Paris Hilton: The Hidden Emotional Cost Of Undiagnosed ADHD

1. 0:00 – 3:39

   Growing up with undiagnosed ADHD

   1. APAlex Partridge0:00

      Paris Hilton, let's start from the beginning. Let's go back in time before the world knew who you really were.

   2. PHParis Hilton0:07

      Mm.

   3. APAlex Partridge0:07

      Can you talk to me, what it, what was it like growing up as a little girl with undiagnosed ADHD?

   4. PHParis Hilton0:14

      Well, as a little girl, I was always so creative. I was always daydreaming. I always had lots of energy. Always loved animals and art and sparkles and fun, and it was amazing in so many ways, but then when it came to school, it would be really difficult for me. Um, I just felt like I was constantly just getting in trouble with the teachers, not being able to focus in class, and just, it just made it really hard in school. Except if it was, like, an art class, drama class, music class, like, things that I loved, those were subjects I'd excel in, but other than that, yeah, it was difficult at times.

   5. APAlex Partridge1:04

      Zooming in on those difficulties, do you remember a moment where you were trying your hardest, but you were made to feel by the adults around you that you weren't enough?

   6. PHParis Hilton1:16

      Definitely when it came to school, um, some of the teachers just didn't have patience. They were very insensitive, and I just felt like I was constantly getting called out in class. And when you have ADHD, you feel things so deeply and, like, especially embarrassment or, you know, what we call RSD, which I didn't even know, you know, what that was back then, obviously, as a little girl. Um, so yeah, just was constantly, I feel like, getting punished for the way my brain works because schools, you know, the system is not built for minds like ours.

   7. APAlex Partridge1:54

      No. It's heartbreaking, and it makes me really angry hearing your story. I- and sadly, it's not an isolated case. And I guess if you are made to feel misunderstood and you're told that you're being difficult so many times, did you begin to truly believe there was something wrong with you?

   8. PHParis Hilton2:15

      I think when you just hear it, you know, so much, and especially from adults who are, you know, supposed to be people, you know, looking after you, watching you at school, and supposed to be teaching you about life, and if you're constantly hearing that all the time, like, it's definitely going to get to you and affect you.

   9. APAlex Partridge2:33

      Mm.

   10. PHParis Hilton2:33

       So yeah, I think there were many times in my life where they would just say it so much that you just end up feeling like, "Oh, I'm a bad kid." Like, "No matter how hard I try, I just can't do it," like, "I'm stupid. Something's wrong with me." And yeah, it's something that, like, really takes away your confidence 'cause as a child, that's like when you're learning everything and you're just growing as a person, but then when you're constantly just getting in trouble for things that you can't control, it just... I don't know, somehow, like, I feel like try to, like, take the magic out of kids, and that makes me really sad just to think about all of the kids who are going to school who have ADHD and the way that they're treated and imagine if it was the opposite and they were actually encouraged for the way their brains work and, like, what could be possible because I feel like people who have ADHD are some of the most brilliant and creative minds of anyone I know.

   11. APAlex Partridge3:36

       Absolutely. Absolutely. And I was researching,

2. 3:39 – 6:18

   The Trauma Paris Hilton Experienced at Provo Canyon School

   1. APAlex Partridge3:40

      you got sent to a residential school after this period, and a s- it's a psychiatric facility essentially for, for children. And, uh, do you remember? Were you aware? Did you understand what, what it was, where they were sending you at the time?

   2. PHParis Hilton3:56

      Well, just when I moved to New York, I was going to school, and I was getting really bad grades, failing a lot of my classes. I just started ditching classes all the time, and my parents were worried, so they hired this person called an education consultant, and they told them about this school called Provo Canyon School, which they said was an emotional growth boarding school, and they have, you know, these brochures, and it looks like this really happy place with kids riding horses, and there's rainbows, and everyone's smiling, and it's all these fake stock photos that are not even from the campus. And, um, my parents had no idea. They literally thought I was just going to, like, a safe boarding school in Utah, and they just didn't want me to be in the city 'cause they were just worried about, you know, all the people and, like, what could happen and just sneaking out, and they were listening to someone that they trusted. And, you know, I just thought I was going to a normal boarding school, but when I got there, it was just so terrifying, w- the most traumatic experiences of my life, and just being abused in every single way, and every child around me as well, and so many of us were there just because of our ADHD, like, just getting in trouble and not being able to focus in class and just silly things that, you know, could happen to any kid, and that's another thing that's so heartbreaking, that so many of these kids are ending up in these types of schools and facilities, and that's why I'm doing everything in my power to change that for children.

   3. APAlex Partridge5:30

      Yes. You've done incredible work, uh, campaigning to, to, to close these schools and, and some phenomenal work has been done. You always want to go back in time and, and shout, "Stop" uh

   4. PHParis Hilton5:40

      Yeah

   5. APAlex Partridge5:40

      ... at, at, at the situation and avoid it.

   6. PHParis Hilton5:42

      It's truly been the most meaningful work of my life. Like, when I was a little girl trapped, you know, in these schools, I had no idea that one day I would be on the steps of Capitol Hill and be testifying in Congress, and now I've passed 20 state laws to protect children and also passed two federal bills. Um, so this is just, that's been the most healing experience of my life, to be able to do that and f- to fight for change because these kids do not deserve this.

   7. APAlex Partridge6:11

      Absolutely not. And your work, Paris, is truly inspiring, so I-

   8. PHParis Hilton6:15

      Thank you

   9. APAlex Partridge6:15

      ... truly applaud you. And since then,

3. 6:18 – 8:53

   Is Paris Hilton Hiding Her True Self?

   1. APAlex Partridge6:18

      the, the world has, has gotten to know a, a particular version of Paris. How close is that version that the world knows and has seen to who you really are? And given your amazing work around ADHD now-

   2. PHParis Hilton6:33

      Mm-hmm

   3. APAlex Partridge6:34

      ... do you think that was a early form of masking?

   4. PHParis Hilton6:37

      I think, you know, the world got to know me just from being in New York, being a socialite, then all of a sudden getting The Simple Life, which was the first ever reality show, and there was nothing like it ever. So I really had no idea what I was getting myself into. I had no idea what a huge success it would be, and that I would have to continue o- doing a character for, you know, the next five seasons of doing the show, and that's how the world got to know me. And I had been through so much, and I think especially at those schools, where I was so traumatized that when I got out of there, I just said, "I, I'm never talking about this. I'm never gonna think about it. I'm gonna pretend it never happened." And I built kind of this almost Barbie doll character, like perfect life, and then getting The Simple Life, and then the whole world seeing that. And then it just kind of became easier to, like, almost hide behind the character, 'cause I feel like I wasn't ready to get real or be vulnerable because I didn't even have time to process what was happening. It was just, everything was moving so fast. I didn't even have the words for it. I didn't even know what ADHD really was at all. I just thought it was something that little boys had, because that's what they always told us in school. And sorry if I'm, like, answering a lot of questions at once. I just [laughs] you know how our minds move and work.

   5. APAlex Partridge8:00

      Yeah, no, it's perfect.

   6. PHParis Hilton8:01

      But, um, yeah, it's definitely masking, but I didn't even know what the word masking meant. I just knew I was playing a character, and I knew it was easier than having to let people in, 'cause I didn't really trust people.

   7. APAlex Partridge8:15

      Do you think in a way you were putting on this character to protect yourself?

   8. PHParis Hilton8:19

      Definitely. I think just after going through so much and being hurt so much, and just especially in those schools, and then just things in my life that have happened to me have been so painful, where I just maybe wanted to, like, disassociate. And then on top of it with ADHD, people, if y- if that you just feel that no one understands you, it's, it's hard to really be your true self. And that's why I like surrounding myself with people who get me, 'cause then I could just be me, and that's just way more fun.

4. 8:53 – 10:58

   The Hidden Loneliness Behind Paris Hilton’s Fame

   1. PHParis Hilton8:53

      [laughs]

   2. APAlex Partridge8:54

      Do you ever get lonely, i- in the sense that if you have been masking for so many years and the version that is getting the connection with people isn't necessarily who you a- actually are-

   3. PHParis Hilton9:09

      Mm-hmm

   4. APAlex Partridge9:09

      ... does that ever create a loneliness within you?

   5. PHParis Hilton9:12

      Definitely. There's been s- so many times in my life where I felt so alone, especially for many years, um, like during the 2000s, just the media was so vicious and so cruel, especially to young women, and I was one of the girls that they targeted. And just every day, just people making up stories, just putting out this, like, person that wasn't even me. And deep inside, I always knew who I truly was, and the world didn't, and it was, like, really painful just to have the whole world thinking you're something that you're not, and people all around the world judging and underestimating and misunderstanding me in so many ways. And, um, feeling like, I don't know, har- it would be, it was just really hard to trust people, and especially having that level of fame is so traumatizing in itself. Just every day, 50 paparazzi waiting outside my house, jumping over my gates, breaking into my things, like, going through my trash, coming, like, like every moment I would leave my home, they would be following me till I went to bed at night. And then just, I don't know, it was just, like, crazy just thinking about everything that I've been through. But that's why I'm so strong, and I literally can make it through anything, and I think, again, that leads back to ADHD. Like, some of the most resilient and strongest people I know, and I know that I'm proof of that.

   6. APAlex Partridge10:46

      Absolutely. I, it sounds absolutely terrifying, and I don't think many people could truly relate or understand that pressure that you were under and, and the, and the, the loneliness that you might have felt. And-

5. 10:58 – 13:59

   Why Rejection Hurts Paris Hilton So Deeply

   1. PHParis Hilton10:58

      And with the RSD too, like, not knowing what that is, so it's like you have millions of people around the world speaking about you, but then you also have this voice in your mind saying mean things as well. So it was... That's another message too, like, I want people to know about RSD. That's why I've sent everyone your book, because I'm, like, obsessed that you talked about it, 'cause it's something I've always felt but I didn't know how to put it into words either.

   2. APAlex Partridge11:23

      Mm.

   3. PHParis Hilton11:23

      But I think that would save people from so much hurt, just to know that that voice in their head is not true.

   4. APAlex Partridge11:29

      Yes.

   5. PHParis Hilton11:30

      It's just like, and all of us basically, wasn't it, like, 90-something percent of people with ADHD, like, experience this?

   6. APAlex Partridge11:37

      Yes. Yes.

   7. PHParis Hilton11:38

      So I feel like if people knew that, they'd be like, "Oh, you feel that too?" And it's like, "Oh, just shut up," like, "Stop it."

   8. APAlex Partridge11:43

      Yeah. [laughs]

   9. PHParis Hilton11:44

      The, I call it the demon, which Ed Hallowell taught me.

   10. APAlex Partridge11:48

       Yes.

   11. PHParis Hilton11:48

       The D-M-N. He's like, "Call it the demon."

   12. APAlex Partridge11:50

       Okay.

   13. PHParis Hilton11:50

       And just say, "Demon, go away."

   14. APAlex Partridge11:52

       Yes.

   15. PHParis Hilton11:53

       And it works because before I knew what it was, oh my goodness, I was... Some really, really just sad and heartbreaking times to have to believe that voice.

   16. APAlex Partridge12:06

       RSD, Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, uh, is huge, and I think, as you've just perfectly articulated, can truly be the hardest part of the ADHD experience. What does it mean to you if- when you hear RSD? Could, could you take us back to a time when you truly felt that emotional pain?

   17. PHParis Hilton12:24

       Just so many times in my life, just going through so much, having painful experiences, like even like a breakup and just like the media, like how they would just pounce on every single thing. Um, even just like friends, people, just ... In LA, it's really hard to make real friends and trust people, so sometime the RSD would not be right, but sometimes it could be right about people. So yeah, there was just so many times in my life where I just felt just so sad. I would just cry so hard and just, I don't know. It just can be so, feel so lonely and so depressing, and it's like you can't even talk about it with people till now. But before, it was like, "Am I crazy?" Like, it makes you feel like, what's wrong? Like, what is this voice in my head saying this? Like, I didn't know that everyone else with ADHD was experiencing it as well. I just thought it was only me. So that can feel so alone, and you just feel kind of ashamed to even tell someone or talk about it 'cause you feel like, oh, they're gonna think I'm insane. Um, so that's why I definitely wanna normalize it, and that's why thank you again for writing your book 'cause it's really, really so meaningful.

   18. APAlex Partridge13:40

       That's really kind just-

   19. PHParis Hilton13:41

       I mean it

   20. APAlex Partridge13:41

       ... for you to say that.

   21. PHParis Hilton13:42

       Thank you.

   22. APAlex Partridge13:42

       Thank you so, so much.

   23. PHParis Hilton13:43

       Literally listened to it three times now. And I like-

   24. APAlex Partridge13:46

       Wow. [laughs]

   25. PHParis Hilton13:47

       ... crossed-

   26. APAlex Partridge13:47

       Must be sick of my voice

   27. PHParis Hilton13:48

       ... highlighted. No, it really, it really touched me, and I think really you should be so proud of that book. Like, it's really amazing, and it's gonna really help so many people, so thank you.

   28. APAlex Partridge13:57

       Thank you so much.

   29. PHParis Hilton13:58

       I mean that.

6. 13:59 – 15:18

   Tiimo advert

   1. APAlex Partridge13:59

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7. 15:18 – 17:34

   What to Tell Yourself When Rejection Feels Unbearable

   1. APAlex Partridge15:18

      When you feel that deep emotional pain that comes with an RSD trigger, you f- someone has ... You perceive someone has criticized you or, or, or you've s- taken a tone of voice that you think it's about you, and you feel that deep, deep emotional pain, what do you think you need someone to say to you in those moments?

   2. PHParis Hilton15:38

      I feel that it's important for people to know about it so that when they are speaking or they're kind of just like, "Oh, I need to talk later," or something like that, it just like we immediately think of every bad situation that could happen. So I think it's important for people to kind of say something more like, "Nothing's wrong," like, "Everything's okay," but da, da, da, like ask a question instead of like these questions where it's like, "I'll tell you later." So I think just really explaining to someone that everything's okay and just being really sensitive. Like, even though they might not understand, like, we just get in our heads, and then we will imagine every bad scenario you could ever think of, that probably 99% [laughs] of them will never happen. Um, so yeah, just like being able to feel safe with people so that that doesn't happen. And my advice if it does happen, for you to really just think about it and be like, "Okay," like, "is this real, or is this just my RSD like saying this to me, and it's actually not the case at all?" And kind of just taking a second rather than reacting right away 'cause I think that that happens a lot too if you don't know and you just react in the second, and it's like, oh, like this was not even what, uh, the person was thinking at all, and then you're causing fights or drama for no reason. So I think it's just kind of like taking that second and hopefully letting the person know like, "Sometimes I need like five minutes or more just to, like, chill for a second so we don't get in, like, an argument for some silly reason-

   3. APAlex Partridge17:15

      Mm

   4. PHParis Hilton17:15

      ... that was just, like, a made-up thing in my mind."

   5. APAlex Partridge17:17

      Yeah, that's such good advice. Yeah. You can really respond disproportionately sometimes-

   6. PHParis Hilton17:23

      Yeah

   7. APAlex Partridge17:23

      ... when, when you, when you are triggered with RSD. I mean, those 20,000 extra horrible comments ADHD kids receive, uh, it's heartbreaking.

   8. PHParis Hilton17:30

      Yes.

   9. APAlex Partridge17:30

      You're too dramatic, too sensitive. Stop being lazy.

8. 17:34 – 19:40

   20,000 Tiny Rejections: The Hidden Emotional Cost of ADHD

   1. APAlex Partridge17:34

      What did you think when you first heard that statistic, 20,000 extra micro-rejections?

   2. PHParis Hilton17:39

      It's ... I lived it, so I know. I never like thought about how many times, but then I think back. I'm like, it could've been more times than that. And then to know that that's happening to basically every child with ADHD, it's just ... It's not fair. It shouldn't happen. Like, no child should be treated like that ever, so they need to stop.

   3. APAlex Partridge18:03

      It-

   4. PHParis Hilton18:03

      That's why it's important for us to talk about this. People who don't have ADHD can maybe listen to this or watch it and understand more if it's, like, their child or- ... someone they just see on the street or if they're a teacher and they're gonna be around children, like, it's just important for people who are gonna be around kids and shaping our, you know, this next generation, that they are sensitive towards, you know, the way that these children feel and the way they're developing.

   5. APAlex Partridge18:32

      Those 20,000 comments, they can really reinforce this message that no matter what you do, no matter how successful you become, how much you achieve, you are still, at least in your mind, not enough. Do you relate to that?

   6. PHParis Hilton18:48

      Yeah, for a long time, I definitely felt that way, just after everything I've lived through and just the things that people have said to me, so, and the things I've said to myself. So it's taken me a long time to realize that none of that's true, and the thing that's most important to me now is, like, my family and my babies, just giving back to this amazing community and so many others, and really using my pain and turning it into such a purpose, and being able to use this gift that I was given so I could be able to reach people all around the world and just help make it a happier, better, safer, more sparkly pink-

   7. APAlex Partridge19:35

      Yes [laughs]

   8. PHParis Hilton19:35

      ... world, right? [laughs]

   9. APAlex Partridge19:37

      And of course, so you mentioned motherhood,

9. 19:40 – 21:28

   What Paris Hilton Wants Her Children to Know About Being Different

   1. APAlex Partridge19:40

      and you have two amazing children. What do you th- wish they think about being different that perhaps you hoped you had been told when you were younger?

   2. PHParis Hilton19:50

      I just want them to feel so loved, so supported, like anything is possible, that being different can be one of your biggest superpowers, and, like, find out what they love, what they're passionate about, and really, I don't know, just always be there and always let them know they can tell me anything, to never be afraid, 'cause I think a lot of kids get scared that their parents, like, "Oh, I don't wanna get in trouble," or, "They're gonna get mad at me," or even if, like, another kid did something bad or someone else, like, I don't ever want them to be scared to be like, "Oh, I can't tell my mom 'cause she's gonna get upset." Like, I want them to know, like, "Your mom has been through everything. I have advice for every situation, and please don't lie to me."

   3. APAlex Partridge20:40

      [laughs]

   4. PHParis Hilton20:41

      And please don't sneak out at night like mom used to do.

   5. APAlex Partridge20:43

      [laughs]

   6. PHParis Hilton20:44

      Please. [laughs] Um, but it's, it's scary, especially nowadays, just, like, with kids and how fast they're growing up, and just everything they're exposed to online and it just... I'm terrified, like, with teenagers, so I just wanna have my kids be as close to me as possible, be my best friends, and just wanna be at home all the time, and they can have all their friends come here and have so much fun, and I don't know. Hopefully everything will be amazing, but I will always be th- for them, be there for them no matter, no matter what.

   7. APAlex Partridge21:16

      Inspiring. Truly inspiring, and it, it's incredible to hear, and particularly f- from arguably, you know, one of the most successful women on the planet. I'm interested in perhaps

10. 21:28 – 23:08

    The Everyday Tasks Even Paris Hilton Struggles With

    1. APAlex Partridge21:28

       h- being one of the most successful women on the planet. Uh, w- uh, what, are there any little things that you still struggle with, any everyday normal things that you think, "Ah, that's just so tough"?

    2. PHParis Hilton21:38

       Well, thank you so much. I appreciate that compliment. Um, but yes, I definitely struggle, um, just with losing my phone.

    3. APAlex Partridge21:47

       [laughs]

    4. PHParis Hilton21:48

       My car keys, my house keys, um, just forgetting things. Like, I need to write everything down or just there's so many thoughts going through my mind every second. Um, but yeah, I'm very lucky now that I have such an amazing team, and a lot of them are neurodivergent. They have ADHD as well, so they really understand me. Um, so yeah, it's just about really surrounding yourself with people that s- can really support you, and having those tools. And, um, now that I've just been so obsessed and I've researched everything, and I'm like, my whole algorithm and all my social media is literally only things about ADHD.

    5. APAlex Partridge22:28

       [laughs]

    6. PHParis Hilton22:29

       Um, so I just am learning more and more every single day. But yeah, there's definitely some times where... And it gets overwhelming.

    7. APAlex Partridge22:37

       Yeah.

    8. PHParis Hilton22:37

       My schedule is insane. Like, just being a mom, a businesswoman, doing DJing around the world, and like, all my product lines, just being a pop star, writing albums, writing books, like, I do it all, which I love, but it can be very, very overwhelming-

    9. APAlex Partridge22:55

       Yeah

    10. PHParis Hilton22:55

        ... with the schedule.

    11. APAlex Partridge22:55

        I bet. I bet. I mean, I can't even imagine, uh, what, what must go on. Like, the, the h- highly caffeinated squirrels perhaps in, in your brain.

    12. PHParis Hilton23:04

        [laughs]

    13. APAlex Partridge23:04

        You somehow manage to entertain them.

    14. PHParis Hilton23:06

        Yeah.

    15. APAlex Partridge23:06

        It's phenomenal. And-

11. 23:08 – 25:42

    Paris Hilton’s Powerful Message to Anyone Struggling With ADHD

    1. PHParis Hilton23:08

       Yeah

    2. APAlex Partridge23:08

       ... if there's someone listening, Paris, or watching and, and they're perhaps in a place with their ADHD where they're, they're feeling pretty, pretty misunderstood and, and they're struggling, what advice would you have for that person listening?

    3. PHParis Hilton23:21

       My advice is for them to know they're not alone. There's so many people in the world that are exactly like them, that know exactly what they're going through. Just like yesterday, like, that was so inspiring, just to bring people from all around the world with ADHD together and see everyone connecting and just, like, all these people who had maybe, like, follow each other, like, I saw all the comments, like, leading up to it, like, "Oh, you're gonna be there too?" Like, "I'm coming too." And just, like, getting to see everyone in real life, and the energy and everything, it was so magical, so special. So that is just so important, like, having community and people who understand the way your mind works, and having those friends that you can trust, that you can call, that you can write and just be like, "Oh my God, I'm feeling this right now." And just not feeling scared to be vulnerable because- They've probably went through it as well. So I think it's about finding your people and also finding tools that can help you, 'cause there are so many different ways that could really help with, you know, all of the challenges that come with it. 'Cause, yes, I think it's a superpower, but, yes, it can also be very difficult and very overwhelming, and we're so sensitive and we have so much empathy. And sometimes, like, I'm the same way, I always put others before myself, but sometimes people need to also take the time for them because they need to have that, I don't know, just that time and there's just... To be sensitive toward themselves and just know that their mind is a beautiful thing even though it can be really, really difficult sometimes. And try to get the sleep and try to eat, like, protein in the morning. And I love listening to, like, the Endel, that app, that music. Like-

    4. APAlex Partridge25:12

       Mm

    5. PHParis Hilton25:12

       ... it's so amazing for focusing-

    6. APAlex Partridge25:15

       Yes

    7. PHParis Hilton25:15

       ... or for sleeping. Um, so yeah, there's a lot of things that you can really do to really help with your ADHD, for sure.

    8. APAlex Partridge25:23

       Brilliant advice, and I think never worry alone, it sort of-

    9. PHParis Hilton25:27

       Yeah

    10. APAlex Partridge25:27

        ... summarizes it so well. Um, I remember you said it yesterday on stage, which was brilliant, and I think Ned Halliwell says it too.

    11. PHParis Hilton25:33

        Yeah.

    12. APAlex Partridge25:33

        Who you mentioned earlier. Never worry alone. I've actually got something for you, Paris.

    13. PHParis Hilton25:37

        Mm-hmm.

    14. APAlex Partridge25:37

        Before we finish.

12. 25:42 – 27:04

    What Paris Hilton Would Tell Her Younger Self

    1. APAlex Partridge25:42

       This is a picture-

    2. PHParis Hilton25:43

       [laughs]

    3. APAlex Partridge25:43

       ... of yourself as a little girl who felt misunderstood and not enough. What would you say to her if she was sat opposite you today?

    4. PHParis Hilton25:55

       I would say, "Paris, you're gonna go through a lot of things in your life, and some of them are gonna be so painful and so hard, but I promise you that one day it'll be worth it because you're gonna use your voice to help save millions of children around the world from having to go through what you went through. And you are creative. You have a beautiful heart. Keep shining. Never let anyone dim your sparkle. And one day you're gonna meet amazing man and have two beautiful children and build this incredible life that's more than anything you could have ever dreamed of, and you're gonna be so happy. And one day you're just gonna be this light, and never forget everyone is a princess."

    5. APAlex Partridge26:58

       Okay. Paris Hilton, thank you very much.

    6. PHParis Hilton27:02

       Thank you. This was so much fun.

Episode duration: 27:04