Skip to content
ADHD Chatter PodcastADHD Chatter Podcast

Why ADHD People Procrastinate! (And 4 Brain-Based Ways To Get Started)

Why does something as simple as replying to an email, doing the washing or starting a task feel almost impossible with ADHD? In this episode, leading ADHD advocate Hester Grainger reveals what’s really happening inside the ADHD brain when we procrastinate, and shares 4 practical, brain-based ways to finally get started. We also explore dopamine, motivation, shame, and what happens when years of struggling begin to change the way you see yourself. If you’ve ever called yourself lazy because you knew what you needed to do but still couldn’t do it, this episode is for you. Chapters: 00:00 Trailer 01:57 Why Your ADHD Brain Just Can’t Start 07:06 Dopamine Explained Simply 10:14 The First ADHD Hack That Gets You Moving 13:57 The Second Hack: Make Your Brain Care 17:13 The Brutal Things ADHD Makes You Believe About Yourself 20:18 When ADHD Turns Into Shame 21:43 When Procrastination Becomes Your Identity 24:01 Tiimo advert 25:20 The Third Hack: Why Pressure Actually Works 30:34 The Fourth Hack: The ADHD Motivation Switch 33:38 A Letter to My Younger Self Visit Hester’s website 👉 https://www.perfectlyautistic.co.uk Find Hester on Instagram 👉 https://www.instagram.com/hestersvibe/ Get 30% off an annual Tiimo subscription 👉 https://www.tiimoapp.com/offers/adhdchatter Buy Alex's book entitled 'Now It All Makes Sense' 👉 https://www.amazon.co.uk/Now-All-Makes-Sense-Diagnosis/dp/1399817817 Order Alex’s book about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria 👉 https://linktr.ee/adhdchatter?utm_source=linktree_profile_share&ltsid=9ffd8709-06df-444c-9936-c136fbd14d6e Producer: Timon Woodward  Recorded by: Hamlin Studios Trailer editor: Ryan Faber DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or qualified healthcare provider. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

Alex PartridgehostHester Graingerguest
Sep 7, 202636mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:00 – 1:57

    Trailer

    1. AP

      What's actually going on in the brain when we're struggling to start a task?

    2. HG

      Dopamine is a neurotransmitter, so it's a brain chemical. It's all about reward, focus, control, et cetera. So because we're lacking dopamine, that is why we have procrastination and can struggle doing boring things.

    3. AP

      Why does interest completely change what my brain is capable of?

    4. HG

      The minute we're interested in something, ooh, shiny, nice, new, it's exciting, which is what we need to be able to get a job done.

    5. AP

      If you do have that internal voice, "I can't start the task, I must be lazy, what's wrong with me?" When does procrastination heartbreakingly become part of your self-identity?

    6. HG

      I speak to so many people who are just like-

    7. AP

      Can I have just a second of your time? If this podcast has helped you understand your brain or made you feel less alone, can you do me one favor? Can you hit the subscribe button? And I'll repay the favor by continuing to book the best and most exclusive conversations on this topic. Please enjoy the episode and always remember, you're not broken, just different, and you have always been enough. [upbeat music] Hester, welcome.

    8. HG

      Thanks.

    9. AP

      We're gonna talk about why people with ADHD procrastinate.

    10. HG

      Yes.

    11. AP

      And then there's four brain-based ways to, to manage it.

    12. HG

      Yeah.

    13. AP

      And we've got each one of the four solutions in these cardboard boxes in front of us.

    14. HG

      I'm nervous.

    15. AP

      Next to that [laughs] very scary looking brain in front of them, which we're gonna come to. We're gonna get into a little bit of the science.

    16. HG

      Yeah.

    17. AP

      But first, I really want people to understand why I wanted to have this conversation with you. I, I know I did. I know why I wanted to speak to you about this particular topic. I know that y- you, you've smashed this podcast before. Y- you're behind, I think, the, the most viral ADHD Chatter clip on social media.

    18. HG

      Thank you.

    19. AP

      But you have helped thousands of people with ADHD understand their brains. You're an incredible coach. But when you hear the words, "I just can't start," is there a particular person that comes to mind?

    20. HG

      I have to say,

  2. 1:57 – 7:06

    Why Your ADHD Brain Just Can’t Start

    1. HG

      with the words, "I just can't start," I hear it a lot. I coach a lot of people, lots of different ages, male, female, from 20s to 60s. I have to say, it's mostly women, I'm gonna say of a certain age, I'm 48, I can say that, who were late diagnosed, who are stuck, who find that they've got to this age, they maybe have just discovered they, um, have got ADHD through the perimenopause or through their children often, and they've just gone, "Oh my gosh, I had all my stuff together. I used to be able to smash things out the park, and now I can't."

    2. AP

      That type of person, what do you think, like, inside themselves, inside their thoughts, what do you think they think is, is wrong with them?

    3. HG

      Well, this is it, isn't it? There's nothing wrong with them, but they feel like there is something. And I often talk about when I'm coaching my clients, is almost like... obviously being a coach is about looking forward. I'm not a counselor, I'm not a therapist. But actually, when you then get down to the nuts and bolts of it, it's actually that as a child, they were often told they were lazy, or they weren't, you know, working hard enough or trying hard enough. So now, as an adult, when, as I say, the wheels are falling off and all feeling a bit wobbly-

    4. AP

      [laughs]

    5. HG

      ... because of hormones, et cetera, actually that's what it is now. But they've got all this self-doubt, and they're just going, "Why can't I just do this?" And there's nothing wrong with them. They don't need fixing, but they just need certain strategies to kind of go, "Oh yeah, let's go."

    6. AP

      And before your work in the ADHD space, is, is that some doubt that you had about yourself personally?

    7. HG

      Do you know what? I have a weird sel- uh, sense of confidence. [laughs]

    8. AP

      [laughs]

    9. HG

      I have to say, almost to my downfall, and I'm like, "I can do that. I could do that." I think there's one of those where I talk to a lot of people and they're saying, "Actually, do you know what? Oh, you've got so much confidence. You've got so much..." Um, I don't think of myself as confident at all, but that kind of, oh, get up and go.

    10. AP

      Mm.

    11. HG

      But almost with that comes this kind of, I don't really think things through. And I wonder if it's more the people that think things through in a good way, as you should do, that feel a bit more stuck with this, because they go, "Well, I can't do that because of X, Y, Z. These are the things that are gonna stop me." And it can often be something really small that someone's clinging hold of, going, "That's why I can't do it." Because we're all about the detail, aren't we? The minutiae.

    12. AP

      Yes.

    13. HG

      And we're kind of like, ooh, that one tiny thing there, but everything else might all be ready and set up to go, but that one thing holds us back.

    14. AP

      So this is so interesting. If we zoom in on that journey a little bit, was there a moment where you realized that this behavior that we call procrastination-

    15. HG

      Mm

    16. AP

      ... it's a very long, serious word [laughs] -

    17. HG

      Yeah

    18. AP

      ... for not being able to start something.

    19. HG

      Yeah.

    20. AP

      Was there a moment you realized that that behavior wasn't laziness?

    21. HG

      Yeah, I think it's one of those where I was diagnosed at 43. Okay, so my children were diagnosed autistic, ADHD. They are now 14 and 16. My husband, Kelly, um, off the back of that, was diagnosed autistic, and then we were all diagnosed with ADHD, so about six years ago, something like that. And I think for me, I would be like, "Why can't I do that? Why can't I do this? If I just tried harder, um, why is feeling... you know, cleaning the house feeling overwhelming, sending that email can be the smallest thing, can't it?" And actually, I could do all of that beforehand, and then I think there's this real realization once you get diagnosed or self-diagnosed and kind of, or they have that light bulb moment, that that's when it starts to get a bit, as I call it, like almost wibbly.

    22. AP

      [laughs]

    23. HG

      And actually, you, you could do it before, but now you're almost so aware of it, whereas before you just think, "Oh, for God's sake, why can't I just do that?" And then you'd, you'd do it because you had to. But then with this new lens, that's when it becomes a bit more, "Right, okay, what does this mean? What does lazy look like? Am I lazy?" Because often you've been told you are.

    24. AP

      Yes. Gosh, and that's the thing, isn't it? It's like I, I've spoken to so many people who have experienced that... Let- let's just, for example, focus on the email task.

    25. HG

      Yeah.

    26. AP

      And they know what they've got to do.

    27. HG

      Yeah.

    28. AP

      They know that they've got an inbox with maybe six or seven unread-

    29. HG

      Mm

    30. AP

      ... or unreplied to emails. Like, they're not unaware- [laughs]

  3. 7:06 – 10:14

    Dopamine Explained Simply

    1. AP

      and they probably just think, oh, it just, just means a lack of dopamine. But what-

    2. HG

      Yeah

    3. AP

      ... what's actually going on in the brain when we, when we're struggling to start a task?

    4. HG

      So dopamine is basically a neurotransmitter, okay? And we often think we're lacking dopamine or people with ADHD don't have dopamine. That's not the case. What it can be is just that we don't know how to get started. We can't almost regulate our dopamine, and that is what the issue is. So it's a bit like when you're trying to stream a film on a streaming service, and it's buffering. Okay? The connection is buffering. It doesn't mean that there aren't movies on that streaming service. It doesn't mean that there are no movies. It just means that actually it's really difficult to get started, and then all of a sudden you ramp up your Wi-Fi or, I don't know, do something technical there, and all of a sudden you can watch the movie. And you're like, "Oh, okay." Doesn't mean the movie wasn't there. And I think dopamine being a neurotransmitter, that is what we need, as I always say to my clients, to like fire up. We need the dopamine fired to be able to get things done, like send the email, like clean the house, like do that really boring job. Like you said, we know we've got emails to do, but the problem is there's so many elements to an email, and then they might reply. [laughs]

    5. AP

      [laughs]

    6. HG

      So all of a sudden you're like, hold on, I've managed to fire up my dopamine in my lovely squidgy brain. But actually, what then happens next?

    7. AP

      Yes. So interesting. So it's not necessarily an issue with the creation of dopamine. It, it can just be a, a lack of ability to transport it to the parts of the brain that are required to get over that start line.

    8. HG

      Yeah. And it just, we lack the regulation-

    9. AP

      Yeah

    10. HG

      ... of dopamine, so that we can't regulate it, which is why... You know, if we didn't have dopamine, we wouldn't be interested really on ma- about many things, but then that is why we put off doing the email. But oh my God, let me geek out on, I don't know, you know, cute seals, and find out everything I need to know about seals and what's involved. I don't know why I thought seals, I don't even like them that much, but, you know. But, you know, get real geeky-

    11. AP

      [laughs]

    12. HG

      ... with a certain item or certain topic.

    13. AP

      Mm.

    14. HG

      And that's why. It's not that we don't have any dopamine, it's just we find it hard to regulate, and we need, like you said, we need that to get going, and that's why I always say you need to get it fired up.

    15. AP

      Fantastic. Right, without any more hesitation, we're gonna move on to the four hacks-

    16. HG

      Okay

    17. AP

      ... in front of us in these boxes.

    18. HG

      I'm gonna-

    19. AP

      Let me take that horrible squishy brain off you.

    20. HG

      Well, I quite like it.

    21. AP

      I'm gonna... I feel terrible that I gave you that.

    22. HG

      No, it's fine.

    23. AP

      I'm gonna, I'm gonna hide it-

    24. HG

      Don't worry

    25. AP

      ... 'cause it's pretty, it's pretty gross, but-

    26. HG

      I just like how-

    27. AP

      I'm gonna leave it down there. [laughs]

    28. HG

      ... how lovely white, um, the teeth are, and so straight on the skull.

    29. AP

      Yeah. They've been to Turkey.

    30. HG

      Yeah, they are. To Turkey. [laughs]

  4. 10:14 – 13:57

    The First ADHD Hack That Gets You Moving

    1. AP

      Right. In the first box, we have a very shiny ball that has written on it, "Interest."

    2. HG

      Mm.

    3. AP

      So interest is in- [laughs] interest is interesting. [laughs]

    4. HG

      Yeah, yeah.

    5. AP

      Like, 'cause for me, I can spend hours researching ancient Egypt-

    6. HG

      Yeah

    7. AP

      ... or the mating habits of blue whales or outer space. Loads of stuff. Like, I can spend hours, and there's no problem getting started with those tasks.

    8. HG

      Yeah.

    9. AP

      But if you ask me to do my expenses or my tax return, it's like I'm pulling a, a, a bag full of bricks up a hill-

    10. HG

      Yeah

    11. AP

      ... with barbed wire wrapped around my legs. Like, it's physically painful. So why does interest completely change what my brain is capable of?

    12. HG

      Because it literally fires up that dopamine. The minute we're interested in something, we're like, ooh, shiny, nice, new. It's exciting, which is what we need to be able to get a job done. So when you have a job that is really boring or a task that is really boring, you have to try and find the interest in it, even if it's really hard to find, or reward yourself at the end with that, ooh, I've done it. But that's why we go off on random, you know, deep dives on conspiracy theories-

    13. AP

      Yes. [laughs]

    14. HG

      ... or whatever it is, because that's more interesting-

    15. AP

      Mm

    16. HG

      ... than your tax return.

    17. AP

      Yes. That is so interesting. And I mean, the obvious question, I guess, you kind of touched on it then, but if, if, if... How do you create interest, like artificially create it, if you do have to do something that is mundane, like a tax return or send an email?

    18. HG

      Well, you have to almost, like, fake it. So you have to trick your brain into thinking that something exciting's gonna happen. So I always think if you've got something really boring to do, you either need to wait till the last minute, which I don't advise, but you need to trick it into going, ooh, actually, this is exciting. So a really good example is like- Returning clothes that you've bought online

    19. AP

      Oh, gosh, that's where all my financial investments are. [laughs]

    20. HG

      All, all tied up in the boot of your car probably in returns

    21. AP

      [laughs]

    22. HG

      And actually, what I always say to clients is, imagine, say, like, you've got to go to the post office or the inbox, in post box or whatever. Actually, would you do that journey for 20 pounds? Let's say the return is worth 20 pou- would you do, would you go to your local post office for 20, 20 pounds? Yeah, actually, I, I probably would go for 20 pounds. That's, to me, that's a mile down the road. It's worth it. That's where the interest comes from. I've linked the amount of money that I'm gonna get back from it, whereas people go, "I can't be bothered." Okay, would you go, let's say it's an 80 pound or 100 pound return, 'cause quite often we will buy numerous items, and then you don't want any of them. Um, actually, would you do that? Would you go to the in post locker, and you got given 100 quid?

    23. AP

      Hmm.

    24. HG

      Yeah. Yeah, I'd go-

    25. AP

      See, yeah

    26. HG

      ... I'd go for 100 pounds. All of a sudden, we've peaked our interest.

    27. AP

      Yeah

    28. HG

      We've just fired up that dopamine, and now not that it's become a game, but almost we're not, "Oh, I'm returning my parcels." It's, "Oh, I'm getting 50 quid for this."

    29. AP

      So, so, so cool. So, so almost like you're creating interest in the outcome of the task once you've done it.

    30. HG

      Yeah

  5. 13:57 – 17:13

    The Second Hack: Make Your Brain Care

    1. AP

      problem.

    2. HG

      Absolutely.

    3. AP

      Right. Number two, Hester-

    4. HG

      Yeah

    5. AP

      ... in the box-

    6. HG

      Is

    7. AP

      ... you have-

    8. HG

      Dun, dun, dun

    9. AP

      ... the second ingredient that the brain needs to get over procrastination, novelty.

    10. HG

      Ah, yes.

    11. AP

      So, so I, when I think of novelty, like, I... Here's, here's a story. Every January, without fail, I buy a new notebook. I, I think, "Okay, this is, this is a shiny, new n- notebook." I go buy a new pen. I go buy new Post-It Notes-

    12. HG

      Yes

    13. AP

      ... and, and colorful magnets and, and it's wicked, and my interest is there, and I think I can, I can achieve amazing things. I'm unstoppable. And then about four weeks later, if I'm lucky-

    14. HG

      I was gonna say, that's good

    15. AP

      ... I'm tripping over it. That's good, yeah. [laughs]

    16. HG

      [laughs]

    17. AP

      I, I'm, it's like, gone. It's gone from my mind.

    18. HG

      Yeah.

    19. AP

      It's absolutely nothing. Um, every January without fail. S- so why does something being completely new, like that notebook, transform your motivation towards it?

    20. HG

      I think what it is, is there, is you say novelty. You think, "Ooh, fun, shiny."

    21. AP

      Hmm.

    22. HG

      I'm like, ooh, even the things behind you on your lovely bookcase is, like, feels novelty, don't they?

    23. AP

      Yeah.

    24. HG

      They're a bit of fun. And actually, I think for that, with the notepad, you've almost got into a, um, bit of a routine there. So you think, "Oh, it's December. Right, I'm gonna buy myself a new notepad." You know, I always say a new notepad is not gonna change your life. We're still gonna buy them-

    25. AP

      Yeah

    26. HG

      ... aren't we? But what we mean when we say novelty is we need to flip it, and we need to go, right, is it that I'm just gonna buy myself a new pen? The pen's got to feel right, hasn't it? It's got to write nicely. Or actually, I'm gonna go and do my work from a cafe, a coffee shop.

    27. AP

      Hmm.

    28. HG

      I've got a sit-stand desk. I've been standing. Oh my God, it's made a difference.

    29. AP

      I've just bought a new standing, like, a walking desk thing.

    30. HG

      Oh, have you?

  6. 17:13 – 20:18

    The Brutal Things ADHD Makes You Believe About Yourself

    1. AP

      we're gonna talk about the things that people with ADHD tell themselves if they go through this cycle of procrastination time and time a- again. And to demonstrate that point, I'm gonna bring out this backpack magically-

    2. HG

      Ah

    3. AP

      ... from behind me as if it just appears, and this is very heavy.

    4. HG

      Okay.

    5. AP

      Metaphorically heavy. Can't w-

    6. HG

      Yes

    7. AP

      ... a bit of imagination. [laughs]

    8. HG

      [laughs]

    9. AP

      I, I was gonna get bricks for this segment, but I couldn't find any.

    10. HG

      Yeah.

    11. AP

      So I think we've got more balls.

    12. HG

      Yes.

    13. AP

      But I feel like most people with ADHD, if I can find the zip, most people with ADHD, they have this backpack on them all the time.

    14. HG

      Yeah.

    15. AP

      This invisible backpack, and we've got, like, it's filled with things like lazy, what they tell themselves, that they're broken.

    16. HG

      Yeah.

    17. AP

      They are unreliable, not trying. They have so much potential.

    18. HG

      Yeah.

    19. AP

      And there's a hell of a lot of horrible things in here

    20. HG

      Okay

    21. AP

      Loads of stuff. Like, how damaging is that to grow up with everyone always telling you you've got so much potential?

    22. HG

      Well, it just weighs really heavily, metaphorically and literally, doesn't it? So if you imagine you do have your metaphorical backpack on with bricks, and if someone can just take one out and make it lighter, and I say this a lot often when I do... I've not coached parents for a while, I have to say, but I used to do a lot of parenting workshops for parents of children with ADHD, and I would say, you have a backpack of bricks or a child does, just help remove a brick.

    23. AP

      Mm.

    24. HG

      Just help make life a bit easier. If you're constantly told you're rubbish, you're useless, you're not trying hard enough, actually, of course, it's gonna be damaging. You know, if I was in a relationship and I was told constantly, "Well, you're lazy," you know, "You're not trying hard enough. You should do..." I, I wouldn't be in that relationship, would I? Because that would be so damaging. But what we do is we talk to ourselves like that, or I have to say, if there's any parents listening or if you've got young people in your life, like really swap up that narrative, okay? So don't be saying, "Oh, you should try harder," or, "You're being lazy," or... Like, it's almost a bit like mentioning the diet word, which I would just never mention. Don't call your child lazy. Just say, "Come on, let's do this together." Right. The chances are, if they've got ADHD, you, you're trying to break that generational cycle because you don't then want a child to then grow up and they've got all these negative words almost floating around them.

    25. AP

      Mm.

    26. HG

      And it- they say, don't they, a child by the time they're 12 receive 20,000 more negative comments. I have to caveat that with that wasn't an actual study. That was a psychologist who'd worked it out roughly, but I think that 20,000 comments people can associate with, and I think people go, "Oh, okay." And it's about switching it up and, and knowing that actually you need to start going, "Do you know what? I'm giving myself permission to not do that."

    27. AP

      Mm.

    28. HG

      This is okay to not do the washing up. No one lies on their deathbed and said, "I wish I'd done more cleaning," do they? [laughs]

    29. AP

      Yeah. No, exactly. And it wa- I think it was William Dodson who, who sort of coined the phrase Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria-

    30. HG

      Yeah

  7. 20:18 – 21:43

    When ADHD Turns Into Shame

    1. AP

      ... as a consequence of that, how often do you think ADHD becomes shame?

    2. HG

      Oh, so often. I, you know, I speak to so many people who are just like, "If only I could just... If I just did this, if I just found the special secret that I could unlock this, if I wasn't so lazy, if I just tried harder." [gasps] Just-

    3. AP

      Mm

    4. HG

      ... is such an, an, uh, a damaging word really, isn't it? Because it's like, well, if I just did the... You know, I'm 4'11". If I was just taller. Okay, but I'm not. [laughs] Like, you know, just is such a... You don't, you don't wanna be a just, do you? You... It's about reframing it and being like, yeah, actually, I am enough.

    5. AP

      Mm.

    6. HG

      And you know, this is what I do with my clients. "Oh, just this, just that." I'm like, "No, stop." Like, it's really hard for us ADHDers to have that confidence to go, "Yeah, do you know what? Actually, I'm really good at this." Whereas quite often it's like, "Yeah, no, I'm not, not bad." What do you mean you're not bad?

    7. AP

      Yes. Yeah.

    8. HG

      Does that make sense?

    9. AP

      No, totally. I think that's the heart of this whole conversation. I think the, the next piece really is the most heartbreaking thing, having spoken to so many people in the community, and all of this criticism that we get, and circling back to the focus of this episode, which I think is one of the hardest parts of ADHD, is that procrastination.

    10. HG

      Mm.

    11. AP

      If you do have that internal voice, I can't start the task, I must be lazy, what's wrong with me,

  8. 21:43 – 24:01

    When Procrastination Becomes Your Identity

    1. AP

      when does procrastination heartbreakingly become pers- part of your self-identity?

    2. HG

      I imagine it probably happens a lot, and I think this is why you need to try to be able to differentiate between, actually, I'm not procrastinating because I'm lazy, I'm procrastinating because I find it really hard to regulate my dopamine and because I've got ADHD. Now, that's quite a mouthful to say to you-

    3. AP

      Mm

    4. HG

      ... as a little mantra, isn't it? But actually, I think it's about realizing that there is a difference. It's not that people are lazy. It's just, actually, this isn't interesting enough for me, or there isn't enough urgency, or it's not novelty enough for me, it's not exciting enough. That's what we're looking for. Our brains are constantly sort of scouring for ooh, fun, shiny, interesting. Well, tax returns or cleaning or sending emails, it's not that we don't care either. I think this is what a lot of us say. Well, I obviously don't care if I can't send that email.

    5. AP

      Mm.

    6. HG

      But actually, the chances are we've been carrying around the weight of that email in the shower, out walking the dog. We are constantly thinking about it. When we then go, "Oh my God, I need to send this email, I'm gonna get fired," or, "I'm not gonna..." you know, "I'm gonna lose that client," or whatever it is, we send that email and then the person replies. [laughs]

    7. AP

      Yes. [laughs]

    8. HG

      And we start all over again with this, oh my goodness me.

    9. AP

      Mm.

    10. HG

      And it's, it's the weight of what is happening and the feeling. It's not actually the activity, it's the feeling that we're gonna get from when that happens.

    11. AP

      Yes. God, that is the worst, most frustrating thing, when you send an email or a text message [laughs] that maybe you've been putting off for, for days.

    12. HG

      Yeah.

    13. AP

      And they reply straight away.

    14. HG

      Yeah.

    15. AP

      [laughs]

    16. HG

      God, I always feel bad because I am that replier straight away.

    17. AP

      Yeah, yeah, yeah. So am I.

    18. HG

      Are you?

    19. AP

      Oh, no.

    20. HG

      [laughs]

    21. AP

      You've made me realize I'm a terrible... I am.

    22. HG

      Yeah.

    23. AP

      'Cause I like to just get things done in the moment.

    24. HG

      'Cause otherwise I just forget.

    25. AP

      Otherwise I forget. Yeah. Yeah.

    26. HG

      Yes.

    27. AP

      Like, it's that scene in Spider-Man where he sees himself.

    28. HG

      Yeah.

    29. AP

      We are the same. [laughs]

    30. HG

      Yeah. Just like, right. And I saw s- uh, I think she was, like, a CEO and she had, like, five kids.

  9. 24:01 – 25:20

    Tiimo advert

    1. HG

      of thing

    2. AP

      So sorry to interrupt your hyperfocus, but I promise it's worth it. Our sponsor is Tiimo, the best organizational tool for neurodivergent people. Tiimo wasn't named iPhone App of the Year in 2025 by Apple for no reason. It's the ultimate planning partner, gently helping you turn the chaos in your head into a day that actually feels doable, a day you might even look forward to. Tiimo is designed by neurodivergent brains for neurodivergent brains, and you can tell. It supports the stuff ADHD brains can find hardest, managing time, planning what needs doing, prioritizing tasks, staying focused, and actually finishing the thing. And the great news is Tiimo is now back on Android. The app on Android is still being built up to match the iOS experience with even more features in the works. So if you're an Android user and you've been waiting to try it, you can now use Tiimo's core features too, including your daily plan, multiple to-do lists, and AI prioritization to help you figure out what to focus on first. Tiimo offers a visual way to plan your day without relying on willpower, memory, or a million sticky notes, helping you break down your daily agenda into something clear, calm, and actually possible. Give it a go, and use the link in my bio for 30% off. Just a note though, the code only works in the web browser, not in the smartphone app. Back to the

  10. 25:20 – 30:34

    The Third Hack: Why Pressure Actually Works

    1. AP

      episode. And that actually leads us really nicely onto the, the third box, number three

    2. HG

      Ah

    3. AP

      ... the third hack for, for getting over procrastination, and let's open it.

    4. HG

      Okay.

    5. AP

      Dun, dun, dun, dun.

    6. HG

      Do... We should have had a little drum roll.

    7. AP

      We should have done, yeah. Do a little-

    8. HG

      Da, da, da, da, da [laughs]

    9. AP

      ... a, tap the box again. Yeah, yeah. Run out of money. Well, they haven't-

    10. HG

      Yeah

    11. AP

      ... got one on the balls. Got no money for [laughs]

    12. HG

      Well, we now need a ball pit somewhere, surely

    13. AP

      Yeah, yeah [laughs] giving me ideas for another episode now

    14. HG

      [laughs]

    15. AP

      I'll have to have you back

    16. HG

      Yeah [laughs]

    17. AP

      Some chair hanging over a ball pit. Answer the question properlyautistic.co.uk-

    18. HG

      Oh, yes

    19. AP

      ... or you get [laughs] a big lever

    20. HG

      It's been very Noel Edmonds-

    21. AP

      [laughs]

    22. HG

      ... hasn't it, that? I'm loving it

    23. AP

      Right, in box number three, Hester-

    24. HG

      Yeah

    25. AP

      ... the third way to, the third ingredient that the ADHD mind needs to get over procrastination, challenge.

    26. HG

      Ah, yes.

    27. AP

      So I mean, this one doesn't make sense to me. This is the one I find most confusing because if you ask me to clear, clear out a cupboard-

    28. HG

      Yeah

    29. AP

      ... in my flat, like, I, I won't... I find it considerably challenging.

    30. HG

      Yes.

  11. 30:34 – 33:38

    The Fourth Hack: The ADHD Motivation Switch

    1. AP

      In box number four, the final ingredient that the brain needs to combat procrastination is urgency.

    2. HG

      [gasps] Yes.

    3. AP

      So this one, I think, is, is... I understand this one the most because if there is an email, going back to the email example-

    4. HG

      Yeah

    5. AP

      ... I can put it off for weeks and weeks and weeks, months sometimes. Like, I, I've got, like, you know, 5,000 unread emails, but if there is one that suddenly has a deadline-

    6. HG

      Yeah

    7. AP

      ... looming, I'm at my computer, I'm tapping away, and it is sent in a heartbeat. Like, the, the, the ability to show up was always there. It, it almost, like, just needed a, a deadline to get me over that start line. So why does urgency unlock a version of me that I can't access the rest of the time? [laughs]

    8. HG

      Again, 'cause it fires up that dopamine. It kind of, bit like a timer.

    9. AP

      Hmm.

    10. HG

      All of a sudden, I love how you're like, "And I've just done it," even though you've procrastinated for months over it.

    11. AP

      Yes. [laughs]

    12. HG

      But it is that kind of thing, where all of a sudden it's like pretending someone's coming round to your house or someone is coming round, and you've got 20 minutes. It's... That's the real-life example, isn't it? Urgency is the feeling we have when we're like, "Right, we can now finally do this thing." The problem with urgency is that it can then lead to burnout. We can then think, "Oh, I'm always gonna wait last minute for everything," but actually, that sense of urgency that we think, and we do need, but actually, it's not necessarily that we thrive best on that. It's just that is the final piece of the jigsaw, the final ball in your ball pool, if you will, that we need to get it done. But that can actually be, mean that you end up in burnout or you're running on empty.

    13. AP

      So interesting, Hester. I don't think I've ever seen the ADHD Chatter studio so messy before. [laughs]

    14. HG

      I feel bad, and I wasn't even part of it. [laughs]

    15. AP

      I'm gonna set a timer-

    16. HG

      Yeah. [laughs]

    17. AP

      ... after you go and tidy it up-

    18. HG

      Yeah

    19. AP

      ... in, in a minute. [laughs]

    20. HG

      Can I just say, when the children were little, if we used to go to a soft play and the balls would go everywhere-

    21. AP

      Hmm

    22. HG

      ... what they would do is they would... the staff would get the children to pick up the balls, and then they'd be given a lollipop.

    23. AP

      Right.

    24. HG

      They were all about it. They knew, didn't they?

    25. AP

      Yes, yes.

    26. HG

      They knew what they were doing. That is the reward-

    27. AP

      [laughs]

    28. HG

      ... is the lollipop.

    29. AP

      So cool. Right, I'm gonna urgently move on. Right, Hester, just before we go, I've got a surprise for you.

    30. HG

      [gasps]

  12. 33:38 – 36:03

    A Letter to My Younger Self

    1. AP

      Yeah.

    2. HG

      "Dear younger me, I know you think you are the problem. I know you wonder why everyone else seems to know the rules of life while you're making them up as you go, why friendships feel harder, why your emotions are bigger, why teachers tell you just to concentrate, why you try so hard and yet somehow end up believing you're not trying at all. There will come a day when you stop raising your hand, and you'll stop saying what's on your mind. You'll laugh when everyone else laughs, even when you don't understand the joke. You'll become so good at pretending to be someone else that for a while you'll forget who you really are, and that will hurt more than anything. You'll spend years chasing the feeling of finally being enough. You'll work harder, achieve more, build things that people admire, hoping that if you achieve enough, the feeling that something is wrong with you will finally disappear, but it won't, [lips smack] because the thing you were trying to fix was never broken. One day someone will explain ADHD to you, not as a list of symptoms, but as an explanation, and suddenly your entire life will make sense. The forgotten homework, the racing mind, the loneliness, the shame, the feelings that you were always one mistake away from disappointing everyone. You'll cry for the child who spent so many years apologizing for simply being themselves, but you'll also smile because you'll realize something that changes everything. You were never lazy. You were never too much. You were never not enough. You were a child trying to survive in a world that didn't understand how your brain worked. So please don't spend your childhood wishing you were more like everyone else. One day, the very things you've spent your life trying to hide will become the things that help other people feel seen. The parts of you that made you feel different will become someone else's hope. And if I could tell you just one thing, it's this: Don't waste another second trying to become someone you're not. The person you've been looking for your whole life has been you all along."

    3. AP

      Wow. Gosh, thank you for reading that so amazingly, Hester. Such a fun, fun episode, and on behalf of everyone grappling to understand their brains and uniquely why they struggle to start tasks, thank you so much.

    4. HG

      Thank you for having me. [upbeat music]

Episode duration: 36:03

Install uListen for AI-powered chat & search across the full episode — Get Full Transcript

Transcript of episode 6VzTupxvbRM

Get more out of YouTube videos.

High quality summaries for YouTube videos. Accurate transcripts to search & find moments. Powered by ChatGPT & Claude AI.

iOSAndroidClaudeChrome