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ADHD Chatter Podcast

3 Important Lessons From A Late Diagnosed ADHD Woman - Kat Brown

Kat Brown is the author of 'It's Not A Bloody Trend: Understanding Life as an ADHD Adult' and editor of 'No One Talks About This Stuff'.

Alex PartridgehostKat Brownguest

Apr 16, 20241h 21mWatch on YouTube

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CHAPTERS

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Chapter summaries

Kat Brown on feeling defective and “different” growing up
Alex asks about Kat’s early sense that something was wrong, and Kat describes growing up before widespread internet access, feeling isolated, and struggling with social expectations. She explains how being labelled “sensitive,” “weird,” or “sad” can leave lasting marks and feed anxiety.
- •Kat describes a childhood sense of isolation and not understanding why social situations felt hard
- •She talks about internalizing negative labels from others and how that can compound over time
- •Anxiety is framed as a powerful, visceral experience rather than a mild issue
- •Kat explains that as a child she didn’t have the concepts (like masking) to make sense of her experience
Bullying, early masking, and escaping into books and stories
Kat reflects on realizing, during secondary school, that her behaviour could bring consequences and that she needed to adjust how she presented herself. She discusses bullying (including the painful reality that bullies can be “funny”) and how books and games became safe refuges where different characters could thrive.
- •Kat describes increasing self-monitoring and adapting behaviour as she moved through school
- •She explains the complexity of bullying and how it shaped her sense of safety
- •Books (and a friend’s games) provided escape and models of people thriving despite being different
- •She connects her comfort in stories to the satisfaction of seeing characters eventually get their moment
School performance patterns, attention difficulties, and absent seizures
Asked about school reports, Kat describes doing very well in subjects she liked and struggling in others, with daydreaming and “silly mistakes.” She also shares that she had petit mal/absence seizures, which created further confusion around attention and performance.
- •Kat recalls thriving in interest-led subjects and disengaging where she wasn’t interested
- •She notes being a year younger in her school year, affecting maturity and social fit
- •Kat describes absent seizures and how they resembled extreme daydreaming and disrupted daily life
- •She explains relief at being able to drop to lower GCSE tiers in subjects she found especially hard
Friendships, reconnecting later, and not letting school define adulthood
Kat says she did have good friends, even if friendships didn’t always last, and she’s reconnected with people later through social media. She emphasizes the danger of letting childhood bullying become a lifelong identity and finds it reassuring that people change as they grow up.
- •Kat describes having both close friends and generally pleasant relationships with others at school
- •Social media helped her reconnect with people and see how lives evolved
- •She cautions against carrying school experiences as a defining adult narrative
- •She reflects on how much people change from early teens into adulthood
Why women and girls were missed—and why diagnoses are rising now
Alex asks why women and girls have historically been missed, and Kat explains several pathways to adult discovery. She highlights parents recognizing traits during their children’s assessments, the role of media and social platforms, and how shared traits in friendship groups can prompt exploration without being the same as diagnosis.
- •Kat says many women discover ADHD while supporting their children through assessment
- •She points to increased discussion via radio, podcasts, TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube
- •She notes “like attracts like” in friendship groups while stressing traits aren’t the same as diagnosis
- •Kat describes ADHD experiences as varied yet emotionally resonant across people—“listen to the similarities”
Catalysts for assessment: sobriety, eating, IVF, and a moment of recognition
Kat outlines how stopping alcohol exposed gaps in coping strategies and how food and caffeine played similar roles. She then describes the emotional and practical impact of failed IVF and realizing she didn’t have capacity for adoption next. A viral thread about adult ADHD becomes the spark that made her recognize her own life in others’ stories and seek help.
- •Kat links giving up alcohol to losing a major coping tool and noticing what was underneath
- •She shares past treatment for binge eating disorder and ongoing reliance on comfort foods
- •Two failed IVF cycles and later decisions during lockdown contributed to a larger crisis point
- •A retweeted question about adult ADHD led to intense recognition and deep research
Presenting “ADHD evidence” to a GP and navigating long waitlists
Kat describes compiling patterns—mental health struggles, sleep issues, addiction-related coping—and taking them to her GP in a practical, time-efficient way. She praises the GP’s non-patronizing curiosity and explains the reality of waitlists, eventually going private and noticing how financial impulsivity can intersect with access to care.
- •Kat lists the cluster of experiences she used as evidence for a unifying explanation
- •She describes deliberately focusing on concise, practical points due to limited GP appointment time
- •Her GP admits limited ADHD knowledge but listens and refers her onward
- •Kat shares that a quoted one-year wait became three years, leading her to pursue private assessment
Hearing the diagnosis: relief, validation, and life still continuing
Alex asks about the moment Kat heard she had ADHD, and she describes “cry laughing” and deep relief after years of trying hard and still feeling she got things wrong. She also underscores that diagnosis doesn’t end life’s problems; it changes understanding and context, not reality itself.
- •Kat describes feeling validated after long-term struggle and self-blame
- •She uses a vivid “end of a Disney film” metaphor for the emotional release
- •She stresses diagnosis doesn’t magically fix everything—life keeps happening
- •The explanation helps reframe patterns in relationships, work, and self-perception
Family context, stigma, and the “left-handedness” parallel to trends
Kat responds to Alex about her mum’s views, describing generational attitudes and how neurodivergence was often treated as personality (eccentric, scatterbrained, absentminded) rather than recognized. She draws a parallel to left-handedness rising when punishment stopped, and discusses how invisible brain differences invite skepticism and stigma—especially around claims of “trends” and “benefits.”
- •Kat explains how older generations had different frameworks for interpreting difference
- •She describes historical privilege allowing some people’s “eccentricity” to be accommodated by others’ labour
- •Kat uses left-handedness as an example of visibility, stigma reduction, and apparent “increase”
- •She pushes back on ‘trend’ narratives and describes why objective evidence matters to counter stigma
The ADHD “item”: Rogue Pony, impulsive spending, and self-compassion
Kat presents a modified My Little Pony sculpture (Rogue from X-Men) as her ADHD-representative item. She explains how it connects to her love of X-Men as a metaphor for difference, and to impulsive spending habits—while also describing a shift toward kindness rather than shame when looking at past choices.
- •Kat describes the artwork and how she originally discovered the artist online
- •She connects X-Men themes to difference and rejects simplistic “ADHD as superpower” framing
- •The expensive purchase becomes a symbol of impulsivity and past coping patterns
- •Kat reframes the object as evidence of survival and growth, not a reason for self-attack
Not being able to be alone, critical inner voices, and changing coping strategies
Prompted by Alex, Kat explains that being alone used to mean being trapped with harsh internal criticism, sometimes including suicidal ideation at key points. She describes how alcohol and food worked to numb or distract, and how therapy, medication for anxiety/depression, and enjoyable movement helped her become more comfortable in her own company.
- •Kat describes the fear of being alone with her thoughts and the intensity of inner criticism
- •She explains how alcohol and certain foods functioned as numbing coping mechanisms
- •Kat notes ongoing work rather than being “fixed,” plus life disruptions like hip replacement affecting coping
- •She describes becoming more comfortable alone, often with podcasts while doing tasks
Sobriety journey: gradual decision, sudden turning point, and the value of connection
Kat details a decade of circling recovery, not identifying with stereotyped images of alcoholism, and finally reaching a moment where drinking stopped “working.” After a friend’s death and a night of drinking that felt empty, she finds a meeting nearby and begins sobriety, describing it as hard but transformative—especially as part of learning from others rather than isolating.
- •Kat describes not seeing herself in stereotypes about alcoholism and delaying recovery
- •A friend’s death and a night of drinking that brought no relief became a turning point
- •She finds a meeting nearby and begins living without alcohol as a coping mechanism
- •Kat emphasizes not isolating and the importance of having many people speak openly so others can find relatable stories
Rejection, emotional dysregulation, and “trigger stacking” as a practical model
Alex asks about rejection sensitivity, and Kat prefers the framework of emotional dysregulation, describing disproportionate emotional surges alongside a logical awareness that the reaction is extreme. She shares an unexpected parallel from dog training—trigger stacking—where multiple small stressors accumulate and push someone “over threshold,” and she discusses building routines that reduce overwhelm.
- •Kat describes intense emotional responses that can coexist with logical understanding
- •She notes clinicians’ belief that emotional dysregulation may become more central in diagnostic criteria
- •Dog training taught her ‘trigger stacking’ as a way to understand accumulated stress and overreaction
- •She describes routines—sleep, exercise, stress management—as supportive for steadier regulation
The “golden triangle” of ADHD treatment and what’s missing from assessment-only pathways
Alex raises Professor Philip Asherson’s “golden triangle,” and Kat explains it as medication (when appropriate), behavioral strategies/coaching, and therapy—especially for adults processing grief and acceptance. She also discusses difficulties in finding qualified coaching, the role (and bureaucracy) of Access to Work, and the idea that medication alone doesn’t teach skills.
- •Kat outlines the three pillars: medication, coaching/behavioral strategies, and therapy
- •She emphasizes therapy for grief, acceptance, and processing what might have been different
- •Kat critiques the idea of assessment leading only to medication, quoting the idea that “pills don’t teach skills”
- •She discusses coaching quality concerns and describes her experience using Access to Work and learning from online resources
Positives and negatives of ADHD, plus advice from Kat and a message to her younger self
Kat describes ADHD-driven intensity and focus that helped her produce two books in very different publishing models, while also naming persistent challenges like losing important items, financial pressure, and stress spirals. She responds to a listener’s “unmanageable life” message with strategies for externalizing tasks and seeking support, and closes with what she’d want her younger self to hear: validation, kindness, and recognition of what she’s endured.
- •Kat frames productivity and purpose as positives, including writing/publishing under intense timelines
- •She describes ongoing negatives: losing items, overwhelm, financial strain, and self-worth tied to work
- •To the listener, she recommends getting worries out of the head and onto paper, and involving trusted support or helplines
- •For her younger self, she emphasizes compassionate validation—sometimes needing to come from oneself

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