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The Diary of a CEOThe Diary of a CEO

Oz Pearlman: How fear of rejection shapes your career

How a mentalist turns three decades of stage work into rules for reading people; spot the rejection fear that quietly decides most careers today.

Oz PearlmanguestSteven Bartletthost
Oct 23, 20251h 19mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:00 – 2:26

    Intro

    1. OP

      I've spent three decades reverse engineering the human mind to show you how you can use it to know what somebody's thinking when they meet you, or if somebody is telling you the truth or lying. So, let's do something fun. (instrumental music plays) Imagine that in front of you was an invisible deck of cards. Spread them out in front of you. And I want you to reach down and imagine you just grabbed a card at random. Now, look at it. Look at me. Okay, close your eyes. Hold your hand out, please. Now, before you open your eyes, tell us, what was that card?

    2. SB

      Three of diamonds.

    3. OP

      Hmm. Open your eyes. Take a look. And it's not magic. I can teach you this. And these secrets, these habits, they're applicable all throughout life. So trust me, you don't wanna miss the rest of this.

    4. SB

      Oz Pearlman walked away from Wall Street to become the world's leading mentalist, unlocking the skills we need... ... to read people, win trust, spot a liar, and influence anyone.

    5. OP

      My whole job is to make you believe that I can read minds, but here is the honest truth, that's impossible. But I read people, through small, minute details. For example, we're hardwired from thousands of years that if I approach you directly with two eyes, it can create fear, versus if I turn ever so slightly and approach you with one eye, that one eye is less danger. So it's all about the smallest little nuances. Like think of someone, think of their first name. I got it. Five letters, isn't it? Tell us all, what is their first name?

    6. SB

      Jules.

    7. OP

      Jules. So this is a huge tactical advantage when you ask your boss for a raise, or when you ask someone out on a date. And I'll explain what to do, as well as how you form habits, eliminating that fear of rejection, and also the fast track for confidence. But the next thing is how to improve your memory, which is a huge secret to success, and I have a tip. I've repurposed the instructions on a shampoo bottle, and the first step is what 95% of us do wrong. So...

    8. SB

      I see messages all the time in the comments section that some of you didn't realize you didn't subscribe, so if you could do me a favor and double-check if you're a subscriber to this channel, that would be tremendously appreciated. It's the simple, it's the free thing that anybody that watches this show frequently can do to help us here to keep everything going in this show and the trajectory it's on. So, please do double-check if you've subscribed, and, uh, thank you so much. Because in a strange way, you are- you're part of our history, and you're on this journey with us, and I appreciate you for that. So, yeah, thank you. (instrumental music plays) Oz Pearlman, you're a guy who can apparently read people's minds. In fact, the book you've just written is called Read Your Mind: Proven Habits for Success from the World's Greatest Mentalist. So for anyone that isn't familiar

  2. 2:26 – 5:25

    Can You Read My Mind?

    1. SB

      with your work and what you do, why did you name your book Read Your Mind? And can you read my mind?

    2. OP

      So, therein lies the dilemma. My whole job is to make you believe that I can read minds, but here is the honest truth, I can't read minds. I wish I could read minds. That's impossible. I read people, very different skill. This is built on the world of magic, what I do. Misdirection, influence, suggestion. Knowing how people think indicates to me what they think. Right? I've spent three decades reverse engineering the human mind. I'm teaching you habits for success, because the skills that I have at reading people effectively, walking into a room, taking charge, influencing them, all of the things surrounding the entertainment portion are things that apply to everyone. If you can use these secrets, these habits, they're gonna lead you to success in your personal life, in your professional life, in your relationships, and that's what I've done. I think that if I had done this same playbook and not been a mentalist, I'd be successful in any field. They're applicable all throughout life. You know what? I'm pausing for one second, because someone listening to this right now, I'm always thinking about the person there watching us.

    3. SB

      Mm-hmm.

    4. OP

      And why should they be watching me right now? That's my question. Who cares about me? I don't know me. They don't know me. Why should they watch this? I've studied you. That's what I do for a living. And I have something for you. And on Dragon's Den, I love when you make an offer. I love the visual of the moment where you can change someone's life, right? A founder, you evaluate their company, you make them an offer. So this is an offer, but it's not for now. You have to stick around till the end. If you open it now, it'll be meaningless. At the end of this podcast, you're gonna open this piece of paper, and I think it's gonna be something you will talk about for years to come. You know what? Put it somewhere, maybe right under your mug, where it never leaves our sight-

    5. SB

      Thank you.

    6. OP

      ... and we're gonna come back to this later.

    7. SB

      I'm gonna put it-

    8. OP

      Do you know what this? It's your future.

    9. SB

      This is my future?

    10. OP

      100%. Don't open it yet. You don't wanna know your future yet.

    11. SB

      And why should they stick around and listen?

    12. OP

      Oh, because trust me, you don't wanna miss the rest of this. Otherwise, you'll have to see the highlights.

    13. SB

      Okay.

    14. OP

      Put it somewhere we see it the whole time.

    15. SB

      Okay. So, I'll put it, I'll put it here.

    16. OP

      Or under your mug, or anywhere where we never lose sight of it. Wonderful.

    17. SB

      And I'll put my mug on top of it. For anyone that can't see, 'cause there will be some people listening on audio, he's just passed me a white piece of folded up card, and I've put it underneath my mug. (glass clinks)

    18. OP

      It's an offer you can't refuse.

    19. SB

      And listen, guys. Listen, guys. We're not colluding. So, I- 'cause I remember watching y- y- I remember watching the Joe Rogan episode and wondering whether you and Joe Rogan had colluded-

    20. OP

      Yep.

    21. SB

      ... to like do the... 'Cause it blew my mind. So, my objective today is to be completely honest with my audience-

    22. OP

      Please.

    23. SB

      ... and also, if I, if I see you do something, do you want me to say it?

    24. OP

      For sure.

    25. SB

      Like do you actually want me to say it?

    26. OP

      I mean, I guess so, while I'm here.

    27. SB

      Okay, fine. Okay.

    28. OP

      I mean, they trust you. Why do people listen to you? Great interview questions, but they trust you. That's how you build an audience.

    29. SB

      Yeah, I'd feel bad if I, if I duped them. And what is it that you think

  3. 5:25 – 10:30

    Mastering the Card Trick

    1. SB

      you know that the average person doesn't know about the human condition?

    2. OP

      I know how people think. So, I think what I learned at a certain point were skills that are for success in life. Let me explain to you. The fear of rejection is something that I think is the number one factor between failure and success, is the fear. Most people don't try to achieve their goals because they're fearful of what will happen if they fail, or they set themselves up for failure instead of for success. What do I mean by that? When I was 14, I'd walk up to a restaurant. I talked my way into getting a restaurant gig 'cause I'd been doing magic tr- tricks since I was 13.... and I started learning, by iterating, what makes people, when I walk up to them, comfortable with me, what makes them uncomfortable. I started learning how people think, and it's down to the smallest little nuances. I learned that if I approach you directly, the same way that animals fear you when they see two eyes, versus if I turn ever so slightly and approach your table at an angle, you only see one eye. We're hardwired, from thousands and thousands of years of avoiding predators, that one eye is less danger. Animals aren't as fearful of you. So I walk up to you, I create time limits. I learned quickly that if I walk up, the first thing someone thinks is, "Oh my God, is he gonna be here long?" The next thing is, "Do they even know this kid's working here? Is he any good at this? Oh God, I need money. Do I have to tip him? I didn't bring cash." All of these thoughts that go through your minds, they're known as heuristics, it's how we deal with our life every day, and if you can know what somebody's thinking, not to perform a mentalist trick, but know what they're thinking when they meet you or when you ask your boss for a raise, or when you ask a girl or a guy out on a date, you knowing that is a huge tactical advantage.

    3. SB

      And specifically, how would you do that? What would you say?

    4. OP

      What I would say is, in my mind, as a mentalist, what I do most is prepare. I prepare in advance for what will work, what won't work, and all the troubleshoots in between. Plan A, B, C, D, all the way to Z. So in that situation, every time I learned something new, I learned quickly that people didn't know if I was working at the restaurant. Am I just some kid who walked up to you? "Well, who is this?" So I walk at an angle, so they know I might be leaving soon. I'm one foot in, I'm one foot out. I would then say to you, "Did you hear what's going on tonight? It's your lucky day." Right away, that's a different thing. That's a dopamine hit. That's the same way when your phone buzzes, that's why we're hooked. "Who texted me? What does this say? Is this a like? Is this a comment?" That's that lottery. By me saying to you a question that denotes positive energy without a yes or no, you don't have a way to stop me. If I said, "Hey, do you wanna see me do magic?" "No. Get outta here." Boom. We're done. Asking people questions that are open-ended, that are inherently positive almost always generates a great response. "Did you hear why? It's your lucky night." "Oh, why is it my lucky night?" And I say, "The owner brought me in as a special treat to do something amazing for you. So now, listen to this. The owner, they know I'm working there, the owner brought me in. I know the owner," social value, social currency, "as a special treat," that means you don't need to pay me money, they've paid the bill. Amazing. And then, "To show you something amazing." So I've given you no point at which to say no. I've given you very few angles to think anything but positive, and I've done this all in hopefully less than 10 seconds. That's the intro. Now, you better have your A game. I better have a trick that's going to blow them away and capture their attention.

    5. SB

      So let's just pause there for a second, because I think everybody, whether you're a content creator or you're working in sales, or you're interviewing people, um, to join your company, what I, what I heard there was you, you created this, like, positive curiosity gap-

    6. OP

      Yes.

    7. SB

      ... where immediate ... And that's also what MrBeast does at the start of his videos. He-

    8. OP

      The hook, instantly.

    9. SB

      Yeah. Yeah. He, it's like a positive curiosity gap where you, you need that gap closed, and you said, in that case, "They brought me in. Have you heard what's happening tonight?"

    10. OP

      Yep.

    11. SB

      "It's amazing. You've brought me in as a treat to do something amazing." Immediately I need to know what this is.

    12. OP

      What is this?

    13. SB

      And I don't want you to leave. And then you'd blow them away somehow.

    14. OP

      I'd blow them away, but the lessons to be learned from there are things that I've used for the rest of my life, and they apply so much to today's day and age where, what is the currency of our time? Attention. This very moment that someone's listening and watching is, can allow you to blow up a business. We have never been in an era where your phone, having a phone can allow you to become a global superstar, to launch a business. It's, it's, like, 100 years ago, this didn't exist, this option. So knowing how to connect with people on an emotional level and then knowing what does your audience want, that's what I learned early on. I'm just knowing how people think and using that to entertain them.

    15. SB

      And how much of it is based on my body language? How much of is, of it is based on how I behave? Um, and I say that because the audience, you know, they're, they're all professionals working in their careers and they're very keen to better understand people through observation.

    16. OP

      Sure.

    17. SB

      Whether it's their team members or whether it's clients or whoever it might be, so I'm wondering if there's anything I can learn to be a better observer of the people in my life?

    18. OP

      Absolutely. So, for my performances, let's break this down. I, I'm an entertainer-

    19. SB

      Yeah.

    20. OP

      ... that's what I do for a living. And now, after many years, people ask me, "How do you do it? How do you do it?" I've realized you don't wanna know how I do it. Uh, you don't really. If I were to guess, let's do something fun. You have a deck of cards.

    21. SB

      Yeah.

    22. OP

      Let's just

  4. 10:30 – 13:47

    How to Tell If Someone's Lying

    1. OP

      sweeten the deal. These are your cards, correct? This is not, I've not touched these. There's no magic trick involved.

    2. SB

      These are our cards, yes.

    3. OP

      Here's what I'd like to try for you. Put them down in front of you, please. You've mixed them up. Do you wanna mix them some more?

    4. SB

      Yes, I do.

    5. OP

      Please, mix them as much as you'd like.

    6. SB

      I'll just say that, this, I just sort-

    7. OP

      No, don't say a word.

    8. SB

      Okay. There you go.

    9. OP

      The moment I touch those cards, my brain flips a switch and goes, "This is a magic trick." That's what I know. I know that archetype. I'm not touching those cards. I couldn't care less about those cards. Imagine that in front of you instead was an invisible pack of cards, Steven. This is where I changed gears, where years ago I spent hours and hours learning sleight of hand. Pick up the invisible deck, please. Just pretend. Just like that. And I want you to spread them out in front of you. Face down, you can't see them. And Steven, you close your eyes, you reach down, and here's the part where we can't collude because they're invisible and you don't know what you're about to do, much less me. And I want you to reach down and imagine you just grab a card at random, face down. Do it for me now, please. And stop right there. Freeze. Have I told you what to do at this moment? Have I said anything? Is there any way that you could know what card you just picked in your hand or I could know, or any of this?

    10. SB

      No.

    11. OP

      No. This is spontaneous, impulsive, and in the moment. It's the gold standard for what I do. Don't say a word. Look at it. Look at me. Just think. The cards are red, they're black. There's the hearts, the diamonds, the clubs and the spades. There's the number cards. There's the big cards. Ace, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, jack, queen, king. Close your eyes. That's it. I'm gonna take these cards that are next to you. Oops, sorry.And I'd like you to keep your eyes closed, if you don't mind. And this is not a card trick, but I want a visual for your audience. Hold your hand out, please, and hold it as if you were holding one card in your hand. Keep your eyes closed, do not open them. I'm gonna place one card in your hand, close your fingers, and freeze right there. Before you open your eyes, tell us, what was that card?

    12. SB

      The three of diamonds.

    13. OP

      Hmm. Open your eyes, take a look.

    14. SB

      Hmm. Hmm. It's very, it is very, very difficult for me to understand how you do that.

    15. OP

      Now, here is the question. So, I tell you this. If I were to teach you that, you could do it. It would take you quite some time and you'll learn, and it was a narrowing down of a lot of options into one, which is a lot of what I do. I limit your options and I read what you're giving off, 'cause there's no magic here, there's no sleight of hand involved in this. Are we in agreement? This is an invisible deck, you took out a card. Let's put these away. But here's where I would say what's applicable is knowing how to read people more effectively in your life. Not for the sake of a trick, but knowing what they're actually thinking. Now, if you're watching this and you've said you're a business person, you want a tangible takeaway for body language, you ask yourself, "Was there a body language thing? Was there something that you did specifically? Was there a flex of an arm? Was there a twinge of an eyebrow? Was there something that you can see?" There are definitely markers, but what I would describe to people is, for a lot of people, they wanna know a core thing: Is someone interested, yes or no? And is someone lying, yes or no? If you can know those two things,

  5. 13:47 – 16:00

    Influence People to Do What You Want

    1. OP

      I think that opens up a world of possibilities. How many major moments of your life had to do with if somebody liked or was interested in what you were doing, be it in sales or business or, or per- personal, or if somebody was telling you the truth or lying? The best way to learn if somebody's lying to you is learning their benchmarks. Let me explain to you what that means. Meeting somebody one time, it's very hard to know things about them. One-time transactions, you can't really gauge who they are as a person. But how many people in your life do you meet once? Few.

    2. SB

      Mm-hmm.

    3. OP

      Most of the people you meet, you meet often. So, a lie detector machine ... Have you ever been lie detector machined?

    4. SB

      Never.

    5. OP

      So, the way they work is they have to ask you questions beforehand to set your, your, your benchmarks. They have to check and they see ... "Tell me an honest answer, is your name Steven Bartlett?" "Yes." They look at your indicators to see what honesty looks like, and then they look to see, "Tell me a lie." And now they try to compare the two to each other. So, what I do when I watch people and observe is I try to see, what do they look like when they're telling me the truth? And these are fun things you could try at home. See when somebody tells you a story, how many details do they insert? What's their cadence, right? How do they speak? You can tell when people are lying more often than not if you observe them often. You can see it. Do they add more details? So, you can try to find fun ways that seem to be white lies to see what do they do when they lie versus what do they do when they tell the truth, and then (snaps fingers) start to trust your instincts more. I think a lot of things that I do, I've unlearned bad habits. I think that when we were growing up, most of us had much better BS detection systems. When you're two, three, four, you know if your sibling's lying to you. You know if people are lying to you very well. You're kind of very young and there's an instinct involved that I think is akin to when I play ping pong. I can't think about my shot, I just do the shot. I don't know how I did it, my body just goes into motion. So, when I'm performing, I am ... The way, people always ask me, "Are you doing this in every moment of your life?" No, it's tiring. I'm focused, hyper-focused on what you're doing, and the things that I'm watching that will give away certain elements. And I'm influencing you, there's misdirection, and I'm guiding you in a certain position, in a certain way to what I want you to select.

  6. 16:00 – 18:40

    Why You Should Take Notes for Everything

    1. OP

    2. SB

      Well, say I was trying to sell you something.

    3. OP

      Sure.

    4. SB

      I'm, I'm, we're doing a presentation. I'm a marketing agency owner, owner and I would like you to buy this marketing campaign from me, um, instead of this one or no campaign.

    5. OP

      Sure.

    6. SB

      So, what are some things you could tell me that I should be thinking about or doing if I'm selling to you to make you buy what I would like you to buy?

    7. OP

      Number one rule, I call this channeling your inner mentalist. It's not about you, it's always about them. That's been the number one secret to my success. I shouldn't have been, I've been on all different networks doing what I do. On CNBC, I've been on there dozens of times. That's the financial network. How many other magicians or mentalists have ever been on that network? Zero. It doesn't make sense, that's a serious network. They do finance. Why are they bringing me on? Because I tailor my presentations to the viewer. I don't think about myself. A card trick is about me. Me doing something related to stocks and bonds and, and dividends and interest rates, that is fascinating to the person watching. The same way if I go into a room with football players, I make everything structured around football. So, I challenge you that when you make a presentation like that, are you just thinking about you? Or where can you highlight the attributes of what is this person missing? What's wrong with what their status quo is? What are you missing? Listen to your, listen to your consumer, listen to your client, listen to your audience. They will tell you. They will give you the answers to what you need to give back to them. So many people when they approach someone else, they approach with the following: How great am I? How great is my product? Bum, bum, bum. It's all about me, me, me. This needs to be benefits-oriented language. All of it should be you. "I wanna make your life easier. I wanna make this migration to our platform seamless. What's currently bothering you? I wanna know all the things that you, that are your moments of resistance. What's resisting you from saying yes? And every time you tell me one, I wanna be prepared to check that off. That's so funny you mention that. It's, I know you want no downtime. Here's how we can ensure no downtime." Right? You wanna anticipate what they're gonna say the same way a mentalist does, but in this case, you're not guessing cards or numbers or names, you're guessing the thoughts of what's keeping them from buying your product.

    8. SB

      And is that a practice, per se? Do you, like if this was, you know, if I was pitching to you and you're the CEO of Uber-

    9. OP

      Yep.

    10. SB

      ... and I want you to work with my agency, before I go into that meeting, you know, you talked about preparation earlier on, do you write down or just think about the rebuttals or the person that you're, you're contending with and then try and tailor the presentation to a set of sort of ideological ego factors that that, that you believe that person's coming into

  7. 18:40 – 22:50

    The Importance of Small Details

    1. SB

      the room with?

    2. OP

      Right. So I write down everything. Literally at one chapter in that book is all about how taking notes has changed my life. So, at every show and through every interaction that I ever have with somebody, I write down. I had a show last night, a show the night before. I will write down, I have a shorthand to make it quicker, but I will write down everything that I did, everybody that I met, things that I remember about them, and I will do this immediately when I finish the show. If I might have a meet and greet and photos, the moment it's done you'll sometimes see me in an Uber, in my hotel, and I'm writing furiously, everything while it's still in my mind and fresh. Because information is power, and the number one thing that people care about is themselves, their family, their friends, their career, right? All of us are the star of our own movie. You're the star of your movie. I'm the star of my movie, right? You're the person man, the camera star, everybody else is supporting cast. So think of it this way, if you can remember things about that person, not creepy. What if they told you something? Last night I met somebody, she has two children, they are three and five. Her oldest son absolutely loves this one YouTube star. They live, I know where they live. Like, she just shared a lot of details with me that in her mind are kind of like Snapchats. They vanished. They didn't vanish to me. So now that I've written those down, I might see her in a month, in a year, in a decade. Do you know how great that feeling is to somebody when you remember things they told you? It's like winning the lottery. It's literally like you get to do a magic trick like I do, but people give you credit. I will remember at shows who h- hired me for this show. Oh, they know this person, now we have a chain, we have a referral link. I might see them again. I guessed their ATM pin code three years ago. It was 6124. I now know that. I bump into them there, and I don't have a supernatural memory. Another part of the book is how to improve your memory, which I think is also a huge secret to success in life that people don't realize. We have phones now. We think our phone does it for us. That's not true. And I say to them, I go, "John, I sure hope you changed that pin code from 6124." He is blown away. "Stephen, do you understand?" That's not a trick. I wrote it down. There's no, "I'll tell you exactly how I did it." All I did was take the time to review it before I got there and made him feel special. And do you know what he's gonna do? He's gonna talk about that moment for years to come. I've created a memory. If you can create memorable moments for others, they will remember you and they will spread the word to others. And that's how you... Whatever you do in life, what you do for others is what's gonna eventually propel you to success. I would say give gratuitously, but the more gratuitous you give, there's this funny way in the world where the universe bounces back, and the more I do for others, they wanna do the same for me.

    3. SB

      If you were to make that really practical for me. So you have a sh- shorthand book which you write in every time you meet someone to keep details.

    4. OP

      Yes. Uh, you could do it in your phone.

    5. SB

      Yeah.

    6. OP

      I do it in my phone. So I have calendar entries. Let's be very clear.

    7. SB

      Ah, okay.

    8. OP

      Let's give you brass tacks. I will write in... I, if you look at my phone right now, the event last night, set list. I wrote down the name of the host, his wife, they have three children, they have twins. Like everything about this is very fresh in my mind and I'll remember it for a day, but then it will kind of de- it will dissipate. Which tricks did I do? What happened in the tricks? What were funny moments that were off the cuff? Who did I meet earlier that day? I met somebody. And again, I'm writing all this stuff down because that information is power. That information, the longer you hold it, it's a coupon with no expiration date. And when you serve it up to that person, in fact it's the reverse. The longer you hold onto it, the more impressive it is.

    9. SB

      Mm-hmm.

    10. OP

      If I met you yesterday and you told me your favorite color is magenta, and I say it to you tomorrow, not that exciting. But in two years, if when I meet you and we see a car, I go, "Stephen, that's your favorite color magenta, isn't it?" Not as a trick, just there in your mind, dopamine. How did you remember that?

    11. SB

      Mm-hmm.

    12. OP

      You're touched that I remember that about you. Right? That's what people care about. People... Think about it again. Their family, their friends, their faith, their business, all of that. The more that you can make someone else shine, the better it happens to you. Everything is about when I... My whole act is geared towards making other people look good.

    13. SB

      I was thinking about this, um, quite a lot, and I actually posted on my LinkedIn this morning about the paradox of small things. Um, and what I said in the post, it's reflecting on Jimmy Fallon. I was on his show this week and he mentioned

  8. 22:50 – 26:11

    Understanding Human Behaviour

    1. SB

      that we have this tradition at the end of the podcast with the guests. It's a small thing that we do at the end of th- the show. And the fact that he r- m- remembered it and told his audience about it, and said he, it brought him to tears, made me realize that actually the small things in life, um, that we often overlook, like remembering someone's name or an- as you said, their family, or some sort of intricate personal detail, they're so powerful because most people don't think they matter.

    2. OP

      That's it.

    3. SB

      So when one person in your life remembers a tiny detail about you that kind of matters to you, even your name s- is something that matters to you, it's so shockingly rare-

    4. OP

      Right.

    5. SB

      ... but it's so shockingly powerful-

    6. OP

      Right.

    7. SB

      ... because most people think it's sh- so unbelievably petty. And this is the, I think the paradox of small things that they're ac- actually in fact really big things.

    8. OP

      Well, think about how many small things, if you were to look at your life and just have these little roads, these like fork in the road where one path led to this, and I have those moments where in my life where somebody said one thing to me, sometimes off-handed, they don't even remember it, and it changed the course of my life. And there's like little moments. I had one... Uh, so I worked on Wall Street. I didn't think that you could be a magician or mentalist. It's crazy.

    9. SB

      Mm-hmm.

    10. OP

      That it never even occurred to me as an option. But at one point I had, I, there's two moments, but one of the big ones is I'm doing something for the CFO of my company, Merrill Lynch. He does not know that I work for the company and I used to do this magic trick with sleight of hand where I take five $1 bills, I hold them-... I snap, they turn to hundreds. Amazing. It's- it's a great trick. And at that moment, he's an Australian guy, and he goes, he goes, he goes, "We need you working here, mate." And everyone laughs, and you know, it's- it's a- it's a joke I've heard 100 times, 1,000 times. And I go, "It's funny, sir. I do work here." And he thought it was a joke. I broke character a little. I go, "No, no, seriously, I work at 95 Greene, uh, at your Global Technology Services department." And he looked at me, and he goes, "What are you doing working here?" And that moment, to him, I assume was nothing. It was forgotten moments later. But that moment changed the course of my life. Because there was, like, a f- switch in my mind that goes, "What am I doing working here?" You know, where you kind of, like, can visualize your future. "Is this my path? Is this what I'm gonna do forever? Or am I gonna decide that you live one life and I'm gonna go for it?" And I think, for a lot of people who are listening to this, I'm not saying to quit your job, but you have to ask yourself, look in the mirror, "Is this what I wanna be doing?" And I think, for a lot of people, they might want more, whether that's their own business, whether it's to climb the rung of a ladder. And it's that moment that somebody can change your life and take action, and decide, "I'm gonna do it," but also formulate a plan, be effective and smart in your execution.

    11. SB

      And in your case, you know, leaving Merrill Lynch to go and become a mentalist is quite a- quite a leap. Uh, I remember s-

    12. OP

      Huge leap. Everyone thought I was crazy. (laughs)

    13. SB

      Same with Derren Brown, yeah.

    14. OP

      No one- no one said to me, "Oh, this is a great idea," even though, I've gotta tell you the truth, most people were very happy for me. But behind closed doors, I think they thought, "This kid's... You know, he's nuts."

    15. SB

      You kind of were nuts, because statistically, probabilistically, the chance of you becoming a, quote-unquote, "successful" mentalist-

    16. OP

      A- absolutely.

    17. SB

      ... is extremely low.

    18. OP

      Extremely low. Uh-

    19. SB

      But I mean, like, there's ha- there's probably, like, a handful of mentalists that earn a lot of money.

    20. OP

      I would say it's a very low number, but here's the question you should ask yourself, "Why not you?" That, like, the framing of that is always, "Of course there's statistics, but why not me?" And so I think the way you think in your mind, the voice in your head that tells you, that loop, determines things. So it's all about setting yourself up for success rather than failure.

  9. 26:11 – 29:46

    Mind-Blowing Name Trick

    1. OP

    2. SB

      How much of being a mentalist is understanding human behavior versus-

    3. OP

      Everything. I don't even know how to answer that. It's, like, literally that's- that's I'm a student of the human, like, how people behave.

    4. SB

      But, eh, the p- the practice of it, 'cause, uh, Derren Brown is, um, I consider him a friend, and if I've learned anything from him, an- and I do think he's, uh, the most incredible person on and off camera, it's that much of his work is making you think the trick is happening here.

    5. OP

      100%.

    6. SB

      But actually the trick is happ- happening over here, and he's misdirecting you to focus on my left hand, and the trick is taking place in my right hand.

    7. OP

      That's... That couldn't be more true. That's exactly it, but that's, that is knowing human behavior.

    8. SB

      Explain to me why.

    9. OP

      I don't wanna say controlling, 'cause it sounds very devious, but I'm controlling your attention and your thoughts. I'm guiding you in a certain way to either select what I'd like or to give away something that you feel you have not given away. Shall we, shall we do a fun example?

    10. SB

      Sure.

    11. OP

      Do you know, off the top of your head, how many episodes you've had of this show?

    12. SB

      I think it's roughly 500.

    13. OP

      R- I believe so. Close your eyes. I wanna make this a- a visual game. You're in this room of all different people that you've looked at, you've seen, that you respect. Okay? Some of them could've been guests on the show.

    14. SB

      Mm-hmm.

    15. OP

      And then you get a tap on the shoulder. You turn around. You look at this person, and it's somebody you've met before, 100%, and they say something to you. They've said it to you before, and you get deja vu, and it's something impactful. It left an impression on you. Is that a fair assessment?

    16. SB

      Yeah.

    17. OP

      And that inherently, right there, boom, that makes you think of another person. I don't know whether... I don't think they mentioned this other person, but something about that takeaway, or that- that thought, or that moment of clarity or wisdom made you think of someone else in your life. It was connected to them.

    18. SB

      Yeah.

    19. OP

      This next person, person number two, I'm calling them. They jumped over. Open your eyes. When was the last time you had spoken to that person?

    20. SB

      To person number two?

    21. OP

      Yeah.

    22. SB

      Um, today.

    23. OP

      Today. Okay, let's- let's lean into this. Think of their first name. Count the letters to yourself. Don't say it.

    24. SB

      Yeah.

    25. OP

      And somebody you know well, you've spoken to them today. I watched your eyes. You went up, up, up, up, up. Five letters, isn't it?

    26. SB

      Yeah.

    27. OP

      Yeah.

    28. SB

      Yeah.

    29. OP

      If you ask me how I do what you said, do I study people, you just gave it away yourself. There's five letters to choose from. There's 26 in the alphabet. Pick any letter in this person's first name. Mix them up a little.

    30. SB

      Yeah.

  10. 29:46 – 30:50

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    1. SB

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  11. 30:50 – 32:58

    Dealing with People Who Are On Edge

    1. SB

      know, you walk into rooms and people hear that you're a mentalist, so they're already, like, somewhat on edge.

    2. OP

      Yeah.

    3. SB

      And you can see, you can see that they're on edge, right?

    4. OP

      Yeah, you gotta sweeten it because-

    5. SB

      So how, what do you do about that? 'Cause everywhere you go, people are gonna be like, "Fuck, this guy, th- might be able to guess my..." You know, that's what they're thinking.

    6. OP

      Right.

    7. SB

      They're thinking, "He can guess my bank PIN, so I'm gonna give nothing away." So you must be meeting w- people that are, like, closed off your entire life. How would you get them to go from closed to open up?

    8. OP

      I think it's being likable. So this, think about it, if you met somebody who could really read your mind, and I can't read minds, just so... I wanna be clear throughout the process 'cause people say, "Oh, what's he trying to teach?" I can't read minds. I'm not psychic. I am not supernatural. I don't claim to be. You could do this, maybe not as well because I think there's an inherent talent, just same as musical talent. I can't play a guitar. I can't sing to save my life. No matter how much training you give me, I will never have the voice of Harry Styles or Ed Sheeran. It's not in the cards for me.

    9. SB

      But y- you're tricking me to think that my eye movements played a role.

    10. OP

      So I will tell you this. I am tricking you to believe that certain things are more important than others. Your eye movements and body language play a role, but whether it played a 10% role, a 50% role, or 100% role, that's 100% true. My job is to misdirect you and to use multiple methods-

    11. SB

      Yeah.

    12. OP

      ... so that as soon as you go down a path and you think you got me, I jump to the next lane. I do it a different way.

    13. SB

      There's also a possibility that 0% of that trick you just did was about my eyes.

    14. OP

      I, I didn't say it was about your eyes, though, did I?

    15. SB

      You said you looked up the one, two, three, four, five-

    16. OP

      That is absolutely true.

    17. SB

      ... alphabets.

    18. OP

      Try it for yourself, though. Honestly, try it for yourself. How many letters somebody counts, if they have a long name, it takes longer to process. You aren't going to be able to use a name and counting the number of letters in your day-to-day life.

    19. SB

      Mm-hmm.

    20. OP

      So if I were to show you how to do it and you were to attempt it and you were to get it right 75% of the time, which you'd be shocked that you would, you'd then go, "Now what? Who cares?" Most of you are not going to take and spend the next decades learning mentalism. Rather, I'm gonna try and take the most important parts of mentalism and show you how you can use them.

    21. SB

      Mm-hmm.

    22. OP

      Another huge one is just confidence.

  12. 32:58 – 36:42

    Building Confidence

    1. OP

      How do people build confidence? When I was 14 and I started doing this, was I this hyper-confident teenager? No. My folks just got divorced. My life was pretty tumultuous. I think I did this as a way to not have to deal with all of the trauma and kind of sadness, and confidence gets built over time. So what's a better way to fast-track that? For a lot of people, you walk into a room, you have to give a presentation, are you nervous as hell? I think most people would say yes. Would you agree to that?

    2. SB

      Mm-hmm.

    3. OP

      What can you do tomorrow to get in there and feel like you own the room, the same way I go on TV for a million people, or right now for millions? I think there's so much of it has to do with there's a panic that we have in us where we take and we fear a certain feeling, which is, I have certain things that I dread doing, like let's say I have to call someone and give a call of things I don't wanna say. I have to, I have to turn someone down for something.

    4. SB

      Mm-hmm.

    5. OP

      I, I hate that. I'm avoiding it at all lengths, the same way you procrastinate things you don't wanna do. I have this little trick in my mind where what I do is I ask myself, "What will I feel like tomorrow about this? What will I feel like tomorrow? What if I could fast-forward my feelings to tomorrow?" And instead of just, you know, up in the air, try it. Right now, what's something that you, the listener, don't wanna do? You don't wanna call someone. You don't wanna deliver bad news. You know this person's about to ream you out. You're avoiding it at all costs. You're moving it in your calendar to tomorrow, the next day, you keep doing that. Do it now, and I want you to set an alarm 24 hours from now. Put it in your, in your thing. I'm not- I'm, for real. Put an alarm that says tomorrow. Write down how you feel about this, scale of one to ten. Right when you finish the call, you're gonna feel, and the dread before, you're gonna feel an eight, nine, ten of dread. The next day, when the alarm goes off, ask yourself, "How'd I feel?" Most of the time, you feel nothing. Two or three. It's out of sight, out of mind. So what if you could trick your brain the same way I tricked you to think your eye movements have anything to do with it? Trick your own brain to see how you feel a day from now. You feel nothing. So what if you can just start doing that to yourself? Rewire your brain. Say, "I'm gonna feel nothing in a day. Screw it, I'm gonna do it now." And just that trick of getting over procrastination builds a tremendous amount of confidence. Another one is, I would walk up to tables and people would kick me out. They'd be like, "Get outta here. Go do k-" They wouldn't pay attention to me, things that would hurt my feelings. So what I did is I created in my mind some way where I have two separate personalities. This guy was Oz the entertainer, Oz the magician, now Oz the mentalist. This guy was Oz Pearlman. They don't know the real me. That's a different guy. So when I walked up to a table and got turned down or rudely rejected, instead of me feeling that pain in myself, I pushed it somewhere else. And I go, "You know what? They didn't like Oz the entertainer. That's a different guy. That's not me." And so the same way that if you took right now a bowl of water right here and we poured salt in the water, it's salt water. But what if we could take an invisible, small piece of plastic and put it right down the center? And now you pour all the salt in one side. This side is immune. This is fresh water. If you can do that in your own mind the same way that I use my tricks to trick your mind, trick your own mind. That will take away the sting 'cause so many of us, we don't go after our goals because we're scared of what happens if they don't work out. It's all about accountability, you fear the rejection. And if you can get over that, it is a superpower in life. The same way you asked me, how did you know it was gonna work? Because I stopped thinking about it not working. And people that have that singular focus on making something work, those are the entrepreneurs. Those are the people that you see achieve. Those are the athletes. Those are the people who have a hyper-fixation and focus on a goal that they will make it happen, they manifest

  13. 36:42 – 39:50

    Communication As An Entertainer

    1. OP

      it.

    2. SB

      And what about communication, your communication style and how important that is? Like, what, what, what are you thinking about when you're communicating as an entertainer to make sure people are paying attention and they're engaged?

    3. OP

      ... be watching the audience all the time. The audience never lies. So, you have to really assess what the audience is throwing at you, and I'm seeing people, and I'm seeing are they interested? Are they on the edge of their seat? Are they leaning forward, indicators of interest? Are they sitting back and checking their watch? Are they yawning? Obviously, you can't do this with everybody. When I'm in a room with a thousand people, maybe one guy's hung over, maybe their baby didn't sleep last night and they had a red-eye flight. I can't know everyone, but I can watch individuals and see how they're reacting to me, and I can quickly change and pivot, and see how I can continue keeping their attention. And if I was listening to this n- right now, am I turning it off? Am I fast forwarding? Am I getting tangible takeaways? If I get three things from this that I can put into action tomorrow, this is smash success. Because if I get one thing that somebody says to me, like one tidbit that they say I feel like that can change your life, then take action. I'm all about action, because I think in so many instances there's no accountability, inspiration and motivation is garbage. I could care less if I've inspired you. I want action. What is your goal? Do you want to lose weight? Do you want to make a certain amount of money? Are you making a million dollars next year? Is that really gonna make you happy? So, a lot of the time we make goals that we think of, but then when we get them... You know, I have made more money in the last 10 years than if you had asked me 10 years ago I dreamed possible. Does that make you happy? It makes life easier, but I don't think it's just pure fulfillment. I know a lot of people that are very, very wealthy and they aren't happy. I'm around a lot of wealthy people, it's just the nature of my thing, and I ask myself, "They're billionaires and if this isn't making you happy, what is?" I don't think that money is always the goal that you should attain. I understand why I didn't have a lot of money as a kid, so that was like a barometer of success for me. But as I have kids and as I see that life is short and feel my mortality, I realize some things are much more important than money. But if you have a goal, let this be the cue not to inspire you, but to literally take action. Right now, what is it that you want to do? I, uh, somebody talked to me the other day, they said, "Man, I love watching you run. I would love to run." Stop. Start running. Tomorrow, put a reminder in your calendar, literally tomorrow, my first run. Then put one 30 days from now to make sure you're accountable, and then decide what makes you accountable. For me, I don't like to be embarrassed, so I'm gonna write to 10 people that I know and tell them, "I'm signing up for a 10K." So that now if I don't go through with it, it's gonna come up in a future conversation and they're gonna say, "Hey, Steve, whatever happened with the 10K?" Now, I have to eat humble pie with 10 different people and say to them, "You know what? I didn't do it." "Oh, oh, okay. You didn't do it." I want that to be my motivator. Maybe your motivator's internal, maybe it's external, but find what motivates you and use those levers to generate action.

    4. SB

      You know, in your profession, a lot of the... Like with Dan Brown, a lot of it is he'll make you think that... Like we said earlier, like it's my right hand, but actually it's my left.

  14. 39:50 – 41:41

    The Ethics of Misdirection in Magic

    1. SB

    2. OP

      Yep.

    3. SB

      H- like, how do you contend with being someone who, whose job it is to sort of misdirect me, to make me think it's my right hand, not my left or whatever, but then also trying to give people information that will make them successful in their lives?

    4. OP

      Right. Well, the ethics of it-

    5. SB

      Like-

    6. OP

      ... I'm not trying to sell you anything about being a mind reader or a mentalist. This is a separate pursuit. The skills surrounding everything I do, those skills, it's like How to Win Friends and Influence People, it's a book I've read over and over and over. It's s- it's... I don't want to say it's dated, but it's of a different era. The skills that allowed me to reach near the top of my profession aren't the tricks. There's other people that can do that. There's other people that can do this, there's other people that can guess your card. So, what led me to here?

    7. SB

      Yeah.

    8. OP

      Do I do it better than them? I'll let you decide that. My secrets of success are the exact same ones you can apply to your life, that's the key. The fact that I've made it about them, not me. How have I been on all these TV shows? How have I had such a wide diversity? Has nothing to do with performing, it has to do with me turning the mirror around. The moment you realize that you will be successful in your life when you start making other people the star, thinking about them, thinking about what's going on in their head, that's true mentalism. What are they thinking and how do I deliver on that? How do I make them look good? How do I make them like me more? How do I win them over so that when the moment comes for them to recommend somebody or to give them a raise or do something, they know that you're the person that they think of first? And I think those skills... Again, I wouldn't... It's not really mentalism, but it's the exact same tools that I use. It's not guessing numbers or names, it's knowing how to influence others. And if I wasn't able to influence people, none of the things I just did would work. You would just say, "No, I'm not gonna do that."

    9. SB

      On the skill of listening, which I, I think is also so important to what you're saying there about

  15. 41:41 – 46:44

    How to Be a Better Active Listener

    1. SB

      being likable and peop- winning people over, do you have a system or a framework for being a great listener? You talk about it a little bit in the book near the end. I think you have five ways to become a better active listener.

    2. OP

      Yes.

    3. SB

      Can you run me through those?

    4. OP

      Sure. Should I give you a funny story-

    5. SB

      Sure.

    6. OP

      ... to kind of lead this off? So, I did a party for Steven Spielberg.

    7. SB

      Yeah.

    8. OP

      Um, it was his father's 99th birthday, it was pretty intimate affair. I was noticeably nervous in my mind, not for the performance, but to meet Steven Spielberg. So, he defined an era of my childhood, and I feel like likely for a billion or several billion other people. So, at the end of the show, he comes up to thank me, and I'm, I'm ready. I was able to ask Steven Spielberg zero questions. Do you know why? He talked to me the whole time. He kept asking me questions, rapid fire. This, and about my life, and about what drove me, and this. And I just wanted to keep being like, "Pause, I got questions for you. You're Steven Spielberg." He made it all about me. All about me. And I learned it that day that that... It's a greater power to listen, and that the most interesting person in a room tends to be the most interested person in the room. And that some of the people I've seen that are the most successful, the most authentic and genuine, they will look you in the eye, they will lock in, they will not be looking around at other people, and they will give you their 100% undivided attention, and they will ask you questions that other people haven't asked you before. And I challenge you, don't just do the normal question when you meet somebody. "Oh, what do you do for a living? Oh, what do you..."We- as soon as we do that, we go into autopilot. I go into autopilot, and I'm not judging you. Most people do that, right? 50% of people have to be below average, right? And, and 49.9% are above average. That's inherently the fi- Challenge yourself to be the outlier, and think of a question you can ask someone, if you have time to a- think of it in advance, or in the moment, that throws them out of autopilot, that makes them think, "Wow, I haven't really thought of that before." Asking questions that are not yes or no questions are also great. Ask questions that let them explore who they are. I think that's a big part of active listening, and I let the audience guide me to what's of interest to them. When we walked in here today, I said to think of a favorite, of, of a category. If I knew the category, would I be able to guess what the answer was?

    9. SB

      N- no.

    10. OP

      What is the question? You know what? Uh, d- tell it to me. I don't even want, I don't wanna write anything down. I want you to just say it out loud. Give me the question. What is the question that you have to find the answer to? Give me that question. Ask it to me. What is my favorite...

    11. SB

      Car.

    12. OP

      What is my favorite car?

    13. SB

      Yeah.

    14. OP

      And you think there's no way I could know that? No prior research could have alerted me to it?

    15. SB

      No prior research, no.

    16. OP

      You decide, the same way that you did with Jules, I want you to think of the name of the car, whether it's the brand, whether it's the make, and I want you to pick one letter out from anywhere, from, from... is, uh... I'm assuming it's more than one word, unless you just said Ford. I, again, I don't wanna lead you, but if it is more than one word, and if it's two, three, four words, decide on one of the words.

    17. SB

      Yeah.

    18. OP

      Have you decided on one of the words?

    19. SB

      Yeah.

    20. OP

      Okay.

    21. SB

      Oh, one of the words.

    22. OP

      Don't say another word. Now, see, just saying that was interesting. Decide on one of the words-

    23. SB

      Yeah.

    24. OP

      ... and pick one of the letters, something interesting to you. Grab the one letter and just focus on that one letter.

    25. SB

      Yeah.

    26. OP

      You have it?

    27. SB

      Yeah.

    28. OP

      Now, you asked me, you said... It's all misdirection, right? The eye movements, the... This is all just window dressing, but you just gave something away. You said one of the words with a question, because you were confused. You didn't know what to do if there was only one word. I would never have said that if it was three words. Why, would it be one of the words? Of course, it's one of the words. So you did one, and then I think... this one went through your head. You read, you went to the last... Did you think of the last letter of it?

    29. SB

      No.

    30. OP

      Okay, so that would've been my first guess. But now that you didn't, I'm gonna go back. Are you thinking of the letter Y?

  16. 46:44 – 47:46

    Did Your Tricks Ever Go Wrong?

    1. OP

      like, what level they go wrong, at what scale.

    2. SB

      Yeah.

    3. OP

      If it goes des- destructively, like, catastrophically wrong, it's not always good.

    4. SB

      Tell me a time when it went catastrophically wrong.

    5. OP

      Oh, so you can dig up old TV appearances, uh, from 15 years ago, where just, you know, eh, purely... I started learning that if you do something linear, which is if I show you my hand and tell you where this is going, then you have the power. What do I mean by that? If I said, "I'm gonna guess this," and then I get it wrong, then you know I got it wrong.

    6. SB

      Mm-hmm.

    7. OP

      What if you don't know the ending of the movie? Then if I show you an alternate ending, you don't know that the movie wasn't supposed to end that way. So I learned early on that I'm not gonna let you hold the cards. I hold the cards. So when you... Even the, the, the notion of get it wrong means you knew what making it, getting it right was. Does that make sense?

    8. SB

      Yeah.

    9. OP

      But what if you don't know what getting it right was? Because I'm doing so many different things at once that I will eventually find a way to get it right.

    10. SB

      Mm-hmm.

    11. OP

      You see what I mean?

    12. SB

      Yeah. And have you learned any ways to break the ice in social situations? You t- I think you talk about it a little... You do. You talk

  17. 47:46 – 49:07

    Breaking the Ice in Social Situations

    1. SB

      about this, uh, a little bit in the book. But, um, y- y-... One of the ways that you talked about is object- sort of handling the objection that you're assuming one has, approaching from a different angle. But just generally in life, when you meet these people and you're trying to disarm people-

    2. OP

      Yes.

    3. SB

      ... is there anything else that is worth knowing now that people can use for their, in their everyday lives?

    4. OP

      I like having an inner monologue out loud, so I like to take things that I know everyone is thinking-

    5. SB

      Mm-hmm.

    6. OP

      ... and open up, show some vulnerability. So, a great way, you're in an uncomfortable social setting. What do you wanna do? Do you wanna shut down? Do you wanna be here? I think walking up to somebody has a real power and say, "I'm so nervous. I don't know anyone here. Do you know anyone here?" Like, that moment of opening yourself up... And I don't wanna call it oversharing, 'cause some people take that to too much of a degree and start, (laughs) you know, telling you too much. But showing that you are a real person and vulnerable, I think just... It- it's a, it's a magical quality. And I've had people that do it to me, that you gain an intimacy and a familiarity with them very quickly that you wouldn't have if we were just small-talking each other. Have you ever met those people that have that instant charisma that when they walk in the room, everyone gravitates towards them?

    7. SB

      Yeah.

    8. OP

      And you don't know what that is. What is that quality they have? Did they train it? Is it innate? Are they born with it? Um, for me, I didn't have that, so I cheated and started doing magic tricks.

    9. SB

      I remember Jimmy Carr saying to me that, you know, people think comedians are depressed or whatever, but he said a better question

  18. 49:07 – 50:26

    Are You Trying to Make Others Happy?

    1. SB

      to ask is always, "Who are you trying to cheer up?"

    2. OP

      Right.

    3. SB

      And I wonder if that's relevant at all to your situation. Or-

    4. OP

      I think I was trying to connect with people.

    5. SB

      Yeah.

    6. OP

      I think that I was nervous, a little bit awkward. I wasn't introverted. I had no problem w- walking up to strangers, but I think that it became this just, uh, this addiction-

    7. SB

      Mm-hmm.

    8. OP

      ... to watching people, being amazed, and overjoyed, and the reactions. I lived for the reactions. Some people that do magic, they do it for themselves. A- a- a- in a guilty way, I kind of do as well, because there is a selfish angle to seeing reactions. But to me, it's more the joy. And to this day, what I like to say that I do for a living is not deceive, my job is not to fool you, my job is to create memorable moments. Not amazing moments. Amazing is a subset. Memorable. Because if I amaze you, and you forget it, I have failed. I failed. It's the same as if I walk into a movie, that's an action movie, I eat a lot of popcorn, I walk out. 10 minutes later, you say to me, "What was the movie about?" "Uh, I don't know." Right? That, "I don't know." And a month later, you ask me, "Have you seen that movie?" And I go, "Did I see that movie?" That right there, that response, is the death for what I do. Apathy.

    9. SB

      And i- in the book, in page 166, you talk about improving one's memory.

    10. OP

      Yes.

  19. 50:26 – 55:38

    How to Improve Your Memory

    1. OP

    2. SB

      What- what do I need to know? Why does it matter to improve my memory, and in what way does improving my memory help me to connect with other people?

    3. OP

      So, we've gotten to the point where we don't need our memory, right? A lot of people don't know how to drive to a place a city next door. They literally would... If GPS went out, good luck, right? You don't know anyone's phone numbers. How many people's phone numbers do you have memorized?

    4. SB

      Mm-hmm. (laughs)

    5. OP

      Few and far between.

    6. SB

      One?

    7. OP

      Exactly. Tomorrow, your iPhone goes away, no, no, no Apple, no cloud, you're screwed. You're screwed, am I right? If you can't get that back, your life i- ... So, what do we need our memory for? I think memory is a superpower, because no one expects you to have it anymore. Years ago, you needed it, now you don't. So, I'm gonna give a great example, one that I have in my book, which is something applicable where you can't cheat. Cheat is I have my phone, and I feel a lot of us, whether we're parents, or kids, or teenagers, or any stage of life you are, you're gonna meet new people at some point soon. You meet them, you shake their hand, you say hello, (snaps fingers) you just forgot their name. Literally, they just said it to you, (gasps) and you forgot it. How many times has this occurred to you? I'm guessing numerous. And now, you can't enjoy that conversation, because all you do is feel dread. Now, you're looking for someone around that you know to introduce them and pray to God, you go, "This is Stephen. Say hello." Like, "Tell him your name." You know, you want that moment. So, I have a- a- a- a trick, a tip for that specific situation, as well as others for memory. But I've repurposed the instructions on a shampoo bottle, so it sticks in your head. Shampoo bottles have three words on the back, lather, rinse, repeat. Right? Lather makes your hair smell good. Rinse cleans your hair. Repeat, we gotta sell more Pantene Pro-V. So, we all know that. Everyone knows lather, rinse, repeat. I will describe it as this, listen, repeat, reply. Listen, repeat, reply. So easy. The first step sounds silly. It's comical. Why am I even saying this? The first step is what 95% of us do wrong. We don't actually listen. When you hear that person's name, it's not a memory issue, you never even knew the name to begin with, because right when you walked up to them, just like a computer, read/write, very hard to read and write at the same time for our brains, you were thinking of something else. You were thinking of what you were going to say back to them in most instances. So, at that moment, the number one thing to do is actually listen. Quiet your mind. So simple, so easy, but that's where we screw up. Right when I walk up to you, I make sure that I've heard your name, because I instantly repeat it twice. "Stephen? Is it Steve or Stephen? I wanna make sure." I've just said your name three times. Already, your chance of forgetting it have gone down dramatically. The last one is reply, which is use one of the three following tactics. One, you could learn how to spell it. You have a name that can be spelled? So, I go, "Is it Steven with a V or a PH?" And you go, "With a V." I go, "I like Steve with a V better. That's the right way. Am I right?" So, now I've associated it, Steven with a V. If it's not a name like that, if it's, you know, Jacob, you're not gonna spell that. I'm gonna say to you, uh, uh, "I might comment." I go, "Jacob, I love that shirt. Where'd you get that from? The V-necks, Jacob? Really sharp." So, now I've created a visual hook. "You're Jacob with the V-neck shirt. Now I remember you." Third one is, is if you want, you can do something that's a connector to someone else you know. So, if I know a Stephen, it's so funny, you know, my sister's dating a guy named Stephen. Small world. So, you've really quickly connected it. That happens in five seconds, what I just said. Everyone likes a compliment, everyone likes a hook. You will not forget that person's name for the rest of the party, I promise you. And this works on people of all ages. It's not a memory issue. If you can remember your best friend's name, you can remember the name of somebody you met at a party after five seconds if you practice and do exactly what I just said.

    8. SB

      And I think a, a huge part of it, as someone that does meet a lot of people is, you go into the- the meetings with people, and because you don't really think the small stuff matters, you don't think... Most people don't think someone's name matters that much. They think they're walking into the presentation, they're pitching for a million dollars, they're thinking about the campaign, they're thinking about, you know, how they're gonna str- structure the offer. They're not thinking about the name being pertinent. So, you walk in, you shake hands, "Hi, Deborah. Nice to meet you, Deborah." You walk to your chair, you're still thinking about the campaign, the campaign, the campaign, and within three minutes, you've lost their name. And, um, I do think it really has a huge impact when... Uh, when I was reading your book, I was thinking like, "Do you know what? I don't do a good job of that." I meet loads of people all the time. I walk up, I say my name, they say theirs. For me, that's not important information.

    9. OP

      Right.

    10. SB

      Um, and, and I thought, do you know-

    11. OP

      Until you get it wrong-

    12. SB

      Yeah.

    13. OP

      ... and then, then that's the memory they carry of you. I would say to people, "If you don't know someone's name, we think that it's a dreadful thing to ask them again." It's an avoidable thing with this, but I would still say that you're still showing interest, and there's a few tactics around it that say, "Forgive me, but I really would like to know. I don't know why it slipped my mind. Tell me your name again, please."

    14. SB

      Yeah.

    15. OP

      I think even that is a much better way to play it, because again, you're human, they're human, everyone's vulnerable. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. So-... I'm okay with letting people know that there's a human side, and humanize it. And sometimes if I can figure it out, I will. But I'll say, "Give me a clue," and I go, "Help me out." Somebody was like, "Oh, my God-" And sometimes I have a memory hook and I'll remember who introduced us, I go, "Oh, I met you through Steven."

  20. 55:38 – 57:29

    Ads

    1. OP

    2. SB

      I've had so many founders speak to me and say, "Why didn't this particular ad that I ran on this platform work for me?" Maybe the copy wasn't good, the creative wasn't strong, but usually the problem is they're not having the right conversation, because that ad never reached the right person. And if you're in B2B marketing, that is much of the game. And this is where LinkedIn Ads solves that problem for you. Their targeting is ridiculously specific. You can target by job title, seniority, company size, industry, and even someone's skill set. And their network includes over a billion professionals. About 130 million of them are decision makers, so when you use LinkedIn Ads, you're putting your brand in front of the right people. And LinkedIn Ads also drive the highest B2B return on ad spend across all ad networks, in my experience. If you want to give them a try, head over to linkedin.com/diary, and when you spend $250 on your first LinkedIn Ads campaign, you'll get an extra $250 credit from me for the next one. That's linkedin.com/diary. Terms and conditions apply. Just give me 15 seconds to explain how you can build a viable business online. The people I see winning in life don't have a perfect plan, they just take the first step and then the next, and then they keep going. They stay obsessed and they stay consistent. And Stan Store, a platform I co-own and one of our sponsors, is the best first step to help turn your knowledge into income. It only takes a couple of minutes to launch your business and start selling digital products, coaching, memberships or communities online without any tech headaches or endless setup. Thousands of entrepreneurs, creators, and risk-takers use Stan to take control of their future, because Stan is for entrepreneurs, for those willing to put in the work and bet on themselves. If you're ready to start building, join us. Launch your business today with a free 14-day trial at stevenbartlett.stan.store.

  21. 57:29 – 59:35

    Wrapping Up Stories for Better Recall

    1. SB

      And what else, what else sh- should we- should my audience know about? You're someone that focuses on the audience. What else should they know about that you think can directly improve their life?

    2. OP

      I mean, I've given you a lot of like the core tenets that I think have made me successful, which is eliminating that fear of rejection, utilizing notes, making it about other people. Uh, I think, I think wrapping things up in a story is a huge one that we touched upon lightly.

    3. SB

      Mm-hmm.

    4. OP

      But that-

    5. SB

      Why, why a story?

    6. OP

      Because stories are remembered. Stories are interwoven into our DNA. Each of us have a story to tell. I think such a big one is deciding what makes you memorable. The more that you can become memorable to others, the more people talk about you, th- it benefits you no matter what you do in life. When you meet somebody, know that you're gonna weave the narrative of what they leave, what they think of you, right? You have to kind of, their memory is malleable. There's a trick I used to do when I was a teenager where I would have somebody pick a card, it was a card trick, they would put the card back in, they would sign it, I would throw it on the ceiling-

    7. SB

      Yeah.

    8. OP

      ... the deck would fall down, but their signed card stayed stuck on the ceiling. But when they described the procedure back to someone else, they would leave out the part with me throwing the deck. Why did they forget such an important detail? And I, I couldn't understand why. It's not that their memory was faulty, something happened. I realized what it was, what I put my attention on, they put their attention on, like everything in life. If you're focused on the negative, you start to feel negative. I, when I threw the deck up, sometimes wouldn't look up with it. I would throw the deck up, I wouldn't look, and then I'd catch it, such a small minute detail. But me doing that meant I caught the deck, no one knew what happened, and I let them look up and discover the card themselves rather than me do it. Somehow in that, in their brain, they deleted that one detail of me throwing the deck, and now I had a miracle. And that changed my way of thinking from there on out, which I said to myself, "It doesn't matter what I do, it matters what people remember and what's the story they tell others."

  22. 59:35 – 1:03:08

    How to Keep People’s Attention

    1. OP

    2. SB

      The thing I really learned from that is that your focus is driving someone else's focus. So when I'm, you know, when I'm going through my life, I need to make sure my focus is in the right place, the place that I want you- it to be. And I noticed that sometimes as a podcaster, because obviously, so I'm trying to manage this conversation and I've got these notes written in front of me. I've got pens, books, props. I've got a little net under front of me that has photos in it and other bits and pieces and all this stuff. And I do notice that during the podcast conversation, if I don't look up at the guest and I start looking down a little bit, or even if I'm just looking down to see my next bullet point or to think about something-

    3. OP

      Right.

    4. SB

      ... I distract the guest. But it also, in everyday life, the other thing that I think we're all guilty of, and you talk about this in your book, is, um, we sometimes reach for our phone a little bit.

    5. OP

      Right.

    6. SB

      Your card story, that's what it said to me. It said that, "Oh my God, people's focus really is where your focus is." So if I'm having a great conversation with you-

    7. OP

      Yeah.

    8. SB

      ... and you're a client or something, and I just glance at my watch, y- you just did it then with me again, you just glanced down at my hand.

    9. OP

      Right.

    10. SB

      And I never realized until you said that card thing how important it was to make sure my focus is in the right place.

    11. OP

      Your focus is in the right place, but also know the fact that your memory is malleable. So in my profession, I employ all different tactics. I can tell you one is confusion. Your brain is, it's very difficult for your brain to read and write at the same time. So if I want to distract you from a method and I confuse you, then it's exactly like an Etch A Sketch. Maybe you've drawn a picture, and the moment you get confused and you, "Uh, uh, ah," you forget what you just did exactly, and the Etch A Sketch has just been shaken, and now you can't recount the series of events properly. And at that moment, you've now created this beautiful watercolor painting that hasn't dried, I can move some of the pieces around and I can redraw your picture a little bit, and I can change your memory of what it is. I, during certain points when I'm performing, and this has to do when you talked about public speaking and storytelling...... I tell you the story that you're gonna tell others, and I take out the pieces I want out. I want this gone, I want this gone, I want this gone. I'm gonna edit your memories.

    12. SB

      Give me e- a specific example.

    13. OP

      Well, that's, that's the nature of what I do. So, in, in a certain routine, again, what I would ask someone, i- if I ask somebody to think of someone important to them, and then later on I guess the name of their first kiss, they will forget how the question was orchestrated, how I set up the initial ask and what happened during the initial ask. And then the story they will tell to someone else is, "I don't know how but he guessed my first kiss." Now, when they tell that story, he goes, "He told me to think of anyone, and, and I thought of my first kiss, and he guessed it." What if I didn't? What if I narrowed it down and I actually told you to think of your first kiss, but the initial question was think of anyone? And see all those people swirling around your mind, and then one person come up to you you haven't seen since elementary school, (gasps) first girl you ever kissed you, you're blown away. Now, the people that watched it have also seen a different effect. It's known as a dual reality. The reality one person experiences is different than the other.

    14. SB

      Yeah.

    15. OP

      Right? If you walk into a conversation in the middle, you don't know the context but you know the ending.

    16. SB

      Yeah.

    17. OP

      So, I'm using that because, again, when you tell me the methods of mentalism, mentalism is all about group dynamics, the way people think. If I was performing for you in a group, it would be utterly different, and can completely easier. This one-on-one interaction is far more difficult, 'cause I have no lanes to weave around. It's like if I was passing you in a car on a four-lane highway, I've got space. Right now, you and me are locked in. It's very difficult for me to use others, 'cause the way you feel next to someone else, you'll behave differently than by yourself.

  23. 1:03:08 – 1:09:18

    The Role of Obsession in Success

    1. OP

    2. SB

      And you're someone that, you know, started doing this at a very young age and has developed and evolved their skillset over time, and so you've got five kids. And I'm, I'm wondering how important you think obsession is to get to the very top. You've gotten to the-

    3. OP

      It's a blessing. It's a blessing. If somebody can find an obsession...

    4. SB

      You got to the top of an industry where very few people get to the top of. And e- even if they do, they don't end up on the biggest platforms in the world. So, thinking about the, the characteristics of your success, um, for this kid it was obviously obsession was a huge part of that, right?

    5. OP

      Yes.

    6. SB

      How old were you in this photo?

    7. OP

      Uh, probably 14. Probably right when I started a restaurant. That looks 14 to me.

    8. SB

      Okay, 14 then, and you're 43 now?

    9. OP

      That's right.

    10. SB

      So, you've been doing this decades and decades and decades?

    11. OP

      The majority of my life.

    12. SB

      How important do you think that is, to, to reach the top of any industry?

    13. OP

      I don't know if I would say the time matters as much, because I've seen people that are phenoms in much, in much, like, c- more compressed times. I don't wanna say that you need 30 years. Passion. The people that excite me the most to be around in my life, the people that I look up to and I'm on the edge of my seat always have a passion. I don't care what that's for. I don't care if you are a, you know, a, a trash man and your obsession is, is trash, like, something that I would never think about. I've met so many people where they have a topic that meant nothing to me at the moment, but once I start speaking to them, their level of excitement, their, their feeling, like, the fact that they're so invested makes me feel invested.

    14. SB

      But to hone your skills to the point that you can reach the peak of a mountain... I was speaking to someone called DJ EZ, and he was saying to me he spends seven hours a day... He's a great DJ, and when I watch him it's like watching a magician play the decks. And he said to me he spends seven hours a day sometimes listening to 700 different new tracks a day-

    15. OP

      Right.

    16. SB

      ... just listening to 20 seconds of each. And I don't think people often get to see that level of obsession. They see people sat here, but they don't get to see the, all the, like, the messy journey to here.

    17. OP

      Right.

    18. SB

      And I think it's so important to show them what that messy journey to here looks like, because then they can decide for themselves in their own life if whatever thing they're pursuing is worth the trade. Like, is it worth it to sit here and to be who you are now for, like, that?

    19. OP

      You say worth it as if it's a negative thing. I, I think it gave a definition to my life. I think that to have a passion is something so few of us... I've hit the lottery in life. I get to meet interesting people. I get to bring joy. I get to live my dream. Everything I do is of my own volition. Like, I, I couldn't... I don't even know how I'd complain for an iota of a second. I've won the lottery times the lottery times the lottery. I, I don't know. I... It's not even my profession. I have a mindset where I could die tomorrow, right? Everybody who doesn't think that way, that you don't have gratitude for today, is, like... I, I don't know. I'm a natural optimist. I just think that-

    20. SB

      But, I mean, what does that actually look like? 'Cause I... No one, no one was there to see those, what, 30... 20, 30 years?

    21. OP

      Yep.

    22. SB

      How much work was there? And is it like you're doing it part-time? Is it free time?

    23. OP

      Oh, yeah.

    24. SB

      Is it in the shower? Are you thinking about it in the shower? Is it-

    25. OP

      So, I think I've been thinking about it for decades, and now, even now, I, it consumes my thoughts at certain points in time, even though I try to, (inhales sharply) try to also be present in the moment. It's not like a absolute obsession. Seven hours a day is pretty rough. But the muse of creativity comes to me. And, and it's, it's so fulfilling. It's the same way, like, this book, putting this book on paper, you, you're an author as well, was such an exceptional challenge. Because my thoughts, and then crafting them onto the page and into words, and also, at the end of the day, who cares about me? I, I always have this mindset of, "I need to prove to you." I don't come from the assumption of, "You should watch me because I'm great." I have an inverse. I said, "I need to define to you why you should be watching, why you should be listening, why this should excite you, why this should amaze you." Hopefully it inspired you to take action and you got something tangible that will provide a value in your life. And I wouldn't have written the book... Trust me. The, the book, I didn't need to write this book. I wrote the book because so many people had said to me, "We want to know what helped you achieve success," and they're fascinated by this pursuit. And I think that was it. I just was driven by the people around me, that they said, "You should write this." And I felt I finally had a story to tell.

    26. SB

      And what's the one thing about your success and your new life that, if this guy knew, he may have hesitated a little bit to pursue the life that you now have?

    27. OP

      I think being very busy and success has its pitfalls. If you assign your self-esteem to something others can give you...... be it fame, be it money, be it things that are intangible and that can be taken away, and you don't des- define your self-worth by something internal, like your own drive, competing as yourself, creating your own goals, then it's fleeting. Fame, for example, there's gonna be ups and downs. Every career has a life cycle. Right now, things are going very well. There's no question that a certain point, the peak hits, and now you go down. And it's i- inevitable, and I don't think about that. I'd like to continue the peak or continue g- climbing and climbing, climbing, but when that happens, I'm aware of it, and I will not... It's not a... Something that will define who I am. This is part of it. I think having outside interests and challenging yourself outside of your comfort zone, for me, ultra marathons, marathons, athletic pursuits that cannot be bought. They must be earned. And I think that's something we value more and more in our day-to-day life, because again, there's influencers, there's people, there's followers, there's all this stuff that I don't wanna call fickle, but it can be bought. What can be earned? Earned are things that you... This has been earned by you. This has been you putting in sweat equity for decades, believing in yourself. Each time you get a big guess, you harness your momentum and get a bigger guess. You've earned this. You've created a team around you. I think that's something notable, and that people should decide what's your goal, and as you strive towards it, that's where you feel the fulfillment. For me, it's been being on the road. Like, the mo- biggest negative is being away from my children and wife, and that's success, and I can't not do that. If I want to be successful, I have to be gone a lot, and so I have to find that balance between the two of having my kids miss me, but also creating a life for them in the future, and also juggling the fact that I have, you know, major career ambitions.

Episode duration: 1:19:28

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