CHAPTERS
- 0:31 – 4:34
Childhood difference: bullying, being moved up a year, and ‘death by a thousand cuts’
Kat describes how “feeling different” often comes from other people repeatedly signalling you’re different, not from an internal sense that anything is wrong. She recounts being moved up a school year, struggling socially, and experiencing bullying that compounded into a lasting sense of disconnect.
- 4:34 – 6:32
Masking begins: trying to fit in, people-pleasing attempts, and fear of being ‘weird’
The conversation shifts to how masking develops as a survival strategy—changing yourself to avoid criticism and rejection. Kat reflects that she tried to anticipate others’ needs, but often felt she “sucked at” conventional people-pleasing, especially while standing out physically and socially.
- 6:32 – 18:45
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD): visceral reactions, perfectionism, and the inner critic
Kat and Alex explore RSD as a powerful physiological response to perceived criticism or mistakes. Kat shares a vivid story from her early career—accidentally recording over a major interview—and how a single slip-up can trigger overwhelming self-condemnation.
- 18:45 – 23:42
Regulation tools: sleep, medication, HALT, and ‘trigger stacking’
Kat explains what helps reduce emotional blow-ups: prioritising sleep, remembering medication, and identifying underlying stressors. She borrows concepts like HALT and trigger stacking to understand that the ‘final straw’ is rarely the true cause.
- 23:42 – 31:43
Christmas parties, alcohol, and the freeing truth: ‘nobody is thinking about you’
Kat recounts quitting alcohol and how that reshaped social anxiety, especially during party season. Over time she learned a liberating reframe: most people are focused on themselves, not scrutinising you—reducing shame and performance pressure.
- 31:43 – 35:21
No single ‘ADHD mission’: side quests, shifting passions, and making meaning anyway
Kat rejects the idea of a neat, linear mission and embraces the ADHD reality of rotating obsessions and interests. She links her curiosity to a broader motivation—calling out injustice with humour and helping people spot bad-faith ‘twerps’ in public discourse.
- 35:21 – 45:09
After diagnosis: ‘hard mode,’ the glow—then mourning and radical acceptance
Kat describes the immediate relief of diagnosis and the message that she’d been operating on “hard mode.” She then highlights the necessary next stage: grief for what might have been, and therapy-driven movement toward self-worth that isn’t tied to productivity or outcomes.
- 45:09 – 49:22
What might have changed with earlier diagnosis: context matters (school, the ’90s, Section 28)
Asked what an earlier diagnosis would have changed, Kat balances humour with realism. She notes structural limits of the era—schools’ narrow support, cultural suppression, and widespread ignorance—while emphasising learning, accountability, and growth without self-erasure.
- 49:22 – 51:34
Performing ‘normal’: acting skills, fragmented self, and the cost of constant adaptation
Kat reflects on being skilled at acting but lacking a stable sense of self—shifting personas depending on context. She reframes multiple passions not as brokenness but as strengths, while recognising how exhausting constant social calculation can be.
- 51:34 – 53:45
Gender and masking: different presentations, universal fatigue, and calibrating ‘yes’
Kat avoids overgeneralising about gender but discusses how presentation (hyperactive vs internalised) may shape masking styles. She and Alex connect masking to people-pleasing, overcommitting, and then learning to pace energy so you can show up meaningfully.
- 53:45 – 56:09
Why women were let down: research gaps, misdiagnosis, and the high stakes of no support
Kat lays out systemic reasons women have been overlooked: late inclusion in research, diagnostic biases, and frequent mislabelling as anxiety/depression/BPD. She argues that untreated ADHD drives serious downstream risks and that better assessment pathways are essential.
- 56:09 – 58:51
Life without identity: feeling defective, needing a ‘manual,’ and the pursuit of love
Kat describes the psychological toll of not understanding your brain—feeling alien, defective, and constantly self-fixing without a target. She connects self-knowledge to healthier relationships, noting how low self-worth can increase vulnerability and drive serial monogamy or unsafe dynamics.
- 58:51 – 1:03:58
ADHD item + audience Qs: ‘Most Lovable Dog’ cards, laundry scaffolding, and perimenopause/PMDD
In the show’s recurring segments, Kat shares her ADHD item—dog Top Trumps—as a metaphor for trying on different ‘selves’ to be lovable. They discuss systems that keep life functioning (like laundry rules) and answer an audience question about perimenopause, hormones, PMDD, and finding credible expert resources.
- 1:03:58 – 1:05:17
Letter to the younger self: belonging, ‘not too much,’ and closing reflections
Kat reads a heartfelt letter from the previous guest to their younger self, echoing the episode’s themes of self-acceptance and belonging. The conversation ends with warmth, humour, and a Christmas sign-off.
