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Find Your Allies Fast with philanthropist Melinda French Gates | A Bit of Optimism Podcast

Change happens to all of us whether we choose it or not. What’s the best way to go through transition, especially when it’s something we didn’t want? Melinda French Gates has seen her fair share of big transitions. A philanthropist, author, and champion for female empowerment, she spent decades building the Gates Foundation into one of the mightiest charitable organizations in the world. But after 25 years, she decided it was time for a change. Leaving the Foundation and her marriage to Bill Gates behind, she struck out on her own for a new decade of philanthropy. I was delighted to sit down with Melinda to talk about how we can successfully navigate the big changes in life, and why finding your allies during tough transitions is the best way to start a new chapter. This…is A Bit of Optimism. For more on Melinda French Gates and her work, check out her book: https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250378651/thenextday/ her investment and philanthropy organization: https://www.pivotalventures.org/ ⏰ Timestamps 0:00 Change is a chance for growth 6:28 How to get through your own discomfort 17:38 Why Melinda chose philanthropy 24:30 The difference between male and female entrepreneurs 30:42 Philanthropy vs. investment mindset + + + Simon is an unshakable optimist. He believes in a bright future and our ability to build it together. Described as “a visionary thinker with a rare intellect,” Simon has devoted his professional life to help advance a vision of the world that does not yet exist; a world in which the vast majority of people wake up every single morning inspired, feel safe wherever they are and end the day fulfilled by the work that they do. Simon is the author of multiple best-selling books including Start With Why, Leaders Eat Last, Together is Better, and The Infinite Game. + + + Website: http://simonsinek.com/ Live Online Classes: https://simonsinek.com/classes/ Podcast: http://apple.co/simonsinek Instagram: https://instagram.com/simonsinek/ Linkedin: https://linkedin.com/in/simonsinek/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/simonsinek Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/simonsinek Simon’s books: The Infinite Game: https://simonsinek.com/books/the-infinite-game/ Start With Why: https://simonsinek.com/books/start-with-why/ Find Your Why: https://simonsinek.com/books/find-your-why/ Leaders Eat Last: https://simonsinek.com/books/leaders-eat-last/ Together is Better: https://simonsinek.com/books/together-is-better/ + + + #SimonSinek

Simon SinekhostMelinda French Gatesguest
Apr 15, 202539mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:006:28

    Change is a chance for growth

    1. SS

      One of the reasons we make decisions out of fear is, "I don't wanna be uncomfortable." [laughs]

    2. MG

      Totally. Nobody wants to be uncomfortable.

    3. SS

      Like, people stay in bad relationships for fear of just not having a relationship.

    4. MG

      Oh, that's definitely true. I've, I've seen a lot of that.

    5. SS

      Every single one of us has gone through some sort of difficult transition, whether we lost a job by our choice or theirs, whether we moved somewhere new by our choice or the choice of someone else. We often feel lost and powerless, and sometimes it challenges our very identity. And that's exactly what happened to Melinda French Gates. She has gone through transition after transition, and some of them were pretty damn big. And it turns out we have more agency than we think we do. You may know Melinda from her work with the Gates Foundation. She's the author of a new book called The Next Day, and she explores what transition means. And it turns out in these times of feeling powerless, we actually have more control than we think we do, because we can control who we surround ourselves with as we go through the transition. This is A Bit of Optimism. Let's make a transition to talk about transition. [laughs]

    6. MG

      [laughs] Okay.

    7. SS

      What have you learned about yourself as your life has changed over the past few years? What is the life you're forging yourself now?

    8. MG

      I've gone through a tremendous amount of transition. You know, I've written this book. I'm not done with transition. I'll never be done with transition. But I wrote this book when I've turned 60. I have two granddaughters. I left a marriage. I left the foundation. I've struck out on my own in philanthropy. And what I've learned is in that process, even though I was leaving things, just I've, I'd left my career at Microsoft to stay home for a while, then I went back to work, there is so much to learn in a transition, and so much growth that can happen. And you find yourself on the other side far more resilient, so, at least in my case, I have. And I think I'm way less afraid of change now. I'm much more like, "Bring it on." [laughs] When you've gone through a lot of transitions and you've taken-

    9. SS

      Yeah

    10. MG

      ... the time to look at them, examine them, see where you've grown, seen where you've made mistakes, then when a change comes, it's, it's not as scary at all, 'cause it's like you've been there before. You've been in a, a s- situation of change, and just when you thought something beautiful might not come on the other side, it eventually does.

    11. SS

      H- how did it affect your identity of yourself? You know, we define ourselves, too many of us define ourselves by the, the job we have, the title we've got, the role we play, and, you know, a lot of the transitions you're making are the job you have, the role you play, the title you have. You know, h- how does that affect your own sense of, well, yeah, identity? Like, who-

    12. MG

      Yeah

    13. SS

      ... who am I?

    14. MG

      Yeah. I observed, so I knew, you know, a lot of people, I started at Microsoft when I was young, when the company was still very young. It had just gone public a couple years before. And I observed in my 30s a lot of men and women leaving the company because they'd made enough off the stock, so they go on to do something else. And an observation that I made was that the women, at least that I knew, tended to do better in the transition than the men did. And I started kind of asking myself why, and just observing over nine or 10 years, and I realized a lot of times women were quitting because they had a child or it was a second child, and they knew what their place was in terms of raising their child. Yes, they had a hard time saying, "Okay, but who am I still as an intellectual working person?"

    15. SS

      Yeah.

    16. MG

      But they were switching-

    17. SS

      Yeah

    18. MG

      ... such a big role identity, whereas the men were leaving work, but then they were, "Who am I after that?" And so I, for me personally, because I made that transition for the first time in my 30s from working woman for nine years to full-time mom, and I'm not saying it was easy, [laughs] I definitely had an identity, a crisis identity in the middle of there, I realized, oh, I'm much more than just one of those two people. And then I start working on boards, and then I start working in philanthropy, and you start to realize you're a whole person, and so I didn't wanna-

    19. SS

      Yeah

    20. MG

      ... have just one identity. But I think if you lived kind of this one identity for a long time, you, your ego gets even more attached to, and then it is a harder transition on the other side. I don't know. What do you see? What do you see about people who've made good transitions or not good transitions?

    21. SS

      I think this, it, somewhat of what you're saying, which is the women were going to something, right? Now I have the financial freedom to go be the full-time mom that I wanna be or take a little break to go, you know, l- be at home again, right? And yes, you deal with the who am I, and I've seen that many times, which is like, if I'm not thinking every day, am I not a thinker anymore, right?

    22. MG

      Mm-hmm.

    23. SS

      I've seen that happen with some wonderful and successful women. But at the same time, they made the choice, they made their choice to go to something.

    24. MG

      Mm.

    25. SS

      Whereas the way you're describing it, the men are going away from something, which is, "I have the money. I don't need to do this anymore. I don't wanna do this anymore. I'm gonna go into the great yonder." But I, I think the, the, the people who s- make successful transitions are the ones who go towards something, and the ones that are going away from something I think struggle more.

    26. MG

      Mm.

    27. SS

      Because I think also the decision-making, right? I think you're more careful when you go to something, 'cause I know what I want, I wanna make sure it's the right thing. When you're going away from something, you're like, "Ugh, I hate this. Get me out of here," and you take the first shiny object that's not that. We do it in jobs. We do it in relationships. We do it all the time, right?

    28. MG

      Definitely. I've seen it in all those forms. And you can even think of one female b- high-level business executive who as soon as she left something, she literally was jumping to the next thing. And I s- I literally said to her at the time, I knew her well enough, "Don't do that. Like, just tell them you're probably gonna take the job, but give you six months," you know? And she jumped-

    29. SS

      Yeah

    30. MG

      ... to that thing, and sure enough, two and a half years later, she stopped doing that thing.'Cause it was just too quick, right? She just, she didn't really know what she wanted. She didn't wanna sit-

  2. 6:2817:38

    How to get through your own discomfort

    1. SS

      So what does that mean to sit in that uncomfortable space, and how are we supposed to do it? Going back to fear, right? One of the reasons we make decisions out of fear is, "I don't wanna be uncomfortable." [laughs]

    2. MG

      Totally. Nobody wants to be uncomfortable. And, um-

    3. SS

      Like, people stay in bad relationships for fear of just not having a relationship.

    4. MG

      Oh, that's definitely true. I've, I've seen a lot of that. Um, yeah, I know how I went through it that was supportive of me, so I'll say this in case it's helpful to other people, is I surrounded myself with good friends who reminded me, "We don't know where you're going, but you will be okay. Like, here are the places we've seen you in the past and you've been resilient, and yes, you're sad now, or yes, you don't know what comes next, but you're gonna be okay." And on the, my saddest days or darkest days, I could also go to them and even share the hardest pieces, the grief, the loneliness, all of it. And again, they could hold up their perspective that I'm gonna be fine, right? But I let myself go through those cycles of grief, anger, denial, and you go through them multiple times. You don't just go through them and oh, done, cleaned up with that. That would be nice. I, that would be lovely. But you don't. But so you just, you literally have to sit in that uncomfortable space. And it's also part of why I do talk about openly that I saw a therapist.

    5. SS

      Yeah.

    6. MG

      And I used to think therapists were for people who had something wrong with them or a problem in life, but I ended up... I went in because of a toxic work employee we were dealing with, but in the end I realized, no, no, no, no, and I ended up learning so much about myself.

    7. SS

      The thing that you said that I think is really important to highlight, I, I think it's more important than even, "I learned to sit in discomfort." "I surrounded myself with friends who..." dot, dot, dot, right? That I... There was an action taking place. That you didn't just sit in discomfort, right?

    8. MG

      Mm.

    9. SS

      It's like you put-

    10. MG

      Just-

    11. SS

      ... the parachute on before you jumped out of the plane. Like, there was some-

    12. MG

      Right

    13. SS

      ... preparation before the difficult thing, and that preparation was, "I surrounded myself with people who knew how to hold space for me to be uncomfortable." And I've seen men who've gone through similar transitions. First of all, I don't think they surrounded themselves in it with anybody.

    14. MG

      Mm. Mm.

    15. SS

      And worse, the m- other men who showed up in their lives to give them advice kept telling them how to fix their feelings-

    16. MG

      So-

    17. SS

      ... how to get over it.

    18. MG

      Yeah.

    19. SS

      They kept telling them, "Get a bigger job to say F you to the man," you know?

    20. MG

      Yeah.

    21. SS

      "Sh- show them-

    22. MG

      Yeah

    23. SS

      ... who's right here." And I have one friend I'm thinking of in particular who he was going through transition, and I, I... When I met him, I didn't know him that well. I don't know, for whatever reason, I found myself at a, at a table with him, talking to him about his transition. It was very raw and very new.

    24. MG

      Mm.

    25. SS

      And one of the reasons we became close friends is I was the only person who said, "Just, just mourn."

    26. MG

      Mm. Mm.

    27. SS

      Just-

    28. MG

      That's great advice

    29. SS

      ... just be sad.

    30. MG

      Yep.

  3. 17:3824:30

    Why Melinda chose philanthropy

    1. SS

      So you've done a lot of work in women's empowerment and celebrating women in the world. Beyond the obvious, is there a particular reason that you went down that road and not one of the many, many other roads that somebody who's interested in helping the world and advancing the greater good would take?

    2. MG

      I had been working in philanthropy for over a decade and doing large scale grants, um, traveling the world, meeting so many people all over the world on the ground and seeing their lives. And I came to realize that if we didn't invest in women, we weren't getting the most out of our grant-making. We just weren't. Because everywhere you went, all over the world, it was the women who predominantly were in charge of the family. And so she decided, especially in a low-in- or middle-income country, who eats and in what order and what the finances of the family are spent upon. And on the converse side, when she would have resources, she was far more likely, we knew from very good research, to invest in her children than her spouse was.

    3. SS

      Th- there's such, it's such an interesting point, right? Which is it's not reallyIt's, it's not born out of feminism per se, it's born out of efficiency

    4. MG

      Absolutely. For me, this is not an argument about, you know, this is just the right thing to do or it's time. It's an argument born out of, if we want the world to get better, invest in women. And if you're not-

    5. SS

      Yeah

    6. MG

      ... looking at that piece of it... I'll give you a specific example. If we, which we were, were investing a se- in a seed that was more drought resistant or pest resistant for an area. So, okay, the farmers are getting more yield off their farm. They can put more on the market. They can make more money. They can feed their kids more. But what was happening is 50% of the farmers were women, but those seeds weren't getting to them, because guess what? They couldn't go to the person who was the agri-dealer giving out the seeds and selling the seeds. Women, for lots of reasons, were stuck on the farm. So it's like, okay, we're getting half of what we ought to out of this grant making. So yes, it was an efficiency argument.

    7. SS

      And we know this, we, you know better than I do, Muhammad Yunus, when he started doing his, his microloans, he knew that women that he gave microloans to were more likely to pay back their loans than the men [laughs] by significant, by significant numbers. Um, uh, and so again, an efficiency argument. Um, and, uh, I guess there's an irony to this, right? Because it's the, the patriarchal system in so many of these developing countries where the, the, the husband is, is the, is the alpha of the family, even though the woman's looking after the kids, [laughs] cleaning the house, s- doing the farming. That actually works counter here because the men are using money for other reasons other than their families. So if you wanna invest in a community that ad- advances money further, you give it to the women. I just think there's an irony where the men are supposed to be the protectors, it actually backfires because of the way they spend money.

    8. MG

      It is an irony. [laughs] And I would say not just in low income countries. [laughs]

    9. SS

      Mm.

    10. MG

      The world has inadvertently, no, no wrongdoing in it, but the world has inadvertently been set up for men. Look at our own constitution in the United States. Women did not have the right to vote. They weren't essentially seen in the Constitution. So what happened then was we set up a society, even here, where our workplaces were places that became, if you think about after the Industrial Res- Revolution, were set up really for men to go to the office, and we assumed women would take the childgiving, caregiving role, right? So, so-

    11. SS

      Mm-hmm

    12. MG

      ... it got set up that way, but even today, in a high income country like the United States, of all the couples that have children, 67% of them, both parents are working. And yet, we still, in this country, in this day and age-

    13. SS

      Yeah

    14. MG

      ... we are the only country in the world, in the United States, that doesn't have paid family medical leave, of high income countries. And so that means that you're putting a double burden, for the most part, on the women. And so I, I just look at society after society, and over time, the ones that tend to do better is when they start to really make sure that women can step into their full power.

    15. SS

      So you started doing philanthropy by bringing all kinds of resources to nations around the world, and the investment in women was about efficiency, not feminism. Then, then k- take me down the journey how you got to now and the new work you're doing.

    16. MG

      Hmm. Well, so I did the work at the Gates Foundation for 25 years, uh, traveled all over the world, which was incred- I was incredibly lucky to do. The foundation was at a point where it's in very good hands. We have a board.

    17. SS

      Mm.

    18. MG

      We have a fantastic CEO who I've known for 17 years. He's just doing a great job. And then there was a rollback of a law that had been on the books since I was a child for women's rights in the United States. I never, I never thought my granddaughters would have fewer rights than I had growing up.

    19. SS

      Mm.

    20. MG

      And so I started to see, you know, we all started to see what was happening in the United States and, and here I am pushing for women to step into their full power all over the world, and my own country is rolling back. So I felt like, you know, the foundation's in a good place. I've turned 60, and it's just time for me to step into my next decade of philanthropy, and there's so much work to be done here in the United States. Not that I'm not still doing global work, I am.

    21. SS

      Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

    22. MG

      But less than 2% of philanthropy, philanthropic dollars goes towards women. That just shouldn't be. You know?

    23. SS

      Mm.

    24. MG

      Less than 2% of women get a VC to invest in their business. That should not be-

    25. SS

      Mm

    26. MG

      ... in this country. So we're still, in our country, more than 300 years away from gender equality, and I thought, "Gosh, I've been to so many places in the world that look towards the United States, but here we are rolling back, and instead we need to be pushing forward."

    27. SS

      W- what are the reasons for it? It's too easy to simply say misogyny, you know, or sexism or the system. You know, I'm,

  4. 24:3030:42

    The difference between male and female entrepreneurs

    1. SS

      I... What are the reasons that, that that happens? That so little, like, you said so little VC goes to female entrepreneurs, for example. Like, I'm, I'm, I'm curious as to what the foundations of why it's happening in the first place.

    2. MG

      I don't think we fully know, and you have to go sector by sector. But one thing I'll say in the VC sector is... Or let's just say in the tech sector also, broaden it a little bit from that, 'cause I worked in the tech sector. I, I-

    3. SS

      Right

    4. MG

      ... understand that to some extent.It has not been the most welcoming place for women.

    5. SS

      Yeah.

    6. MG

      You have to go all the way back to the Apple II computer and the IBM PC. When the Apple II came out, lots of young girls were actually coding and being on it, but when IBM came out and started promoting the PC, they started promoting gaming and boys' games, and it became very gamified.

    7. SS

      Yeah.

    8. MG

      And so boys really enjoyed that, and so fewer women went into computer science. Then what happens?

    9. SS

      Right.

    10. MG

      Okay, well, if boys are already playing with the computer when they're young and they go into college, they know a lot about it, so women go in feeling like, "I'm learning a brand-new language," right? So you started getting... When I was in college, literally we were on our way up in terms of computer science degrees. We thought it was gonna be like medicine and law have gotten to today, and then it had-

    11. SS

      Right

    12. MG

      ... this precipitous drop. And then what happened was when you got women not going into the field, the f- the industry where they would go to work felt very unwelcoming to them 'cause there weren't very-

    13. SS

      Mm-hmm

    14. MG

      ... many people who looked like them, right?

    15. SS

      Right.

    16. MG

      And so then, okay, who- whose the money go into the hands of? Who are the VCs? They're mostly men. So when they look at these-

    17. SS

      Yeah

    18. MG

      ... businesses that are coming before them, quite honestly, they don't understand some of the businesses that are coming before them from women. They sort of laugh them out of the room, and it's not because they're necessarily doing anything wrong. It's because they don't have the same lens on society that a woman has, right? And so it just becomes this sort of self-referencing mechanism, and the flywheel gets going, and the momentum gets going.

    19. SS

      Yeah.

    20. MG

      And so what you have to do is figure out how do you put something in there to stop it so that, you know, we can make it so more women, their businesses get invested in.

    21. SS

      I love your point of the, the flywheel, the self-licking ice cream, right? It's the system-

    22. MG

      [laughs]

    23. SS

      ... that perpetuates itself because i- if I look at some of, you know... You s- you look at y- young male entrepreneurs, uh, you know, their standards of success or their, their, the, the bragging rights are how much VC they were able to get and their rate of growth, and yet there's no data to show that a fast-growing company is healthier than one that's not, in fact, sometimes the opposite. But, you know, growth is the metric because it benefits the investors, not necessarily the companies. But that's their metric, right? How much money did I raise, and, and how fast am I growing? Then I look at some of my favorite female entrepreneurs, you know, your S- Sarah Blakely or your Carissa Bodnar-

    24. MG

      Mm

    25. SS

      ... you know, from Spanx and Thrive respectively, and they raised no money. They built their businesses themselves with, you know, the few dollars they had in their pockets. They actively turned down VC. Uh, a lot of m- m- male venture capitalists told them they were stupid. They both resisted the overwhelming pressure to go public because they didn't see a need for it, and they didn't need to raise the money, and they weren't looking for a liquidity event.

    26. MG

      Mm.

    27. SS

      And both of them ra- uh, built unbelievably strong, resilient companies. And w- the sense is is that their metrics, it goes back to the, the same thinking as, as, as before with the efficiency, why you invested in the mothers in the, in the developing world. It's because the way they made decisions and how they spent their money was very different, and you have these female entrepreneurs who are spending their money to actually build really good companies. They're, you know, quote-unquote, "taking care of their families."

    28. MG

      Mm.

    29. SS

      You know? They're investing in the farm. They're investing in, in the things that-

    30. MG

      Sure

  5. 30:4239:32

    Philanthropy vs. investment mindset

    1. SS

      VC.

    2. MG

      One of the things I've learned from philanthropy is if you're trying to change something, you have to take the long view. You just have to.

    3. SS

      Yeah.

    4. MG

      I mean, as Warren Buffett constantly reminded us, you are taking on the problems society has left behind for a reason. And so-

    5. SS

      Yeah

    6. MG

      ... for me, if I'm gonna try and change an industry, holy smokes, that's not a three-year thing. I'm not just trying to create a product. I could do that-

    7. SS

      Right

    8. MG

      ... try it fast and have a return, but I'm trying to disrupt an industry, so yeah, I gotta be patient about that.

    9. SS

      When you define yourself, do you find yourself first as a philanthropist or an investor?

    10. MG

      Um, [laughs] I would say these days both, but I guess first philanthropist. Yeah, philanthropist first still, for sure.

    11. SS

      When I meet men who have a liquidity event and make a lot of money, if you ask them, "What do you do now?" They say, "I'm an investor."

    12. MG

      Mm.

    13. SS

      So people who've made a lot of money, their job now is to make more money.

    14. MG

      Mm-hmm.

    15. SS

      That's what they say. Now, I know they give money away as well.

    16. MG

      Mm-hmm.

    17. SS

      They, they, they do philanthropy, but they tell you, "I'm an investor now." When I've met women who've had a, a liquidity event or made a lot of money, they say... When you ask them, "What do you do now?" They say, "I'm a philanthropist." And of course, they invest as well, and I just think it's really interesting. This goes back to this, this, and dare I call it a maternal instinct, but it goes back to, once again, how women and men view money differently, where the man makes a lot of money and wants to make more money, and the woman makes a lot of money and wants to primarily give it away. And again, they both do both-

    18. MG

      Mm

    19. SS

      ... but it's what comes first on the list, and what your identity is wrapped up in.

    20. MG

      I have a slightly different theory about that, which is one of the things if you think about, just take, take that off the table and we're gonna come back to it, but think about the sciences.

    21. SS

      Yeah.

    22. MG

      Somebody labeled certain sciences hard sciences, and then they also labeled other sciences soft sciences. Like, you can't prove that out. Turns out a lot of things that got put in the soft sciences bucket could be proved out but were a bit more feminine. I have met a lot of, a lot of philanthropists in my life. Like, I started the Giving Pledge with Warren Buffett and, and-

    23. SS

      Sure

    24. MG

      ... my ex-husband Bill. It takes a lot to switch your brain into philanthropy. Like, I know a lot of people who've done quite well in business or as investors, but it's actually scary, and they don't tell you, but they, they know it. Like, when you talk to them deeply, switching your brain to philanthropy is hard. You're learning a whole new field. You're worried about, "Oh, is somebody gonna take me? Oh, do I really... How, how will I ever measure this? I don't know if it can be measured, that field." And so they label it in their mind soft. And so do I wanna-

    25. SS

      Yeah

    26. MG

      ... look like a soft male? No, I probably wanna look like an investor, right? Whereas I think it's more-

    27. SS

      Yeah

    28. MG

      ... it's just easier for women to go, "Hey, this is what I'm doing," you know? And switching your brain over to philanthropy does mean being open. Part of my book is all about transitions, and you have to be willing to literally, for, I will say for me, it was like a gut punch. Like-

    29. SS

      Yeah

    30. MG

      ... I'm a computer scientist. I don't know anything about biology or global health, but 25 years later, I know a fricking ton.

Episode duration: 39:35

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