Jay Shetty Podcast#1 Framework Successful People Are Using (Use THIS When Your Motivation Disappears)
EVERY SPOKEN WORD
75 min read · 15,489 words- 0:00 – 2:01
Intro
- CSCoral Santoro
Failure does not exist, it's just data. It's gonna make you question a lot of things about yourself, if you're capable, if it's worth it.
- JSJay Shetty
What do successful people have that people who don't make it don't have?
- CSCoral Santoro
They keep going even when it stops being exciting.
- JSJay Shetty
How do we stop comparing our timeline to everyone else's?
- CSCoral Santoro
Success does not have a finish line, so we can't compare something that does not exist. Once you believe you are better than anyone else, you're done.
- JSJay Shetty
Coral Santoro, welcome to On Purpose. It's great to have you here.
- CSCoral Santoro
Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited.
- JSJay Shetty
Coral, I've been such a fan of yours from afar. We don't know each other. We just met today.
- CSCoral Santoro
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
But I've been following your content. It's always direct, it's clear, the message is easy to understand, easy to apply. There are millions of people across the world that are following you, learning from you, and you just told me that the number-one Google question about you is, "Is Coral Santoro AI?"
- CSCoral Santoro
Well, I think we all in this room can confirm-
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- CSCoral Santoro
... that I'm not, so I love it.
- JSJay Shetty
I'm not sure yet. I'm not sure.
- CSCoral Santoro
I'm not sure.
- JSJay Shetty
We'll find out.
- CSCoral Santoro
Is Jay Shetty doing the first hologram ever?
- JSJay Shetty
No, no, no.
- CSCoral Santoro
I'll be the first.
- JSJay Shetty
I would not do an AI live.
- CSCoral Santoro
No, I love it.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- CSCoral Santoro
So yeah, I'm very much real.
- JSJay Shetty
How does that make you feel? How does that make you feel when people are asking that question?
- CSCoral Santoro
It is so funny because I'm in the actual tech space, so I develop softwares. I'm into AI, and when they started asking me about these things, I'm like, it kind of makes sense, but at the same time, as soon as I started posting more content, a lot of the people started realizing it was not. I still get a few questions here and there, but it was mostly about me coming into the space of social media, 'cause what I do is, like, the fun side of my life. What I actually do is tech. So I came into this space, and I understood it because no one had seen me before. And in this moment that we are, you don't know what's real or what's not, so I kind of understood it, and that's the point that I understood that I had to go more into stories, show people a little bit here and there about me being real.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- CSCoral Santoro
Honestly, it was funny, and me being the first interview here, and I'm, I'm super happy that people get to see that I'm a real person. [laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs] Absolutely.
- 2:01 – 3:53
Why You’re Not Falling Behind
- JSJay Shetty
Talk to me about, if someone listens to this episode today, what do you want them to walk away with? What do you want them to feel? How do you want them to change their life?
- CSCoral Santoro
To be honest, like, just, like, the name of the podcast, Purpose, I got into social media and everything that you see, I got into this space because I didn't want people to feel behind in life because of what they see. I feel like nowadays we can get confused very easily. In the men's side, I was talking about this the other day, if you are not flaunting cash outside a Lamborghini and doing all these things that you see, you're behind. If you're a woman, if you don't have a Birkin bag, and if you don't have, you know, a bouquet of roses that was out of a jet, oh my gosh, like, I, I don't have the right person, and that is not real life. I hated the romanticism that we're seeing in entrepreneurship just because real life is not doing a Canva template and saying to people, "Do this course and you'll be financially free," and then people believe that, and that's not real life. We all have struggles. We all go through things in our lives, even if it's relationships or work. I want people that every time they listen to something, it's purpose. You're not behind. You're on track. You're not in a race with anyone, and that's why I love so much everything that you portray-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm
- CSCoral Santoro
... and that's why I wanted to come here so much, because this is real life. And I feel like the type of content that we put out, everyone relates in a different way. I feel like we're all in the same boat, but we all have different destinations. At the end of the day, we all have problems. In this room, we all have a problem, and it's not rare, but it's just how we can get support from now online, saw beautiful things that I follow, a lot of the guests that have been here and have a voice, and I feel like we all have a voice and we all have a story, and if we can put it out there and people can relate in their own way, I think that's the purpose of life.
- JSJay Shetty
You spoke about timelines there. You spoke about this idea of not being behind.
- 3:53 – 9:04
How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
- JSJay Shetty
How do we stop comparing our timeline to everyone else around us when it feels like we're so overexposed, like you said, to the cars, the Birkin bag, the bank balance, the jet, the whatever it may be?
- CSCoral Santoro
Exactly.
- JSJay Shetty
Now, you know, before you'd compare yourself to the 20 people in your class at school. Now you can see what 20,000 people across the world are doing. How do we stop comparing our timeline to everyone else's?
- CSCoral Santoro
There's no race. They made us believe that there's an invisible finish line, and success does not have a finish line, so we can't compare something that does not exist. I'm gonna tell you a little bit about me. When I graduated from high school, I did not go the traditional path, let's say. I saw all my friends going to college, doing all this college life, and I knew that college wasn't for me. It wasn't my path. And at first it was when social media just started popping off, and I remember posting, and I remember my so-called friends talking about me in group chats and stuff, and that's the thing, that a lot of people are afraid to go out there because of the group. What will they say? And I always say, "What will they say about what? It's your life. Let them talk for a little bit." Then when you make it, everyone knows you. Everyone is your friend. So what I'd like to say is, like, there is no race. There is no invisible finish line. You cannot compare to something that does not exist. When you follow your own path, when you follow your own passion, a lot of people will not understand.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- CSCoral Santoro
That is for sure. When you're doing something different, people will tell you you're crazy. People will tell you that's not the right path to go, and it's because they're talking about their insecurities, not about the reality of what you can portray. So when I started on social media, I remember myself putting out there, like years ago, because I had an account, it was all about different things than what I have now. It was about fashion and trips and stuff. And I remember all these people that I thought were my friends, and if someone's listening to, to this and thinks that their friends are gonna talk about you because you're online, they're gonna talk about you, and that's beautiful. And if you get four likes and all the people that you thought they were gonna support you and the- you thought they were gonna buy your product, you thought they were gonna put a like on your new page for your brand and they don't-That is showing you who your true circle is. That is showing you that you are doing something that they are not willing to do, which is expose yourself, which is putting yourself out there, and that is bravery to the max. And I think that n- today, seeing all these things about comparing ourselves online about people that are younger than ourselves, 'cause a lot of people are like, "Oh, my goodness, he's 20 and he's already a millionaire," well, that's perfectly fine. KFC started when he was 75 or 70-something. And then you see Vera Wang, she designed her first... Like, we've seen this. There's no timeline for success. So if you're patient... I was just telling to my team here, and I was talking to them about this, and I'm like, "If you're not in a rush about posting, at first you're not gonna get likes. That's fine. If you're not in a rush, you're gonna get there." So there's no comparison about you being younger or being older. My parents are 60s, and they're reinventing themselves. They're like, "I wanna do something different." They're 60s. I started young when I was 18 doing political things with no experience at all, and now I'm about to turn 29, and people are like, "Oh my gosh, you're a baby." I'm like, "Yes, but during this 10 years, I didn't compare myself to anyone else, and just follow my path, follow my gut, and now I've f- got the chance to work with presidential campaigns, Fortune 500 CEOs," and it was my path. So if you still wanna do it, get the advice from people that are online, but don't compare to it. Just get it and go out, put yourself out there.
- JSJay Shetty
Any successful person I've interviewed or talked to, this idea of knowing how to deal with what everyone thinks of you is huge. It's, it's one of the biggest things. I was sharing yesterday, last night, I was just mentioning to you that I was interviewing Emma Grede for her book launch here in London at the Hackney Empire, and she's from East London. I'm from London, so-
- CSCoral Santoro
Mm-hmm
- JSJay Shetty
... it was a really, really special feeling. And I shared this quote that I've shared many times, but every time I say it, it has such an impact on me and, and everyone who hears it. It's from Charles Horton Cooley. He said it in 1890, and the fact he said it in 1890 tells us everything. He said, "The challenge today is I'm not what I think I am. I'm not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am."
- CSCoral Santoro
I love that.
- JSJay Shetty
And it's such-
- CSCoral Santoro
Yeah, so that quote is so powerful
- JSJay Shetty
... a brilliant statement. Yeah.
- CSCoral Santoro
Yes.
- JSJay Shetty
He's saying that-
- CSCoral Santoro
Yep
- JSJay Shetty
... we live in a perception of a perception of ourselves, so we think if everyone thinks I'm smart, then I feel smart. But if everyone else thinks I'm weak, then I feel weak.
- CSCoral Santoro
You know what? I heard this, and it's called the Marilyn Monroe effect. So she showed up herself how she wanted to be portrayed. So she was an orphan, and she didn't have the means to be who she was supposed to be. So I'm like, if you wanna be a Hollywood actress, if you wanna do all these things and you think you don't have the things, Marilyn showed up as the person she wanted to be. And I love that because once you believe in yourself so much, you're gonna make it.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- CSCoral Santoro
Like I always say, you're gonna make it. I didn't have the contact, I didn't have the money to do what I think, and I just worked so hard and believed in myself so hard, and the talents and the capabilities that I had to, that it starts showing, and that's when people start calling you. So it's just about believing in yourself
- 9:04 – 13:47
The 3 Traits That Drive Success
- CSCoral Santoro
so much.
- JSJay Shetty
What are the top three traits you believe successful people have that people who don't make it don't have?
- CSCoral Santoro
They always ask me, what's the difference with the 1%? They keep going even when it stops being exciting.
- JSJay Shetty
Hmm.
- CSCoral Santoro
A lot of people start, they get a domain, they get the username. They get excited, do some Canva posts, and then nobody likes, nobody buys. The idea is not good. The idea is not the problem, it's that you're not patient enough, and then you have to be honest with yourself, and I think the honesty is that you have to tell yourself that it's not gonna be easy, that it's gonna require a lot of effort. And once you're honest with that, you have to be on a track that your vision has to be so strong, but the path to getting there has to be flexible.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- CSCoral Santoro
So I feel like the 1% is always patient, is always honest, and the vision has to be so strong, but the path to getting there has to be flexible.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- CSCoral Santoro
Once you understand that, you're gonna understand that your timing is not the timing that you want. I took 10 years to get where I am. So when people see, like, "Oh, she's an overnight success," overnight success does exist after you work 10 years with nobody watching and nobody clapping for you, that's when it shows.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- CSCoral Santoro
So be patient, be honest with yourself, and be very stubborn with your vision, but the path to getting there, flexible.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- CSCoral Santoro
So that's the, that's the 1% difference. And once it stops being exciting, be so repetitive about the boring stuff that you're gonna make it.
- JSJay Shetty
Hmm.
- CSCoral Santoro
Because everyone thinks, uh, success is exciting. To get here, to do this podcast, the, the logistics behind it, this is the fun part when we get to talk. But in any brand, in any, any business, any relationship, the boring stuff is what makes everything stick together. In a relationship, I love talking about relationships because I feel like uh, it's been so romanticized about things that a relationship is a thing that you work on every single day. In a business, you work on relationships with your team, with your employees, even with yourself. So it's a matter of just repeating the boring stuff over and over again and getting better at it-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm. Yeah
- CSCoral Santoro
... and listening to other people. Also, one more thing that we're talking about that is listening. I feel like once you think you know it all, you know nothing. That's the kind of thing. Once you believe you are better than anyone else, you're done. In my thing, in my company, what we do every Monday, I'm the last one to speak, because if you speak first as a boss, as a CEO, then everyone's going to agree with you because they might be afraid-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm
- CSCoral Santoro
... not to give you the, the reason, "Yes, you're, you're good. Yes. Yes, yes, yes." I don't want yes people around me. I want people to make me better, and that happens with relationships. You want your partner to make you better. Right now I'm in a beautiful relationship that has... make me a better entrepreneur, a, a better woman, a better, because they rise you up. It's not that you're comfortable, but they make you better. I have beautiful friends who want me to succeed. So it's a matter of, you know, I feel just listening, the power of listening, not knowing it all. That's how you learn. Until the last day of your life, if you listen, you learn, and you get to know people better. About all the people who love to talk more as well.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- CSCoral Santoro
Because people talk too much, you know that they're, they're the ones who usually, [laughs] not always, but owe the least and have the least to portray. [laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
You just reminded me of, uh, Eric Schmidt, the former CEO of Google. He had a principle that he called, "Don't listen to the HIPPO in the room."
- CSCoral Santoro
Love that.
- JSJay Shetty
And HIPPO stands for highest paid person's opinion.
- CSCoral Santoro
Love that. [laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
And he said the same thing. He said, "If I speak in a leadership meeting, or the most successful or wealthy person in the room speaks, everyone around them will just agree, and so it's better to allow everyone else." One thing that you mentioned that really stands out to me, you said what differentiates the winners from the people who don't make it is that they keep working when it's not exciting, and I think that's where the follow your passion movement went wrong. Because people had this belief that if I follow my passion or if I do my purpose, everything's gonna be easy. I'm gonna wake up happy every day. I'm absolutely gonna love everything I do, not realizing that actually, if you follow your passion, there's gonna be lots of days where you're doing things you don't wanna do, where things are not exciting, where you're not winning, where things are not working out. And you're spot on that being able to work when things are uncomfortable is what differentiates the top 1%. And so
- 13:47 – 17:19
The Secret to Staying Patient
- JSJay Shetty
how do you keep going? How do you keep trying and experimenting when things feel slow and they're not going your way? How do we stay patient, to your first point?
- CSCoral Santoro
So I like giving this example. When you go to the gym the first time, everything hurts, and you see nothing but just internal pain. And then if you keep going, you start seeing a little bit here and there of a muscle. You start seeing here and there a tighten. That's the same effect. Following your purpose and your passion is hard because you're not going the traditional way, right? And when you're not going the traditional way, it's gonna hurt. It's gonna make you question a lot of things about yourself, if you're capable, if it's worth it. Why it's not working? Why am I doing wrong? Is the idea bad? It's not. But once you surpass that pain, that internal pain, you start seeing results, and it's quiet. Success is quiet at first. It's not easy because you are not exposed. It's just you, yourself in a room maybe with a laptop and not a team or anything. And at first, all entrepreneurs know you are your own PA, your own personal assistant who's responding to emails. You are the marketing team. You are sales. You are everything, and that is fine. That's how we all started. But once you believe in the process, uh, that you're grieving something inside of you as well during that change because I feel like what success really is, if they ask me, "What is success?" Success is who you're becoming in the process. It is the resilience you're building. It is the path to the top. You're going to be losing weight because to get there, you're gonna lose friends. For sure you're gonna lose friends because you're not the same person. You're gonna not be able to speak about the same things on a dinner table, and that is fine. You're gonna maybe lose family members who didn't believe in you, and that is fine as well, and you're gonna lose a part of yourself that you might not notice because in that silence of not noticing changes, you're changing, and that is already success. So on the way to the top, I always say the top is not closed. People at the top will want to help you. I heard a friend of mine saying, "A lot of people aren't helping me." And I'm like, "You don't need in life, you don't need a lot of people. You just need one." If you have one person who grabs you by the hand, tells you, "I'm gonna, I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna introduce you to someone," that might be enough. You don't need an army of people to succeed. You need first to believe in yourself and then just one person to introduce you. So the top is not closed. The thing is that the top is cold. People were not expecting it to be that cold 'cause when you get to the top, it gets lonely sometimes because since you lost a lot of things during the process of getting there, it's a new you. And at the top, there are fewer voices, so that means that h- you have more time to think. As a CEO, you have... It's you deciding. You don't get to run to other people lots of times. So that's when your mind has to be very clear on listening, on who you are, and being so sure that any decision that you make, either it turns into good or bad, it's you at the top who got there, who made all decisions to get there, and you're gonna be fine. So I feel like the same thing. Once you understand that there's gonna be silence, that you're gonna lose people, that you're gonna grieve an old part of yourself, you're ready, and you're... The climb is slow, and you lose people, but it's worth it.
- 17:19 – 26:37
Focus on Your Own Path
- JSJay Shetty
I always say to people, "You'll get to where you want in life, just not in the way you imagine it."
- CSCoral Santoro
100%.
- JSJay Shetty
Because all of us have a visual of what the path looks like, and then reality next to it, which doesn't look like that at all. And then we start thinking, "Well, this can't be the right path because it doesn't look like what I visioned. It doesn't look like the idea I had in my mind," and reality is saying, "No, no, no, this is what it's gonna look like." And we just keep debating. We keep fighting it, and then you don't take the step forward in reality because it doesn't look like the one in your dream.
- CSCoral Santoro
In my case, I started so different from where I am now and-
- JSJay Shetty
Tell me about that
- CSCoral Santoro
... so I graduated from high school, like I mentioned, and I wanted to be what it was, it was a blogger in that time 'cause it was, like, an actual blog. And I started posting, and at first it was, like, nothing, and it was kind of tough 'cause all of my friends were talking about me and, "Ooh, she thinks she's an influ-" I wasn't an influencer. It was, "Ooh, she thinks she's a blogger," you know? But-That's so cool when they underestimate you. I love being underestimated because you get to build quieter, you don't have pressure, you don't have to prove anything to anyone.
- JSJay Shetty
Everyone thinks you're gonna fail anyway.
- CSCoral Santoro
Yes.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- CSCoral Santoro
So why not do it?
- JSJay Shetty
It's a, it's a good place to be, yeah.
- CSCoral Santoro
Right? I love it. So once I started posting these things, later on today, they all are my friends. They all know me, and they all want something. That's the path. When I started, I thought I was gonna be into fashion, but once I started getting invited into Fashion Week, I understood the power of technology and where it was going. So I started calling all these brands that were inviting me to Fashion Week, and I started doing their social media accounts. So once I understood the power of social media, I went into my first presidential campaign. I managed my first presidential campaign, then it led me to a second one, third, and now I'm starting my fourth one. So if you told me that I would end up in politics and then that led to cybersecurity, me developing softwares and cybersecurity, I would have never believed it, or me being a political strategist, never would have thought in a second. So if you told me that by age 29, 29, I would have been divorced, I would have never believed it, and that is fine. I remember when I got divorced, it was something like, "Ooh, that she's so young, and she got divorced." And I always love to talk about it because it's not a taboo thing. Like, I got the most amicable divorce ever. It was all good, but it's just things that happen. And life will just throw things at you that you're not prepared. But the resilience comes through the hardest moments of your life. And in that moment, through all the things that I've been through, and now I started into this path of social media of what I do, this is the fun things. I get messages from all around the world about people, me changing their lives, which I would have never envisioned it, right? So I always say to, to the people I coach and to people I talk to, "Do you." Don't do any- everyone else is taken, right? I've, I've heard that, the phrase, you know, everyone's taken, just be you. And in my case, I'm young, but I've lived so much. Even my Spotify account says that I'm 63 years old-
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- CSCoral Santoro
... and I totally believe it. I'm an old soul. [laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
You mean, you mean when it does the Spotify Wrap?
- CSCoral Santoro
The Spotify Wrap.
- JSJay Shetty
Tells you what you listen to? Yeah.
- CSCoral Santoro
Exactly. I'm like, okay-
- JSJay Shetty
That's hilarious
- CSCoral Santoro
... yeah, this makes sense. Exactly.
- JSJay Shetty
That's funny.
- CSCoral Santoro
This makes sense. So it's just a matter of, like, do you. Do whatever. Dress, if y- if you wanna dress in a certain way, dress in a certain way.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- CSCoral Santoro
You wanna go a different path that is not the typical one, do it. And don't criticize others. It is so important because that energy that you're portraying by criticizing or doing, it's not coming back to you in a good way.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- CSCoral Santoro
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, and she said, "Oh, I heard this friend of ours had a baby, and she thinks she's an inf- a mom influencer." I thought of like, that's so cool. But the way she said it, and it's those things that I hear it all the time, "She thinks she is," "Oh, she thinks she's a singer," "She thinks she's a designer." She is a designer. She might not be at the top yet, but she's gonna get there. She's not the top influencer, but she's gonna get there in her own timing. So the way that we portray words is so important because if someone has blue hair and you are staring at her because she has blue hair, let her.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- CSCoral Santoro
It's just like the Mel Robbins thing, right?
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- CSCoral Santoro
That's like, let them. Let her. If they want to do something different that you are not engaged with, let them be. You do you. You focus on yourself so much that your energy... I, I've heard this over and over, successful people cannot criticize others because they don't have the time for it. They're so focused on being better of... For example, I feel like us sitting here, I'm happy about your success. I'm happy about you having a production company. I'm truly happy. Like, when I saw it, I called Paige, who's been so wonderful. Paige, if you're listening to this. It was so good because I'm happy for it, because I know what it takes to get to certain places. And when people read headlines and when we put something out there, it's not to brag. I always say, when people put a vacation there, it's not to brag. If people put something in their social media, sometimes it's not to brag. It's sometimes a way of saying, you know, the times they said no to a lot of things to get there.
- 26:37 – 30:49
Building the Right Circle Around You
- JSJay Shetty
everyone gets really, really critical. And we're being critical because we're being competitive. We don't even agree with what we're saying. We're just saying it because, oh, it's uncomfortable to hear that someone's doing it better than me, that someone's getting-
- CSCoral Santoro
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... it right compared to me. And I think what that does is it creates a culture of criticism in our mind when now, I, I think about this all the time. My friends who are doing well on social media will never laugh at someone else on social media.
- CSCoral Santoro
No.
- JSJay Shetty
They'll only send me the good stuff that other people are doing. They'll say, "Hey, did you see this update? Did you see what this person just launched? Did you see what this person invested in?" And all of my friends who are doing badly on social media will always send me a video of someone to laugh at them. They'll be like, "Oh, did you see? [laughs] Oh, look at it. Let's laugh at this." And it's fascinating to me how you get lost in that world, and you feel better about yourself. So what I found is if you're doing well, you feel better when other people are doing better because it shows you there's more opportunity.
- CSCoral Santoro
100%.
- JSJay Shetty
But when you're doing badly, you feel happier when other people are doing worse because that makes you feel like a bit of an ego boost. And so I think it's such a good tell as to whether you're focused on yourself or whether you're not because of the critical piece. The other thing that you mentioned that really stood out to me is this idea of sharing it with people. Earlier, you talked about the idea of being lonely at the top, and I think people are also lonely at the top because they don't know how to build the friendships that you're talking about. Because you can't control whether your friend's envious of you or not. You, you can't control that. How do you maintain good relationships on your way up so that you don't get to the top and then go, "Oh, I wanna make friends now"? Because once you're at the top, you don't know why someone wants to be friends with you.
- CSCoral Santoro
Exactly.
- JSJay Shetty
So how do you maintain great friendships on the way up without knowing if someone's envious of you or not?
- CSCoral Santoro
I think that you change your circle. It's gonna happen because the people you're doing business with usually end up being your friends, and the old circle just stays where they are, and not because it's wrong, but b- because their lives are different. And if you're doing something non-conventional, you're hanging out with non-conventional people, with minds that don't see the impossible, right? So I think you just change a circle, and that happens in life. Sometimes your group chat went silent. Someone had a baby, someone got married, someone went abroad, and the group goes silent, and then that's just life. The other day, I was at a dinner, and I heard them talk a, badly about you, and the response was like, "That doesn't matter. What matters to me is why they felt comfortable doing in your presence if you're supposed to be my friend."
- JSJay Shetty
Hmm.
- CSCoral Santoro
So that's how you know.
- JSJay Shetty
Say that again. That's good.
- CSCoral Santoro
If someone's talking about you, and they come to you, a friend comes to you and says, "I was at a dinner, and they were talking badly about you," the thing is not why they were talking about me badly. It's because why they were so comfortable talking about me in your presence if you're supposed to be my friend.
- JSJay Shetty
Hmm.
- CSCoral Santoro
Right?
- JSJay Shetty
So good.
- CSCoral Santoro
So I love that because if it's a true friend, they're not gonna dare to talk badly about you. So that's the thing. I think circles changes. I feel like in my life, my, my circles have changed multiple times, and that's just life.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- CSCoral Santoro
That's just the circle of life. And i- if you're married, sometimes your partner's friends are gonna be your friends. If you get divorced, maybe it splits. If you go to college, it's your college friends for that time, then you depart from that city, and then you have a new city, and you become new friends. So I always talk about being an immigrant as well and following your dreams 'cause I feel like in a way, everyone that pursues something usually leaves home. And when you get there, you're praying that the leads you had is good enough, and if you're reading a yogurt flavor that you know the brand is good, and then you make your first set of friends, and they are started to show you the city, and then they become your person in that city, and then you're pursuing a dream. So it's just like I feel like it changes. Wherever you go, whoever you want, sometimes it's who can take you there.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah
- CSCoral Santoro
Right? And you're hanging with them because you see that the possibilities. So it's just a matter of, like, life. I feel like it's just like-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah, yeah, yeah
- CSCoral Santoro
... the circle of life.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah, I think that's fair. I, I feel really fortunate that I've got friends who I've been friends with for probably about 20, 25 years who are still in my life. And you're spot on. The reason that we can
- 30:49 – 38:03
Finding Beauty in Life’s Quiet Moments
- JSJay Shetty
all still be friends is because I hopefully am not an arrogant douche, and, and they're-
- CSCoral Santoro
No, you're not [laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
... and they're extremely, and they're extremely non-envious. And I think those two things work really, really well together when, exactly to your point earlier, that I have a great group of friends who aren't envious and not competitive and not, you know, trying to take me down. And then on the other side, you're absolutely right. Your circle changes, and you meet new people that understand your new life, and I think that's what it is. I think people think when your circle changes, it makes it feel like, oh, because you're doing better, you wanna be around people that are doing better. It's actually not that. It's actually people understanding you at different stages of your life, who have seen you in different phases, who understand the pain you go through. So I have lots of friends in my industry. The best thing is we can all relate to each other when-
- CSCoral Santoro
Exactly
- JSJay Shetty
... we're going through the same things.
- CSCoral Santoro
Exactly.
- JSJay Shetty
And my friends from back home, they've seen the full picture of me. And so I love that too, because they know me deeper than anyone else on the planet because they've seen me from day one.
- CSCoral Santoro
Exactly.
- JSJay Shetty
So that idea that your friends change and your circle changes is valuable. At the same time as that, encourage people to be like, you don't have to leave everyone behind.
- CSCoral Santoro
No.
- JSJay Shetty
And, and you can open up the door for other people as well.
- CSCoral Santoro
100%.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- CSCoral Santoro
There was this beautiful story. I met one of the survivors of the Andes crash, and they were sort of a group of friends who were leaving for a rugby tournament, and the plane crashes. And I think if someone's seen the show on, the movie on Netflix, it's great. I invite them to watch it. But I, I was talking to one of the survivors, and he said, well, something beautiful that takes me out of, like, bad days because I'm like, you were a group of friends who crashed in the snow. A lot of them died there, and you stayed there for 72 days stranded in snow. And I'm like, "How did you pull through?" And he's like, "All of us friends, it was important to see one good thing every day."
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- CSCoral Santoro
And he said something beautiful. I'm like, "Are you saying this because it sounds good?" And he's like, "No, because when you're in the snow and there's no sound and you just see plain white, you find beauty in things that you didn't understand before." He said while they were listening, like, at the rain or the snow falling, they were like, "God is present."
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- CSCoral Santoro
And if God made all of this, that means He's here with us. And I find it beautiful. I'm truly a believer in God, and I feel like once you leave everything to Him, everything starts becoming beautiful. And at that point, when he told me that in 72 days stranded in the snow, they saw one beautiful thing.
- JSJay Shetty
72 days?
- CSCoral Santoro
72 days in the cold with no food. Like, uh, it, it was bad. But then I, I asked him something. I'm like, "How did you know you're going to survive?" And he said this: "Because no one told us it was impossible."
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- CSCoral Santoro
And that is something that you can take to your every day life.
- JSJay Shetty
Wow.
- CSCoral Santoro
You want to s- embark into a new chapter of your life, and they tell you it's impossible. The market's saturated. By the way, the market's saturated was invented by someone with low creativity-
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- CSCoral Santoro
... to be honest.
- JSJay Shetty
So true.
- CSCoral Santoro
Uh, but it's just you believe in yourself because usually people put their own fears into our own ideas and our own dreams, so that's why we believe in them when we think we cannot make it. So when he said that, I truly believe in it so much because he said, "What if we would've, uh, been stranded with a lot of people around it? The odds of everyone saying, 'Ooh, they're not gonna make it. Ooh, what are the conditions? 72 days in the cold? They're not gonna make it,' would've been higher, right?" So he said, "Nobody told us that it was impossible and seeing one good thing in your life," and I truly believe in that. I, I believe in that on the worst days that I have, I find one good thing. And once you find that one good thing, you push through. Uh, you wake up one more day and be like, "One more day to fix any problem that I have. One more day to try again. One more day to become the person I want to become."
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- CSCoral Santoro
One more day. One day at a time.
- 38:03 – 43:59
Simple Ways to Train Your Brain for Success
- JSJay Shetty
That's a, that's a great experience. You said we can watch the... Is it a movie or a doc?
- CSCoral Santoro
Yeah, it's a movie. It's called The Society of Snow.
- JSJay Shetty
Oh, okay.
- CSCoral Santoro
It's on Netflix.
- JSJay Shetty
Okay.
- CSCoral Santoro
It's fantastic. And it-
- JSJay Shetty
Wow
- CSCoral Santoro
... the scenes are so-
- JSJay Shetty
And it's a true, it's true, obviously. I have to agree
- CSCoral Santoro
... true story. So once you see that, oh, my gosh, you see, like, how, how did they actually survive? But that's the thing. I feel like those, those type of situations when people go through that, it was just like the Hudson River crash.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- CSCoral Santoro
And I heard this beautiful story. The pilot said, "One engine is out. The other one is out as well." This guy goes, "I realized in that moment when the plane was crashing that I haven't loved my wife enough, that I didn't have spend time with my friends," all those things that you are waiting to do someday.
- JSJay Shetty
Wow.
- CSCoral Santoro
Right? And that's why we, we have our planes crashing every single day sometimes. We feel like we're down and under, but that's the moment of wake-up call. That's the moment when you take a deep breath. I, I like myself when I'm feeling down doing the 10-second rule, and it's just counting myself 10, nine, eight. Even, like, rockets, they count backwards because they're gonna go up.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- CSCoral Santoro
So I feel myself like that. Even when I don't feel like, I count myself 10, nine, eight, seven. And once I'm, like, one, I'm up and I'm doing. So it's just little rules here and there that I place myself, and nobody taught me. Uh, another thing I like to call is the rule of nines. So people who like productivity tips, I put, like, a Tic Tac board, and it's, like, nine squares. And if you just put nine squares throughout your day or throughout your week and you cross them, the mind loves completion. So if you cross it out physically, I love tech, but I like some things physically-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know that
- CSCoral Santoro
... to cross it out in Post-it Notes and just cross it out, your brain loves completion, and you feel like you're advancing more than if you think that your brain can hold everything together. It can't. But once you feel completion, it's fantastic. So certain things that I've learned, it's like when, when you're in school and they put a happy, a happy face sticker, and you're like, "Yay," and you're happy. When we're adults, we don't have that, so we have to give that to ourselves, and we have to give the grace of us trying.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- CSCoral Santoro
Nobody gave us the blueprint of life. I think that people made us believe that we have another day, that we have more time, time to love, time to forgive, more time to try that thing that we wanna start. But life, life is moments. And we think that we own those moments, but we don't. And that's why we have to make the most of it. And at the end of the day, when, when our time comes, I don't want to be able to say, "I wish I had." Because when the time comes, I want to say, "I tried. I loved. I did it my way." And the invisible footprint that you're leaving in someone else's life, that's what matters. I heard the other day that when you die, men especially, get their first set of roses or a bouquet of flowers.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- CSCoral Santoro
And I thought it was beautiful in a way, because why do we say all these things when people die? Why do we hand a set of flowers when we can do it when we're alive?
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- CSCoral Santoro
They said that two times that people are gathered in your life, all the important people in your life are either at your wedding or at your funeral, right? And I thought that is sad in a way, because real life, real life is trying. Real life is failing. I don't believe in failure. It's just data. But let's call it failure. I believe in the power that we have as humans to grab each other's hands and be better. Right now in this time of our lives, we see more division than ever, and we see division because we don't understand. And when we don't understand something, it's easier to criticize. It's easier to hate. And nowaday, with the media, with the world and what's going on, I believe in unity. I believe that we're separated by things that should never be separated. And I love that if we can get the message of just unity, that we're all humans. Under the skin, we are all bones. We are the same. And I believe as humans, we can give each other the hand of love and the power of sincerity and the power of, "You know what? I can help you. And if you need someone, I will call you and check in on your friends." There's so much loneliness. It's a new epidemic. It's a new pandemic, loneliness. And especially with economic situation as well as, like, people are not happy and able to have kids. And now I work in the political space as well. And when you ask someone, "Oh, why are you not having babies?" It's not because they don't want to, because maybe, you know, they can't afford. People who are lonely because they got divorced-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm
- CSCoral Santoro
... or are in depression. And I do believe that now, especially now, we can come together as humans, not as political parties, not as race, not as nations, but as humans.The other day I was sitting at a table where there were Christians, where there were Jews, where there were each one of l- literally Arabs, Muslim. Like, it, it was, it was beautiful. And I told them, "Did you realize there's one of each religion? And we can all talk because we can all listen to each other." And then it's beautiful, but now I, that I, I've been moving around in Ubers, the, the other day my Uber driver asked me about my religion. He was Muslim, and I asked him about his. And as soon as I got out of the Uber, he said, "Inshallah, ma'am, I hope your day is beautiful." And I thought it was beautiful that he was praying in his culture and his... And it's beautiful. And I told him, "God bless you." So the moment that we understand each other as humans, not as political parties, not as anything else that the media can portray, and we just see each other as humans beings, I think that the moment that we're sitting in the table, it's a table that should be everywhere around the world. It's because you listen, because you understand. So the moment you start listening to more people, you understand more, and getting your own opinion.
- JSJay Shetty
It's so interesting now because I feel like we're listening to more people than ever before, but we're not hearing them.
- CSCoral Santoro
Exactly.
- JSJay Shetty
Right? We're not actually hearing them because there's so much noise. And
- 43:59 – 46:29
Hearing More, Listening Less
- JSJay Shetty
today we have access to more cultures, more countries, more opinions than ever before, but no one's actually hearing anyone anymore because you're just filtering it through your own lens.
- CSCoral Santoro
Because you feel that your opinion is so set in stone that it becomes your identity.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah, absolutely. It's because we'd rather be right than have peace.
- CSCoral Santoro
Exactly.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- CSCoral Santoro
100%. That's why when you listen to someone truly, so what you just said, is that I feel like more and more today with, with politics, all around the world, is that you feel that's your identity, and that's not your identity. And once you understand more about situations, and we have more people talking about free press, let's say, more, more information, different ways that you can get your information, you can understand that any political party cannot be your identity.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- CSCoral Santoro
Your identity is, is something completely different. It's who you are on your everyday, who you're becoming for a better person. And the other day I found this beautiful story that I told, that there are three genies and they decided where to hide happiness from humans. And the one genie goes, "You know what? Let's hide it at the bottom of the ocean." And the other goes, "You know what? No. They're gonna build a submarine. They're gonna find it." Yeah, you're right. The other one says, "Let's put it at the top of the mountain." He says, "No, they're gonna learn and put equipment, and they're gonna climb and find it." And the last genie says, "Why don't we hide it inside them? They were never gonna dare to find it there." And I thought it was so funny because it's true, 'cause we're seeking happiness externally, and we've been taught that because since we're little, if it's not an applause, it's not valid. When people say, "Let's take a picture and post it, because if not, it didn't happen."
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- CSCoral Santoro
You know what I love? When I take a picture that I'm never gonna post because it made me happy.
- JSJay Shetty
It's the best. That's the best. Yeah.
- CSCoral Santoro
It's the moment that you understand it was for you. The other day, uh, my, my partner took a picture of me and I'm like, "Oh my gosh, I look horrible." And he's like, "No, to me you look beautiful." You know? And I want to remember this moment, and it's about moments. It's not about externally. So when this story about the genies just remind me of, it's true. Happiness is inside you. The purpose is inside you. It never left. You just let it rotten based on someone else's opinions and because they didn't clap for you. So the purpose never left. The other day someone told me, "I've thought of my purpose. I lost my purpose." I'm like, "No, no. Your purpose is inside you. It never left you. You just let outside opinion dictate your decisions."
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah, it's when you feel disconnected from yourself, you stop listening to yourself, that you get distracted by other people's opinion is when you think you've lost your purpose.
- CSCoral Santoro
100%.
- JSJay Shetty
Coral, I wanted
- 46:29 – 52:05
This or That: Entrepreneurial Mindsets
- JSJay Shetty
to switch into a bit of entrepreneurship, and I want to do this segment with you called This or That.
- CSCoral Santoro
Okay. I love it.
- JSJay Shetty
And so I'm gonna ask you this or that, and you're gonna tell me which one and then why.
- CSCoral Santoro
Love it.
- JSJay Shetty
And we're gonna go through quite a few.
- CSCoral Santoro
Okay.
- JSJay Shetty
So the first one is, do you believe in discipline or motivation?
- CSCoral Santoro
Oh, discipline, 100%. Motivation fades. Motivation fades when everyone's like, "I'm so motivated." That happens a lot. I, I was super motivated in January to start gym. Went twice. Motivation died. I'm out, right? When people say, "I'm motivated to start a new diet, but I'm gonna start on Monday," why Monday? Why can you not start Thursday? Because as humans, we just decided that Monday was it, or January was it. But now, oh, what, what is it? Oh, we're halfway through our week and it's almost June, so that means we're halfway through the year, and that means, you know what? I'm gonna start next year. We're too late. No. Motivation fades. Discipline, discipline makes you wake up the days you don't want to. Discipline makes you want on a rainy day. Discipline means you're up until 5:00 AM and you haven't slept and you haven't had any food, and you're still going because you have to finish the task. Discipline, 100%. Olympic athletes, you know, and you've probably talked to so many, and it's discipline.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. I agree.
- CSCoral Santoro
They don't, they don't want to go and swim on minus two degrees and train for the Olympics. It's, and it's gonna hurt, and that's the same thing with entrepreneurship. It's gonna hurt. It's not the same physical pain as an athlete, but it's different kind of pain-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah
- CSCoral Santoro
... when you as an entrepreneur are not gonna pay yourself at first a salary. You're gonna pay-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah
- CSCoral Santoro
... your team first. Or you're gonna have noodles and, and pasta for the next year because you can't afford a lot of things. It's a different kind of pain, but it's discipline, and if you stick to it... It's, it's just like when people post the first time. They open an Instagram account, they post once, they post twice, like, "It's not working." I'm like, "Discipline."
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs] Yeah.
- CSCoral Santoro
Discipline. You're gonna get there. You're gonna learn. My first video sucked. My first videos got, like, 50 likes. No, no, my first videos got my mom, my dad likes, and probably someone else account that I followed that day. It was a bot, right? But then it just grows when, and you, and you learn from that. It's not immediate, so discipline.
- JSJay Shetty
Discipline. Okay. Discipline over motivation. Ideas or execution?
- CSCoral Santoro
I feel like both, 'cause you have to have a strong idea of what you want to do and not change 10,000 times the idea, because sometimes the idea is goodBut you have to execute it and change sometimes a lot of things for that idea to work, because sometimes we think we know the industry we're getting to, but we actually don't until we're there.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- CSCoral Santoro
And we have to do a lot of different things, like the path to get there. Plus, it's visual and strong. So when people say, "That idea is bad," it's not bad. You just haven't tried one thing for a long time to see if it's working. So you try five different variables, and you don't know which one's working, and you think like, "Mm, it's not working." No, just one thing at a time. I feel like at the same time, a lot of people have great ideas, but they just don't stick to it for a long period of time.
- JSJay Shetty
That's why I'm, I'm an execution over ideas person. I feel like I've seen the worst ideas become really successful because someone executed really well on it.
- CSCoral Santoro
You've seen Liquid Death, right?
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah, yeah. Of course.
- CSCoral Santoro
Water. Like-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah
- CSCoral Santoro
... water, making it-
- JSJay Shetty
Totally
- CSCoral Santoro
... make water bad.
- JSJay Shetty
It's just water.
- CSCoral Santoro
It's brilliant.
- 52:05 – 55:48
How to Grow a Social Media Following
- JSJay Shetty
If someone right now wants to start building a social media following, what are the first three things that they should do?
- CSCoral Santoro
First thing is go and search your competitors. You know what I love to do? I love to go to Google and find not the five stars, but the three stars, because the three stars are giving you a path of where it was almost good, but not terrible, and that's your gap. So go to Google, search your competitors. Go to Instagram, and on Instagram, I would go even to your page when I started, and I wanted to see what people liked. It's not gonna be the same from you and me because I'm gonna do something totally different. So people are like, "Oh, she's copying," or, "You're copying." No, nobody's copying anything because warm water is already there. It's been created, right? But go to your competitors. The first time I started my first account on e-commerce, I would go to Google, I would see the three-star reviews, and then I would go to all the people that had commented. I would go and find them on social media or go to their social media page and literally invite them to go see my page. So when people are like, "Oh, it's not working. Nobody's following me," I'm like, "But have you done the work?"
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- CSCoral Santoro
It's not easy at first, especially if you're a solo entrepreneur. So first, definitely go and stalk. [laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
Step one, yeah.
- CSCoral Santoro
Your algorithm is showing you about your same thing over and over again, so you're saturated that's the way to go. So you, not intentionally, but intentionally, your subconscious tries to copy that, and you turn out to be something that you're not because you're copying that, right? The biggest idea that I've gotten for other people's brands or, or strategies that I've done have come, if I'm looking into soap, I would go to nail polish because I would get ideas from there, and then we would apply it here. So try to make your algorithm show you something else that's not in your industry because you're saturated with that, that you think that's the path to go, and if that's not the path to go, it's done. Force your algorithm to show you different things. And third, be patient. Because on social media today, there's no saturation. I started eight months ago and built a huge platform. It's so funny because it's like the Mandela effect. Have people talk to me and say, "I've been following you for years,"
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- CSCoral Santoro
"and I've been eight months on social media"
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah
- CSCoral Santoro
... right? So it's just the effect that they saw me so many times that they think they've seen me there. But that's the thing. My paths, it can be different from you. And if you're patient, and if you don't have a rush, and if you truly believe in yourself and your idea, you're gonna get there. So it's just a lot of patience. Anything in life is patience. Nothing happens in a blink of an eye. It's like just getting your body toned. Like, if you want to go on YouTube and put, "How to get abs in seven days," and there are a lot of those videos-
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- CSCoral Santoro
... you're not gonna get them, right?
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah, yeah.
- CSCoral Santoro
The muscle builds, and the muscle of resilience in business, it's hard, it's tough, but you build a muscle. You build resilience. You build character. And for me, character is something so important because today we hear a lot of people talking about success. But what truly is success is who you are as a person, who you're leaving with and the values that you're leaving people with. And in your business, if you're a business owner, always ABCs. The ABCs is always be communicating, and I love that because if you are communicating with your team, if you're communicating in love, nothing can go wrong. I feel like one of the most important things as humans is the lack of communication.Because when there's lack of communication, bad things happen everywhere. It doesn't matter what happens, it's just, it just goes bad. I had one time, one of my team had a bad communication with a business that we were doing, and instead of putting a zero, they added another zero-
- JSJay Shetty
Oh
- CSCoral Santoro
... and sent the wire. So I was like, "Oh, that's beautiful. Okay, what we're gonna do about it?" It was a lack of communication between teams, so it's just a matter of, like, communicating. In love, the same thing. Once communication ends, love ends. That's something I like to talk about, is becoming an entrepreneur, is who you're with romantically. It's very important.
- JSJay Shetty
Interesting. Tell me
- 55:48 – 1:04:43
The Power of Choosing the Right Partner
- JSJay Shetty
about that.
- CSCoral Santoro
Who you have next to you can definitely define you, because I've seen a lot of very talented people that can't go past that because of the person who they have next to it, because they make them feel stuck. If you are a woman getting into business, I felt like you have to have someone that is not afraid of you being more than them maybe, because there's certain stigmas in this life, that the man was the one that provided, man was... And now we see more and more entrepreneurs, more women who are super powerful by themselves. Right now, I have, like, the most beautiful relationship, right? And I see the difference from others because he is happy by my success. He's happy to, you know, help me in the ways that he can to make me succeed, right? I have close friends who have partners who don't make it easy for them. I feel like when you're an entrepreneur, you're marrying the vision. You're not marrying the person. You are marrying late nights. You are marrying an idea that the other person cannot see, but has to trust you.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- CSCoral Santoro
And when you understand that, everything changes. Because when you marry an entrepreneur, you're marrying uncertainty, you're marrying late nights. You're marrying those things that having a 9:00 to 5:00 might not give you, because that's more stability, right? But an entrepreneur, ooh, marrying entrepreneur is just marrying an idea that might change 10 times, and you have to be good with it. It might mean that they're gonna miss birthdays.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- CSCoral Santoro
It might mean that they're in their phone all the time. It might mean that, you know, you are on a dinner, and you have to leave to take the call, and you have to be okay with that because you're marrying that person, or you're dating that person.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- CSCoral Santoro
So I feel like who you are with in this lifetime can either make or break you, and it's just not about being comfortable with the idea because sometimes, like, I'm comfortable, then so I'm staying. Life is not meant to be comfortable. Life is meant to be uncomfortable. I never wanna be comfortable. The other day they asked me in an interview, they said, "But why do you want more?" I don't want more because it comes to monetary, because I want more money. It's because I know that I'm not finished being the woman I w- wanna become. And when you're becoming, that means you're uncomfortable. And for example, you right now entering a new space, it's uncomfortable at times because it's more work, and it's more things, and, and you have a beautiful watch.
- JSJay Shetty
But that's why I take it on.
- CSCoral Santoro
That's why you take it on.
- JSJay Shetty
That's, that's why we take it on, yeah.
- CSCoral Santoro
But I can never envision myself being so comfortable that I'm on a Tuesday night, I'm like, "Okay, now what?" No, I want more, because life is meant to be lived to the fullest, meant to be used so much that, you know, I wake up every day, I came here, and I was so excited about this because you know what? Once you start living, I feel like in our industry, and you get to enjoy all these cool places, and dinners, and events. I remember the first time I got invited to the American Music Awards after-party, and it was a Chainsmokers after party, and I did not know anyone in the industry. And my friend Jason Richmond, he was at the time, uh, the vice president of Paramount Pictures, and I met him there. And we were sitting at this, like, fireplace, and he goes like, "Oh, it's so cold." And he goes like... And we go, "Yeah, yeah, yeah." And he goes, "What do you do?" And I'm like, "Oh, I'm an influencer. I'm a blogger." He's like, "Oh, that's so cool. Can you come to my office to Paramount? I'm interested in what we can do together." You know? Like, I was uncomfortable at that point because they were all celebrities. I remember, like, One Direction was there, like Hailee Steinfeld. Like, it was so many people that I did not feel comfortable. I'm like, "What can I talk to these people about? Like, who am I?" The imposter syndrome. And imposter syndrome at the end of the day is just you're getting to a new level that you're not familiar with.
- JSJay Shetty
Yes, yes.
- CSCoral Santoro
It's like getting to an airport where you already know the gate, and you already know where you're gonna have lunch, or you know all these things, and you go to the airport, and you feel, uh, ease. But when you're landing to a new airport, you do not know. You're kind of like, "Oh, wait, wait, where is the gate?" That's kind of what imposter syndrome-
- JSJay Shetty
That's a great analogy. I like that
- CSCoral Santoro
... feels like. It's just another place. So at that time, I remember I was sitting down at this after party, and I started talking to this guy who I did not know who he was. So I go like, "Oh, and what do you do?" And he's like, "I sing." I'm like, "Oh, that's so cool." And then my friend goes like, "Oh, you're talking to Post Malone." I'm like, "Ooh, I did not know how he looks like," you know? [laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- CSCoral Santoro
And it was just this really cool things when I met Daddy Yankee as well, and I'm like, "Okay, where, where's the guy?" He's like, "That's the guy." I'm like, "Oh, that's the guy," you know? So it's just moments that you're uncomfortable, and you have to be yourself, and you have to be open up the possibilities of what life can bring to you. And at this point, I remember in my career, I got to meet so amazing and talented people, and a lot of times you just see they're humans.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- CSCoral Santoro
When, when you see-
- JSJay Shetty
Every single person
- CSCoral Santoro
... social media and you see a number, it's just a number. I'm a human. You're a human. Everyone in this room, we're just normal people. We all have problems. The only thing that we have different is that we dare to believe in ourselves so much that people believed in us and gave us a follow. I wouldn't be here sitting if people weren't following me. Uh, you wouldn't be sitting, giving me the interview, people didn't believe in you. So it's just a matter of, like, don't believe in the imposter syndrome. Don't believe it. It's not real. It's just believe in the thing that I just said, somewhere you've not been yet, which I love the word yet. You're not successful yet. You are not there yet. It's just yet. And I have been doing this movement. I've been going around. We, we brought it to so many countries. It's 122 countries we brought it to, and it's the I Still Build movement, and I'm launching my book next year, so I'm gonna be definitely launching it with you. But it's the I Still Build movement, is that we're all builders. In either way or not, we are building something.And I, I love to do this every time I go somewhere and to a different country. I love to do this part where I put on the screen and I'm like, "When fear takes over me and it tells you I'm not enough, what do you say?" And people go around and say, "I still build." When... And I start doing all these things, and people go like, "I still build." And you just start believing, I'm a builder. You're a builder. We're all builders. We're building different lives. Someone is becoming a mother full time, that's beautiful. You're building a home. You're building an idea from scratch that doesn't exist. You're a builder. You're building a life alongside someone that you're gonna spend the rest of your life, you're a builder. You're building an idea that might exist and you wanna tweak it a little bit, that's awesome. You're a builder. And in this stage of life, we just see that we're, like I said, in the same boat, in different destinations. We all have problems, we all have crisis in life. And I understood the power of time with this because my dad, I'm an only child. My parents have been m- they, they are my life. They are my greatest support. But you know what? It's something that I understood that they always believed in me. I always saw them as builders because they built their businesses from scratch. I always knew what a real entrepreneurship, entrepreneur looks like because when I was young, I would go to the office on a Saturday because they were building, right? And my grandma always told me something, is, "You can do it." And I remember this you can do it because there was, like, a little thing on my bed, and she would hold my hand, and she would let go, and she's like, "You can cross, you can do it." And it's the same thing. The most beautiful thing that you can do in life is believe in yourself so much of what you're building. Doesn't matter what it is, but it's just believing in what you're building. And in this moment of you can do it. Sometimes I do what is called the power pose. And the power pose, I heard this article about this neurosurgeon who stood up, that he was gonna do operate in this little girl's brain. She was three years old. And as a neurosurgeon, he said that if he had had, like, a tiny mistake, the girl would basically be brain dead. So he said that it was, like, a 16, 17-hour surgery. And he would go in front of a, a mirror before it, and he did the power pose, right? And after I heard that, I always do the power pose. So what is the power pose? You stand in front of a mirror, you put your arms like Superman, and you lock yourself, you see yourself-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah
- CSCoral Santoro
... and you see who you really are. You're like, "You know what? Let's do this. Bring it. They tell me I can't? Watch me. You think I cannot do it? Watch me." And I love that because once you understand the power that is inside you, nothing can break you.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- CSCoral Santoro
And seeing yourself in the mirror is something that I always ask, "How many times do you talk to yourself?" Like, "No, I talk to myself." I'm, "No, you are thinking. You're having thoughts." And there was a Harvard study that said that 78% of thoughts are negative on a daily basis. So when I heard that, I'm like, you're not talking to yourself, you are listening to your thoughts in mute. But what if I told you that you stand in front of a mirror and you said, "You know what, Coral? You're gonna have a beautiful day. You're so powerful. You're so capable. You're breathing, you get one more chance." And you put yourself in power pose and you see yourself, you see the power inside you.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- CSCoral Santoro
No one that you admire has something different than you. They just believe in theirselves so much that once you stand in front of the mirror and you do the talk to yourself, and you do this, ooh, life becomes so beautiful.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- CSCoral Santoro
Oh, I love it.
- 1:04:43 – 1:09:02
Why Great Communication Changes Everything
- JSJay Shetty
say that before I go on stage, there's rarely a mirror there because I'm backstage, but whenever I go on before stage, if I'm in power pose, it is so much more easier to go out there and own the stage-
- CSCoral Santoro
Yes
- JSJay Shetty
... than it is when you're, like, just sitting there thinking about-
- CSCoral Santoro
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... stuff, whatever it may be. And I love the distinction you made between the thoughts and the mind. That's not talking to yourself, that's just hearing.
- CSCoral Santoro
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
And the big one that I took away there, my favorite type of people are over-communicators. And when you were talking about couples, this is how I think about a relationship. You're in one place, your partner's in another place, and you're driving to the same party tonight, and your partner leaves a bit earlier than you. You leave a bit later, but you call them up and say, "Hey, I'm running a bit late. Can you wait for me outside?" And your partner says, "Yeah, yeah, sure, sure, sure. I'll wait for you outside. That's cool. What time are you gonna get there?" You're like, "I think I'm gonna get there 20 minutes after you get there." They go, "Great, fine. Come at 20 minutes after." They're waiting there. You're on the way. You get stuck in a bit of traffic. You go, "Hey, look, I'm still 10 minutes behind. I'll be there in 30 minutes. Why don't you go inside?" Your partner says, "I thought you wanted me to wait." You go, "No, no, no. It's okay. It's okay. You just go inside. You know, I'm gonna be a bit later." You get there 30 minutes later, you walk in. The relationship wasn't getting there at the same time. It wasn't that you were moving at the same pace. It's that you were in constant conversation and communication and connection about where you were.
- CSCoral Santoro
100%.
- JSJay Shetty
And I think that's the communication that's lost.
- CSCoral Santoro
And I love that you're posting on your social media those things that I... I did one similar, but it was about traffic and, like, one is having a baby, one just divorced, one is having-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah, yeah
- CSCoral Santoro
... all situations in life. And I feel like that is social media. We just see a tiny window. We don't see the full picture. And that's when we, we communicate each other, and we, we talk to your partner, you talk to your friends. You see, you say, like, "Oh, w- we're not so behind. Oh, it's not that perfect." I'm like, when it comes to my social media, I wanted people to leave with a message, not with what I have, not with where I live, not, not with anything at all because my life is not perfect at all. I understood the power of time in life when my dad got cancer, and he got diagnosed, and there was a moment in life where-
- JSJay Shetty
Sorry to hear that
- CSCoral Santoro
... he's, he's wonderful now, thank God. But he got into an exam, and he got sepsis from it, and he was in intensive care for a long time. And I understood the power of time of the things that I wanted to do, and I'm like, "I wanna do everything now." And it's the moments when you understand all these things, right? As an only child, I feel like when they ask you, "How is it to be an only child? Was it tough when you were a kid?" No. It's when you are an adult and you realize that everything is up to you. So it's just a matter of, like, how you can communicate. Everything's about communication. Communicate about the beautiful things you can tell a person. Why wait? If you are in love with someone, say it, even if you're afraid. Have you heard that Grey's Anatomy line?
- JSJay Shetty
No, no, no.
- CSCoral Santoro
It's beautiful. It's, like, Eric Dane that just passed awayHe has this beautiful line where he says, "Say it. If you're in love with someone, say it-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah
- CSCoral Santoro
... even if it hurts in your bones, even if you're afraid, even if it's not the, the result that you want to hear, say it." And I feel like that's life. Go for it. Dare to say it. In a meeting, I heard this amazing story about the guy that invented Vitaminwater, and he went to Coca-Cola and basically said, "I have the next it product," and he literally sold the idea of having, like, water with flavors. And he got paid off, like, $4 billion, I think, if I'm not wrong. So it's just a matter of, like, going, communicating. Dare to do it. The worst thing that can happen is a no, and that's fine, you know? But it's just a matter of believing. Communicate yourself. Say that you love. Say what you don't like as well, because in the best communications, it's saying the uncomfortable things.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- CSCoral Santoro
People don't wanna hear uncomfortable things, but it's what makes you grow. In a company, when people have to come and say the things that you've been doing wrong, nobody wants to hear that, but it's gonna make you grow, or it's gonna make you bankrupt if you don't hear that, right? So it's just a matter of communication. Life is all about communicating in every aspect of it.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm. Well said. Coral, I wanna thank you, first of all, for traveling 30 hours-
- CSCoral Santoro
My pleasure
- JSJay Shetty
... to be here. This is the dedication.
- CSCoral Santoro
[laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
I wanted to point it out, because you've been talking about dedication, you've been talking about discipline, you've been talking about putting in the work, talked about overnight success. For you to travel 30 hours to be here, to be on the show, I think that is the longest anyone has ever traveled to be on the show.
- CSCoral Santoro
[laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
So I wanna honor you for that.
- CSCoral Santoro
And with a purpose.
- JSJay Shetty
I wanna thank you for that.
- CSCoral Santoro
[laughs]
- 1:09:02 – 1:12:43
Coral on Final Five
- JSJay Shetty
for that. And we end every episode of On Purpose with a Final Five. These questions have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum.
- CSCoral Santoro
Okay.
- JSJay Shetty
So, Coral Santoro, these are your Final Five, brought to you by State Farm. Question number one: what is the best advice you've ever had or received?
- CSCoral Santoro
So I think there's a quote I really like, and it's, "A winner is just a loser who tried one more time," so I don't stop at failure.
- JSJay Shetty
I love that. Great advice. Question number two: what is the worst advice you've ever had or received?
- CSCoral Santoro
Follow your purpose. [laughs] Because, well, at the end of the day, a lot of people just say, like, follow your purpose, but purpose comes with a lot of dedication, so I feel like that's incomplete advice. So I would just say follow your purpose, but know that it's not gonna be easy. And that's the thing, just purpose sometimes is not enough.
- JSJay Shetty
Absolutely. Question number three: when do you know that a relationship is over?
- CSCoral Santoro
I think a, a relationship is over when, uh, when, when the admiration dies. You have to admire your partner, for the good and the worse, you know? I was just talking to my friend, uh, who's in the studio with me, but it's a matter of, like, when you get married and they ask you, "In, in good or in bad, in, in sick, doesn't help," that's the priest saying, like, the cute version. But what if I told you, and I heard this the other day, it's like, "What if they amputate three of your, of your members? Would you still love her?" It's like, ooh, you, it makes you think. What if we bankrupt and we have to start over? I just heard Ian Somerhalder talking about Nikki Reed and that they were eight figures in debt and how they pulled through that. That's not easy. Financial debt is not easy. But it's just a matter of admiration. If you admire your partner and that dies, I think it's over.
- JSJay Shetty
Question number four: how do you define a good friend?
- CSCoral Santoro
I feel like a good friend is always happy for your success. I have a group chat with two of my friends, and before I got here, one is in Shanghai, one is in Buenos Aires, and they all woke up at the same time to see me get ready and my makeup, and for me, they were happy for my success. So if your friend is happy for you, you have a good friend, because they're not jealous of you, and they're not afraid of your success.
- JSJay Shetty
Fifth and final question. We ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show.
- CSCoral Santoro
Okay.
- JSJay Shetty
If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
- CSCoral Santoro
Respect. If you respect each other, that's it. You don't need anything else. Respect means that you have heard one another's opinion. Respect means that you respect their time. I respect so much people's time because it means that you value their time as well as yours. Respect means that you can respect your partner because you respect that maybe they don't have a good day, and that doesn't mean, you know, you've lost it all. Respect means that in your team, you respect them with who they are, with their ideas, with their values. So if there could be one thing, and I think the world would be better off with, is respect each other.
- JSJay Shetty
Coral Santoro, thank you so much. Everyone who's been listening and watching, wherever you are, whether you're at work, at home, please tag me and Coral on TikTok and Instagram with your best moments, the parts that you're gonna try and apply, the parts that you're going to try and live by, the parts that you're sharing with a friend. Coral, thank you so much for coming on the show.
- CSCoral Santoro
Thank you so much, Jay. It's been a, it's been a pleasure.
- JSJay Shetty
Uh, I'm so, so thankful, truly grateful, and, uh-
- CSCoral Santoro
Thank you
- JSJay Shetty
... it's wonderful to finally meet you. I'm wishing you all the best for your book.
- CSCoral Santoro
God bless you.
- JSJay Shetty
All the success may it come your way, and-
- CSCoral Santoro
Thank you
- JSJay Shetty
... continue to help so many people around the world.
- CSCoral Santoro
Thank you so much.
- JSJay Shetty
Thank you so much.
- CSCoral Santoro
It's been a pleasure, and for everyone's listening, just God bless you. Keep believing in yourself. You are enough, and I'll see you next time.
- JSJay Shetty
Thank you so much. Thank you everyone for watching. We'll see you soon. If you loved this episode, you'll love my conversation with Airbnb founder, Brian Chesky, on how to tap into your creative potential and the number one thing people get wrong about success.
- CSCoral Santoro
The best people in your life will be people who see potential in you that you didn't see in yourself. And I often wonder-
Episode duration: 1:12:43
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