, because they love you. There's this famous saying that David Kessler, this incredible expert on grief, says, which is, "Stop looking for milk in a hardware store." If you want support in some change you're making, do not waste time hoping and wishing people who have not made that change are going to be able to support you. People can only meet you as deeply as they've met themselves, and your goals and dreams are meant for you. There are people in this world who have done what you wanna do. They have made the changes that you wanna make. Find them online, find them in groups in the city you live in. Read books about these people. Follow videos. Those are the people who are gonna support you, because they know-... what you're gonna be going through. They know how difficult it is, and so I want you to see, like, people, like- I'll give you an example from my life where I was the bad guy. So my daughter, uh, Sawyer, who I wrote The Let Them Theory book with, she had worked in cybersecurity at a massive international cybersecurity firm in marketing for three years. She had worked there during college as well, and she'd saved a bunch of money, and she came to me and my husband and said, "You know, guys, I, I'm gonna quit my job, and I've decided I'm gonna fulfill a lifelong dream, and I am going to go to Asia and solo backpack as a 25-year-old woman for the next five months." This is her dream. Do you know what that sounded like to me? [inhales] That's a mother's-

    7. MM

      Crazy

    8. MR

      ... worst nightmare.

    9. MM

      Yeah. [chuckles]

    10. MR

      Right? So I'm like: "No, you're not. What do you mean?

    11. MM

      [chuckles]

    12. MR

      How's this gonna work? Oh, my God!" And so I was not supportive because I'm scared.

    13. MM

      Yeah.

    14. MR

      And I'm scared, not because I want to, like, derail her dreams, but because, you know, her decision is now triggering this fear in me, and I don't mean to block her dreams. I just love her, and I want her to be okay. That's a beautiful thing, but I'm not being helpful and supportive. And so that's an example of how somebody who loves you and who wants the best for you can say things that feel very defeatist-

    15. MM

      Demotivating

    16. MR

      ... or unsupportive.

    17. MM

      Yeah.

    18. MR

      And that's why you've gotta let them. Her dream is not meant for me. That's why I don't understand it. I have no desire to do that. What's... That's why I question it.

    19. MM

      Yeah.

    20. MR

      And it's not your job to question your dreams. Your job is to follow them.

    21. MM

      I love it.

    22. MR

      And do not look at your mom and dad as the people who should support you in being sober if they drink. Do not look at your partner to support you in running a marathon if they have not been off the couch or seen the inside of a gym in two years 'cause they don't understand it. It's not meant for them.

    23. MM

      Mm.

    24. MR

      Let them.

  15. 44:35 – 47:20

    Why desperation can be a powerful motivator

    1. MM

      Wow. How do you... You mentioned your daughter several times.

    2. MR

      Mm-hmm.

    3. MM

      Have you ever experienced mom guilt, w- especially when you were building your career, right?

    4. MR

      Yes.

    5. MM

      You had to be away from the kids, and-

    6. MR

      Yes, it's the worst. Um, you know, the way that I wrestled it, 'cause when I started building my career, it was around 2014 where I started to travel, and the truth is, desperation is an incredible motivator. And I had liens on my house. We were $800,000 in debt. My husband had re- left the restaurant business that was going under, and I was the sole breadwinner, and so I said yes to everything because my highest value was safety. I was gonna do everything I could to pay off our debt, to put groceries on the table, to get my kids into town soccer, to be able to provide them what I wanted to provide them as a parent, to make the ends meet. I said, "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes," and I was lucky enough to work so hard and to be so talented as a speaker, giving keynotes at corporate conferences. This would've been 2014 to about 2019, that I was on the road 150 days a year.

    7. MM

      How old were your kids?

    8. MR

      My kids were, um... Oh, God, you're gonna ask me to do math right now.

    9. MM

      [chuckles]

    10. MR

      Um, my kids were probably 13 and under, 13-

    11. MM

      Wow

    12. MR

      ... 11, and it was painful. It was so painful to miss so-

    13. MM

      Yeah

    14. MR

      ... much.

    15. MM

      Do you regret it now?

    16. MR

      No.

    17. MM

      No?

    18. MR

      Absolutely not, because it was a necessity. I wasn't doing it to make millions of dollars. I was doing it to pay my bills. Like, it's a joke that people think you can't work or that it's, like, something you should regret. Like, if you want to take responsibility for your life, there are things you're gonna have to do that you don't wanna do. That's what it means to be an adult.

    19. MM

      Yeah.

    20. MR

      And it's a fa- it was a fantasy to think that I could be home because we were so in debt, and my husband was so beaten down and a shell of himself. It was on me. If I wanted to keep the house, if I wanted to pay the bills, if I wanted my kids to be able to do the things at school that cost extra money, then it was on me. And so I had this experience where I desperately missed them. I missed most of what happened in middle school and high school with my daughters because I was on the road all the

  16. 47:20 – 50:00

    Productive guilt vs. destructive guilt

    1. MR

      time, and the way that I started to wrestle with the guilt, because there's two forms of guilt. There's productive guilt, which is the kind of guilt that comes up that's like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. The reason you feel guilty: for not making an effort to see your aging parents or to spend more time with family is 'cause family matters to you.

    2. MM

      Yeah.

    3. MR

      And so that kind of guilt's really good because it organizes your sense of character and your values to get you to pay attention to the things you're neglecting. But then there's the second form of guilt, which is very destructive, which is you're like: "I'm a bad mom. I'm a bad person. I can't do anything right. See, I'm failing everywhere. I feel so guilty." You aim it here versus aiming it out there at what I need to change. And it helped to know that I was doing this because, as a mom, safety and security were my number one priority, and I also focused on the fact that, while I didn't have quantity of time in person, I had quality on the weekends when I was home.

    4. MM

      Yeah.

    5. MR

      And the truth is, traveling for work, like, lots of people do that.

    6. MM

      Yeah.

    7. MR

      I mean, it's not like I was deployed, and I didn't see my family for a year, which is a completely different type of sacrifice that people make. It's not... Like, there are lots of other things that happen, and so I also did a little perspective checking. The other thing that helped me a lot, and this is a small tweak, is that your guilt as a mom serves no one.... In fact, when you feel guilty for having ambition, you're actually blaming your family. Like, when I say to my ki- "I feel so guilty," it's like it's their fault.

    8. MM

      Yeah.

    9. MR

      So here's what switched it for me. I started saying, "Thank you. Thank you for being so supportive of my career. Thank you for always cheering me on. I miss you when I'm gone, but I so appreciate the level of support you guys give me." And I said the same thing to my husband, "I could not do this without you being a stay-at-home dad. Thank you, guys, and here's what I want you to know. When you grow up, and you go out in the world, and you go chase down some dream of yours, I'm gonna be the loudest cheerleader. I'm gonna be there to support you because you supported me. Thank you."

    10. MM

      I love that. I love that.

    11. MR

      And so that brings them into what you're doing, versus you separating yourself. "I feel so bad. I'm sorry. I'm guilt- I'm a terrible mother." That

  17. 50:00 – 53:44

    Boundaries, burnout, and saying no as you grow

    1. MR

      makes your kids feel bad.

    2. MM

      Do you feel like you've slowed down from that time?

    3. MR

      No.

    4. MM

      In terms... No? Okay. [chuckles]

    5. MR

      No.

    6. MM

      So you're still, like, 180 days on the road and-

    7. MR

      I'm not on the road that much. Um, I run a very big business. It's a very complicated business. I have 55 employees.

    8. MM

      Wow.

    9. MR

      We reach between nine and 11 million listeners a week with The Mel Robbins Podcast.

    10. MM

      Amazing.

    11. MR

      We are the third-largest podcast in the world.

    12. MM

      And you were just nominated for a Golden Globe.

    13. MR

      Yes.

    14. MM

      Amazing.

    15. MR

      It's amazing.

    16. MM

      Congratulations.

    17. MR

      And what a lot of people don't know is that we put more than 100 hours into every episode. We do different episodes on YouTube than we do for audio because the audiences are different. I have invested heavily in tech, and so I'm not a podcast host. I'm a tech entrepreneur. I'm a businesswoman, and I feel like a lot of things that people do when it comes to building something is you think being good at something is what makes you successful. That's not what makes you successful. Being good at something is the price of entry. If you're not good at something, then get good-

    18. MM

      Yeah

    19. MR

      ... because that's the baseline. You have no business doing something and charging people for something if you're not good at it, and there are ways to focus on the skills of being better at something by doing it. But the way you become excellent is you become obsessive about the details that nobody else is thinking about. The way that you become obsessive and excellent is you think about, "Who is it for? What's it for?" That comes from Seth Godin, the godfather of marketing. And you think about, "How is what you're doing valuable to another human being? What are the levers and the nuances of the ecosystem of the business that I'm in, that I need to understand?" And in my business of podcasting, Apple is very different than Spotify. Spotify is very different than YouTube.

    20. MM

      Yeah.

    21. MR

      And not understanding the difference between the actual tech platforms and the way that they're monetized means you're just good and you're talented, but you're not actually in the business 'cause you don't understand the larger ecosystem, which makes you a sitting duck.

    22. MM

      But does, doesn't that make you feel that you're doing too much, and do you ever wanna slow down? Or you're in your rhythm, and you're okay with it?

    23. MR

      No, I, I, you know, had a big conversation with my buddy, Jay Shetty, two years ago, and we were just talking about time. And one of the things that I think is very important is to really think about, in the next 12 months, what is the highest priority that you have? What do you value? And for me, I don't want to do more. I wanna figure out how to continue to be excellent, how to deliver something that really moves, and empowers, and inspires people, and how to do that in less time and with more fun. Like, for me, it's about kind of optimizing what we're already doing, so we can be more effective and more efficient, and seeing around the corners. Like I- we were investing heavily in AI tools two years ago, 'cause my podcast is evergreen, and that means that unlike most shows, where things have a, a week-long cycle 'cause you're interviewing a celebrity, or you're talking about-

    24. MM

      Yeah

    25. MR

      ... breaking news or smack-talking something that's going down, our entire catalog will be relevant for the next 100 years.

    26. MM

      Amazing.

    27. MR

      Because we talk about life.

    28. MM

      The question is, like, do you ever allow yourself to slow down?

    29. MR

      Yes.

    30. MM

      Or you

  18. 53:44 – 55:10

    Mel’s Rules for boundaries, focus, and productivity

    1. MM

      feel like you can't?

    2. MR

      I have incredibly great boundaries with work.

    3. MM

      Can you give me some rules?

    4. MR

      Yes, I have very big rules, and also understand that I'm in a phase in my career where I understand the seat on the bus I'm supposed to be in. One of the hardest things about being an entrepreneur is, as you start to grow, you will start hoarding all the things-

    5. MM

      Yeah

    6. MR

      ... when you need to start to hire people that are better than you in those roles. Uh, here are some really big goals. I never have my phone on my person, so if I'm at work, it's on my desk.

    7. MM

      Mm-hmm.

    8. MR

      Everyone that works for me will tell you, I'm constantly like, "Does anyone know where my phone is?" When I am at home, it goes either at my desk at home or goes in this particular corner in the kitchen, where it's plugged in, but it's not on my person. And the reason why is the further away it is from me, the less distracted I am by it.

    9. MM

      Yeah.

    10. MR

      And that's a huge thing. I set out rules. I never accept a speech on a Monday or a Friday-

    11. MM

      Because you travel

    12. MR

      ... because it requires me to travel.

    13. MM

      Yeah.

    14. MR

      I never- I block out my weekends. I do not do work on the weekends, period. I... We are scheduled all the way through next year, so that I know-... what five days every month I am in our studios in Boston. That's where we do 10 expert interviews in five days, and then the other ones I do wherever. I obsessively block my time so that I'm only traveling during

  19. 55:10 – 58:45

    Why saying NO changes everything

    1. MR

      a certain window of a month, and I get two or three weeks at my home in southern Vermont. I live in a tiny town.

    2. MM

      When did you introduce those rules? What was the period of time when you're like, "Okay-

    3. MR

      When I was-

    4. MM

      ... I'm successful enough-

    5. MR

      Yes, yes

    6. MM

      ... to be able to do this?"

    7. MR

      2018, I started saying, "I don't wanna travel like I am. I've paid off the lien on the house."

    8. MM

      Mm. That was good.

    9. MR

      "I've restored our savings."

    10. MM

      Yeah.

    11. MR

      "I don't need to keep saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, because I've achieved the goal." You will become-

    12. MM

      Love it

    13. MR

      ... more successful the more you say no, because when you say no, something interesting happens. People are like, "Well, wait a minute. Well, what's it gonna take?" Because when you say no, you've initiated this really weird thing that happens, and people want you more.

    14. MM

      Yeah, I've noticed that. F- suddenly budgets-

    15. MR

      Yes

    16. MM

      ... come up. Suddenly [chuckles] things start shifting.

    17. MR

      Well, and you also want to understand if everything's important, nothing is important. I'm gonna say that again. If everything's important, nothing's important.

    18. MM

      Yeah.

    19. MR

      And I think one of the biggest problems a lot of people have right now, I had this for sure, is you don't even know what's important. Do you know the number one priority that you need to achieve this week related to either your personal goal or related to your business? If you don't know the number one strategic objective that you need to make progress on this week, you do not have a business plan.

    20. MM

      I love it.

    21. MR

      You have a reaction plan, because you are going to allow everybody else's emergencies to become-

    22. MM

      Emergencies

    23. MR

      ... your priority.

    24. MM

      Yeah.

    25. MR

      Do you know how easy it is for your partners or other people to email you or text you or Slack you or do whatever? And now you think that has to go to the top of your list. You think you gotta respond to every email right away. When you do that, you teach people that you're not actually busy. It starts with you. You have to learn to respect your own time. You have to get back to being strategic and identifying every week, "What's the single most important thing that I am doing this week, that I need to make meaningful progress on?" If you have a team, what is the single most important thing for every person on the team to achieve this week in their lane? If they don't know it, you're not running your company-

    26. MM

      Yeah

    27. MR

      ... you're running in circles.

    28. MM

      Wow, you're a genius. I love that.

    29. MR

      Well-

    30. MM

      Thank you

  20. 58:45 – 1:00:33

    “Let them” and “Let me” - What is actually in your control

    1. MR

      myself, what's in my control is my attitude. What's in my control is what I choose to do and what I choose not to do, and what's in my control is how I respond to emotions. Do I let them run me over?" Which I used to. I used to be probably the worst person to work for because my energy was so all over the place, and I was constantly stressed out, and I was constantly barking at myself and other people and negative attitude. Like, manage your energy. I believe that leaders bring the weather. What does that mean? You get to choose every day whether you're the sun, and you're warm, and you're capable, and it shifts everything if you believe that you're gonna figure it out, and you're kind, and you manage that energy. Or you can be the storm, and we've all worked for a storm, and we hate those people.

    2. MM

      Yeah.

    3. MR

      And that's a really valuable currency that you have, that I want you to take seriously. Figure out what you want. Really be the kind of bluebird, sunny sky. That doesn't mean you're nice [chuckles] or a pushover. It means you're kind and clear and firm. Know what you want. Reverse engineer it. Put your head down. Throw out your timeline, 'cause you have no idea what extraordinary path you're about to walk down. You can figure it out. You're going to surprise yourself-

    4. MM

      Yeah

    5. MR

      ... by what you're capable of creating. And the cool thing about having kids is: How are they gonna learn to pursue their dreams? How do they learn to build something that's their own?

    6. MM

      You show them, yes.

    7. MR

      How do they learn?

    8. MM

      Yeah.

    9. MR

      You show them.

    10. MM

      Yeah.

    11. MR

      You show them.

    12. MM

      And you learn how to trust yourself-

    13. MR

      Yeah

    14. MM

      ... whatever happens. Love it. Let's, let's wrap up this-

    15. MR

      Okay

    16. MM

      ... with trying your

  21. 1:00:33 – 1:02:20

    Mel’s new product: protein shots

    1. MM

      new drink.

    2. MR

      Oh, my God. Okay.

    3. MM

      Can we try it?

    4. MR

      Yes. So I am so excited because... Thank you for this. Everything that I do is... I'm so intellectually curious. I'm constantly interested in: What are some things I can use based on science, that are simple, that help me create a better life? I just love finding innovative-... new ways to think about things, to do things. And two years ago, Dr. Amy Shaw, episode 77, came on the podcast and just dropped, like, unbelievable wisdom, one after the other. She was the first person on the podcast to come on and talk about the importance of protein, not just for muscles, but also for dopamine, and serotonin, and focus. And she was the first person that made me realize, wait a minute, protein isn't just something you need for the gym. Protein is critical for your life.

    5. MM

      Yeah.

    6. MR

      And once she told me that you need to get a certain amount of protein for energy, for vitality, for focus, for your hormone balance, I started focusing on protein, and it's really hard-

    7. MM

      It is

    8. MR

      ... to get the amount of protein-

    9. MM

      Yeah

    10. MR

      ... that the medical experts recommend. And I was eating the chicken, and the salmon, and the beef, and the bars, and the smoothies, and all, and I was always coming up short. And about a year ago, um, somebody sent me this product, and it was a protein shot, where there were 23 grams of protein in a TSA-approved three-ounce bottle.

    11. MM

      Nice.

    12. MR

      And I, you know, drank the product, and I was like, "Well, this is incredible, but I hate the taste, and I don't like the ingredients," and I reached out to the founders. And I said, "I think you are marketing something for people that care about macros in the gym, and you're not recognizing that everybody

  22. 1:02:20 – 1:06:00

    Why everyone needs more protein

    1. MR

      needs protein." Like, kids that are in school that are neurodivergent need protein because they can't focus, and-

    2. MM

      They're being fed pizza in a plastic. Ugh! [laughs]

    3. MR

      Yes, and people recovering from surgery-

    4. MM

      Yeah

    5. MR

      ... and cancer can't get enough protein. I can't get enough protein.

    6. MM

      And you travel, yeah.

    7. MR

      High school students can't get enough protein. You know, on the days that you can meal prep and do it all, maybe you can get enough protein, but it's very hard to get enough protein in the right calorie count with all the amino acids. And I said, "I think that I should get involved, and I should build the scientific advisory board of world-renowned medical experts, and I should go to the factory, and I should meet the scientists, and I should drive the flavor. And we should work with renowned doctors to create the single-best complete protein on the go, that's clinical grade, that anybody can use, that's a high-impact protein." And here's a quick trick for everybody. The way that you know high-impact protein is if you look at the protein count, which is-

    8. MM

      Okay, uh, 23 grams.

    9. MR

      Grams. Add a zero. So what is that?

    10. MM

      230?

    11. MR

      Yep. Now, now compare that to calories-

    12. MM

      Oh, uh-

    13. MR

      ... to 100.

    14. MM

      Yeah.

    15. MR

      So if it's a lot bigger than the calorie count, that's a high-impact protein.

    16. MM

      Oh, wow.

    17. MR

      So all of the things right now that have protein, the chips, the this, the that-

    18. MM

      Yeah

    19. MR

      ... you'll notice it's five grams to, like, 200 calories.

    20. MM

      Oh, okay, so the ratio-

    21. MR

      So if you add a zero, 50 to two-

    22. MM

      Yeah.

    23. MR

      So now you know.

    24. MM

      Okay.

    25. MR

      92% of the calories... It's 100 calories, gluten-free, zero sugar. It's got stevia monk fruit. 92% of the calories are coming from a complete protein in that.

    26. MM

      Okay, let's try.

    27. MR

      Okay, so here's a little taste.

    28. MM

      I'm excited.

    29. MR

      You don't have to refrigerate it. It's better refrigerated.

    30. MM

      Just, just like this?

  23. 1:06:00 – 1:07:05

    Giving yourself permission and trusting yourself

    1. MM

      I'm taking so much-

    2. MR

      Thank you. I hope I'm helpful.

    3. MM

      I'm taking so much with me. I'm gonna-

    4. MR

      And, you know, look-

    5. MM

      listen to it and learn again

    6. MR

      ... this was, we had a little bit of time, so I'm normally not this, like, boom, boom, boom, but it's important for you to understand you have so much more power than you're giving yourself credit for-

    7. MM

      Mm

    8. MR

      ... that you can figure it out, that the tools are out there, that you're capable of it. And the first step is just giving yourself permission to admit that there are certain aspects of your life that don't feel the way you want them to feel.

    9. MM

      Yeah.

    10. MR

      And you can change it-

    11. MM

      Yeah

    12. MR

      ... when you do that.

    13. MM

      The most important thing is trusting myself as well.

    14. MR

      Well, you trust your- you gain trust by watching yourself do what you want to do.

    15. MM

      Yeah.

    16. MR

      You trust yourself by proving it to yourself, one action at a time. If you align your life with your values, and if you make decisions based on the things that will make you proud of yourself, based on who you are right now and what your values are, that's how you build trust with yourself. You build it one decision at a time.

    17. MM

      Love it. Thank you so much, Mel.

    18. MR

      You're welcome.

    19. MM

      This was amazing.

Episode duration: 1:07:05

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