4 Parenting Experts Share Their Top Parenting Advice (Compilation Episode)

Jay Shetty 0:00 The number one health and wellness podcast

Dr. Aliza Pressman 0:02 Jay Shetty.

Speaker 0:03 Jay Shetty

Jessica Alba 0:04 The one, the only Jay Shetty.

Jay Shetty 0:06 [laughs] Studies show that a child's emotional intelligence and resilience is strongly shaped by their parents' approach to discipline and communication. But with so much parenting advice out there, it can be hard to know what really works. We're judged in many roles in our lives, but it seems we're judged the most in our roles as parents. There's no handbook to parenting yet. We're expected to never make any mistakes. Parenting is fulfilling but challenging. Every stage comes with new lessons. Today's guests bring different perspectives, psychologists, experienced parents, and public figures balancing family with busy careers. Let's start with one of the biggest parenting struggles, discipline. Discipline is about teaching, not punishing. It's so important that we know how to set boundaries in a way that builds confidence, not fear. It's important that we create a safe, supportive environment where kids can learn from mistakes. Dr. Aliza Pressman

Jay Shetty 1:13 will be talking about how discipline is about teaching, not punishing.

Dr. Aliza Pressman 1:18 I feel like discipline is so controversial, um, but I think of it as all feelings are welcome, all behaviors are not. So if I had to sum it up, and I think we do think of discipline as punishment versus teaching, and it's teaching, because it actually influences your growth and development. It's not just for my entertainment.

Jay Shetty 1:37 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Aliza Pressman 1:37 Then your kids trust you a little bit more, and the relationship is stronger. But I think the key with discipline is not being afraid of how our kids react to it, and having the strength of purpose and belief that if they do have a negative reaction to it, we can love them all the way through it, but we're not gonna change our minds about it. 'Cause that's where it gets messy, is that if we're talking all about how important the relationship is, and then you have this limit that you set, like, "This is my expectation of you," and your child doesn't like it. The s- simply, like, I... You know, I take the phone away at night, or the iPad or whatever, and your child is freaking out about it. Then you go, "Well, now I've messed with the relationship, and so I guess I should... They're crying and I need to, like, get back in there. So okay, I'll give you more time," or whatever it is. And that's where we get confused. I think if parents really understood that feelings aren't dangerous, that kids aren't gonna say thank you for the boundaries and limits that we set, and that we set them with the intention of physical and emotional safety, about not just them, but other people. Like, we're not just raising kids in a vacuum. They have to move through the world and think about community and other humans. And so what's comfortable for them might not be thoughtful to other people. And so it's that balance between be there for yourself, but also not to the extent that you can't... You know, that you're entitled and don't respect that there are other people in the world. I mean, there's three kind of parenting styles outside of neglectful, which is not... You know, that's a whole other thing. But there's, like, the permissive, which is best friend parenting, and it is so sensitive and they do like you and you can play as many video games as you want and all that's great, except for you have no- nobody's steering the ship. And so it actually can lead to anxiety and depression and a sense that you are res- too responsible for things. And the other side of it is authoritarian, where it's fear-based, and it's just rules, and it's just because I said so, but without the, like, "I know you really love doing this-

Jay Shetty 3:46 Mm

Dr. Aliza Pressman 3:46 ... and I wouldn't stop you from doing it if I didn't know that it was better for your brain," or whatever. So that's the middle path of, like, authoritative, where you're sensitive, but you stick with your limits and boundaries because you know that that's going to benefit your kids. Even when you have limits and rules, you want your kids to know, as you're describing your mom, that they have you. So if you do mess up-

Jay Shetty 4:14 Yep

Dr. Aliza Pressman 4:14 ... you can still go to them-

Jay Shetty 4:15 Totally

Dr. Aliza Pressman 4:15 ... instead of being terrified. And so that's this weird thing where it's like, "Here are my expectations. Also, I wanna s- name the fact that you're gonna blow it sometimes, and I wanna be the person you come to."

Jay Shetty 4:28 Yeah.

Dr. Aliza Pressman 4:29 And that's something to say not when they're struggling. And I think part of the reason why it's hard to get kids to open up is 'cause we try to get in there when they're in the center of the struggle-

Jay Shetty 4:38 Yes

Dr. Aliza Pressman 4:38 ... instead of, like, building the vocabulary and connection outside of it.

Jay Shetty 4:42 Mm.

Dr. Aliza Pressman 4:42 So you have the conversations, and you give the language when nobody's in the heat of the moment.

Jay Shetty 4:49 Mm.

Dr. Aliza Pressman 4:50 So that when the heat of the moment comes, they already know that they can come to you, and you can just say to them, "I can tell something's going on. I'm here whenever or if ever."

Jay Shetty 5:01 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Aliza Pressman 5:02 And then just leave space. A lot of times doing something with a kid who's not opening up, like going for a drive even so that you're not looking at each other, and you know, I can't think of any sport right now 'cause I'm not-

Jay Shetty 5:17 [laughs]

Dr. Aliza Pressman 5:18 ... super sporty. But you know, like s- s- play... [laughs] I'm like, what is it called when one does a game with someone?

Jay Shetty 5:24 Pickleball.

Dr. Aliza Pressman 5:25 Thank you.

Jay Shetty 5:25 Or tennis, yeah.

Dr. Aliza Pressman 5:26 So you go play pickleball.

Jay Shetty 5:27 Yeah.

Dr. Aliza Pressman 5:28 You're playing pickleball, it's gonna come up. But you want to just, like, put little tiny moments where you say, "I'm askable, I'm tellable, and I'm not gonna say anything." And one of the things that helps is that when your kids do tell you something, you say, "Thank you for telling me," before you have any other reaction.

Jay Shetty 5:49 Mm.

Dr. Aliza Pressman 5:50 And that may be your only reaction, and then you give them a little space. And then you say, "Is there anything I can do?"

Jay Shetty 5:57 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Aliza Pressman 5:59 With younger kids, you wanna be... This is going to sound ridiculous if you don't think about animals this way, but I do, so tell me if it resonates. [laughs] But you kinda wanna be a dog. You're wagging your tail when you're excited to see them, you're always there, and you're, like, really enthusiastic, and they need that. But then as they get older- Imagine your 11 to 25-year-old self, you need to be a cat.

Jay Shetty 6:21 Mm.

Dr. Aliza Pressman 6:22 So you're, like, a li- you're there. You're always around. You're not, you might-

Jay Shetty 6:27 Mm

Dr. Aliza Pressman 6:28 ... you're touching their feet. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 6:29 [laughs]

Dr. Aliza Pressman 6:30 Like, you're not overly on top of them, but if they're interested, they can come to you.

Jay Shetty 6:37 Mm.

Dr. Aliza Pressman 6:38 But you're not going anywhere, so it's like it's this safe thing where you're there for them, but it's, it's not so intense.

Jay Shetty 6:46 Mm.

Dr. Aliza Pressman 6:47 And then they have the opportunity to open up a little bit, and when they do, you don't pounce like a dog. You stay a cat who's, like, welcoming the information, but not, you know, saying, "Oh my God."

Jay Shetty 6:58 Yeah.

Dr. Aliza Pressman 6:59 And then, you know, 'cause you don't want your kids to think you can't handle my truth.

Jay Shetty 7:04 Yeah.

Dr. Aliza Pressman 7:04 So I'm not, you're not the person to tell.

Jay Shetty 7:06 Yeah, and, and I feel that's the hardest time to be the cat-

Dr. Aliza Pressman 7:09 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 7:09 ... because you're scared about them getting involved in the worst stuff.

Dr. Aliza Pressman 7:12 The worst things.

Jay Shetty 7:12 Like, whether it's drugs or, um, you know, addiction to social media or getting involved in the wrong circles. Like, that's the age at which it's gonna happen.

Dr. Aliza Pressman 7:21 Yeah, it's terrifying.

Jay Shetty 7:22 And so yeah, it's terrifying, so they're not, and they're getting a driver's license. They can drink now, you know, as, you know, as they get older. It's, like, it's almost like those are the times where you wanna be more-

Dr. Aliza Pressman 7:31 Yeah

Jay Shetty 7:31 ... hands-on.

Dr. Aliza Pressman 7:32 And you are phy- that's why I say you're physically present. Like, I think toddlers and teenagers need you more present than anybody, but we think teenagers are, like, off on their own and whatever, but you're home. Like, if they're going to a party, you're home to greet them and look into their eyes so you don't need to ask if they've been drinking 'cause you will know when you hug them and look in their eyes. And you can have a conversation in a different kind of way than if you're sort of like, "I'm out. You're out. I- you're older. You, you know, take an Uber. Don't drive drunk. I'll see you tomorrow." So I think your presence is important, but the, the, the sense that you're, like, kind of all over them verbally-

Jay Shetty 8:17 Mm

Dr. Aliza Pressman 8:17 ... has, you have to pull back a little bit, and it's terrifying. But if you've cultivated the relationship and you've set the expectations from, you know, about substances and social media and whatever, it's easier. But when something's really bothering them, what they need is to know that they don't have to explain it, and they can just come to you and be sad.

Jay Shetty 8:40 Mm.

Dr. Aliza Pressman 8:41 Attachment relationships are dynamic, so you aren't just like... It used to be we used to think, like, you're either, you know, you have a baby. You develop this secure attachment. It's like a bond, and that's it. But we know now it's dynamic, and so if you have a five-year-old or a 16-year-old or a 35-year-old, you can still grow that healthy attachment relationship. So you can change. Our job is not to fix. It's to be there, and that's what secure attachment is. Even in your adult relationships, it's like, "Who can sit with me through all of these experiences, through these feelings?" Because the idea of being happy isn't really about always being happy. It's about knowing you can come back from whatever it is that you're going through, and you will be happy again. And if our kids experience the range of things that come their way, and they know that they have someone sort of sitting by their side, they end up in this relationship that is securely attached, and it's not, like, one and done. And if it didn't, you know, that's the thing that I think is the trickiest is feeling like, "I'm responsible for my child's constant happiness. I have to feel ashamed if I wasn't there for every moment or if I couldn't fix that feeling," which you can't, as you know. And I think sometimes people feel like they're maybe better or worse at different stages.

Jay Shetty 10:09 Mm.

Dr. Aliza Pressman 10:10 And so there's, you know, like, this assumption that we're gonna kinda know what to do. Like, the idea that you do come home from the hospital, and you're just like, "Okay. I guess." [laughs]

Jay Shetty 10:22 [laughs]

Dr. Aliza Pressman 10:23 I just feel like in adulthood this happens all the time. Like, I remember just the first time I was, you know, in my 20s, and I had my own apartment, and I was like, "Wait, I can just decide what I'm doing? I can open a bottle of wine?" Like, there were things that-

Jay Shetty 10:37 [laughs]

Dr. Aliza Pressman 10:37 ... I still was like, "I'm gonna..." It, it's bizarre.

Jay Shetty 10:40 Yeah.

Dr. Aliza Pressman 10:40 And now, like, that I'm the last, you know, person in charge of whatever, and there's nobody that I'm supposed to ask, and I can make a decision, I'm still kind of like-

Jay Shetty 10:49 Mm

Dr. Aliza Pressman 10:49 ... "Is that okay?" [laughs]

Jay Shetty 10:51 Yeah.

Dr. Aliza Pressman 10:51 And so the idea that you're just, like, in charge of raising a whole human being or more is really daunting.

Jay Shetty 11:00 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Aliza Pressman 11:00 And we all kind of think everybody else knows.

Jay Shetty 11:04 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Aliza Pressman 11:05 We don't know.

Jay Shetty 11:06 The next clip is from Dr. Daniel Amen, who talks about the importance of presence and emotional connection. He talks about this Special Time technique, which is the importance of 20 minutes a day of uninterrupted physical time with children plus active listening. He talks about the need to set firm, loving boundaries with consistent follow-through and small intentional actions that make a big difference in connection.

Dr. Daniel Amen 11:36 If you want to have influence with your children, if you want them to seriously consider your values, you have to be connected with them.

Jay Shetty 11:46 And what does that take?

Dr. Daniel Amen 11:47 Time, like actual physical time where you're not on your phone, but you put the phone away, and you spend 20 minutes a day with a child. So there's an exercise I talk about in the book that I love so much that, you know, of all the things I've recommended to my patients over the last 45 years when I decided to be a psychiatrist 45 years ago, Special Time. It's magic. And 20 minutes a day Do something with your child, child wants to do, that's reasonable, you can do in twenty minutes, so it's like not take me to Nordstrom's, and during that time, no commands, no questions, no directions. It's just time to be together, and it's money in the relational bank. And I remember when I first figured this out, my literary agent, uh, had a child later in life. We were talking on the phone, and he's like, "My daughter, Laura, doesn't wanna have anything to do with me," and she's two. And he said, "That's like a girl thing, right? A mother-daughter thing. They don't want anything." I'm like, "No, Carl, you're ignoring her." "What? What do you mean I'm ignor-" "I'm like you're ignoring her. Do this." And he said, "That won't work." I'm like, "Oh, great. You represent an idiot. My own literary agent won't do what I say. Do it. In fact, I'm gonna put you in my schedule for three weeks. I'm gonna call you, get the party started." And so three weeks go by, I call him up. "Carl." "Daniel, she won't leave me alone. As soon as I walk in the door, she grabs my leg and wants her time. All she wants to do is be with me." I'm like, "That's a problem? That's what we want, right? That's what we're after." So actual physical time, and now parents are so busy, they're not spending this one-on-one alone time listening. So that's the second part of it. So time, actual physical time, and shut up. Uh, it's so important. So s- you, you love them so much, you wanna pour all of your knowledge, all of your wisdom that you worked your whole life on, and download it into their head. Don't do that. Listen to them. And therapists learn this technique called active listening, that whenever someone says something, you don't interrupt and tell them how to think. You repeat it back, and you listen for the feelings behind the words. So if my son came home and said, "Dad, I wanna have blue hair," I don't know what your father would've said, but I know what mine would've said. [chuckles] "No way in hell. As long as you live in this house, you can have blue hair."

Jay Shetty 14:47 Yep.

Dr. Daniel Amen 14:47 But what does that do? It just stops the conversation, or it starts a fight. Active listening teaches you, repeat back what you hear. "Oh, you wanna have blue hair?" And then be quiet long enough for them to, like, explain what's really going on. And he might say, "All the kids are wearing their hair blue." Now, I've been to his school. I know not everybody's blue-headed. And if I would've said that to my dad, I don't know what your dad would've said. "I don't care what anybody else is doing. As long as you live in this house, you're not gonna have blue hair. If they're gonna jump off a bridge, are you going with them?"

Jay Shetty 15:26 Yes. [laughs]

Dr. Daniel Amen 15:27 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 15:27 That one for sure, I've heard that plenty of times.

Dr. Daniel Amen 15:30 And what does it do? Stops the conversation or it starts a fight. "Sounds like you wanna be like the other kids." Completely different conversation. But that's... And he might say, "Dad, you know, sometimes I feel like I don't fit in."

Jay Shetty 15:47 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Daniel Amen 15:47 Now, my mother would've said, "What do you mean you don't fit in? Of course you fit in. You're a good boy. You're a good-looking boy. You're a nice boy." [laughs] And that's not helpful either.

Jay Shetty 15:56 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Daniel Amen 15:56 What's just helpful is, "So sometimes you feel like you don't fit in." And then give it a breath, so they're the ones solving-

Jay Shetty 16:06 Mm-hmm

Dr. Daniel Amen 16:06 ... their problem. Now, at the end of a half an hour, he says, "I still wanna have blue hair," I'm gonna tell him, "No way in hell, as long as you live in my house," because it's not cool to look weird. I mean, if you look weird, you're gonna hang out with weird people, right? It's okay to have boundaries around behavior. Some parents, they have, like, no boundaries, and I think some boundaries are appropriate.

Jay Shetty 16:31 What does loving discipline look like? Because I think it's, it sounds good. Like, we're all like, "Yeah, I would, I would love to be disciplined, but I'd love to be loving," and often we don't even figure out what that means in the workplace, let alone with kids. We're either loving or disciplined, but we're not-

Dr. Daniel Amen 16:46 Well, I think it should be both. Um-

Jay Shetty 16:48 What does it look like?

Dr. Daniel Amen 16:50 Well, you know, we haven't gotten to rules. I, I think families should have them. Society has rules, uh, like tell the truth, uh, do what mom and dad say the first time. I love that rule. Uh, because do you know your chance of abusing the child-- If you tell a child to do something five times, your chance of abusing that child just went up significantly.

Jay Shetty 17:12 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Daniel Amen 17:12 And so if you have the expectation they'll do things the first time, it's like, "Caitlin, take, you know, I want you to take out the trash, like in the next half hour." And if she doesn't, it's like, "Sweetheart, you have a choice. You can take it out now, or you can have this consequence and then you can take it out. I don't care. It's up to you." And I love that part of not being attached to it. I love her. I'm really clear, and she's getting that consequence if she doesn't move. Stop threatening them and then not following through, uh, because you teach them that y- you have to tell them and get angry and be a bit crazy in order for them to do what you ask them to do.

Jay Shetty 18:00 Mm. And I, I, I like the rules and rhythms and routines. I remember in my home, after dinner, me and my sister would clean up, and we had a little rotor of who washed up that day and who cleaned the table that day, and it was just something that went around every day. We'd take it in turns, and my sister was four years younger than me, and we'd just do it together, and it became this thing that we just did, and it became natural. It became a habit, and it made us accountable and responsible to each other as well, as well as our parents, and it was a really neat way of Kind of giving us that rules and, you know, I think sometimes we think of rules as, like, strict rules and guidelines, but actually it can be just a rhythm and a routine in-

Dr. Daniel Amen 18:38 And it's building confidence-

Jay Shetty 18:39 Yes

Dr. Daniel Amen 18:39 ... and skill, and you're part of the family rather than you're entitled-

Jay Shetty 18:46 Mm

Dr. Daniel Amen 18:46 ... to live in that family.

Jay Shetty 18:48 Yeah, yeah.

Dr. Daniel Amen 18:49 And the earlier you start, the, the better it is-

Jay Shetty 18:53 Mm

Dr. Daniel Amen 18:53 ... um, for kids. I mean, it's, it's hard if you not spend any time with children by the time they're 14. Their friends are more important than you are.

Jay Shetty 19:03 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Daniel Amen 19:03 And that's the heartbreaking thing I've learned is if you're not spending time with them, their friends will take your place, and they may not have the advice. [laughs] They may not have the right ear-

Jay Shetty 19:19 Mm-hmm

Dr. Daniel Amen 19:19 ... for you, and it makes them more vulnerable to all the scary stuff that's on-

Jay Shetty 19:26 Mm

Dr. Daniel Amen 19:26 ... social media.

Jay Shetty 19:27 You're about to hear from Kim Kardashian, and this is really about parenting in the public eye. Now, you may not have a life in the public eye, but you may wonder what other parents think about you. You may feel judged about what family members think about how you parent. And we all feel like we live in this bubble of people's constant opinions, expectations, and obligations of what a good parent should look like. In this segment, you'll hear about how Kim balances career, fame, and raising grounded kids. She talks a lot about overcoming mom guilt and being present with her kids even with a busy schedule and a busy work life. I think this is something a lot of you may be able to relate to and connect with. She also talks about the importance of open communication in navigating tough conversations, and she talks about how she creates a sense of normalcy despite being in the public eye and having such a big brand.

Speaker 20:25 Mom guilt is probably the hardest thing. I think that you have to also separate, though, and understand that you need your own bit of sanity, so you have to do what makes you happy. You have to... Working, for me, I love working, so that makes me happy. Anytime I think something's really hard, I dive into work and... or if there's challenges, like, I love to dive into my work, and that's, like, a bit of my therapy and my routine to keep me going. But I think, you know, I have chats with my girlfriends when our kids are having tantrums, and there could be things going on that we don't even know about, and you feel like you're the worst mom if something's going on and you can't fix it. You have no idea how to change it. Your kids are fighting, whatever it is. And my friends and I will text each other and be, like, in tears, literally locking ourselves [laughs] in the room, like, away from a kid having a tantrum when that's not what you should do. You should go and lean into them and... But sometimes it's so overwhelming. That was probably the only time I'd be hard on myself is, am I a good mom? I try to do everything. And I think how to balance work with that is when you're home, being really present.

Jay Shetty 21:46 Mm.

Speaker 21:46 Kids, all they want is time.

Jay Shetty 21:47 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 21:48 They just want your time.

Jay Shetty 21:50 Yeah.

Speaker 21:50 You can give them all these amazing, big experiences, and they'll remember them, and they're great, but they'll always remember you being present.

Jay Shetty 21:57 Mm.

Speaker 21:58 And I think that's just the most important thing in all of your relationships. Think about what a kid wants. A kid just wants your time, so why wouldn't everyone else? You have to kinda treat everyone like that if you want these, like, meaningful relationships in your life.

Jay Shetty 22:15 Yeah.

Speaker 22:15 And you have to be present, and it's okay to feel like you are not 100% at being the best mom. I say this all the time. We- there's no manual. They do not come with a manual. Everyone's doing the best that they can, and I just feel so lucky that I have a good group of girlfriends, and all of our kids are experiencing different things from... I mean, imagine all the things that they... A divorce, everything that they have to go through. We're okay. They will be okay, and they will feel the love and support, and that's all you can do. It'll be okay. I'll talk to my kids about anything they wanna ask me about. I am so open and honest with my kids. I think that's the only way to be, and it could be things that they might not understand, and I'll wait to find the appropriate time to talk about it. I think they grew up seeing the cameras, and they grew up seeing that even as babies. You know, we'd walk out, and there'd be paparazzi, so it's not really something that they acknowledge a lot. But you know, my daughter's really vocal. She'll tell them when she doesn't want them around and to leave her alone and to stop, and I love that they use their little voices, but they also have such a normal life and such a different life away from all of that, too.

Jay Shetty 23:37 Mm.

Speaker 23:37 And that's why I love that my sisters and I all had babies at the same time, so they can be with each other and have these experiences together.

Jay Shetty 23:45 What's the biggest lesson you learned from your mom that you're trying to pass on to the kids?

Speaker 23:48 I think just how she makes people feel-

Jay Shetty 23:50 Mm

Speaker 23:50 ... really heard and welcomed. She really is the most warm, welcoming person, and it's just, like, her overall... It seems superficial, but it's not. Like, her party planning skills, it's not even that. It's just the welcoming-ness of... I don't even know if these are words I'm saying.

Jay Shetty 24:09 [laughs]

Speaker 24:09 But, like, just her ability to be so warm and to make everyone feel like they were invited here. I'm gonna create this, like, special Easter dinner with, like, the things on the table, you know, that she had when we were growing up at my dad's house. Like, she just has all this, like, really special, nostalgic- ... stuff around all the time, and always tries to make everyone feel so special, but with, like, a gathering so that everyone feels comfortable and can hang around. Like, she just loves people in her space-

Jay Shetty 24:40 Mm-hmm

Speaker 24:41 ... and loves to create these memories, and I think that we all got that from her, and we will all... If I can just pass that on to my kids, just the, the experiences that we have as a family, whether we're just sitting in our pajamas and hanging out, we make the time to be together, and I hope that my kids wanna make the time to be together when they grow up with their cousins and their aunts and just the whole family.

Jay Shetty 25:09 I'm sure they will.

Speaker 25:10 Yeah, I think they will too.

Jay Shetty 25:11 I'm sure they will. Yeah, I think, I think you've managed to hold onto it in your entire generation, and so-

Speaker 25:16 Yeah

Jay Shetty 25:16 ... they see that. I think kids mirror so much of-

Speaker 25:19 Yeah

Jay Shetty 25:19 ... what they see around them. And I remember when I met my wife, her grandma is her favorite human on the planet, and it's really interesting how when someone you love, you know who their favorite human is.

Speaker 25:30 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 25:30 You automatically start loving them.

Speaker 25:32 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 25:33 And I wasn't really close to my grandparents, but I'm closer to Radhi's grandparent- like, grandma-

Speaker 25:37 Yeah

Jay Shetty 25:37 ... than I am to my own grandparents because-

Speaker 25:38 That's so cute

Jay Shetty 25:39 ... you see your love for-

Speaker 25:40 Yeah

Jay Shetty 25:40 ... the person that you love, and so I think when your kids see the love that you have for your sisters and your cousins and your aunts and uncles and parents-

Speaker 25:47 Now, if only all my kids can love their siblings, that would be amazing.

Jay Shetty 25:52 [laughs]

Speaker 25:52 They're in a fighting phase.

Jay Shetty 25:54 Yeah.

Speaker 25:55 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 25:55 Did you... And you guys went through that phase, I'm sure.

Speaker 25:57 We went through it too.

Jay Shetty 25:57 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 25:58 Oh, my God.

Jay Shetty 25:58 It's still going on. Yeah.

Speaker 25:59 The fistbu- yeah.

Jay Shetty 25:59 Yeah.

Speaker 26:00 Still going on.

Jay Shetty 26:00 [laughs] That's-

Speaker 26:01 Never ending

Jay Shetty 26:02 That's never

Jay Shetty 26:03 gonna stop. This next segment is from Jessica Alba, where she talks about motherhood and personal growth. A big part of what she shares is how motherhood reshaped her career and priorities. Maybe you've just started a new job. Maybe you started a new side hustle. Maybe you just had your first child and everything's changing. Or maybe your kids just left the home. All of these transitions impact the way we work, live, and think. It affects our relationship with our spouse, our partner, whoever that may be, and it impacts our relationship with our work. In this segment, Jessica Alba talks about how she teaches her kids resilience, self-worth, and using success for good. She also talks about how she's trying and been able to find balance between her personal ambitions and family life. I think this is such an important thing that we're all trying to juggle, and it will really resonate with you.

Speaker 27:00 You know, I think because it was such a struggle and so hard for my parents, they were young when they had me, and every day was a very... It, it was a very kind of tumultuous environment just because they were in survival mode every day, struggling to get by. And they also didn't have necessarily the maturity or the tools to have context, like this podcast, right? There wasn't this podcast [laughs] when my parents were, you know, young. There weren- We live now in a culture where, um, so many, so much of the stuff that just wasn't sort of serving humanity has been broken down, and there's this generation, um, that's sort of thinking through, like, I guess sort of, like, yes, we built these civilizations based off of, like, necessity, a lot of these things that are power and ego-driven, right? Um, but now we're in a place where it's a more about compassion, mindfulness, right? Openness, and that's how we're going to thrive and, and, you know, continue to thrive as, as a human race. Um, and, and so I think, you know, for my kids, I try to exemplify, uh, whatever that is, and, and at the same time, you know, they are very aware of my faults, right? They're very aware that I, you know, get stressed and I, you know, get irritable, and I don't sleep enough, and all of those things. Um, but you know, we have a, we have a dialogue about it, and, and, you know, I try to create a space of compassion, um, obviously for, for them, but also, you know, just for them to, to sort of, like, know that I'm trying. I think I just wanted, uh, peace, and I wanted security, and I wanted a sense of, um, financial security to me meant that, uh, you could then have peace and not be so stressed out. I also knew that, like, my parents in a lot of ways were just sort of, like, products of certain systems. When you have to support a family, how can you sort of, like, get ahead? Um, and they were learning as they were going. You know, it's sort of like flying the plane and fixing it [laughs] at the same time. It wasn't until I became a parent, I think, that I had... I really understood how difficult it was for them, um, just being so young and not necessarily having the tools and not having, you know, their, a, a setup, right? To thrive. I felt like I had a, I had a purpose. I didn't know what it was. I came from very simple, humble, um, family. What I've done in my life and what I've, I've achieved was in no way, shape, or form given to me, handed to me. I mean, I think if anything, there was nothing but blocks and challenges and walls and reasons why I shouldn't dream or even have the audacity to think that I could become anything. Every stage I, of every piece of my life, I f- I feel like I'm always looking to be better and do better. So when I actually got the opportunity to be an actress, and, um, I started working on the re- on a regular basis, I prayed a lot, you know, whether it's God or spirit or whatever it is that people pray to. Um, I felt like if I could just channel, like-

Jessica Alba 30:39 I want to do good. I know I'm here to do good. I'm not sure what that end goal is, but I promise that if I get any breakthrough, um, I will do good with, with my success, and I always attributed success with, with being able to do good. And, uh, and then when I became a mom, um, you know, that really my sense of self, and I would say my insecurities as a person, um, over silly things kept me, I think, from fully realizing my potential before I became a mom. But when I became a mom, those insecurities sort of went away.

Jay Shetty 31:15 I hope you took away a lot of practical emotional advice and insight from this episode, and here are some of my takeaways. Parenting isn't about being perfect. It's about being present and growing together. I think when we have that pressure of perfection, we actually sometimes act out in negative ways, even towards children. That pressure of perfection becomes why we're angry. Really, we're angry at ourselves, but we're taking it out on that child. That stress that we carry of wanting to be perfect parents and be perfect all the time makes us act in ways that we don't love afterwards and we might regret. Whether it's setting boundaries, building strong connections, or balancing life, today's insights show we're not alone in this journey. Every single person who's a parent is struggling with what we've talked about today. It doesn't matter how many resources you have. It doesn't matter what access you have. Everyone is going through an up and down. And I think we can also relate to that through having been kids in our lives. If you think back to being a child, I'm sure your parents had ups and downs. I'm sure they had days, weeks, months, and years that were challenging. It's natural for you to do that as well. Sometimes we're trying so hard not to be our parents that we end up repeating the same mistakes. I hope that this episode resonated with you. I hope you'll share it with a parent who needs to hear it. I hope you'll listen to it with your friends who are parents as well so you can find a space to be vulnerable, open, and connect more deeply. Thank you so much for listening. If you loved this episode, you will enjoy my interview with Dr. Daniel Amen on how to change your life by changing your brain.

Dr. Daniel Amen 32:58 If we want a healthy mind, it actually starts with a healthy brain. You know, I've had the blessing or the curse to scan over 1,000 convicted felons and over 100 murderers, and their brains are very damaged