The Diary of a CEOLucy Hale Opens Up For The First Time About Eating Disorders, Relationships & Addiction | E224
CHAPTERS
- 0:00 – 3:30
Host’s Intro, Gratitude, and Setting the Stage
Steven Bartlett opens by thanking listeners and stressing how subscribing enables bigger guests and broader impact. He frames the show as a selfish but honest attempt to solve his own life problems through deep conversations, then introduces Lucy Hale as someone who has never had a truly in-depth public interview.
- •Steven expresses deep gratitude to the audience for making the podcast possible.
- •He explains how subscriptions materially affect the guests and content they can secure.
- •He introduces Lucy Hale, emphasizing her long career and the unusual depth of this coming conversation.
- 3:30 – 10:50
Lucy’s Identity Crisis and Discovery of Real Joy
Lucy explains that until very recently she didn’t know who she was beyond her career, having moved to LA at 15 and tying her identity to acting. She becomes emotional describing the painful yet powerful journey of the past year, distinguishing transient happiness from sustainable, internal joy and expressing pride in where she’s landed.
- •Lucy admits this is likely her first truly deep public conversation.
- •Moving to LA young led her to define herself through work, success, and failure.
- •She describes feeling like an 'open wound' who feels emotions very deeply.
- •She differentiates happiness (fleeting, external) from joy (long-term, internal).
- •She now experiences joy that comes from within rather than from achievements.
- 10:50 – 21:20
Childhood in Memphis, Outsider Feelings, and Early Performing
Lucy reflects on growing up in Memphis with divorced parents, feeling like an outsider who craved solitude more than friends. A stepfather noticed her singing Disney songs, which led to lessons, local performances, and eventually an audition for Hannah Montana that revealed acting as a dream—and an unconscious 'way out' of a life that didn’t feel like home.
- •Parents divorced when she was four; she mainly lived with her mom.
- •She often felt like she was watching life from the outside, preferring solitude.
- •Her singing talent was discovered through Disney songs, leading to lessons and performances.
- •The Hannah Montana audition introduced her to acting and the idea of combining singing and acting.
- •She now sees acting as a coping mechanism and 'way out' from feeling different and misplaced.
- 21:20 – 29:50
Moving to LA at 15 and the Power of a Risk-Taking Mom
Lucy recounts convincing her mom to move to LA for pilot season, a move funded by her mother cashing in retirement and working as a travel nurse. They arrived planning to stay three months, but Lucy booked work and never left. She now appreciates the immense risk her mom took and how precarious life would have been had acting not worked out.
- •Lucy and her mom drove a packed Prius from Tennessee to LA.
- •Her mom cashed in her retirement and worked as a travel nurse to cover rent.
- •They barely got by financially but made it work.
- •Lucy began supporting herself from around 17 and her mom moved back when Lucy was 18.
- •In hindsight, Lucy is amazed by her mom’s belief and risk, acknowledging how different life would be if it had failed.
- 29:50 – 37:30
Parents’ Divorce, Victimhood vs Ownership, and Early Lessons on Love
Asked about the impact of her parents’ separation, Lucy says it was absolutely the right choice and prefers it to parents who 'stay together for the kids.' She uses the divorce as an example of refusing victimhood, choosing instead to extract lessons—especially about what kind of love she would and wouldn’t tolerate and her firm stance on not settling.
- •She’s grateful her parents divorced, believing it reduced toxicity at home.
- •She rejects staying in unhappy relationships 'for the kids.'
- •Lucy emphasizes the importance of not living in victim mode indefinitely.
- •She reframes childhood pain as material for growth rather than permanent wounds.
- •Her parents’ relationship taught her to define the love and standards she wants.
- 37:30 – 45:00
Grandmother Karen’s Influence and Spiritual Connection
Lucy talks warmly about her paternal grandmother Karen, her namesake, who exposed her early to adult topics via Oprah and movies like Grease, inspiring Lucy’s performance dreams. Karen died young from emphysema yet is still sensed by Lucy in spiritual practices like Reiki, reinforcing a continuing bond and influence on Lucy’s perspective and personality.
- •Grandmother Karen was bold, funny, and intellectually open, showing Lucy Grease and Oprah.
- •She’s a key inspiration for Lucy’s interest in performing and in thinking differently.
- •Karen died in her mid-60s from emphysema, and Lucy never smoked partly because of that.
- •Lucy believes Karen’s energy appears in spiritual sessions like Reiki.
- •She feels very similar to her grandmother and misses her deeply.
- 45:00 – 51:20
Early LA Years, Blurry Memories, and the Onset of an Eating Disorder
Describing life from 16 to 19, Lucy notes how blurry that period feels, which she links to dissociation and living in her head. She reveals that this was when her eating disorder intensified into a constant mental loop about food, weight, and exercise—later recognizing it as a manifestation of lack of control and self-worth.
- •She has surprisingly few clear memories of 16–19, suspecting dissociation.
- •She was grateful to be working but emotionally already on a difficult path.
- •Her eating disorder escalated to an obsessive, all-consuming focus.
- •Control over food and body became a response to emotional and situational chaos.
- •She now approaches that younger self with compassion rather than pity.
- 51:20 – 1:02:30
Inside the Eating Disorder: Control, Anorexia, and Gradual Recovery
Lucy explains how school exercise logs may have triggered her fixation on movement, which morphed into extreme restriction, constant weighing, and visible physical deterioration. A therapist labeled it anorexia, confirming what she already knew was not normal. Recovery began not in therapy but through an Italian boyfriend who reintroduced food as pleasure, later reinforced by growing self-acceptance.
- •As a teen she logged PE hours for homeschooling, which may have sparked exercise obsession.
- •The disorder became a 24/7 mental loop focused on calories, weight, and workouts.
- •She stepped on the scale up to 30 times a day and ate extremely little.
- •Her mom sought help and a therapist diagnosed anorexia around age 17.
- •Despite knowing it was harmful (hair loss, bones visible), she was addicted to the feeling of control.
- •An Italian boyfriend who loved food helped her relearn enjoyment of eating.
- •She now calls herself a 'foodie' and makes nutrition and rest acts of self-respect, though vigilance remains important.
- 1:02:30 – 1:11:40
Hollywood Pressures, Pretty Little Liars, and Identity Under a Microscope
Lucy notes that her eating disorder predated LA, but the industry amplified it, especially when she booked Pretty Little Liars—a show whose title alone suggested she had to be 'pretty and little.' The sudden fame, social media scrutiny, and pressure to stay small reactivated control behaviors and deepened her sense of not being enough, even as her career boomed.
- •Her body issues began before Hollywood, indicating deeper roots than vanity or industry alone.
- •Early in her career, the industry wasn’t as body-inclusive as it is now.
- •The title Pretty Little Liars exacerbated her drive to be both 'pretty' and 'little.'
- •Fame and early Instagram intensified self-scrutiny and public magnification.
- •Control over food re-emerged as life changed overnight and felt out of control.
- •Her self-worth plummeted even as visibility and success skyrocketed.
- 1:11:40 – 1:18:20
People-Pleasing, Rage, and the Turn Toward Addiction
Lucy unpacks how people-pleasing—constantly doing what she didn’t want to do to be liked—led to suppressed anger and resentment. That unexpressed rage and pain came out sideways through self-destructive behavior, most notably binge drinking. She reveals she has over a year of sobriety but had been 'working on getting sober' since 20, with numerous attempts and relapses.
- •People-pleasing made her life look good on the outside but feel false inside.
- •Repressed anger from inauthentic choices morphed into intense inner rage.
- •She discovered that destructive coping mechanisms (drinking, disordered behaviors) temporarily relieved the pressure.
- •Lucy frames her alcoholism as a long-standing issue: 'from the very first experience.'
- •She had many emotional rock bottoms long before achieving lasting sobriety.
- •Sobriety has been a decade-plus process, not an overnight decision.
- 1:18:20 – 1:26:40
Alcohol: Illusion of Freedom, Blackouts, and Owning ‘I Have a Problem’
Lucy describes her drinking pattern as textbook bingeing: after two drinks she craved oblivion, frequently blacking out and waking with no memory. She insists she never had a period of 'normal' drinking and views herself as allergic to alcohol. Well-meaning advice like 'just don’t drink' ignored the underlying pain she was soothing—thoughts of unworthiness, anxiety, and an overactive mind.
- •Alcohol initially felt like the key to being fun, likable, and relaxed.
- •She believed 'real Lucy' came out drinking, later realizing it was mostly untapped rage and hurt.
- •Her mind quieted when she drank, making it incredibly appealing.
- •Once past the second drink, she typically blacked out and lost control.
- •She’s clear that she has never been a moderate drinker.
- •She conceptualizes her condition as an 'allergy'—her brain reacts differently than casual drinkers.
- 1:26:40 – 1:35:50
Why Other People’s Ultimatums Didn’t Work—and What Finally Did
Despite friends, her long-time manager, and loved ones giving tough love and ultimatums, real change didn’t come when Lucy tried to quit for external reasons: relationships, her mom, her job, or vanity. The turning point came on January 2, 2022, when she decided she deserved more from life and that she had to live differently for herself, committing fully to sobriety.
- •Friends and her manager confronted her multiple times about her drinking.
- •She tried to quit for boyfriends, family, her career, and to look better—all unsuccessfully.
- •Even a friend’s death from alcoholism didn’t immediately compel her to stop.
- •She emphasizes that change must be internally motivated; external pressure is insufficient.
- •Her sobriety date is January 2, 2022, anchored in self-worth rather than fear or guilt.
- •She notes that despite the chaos, she never let drinking interfere with her on-set professionalism, which complicated people’s perception.
- 1:35:50 – 1:43:20
Questioning Happiness, Considering Quitting Acting, and Rediscovering the Craft
Lucy admits she wasn’t truly happy during her early success, though she told herself she should be because she had money and recognition. She occasionally wondered if she should quit acting but felt unqualified for anything else and emotionally unsteady. A later series, Katy Keene, unexpectedly rekindled her love for acting, helping her step into a more confident, present relationship with her work.
- •She once equated paychecks and status with happiness, later seeing that as self-deception.
- •Shame and public expectations made it hard to admit she was struggling.
- •She considered leaving acting but couldn’t envision an alternative identity.
- •Katy Keene in New York was a pivotal project that made her fall in love with acting again.
- •She now sees acting as something she wants, not just something she has to cling to.
- •She recognizes she could choose to leave acting today, and having that sense of agency is freeing.
- 1:43:20 – 1:56:40
Pretty Little Liars: Career Rocket, Emotional Cost, and Post-Show Void
Lucy details how Pretty Little Liars became a global phenomenon, giving her years of steady work but also stalling her emotional development from 20 to 28. After the show ended, she experienced a sharp drop-off in attention, invitations, and offers, which triggered fears of being forgotten and forced her to ask who she was without the character 'Aria' or the constant spotlight.
- •PLL ran for eight years and over 170 episodes—an unusually long run.
- •The show gave her a huge platform but also typecast her in many eyes.
- •She felt sometimes underutilized creatively and eager to show more range.
- •Post-PLL, she faced fewer calls and invites, confronting the fleeting nature of fame.
- •She’s now comfortable with the idea that she may never reach that level of visibility again.
- •She no longer seeks happiness from career highs but from internal alignment.
- 1:56:40 – 2:11:40
Failed Relationships, Attachment Patterns, and Redefining Love
Lucy reflects on her many 'failed' relationships, resisting blame of ex-partners and instead owning her role. She recognizes patterns of attracting chaos, trying to fix others, and either clinging (love addiction) or self-sabotaging when intimacy threatened to reveal her true self (love avoidance). Having grown up seeing love as unsafe or like 'prison,' she now wants a partnership between two whole individuals.
- •She avoids speaking ill of exes and focuses on shared dynamics and her contribution.
- •She was drawn to partners with similar wounds or issues, reenacting familiar chaos.
- •She often used relationships as distractions from her own internal work.
- •She identifies with both love-avoidant and, in some dynamics, love-addictive tendencies.
- •Her model of love from childhood made commitment feel unsafe or confining.
- •Now, she seeks someone emotionally whole, growth-oriented, and understanding of sobriety.
- •She’s open and ready for love but not desperate or dependent on it for identity.
- 2:11:40 – 2:23:20
Rebuilding Self: Who Lucy Is Now and Practicing Self-Compassion
Asked who she is beyond work, Lucy lists qualities she now believes in: loyal, honest, justice-oriented, passionate, and someone who sleeps well because she likes who she is. She describes inner-child work and writing to her younger self with compassion, seeing that girl as brave and resourceful rather than broken. Her past struggles, she says, give her empathy and a mandate to share her story.
- •Lucy now defines herself through character traits, not credits or fame.
- •She values authenticity, justice, loyalty, and talking about 'the hard shit.'
- •She feels she handled past pain as best she could with limited tools.
- •Inner-child exercises help her honor and soothe younger versions of herself.
- •She believes her survival through dark periods was not guaranteed—and that makes her proud.
- •She views sharing her experiences as the purpose of having gone through them.
- 2:23:20 – 2:31:40
Ongoing Work: Triggers, Phone Addiction, and Digital Boundaries
Lucy is clear that growth is ongoing: she still struggles with emotional reactivity, impatience, and worrying what others think. She admits to being addicted to her phone and constant availability, so she now uses practical boundaries like not checking her phone first thing and enabling Do Not Disturb early in the evening. Social media is used more selectively to protect her mental health.
- •She remains emotionally impulsive and sometimes struggles to see other perspectives.
- •The inner critic is still present, questioning her worth and what she’s doing.
- •She acknowledges an addiction to her phone and to being constantly reachable.
- •Practical steps include morning delays before checking her phone and nightly Do Not Disturb.
- •She’s less driven to maintain a constant social media presence if it feels inauthentic.
- •Digital detox for her is about intentional limits rather than total abstinence.
- 2:31:40 – 2:38:20
Manifesting the Future: Family, Farm Life, and Going With the Flow
Looking ahead, Lucy talks about wanting a family and recently deciding she does want children. She imagines a future that includes a farm with goats, chickens, and many dogs and emphasizes manifesting while remaining flexible about how things unfold. Her primary goal is to stay on a path of self-discovery and emotional healing, treating life as a marathon rather than a sprint.
- •She wants kids and envisions a farm-based, animal-filled life.
- •She still believes in manifestation and the power of thoughts.
- •However, she’s careful not to cling rigidly to specific outcomes.
- •She aspires to be more 'go-with-the-flow' despite her natural tendency to control.
- •The core desire is ongoing growth in self-understanding and healing, whatever the externals look like.
- 2:38:20 – 2:47:00
Pride, Authentic Tears, and the Cost of Living Outside Yourself
When Steven asks if she’s proud of herself, Lucy becomes emotional, acknowledging pride not for her resume but for facing her worst fears about herself and how she shows up daily. They discuss the damage of long-term inauthentic living and how acting—and drinking—allowed her to escape herself for years. Now, she is moved simply by being able to sit and show up as her real, 'weepy, emotional' self.
- •She is proud of confronting parts of herself she once feared and hid.
- •Her pride centers on her character and choices, not just achievements.
- •Long-term inauthenticity (through roles, personas, or substances) is framed as deeply damaging.
- •Acting offered a socially approved way to be 'someone else' instead of figuring out who she was.
- •She finds it profound that she can now be fully herself in such a public conversation.
- 2:47:00
Self-Talk, Gratitude to Key People, and Closing Reflections
In response to a listener’s question, Lucy admits her self-talk is only sometimes as kind as the way she speaks to loved ones; she uses daily affirmations to strengthen the kind voice and work against the venomous one. She thanks her mother, long-time manager, and actress Joanna García for life-changing support, character models, and kindness. The episode closes with Lucy expressing that she finally feels ready for a conversation this deep, and Steven reiterating the value of her openness.
- •Lucy acknowledges a gap between how kindly she talks to others vs herself, but it’s improving.
- •Daily affirmations feel awkward but are now part of her routine.
- •She expresses profound gratitude to her mom for life-altering sacrifices.
- •She credits her manager for going far beyond professional duties and likely saving her life.
- •She cites Joanna García as a model of how to treat people when you’re in a position of power.
- •Lucy believes she wasn’t ready for such questions earlier in her life and appreciates the timing.
