ALEX WARREN EXCLUSIVE: The Untold Story of Losing His Parents, Addiction & Survival

1. 0:00 – 1:01

   Intro

   1. JSJay Shetty0:00

      [instrumental music] First of all, I just want to say congratulations. I just saw you were the number one song on Variety's Hitmakers, 25 songs.

   2. AWAlex Warren0:36

      Oh my God.

   3. JSJay Shetty0:37

      You beat Sabrina Carpenter. Kendrick's got like three on there or whatever it is. I'm like, how does that feel? That is incredible. That is huge.

   4. AWAlex Warren0:44

      Well, I didn't know that until just now, which is awesome.

   5. JSJay Shetty0:46

      Did you not know? [laughs]

   6. AWAlex Warren0:47

      I don't look at that stuff. It's, um, it's something for me, I, I feel like I just focus on the music itself, and it's been really amazing to be able to have those accolades. I, I don't know. It doesn't feel real. Like, that's the one thing that kind of like it doesn't hit me yet. I ... Every time I

2. 1:01 – 3:10

   How to Navigate Success Without Losing Yourself

   1. AWAlex Warren1:01

      play a show, I, and I sing that song, I take an ear out and hope people are singing. And I get off stage, I go, "Were people singing the song?" Like, and everyone's like, "Okay, Alex, yeah, shut up. Yes, they were."

   2. JSJay Shetty1:09

      [laughs]

   3. AWAlex Warren1:09

      Like, this isn't cute anymore. I'm like, "I'm genuinely serious."

   4. JSJay Shetty1:13

      Wow.

   5. AWAlex Warren1:13

      Yeah.

   6. JSJay Shetty1:14

      That's beautiful. And of course-

   7. AWAlex Warren1:15

      Yeah

   8. JSJay Shetty1:15

      ... I saw you, m- you know, did a little share the other day, but Spotify Wrapped.

   9. AWAlex Warren1:20

      Yeah.

   10. JSJay Shetty1:20

       Top 10 albums of the, uh-

   11. AWAlex Warren1:22

       Yeah

   12. JSJay Shetty1:22

       ... number four song in the world.

   13. AWAlex Warren1:24

       Yeah.

   14. JSJay Shetty1:24

       On the globe. I mean, that again-

   15. AWAlex Warren1:26

       It's crazy

   16. JSJay Shetty1:27

       ... it's just, how does that feel? Like, how does that truly feel? So there's a part of you that goes, "I don't look at it," and of course you're like checking to see where the ... But how does that feel?

   17. AWAlex Warren1:34

       Dude, it's ... I see it and it's true. It's, it's like a, there's a warm feeling inside 'cause I've always wanted that, you know? And I think everyone would be lying if they said they didn't love it. I think that's the, the part about it. I wrote it with my friends about meeting my wife, and that's even more special. That's the song about my wife. It's not some fluff. It's not some, um, pitch song. It's just a record that, you know, we actually believe in.

   18. JSJay Shetty1:58

       Yeah, that's so special. And that, it's incredible to think that you've got the people around you that you're writing about.

   19. AWAlex Warren2:05

       Mm-hmm.

   20. JSJay Shetty2:05

       Because I feel like often artists will write a song about someone, but then it's a breakup or someone that they're not connected to anymore.

   21. AWAlex Warren2:11

       Right.

   22. JSJay Shetty2:11

       I imagine it's a really rare feeling to actually say, "I'm writing a song about the person I love and they're in my life."

   23. AWAlex Warren2:17

       Yeah. It's, uh, that's something I never really think about is when people write like a breakup song and it becomes like a hit.

   24. JSJay Shetty2:22

       Yeah.

   25. AWAlex Warren2:22

       Like, like what that relationship is. But yeah, it's just something where I feel like it didn't happen to me, it happened to us, and it's been really cool to be able to have that moment together.

   26. JSJay Shetty2:32

       Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I was gonna ask you, you've ... I feel like you've spoken about your journey many times before.

   27. AWAlex Warren2:38

       Yeah.

   28. JSJay Shetty2:38

       But I wanted to ask you, what's a childhood memory that you have that you feel defines who you are today, that has played such a pivotal role in molding who you are?

   29. AWAlex Warren2:51

       I have never been asked that question. Um, wow. Uh, I would say probably a lot of the memories I have with my dad. Uh, my dad knew he was dying and so he ... It- it's so fun when I do these interviews and stuff 'cause I get to actually like talk about him and talk about that life that I, I kind of forgot about. But a lot of

3. 3:10 – 7:13

   Remembering a Father Who Gave Everything

   1. AWAlex Warren3:10

      the pivotal thing was watching my dad go through chemo and slowly start to break down, and he still every day woke up at 5:00 AM to be able to hang out with me before he went to work to provide for what was left once he passed. And, um, I just remember, you know, a lot of times in my life, and especially now, I kind of think, oh, like, you know, I can't do this. I can't do that. Or, um, I just get nervous and then I think about the things that my dad went through for us and, um, I can do anything at that moment. So I feel like he bought me my first guitar, and being able to play music and be able to sing and watching his face when I didn't know what I was playing and it sounded God awful, but knowing that he got to cherish that memory was probably a big one for me.

   2. JSJay Shetty3:51

      Wow. How old were you when he was going through chemo?

   3. AWAlex Warren3:54

      Um, he got ca- he had cancer four times before, um, or I mean, entirety of when I was born. Um, but he beat it three times, and the fourth time got him. Um, and he died when I was nine. So probably like, I probably remembered it from five to nine.

   4. JSJay Shetty4:10

      How did he have that conversation with you at that time? Were you aware at that time, at that age what was even happening? I can't imagine-

   5. AWAlex Warren4:16

      No

   6. JSJay Shetty4:16

      ... at that age.

   7. AWAlex Warren4:16

      I mean, the night before he died, I remember he was so ... They, they were just making him comfortable, and so he was at our house in a, a hospital bed in the downstairs bedroom. And, um, I remember the night before, the last conversation I ever had with him is, he was puffed up on drugs and I, I was messing with him and, you know, I was like, "Dad, will you buy me a Ferrari?" And he's like, and he was saying yes to everything, you know? And, um, it's weird to think about it back then and kind of be like, that was my goodbye, was I was kind of fucking with him a little bit. And yeah, I ... All I know is like, you know, he, he died joking around with us, saying yes to everything. You know? He didn't even bother to, you know, say no or mess with us back. But, um, he left us all notes. And when he died, the morning he, he died, my mom came into my room at like 5:00 in the morning. I remember the time was actually 5:05 exact. Um, and she said, "It's time to say goodbye to your dad." He had left us these letters, and we got to read those letters. And, um, yeah, I can say that's a pretty surreal moment to kind of like think about, but I never knew.

   8. JSJay Shetty5:22

      Wow.

   9. AWAlex Warren5:22

      Yeah, I didn't even realize until I was like 13 or 14 that he wasn't a part of my life. I think it was just a, a weird, messed up joke. I think I would make things up. I'd be like, "Oh, he works for the FBI," or like, he, he like faked his death, and I ... Yeah. It's pretty weird when I came to terms with the fact that he was gone.

   10. JSJay Shetty5:39

       Mm. So it was quite hard to actually come to terms with it. It took a few years to even process the reality of the situation.

   11. AWAlex Warren5:46

       Like, I don't think my brain could. At, at nine years old, and I think back, I really never think about this, so this is like the first time in a long time I'm actually thinking about it. It's like I remember when he died, I was doing the stereotypical wake up, wake up. Like, he was dead in front of me. And, um-I think it was just a whole moment of me trying to like, to like stop joking around. I was nine, but I, I understood he was dead, but I under- I didn't understand what that meant.

   12. JSJay Shetty6:10

       Of course.

   13. AWAlex Warren6:11

       And so for a good, good 20 minutes I had to... I was slapping him, I was shaking him, uh, begging him to wake up, and then they wheeled him out of my driveway. And the neighbors all looked around, and I think that day I, I, um, was like, I remember it so vividly but so blurry at the same time. But yeah, I, I knew he was dead. I didn't know what that meant-

   14. JSJay Shetty6:34

       Mm

   15. AWAlex Warren6:34

       ... until I was 13 or 14.

   16. JSJay Shetty6:37

       Mm. Tell me about, you said he would wake up 5:00 AM to play with you or-

   17. AWAlex Warren6:41

       Yeah

   18. JSJay Shetty6:41

       ... or be with you before he went to work. Talk to me about what you do remember, because it's, it's remarkable that you can hold onto memories from them, but obviously they seem so precious. Are a lot of those memories based on things you remember or pictures and video and-

   19. AWAlex Warren6:53

       It's what I remember. Every day, uh, he woke up, and I had three other, I have three other siblings. And so he would take me and my brother skateboarding, and we would go to the skate park and get donuts early in the morning, or we'd go to church, or, um, I know with my sisters, or even all of us, like he'd wake up early and take us to like Legoland, you know?

4. 7:13 – 8:30

   Growing Up Surrounded by Love

   1. JSJay Shetty7:13

      [laughs]

   2. AWAlex Warren7:13

      And like he would just find... Every day was a different day. Every day was a different thing. You know, there was no routine besides the fact that every morning we woke up and we had no idea what we were doing. And it was kind of like a bucket list in some ways. Like he wanted to surf and learn how- So we went surfing, and like, yeah. So like every day I think he just wanted to... His goal in life was always to be a father and to have kids, and I think he just sped-run it as fast as he could knowing he was dying. And I can't imagine that, as hiding that from your children and trying to leave a future for them as you leave.

   3. JSJay Shetty7:48

      Mm. What a special man.

   4. AWAlex Warren7:50

      Yeah.

   5. JSJay Shetty7:50

      Truly sounds like a-

   6. AWAlex Warren7:52

      Someone I strive to be every day.

   7. JSJay Shetty7:54

      Yeah. Absolutely. Very worthy of that. And when you came to that, what was the moment at 13, 14 where you came to that reflection? Like, what, what kind of made that-

   8. AWAlex Warren8:05

      I always knew my life was different. I didn't understand it. Um, I watched my little sister go to a daddy-daughter dance without her dad, and I remember seeing her crying and I started to think what was different about my life. And I started to think about... 'Cause at that point it was like, oh, like, you know, at nine years old losing your dad and then you're 14, it's all you know. Like the, the, the formative years of your life are now starting and so you're just being like, "Oh, I don't have

5. 8:30 – 9:34

   When Did You First Realize Your Life Was Different?

   1. AWAlex Warren8:30

      a dad. That's a normal thing." And I started to think about w-what was, what I was missing, what I didn't have, and I think that was the biggest thing. My mom was a alcoholic who wasn't present. And so I realized I was raising myself and having to, you know, all of us, all of me and my siblings were raising each other, and that was something for us that we really, um, we didn't realize wasn't normal for a very long time.

   2. JSJay Shetty8:54

      Mm.

   3. AWAlex Warren8:54

      And we struggle with today.

   4. JSJay Shetty8:55

      Yeah.

   5. AWAlex Warren8:55

      I think we struggle with having a normal sibling relationship because we were so busy trying to parent each other.

   6. JSJay Shetty9:00

      Mm. Talk to me about that parenting each other. Like, what was it like parenting yourself and then parenting when you're 14 years old?

   7. AWAlex Warren9:09

      It's interesting. I think I, uh, it was more of like, you know, me and my brother were obviously this protective brother o-over our little sister. And then I think my older sister felt the need, she was about four years older than us, so she felt really the need to do so. Um, yeah, I think the dynamic is just different. There, you don't have an older brother, you have someone that you, for me at least, is someone I, I help through with daily life and vice versa, and there's different things that I'm skilled at that he isn't, and I think we adapted really,

6. 9:34 – 10:45

   Parenting Yourself as a Child

   1. AWAlex Warren9:34

      really well to being able to, um, to being able to parent each other. But then that normal relationship of just catching up and sibling... It's weird now doing it as we had a, a moment of... When my mom died, we kind of all went our separate ways. We kind of just realized what the [censored] is wrong with our lives, and we all stopped talking.

   2. JSJay Shetty9:54

      Oh, wow.

   3. AWAlex Warren9:54

      We all stopped talking. We all went apart and I started doing this and, um, we rekindled not too long ago. Most of us live in the same state now, and we grab lunch every week and we, we try our best to kind of, you know, hash that out, and it's been nice. Honestly, I'm really close with all of them now, which is really cool.

   4. JSJay Shetty10:11

      Who was the first person to reach out?

   5. AWAlex Warren10:13

      Uh, probably Lauren, my older sister.

   6. JSJay Shetty10:15

      She reached out to you?

   7. AWAlex Warren10:16

      Yeah. She, well she's, she's super, super keen on creating an environment of family, and that was something I was missing for a while. And so she, she was kind of the glue that was like, you know what? Let's us all come together, and it's been cool. She got us all to move to Nashville.

   8. JSJay Shetty10:31

      Was it easy to bring everyone back in or did it take a moment? Like talk to me about that reconnection.

   9. AWAlex Warren10:35

      Everyone wanted to.

   10. JSJay Shetty10:36

       Yeah.

   11. AWAlex Warren10:36

       Everyone, everyone wants to be a family. I think it's just h- uh, being apart for four years at, at our 20s, I mean,

7. 10:45 – 12:17

   The Universal Need to Belong

   1. AWAlex Warren10:45

      you have to think like I was 19 when I, when we all kind of like went away.

   2. JSJay Shetty10:48

      Yeah.

   3. AWAlex Warren10:49

      And so, you know, a lot has changed since I was 19, you know? Career-wise, me-wise. I mean, I'm, I've, I've grown so much as a human, you know? And, um, I think boundaries and respect and, you know, growing, like just trying to like r- settle back into being siblings has been a fun challenge, I would say. 'Cause it's, it is. It's like, you know, I've, I'm one of those people, I think arguing is a beautiful thing.

   4. JSJay Shetty11:14

      [laughs]

   5. AWAlex Warren11:15

      I think... Well, I do. I think even with my wife, and she finds it so funny-

   6. JSJay Shetty11:18

      [laughs]

   7. AWAlex Warren11:18

      ... the kids will be like fighting, um, about like a rug and I'll be laughing. I'm like, "This is great." Like y- we're talking... Like life is about compromise. Life is about figuring out what you can tolerate of me and how much I can tolerate of you and, you know, that's how a relationship works. And, um, it's been really nice to kind of like be able to learn things about people through an argument, how they feel, what, what is the compromise there, and that's what I really like.

   8. JSJay Shetty11:43

      Yeah. Do you-

   9. AWAlex Warren11:43

      Mm-hmm

   10. JSJay Shetty11:44

       ... when you look back now, do you believe that parenting yourself allowed you to have some of this maturity at this young age?

   11. AWAlex Warren11:52

       Yeah.100%. I, I didn't even dr- I, I never got into drinking. I never got into smoking. I-

   12. JSJay Shetty11:58

       Because you didn't have the opportunity.

   13. AWAlex Warren12:00

       Right. And so, like, for me, like, I'm a pretty [chuckles] boring guy. Like, I think that's the one criticism I see online and people are like, "Oh, Alex is just a boring white dude." I'm like, "Yeah, I am."

   14. JSJay Shetty12:09

       [laughs]

   15. AWAlex Warren12:09

       "I am and I love it." Um, but no, I-- it's allowed me to grow up really quickly, which is beautiful and sad.

8. 12:17 – 15:28

   How Early Childhood Shapes Who You Become

   1. AWAlex Warren12:17

      Um, but I... It's funny, I find, I find things that I, I love that are childish. You know, I, I love skateboarding and because of my dad, I love surfing. I dirt bike. I do all these things, and so, like, I'm a giant teenager now kind of living out that childhood I never had.

   2. JSJay Shetty12:32

      Mm. I get, I can, uh, in my own way, as I'm reflecting on what you're saying, so I felt like I parented myself.

   3. AWAlex Warren12:40

      Yeah.

   4. JSJay Shetty12:41

      My, my dad was more-- He was around, but he was aloof and in his own world.

   5. AWAlex Warren12:47

      Yeah.

   6. JSJay Shetty12:47

      And so I was definitely my younger sister's, like, father figure. That was the role I took on early on. I really felt like I became man of the house quite early on.

   7. AWAlex Warren12:55

      Yeah.

   8. JSJay Shetty12:56

      And I look back at those moments now and feel very grateful for them as well because, to me, I don't think I would've had the skills that I was able to develop if I didn't have that experience. And I don't-- People are always like, "Do you feel you missed out on your childhood?" I, I don't think I did because I think I still had some of that in, in my way-

   9. AWAlex Warren13:14

      Yeah

   10. JSJay Shetty13:14

       ... and there were, there were moments of that. Do you, do you feel like you missed out when you look back or do you feel differently?

   11. AWAlex Warren13:21

       I often do, but I think it's the childhood that I wasn't meant to have. You know, I missed out on having a father. You know? And like I missed out on, you know, um... I think when you learn how to ride a bike.

   12. JSJay Shetty13:32

       Mm.

   13. AWAlex Warren13:33

       You look behind you once you figure it out and you fall a couple of times, and you look at your parents and you say, "Look, I did it." And throughout my entire career of even childhood, of becoming a, a, an adult and, um, accomplishing certain things, I looked back and I didn't have those people in my life, and I think that starts to rewire your brain of what an accomplishment is. You know, how do you value success if... To me, success is being able to show my parents I did everything I set out to be.

   14. JSJay Shetty14:03

       Mm.

   15. AWAlex Warren14:04

       And so it, it kind of rewires you into thinking, you know, what is it? What does all this mean? And what does, you know, my childhood look like? And I think everything that I went through has shaped me up to where I am today and whether I like it or not, and I do like it. I like who I am now. But it is something that, you know, I think about a lot is like, you know, I would be a completely different person if my dad was still alive, if my mom was still alive and I didn't go throughout those things, and whether or not I want that is always a question I ask.

   16. JSJay Shetty14:32

       Mm. In terms of parallel lives?

   17. AWAlex Warren14:35

       Yeah. I think like, you know, I could have had a childhood. I could have had all these different things, but I would not be who I am and th- what I know, and I w- I don't think I'd be a musician. I don't think that I would be here. I don't think I would've met my wife. You know? There's so many different things I, that I went through in my life that I love that because I didn't have a childhood.

   18. JSJay Shetty14:54

       Mm. How do you define success now?

   19. AWAlex Warren14:58

       Truly, I was so unhappy with myself for a long time. I think I just never knew... I always wanted to be a musician since I was a kid, since my dad introduced me to it, and I tried for my entire childhood and no one cared. And again, I grew up in an abusive household and, you know, when you find something that you like, you get torn down for it. So I just never thought I could do it. You know, my dad introduced us to music and he passed away.

   20. JSJay Shetty15:19

       He was the one who gave you a guitar, right?

   21. AWAlex Warren15:20

       He passed away and so I stopped. I stopped trying. It just m- He played music all the time. I grew up with Rascal Flatts and Train and, um,

9. 15:28 – 19:58

   Redefining What Success Really Means

   1. AWAlex Warren15:28

      Coldplay, and he passed away and the music stopped, and figuratively and, you know, actual. And so when I started understanding what was happening in my life, I started playing music and I got torn down for it every day. You know? I would do talent shows and my mom wouldn't show up, and she would say I sucked and all these different things and, you know, hearing that every day growing up, you start to think, "Do I suck?" You know? Um, and then I turned 18 and I was still trying. I would post covers on Vine and TikTok and it was Musical.ly at the time. And, um, I got kicked out of my house and I would go... And when I would shower at a 24 Hour Fitness or whatever bathroom I could find at a resort or whatnot, um, I would sing in the bathroom and the acoustics were great and I would post those on the internet and those wouldn't do well. And yeah, I was-- Every single second I could, I think I got shot down and then I met my wife and I posted a video with her in my car and it did amazing the first rip around and I was like, "Oh, cool, like this is gonna get us out of this situation." We kept going and found myself back to music and here we are.

   2. JSJay Shetty16:39

      What did your day-to-day look like with your mom and her addiction?

   3. AWAlex Warren16:43

      I was the only person who... I, I don't know if I'm the only person who knew. I was the only person who called it out. Um-

   4. JSJay Shetty16:50

      At the time?

   5. AWAlex Warren16:50

      Yeah. So my dad, when he was dying, he knew and he was terrified, so he obviously did certain things that he wanted to make sure that we were okay. But, um, yeah, I would-- My daily thing is my mom would start-- My mom would sleep during the day and stay up all night. And so she'd be drunk at 5:00 AM, driving us to school at 6:00 or 7:00, and, um, she would sleep when she got back home. She never had a job since sh- my dad passed away. So whatever we lived on was, was what she, what... He left us and he died during the recession, so it was definitely a scarce, interesting time. You know, we, we still grew up fine. You know, my dad did well and so when he passed away there was whatever. But, uh, daily it was I'd wake up and I'd find what alcohol she was hiding and I'd throw it away. I can't tell if I was petty for that or if I just truly wanted to see her stop, you know? But every addict needs a surrogate. They need someone to blame that isn't themselves, or at least that's what I think growing up with it and I was that person.I was the only person who could call out her problem. I was the person who when she was driving drunk would make her pull over or I would threaten to call the police. Um, yeah, I was the person who made it difficult for her to have the addiction because I didn't want to see it anymore. I, I thought that, you know, you're supposed to be a parent, you know, and her and I clashed a lot, you know. Um, so yeah, my daily life was waking up, calling her an alcoholic for sure, um, threatening to call the police and, um, yeah, it was really, really toxic. I mean, looking back at it, I would call the police on her several times if she was abusive. Um, there was one time she elbowed me in the face so hard that I, I have a deviated septum now from it, and I called the police and she made up a thing saying that I hit her or something. And I remember they threatened to take me to jail, and that was the first time I ever felt like, wow, everything is stacked against me in some way, you know? And so like that was really difficult for me to be like, "Oh, well, I can't call the police anymore." And it was so strange. It was such a strange way to, to grow up reflecting on it. But it's also something, you know, again, it's-- I never drank. I never drink. I never do any of those things because I've never seen the good of it. When people are like, "Oh, we're going out to drink," I've never, I've never understood that. I've never craved it, I've never wanted it. And I'm not against it. I just, I just don't get it anymore-

   6. JSJay Shetty19:21

      Mm

   7. AWAlex Warren19:22

      ... you know, because I grew up with the negative of it, you know?

   8. JSJay Shetty19:24

      Yeah. Did, did your desire to remove her addiction reflect badly on you? Like, is that where the moments of tension and abuse-

   9. AWAlex Warren19:34

      Yeah

   10. JSJay Shetty19:34

       ... sparked was that you were the one trying to take it away from her?

   11. AWAlex Warren19:37

       Yeah. And I think it didn't help that my siblings didn't realize it either. I think my siblings would all be like, "Well, if you didn't talk back, you wouldn't get hit," was the sentiment behind it. And I thought that was such a bizarre sentiment growing up. Um, but yeah, I mean, I was just one of those people. I-- like, I wasn't a troubled kid. I didn't get into bad things, but I wanted to be a singer.

   12. JSJay Shetty19:57

       Mm.

   13. AWAlex Warren19:57

       And my mom

10. 19:58 – 22:50

    Growing Up with an Abusive Parent

    1. AWAlex Warren19:58

       hated it. She hated it, you know. I don't know what it was about, whether it was like vlogging or singing or just filming my life. I never wanted to do a normal job. Like in school I would be-- instead of like class, I would go to bathroom and s-sing and film it and post it. And of course, I started-- my grades started slipping a little bit-

    2. JSJay Shetty20:17

       [chuckles]

    3. AWAlex Warren20:17

       ... because that's all I wanted. I knew I wanted to do that. And, um, she thought I was some terrible kid. And so yeah, it was, it was definitely a clash between us and it never stopped. Even after all this, she was still alive when I started doing well.

    4. JSJay Shetty20:31

       Mm-hmm.

    5. AWAlex Warren20:31

       And yeah, man, I, I remember I w- I had distanced myself fully until I was like, "Look, you know, I, I'm not gonna-- I don't want you in my life until you get help." And, um, I remember the week she died, she had texted me, uh, "I have a problem and I'm going to AA." And then she died the week after, which is crazy.

    6. JSJay Shetty20:58

       Did you believe her?

    7. AWAlex Warren21:01

       Yeah. Which is hard, but I don't know, I don't know what killed her. I don't know if it was just final and she realized she had a problem or if she went to the doctor's one day. But I remember, I remember how up her house was. I never-- I couldn't step foot in it, but my siblings went and it was bad. There was like she was, she was dead way before she was, which is crazy. I, I, I think watching two people die in front of you like that is like the-- it's the weirdest thing. It's the weirdest-- You can't explain it. It's the breath, the-- that person be- doesn't become a human anymore, you know? And like the, the-- if you've ever watched it before, it's the sh- it's the, the breathing that doesn't leave. Like the, um... I-- it's so hard to explain. Just someone br- They're, they're not breathing for themselves. They're gasping for air and you want it to stop, and it's the scariest thing.

    8. JSJay Shetty22:07

       Mm-hmm.

    9. AWAlex Warren22:07

       It's crazy watching that twice at nine and then you spent your whole life forgetting it, and then you turn twenty-one and you just-- it's like a haunting thing that doesn't leave.

    10. JSJay Shetty22:17

        Mm.

    11. AWAlex Warren22:17

        It's crazy.

    12. JSJay Shetty22:18

        Was Dad at home as well? She was at home?

    13. AWAlex Warren22:20

        No.

    14. JSJay Shetty22:21

        No.

    15. AWAlex Warren22:21

        No. I, I-- That one was in a hospital. But when you die from drinking and liver failure, you're yellow all over, you know, 'cause I think it's called jaundice or something. You're-- It's, it's morbid. It's like the-- I think watching my dad die, he turned white, you know, 'cause his kidney failed. Um, watching someone s- die slowly like that is probab-

11. 22:50 – 24:10

    The Lasting Pain of Losing Someone You Love

    1. AWAlex Warren22:50

       like something that you can never forget. It's crazy. Terrifying.

    2. JSJay Shetty22:55

       Were you by her bedside when it happened as well?

    3. AWAlex Warren22:56

       Yeah. I remember the one thing too is, you know, when you walk outside, uh, we all just had a moment o- once she had passed. We went outside and we all just started crying and, you know, you look around and someone's on their lunch break and someone's pulling up in a fancy car to Jersey Mike's, and everyone's laughing and people are walking by leaving the, the, the hospital and it, it's, it's, uh, it's weird to think that my world stops spinning, but you're just-- you have no idea. You have no idea what the heck just happened in there. You have no idea what we just went through. And it's, it is so interesting. It is. It w-- I remember that, that stuck with me so bad. I'm like, "Why are, why isn't everyone-- Why hasn't the world stopped?" You know? Because mine just did.

    4. JSJay Shetty23:36

       Mm-hmm.

    5. AWAlex Warren23:37

       It's crazy.

    6. JSJay Shetty23:38

       Yeah. With your father, obviously, your memory was this almost playfulness-

    7. AWAlex Warren23:42

       Mm-hmm

    8. JSJay Shetty23:42

       ... or joking around, him saying, "Yes, I'll get you a Ferrari."

    9. AWAlex Warren23:45

       Yeah.

    10. JSJay Shetty23:46

        What was that internal and external dialogue with your mother?

    11. AWAlex Warren23:52

        They told us she could hear us. I don't know if that was true or if that's just something you tell people to hope that they-

    12. JSJay Shetty23:58

        Mm

    13. AWAlex Warren23:58

        ... they, uh, they have closure.

    14. JSJay Shetty24:01

        Mm-hmm.

    15. AWAlex Warren24:01

        Um-A lot of apo- uh, forgiveness

    16. JSJay Shetty24:06

        That's what you were saying at the-

    17. AWAlex Warren24:07

        Yeah. A lot of forgiveness.

12. 24:10 – 32:02

    Understanding Your Parents’ Hidden Struggles

    1. AWAlex Warren24:10

       A lot of apologies, too.

    2. JSJay Shetty24:12

       What did you say?

    3. AWAlex Warren24:14

       I think for me, you know, I, I think in everything, especially in a place where there's clashing, it takes two people regardless, you know? She could've been a better parent. She could've realized she had a problem and whatnot. My mom watched her husband die and then had to raise four kids by herself. How the am I supposed to judge someone like that? How am I supposed to say, "You did that wrong"? You know? And that's the one part for me is, like, I judged her so hard. I thought, "You're supposed to be this perfect person. You're supposed to be this parent," and it's, it's crazy how selfish I could've been to assume that. I don't know what you went through. I don't know what it's like. It's your first time living, you know? How... There's no perfect book on how to raise four kids, watch your, your husband die to cancer, and be... all the sudden have everything that you thought in life ripped away from you in a second and just have to put a smile on it and not have a cope. So yeah, I think that was my biggest thing is, you know, I s- I spent my whole life judging this person, not putting myself in their shoes and understanding what they had to go through to be okay. She had to have drinks to be okay. She had to kill herself to be okay with life. That's hard, you know? So I think that was, like, the one thing for me that, like, you know, I had to wrap around and have closure with, and there wasn't... You know, it's closure in some sense, but you... I, I don't know. I never got to... I never had a, got to have that conversation. I was, uh... What's that word when you, when you aren't talking to someone? It's like a... They call it something in a family when you, when you aren't communicating with them.

    4. JSJay Shetty26:12

       Strange?

    5. AWAlex Warren26:13

       Yeah, kind of. I, I, I didn't talk to my mom for a long time. Yeah. It's hard.

    6. JSJay Shetty26:22

       Have you given yourself that grace?

    7. AWAlex Warren26:24

       I don't think so. I don't think so. I haven't thought about it until now, which is funny [laughs] in such a public setting. [laughs] But yeah, I, I, I don't... When you go through the things that I go through, I... Or at least, I can't speak for everyone. I, I have spent a lot of time not forgetting, but putting it on a burner, letting it sit there when I, when it's time to approach those feelings. And then when I do these things, I fully believe in being honest, and, and I, I like to take adva- I told you th- before we started recording that these are my favorite parts of this job, and I think it's true because this is the time where I get to be human. I think in my career, a lot of people look at what we do, and it's the same thing. I think they just, you know, they don't see the human behind the piece or the art or whatever. They see the headline, or they see whatever they wanna see, you know, whether I pass their favorite artist on a chart or if I got picked to do something opposed to their favorite artist, it almost... I become a villain in their life without them actually understanding who I am behind it. So when it's time to do these things, I think it's great because I think you start to realize how messed up a lot of us are. Not even messed up. I wouldn't even say messed up. I think just the things that, that... You, you tend to s-separate the human from the art.

    8. JSJay Shetty27:46

       Mm.

    9. AWAlex Warren27:47

       And I think that's the hardest thing for me too is, you know, everything I make and the music I write about is fully true to me. I don't... I'm not taking pitch records. I'm writing about my, watching [laughs] my parents die, which is so hard to then turn around and swipe on a TikTok and be like, "Alex Warren sucks." [laughs] I'm like, "Fuck," you know?

    10. JSJay Shetty28:05

        [laughs]

    11. AWAlex Warren28:05

        And so it's just, separating, separating that is so difficult for me, too. I just have to scroll now. Whether it's good or bad, I don't look at it, and it's hard. It's really hard because these mean, these songs mean so much to me. These songs helped me through all those things I'm talking about, and, like, it's so strange to be able to be like, "Oh, wow, no-" It's so strange not to take that personally, you know?

    12. JSJay Shetty28:24

        Mm.

    13. AWAlex Warren28:24

        So that's, that's definitely been a challenge.

    14. JSJay Shetty28:26

        We all want to feel better, to have more energy and more focus throughout the day. That's why I co-founded Juni, a sparkling adaptogenic drink made with powerful ingredients like ashwagandha and lion's mane. It's designed to boost your mood, support your focus, and give you natural energy, all without the crash. Get your daily mood boost with Juni at Whole Foods Market, or head to drinkjuni.com to find a store near you. As I was listening to you, I was just thinking I love that you have the capacity for grace for your mom.

    15. AWAlex Warren28:59

        Mm.

    16. JSJay Shetty29:00

        And to sit there and say, "You know, no one knows how to raise four kids, watch their husband die, deal with the challenges that come with life. You know, she's not superhuman." And-

    17. AWAlex Warren29:11

        Yeah

    18. JSJay Shetty29:12

        ... as I was listening to you say that, I was like, "I hope you're able to develop that grace for yourself to be able to say, you know, 'No one knows how to come into the world and have their father pass away when they're nine years old and have a mom who's an addict-

    19. AWAlex Warren29:26

        Mm-hmm

    20. JSJay Shetty29:26

        ... and have three other siblings,'" and 'cause I'm looking... And, and I think both coexisting is what grace really looks like-

    21. AWAlex Warren29:34

        Yeah

    22. JSJay Shetty29:34

        ... because it's beautiful that you've been able to even have the glimpse of that perspective for your mother and to expand that out into yourself. Because I often feel that we do one or the other, so we often feel, "Oh yeah, I give myself grace, but I can't forgive that person," and that doesn't feel fully healed.

    23. AWAlex Warren29:53

        Yeah.

    24. JSJay Shetty29:53

        Or we do the opposite, where we give that person grace, but we don't for us. And I can, I can resonate with it because my... I always think about my dad because he was-- he had such a complex childhood.

    25. AWAlex Warren30:04

        Mm-hmm.

    26. JSJay Shetty30:05

        And when I look at it-It gives me context and grace for who he became. And if without that context, in the same way as you just beautifully explained. But yeah, my, my dad like saw his mom die when he was four

    27. AWAlex Warren30:17

        Yeah

    28. JSJay Shetty30:18

        Um, he grew up in the slums of India. He had four siblings that, you know, were just trying to figure out what to do. Like it, it... And, and when I understand that context, I can have grace and compassion for him. And then at the same time, even though I didn't have those troubles or your troubles, there's compassion I have to have for myself. And so, yeah, I really hope this opens a doorway for that for you because it's beautiful that you have the capacity for that for her.

    29. AWAlex Warren30:42

        Yeah.

    30. JSJay Shetty30:43

        And had it in that moment. It's really special actually.
13. 32:02 – 34:35

    Protecting Your Dream At All Costs

    1. JSJay Shetty32:02

       who's the only caregiver in your life doesn't love your art or doesn't encourage it, and of course you don't have the resources to ma- How did you protect that?

    2. AWAlex Warren32:12

       I have no idea. I have no clue. I should have given up so long ago, and that is something that I've questioned to this day of why it happened. I, for the longest time, had this gut feeling since I was a kid, and whether you... For me, I credit that to God. I'm a, a Christian, and, and I have faith in that way. But for so many people, you know, I, I can't imagine. I, every day I woke up and I go, "I'm going to do this." And I had so much confidence for being such an insecure guy, for not believing in myself talent-wise, for not believing in myself where my life was, and I would-- [inhales] I should've given up way before I did, and I never did. I just had this weird gut feeling that this was supposed to happen, and I followed it, and here we are.

    3. JSJay Shetty33:00

       Yeah. I, I love that, as in I love hearing that too because one of the most common things I hear a lot from my community is, "Jay, my family doesn't believe in me. I'm in a toxic atmosphere."

    4. AWAlex Warren33:10

       Yeah.

    5. JSJay Shetty33:10

       "There are people around me who are just holding me back, people with negative energy. What do I do about it?"

    6. AWAlex Warren33:15

       Mm.

    7. JSJay Shetty33:16

       And you're sitting here, you know, and we're looking at a snapshot of your life.

    8. AWAlex Warren33:21

       Yeah.

    9. JSJay Shetty33:23

       And yes, we're getting into some detail but, you know, there's so much more to it of course. It's your life. And you're sitting here going, "Well, actually, that's all I had."

    10. AWAlex Warren33:32

        Yeah.

    11. JSJay Shetty33:32

        "So I did all I had." Like that, that was basically not your escape, but that was your... It was your passion. It was your pursuit. It was where all your energy went. It's, it's where all your focus went because what else would you give your focus to? If you gave it to all the other things, you wouldn't have survived.

    12. AWAlex Warren33:46

        Exactly. I, I never had a plan B. I would go to school and in classes I was posting Musical.lys. Like I, it was, it was literally all I did. Every day I would go into class and I would just go on my phone and do social media or post my singing videos, and it, it... I was failing. I, I didn't graduate high school. Like I... And nor would I ever recommend that to anyone. I do not know what that conviction was and why I thought that that was what I was supposed to do, and it just, it... I didn't fight it. I tuned everything else out. There was nothing else I was interested in. And it, I never had a backup plan. I was like, "I'm gonna be homeless or I'm gonna do this," and I ended up being homeless.

    13. JSJay Shetty34:26

        Did God have anything to do with the conviction?

    14. AWAlex Warren34:29

        I like to think so. I think a lot of times when I watch podcasts and I hear people say that though, it, it, it always throws

14. 34:35 – 35:49

    Lessons Loss Teaches You

    1. AWAlex Warren34:35

       me through a loop, you know? And, and I think like, you know, a lot of times when I've, you know, gone through this stuff and, and talked about my faith and things, I just feel as if I have been put on this earth to do this, you know? And I feel as if I had to lose my parents to be the person I am today, you know? And the things that I've lost have shaped me into the, the, the man that I am and, you know, I've met everyone and, and I'm happy with myself after all this loss and, and whatnot. And I, for me, I battled a lot because I've always been like, "Oh, well, like if God was real, he wouldn't have done that to me," you know? And I think that when you-- When I look at a snapshot of my life, I look at every single mistake I've ever made, and every single thing that's taken away, and every single thing that has happened to me has led, uh, been a lesson of some sort. I've learned from everything, and I, I understand it's... People probably disagree with that, and I think that's fully fine. I just think for what I've lived through and the things that I've gone through and where I am today, it, it, the only thing to me makes sense is that.

    2. JSJay Shetty35:32

       Mm.

    3. AWAlex Warren35:32

       And that's, that's, that's the beautiful thing about faith. You gotta believe it, you know?

    4. JSJay Shetty35:40

       Mm.

    5. AWAlex Warren35:40

       It's crazy.

    6. JSJay Shetty35:41

       Yeah. Do you, do you regret not telling your mom how you felt? Or do you wish you got to tell her that you forgive her and that you understand

15. 35:49 – 37:48

    The Fear of Being Left Behind

    1. JSJay Shetty35:49

       and share that compassion? Or do you feel it was shared in spirit and internally and that-

    2. AWAlex Warren35:54

       No. I think the one thing that I regret is my mo- I, I look at this every time and it just kills me is my mom died alone, you know? She didn't have friends. She didn't have family anymore. Everyone left her. Everyone left 'cause they wanted to focus on themselvesI think that's the hardest thing that I've had to deal with is when I, I thought about that, I was-- I remember I was driving and I, I started thinking about my life and how I'm terrified to be alone. And I started to think about my mom, and I realized that she was alone, and I texted her, and I wanted to check on her. And little did I know she was dying-

    3. JSJay Shetty36:40

       Mm.

    4. AWAlex Warren36:40

       ... alone. And so for me, yeah, I mean, it's so easy to-- It's so easy when people are out of your life, and now that it's happened to me so many times, to be like, "Wow, I wish I did this different." And you're never gonna survive if you think that way.

    5. JSJay Shetty36:55

       Yeah.

    6. AWAlex Warren36:55

       It's never gonna-- I have lost so many people in my life, and every time you-- it's so goddamn easy to be like, "Oh, f- I should've done this more. I should've walked with them every day. I should've cherished those moments in between." But now, when I have friendships and I have relationships, nothing matters.

    7. JSJay Shetty37:13

       Mm.

    8. AWAlex Warren37:14

       Uh, uh, to me, at least, any issue is small 'cause I'm able to, I'm able to put in perspective the things that I've lost and been able to now understand the gravity of what that means-

    9. JSJay Shetty37:27

       Mm

    10. AWAlex Warren37:27

        ... in losing someone. And so I feel like m- as a person, I'm much better of a emotional person with other people because of that as well. So yeah, of course. [chuckles]

    11. JSJay Shetty37:38

        Yeah.

    12. AWAlex Warren37:38

        But I don't know. I can never think about that.

    13. JSJay Shetty37:41

        I, I'm genuinely so in awe of your ability to process so much in so little time, and

16. 37:48 – 41:35

    How Everything in Life Becomes a Lesson

    1. JSJay Shetty37:48

       I don't say that as empty flattery at all. I say it-

    2. AWAlex Warren37:51

       Yeah

    3. JSJay Shetty37:51

       ... with as much gravitas as you can probably say it with because-- And it's so interesting to me because two people can go through the same thing and have completely different reactions.

    4. AWAlex Warren38:02

       Yeah.

    5. JSJay Shetty38:03

       And, and everyone's allowed to process it however they decide to process it, but it feels like the way you've been able to walk these footsteps [sighs] is allowing you to continue to grow and heal, but not crush yourself-

    6. AWAlex Warren38:21

       Yeah

    7. JSJay Shetty38:22

       ... under the responsibility that you shouldn't have had to carry as a kid anyway.

    8. AWAlex Warren38:25

       Mm.

    9. JSJay Shetty38:26

       And I think that's what's so interesting is so many of us as young people carry weight that was too heavy, that shouldn't have even ever come across, even as an adult, and you end up carrying that weight continuously. And it feels like-- I'm not saying it was easy or that, that's not my interpretation of it, but what I'm hearing is you've almost been able to put the weight down at the right time when you've needed to-

    10. AWAlex Warren38:50

        Yeah

    11. JSJay Shetty38:50

        ... in order to move forward.

    12. AWAlex Warren38:51

        Yeah. [inhales] Yeah. I, I don't know. I-

    13. JSJay Shetty38:55

        Would you agree with that or?

    14. AWAlex Warren38:56

        Yeah, I do. I, I just-

    15. JSJay Shetty38:57

        Okay

    16. AWAlex Warren38:57

        ... have this outlook on life that the-- and it sounds so redundant, and I keep saying it, but truly, I think that everything that has happened in my life is a lesson.

    17. JSJay Shetty39:07

        Mm. Where did that come from? How did you even get to that place?

    18. AWAlex Warren39:11

        I don't even know.

    19. JSJay Shetty39:12

        You just had to bel- That's-- It, it's, it's a survival instinct. Like, that's what I'm-

    20. AWAlex Warren39:17

        I started to think about what's the point.

    21. JSJay Shetty39:18

        Yeah.

    22. AWAlex Warren39:19

        I started to think about my life, and I think I had a moment where I had a reflection, but also had-- I, I battled with depression a whi- a little while ago, and I started to think what was the point. Why did all these things happen to me? Why is this my life, and where am I supposed to be? And I think, you know, like you said, there are two ways of dealing with it. There's a lot of people, you know, and my family's full of it. My family's full of different ways that we have all endured what we went through, 'cause I'm not the only one, and we've all gone different routes of that. And for me, I just started to think what is the point if I'm not treating this the way. I can't control the fact that my parents are dead. I can't control the fact that, you know, life is fleeting and, you know, I've had friends die and all these different things and, you know. Or even, like, the mistakes that happened, getting cheated on or, uh, just random stuff that has happened in my life. And then I start to realize if everything in life is a way to another thing, you know. What happens to you is a byproduct of a decision that someone made, and your reaction is what follows, right? And for me, if I lose someone, it teaches me something in some aspect of life. If I make a mistake on stage, I truly think that that's something because I need to learn. Mistakes are only important if you learn from them, and if you don't, it's a habit.

    23. JSJay Shetty40:33

        Mm.

    24. AWAlex Warren40:34

        And so I, I've just really stressed that aspect of my life every day of, you know, growing, 'cause what's the point of living if you can't grow?

    25. JSJay Shetty40:43

        Mm.

    26. AWAlex Warren40:43

        What's the point of living if you can't constantly try and become a better person? I-- The one thing I know about my dad, and I don't know much 'cause he died when I was a kid. Everyone I ask says he was the nicest person ever, says he was the kindest person ever, says he was a, a light when he walked through a room. And I often think of when I die, what is someone gonna say about me?

    27. JSJay Shetty41:04

        Mm.

    28. AWAlex Warren41:04

        You know? And so for me, you know, I've always just strived and chased that ability to be like my dad.

    29. JSJay Shetty41:11

        Mm.

    30. AWAlex Warren41:12

        And every day I'm constantly striving to be a better human, and the only way you do that is by growth, and the only way you grow is by learning from your mistakes.
17. 41:35 – 46:13

    How Do You Want to Be Remembered?

    1. AWAlex Warren41:35

       career, and I just wanna be-- I want someone to say that I was a great father.

    2. JSJay Shetty41:39

       Mm.

    3. AWAlex Warren41:39

       I want people to be like that. Say what you want about me. Say what you want about my music, but I cared a lot, and I, I just wanna be a good father. That's what my entire life has set off to be, you know?

    4. JSJay Shetty41:54

       Yeah. I love, I love the videos you make-

    5. AWAlex Warren41:57

       For my kids

    6. JSJay Shetty41:57

       ... with cover. Yeah, yeah, for your kids. [chuckles]

    7. AWAlex Warren41:59

       Yeah.

    8. JSJay Shetty41:59

       That was inspiring me. I was like, "I need to start. I need to get on that train."

    9. AWAlex Warren42:02

       My dad left us home videos.

    10. JSJay Shetty42:04

        No way.

    11. AWAlex Warren42:05

        Yeah. So that was the coolest part about-

    12. JSJay Shetty42:08

        That he filmed for you?

    13. AWAlex Warren42:09

        Everything. Everything. I have hours of footage of what my dad filmed. I get to hear his voice, and I think that's the other thing that no one teaches you about grief is you start to forget-The smell of someone. You start to forget what they sound like. You forget what it's like to hold someone after having a bad day or confiding to someone. You don't know how badly the one thing I wish is I could call my dad and just ask for advice about marriage, about fatherhood, about just things you go through. Like, that's, that's the thing I take for granted, just being able to call him. You know, I, I called every day to hear that voicemail, every day until one day someone picked up the phone. And 'cause my mom couldn't afford to keep paying the bill. And so that's the one thing is, like, it's been so nice to be able to see those videos and humanize someone who I didn't know. I often hear about my dad, and I've put him on this pedestal of just being this perfect guy, and I don't want him to be. I want him to have mistakes. I want him to have flaws because I have flaws. And I want to see that in my dad. And so my f- my dad's best friend, um, comes around all the time. He's in my life so much. He's like an uncle to me. And he brought these letters, 'cause back then they didn't have phones, and my dad used to-- they used to write each other letters, and it's his bestest friend, and he gets choked up talking about him all the time. And he showed me these letters, and I write just like my dad. I say psyched for no reason. I don't know why I say it.

    14. JSJay Shetty43:48

        [laughs]

    15. AWAlex Warren43:48

        I'm like, "Oh, I'm psyched. That's sick." And everyone's like, "What are you talking about?"

    16. JSJay Shetty43:51

        [laughs]

    17. AWAlex Warren43:52

        And he wrote it in every letter.

    18. JSJay Shetty43:53

        Wow.

    19. AWAlex Warren43:54

        Someone I didn't know. Like, think about that. I did not know my dad. I was nine years old. I kn- I have memories of him the same way I have memories about my doctor, you know? And that's hard.

    20. JSJay Shetty44:03

        Mm.

    21. AWAlex Warren44:04

        And there's so much of him in me, and that's the coolest part is being able to every day learn something new about him. And I, I say this, and I don't know where I heard it, and it's-- I never came up with this, but people die twice. They die when they die, and they die when you stop telling their story. And my whole goal with everything in my entire career, my entire life, is just to keep him alive-

    22. JSJay Shetty44:24

        Mm

    23. AWAlex Warren44:24

        ... which has been really cool.

    24. JSJay Shetty44:26

        Yeah. I think you're doing a, a great job of that. I mean-

    25. AWAlex Warren44:28

        Trying my damn best

    26. JSJay Shetty44:29

        ... you just-- even I feel, I feel so [laughs] you know, I feel like when you're talking about your dad, I feel so close to him even though I have no, you know, idea of who he was. And I, and I couldn't agree-

    27. AWAlex Warren44:37

        Mm

    28. JSJay Shetty44:37

        ... with you more. I, I feel like you carry a part of the people that you lost, that you love.

    29. AWAlex Warren44:42

        Yeah.

    30. JSJay Shetty44:42

        I had a, a spiritual mentor of mine, a father figure who passed away five years ago, who I loved deeply, and he had stage four brain cancer, and so-
18. 46:13 – 51:26

    Living Out of a Car at 17

    1. JSJay Shetty46:13

       I-- when, when I was preparing for this, I was like, I-- and now I'm getting to meet you, obviously-

    2. AWAlex Warren46:17

       Yeah

    3. JSJay Shetty46:17

       ... so I have a completely different perspective-

    4. AWAlex Warren46:19

       Yeah

    5. JSJay Shetty46:19

       ... because I'm, I'm looking at how much resilience you have and strength you have and, and how much you're willing to open the wound as well and, and look at it from different angles, which is at 17, your mom kicks you out of the house.

    6. AWAlex Warren46:31

       Yeah.

    7. JSJay Shetty46:32

       And then you end up, as you said a few moments ago, you end up being homeless and living in a car.

    8. AWAlex Warren46:36

       Mm-hmm.

    9. JSJay Shetty46:37

       Talk to me about the day-to-day of living as-- living in a car as a 17-year-old because-

    10. AWAlex Warren46:41

        I mean, I had it, I had it pretty lucky. I'm not gonna lie. Like, I, I slept in cars. My friends would sneak me into their houses, and I would sleep, like, you know, on their floors with-- hiding, hoping no one walked in. Yeah, I'm not... I, I... There was only a few nights where I actually slept, like, on the road, like probably two. You know? And, like, I think that's the biggest thing for me is, you know, I-- my mom kicked me out because she wanted me to come back. She wanted me to... I think her whole thing and what m- I never realized was this insecurity of being a mother, you know? And for me, I would just-- I had a point where she-- That night, she had pinned me on the ground and just started wailing, punching as hard as she could. My brother, who's a Marine, ended up pulling her off, and I ran out of the house, and I never came back. Um, that was something where then the next day she called the cops, and the cops went looking for me, saying that I hit her. A whole thing. And so I just hid. I hid on the street. Uh, I hid in my friends' cars. My mom then called all of her, all of their friends' parents and said I'm bad news and all these things, and then they stopped letting me sleep in their house. And so I would sleep in a car, and then I ended up getting, um, [clears throat] shot by my friend's dad with a 177, which is like a BB. It's like a, it's like a, a, you know, you hunt deer or rabbits or something with it, and the m- it's, the way it's shaped is supposed to do as much damage in the animal. And it was an accident. He didn't mean to, or he didn't understand the scope of it. Um, and-

    11. JSJay Shetty48:17

        Well, as in why did he do it? Why, why did it even ha-

    12. AWAlex Warren48:20

        I think a lot of the guys who, who grew up in the '70s and '80s would shoot each other with pellet guns. Like, that was the thing.Like, I guess. And I don't think they realized this wasn't a pellet gun, and it was like a hunting rifle. And, uh, he also-- I don't know if he knew it was loaded, but, uh, we were filming a video, and he said, "Run." I ran, and, uh, zigzagged 'cause I thought that would work. And damn, was he a good shot. He nailed me right in the liver, and it went up. It missed my heart by a few centimeters, and it's stuck in my lung today.

    13. JSJay Shetty48:50

        It's still there today?

    14. AWAlex Warren48:51

        Yeah, yeah. It's so small that if you were to-- If you X-ray it, you can see it, but if you were to pull it out, you'd have to break my ribs, and it'd be a chance I would die, and it's just not worth it. It's capsulized in my lung right now, my right lung. And-

    15. JSJay Shetty49:03

        Talk to me about how it felt in the moment. I mean, that's excruciating.

    16. AWAlex Warren49:06

        Have you ever seen those videos of paintballs hitting your body in slow motion?

    17. JSJay Shetty49:08

        Yeah, for sure.

    18. AWAlex Warren49:09

        Felt like that. It hit a nerve. I jumped up, I broke my elbow. Or I s- I, I fractured it or whatever. And I just remember the worst pain you'll ever feel in your entire life. I don't know what it's like to get shot with a nine mil, but that was like-- It was burning in my body, and I was scratching my chest trying to just get the pain. I was like, "Make it stop, please." And I remember when I was shot, they didn't believe it was in me. They thought I was [censored] around, and so they were squeezing the wound, trying to get the pellet out, thinking it was at surface level, not realizing I was bleeding internally. And, um, yeah, I remember that was probably the worst pain I've ever felt in my entire life, is feeling the pellet burn, or bullet, technically it's a bullet, burning in my body. That was hard. That one sucked.

    19. JSJay Shetty49:58

        Did you go to the hospital immediately?

    20. AWAlex Warren49:59

        Yes. Yeah, I went to the hospital. They admitted me for a gunshot wound. I had the cops come 'cause every time you admit anyone to the, to the hospital for a GSW, you-- the cops come. This guy, uh, he's-- Funny enough, he officiated my wedding. [laughs]

    21. JSJay Shetty50:13

        The guy who shot you?

    22. AWAlex Warren50:15

        Yeah. [laughs] Huge part of my life, actually. He's a huge part of my life. He was a father figure to me when my dad passed away, and he made a mistake. Um, I'm also probably the most forgiving person you'll ever meet in your entire life.

    23. JSJay Shetty50:25

        You're literally- [laughs] Like, wow. Like, I think, Alex, we need to slow down here. Yeah.

    24. AWAlex Warren50:29

        No, he's amazing.

    25. JSJay Shetty50:30

        Wow.

    26. AWAlex Warren50:30

        He's truly-- Like, uh, his family has been such a crucial part of my life and in my recover-- like, not recovery, but in my life of becoming who I am today. He has been-- He's someone I still go back home and visit, and he officiated my wedding. His daughter is my best friend since I was 13. Um, and he was letting me sleep on the floor of his house and sleep, uh, sleep in his car, and when this happened, he obviously paid the hospital bills, and he, uh, bought me a... He, he owns a Volvo dealership, or he manages a Volvo dealership, and so I had a car, and, um, I slept in it, which was awesome. So I had-- The car that I had, it was a stick shift, 1994 wagon. It was great. Volvo wagon.

    27. JSJay Shetty51:10

        How long did that recovery take?

    28. AWAlex Warren51:12

        Recovery, I was in the hospital for two months, maybe a month and a half.

    29. JSJay Shetty51:16

        And you said it just missed your heart.

    30. AWAlex Warren51:17

        Yeah. Yeah. But nothing-
19. 51:26 – 56:45

    Surviving What Should’ve Broken You

    1. AWAlex Warren51:26

       my body at 10 feet maybe.

    2. JSJay Shetty51:29

       So no flips.

    3. AWAlex Warren51:30

       I still flip. [laughs]

    4. JSJay Shetty51:32

       Like, but it's not something you think about. Like, it's-

    5. AWAlex Warren51:34

       Mm-mm.

    6. JSJay Shetty51:35

       It doesn't cause any pain. Like, you don't-

    7. AWAlex Warren51:36

       Sometimes.

    8. JSJay Shetty51:37

       Oh.

    9. AWAlex Warren51:37

       Sometimes I, I-

    10. JSJay Shetty51:38

        What about for singing and, like-

    11. AWAlex Warren51:40

        No, I, I don't know. I, I need to get my lungs checked out, especially 'cause I just-- I quit smoking three years ago. When I was homeless, that was something I really got into, was smoking cigarettes.

    12. JSJay Shetty51:48

        Mm-hmm.

    13. AWAlex Warren51:49

        And then I went to vaping, and so I really wanna get my lungs checked out, especially having cancer run in my family.

    14. JSJay Shetty51:53

        Yeah, yeah.

    15. AWAlex Warren51:54

        But, um, yeah, I, I, I need to get that checked out [laughs] probably. I have no idea.

    16. JSJay Shetty51:59

        Yeah, yeah, yeah.

    17. AWAlex Warren51:59

        All I know is, is I, I sing my little took a shot.

    18. JSJay Shetty52:02

        That's, that's crazy.

    19. AWAlex Warren52:04

        Yeah.

    20. JSJay Shetty52:04

        I mean... I mean, like, it's just almost like... I mean, I'm in shock right now because it's just thing after thing after thing after thing. I mean, it's, you know-

    21. AWAlex Warren52:15

        Sounds fake.

    22. JSJay Shetty52:15

        No, no, I, I, I didn't, I didn't feel that. I just feel like it's, it's, um, it's hard.

    23. AWAlex Warren52:20

        Yeah.

    24. JSJay Shetty52:20

        That's it. And it's ju- it's just like it, it doesn't sound fake to me. It just sounds-

    25. AWAlex Warren52:25

        Oh, I say it all the time.

    26. JSJay Shetty52:26

        Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it, it-

    27. AWAlex Warren52:27

        I'm like, "It, it doesn't sound real."

    28. JSJay Shetty52:28

        It doesn't sound real in the sense of just, like, you can't believe someone survived it all. That's, that's the hard part. It's like, how, how did someone survive it all and not end up... You know, h- it's almost like how did someone survive it all and h- have the approach you have to it?

    29. AWAlex Warren52:44

        Yeah.

    30. JSJay Shetty52:44

        That's what-- Like, sitting with you here today-
20. 56:45 – 59:41

    Using Music to Process Grief

    1. JSJay Shetty56:45

       it's amazing to hear that Lewis was doing that. Was there any other artist that you feel have opened that up and, and gone there to that extent that impacted you?

    2. AWAlex Warren56:55

       Probably Shawn Mendes. I think, we were talking about Shawn earlier, too, and Shawn is, um... When I first wrote my first song, I fully... I'm so sorry, Shawn, if you're... I ripped off Stitches fully. I stole the four chords that he did, and I would just move the capo around, and that's obviously a, a, a version before, but that was a huge thing. I, songwriting, my first four years of my life, songwriting was just Shawn Mendes Stitches chords moving around a capo and because I didn't know how to play guitar. And it was a huge inspiration just listening to songwriting, too, and understanding, you know, his, his, you know, understanding different ways people grow up and different things they go through, and his songwriting was a huge inspiration for mine. So-

    3. JSJay Shetty57:37

       Wow

    4. AWAlex Warren57:38

       ... yeah, probably him.

    5. JSJay Shetty57:38

       Yeah. We love Shawn. He's been a guest on the show, too, and he's, um, yeah, he's absolutely-

    6. AWAlex Warren57:42

       Sweetheart

    7. JSJay Shetty57:43

       ... a special man. Yeah. So wait, all of your music knowledge is fully self-taught?

    8. AWAlex Warren57:47

       Yeah. Yeah, not until I was about 20, 21, I really put out my first song.

    9. JSJay Shetty57:54

       Yes.

    10. AWAlex Warren57:54

        And I was like, "I need to take this. I need to do this and throw my whole ev- my everything into it." I wanted to do it right. I wanted to, obviously, 'cause music, I had such a weird relationship with it my entire life that I, I, I definitely have really bad imposter syndrome. So I started taking music theory lessons. I started taking piano lessons. I take vocal lessons three times a week, if not more, still to this day for the last four years of my life. I started taking guitar lessons and, you know, asking how to produce and, like, you know, when I'm in the studio, how, what do you do to my voice? How do you do that? What do you do to this instrument? How do you compress that? How do you EQ that? And when I'm doing my in-ear monitors, how mu- what's the frequency you're taking out? What is Auto-Tune tu- tuned at? Is it 440 or 432? And, um, I think it's really interesting, um, just learning about it and kinda starting from scratch and reevaluating what you understand about music. So yeah, a long... I was self-taught for a very long time, and then I really wanted to understand it all.

    11. JSJay Shetty58:50

        Yeah. It's, uh... I, I love hearing the balance of both, of just this pure passion-

    12. AWAlex Warren58:55

        Mm-hmm

    13. JSJay Shetty58:55

        ... and then mastery-

    14. AWAlex Warren58:57

        Yeah

    15. JSJay Shetty58:57

        ... it sounds like, where you're actually trying to put in the hours and the work and the, you know, the reps in a more formal capacity at the same time as having this years of just singing on musically or posting a video when there wasn't any training or, or structure around it.

    16. AWAlex Warren59:12

        Yeah. Yeah, I had to do it all myself, and I realized that I was fortunate enough to be able to, um, have an arsenal of, of help, and so I just took it.

    17. JSJay Shetty59:22

        Yeah. What did it, what did it feel like? You talked about, you mentioned it earlier, and I'm kinda looping back to it, but you talked about, like, how when you met your now wife, Kova-

    18. AWAlex Warren59:31

        Yeah

    19. JSJay Shetty59:31

        ... like, that there was something special about that connection, and I believe you met on Snapchat.

    20. AWAlex Warren59:36

        Yeah.

    21. JSJay Shetty59:36

        Yeah.

    22. AWAlex Warren59:36

        Yeah.

    23. JSJay Shetty59:37

        Which is, which is amazing.

    24. AWAlex Warren59:39

        Crazy.

    25. JSJay Shetty59:39

        Talk, talk to me about how that happened. Talk, talk to me.

    26. AWAlex Warren59:40

        New age.

21. 59:41 – 1:02:25

    Meeting the Love of Your Life

    1. AWAlex Warren59:41

       It's, uh, the new age Romeo and Juliet.

    2. JSJay Shetty59:42

       Yeah. [laughs]

    3. AWAlex Warren59:43

       Um, no. Um, she... My friend had moved to Hawaii. She's from Hawaii, and my friend had moved in with her, and they were friends, and so she would throw my wife, Kova, on her story a lot, and there was this photo, and it's so funny 'cause [laughs] I tell this story all the time, and she's like, "I hate that photo."

    4. JSJay Shetty59:59

       [laughs]

    5. AWAlex Warren1:00:00

       My wife can sleep anywhere, at any time, in any position, any time. Like, sh- I've sh- we, I... She comes surfing with me in the morning, and she'll s- fall asleep on the rock.

    6. JSJay Shetty1:00:09

       [laughs]

    7. AWAlex Warren1:00:09

       Like, I'm not kidding. There's photos of her sleeping on rocks. Um, there's a photo of her, the first photo I ever saw of her was her, um, sleeping in a weird position like this, and I texted my friend and I said, "That's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen." And, um, we started talking on Snapchat, yeah.

    8. JSJay Shetty1:00:26

       We all want to feel better, to have more energy and more focus throughout the day.That's why I co-founded Juni, a sparkling adaptogenic drink made with powerful ingredients like ashwagandha and lion's mane. It's designed to boost your mood, support your focus, and give you natural energy, all without the crash. A new classic reimagined. We're so excited to officially launch our new lemonade iced tea flavor. When we created Juni, my goal was simple: I wanted to make drinks that help you feel balanced and energized without compromise. Our upgraded take on the classic Arnold Palmer is crisp, refreshing, and crafted with adaptogens to support energy, focus, and mood, all with zero sugar. Be among the first to try it, available exclusively at drinkjuni.com, where you can use the code ONPURPOSE20 for 20% off your first order. Cheers to your daily mood boost. What part of you did you share with Kova that you think was hidden until then? Like, was there something that Kova brought out of you that you didn't even know you had within yourself? Seems like you have such a special relationship.

    9. AWAlex Warren1:01:34

       Yeah. I, I don't know a single girl-

    10. JSJay Shetty1:01:37

        Mm

    11. AWAlex Warren1:01:37

        ... who would find out that I'm homeless and go, "Cool, let's do it." [laughs] She dropped out of college. She had 500 bucks saved up. That's it. She found out I was sleeping in a car, and immediately was like, "All right. Cool. Like, let's do it." And she-

    12. JSJay Shetty1:01:51

        That is the, that is the crazy- I am like, I, I, I cannot believe. She's amazing.

    13. AWAlex Warren1:01:56

        I know. Yeah, she's, she's ... I- I'm-

    14. JSJay Shetty1:01:59

        Have you asked her, like, why she said yes to that? Like, why-

    15. AWAlex Warren1:02:02

        No, actually. [laughs] I should.

    16. JSJay Shetty1:02:03

        [laughs]

    17. AWAlex Warren1:02:04

        I should, I should examine that. You're right. Uh-

    18. JSJay Shetty1:02:06

        Next time I want her on the podcast with you.

    19. AWAlex Warren1:02:08

        I didn't ... I, I, I didn't expect when she said yes to go, "Mm, why?" [laughs]

    20. JSJay Shetty1:02:12

        [laughs]

    21. AWAlex Warren1:02:12

        I was like, "Yeah, dude, I'm not gonna question this."

    22. JSJay Shetty1:02:14

        Did you, did you ask her? Like, you were, like, you were dating, things were going good. Did you ask her to move in with you? Like, was it that kind-

    23. AWAlex Warren1:02:19

        No. She just, she did it. She ... It was, it was straight up, like, I was sleeping in my car.

22. 1:02:25 – 1:04:31

    Finding Someone Who Stays No Matter What

    1. AWAlex Warren1:02:25

       She was staying with a friend, 'cause she lived in Hawaii, but she came out to California just to visit. And then she was like, "Oh, cool. Yeah," and moved out of her friend's house and moved into my car. She had options. [laughs] She, she, she picked probably the one that no one would've picked, and I think that's the thing. It taught me, for me, like, that's something I probably would've done. You know, as I've said all these stories now, I feel like I'm one of those people who I trust my gut, and it seemed like her gut was that, and she didn't question it. And I, I feel like that was kind of the indication of, like, wow, this isn't a normal person. This is my person.

    2. JSJay Shetty1:03:01

       How were your relationship before that? Did you have time for relationships? What did they look like through your teens?

    3. AWAlex Warren1:03:05

       I was notoriously cheated on. I was-

    4. JSJay Shetty1:03:08

       I see.

    5. AWAlex Warren1:03:08

       Well, I think I, I think I looked for what I was missing in my home life in, in girls. I mean, I w- I met my wife when I was 18, so, like, you gotta think, uh, all, everything before that was probably not real. But ... Well, not real, but just not necessarily, I would say, mature. I, I was a clingy guy. Like, I was a super clingy guy who needed, you know, who didn't trust anyone. I got cheated on every relationship. I was not a catch by any means, you know? So I think relationships before were just me trying to figure out who I was, but also what I wanted in an, uh, a partner. Uh, you know?

    6. JSJay Shetty1:03:46

       Was it difficult accepting love from Kova because you'd-

    7. AWAlex Warren1:03:50

       [laughs]

    8. JSJay Shetty1:03:50

       ... not had consistent love before?

    9. AWAlex Warren1:03:52

       Yeah. It was definitely. I, I ... It took me a second to be secure with my relationship. Probably took me a year or two, to be frank with you, man. I, I, I don't think I was secure at all. I think I just had so much baggage. I had so much shit in my life. I ... My mom was alive at the time, and my mom made it a mission to make my life hell. So my mom said some pretty choice words to my girlfriend, or now wife, at the t- at the time.

    10. JSJay Shetty1:04:15

        What did she say?

    11. AWAlex Warren1:04:16

        She sent her a whole message pretty much being like, you know, calling her a whore and saying all these things.

    12. JSJay Shetty1:04:20

        Wow.

    13. AWAlex Warren1:04:20

        My mom was probably the most ... My mom was an amazing person, but when she was drunk, she was probably the most racist, homophobic, rude person I ever grew up with,

23. 1:04:31 – 1:07:14

    Why Shedding an Old Identity is Important

    1. AWAlex Warren1:04:31

       which kind of showed me ... My mom, I will say this, and again, I love my mother, but she showed me exactly who I didn't wanna be, you know? And, um, hence why I go by Alex Warren. It's my mom ... I, I didn't want anything my mom did ever reflect on me, 'cause I am not that person. I never wanna be that person. And so I started going by my not-real name because I never wanted that part of that to be associated with me. But, um, my mom was not a kind person when she was drunk, and she made it a mission to attack anyone in her life.

    2. JSJay Shetty1:05:03

       Mm.

    3. AWAlex Warren1:05:03

       Which is probably an insecurity thing in herself.

    4. JSJay Shetty1:05:06

       Was the name change and identity shift unsettling, or did it just feel-

    5. AWAlex Warren1:05:11

       Just felt right. Felt normal. Felt, felt ... It gave me so much easement, you know? My mom was just very vocal about things that I didn't agree with, which I feel like everyone has that.

    6. JSJay Shetty1:05:26

       Yeah, yeah. [laughs]

    7. AWAlex Warren1:05:26

       You know? I can't ... I, I don't think Thanksgivings are necessarily everyone's f-favorite thing, you know?

    8. JSJay Shetty1:05:30

       [laughs] Yeah, yeah.

    9. AWAlex Warren1:05:30

       So.

    10. JSJay Shetty1:05:30

        Where, who did you celebrate Thanksgiving with? Just-

    11. AWAlex Warren1:05:32

        Family. Yeah, yeah.

    12. JSJay Shetty1:05:33

        Who?

    13. AWAlex Warren1:05:33

        My older sister and my brother. Yeah. And-

    14. JSJay Shetty1:05:35

        That's-

    15. AWAlex Warren1:05:35

        Yeah. So we went out and we went to their house for Thanksgiving, which was nice.

    16. JSJay Shetty1:05:39

        Yeah. How, how cathartic was it to have your music career take off in the same year as your mom passed away? Like, did that mean something to you? Did that have certain emotions attached to it for you?

    17. AWAlex Warren1:05:51

        I have never thought of the correlation. Uh ... Wow. Yeah, I didn't even realize that was the same year. I never thought about it like that. Um ...

    18. JSJay Shetty1:06:05

        Yeah, I think I'm right.

    19. AWAlex Warren1:06:06

        You are.

    20. JSJay Shetty1:06:06

        Yeah.

    21. AWAlex Warren1:06:06

        You are. I put my first song out in June of 2021, and she died in October of 2021. That's crazy. I don't know. I, I've never thought about that. I, I ... That's cool. [laughs] I, I don't know how to react to that.

    22. JSJay Shetty1:06:23

        Mm.

    23. AWAlex Warren1:06:26

        I think it's something that I'd have to probably process

    24. JSJay Shetty1:06:31

        Yeah, of course. No, of course, please. Didn't mean to shock you, just-

    25. AWAlex Warren1:06:34

        No, no, no

    26. JSJay Shetty1:06:34

        ... it was just, yeah, yeah

    27. AWAlex Warren1:06:34

        ... I mean, it's not that-

    28. JSJay Shetty1:06:36

        Yeah, yeah. No, no, no. No, no, no. I, I appreciate-

    29. AWAlex Warren1:06:38

        It's not this revolutionary thing. It's more of a, it's more of like it's, it's, uh, I, I definitely feel like my, what has now spewed of my music career is something that, you know, has been dealing with those things, and the fact that that happened the same year I pursued music, I feel like it's just another one of those things that have just happened that you kind of have to wonder, "What the hell is happening in my life?"

    30. JSJay Shetty1:07:00

        Yeah. Yeah, it's, yeah, it's, [sighs] yeah, life is just... There's so many moments like that that, uh, yeah, you, you can't explain them because you go, "How, how is it possible-
24. 1:07:14 – 1:10:02

    Creating the Perfect Wedding

    1. JSJay Shetty1:07:14

       coincide in a matter of months?"

    2. AWAlex Warren1:07:15

       So many.

    3. JSJay Shetty1:07:16

       Yeah.

    4. AWAlex Warren1:07:16

       So many things in my life.

    5. JSJay Shetty1:07:17

       So many things, yeah.

    6. AWAlex Warren1:07:17

       You know? [clears throat]

    7. JSJay Shetty1:07:18

       Yeah.

    8. AWAlex Warren1:07:18

       To the point where it's like, you know, I, I'm baffled by it every time, so.

    9. JSJay Shetty1:07:23

       So many sliding doors moments in your life, too. I'm almost like, "Well, what if you and your mom didn't have that fight where you were pinned and you didn't run away?"

    10. AWAlex Warren1:07:30

        Yeah.

    11. JSJay Shetty1:07:31

        And what would happen if you didn't get shot and become really close to, you know, your friend's dad who, b- you know, was the officiant of your we- Like, there's... And everyone has that. Everyone has those.

    12. AWAlex Warren1:07:44

        Yeah.

    13. JSJay Shetty1:07:44

        Yours seem quite, um, there's just, there's just really high tension moments of just-

    14. AWAlex Warren1:07:48

        Yeah

    15. JSJay Shetty1:07:49

        ... figuring that out. Talk to me about the wedding with Kover.

    16. AWAlex Warren1:07:52

        Yeah.

    17. JSJay Shetty1:07:53

        How long were you together before you got married?

    18. AWAlex Warren1:07:55

        Five years.

    19. JSJay Shetty1:07:56

        Okay.

    20. AWAlex Warren1:07:56

        Yeah.

    21. JSJay Shetty1:07:57

        Yeah.

    22. AWAlex Warren1:07:57

        Five years until I proposed, six years until we got married. And now-

    23. JSJay Shetty1:08:01

        Where did you get married?

    24. AWAlex Warren1:08:02

        What?

    25. JSJay Shetty1:08:03

        Where did you get married?

    26. AWAlex Warren1:08:03

        We got married in Temecula.

    27. JSJay Shetty1:08:05

        Okay.

    28. AWAlex Warren1:08:05

        Yeah, so I, I'm from San Diego.

    29. JSJay Shetty1:08:07

        Yes.

    30. AWAlex Warren1:08:07

        So it was something cool. We, we got married at a garden, um-
25. 1:10:02 – 1:12:38

    Facing Your Greatest Inner Struggle

    1. JSJay Shetty1:10:02

       'cause I love love so much-

    2. AWAlex Warren1:10:03

       Yeah

    3. JSJay Shetty1:10:03

       ... that I can just, like, fully break down, and I'm, like, tearing over, like, you know, the bride walking down the aisle and then the look in the husband's, uh-

    4. AWAlex Warren1:10:10

       Yeah

    5. JSJay Shetty1:10:10

       ... husband-to-be's eyes and the groom's eyes, and it's just, yeah, it's, it's a magical moment, and vows are probably my favorite part.

    6. AWAlex Warren1:10:17

       Oh my God.

    7. JSJay Shetty1:10:17

       That's the part where I really have to hold it together and, uh, it's, it's, um, yeah, wedding, weddings are a beautiful thing. I remember I broke down saying my own vows to my wife-

    8. AWAlex Warren1:10:26

       Oh my God

    9. JSJay Shetty1:10:26

       ... when I gave my speech, and it was just like, God, just, you know. She, she was laughing. She was cracking up, which is so in-, uh-

    10. AWAlex Warren1:10:33

        I love that

    11. JSJay Shetty1:10:34

        ... indicative of our relationship.

    12. AWAlex Warren1:10:35

        Right.

    13. JSJay Shetty1:10:36

        Yeah. What are the parts of your, what are the parts of your... I, I find this, and I'm intrigued to hear what you say about this. You said that you learned from your mom who you didn't wanna be.

    14. AWAlex Warren1:10:46

        Yeah.

    15. JSJay Shetty1:10:47

        What are the parts of your mom that you sometimes see in yourself when you're dealing with Kover or anyone?

    16. AWAlex Warren1:10:55

        I'm stubborn. [laughs]

    17. JSJay Shetty1:10:56

        [laughs]

    18. AWAlex Warren1:10:56

        I'm really stubborn, man. I mean, ah, that's difficult. I think I spent so much time arguing with my mom that I, I just became so argumentative, you know? And I think that's, like, my biggest thing and my biggest struggle is I think I just want to win every argument now, you know? Growing up with my mom, my entire relationship with her was trying to prove that she had a problem and trying to spin my words a certain way to articulate to her that she had a problem. You know, if I said it one way, she would tell me that she didn't have a problem and shut it down, so every time I had that, I had to articulate it d- a different way, try to give her a percep- ba- perspective. Big metaphor guy, because I always tried to correlate to someone who's... I always wondered how someone's brain worked that they couldn't admit that they had a problem or couldn't understand that if you're getting drunk at 5:00 AM and driving your kids drunk to school, right? So I'd find different ways to try and communicate with that, with her, 'cause I always thought it was a communication error, and it was never that, and that was my problem is it was never a communication error. It was not wanting to admit you had a problem and, but you knowing it did.

    19. JSJay Shetty1:11:57

        Mm-hmm.

    20. AWAlex Warren1:11:57

        So for me, you know, now that I'm, that was a better half of my entire life, you know?

    21. JSJay Shetty1:12:03

        Mm-hmm.

    22. AWAlex Warren1:12:03

        I catch myself arguing with my wife, trying to win opposed to trying to understand where they're coming from, you know? It's like you hear something, and that's the biggest thing is the last two years of my life have been me just trying to put myself in other people's shoes because that's the one thing I carried away from it was whenever someone would argue with me, I didn't care about how they felt. I cared about winning the argument, and I had to take a step back. And I think once I started music especially and just really writing records, it really kind of changed who I am now.

    23. JSJay Shetty1:12:36

        Mm-hmm.

    24. AWAlex Warren1:12:36

        And I've been able to reallyemotionally

26. 1:12:38 – 1:15:02

    Becoming the Parent You Never Had

    1. AWAlex Warren1:12:39

       be present in a lot of things and understand that, you know, how someone feels is important, you know? And I, I know that. And after... I remember after every argument, I'd be like, "Wow, I'm a piece of shit." I didn't, like... I obviously care. I obviously care, but during that moment, it just, it was instinct of just to be combative. And so w- I remember it would be an hour-long conversation just for it to end with, "I'm sorry."

    2. JSJay Shetty1:13:03

       [laughs]

    3. AWAlex Warren1:13:03

       Like, that's not-

    4. JSJay Shetty1:13:05

       I can relate

    5. AWAlex Warren1:13:05

       ... you know?

    6. JSJay Shetty1:13:05

       No, no, I'm with you. I can relate.

    7. AWAlex Warren1:13:06

       You know? And so it's just, that's been definitely one of the things I've carried from my mom is just truly, like, you know, that relationship where there was just so that, you know?

    8. JSJay Shetty1:13:13

       Yeah. What are the cycles you and Coville want to break for your kids? I know you said the goal is to become a dad and...

    9. AWAlex Warren1:13:19

       Um, the cycles, I think... Wow, I don't know. I think more about how I'm terrified to be a parent 'cause I don't wanna do it wrong, you know? Especially with the way I grew up. I grew up without a dad. How am I supposed to understand what that's like if I never had it, you know? And so what I've really thought about is just the fact that I'm... I wanna be a girl dad so bad. Like, I don't know what it is. I just think I would thrive with a, with a, a girl. And, um, I think the biggest thing is, you know, the only thing you can do, right, is love them unconditionally-

    10. JSJay Shetty1:13:50

        Mm

    11. AWAlex Warren1:13:51

        ... and try your best to, to, to raise them. You know, there is no right way. There is no proper thing. It's just gonna be me trying to be the best father I can be. I think with things that we're trying to break, I'm not sure. I haven't given that much thought. I haven't-

    12. JSJay Shetty1:14:07

        Mm

    13. AWAlex Warren1:14:07

        ... necessarily thought about what that might look like yet, you know?

    14. JSJay Shetty1:14:12

        Mm.

    15. AWAlex Warren1:14:12

        Which is gonna be an interesting conversation or at least an interesting thought process when I go into it.

    16. JSJay Shetty1:14:16

        Yeah, definitely. I'm excited to see what you both come out with.

    17. AWAlex Warren1:14:18

        Yeah.

    18. JSJay Shetty1:14:18

        'Cause I feel like there's... You have so many great reflections-

    19. AWAlex Warren1:14:21

        Yeah

    20. JSJay Shetty1:14:22

        ... and pinpoints and, like, almost, you know.

    21. AWAlex Warren1:14:24

        I, I, I've really battled with not w- I, when she gets pregnant, I don't wanna tell anyone. I don't wanna post about it.

    22. JSJay Shetty1:14:28

        Yeah.

    23. AWAlex Warren1:14:28

        I don't wanna... That's been the one thing I really... Everything in my life is private, or is not private. I, granted, I tell you everything.

    24. JSJay Shetty1:14:36

        Yeah, yeah.

    25. AWAlex Warren1:14:37

        You know? And I, I love that aspect of my life, and I think... I battle, the one thing I battle with is I'm so insecure now.

    26. JSJay Shetty1:14:44

        Mm-hmm.

    27. AWAlex Warren1:14:44

        I'm so... I have the worst imposter syndrome. I care about what everyone thinks about me.

    28. JSJay Shetty1:14:49

        Really?

    29. AWAlex Warren1:14:50

        I care so much. If I have 1,000 comments and 1 of them is someone saying I suck, I walk around all day asking people if I suck. "Wait, but this person said I suck. Like, do I actually suck?" Like, and, "Wait, was this fine?

27. 1:15:02 – 1:18:44

    Learning to Live with Insecurity

    1. AWAlex Warren1:15:02

       Was I off here?" And, like, I, I could never put my kid through that, unless they wanted to, but I, I wouldn't. I, I don't know if I could ever... Do you know how distraught I'd be if I decided to share a photo with my kid and someone's like, "That kid's ugly"? Are you kidding? I'm not gonna put them through that.

    2. JSJay Shetty1:15:18

       [laughs]

    3. AWAlex Warren1:15:18

       I'm gonna put myself through that. [laughs] Knowing my genes. [laughs]

    4. JSJay Shetty1:15:22

       [laughs]

    5. AWAlex Warren1:15:23

       No, but I don't know.

    6. JSJay Shetty1:15:24

       Oh, my God. You... Yeah.

    7. AWAlex Warren1:15:25

       But my wife is like, she loves talking about the things.

    8. JSJay Shetty1:15:27

       Yeah.

    9. AWAlex Warren1:15:27

       She loves, like, she loves, like, posting about stuff.

    10. JSJay Shetty1:15:29

        Yeah, yeah.

    11. AWAlex Warren1:15:29

        So it's definitely been a thing where, like, that's been a huge conversation-

    12. JSJay Shetty1:15:33

        Yeah

    13. AWAlex Warren1:15:33

        ... is, is posting about that, and I don't think, I don't think I will.

    14. JSJay Shetty1:15:36

        Has that been the... Because, you know, when you look at your life and you think you've been through so much hardship-

    15. AWAlex Warren1:15:40

        Yeah

    16. JSJay Shetty1:15:41

        ... and it's fascinating that a comment saying you suck still hurts. It just shows us, as humans, we're all wired so similarly. It like, doesn't matter that you've dealt with way harder things in your life.

    17. AWAlex Warren1:15:51

        Yeah.

    18. JSJay Shetty1:15:52

        Having a thou- having a thou- like, having you said it was a 1 out of 1,000 comment that says you suck, it still hurts because we all don't wanna be hated on. Like, has that been the hardest thing about this rise and the music getting so much love and affection of course across the world, comes with it naturally, proportionately, comes, you know, people who don't like it or whatever it may be?

    19. AWAlex Warren1:16:13

        Yeah.

    20. JSJay Shetty1:16:13

        Has that been the hardest thing about it?

    21. AWAlex Warren1:16:15

        Yeah, I think so. I think, again, like I said, like, the music I make is so real to me.

    22. JSJay Shetty1:16:19

        Yeah.

    23. AWAlex Warren1:16:20

        It's about my personal life. It's hard not to take it personal. So many people are like, "Oh, it's art. Don't take it personal. They're judging your art. They're not judging you." And it's, my art is me, you know? And that's-

    24. JSJay Shetty1:16:27

        When you're writing One More I Love You, it's like-

    25. AWAlex Warren1:16:29

        Yeah, like, that was... You know, I'm not thinking about the song and how you don't like it. I'm thinking about the fact that there's a 15-year-old kid who wrote that in his bedroom, trying to get over loss, you know? And, and that's the hardest part for it. And I also think it's like, you know, I, I think it's probably my mom's voice. When I look for that comment, I'm looking for my mom in some random way. If I had a therapist, I bet she would say that.

    26. JSJay Shetty1:16:48

        [laughs]

    27. AWAlex Warren1:16:48

        But yeah, it's just been, like, one of those situations in my life especially I've just really kind of... It's the hardest thing, dude. I am the most insecure mother over me, which most of us are. Most-- What I've learned is most people in this industry are the most insecure people, where you think they have it all together, and everything's being held together by tape and nails.

    28. JSJay Shetty1:17:09

        What are you insecure about?

    29. AWAlex Warren1:17:11

        Everything. I am everything. I think it's so easy for me to say all these different things because it's true and I believe it, but at the same time, I look in the mirror and I, I, you know... Not even the way I look. I just wish I... These songs are so true. These songs are so real, and I want them to be perfect every time, and that's not humanly possible. I want e- I want... I've worked so hard, and I just want people to think I'm good enough.

    30. JSJay Shetty1:17:38

        Mm-hmm.
28. 1:18:44 – 1:23:36

    You Don’t Have to Prove Yourself

    1. AWAlex Warren1:18:44

       this thing because you think, because I'm a Christian. I think that's the craziest thing in the world, you know? And my faith is, is, has to do with, you know, with my parents passing away and, and who I am today, you know? And it's just been a, it's been such a struggle to kind of watch people say things about me that is not true.

    2. JSJay Shetty1:19:00

       Mm.

    3. AWAlex Warren1:19:01

       You know? And all the sudden I just have to be okay with it and not say anything, 'cause that's the right play. You know, you, you, you fight for yourself. These p- these people aren't gonna believe you, you know?

    4. JSJay Shetty1:19:11

       Yeah.

    5. AWAlex Warren1:19:11

       They're just gonna be like, "Oh, you're just saying that because you sold your soul," and it's like, what?

    6. JSJay Shetty1:19:14

       [laughs]

    7. AWAlex Warren1:19:15

       What?

    8. JSJay Shetty1:19:16

       [laughs] Yeah. I, I, I came up with a rule a few years ago that really helped me process stuff. I was like, the closer you get to the top 1% of whatever industry you're in-

    9. AWAlex Warren1:19:26

       Yeah

    10. JSJay Shetty1:19:26

        ... the more likely it is that 50% of people disagree with you.

    11. AWAlex Warren1:19:29

        Yeah.

    12. JSJay Shetty1:19:30

        And, and that math helped it make sense, because I remember when my comment section was just, like, the nicest place on earth.

    13. AWAlex Warren1:19:37

        Yeah.

    14. JSJay Shetty1:19:37

        Like, when it was cute and cozy and everything else. And then you just realize, you're like, okay, scale means disagreement, it means disconnection, it means debate, whatever it means. And, and you realize that it's not a reflection of you, me, or anyone else. It's, it's normally just a reflection of too many opinions.

    15. AWAlex Warren1:19:55

        Mm-hmm.

    16. JSJay Shetty1:19:56

        And, and just that... And one thing that's really helped me a lot is recognizing that hate is loud, and love is usually soft and quiet.

    17. AWAlex Warren1:20:03

        Yeah.

    18. JSJay Shetty1:20:04

        And that hate is so aggressive and direct, but love is so indirect and subtle in how we share it.

    19. AWAlex Warren1:20:13

        Yeah.

    20. JSJay Shetty1:20:13

        And I've tried really hard over the last couple of years to take... So before I used to be indifferent to both. And what's really helped me recently is to be as gracious in receiving love-

    21. AWAlex Warren1:20:28

        Yeah

    22. JSJay Shetty1:20:29

        ... as I was serious about reading hate.

    23. AWAlex Warren1:20:32

        Ooh.

    24. JSJay Shetty1:20:33

        So when I used to read the hateful comments, you read them and you take them seriously. I get that feeling.

    25. AWAlex Warren1:20:37

        Yeah.

    26. JSJay Shetty1:20:37

        Like, you read one bad comment and you're like, "I must suck," and you're checking with everyone. So you're taking it so seriously. So if I'm gonna take it that seriously, I need to take the love as graciously as I took that. And so now if someone says to me, "Jay, I listened to this episode with," which I'm sure people would, "with Alex, and, like, I couldn't believe Alex was," you know. It's like I would try and take that in far more graciously and presently than I ever would-

    27. AWAlex Warren1:20:59

        Yeah

    28. JSJay Shetty1:21:00

        ... because I recognize that I have to rewire my brain, not to only listen to the good stuff or only think positive. That's not the goal. But to truly let my heart and soul feel the impact, because I definitely let my heart and soul [laughs] feel the impact of someone, you know-

    29. AWAlex Warren1:21:14

        Yeah

    30. JSJay Shetty1:21:14

        ... trying to hurt me.
29. 1:23:36 – 1:28:54

    Alex on Final Five

    1. JSJay Shetty1:23:36

       just how truly transparent you're willing to be in order to help people and help people understand your music better, and I think that's why your music has resonated so strongly and deeply with me and, you know, billions of people around the world, because I believe that everything you shared today is exactly what we're hearing and feeling in your music, and I felt this as deeply as we do the chords and the, the singing and all the work that comes through with you. So thank you so much.

    2. AWAlex Warren1:24:03

       Thank you. I don't feel like you realize how much I needed this, obviously. [laughs]

    3. JSJay Shetty1:24:06

       Well, I hope so.

    4. AWAlex Warren1:24:07

       This was, this was really, really important for me.

    5. JSJay Shetty1:24:09

       Well, that means a lot to me. Uh, oh, we, we end every episode of On Purpose with a final five.

    6. AWAlex Warren1:24:13

       Okay.

    7. JSJay Shetty1:24:13

       These questions have to be answered in one sentence each.

    8. AWAlex Warren1:24:16

       Cool.

    9. JSJay Shetty1:24:17

       So Alex Warren, these are your final five.

    10. AWAlex Warren1:24:19

        Okay. [laughs]

    11. JSJay Shetty1:24:19

        The first question is... And we ask these to every guest. The first question is, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received?

    12. AWAlex Warren1:24:26

        I've actually never received any advice I think I've, I've used. But I would say the best advice would be, um... Wait, I forgot this is one sentence.

    13. JSJay Shetty1:24:34

        No, no, that's fine. That's fine.

    14. AWAlex Warren1:24:35

        [laughs]

    15. JSJay Shetty1:24:35

        You can do that. I'm gonna let you do that anyway, but yeah.

    16. AWAlex Warren1:24:37

        Everything happens for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. You, whatever happens in your life, run with it.

    17. JSJay Shetty1:24:44

        Mm-hmm. Okay. Uh, second question: what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received?

    18. AWAlex Warren1:24:49

        Give up.

    19. JSJay Shetty1:24:51

        Who said that to you?

    20. AWAlex Warren1:24:52

        My mom.

    21. JSJay Shetty1:24:53

        How many times?

    22. AWAlex Warren1:24:54

        Too many. To the point where I stopped believing it. So that was definitely the thing, and I think it fueled me to even keep going more.

    23. JSJay Shetty1:25:01

        So sometimes it's great when someone repeats bad advice because you get desensitized from it-

    24. AWAlex Warren1:25:05

        Yeah

    25. JSJay Shetty1:25:05

        ... is what I'm taking away from your-

    26. AWAlex Warren1:25:07

        That's what I got

    27. JSJay Shetty1:25:07

        ... your brain and how it works. I wanna scan your brain one day.

    28. AWAlex Warren1:25:09

        Me too.

    29. JSJay Shetty1:25:10

        Yeah, we should do that.

    30. AWAlex Warren1:25:11

        I would be so interested.

Episode duration: 1:28:54