At a glance
WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT
Autistic ADHD shame: feeling like a burden to loved ones
- Alex Partridge describes a deep, recurring feeling among autistic people of being a burden to friends and family.
- He cites reportedly harmful NHS documentation that frames autistic people as burdensome, reinforcing stigma and self-blame.
- The transcript highlights how internalized stigma can create a sense of being “broken” and unable to contribute positively to relationships.
- Alex emphasizes this isn’t just self-pity but a widely shared neurodivergent experience of feeling bothersome and emotionally costly to others.
IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING
5 ideas“Burden” narratives can become internalized as identity.
When people repeatedly encounter messages—socially or institutionally—that they cause harm or stress, it can shift from a situational worry into a core belief: “I am inherently negative to be around.”
Institutional wording can amplify stigma and self-loathing.
Alex’s mention of NHS paperwork illustrates how official language can legitimize dehumanizing framings, making it harder for neurodivergent people to challenge the belief that they’re a problem rather than a person with needs.
Feeling “broken” often reflects unmet support needs, not personal failure.
The transcript shows how distress is interpreted as moral or personal deficiency (“I don’t bring anything good”), which can mask the more accurate issue: insufficient understanding, accommodations, and compassionate support.
The “net negative” belief persists even with prosocial effort.
Alex notes that trying to be kind or helpful doesn’t necessarily dislodge the fear that others are still worse off, suggesting the belief is emotionally entrenched rather than evidence-based.
Shared recognition can reduce isolation and shame.
By explicitly stating “I’m probably not alone,” the conversation reframes the experience as common among autistic/ADHD people, which can be a first step toward self-compassion and seeking better support.
WORDS WORTH SAVING
5 quotes“The feeling of being a burden, God, that's a big one that I think a lot of autistic people will probably relate to.”
— Alex Partridge
“Actually written in some paperwork about how autistic people are a burden.”
— Alex Partridge
“We feel broken.”
— Alex Partridge
“I don't bring anything good to anyone's life, that all I ever bring is more stress—”
— Alex Partridge
“Ultimately the net gain is purely negative.”
— Alex Partridge
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