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Will I Ever Feel Like Myself Again After Motherhood? | Morgan Radford & Dr. Becky

Morgan Radford thought she knew herself before becoming a mom: adventurous, ambitious, always chasing novelty and new experiences. Then motherhood arrived — along with postpartum pain, brain fog, fear, comparison, and the shocking feeling that her body and mind no longer belonged to her. In this deeply honest conversation, NBC News anchor and author Morgan Radford talks with Dr. Becky about the parts of new motherhood nobody prepared her for: the physical recovery, the mental disorientation, the pressure to “bounce back,” and the panic that the hardest parts might last forever. But this episode is also about what emerges on the other side: creativity, connection, healing, and the realization that the parts of ourselves we fear we’ve lost may still be alive underneath — just taking a different shape. If you’ve ever wondered, “Will I ever feel like myself again?” this conversation is for you. Thank you to our partners for making this episode possible: - Pipette: https://www.pipettebaby.com/: Get 15% off Pipette’s line of SPF products with the code GOODINSIDESPF at pipettebaby.com - Airbnb: https://click.pscrb.fm/2f: Host your home or book your next stay on Airbnb - LMNT: https://partners.drinklmnt.com/free-gift-with-purchase?utm_medium=sponsor&utm_source=goodinside&utm_campaign=agwp&utm_content=&utm_term=&rfsn_cn=EXCLUSIVE+GIFT+FOR+Dr.+Becky%27s+COMMUNITY: Get a free 8-count sample pack with your purchase at LMNT.com/goodinside](https://partners.drinklmnt.com/free-gift-with-purchase?utm_medium=sponsor&utm_source=goodinside&utm_campaign=agwp&utm_content=&utm_term=&rfsn_cn=EXCLUSIVE+GIFT+FOR+Dr.+Becky%27s+COMMUNITY - Once Upon a Farm: https://onceuponafarmorganics.com/ Use the code GOODINSIDE for 40% off your first subscription

Dr. BeckyhostMorgan Radfordguest
May 21, 202634mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:00 – 1:14

    Setting the theme: when your body and mind don’t feel like “yours” after birth

    1. BE

      I'm so glad you're here. This is Rattled, a show for when new parenthood shakes you. And if you're new here, here's what we do. We take the thoughts that show up in new parenthood, the ones that feel too big, or too scary, or too shameful to say out loud, and we say them, and we sit with them together. Today, we're exploring this thought: Nobody told me that my body and my mind wouldn't feel like mine for a long time, and no one told me that would be temporary. In this episode, we're gonna slow that down together, and we're gonna make that thought less confusing and a little less lonely, and we're going to hear about it from a mom who knew this particular struggle from the inside. She lived it. Today, that voice belongs to Morgan Radford, an NBC News anchor and author of the new novel, Now Then. [gentle music] Who was Morgan Radford-

    2. MR

      Hmm

    3. BE

      ... before her first baby arrived?

  2. 1:14 – 4:13

    Who Morgan was before baby: wanderlust, novelty, and identity roots

    1. MR

      The first word that comes to mind is wanderlust.

    2. BE

      Ooh, tell.

    3. MR

      I think I was just, and I still am, I think, just really open to the world, but I, like, took advantage in different ways. Like, I would travel to Paris for the weekend. I would [laughs] you know?

    4. BE

      Yeah.

    5. MR

      I mean, and I, I look for that in my partner. I look for that in my husband. Um, yeah, I... that's what I, I think about. Um, naturally, I think about now who I am afterward-

    6. BE

      Yep. I can go there, yeah

    7. MR

      ... when I hear that question. Yeah, okay. [laughs]

    8. BE

      Nope.

    9. MR

      I had a lot of wanderlust.

    10. BE

      Wanderlust.

    11. MR

      Yeah.

    12. BE

      So I just wanna flesh that out. I'll tell you the first word that comes to mind. Maybe it's multiple words. Like, novelty seeking. Is that true too?

    13. MR

      Yeah.

    14. BE

      You like new things? Like, you're always up for an adventure, or is it just a travel thing?

    15. MR

      Oh, I'm still that way.

    16. BE

      You love a n-

    17. MR

      I love a new thing.

    18. BE

      You love a new thing.

    19. MR

      Yeah. I love a new thing.

    20. BE

      Love something new.

    21. MR

      I love the adrenaline and the excitement of novelty.

    22. BE

      I think when we can say before a baby, "This is what I know about myself," and your word, wanderlust.

    23. MR

      Hmm.

    24. BE

      For me, right, and of course, I like to let loose and have fun, but my word was probably, um, predictability or even like-

    25. MR

      Hmm

    26. BE

      ... excellence.

    27. MR

      Before motherhood?

    28. BE

      Yeah. Like, always, like, kind of striving for... right? Okay.

    29. MR

      Mm-hmm.

    30. BE

      That thing tells us so much about what's gonna be hard for us after a baby. And I don't even wanna get there yet, but I'm gonna preview. You like want-

  3. 4:13 – 4:45

    The missing message: “This won’t last forever” and the panic of permanence

    1. MR

      I wish someone had said that, though.

    2. BE

      Tell me.

    3. MR

      You started by saying essentially it doesn't last forever. I wish someone had said that.

    4. BE

      It doesn't last forever. It feels like forever when it's happening, right? Like, so intense.

    5. MR

      Feels, feels intense. It feels-

    6. BE

      Yeah

    7. MR

      ... insurmountable at times.

    8. BE

      It does.

    9. MR

      But I wish someone had said it's temporary, because I think-

    10. BE

      Yes

    11. MR

      ... sometimes the anxiety and the panic can make you think, "Oh, my gosh, is this-

    12. BE

      Ugh

    13. MR

      ... eternal?" [laughs] You know? Am I basic forever?

  4. 4:45 – 5:37

    Confidence before motherhood: relying on a sharp mind and meritocratic control

    1. BE

      Before you had a baby, what did you feel especially confident about?

    2. MR

      Oof. My mind.

    3. BE

      Ooh. Say more.

    4. MR

      My mind. Um, I don't think... I, you know, I don't know if I put a lot of stock in sort of other traits.

    5. BE

      Yeah.

    6. MR

      Um, but my mind was always something I could count on. My mind, and at the time, uh, I think a belief in sort of meritocracy, that the only thing that explained my story was being able to think my way through something or to something-

    7. BE

      Hmm

    8. MR

      ... work hard. Um, my mind. I always feel like my mind was very strong, and it was very sharp.

    9. BE

      And it got you places?

    10. MR

      It got me places.

    11. BE

      Got you outcomes, or no?

    12. MR

      Changed my stars.

    13. BE

      Cha- yeah.

    14. MR

      Yeah.

    15. BE

      Wow. Okay. My mind is pinging in a million places, and I'm trying to stay organized.

    16. MR

      [laughs]

  5. 5:37 – 7:02

    Expectations vs reality: imagining a “Thailand beach” maternity leave

    1. BE

      Okay. Um, before motherhood, did you assume anything would be easy? Do you think, looking back, like, "Yeah, I probably assumed this would be natural. I assumed this part would be easy." What falls into that category?

    2. MR

      I think a lot of it. I think a lot of it I assumed would be easy. I feel like women have been giving babies for, you know, bajillions of years, and you know, it's gonna be easy to balance a career and to make decisions eternally and [laughs] to, you know, do the micro things that are required of motherhood, and do the tactical things that are required of motherhood, and do the emotional things that are required of motherhood. I think it all looked very easy.

    3. BE

      Yeah. And, and you said looked. So I'm a visual person too.

    4. MR

      Mm.

    5. BE

      I don't know if you are. If you can remember pre-child Morgan, do you have an image of those first couple weeks? Like, where would you have been? Were you outside? Were you on your couch? What were you doing? Where's the baby?

    6. MR

      When I did have a baby, or would I-

    7. BE

      Before

    8. MR

      ... before I thought?

    9. BE

      Oh, no, no, no. Before. [laughs]

    10. MR

      Oh, I 100% believed I was going to be in Thailand on a beach with a newborn. Oh, I, I was this close to booking the flights. I was like, "This is maternity leave."

    11. BE

      Yeah.

    12. MR

      "I will never have this much paid vacation in my..." Paid vacation. Do you hear that? Paid vacation in my life. That's how I thought of it. And I told my husband, I'm like, "We're going to Thailand. We're gonna just go sit on a beach. I'm gonna nurse."

    13. BE

      I love that for you. [laughs] Okay. So, this is, this is amazing. I love the way you, it, you're sharing. So that first day, that first week, just, just go. Just tell me what.

  6. 7:02 – 8:47

    The moment it became real: “This is my daughter”

    1. MR

      I became a mom the moment I had given birth and I was in a wheelchair, and she was in my arms. We were getting in the elevator of the hospital, and someone said, it was in the elevator, "Oh, you just gave birth." And I said, "This is my daughter."

    2. BE

      Hmm.

    3. MR

      And that sentence, I, I couldn't believe the words. I feel like I'm gonna cry thinking about it.

    4. BE

      Yeah.

    5. MR

      I couldn't believe the words that were coming out, and just the, like, disbelief that this was my actual life, and that this was this human soul that I was responsible for, that I had created, that I am now the guardian of. I became a mom in that sentence.

    6. BE

      I'm d- I'm just letting that sit, 'cause I wanna honor... Like, I've, I actually have chills and tears coming to my eyes. Like, "This is my daughter."

    7. MR

      This is my daughter. And I, and I had the, the gender surprise, so I didn't have a lot of vision. Besides my elephant in Thailand, I didn't have a lot of vision about the baby, what the baby would look like or smell like. Would it have hair? Would it not? Like, I had no sense, and then just even the daughter was a level of specificity I had never allowed my mind to conceive of.

    8. BE

      Yeah. Yeah. So there, as we both know, there's so many amazing, beautiful parts of motherhood. They get a little more air time [laughs] than the moments that are, that are surprise, that fall into the category of, "Geez, I just wish someone told me-

    9. MR

      Mm-hmm

    10. BE

      ... this was gonna be part of it." Take me to one of those moments, one of the moments of, "I wish I had known," or, "That was harder than I thought," or looking back, "Wow, I can't believe I got through that."

  7. 8:47 – 11:06

    Practical postpartum preparation: book support before you need it

    1. MR

      Um, I think the physical piece.

    2. BE

      Yep.

    3. MR

      I think the physical piece, and then there's an attendant emotional piece that comes with that.

    4. BE

      Yeah.

    5. MR

      Like, practically and tactically, I wish that someone had told me, "You book a postnatal appointment, um, before the six-week mark." Right? Like, typically, you go in, you have your six week. No, you need to be in the system, locked and loaded, so you're not fighting for an appointment in case something goes wrong or in case you're having trouble. Like, you should have set up the lactation specialist just in case. You should set up with your OBGYN just in case.

    6. BE

      Before.

    7. MR

      Before. Before.

    8. BE

      Just say that again, because I think people need to hear it so cliche.

    9. MR

      Oh, my gosh. If I could give one piece of advice to myself or to anyone else, it would be to set up your OBGYN appointment and w- an appointment with a lactation specialist, most of which is covered by insurance, by the way-

    10. BE

      Yes

    11. MR

      ... before your six-week typically scheduled appointment, automatic appointment. Because if something goes wrong, you don't have all your faculties. You don't wanna be, like, fighting to get an appointment and figuring out where to go and who the lactation specialist is near you, 'cause you can... You're, like, immobile, you know? And I remember it was my dad and my husband who had to open their laptops, and they had to find it, and, you know, I physically had a really bad allergic reaction to a product, um, that they used, you know, uh, in the hospital, and that was w- more painful for me-

    12. BE

      Hmm

    13. MR

      ... than the birth itself. And so here, my... I mean, and, and watching the men in my life sort of rise up, change my bedsheets every day, find the lactation specialist. I wish I had known to sort of pre-book with foresight, just in case.

    14. BE

      So, okay, there's so many things I, I wanna unpack, and I just wanna say back just to make sure I got it right so they'll... anyone listening gets it right. Before you have the baby, make an appointment with a lactation consultant. Before you have the baby, that's the time to ask friends, "Who did you use?" Find out then.

    15. MR

      Abs-

    16. BE

      Okay

    17. MR

      ... get some referrals.

    18. BE

      And you're saying before you have the baby, your OB, you do not need to wait for that six-week-

    19. MR

      You do not

    20. BE

      ... appointment.

    21. MR

      You need to demand-

    22. BE

      Put something in the calendar

    23. MR

      ... you need to demand-

    24. BE

      And I'm just gonna, I'm gonna speak to the thought that I know parents have. "What, Morgan, what if I don't need it?" Like, what if... Just-

  8. 11:06 – 13:44

    Advocacy and equity: why Black and brown mothers must demand care

    1. MR

      You don't know that you don't need it. You don't know that you don't need it. And this is also, I think this is true for every woman, but if I may take the liberty to also speak to Black and brown women.

    2. BE

      Please.

    3. MR

      We have... You know, I'm a journalist. I cover the Black female mortality rate in this country all the time. It makes no sense that in the first world, in a country as powerful and, frankly, profoundly rich as the United States, we are dying in these numbers so extreme that for the first child, I flew back to Atlanta to find a Black doctor who would viscerally understand the questions I had, that I felt safe, that I knew that if I did have a problem, would not dismiss that problem or, you know, uh... Uh, that was so important to me. So I, I say that especially to the Black and brown mothers to remind them that if someone says, "No, we can't give you an appointment," you must, for yourself and for the health of your child, but really for the health of yourself, make sure that you get that appointment on the books, and you make space for yourself, and you should be in a practice that makes space for you.

    4. BE

      Hmm. [gentle music] There's a very specific moment in the day a lot of parents hit, usually in the afternoon, where you're still going, but everything feels harder than it should. You're answering questions, making decisions, trying to stay patient, and suddenly simple things feel complicated. Like, why does choosing a snack suddenly feel like a high-stakes decision? And most of us, me included, have the tendency to just push through it, power through. But I've started to pay more attention to those in-between moments and how something as basic as hydration can actually help. And that's what I like about LMNT's sparkling electrolyte drinks. They're designed for those exact moments. Not just workouts, but real life. School drop-off, the transition between soccer and coming home, that mid-afternoon dip around 4:07 PM, and it's a simple grab-and-go can. No mixing, no prep. Something I can just reach for when I need a small reset for me. No sugar, no artificial ingredients, just a way to support yourself a little better in the middle of a long day. If you wanna try it, LMNT is offering a free gift with any purchase. Just go to drinklmnt.com/goodinside. That's drink LMNT.com/goodinside. [gentle music] If

  9. 13:44 – 15:29

    Dr. Becky’s reassurance: nothing is wrong with you—your system is adapting

    1. BE

      you are in a moment where your body does not feel like your own, maybe your body is in pain. Maybe you're thinking, "My body would look a different way by now," and it doesn't. Maybe something just feels really off. Maybe you look down and you think, "Who is this person?" Or maybe your mind doesn't feel like your own. You're not remembering things. You can't find the words. You used to feel like you were someone who was organized and got something together, and now everything just feels so jumbled. I wanna say something to you. Nothing is wrong with you. Your body and your mind are doing exactly the thing they're supposed to be doing, adjusting to this massive transition in your life. There will be a moment when you look down and say, "This is me," and there will be a moment when your brain feels more organized and things feel more linear, and you can remember that word you couldn't remember right now. And I have a feeling you'll even laugh about it. Not laughing at yourself, but just laughing because levity returned again. The transition to parenthood is very real, and our body knows that, and it holds onto that, and our mind does, too. So I'm going to kind of end the way I started. There's nothing wrong with you. You're doing this new parenthood thing exactly right. Now, let's get back to the conversation with Morgan.

  10. 15:29 – 16:27

    “Baby cared for, partner cares for you”: a simple postpartum operating system

    1. MR

      I mean, one of the best pieces of advice I ever got while I was pregnant the first time, uh, I had a friend say to me, "Whatever you do, you take care of the baby. Your husband takes care of you. In any moment of doubt, in any moment of choice, that is the order of operation." And again, maybe that's controversial for some. That worked a charm. My husband was making sure I didn't... I mean, I had, like, a fever reaction to some of the medications, et cetera. He was taking care of me, and I mean, I was not letting that baby out of my sight or out of my arms, and so it worked out beautifully, and frankly, it still does.

    2. BE

      Hmm.

    3. MR

      It still does.

    4. BE

      Yeah. Yeah. So let's come back to those, you know... I, I think your... The very, very direct guidance people need to hear, make those appointments, and it sounds like you lived through something very real and visceral in your body that now has led to that guidance, but in the moment was just an experience you were in.

  11. 16:27 – 20:48

    Day-zero pain and surprise: adult diapers, burning, and an allergic reaction

    1. MR

      It was disorienting.

    2. BE

      Can you, can you, can you share a little bit more about that?

    3. MR

      I mean, I think it's-

    4. BE

      Like, what, what happened? What was it?

    5. MR

      I, I had an allergic reaction to... You know that they give you those pads-

    6. BE

      Yeah

    7. MR

      ... right, in the hospital 'cause you're... I mean, you're split open, right, physically. Um-

    8. BE

      And I just want... Just, just... P- people, people need to know this. No, you're not in trouble.

    9. MR

      Yeah. Okay. I was like, "Well, are we allowed to say that?"

    10. BE

      No, no, no.

    11. MR

      Yeah.

    12. BE

      We are allowed to say anything that's true.

    13. MR

      Yeah.

    14. BE

      Okay?

    15. MR

      Yeah. And your, your body is... It doesn't feel like yours, right?

    16. BE

      Yeah.

    17. MR

      And you begin to, to experience tickles of that during pregnancy, right?

    18. BE

      Yes, yes.

    19. MR

      When your body changes and expands and, you know, contracts and does all these things, um, that you didn't know it, it could even do. And, and that moment of giving birth, I mean, you are... It's odd because you're looking at your body, which still looks nine months pregnant, and there's no baby inside anymore, and it burns to use the bathroom. Like, when I was told... I was only told two weeks before I went into the hospital by a friend, happenstance, that I needed diapers. No one told me, and I remember being like, "Wait. Diaper- diapers?" She said, "Yeah, you'll need diapers. They're easier than pads. You just need diapers, like adult diapers." Just the idea that I would need a, an adult diaper-

    20. BE

      No, no, no, but you're like, "But how will they get to Thailand?"

    21. MR

      Literally. [laughs] I'm on an elephant, girl-

    22. BE

      A bag of diapers

    23. MR

      ... in a week, okay? [laughs] I'm gonna be on an elephant in White Sands in a week.

    24. BE

      Yeah.

    25. MR

      Um, yeah. And so I think that was disorienting, but I also had these pads and I, I-

    26. BE

      Mm-hmm

    27. MR

      ... some... This, ironically, the same friend said, "Hey, get this brand of pad. It has eucalyptus in it-

    28. BE

      Hmm

    29. MR

      ... and it's cooling." Well, I had this insane allergic reaction to the eucalyptus, and I'm not allergic to anything. Like, I'm allergic to nothing on Planet Earth. I eat all the things. I love all the things. Thailand, okay?

    30. BE

      Right.

  12. 20:48 – 23:55

    Bond amid chaos: “She knows me” and the coexistence of bliss and trauma

    1. BE

      What was it like to hold her during that?

    2. MR

      I just remember the first time I put her on my chest, 'cause she had cried, you know, when she was coming out, and I put her on my chest, and she immediately stops crying. And I just looked at my husband and I said, "She knows me. She already knows me." And that was just one of the most-

    3. BE

      Mm

    4. MR

      ... profound ex- She knows me, and guess what? She still knows me. I think we are so connected and bonded in this way.

    5. BE

      Yeah.

    6. MR

      And, and I think the first sign of that bond was her visceral, intimate knowledge of who I was and who I was to her.

    7. BE

      Mm. So powerful. I, I guess I'm also thinking about the power of that experience while your body feels, I don't know how you would say it, not like yours or just in screaming out in pain. It's a lot at once.

    8. MR

      In that moment, I was too blissed out.

    9. BE

      Wow. Yeah. Really.

    10. MR

      Which is kind of the, like, metaphor for all this, right?

    11. BE

      Yeah.

    12. MR

      I mean, we do amazing things as mothers. We do amazing things-

    13. BE

      True

    14. MR

      ... as women.

    15. BE

      We do.

    16. MR

      Our bodies do amazing things-

    17. BE

      Yeah

    18. MR

      ... as women.

    19. BE

      Yeah.

    20. MR

      And yet, you have one moment like that, your kid knows who you are. Your kid spells their name with eight additional letters that don't even belong, and you, [laughs] you know, chuckle and you, you watch this human come into their own.

    21. BE

      Yeah.

    22. MR

      And then it all just...

    23. BE

      Yeah.

    24. MR

      It's our why.

    25. BE

      Yeah.

    26. MR

      It's answered.

    27. BE

      You know, someone said... To me, you know, it's so easy to describe all the hard moments. It's so hard to put into words, like, those moments, the, the, the amazing moments. You know?

    28. MR

      But that's also what no one told me. Like, I think about all the time-

    29. BE

      Mm

    30. MR

      ... like, I was, you know, this big waddling through-

  13. 23:55 – 29:29

    When strengths become vulnerabilities: productivity, comparison, and ‘pregnancy brain’

    1. BE

      Were you hard on yourself during that time? Like, I think about what you said about your mind and being able to take you places. Like, did you try mind over matter, I'm gonna figure this out? Did you fight? Did you try things that used to work in the past and maybe didn't? Or what was your approach to it?

    2. MR

      That was actually one of the hardest parts, and maybe something else that I wish I had been told. I didn't know that, like, pregnancy brain was a thing. Literally, m- my best guy friend's husband-

    3. BE

      Mm-hmm

    4. MR

      ... told me that was a thing.

    5. BE

      It took a gay man with no children to tell me, "Girl, the reason you are not recalling these words," and because we speak in Spanish and English, what was happening was I couldn't recall certain words- Ah ... when we would be having a conversation, and I'm like, "Pero pasame esto, este, esta. Que cosa es?" You know, I just couldn't, I couldn't pull it. Yeah. And, and, and I would start thinking, like, words in English were synony- like, it was... And as a news anchor. Yeah. Oye. Can you imagine? The first time that happened to me, I'll never forget. I was on air, and I was reading a script, and I was talking about, like, airport security or something, and I was trying to say luggage. And I could not find the word for the life of me, of luggage, and out of my mouth comes, "Yeah, and then he brought his maleta," which is, like, how you say suitcase in Spanish. And I, I just, I couldn't find the other word. And then, like, the brain fog, you know? From someone who has completely relied on my mind to get me into spaces and institutions that weren't even built with me in mind- Yes ... it was incredibly disorienting- Yes ... to not be able to have my mind and its sharpness- Yes ... to rely upon. And, and I think that goes back to what we started with. Like, I don't... One of the themes, and there's so many examples, that I feel like nobody told me, is that so many of the things that were my strengths and a part of my identity would almost become a vulnerability for being harsh on myself- Hmm ... after baby. Wait, say more. I like to get things done. Like, okay? Like- Yeah ... that's not gonna happen after a baby. I like to figure things out quickly. Like, yeah, you're struggling with, like, feeding or sleep. I can, like, do all the reading and all the information-seeking, like, there's another, there's a baby happening here. Yeah. Like, that's just not gonna happen. I, you know, I'm very productive, right? I remember thinking, and that's why I was curious if at the very beginning it felt almost boring, because I remember thinking, "This is weird. This is the most mind-numbing and challenging thing- [laughs] ... I've ever done." I've never done anything that's mind-numbing and challenging, and I've never thought that my best outcome of a day is my house looking 80% as good as it did when I started. Like, I like to- No, 80%'s great ... that's what I'm saying, but- Wow ... but for someone who likes to add to things and likes to check a lot of things off- Sure ... which, by the way, worked for me in every part of my life- Hmm ... I wish someone was like, "Oh, you're someone who's, likes to be really productive. Like, yeesh. Oh, boy. We're worried about people like you." Right, right. "Do you have any friends who aren't productive? You might wanna get some advice from them." I'm like, no, no, I think, no, no, they get advice from me, and they're like- I'm the advice giver ... "Not now." Yeah. Not, you know, like- Yeah ... and that's, and I think about a good friend of mine who's this, like, novelty seeker. Oh, in a minute, let's travel here, travel there. Yeah. She'll pull me along, but my first thought is like, but, but how can we get that done, right? Like, and so- Yeah ... but for her, she's like... I remember her saying, "I wish I was prepared for how monotonous and boring it felt in the beginning." Interesting. I am a novelty seeker, so I've always had more spontaneity, novelty. Here, I wish someone said to me- Sure ... "Your baby's gonna love that about you." And- Also ... for the first couple months, like, almost, I think about this phrase, knowing what I know about myself, I could almost predict what actually might be a challenge. And versus those things not being as available, and then we start telling ourselves the story, I've lost myself, or something's wrong with me, or, ah, is this my life now, right? [laughs] Like these things- Forever ... forever. Right. Exactly. But I think what it speaks to, which is just interesting, is, like, our kids need a lot of our attention, but our firsts have 100% of our gaze in a way that it's not always good for anyone. Mm. Right? Like, you are noticing to the day if they're rolling over. The moment. The moment, right? Like, I, uh... And so there's this balance. I think it's impossible with your first to not worry about some of those things- Yeah ... especially if you're someone who, I've put in a lot of effort, I'm kind of, done things- Yeah ... in a linear way. Yeah. Right? So even just to know that's gonna be on my mind. It's gonna stress you out, Becky, when you hear for your first that some other friend who had a baby the same day as you, their kid's rolling over and yours isn't. Like, you're gonna, your brain's gonna trick you into telling you a story that you're not even a good mom because of that. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Like, it happened, so what did I miss? And right? And so, yeah, I just wish I was prepared for those stories- Yeah ... 'cause I think if we're prepared for them to come, like, to be able to say like, "Oh, there's that thing Morgan told me would happen." Yeah. It just, it- Or the comparison. Yes. I remember my mom saying, when I told her about the, the audiologist visit, she's like, "Why are you taking her to an audiologist?" I said, "Well, I met this kid who was born the same week, and it was like a five-word sentence in English." And my mom's like, "Dude, chill." And she said, "Welcome to motherhood, the land of useless comparison." Ugh. [laughs] And I was like- Oh, my goodness ... you know? That is so true. That is so true. Ugh. Mm. I wish that was the name of the podcast. [laughs] Welcome to Parenthood. The land of useless comparison. [laughs] The world... I mean, I guess that's the world. Oh, it is. The world is full of- And now with social media- Right? ... of course. Yeah. Really true. Oh, for sure. So you wrote a whole novel- I did ... on, as

  14. 29:29 – 31:30

    Rediscovering self through creativity: writing a novel and integrating ‘multiple selves’

    1. BE

      a new parent. Tell me about it. I did. I think my world exploded. I, I was listening to you talk about productivity. I have become infinitely more productive since becoming a mom, but I've become infinitely more creative. Mm-hmm. And I think that was a s- unlocking of sorts that I completely did not expect, and has been really the joy of my life. Yeah. And it's been, it's fulfilled sort of that novelty-seeking part of me. Interesting. Say more. It's the thrill of doing and trying something new and learning a whole new industry. I remember being, um, in LA for a meeting, and then my dad and I were, like, biking down Santa Monica, and I was like, "Dad, I never wanna lose this feeling." He's like, "What?" I was like, "Of newness, of learning something new." I hope that no matter how old I get, I still get the adrenaline of trying something- Mm ... new. And, and that's what the book was. I, you know, I left this experience when I was

    2. MR

      The, the year I was married, three months after I got married, this guy from college who I'd had this, like, amorous relationship with, um, reached out on LinkedIn. I didn't even know I had LinkedIn. And the subject line was like, "Now then, would you fancy a cup of coffee?" And I looked at my husband, we were in Miami, and I was like, "Hey, do you mind if I... You know, it's just a guy from college. You know, do you mind if I..." He's like, "Sure, sure, no problem." My husband and I met in college. And, um, I met him, and it was the first time I'd seen him in 12 years. But I remember walking away thinking, "You know, if I ever had a story inside me, if there was ever a drama, a rom-com, a something, this would be it." Because I think as women, we don't often get permission or give ourselves permission to acknowledge the multiplicity of lives within us, right? Just because we're moms or wives or partners or whatever doesn't mean that the versions of us that existed before, to your first question, cease to exist.

    3. BE

      Exactly, right.

    4. MR

      Right? And so how do we live and remember-

    5. BE

      Mm

    6. MR

      ... and keep alive and maintain all the different versions?

  15. 31:30 – 34:40

    Closing reflections and resources: holding hope, lining up support, staying ‘good inside’

    1. BE

      Yeah. [gentle music] There's so much that's sitting with me after talking with Morgan. I'm thinking a lot about how so few people feel prepared for the physical pain that happens with or without an allergic reaction to a product they're using after having a child. That is real. And if 99% of your thoughts after having a baby are about your body, you would tell a friend that that makes sense given you just went through a major surgery or major vaginal delivery in your body. I'm also just thinking about how hard it is to remember that a hard stage is temporary, and that there'll be another side. And I know it's always been hard for me to remember that in those hardest moments, so maybe the most realistic thing is just to tell you that if you're in a really hard moment and it feels like it's gonna be forever, I am holding hope for you that it's temporary and that there will be an end. I know with 100% conviction that's true, and I'll hold that until you can take some of that back. Your story may look different. Your hard probably sounds different. But I want you to know it's real and it counts. We are all moving through this in our own home, in our own hours, and we're not doing it alone. If you have a story you'd like to share with other parents or parents-to-be, we'd love to hear from you. It's such an honor. You can reach us at podcast@goodinside.com. And if you're looking for more support at this time in your journey, I'm thinking about something that Morgan said, "Sign up for support before you need it." It is the most empowering and grounding thing when those hard moments come to say, "I know exactly where to go." That's one of the reasons why we built Good Inside Membership. It's an app, so it's in your pocket. Whether it's lactation or feeding support or baby sleep support or a different type of tracking or honestly support for you and your partnership, we do all of it, and we're there for you in the very moment you need it. You can find the link in the show notes, and maybe just go check it out. It's really helpful to know about. Let's end the way we always do. Place your feet on the ground. Place a hand on your heart. And let's remind ourselves, even as we struggle on the outside, we remain good inside. I believe in you. You've got this. And I'll see you next time. [gentle music]

Episode duration: 34:49

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