EVERY SPOKEN WORD
75 min read · 14,684 words- 0:00 – 2:22
Intro
- BBBridget Bahl
I had this beautiful wedding, and I have this wonderful husband, and now I have breast cancer. Cancer will stop you right in your tracks. My first question was, "Am I going to die?" And my second question was, "Is all of my hair going to fall out?" My oncologist did say to me, "You're not gonna be able to carry a baby." But I still believe I will be a mom.
- JSJay Shetty
You brought everyone in your community on that journey with you. So many people have become inspired by it. So many people have become saved by it.
- BBBridget Bahl
This is my purpose.
- JSJay Shetty
[intro music] Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to become happier, healthier, and more healed. Today's guest is someone that I've been really looking forward to having in the seat. I really believe that On Purpose was created to document and share and introduce you to stories like these that hopefully help inspire your own journey, help and support you in your difficult times, and give you a sense of meaning and purpose when things around you seem extremely challenging. Today, I'm joined by Bridget Bahl, an entrepreneur and the founder of the fashion brand The Bar. Bridget has also built a powerful online community where she shares openly about faith, relationships, and her life. Over the past year, Bridget's life took an unexpected turn when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Since then, Bridget has continued to share her journey with honesty and resilience, speaking about how experiences like this can reshape what truly matters. Please welcome to On Purpose, Bridget. Bridget, it is such a joy to have you here. I've been looking forward to this for so long. I wanna first of all say how grateful I am that you made the trip over here. You just mentioned to me as we were walking here, this is one of the first times you've really been out of your home.
- BBBridget Bahl
[laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
Uh, I'm so thankful and appreciate you so deeply for coming. Thank you.
- BBBridget Bahl
Oh my gosh, thank you. I feel so cool that you-
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- BBBridget Bahl
... wanted to have me here. Woo, yeah. So thank you for getting me out of the house and, and pushing me a little bit, because I do believe that we can help people, and yeah. I'll get more comfortable, don't worry. [laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs] You're doing great.
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
You're doing great.
- BBBridget Bahl
[laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
You, you always have the best energy. When, when we met last time, it was like you j- you just effortlessly create such a safe space for everyone around you. I wanted to
- 2:22 – 6:33
Where Her Journey Began
- JSJay Shetty
ask you, for those who may be meeting you for the first time, who are hopefully in my community learning about you today, how would you describe this chapter of your life and where you are right now?
- BBBridget Bahl
I'm really trying to unpack everything that's happened in the, the past 15 months of being di- diagnosed with breast cancer, chemo, radiation, surgery, all of those things. And I think I was just so insanely [laughs] sick for most of the time, especially during the chemotherapy portion of it, that I wasn't really present or unpacking any of it then. You're really in survival mode. It's day by day. You're, like, trying to get through to the next moment. You know, I used to say, like, day by day, and at one point someone said to me, "Hour by hour." Like, you're that sick. So I feel like I'm unpacking a lot of it now. So I'm definitely really raw right now. It's not like this thing that I've had years to reflect on and see how this has all changed. Like, this is kind of happening now live in real time every day, and it's, it's really beautiful. And, like, I don't know, like, there's just so many good things that came out of this. Like, it's kind of crazy to think about. I really admire you, Jay, and, like, what you do, and you really change people's lives. And before this, you know, I had a fashion career before I was on Instagram, and, and I've been an influencer. You know, before that I was a fashion PR girl. I saw you went to the, um, Saint Laurent show recently. I, I did PR at Yves Saint Laurent for years. I lived the whole Devil Wears Prada life. I've had... I feel like I've had a few fashion lives. And I feel like everything was really like that movie in the sense where it was, like, belts and, like, crying and drama and... I, I really appreciate the discipline and everything I learned from that chapter of my life, but I never really knew that I would have an opportunity to save someone's life or, you know, speak out about something so relevant in women's health that I could really change someone's life or save someone's life, which people have wrote me and said, like, "Wow, Bridget, I went in, I got checked because I've been watching your Instagram, and I have breast cancer. But I have stage one, and I'm not gonna have to go to chemotherapy." And so I just feel really, like, honored, and I feel like to whom much is given, much is expected. So I feel like I'm just trying to really honor the moment and do the best I can. And I'm really excited to meet some of the people and the women I've talked to. And one thing I, I remember, like, walking into chemo, and, like, I really, I found this quote, and I really try to live by it now, but it's, "What's the best thing that can happen?"
- JSJay Shetty
Amen.
- BBBridget Bahl
So it's like, yes, I don't have anything figured out. Who really cares? Do you know what I mean? Like, what's the best thing that could happen? Let's see what God has for me instead of me trying to always-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah
- BBBridget Bahl
... figure it out and find the husband and put the guy in there. It's like, just, like, let him do something, you know? And, like, cancer has a lot to do with, like, control and the illusion of control.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- BBBridget Bahl
And, like, it really strips you of that. I was a control freak. I think I still am a little bit, but, like, you don't have control over it.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- BBBridget Bahl
Like, it takes that away from you. So it's like you, all you really have is, like, your mindset and your hope and your faith and, like, that's all I ever really had.
- JSJay Shetty
Exactly.
- BBBridget Bahl
Even before cancer. I just thought I was in control before, but-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah
- BBBridget Bahl
... now I know I'm not, unfortunately. [laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah, I, I hope that answers the question.
- JSJay Shetty
It does. It does. It's such a... I wanna take a moment to just acknowledge how inspiring I think you are, because I've had many friends who've gone through the battle with cancer-And I know how hard that is, let alone having to document it and share it. And you did that. You brought everyone in your community on that journey with you, and I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it is to go through what you've been through and document it and share it. And like you said, so many people have become inspired by it. So many people have become saved by it. So many people have become, uh, aware of, you know, what you go through and what others go through during this time. I wanted to ask you that.
- 6:33 – 10:12
The Moment Everything Changed
- JSJay Shetty
Now, I saw you on Instagram, and I was just talking to Mike right now, but I saw on Instagram that I think you have two more treatments left, but he was saying-
- BBBridget Bahl
One
- JSJay Shetty
... one more now.
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah, yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
He just totally outdated it for me. One more treatment left. Like, what does it feel like to be at this stage? As you said, you're not years away from it yet. It's not... Talk to me about what goes through your mind right now.
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah. Right now I think I'm, I'm dealing with a little bit of grief, where during, you know, people would ask me like, "Oh, you're grieving your old life," and I, like I said, I was too sick to think about all of that. Like, you're really so sick, and that was one thing I, I struggled a little bit with sharing, because I really wanted to share it, especially after one person even wrote me back and was like, "You saved me." Like, I, I would not have gone. And then I was like, okay, this is, this is my purpose, and this, this is the only way I can understand it and make sense of it, that I can help someone else, and I can keep someone else out of chemotherapy, because I had a terrible time with chemotherapy. Like I, I went in super positive, which is kind of funny because I was like, I can do it. Like, with God, I can do all things, and I did do it, but it wasn't what I, I pictured the experience to be. But I think right now I'm, I'm definitely starting to grieve because I think right now I'm starting to feel better and I'm starting to feel safe and I'm starting to feel safe in my body and I think, I think there's only so much I could tolerate at once. And when you're so sick, I don't think my mind could really open all those doors at the same time. Their survivors guilt is such a big thing because I'm also like grieving, but I'm like only letting myself grieve for, what, 15 seconds at a time, and I'm like, oh, I should just be so happy that I'm alive. Like, so many people don't live through this. I'm so lucky. But so like I'm trying to figure out those sort of things, like the balance of like honoring what I went through and honoring that that was hard, and that's okay that w- that was really hard, but also like I lived, so I don't know. I, I'm struggling a lot with that right now, the survivor's guilt-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm
- BBBridget Bahl
... because even when I went to ring the bell, like I didn't wanna do it. I, I don't know why. You, you would think you would be so excited to go and ring the bell, and you can ring the bell at any time. You can ring it at the end of your chemo, at the end of your radiation. I just kept putting it off and putting it off because I think I wanted to ring it when I felt like, okay, I'm gonna feel a little bit better after I ring it. So I waited and waited and waited, and then the day I was meant to do it, I told my husband, Mike, I said, "I am not... I don't wanna ring it. I don't wanna ring it." And the only thing that got me to ring it was I was like, maybe it's not about me. Maybe s- every time I would be at, be at treatment and I would hear someone ring it, it would spark such a joy in me and I would be like, yes, like so happy for that person. And so I was like, maybe that's why I have to ring it today. Maybe it's for someone else who's here in this building who needs to hear this bell rung, and it's not even about me. Because to me, it felt like a lot of pressure to ring it because then everyone just expects you, because I think people deep down just really wanted me to be better, and I wanted to be better, but I was like, if I ring it and then I don't feel better, I'm gonna be all mixed up, and-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah, yeah
- BBBridget Bahl
... that's kind of a scary, weird thing and, and a weird place, you know?
- JSJay Shetty
Thank you for letting us into your mind right now and heart and, you know-
- BBBridget Bahl
It's a little mixed up-
- JSJay Shetty
No, it's, uh-
- BBBridget Bahl
... but that's like kind of how it goes, you know?
- JSJay Shetty
I mean, you're very coherent in explaining it, so for, just for what it's worth, I... the way you're sharing it is actually making a lot of sense, and it's really helpful I think because we don't often get to talk to people in this very important moment. We talk to people, like you rightly said, like years after, and then you, it's all memory, whereas right now-
- BBBridget Bahl
Mm-hmm
- JSJay Shetty
... it's all real for you and you're, you're living
- 10:12 – 17:15
Why Early Detection Matters
- JSJay Shetty
through it. Talk to me about what your day-to-day looked like before the diagnosis. Like what, what was your day-to-day like?
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah. So before, you know, the C word, cancer, before being diagnosed with breast cancer, I was very much wrapped up in hustle culture, more is more and more, produce more, do more, have more success, find more success. Really just always pushing myself to be better and do better, and I mean, cancer will stop you right in your tracks and it says, "Nope, that's not what we're gonna focus on anymore." When I found the lump, I was on my sixth round of IVF. So I got married when I was 40, which I guess is later in life. Um, we live between Dallas and New York, and it's very late in Dallas and it's sort of okay in New York. It's kind of interesting. But, um, we could have gotten married when I was like 38, 39, and we chose to do family planning, and there's a big difference between the amount of eggs you can get when you're 38 and when you're 40. So I was like, that's really important to me. I have always believed, and I still believe I will be a mom and Mike will be a dad. And so we were like, that's really more important to us than like the party, so let's do that and plan the wedding while we do that, and then have that. So I did a bunch of rounds, and then I got two embryos, and then we got married and we had this like beautiful, amazing wedding. I'm so into aesthetics. I love planning things. I just... It was like a really joyful, fun, cool thing we did. But I felt good going into the wedding 'cause I'm like, okay, I have two embryos. That's like what I'm believing and choosing to believe. So I, after we got married, I wanted to do like one or two more rounds because there really just is such a big difference. Like, I don't wanna give the numbers 'cause I'm not a doctor, but be- in these ages between like, it's 35 and up, but like when you start hitting 38, 39, like it's a significant difference. Like it's like huge, the amount. Okay, we do another round of IVF. During that round of IVF is-When I, I noticed a lump. And I was like, i- it's really crazy because when I found it, it was... And I'm a petite person, um, it was bigger than the size of a golf ball. So, and I wasn't sure that I even could feel it because, you know, we grow up, like, or I grew up, you know, I grew up with a single mom, and I remember in our shower, she had this little thing on your shower, and it was like these hand sketches of how to do a self-breast exam. So, you know, I was doing it. You never really knew, or I really knew if I was doing it right or what- whatnot, but I felt something. I live with a doctor, so I'm like, "Hey, feel this. What do you feel?" And he's like, "Oh, I'm not sure either." Like, it was bigger than a golf ball, but it was so far deep ba- like deep in me, and I have dense breast tissue. It makes it harder to feel for lumps. And I had always read that it would feel like a hard marble, and it can. It can feel like a hard marble, but mine did not. You couldn't tell for sure if there was something or not. In my mind, of course, every woman would think, "Oh my gosh, is it breast cancer?" But I grew up in a pretty big family. My mom has five sisters. My dad had three. Th- both of their mothers, no one has breast cancer. No one had cancer at all, and I don't have the BRCA gene. So it wasn't super high on my radar that, like, this is cancer, and it's very easy. I want a flag to just be like, I'm sure it's not. I'm sure it's the IVF medications. I'm sure it's a cyst. I found it, or I felt something, and it was on my mind, and I knew I was gonna see my fertility doctor the next week. So we go in, and I tell him, and he's like, "Okay, like, you have to go in for a mammogram. I'm seeing this, like, every week." And I was like, "Oh, okay." Like, I still just-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah
- BBBridget Bahl
... I'm kind of like positive, and I was-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah
- BBBridget Bahl
... kind of like, I'm sure it's fine, but like, you know, yeah, of course, I'll go. So I go in for my mammogram the next week, and, um, I, yeah, the, while I did my mammogram, I could start to kind of feel like something was going on, and they could feel it, and they were looking at it, and then they asked me that day, like, "Will you stay for your biopsy?" Which is, like, odd, you know? And I was like, okay, something's wrong, and I could kind of just feel something was wrong. So I stayed for the biopsy, and I, I've been blessed with angels this whole time. Like, I'll, I've had a lot of angels come into my life and just, like, really help me. And this w- it was just the sweetest radiologist ever, and she was just talking to me all about our wedding. She's like, "I went on your Instagram. It was so beautiful." And she was trying to distract me. I could tell, like, she was really trying to comfort me. And all of a sudden, I just looked up at her, and I was like, "Am I going to die?" And she said, "I th- I think you're gonna need some chemotherapy," 'cause she could tell it sh- I had swollen lymph nodes, which means it's traveled pro- likely. I mean, she couldn't tell. She was biopsying my lymph nodes and my breast. So she, she said, you know, I said, my first question to her was, "Am I going to die?" And my second question, very shortly after, was, "Is all of my hair going to fall out?" Which is kind of interesting, do you know? Like, am I going to die, and is all... Like, back to back. I think that says a lot about women and our identity and, and just where I was in, in my life. I had this beautiful wedding, and I had this wonderful husband, and now I have breast cancer. And I was family planning, and, you know, it was never, like, this perfect situation. I was open about doing IVF on Instagram because that just, to me, it's like I don't know how I could not talk about that. It, it's very consuming, you know, and I wanted to be upfront about it, and then now I'm like, oh my gosh, I have breast cancer. Like, what? Like, yeah. So I don't remember what we were talking about. [laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
No, no, no, no.
- BBBridget Bahl
But-
- JSJay Shetty
You're, you're doing amazing. Do- don't, don't stress-
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... at all. Like, thank, again, thank you for giving, you know, the, the amount of detail. It's, I feel like I'm living it with you, and it's, it's helpful because, again, like, I think, like you said, I'm sure there's so many women who feel something and aren't sure and let it go. Or, you know, like you said, you're, generally a lot of us are positive about things, and we, we want things to just be good and probably won't happen to us, and then all of a sudden you realize. And I remember seeing you posted this on Instagram. I'm bringing it up because we'll put it up as well in the edit. But you put it up where it's, um, I think you FaceTimed Mike-
- BBBridget Bahl
Mm
- JSJay Shetty
... to tell him about this. And you had, you know, you posted, you know, our husband's reaction to finding out I have breast cancer.
- BBBridget Bahl
Mm-hmm.
- 17:15 – 22:16
The Reality of Living with Cancer
- JSJay Shetty
What was, after the first two questions you asked, what was the first thought that went through your head? And then was Mike the f- first person that you called as well?
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah, I mean, I was texting him the whole time I was there. It was actually really interesting. You could see our wedding venue from, like, this room. They had me wait in, and I was just like, what's going on? Like, this isn't how it was supposed to be, you know? And I was just spinning. Like, I don't really even remember that, that much of that day. One of my thoughts soon after was, I'm so glad it's me, and it's not my mom, and it's not Mike because at least I could do it. At least I had-
- JSJay Shetty
Wow
- BBBridget Bahl
... to go through it and be strong. I would have found that so much worse to like, like I would have rather been the one going through it than like, I don't know. I, I can do it, so.
- JSJay Shetty
Wow.
- BBBridget Bahl
I mean, I didn't wanna do it, but-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah
- BBBridget Bahl
... you kinda don't have a choice, right? So it's like, what are you gonna do? And like, I got saved like 10 years ago. I mean, I grew up Catholic school, checked all the boxes, did all the sacraments, but like, I was just sort of checking boxes. Like, I wasn't... Now I'm like-In constant comms with God. Like, he is sick of me. Like, he's like, "This girl."
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- BBBridget Bahl
Like, oh my gosh. Like, we know Bridget, you know?
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- BBBridget Bahl
It's like downloading, texting all day. He's probably, like, leaving me on read, like, we got it.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- BBBridget Bahl
Like, it's just a lot, you know? And, um, I'm just like, I feel like I have that relationship, and that's, like, what changed for me and from... Like, I, you know, I went through a phase in my life where I felt like I really hit rock bottom, and I, I just went to God in a really sincere moment and was like, "Okay, my way doesn't work. I'm finally ready to admit that. Like, I wanna try it your way." And it was just, like, this sweet little moment of surrender. And I was living at home with my mom in Pittsburgh. You know, I had, I had had this life, right, where I, I grew up with a single mom. I watched her struggle my whole life. My dad left when I was four, and I was... I watched her struggle with money and things, and I was just, like, hell-bent on, like, I am not gonna live that way. I am going to move to New York City, had never been to New York City, and make it, and I'm gonna work in fashion, and that's what's gonna happen. And I went with $200, didn't know a soul. Kinda didn't like it when I got there, but I had said so many times I was living there.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- BBBridget Bahl
I had to stay. I couldn't even get a bank account, I remember. Like, I was like, "Why won't you take my money?" They're like, "You don't have any."
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- BBBridget Bahl
Like, "You're a risk. You're a liability. Like, we don't want you." And I was like, wow, I can't even get a bank account. Like... And, like, I just, just worked and worked and worked and, like, outworked everyone and just kinda got where I wanted to be. And I got really immersed in that world and, and fashion, and I had a wonderful boyfriend at the time. I was living in this wonderful apartment, really nice.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- BBBridget Bahl
Um, it was his, not mine. He was great. It was just, I wasn't great. Like, I, I, I remember I, like, had this moment of like, I've gotten everything I set out to get. I'm living in this apartment. I'm wearing this YSL outfit. I'm, like, a publicist at Yves Saint Laurent. Like, and I feel completely empty, and why? I got everything I wanted, and it was such a-
- JSJay Shetty
What was it? What was the answer?
- BBBridget Bahl
I think that there's just, like, a hole in everyone's heart, and I think if... I think God fills it, and I think I had to really, like, lose all of those things. I was broke. I had no job, nothing, no boyfriend, no, like, leads on a job, no apartment. Moved back to Pittsburgh. I was like, "Okay, God, I've got nothing left. I'm at rock bot- bottom." And he just really met me where I was at, and I just filled it all in with God. Like, I just was, like, reading the Bible, and I just started to believe all of the things God says about me. Like, I was like, "Well, who does God, what does God think of me?" And, like, you know, since my dad left, I think I was always missing that father figure, and I'm like, I have that. I actually have that. Like, I am wonderfully created by God, and I just felt like this heart of stone I had was just really softened.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- BBBridget Bahl
And I just became a little bit softer, and I'm not perfect. I screw up all day every day.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- BBBridget Bahl
I mean, hence the texting all day, but, like, I, you know, we're all sinners, but I, I do think deep down I really try to do better all of the time. And so, like, when this whole thing happened with breast cancer, you know, a lot of people have asked me, like, "Was your faith tested when you had this? Like, when this happened to you? Like, you just had this wedding, and you were hopeful for a baby, and you were already kind of struggling to get the IVF thing going." And I was like, yeah, I, I, I've just lived. Like, I've tried to do it without God, and I've done it with God, and, like, I think the storm's coming either way. I think, like, this is my cross to bear, but, like, you have yours, and everyone's going through something, right? So I feel like I... Yeah, I feel like I was just like, I'm choosing to do it with him because that's just a better way for me.
- JSJay Shetty
Was there
- 22:16 – 24:14
“Why Is This Happening to Me?”
- JSJay Shetty
no thought in your head at the time, which was like, "Why me?" Like, you know, "I've finally got married. Like, things are looking good. Like, I'm settled. I'm like..." I feel like the natural reaction for a lot of people would just be like, "God, why now? Why me?" And you're going through IVF. You know, it's the amount... There's, there's lots of other things happening in your life.
- BBBridget Bahl
Right.
- JSJay Shetty
Did that thought ever come up, or were you too strong to let it come up?
- BBBridget Bahl
Mm, no. I mean, it definitely came up. I, I think... Okay, so I also have a fashion company, and I had been in fight or flight mode for quite some time because we were doing a buyout. So I had a partner, and a buyout, I, you know, is not a fun thing. It's a little taxing.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- BBBridget Bahl
It's a hard situation to go through. And I kept saying to God during that process, like, "If it's not for, meant for me and you don't want me to have this company, please just take the company. Like, I don't want it if you don't want me to have it." And I prayed that so many times that I, like, am pretty sure he wanted me to have it. I had bought the company, and I got diagnosed two weeks later, and then there was a day where I went to my oncologist, and in one sentence she had said to me, "You're gonna lose all your hair, you're gonna lose your eyebrows, you're gonna lose your eyelashes, and you're not gonna be able to carry a baby." And in that moment, I felt like, wow, this is r- not fair. [laughs] Like, at least the baby part was really hard for me because y- yeah, that was hard. And I, and I felt really sad for Mike too, not even just for me, because I'm like, that's, that stinks. You know, we're one year into marriage, and, like, he's always wanted to be a dad, and that's, like, super important to him, and he'll be the best dad, and he should get to be a dad. And I feel like he will get to be a dad, but I think in that moment, yeah, you definitely have those. But you're also so scared that you're just like, yeah, that's unfair, but I also am like, am I going to die? So there's, like, you're weighing a lot of, of things, and perspective changes really quick when cancer enters the conversation.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. Yeah. What, what
- 24:14 – 26:34
Facing the First Chemotherapy Appointment
- JSJay Shetty
kinda shifted for you as time went on after the diagnosis leading up to your, like, first chemotherapy session and getting ready for that and preparing yourself for that? Like, what was going through your mind as you got ready and prepared?
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah, so I had, like, kind of a bit of time. Because my cancer was hormone negative, I was able to do one more round of IVF.So I did the round of IVF, and I was just the whole time thinking about, "I'm starting chemotherapy," like, "What's gonna happen? This is crazy." Walking into your first chemo, I personally felt physically amazing, super healthy. I went to Pilates the day before. Like, I... There's a lot of things you have to do, felt a little bit like a ritual or something. You have to get your nails taken off. You have to get your hair extensions taken out. You're kind of, like, removing all these things. But I was like, "I'm gonna go to Pilates and work out." I felt great. And then you know you're actively walking in there, and you're putting something in your body that's going to make you very sick, potentially very sick. Um, for me, it made me very, very sick. And, and to know, like, in order to survive, I have to do that, and I have to be like, "Okay, here we go," like, "Put it in me," you know? And I think that was strange and a bit weird. Um, but a friend of mine, Jill Martin, taught me very on, early on, she said to me, "You have to reframe the way you think about chemotherapy. You cannot think of chemotherapy as something that's making you sick. You have to think of chemotherapy as something that's saving your life." And that's been a huge shift throughout the whole thing for me, everything. I used to complain about having to go get my nails done. Like, what? Like, I used to complain about having to go get my hair- to my hair appointment, and, like, I think when you go through something like this, I'm like, "I cannot wait to go get my hair done." I mean, this is a wig, but, so I kind of got it done, but, like, my own hair, like, I cannot wait for that. And everything became, like, I got to come here today, you know? I don't have to... I get to do things rather than I have to do things, and I think that is, like, a life-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah
- BBBridget Bahl
... shift. I was like, "Okay," like, I had to go get my nails done. Like, that's a privilege, you know? And, like, what a brat.
- JSJay Shetty
I think you're being
- 26:34 – 28:24
Learning to Be Softer with Yourself
- JSJay Shetty
hard on yourself, too. I think we're all, we, as in, I think we all get into a space of familiarity and ingratitude, and you take things for granted, and I think all of us do that as humans. I don't think it's just you. Whatever that may be, everyone has their version of a hair or nail appointment-
- BBBridget Bahl
Mm-hmm
- JSJay Shetty
... or something in their life that they're like, "Oh, God."
- BBBridget Bahl
Girls will know about the nail 'cause you're like, "It's such torture. I can't be on my phone." I'm like, "Guys, we're okay."
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- BBBridget Bahl
"We're okay," you know?
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah, but, but, but I think it, hearing you say that really does put it into pers- perspective. I was thinking about all the things that I take for granted or all the things that I... As you said that to me just now, and I think that's gonna help a lot of people who are listening. I was just thinking about all the things I say, "Oh, God, I gotta do this. I gotta do that. Oh, my God-
- BBBridget Bahl
Right
- JSJay Shetty
... I have to do this," and it's like, I have the ability to do it healthy and well, and, and that is something that you can't underestimate.
- BBBridget Bahl
Right.
- JSJay Shetty
And, you know, hearing about it through your perspective and how that shifted for you, I think that's a huge one.
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah. I, I, it was, it was a huge thing for me, and I also think, like, I was so hard on myself before. Like, I'm, like, scrolling back through my phone, and you know how it pops up, like, a year ago or two years ago. I always thought my hair was so thin, and I remember I was always, like, talking about that and, like, trying to fix that, and it's okay. I don't want to fix it and improve. I can't wait for my thin hair to come back.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- BBBridget Bahl
Like, I literally cannot wait, so it's just, like, I just think we're all so hard on ourselves. Just know that it's, like... I mean, I'm still learning, too, but I'm just like, as I sit here with a big wig on, but, like, you know, like, I got to wear a wig today. I'm p- kind of pumped. Like-
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- BBBridget Bahl
... we're, like, really picking on ourselves a lot.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- BBBridget Bahl
I wanna somehow be able to teach girls that or, like, give them that perspective. I don't know how, but I've felt that. Like, I... We're so hard on ourselves.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- 28:24 – 34:54
Redefining Strength Through Pain
- JSJay Shetty
It's almost like you'd wish you could teach humans to do that without going through pain because the pain is so intense and excruciating-
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... and terrible, but it's almost like that's a gift that you've developed by going through that, that... Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if all of us can learn that without sadly going through something so difficult.
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
It's, it's a lot. It's hard.
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
It's hard.
- BBBridget Bahl
It's, it's hard, like, because you go from, like... I mean, you get so sick, and that's something else I struggled with a lot. Like, when you're so, so sick, you, you are not even picking up the phone. Like, there's-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah
- BBBridget Bahl
... you can't film it. Like, it, it... I wasn't hiding it, but I was so sick. Like, there, you are on the bathroom floor. Mike made me a, a nice little bed on the bathroom floor. He would come and lay in there with me sometimes, but it was just like, you can't sit up. Like, you're bleeding from everything you can bleed from. You're, every day, it's like every part of your body. I mean, I didn't know anyone was sitting at their house that sick. Like, I, I pictured I would get sick, but I did not picture... And, and everybody does handle it differently. I, I don't know that everyone gets this sick. I, my oncologist did say to me [chuckles] at one point, like, "Some people tolerate it well, and some people don't, and then there's you." You know? So I think I, I had a bad go at it, but I struggled with showing it a lot 'cause I definitely wanted to show, show more, but I also didn't want people to pity me, and I didn't want it to seem performative. But then I was like, I also wanna honor the people who are going through this. Like, what if someone's watching this and one of their employees has someone going through this, and they just don't know that that person, like, might be really, really trying? And it's, there's a lot to it. They put you in medically induced menopause, and you're, like, a hormonal teenager girl, and I'm, like, crying to Mike about anything you could ever imagine. You're not even yourself. How can you expect people to understand that? And how can I lead a team during all of that and, and not be mad at myself? And you're just... It's so much, and I don't really know how to explain it. I don't know that there's a right way. Like, I tried to share, but I definitely, if I'm being totally honest, I would say I erred on the side of showing less because it's gruesome. It's gruesome. Like, horrific things it, it can do to your body, and you can't sit up. You can't walk. Like, I, we had a launch for my brand one day, and I... crawled to the computer to get it work, to work. Like, I was like, "This is just like the most humbling thing." I cried once. It was, I remember during football season, Mike was watching a football game, and I was so hungry, but there was just such a price to pay. Like, I had a lot of GI issues, and there was such a price to pay if I ate that I was, like, starving, and I'm not good at starving. I like to eat. And I was just crying, like, watching these commercials, going, "I just wanna eat," but I would... I ordered food once and, like, chew it and, like, spit it out 'cause I just wanted to eat so badly, but there was a price to pay. It was coming out both ways, everything you could imagine. Everything is inflamed and congested, and it's not just like you're throwing up. You're, like, in major pain. And, like, my teeth have completely rotted, like, from all of this. Like, just things you, you don't wanna sh- I didn't wanna show that. I wouldn't be mad if someone showed that. I, I hope someone does. But I, I didn't want people to pity me, so I didn't know exactly what to do with it there, so I just went day by day and, yeah, did, did what I could. I, I, I pushed Mike to, to m- to remind me to post, and he was like, "Sweetheart, just, like, don't." But I was like, "But the only purpose I feel in this is when people write me and they say, 'I went in. I got checked. I am not gonna have to do chemo, Bridget.'" Like, I was like, "Okay, there's a, there's something in this."
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah, that's helping so many people. Even, even you talking about it here right now, I'm sure there are so many people who will go and self-examine.
- BBBridget Bahl
Self-exams. Do your exams. Like, please, please. Like, I blank, I'm, like, begging people. I'm like, "Please do it."
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- BBBridget Bahl
Because before I went in to see my oncologist, I was like, "I need to, like, have her do a self-exam on me. I need to just figure this out." And, like, this was the night before my appointment. She's a very proper, amazing oncologist. "I want her to do a, a breast exam on me, and I wanna film it." And I'm like, "But I'll be, like, flagged for my nipples being out on Instagram," right? So I'm like, "Amazon Prime, what can I get?" Right? And I'm, like, looking up pasties that you wear to, like, a rave. I could only find, like, this red, glittery one. She walks in the next day. I'm like, "Can you teach us all how to do a self-exam, and can I film it?" And she's like, "What is that?" Like, I literally had disco glitter pasties on, and she's, like, super serious.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- BBBridget Bahl
But, like, it got sent to, like, 70,000 people. Like, and people were like, "I've never known if I was doing this right." And, like, she can explain it better than anyone else, right? And now I feel like even watching that, like I know how to do one. And I think if any- anyone takes anything from this, like if you're listening to this and you're hearing this, like, just right here, right now, just like let's have a feel. Like, let's tonight do our self-exam. And what you're looking for is, like, you have to know your body, know your baseline, and you're looking for a change, so any change. And then you get checked, and you don't let yourself put it off, put it off, put it off because it's scary. That's what people tend to do. But there is no s- no instance with this where finding out sooner is a bad thing.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- BBBridget Bahl
You know? It can definitely keep you out of chemotherapy. It can keep you at a lower stage. Like, it's, it's so important, so yeah, go in. Get checked.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah, yeah.
- BBBridget Bahl
And, like, just watch my video that I made and-
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- BBBridget Bahl
... and see me in my disco, you know, rave party outfit.
- JSJay Shetty
What does beauty mean to you today?
- BBBridget Bahl
Oh, I'm working on that a little bit. Like, I, I've always enjoyed fashion and makeup and all of this, and I think that's great, and I think that's fine. But I think I really want to lead with my heart and really make people feel a certain way that will maybe inspire them to, like, search for if something's missing in their life or a little hole in their heart, and, like, that would be something I found really beautiful, you know?
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. Yeah.
- BBBridget Bahl
And another thing I thought of, like, I saw a girl who looked sick, she's going through cancer, on the internet the other day, and I'm like, "There's nothing not beautiful about her." Like, no one feels like that about her. So I think it's like just being in it really changed it. Like, no one was looking at me going, "She looks so bad." I mean, they might've been scared. "She look, she looks very sick. I'm alarmed." But, like, no one was saying, "Oh, she's so ugly." You know what I mean? Like, it's different.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- BBBridget Bahl
I think we're just, again, it goes back to being, like, our own worst critics and so hard on ourselves.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. Thank you. Well
- 34:54 – 38:24
What Not to Say to Someone with Cancer
- JSJay Shetty
said. What... I wanted to ask you two questions. What's the most helpful thing someone can say to someone who's got cancer, and what's the most unhelpful thing people can say to someone who's got cancer?
- BBBridget Bahl
That's a good question.
- JSJay Shetty
'Cause I think a lot of people just don't know what to say.
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah. I feel like you just don't ever wanna be dismissive of what they're going through, but I think something that's been really nice and really sweet is, like, people who continue to check in on me. And even, like, when I didn't have the time to write people back, I swear, when people would reach out to me, it would be, like, in the exact second I needed it. Like, it was like, wow, you know? And it would be, like, someone I knew from years ago, and they would be like, "Oh, I'm just reaching out." And, like, I felt bad 'cause I didn't write back to everyone, but, like, you don't know how much you can, what an impact you can have on someone's day. Like, I've made a conscious effort now, like when I think of people now, I make sure I text them that day. I don't care if they write me back or not, too. Like, that's one thing I really learned, like, just keep reaching out. Just keep going. Like, I just reach out to people whenever they pop into my head now, and I'm praying for you. I love you. Like, you don't know what someone else is going through, and, like, I do feel like we're all connected, and, like, it's beautiful, and you can really... I just think keep, just keep loving on them.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- BBBridget Bahl
You know? Just keep loving on them. And even there's points, points where people are mad, and they're, like, upset, and they might not wanna reply, but they're never gonna be mad that you reached out.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm.
- BBBridget Bahl
So I think it's like do it, but don't expect anything back from it.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- BBBridget Bahl
But I felt so carried in love and prayer the whole time, and I felt a little spoiled sometimes. I'm like, "This is so nice," you know? And I wanna be able to hopefully do, give some of that back to people some- somehow, some way. If you think of anything, Jay, let me know.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs] I think this is giving back.
- BBBridget Bahl
Oh, okay.
- JSJay Shetty
I think this is giving back.
- BBBridget Bahl
[laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
You showing up on- online every day, you, you sharing your story, that, that is the best give back for everyone who checked in with you because you're hopefully helping someone they know or someone they love.From not going through the same thing or-
- BBBridget Bahl
Mm-hmm
- JSJay Shetty
... catching it early and not having to experience the hardships of it that you did. I've had a couple of friends in the last 12 to 24 months who've also been going through cancer, and I've found when I talk to them, one of the biggest things they say to me is, "People don't know what to say. People kind of distance themselves. People think I just need space. But actually, it'd be really nice if they checked in." And it's what you just said, that no one's ever gonna be mad if you check in, even if they don't have the capacity or capability to respond back-
- BBBridget Bahl
Right
- JSJay Shetty
... or call you back or message back. It's always gonna mean something to that person.
- BBBridget Bahl
Yes. It meant so much to me. I always think of my mom growing up with a single mom and seeing her struggle. I'm like, you know, whoa, it's not lost on me that I went through this with, like, complete privilege of, like, having help, like, having someone who cared about me to help me. Like, not everyone has that, so I think it's, like, if there's anything you can do, like, if someone has kids or anything you could do to help them, do their laundry, any grocery store run or something for them, it's, like, really deeply meaningful. Like, it's really hard.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- BBBridget Bahl
And I don't think people always feel comfortable showing how hard it is 'cause it's a bit embarrassing, you know? And you wanna try and you wanna be, or I wanted to be anyway, like, "I'm okay," but it's like, no, you're not. [laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah, which is natural.
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
We do it anyway. We do it even when we don't have cancer, right?
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
We, we all act like we don't need help, and we've got it all together, and we're okay. And so when you have something that you're worried about and concerned about... You,
- 38:24 – 41:03
Choosing a Partner Who Shows Up In Sickness & Health
- JSJay Shetty
you talked about, you know, Mike there. I think what I find so... It's so beautiful watching you both together and what you did share from the journey of just how engaged and present Mike was throughout the whole journey. And I think I always find it fascinating because, of course, on our wedding days, we all make this commitment of in sickness and in health, and we've all heard hundreds of people say it or maybe, you know, tens of people say it. We've seen it in movies. We've-
- BBBridget Bahl
Mm-hmm
- JSJay Shetty
... you know, whatever it may be. You, you hear this statement again and again, and then people are actually, you know-
- BBBridget Bahl
Sick. [laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. And, and then you actually go through that. Talk to us about the realities of what it took. Um, you know, I think Mike also went down to, like, you know, cut days at work to be there to support. But I'm sure it's not easy for you either because you're going through this very vulnerable thing with your partner. That's not easy on your side. Talk to me about the realities of what it feels like to go through cancer even with someone you love and that loves you deeply.
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah. I mean, it, it was hard for me at first, like I said, 'cause I had grown up, like, always being really independent and wanting that for myself, and I think God was like, "Mm, no. You're gonna learn to trust a man, and you're gonna have to lean on him," and it is what it is. And I found that really hard. I mean, I... Straight out the gate, you know, this is one year into marriage. I'm like, "Sickness and health. Go, buddy. Let's see what you got," you know? And he really put himself second, and I, I came up with this whole, like, choose your husband like your life depends on it because I can't imagine what I would've done without him. Like, you know, he's a plastic surgeon, and he has been training for this moment for 17 years. So you get to this moment, you open your business, you pass your boards, and now it's like, "Oh, please step away from your, your business and, um, learn how to do a fashion company because she just bought it, has debt, and now owns a full company." You know? So it's a lot to put on someone, and I think chaos reveals character, right? And one thing I did before I met Mike was I, I made this, like, husband list. I used to talk about it on, like, TikTok or Instagram a long time ago, but it, it was... It's not like, oh, abs and a corner office and status and all this stuff. It's much more, like, character-driven. Like, does he love his mom? How does he make people feel? What does he leave in the room? Does he have any friends? Does he care about people? Because at the end of the day, life is gonna get hard, and those are the things that are gonna matter. On our first date, I remember Mike telling me, like, his parents have been married for 40 years. His grandparents are married for 70 years. I was like, "Oh, he's, like, hitting these things on this list I wrote over here."
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- BBBridget Bahl
But it was...
- 41:03 – 45:30
The Husband List
- BBBridget Bahl
The list is even-
- JSJay Shetty
Tell us about what was on the list.
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah. It was, it was like, does he love his mom? What do people say about him? Do people like him? Like, I, uh, that was a big one on my list. I was like, I really want everyone to love him and just think he's great. If someone wouldn't like Mike, like, that's kinda odd.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- BBBridget Bahl
Like, he's a really good human.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah, yeah.
- BBBridget Bahl
Like, he's just, like, a great person. Like, I wanna be like Mike. Like-
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- BBBridget Bahl
... he has something he was passionate about. Is there something he loves? Do we align on our values and our faith? And, like, not letting anything go off the list, like, not seeing potential in people. Oh, can I change this in this person? Like, I'm so attracted to them. My date with Mike, when I walked in, that was the first time, I think, I walked into a room thinking, like, do I like this guy?
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- BBBridget Bahl
And it wasn't like, does he like me?
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- BBBridget Bahl
I was really good in the sense of I know who I am in Christ, I know God loves me, I know who I am, and I know what I think I need, and if I just give this to God, I'm gonna... believing that He's gonna find this guy for me rather than me trying to make all of these exceptions to these rules and, like, make it work with these other people that it's not working with. And, like, looking back, I'm like, wow, God really sees your whole story beginning to end.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- BBBridget Bahl
Like, he even knew I needed a doctor.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- BBBridget Bahl
When we first started dating Mike, it was always easy with him.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- BBBridget Bahl
Everything. To the extent that I was like, oh, am I, like, not interested in this? Is this-
- JSJay Shetty
Oh, yeah. It was, it was so peaceful that it felt unfamiliar.
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah. Like, I was sort of like, maybe he should be my friend.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah, yeah.
- BBBridget Bahl
Like, I don't feel this... 'Cause I wasn't, like, waiting for him to text me and all of this. He was just texting me. He was just pursuing me actively, and I didn't really know what to make of that. There were no games.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- BBBridget Bahl
So I almost got confused by that.And so thank God I had that list 'cause I'm like, "Well, he's not breaking anything on the list," but I was just like... So what I did was I, like, took con- counsel. I asked married people. I'm like, "There's this guy."
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- BBBridget Bahl
"He's this, like, really hot doctor," which also, like, I didn't wanna go out with him for six months. I did not wanna go out with him 'cause I was like, "He looks like a model."
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- BBBridget Bahl
"And, like, I wanna be the pretty one."
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- 45:30 – 46:06
How Their Love Story Began
- JSJay Shetty
How, how did you two meet before that first date?
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah, the old-fashioned way. We met, we met through friends. Uh, my one friend, um, she's an influencer, and her husband's a plastic surgeon. They were in the same residency at NYU, and she kept telling me to go out with him. And, and I would just be complaining about these guys I was dating, and I would just be like, "Oh, should I text him back?" And it was all this plotting and all this stuff, and she's like, "Really think you should text Mike." And I'm like, "Mm, eh. He looks like a model."
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- BBBridget Bahl
Like, and she was like, "But just, like, take that out of it. What is the problem?" And I was like, "I don't know. I don't know." I was like, "He's not my type." And she's like, "You're not married. You don't have a type."
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- BBBridget Bahl
Like, "You have a lot of people that aren't your type that
- 46:06 – 47:55
You’re Not Behind in Love
- BBBridget Bahl
you've dated."
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. Talk to me about that idea of so many, there are so many women who feel if I'm not married by 30, if I don't have kids by 35, you were married when you were 40, and life will continue from m- this point onward, and it's like you never felt behind or didn't allow yourself to feel behind.
- BBBridget Bahl
Well, I did. I felt behind. Yeah, I felt behind, but, like, I was so consumed with work. Like, that was a big thing for me 'cause I think just growing up with a mom who struggled, it was, like, the number one thing.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah, yeah.
- BBBridget Bahl
And until I felt like I got myself to a point where I was, like, financially independent or in a good place, I wasn't as focused on it. But then yeah, like, I was like, "Oh, no, I wanna have babies." So it was okay that I had to be laying in bed for a year. [laughs] I've been out for a lot of years. That was kind of when my platform was built by accident, I guess, before cancer happened. It was a lot of girls would come up to Mike and I in New York City mainly, and they would say, "Oh my gosh, you guys give me so much hope. I'm 32, and I haven't met anyone." And I met Mike when I was 35. So I think, you know, I, I leaned into that a little bit and thought about it, and I think it was just, like, believing in God's plan for my life and not trying to do things my way. That being said, I do think I would've saved myself a lot of tears and a lot of years if I had written the husband list before-
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- BBBridget Bahl
... and not got so caught up in, like, the games and the-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah
- BBBridget Bahl
... butterflies and, like, all of that because, yeah, I don't know. That's, that's, like, a thing.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. What, what would you say to someone who says to you, "I feel behind at 35 because I haven't got married yet"?
- BBBridget Bahl
Have you written your husband list, and what's on it, and who are you dating, and, like, what are you scared to let go of? Because I do think that there has to be a moment of kind of like, "Okay, God, I'm gonna do this your way. I'm not gonna keep doing this my way."
- JSJay Shetty
What I like about your list
- 47:55 – 51:38
Choosing Joy, Even When It’s Hard
- JSJay Shetty
is it's not a list the way I think people think about a list. So I think when people hear the words husband, husband list, they think, like, six feet tall, you know, this job, this-
- BBBridget Bahl
Status.
- JSJay Shetty
Right, yeah.
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
I think a lot of people write those things, and, or even if it's not a lot of people, I know a lot of people who've said those things to me, where it's all about, like, what kind of job they have. So, like, doctor would be high up there, right?
- BBBridget Bahl
Mm. Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
And, and, or, you know, finance or not finance. So people, also their list is like, "Oh, I would never marry someone in finance. I'd never ma-" And I'm like, I don't think that affects whether someone's a good-
- BBBridget Bahl
Mm-mm
- JSJay Shetty
... partner or not. Like, I always think about, like, your career doesn't really say much about how you are as a partner.
- BBBridget Bahl
Mm-mm.
- JSJay Shetty
Your bank balance doesn't say how much you are as a, what you're like as a partner. Your height doesn't say anything-
- BBBridget Bahl
Anything
- JSJay Shetty
... about what you're gonna be like as a partner, and I think it's funny when you measure someone as a partner on these things that mean nothing to do with them being a partner.
- BBBridget Bahl
Right.
- JSJay Shetty
And so I think even though I never had a formal list-
- BBBridget Bahl
Mm-hmm
- JSJay Shetty
I think when I met Radhi too, I was looking for how someone lit up a room and how someone was with me in different circumstances, in different scenarios. How was I treated around different people?
- BBBridget Bahl
Mm-hmm.
- JSJay Shetty
How did I feel when I shared a new idea or I thought about something new? And then as we got married and moved forward, even then, like, I would say we went through more challenges after we got married because we moved country, we moved jobs, we moved home. And when you go through all that together, again, I mean, what you've been through is far harder and far greater than all of those things, but when you go through difficult things, you figure out what someone's really made of-
- BBBridget Bahl
Mm-hmm
- JSJay Shetty
... and, and what their response is. And I remember being four months away from being broke when we were married, and this was around maybe six months into our marriage, or maybe just coming up to a year into our marriage, and I told her the situation we were in, and she was like, "I trust you." And, like, that to me was the person I married-
- BBBridget Bahl
Mm-hmm
- JSJay Shetty
... and the character of the person I married, not someone who is, you know, not there for me at that time.
- BBBridget Bahl
Right.
- JSJay Shetty
And so I think for me, I didn't... I knew Radhi was the one when I met her because she was always nice and kind to everyone that we met-
- BBBridget Bahl
Mm-hmm
- JSJay Shetty
... whether they could help her or not.
- BBBridget Bahl
Mm.
- JSJay Shetty
She lit up every room she walked into.
- BBBridget Bahl
Mm.
- 51:38 – 53:36
Rebuilding Confidence After Struggle
- JSJay Shetty
like, I mean, you know, the... I think Mike's just set such an incredible example for, you know, all partners truly just by observing both of you together of just what it takes and what love really means. You know, I think we talk a lot about what love means and how do you show it and, you know, what that looks like, and I think both of you together represent it in the most beautiful way, and it's... I'm so happy that you've been a big part. Sharing that with us also I think has made every partner go, "I need to step up," you know? In a good way, in a good way.
- BBBridget Bahl
Aw. Yeah. I, I worry about that too 'cause I'm like, I don't want people to think we're, like, bragging, but it's like we're not. We're, like, literally in the-
- JSJay Shetty
Well, it's hard-
- BBBridget Bahl
Like-
- JSJay Shetty
... so there's no bragging because-
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah, like-
- JSJay Shetty
... it's hard work
- BBBridget Bahl
... you know, he went to Sephora once because when all my hair really started shedding, like, badly, and I had lost so much weight, I was, like, 84 pounds, and, like, I... 'cause I was just having a lot of issues with eating. But he was like, "I wanna do your makeup for you. I wanna do something for you."
- JSJay Shetty
Aw.
- BBBridget Bahl
It was so funny 'cause it was bad, you know? And, like, he had not a clue, and thank God he's so much better at surgery than makeup.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs] Yeah, I've seen him do your nails and, like-
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah
- JSJay Shetty
... paint your nails and-
- BBBridget Bahl
He's, like, kind of good at nails.
- JSJay Shetty
And [laughs]
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah, a little good at nails. Yeah, um, not the makeup so much, but, um, yeah, he was, like, a little confused.
- JSJay Shetty
And even I saw you dressing up during treatment too, right?
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah, yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
Like, that was a way you were, I think, finding joy.
- BBBridget Bahl
Mm-hmm. I was pushing myself. Like, it was later in my treatment, like, I started dressing up for chemo because I saw this old, older woman there once, and she was just fierce. She had on heels and this outfit, and I was like, "I love her." And I was like, "Is she here for treatment?" And they were like, "Yeah, she always dresses up." And they said, "And she rings the bell every time when she leaves." I said, "Goals. I love her." So then the next week I was, like, trying to dress up and be just like her 'cause I was like, wow, like, maybe I can inspire people. Maybe they'll see me dressed up, and then they'll wanna dress up. It really... I was like, "Wow," when I
- 53:36 – 57:25
How to Keep Going When It’s Tough
- BBBridget Bahl
saw her.
- JSJay Shetty
How did you dig to find the strength at that time? Like, talk to me about that. Like, you just said, like, you know, you're just trying to get up. You're just trying to get to treatment. You're just... You've gotta deal with being on the bathroom floor and bleeding from... You know, it's like, how do you in those... How do you in that moment-
- BBBridget Bahl
I don't-
- JSJay Shetty
... even find the strength? Like-
- BBBridget Bahl
I don't know. Like, I, I do- I think you're stronger than you think. Like, I, I am kind of glad, like, ignorance was bliss. I don't know how I would have gone that first day and let them put chemo in me if I had known what was gonna happen. I really don't. Like, I... It was hard. And then later in my treatment when I was doing radiation, I had to do 15 rounds of radiation, and I was like, okay, I really wanna dress up every day. Like, I'm not gonna say I'm gonna do my hair. I'm gonna wear a hat. I'm not gonna do my makeup, but, like, I really wanna challenge myself to, like, build my self-confidence back a bit, and I felt like the ways I thought of when I built my confidence up when I was younger. I was like, I bought a, a very expensive Equinox gym membership, and I was like, but I'm gonna buy this, and then I'm gonna say I'm gonna go, and I'm gonna go, and I'm gonna keep that promise to myself. And as I keep doing that, I'll, I'll start to believe in myself. So I was like, I am getting dressed for this no matter what-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm
- BBBridget Bahl
... every day, and I did not want to. But every day I just remember being likeBut I only have to do it 14 more times. I only have to do it 13 more times. And, and then at the end it was just like, I did it. I couldn't believe it. I did it. I'm not saying these were the-
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- BBBridget Bahl
... world's best outfits, but like, it was just like, I think there's something to that, like making a promise with yourself and keeping it, big or small, you start to believe in yourself and you start to trust yourself, and you start to have confidence that you can do things you s- you say you can do. And I, I think that like helped me a lot, like a lot more. And it seems so small and like, I mean, literally putting on an outfit, but it was huge for me. I remember being like, "Wow, I did it." I couldn't believe it.
- JSJay Shetty
How did you not get defeated every time? Because like, you know, I think a lot of people, when you're going through something like this, you build yourself up, you prepare yourself, you get ready, and then you still gotta do another round. You still gotta do this. You still... Like how did you not let yourself get defeated?
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah, I mean, I got defeated sometimes.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- BBBridget Bahl
And I just, I would just try to go back to like spinning it to be like, I get a chance to live. I get a chance to, to go on and live, and-
- JSJay Shetty
Wow
- BBBridget Bahl
... I can do it. I just, I... Right when I got diagnosed, I didn't show this 'cause I was like, "I'm a little cuckoo," you know? But like, I embroidered healed on everything you could ever imagine. My sweatshirts-
- JSJay Shetty
Wow
- BBBridget Bahl
... my bags, everything. And every morning, "Thank you, Jesus, for my healing. Thank you, God, for healing me." I was not healed, you know? And I'm wearing a sweatshirt to Memorial Sloan Kettering, a cancer center in New York City, go, "Healed." I was just writing it everywhere and I was just believing for it and like, I guess I didn't see a point in not believing for it.
- JSJay Shetty
Hmm.
- BBBridget Bahl
Like, I, I just, like, I don't see a point in, like, not believing I'll be a mom. Like, I believe. I just believe it. Now I gotta go write mom on everything.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- BBBridget Bahl
But I, I, I just believe. Like, I don't know if it will be the way I imagined it to be. Like, that was a really hard time for me, the day that they said, "You won't carry a baby." And I'm still like, "Well, maybe I'll carry a baby." [laughs] Like, I'm like very, I don't know. But I believe I will be a mom in some way, shape, or form, whether that's adopting or we actually have a surrogate now, so.
- JSJay Shetty
Oh, I'm so happy to hear that. That's amazing news.
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah. We're working on that, and that's like a quite a long process and, like, such a beautiful thing, and that someone would wanna do that and feels really called to, like, make someone else a mother. Like, I think that's so beautiful. And I just know Mike will be the best dad, and he deserves it, so.
- JSJay Shetty
You both do. You both do, for sure.
- BBBridget Bahl
Thank you. Yeah.
- 57:25 – 58:14
Honest Conversations with Faith
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. Talk to me about your talks with God during this time. What, what were you-
- BBBridget Bahl
They're really raw
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. It's a-
- BBBridget Bahl
They're not this like, um, little Catholic Bridget who grew up like, you know, "Oh."
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- BBBridget Bahl
I'm like, "What the heck is going on?" Like, this is r- like, it's like, honestly, like texting with someone that I could say anything to, you know? And I, I-
- JSJay Shetty
Do you actually text?
- BBBridget Bahl
No.
- JSJay Shetty
No.
- BBBridget Bahl
I... it's like in my mind.
- JSJay Shetty
In your mind, okay.
- BBBridget Bahl
I do it all day, and then I try to make time, like, at night, and I, like, download everything, but He already knows. Like, in my mind, that's what I believe-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm
- BBBridget Bahl
... that He already knows, like, everything. He knows all of our thoughts. He knows the number of hairs on our head. Like, I, I, I just, I am like TMI. I'm kind of just-
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- BBBridget Bahl
I think He's sick of me. I'm like, He's probably like, "Heal the girl enough," you know?
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- BBBridget Bahl
"I don't wanna hear from her anymore." [laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
I love your sense of humor.
- BBBridget Bahl
[laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
Talk to
- 58:14 – 1:03:24
Learning to Hold Grief and Gratitude
- JSJay Shetty
me about, we were talking at the top about grief, and as I'm talking to you, there's so much joy and gratitude and resilience that you demonstrate, which is just mind- You inspire me so much, like-
- BBBridget Bahl
Oh, wow. Thank you
- JSJay Shetty
... it's just whene- whenever I'm around you, I just feel so moved, truly.
- BBBridget Bahl
Really?
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah, by your faith, by your-
- BBBridget Bahl
And you're like... You do a lot.
- JSJay Shetty
No, no. No, no, no, no.
- BBBridget Bahl
You're not giving yourself any credit.
- JSJay Shetty
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Bridget, this is about you.
- BBBridget Bahl
[laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
It's about you. It's about you. And, and I mean it. It's, uh, it's, it's-
- BBBridget Bahl
Thank you
- JSJay Shetty
... it really moves me. I, I wanted to ask you, how do you, how have you learned, or how are you learning right now to hold both grief and gratitude at the same time?
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah. I feel like that's a really hard question, and I feel like, like I said, like, I don't think I know how to do both at the same time. Like, when y- I was really sick, I wasn't grieving yet because I was so scared.
- JSJay Shetty
Hmm.
- BBBridget Bahl
I was, like, scared I was going to die.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- BBBridget Bahl
And I've never had that before. I've never lived a day in my life before where I was like, "Am I going to live?"
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. It's different, yeah.
- BBBridget Bahl
So you're not, like, balancing much. You're, like, getting through it, you know, day at a time, hour at a time sometimes, and you're just trying to put one foot in front of the other and, like, get through it. I think the grief is coming more now because I feel more safe now, and I feel like, yeah, I feel like now I'm, I feel like I'm gonna live. I hope I'm gonna live and that-
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah
- BBBridget Bahl
... you know, I, I, uh-
- JSJay Shetty
We want you here.
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah. And I, and so now I'm kinda like, "Whoa, what just happened?" Like, it's survivor's guilt, too. It's really hard because, like, not everybody gets what I just got.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- BBBridget Bahl
So it's hard to say. I feel really, like, abs- Like, I, I- I'm struggling with that. I do think I need to let myself lean into that a little more, and definitely needs, I need to do some work and some work on myself about letting myself feel the feelings that just happened.
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- BBBridget Bahl
But I'm not doing great at that yet. Right now I'm b- being very, like, "Oh, I should just be happy that I'm alive," you know? So some work to do there. Do you have any advice for me?
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs]
- BBBridget Bahl
How do I do that? You tell me.
- 1:03:24 – 1:04:20
This Too Shall Pass
- JSJay Shetty
their purpose, and you're already living it by doing what you're doing right now. So, you know, I think you're already living the next phase of your life without even knowing it.
- BBBridget Bahl
I mean, I think purpose is so cool in that way.
- JSJay Shetty
What is the best advice you've ever heard or received?
- BBBridget Bahl
This too shall pass.
- JSJay Shetty
Hmm.
- BBBridget Bahl
Can I, can I explain on that?
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- BBBridget Bahl
More than a sentence. I-
- JSJay Shetty
Go. I knew you were gonna do that, but-
- BBBridget Bahl
So I'm sorry. I get on myself. Um, so I think because obvious, for obvious reasons, like, you know, going through the year I just went through, this too shall pass. But it's also, like, another reminder to be in the moment and realize like, but what's good is h- what good is happening right now because this is gonna pass. And then also, I think it's so, so important for, like, when you're at your highest moment too, like, you're at the best moment, everything's working out for you, like, this too shall pass. So, like, be present in that moment, but also stay humble in that moment-
- JSJay Shetty
Mm
- BBBridget Bahl
... because this too shall pass.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah. Well said.
- 1:04:20 – 1:07:52
What’s the Best That Could Happen?
- JSJay Shetty
I have a little box for you. Here.
- BBBridget Bahl
What is it?
- JSJay Shetty
Inside this box-
- BBBridget Bahl
Okay. Is it gonna-
- JSJay Shetty
... are different things that I think are valuable to people at different points in their life, and I want you to just pick out anything that looks interesting to you and talk about-
- BBBridget Bahl
[laughs]
- JSJay Shetty
... when it was important-
- BBBridget Bahl
Oh, wow
- JSJay Shetty
... and how it's changed.
- BBBridget Bahl
Oh my gosh. This is really cute. I don't know. Okay, so nails. I, like, literally can't wait to go and get my nails done. You can't get your nails done when you're going through chemotherapy. Um, I did once anyway, rebel with a cause, and I just got really... It wasn't good. So wow, like, I c- like, this, like, kind of excites me. It makes me excited.
- JSJay Shetty
I love that.
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah.
- JSJay Shetty
Anything-
- BBBridget Bahl
Is this, like, Mike?
- JSJay Shetty
Well, I think we need the dark hair, so yeah.
- BBBridget Bahl
This one's actually, that looks like the guy I dated before Mike, who wasn't very nice to me, who wasn't, would not have been good at taking good care of me this year. So, like-
- JSJay Shetty
We're leaving him behind, yeah
- BBBridget Bahl
... see ya.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah.
- BBBridget Bahl
Mike. Bye. What else? Aw. This is, like, really hopeful to me. This is like, this is happening somehow, some way, this is gonna happen. So prayer's up for this one. But I'm believing, like, I just, I just believe, you know?
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- BBBridget Bahl
I, I just... What's a... Yeah, I don't know.
- JSJay Shetty
Yeah, believe.
- BBBridget Bahl
This is really cute 'cause it will be three years. This has three diamonds, and it'll be our three years this year. So we had our first year, and then I got diagnosed at our second year, so our whole second year of marriage. So I feel like the third year is, like, pretty exciting and cool to go into and, like, what's the best thing that can happen, right?
- JSJay Shetty
Mm-hmm.
- BBBridget Bahl
This. Wow.
- JSJay Shetty
[laughs] I love it. You did great.
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah. Cool.
- JSJay Shetty
You did great.
- BBBridget Bahl
Yeah.
Episode duration: 1:07:52
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