This Statistically Is The Best Age To Get Married So You Don't Get A Divorce!

Research and clinical experience show that qualities like flexibility, emotional generosity, reliability, and emotional stability are far better predictors of long-term relationship satisfaction than height, income level, or curated hobbies. Many people reject partners over trivialities (tap vs sparkling water, an awkward Austin Powers impression, boxes on top of a cupboard) while tolerating truly problematic traits (unreliability, emotional volatility, poor communication). Gottlieb encourages 'higher standards for the right things': insist on good character and how someone treats you, not arbitrary aesthetic or status-based criteria.

Drawing on Barry Schwartz’s work, Gottlieb explains that maximizers constantly search for a theoretically better option and are less satisfied even when they choose well. Satisficers maintain high standards but stop searching once they find something that meets what truly matters to them. In dating, that means: stop treating apps like infinite catalogs, don’t keep one foot out the door in case of someone 'better,' and ask after a first date, 'Did I enjoy myself enough to spend another hour with this person?' rather than 'Did I feel lightning chemistry?'

A longitudinal study Gottlieb cites followed couples from their first date through 20 years. Many happily married couples later 'remembered' instant chemistry, yet their original reports showed they were initially unsure or mildly interested. Conversely, divorced couples later claimed they’d seen red flags from the start when in fact they’d originally been very enthusiastic. Because memory rewrites the past to match the present, using first-date 'sparks' as a screening tool is unreliable. If you had a good time and basic attraction, she suggests going on a second (or even third) date before ruling someone out.

Data show that many people now report having zero close confidants, whereas decades ago most had several. As communities, extended families, and long-term friendships weaken, people expect one romantic partner to be lover, best friend, therapist, hobby partner, co-parent, intellectual equal, and emotional everything. This 'one person meets all needs' model is impossible for any human to fulfill and leads to chronic disappointment. Building and maintaining broader networks (friends, family, interest groups) reduces pressure on the couple and enhances relationship resilience.

Citing Institute for Family Studies data, Gottlieb notes that marrying very young (<22–23) is associated with higher divorce, likely due to immaturity, identity formation, and unclear life goals. Divorce risk decreases each year into the mid-to-late twenties as people stabilize and can grow together. After roughly 32, however, each additional year of age is associated with about a 5% increase in divorce odds. She attributes this to increased rigidity, accumulated relational baggage, entrenched patterns, and a history of unresolved heartbreak that both partners bring into later unions.