From Party to Parenthood: Mike “The Situation” and Lauren Sorrentino on Life After Sobriety

Dr. Becky Kennedy 0:00 So today I have two, what might seem like kind of unexpected guests on my podcast, Mike and Lauren Sorrentino. You might know them from the Jersey Shore franchise. I mean, I think GTL is one of the most known acronyms. Am I right? So here's the backstory. Lauren reposted something on Instagram from my Instagram account. That led to us exchanging a DM, then voice notes, then we had a real conversation, and I learned so much on this phone call. I learned about her and Mike's family history around addiction, I learned about Mike's commitment to sobriety, and I learned about their incredible commitment to intentional, connected parenting. I knew so many of the themes from this conversation would resonate, and so I brought them to the studio to talk about it. I'm Dr. Becky, and this is Good Inside. We'll be back right after this. Welcome.

Lauren Sorrentino 0:58 Thank you.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 0:59 Um, so I wanna talk about so many things today. I, I know we'll end up talking about parenting. You're both parents of three. I'm a parent of three. I know we think a lot about how we raise our kids and what really matters, not only in these early years, but how it ladders up to what really matters in the kind of teen/adult years. Um, but sometimes I think the best way of understanding what matters to us today is actually to start by rewinding a little bit and thinking about our childhoods-

Lauren Sorrentino 1:28 Mm-hmm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 1:29 ... and kind of where a lot of things came from. And so Mike, if I start with you, one of the things that really has stuck out to me, um, beyond what people know about you, is just the resilience around your own childhood and your own story of cycle breaking. And so I wonder if we could just start there a little bit, if we rewind a couple decades.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 1:52 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 1:53 I don't know, tell me a little bit about how you think about your childhood, what it was like, what really sti- kind of sticks out to you.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 2:00 Uh, I was probably punished more oftentimes than not punished because of my own wild and careless, reckless behavior.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 2:11 Mm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 2:12 So, um, you know, that definitely, um, sticks in my brain because, well, I mean, we only have a four-year-old now, but I can definitely see a lot of his personality, um-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 2:25 Mm

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 2:25 ... in, in me.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 2:27 Yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 2:27 So me and my wife have constant conversations, uh, which is always a moving target with your child-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 2:34 [laughs]

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 2:34 ... your children-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 2:34 Yes

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 2:35 ... about what we should do and what we shouldn't do going forward.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 2:38 Mm-hmm.

Lauren Sorrentino 2:38 And he's also my deeply feeling one.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 2:41 Yes.

Lauren Sorrentino 2:41 The others have not revealed themselves as DFKs yet-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 2:44 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 2:45 Yeah

Lauren Sorrentino 2:45 ... but he sure has.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 2:46 Yeah.

Lauren Sorrentino 2:46 And he's-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 2:47 Yeah

Lauren Sorrentino 2:47 ... you know, he's how I really started to seek somebody like you-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 2:51 Yeah

Lauren Sorrentino 2:51 ... and Good Inside, so.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 2:53 And so m- maybe we could jump in then there. Like, a lot of us were raised with punishment.

Lauren Sorrentino 2:58 Mm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 2:58 We act out, you get punished.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 2:59 Yeah.

Lauren Sorrentino 3:00 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 3:00 Um, now I think a lot of us, at least us here in this room, are thinking, "Okay, well, what am I really trying to teach my kids? Why do kids act out? What might they need in the moment to actually learn, you know, whatever they don't know so they can act-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 3:16 Mm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 3:16 ... differently in the future?"

Lauren Sorrentino 3:17 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 3:18 So m- I'm curious kind of how you handle those moments now with your son.

Lauren Sorrentino 3:22 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 3:22 But maybe also is that similar or different from what happened back then, and how has that shifted then?

Lauren Sorrentino 3:28 Yeah. I think we kind of were both sa- uh, I think we both were raised in a similar, you know, model. Like, both of our families were in suburban New Jersey-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 3:37 Mm-hmm

Lauren Sorrentino 3:37 ... Italian American-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 3:39 Mm

Lauren Sorrentino 3:39 ... very hardworking-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 3:40 Yes

Lauren Sorrentino 3:40 ... providers as the father figure.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 3:42 Mm-hmm.

Lauren Sorrentino 3:43 Our moms were stay-at-home moms.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 3:45 Yep.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 3:45 Mm-hmm.

Lauren Sorrentino 3:45 We each were one of four.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 3:47 Mm-hmm.

Lauren Sorrentino 3:47 So very, you know, parallel-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 3:49 Yeah

Lauren Sorrentino 3:49 ... in that sense. So, but for my upbringing, you know, punishment was a big thing, and my parents were great parents. They did the best that they knew-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 3:59 Yep

Lauren Sorrentino 3:59 ... then.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 3:59 Mm, I agree.

Lauren Sorrentino 4:00 And I have a great relationship with them, and I-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 4:02 Yeah

Lauren Sorrentino 4:02 ... love them deeply. Um, but I do remember a lot of the, "Go to your room," you know, those kind of things when you were in trouble.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 4:11 Yeah.

Lauren Sorrentino 4:11 And I remember those feelings now, like, as an adult.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 4:15 Yeah.

Lauren Sorrentino 4:15 Like, I could not remember a lot of things, but those feelings of the go to your room-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 4:19 Yeah

Lauren Sorrentino 4:19 ... type thing when you kind of feel isolated and you don't know why-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 4:23 Yeah

Lauren Sorrentino 4:23 ... that happens, and that's what keeps me making sure-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 4:27 Mm

Lauren Sorrentino 4:27 ... I don't send my son to his room, 'cause if he's feeling that sense of, you know, powerlessness, which is-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 4:34 Yeah

Lauren Sorrentino 4:34 ... a lot of why they're whining or acting out, because he can't achieve the goal that he has set out to do, 'cause he's four.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 4:43 Mm. Mm-hmm.

Lauren Sorrentino 4:43 So why would I send him alone to his room?

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 4:46 Mm-hmm.

Lauren Sorrentino 4:46 You know?

Dr. Becky Kennedy 4:47 So one of the things I hear from parents all the time is, "Okay, so I'm not supposed to send my kid to their room, so it's just okay that they act out? It just is something that I'm reinforcing?" And I, I know you and I probably see that there's something in the middle, right-

Lauren Sorrentino 5:02 Mm-hmm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 5:03 Right

Dr. Becky Kennedy 5:03 ... between go to your room or let's throw you a party because you hit your sibling. Like, no one's throwing a party-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 5:08 Mm, yeah, yeah

Dr. Becky Kennedy 5:08 ... for these kids.

Lauren Sorrentino 5:09 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 5:09 Right? But it's, it's a new thing, and I think a lot of us did grow up where punishment, because it was just so common generation-

Lauren Sorrentino 5:16 Yes

Dr. Becky Kennedy 5:16 ... to generation, anything I think that we've done for generations has moved kind of from the fiction shelf of the library to the nonfiction.

Lauren Sorrentino 5:25 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 5:25 It just feels like, well, that's the way it's supposed to be, right?

Lauren Sorrentino 5:28 Right.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 5:28 So how do you think about that? Like, what, what does your son need when he acts out, and how is that- ... something you're thinking about when you're trying to intervene maybe in a not always just punishing way?

Lauren Sorrentino 5:38 Right. I think that I've just equated so much of his needs to what my needs are as a human, and I know how I feel. I'm a mom of three children, so I'm overstimulated all the time.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 5:51 Yeah. [laughs]

Lauren Sorrentino 5:51 Um, we have lots of businesses.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 5:53 She does a great job. I, I s-

Lauren Sorrentino 5:54 [laughs]

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 5:54 I, like, step back and let her do her thing-

Lauren Sorrentino 5:57 [laughs]

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 5:57 ... and I try to emulate what she does.

Lauren Sorrentino 5:59 Aw.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 5:59 But you continue on, honey.

Lauren Sorrentino 6:00 Thank you.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 6:00 [laughs]

Lauren Sorrentino 6:00 We, um, you know, we have our relationship. We have our children.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 6:04 Yeah.

Lauren Sorrentino 6:04 We have our businesses. We're entrepreneurs, so our house can be a revolving door sometimes, and our kitchen-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 6:10 [laughs]

Lauren Sorrentino 6:10 And we're very blessed. Our kitchen and our family room connect, but it's a large space.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 6:14 Yes.

Lauren Sorrentino 6:15 So when he has these moments, they're obviously in that family space. So what I do is I usually take him, either I take him or my husband takes him-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 6:22 Mm-hmm

Lauren Sorrentino 6:22 ... and we go with him to either the guest bedroom that's right off the family room, or we'll go to his room together.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 6:28 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 6:28 Yeah.

Lauren Sorrentino 6:29 And we'll give him just a clean space with no distractions-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 6:33 Mm-hmm

Lauren Sorrentino 6:33 ... no TVs, no siblings, and let him calm down, and then-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 6:36 Yeah

Lauren Sorrentino 6:37 ... talk to him about why he's feeling that way or why he's frustrated, and it naturally happens a lot quicker-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 6:44 It f-

Lauren Sorrentino 6:44 ... when we remove him from that environment

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 6:45 ... it us- it usually works, and that's-

Lauren Sorrentino 6:47 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 6:47 ... been our, our go-to.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 6:49 Mm-hmm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 6:49 Um, we go together with him, and I-

Lauren Sorrentino 6:52 Mm-hmm

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 6:52 ... this is something that I've followed my wife.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 6:54 Yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 6:55 She, she- I take the lead, and, and it has been working, and we, we take him to either room-

Lauren Sorrentino 7:01 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 7:01 ... and we usually say, you know, "Do you want a hug?"

Lauren Sorrentino 7:03 Yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 7:03 "Do you want some love?"

Lauren Sorrentino 7:04 Yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 7:04 And nine out of 10 times, it works every single time, and then we bring him down, and then he sits down at the dinner table-

Lauren Sorrentino 7:11 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 7:11 ... or something like that.

Lauren Sorrentino 7:11 It's always usually when we're trying to have dinner.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 7:13 Yep.

Lauren Sorrentino 7:14 It's, it's a nightly thing.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 7:15 Yeah.

Lauren Sorrentino 7:15 So.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 7:16 Well, look, just to kind of flesh out what you're saying a little bit, because kids act out mostly because their feelings are more kind of intense than their skills are in that moment. Their feelings overpower their skills. They feel overwhelmed. They feel nervous about something. They feel angry, right?

Lauren Sorrentino 7:36 Mm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 7:36 And then they're not born with skills to manage any of those feelings, and so they don't have the skills. And for any of us at any age when our feelings overpower our skills, it comes out as kind of bad behavior.

Lauren Sorrentino 7:47 Right.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 7:47 And I think about the model that so many people in our generation were raised with, which is some version of, like, "Go to your room," or, "You can't act this way." And it's not to say I don't have those thoughts, too. I'm sure you have those thoughts.

Lauren Sorrentino 7:58 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 7:58 It's inconvenient. It's annoying sometimes.

Lauren Sorrentino 8:01 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 8:01 Right? But when you do send a kid away as kind of the predominant way of interacting, what ends up happening is a kid goes to their room... And maybe actually I'll pause there, 'cause you remember it, Lauren.

Lauren Sorrentino 8:13 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 8:13 Like, what's happening in the room?

Lauren Sorrentino 8:16 Ah. The room is-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 8:18 [laughs]

Lauren Sorrentino 8:18 It doesn't feel like your safe space. The room feels like an isolation box.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 8:23 [laughs]

Lauren Sorrentino 8:24 Because even though it's your bedroom and it's, like, all your things, you know that you're there because you're in trouble.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 8:29 [laughs]

Lauren Sorrentino 8:30 And you don't really know why you're in trouble-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 8:32 Yeah

Lauren Sorrentino 8:32 ... because you don't, back then, you know... Now I have the understanding I was doing something wrong, or who even knows why-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 8:38 [laughs]

Lauren Sorrentino 8:38 ... I went there, but it's b- but I felt confused.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 8:42 Yeah.

Lauren Sorrentino 8:42 You know?

Dr. Becky Kennedy 8:43 Yeah. What about you, Mike? Do you remember that? Do you remember being punished?

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 8:46 I do. [laughs]

Lauren Sorrentino 8:47 [laughs]

Dr. Becky Kennedy 8:47 Yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 8:47 I do. Um, you know, they, it started out as punishments, just, you know, "Go to your room."

Dr. Becky Kennedy 8:53 Yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 8:54 And then eventually, um, as the, um, behavior continued and there was a non-change in my behavior, then they would start to remove TVs.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 9:04 Mm-hmm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 9:04 Remove the door.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 9:06 [laughs]

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 9:06 Uh, remove, you know, the-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 9:08 Remove the door? Your bedroom door?

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 9:09 The se- the saga-

Lauren Sorrentino 9:11 Yeah, I had no door-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 9:11 ... or whatever

Lauren Sorrentino 9:11 ... for a period of time as well.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 9:12 You both had no doors.

Lauren Sorrentino 9:13 We both had no doors-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 9:14 Yeah

Lauren Sorrentino 9:14 ... on the hinges.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 9:14 Were you, were you slammers?

Lauren Sorrentino 9:16 That was the big thing.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 9:16 Is that why? Slammer-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 9:17 Uh, I, I, I think the door equated to they wanted to know what I was doing in there-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 9:22 Mm

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 9:22 ... and also no girls in the room, too, because they wanted-

Lauren Sorrentino 9:26 That was it

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 9:26 ... to know what I was doing in, in the room. Eventually, after that, then it turned to a chore list, a very in-depth chore list of, you know, waxing cabinets.

Lauren Sorrentino 9:37 [laughs]

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 9:37 I mean, we're talking everything, the floors, the cabinets-

Lauren Sorrentino 9:39 Well, I'm very thankful for that

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 9:39 ... because they had to kee- they had-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 9:40 I'll just send you over to my house. [laughs]

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 9:42 Now, now I will say, I will say that-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 9:45 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 9:45 ... chore list-

Lauren Sorrentino 9:46 Life skills

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 9:47 ... had helped a little bit because it, it, it, it ha- it had structure. It had routine. It, it, it, it taught me a bunch of things, so-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 9:55 Yes

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 9:55 ... I'll be honest with you.

Lauren Sorrentino 9:56 Yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 9:56 I'm not really against-

Lauren Sorrentino 9:58 The chore list

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 9:58 ... like, chore lists.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 9:59 I wanna mark that over here, because like anything when we make changes in parenting style or anything, it rarely is the case that the old way you need to, to throw completely out without taking lessons-

Lauren Sorrentino 10:11 Mm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 10:11 ... from it that were useful.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 10:12 Yeah.

Lauren Sorrentino 10:12 Mm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 10:12 And it sounds like there are certain things, structure, purpose, capability-

Lauren Sorrentino 10:16 Mm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 10:16 ... helpfulness, that actually were really helpful to you.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 10:19 Yeah. Uh, and that's why I say I'm not against-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 10:22 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 10:22 ... chore lists. I believe that it, it, uh, it, it builds, you know, a structure and routine.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 10:27 Mm-hmm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 10:28 And, and later in life, you know, once I got together with, um, you know, my now mo- my wife, I knew how to do laundry.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 10:36 [laughs]

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 10:36 I knew how to, like, you know, be somewhat of, um, uh, not a homemaker, but, um-

Lauren Sorrentino 10:43 Take pride in your home and, like-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 10:44 Yeah

Lauren Sorrentino 10:44 ... contribute to the household.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 10:45 Yeah, yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 10:45 Like a functional adult.

Lauren Sorrentino 10:47 Yeah. [laughs]

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 10:47 Yes. Yeah.

Lauren Sorrentino 10:47 Right? [laughs]

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 10:47 Yeah.

Lauren Sorrentino 10:47 I feel like e-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 10:48 Yeah

Lauren Sorrentino 10:48 ... everyone should.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 10:49 Yeah, 100%.

Lauren Sorrentino 10:51 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 10:51 And so i- it's interesting to me about the no door, 'cause I do hear this from so many people-

Lauren Sorrentino 10:55 Mm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 10:56 ... too, um, the removal of the doors from people who used to slam doors, and then their parents would actually follow through, and this kind of mix of communication around, "I don't-

Lauren Sorrentino 11:06 Mm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 11:07 ... I don't trust you, literally. I don't trust you enough to-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 11:09 Yeah

Dr. Becky Kennedy 11:10 ... close the door."

Lauren Sorrentino 11:11 Mm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 11:11 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 11:11 But I'm also not necessarily teaching you the skills you-

Lauren Sorrentino 11:16 Right

Dr. Becky Kennedy 11:16 ... didn't have to necessarily make the changes-

Lauren Sorrentino 11:19 Mm-hmm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 11:19 ... either. Um, but it's so different from how you intervene now.

Lauren Sorrentino 11:23 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 11:23 You take your son to his room. Get... I'm curious, Mike, before, uh, you were saying you're taking Lauren's lead on this. Is there a part of you, or has there been, like- This is so, I don't know, this is, this is so permissive. This isn't gonna work.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 11:39 I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll like-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 11:39 I have to show how the world works.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 11:41 I'll, no-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 11:41 This is n- no one's gonna take you to your room when you're an 18-year-old

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 11:44 ... a little, a little more tough love you're saying?

Dr. Becky Kennedy 11:46 Yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 11:47 I think sometimes in my brain, um, the first reaction as-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 11:53 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 11:53 ... a man of the home is to put your foot down. Um, but, um, I'm also a very mindful dad and mindful husband.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 12:01 Mm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 12:01 I've been through so much in life that I'm able to easily rewind it and step back, take a, take a deep breath-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 12:08 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 12:09 ... look around at my surroundings-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 12:10 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 12:11 ... and find the best route forward.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 12:13 Mm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 12:13 Sometimes it could be listening to my wife and stepping back. Sometimes it could be me being the, um, the, uh, father figure in the room, um, to, to step up and, and, and-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 12:25 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 12:25 ... handle my son and take him into the next room. But I do, like I said, take him in the other room and give him a hug, and it works-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 12:32 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 12:32 ... nine out of 10 times every time.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 12:33 Yeah. I mean, I think how many times in our adult life, you know, when we're, "I don't know, you never understand me, I can't talk to you," how m- how many times has that person said, "Hold on, do you need a hug?"

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 12:45 I actually do that-

Lauren Sorrentino 12:46 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 12:46 ... with adults now.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 12:47 Do you?

Lauren Sorrentino 12:47 No, we do.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 12:48 [laughs] I do-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 12:48 We do

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 12:48 ... I do that with adults. I don't know what TV show you know I'm on, but-

Lauren Sorrentino 12:51 [laughs]

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 12:52 ... I do that with adults. [laughs] And it works. It works.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 12:56 It does.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 12:56 Y- it, it diffuses the situation, pun intended. Um-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 13:00 [laughs]

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 13:00 ... and, and you're like, "Listen, come on."

Dr. Becky Kennedy 13:02 Yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 13:02 "Just bring it in. Bring it in."

Lauren Sorrentino 13:03 And-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 13:03 And it works. [laughs]

Lauren Sorrentino 13:04 And I think a big part of that, I don't know if it comes to men the same way that it comes to women, because I don't want to say it's like a motherly instinct, 'cause I didn't have that with my first. But now that I have three children, and I'm settled into my role as a mother, I look at everybody as children.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 13:23 Mm.

Lauren Sorrentino 13:23 And not insulting, in, in a powerful way.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 13:27 Yes.

Lauren Sorrentino 13:27 In a like, i- every adult, every professional, every everything. So when someone acts out of character or alignment, I don't dislike them or-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 13:37 Mm

Lauren Sorrentino 13:38 ... have any animosity to them. I'm like, "What happened in your life that hurt," you know what I mean, like, hurt you that way?

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 13:44 Mm. Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 13:44 Mm.

Lauren Sorrentino 13:44 And that's at the level that I feel like I'm at in trying to raise my children that way.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 13:50 So I just want to mirror that back. When I'm with another adult, something at work or-

Lauren Sorrentino 13:54 Mm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 13:54 ... I don't know, a friend has some huge reaction, they find out I was at a dinner with another friend-

Lauren Sorrentino 13:59 Mm-hmm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 13:59 ... and they kind of attack me for-

Lauren Sorrentino 14:00 Yeah

Dr. Becky Kennedy 14:00 ... not inviting them, it was a small thing. Something just like that.

Lauren Sorrentino 14:04 Yeah, yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 14:04 The thought process you try to access is, okay, s- something's happening here.

Lauren Sorrentino 14:07 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 14:08 Maybe even old.

Lauren Sorrentino 14:09 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 14:10 There's some, some wound.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 14:12 Mm.

Lauren Sorrentino 14:12 Mm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 14:12 This is in some ways, I'm talking to, I'm making this up, my 40-year-old friend, but I might be talking to-

Lauren Sorrentino 14:18 Mm-hmm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 14:19 ... her eight-year-old left out self.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 14:22 From many years ago. [laughs]

Lauren Sorrentino 14:22 Yes.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 14:22 Right, in the moment.

Lauren Sorrentino 14:23 Yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 14:23 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 14:23 Who, who maybe, I'm making this up, but was alone with those feelings.

Lauren Sorrentino 14:28 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 14:28 Never really learned them.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 14:30 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 14:30 Never got a hug-

Lauren Sorrentino 14:31 Mm-hmm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 14:31 ... [laughs] in that moment.

Lauren Sorrentino 14:33 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 14:33 And I, uh, I think also a part of this is so many times people think, "Oh, so then it's my responsibility to..." No. But just that shift in perspective-

Lauren Sorrentino 14:44 Yes

Dr. Becky Kennedy 14:44 ... changes maybe how angry you are-

Lauren Sorrentino 14:45 Yes

Dr. Becky Kennedy 14:45 ... or just what you say back.

Lauren Sorrentino 14:47 Yes.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 14:47 Yeah, we usually give-

Lauren Sorrentino 14:48 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 14:49 ... everyone the benefit of the doubt-

Lauren Sorrentino 14:51 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 14:51 ... in every interaction.

Lauren Sorrentino 14:53 Yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 14:53 And we usually lead with kindness.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 14:55 Oh. You know, [laughs] when I was talking to someone about, you know, having the two of you on-

Lauren Sorrentino 15:01 Mm-hmm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 15:01 ... um, of course, Mike, you're very known for, you know, GTL, like the ultimate acronym.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 15:04 Gym, tanning, and laundry.

Lauren Sorrentino 15:06 Mm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 15:06 But, but my ultimate acronym, so I can go acronym to acronym-

Lauren Sorrentino 15:09 Mm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 15:10 ... face-to-face with you, is MGI.

Lauren Sorrentino 15:11 Mm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 15:11 Most generous interpretation. If we think about the most generous interpretation of why my kid, I don't know, said, "I hate you," it's probably because they were upset, and they don't have the language to say to me at age four, "I'm very disappointed with this decision." And so it just comes out-

Lauren Sorrentino 15:29 Yeah

Dr. Becky Kennedy 15:29 ... as, "I hate you." Or why my friend, I don't know, had this reaction, my MGI might be, maybe this is a little bit about the situation, but a lot a bit about something that maybe happened a long time ago.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 15:42 Yes. They say what? Hurt people hurt people.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 15:45 That's right. Hurt people hurt people. Um, I'm thinking about, and it might seem like a leap, but I wanna make it because it, it's interesting. My co-founder at Good Inside is another psychologist, and she spent her kind of whole career before we kind of started Good Inside together in substance use and working with individuals and adults, you know, who struggle in that way. And when we've talked to people, they often say, "It's so kind of interesting. She comes from the substance use world. You come from parenting, emotion regulation world. How did that come together?" And the two of us always look at each other and we think, actually, like, those things are really intimately connected. I know parenting matters to you, emotions matter to you, and I know s- substance use has been a part of your lives, is now in some ways at the forefront of what matters to you and a lot of your business. So, l- let's kind of bring that together. Maybe we can start with when you think about how you're raising your kids, and the importance of recognizing their emotions, being with them, teaching them to manage emotions. And when you also think about substance use and, and the role that's played, you know, in the past, how do you bring that together?

Lauren Sorrentino 17:02 That's what I ask myself almost every day-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 17:06 Yeah

Lauren Sorrentino 17:06 ... I think, with, you know, waking up as a mom to small children-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 17:10 Yeah

Lauren Sorrentino 17:10 ... and having our life be out there in the open.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 17:13 Yeah.

Lauren Sorrentino 17:14 But also, um, you know, wanting to be transparent with our children-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 17:18 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 17:18 Yes

Lauren Sorrentino 17:18 ... from the beginning. And right now-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 17:20 Mm

Lauren Sorrentino 17:20 ... our oldest is four-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 17:22 Mm

Lauren Sorrentino 17:22 ... but it's like, when is the right age to introduce language and conversation-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 17:27 Mm

Lauren Sorrentino 17:27 ... about recovery and substances, and how, you know, it is a disease, and how they affect every member of the family. Um-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 17:37 Yeah

Lauren Sorrentino 17:37 ... you know, my brother, their uncle-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 17:39 Yes

Lauren Sorrentino 17:39 ... passed away from an overdose. So I have a picture of him and myself in my family room.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 17:44 Mm-hmm.

Lauren Sorrentino 17:44 And I always talk about Uncle Chris.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 17:46 Mm-hmm.

Lauren Sorrentino 17:47 So these are things-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 17:49 Yeah

Lauren Sorrentino 17:49 ... that I ask myself all the time.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 17:51 Yeah.

Lauren Sorrentino 17:51 Um, and I think it's just, you know- ... us navigating that together.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 17:58 Well, I mean, I, I feel that, um, you know, our kids are so young right now.

Lauren Sorrentino 18:02 Yes.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 18:02 Yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 18:02 But at the same time, if, if every single year dad is celebrating his 10 years of sobriety, his 11 years of sobriety, his 12 years of sobriety, and the kids are growing up with that, do you see the trend that is following here? It's, it's awareness.

Lauren Sorrentino 18:16 Yes.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 18:16 Yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 18:16 It's education at an early age, and that is some of the most important things that you can instill in a child.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 18:24 Mm-hmm.

Lauren Sorrentino 18:24 Yep.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 18:24 Yes.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 18:24 I also believe, like you said-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 18:25 Yes

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 18:25 ... the transparency is, is, is-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 18:27 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 18:27 ... as amazing as well. Um, but if we're putting so much emphasis as a family-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 18:32 Yes

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 18:33 ... into sobriety-

Lauren Sorrentino 18:34 Mm

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 18:35 ... they're gonna know what's important at an early age.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 18:38 Wh- what does that mean to you in terms of this stage in your life, sobriety, h-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 18:43 Uh, I mean, it's probably where I... It, it's why I am where I am-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 18:49 Mm

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 18:49 ... today in life, in every aspect of my life.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 18:52 Mm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 18:53 I am my best self in every single area because of my sobriety, my mindfulness, my education, and my experience, and I also don't shy away from, um, my history, uh, what made me the man I am today. Because I've-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 19:08 Mm

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 19:09 ... turned those Ls into lessons.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 19:11 Mm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 19:11 I've made the adjustments and the pivots where they needed to be, when they needed to be, to eventually grow to be the best version of myself right now.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 19:21 Could you share, could you share one of them? Like, what, more specifically, like the lessons, like you said, our past teaches us-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 19:27 Oh

Dr. Becky Kennedy 19:27 ... right?

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 19:28 Well, I mean, um, I was technically a victim of addiction, which in turn started out as experimentation.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 19:40 Mm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 19:41 My own decision, but I was not educated on what addiction is and how it could manifest in my own life. In, in, in, in the early years, I'm like, "Oh, uh, not gonna happen to me."

Dr. Becky Kennedy 19:57 Mm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 19:57 You know, I can have fun and experiment, and just like every other college kid out there in their 20s, they start out drinking and partying, and I always thought I was, you know, the life of the party or everyone loved my... Which in turn it was true for a little bit. It was. Um, eventually, uh, addiction does not discriminate.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 20:17 Mm. Addiction does not discriminate.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 20:20 And, and has, it has consequences. So, uh, eventually I became dependent upon prescription opiates, and that, th- then after that, then it would became, it seeped into every area of my life. Relationships, um, you're not making good decisions 'cause you're intoxicated all the time. Um, you start to distance yourself and isolate yourself from family. So as I'm giving you all of these symptoms, um, it affects every area of your life. Even though I was a millionaire, even though I was making millions a year from MTV on the biggest show in the country, okay, and no one would say no to me, still-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 21:04 Mm

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 21:04 ... my life started to go like this, slowly, because I was bringing in so much money. But it was happening slowly, and people just didn't see it. So, um, eventually, years later, Uncle Sam came knocking at the door, and he came knocking at the door because someone was intoxicated and was not on top his, of his financial house.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 21:31 Mm-hmm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 21:32 See, if you're have your wits about you in life, right, you're going to make good decisions for yourself-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 21:38 Mm.

Lauren Sorrentino 21:38 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 21:38 ... your family, your friends, right? But if you are intoxicated, then, um, you are not your best self.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 21:45 Yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 21:45 And I didn't file my taxes. And so then when they came and, and indicted me, um, it was from my own decisions. So, um, at the time when all this happened, it was, it was, um, definitely life-changing.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 22:02 Mm-hmm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 22:02 It, um, it, it had to happen.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 22:06 Mm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 22:07 And there had to be a reaction from me, and the reaction from me was I have to do something to save my life or else, um, quite possibly, um, I would not have one, you know?

Dr. Becky Kennedy 22:23 Lauren, what comes up for you? Uh, I know this isn't your first time hearing this-

Lauren Sorrentino 22:26 Yeah

Dr. Becky Kennedy 22:26 ... obviously, but what-

Lauren Sorrentino 22:27 Yeah

Dr. Becky Kennedy 22:27 ... what's going on, what goes on inside you when you hear about this? And I know your brother, right?

Lauren Sorrentino 22:31 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 22:31 Uh, prob- must be on your mind, too.

Lauren Sorrentino 22:33 Yeah. I think that, um, what's really important to me about sharing the substance abuse nature with my family, and when I say family, my meaning my, my young children, in the future, is that the awareness of their feelings.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 22:49 Mm-hmm.

Lauren Sorrentino 22:50 And oftentimes what you, what brings you to pick up a first substance, whether you're socializing, whether you're an addict, or whether you're experimenting-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 22:59 Mm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 22:59 Yes

Lauren Sorrentino 23:00 ... what is the emotion behind picking something up? Because there's something there.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 23:04 Yes.

Lauren Sorrentino 23:04 Whether it's a sense of wanting to belong, or wanting to fit in, or wanting to see what it feels to be out of control-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 23:11 Yeah, curiosity

Lauren Sorrentino 23:11 ... and out of your body.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 23:12 Yep.

Lauren Sorrentino 23:12 Out of curiosity.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 23:13 Mm-hmm.

Lauren Sorrentino 23:14 And if I'm able to educate my children on what these feelings mean-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 23:20 And alternatives

Lauren Sorrentino 23:21 ... and safety way- safe f- ways to experiment with feelings-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 23:25 Yes

Lauren Sorrentino 23:25 ... and how to get yourself to a baseline of a comfortability-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 23:29 Yes

Lauren Sorrentino 23:29 ... without a substance.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 23:30 Mm. I wanna double click on that, because a different version of a baseline I think about is kind of let's talk about dancing sober.

Lauren Sorrentino 23:39 Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 23:39 That's just a good example.

Lauren Sorrentino 23:40 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 23:40 Right? Even though it's not like that's the ultimate life goal.

Lauren Sorrentino 23:42 Right.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 23:42 But something like that comes up, and it's kind of representative of being in a situation that feels vulnerable-

Lauren Sorrentino 23:46 Mm-hmm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 23:47 ... where other people see you-

Lauren Sorrentino 23:48 Mm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 23:48 ... and your level of comfort. So let's just say that.

Lauren Sorrentino 23:51 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 23:51 If we think about baseline, what you're talking about here for what you want for your kids, I think, is I want them and their baseline to be- ... comfortable enough-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 24:02 Mm-hmm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 24:02 ... with themselves.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 24:04 Yes.

Lauren Sorrentino 24:04 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 24:04 Or even comfortable enough with their awkwardness.

Lauren Sorrentino 24:08 Mm-hmm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 24:08 Yes.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 24:08 'Cause not everyone's gifted as a great dancer.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 24:10 Yep, yep.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 24:10 I don't know about you-

Lauren Sorrentino 24:11 [laughs]

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 24:11 Yeah

Dr. Becky Kennedy 24:11 ... my moves aren't that great.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 24:12 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 24:13 But I-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 24:13 Yep

Dr. Becky Kennedy 24:13 ... but I want them to be comfortable enough-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 24:15 Yes

Dr. Becky Kennedy 24:15 ... in their awkwardness-

Lauren Sorrentino 24:16 Mm-hmm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 24:16 Yes

Dr. Becky Kennedy 24:17 ... that how much they need something-

Lauren Sorrentino 24:21 Mm-hmm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 24:22 ... to feel comfortable isn't a 10 out of 10. It isn't an-

Lauren Sorrentino 24:26 Mm-hmm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 24:26 ... eight out of 10. Maybe it's a two out of 10, but at-

Lauren Sorrentino 24:29 Mm-hmm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 24:29 ... a two out of 10, it's manageable.

Lauren Sorrentino 24:31 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 24:32 Where at an eight, nine, 10 out of 10-

Lauren Sorrentino 24:34 Mm-hmm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 24:35 ... that, that, it's, it's much harder to manage.

Lauren Sorrentino 24:37 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 24:37 Is that kind of what you're getting at?

Lauren Sorrentino 24:38 Yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 24:39 Yes.

Lauren Sorrentino 24:39 That's where-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 24:40 Mm-hmm

Lauren Sorrentino 24:40 ... I, where my goal is. But again, I'm speaking from the-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 24:44 Yeah

Lauren Sorrentino 24:44 ... part of the half that is not in sobriety.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 24:47 Mm.

Lauren Sorrentino 24:47 So I really lean on him-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 24:49 Yeah

Lauren Sorrentino 24:49 ... to share. I want him-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 24:50 Mm

Lauren Sorrentino 24:50 ... to be honest with them-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 24:52 Yeah

Lauren Sorrentino 24:52 ... when the age is, is appropriate, you know?

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 24:54 I-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 24:54 Yes

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 24:54 ... I mean, I learned, and it's, this probably takes years of practice for people, but when I go to the club, I'm happier-

Lauren Sorrentino 25:01 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 25:02 ... than 99% of the people in the club because I've learned to sort of vibe out and be so comfortable with who I am-

Lauren Sorrentino 25:10 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 25:11 ... um, that I'm happier, talkative, right? Have better conversation. And then after about an hour when people start to slur and can't even-

Lauren Sorrentino 25:19 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 25:19 ... get their conversations out-

Lauren Sorrentino 25:21 Yes

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 25:21 ... I exit, and in the morning, I go to the gym-

Lauren Sorrentino 25:23 [laughs]

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 25:23 ... because I can get up and do my gym, tanning, and laundry.

Lauren Sorrentino 25:26 Yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 25:26 And, and again, it does take years of practice-

Lauren Sorrentino 25:29 Yes

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 25:29 ... to get to, to where I am at.

Lauren Sorrentino 25:32 Yep.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 25:33 Um, 'cause like you said, the two out of 10, a lot of people are not comfortable in their own skin. But what they need to realize is, okay, that, um, authenticity is such an unmatched vibe.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 25:47 [gasps] Love that.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 25:47 No one is going to be you-

Lauren Sorrentino 25:50 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 25:50 ... no matter how hard anybody tries.

Lauren Sorrentino 25:53 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 25:53 Yep.

Lauren Sorrentino 25:53 And that's a good thing.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 25:54 So, so if you know that, your laugh-

Lauren Sorrentino 25:57 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 25:57 ... your chuckle, how you speak-

Lauren Sorrentino 25:59 Mm-hmm

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 25:59 ... how you dance, um, you are a, a one of one.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 26:04 Yeah.

Lauren Sorrentino 26:04 Mm-hmm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 26:05 And that is why when I'm at the club, I'm like, Situation's here.

Lauren Sorrentino 26:08 [laughs]

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 26:09 You know what I mean? Big Daddy Sitch is here.

Lauren Sorrentino 26:11 [laughs]

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 26:11 Okay, and everyone's like, "Why is he always so happy?" It's because I've, I've learned these tools.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 26:18 Yeah. So I, I wanna, I wanna talk about this 'cause it's so, I think it's so important and not talked about enough how all of this actually connects to parenting.

Lauren Sorrentino 26:27 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 26:27 Because when I think about something that I see all the time from the most well-intentioned parents, it's this constant urge to keep our kid happy all the time.

Lauren Sorrentino 26:37 Mm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 26:37 To take away-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 26:39 Mm-hmm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 26:39 ... their disappointment-

Lauren Sorrentino 26:40 Mm-hmm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 26:40 ... or their awkward feelings.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 26:42 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 26:42 For example, a kid is going to a birthday party, and they feel awkward. They feel anxious, right?

Lauren Sorrentino 26:47 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 26:48 Where I'm definitely not, and you know me. Throw the kid in.

Lauren Sorrentino 26:51 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 26:51 Right? But there's a lot between that and always trying to keep our kid happy, and helping them see-

Lauren Sorrentino 26:59 Mm-hmm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 26:59 ... awkwardness, discomfort as something to tolerate, not exit from. I'm just thinking about how that, when our kids are young, sets them up when they're 18, 25, 40, to, to kind of have this arsenal of skills and experience where they've learned that it's okay to be them even when things don't feel-

Lauren Sorrentino 27:24 Mm-hmm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 27:24 ... kind of happy and perfect.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 27:26 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 27:26 So how does that play out when your kids are upset, when they're left out, when they want something and they don't have it? H- How is kind of your life experience and how does that play out in how you parent them today?

Lauren Sorrentino 27:42 Mm-hmm. That's something that we're actively-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 27:44 Mm-hmm

Lauren Sorrentino 27:44 ... working on.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 27:45 Yes, actively.

Lauren Sorrentino 27:46 There's, I share a lot of that information-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 27:49 Yes.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 27:49 Yes

Lauren Sorrentino 27:49 ... from your app with him. [laughs]

Dr. Becky Kennedy 27:50 Yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 27:51 Yes, no, uh-

Lauren Sorrentino 27:52 Because in-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 27:52 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 27:52 ... I'm guilty. You know?

Lauren Sorrentino 27:53 He's the, he's the good cop.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 27:54 I'm definitely guilty, but I do know-

Lauren Sorrentino 27:55 I'm the bad cop when that happens.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 27:57 Yeah. I'm definitely guilty of that because I just don't want my kids to, to be upset. But I know-

Lauren Sorrentino 28:02 Nobody wants to see their kid upset

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 28:03 ... but I know that discomfort, um, is like a muscle.

Lauren Sorrentino 28:08 Yes.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 28:08 Ugh.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 28:08 And that-

Lauren Sorrentino 28:09 Yes

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 28:09 ... um, it, it will eventually lead to growth.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 28:12 So, uh-

Lauren Sorrentino 28:13 And strength

Dr. Becky Kennedy 28:13 ... I think that's so important. Discomfort's a muscle, and I think also what you're saying is actually learning to tolerate discomfort is the muscle. Because when your kids, I don't know, are in their teen or early adult years, I don't think you expect them to call you every day and say, "Everything's smooth, everything's smooth, everything's smooth. I got the job I want, I got the promotion I want, I have the partner I want. I've never been in traffic in my life." Like, that's never gonna happen. So me too, when I think about my kids older on, I, I just, I don't expect them to call me and say, "I've achieved everything I want to achieve all the time, and I'm perfectly happy." I know, I don't know, when they're in high school, when they're in college, after, they're gonna have disappointment. They're gonna have a breakup that they didn't want to have. Something as silly as, I don't know, they're gonna miss a flight or try to register for a class and get closed out. And how they cope with that or how they cope with asking someone out on a date even though they're not sure, I don't know, they'll say yes, that's not something that just starts at age-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 29:19 Yeah

Dr. Becky Kennedy 29:19 ... 16 or 26.

Lauren Sorrentino 29:21 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 29:21 And so when our kids are young and they're upset-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 29:25 Uh-huh

Dr. Becky Kennedy 29:25 ... helping them see that they can get through it without necessarily-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 29:31 Oh, yes. Yes, yes

Dr. Becky Kennedy 29:31 ... bringing it to a zero-

Lauren Sorrentino 29:33 Mm-hmm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 29:33 ... is the, is kind of, like, the biggest gift-

Lauren Sorrentino 29:36 Yes

Dr. Becky Kennedy 29:36 ... we can give them.

Lauren Sorrentino 29:36 Yes.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 29:37 Right?

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 29:37 I think, honey-

Lauren Sorrentino 29:37 Yes

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 29:38 ... honey, I think we do that, right?

Lauren Sorrentino 29:39 We do do that.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 29:40 [laughs]

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 29:40 With, we do that a lot-

Lauren Sorrentino 29:41 We-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 29:41 ... with affirmations.

Lauren Sorrentino 29:42 We do.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 29:43 Mm.

Lauren Sorrentino 29:43 Yes.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 29:43 You are strong. You're courageous. You're smart. You're beautiful. Um, to-

Lauren Sorrentino 29:48 And just-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 29:48 ... to let them know that, to believe in themselves.

Lauren Sorrentino 29:50 And we really validate what, what the, you know-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 29:54 Mm

Lauren Sorrentino 29:54 ... what the disappointment is, why, you know, this morning-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 29:58 She's good with it

Lauren Sorrentino 29:58 ... I was in the shower, okay?

Dr. Becky Kennedy 30:00 Yeah.

Lauren Sorrentino 30:00 My son comes running upstairs. He's hysterically crying, opens my shower door. "What happened?" "Daddy won't let me have a lollipop."

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 30:08 It was 7:00 AM

Lauren Sorrentino 30:09 Well, it's barely 7:00 AM

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 30:11 [laughs]

Dr. Becky Kennedy 30:11 Right.

Lauren Sorrentino 30:12 You can have a lollipop for breakfast

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 30:13 Yes

Lauren Sorrentino 30:14 Oh, okay

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 30:14 That's, that's the thing

Lauren Sorrentino 30:16 If he wants to have

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 30:16 Yes

Dr. Becky Kennedy 30:16 Yeah

Lauren Sorrentino 30:17 So, you know, but I said, "I know that you really wanted that lollipop."

Dr. Becky Kennedy 30:20 Yeah

Lauren Sorrentino 30:20 "If you eat lunch at school," 'cause sometimes it comes home full, I said, "Then you can have a lollipop after school."

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 30:25 She's very good with that.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 30:26 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 30:26 The kids will run to me. They'll run to me. My Mia Bella, who is two and a half, she's gorgeous, she'll run to me and say, first thing out of her mouth, "Daddy, chocolate."

Dr. Becky Kennedy 30:34 [laughs]

Lauren Sorrentino 30:34 Well, I think she-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 30:35 You know?

Lauren Sorrentino 30:35 ... she trained her for that

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 30:36 And it's so hard, just so hard.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 30:37 [laughs]

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 30:37 She's so-

Lauren Sorrentino 30:37 [laughs]

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 30:38 It's so hard for me to say no. And the same thing, the kids will, you know, 'cause I am, um, not... My wife is, is, is, is always around

Dr. Becky Kennedy 30:48 Primary, yes

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 30:49 I am less around than my wife

Dr. Becky Kennedy 30:51 Yes

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 30:51 Soon as they see me, that's the first thing they ask for me, and it's almost like they, they know that I'm gonna do it. And now, because of my wife taking the lead, I follow and I say, "No," you know-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 31:02 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 31:02 ... "You have to have breakfast first," or, "No, you have to have dinner first."

Dr. Becky Kennedy 31:05 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 31:05 "And if you don't eat dinner, then, you know, you can't have snacks or dessert-"

Dr. Becky Kennedy 31:08 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 31:08 ... or anything like that.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 31:09 Yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 31:09 So we're trying.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 31:10 And I just wanna reflect back something you said. It's interesting, when you were telling the story around the period of your addiction, you said, "Nobody said no to me."

Lauren Sorrentino 31:18 Mm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 31:18 No one. And doctors, um, people in authority-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 31:20 But it seems like-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 31:21 Chomps, nobody

Dr. Becky Kennedy 31:21 ... you didn't say it, but it seems like there was a hint of, "Even if I wouldn't have liked it at the time, it would've been good for people to say no to me."

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 31:29 Yes.

Lauren Sorrentino 31:30 Mm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 31:32 Yes.

Lauren Sorrentino 31:32 Mm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 31:32 Um, yes, definitely at the time, if people would've made it a little harder for me, um, maybe that might have lessened the fall maybe. Um, I don't know

Dr. Becky Kennedy 31:41 Because now we're talking about your kids.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 31:43 Yeah.

Lauren Sorrentino 31:43 Mm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 31:44 And I think parents, so many times they hear in their brain, like, "You know, I don't know. I don't wanna say no. I don't see my kids that much." But I think it's so powerful to redefine love, even if we're not the primary parent. There are so many times looking back on our lives that we know hearing no from someone would've been the ultimate form of love, because they're able to hold a longer term goal in mind for us-

Lauren Sorrentino 32:07 Mm-hmm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 32:08 ... as opposed to just give us what we seemingly want in the moment.

Lauren Sorrentino 32:11 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 32:12 And yeah, like a lollipop for breakfast might be a good example.

Lauren Sorrentino 32:15 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 32:15 We all have at times here and there where we're like, "Fine, have a lollipop. It's one of those days." But I think sometimes we feel guilty and we tell ourselves, "Oh, I d- I don't wanna say no. I like to be the good cop."

Lauren Sorrentino 32:25 Mm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 32:25 But if we're honest with ourselves, so many times we feel most seen and helped by people when they do set limits.

Lauren Sorrentino 32:32 Yes.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 32:32 I had to draw the line-

Lauren Sorrentino 32:33 Yes

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 32:33 ... the, I had to draw the line in the sand this morning.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 32:36 Yeah.

Lauren Sorrentino 32:36 That is so proud.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 32:36 On the way here to Dr. Becky-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 32:39 [laughs]

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 32:39 ... I was like, "You are not having a lollipop for breakfast."

Dr. Becky Kennedy 32:43 Yes.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 32:43 I knew this was happening.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 32:44 Yes.

Lauren Sorrentino 32:45 I have to tell you, I was so proud.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 32:47 Oh.

Lauren Sorrentino 32:47 And to s- you know, you know how it is when you see your children crying. That breaks every parent's heart. But to see him crying and tell me that Daddy said no to a lollipop, I was so happy.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 32:57 Oh, I agree.

Lauren Sorrentino 32:58 I was so proud of him, you know?

Dr. Becky Kennedy 32:59 Yes

Lauren Sorrentino 32:59 It was a good thing, and I think that everybody needs to know that no is not a bad word.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 33:06 Thank you.

Lauren Sorrentino 33:07 Even outside of people who are not parents, no is not a bad word

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 33:10 Yeah, even at, with adults too.

Lauren Sorrentino 33:12 Yes.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 33:12 Yes.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 33:12 Mm-hmm.

Lauren Sorrentino 33:12 It's a boundary. It's, it's-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 33:14 Mm

Lauren Sorrentino 33:15 ... needed-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 33:15 That's right

Lauren Sorrentino 33:16 ... to have a healthy life.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 33:17 A- and I think so many times when we're saying no to a kid, what we have to remind ourselves is we are actually saying yes to a limit or a value that matters to us, right? So let's say it's a different example. Um, I wanna watch another TV show, and we know my kid's been up late the last couple nights.

Lauren Sorrentino 33:35 Mm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 33:35 I know they need sleep. They have school tomorrow.

Lauren Sorrentino 33:38 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 33:39 We tell ourselves, "I don't wanna say no to our kid," but if we reframe it as, "It's my job to hold the bedtime." My four-year-old, my eight-year-old is never gonna say, "Mom, Dad, I think it would be a good idea for me to get sleep." They don't understand the long-term benefits of sleep.

Lauren Sorrentino 33:53 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 33:53 That's not their job. That's our job.

Lauren Sorrentino 33:54 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 33:54 We're the leader. And if we say to ourselves instead, "I might have to say no to them, but truly, that no is only coming because I'm actually saying yes-"

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 34:03 Yes

Lauren Sorrentino 34:03 Mm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 34:03 ... "to something that I know matters-"

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 34:05 Mm.

Lauren Sorrentino 34:05 Mm-hmm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 34:06 ... it does become easier.

Lauren Sorrentino 34:07 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 34:07 Because you remember I'm the leader.

Lauren Sorrentino 34:09 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 34:09 I'm kind of the CEO of my family.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 34:11 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 34:12 And CEOs have to know what they value-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 34:15 Mm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 34:15 ... and what really matters.

Lauren Sorrentino 34:16 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 34:17 Right?

Lauren Sorrentino 34:17 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 34:17 And then, like we said, your kid might be upset, but your kid being upset isn't a sign you're doing something wrong.

Lauren Sorrentino 34:24 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 34:24 Sometimes it's just the sign that you're holding a boundary that good leaders need to hold.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 34:29 So you're like-

Lauren Sorrentino 34:29 Absolutely

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 34:29 ... saying no now, but yes to your future.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 34:32 That's exactly-

Lauren Sorrentino 34:34 Yes. Yes

Dr. Becky Kennedy 34:34 ... right. Which I think at any age, the people who've kind of been really important and influential in our lives, they are people who can see kind of a better version of us in the future, and they make a decision today to help set us up for that instead of almost colluding with whatever version of ourselves we're in in the moment.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 34:59 Mm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 34:59 Right? I think when you're going through addiction as an adult, and I talk to, you know, couples who have kids and maybe one of the partners using, and sometimes it's an act of love for the other partner to say, "We need to talk about this."

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 35:15 Oh, yes. Definitely.

Lauren Sorrentino 35:16 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 35:16 Right?

Lauren Sorrentino 35:16 Mm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 35:16 "I need you to agree to certain things."

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 35:19 Mm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 35:19 "And I'm saying that not out of a place of anger or hating you. I'm actually s- saying that because I love you-"

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 35:26 Mm-hmm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 35:26 ... "and I know what you're capable of, and I know the family life we both need."

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 35:31 Mm-hmm.

Lauren Sorrentino 35:31 Mm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 35:31 Right? That that matters so, that, that is such an act of love.

Lauren Sorrentino 35:34 Mm-hmm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 35:35 Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Lauren Sorrentino 35:35 Mm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 35:35 Addiction can be debilitating in every aspect of your life. That's why we are so vocal.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 35:40 I know we're kind of circling around this, but to name it more directly, I think so many parents, they really, they really care about being cycle breakers. When you think about cycles you wanna break or kind of new cycles you wanna start with your own kid, kids, what, what, what really stands out?

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 35:59 I don't know. I feel like we- we're a very, very good example right now-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 36:03 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 36:04 ... of, um, breaking the chains of maybe, um- How we maybe grew up.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 36:15 Mm-hmm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 36:16 You know? I, I mean, the way that we parent today, the way that we operate. I mean, you know, Dad is 10 years clean and sober. We're opening up treatment centers. Um, we own-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 36:28 Is that about being emotionally present? Is that about-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 36:31 Well-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 36:31 What-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 36:32 Well, well, well definitely because of that, I am very emotionally present. I am super mindful.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 36:38 Mm-hmm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 36:38 Um, the tools that I have learned over the many years are invaluable, you know, that I'm able to pass along to my family and my kids as they start to get older.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 36:49 Yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 36:49 So I feel like, um, also just some of the things that I've learned in recovery about running the tape and running-- A lot of people don't even know what that is, but as a family, we, you know, do it all the time about running the tape on your decisions.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 37:03 What does that mean, just to explain to everyone?

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 37:04 Running the tape on your decisions means that, um, you play a decision out in your head.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 37:09 Mm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 37:09 Almost like a risk assessment tool, you know? Uh, and the easiest one to give an example of is if you were, you know, if I'm at the bar. I'm not me, but-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 37:20 Mm-hmm

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 37:20 ... anyone at the bar, and you decide to drink.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 37:23 Yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 37:23 What are gonna be some possible outcomes-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 37:26 Mm

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 37:27 ... of that risk assessment drill in your head? And you would think to yourself, "Okay, I can possibly get a DUI. I can possibly get into an argument at the bar and a fight. I can possibly get into a car accident and help my- hurt myself and someone else." So as you put these, these line items in your brain, right? Almost like a positive and a negative list. You're like, "Okay, should I make this decision or should I not make this decision?"

Dr. Becky Kennedy 37:54 Mm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 37:55 And you're like, "Well, you know what? Mm, yeah, this, there's too much on the negative list. Probably not a good idea. But I did decide to drink. What are some other things I can do? Let's call an Uber."

Dr. Becky Kennedy 38:08 Mm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 38:08 "And now I just saved myself-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 38:11 Mm

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 38:11 ... possible consequences and a very bad outcome that will to hurt a, many areas-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 38:18 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 38:18 ... of my life." So that's just one example-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 38:20 Example

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 38:20 ... that I gave you.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 38:21 Yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 38:21 And we, I do that in every single decision.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 38:24 You know what's so interesting? It makes me think about that idea of running the tape in a totally different context, too. Which I don't know you have this, but I hear from so many, especially moms, "Ugh, I end up being resentful. I feel so alone. I don't have support." And I'll say something like, if they do have a partner, "Okay, well, what would it be like to ask your partner to come home and help you with bath time?"

Lauren Sorrentino 38:44 Mm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 38:44 "Oh, I couldn't do that." Right? "Okay, well, let's run the tape of what happens if you don't."

Lauren Sorrentino 38:48 Yeah. [laughs]

Dr. Becky Kennedy 38:48 "Okay."

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 38:48 Mm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 38:48 "So you don't."

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 38:49 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 38:50 "You feel resentful."

Lauren Sorrentino 38:51 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 38:51 "You're very overwhelmed."

Lauren Sorrentino 38:53 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 38:53 "Your kid whines about one tiny thing, and what's gonna happen then?"

Lauren Sorrentino 38:56 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 38:57 "You're gonna scream, right? Okay."

Lauren Sorrentino 38:58 Mm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 38:58 "Well, that, that's not the prettiest tape [laughs] either."

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 39:02 Yeah.

Lauren Sorrentino 39:02 Yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 39:02 Exactly.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 39:02 Right?

Lauren Sorrentino 39:02 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 39:02 So let's come back, and what would something different... It's such a helpful concept.

Lauren Sorrentino 39:06 Yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 39:06 Yeah.

Lauren Sorrentino 39:06 Oh, yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 39:06 We do that in every area of our life, including conversations. If you get into an argument with somebody-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 39:11 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 39:11 ... and maybe they're being rude to you. If you take a breath- if you take a deep breath and step outside yourself for one second and be like, "Listen, if I get into an argument with this person right now, I might be on TMZ." [laughs]

Dr. Becky Kennedy 39:25 Uh-huh.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 39:25 You know? I might be in the paper. Um, you know what? It's better for me to say, 'Thank you so much. Have a good day. God bless you,' and walk away.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 39:31 [laughs]

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 39:31 It's just little details-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 39:33 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 39:33 ... that me and my wife practice on a daily basis-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 39:36 Ugh

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 39:36 ... in every aspect of our life, that we've learned over many years-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 39:40 Mm-hmm

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 39:40 ... in TV and dealing in certain situations.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 39:43 Yeah. What about cycle breaking for you? Like, are there things-

Lauren Sorrentino 39:46 Yeah

Dr. Becky Kennedy 39:46 ... 'cause I firmly believe this idea of every generation of parents, every parent is doing the best they can with the resources they have, and most parents also wanna do things differently than their parents did-

Lauren Sorrentino 40:01 Mm-hmm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 40:01 ... in some respects, right? So those can be equally true.

Lauren Sorrentino 40:03 Right.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 40:03 It, it doesn't have to be about blame.

Lauren Sorrentino 40:04 Yes.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 40:05 So I'm curious what-- I don't know, is there a form of cycle breaking or something that you know-

Lauren Sorrentino 40:10 Yeah

Dr. Becky Kennedy 40:10 ... really matters for you to give to your kid?

Lauren Sorrentino 40:12 Yeah, definitely. For me personally, cycle breaking means sharing more about my feelings-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 40:19 Mm

Lauren Sorrentino 40:19 ... and how I'm feeling, because there's moments where I'm feeling frustrated, I'm happy, I'm sad. Um, I, and I want my kids to see all of those feelings.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 40:30 Mm-hmm.

Lauren Sorrentino 40:30 I feel like the, the generation I was raised in was hiding a lot of the, you know, if some- if a family member passed. Um, you know, I remember seeing my mom, um, I remember seeing my mom cry when she found out her grandmother passed, and I felt so bad for her, and I wish I could've given her a hug. But I was young-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 40:50 Mm

Lauren Sorrentino 40:50 ... and we didn't really share those, you know, sh- share gr- about, talk about certain things at certain ages. So I think that just really, through all the therapy I've done-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 41:01 Yeah

Lauren Sorrentino 41:01 ... through his, him getting sober, his sobriety, and now me really getting back into therapy through just wanting to be the best parent I can be-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 41:11 Mm-hmm

Lauren Sorrentino 41:11 ... I feel like it's really important. I know that it's really-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 41:14 Yeah

Lauren Sorrentino 41:14 ... important to share my feelings so my kids have examples-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 41:17 Yeah

Lauren Sorrentino 41:18 ... of what life is, 'cause life is not all rainbows and unicorns.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 41:22 I think that, I, I think that's such a important theme. Life is not all rainbows and unicorns. And ironically, the more we try to make our kids' lives when they're young all rainbows and unicorns, of course they're going to expect that a good life in adulthood means all rainbows and unicorns. And in the rainbow and unicorn world, there's no awkward feelings. There's no jealousy. There's no sadness, and I think we want our kids to feel prepared-

Lauren Sorrentino 41:49 Mm-hmm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 41:49 ... for those inevitable feelings.

Lauren Sorrentino 41:51 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 41:51 Right? And I think this example is such a beautiful one. You're upset as a parent There's a l- there's a big difference between putting your feelings on your kid, you don't wanna do that-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 42:03 Mm, I agree

Dr. Becky Kennedy 42:03 ... and talking about your obvious feelings with your kid.

Lauren Sorrentino 42:06 Yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 42:06 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 42:07 Right?

Lauren Sorrentino 42:07 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 42:07 "Yes, you're right to notice I was crying."

Lauren Sorrentino 42:09 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 42:10 "And you keep hearing the word die"-

Lauren Sorrentino 42:12 Mm-hmm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 42:12 ... "cancer" or whatever it is.

Lauren Sorrentino 42:13 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 42:13 "Let me explain that to you."

Lauren Sorrentino 42:15 Right.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 42:15 Right?

Lauren Sorrentino 42:16 Yep.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 42:16 And now it's actually a port- a point of deepening connection with your kid.

Lauren Sorrentino 42:19 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 42:19 They understand what's happening in their environment. They're probably that much more able to deal with their own sad feelings because they know, oh, mom or dad has sad feelings too, and they're-

Lauren Sorrentino 42:28 Mm-hmm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 42:28 ... able to talk about it and work through it. It's not some hidden agenda-

Lauren Sorrentino 42:33 Yeah

Dr. Becky Kennedy 42:33 ... as if it's shameful or wrong.

Lauren Sorrentino 42:35 Yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 42:35 I, I think that, um, because of my wife, she does so much research. I'm like-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 42:39 Mm. [laughs]

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 42:39 ... you know, I'm so proud of her.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 42:41 Mm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 42:41 Um, but, um, we want our children to feel that they are being heard.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 42:47 Mm.

Lauren Sorrentino 42:47 Yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 42:47 And I think that is very important.

Lauren Sorrentino 42:49 Mm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 42:49 And something we do in our home a, a lot. We, we do a lot of listening, and we want to make sure that they know that they are heard, and a lot of times because of my wife, um, we want to get down on at their level.

Lauren Sorrentino 43:02 Yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 43:03 So these, there's a, been, been a ton of things that I've learned from my wife, um, and I'm so very proud of her-

Lauren Sorrentino 43:09 Yeah

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 43:09 ... um, that she's definitely taken the lead, um, in the house. Um, so, um, and I've also learned as well.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 43:15 Yeah. Lauren, you're the u- ultimate forever learner.

Lauren Sorrentino 43:17 [laughs] Yes, yes.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 43:17 Right? S- which is-

Lauren Sorrentino 43:19 Yes

Dr. Becky Kennedy 43:19 ... I think the best it gets.

Lauren Sorrentino 43:20 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 43:20 Nobody knows all this stuff. [laughs]

Lauren Sorrentino 43:22 Yeah, yeah. Life, you know, life's over when you stop learning, I think.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 43:26 Mm-hmm, good phrase.

Lauren Sorrentino 43:27 And, um, I've always been a hard worker. I've always loved working. When I worked in, like, our form- my former career and everything, and when I came into a role as motherhood, I had no idea what I was doing, and I felt like a failure for probably the first year with postpartum and all of that.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 43:44 Mm.

Lauren Sorrentino 43:45 And then as we had more kids, I, I got my groove, and I'm like, "Wait. How do you just know how to do this? [laughs] This is so hard."

Dr. Becky Kennedy 43:54 Yes.

Lauren Sorrentino 43:55 And my sister is actually who introduced me to you and was like, "You know, you really should check out Dr. Becky on Good Inside. People rave about her app."

Dr. Becky Kennedy 44:04 Mm.

Lauren Sorrentino 44:04 And it, it was exactly what I needed-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 44:07 Mm

Lauren Sorrentino 44:08 ... to just give me that boost of confidence and really find a community for, you know, parenting.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 44:15 We've been talking about Dr. Becky-

Lauren Sorrentino 44:16 Oh. [laughs]

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 44:16 ... in the home for months now.

Lauren Sorrentino 44:18 Well. [laughs]

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 44:18 And we were very excited to come here today.

Lauren Sorrentino 44:20 Yes.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 44:21 Well, I'm equally as excited, and I just wanna say the power of normalizing learning-

Lauren Sorrentino 44:25 Mm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 44:25 ... like you were saying, parenting is a job, right?

Lauren Sorrentino 44:27 Yes.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 44:28 And every other job, continuing education-

Lauren Sorrentino 44:31 Yes

Dr. Becky Kennedy 44:31 ... coaching, learning. I don't know one person-

Lauren Sorrentino 44:33 Mm-hmm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 44:34 ... who works at a company that if you heard them say, "I wanna learn more. I wanna educate. I wanna learn from other people," you would never say, "That must mean you're bad at your job." What? It's absurd. I don't know any athlete who doesn't want a coach or even a sports psychologist. We say, "Amazing." That's a, you're taking your potential, you're adding things you learn, and that is how you reach, you know-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 44:57 Yes

Dr. Becky Kennedy 44:57 ... heights. And so to say, that's, I think that's exactly how I wish people look at parenting.

Lauren Sorrentino 45:02 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 45:02 There's certain moments that come naturally.

Lauren Sorrentino 45:04 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 45:05 There's a lot that don't. [laughs] Right?

Lauren Sorrentino 45:07 Right.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 45:07 And we can supplement what feels instinctual with the same thing we do in any other area of our life, learning-

Lauren Sorrentino 45:13 Mm-hmm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 45:13 ... support. And then when you do, the irony is, like you said, Lauren, beautifully, you, you don't feel like a failure anymore.

Lauren Sorrentino 45:19 Mm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 45:19 You feel more confident.

Lauren Sorrentino 45:20 Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 45:21 So beautiful.

Lauren Sorrentino 45:21 Yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 45:22 Um, the hardest part of parenting is?

Lauren Sorrentino 45:25 Ugh. Um, being the bad cop.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 45:29 Mm. [laughs]

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 45:30 Mm. Good answer. That is, that is the truth.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 45:33 For you too.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 45:35 Um, yeah, I, I love being a dad. I worked so hard to be where I'm at right now, and this is, for me, like, um, the end game. End game is family, um, my legacy. So, um-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 45:46 Mm

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 45:46 ... uh, we are a, um, what's the word? Uh, uh, we are learning while we're going, just like every other family, you know? And, uh, but, um, we're actively, the word actively working and educating ourselves to make sure that, um, our kids can turn, grow up to be the, the most best version of themselves.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 46:09 The thing I could have used to hear in my childhood was?

Lauren Sorrentino 46:14 [sighs] I understand.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 46:16 Mm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 46:17 What about you?

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 46:18 I don't know if I can follow up after that one.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 46:20 [laughs]

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 46:20 That was okay.

Lauren Sorrentino 46:21 That one's pretty good.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 46:22 [laughs] Um, that was a good answer. Um, probably what I needed was, um, everything happens for a reason.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 46:30 One thing you do to stay connected in your marriage even as you're raising young kids.

Lauren Sorrentino 46:36 Mm-hmm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 46:36 Oh, good one. We actively work on that.

Lauren Sorrentino 46:39 Yes.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 46:39 All the time.

Lauren Sorrentino 46:40 We try to do weekly, uh, date nights or day dates. I'm really into the date-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 46:45 Yes

Lauren Sorrentino 46:45 ... the lunch date-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 46:46 Ooh

Lauren Sorrentino 46:46 ... 'cause I like my sleep. [laughs]

Dr. Becky Kennedy 46:47 Mm-hmm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 46:48 Um, usually every single day at 11:11, I will text my wife-

Lauren Sorrentino 46:55 This is true

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 46:56 ... "I love you"-

Lauren Sorrentino 46:57 Yes. Every day

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 46:57 ... with 11:11 and a heart and a, and a, like a, like a kissy face or something-

Lauren Sorrentino 47:02 [laughs]

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 47:02 ... just to let her know that, like, I love her, and that I'm thinking of her. Um, that's just one of the things that we, I do on a daily basis.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 47:08 I love that. And both of you have an example, and I think it's so important. That, that's something to be proactive about, too. That doesn't just happen.

Lauren Sorrentino 47:13 No.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 47:13 Right?

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 47:14 Oh, yeah.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 47:14 Like, you have to do the text.

Lauren Sorrentino 47:15 Yes.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 47:15 You have to make the date.

Lauren Sorrentino 47:16 Yes.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 47:16 Right?

Lauren Sorrentino 47:16 Yes.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 47:16 The reason why I said actively, because relationships, all relationships, it could be friendships, it could be work, uh, relationships, anything, uh, it takes work.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 47:25 Yeah.

Lauren Sorrentino 47:25 Mm-hmm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 47:25 Active work-

Lauren Sorrentino 47:26 Mm-hmm

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 47:26 ... on a daily basis-

Lauren Sorrentino 47:27 Mm-hmm

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 47:27 ... 'cause if there is no work, there'll be no relationship.

Lauren Sorrentino 47:30 Mm.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 47:30 And you have to connect outside of your children.

Lauren Sorrentino 47:32 Yes.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 47:32 You know? Because, uh, 99.9% of your convos are gonna be-

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 47:36 It's, it's al-

Dr. Becky Kennedy 47:36 ... "What is going on with them?" [laughs]

Lauren Sorrentino 47:37 ... "What is going on?" [laughs]

Dr. Becky Kennedy 47:37 Carpools, exactly.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 47:39 It's also a always a moving target, too.

Lauren Sorrentino 47:40 Yes.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 47:41 Uh-huh.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 47:41 You know?

Lauren Sorrentino 47:41 Yeah.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 47:41 And we're always trying to, um, listen to each other's feelings, and sometimes she says that I'm being too hard.

Lauren Sorrentino 47:48 Mm-hmm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 47:48 And sometimes, you know, I have to make adjustments.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 47:51 Yeah.

Lauren Sorrentino 47:51 Mm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 47:51 You know? And on a daily basis, on a weekly basis, on a monthly basis, on a yearly basis.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 47:57 Yep.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 47:58 And we're always working on our marriage, hence we are seven years- Uh, happily married this year, November 1st.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 48:04 Congratulations.

Lauren Sorrentino 48:05 Thank you.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 48:06 Okay, my last quick question. Your kids are now older-

Lauren Sorrentino 48:09 Mm

Dr. Becky Kennedy 48:10 ... and you hear one of them describing you. Something like, "Oh, my mom," or, "Oh, my dad," and they say one thing about you. What's the thing you hope they say?

Lauren Sorrentino 48:18 Ugh. Loving and, or kind.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 48:21 Mm.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 48:22 My dad's an inspiration.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 48:24 Mm. Thank you. Thank you for your-

Lauren Sorrentino 48:26 Thank you

Dr. Becky Kennedy 48:26 ... important work. Thank you for your openness and willingness to have hard conversations. So important, so impactful, and we'll do this again soon.

Lauren Sorrentino 48:34 Yes. Thank you for having us.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino 48:35 Yes, thank you so much.

Lauren Sorrentino 48:36 Thank you.

Dr. Becky Kennedy 48:36 There were so many important themes of this conversation today, but I can share with you the one that's feeling the loudest to me, in my brain right now. It is so hard when we're parenting to tolerate the tantrum, to stay calm when our kid screams, "I hate you," to not fix our kids' feelings when they're feeling jealous or disappointed. After today's conversation, I'm going to really remember how important this is, how it is such an amazing service. It is in benefit of my kids to help them tolerate discomfort. That is going to set them up for an adulthood where not only where they'll be more resilient, well, they'll just be so much more comfortable in their skin in a wider range of situations. And so when you're in a tricky situation with your kid today, and it's feeling inconvenient and hard, I hope that gives you a little bit more conviction in what you're doing. Let's end the way we always do. Place your feet on the ground, put a hand on your heart, and let's remind ourselves even as we struggle on the outside, we remain good inside. I'll see you soon. [outro music]