DR. JILL BIDEN: The Hardest Moments Nobody Saw (Addiction, Grief & Life in the White House)

Dr. Jill Biden 0:00 I said to Joe, "You know, we've given him everything, Joe, everything. Why would he turn to drugs?" His daughters kept, "Where's Daddy? Where's Daddy? Have you heard from Daddy?" We didn't know where he was or how to find him.

Jay Shetty 0:13 Now, on one side you have the grief of Beau and then dealing with the public scrutiny, especially around Hunter.

Dr. Jill Biden 0:18 I didn't believe Beau was gonna die. I think once we went through that, no matter how mean it got or cruel, it was like, "Buddy, you can't touch us."

Jay Shetty 0:33 Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose. My guest today is Dr. Jill Biden, an educator, author, former First Lady of the United States, and someone who has dedicated her life to teaching. Today, we talk about family, resilience, and the lessons she's learned through some of the life's biggest transitions. Jill Biden, welcome to On Purpose.

Dr. Jill Biden 0:55 Thank you. Thanks, Jay.

Jay Shetty 0:56 It is, it's such a joy to see you again. We saw each other-

Dr. Jill Biden 0:59 Yeah, about a month ago, right?

Jay Shetty 1:01 About a month ago-

Dr. Jill Biden 1:01 Yeah

Jay Shetty 1:01 ... at History Talks.

Dr. Jill Biden 1:02 In Philly.

Jay Shetty 1:03 Absolutely.

Dr. Jill Biden 1:03 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 1:04 And I had the honor of interviewing you and President Biden. And I've been fortunate enough to have so many interactions with your family, who've been so extremely generous and kind to me in so many ways. And so I'm really, really appreciative.

Dr. Jill Biden 1:15 Well, they feel the same way about you. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:17 [laughs] It's rare that you get to interview someone and then get to interview their wife-

Dr. Jill Biden 1:20 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:20 ... and then, and then get to ask them questions about each other, so.

Dr. Jill Biden 1:23 And then all the grandkids and everybody else.

Jay Shetty 1:24 And all the grandkids.

Dr. Jill Biden 1:25 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 1:25 Yeah, that I keep bumping into-

Dr. Jill Biden 1:26 Kids

Jay Shetty 1:26 ... everywhere around the world.

Dr. Jill Biden 1:27 Yeah, all the Bidens.

Jay Shetty 1:27 It's, it's pretty special. And I have to wish you a happy belated birthday.

Dr. Jill Biden 1:30 Thank you.

Jay Shetty 1:31 And you're obviously celebrating with your book launch.

Dr. Jill Biden 1:33 Actually, the second day of my book launch, yep.

Jay Shetty 1:35 So you didn't get to really celebrate.

Dr. Jill Biden 1:37 Oh, no. I had, I had five cakes.

Jay Shetty 1:39 Okay. [laughs]

Dr. Jill Biden 1:39 I mean, now, now I'm on my celery diet. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:42 [laughs] Five cakes?

Dr. Jill Biden 1:43 Yeah, five cakes.

Jay Shetty 1:44 Is there a reason for five?

Dr. Jill Biden 1:44 Everywhere I went, everybody gave me a birthday cake-

Jay Shetty 1:47 Oh, that's so sweet

Dr. Jill Biden 1:47 ... which is really nice. And so if somebody makes you a birthday cake special, you have to eat it. You just can't say, "Oh, no, I'm watching my calories." You have to eat the cake.

Jay Shetty 1:56 Well-

Dr. Jill Biden 1:56 So five cakes. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 1:56 Five cakes, that's impressive. Uh, I was thinking about this. You've,

Jay Shetty 2:00 you've lived an extraordinary life.

Dr. Jill Biden 2:02 I have.

Jay Shetty 2:02 When we read this book, you can't help but think, "How does one person experience all of this? And how does one person even have the capacity to navigate all of this?" And I was thinking that if you were to look at your life, looking forward from age 20, and you were to reflect on what's happened, what would that version of you think? What would that version of you anticipate or be able to see?

Dr. Jill Biden 2:28 I never could have foreseen any of it, not any of it. Because if you think of where I was at age 20, I was at the University of Delaware. I was studying English. Um, I was actually married. I got married. I went to college. I met someone freshman year, fell in love, and got married. It was this great romantic vision, you know, "Oh, we'll go to college together. We'll take classes together," which we did start out doing. And the marriage went on for about, mm, five years, and, uh, we really grew apart, and it was the best thing because it sent me on this new trajectory, and I met Joe when I was a senior at the University of Delaware. He called me. It's kind of a funny story. [laughs] I was at home in my apartment, and it was Saturday, and I get this phone call. And, um, he said, "Jill, this is Joe Biden." Well, I, I didn't n- I knew who he was, but you know, we hadn't really spent any time together. I think I shook his hand at one event one time. And, um, he said, "Are you free tonight?" And I said, uh, "Well, no, I have a date." [laughs] And he said, "Do you think you could break the date?" And I said, uh, "I don't know. I'll se- call me back in an hour." So I broke the date-

Jay Shetty 3:45 [laughs]

Dr. Jill Biden 3:46 ... and we went out. And so like I said, I was a senior at the University of Delaware. All the guys I dated had long hair, you know, bell-bottoms, clogs, tie-dye shirts. So he comes to the door, and, um, I open the door, and I took one look at his perfect suit and his leather loafers, and I thought, "Thank God this is only one date." 'Cause he was just so different from anyone I had gone out with. He was 10 years older. I knew he had two children that, um, because he lost his first wife and daughter in a car accident. So we went out on the date to Philadelphia. We went out to, to the movies and for dinner afterwards. I really, uh, had no intention of going out with him again. I was just curious. But we came home, and I remember I lived in this townhouse, and we went to the door. And you know, it was this time where, um, it was, like, this revolution where men were kind of more forward. They felt like you owed them something at the end of the date. And he stuck out his hand and he said, um, "I'd like to see you again." No kiss-

Jay Shetty 5:02 [laughs]

Dr. Jill Biden 5:02 ... no groping, nothing.

Jay Shetty 5:04 [laughs]

Dr. Jill Biden 5:04 And I remember it was 1:00 in the morning. I went upstairs in my townhouse. I called my mother at 1:00 in the morning and I said, "Mom, I finally met a gentleman."

Jay Shetty 5:16 Wow.

Dr. Jill Biden 5:17 Yeah. So I dated him the next night, actually.

Jay Shetty 5:20 [laughs]

Dr. Jill Biden 5:21 Uh, he called, you know, "Can we go out again?" And he's trying to maintain his cool. I remember he, um, he came over and, uh, he had a, a book in his pocket, his calendar, and he said, "You know, I'd really like to go out with you again." And I said, "Fine." And, um, he, so he's looking through the pages and he's like, "Well, no, not next Thursday. Well, no, I'm busy. Well, not Wednesday, no."

Jay Shetty 5:45 [laughs]

Dr. Jill Biden 5:45 And he goes, "Well, how about tomorrow night?" And I thought, "Buddy, you just blew your cool."

Jay Shetty 5:49 [laughs]

Dr. Jill Biden 5:50 And, uh, and so we went out, I swear, almost every night for, um, probably two years.

Jay Shetty 5:57 Wow.

Dr. Jill Biden 5:57 And the beautiful thing was about our relationship, I think, is that because he had these, Beau and Hunt, our two boys, um, you know, the first maybe night or two we went out to dinner together, but then it was always Me and Joe and Beau and Hunter. I mean, that's what it was. It was, like, so natural. I'd go to his house and, um, have dinner there. We'd go out to the movies. We went to the be- I mean, we'd go everywhere together, and it was just so natural. I think people probably find that hard to believe, but it was just easy. After dating, uh, two years, the boys were in- Joe was shaving on his way to work, to the Senate, and apparently, this is a story that Joe tells, the boys came in and they said, "Daddy, we have something we wanna ask you." And, um, Joe said, "What?" And, and Beau said, "You tell him," Hunter, and Hunter said, "No, you tell him, Beau." Anyway, they finally came down to it and they said, "We think we should marry Jill."

Jay Shetty 7:01 [laughs]

Dr. Jill Biden 7:02 And so that's when Joe started, you know, asking me to marry him.

Jay Shetty 7:07 Wow.

Dr. Jill Biden 7:07 But, um, it did take five times, um,

Dr. Jill Biden 7:11 because-

Jay Shetty 7:11 Wait, you rejected him five times, right?

Dr. Jill Biden 7:13 I did. I rejected him five times. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 7:15 Talk to us about how those five rejections went. Did he get down on his knee every time?

Dr. Jill Biden 7:19 No, no, no, he didn't. He just kept saying, "I, I wanna marry you. I wanna marry you." And I kept saying, "No, not yet. Not yet. I'm not ready."

Jay Shetty 7:27 What was that hesitation?

Dr. Jill Biden 7:28 I'm telling you, Jay, I mean, I loved the boys so much and, uh, I knew that they had lost their mother, of course. And, uh, I had to be 100% sure that this marriage was going to work because they had already lost one mother through a car accident, through death, and they couldn't lose another one through divorce. So I thought, "This marriage has to last till death do us part." And [laughs] and here we are, like, 49 years later. So I think that it has.

Jay Shetty 8:06 What was it that finally convinced you on that fifth time?

Dr. Jill Biden 8:09 Well, he gave me an ultimatum.

Jay Shetty 8:10 [laughs]

Dr. Jill Biden 8:11 So he went to Africa, and he came back on a trip for the Senate, and he came back, and I was in my apartment, and, um, he knocked on the door. And I said, "Joe, come on in. Come o-" He said, "No. I'm not coming in. I wanna know right now. What is your answer?" And, uh, I thought, "Okay." And I said, "Okay, I'll marry you."

Jay Shetty 8:36 Did you have fears at that time after your divorce?

Dr. Jill Biden 8:39 Oh my God, yes.

Jay Shetty 8:40 Did you ... Wha- what was that like at that time-

Dr. Jill Biden 8:42 Well, you know-

Jay Shetty 8:42 ... getting married so early, being at college?

Dr. Jill Biden 8:44 My parents had such a beautiful marriage, a wonderful marriage, and I was talking, uh, to my sisters about it yesterday. I said, "You know, we, we lived such an idyllic life growing up." It really was this Ozzie and Harriet or Leave It to Beaver kind of existence. So when I went to college and I met this guy, and I totally trusted him, and, uh, I thought, "Oh, now I'm going to have a marriage like my parents have." And so that's why I got married so young. My parents had gotten married young. They had eloped to get married. Like, one of their parents never knew that they had eloped. So that's what I based it, you know, all, the reason that I would get married so young. But I was still a college student. I didn't have any money. I was on my own. I wasn't financially independent, and I think that was the s- the, the thing that made me want to be independent my whole life. And what I say to my daughter and my granddaughters, "You have to have financial independence." So going through a divorce at that young age left such a big impact on me, and it took me a long time to get over it, and my mother was really the one I turned to. I swear, I, I think I called her, like, every night for a year. I just could not get myself together. I took a semester off at college and it was like this sudden realization like, "Hey, girl, you gotta make it on your own." So I graduated. I got a job. I bought a car. Of course, my, my father had to co-sign in those days. It was, like, 1974. And got on my way.

Jay Shetty 10:29 When you read the book, and even as I'm hearing you now, it feels like you were such an intentional young person. Like, even the thoughtfulness you had around the responsibility it would take to take care of these two young boys, the gravitas of that and what that would look like moving forward and understanding the weight on both of them of losing their-

Dr. Jill Biden 10:50 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 10:51 ... mother through a car accident. Like, it feels like there was so much intentionality.

Jay Shetty 10:55 What was the intentionality that you and Joe put in early into your marriage to last 49 years? If there were three principles, three lessons that you said, "We learnt this early. We, we put this in early, and that's what helped us last the test of time," what would they be?

Dr. Jill Biden 11:11 We built the family on love. And I quit my teaching job for two years because I wanted to be, to establish myself as their mother, that they were my sole purpose in life.

Jay Shetty 11:22 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Jill Biden 11:23 I would go and I would work in the library at their school. And Jay, they were so cute. Like, they were so proud of me. They would say, "My mom's here today and she's working in the library, and she'd" ... They'd bring all their little friends in to see me and to say hello. My kids were really involved in all kinds of sports. I mean, you know, soccer, baseball, uh, everything. And, um, I went to all their games. I love to cook. I believe, uh, food is love, and I made sure that I made great dinners every single night, and I ma- I baked like crazy, so they always brought their friends home, and there were always chocolate chip cookies or, um, cake. You know, I wanted it to be like I grew up. We would have dinner every night together. Now, Joe's train got home about 7:30, so I would have dinner with the boys, and then we would wait for dessert. And when Joe came in, then I'd have his plate and give him his ... I mean, I'm telling you it was Ozzie and Harriet, so. [laughs] I learned so many good lessons from my own parents about love and laughter, and my parents made our lives so much fun. I can remember one dinner, I don't know, my mother was teasing my father, and we had just gotten back from my grandparents in South Jersey, and there was a big bushel of tomatoes. And my mother got up, and she took one of the... It was right in the middle of dinner, and she took one of those tomatoes, and she threw it right at my father.

Jay Shetty 12:53 [laughs]

Dr. Jill Biden 12:53 Not in anger, but in a, like a tomato fight. Well, we all got up, the five of us, and we're throwing tomatoes, and we're, you know. I mean, I know it sounds-

Jay Shetty 13:01 [laughs]

Dr. Jill Biden 13:02 ... a little bit of crazy, but that's-

Jay Shetty 13:03 That's great

Dr. Jill Biden 13:03 ... how fun my parents were. I mean, they did crazy stuff. Like Halloween night, uh, my mom would have our homemade costumes and everything, and they'd go out in the neighborhood with their martini glasses, and they'd go trick-or-treating. I mean, I have just wonderful memories, and I wanted my children to think back on their childhood and be able to say, "I really had a really great childhood."

Jay Shetty 13:30 Mm.

Dr. Jill Biden 13:31 So we were very intentional. This is a cute story. So I thought I was pregnant, so I didn't tell Joe. The boys came home from school, and I said, "I think I'm gonna have a baby, but there's a way that you find out." And I said, "You go to the drugstore, and you get this test." And I said, "Let's go find out, and then we'll tell Daddy if I am." They were all-

Jay Shetty 13:54 [laughs]

Dr. Jill Biden 13:54 ... in, so I put the sunglasses on, 'cause remember, I was a Senate spouse, and people in Delaware would recognize me. So we go to the drugstore, and we get the test, and then you have to do it in the morning. We waited, and then we found out that I was pregnant, and they were the ones to tell Joe-

Jay Shetty 14:10 Oh [laughs]

Dr. Jill Biden 14:11 ... that we were having a baby. And I wanted them not to feel threatened by that, so I said to them, "You can name the baby anything you want." So they picked a boy's name, and they picked a girl's name, and, um, they, they named the baby.

Jay Shetty 14:28 Oh, wow.

Dr. Jill Biden 14:29 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 14:30 That's such a beautiful story.

Dr. Jill Biden 14:30 And they came with us to the hospital when I was in labor. We drove to the hospital, and of course, I was, like, trying, like, I didn't want them to have this memory of, you know, what labor pains are like, so I'm trying to be-

Jay Shetty 14:41 [laughs]

Dr. Jill Biden 14:41 ... really stoic during it all. And then I had a C-section, so a friend of ours came and took them to McDonald's-

Jay Shetty 14:47 [laughs]

Dr. Jill Biden 14:48 ... while they performed-

Jay Shetty 14:49 Genius

Dr. Jill Biden 14:49 ... the C-section. [laughs] Yeah.

Jay Shetty 14:50 My parents had a neat trick for that. I remember that you're, you're reminding me of now is when, I'm the eldest. I have a younger sister. When she was coming, my, my parents used to tell me to pray for a s- little friend.

Dr. Jill Biden 15:00 Uh-huh.

Jay Shetty 15:01 That's, that's all I would do. I would, like, pray for this little friend to appear, and then when my sister was born, I was like, "Oh my God, it worked."

Dr. Jill Biden 15:07 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 15:07 "Like, my prayers worked," and I was so excited.

Dr. Jill Biden 15:09 How old were you?

Jay Shetty 15:10 I was, like, four and a half.

Dr. Jill Biden 15:12 Uh-huh.

Jay Shetty 15:12 And it was so exciting, like, to, to have that experience, and it's so amazing how parents find really smart ways of-

Dr. Jill Biden 15:19 Yeah

Jay Shetty 15:19 ... preparing their kids for a sibling coming-

Dr. Jill Biden 15:21 Yes

Jay Shetty 15:21 ... into the world-

Dr. Jill Biden 15:22 Yeah

Jay Shetty 15:22 ... and what that looks like.

Dr. Jill Biden 15:23 Yeah. Yeah.

Jay Shetty 15:24 When I hear these stories, they're just so full of, like, richness and joy and abundance and love, as you're saying. And of course, life's challenging. It's hard. It's difficult. It's, you know, it's-

Dr. Jill Biden 15:36 So hard

Jay Shetty 15:36 ... and so you're trying to bring in all these beautiful moments, make all these beautiful memories. What was it like

Jay Shetty 15:43 when Joe first said to you that he wanted to run for president?

Dr. Jill Biden 15:46 The first time he ran, it was 1987. So we were out on the campaign trail, I remember, in Iowa. I was there all the time, and it was exhausting because I was traveling a lot. And then I would come home, and I would have, uh, Ashley was six, I think. The boys were a little older. And, um, they all wanted my attention, you know? So I'd come home just so tired. But that campaign didn't work out. Joe was, um, they said that he plagiarized a passage, um, from, it's funny coming back, Kinnock was the guy's name. And so Joe dropped out of the race, but that saved his life because in February of, um, 1988, I remember I was teaching, and, uh, I got a knock on my door. It was the principal, and he said, "Jill, gotten a call from home. You have to go home right away." So I rushed home. I saw Joe on the bed. I mean, his face was gray. So we rushed him to the hospital, and they said, uh, "We think he has, he has an aneurysm." I can remember, I ran home, 'cause I had Ashley getting off the bus. Nobody was there. I ran home, got her settled, called the babysitter, you know, tried to get ahold of the boys. I went back to the hospital. I'm walking down the hallway, and there's a nurse sitting there with a table in front of her looking at the charts. And I said, "What are you doing?" And she said, "Don't go in there." I said, "Why not?" She said, "The priest is in there, and he's giving last rites." I opened that door. I ran in, and I said to the priest, "Get out. Get out. My husband is not dying. Get out." And the priest just looked at me, gathered his stuff, and walked out. There was no way God was gonna take Joe away from those children when they had lost their mother.

Jay Shetty 17:50 What gave you that conviction and faith in that moment to be able to do that? I mean, that would be-

Dr. Jill Biden 17:54 I don't know

Jay Shetty 17:54 ... so worrying to hear that

Dr. Jill Biden 17:56 I could, I couldn't bear it. I could not bear that Joe would die. I, I couldn't bear it, and leave the children after they had lost their mother. I mean, that would be so horrible. Anyway, we went to Walter Reed. He was there for, like, I think seven months. Um, I was teaching. I was commuting after school, like, almost two hours. Sometimes friends would drive me down. I had, you know, babysitters come in with the kids. Beau was at University of Pennsylvania. Um- It was one of the toughest times of our lives, but he lived. You know, I went to that hospital, I went to Walter Reed. I can remember the surgeon Jo- Dr. George coming in and, and I had the boys with me. Dr. George said he may not make it. And so Joe said to the boys, "If I don't make through, make it through this, I want you to take care of your mother." [laughs] And, uh, but he did. He lived, he lived through it and it was, it was a long, hard recovery. And he went on to run for president again. [laughs] There were a couple more times he wanted to run. I can remember, I think it was '72 when a bunch of, um, political supporters came in and, uh, said... I could hear them. I was down at the pool. I, uh, you know, I was young. I had on a bikini, 'cause I was young.

Jay Shetty 19:21 [laughs]

Dr. Jill Biden 19:21 And, um, I could hear them upstairs, you know, "You have to run, you have to run." And I thought, "No way. Not now." I don't know what made me do this, but I took a black Magic Marker and I wrote "No" on my stomach.

Jay Shetty 19:35 [laughs]

Dr. Jill Biden 19:35 And I walked in through the library and they got the message.

Jay Shetty 19:39 [laughs]

Dr. Jill Biden 19:39 And, uh-

Jay Shetty 19:42 Gosh, your, your conviction in these really-

Dr. Jill Biden 19:44 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 19:44 ... important moments surprises me on both ends.

Dr. Jill Biden 19:47 It does?

Jay Shetty 19:48 Yeah. That's, I mean, it's brilliant. It's brilliant.

Dr. Jill Biden 19:50 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 19:50 And that it's like, it's so, it's so bold and it's so, like, you're so sure.

Dr. Jill Biden 19:55 I guess that's true. I don't know. You have to be. You can't

Dr. Jill Biden 19:59 be wishy-washy.

Jay Shetty 20:00 Where does that come from for you? Where does that strength, that conviction, that clarity come from for you?

Dr. Jill Biden 20:05 My mother was really strong. Uh, she's definitely my role model. I turned to her in so many times in life, and the sound of my mother's voice could calm me down in an instant. And one of my biggest regrets in life is that I don't have a recording of her voice. And so I tell people who are with parents or losing parents, record their voices because someday you're gonna need that to hear it. Luckily for me, I have a recording of Beau's voice because he gave so many speeches. He was attorney general. And so sometimes when the challenges are really tough, I go to the computer and I listen to his voice, and it just sorta calms me down.

Jay Shetty 20:57 If you had a recording of your mom's voice, what would you hope that she would say?

Dr. Jill Biden 21:02 Just her "Hello, Jill." That instantly, I can't even tell you, it was, it's like such a trigger.

Jay Shetty 21:09 That's a really beautiful piece of advice, and you're so right. In this world now where we're inundated and overexposed to FaceTimes and Zooms and calls with our family, we don't necessarily have recordings-

Dr. Jill Biden 21:20 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 21:21 ... as much anymore. Maybe we have videos, but-

Dr. Jill Biden 21:23 Yeah

Jay Shetty 21:23 ... to have a audio recording of a conversation-

Dr. Jill Biden 21:26 Yeah

Jay Shetty 21:26 ... that's, uh, a, a really beautiful takeaway that I'm gonna do that. I'm g- I'm gonna talk to-

Dr. Jill Biden 21:30 Oh, I, I love that.

Jay Shetty 21:31 Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna talk to my mom and make sure that I record a piece. I think that'd be really, really-

Dr. Jill Biden 21:35 'Cause you always wanna hear that, right?

Jay Shetty 21:38 Yeah.

Dr. Jill Biden 21:38 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 21:38 Absolutely. You put on the bikini. You write down black "No" on your stomach, walk through. Everyone listens.

Dr. Jill Biden 21:44 Oh, they saw that.

Jay Shetty 21:45 Yeah. [laughs]

Dr. Jill Biden 21:45 Yeah. I didn't have to say a word.

Jay Shetty 21:46 Yeah, you don't have to.

Dr. Jill Biden 21:47 As, as a matter of fact, I didn't say a word.

Jay Shetty 21:48 Yeah.

Dr. Jill Biden 21:49 Just walked through and walked out.

Jay Shetty 21:51 When

Jay Shetty 21:52 Joe finally runs and wins, like that time, what was different? What allowed you to say, "Yeah, this time, go for it. This time it's okay"?

Dr. Jill Biden 21:59 I guess because, um, Joe had been vice president, and I saw what the life was like. Um, I knew it would be challenging. I don't believe in war. Um, I felt that Joe would end the forever wars and, uh, you know, he and Barack did it with, um, Iraq. But I don't know. There were so many people telling him, "You have to run. You have to run." And of course, his age was a question. Should he, shouldn't he? But then, um, he had to make that decision himself. I didn't push him one way or the other. And I write in my book how we were at George, the older George Bush's funeral, and, um, we went to lunch afterwards at Black Salt restaurant in Washington. And I just said, "Are you gonna run for president? What's your decision? I need to know." And he said, "Yes, I decided to run." That's how I found out. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 22:56 [laughs] That time you didn't have a clear yes or no in you. It was-

Dr. Jill Biden 23:01 No, it had to be him. One of the beauties I think of our marriage, and maybe you saw this in Philadelphia, I mean, I support Joe and what he wants to do, and all my life he has supported me. He supported my career, my teaching, my volunteer work. Anything that I wanted to do, he was supportive of, whether he liked me doing it or not. And I felt the same way about his career, that that's really what a true partnership is in a marriage. We respected one another's

Dr. Jill Biden 23:35 choices.

Jay Shetty 23:36 What do you think people underestimate about being First Lady? I feel like everyone has a sense of the pressure that it takes to be president.

Dr. Jill Biden 23:44 All First Ladies have chosen to do the job a different way, I think. Like, Laura Bush didn't do it the same way her mother-in-law

Dr. Jill Biden 23:53 did. Michelle Obama didn't do it the same way that maybe Hillary Clinton did. We've all done it in different ways, and, um, I respect that, even if they've decided not to do anything or whether they decide to... Like Rosalynn Carter, you know, she would sit in on Cabinet meetings. She was very involved in Jimmy's career, or President Carter. And, um, I respect that. I respect other women's choices. It's a hard job, but it's, I mean, it's, it is an honor of, of a lifetime, I think, for most of us.

Jay Shetty 24:27 What was your most difficult day in the White House?

Dr. Jill Biden 24:29 I mean, trying to, uh, live through COVID Afghanistan withdrawal, definitely one of the hardest days. There were a lot of times, you know, if you remember, like how about the Uvalde shootings? I mean, that was terrible. All those children, and going to visit the school, and being a teacher myself. You know, when we went out to Hawaii to the fires and saw that. You know, there were so many joyous days, too.

Jay Shetty 25:02 How do you begin to process all of that? Like, to have the capacity to hold all of that, because there's personal loss, there's Beau, there's personal loss in wider family, family, parents. And then you have this global loss and global pain that you're also connected to, and managing, and visiting and, as you said, as a teacher, going to schools-

Dr. Jill Biden 25:24 Yeah

Jay Shetty 25:24 ... and what, what did you do? What do you turn to in those moments?

Dr. Jill Biden 25:27 I can compartmentalize. So if I'm in the classroom, my-

Dr. Jill Biden 25:32 I am totally 100% in the classroom at that point.

Jay Shetty 25:35 Yeah.

Dr. Jill Biden 25:35 Or if I'm doing something at the White House, whatever that is, I'm totally there. And with my kids, I, they get my total attention. So I think that's really helpful, that if I can keep doing that. It's not always easy every day. Sometimes it bleeds into the, you know, whatever you're doing, 'cause you have something in the back of your mind that you're trying to deal with. I think that skill has helped me most of all.

Jay Shetty 26:01 Presence.

Dr. Jill Biden 26:02 Yeah, presence.

Jay Shetty 26:02 Being, actually being there.

Dr. Jill Biden 26:04 Yeah, being present.

Jay Shetty 26:05 Big news. Juni just launched at Kroger, and we're celebrating with a free can for you. Because most of us hit that point in the afternoon when our energy dips and our focus starts to fade. Well, that's exactly why we created Juni, a sparkling drink crafted with natural ingredients to lift your mood, sharpen your focus, and give you smooth energy, all without the crash. Now available at Kroger stores, including Ralph's, Fred Meyer, King Soopers, Smith's, and Fry's, where you can grab a free Juni on us. So head to drinkjuni.com/kroger to claim your free can in store so you can feel better and live better. I think most people feel this way. If you looked at your schedule for the next week or month or year, you'd be so overwhelmed by it.

Dr. Jill Biden 26:48 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 26:49 And so I was saying to someone, "I can only live in 24-hour cycles, because then I can deal with what's today. I can deal with what's happening right now. I can make decisions for the future that are better, that feel right today, and then I can deal with tomorrow." But if you ask me what's happening in three months-

Dr. Jill Biden 27:03 No, I agree with that

Jay Shetty 27:04 ... right, it gets really overwhelming to start living in these long-term cycles of like, "Oh, what have you got going in six months?" It's like, "I don't know. I don't want to know."

Dr. Jill Biden 27:12 [laughs] Yeah. "I don't want to know."

Jay Shetty 27:12 We just, just live right now.

Dr. Jill Biden 27:13 [laughs] "Just let me get through today."

Jay Shetty 27:15 Yeah, yeah.

Dr. Jill Biden 27:15 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 27:15 And that presence, to hear that that's what you needed and to compartmentalize and to just be present as a teacher, to just be present as a mother, to just be present as a, as a First Lady.

Jay Shetty 27:26 What, what did it feel like when President Biden finally won? Like, what did that, what did that moment feel like?

Dr. Jill Biden 27:30 Oh my God, it was so exciting.

Jay Shetty 27:32 [laughs]

Dr. Jill Biden 27:33 And w- if you remember, there was like a week before we were declared the winner. Every day, the TVs were on. Steve Kornacki was up there with all his statistics, and I thought, "You know, does that man never sleep?"

Jay Shetty 27:46 [laughs]

Dr. Jill Biden 27:46 I mean, he was getting on my nerve so badly. And so one morning, uh, Joe and I just, like, we're like, "Oh my God, we gotta get out of the house." So we live on a man-made lake, and it has a dock. So we went down to the dock. We had our coffee cups, and we had just really sat down for a couple minutes, and then, like all of a sudden, our grandkids came running out of the house screaming, "We won. We won." And, um, then we quick came back into the house, and, uh, I mean, it was just amazing. It was just so amazing and exciting and, uh, you know, it was, it was surreal.

Jay Shetty 28:25 Did it feel like a long time coming, having had all those runs before and having people say-

Dr. Jill Biden 28:31 Yeah, it did.

Jay Shetty 28:31 Yeah.

Dr. Jill Biden 28:31 It did. And I didn't expect Joe to become... You know, after VP, I thought we were finished.

Jay Shetty 28:36 Mm.

Dr. Jill Biden 28:37 So we had those years in between, I think four years. I was commuting to Nova, my college where I worked, from Delaware, 'cause I loved Nova so much, and, you know, and becoming involved in other things. So to think about getting back into this lifestyle and what it would mean and, um, it was challenging, but it was good. I have really good memories

Dr. Jill Biden 29:00 of that.

Jay Shetty 29:00 What's the greatest thing you've learned by being a teacher?

Dr. Jill Biden 29:03 I think the greatest gift that I can give my students is confidence. They don't need to know how to write the paragraph or the topic sentence or whatever it is. If I can give them the confidence to think that they can write it, that makes all the difference. And the first day of school, I say to my students, or I would, this was the first-day assignment. I said, "We're going to write a poem today." And they're like, "Oh my God."

Jay Shetty 29:31 [laughs]

Dr. Jill Biden 29:31 "What do you mean? We're not writing a poem." And I said, "Yes, you are. We're writing a poem today, and you're going to like it." So it's, uh, called Where I'm From. We would read, um, George Ella Lyon's poem, and then, and they liked that. And then I would start using my own examples, where I'm from. So my grandparents on my father's side were Italian, and I would talk about the, you know, the sauce bubbling on the stove and the noodles drying in the kitchen. And, uh, and food is such a good place to start. So they would start to think about it, and I'd read poems from other classes that students wrote. And then they would kind of get excited. And so the next class, they would come in, and they would write their own poems, and then they were a little bit shy, but then I'd say, "Okay, who wants to read a poem?" Well, maybe I'd have to call on the first person, but then w- once you break the ice, they were great. So then they'd start to read, and they'd say, "I'm from Peru, too. Listen to my poem. My grandmom made that, too." The class would i- instantly bond. They would form community, and, you know, they were community college students- So that meant they were any age from like 18 to 83 was my oldest student I ever had. But they said, "Dr. B, can we put our poems on the wall?"

Jay Shetty 30:50 [laughs]

Dr. Jill Biden 30:51 And I said, "Yeah, that's a great idea." I loved that they were so proud of themselves that they could write a poem.

Jay Shetty 30:59 Mm.

Dr. Jill Biden 31:00 And even the kids who had never written a poem before, they felt such pride. So if you can give them confidence, I think that's the most important thing a teacher can do.

Jay Shetty 31:12 I couldn't agree with you more. You're making me think of so many of my teachers who I fe-

Dr. Jill Biden 31:15 Do you have a favorite teacher?

Jay Shetty 31:16 Yeah, definitely. Who doesn't? I feel like you remember them.

Dr. Jill Biden 31:18 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 31:19 I have two.

Dr. Jill Biden 31:19 Uh-huh.

Jay Shetty 31:19 One from primary school, elementary school-

Dr. Jill Biden 31:21 Uh-huh

Jay Shetty 31:21 ... and one from high school.

Dr. Jill Biden 31:23 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 31:23 And so my one from primary school was called Mr. Foxwell, who just had that energy. He, he made every class fun. He gave you so much confidence. You walked in feeling like a million bucks.

Dr. Jill Biden 31:32 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 31:32 And then I had a high school teacher named Mr. Buckeridge, who made me question ... He, I was older then, so he had the ability to challenge me a bit more, but he would always ... He was my art teacher, and I loved art.

Dr. Jill Biden 31:44 Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh.

Jay Shetty 31:45 It was one of my favorite subjects.

Dr. Jill Biden 31:46 All the kids love art.

Jay Shetty 31:47 Ri- [laughs]

Dr. Jill Biden 31:47 English, not so much. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 31:49 Eng- English was one of my favorite subjects, too, but-

Dr. Jill Biden 31:51 Oh, that's great

Jay Shetty 31:52 ... but, but art was, art was right up there. And I remember I'd make this thing look beautiful. I couldn't paint or draw, but I did a lot of collage. I did a lot of graphic art.

Dr. Jill Biden 32:00 Yeah. Yeah.

Jay Shetty 32:01 And I'd make everything look perfect, and then he'd look at it, and he'd say to me, "Why did you do that?" And I wouldn't have an answer. It was just because it looked good.

Dr. Jill Biden 32:10 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 32:10 And I didn't want to say that to him because I knew he wanted a deeper answer, but I didn't have a deeper answer. So I'd say, "I did it because it looked good." And he said, "Well, figure out why you did it better than aesthetics." And it was such a great-

Dr. Jill Biden 32:21 Made you think, right?

Jay Shetty 32:22 Made you think.

Dr. Jill Biden 32:23 Yes. Yeah.

Jay Shetty 32:23 He would always ask me why. Why is that color next to that color?

Dr. Jill Biden 32:26 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 32:26 Why is that image next to that image? Why did you put that word there? And it was such a beautiful practice in intentionality going back to that poem.

Dr. Jill Biden 32:33 And look where it led you, right? I mean, it's right what you're doing now.

Jay Shetty 32:37 Yeah.

Dr. Jill Biden 32:37 Questioning.

Jay Shetty 32:38 Yeah, for sure.

Dr. Jill Biden 32:38 You know, why you put one

Dr. Jill Biden 32:40 color next to the other.

Jay Shetty 32:41 Yeah, for sure. It was just a simple question that just planted that seed of nothing should be just random and just for aesthetic reasons or just because it looks or sounds good. Things have to have depth, and they have to have a quality.

Dr. Jill Biden 32:53 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 32:53 And I owe those teachers so much. I wouldn't be nearly where I am in life or mentally at those times if I didn't have them. And sounds like your students ... Do you still keep in touch with any students? I'm-

Dr. Jill Biden 33:03 Oh my gosh, yes

Jay Shetty 33:04 ... I'm like, yeah. Do you still hear from them?

Dr. Jill Biden 33:05 I keep in touch with a lot of my students.

Jay Shetty 33:06 Yeah. What are, what are the kinds of things that you hear from them, and what are the exchanges?

Dr. Jill Biden 33:09 Oh, they're, you know, they're, they're doing well. I, it's amazing how many students I run into, and, um, even last night in Philadelphia at my book talk, you know, students came and, um, and in my Washington one, a lot of my no- Nova students came. And yeah, they text with me, and they tell me what's going on. And, um, I mentor a lot of young women, and I love being able to be a part of their lives, give them advice, um, hear their stories, and give them confidence.

Jay Shetty 33:41 What do you think young women right now in America need to hear most?

Dr. Jill Biden 33:45 We lost some steps, um, in the last two or three years, and I think we, we need to get back on track for the things that women have always fought for, and that's, you know, equality, Roe v. Wade, equal wages. You know, I'm so interested in women's health

Dr. Jill Biden 34:04 and, um, I joined the Milken Women's Health Network because I found out that before 1993, all the research was done on males. Even the mice were males, which is unbelievable. So consequently, everything that, all the diagnosis we got, all the prescriptions are based on males' bodies. So, you know, I think that women really need to fight for themselves and fight for answers on osteoporosis, endometriosis, menopause, wherever we're going. I mean, heart disease. There's so many things. Uh, autoimmune diseases. You know, some disease hits women more than men, and why? What are, what are the differences? So I think that, um, young women are trying to find their way, uh, where they fit in, but I think, uh, they can't be complacent. They have to keep fighting for themselves.

Jay Shetty 35:02 I'm trying to remember the exact statistic, and I'll get it wrong right now, but I remember that there was research done on how only 1% of investment went into women's medical research and health research-

Dr. Jill Biden 35:14 Yes, you're exactly right

Jay Shetty 35:14 ... like to, to actually understand-

Dr. Jill Biden 35:16 You're exactly right

Jay Shetty 35:17 ... what was happening in women's health, and that boggles my mind.

Dr. Jill Biden 35:21 I know, and when I heard that, I mean, I told Joe about it, and he said, "We're gonna change it," and that's why we had the White House, uh, initiative on women's health, and put $1 billion in in one year. And I'm so proud of that because I felt that that was the catalyst. People had been working on women's health for years, but I think that spurred this movement forward to, um, investors to get, you know, venture capitalists to invest and people, scientists to, to do research. I mean, it just, uh, it feels good. It feels good for women's health right now.

Jay Shetty 35:55 Yeah, heading in the right direction. Lots, lots more to do.

Dr. Jill Biden 35:57 Exactly.

Jay Shetty 35:58 But at least-

Dr. Jill Biden 35:58 Yeah

Jay Shetty 35:58 ... at least on the right path, I think we have clarity, and there's, our eyes are pointing in the right direction. Now we have to get our footsteps to-

Dr. Jill Biden 36:05 Oh, I'm glad you recognize that. Thank you. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 36:07 Yeah, yeah. I think we've been talking a lot about it. Our audience is primarily women, and we've been talking about everything that you just mentioned, women's health topics, consistently on the show because we think people aren't getting access to this information-

Dr. Jill Biden 36:19 Yeah

Jay Shetty 36:19 ... in that many places.

Dr. Jill Biden 36:20 And we need so much more preventative care.

Jay Shetty 36:21 Yes.

Dr. Jill Biden 36:22 I was reading recently how young women now are getting back into tanning beds, and I'm like, "What are they thinking?" I mean, they're so bad for you. And I know myself since I ... I mean, I sat out in the sun. We all did back, back then. [laughs] They need to learn about prevention and how to take care of themselves and use sunscreen and not to smoke, and we have to eat healthy, not processed foods. I mean, there's so many parts of prevention, and I've had skin cancer myself. I had it in the White House, actually, uh, removed from my eyelid and my chest.

Jay Shetty 36:56 Oh, wow

Dr. Jill Biden 36:57 And I know j- how traumatic it was for me. So for the young women to have the chance to really take control of their own health and move forward in a really positive, healthy way is so important.

Jay Shetty 37:11 Absolutely.

Dr. Jill Biden 37:11 And, um, so that's, that's kind of what I'm out there pushing.

Jay Shetty 37:16 I feel like this book is so raw and vulnerable. It's so real when you're reading it. Like, it's-

Dr. Jill Biden 37:21 Well, thank you. I'm glad you feel this way

Jay Shetty 37:22 ... it's, it's, it's like a look into your heart. It, it really invites you in, it really lets you into these really difficult moments, and the one that stood out to me was reading about your experience of the 2024 debate, and you talk about this raw fear-

Dr. Jill Biden 37:34 Yeah

Jay Shetty 37:34 ... that you experienced. What was going through your mind as you're watching the debate in 2024?

Dr. Jill Biden 37:40 I was in the green room and just watching the TV like everybody else, and when I saw that moment when Joe kind of froze, I thought, "Oh, my God," and I write this in my book. It was like, "Is he having a stroke?" And I was scared to death. I was sitting. I got up, I started pacing, like, "What's happening? What's happening?" So then after the debate, I went out on the stage right away because I wanted to see him, you know, face-to-face, and he said, um, as we're walking off, and I, I won't repeat the exact words, but he said, "I really F'd up, didn't I?" And I said, "Yeah, Joe, you did." And then we went, got off the stage. I went to the green room to get my stuff. We had a group of doctors, always traveled with Joe, and he went with his staff and the doctors, and the doctor said to me, "He's okay. He's okay," 'cause we had three more events to do that night. So we went to the hotel ballroom with supporters. We went to a, uh, Waffle House. Do you know what that is?

Jay Shetty 38:39 Yeah, yeah.

Dr. Jill Biden 38:39 Yeah, you do [laughs] .

Jay Shetty 38:41 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Dr. Jill Biden 38:41 Yeah, I know.

Jay Shetty 38:42 You-

Dr. Jill Biden 38:42 I'm from the Northeast-

Jay Shetty 38:43 [laughs]

Dr. Jill Biden 38:43 ... so, like, Waffle House-

Jay Shetty 38:44 Yeah

Dr. Jill Biden 38:44 ... what are you talking about?

Jay Shetty 38:45 No, no, no, I know.

Dr. Jill Biden 38:45 So anyway, we go to The Waffle House at-

Jay Shetty 38:47 Yeah

Dr. Jill Biden 38:47 ... whatever time it was, 11:00, and then we went to North Carolina. 3:00 in the morning, we get off the plane, there's a band, there's big lights, there's hundreds of supporters. You know, they're chanting, and I thought, "Well, okay, you know, we're gonna keep going," and, uh, we did until we didn't.

Jay Shetty 39:08 What was it, then? What, what did you... Had you seen him that way before? Had you had that ex-

Dr. Jill Biden 39:12 Never. Never.

Jay Shetty 39:15 When

Jay Shetty 39:17 President Biden finally stepped down and you said, you wrote in your book, he said, "Jillie, I had no choice."

Dr. Jill Biden 39:22 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 39:24 What was your reaction then from that debate to that moment?

Dr. Jill Biden 39:27 I was really, um, heartbroken for Joe because he had been a public servant for over 50 years, and for his career to end on such a negative note, I was heartbroken for him. When he got out, I mean, people were saying he was a hero for stepping down, for giving up everything and sort of passing the torch, but I felt, I felt really sad for him. You know, when you love somebody and they go through something like that, it's, you feel their pain. I mean, you just, you know, you can't help but be heartbroken.

Jay Shetty 40:08 Did he wish he'd done it earlier, or did, did he feel that was the right time?

Dr. Jill Biden 40:12 I don't know that he wished he had done it earlier. It just sort of unfolded.

Jay Shetty 40:19 Hmm.

Dr. Jill Biden 40:20 You know, he lost the support of the Democratic Party, and he knew he couldn't go on, so he did the right thing. He stepped down.

Jay Shetty 40:29 I can't imagine how hard it is to, to dedicate your life to your country and your people, and then, yeah, that be the way to go out. You know, we, we see it in, in places where there are no stakes, like when a, when a coach of a sports team leaves and they, they were losing and they didn't win the championship, and it's like, okay, whatever. Like, that, that's, people make that out to be really, really sad and difficult.

Dr. Jill Biden 40:51 Yeah, yeah.

Jay Shetty 40:51 And, and so to compare it to these stakes and, and this scale and this responsibility and dedication feels like such a hard thing to do, and I can imagine he really needed you then because-

Dr. Jill Biden 41:02 Yeah

Jay Shetty 41:02 ... like you said, you were, you were sad for him, but I can't imagine how sad he was for himself and what he'd done, and so he probably relied on you a lot.

Dr. Jill Biden 41:10 You know, [laughs] after, after 49 years of marriage, yeah, he does.

Jay Shetty 41:14 Yeah, yeah.

Dr. Jill Biden 41:15 We rely on each other.

Jay Shetty 41:16 And I believe

Jay Shetty 41:17 in the book you were talking about how you were slightly upset about Kamala Harris looking for an endorsement and support almost immediately.

Dr. Jill Biden 41:24 Well, I was just upset. I was just plain upset. It just became sort of overwhelming, you know? But I got right out there for Kamala, and I was on the campaign trail a lot.

Jay Shetty 41:36 Yeah.

Dr. Jill Biden 41:37 And I saw the excitement and, um, the excitement at the convention and on the trail when I was out there working for her, campaigning for her, and I honestly believed she was going to win.

Jay Shetty 41:51 Mm.

Dr. Jill Biden 41:51 And I was actually shocked. Um, I write in my book, it was like the next morning, I was, you know, went into the kitchen at the White House. I was making coffee, feeding Willow, and my phone rang, and I just had thought she had won. And someone called me and said, "Had, did you see the news?" And at that, they didn't e- even have to tell me the news. I knew. And I ran into the bedroom and I said, "Joe, wake up." You know, it was like 5:00 in the m- "Wake up. Why didn't you tell me?" He said, "Yeah, she lost." Did you feel she was gonna win?

Jay Shetty 42:24 I'll give you my honest answer. Uh, I spend a lot of time on TikTok, and for anyone who spends a lot of time on TikTok, it was pretty clear she wouldn't win.

Dr. Jill Biden 42:32 Oh, really?

Jay Shetty 42:32 That was my take, yeah.

Dr. Jill Biden 42:33 So that's where I should go the next time.

Jay Shetty 42:35 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like-

Dr. Jill Biden 42:36 For, that I'm looking at a candidate-

Jay Shetty 42:37 Yeah, it's like-

Dr. Jill Biden 42:37 ... and what the hell they're doing-

Jay Shetty 42:38 Literally

Dr. Jill Biden 42:39 ... go on TikTok.

Jay Shetty 42:39 I was going on TikTok. Yeah, I was, I was living the campaign through on TikTok, and it's more of a, a sense you got from seeing the, uh, the level of support that the opposition had and-

Dr. Jill Biden 42:51 But her crowds were so big and the energy. I mean, you saw it-

Jay Shetty 42:54 Yeah, but online-

Dr. Jill Biden 42:55 ... at the convention

Jay Shetty 42:55 ... I guess the people who-

Dr. Jill Biden 42:56 I don't know

Jay Shetty 42:56 ... the people who are gonna go and vote-

Dr. Jill Biden 42:58 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 42:58 It's almost like the people online who vote and the scale at which- The support was there for, for President Trump was pretty crazy. It was like, it was insane to look at actually, in the buildup even.

Dr. Jill Biden 43:08 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 43:09 And, and I was like, "Wow, this is, this is big." Like, you'd just see posts that just had an insane amount of likes and comments and engagement that was all pro-

Dr. Jill Biden 43:18 Yeah

Jay Shetty 43:18 ... pro-Trump. And it was like-

Dr. Jill Biden 43:19 See, I wasn't-

Jay Shetty 43:20 Yeah

Dr. Jill Biden 43:20 ... you know, monitoring that. I was-

Jay Shetty 43:21 Yeah, yeah

Dr. Jill Biden 43:22 ... monitoring the crowds and h- and their response and, um, and I guess that was my barometer.

Jay Shetty 43:29 Yeah, of course, of course. No, and, and, and, and that's what's so interesting is that I think politics has been completely transformed by social media-

Dr. Jill Biden 43:36 Absolutely

Jay Shetty 43:36 ... and the impact-

Dr. Jill Biden 43:37 Yeah

Jay Shetty 43:37 ... of all of these-

Dr. Jill Biden 43:38 Yeah

Jay Shetty 43:38 ... apps and-

Dr. Jill Biden 43:39 Yep

Jay Shetty 43:39 ... how followings are galvanized, how, how messaging is coming across. I mean, with most of, you know, Millennial and Gen Z generations getting their news through social media-

Dr. Jill Biden 43:49 Yeah, yeah

Jay Shetty 43:50 ... it's, you know, it's starting to become such a pivotal place and such a scary place for all of this as well.

Dr. Jill Biden 43:55 I was gonna say, like, how are these young people supposed to tell what's true and not true? Like, that's what worries me.

Jay Shetty 44:04 You can't, especially now. I mean, you add AI into the mix in social media, you have no idea what's real. And it's really hard because there's no controls on what's real and what's not real. It's not marked. You don't know.

Dr. Jill Biden 44:15 So do you think

Dr. Jill Biden 44:16 there should be government regulation?

Jay Shetty 44:18 I think there needs to be for news for sure.

Dr. Jill Biden 44:20 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 44:20 But I don't know how you control that because everyone's a news corp at this point. And so how do you actually even control something like that when anyone anywhere in the world can upload something and it looks real and it-

Dr. Jill Biden 44:32 Mm-hmm

Jay Shetty 44:32 ... looks like it makes sense? It's, I can't imagine it to be easy, and you don't want to censor free speech, so it's, I, I, yeah, it's a, it's a very, very fine balance. I don't know how you'd do it.

Dr. Jill Biden 44:41 Yeah. I looked up something, uh, on the January 6th insurrection. It was all positive, and I was like, "What?" [laughs] You know, and I-

Jay Shetty 44:49 Yeah, yeah

Dr. Jill Biden 44:49 ... and I said, "Can you give me the r- you know, the truth about this?"

Jay Shetty 44:53 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Jill Biden 44:53 Because they painted such a rosy picture of what happened, and we saw what happened. I mean, we watched it on the TV. We saw them smashing the windows of the Capitol, but they put such a positive spin on it.

Jay Shetty 45:05 Really?

Dr. Jill Biden 45:06 I thought, "Where were they getting the, drawing the information, or who was controlling-

Jay Shetty 45:10 Was that an AI search or a Google search?

Dr. Jill Biden 45:11 It was on, it was on, uh, ChatGPT.

Jay Shetty 45:13 Oh, wow.

Dr. Jill Biden 45:14 So look it up and see what-

Jay Shetty 45:16 I will t- I will take a look.

Dr. Jill Biden 45:16 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 45:16 Yeah, I'm gonna do that as soon as-

Dr. Jill Biden 45:17 Yeah, yeah. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 45:18 ... as soon as we finish this. I was gonna

Jay Shetty 45:20 say, obviously, I got the f- I had the fortune of interviewing yourself and President Biden just, just a month ago at History Talks, and the President was in such good spirits. I mean, he was... I w- we spent time backstage.

Dr. Jill Biden 45:31 Yeah, yeah.

Jay Shetty 45:32 He was w- he was wonderful-

Dr. Jill Biden 45:33 Yeah

Jay Shetty 45:33 ... as always.

Dr. Jill Biden 45:33 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 45:33 We had a great conversation together. We went on stage.

Dr. Jill Biden 45:36 Uh-huh.

Jay Shetty 45:36 He felt so well. How is he? How is he doing?

Dr. Jill Biden 45:39 He's doing okay. Um, he does have stage four cancer. It has metastasized to his bones. He will forever have cancer. He will forever be on medicine, and he's 83. So you put that mix in. So yes, he's still working. He's writing his book. Um, he's traveling. He's speaking. But, um, he's a little more tired. Uh, I've seen him slow down. I mean, cancer really takes a toll, and I think, um, every family in America has someone in their family with cancer, whatever form it takes. And, um, and I think it's, it's really been, like, kind of a cruel blow.

Jay Shetty 46:30 It's the worst. It's the worst.

Dr. Jill Biden 46:32 It is.

Jay Shetty 46:32 If anyone's lost anyone that they love through cancer, which I have, it's, it's the worst. It's-

Dr. Jill Biden 46:36 It is

Jay Shetty 46:36 ... it's terrible to watch. And as you said, it's, it's long-term. It's not going anywhere.

Dr. Jill Biden 46:41 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 46:42 Yeah, I was, I was shocked at how amazingly present he was, knowing, knowing those truths.

Dr. Jill Biden 46:47 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 46:47 He was-

Dr. Jill Biden 46:48 He's strong.

Jay Shetty 46:48 He was, yeah.

Dr. Jill Biden 46:49 He's strong. He's resilient, and it's just, uh, so unfortunate.

Jay Shetty 46:55 I'm so sorry you and your family are going through that. It's, uh, yeah, I can't, can't imagine on top of everything else how, how painful that is.

Dr. Jill Biden 47:02 Everybody's trying to do their part in helping and, you know. Like my Naomi is, our oldest grandchild, said, "Nana, I wanna come and, you know, bring my son Willie and, uh, stay with you for a month and, uh, you know, help you out." And I mean, just, it, it's just been a really

Dr. Jill Biden 47:22 nice thing.

Jay Shetty 47:23 I wanted to go back to the opening line of the book where you say, "Once you lose a child, nothing can hurt you."

Dr. Jill Biden 47:29 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 47:29 And I thought, "Wow, that's, that's a really emphatic way to begin a book." Why was, why was it important to start there?

Dr. Jill Biden 47:35 After we lost Beau, I felt there could be nothing worse in life than to lose a child. I didn't believe Beau was gonna die. I just kept praying and praying and praying, and I just felt like God would never take him. With glioblastoma, which is what Beau had, we tried everything. I mean, every, every trial, every medicine, operations, and the doctors kept saying, "This could turn around. Any moment, this could turn around. This could turn around." And I remember how sick he was getting and all the things he was going through, and it was so horrible to watch. And I can remember the day he died. That morning, the doctors called us into the room in Walter Reed, and they said, uh, "Things are getting pretty bad, but this could turn around." I breathed this sigh of relief like, "Okay, he could live. He really could live." And we walked out. There were about eight docs, and, um, we took a couple steps outside the room, and one of the doctors turned around and said, "Stop," and looked at the doctors and said, "Tell the Bidens the truth. Go back in that room and tell the Bidens the truth." And, um, we went back in, and they said, um, "We think Beau's gonna die today." Honestly, I, I don't think there's anything worse. After going through that, my family s- like really spiraled. I mean, it was just so hard on everybody. And so I think once we went through that, like, anything anybody said against Joe or did, or no matter how mean it got or cruel, it was like, "Buddy, you can't touch us." I mean, we're just ... We're resilient. There can't be anything worse than losing Beau, and I still feel that way.

Jay Shetty 49:42 I've heard the president say that-

Dr. Jill Biden 49:44 You never met Beau, right?

Jay Shetty 49:45 I never did, no, no, no. But I've heard-

Dr. Jill Biden 49:47 I thought you may have.

Jay Shetty 49:48 No, I wish I did. I wish I did. Uh, the way-

Dr. Jill Biden 49:50 You would've loved him. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 49:50 The way you both speak, yeah, the way you both speak about him, and I've heard President Biden say that, you know, he should've been president, and-

Dr. Jill Biden 49:56 Yes, yeah

Jay Shetty 49:57 ... that's what his dream was. Yeah.

Dr. Jill Biden 49:57 I mean, that's kind of what we thought, you know, that-

Jay Shetty 50:00 Yeah

Dr. Jill Biden 50:00 ... it wasn't gonna be Joe. It was gonna be Beau. Beau was just, I mean, he's all the best parts of Joe.

Jay Shetty 50:06 How do you even begin

Jay Shetty 50:07 to live with that level of grief?

Dr. Jill Biden 50:08 One day at a time. I know it sounds so cliché, but there were days when, uh, you know, I just couldn't kind of, I felt like I couldn't get through the day. But I'm telling you, the amount of kindness that people showed toward us, like, people didn't give up. It wasn't like they said, "I'm sorry you lost your son." It was like every day sending me a text, dropping something by the front door every day, every week. And not just, like, for that moment that week of the funeral. My true friends kept it up for months and months and months because you never get over it-

Jay Shetty 50:52 Mm

Dr. Jill Biden 50:52 ... ever. I mean, to this day, when I wake up, I mean, the first thing I do is say a prayer for Beau. And I always say you never know what's behind someone's smile. Even during Beau's illness, I was teaching full time at Nova, and I think maybe one teacher knew what I was going through, one of my friends, but no one else. Because I would sometimes go to the hospital early in the morning and then, uh, teach and then go to the hospital. Joe was working every day as vice president. Very few people knew. And you know, people said, "Oh, you kept it secret. You kept it secret." Well, they forget, I mean, he and Hallie had two children. We couldn't let this out and have my, my grandchildren hear this. I mean, they were already dealing with his illness. They saw him in the hospital every day. They saw him when he was home.

Jay Shetty 51:49 Mm.

Dr. Jill Biden 51:49 We just couldn't have them hurt in that way. We just ... It was, uh, too much.

Jay Shetty 51:56 Yeah.

Dr. Jill Biden 51:56 Too much for them as little children.

Jay Shetty 51:58 I mean, on one side you have the grief of Beau, and then you have, you know, dealing with the public scrutiny, especially around Hunter, and I wonder how do you,

Jay Shetty 52:07 how do you navigate supporting a family member who's struggling with addiction?

Dr. Jill Biden 52:13 It was tough, Jay, because half the time we didn't know where he was. He would be going from rehab to rehab. Then we wouldn't hear from him for, like, a couple weeks, and the kids, his daughters kept, "Where's Daddy? Where's Daddy? Have you heard from Daddy?" You know? We didn't know where he was or how to find him, or he wasn't communicating with us. So I flew someone in to do an intervention with him, and it took a long time for me to even get him to come to the house. And as soon as he walked in, he saw what was going on. He ran out of the house, and Joe ran after him and just held him. And we just had to, I don't know, love him through it. It's a disease, and I think, um, I had to learn that myself. 'Cause I s- said to Joe, "You know, we've given him everything, Joe. Everything. Why would he turn to drugs?" But it is a disease. Now he's sober, thank you, God. Uh, he's been sober for I think seven or eight years now. He's remarried. He has a, a beautiful little boy, Beau. And he's doing his art. He's helping people with recovery. For those who are, who are listening who are going through addiction, I, you know, I don't have the answer, but you just have to keep at it. And it is one of the hardest things I think I've ever had to do. And Joe, to see your child deal with addiction.

Jay Shetty 53:54 I heard you say recently that you wish you had spoken more openly-

Dr. Jill Biden 53:58 I do

Jay Shetty 53:58 ... about-

Dr. Jill Biden 53:59 Yeah

Jay Shetty 53:59 ... his addiction during your time in the White House.

Jay Shetty 54:01 W- why was it hard then, and why is it important now? What-

Dr. Jill Biden 54:03 Well, I think so many f- families are dealing with it.

Jay Shetty 54:06 Absolutely, yeah.

Dr. Jill Biden 54:07 I mean, people have to know that they're not alone, and there are answers, and there is help, and there is community support. I mean, I saw it all the time in my classroom as well, the kids who would come in that were high all the time, every single day. And I'd say, "I want you to go talk to a counselor." "No, Dr. B, I got this under control." And I said, "No you don't." N- you know, but just to try to get to them 'cause they think they're invincible. They think they don't have a problem. They don't see what the world sees. And it was hard. It was really hard.

Jay Shetty 54:46 I really appreciate you having those reflections, and it's so interesting how, uh, something at the time can feel really difficult to talk about, and then when you look at it from a different angle and perspective, you realize actually, yeah, there are so many families going through the same thing. People need to hear about other people's stories. They-

Dr. Jill Biden 55:03 They do

Jay Shetty 55:03 ... they need to hear about how you can change your mind about something and what it really requires. And yeah, I thought it was really brave that you were able to- You know, reconnect and reflect and say, "Hey, I regret that we didn't talk about it more."

Dr. Jill Biden 55:15 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 55:16 And I think there's a need. I think there's a need with all of this. As you said, it's a disease, and, and there are so many other addictions, mental health conditions that-

Dr. Jill Biden 55:22 Oh, yeah

Jay Shetty 55:23 ... that I think we're just starting to understand.

Dr. Jill Biden 55:26 And I love that Hunter now is helping other people in recovery.

Jay Shetty 55:30 Jill, it's been really a gift to read your book, to sit with you today. I-

Dr. Jill Biden 55:35 Oh, thank you

Jay Shetty 55:36 ... don't take this honor for granted at all. Like, it, it's so meaningful to sit with someone who's lived such a real yet incredible and phenomenal, and phenomenally difficult life in so many ways, and joyous, of course.

Dr. Jill Biden 55:49 Mm-hmm.

Jay Shetty 55:50 We end every episode of On Purpose with a Final Five. These questions have to be answered in one word. To o-

Dr. Jill Biden 55:55 In one word. Oh, oh. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 55:55 Well, no, no, no. I'll give you one sentence. One sentence.

Dr. Jill Biden 55:58 One sentence. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 55:58 These questions have to be answered in one sentence.

Dr. Jill Biden 56:00 Okay.

Jay Shetty 56:01 However, I will usually ignore my own rule and ask you for more.

Dr. Jill Biden 56:05 Okay. [laughs]

Jay Shetty 56:06 Uh, but, uh, Dr. Jill Biden, these are your Final Five.

Dr. Jill Biden 56:08 Okay, here are my Final Five.

Jay Shetty 56:10 So yeah. Question number one: What is the best advice you've ever had or received?

Dr. Jill Biden 56:14 My best advice was probably from my mother, "Know thyself."

Jay Shetty 56:19 Question number two: What is the worst advice you've ever had or received?

Dr. Jill Biden 56:23 Oh, [laughs] the worst advice. God, I don't know. [laughs] Um, can I pass on that one?

Jay Shetty 56:28 Yeah, you can.

Dr. Jill Biden 56:28 The worst advice.

Jay Shetty 56:29 Yeah. Yeah.

Dr. Jill Biden 56:29 I don't know.

Jay Shetty 56:30 What's something that gives you hope for the future?

Dr. Jill Biden 56:33 You know, I love, in the women's health space, all these young researchers that I'm meeting and seeing what they're doing. Because I'm the other half of the brain, you know, language arts and, um, literature, but they're science. And to s- sort of step into their world and see what they're able to do and discover, and how they can help other people, and how they're trying to cure these rare diseases, that really gives me hope because I feel like we're moving in the right direction in women's health. And I love the direction of, of women's sports. I mean, we've waited, you know-

Jay Shetty 57:08 [laughs]

Dr. Jill Biden 57:08 ... I'm a girl from the '60s. So we've waited so long with, you know, Title IX and, um, to see women's sports getting their due, uh, that gives me hope. And the midterms, I feel like, uh, you know, I feel like the Democrats are gonna maybe turn the corner and do well in them. There's so much that gives me hope, and it's so great that, uh, I don't know. My grandchildren are all in their 20s and, uh, early 30s, and, um, to see their interests and what they're interested... I mean, I just see what young people are interested in these days, and, and they seem to be moving forward in a really positive way, and not focusing on the negativity or the vitriol. Like, they're rejecting that, and they're saying, "We're gonna take this in a different direction, and look at our passions and find joy." And that's what gives me hope.

Jay Shetty 58:02 Question number four: What's something you used to value when you were younger, but you don't value anymore?

Dr. Jill Biden 58:08 I don't know. I look for the positive anymore. I look for the joy. You know, um, like you said, I just had a birthday. I'm 75. As I like to tell my daughter that she hates to hear, I'm like, "Girl, I'm in my final quarter, and I'm go- you know, I want it to be joyous. I don't want to focus on the negative."

Jay Shetty 58:26 Fifth and final question. We ask this to every guest-

Dr. Jill Biden 58:28 Oh, I shouldn't

Jay Shetty 58:29 ... who's ever been on the show.

Dr. Jill Biden 58:30 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 58:31 If, if you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?

Dr. Jill Biden 58:34 Be kind.

Jay Shetty 58:36 Because you don't know what anyone's going through.

Dr. Jill Biden 58:38 Yeah.

Jay Shetty 58:38 As you said earlier, no, you don't know what's behind someone's smile.

Dr. Jill Biden 58:42 You never know.

Jay Shetty 58:43 Dr. Jill Biden, thank you so much for your time-

Dr. Jill Biden 58:45 Oh, thank you

Jay Shetty 58:45 ... your presence-

Dr. Jill Biden 58:45 This was so nice

Jay Shetty 58:45 ... your energy. Uh, if there's anything I didn't ask you that you'd want to share-

Dr. Jill Biden 58:49 [laughs]

Jay Shetty 58:50 ... that, be more than happy to hear. But, uh, thank you for your time, your presence, your energy.

Dr. Jill Biden 58:53 Oh, thank you.

Jay Shetty 58:53 Thank you for sharing your heart so openly in this book, and I look forward to many, many-

Dr. Jill Biden 58:57 Aw, thanks

Jay Shetty 58:58 ... of our audience-

Dr. Jill Biden 58:58 Yes

Jay Shetty 58:59 ... and community reading it.

Dr. Jill Biden 59:00 Yeah, as we go on.

Jay Shetty 59:01 Thank you.

Dr. Jill Biden 59:01 Thank you.

Jay Shetty 59:02 Thank you. If you enjoyed this podcast, you're going to love my conversation with Michelle Obama, where she opens up on how to stay with your partner when they're changing. If you're going through something right now with your partner, this is the episode for you. The world won't always like you, but you can't count on the world to like you